Order of Man - Trust Yourself, Maximize Your Value, and Never Dim Your Light ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 One is to follow God.

00:00:01.600 Number two is to love yourself well.

00:00:04.040 The reason I think that's more important

00:00:05.960 than to simply love your wife well

00:00:07.740 is because she will be loved well

00:00:10.180 if you are taking care of yourself.

00:00:13.000 Your kids are downstream from your health.

00:00:15.440 If you're unhealthy, physically, mentally,

00:00:18.460 emotionally, spiritually, your kids will be unhealthy.

00:00:21.360 Your wife will be less healthy.

00:00:23.540 So take care of yourself and show your kids

00:00:26.160 how a man takes care of himself

00:00:29.880 so that he can be in maximum service.

00:00:33.800 All right, Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:35.200 Hey, good to have you on.

00:00:36.440 I wish we would have hit record on some of the conversations

00:00:38.940 we were having a second ago about the quote-unquote divine nature of our children

00:00:43.000 and then how they actually behave.

00:00:45.180 And then we were also talking about if you could get into the heads of other people,

00:00:48.780 how disturbing it would actually be.

00:00:50.840 It would be disturbing.

00:00:54.020 That's the best word I can come up with for it.

00:00:55.860 yeah, let's, let's, there, there is some value to the masks that we put on, right? Cause if we

00:01:01.420 didn't have some of those perceptions, uh, managing those perceptions, probably be in jail

00:01:05.680 to your point or, or no one would love us. I actually think that's funny. You said mask

00:01:11.940 because we often hear in modern culture to remove the mask, to be vulnerable. And look, I, I get

00:01:18.200 some of that, but there's a time and a place to put a mask on, you know? And, and I've thought

00:01:22.760 about this in sports uh i was talking with my oldest boys lacrosse coach just yesterday and we

00:01:29.180 were talking about the difference between being hurt and being injured and sometimes you just have

00:01:35.140 to put your big boy britches on and suffer through a little pain because that's what the situation

00:01:41.420 demands and in modern times i don't think we're told as much as men to do that it's like oh it's

00:01:48.220 okay if you're having a hard day or if you're down or you're depressed like you can you can

00:01:53.120 wallow in it a little bit like take the time that you need and it's so disturbing and it's it is

00:01:59.320 actually not helpful to men because I know when I'm down I don't I don't want to be I still want

00:02:06.500 to work I still want to be productive and so if everybody around me is like oh it's okay like

00:02:11.320 take some time off do whatever you need I'm like no I'm a man like I don't stuff still needs to

00:02:17.480 get done. And it's the men who buy into that ideology that I end, I think end up feeling

00:02:23.860 worse about themselves. Totally. Totally. It's, it's a cycle and then they just get

00:02:29.980 trapped in it. You know, you know, a visual representation of this is so funny. I was at

00:02:37.860 Koa's jujitsu. This is probably a couple of weeks ago. And these kids like banged heads or something.

00:02:44.960 and this kid's crying like he's kind of wallowing like he's and he's crying and i'm just watching

00:02:51.220 what's happening parents are sitting off you know kind of on the bleachers a kid's crying in the

00:02:55.880 middle of a mat and they're teaching a class and uh one of the black belts that was teaching

00:03:01.640 he just goes over there grabs his belt and drags the kid that's crying and just kind of drags him

00:03:09.040 off the mat to the corner and then keeps teaching class and i was just like only only in certain

00:03:17.560 circumstances would that happen right like the common society approach it's oh are you okay we

00:03:22.100 disrupt the whole class the professor knew he's fine but but he needs to be removed from the

00:03:28.440 situation he just kind of drags him off and loves him sit in the corner and keep crying i love it

00:03:33.780 so we were at um my boys's lacrosse game a couple of days ago and we got walloped man we got we got

00:03:41.620 beat up pretty good yeah it was a good team region the other team we played took region that night

00:03:46.820 and they actually might have secured and clinched region before the game itself i can't remember but

00:03:51.080 yeah we got walloped and one of the players i'm on the sideline taking pictures because that's a

00:03:57.640 way for me to be involved and be close and i like sports and i want to be close to the action and so

00:04:01.620 one of the players and i have a pretty good rapport with all the players on the team because

00:04:04.920 i go do motivational minutes for him every week and i'm really involved that way and one of the

00:04:09.920 players came off and he was getting he was like visibly upset and and he had a right to be upset

00:04:16.500 you know he he was making some plays that that weren't awesome and the team was making some

00:04:20.620 plays that put it on him and and he was pouting and he was like threw his stick down and like

00:04:25.800 marching around and i went up to him and i was like hey man are you all right and he's like i'm 0.98

00:04:30.700 frustrated i'm like i know you can be frustrated but knock off that baby bullshit and he's like 0.96

00:04:36.320 what do you mean and i said you can be mad you can be frustrated you can you can do that but 0.99

00:04:41.340 you're a leader everybody on the sideline is looking at you right now and they look to you

00:04:45.600 as leader a leader and if you're marching around and throwing a temper tantrum and slamming your

00:04:50.980 helmet on the ground what do you think that's conveying to the rest of the team i said be

00:04:56.440 upset and then go put it on the field be frustrated talk with the team but we don't do this temper 0.62

00:05:01.240 tantrum bullshit right here this is not the time and place where he's like yes sir and he got back 0.92

00:05:05.540 in there and he was fine but yeah boys need men to say that kind of thing in a society that you're 0.98

00:05:13.600 not supposed to say that yeah but that's what they need because they need to learn how to regulate

00:05:19.080 their emotions in those important situations. Yeah. Excellent. Well, and let's give men more

00:05:27.940 of what they need. How's that? We'll address some good questions today. Let's do it. Hey Kip, 0.99

00:05:32.580 can you bring that mic just a little bit closer? Just a little bit closer. Yeah, that'd be better.

00:05:36.880 All right. Let's get to it. Sounds good. All right. Eric Cooper, how to grow trust in yourself

00:05:42.340 and prevent losing it. So it's perfect, right? Based upon our story, when you're ultimately

00:05:47.820 going to make a mistake? Yeah, look, you are going to make mistakes. And I think as long as

00:05:53.320 you acknowledge that you're going to make mistakes and just on the fact that you're going to mess up,

00:05:57.200 I think there's a lot to be said for just acknowledging the reality of you're a human 0.83

00:06:00.960 being who does dumb things at times. And the best thing you can do in that situation is to 0.52

00:06:06.500 accept quickly and then pivot and adjust as fast as possible. And that's it. You can afford yourself

00:06:13.560 some grace and say, I shouldn't have done that. Or I botched that one, or I hurt that relationship,

00:06:18.520 or I messed up this way. And then you just, you just fix it as soon as possible. And then you

00:06:24.000 pride yourself not on being a man who doesn't make mistakes, but you pride yourself, wrap up,

00:06:30.180 wrap up your identity almost in a man and being a man who adjusts quickly. So for me, my identity

00:06:38.700 is more wrapped up in the fact that I can pivot really quickly when I do dumb things. It's not

00:06:44.020 wrapped up in the fact that I'll do dumb things because I already know I will. And that's going

00:06:47.300 to make me feel horrible about myself. So that's, that's part a, as far as building trust in

00:06:52.680 yourself, the only way to do it is to honor your word. That's the only way it's the same way I

00:06:58.100 build trust with you or anybody else. Kip, if I say I'll do something, then I have to do it.

00:07:03.960 and if i do it i get a little plus one in the bank account of trust if i don't do it i get a little

00:07:10.320 a withdrawal in the bank account of trust and it's the same with yourself yeah it's the same

00:07:16.740 with yourself if you say if if tonight you go to bed and the last thought you have before you fall

00:07:21.980 asleep is i'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning at 5 30 and i'm gonna hit the gym and you don't you

00:07:27.580 just undermined trust in yourself if the first thing you do is roll over and you hit your snooze

00:07:32.960 but you said you weren't going to do it, you just undermined trust in yourself. If you said,

00:07:37.060 I'm going to get to work and I'm going to make 20 sales calls, cold sales calls per day, and you

00:07:41.460 only hit to 18, you just undermined trust in yourself. If you said, you're going to take your

00:07:45.540 wife out this weekend and you get busy and you don't do it, you just undermined trust in yourself.

00:07:50.540 So the only way to build trust in yourself and then maintain it, like you're saying,

00:07:55.640 is to honor your commitment to yourself and other people. That's it. There's no magic formula.

00:08:01.980 that is all and you have to do that more than you don't you know what's interesting too is

00:08:08.620 and i just i was having this thought last week is that's discipline yeah if you really think about

00:08:15.320 it discipline is just being a man of integrity and not having self-betrayal it's you actually

00:08:21.420 just honoring your commitments that's discipline it's an integrity thing and so you want more

00:08:28.160 disciplined well then do what you know you should do and continue to do it and that's how you form

00:08:33.900 more discipline and and look and also when you don't do it because eric's talking about when you

00:08:39.080 mess up yeah then get back in integrity so kip if i told you that i was going to help you move

00:08:45.960 something this weekend and i got busy or forgot or flaked then it's my responsibility to call you

00:08:51.220 up on monday and say hey man i'm so sorry i forgot what can i help do you still have stuff to move

00:08:55.700 I'll come over tonight. So you apologize. And then you make amends to the degree that you can,

00:09:01.400 and that helps reestablish. Now don't use that as an excuse to always mess up, but if you do,

00:09:08.000 then fix it and rebuild that trust. And, you know, I think you'd be frustrated with me that

00:09:12.980 I didn't come over and I committed to doing it, but at least you'd say, well, you know,

00:09:16.360 yeah, I didn't, but here he is making a sacrifice to be here and people will see that.

00:09:20.600 Yeah, absolutely. If you don't mind, I would, I would inject one little thing in that communication

00:09:25.140 that I've found valuable over the years

00:09:27.460 is communicate the impact.

00:09:29.780 So if I promised my wife I'd do something,

00:09:33.760 then, and I didn't do it, I'd clean it up, right?

00:09:36.200 I'd say, hey, you know, my apologies,

00:09:38.360 I should have been there, whatever.

00:09:39.620 I realize by not doing what I committed to doing

00:09:44.560 that that made things more difficult for you today.

00:09:47.560 That's good.

00:09:48.300 And I apologize for that.

00:09:50.000 So that way you're not just apologizing

00:09:51.740 because you messed up,

00:09:52.720 You're apologizing because you realize the impact of your actions or inaction on that

00:09:58.540 person, and then you recommit.

00:10:01.000 And there's some value for you and them when you communicate the impact.

00:10:05.940 Yeah, I think, I mean, I wholeheartedly agree.

00:10:08.680 There's this thing that men do.

00:10:12.540 We even had a guy at the Forge event talk about this, where his wife will come talk

00:10:18.560 to him about issues she's having, and he's like, it's not important.

00:10:21.920 that's what he said or it's not relevant or it's not that big a deal and even though he might not

00:10:28.140 see it as a big deal she does and so therefore it's true you can't deny that she feels a certain

00:10:34.320 way when she clearly feels a certain way so how can you tell her it's not that important

00:10:38.960 and this is something a lot of men do and and i think the better approach is to

00:10:44.800 acknowledge how they feel and not be dismissive and i think what you're saying here of

00:10:49.860 hey i realized i dropped the ball and that probably put you in a bind and made things

00:10:55.040 harder for you and cost you time or money or attention or energy and so here's me trying to

00:11:00.560 make that right i really like that i think that's good advice i also like the word that you use

00:11:05.260 self-betrayal for whatever reason that lands with me it does it's well it's harsh enough it's it's

00:11:11.900 it's it's piercing enough where it's like oh yeah i'm betraying myself and that that that resonates

00:11:18.300 with me. So I like that, that phrasing self-betrayal. Chris Dalton, how can we actually,

00:11:25.360 sorry, I just wanted to tell you, I forgot to tell you this. I just wanted to tell you,

00:11:29.100 I listened to the AMA that you and Jay did. You guys knocked it out of the park last week. And I

00:11:34.920 wanted to tell you that it was, it was awesome. You did a great job as you always do. Jay did a

00:11:39.720 great job. It was really, really good. So I just wanted to say that. Oh, good, man. Well, and full

00:11:45.200 disclosure, you and I talked, I think I messaged you on a chat. I'm like, I may have put someone

00:11:49.940 on blast a little too harshly. And later in the day, I was like, I might need to reach out to

00:11:56.640 that person. I apologize for coming a little too hot. Then I listened to it again. And I thought,

00:12:00.620 actually, I don't think I did, but let me know too, if you feel like I did, because let me say

00:12:07.280 it this way. Can I say this? I'm sorry. Sometimes you guys ask us questions and we might blow it up

00:12:13.740 a little bit more because you're not the only one listening to the response. Does it make sense?

00:12:20.280 So Coop, Eric, you ask a question and we might answer your question, but we'll answer it maybe

00:12:26.520 for the masses to receive. And some of that might be applicable to you specifically. And the other

00:12:32.420 part is probably more applicable to everybody else. And so you guys need to remember that a

00:12:35.740 little bit because you're not the only one listening. Hopefully, you're hopefully you're

00:12:39.660 not the only one listening well we also don't have context either though right so if somebody

00:12:45.300 drops us two sentences and says hey i'm struggling with a situation with my wife i'm having to fill

00:12:50.220 in a lot of blanks on what that actually looks like so i hope everybody can give you know and

00:12:55.060 i listened to it i didn't listen to the whole thing but the aspects that i have listened to

00:12:58.840 so far i didn't hear that but that might just because i'm a dick and it doesn't sound too harsh 0.84

00:13:03.240 to me. So I don't know, but I didn't hear any. I was a jerk, but not at Ryan level. Right. So 0.93

00:13:09.660 yeah. I'm like, why is Kip being so soft with these guys? Oh man. All right. Appreciate it.

00:13:16.920 Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. It means, it means a lot. Um, all right. Chris Dalton,

00:13:22.440 how can we implement practices such as breath work to be better men overall? And how can I

00:13:28.820 plug my breath work business into order of man i i love this actually because that's there's some

00:13:35.380 side conversation here yeah well okay so so the first thing how can we input i look i don't do a

00:13:41.700 lot of breath work i mean i i breathe and because i'm a human being um box breathing by mark divine

00:13:47.700 is something that i try to incorporate but uh even like uh hicks and gracie does a lot of like

00:13:55.140 breath work you've seen his stuff and i've had him on my podcast a couple of times

00:13:58.860 um he's got i think i believe he's got parkin is it parkinson's that he's got

00:14:03.160 i don't know i had him on last time he was struggling with a neurological

00:14:06.740 uh illness what an incredible person i mean just an incredible human being anyways um

00:14:13.420 yeah i think all of us should be aware of how the physi the physiological side of our bodies

00:14:20.980 so for me when I feel myself getting even triggered or frustrated or impatient I try to tap

00:14:29.120 into the physiological response you know my blood pressure goes up I get angry I know I know I get

00:14:36.780 tense and even when I'm dealing with other people I don't have a really good poker face so everybody

00:14:43.280 knows what I'm thinking at any given time and that's something I have to be very aware of because

00:14:48.060 to go back to what we were saying, not everybody needs to know exactly what I'm thinking at all

00:14:52.660 times, especially if it's my kids and I'm angry and I'm like scowling at them or rolling my eyes

00:14:59.720 or making facial expressions that undermine our relationship. I have to be very aware of that.

00:15:04.660 And I think breath work is a big part of that, you know, finding the time and the space to be

00:15:09.340 able to manage the physiological response that you have. Too many men do not, they aren't even

00:15:16.060 aware of what their bodies are doing, let alone trying to regulate and control in a healthy way

00:15:21.500 what their bodies are doing. So how do you, how do you loosen up? How do you lower your blood

00:15:26.680 pressure? How do you bring the temperature down? How do you, I mean, we hear this all the time when

00:15:31.060 we play sports. You know, I see the boys who are tired and gassed. I'm like big breaths, deep

00:15:35.480 breaths, get all the air in that you possibly can. Slow your breathing down because otherwise

00:15:40.940 you're just hyperventilating. I mean, that's what I do when I get fired up or when I'm playing

00:15:45.760 sports or active. It's like, slow it all down. So I'm not an expert on breath work or any of

00:15:53.240 that sort of stuff, but I think it's important. And if you have ideas, let me know. I'm not trying

00:16:00.360 to be dismissive when I say this, but it's not my job to figure out how I can incorporate what

00:16:05.040 you do into my organization. If you have an idea or you have a thought, you tell me what it is.

00:16:11.700 you come up with the idea and this is just a practice in adding value i mean i can't tell

00:16:16.960 you how many times people come to me and they're like hey i do this thing can can i help in some

00:16:20.720 way i'm like i don't know i don't even know what you do and i've had other people josh wellman who

00:16:26.160 you know well uh and chad robeson was another one there's guys in our organization who just said hey

00:16:32.160 i want to come josh was like hey can i come to the event that you're doing in nashville and this

00:16:35.900 was last year. Yeah, absolutely. So he came and he, he did some media work with me and he showcased

00:16:41.740 what he could do. And then that's turned into a very good position for him within the organization

00:16:47.160 because he asserted himself. So I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time thinking about how you

00:16:52.160 can incorporate your business into what I do. That's your job, but I'm certainly open to any

00:16:57.680 ideas you have. Yeah. But you would say, let me say this though. Wouldn't you agree that one of

00:17:03.960 the most effective ways is to provide value. Because I think you could look at Josh in his

00:17:10.400 example with you. He's done the same thing with me of like, hey, Kip, I love your leadership

00:17:14.420 content. I would like to do this for you. A lot of this is rooted in how do you provide value?

00:17:20.500 And so like Chris, you're like, oh, how do we implement breathwork practices? Why is it

00:17:25.420 valuable? How does it provide value and provide value in some way so people can see the benefit

00:17:32.280 for themselves? I remember years ago, uh, I had started a podcast called wealth anatomy and it

00:17:39.560 was, it was financial advice for medical professionals because that's what I was doing

00:17:44.300 in my career at the time. And there was a guy by the name of Jeff Rose and Jeff was one of my very

00:17:50.080 early mentors. In fact, he was the first person that I hired as a coach to help me understand the

00:17:55.320 digital marketing side of podcasting and picking up clients. And so I reached out to him and I said,

00:18:01.560 hey Jeff do you do you offer coaching he's like yeah I do and I said great what is it and I think

00:18:05.140 it was I don't know it's like a hundred bucks or a couple hundred bucks for an hour of his time

00:18:08.920 and he shared some really insightful stuff with me well I found out later and he told me he's like

00:18:14.860 hey you were my very first coaching client in this you were the guinea pig I'm like that's cool

00:18:19.480 like I yeah I don't that doesn't bother me at all but then I remember I I really wanted to

00:18:25.500 get my message in front of his audience. And so I know he was writing blog posts.

00:18:31.000 So I reached out to him and I said, Hey, Jeff, do you accept blog post submissions? Because it

00:18:36.320 helps him with his website, have content and everything else. He said, yeah, absolutely. I do.

00:18:40.480 So I actually just went and just wrote a blog post, but I incorporated his, his persona,

00:18:47.860 his style into it. He's a big in and out fan. So I made in and out references and other references

00:18:53.440 that I knew were important to him and I highlighted him and I propped him up and I shared some

00:18:58.240 valuable insight based on what I saw his website was about. So I sent the submission to him and he

00:19:02.880 said, Brian, this is the best submission I've ever received. You're making me look good. You're

00:19:08.060 talking about inside information that my audience already knows about, and then you're adding value.

00:19:12.920 And it was a win-win for us. But I didn't ask him, hey, what would you like me to write about?

00:19:17.560 Hey, what jokes would you like me to tell? Hey, what parts of your personality should I weave

00:19:21.720 into it. I just did it and then gave it to him. He's like done. I think we edit a few little minor

00:19:26.780 things, but it was a no brainer for him, but it's because I took the initiative to figure out what

00:19:31.760 his audience would want based on what I knew about him. Yeah. It made it easy for him. You know,

00:19:36.940 one of the first professional jobs I had right when I started college. So I was what, 18 years

00:19:43.260 old. And I was, this is kind of funny. I was an executive admin for a VP at a hospital. I have no

00:19:51.300 idea how I got that job. But I was her secretary. And I remember I left that job and I asked her

00:20:01.480 for a letter of recommendation. And this rocked me. I was like, what? This is wild. I'm like,

00:20:06.500 could you write me a letter of recommendation? She's like, yeah, go ahead and write it up and

00:20:09.580 send it on over. And I went, what? I'm going to write it? And trust me, that was the first time

00:20:16.800 that many times that I realized that she's like, I'm busy. I'm not going to write, write you a

00:20:22.820 letter of recommendation. You write it now. I'll review it and I might tweak it, but you write it

00:20:27.100 up, make it easy for me. So I just sign, sign the bottom, right. With some slight adjustments. And

00:20:32.100 that was the first time I was like, okay, got it. Like I see why she would do that. Um, yeah. So

00:20:37.880 yeah, make it easy. I actually had that with book. I've had that with a handful of book

00:20:41.800 endorsements for masculinity manifesto and sovereignty. Cause I'm reaching out to busy

00:20:45.980 guys like they don't have time to read every aspect of my book and write a thoughtful like

00:20:51.680 they don't have time for that so there was a handful of cases where i wrote it in their style

00:20:56.620 and i and i send it to them and i said hey look i'd love an endorsement from you here's three

00:21:01.740 that i think are in your tone of voice something that i think you would appreciate or say about the

00:21:06.640 book and these guys are like oh that's awesome can you just change this word or tweak this or

00:21:12.420 make it a little yep absolutely and i do it and then like you have my that's my endorsement got

00:21:17.180 it yep cool yep that's a good that's a good way more good uh good lesson way more common than

00:21:21.980 people realize right it really is yeah it truly is yeah yeah all right kevin kevin holding i try

00:21:28.860 i try and try even more to become disciplined in many areas of my life but i still struggle

00:21:34.740 with it any tips on sharpening that skill the skill of discipline um you try and you try and

00:21:43.040 you try maybe you're just trying the wrong thing why is it not working there's something about what

00:21:49.440 you're doing that's not working and so that's what you're asking like what is it yeah i think

00:21:53.520 it's probably a handful of things that i can think of right off hand number one maybe it's just not

00:21:59.900 that important to you. And you have to, you have to realize that if it isn't as important as you

00:22:08.000 want it to be, then make it important. Attach it to something else that actually has meaning. So

00:22:13.140 for example, maybe, I don't know, this is the context that we don't get that we were talking

00:22:18.320 about earlier, but let's just say it's your physical fitness. For whatever reason, if that's

00:22:23.720 the case and you're not taking care of it, it's just not that important to you. We need to

00:22:28.720 acknowledge that. And if it's not, maybe tie it to something else. So for me, when I really started

00:22:35.160 to get back into better shape, it wasn't for me. It was for my kids. I got home one day and my two

00:22:42.160 oldest boys, I think we only had two at the time said, dad, dad, dad, let's jump on the trampoline.

00:22:46.780 And I remember vividly looking them in the eye and saying, I'm sorry, guys, I can't, I'm too tired.

00:22:52.940 And then I reflected on that, that evening, they were, they were disappointed. They weren't

00:22:57.500 devastated, but they were disappointed because I was too fat and lazy after a cushy office job

00:23:03.900 to go jump on the trampoline with them. And that to me was enough fuel to get back in shape and

00:23:11.820 to start eating right. And that's what mattered. Uh, the other part of fitness that I really enjoy

00:23:17.340 is I love the camaraderie. I like being around other people. I like being motivated by people

00:23:22.880 who are exceeding. I like to compete, you know, Kip, you and I rolled a little, just a little bit

00:23:28.740 of jujitsu over the forge event this weekend, just a little bit. I like that. I like pushing.

00:23:34.300 I like competing. I like trying to best you. I like you trying to best me. That's enjoyable to

00:23:39.640 me. And that keeps me motivated. The important thing that we need to realize is that you don't

00:23:44.780 need to do it my way. When you, when you get on your phone and you pull up social media,

00:23:51.240 you see all of these guys that you're inspired by Jocko and Andy and Cam Haynes and Andy Stumpf

00:23:58.780 like all these guys that you're inspired David Goggins you know the people and you think that

00:24:04.260 you have to do it like Goggins well if that doesn't motivate you don't do it like Goggins

00:24:09.620 do it your way Jocko's 434 club or whatever it is I'm not going to get up at 434 that's not

00:24:16.640 valuable to me. There's no desire that doesn't enhance my life in any way, but I'll get up at

00:24:22.760 five 30, which is what I do every day. I can do that. And that works for me. So the trap that we

00:24:29.920 fall into when we're so engaged on social media is we think, well, I'm not disciplined like Jocko

00:24:34.340 is, but you don't have to be build a life that you want to build something that has deep and

00:24:40.480 meaningful purpose for you specifically. And then I think you'll have not as hard a time

00:24:47.740 being disciplined in doing the things that you want to be doing.

00:24:53.500 Yeah. How do you make sure you're not doing the mental gymnastics and being lazy, right? With like,

00:24:59.980 well, it's just not like my fitness is not important to me, Ryan, you know, so I'm just

00:25:04.680 going to be out of shape and die young fine like at least you're owning it do people has anybody

00:25:17.360 ever said that though i mean i know you're just using that as an example but are there people who

00:25:21.380 actually say that who believe that yeah i don't know i mean i think there might be people who

00:25:26.400 play small because they're not present to the repercussions of how they're showing up

00:25:34.280 well that's it that's you really have to get attached to the outcome and you say this all

00:25:39.880 the time what is the cost of staying where you are right now and the cost of being out of shape

00:25:46.040 is you're going to get diabetes and you're you're you're going to live an inferior way of life and

00:25:52.980 you're going to die early that like that's not hyperbole that's exactly what's gonna you're

00:25:58.680 going to have a heart attack. You're going to get diabetes. Uh, you're, you're not going to be able

00:26:04.220 to get around. You're going to be in constant pain. You're probably going to need to get some

00:26:07.740 sort of disability sticker and be in some sort, either a wheelchair or a motorized little car

00:26:13.980 or something. And also people are going to think less of you. Like that is all true. You can say

00:26:19.960 it's fair or not fair. I don't care. That is all true. I don't want to live like that. And I can

00:26:24.840 see a version of myself that would, and I'm not okay with it. Yeah. That's the stick. The carrot

00:26:31.940 is walking around and having a six pack and feeling good about yourself and having energy

00:26:37.920 to jump on the trampoline with your kids and then walking into a room and everybody looks at you 0.99

00:26:41.900 like, damn, look at this guy. Who's this guy? That's the carrot. So whatever motivates you, 0.98

00:26:48.180 it's both for me. I know what I want and I know what I don't want. And I'm very connected with

00:26:52.800 the result. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Those are the questions that I had. Cool. All right.

00:26:58.820 So let's go over here. I got a few more. So this one comes from Marcus Webb. He says, I'm 34. I

00:27:07.080 just started getting serious about discipline. So another discipline question, um, waking up early,

00:27:12.680 working out, cutting out alcohol. The problem is that none of my friends or brothers are doing

00:27:18.060 any of this and they keep giving me a hard time about it. How do you hold your ground without

00:27:24.180 being self-righteous or isolating yourself from the people that you grew up with? Do you want to

00:27:29.260 kick that one off, Kip? And then I'll jump in. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear

00:27:34.080 self-righteous is don't dim your light, man. Totally. How people judge you or how they feel

00:27:41.640 due to your actions, that's their choice. They own whether they're offended. You don't own that,

00:27:48.160 right? Nice guys do that. Nice guys manage people's feelings. We don't manage our feelings.

00:27:53.500 We show up, we shine bright. If it offends some people, it does. It is just what it is.

00:27:59.340 So don't dim your light, whatever you do. And then the lighter part, I'll share this. So we

00:28:06.220 we did a meetup handful of guys up here in salt Lake city.

00:28:09.480 We did a little regional meetup of guys.

00:28:12.080 Some of them members of the iron council,

00:28:14.780 some of them not members of the iron council.

00:28:17.360 And we just got together and we talked through what we do in the IC and,

00:28:21.780 and more or less talk through battle plans and see if there's some interest.

00:28:26.760 And one of the guys after that meeting grabs me and he goes, Hey,

00:28:31.380 sign me up. And I'm like, he doesn't know like costs or anything.

00:28:35.020 he's all sign me up i want to be on a battle team and i'm like got it i'm like why he's like because

00:28:43.420 every weekend my current circle just wants to go drink and go to a party yeah and that's just not

00:28:50.540 me anymore and i i want something more i love those people i care about those people but they're

00:28:56.680 not helping me grow and i need to be around people that are going to help me grow and so to that i'd

00:29:01.780 say change that circle that's it i mean the the answer that i was going to give ties nicely into

00:29:09.440 what you're saying so when you talk about being self-righteous or the perception of self-righteousness

00:29:15.340 i'm i'm in a full agreement with what you said like it's not it's not your responsibility how

00:29:21.460 somebody feels okay but that said it is your responsibility to be a decent person to the

00:29:29.100 people in your circle and there is a risk that you could start becoming self-righteous and what

00:29:34.080 does that mean i'm better than you because i'm doing this so anytime you start to notice that

00:29:39.700 hey i'm better i'm a better man because i'm doing this and you're not that's going to be conveyed

00:29:45.660 in the way that you communicate with them so be aware of that you're not better you're just on a

00:29:51.280 good path and the way to overcome the perception of self-righteousness is to include them in the

00:29:58.220 development. That's what accountability is. So if I've got a bunch of friends, if I've got three

00:30:03.140 or four or five friends that let's say I went to high school with and they're still jerking around

00:30:07.260 and, and, you know, drinking and like doing all the things that I'm not, well, I can invite those

00:30:13.780 guys into, into my new reality. So if I'm going to train jujitsu, it's like, yeah, guys, like

00:30:19.240 I'm getting in shape. I want to do this. You guys should come. Why don't you come on Wednesday

00:30:23.000 night with me? And I'll, and I'll show you what it's all about. It's actually a lot of fun.

00:30:25.560 and some of them might say yeah actually i think i would and a lot of them might say no i'm good

00:30:30.860 but there's no self-righteousness in that because you're still including them in in the process of

00:30:36.100 development so i think that number one you don't you stop going into their environment and you

00:30:41.560 start inviting them into yours and gradually over time you're going to find in this case

00:30:46.700 friends at jujitsu that are on a different playing field and you're just going to naturally spend

00:30:51.900 more time with them so you're not cutting friends out you're just replacing your time with being

00:30:59.560 intentional about it with the kind of men who are are gonna be more interested in development like

00:31:05.740 you are and where do you find those guys the gym whatever that gym looks like church business

00:31:11.800 functions so start getting involved in those things and you'll just notice that either the

00:31:16.880 guys, your, your boys can come with you or they can phase themselves out. Those are, those are

00:31:22.380 the only two options. You know, one thing that really was present. I mean, we just wrapped up

00:31:27.220 last week, right? The, the, the forge event, um, in the Ozarks and dude, awesome, by the way,

00:31:34.520 like great event. It was amazing. Um, the men there were amazing. If there was like a pin

00:31:40.300 that i would put on it for these guys that i heard over and over again was connection it's a big

00:31:47.860 facility and one of the guys told me he says you know what one of the best things about the event

00:31:52.020 was kip is the walk out to the um the event center it was the walk back to the cabin with guys that

00:32:01.880 i don't know that i formed a relationship with and so many of these guys are like sharing numbers

00:32:08.740 creating connections through this event and so you know that's another element here is you know

00:32:15.580 obviously you could join the iron council go to a jujitsu gym start working out or be intentional

00:32:21.780 and join events like the men's forge to get connected with like-minded guys that are kind

00:32:27.460 of rolling in the direction that you want to row that's it i mean i like that analogy it's like

00:32:33.420 there's other boats going to where you want to go don't get on the boat that's going the opposite

00:32:38.140 way. Just try to paddle against one more. Yeah. Yeah. Just say, Hey guys, do you have room for

00:32:42.700 one more? And I'll help you row. What, what, what guy wouldn't want one more strong man to come row

00:32:48.200 in the opposite in the direction they're going. I will also say this though, this is important

00:32:52.980 because he said they're, they give them a hard time about it. Right. And they're probably not

00:32:57.600 being mean spirited. They're probably just kind of busting your balls a little bit, but also I 0.97

00:33:02.460 will say they might be intimidated even if subconsciously, because the minute that you 0.97

00:33:07.140 start elevating yourself and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps what they remember is the old 0.90

00:33:14.960 jackass that you used to be and so like you're shaking things up on you yeah it's like who are 0.99

00:33:21.600 you i know what i know who you used to be i remember you getting shit faced and acting like 0.99

00:33:29.220 a fool i remember all of that is who are you to now do this and the reason partly that they probably 0.99

00:33:35.600 feel that way is because if you the guy they actually know as a jackass is improving his life 0.99

00:33:42.140 then it strips away the excuse they have to not improve theirs when you elevate they either will

00:33:50.980 have to keep keep up or they'll they'll lose you and and what you're doing is you're actually just

00:33:56.800 holding a mirror to them and you're saying look at yourself every time they see you you lose you

00:34:02.640 lose five pounds or 10 pounds or you start having a better relationship with your wife or you start

00:34:08.000 a business and you start making money that's you holding the mirror saying hey you're not doing

00:34:13.440 what you're capable of doing and that's uncomfortable for a lot of people so you're

00:34:18.120 either going to find out really quickly with your circle of quote-unquote friends that they don't

00:34:22.740 like having the mirror held up and they'll smash the mirror or they'll say you know what i don't

00:34:29.060 like that, but I see myself more clearly now. And I want to be on that journey with you.

00:34:34.880 And one of two things is going to happen in that situation. That's it.

00:34:38.540 Yeah. And Ryan, let me ask you this. I'm sure you have men that have broken that mirror

00:34:45.400 or turn that mirror away, but the impact was there five years later.

00:34:51.800 oh and they go hey i remember that shift in you and that light ended up serving them may not be

00:35:00.360 in the moment right they may still smash the mirror right now but trust me that's a value add

00:35:06.400 to those individuals and it creates an opportunity for them to choose so i i just want to call that

00:35:11.860 out it's like it may not be immediate maybe a long-term thing um i mentioned the men's forge

00:35:16.660 We have the dates and enrollment is open for that event next year.

00:35:22.380 So to learn more and to register, go to themensforge.com and join us next year.

00:35:28.640 It's going to be awesome.

00:35:30.440 Oh, it's going to be 300% increase in attendance over this year.

00:35:35.760 We got way more activities.

00:35:37.260 The speaker lineup is going to be phenomenal.

00:35:39.280 So I'm excited about it.

00:35:41.580 All right, let's go to the next question here.

00:35:44.720 This one's from Derek Hollis.

00:35:46.660 He says, it's a quick one. What's the single most, hold on. I lost. There we go. What's the

00:35:51.960 single most important thing a dad can do for a son under the age of 10, 10. While you're thinking

00:36:03.040 about that, I made a post on Instagram the other day because I saw a quote that said, the best

00:36:08.460 thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother well and i think that's silly

00:36:15.220 not not that you shouldn't love their mother well but that it's the best thing you can do 0.82

00:36:20.300 uh i think a lot of that is exacerbated by the feminist culture that we're supposed to worship

00:36:25.920 women and i'm not saying that treating your wife well means you're just worshiping her

00:36:30.840 but it's this idea that women just are supposed to be treated the best and just oh all you have

00:36:37.060 to do is love her yes of course that's important but i actually think the two best i'm going to

00:36:43.740 give the two best things you can do one is to follow god is to follow his word because that's

00:36:49.540 absolute truth and it gives your children a track to run on number two is to love yourself well and

00:36:55.880 people who are faithful will say oh nowhere in the bible does it say to love yourself that's

00:37:01.020 actually not true because the second great commandment is to love thy neighbor as thyself

00:37:05.020 which means that you are supposed to love yourself now i'm not saying that you should

00:37:09.500 be arrogant and self-righteous to go back to the other question or think so highly of yourself

00:37:13.940 but when i say love yourself what i'm saying is to treat yourself like a temple which is another

00:37:20.140 biblical principle our bodies are temples so that means that you are doing breath work to go back to

00:37:26.380 a previous question you are regulating your emotions uh you are taking care of your body

00:37:31.040 You are fueling it correctly.

00:37:32.620 You are carving out time to be with other men

00:37:35.340 who edify and uplift you.

00:37:37.400 The reason I think that's more important

00:37:39.340 than to simply love your wife well

00:37:41.140 is because she will be loved well

00:37:43.560 if you are taking care of yourself.

00:37:46.300 She is downstream from your health.

00:37:49.180 Your kids are downstream from your health.

00:37:51.960 If you're unhealthy physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:37:55.160 spiritually, your kids will be unhealthy.

00:37:57.620 If you're unhealthy physically, mentally,

00:37:59.880 spiritually, emotionally,

00:38:01.040 your wife will be less healthy

00:38:02.760 than if you were in a better position.

00:38:05.560 So take care of yourself and show your kids 0.67

00:38:08.500 how a man takes care of himself

00:38:12.200 so that he can be in maximum service to other people.

00:38:16.400 That's what I think is the most important thing.

00:38:19.060 Yeah, I love it.

00:38:20.600 And I wouldn't disagree with the most important thing.

00:38:24.580 And I know this isn't exactly his question,

00:38:27.080 but I'd like to add this

00:38:28.060 because it's a failure on my part.

00:38:30.660 my kids don't care about all the things like work is hard i got lots going on i have all these

00:38:39.120 he my seven-year-old guess what he doesn't care about any of it the number one thing on his mind

00:38:47.240 is are we gonna go play catch in the backyard yeah and that is the world to him not well i 0.93

00:38:58.500 can't because I have, he doesn't give a shit about all the, because I can't all the, because 0.79

00:39:03.480 he doesn't and playing catch and wrestling and doing jujitsu and messing around with him is like 0.96

00:39:12.960 what love looks like. It's what a bond looks like. It's what all of that greatness looks like.

00:39:19.600 So for me, I have to remind myself, like my kids don't care about the stories.

00:39:24.320 they care about my attention and my presence yeah in the spirit of the the question and the

00:39:32.660 way it's being asked i also have one other thing that you could teach and i think this is probably

00:39:37.520 more in alignment with what he's asking out of the question but he says what's the single most

00:39:42.080 important thing a dad can do for a son is to teach him personal responsibility yeah if you can if you

00:39:50.260 can teach your children to have personal responsibility to take ownership of their

00:39:54.500 failures to be gracious and accepting feedback and criticism that's designed to help them

00:40:00.560 to have responsibility over things in the house over their own things their toys and their clothes

00:40:07.200 and even the way they look and their grooming and did you take a bath did you brush your teeth

00:40:11.400 if you can teach them that at this early age they will be light years ahead of their peers

00:40:17.560 in a very very short period of time and by the way these kids who have personal responsibility

00:40:23.380 they're also more liked and i want my children to be liked by other people because it's going

00:40:29.000 to create more opportunities for them there's kids that i know of that i don't like and i don't want

00:40:35.680 to be around them and i don't want to create opportunities and i don't want to spend time

00:40:39.640 with them and i don't want to coach or help them that's that is the result of having unlikable

00:40:46.160 children and the best way to be disliked is to be a victim instead of one who's like nope i take

00:40:53.280 responsibility for that nope that's my that's my fault or that's my job or i'll take care of that

00:40:58.280 or thank you for the feedback i'll i'll improve those are the people others want to spend time

00:41:03.360 with yep um one of the top contributing factors of a success of a young person into adulthood

00:41:11.900 is delayed gratification. Can they delay gratification? Do hard things without

00:41:18.760 immediate stimulus and payoff. Do the thing that they're responsible to do with no reward.

00:41:27.180 That's, that's, that's success in life. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. This one comes from

00:41:34.780 Jay. We'll take a couple more here. Jason Pruitt. He says, my wife and I have been married for 11

00:41:40.160 years and i'll be honest i checked out for a long time i was providing financially but it wasn't

00:41:46.900 leading and he says i wasn't present i wasn't emotionally engaged and this is what he says

00:41:52.340 he says i've been doing the work for about eight months now and i feel like i'm a different guy

00:41:56.560 the problem is she doesn't fully trust the change yet and rightfully so so he's acknowledging that

00:42:02.220 how do i rebuild that trust without forcing it or getting frustrated when she's still guarded

00:42:08.440 okay so one quick suggestion on this is when i hear that last sentence how do i rebuild that

00:42:16.820 trust without forcing it or getting frustrated when she's still guarded that to me just because

00:42:22.260 of the work that i've done over the past 10 years computes as manipulation yeah that sentence is or

00:42:28.560 for her yes how do i rebuild the trust when i get frustrated and when she's guarded what trick do

00:42:35.260 you have to teach me? And there's, there is no trick. The trick, if there is one, is you got to

00:42:41.660 get rid of the outcome. Your outcome is, I just want her to trust me. How can I do this? And so

00:42:48.820 what you'll start doing is you'll start doing little, saying little things that are manipulative.

00:42:53.720 You'll start doing things for praise and accolades rather than because it's the right thing to do.

00:42:59.160 You'll follow her around like a little puppy dog, hoping she pats you on the head or gives you a

00:43:03.140 treat for doing what you're quote unquote supposed to do. And that is not how you build trust. She

00:43:08.660 will see through that and it becomes really annoying and really obvious very quickly.

00:43:15.480 So what I would like Jason you to do is to figure out why you're doing what you're doing

00:43:20.720 and start tying it into your identity. What that means is that if you did, we would call it

00:43:29.220 character, I would call it character. If you did the things that you're doing and nobody saw them

00:43:35.680 at all, would you still do those things? If the answer is yes, then you're doing it for the right

00:43:42.240 reason. If the answer is, well, I mean, maybe, but I'd still like somebody to acknowledge it,

00:43:47.840 then you're using external validation and it's not nearly as potent as being able to validate

00:43:53.260 yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. I mean, there's a whole kind of conversation, right? And one,

00:44:02.460 he's making changes. That's good. He's modeling it. Yeah, absolutely. You know, alignment to what,

00:44:06.340 what, what's important to him. Then there's kind of this whole conversation of like,

00:44:10.520 what's the human behavior that generates trust, right? How do you formulate trust?

00:44:16.300 And that's a whole other kind of conversation related, but there's a little bit more to it.

00:44:21.280 Let me just share something that we did on our battle team at the beginning.

00:44:26.600 It was actually just a couple of weeks ago.

00:44:28.660 And the challenge to the team was, is we, we have a team ethos and a lot of teams in

00:44:33.460 our council have those and we, and I had us read it and I challenged the guys on the

00:44:38.800 team and said, are, are we living up to that standard?

00:44:43.420 Can you all say you're living up to that standard?

00:44:46.220 And if not, what area of the ethos do you feel you may not be living up to?

00:44:51.280 And a couple of guys went, actually, how we're showing up in our marriages is not aligning

00:44:59.780 to that ethos.

00:45:01.160 I'm like, okay, great.

00:45:02.680 So let's address it.

00:45:04.860 And the challenge that I gave the team was, is kind of this formula of assertive feedback.

00:45:12.560 And I'll explain why this builds trust.

00:45:14.220 Or maybe you can just riff on how you could see how this builds trust.

00:45:18.360 But the steps was the following.

00:45:19.640 Go to your spouse and say, hey, what are the key things that you're working on right now?

00:45:25.040 Your big stresses, your objectives, kind of what's these big rocks in your world that

00:45:30.980 are causing a lot of attention and stress that you're working on?

00:45:34.380 And so she might give you a list of three to five things.

00:45:39.080 And then you ask, in what ways am I making it difficult for you to achieve those?

00:45:45.860 In what ways am I showing up that's making it difficult for you?

00:45:50.560 And then you listen and then you come up with a solution.

00:45:55.540 You say, okay, moving forward, this is how I'm going to address it or pivot and or change

00:46:01.880 so I can better support you on what you're saying is important to you right now.

00:46:07.020 And then you communicate those.

00:46:09.660 The foundation of this is service.

00:46:15.060 And who do we trust most?

00:46:17.780 People who care about us.

00:46:19.640 people who love us, we, we care about and we trust because it's genuine. And I'm not saying

00:46:25.340 love on, in the space of how you feel, I'm saying love in regards to the actions that we take.

00:46:31.140 So you might be improving over here, but it might not be benefiting her, right? You're just a better

00:46:37.100 version of yourself, but she might still be on her Island, you know, and, and it doesn't,

00:46:43.720 just doesn't come across genuine and caring unless it's in that space of service. And so

00:46:49.340 maybe that's another angle to make sure. And I'm not saying, you know, fake this to your point or

00:46:54.360 use it as a manipulative tool, but sometimes we generally care for people, but we don't have the

00:46:59.460 conversations. We don't have the clarity required to actually truly pour into them, figure out what

00:47:05.760 that is for her, and then make sure that you're not just changing for your benefit, but you're

00:47:10.560 actually serving in a way and in a way that's going to improve your marriage and your, and your

00:47:15.380 family. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I think that's great advice. I would also add in here too,

00:47:21.500 this one might seem a little counterintuitive as I explain it. It'll sound right, but then

00:47:26.280 it'll sound counterintuitive. Trust is built on honesty. And what I've seen too many guys do,

00:47:33.280 and I did this as well when I was married, is a lot of nice guys will do this. They will,

00:47:39.380 they will distort the truth so that they don't ruffle any feathers yeah and what that means is

00:47:47.860 that you're going to have some uncomfortable conversations with her and if you're having a

00:47:53.060 hard day at work then you should say that like hey babe look i might seem a little distant tonight

00:47:58.500 i had a hard day at work boss jumped down my throat for missing the deadline but and this is

00:48:03.680 important i have a plan to fix it and here's what i'm going to do that's honest if you don't do that

00:48:08.600 she's going to assume something else. And then if she has to assume and guess how you're feeling

00:48:12.400 all the time, that's going to undermine trust. Yeah. This is one that people disagree with me

00:48:17.300 on, but I'm, I'm, I vehemently will stand by this. If she comes to you and she has a pair of pants on

00:48:23.840 that are not flattering. And she says, what do you think about this? Now, word of caution,

00:48:30.700 do this gently, but be honest, man. Like, Hey, you know what, babe, that fit isn't my favorite.

00:48:36.080 i like those other darker ones that you wear those ones i love the way those fit that's honesty

00:48:41.280 and so it might not be a comfortable conversation but at least now she knows oh he'll tell me the

00:48:47.360 truth even if it's uncomfortable or if her or she's got a little piece of toilet paper on her

00:48:53.180 shoe at dinner or her skirt is hiked up in her panties or something because she just went to 0.98

00:48:57.960 the bathroom lean over hey babe like there's a little piece of toilet paper on your shoe i know

00:49:02.380 it's not comfortable to do these things it seems silly but the more that you can have some of those

00:49:07.240 easy kind of conversations about the toilet paper on your shoe or hey babe um i gotta talk with you

00:49:14.640 about something in our marriage like don't worry nothing bad but i'm just noticing some things that

00:49:19.900 i want to address we're just having some distance issues and i and i want to address that can we

00:49:24.840 talk about that this weekend the more you can do that she'll start to know that when you say things

00:49:30.700 you actually mean it but if you're always agreeing with her like yes honey yes darling yes dear the

00:49:38.480 world revolves around you let me follow you around like a puppy dog you become untrustworthy

00:49:44.160 because she doesn't know what you actually believe because you don't have a spine this is something

00:49:49.800 that a lot of guys nice guys struggle with and i don't know if this is something that jason

00:49:53.680 struggles with but it's something to be aware of can you actually have a difficult conversation

00:49:59.200 with some grace and class, but can you do that? If you can do that, I think it'll bolster trust

00:50:04.140 between you two. Yeah, that's great. All right, let's take one more here. So this one comes from

00:50:12.060 Cole Navarro. He says, I'm 27, stable job, good money, no real complaints, but I feel empty.

00:50:21.820 I know I'm supposed to be doing something bigger, but I have no idea what it is. Oh, I feel that.

00:50:27.200 i have i definitely feel that how do you find your mission when there's no obvious crisis

00:50:33.080 pushing you towards one my answer for finding your mission is to make finding your mission

00:50:40.740 your mission yeah that that's it so how do you do that you try everything everything that comes

00:50:49.700 across your desk you're like yep i'm gonna try that if there's an opportunity to go skydiving

00:50:54.420 yep i'm gonna try that if somebody says hey we're doing this charity event for

00:50:58.120 housing stray cats and dogs yep i'm gonna go do that if your boss says hey i need somebody to

00:51:04.800 step up and handle this project and uh you know it'll be a few late hours and a little bit of

00:51:10.280 stress but it could be cool yep i'll do that if you don't know what your purpose is then your

00:51:15.860 purpose and your mission is to find your purpose and mission and you only do that by trying everything

00:51:20.760 you possibly can without any expectation and then the things that you have an affinity towards

00:51:26.360 you take another step and another step and another step and another step and over time i think what

00:51:31.020 you'll find is that like a funnel you have all of this stuff coming into the funnel and you're

00:51:36.680 doing it all but gradually oh yep that'll get filtered out i didn't like that this man that

00:51:41.880 wasn't interesting to me that's kind of boring and that gets filtered out but this thing or these

00:51:46.120 four things, man, I really like these things. And so that gets whittled down into the funnel and

00:51:51.500 then three becomes two and two becomes one. And all of a sudden you're looking back in five years

00:51:55.660 like, holy shit, this is awesome. I love life. And that's what it was with order of man. I never 0.98

00:52:01.820 would have told you 11 years ago that my mission is to serve millions of men across the world and

00:52:07.560 teaching them how to be better fathers and husbands and business owners and leaders in

00:52:11.840 their community. It is now, but I did it because I started a podcast for financial planning to

00:52:18.380 medical professionals. Then that morphed into order of man and that morphed into the iron

00:52:22.920 council and the iron council eventually became doing events. And then we just got off the back

00:52:27.080 of the forge event. And all of that happened because of something that was completely unrelated

00:52:32.020 to what I'm doing now. It just led me down the path. And I, and I think there's a synergy there.

00:52:37.740 There's this energy of whittling it down and seeking, but there's the evolution of

00:52:43.940 you and, and both of those go hand in hand, right?

00:52:48.640 Many opportunities will present ourselves in life.

00:52:51.160 The question is, is whether we'll be ready to take them on or not.

00:52:55.680 And for a lot of us, it requires us to summit the first ridge.

00:53:01.220 And then we got some strength.

00:53:03.800 we grew, and now we see an area of life that we never would have saw before.

00:53:11.300 So there's a creation element as well as a finding element. And how are you evolving as

00:53:18.460 individual? What are you learning to even make those things more possible for you?

00:53:24.900 Another way that someone explained this to me years and years ago is people that's operating

00:53:32.580 powerfully in a space of purpose and direction they chose their problem we all have problems

00:53:40.640 like and it's fascinating to me like you can find someone that's retired like they don't work

00:53:46.340 anymore they're retired and ask them what's going on in your life and they'll they'll tell you

00:53:49.500 problems i i got this problem right like we all have problems they just fill up they're the world

00:53:55.000 wind of life. They show up, but people intentionally choosing their problems.

00:54:02.000 That's what's kind of special. And so maybe even look for what are these things that you're

00:54:08.020 passionate about, that you see as problems, that your effort and energy can be put into

00:54:14.400 to solve. That might be a good guidepost in your quest of creation and evolution.

00:54:21.140 i love it i'm i'm writing some questions down that have been helpful for me so there's three

00:54:27.120 questions that that i have that might help you identify what that might be so number one is

00:54:33.720 what do people ask my advice for what do they see that genius in you yeah they see it and and don't

00:54:41.920 dismiss it because here's what a lot of people will do they'll be like let's say kip you asked

00:54:45.620 my advice for, I don't know, public speaking. And I'm like, why is he asking me? I'm not a good

00:54:52.120 public speaker. Like everybody can do this. What's the problem? Like, that's what we do. We dismiss

00:54:55.520 our gifts and our greatness instead of, instead of acknowledging that somebody sees something in

00:55:00.880 you that you potentially don't see yourself, embrace it. Say, thank you. Oh, thank you. That's

00:55:04.920 flattering coming from you. That's a compliment. And then lean into that. So what am I, what do

00:55:09.740 people ask me for advice for? Number two, what am I doing when time is moving the fastest?

00:55:15.620 because when you're engaged in something meaningful and enjoyable time just flies we

00:55:21.000 all know that because we're not thinking about how do i get out of this when is this done we're

00:55:25.760 fully immersed into it um and the third question is if money were not an issue

00:55:32.240 what would i be doing with my life all my bills are paid i've got the cars i've got the vacations

00:55:39.680 like all the money stuff's taken care of maybe i'm retired how would i be spending my time and

00:55:45.060 a lot of guys will be like oh i'd spend my time on the golf course okay yeah so maybe that's your

00:55:50.600 passion yeah right you know maybe that's what it is maybe you're maybe you teach other people how

00:55:55.860 to golf or maybe your passion right now is just to get the best golf score that you can and improve

00:56:00.780 your game or get your pro card i don't know whatever but those three questions have been

00:56:05.940 helpful for me and if you start seeing some overlap between how you'd spend your time and

00:56:10.620 what people are asking you advice on you're starting to whittle it down into your zone of

00:56:14.680 genius. And that's something to pay attention to. Yeah. That's, that's a really good point.

00:56:19.860 And we downplay it because it's probably becomes very natural to us and it doesn't seem that

00:56:24.680 impressive. And so you downplay thinking like, well, it's not really a big deal. It is actually,

00:56:29.440 it's just, you're, you, you have a talent for it already. And so it doesn't feel like a big deal.

00:56:35.500 I just love this idea of just experimenting with life. Like give yourself permission to

00:56:40.460 experiment. You know, when I was a kid, I had this little like science kit and you could mix

00:56:45.620 different potions and concoctions and build things. And like, we were just curious. Kids

00:56:50.720 are curious. They'll try everything. And some of it, you know, helpful. Some of it probably

00:56:57.160 dangerous, but kids will try everything because of that level of curiosity. And then we get to

00:57:02.660 be adults. And a lot of that curiosity is stripped away from us. We start getting, you know, mocked

00:57:07.880 maybe in ridiculed for liking certain things and other people strip that innocence away from us in

00:57:13.940 a way. Um, we start worrying about the judgment of others. We start projecting things out into

00:57:20.000 the future. Like, well, what if I do this and it doesn't work out? And, and then, you know,

00:57:23.960 then what, it's like, what are you talking about? I just asked if you wanted to go to the,

00:57:27.140 the animal shelter to help out this weekend. Like it has nothing to do with what you're

00:57:31.520 going to do with the rest of your life. So don't, don't place so much weight on it. Just go and

00:57:36.800 enjoy and experiment and play and see what life has to offer. Every time I go and do something

00:57:43.160 different out of my comfort zone, like I went skydiving, was it last year? Last year I went

00:57:48.700 skydiving. I'll probably never do it again. I have no desire. I had no desire to do it in the first

00:57:52.580 place, but I'll, and I'll probably never do it again, but I did it and it was interesting and

00:57:57.400 it was fun and it made me interesting. And it got me thinking about what other cool stuff I might

00:58:02.400 want to try that is a little bit more appealing to me, but just go be interesting and be interested.

00:58:08.060 That's how you do it. Yeah. Yeah. And be curious. And that relates to, you know,

00:58:13.100 getting out of your comfort zone. And we called this out earlier, but I want to call it out again.

00:58:17.820 So the forge, um, open for enrollment next year, that's April 22nd to the 25th next year to

00:58:25.880 register, go to themensforge.com and, and join us. And what a great opportunity to get out of

00:58:31.480 your comfort zone, meet new people, align like-minded individuals. Uh, just a great event,

00:58:37.160 great opportunity for you guys to level up. I mean, it was cool because we had some great

00:58:41.500 speakers. Kip, you, you spoke out there and you did a phenomenal job and we had Dwayne Noel

00:58:45.320 and Dwayne was doing like what I would call cigar smoke sessions. Like he was just down by the shack

00:58:51.500 smoking cigars. And every time, I don't know if you saw this, but every time I walked by or

00:58:55.780 went to the chow hall or whatever his his crew of cigar smokers like grew and grew and grew and

00:59:03.660 grew the last day I was over there and there's like 30 people just sitting around and he's

00:59:07.560 teaching them about the intricacies of smoking a cigar which is not a thing for me but like

00:59:12.620 they all loved it I'm like cool so we had good speakers but then we also had activities like

00:59:17.240 jujitsu we're bringing pistols next year uh we had a mud course and a mud run they have this thing

00:59:23.220 human foosball that all the guys played and and home run derbies and then we did what else do we

00:59:29.140 do we're gonna do a ruck next year every morning physical training every morning so we bring in

00:59:34.880 the speakers to to be able to teach and instruct and then we get into the real world and actually

00:59:39.120 do and apply and build some camaraderie with the brothers but man it's fun so yeah the men's

00:59:43.700 forge.com we'd love to see all you guys there and as always uh connect with michler on x and

00:59:49.440 Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And if you guys aren't following us on YouTube, check the podcast out

00:59:55.440 there if you prefer to listen on YouTube and not just Spotify or iTunes. Yeah. And we're going to

01:00:02.600 start monitoring that a little better. So if you have questions that came as a result of this

01:00:06.300 podcast, drop those in the YouTube comments, and then we'll make sure we address those questions

01:00:09.960 on a future episode as well. All right, guys, I appreciate you all. We'll be back on Friday.

01:00:14.480 Until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.

01:00:20.020 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:00:23.000 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:00:27.040 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - May 06, 2026

Trust Yourself, Maximize Your Value, and Never Dim Your Light ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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