Order of Man - June 12, 2020


Two Factors That Make a Male a Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

22 minutes

Words per minute

186.08122

Word count

4,156

Sentence count

270

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Two simple things that separate the boys from the men that will help you become a better man. 1) Character 2) Competence 3) Mentality 4) Voice 5) Leadership What does it mean to be a man?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
00:00:27.720 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the order of man movement. I want to welcome
00:00:32.300 you here and welcome you back and tell you, I'm glad to have you aboard. This is a podcast
00:00:37.320 dedicated to helping you become a more successful, a more competent, a more capable man. And that's
00:00:44.980 exactly what I'm going to talk with you about today. I've got two things I wanted to share with
00:00:48.300 you that define what it means to be a man that may separate the boys from the men. We're going to get
00:00:53.960 into that here in just a minute. And it's not going to be a long one today because it's very,
00:00:58.020 very simple. And then you can ponder and stew and think over it, share and discuss in your groups,
00:01:03.400 whatever it is you're doing with the information that we're sharing here. And then hopefully you
00:01:07.620 can apply it before I get into that. I just want to make a very quick announcement. Many of you,
00:01:12.020 if you've been listening to the podcast for any amount of time, know that I've got a very cool
00:01:17.720 collaboration going on with warrior poet society right now. If you're not familiar with warrior
00:01:23.880 poet society, you can check out their new network. It's an exclusive network. So it's not anything
00:01:29.400 that's publicly available like YouTube or any of the social media channels that you're following.
00:01:34.020 This is exclusive content as part of the warrior poet society network. So if you're interested in
00:01:40.480 checking that out, learning what it's all about, learning why we've decided to collaborate and work
00:01:45.340 together on some of these projects, I definitely want you to check out the order of man show,
00:01:49.820 which again is exclusive and it's outside and different than what we're doing here
00:01:53.980 on the warrior poet society network. So you can check that out at order of man.com slash WPSN
00:02:01.180 as in warrior poet society network. Again, that's order of man.com slash WPSN. Go check it out.
00:02:08.700 Let me know what you think. And we'll continue some of the conversations over there. All right,
00:02:13.540 guys, let's get into it again. Very quick one for you today, because I just don't want to, I don't
00:02:17.800 want to over complicate it. It just doesn't need to be complicated. It's very simple. There's only two
00:02:22.340 things, two things that separate the boys from the men that turn a male into a man. And very simply put
00:02:32.980 it's character and it's competence. That's it. It's your character and it's your competence.
00:02:40.160 Marcus Aurelius said, waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be, be one. And while
00:02:48.000 I can certainly understand the sentiment, because a lot of the times we get wrapped up and consumed
00:02:53.020 with conversations and getting into the nuance and all these other little things. And sometimes it
00:02:58.200 doesn't really all that matter all that much. But I do think that this is worthy of at least
00:03:03.060 discussing and talking about. And I think it's important to talk about even in the light of what
00:03:08.200 Marcus Aurelius said about waste no more time arguing about what a man should be. And here's
00:03:12.800 why I wanted to bring this to your attention, because I want you to understand that I don't
00:03:17.800 for one second, believe that the way I go about being a man, the way I perform my duties, what
00:03:23.800 specifically my duties are, the way I show up is what it means to be a man. It's not at the end of
00:03:29.600 the day, it means a protector, a provider, and a presider. Now there's an infinite number of
00:03:34.600 combinations and ways to go about doing that and to step into those roles. And that's the
00:03:39.420 point that I'm making with you here. It's not about how you specifically show up. It's
00:03:45.120 not about necessarily your, your, your tone of voice or the way that you look or the way
00:03:52.160 that your voice sounds or what you do for work. Those aren't the things that matter guys.
00:03:57.460 And that's what we need to understand. We get so consumed in what exactly a man does,
00:04:03.380 but I think we ought to take a step back and look at it from a 30,000 foot view.
00:04:07.280 Because if we look at it from that perspective, then we can realize that the way we go about
00:04:13.560 performing our duties and our roles and our functions in our families, our businesses,
00:04:18.500 our societies, our communities, we'll, we'll begin to see that we can do this and fulfill
00:04:22.960 these obligations in an infinite number of ways. So if we look at it as at its foundational
00:04:29.600 level, like its root level, strip everything else away and all the noise and all the nonsense and
00:04:35.960 all the things that I've said in the past and all the things that you've heard from other podcasts
00:04:39.280 and there's other people, after all of that is stripped away, it's your character and it's your
00:04:45.400 competence. That's it. It's what you produce. Now, a lot of guys will talk about fluffy magical
00:04:52.620 unicorns and these utopian societies and how we just want to be good people. And while your motives
00:05:01.460 are wonderful, uh, your intentions may be noble the way you feel and what's in your heart might be
00:05:09.340 good and fine and well, but if you're not producing, if you're not bringing something to the table,
00:05:16.700 then what good is it in having you around now about this time? I know everybody's going to say,
00:05:22.880 Oh, well, Ryan, how could you say that? You're saying some people are worth more than others.
00:05:26.960 I'm not talking about your inherent worth as a human being. All right. We all have inherent worth
00:05:32.860 because we are human beings. And a lot of us have stored up or potential worth. That's not what I'm
00:05:38.420 referring to because I believe all of us do have inherent worth as human beings, but I will tell you,
00:05:45.260 and we know this just for example, in the, in the corporate world, that some men are more valuable
00:05:51.180 than others in certain aspects. For example, if you have an employee who is generating a hundred
00:05:58.880 thousand dollars in revenue for an organization, then that employee is worth this much. If you have
00:06:05.640 a another employee within that same organization and that employee is generating a million dollars of
00:06:11.560 revenue, then obviously that employee is worth more in this context to the employer than the one who
00:06:19.700 is producing a hundred thousand dollars of income. We know this, this is common sense. This doesn't need
00:06:26.520 to be argued about. And the only reason it would be argued about is because people are conflating my
00:06:30.740 language or taking what I'm saying out of context and saying, I'm talking about human worth. No, I'm talking
00:06:36.240 about in this context, you're worth to an organization. We could talk about it in the same
00:06:40.960 context when it comes to being a family man, being a father, being a husband. If you are a husband and
00:06:47.200 you're out drinking and you're out running around with other women and you aren't occupied with your
00:06:54.500 family, you're more occupied with business and everything else that's going on. You are less valuable
00:06:59.420 as a husband and a father than the man who's at home. When he says he's going to be home. He's
00:07:05.680 deeply connected with his children. He's intimately familiar with his wife. He's romantic with her.
00:07:11.420 He provides the necessary income, but he provides other things as well, like love and discipline and
00:07:17.960 guidance and structure and presence. Then obviously objectively, when we're looking at this,
00:07:23.820 that type of man is more valuable as a resource, as a father, as a husband, as a man, than the
00:07:31.660 individual who's not treating his duties the way that he should and taking them lightly and not
00:07:37.600 producing as much as he could. So we've got to understand there's a distinction between your
00:07:42.100 inherent worth as a human being and your worth as fill in the blank, a father, a husband, an employee,
00:07:49.180 an executive, a business owner, a coach, a mentor, a brother, whatever. And your job again, after
00:07:58.060 everything else is stripped away, forget about all the titles and the roles and the occupations.
00:08:02.580 Your job is to not think well about things, not to have good intentions, not to want to do the right
00:08:11.860 thing. It's to produce. And that is at its foundational level, what character is about.
00:08:17.800 Character is about honor. It's about integrity. It's about doing well. It's about the service of
00:08:23.380 others and it's about a virtuous life, but it's also about honoring your word, mirroring your actions
00:08:30.600 and therefore your results with the way that you think about life and yourself. And also the way that
00:08:39.240 you talk about yourself and life and the way that this world works. And if you can't find a way to mirror
00:08:46.080 the two, then you are being less manly. And I know that that is not a popular thing to say
00:08:52.500 in the culture that we've created where everybody's the same and we don't want to leave anybody out.
00:08:58.040 And we want to make people feel comfortable and heaven forbid somebody feel ostracized or put down
00:09:04.080 or let down. But you know what? That's reality. And I'm not telling you that I am the epitome of
00:09:11.240 masculinity. I'm not telling you, I have this figured out much more than you. These are just
00:09:15.660 things that I've recognized. And usually when I'm talking to you, I'm more talking to myself.
00:09:19.900 Like these are the reminders and the lessons I need as well. I need to understand that I need to find a
00:09:25.220 way to more accurately mirror what it is I'm doing with the way that I see the world and the words that
00:09:32.680 I'm using and the thoughts that are bouncing around in my brain. And the larger that gap, I've referred to
00:09:37.840 it in the past as an integrity gap. The larger that gap, the more like a boy that you're behaving,
00:09:42.660 right? Because you might be in Kip and I talked about this in this week's ask me anything,
00:09:47.800 the difference between motivation and discipline, you might be motivated. You might be hopped up and
00:09:52.580 hyped up because you just got back from a conference or a seminar or a course or listening
00:09:57.000 to somebody. And you think, okay, well I'm going to do it this time. And then you don't go out and
00:10:01.940 produce because you let the emotion run its course and you didn't have the discipline in place and you
00:10:07.600 didn't have the processes to make sure that this thing got taken care of. All right. Well, you
00:10:12.740 know, like congratulations, you felt good. You had a desire to do something, but you didn't actually do
00:10:18.160 it. And so you're not behaving as, as manly as somebody who can get past their emotion or work
00:10:26.600 past their emotion or drive along that course of action after the emotion and the excitement has
00:10:31.900 long gone. And that's the difference. That's what character means. It means to align your thoughts
00:10:38.240 and your ideas with your actions. And I would say that in addition to that, we would assume,
00:10:44.540 and I hope that you know that I'm talking about, uh, virtuous living as well, being a man of honor
00:10:50.500 and integrity and character and love and service. But ultimately you've got to have the character to
00:10:58.500 back it up. And we all fall short guys. We all fall short from time to time, but the sooner you
00:11:03.800 can get back on track, the sooner you can reconcile, the sooner you can acknowledge that you messed up
00:11:08.460 along the path and that you don't get down about it. You don't beat yourself up. You don't wallow in
00:11:13.500 your own self-pity. You don't use it as a habitual practice that you just recognize, you know what?
00:11:18.000 I messed up. I screwed up. You know, I missed my workout or I didn't show up to time or I missed the
00:11:22.120 deadline on the project, or I didn't honor my wife the way I should have, or my children, the way I should
00:11:25.960 of, and you correct the behavior. That's the difference. Correct the behavior as quickly as
00:11:31.860 possible, make amends to the degree that you can, and then rectify it by doing different things
00:11:37.660 by becoming a, a man of character. Now, the second component of this is competence. And notice,
00:11:45.180 I didn't say you have to be an athlete. I didn't say you had to be a warrior. I didn't say you had to
00:11:50.640 be the alpha CEO. Now you could be those things, but that's not what defines you. You could be an
00:11:57.000 artist. You could be a musician. You could be a janitor. You could be a school teacher or a nurse
00:12:05.460 or whatever, fill in the blank. It really doesn't matter, but you've got to be competent or you've
00:12:13.240 got to be proficient in the thing that you want to excel at so that what you can produce again, being a
00:12:19.920 man is about being in service and it's about producing. We talk about protect, provide,
00:12:24.340 and preside. All those elements have an underlying element of service and of production. And your
00:12:32.920 level of competence is what's going to determine, determine, excuse me, your results that you're
00:12:38.180 producing. If you're incompetent and you're ignorant and you don't know what you're doing,
00:12:44.440 then you aren't trying to figure that stuff out. And you aren't putting new information into your brain
00:12:48.500 and you aren't developing and working on a skillset and you aren't practicing and you aren't
00:12:52.380 drilling with the things that you need to be doing, then you're not going to be nearly as
00:12:56.980 competent as the individual who was. And it shouldn't be a surprise to you. And you shouldn't
00:13:02.300 be outraged, frankly, that you didn't produce the results, the same results that this guy next to you
00:13:08.060 might have when he put forth the effort and the work. This is what we call the meritocracy.
00:13:12.640 You are rewarded handsomely for your merits, for the work that you do, for the effort that you put
00:13:21.920 in, for the training that you have, for the results that you produce. So again, as much as we live in
00:13:28.620 this world that wants to reward everybody for just merely showing up and we have clever little phrases
00:13:34.580 like showing up is half the battle. No, it isn't. I mean, you got in the, in the, in the stadium,
00:13:41.540 like congratulations, you showed up. That doesn't mean anything. And we say that so that we can reward
00:13:48.960 mediocrity. We can reward doing the bare minimum. I'm not interested in that. You're not interested in
00:14:00.260 that. And isn't, it isn't what men do. Boys do that. Even my own boys, you know, they show up and
00:14:07.780 I tell them to do their chores and they do, you know, just the bare minimum to get by just to say,
00:14:12.800 I did it, dad, and get to check their thing off the list. But Hey, if I came and checked it,
00:14:16.200 we all know what that looks like. Cause I used to do that too. When I was a child, I even do that now
00:14:21.900 when I'm behaving like a child. So I'm not above it. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I
00:14:27.880 acknowledge it, that I recognize it, that I understand that that is not manly behavior.
00:14:33.000 It is boy-like behavior. And we, as men, or those who have a desire to become men understand that
00:14:40.320 this is how we fall short and here's how we rectify it. And here's how we get better. And
00:14:44.320 here's how we improve. And here's how we become competent in a skillset, in a trade, in a hobby,
00:14:50.820 in an activity so that we can produce and be more effective for ourselves and for the people that
00:14:57.600 we have an obligation to. It could be your children or your wife. It could be your employees.
00:15:02.860 It could be the little boys and girls that you coach on that baseball or that soccer team.
00:15:06.700 You have an obligation and responsibility for those individuals. So you need to be a man of character
00:15:12.280 and you need to be a man of competence. If you aren't taking the time to develop the skills,
00:15:17.060 to learn what you need, to research, to apply the information, then you're falling short.
00:15:22.720 And I know that doesn't sit well with everybody, but you know what? That is the truth that we all
00:15:27.060 need to hear from time to time is that you aren't as adequate as you could be, but you can get there.
00:15:34.180 I'm not saying that you're not capable of doing it. I'm saying that you and I both,
00:15:38.340 we may not be where we need to be right now, but we can get there. But we need to acknowledge that
00:15:44.380 there's a, there's a gap. There's a bridge between where we are right now and where we want to go.
00:15:49.640 And it isn't up to anybody else to build that bridge for us. And it isn't up to anybody else
00:15:55.840 to throttle back their own performance so that we feel better about where we're at.
00:16:00.800 I spend time with high performing individuals. I have them on this podcast. I consult with them.
00:16:07.440 Some of these men are my coaches and my mentors, and some of them are my friends and they are high
00:16:12.300 performing. They're high drive, high speed, red, dominant personalities. And I can guarantee you,
00:16:21.420 I can assure you that not a single one of them is willing to slow down so that I can catch up.
00:16:28.180 Now they're willing to give me the information I need. They're willing to extend a hand,
00:16:32.400 but they're not going to slow down their own results just so I can feel good about my inadequacy.
00:16:38.080 It's not how this works. That is not the conduct of men. Men want to perform. They want to excel.
00:16:45.780 They want to thrive. They want to do it on, I shouldn't say the on their own, but they want to do it
00:16:50.740 based on their own merit. They don't want to be handed things. And there's a difference between help
00:16:56.240 and a handout, a hand up and a handout. Those are different, right? It's okay to accept help.
00:17:04.860 In fact, it's encouraged. You should have a mentor or a coach or multiple mentors and coaches
00:17:08.920 who are helping you along the path, but you've got to develop these, these abilities to become
00:17:14.020 a man of character, aligning your actions with your words and your thoughts and a man of competence.
00:17:19.640 Now, interestingly enough, and then we'll wrap things up for today. Cause I told you,
00:17:22.540 this is going to be a short one is one of the things that I hear from a lot of men
00:17:27.720 is questions centered around confidence. How do I build confidence? How do I build confidence with
00:17:34.380 women? How do I build confidence enough to ask for promotion? How do I build confidence with just 1.00
00:17:39.160 me as a human being? Guys, you don't get that. Okay. You, you, it isn't, it isn't a right.
00:17:45.460 Confidence. Confidence isn't a right. It's a privilege. It's a, it's a blessing. It's something
00:17:51.340 that you earn. It's a reward or a benefit of the work that you do. So if you've ever caught yourself
00:17:57.120 wondering how you can develop more confidence and you should all want to do that because the
00:18:02.940 confident individuals produce the results, but it's not because they're confident. That's where
00:18:06.380 guys get messed up. See, we look at guys who we assume are confident. We think, well, that guy's
00:18:11.400 getting the results because he's confident. No, it goes deeper than that. This is how you build
00:18:16.280 confidence and the results that stem from it. Character and competence. That's it. This is the
00:18:24.860 equation. If you want to develop, for example, more confidence with women, then you need to develop a
00:18:31.660 greater, a heightened sense of character, aligning your actions with your words. And by the way, women
00:18:37.400 will acknowledge that they'll recognize that they'll see that without you having to say a word,
00:18:41.540 they can see it in you just the way your boss can see it or your supervisor or your wife or your
00:18:47.440 children or whoever else you're trying to lead. They know when you're bullshitting them and they know
00:18:53.160 when you're a man of character and men of character are more attractive to women, to potential employers,
00:18:59.880 you name it. Okay. So you've got to develop that level of, of, of, in order, excuse me,
00:19:07.760 in order to develop that level of confidence, you have to have the character and you have to have the
00:19:11.160 competence. You have to have the skillset to match it because if you don't know what you're doing,
00:19:15.940 people will acknowledge that as well. They'll see that they'll recognize that. And they will involve,
00:19:20.520 they will voluntarily decide not to follow you because you aren't worth somebody worth following.
00:19:25.680 Again, I know there's going to be people coming out. Oh, Ryan, how could you say that? You're
00:19:30.320 not worth following. That's right. Sometimes you're not worth following. There have been times
00:19:34.380 in my life where I have not been worth following. There have been times in my life where I've been
00:19:38.380 extremely overweight. Uh, I was a failure in my marriage. I was unsuccessful in business attempts.
00:19:45.720 And what right did I have to believe that people should follow me unless they were trying to
00:19:51.240 produce those results for themselves, which I don't think many people are. Most people,
00:19:55.680 they're trying to produce better results. And in order for them to follow you,
00:19:59.540 it has to be voluntary because if it isn't, it's tyranny or dictatorship. In order for them to follow
00:20:05.260 you, you have to be somebody worth following, which means you have the competence, which will
00:20:09.820 produce the results that that individual is after. All right. So a short one for you today, but think
00:20:14.720 on that stew on that. Maybe you agree. Maybe you disagree. Maybe you find yourself somewhere in the
00:20:19.920 middle. I'd love to continue to have this conversation, uh, connect with me on the socials,
00:20:25.220 Instagram is probably best at Ryan Mickler. Uh, let me know what you think. Again, I believe that the
00:20:31.220 only two things, if you strip everything else away, that it means to be a man, uh, and the two
00:20:35.460 characteristics that we need to be men is again, character and competence. And that will foster
00:20:42.280 confidence. That will foster the results that we're after. And that will help us lead more effective
00:20:47.260 lives, more profitable, more fulfilling, more satisfied, more whatever, fill in the blank with
00:20:52.780 whatever it is you're after. You will get that through your character and your competence.
00:20:57.040 So get out there, get working on it. Uh, we'll be back next week for another podcast. I've got some
00:21:01.640 very, very interesting one line, uh, ones lined up for you. I've got one I'm working on right now that
00:21:06.520 I really, really want to tell you who it is. Uh, but I'm not going to, and I can't yet,
00:21:13.380 but I'm working on it. We will continue to work on these and I will let you know, make sure you
00:21:17.760 subscribe, leave a rating and review. So you never miss a podcast, share this with a friend,
00:21:22.780 a mentor, a father, whoever, who needs to hear this message of reclaiming and restoring masculinity,
00:21:26.720 who needs to hear the message of character and competence so that we can all go out and we can
00:21:32.260 thrive in a way that is meaningful for us. All right, guys, I'll be back next week. Until then,
00:21:37.720 go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the
00:21:42.420 Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant
00:21:47.440 to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:21:52.780 Bye.
00:22:00.780 Bye.
00:22:03.060 Bye.
00:22:04.620 Bye.
00:22:05.060 Bye.
00:22:05.620 Bye.
00:22:06.620 Bye.
00:22:07.720 Bye.
00:22:17.860 Bye.
00:22:19.880 Bye.