Order of Man - Unplugging from Work, Overcoming Imposter Syndrome, and Dealing with Incompetent People ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.940 Hey, what's up, brother? Glad to be joining you back after a long and eventful weekend.

00:00:30.880 It was fun, man. That was great. It was just a great event.

00:00:35.460 Highly impactful. I know all the dads and sons came to Legacy to be impacted, but just participating and hearing kind of the breakthroughs and the conversations and just seeing these boys and their dads get after it and create those lasting memories was really impactful for me.

00:00:54.620 I kind of really stepped away far better than I was before I came to the event.

00:00:58.980 I mean, isn't that one? That's amazing. It's one of those unintended consequences of what we're doing here.

00:01:03.900 You know, when I started this and then, of course, now that you're on board as well, it's like we really have this idea of helping men, giving them the tools and the resources, conversations, et cetera, to really step up in their lives.

00:01:14.720 But the unintended consequences that, I mean, I feel like I get more value out of leading the movement than I think a lot of guys get from just being part of the movement.

00:01:25.480 Yeah. Well, and I assume it's because you see so much going on, right?

00:01:30.380 Like you're seeing the results of the movement across a larger spectrum than probably the average guy.

00:01:37.420 And so it's really inspiring.

00:01:40.160 Yeah, that's true. I mean, we tend to look at things from our own perspective in our own little box.

00:01:44.060 But when you get a broader perspective, it really opens your eyes to the good that we're actually doing.

00:01:48.700 A guy, Bart, in our Facebook group the other day posted a picture of his son had given him a baseball and on it he wrote,

00:01:58.180 Dear Dad, thanks for coming to every one of my games. Love, Cannon.

00:02:02.480 And that's all he wrote. It was a simple gesture, but it was so, so powerful.

00:02:06.180 And it's little moments like that that I get to see every single day that are really the fuel for me to continue to keep driving and the power of what we're doing here.

00:02:15.620 It's absolutely incredible.

00:02:16.580 Yeah, totally, totally. Or it's like even Abraham's son, you know, Zeke, I think it was, you know, Zeke was kind of quiet over the event.

00:02:28.700 And then Abraham posted a picture of him sitting on the couch reading Sovereignty.

00:02:35.500 Right. He didn't even think. He's like, I don't know if he got much from it or if he was really involved.

00:02:40.160 And then he woke up and his son was there reading the book. I mean, that's incredible.

00:02:44.460 I know. Super awesome.

00:02:46.820 Super awesome.

00:02:47.720 Well, guys, we'll let you know.

00:02:49.260 Dad proud moment.

00:02:50.860 Oh, for sure. Yeah.

00:02:52.580 So what we'll do, guys, is we'll let you know when the next legacy is. Obviously, it's a little up in the air right now because I'm in the process of securing a property in Maine.

00:03:00.240 But once I do, then we'll be able to get out there and we're going to be running our events on my property there in Maine.

00:03:06.100 So we'll keep you in the loop. But man, this was an incredible event.

00:03:08.420 Yeah, it was super cool. And it was neat to connect with guys that that we haven't met before and even have conversations of kind of how big that brotherhood is.

00:03:18.580 If you remember, we actually have a shout out. There's we're supposed to give a shout out to Bob Brown from Kansas.

00:03:26.000 Oh, that's right. I'm glad you wrote that down. Yeah, I did write that down.

00:03:29.720 We did not forget. So, yeah, his his friend came out and said that that's how they got introduced to what we're doing here.

00:03:37.060 And yeah. So shout out to Bob Brown.

00:03:40.360 Yeah. And not to like rattle on this a little bit, but so Bob Brown introduced to dad to Order of Man podcast.

00:03:51.300 He starts listening to the podcast. He decides to sign up and bring his son to legacy.

00:03:56.040 And they have a highly impactful, amazing weekend.

00:03:59.880 Like, Bob, all you did is share the podcast and the movement.

00:04:04.240 And that made I would probably argue made it a very long lasting change in someone's life and and and bettered the relationship between a father and son and gave them some tools and experiences that will allow them to step into that responsibility of manhood.

00:04:22.060 And it's just, you know, all because you were sharing the movement.

00:04:26.440 Yeah, that's pretty profound.

00:04:27.540 Yeah, absolutely.

00:04:29.080 Well, good, guys.

00:04:30.160 If you don't know already, if you're just joining us for the first time, we better get into that the first, you know, right at first.

00:04:35.560 We should probably start off.

00:04:36.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:37.240 What we're doing is we're answering questions.

00:04:40.640 If you've got a question, whether it's from the Brothers Inside the Iron Council, which is our exclusive brotherhood, you can find more at orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:04:48.420 Or if it's in our Facebook group, you can check it out there and ask your questions.

00:04:52.140 And what Kip and I are doing is fielding those questions and answering them to the best of our ability and giving you our perspective, whether it's right or wrong, giving you our perspective on some of these good questions that we've got throughout the week.

00:05:03.460 Cool.

00:05:04.840 All right.

00:05:05.280 So you mentioned this earlier.

00:05:07.280 So we're fielding these questions.

00:05:08.840 These questions that we're going to go over today is from our Facebook group.

00:05:11.820 You can join us on that Facebook group at facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:05:18.500 And yeah, let's jump into it.

00:05:20.240 So Garrett Frainer, how do you effectively encourage healthy eating habits and fitness to your spouse without angering or offending?

00:05:28.880 There's a difference in perspective in this matter as I tend to focus more on long-term health, strength, and longevity, whereas she doesn't see any immediate harm being done and won't consider long-term effects.

00:05:41.660 Whoa, there's a lot here.

00:05:44.100 Man, we can unpackage this in a lot of different ways.

00:05:46.340 Number one, you've got to be leading from the front, right?

00:05:48.240 And it sounds like he is based on what I'm hearing.

00:05:51.580 It sounds like he's doing it.

00:05:52.600 He's leading from the front.

00:05:53.620 He's on board with this.

00:05:55.460 I would also say one angle that may not be considered is does she trust you?

00:06:01.200 And I'm not suggesting that she doesn't, but it's just something worth considering.

00:06:04.920 And are you a man of your word?

00:06:06.560 Are you in integrity?

00:06:08.100 Are you to be trusted and to be followed in other facets of your life?

00:06:11.480 Because if you are, then I think it's more likely that that's going to translate over into her trusting you when it comes to nutrition, fitness, et cetera, et cetera.

00:06:19.240 So Ryan, really quick, I mean, do you think that's almost that that should be a warning, not a warning sign, but like.

00:06:27.400 You know, it should be it should be a flag.

00:06:29.580 That's all.

00:06:30.160 It should just be something to be aware of.

00:06:31.780 Like if your spouse isn't considering your influence or suggestion that there's a maybe a high probability of that she doesn't trust you.

00:06:39.400 Yeah.

00:06:39.580 That there might be some integrity issues there.

00:06:41.300 Yeah, it may be.

00:06:42.420 I'm not saying that it is.

00:06:43.600 I'm just saying that it might be because I know when I tell my wife something, she's not always going to agree and I don't demand that she agrees with me in every scenario.

00:06:51.720 But I think she's more likely to agree with me when I'm living in integrity and living capable of leadership and influence over her in other facets of my life.

00:07:01.620 I mean, it's the same concept as guys when they when they come to us and they say, I'm starting this new business and my wife doesn't trust me or she doesn't believe in me.

00:07:08.700 It's like, well, OK, why should she?

00:07:10.300 And a lot of guys really struggle with coming up with an answer to that question.

00:07:16.560 Yeah.

00:07:17.120 So you've got to be an integrity there.

00:07:18.740 I would also say that maybe the way that you're framing the conversation isn't relating to her.

00:07:24.380 Maybe you're communicating it ineffectively or maybe you're communicating in a way that isn't important to her.

00:07:29.900 You've got to consider that you're two different people and what's important to you may not be important to her and vice versa.

00:07:35.660 So health benefits, long term health benefits may be really important to you, but maybe that doesn't do it for maybe she's all about being able to have energy to spend time with the kids or just feel better. 1.00

00:07:47.960 You know, I don't know.

00:07:48.980 I don't know what it is for her.

00:07:50.160 But if you could really get to the root of some of the issues that she's dealing with and then wrap that around nutrition, fitness and then also figuring out why.

00:07:58.920 Why isn't she on board with this?

00:08:00.720 Is it because she sees it as extra work?

00:08:02.760 Because sometimes I see that when there's new programs or things in my life that are going to help me improve.

00:08:07.960 I'm like, oh, yeah, just another thing I have to worry about.

00:08:11.260 And maybe there's a concern there that she's thinking has nothing to do with nutrition at all.

00:08:16.000 And it has to do with extra workload or the or the the the stress of implementing a new program in her life.

00:08:23.940 There may be other things going on.

00:08:25.680 And if you can really have some of these conversations as to why, why she's not on board and why and what she would get on board with.

00:08:33.340 I think you're more likely to move the needle.

00:08:35.640 Yeah.

00:08:35.980 Well, and he uses the verbiage here, angering and offending.

00:08:39.560 So if she's getting angry and she's offended, then you need to understand that.

00:08:46.380 Right.

00:08:46.660 Right.

00:08:46.920 Why is she feeling that way by this?

00:08:48.540 Does she not feel like are we dropping the ball in the space of expressing our love and appreciation for her?

00:08:55.200 So she sees this as like, you know, you trying to change her and not accepting her for the for the woman that she is like, who knows?

00:09:03.120 Right. There could be a huge backstory of stories kind of going on here that that's causing that those those feelings on her side. 0.99

00:09:10.720 So, yeah, it's true.

00:09:12.300 I mean, it's it's totally true.

00:09:13.860 And what a lot of guys will do is they'll say, well, if she if she doesn't get on board, that's her fault.

00:09:18.280 If she doesn't.

00:09:19.100 Well, look, it's not the responsibility of the receiver, the message to make sure it's communicated effectively.

00:09:24.380 If you want to connect with her and you do because you're asking us this question, then the responsibility falls on your shoulders to communicate it in a way in which she will receive it, not in a way in which you want to share it.

00:09:35.980 And that's one of the traps I think we have with social media and the zero F's mentality is like, well, if they don't understand, that's their fault.

00:09:44.140 That's not me.

00:09:45.040 That's ego driven.

00:09:46.120 For me, I communicate differently with my wife than I do with my children.

00:09:50.780 Why?

00:09:51.360 Because I want my wife and my children when I communicate to be able to receive the message I'm communicating and I have to do it in a way in which serves them, not myself.

00:10:01.540 Yeah, I really like and if you don't mind me kind of going back to this, Ryan, because I kind of I'm seeing this as an opportunity for me to use this as a measuring stick in regards to my effectiveness from a leadership or presiding side of things.

00:10:16.120 But but I really like that concept of if if you have people that you're leading or presiding and they are not looking to you for guidance or you're ineffective in regards to providing guidance and direction that there might that you might be out of integrity in some way.

00:10:35.820 Right.

00:10:36.360 Where they are not looking to you in that manner, because there's an integrity gap in in you honoring your word or or you, you know, I don't know.

00:10:47.040 What am I trying to say?

00:10:48.380 Or you like, you know, giving lip service to something, but yet you're not doing it on your side.

00:10:53.460 Would you say that's kind of a good measuring stick to say, hey, if if I have employees that aren't listening and and they're not looking me looking to me for guidance and direction, that there's a really good chance that I that I have integrity issues.

00:11:04.940 I wouldn't say there's a really good chance.

00:11:07.500 I would just say there's a chance.

00:11:08.940 I would just say that there's there's something else going on and it might be a combination of factors.

00:11:13.820 It might be that you're out of integrity and therefore you carry no weight or I should say your words carry no weight.

00:11:19.300 Yeah, it could be that they're dealing with their own personal things that have nothing to do with you.

00:11:23.400 There's a lot that could be at play.

00:11:25.020 It's just an indicator that something deeper may be happening.

00:11:29.060 Okay.

00:11:29.660 Okay.

00:11:30.540 Copy. 0.99

00:11:31.280 Because no one listens to the damn thing I say and I'm trying to. 0.97

00:11:35.100 Yeah, that will that that is if nobody's listening to anything, then yes, that's an integrity issue because you are the only common denominator in that. 0.99

00:11:42.600 Yeah, but I'm sure it's most mostly their fault.

00:11:45.260 Yeah, absolutely.

00:11:46.120 Always.

00:11:46.500 It's always someone else's fault.

00:11:48.040 Totally.

00:11:48.440 All right.

00:11:49.160 Casey Schroen Backler Schroen Bachelor. 0.60

00:11:53.360 I did that right.

00:11:54.400 I like I just like you here like hearing you try to work through some of these names.

00:11:58.780 These guys these these guys have some of the most complicated names I've ever seen.

00:12:02.840 Or I'm reading them so poorly that they sound complicated.

00:12:06.460 Yeah, you're like it could also be that's just Peterson.

00:12:10.360 It's pronounced Peterson.

00:12:11.880 That's funny.

00:12:12.580 Yeah.

00:12:13.340 How do you deal with co-workers who have who have a not my problem attitude, especially when in fact it is their problem?

00:12:21.240 Well, if it's a co-worker, I mean, what can you do?

00:12:23.860 Right.

00:12:24.200 You're not in a position to I'm assuming have any authority over that individual.

00:12:29.440 So I think you've got to be the best teammate possible.

00:12:32.440 Let them dig their own grave and they will. 0.99

00:12:34.620 You don't need to exacerbate the problem.

00:12:36.080 Right.

00:12:36.420 You don't need to make it worse by calling them out or or creating a mutiny or or going up the chain of command necessarily unless there's there's a real issue you need to address.

00:12:46.620 I think a lot of these people will dig their own graves because they're not team players.

00:12:49.860 Uh, they won't work with not only you, but other individuals.

00:12:53.180 And that's actually a good point.

00:12:54.720 Is it just with you or is it with other team members as well?

00:12:58.980 Right.

00:12:59.380 So figure that out because that goes back to our last.

00:13:02.060 Our last question is, are you the common denominator or is this just a one-off event?

00:13:08.920 And, you know, you, you would address it differently based on, on why this individual is feeling that way.

00:13:14.240 But yeah, carry your weight, help the individual.

00:13:17.100 Maybe they just don't know what to do or how to act.

00:13:19.140 I, I'm amazed with my interaction with people.

00:13:22.260 And sometimes I'm, I, my only thought is, did you not have parents growing up?

00:13:27.580 Like, did you not, did you not have adults in your life teaching you some of these things?

00:13:32.400 And the answer, unfortunately, in a lot of cases is no, these people didn't learn this stuff.

00:13:38.300 So what a great opportunity to teach and to coach and to educate and train and lift up and some people will get it and be improved and others won't.

00:13:47.060 And they'll dig their own graves. 0.59

00:13:48.960 Yeah.

00:13:49.320 And there's, I mean, maybe I don't want to come across like there's opportunity to be manipulative, but next Casey, next time you have a scenario where, um, you're having a conversation with your coworkers and your team.

00:14:01.560 And there's a chance for you to quote unquote, take responsibility for something that might be easy to say.

00:14:08.220 It's not my problem.

00:14:09.580 Say that, say, Hey, you know what?

00:14:11.100 I don't want to have the attitude of this is not my problem.

00:14:13.700 So what can I do in this, you know, and use that language and use that verbiage and, and see if there's some opportunity there for you to be a lighthouse and kind of be the example for your coworkers.

00:14:23.860 There is a little bit of irony in the question, uh, and you wrote, how do you deal with coworkers who have not my problem attitude, especially when in fact it is their problem, AKA not my problem.

00:14:37.880 Interesting.

00:14:38.600 So, so there's a little bit of, there's a little bit of case, uh, Casey, a little bit in your question.

00:14:43.620 You're saying not my problem too.

00:14:46.080 So, so we want to be really, I mean, we don't, we can't control people, but you know, maybe make it your problem.

00:14:51.680 There's something to be said to making it your problem.

00:14:54.200 And I think he kind of is in a way, cause he's asking this question, right?

00:14:57.180 So he's, he's, he's curious about how he can improve his ability to communicate with his individual or remedy or, or correct the situation.

00:15:04.300 So I think he's, I think he's invested in, in, in trying to figure out how to, how to make this a good situation.

00:15:10.080 Yeah.

00:15:10.560 And I actually, I really like what you said, Ryan too, is that you're like, you know, if it's your coworker, you can't, you know, it might be out of your control and he, he uses a verbiage deal with a coworker.

00:15:20.540 Or, well, sometimes it comes dealing with people's realizing that, you know, guess what?

00:15:25.140 They didn't have parents to teach him some of these things.

00:15:27.960 So there's some power in just being maybe a little bit of empathy and realizing that they may not just have been taught the same as you and try not to make it as wrong, you know?

00:15:38.000 And, and also you don't always need to deal with deal is, is assertive.

00:15:42.060 It's active.

00:15:42.620 Sometimes there's just nothing to be done, right?

00:15:44.700 So evaluate this and what you, what do you do?

00:15:47.200 You put your head down and do your job and you, and you help and lift people up where they need help and you pick up the slack.

00:15:52.180 And I'm just telling you over the long haul, that's going to get noticed and that's going to get recognized.

00:15:56.900 And the people, the supervisors and the bosses and the employers are going to see that you are somebody who picks up the slack, who leads, who is, is, is motivated and invested in, in making this a good situation.

00:16:08.880 And you're going to win when you do that.

00:16:10.700 And this guy, if he isn't willing to get on board is inevitably going to lose over the long haul.

00:16:16.860 Yeah.

00:16:17.480 Cool.

00:16:18.020 What next?

00:16:19.240 Dylan Dextrace, girlfriend and I just split up, split ways after 2.5 years.

00:16:25.420 We're still living together until our lease is up in August because of financial reasons.

00:16:29.840 Any tips on going through this process and making myself the project while under the same roof as my ex?

00:16:36.240 You got to kick her out or you got to move out. 0.54

00:16:38.480 Like, how are you going to, yeah, I mean, this is a ridiculous situation.

00:16:44.760 It's like, I understand finances might be tough and things like that, but what's, what's worse that or your sanity and wellbeing.

00:16:50.600 What happens when she brings another dude to the house? 1.00

00:16:53.400 It's like, this is, this is not a healthy situation.

00:16:56.980 So first and foremost, the way you fix yourself is get in a position where you can actually fix yourself.

00:17:02.600 You can't fix yourself when you're with this woman for two and a half years.

00:17:05.820 You probably still got feelings for her.

00:17:07.720 You're probably still connected with her.

00:17:09.320 Physically, you're connected with her because you live under the same house.

00:17:11.920 This is weird, man.

00:17:13.320 And it's only going to create some real serious problems.

00:17:16.100 So how do you begin to fix yourself?

00:17:18.640 You get in that environment and then you start exercising.

00:17:22.380 You start dieting.

00:17:23.380 You work on your finances.

00:17:24.600 You start dating again.

00:17:25.640 You go out with friends.

00:17:26.620 You find hobbies.

00:17:27.500 These are all things that you can do to fix yourself.

00:17:29.960 And I would say you can do that in your current environment, but it's not conducive to you

00:17:34.440 being able to move on, which is what you need to do.

00:17:37.460 Yeah.

00:17:37.940 I mean, four months.

00:17:39.380 Are you kidding me?

00:17:40.780 You guys are going to totally hook up over that four month period, but you're not committed

00:17:44.940 to each other.

00:17:45.740 She's going to start dating other people. 1.00

00:17:47.580 It's going to, it's going to not, that's not going to go well.

00:17:50.100 No, no.

00:17:50.980 Look, I get it.

00:17:52.820 You know, but, but you made your bed.

00:17:54.700 So you lie in it, right.

00:17:55.900 And fix, fix it. 0.80

00:17:58.200 Yeah.

00:17:58.700 It's like when, when people talk about, Oh, my money situation, fix your money situation,

00:18:03.780 sell some things around the house and get yourself into a new place.

00:18:06.420 You know, you, you two are adults, I'm assuming.

00:18:09.620 So behave like adults, not like your little mommy's taking care of your mortgage or your

00:18:13.780 lease for you.

00:18:14.420 Like man up and go move out, get another job.

00:18:17.580 If you have to sell some stuff, like you can make it work.

00:18:20.560 You can make a rent payment somewhere else.

00:18:22.140 And if she doesn't like it, well, that's her decision too.

00:18:25.460 You know, she, she made the same decision you do.

00:18:27.420 You did.

00:18:27.960 So figure it out.

00:18:30.040 Yeah.

00:18:31.340 Brent Mensor, why did you choose to move to Maine?

00:18:34.500 It's my understanding.

00:18:35.500 You've only visited there a few times.

00:18:37.420 What are some things that you considered when moving?

00:18:40.580 I'm not a, I'm not a good person to ask on this in this situation because what I'm doing

00:18:46.560 is anything but prudent.

00:18:48.000 It's in fact, it's just not that smart actually.

00:18:52.260 Um, so if you're, if you're asking me like, well, why, how should, what should I do?

00:18:56.360 So like that, this is not a good decision to base it on.

00:18:59.820 Although I will say that I feel very confident about 90% of the time in the move that we're

00:19:05.520 making.

00:19:05.860 Uh, I'll give you a quick backstory.

00:19:08.480 I went out there last year for origins immersion camp and fell in love with it.

00:19:14.140 And I was sending my wife pictures and videos and she's like, yeah, of course, you know,

00:19:17.840 you love it now.

00:19:18.600 And we've kind of talked about up to that point about maybe moving or trying something new,

00:19:23.780 but it was always kind of like joking.

00:19:25.260 And, you know, maybe one day we would do it.

00:19:28.080 And before I went out there, I said, I hope, you know, like I'm, I'm looking for places

00:19:31.860 while, while I'm out there to move.

00:19:33.320 And she's like, oh yeah, ha ha, you know, it's funny and kind of like lighthearted,

00:19:37.120 half joking about it.

00:19:38.060 Right?

00:19:39.240 Well, we get out there, you were out there and it's beautiful and it's absolutely incredible.

00:19:43.060 So I'm sending her those pictures and those videos.

00:19:44.920 And she says, yeah, of course, you know, it's, it's the fall.

00:19:47.840 It's beautiful right now.

00:19:49.280 You should go out in the winter and see if you like it.

00:19:51.980 So I talked with Pete Roberts, he's the founder of origin and, and he's like, yeah, man, you

00:19:56.680 guys can come out in the winter and stay at my place.

00:19:59.520 And so her and I went back out there.

00:20:01.600 And in the meantime, she had actually got a real estate agent and, and I'm like, what

00:20:05.620 are you doing?

00:20:06.000 She's like, well, you wanted to look at places, right?

00:20:07.500 I said, well, yeah, did we?

00:20:08.960 I mean, I don't know.

00:20:10.060 So she's totally jumping on board.

00:20:11.820 I mean, kind of, you know, but it's still, it wasn't totally serious.

00:20:15.320 And so we get a real estate agent and we, we, we pick out, I don't know, eight to 10 homes

00:20:20.480 that we want to look at while we're out there.

00:20:21.960 What's, what's the harm in looking?

00:20:23.280 And long story short, we were driving down this road and this house was on the corner and we

00:20:28.320 came down this house.

00:20:29.120 It was just absolutely unbelievable, fell in love with it.

00:20:31.560 The minute that we saw it had another offering on the house, the guy said, a real estate agent

00:20:35.880 said that they're, they're entertaining backup offers.

00:20:39.680 So, so we actually just put an offering on while we were out there.

00:20:42.320 Cause we fell in, I mean, we absolutely fell in love with it.

00:20:45.620 And I'm in the position right now to answer this question where we can be location independent.

00:20:50.660 We can pretty much be anywhere we want to be.

00:20:52.740 And the business is still going to operate.

00:20:54.140 Our kids are young enough where, you know, they're not totally attached to where we are.

00:20:58.860 Not a lot of like close friends or girlfriends or boyfriends, things like that, jobs, stuff

00:21:03.520 like that, sports.

00:21:05.160 So we just thought, man, let's take a risk.

00:21:07.920 You know, worst case scenario, we get out there, we hate it and we move back.

00:21:11.420 Best case scenario is we open ourselves up to an opportunity that hadn't yet presented

00:21:16.060 itself.

00:21:16.480 And we live an adventure and we try some new things and we do it together.

00:21:20.160 So it's not prudent.

00:21:22.300 It's really not that smart.

00:21:23.880 Frankly, it's not all that well thought out, but I don't want to be the guy who looks back

00:21:28.500 in 40 years and says, you know, remember that one time I was going to do that one thing,

00:21:32.700 but I was too scared to do it.

00:21:34.540 Or we didn't feel like we wanted to.

00:21:36.660 I've, I've heard way too many of those stories to not take a chance and a risk on doing something

00:21:40.860 that could actually be a very, very cool adventure for us.

00:21:46.120 I think it's inspiring.

00:21:47.180 I think it's a great way to live.

00:21:49.100 I mean, why not?

00:21:49.760 Like answer that question.

00:21:50.920 That's a better question.

00:21:51.740 Why not do it?

00:21:52.960 Why not?

00:21:53.540 Yeah.

00:21:53.700 Totally.

00:21:54.260 Yeah.

00:21:55.300 All right.

00:21:56.660 Steve Christopher, how do you create a series of traditions in young boys when you and your

00:22:01.880 wife are from two different cultures? 1.00

00:22:04.120 Our cultures mesh very well in their values and parenting styles.

00:22:07.660 I want my son to honor both parts of his heritage, but I want these traditions and rituals to have

00:22:13.080 a consistent message with what you've built for your sons.

00:22:16.920 Any advice?

00:22:17.500 No, I don't have any advice.

00:22:20.660 Like you, I mean, just do it right.

00:22:22.840 Like, like it doesn't have to be the cultures, make your own cultural message.

00:22:27.820 Maybe.

00:22:28.380 Right.

00:22:28.780 I mean, I don't, I don't think this is, I don't, it doesn't sound like your cultures are

00:22:32.200 at odds with each other.

00:22:33.220 And why can't you honor and celebrate each other's cultures and have a blending of the

00:22:38.080 two?

00:22:38.380 Isn't that the great thing about America anyways, is that we have so many cultures and diverse

00:22:43.280 backgrounds.

00:22:43.760 And when people assimilate, then they take those cultures and those ideas and those perspectives

00:22:49.140 and they share them.

00:22:50.120 And as long as there's a common purpose, this is what's got to happen.

00:22:53.120 There's got to be a common purpose.

00:22:54.680 And it sounds like there's a common purpose between you and your wife.

00:22:57.540 So the cultures are, are what makes it great.

00:23:01.640 It gives it new perspective and new ideas.

00:23:03.640 I don't think there has to be one common, like this is the thread and this is the theme.

00:23:09.040 And this is all that it has to fit into.

00:23:10.760 No, use, use your cultures and diverse backgrounds and make something entirely your own. 0.97

00:23:16.440 Uh, listen to last week's Friday field notes, which is, uh, initiate the boys or they're

00:23:20.780 blown or they're, they'll burn the village down.

00:23:22.780 I mean, I talk about what I've done for, uh, my sons and you can use and incorporate a

00:23:27.840 lot of that, but create it yourself, man.

00:23:30.060 You don't need any advice.

00:23:31.120 You just need to put something into play and try it and see what works and tweak it, adjust

00:23:35.820 it, evolve it, let it grow and morph the way that it's naturally inevitably going to

00:23:39.720 do.

00:23:40.600 Totally.

00:23:41.140 I mean, this past weekend at the legacy event, you know, you know, we, we talked about code

00:23:46.120 of conduct and most of these code of conducts, the way they are communicated was that Burgess's

00:23:52.240 code of conduct, the midfers, the Arrington's, not the Ireland, the, the, uh, Danish or anything

00:24:00.600 else, right?

00:24:01.160 These are family traditions, right?

00:24:03.880 That these, that these men are establishing with their sons.

00:24:06.180 So I say, you know, make up your own, establish that baseline.

00:24:10.320 I don't think it necessarily has to be tied specifically to her or your culture.

00:24:15.080 Yeah.

00:24:15.200 Well, and, and, and he even said, you know, they, they blend, they, they go well together.

00:24:19.280 So there's probably a lot of similarities and you can talk about those similarities and

00:24:22.780 you can talk about the differences as well.

00:24:24.560 And I don't think there's anything wrong with that too, because you don't want a robot.

00:24:28.200 Yeah.

00:24:28.700 Like you don't want your child to be a robot.

00:24:30.100 You want your child to think freely and independently and make their own decisions.

00:24:33.500 Well, in order to do that, you've got to expose them to information with some solid

00:24:37.400 finance, excuse me, not financial, with some solid principles in place, uh, that will

00:24:43.040 allow your, your children to make those, those best decisions for them.

00:24:48.400 Yeah.

00:24:48.760 And if their values and parenting styles are in line, then the principles are probably

00:24:52.940 also in line.

00:24:53.920 Exactly.

00:24:54.560 Exactly.

00:24:55.180 I mean, I, I taught a lot of the principles that we share here and Kip, you would agree

00:24:59.300 with this as well, are Christian based, but people ask, is this a Christian based movement?

00:25:03.200 No, it's not.

00:25:04.200 Are the principles Christian based? 0.77

00:25:05.460 Yeah.

00:25:05.580 A lot of them, but they're also Catholic based and just being a good human being based,

00:25:10.100 right?

00:25:10.780 Like principles and principles.

00:25:12.840 Yeah.

00:25:13.320 And most of those principles transcend multiple religions, right?

00:25:16.320 Exactly.

00:25:16.860 Yeah.

00:25:17.480 All right.

00:25:18.040 Eric Burke, how to deal with the imposter syndrome?

00:25:23.220 Well, don't prop yourself up on a pedestal.

00:25:25.380 You don't belong.

00:25:27.020 That's how you, you are more likely to feel like an imposter when you are putting yourself

00:25:34.660 somewhere in a position or authority in which you don't belong.

00:25:38.160 So if you look at what we've done here with order of man, I've never told you that I've

00:25:42.460 got it figured out.

00:25:43.260 I've never once said I'm the expert on all of this stuff and I'm the manliest man that

00:25:47.760 ever existed.

00:25:48.620 And so you have to listen to me if you want to be a man.

00:25:51.440 Never.

00:25:52.280 In fact, in the name itself, it alludes to that.

00:25:54.780 It's not called RyanMickler.com or order of Ryan.

00:25:58.220 It's called order of man.

00:25:59.400 Let's all learn together and grow and expand.

00:26:01.680 And you know what?

00:26:02.200 When I don't know something, I share it.

00:26:05.000 Prime example at this legacy event, jujitsu.

00:26:07.760 We did some personal combatives and worked on some jujitsu.

00:26:11.240 Well, who ran that?

00:26:12.200 Not me.

00:26:13.160 I'm not the expert on it.

00:26:14.480 You Kip ran it and Matthew Arrington ran it because you're the experts, not me. 0.72

00:26:18.460 And I have no problem bringing other people in who are going to create something that

00:26:24.280 I am not able to create it on my own.

00:26:27.180 So how do you get over imposter syndrome?

00:26:29.660 Don't be an imposter.

00:26:30.840 Just be truthful with what you know, what you're good at, what you're not good at.

00:26:34.580 Share both and be who you really are.

00:26:38.680 And don't make yourself out to be more than you are.

00:26:43.200 Yeah.

00:26:44.420 Ego, right?

00:26:45.720 So much of that, I think, is ego.

00:26:47.860 Yeah.

00:26:47.960 There's so many of these little scenarios where you're like, you don't want to come across

00:26:52.560 like you, you know, that particular something and you don't, you know what I mean?

00:26:57.160 Right.

00:26:57.400 You don't want to not know it.

00:26:59.060 And what's, what's funny about it is until you accept the fact that like, yeah, you know

00:27:03.560 what?

00:27:03.780 I'm a noob here.

00:27:04.980 I have no idea.

00:27:06.280 That puts your mindset in the position of now listening to learn versus the opposite.

00:27:12.580 When you're holding on to your ego, you're not even, you're not even in a growth mindset.

00:27:16.600 Thus, you're not going to improve in that particular area.

00:27:19.060 And you're just going to pretend, you know, and just kind of be closed off to learning.

00:27:22.720 So, you know, what's ironic about this as well is the one thing I've learned a lot of

00:27:27.340 things.

00:27:27.620 One of the things I've learned in the past four years of doing this is that when I am

00:27:31.140 more true and real about who I am, both my successes and failures and the current, the

00:27:37.300 things I'm currently struggling with, when I'm more capable of sharing those things, people

00:27:42.520 connect with me more deeply.

00:27:43.980 That's what's so ironic about it is that I think I'm going to have less of a connection

00:27:47.860 when I try to prep, prop myself up on a pedestal in which I don't belong.

00:27:51.160 But when I get down shoulder to shoulder with the men who are dealing with and struggling

00:27:56.380 with the same things I am, and I share those, I can't tell you how many messages and emails

00:28:01.280 that I get from people who say, man, thanks for sharing that.

00:28:04.800 I'm going through that exact same thing.

00:28:06.760 So it's very ironic that when we make ourselves common and we are, I shouldn't say make ourselves

00:28:12.300 when we show how common we are, that people are going to resonate with you that much more.

00:28:18.440 Yeah, you're so authentic and it's important to others.

00:28:22.980 I don't use that word.

00:28:24.700 If you use that word, you're anything but authentic.

00:28:28.500 This shows up all the time though, Ryan, like it's crazy.

00:28:31.340 Like I can even, you know, this past weekend at legacy, right?

00:28:34.600 So we're cadres, you know, we're kind of quasi in a position of leadership, right?

00:28:39.120 For the legacy event.

00:28:40.160 Not even quasi.

00:28:41.060 We are.

00:28:41.500 I mean, we're leaders, right?

00:28:42.440 We're leading.

00:28:42.820 Well, you know what I mean, from my position, right?

00:28:45.200 So we're leading and we had that archery event and we all had an opportunity to, you know,

00:28:54.420 shoot the bows.

00:28:55.480 And it was funny because part of me was like, man, I don't want to maybe do this because

00:29:00.600 I suck at shooting a bow.

00:29:04.640 You know what I mean? 0.92

00:29:05.400 And I thought, well, I don't want to be exposed.

00:29:07.680 Like a part of me was like, I wish I'd go up there and just bang out, you know, three

00:29:12.120 arrows and do an amazing job, you know?

00:29:14.900 But that's kind of like built into me.

00:29:16.620 Like that was the first thought that crossed my mind.

00:29:18.460 And I'm like, wait a second. 0.94

00:29:19.460 Like that's silly.

00:29:20.980 Like who cares?

00:29:22.340 And I'm, I, if I want to learn this, then I have to have a different mindset here of

00:29:27.080 like, yeah, I don't know this and, and just be truthful to myself and, and be who

00:29:31.540 I am regardless of what, what others may think, you know?

00:29:34.540 So, but I, I mean, why, what, what gives you the right to feel like you should be good

00:29:38.640 at it?

00:29:39.100 That's the, you know, that's the question.

00:29:40.660 I didn't earn that right.

00:29:41.800 Exactly.

00:29:42.320 And I'm not saying that to beat you up.

00:29:43.680 I'm just saying that about myself or about you or about anybody else who says, oh, I

00:29:47.180 should be good, good at this.

00:29:48.360 Really?

00:29:48.740 Why?

00:29:49.540 Like, because you put the time in.

00:29:50.740 Yeah.

00:29:51.080 Yeah.

00:29:51.280 Or didn't like, you think you should be good because you didn't.

00:29:54.880 What a, what a weird thing.

00:29:56.520 I mean, we all do it because it's ego driven, but you got to earn stuff.

00:30:00.120 You don't, you don't get to have it just because you want it.

00:30:02.560 Well, and, and my point of bringing that up is those little, that shows up a lot, little

00:30:08.320 spots, constant opportunities for us to be truthful with ourselves.

00:30:12.540 And I think they can show up all over the place, whether it ends up in an argument with

00:30:16.800 your spouse or trying something new or, you know, working on a hobby or comparing yourself

00:30:23.240 to other people on social media or friends.

00:30:25.520 It's like, there's all these constant little moments of us where I think our natural human

00:30:31.200 tendency is to be, have this imposter syndrome and, and have our ego kind of jump in.

00:30:37.760 So I think there's just a lot of opportunity for us to put that in check.

00:30:41.560 Well, and what's so fascinating about this and I, and I believe you're right that it is

00:30:45.100 human nature, but what's fascinating is it's actually destructive because when you know it,

00:30:50.680 in fact, it hinders you, it makes things worse because what you do when you put the blindfold

00:30:54.880 on, and that's exactly what it is.

00:30:56.540 You're putting a blindfold on is you're eliminating your opportunity to see the blind spots and

00:31:01.200 improve yourself.

00:31:02.200 And yet, when you go into an activity with a certain meekness and humility, then you actually

00:31:09.980 put yourself in the position for ultimate growth.

00:31:12.860 And eventually, if you continue to be able to master that thing, so it's pride and arrogance

00:31:20.020 are very, very destructive and humility.

00:31:22.960 Although a lot of people look at it as weakness is actually very strong and has the ability

00:31:28.380 to, to let you see your blind spots so that you can address them.

00:31:31.540 Don't you want to know?

00:31:33.220 Yeah.

00:31:33.640 It's not comfortable, right?

00:31:35.280 I'll give you a prime example.

00:31:36.820 I just was looking at a thread here in, in iron council and we made a platform shift and

00:31:41.740 guys were like, well, I don't like it because of this and this and this and this. 0.99

00:31:44.160 And my knee jerk reaction is like, well, screw you. 0.96

00:31:46.260 Like, this is my thing. 0.99

00:31:47.220 This is this, how we're doing it.

00:31:48.880 That's my knee jerk reaction.

00:31:51.160 But when I stopped and took a breath, my secondary reaction was like, no, this is good.

00:31:56.120 I want this feedback and we can continue to improve and tweak and adjust and shore up

00:32:00.180 these little weaknesses.

00:32:01.600 So it's not comfortable, but it's exactly what's required.

00:32:05.120 If you want to improve.

00:32:06.860 Totally.

00:32:07.520 Totally.

00:32:07.920 And what's interesting about this as well, I think, is as you become more expert in

00:32:13.460 something, you become actually even more humble.

00:32:16.900 Like in the grand scheme of things over the, over the weekend, uh, just cause this is fresh

00:32:21.260 in my mind, the legacy, if there's anything for me to quote unquote, be proudful about

00:32:25.500 or arrogant about, it would be my jujitsu.

00:32:28.600 Sure.

00:32:29.180 In the same token, that's probably, I am more humble in that than probably anything.

00:32:33.820 I'd be the first to say, yeah, I don't have it all figured out.

00:32:36.780 Right.

00:32:37.180 Even though that's the one thing that I brought to the table more than something else.

00:32:41.280 It's that, uh, it's that interesting.

00:32:43.540 It is, it is.

00:32:44.420 It's that Socrates quote.

00:32:45.440 It says, I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing.

00:32:47.720 And that is that I know nothing.

00:32:50.480 Yeah.

00:32:51.680 What else we got?

00:32:53.060 All right.

00:32:53.440 Uh, Chris Dalton, what does discipline equal freedom mean, mean in your life?

00:33:00.260 Well, generally for me, it's imposing voluntarily a set of restrictions upon yourself that give

00:33:11.200 you what you want.

00:33:13.400 So going into the gym, for example, every morning I have to sacrifice.

00:33:18.020 I sacrifice sleep.

00:33:19.520 I sacrifice energy.

00:33:21.460 I sacrifice time away from my family.

00:33:24.340 And yet, because I've voluntarily placed that responsibility on my shoulders, I simultaneously

00:33:33.420 acquire strength and focus and clarity and health and energy and drive.

00:33:41.340 And therefore I'm willing to give up.

00:33:43.760 I'm willing to sacrifice my time and energy for those other things.

00:33:48.460 So really discipline equals freedom is really just a trade-off.

00:33:52.560 I choose to be disciplined here so that I can acquire these, these benefits, whatever the

00:33:58.600 benefits of planning my, my money, my financial situation out.

00:34:03.140 Like I could go spend recklessly and have a Ferrari and have all the wonderful things that

00:34:07.880 I want to have and all the vacations that I ever dreamed of, or I could manage my money

00:34:12.240 effectively and not have those things necessarily, but have peace of mind and have some money in

00:34:18.940 the bank and know that if I am disabled or that if order of man falls under for whatever reason,

00:34:24.200 that we're okay, that we're safe and we're, we're comfortable.

00:34:27.620 So discipline is what gives an individual options.

00:34:30.240 And that's what I want.

00:34:31.300 I want maximum options in my life to be able to pursue things that are meaningful for me.

00:34:35.820 So I'm disciplined with my fitness.

00:34:39.600 I'm disciplined, not, well, I'll say this.

00:34:41.900 I'm not as disciplined as I would like to be with regards to my nutrition.

00:34:45.820 I'm disciplined with my money situation.

00:34:48.580 I'm disciplined with the boundaries between my work and family life.

00:34:53.900 These are a couple areas that I feel like I'm, I'm pretty solid in and they create what

00:34:59.620 I want and I have to sacrifice to have that.

00:35:02.220 It's just the love of nature.

00:35:05.820 Yeah, this, I mean, I totally agree.

00:35:08.540 And this shows up everywhere.

00:35:10.080 Right.

00:35:10.620 And, and I think, I mean, it's every, everything with delayed gratification with my kids, like,

00:35:16.380 Hey, if you're disciplined and being honest and getting after your chores, then when you

00:35:20.480 ask me, Hey dad, can I go grab ice cream at 9 PM at night on a Monday, which is a legit

00:35:27.560 story here, my probability of saying yes is substantially higher.

00:35:31.980 Why?

00:35:32.460 Because you're disciplined, right?

00:35:33.880 Because you're taking care of the things that you should be taking care of.

00:35:36.240 So I'm going to give you freedoms because I can trust you and you're being responsible.

00:35:41.120 And it, and it goes the same thing with my team here at journey team where a consulting

00:35:45.860 firm.

00:35:46.240 So think of it as kind of like lawyers, everything's billable time.

00:35:49.580 Right.

00:35:49.940 And sometimes it's really tempting for us, uh, as a consulting firm to kind of want to

00:35:55.220 do these pet projects, internal fun things.

00:35:58.320 And I tell my team all the time, Hey, be disciplined, take care of business.

00:36:03.000 We do our part as an organization, as an, as a practice, guess what?

00:36:07.340 You'll have tons of freedoms.

00:36:08.980 You can work on whatever you want to work on.

00:36:11.140 We can do all these pet projects as long as we're being disciplined and doing the things

00:36:14.860 that we should be doing first.

00:36:16.080 Right.

00:36:17.260 But it's when we try to, you know, not take care of the things.

00:36:21.460 And, and really, I think a lot of it has to come down.

00:36:24.020 And I, this is my definition, uh, more expanded definition of integrity of doing what should

00:36:30.960 be done and doing it the way it was meant to be done.

00:36:33.180 That's part of my definition of integrity.

00:36:35.000 So if you have that type of integrity, huge opportunities present themselves, right?

00:36:40.180 Because you're highly effective and you're getting things done.

00:36:43.040 And now you have the freedom to be able to expand and do other things that you probably

00:36:46.680 normally want to be able to do.

00:36:48.720 Yes, sir.

00:36:49.560 Well said.

00:36:51.240 Daniel Jones.

00:36:52.320 How do you unplug when on vacation?

00:36:55.140 When we go on a vacation, whether I have a cell service or not, and, and no matter what

00:37:00.660 precautions I've taken, my mind always wanders back to work or if the house is okay and such,

00:37:06.600 I can't ever seem to unplug.

00:37:08.640 I think this actually ties in nicely to the previous question.

00:37:12.540 Discipline equals freedom.

00:37:13.840 So for me, that's hard too, because I'm always on, I enjoy my work.

00:37:17.960 I want to work.

00:37:18.920 It's fun to me.

00:37:20.020 It's not, I don't look at it as a job necessarily, but the best way that I've been able to unplug

00:37:25.160 is know with a hundred percent certainty that I have everything taken care of leading up

00:37:30.500 to that vacation.

00:37:31.240 So what I'll give you an example, uh, not, not last year, but the year before we went

00:37:37.160 to Hawaii for all of most of December and into January, we were there for three weeks

00:37:43.420 and I had whatever that was, eight podcasts lined up and done.

00:37:48.500 All of my social media posts were done and they were stored in my phone.

00:37:52.740 So when I had to make those posts, I could just pull it up out of my phone and drop it

00:37:56.200 in there and I was good to go.

00:37:57.800 Uh, I made some, some calls and, and organized it in a way that all of our iron council calls

00:38:03.120 would be taken care of.

00:38:04.340 Like everything was done.

00:38:06.740 So there was no stress about, Oh, did I get the Friday field notes done?

00:38:11.360 And I did, I get this interview edited?

00:38:13.000 No, I did it all up front.

00:38:14.720 And I packed a ton into the weeks leading up to that vacation so that I could do that.

00:38:21.240 The other thing that I did is I communicated this with my wife and I said, you know, three

00:38:26.400 to four days of the week, I'm going to need to work for an hour each of these days so I

00:38:30.720 can go out and, and then have time with you guys.

00:38:33.340 And that's exactly what I did.

00:38:34.480 And because we communicated it, it was fine.

00:38:36.220 I got the hour that I needed, got the social media post done, sent a few emails, did the

00:38:41.300 thing.

00:38:41.620 And then I was able to completely unplug and enjoy my time.

00:38:44.800 So the answer for me has been get everything in order.

00:38:48.600 And then even on vacation, give myself just a little bit of time to make sure I can check

00:38:53.220 in.

00:38:53.860 And that little bit of a buffer gave me the freedom to be able to enjoy the rest of the

00:38:59.440 time with my family.

00:39:03.360 That's great.

00:39:04.180 Actually, really great.

00:39:06.100 Actually, actually, like you thought I wouldn't give good advice.

00:39:09.780 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:10.280 Well, I, when you first started, I was like, you know, bullshit. 0.97

00:39:13.980 But then, yeah, by the time you wrapped up, I was like, you know, that's, that's pretty 0.99

00:39:17.320 good.

00:39:17.480 It's actually pretty good, I guess.

00:39:18.880 Yeah.

00:39:19.300 I had a rate.

00:39:20.020 It was like a four and a half rating answer.

00:39:22.440 Out of what?

00:39:23.660 Out of five.

00:39:24.320 Oh, okay.

00:39:24.820 I thought you were going to say out of 10.

00:39:26.800 No.

00:39:28.680 Caleb Croshaw, how do you deal with incompetent people at work?

00:39:34.000 Oh, we already talked about this.

00:39:36.000 Same thing.

00:39:36.800 Train them.

00:39:38.260 You know, maybe they just don't know.

00:39:39.940 Train them, educate them, coach them, lead them, guide them.

00:39:42.780 And if they can't be coached and led and guided, then pull your weight, pull their weight to

00:39:47.980 a degree.

00:39:48.400 If you have to get other people involved, get the project done.

00:39:52.140 But ultimately, I think the first thing you need to do is give them the tools.

00:39:55.980 They may just be lacking the tools.

00:39:57.640 If that doesn't work, all right, well, let them bury their own and dig their own grave 0.77

00:40:01.940 because eventually they will.

00:40:03.080 But don't get pulled into the grave with them by getting down into the mud and calling them

00:40:08.540 out or talking behind their back or playing the game that way.

00:40:11.760 No, just go out.

00:40:12.840 Enable them.

00:40:13.000 Yeah, go out, do your work, do it effectively, help them, lead the team, get the jobs done.

00:40:20.020 You will be recognized for that stuff.

00:40:21.540 You will.

00:40:22.700 And just do the best you can.

00:40:25.660 Well, and good learning experience for you, right?

00:40:28.080 To work on that stuff too. 0.66

00:40:30.120 Well, you're always going to deal with incompetent people.

00:40:32.640 So, I mean, I've got kids, for example, on my baseball team who, you know, some of them

00:40:39.060 are tough.

00:40:40.560 You know, they're kids and some of them are tough.

00:40:42.800 And some of them, even though they're not, they're not the most athletic, they still

00:40:46.380 listen and they apply the stuff.

00:40:48.180 And I love coaching kids like that because they're coachable.

00:40:50.880 And then there's other kids who will look at you and you'll say, do this.

00:40:53.440 And they'll look at you and they'll nod their head and they'll say, yes.

00:40:55.320 And then they'll do the exact opposite.

00:40:57.620 It's like, what can you do?

00:40:59.060 You know, just, we keep going through the training.

00:41:01.140 We keep going through it.

00:41:02.160 We encourage them and we put them in positions that allow them to play, but won't have maximum impact

00:41:07.520 on, on, on the game itself.

00:41:10.120 And these are just little things that you need to do and it's part of life and it's

00:41:13.340 just the way it is.

00:41:15.500 Yeah.

00:41:16.640 All right.

00:41:17.240 Zane road, Ryan, not a question, but a recommendation.

00:41:20.740 He would recommend an interview with Henner Gracie, which actually I think Henner would

00:41:26.180 be actually cool.

00:41:29.120 If that's on your radar, I can probably, I know some guys that know Henner.

00:41:33.320 Well, let's make it happen.

00:41:34.840 All right.

00:41:35.560 I'm down.

00:41:36.000 We'll make it happen, Zane.

00:41:37.400 All right.

00:41:38.060 Toby Turnbull.

00:41:39.480 This is the long one, but this is a good question.

00:41:42.200 How do we address family members, friends, and close acquaintances who see you as the enemy

00:41:46.960 now that you're speaking up for masculinity and they're speaking up for intersectionality?

00:41:52.220 And you're going to have to explain what that is because I have no idea.

00:41:54.640 My wife and I are currently alienated by my sister and her girlfriend because we disagree.

00:42:00.220 We haven't done nothing but try to be hospitable as possible to invite them to our house, breaking

00:42:07.100 bread with them, all of it.

00:42:08.420 And we still have very clear tensions when we're all in the room.

00:42:13.240 She sees a white men as the problem with society.

00:42:16.380 I see the lack of individual meaning and purpose as the problem with society.

00:42:20.560 How do we overcome these obstacles with people who so strongly disagree with what we stand

00:42:26.320 for?

00:42:27.040 Some of them you just can't.

00:42:28.940 You just really can't.

00:42:30.480 You're not going to be able to have these types of conversations with those individuals

00:42:35.320 because they believe so strongly in one thing and you believe so strongly in another.

00:42:39.040 The basis for civil discourse is a common or shared purpose.

00:42:44.080 And that common or shared purpose, although people may disagree, can be met in different

00:42:49.960 ways.

00:42:50.440 But if there is no common or shared purpose, you're not going to have civil discourse.

00:42:55.020 Right?

00:42:55.500 It would be like me having a conversation with a member of Al Qaeda or the Taliban.

00:43:01.640 It's like the purpose is completely different.

00:43:04.520 We're not going to agree on anything versus me having a conversation with a Canadian, for 0.98

00:43:13.380 example.

00:43:13.960 You know, the purpose is the same, right?

00:43:15.820 We want to live a happy life.

00:43:18.420 We want to be successful.

00:43:19.760 We want to have some vacations.

00:43:20.940 We want a good relationship, some sex.

00:43:23.440 We want vacations and the experience.

00:43:25.720 Now, the way we go about doing that might be different, right?

00:43:28.480 But the common purpose is the same.

00:43:30.120 So if it's so varied, you're not going to be able to have those conversations.

00:43:34.380 So if it's a family member, maybe there's just certain conversations that you just don't

00:43:37.760 broach because why?

00:43:40.860 Why?

00:43:41.260 Like, why?

00:43:41.980 You're not, are you going to, why would you even want to change their mind?

00:43:45.220 You know, if they're being hostile towards you guys, I mean, I would disengage from that

00:43:50.580 altogether.

00:43:50.960 I don't care if it's family or I don't care who it is, but if it's just uncomfortable, then

00:43:56.200 stop having the conversation and you don't need to convince people.

00:43:59.320 I've never, I've never even said that with order, man.

00:44:01.760 It's like my job is not to convince you.

00:44:04.220 My job is to share what I know.

00:44:05.840 And if you like what I have to share, then you'll jump on board.

00:44:08.020 If you don't, you can share it respectfully.

00:44:09.900 If you can't share it respectfully, then I'll block you.

00:44:12.640 I'm not here to convince anybody of anything.

00:44:15.820 I'm just here to help where I feel like I can help.

00:44:18.380 And I let the chips fall where they may.

00:44:21.040 I think you might be holding on too tight on this one.

00:44:23.960 Yeah.

00:44:24.360 Like it's your responsibility to, to change the way they view life.

00:44:28.020 It's, it's not, they have their own opinion and that's fine.

00:44:30.660 As long as it's theirs and it's not affecting anybody else.

00:44:33.260 Rock on.

00:44:34.400 Yeah.

00:44:35.400 John Gilliland.

00:44:36.940 Uh, congratulations, John.

00:44:38.900 Yes.

00:44:39.640 Yes.

00:44:40.440 My boy got married, man.

00:44:41.620 It was a very cool event.

00:44:43.720 It was, it was, uh, it was very nice.

00:44:45.920 It was good to be there.

00:44:46.680 Yeah.

00:44:47.420 Yeah.

00:44:48.300 I heard the guy who married him was, uh, did an okay job.

00:44:51.800 Well, I mean, that was the, that was the low of the whole, the whole weekend is like this,

00:44:56.160 this bearded guy who didn't know what he was doing is like, oh, why'd you get this guy?

00:45:00.960 Yeah.

00:45:01.520 Who's that guy?

00:45:02.420 Uh, what makes a man qualified to speak, teach or counsel, even if he doesn't have it all

00:45:08.940 figured out, isn't an expert.

00:45:11.420 Don't, well, don't put yourself out in as a, as an expert.

00:45:14.160 Otherwise you, you don't really, unless you're just sharing everything you've done and, and

00:45:18.340 however you failed, right?

00:45:20.660 Like don't do this.

00:45:22.220 I did this and it didn't work.

00:45:23.480 Well, you're experienced in that.

00:45:24.680 So you have the right to talk about it.

00:45:26.940 It's, it's, it's just what you've done.

00:45:28.920 And yeah, I'm not going to teach a class on jujitsu.

00:45:32.100 I'm not going to teach a class on how to be a deer hunter.

00:45:35.200 I'm not going to teach a class on how to get your master's degree.

00:45:38.660 I've never done those things hunting a little bit, but I'm certainly not an expert jujitsu

00:45:42.920 very little, but certainly not qualified to talk about it.

00:45:47.000 But as long as you, I feel like this, as long as you know, some more than the person you're,

00:45:53.520 you're teaching, then you have some value to share now to what degree that varies.

00:45:57.620 But if you have something valuable to share that will assist somebody, whether it's,

00:46:02.040 Hey, be careful of this or try this, then you have a right to do that.

00:46:05.540 I'll give you an example.

00:46:06.240 I was at the gym this morning and we were working on, on bench press.

00:46:10.460 And the guy I was with is significantly stronger than me.

00:46:13.780 He's shorter than me, but he's like, he's thick and he's broad.

00:46:16.960 He's significantly stronger.

00:46:18.760 And he, he lifts more than me, benches more than I do.

00:46:22.220 And so I got to my one rep max and he kept going and I continued to help him.

00:46:26.080 And he was lifting his feet off of the floor.

00:46:28.940 And I said, Hey, you know, I I've learned, I did this with humility, right?

00:46:32.540 I said, I've learned that if you keep your feet back and planted on the floor, that you

00:46:37.780 can generate some power from your legs and hips.

00:46:40.300 And that might help you get that weight.

00:46:42.480 Well, do I have a right to talk with him about that because he can lift more than me

00:46:46.400 or I can't lift as much as him?

00:46:47.980 Yeah, absolutely.

00:46:48.720 Because I know that because I've been trained correctly.

00:46:52.100 So it doesn't really have to do with ultimate potential or capability.

00:46:57.080 It just has to do with what, you know, and I feel like we have an obligation to share.

00:47:00.880 If we know it, then we have an obligation to share it.

00:47:04.500 Totally.

00:47:05.360 And, and if you don't mind me adding to some coaching around sharing, especially when we're

00:47:09.920 not experts, just share what works for you.

00:47:13.620 Yes.

00:47:13.920 Right.

00:47:14.360 Like I'd use this example, like for guys that are LDS, uh, you know, we, we, you have

00:47:20.200 this term, you know, sharing your testimony and, uh, and a lot of people get that wrong,

00:47:24.620 by the way, they're, they're sharing a testimony incorrectly.

00:47:28.140 They're preaching or they're suggesting to everyone else.

00:47:32.340 The most powerful way to, to share yourself or to share an idea with someone is to share

00:47:39.500 what works for you, like what you did and how it impacted you.

00:47:44.920 That is powerful because it opens it up to allow them to accept that and relate it to

00:47:49.860 themselves without feeling threatened that you're coaching them or preaching to them.

00:47:54.800 Yes.

00:47:55.420 Yes.

00:47:55.720 So whenever we have a chance to just say, Hey, this is, this is the experience and this

00:47:59.720 is what I got from it.

00:48:00.660 They can't, you can't argue with that.

00:48:02.360 Right.

00:48:02.760 Like if I have you share something that worked for you, I can't go, well, that's not true,

00:48:06.740 Ryan.

00:48:07.660 Right.

00:48:08.100 No, I, I, and I'm not threatened.

00:48:10.500 Right.

00:48:10.800 But the minute you point at me and say, well, Kip, this is what you should be doing, dude.

00:48:13.960 You should do blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.99

00:48:14.980 I'd be like, well, who the hell are you? 0.97

00:48:16.420 Yeah. 0.97

00:48:17.160 Yeah.

00:48:17.440 What do you know?

00:48:18.560 Yeah.

00:48:18.980 The other thing I would add, I like that.

00:48:20.540 The other thing I would add to it is always ask for permission.

00:48:24.300 Never give unsolicited advice because they're going to go into defense mode or they're not

00:48:28.420 going to care.

00:48:28.840 And both are a waste of your breath.

00:48:30.980 So if you're going to share something this morning when I was lifting, I said, Hey, do you mind

00:48:34.400 if I share something with you that's helped me that I learned?

00:48:37.000 He's like, no, I'd love to hear that.

00:48:38.280 So I shared it with him and he was receptive and tried it and it worked.

00:48:41.360 So always ask, you know, even if I have feedback kit for you and when I've done this in the

00:48:46.180 past is like, if I've had feedback for you regarding this podcast, I've said, Hey, do

00:48:49.980 you mind if I share some feedback with you that might help you be a better communicator?

00:48:54.620 And you've said yes.

00:48:56.600 And so I shared and you're like, Oh, cool.

00:48:58.160 Good.

00:48:58.400 Thanks.

00:48:59.080 Now, if you're awkward or weird about it or closed off, then I'm not going to share it

00:49:02.740 with you.

00:49:03.640 Yeah.

00:49:04.060 And I never implemented it and I've stayed.

00:49:06.000 No, you've implemented it.

00:49:07.360 Really?

00:49:07.820 Oh yeah, man.

00:49:08.720 Are you serious?

00:49:10.240 I'm just joking.

00:49:10.860 One thing that you remember, I remember the first couple episodes that we did, you said

00:49:15.460 write a lot.

00:49:17.040 Do you remember that?

00:49:18.420 Oh, it's such a bad habit I have.

00:49:19.760 And so I asked you, I said, can I give you a little feedback?

00:49:21.680 He said, yes.

00:49:22.240 I said, well, this is one thing that you say a lot.

00:49:24.200 It's a crutch and it's distracting from the message.

00:49:26.400 And he said, Oh, okay.

00:49:27.220 Well, that's good to know.

00:49:28.200 And you've, you've corrected it.

00:49:29.680 It's great.

00:49:30.880 Totally.

00:49:31.980 Right.

00:49:32.800 Right.

00:49:33.080 Sean sailors.

00:49:36.380 I was wondering what hobbies side projects you thought you would absolutely love, but

00:49:41.620 ended up abandoning because you discovered you disliked them.

00:49:45.040 It's kind of a fun question.

00:49:46.900 I don't know if I've, there's been hobbies that I haven't really liked.

00:49:51.060 I've always wanted to play a musical instrument.

00:49:53.140 And so I bought the guitar and I've played a little bit here and there, and it's not that

00:49:56.520 I dislike it.

00:49:57.280 It's just not really all that engaging to me.

00:49:59.260 I just, I just don't find as much value as I thought I would in it.

00:50:02.340 Um, so I don't do it.

00:50:05.300 Um, yeah, I, I mean, archery is one that I, that I do enjoy and that I've doubled down

00:50:09.980 on jujitsu is kind of in the middle for me.

00:50:13.100 I don't dislike it.

00:50:13.980 I don't, I don't like crave it necessarily.

00:50:17.960 Um, I don't, I can't really think of anything else outside of that, but that, but guitar definitely

00:50:23.960 comes to mind.

00:50:25.980 Yeah.

00:50:26.720 You know, it's interesting.

00:50:27.660 This doesn't answer Sean's question, but I thought jujitsu was this for me.

00:50:32.340 That you wouldn't like it.

00:50:34.140 Yeah.

00:50:34.880 Well, I thought that I thought I'd love it.

00:50:36.940 And then at one point thought I, I didn't enjoy it.

00:50:41.160 Hmm.

00:50:42.380 And it was time was the difference.

00:50:44.680 Like when I first started, I thought, man, this is so awesome.

00:50:47.640 I love it.

00:50:48.060 And I didn't.

00:50:49.080 And I was like, man, I thought I'd really enjoy this a lot more.

00:50:53.380 And, and it took time a lot longer than I realized for me to really get hooked and really

00:51:00.180 see the, the larger value of it.

00:51:01.920 So it's an interesting question.

00:51:03.480 I don't want to, you know, distract Sean from his general question, but sometimes I, I don't

00:51:09.200 know.

00:51:09.680 I, maybe I, if I abandoned that early, I wouldn't know what I know now.

00:51:13.960 And, and that was how much I really did love it.

00:51:16.740 So I think some hobbies just kind of take some time.

00:51:19.860 I wonder if that has to do with the meaning that you're giving it, right?

00:51:23.600 So maybe when you started, it didn't have the same significance or meaning, or maybe

00:51:27.820 you attach some sort of meaning to it that somebody else told you it should have.

00:51:31.860 That's totally true.

00:51:32.980 And then down the road you found, well, it wasn't really that that did it for me, but

00:51:37.720 the reason I do it and I enjoy it so much now is because of X, Y, and Z.

00:51:41.740 And because you're so tapped into that meaning, whatever that is for you, that the whole thing

00:51:47.480 has become that much more enjoyable.

00:51:49.720 Totally.

00:51:50.260 Yeah.

00:51:50.580 I mean, actually that's spot on because the meaning that I had on jujitsu is that I'd be

00:51:56.220 kind of a bad day, right?

00:51:57.940 It was about, is about fighting.

00:52:00.100 It was about, you know what I mean?

00:52:02.320 Aggression.

00:52:03.120 And what I love about jujitsu now, isn't that it's actually the philosophy that it brings

00:52:08.840 to my life and how it relates to other, other aspects of life.

00:52:12.440 It's the, you know what I mean?

00:52:14.100 It's, it's something drastically different than what I realized it was.

00:52:17.840 So I think that's a good reminder that we can't do things for the same reason other

00:52:23.000 people do.

00:52:23.880 Like we have to live our own life and have our own reasons for it, for what it is we

00:52:27.340 do.

00:52:28.240 Yeah.

00:52:29.520 That's cool.

00:52:30.440 All right.

00:52:30.960 Ben Killoy, what has coaching your son's baseball team taught you about being a dad

00:52:36.920 and reaching strong boys?

00:52:38.660 Patience.

00:52:40.340 That's it.

00:52:41.180 Patience.

00:52:41.800 It's like herding cats out there.

00:52:43.540 It's a nightmare at times.

00:52:45.080 Last night was rough, dude.

00:52:46.440 Brutal.

00:52:48.560 The first inning was pretty solid.

00:52:50.800 Second inning was okay.

00:52:52.180 Third inning, by the end of the second and third inning, we just absolutely fell apart.

00:52:56.060 And I just, I could feel the blood boiling and just welling up.

00:53:00.020 And I got after a few of the kids and I'm like, wait a second, wait a second.

00:53:04.360 Is this serving them?

00:53:06.060 Like, is the way that I'm communicating right now, serving them in a way that's going to

00:53:11.640 help them play better baseball and ultimately lead a better life?

00:53:14.480 And the answer was no.

00:53:15.740 And the third inning, although they were underperforming, I'm not, I'm not taking that

00:53:19.220 away.

00:53:19.700 They were not playing to their best.

00:53:21.440 But the way I was handling, it was not conducive to them growing and expanding.

00:53:27.500 Yeah.

00:53:27.640 So I took a breath, a couple of breaths, step back, re-engaged, started to be more positive,

00:53:34.680 encouraging, uplifting, coaching, counseling, guiding.

00:53:38.120 And we had a significantly better fourth inning.

00:53:40.640 Didn't turn out the way we wanted to, but I told him at the end of the game, I said,

00:53:43.420 you know what?

00:53:44.380 Scores don't always turn out the way that you want them to, but the way you play the game

00:53:48.520 is important.

00:53:48.980 And you guys really fell apart in those middle innings.

00:53:51.020 And so did I, but in that fourth inning, we really, really improved.

00:53:55.080 We didn't quit and we kept going.

00:53:56.520 We adapted, we adjusted, we made some corrections and we got ourselves back in the game.

00:54:00.260 And we did, we, we gave ourselves a chance.

00:54:02.860 So for me, it's just patience and understanding that all the children that we deal with, whether

00:54:08.700 they're ours or in this context, other kids, other, other people's kids is the way that

00:54:14.900 we communicate with them and understanding that they're different and unique and trying to

00:54:18.320 figure that out and just being patient with their own personal growth and expansion.

00:54:21.980 Oh, the other thing I've learned is that like my son, for example, is a solid pitcher, not

00:54:29.160 a great batter, but a solid pitcher.

00:54:31.740 And I, I coach him differently than other kids who aren't as good at pitchers, but I congratulate

00:54:40.040 them the same.

00:54:41.120 Even though my son may make different types of advancements, right?

00:54:46.080 I'm going to congratulate a kid who makes an improvement in his game, even though he's

00:54:50.600 not to the level of my son, because it's not about comparing him to my son.

00:54:54.840 It's about comparing him to who he was the day before.

00:54:59.040 Right?

00:54:59.560 So although he still may be inferior as far as pitching goes to the way my son pitches,

00:55:06.020 I can still congratulate him because he's better than he was last game.

00:55:11.380 So I've, you've got to treat, not treat your kids differently.

00:55:14.580 That's not right, but you've got to understand they're different.

00:55:17.280 They're at different stages.

00:55:18.460 They excel at different things.

00:55:20.660 Um, when they, they need different, right, different guidance, right?

00:55:24.840 It's like, um, Einstein's quote.

00:55:26.720 And I think, I don't know if it's Einstein, but as attributed to him, he said, uh, if you

00:55:31.000 judge a fish's ability, if you judge a fish by his ability to climb a tree, he'll live 1.00

00:55:35.300 his whole life thinking that he's stupid, right? 0.99

00:55:38.900 Fish aren't meant to climb trees. 1.00

00:55:40.720 They're meant to swim, right?

00:55:42.380 So we've got to find what our children gravitate towards, push them in other areas, and then

00:55:47.240 really help them excel in the things that they're meant to excel at.

00:55:51.280 Cool.

00:55:52.200 Love it.

00:55:53.480 All right.

00:55:54.060 Casey Higley, how do you unplug as a small business owner?

00:55:57.760 I seem to think about my business 24 seven, even when I'm doing things with my wife and

00:56:01.800 kids.

00:56:02.760 Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

00:56:04.420 Boundaries, it's always the answer here.

00:56:06.040 Boundaries, establish them, communicate them, uphold them, honor them, communicate with your

00:56:11.340 wife and kids and whoever else will be impacted by your boundaries. 0.99

00:56:15.400 Recognize where you fall short.

00:56:16.820 If it's on the phone, that's what it is for me.

00:56:18.740 Put your phone away, get rid of the temptation, establish that boundary.

00:56:22.060 If you say you're going to quit work at five, then quit work at five.

00:56:25.580 One of my friends, what he used to do when he came home from work is he would drive home

00:56:29.400 and he would pull into his garage and he would go into his front yard and he would literally

00:56:34.560 hang from a limb on the tree.

00:56:38.140 And I'm like, well, why do you do that?

00:56:39.540 He says, because I hang my troubles at the door.

00:56:42.640 And so, him hanging on the tree was a literal representation and reminder for him to let all

00:56:50.460 of that stuff out, hang it on the tree and then be able to go inside and engage with his

00:56:55.220 family the way that he wanted to engage with his family.

00:56:57.880 I don't do that, but I thought that was really powerful.

00:56:59.980 And if that's what you need to make it work, then do whatever you got to do.

00:57:04.040 Hang your troubles at the door, establish those boundaries, communicate the boundaries,

00:57:09.080 understand where, where you have some bound, like understand the weaknesses in your defense,

00:57:14.680 if you will, right?

00:57:15.560 We have these walls that we put up and there's weaknesses in those understand where they may

00:57:19.920 be compromised and then shore those up.

00:57:21.840 If it's the phone, leave the phone in the car or do whatever you need to do to make sure

00:57:26.980 that you're engaged and you're upholding what you have vowed to uphold.

00:57:31.160 Yeah.

00:57:31.260 And if it's about clearing your mind, you know, Casey, what you may want to consider

00:57:35.080 doing is in the last 30 minutes of your workday or the last hour of your workday, sit down

00:57:40.000 and ponder for that last hour.

00:57:41.520 All right, what do I need to tackle?

00:57:42.920 What are outstanding items?

00:57:44.380 Document them, write them down, right?

00:57:46.460 So they're not just floating in your mind and constantly nagging at you of, of things that

00:57:50.740 you need to address and use that as a, as a moment to brain dump onto something.

00:57:54.780 So then that way you can clear your mind for the rest of the day.

00:57:57.440 Yeah, that's good.

00:57:58.320 That's I used, so I do that every day.

00:58:00.200 The other thing I used to do when I had a commute, I don't know, is I would do that,

00:58:04.220 that brain dump at the end of the day.

00:58:06.180 And then when I would drive home, I used to listen to obviously a ton of podcasts and books

00:58:11.140 on CD and training material and stuff.

00:58:14.620 Don't do that because what you're doing is you're muddying the boundaries, you're blurring

00:58:19.160 the lines.

00:58:19.680 So what I used to do is I would, I would do a brain dump and then I would drive home to

00:58:24.860 either music, not training stuff, music or complete silence and complete silence was better

00:58:31.640 for me.

00:58:32.440 And I would just think about the way I would think about work.

00:58:35.600 I would think about at home.

00:58:36.660 Okay, what do I need to do?

00:58:37.620 I want to play catch and I want to do this and here's how I'm going to behave at dinner.

00:58:40.900 And I would start thinking about how it was going to behave and show up as a family man

00:58:45.320 as opposed to a businessman.

00:58:47.620 Yeah.

00:58:48.160 You know, listen to like baby shark on the way home in preparation of senior kids.

00:58:53.180 Oh my goodness.

00:58:53.920 That video has been viewed like 4 billion times.

00:58:57.580 And I swear that we've got a billion of those views at our house.

00:59:02.480 Us as well.

00:59:04.000 Greg Schultz. 1.00

00:59:04.760 Such a dumb song. 0.99

00:59:06.320 Will you ever have a woman guest on the show? 1.00

00:59:08.660 Dude, Greg, there has been a woman on the show twice. 1.00

00:59:12.420 So here's my thought on this.

00:59:14.780 Yeah.

00:59:14.960 So we have, we have, well, we've had two women on the show twice. 0.99

00:59:19.200 Yeah.

00:59:19.860 And I have a lot of guys who will reach out and they say they want a woman on the show

00:59:23.520 for whatever reason.

00:59:24.640 My thought is I could do that.

00:59:26.260 And I have no problem doing that.

00:59:27.580 I think that women could bring a lot to what we're doing here. 1.00

00:59:31.200 But I've also thought, I'd like your feedback on this guys.

00:59:34.920 I've also thought one of the things that makes this podcast unique is that primarily we've

00:59:41.300 only interviewed men.

00:59:42.480 And I think that gives us a uniqueness and a clarity of focus and purpose that other podcasts

00:59:50.760 are missing because they'll bring on whoever, whatever, whenever.

00:59:54.640 And I'm very deliberate and very intentional.

00:59:58.080 Do I believe women can add value to what we're doing? 1.00

01:00:00.300 Absolutely.

01:00:01.080 No doubt.

01:00:01.540 But I think what we're doing here and the way that we're doing it by interviewing men

01:00:08.220 is a distinction that can't be found on any other podcast.

01:00:15.040 Copy.

01:00:15.800 What do you, what do you think?

01:00:17.000 I'm curious what you think about that.

01:00:18.360 Um, I agree.

01:00:20.280 I agree.

01:00:20.960 I mean, I think there's some value that some women could bring, um, depending on skillset 1.00

01:00:25.660 or whatever.

01:00:26.020 I don't think it's, uh, I don't know.

01:00:28.960 I don't think there's some like, oh, a woman can provide value. 0.76

01:00:32.300 That's not right.

01:00:32.960 That's not why.

01:00:34.400 Um, but what I do think is we're going to be able to relate better to a male guest.

01:00:40.320 Right.

01:00:40.680 Of course.

01:00:41.060 Right.

01:00:41.340 If, if some woman comes on and she's just killing it, you know, you might have a lot 1.00

01:00:45.640 of guys that go, well, yeah, but her circumstance, not the same as mine.

01:00:49.420 And she's a female and not a male. 0.97

01:00:51.300 And maybe I can't relate as much.

01:00:53.140 So I think it's, there's just power in our ability to relate to other men.

01:00:57.920 Um, and that's the whole point of order of man is to be around other men.

01:01:02.480 Yeah.

01:01:02.920 And it's empowering to hear about empowering men.

01:01:05.700 It wouldn't be as empowering to hear about empowering woman because I'm not a woman.

01:01:09.940 Right.

01:01:10.460 So I just think that just the natural tendency of that is what I think.

01:01:15.620 But yep.

01:01:16.600 Agree.

01:01:17.080 Okay.

01:01:17.920 Uh, chase Saxon, Ryan and Kip, where do each of you draw the line between contentment and

01:01:22.940 complacency?

01:01:25.020 I don't know if there's, there's really a line.

01:01:27.620 I don't dwell too much on what I did yesterday.

01:01:29.760 Good or bad.

01:01:30.560 I just chalk it up to a learning opportunity again, good or bad.

01:01:34.780 And I drive on, you know, when we hit 10 million downloads, for example, on the podcast,

01:01:38.560 I was excited and I even, and I even said the way I celebrated, it has started thinking

01:01:43.000 about how I could do the next 10 million, how I could get to 20 million, even faster

01:01:47.320 than I got to 10 million.

01:01:48.520 Right.

01:01:49.400 So for me, it's about enjoying it and recognizing, I look back every once in a while and think,

01:01:54.980 man, look how far we've come.

01:01:56.440 That's cool.

01:01:58.100 Uh, but I, I don't, I don't allow myself to dwell on past victories or failures only to

01:02:02.700 the degree that they'll help me moving forward.

01:02:04.440 Yeah.

01:02:05.040 Yeah.

01:02:06.000 Yeah.

01:02:06.900 I'm similar.

01:02:08.100 Um, I, I might, I don't know.

01:02:10.820 There's so, there's been times in my life where I've had to have family members kind

01:02:15.540 of sit me down and say, Hey kid, dude, you know, you're doing great.

01:02:18.600 You know, like I, I think sometimes I don't celebrate the wins enough and, uh, I'm so kind

01:02:24.600 of drawn to driving forward that sometimes I forget what, what that growth has looked like.

01:02:30.160 So I've had to purposely focus on that, you know, for instance, uh, my journaling is things

01:02:37.680 that I'm grateful for and sometimes it's progress and learning that I've made.

01:02:42.440 Uh, and that's my way of making sure that I stay grounded and grateful for what I have.

01:02:46.740 But meanwhile, it's not complacency though, right?

01:02:50.000 Like I'm not stopping, uh, and there's no plan to stop at all.

01:02:53.980 I just need to make sure that I, I settle every so often, make sure I'm, I'm grateful for

01:02:57.640 what I got and where I've been and what I'm doing.

01:03:00.820 I'm always hesitant to when people say, Oh, you're doing so great.

01:03:05.200 I mean, my knee jerk reaction is by whose standards and I, and I don't use it to beat

01:03:10.300 myself up.

01:03:10.860 That's not what I'm saying.

01:03:11.560 I'm just saying, I, I appreciate that.

01:03:13.800 You think I'm great, but you haven't seen anything yet.

01:03:17.820 Like just wait.

01:03:19.160 If you think this is great, just wait.

01:03:20.940 I'm very, very cautious.

01:03:22.720 I look, I, I accept it graciously and with humility because I think it's important that

01:03:29.720 you accept gestures like that.

01:03:31.580 I, I, I never, if somebody pays me a compliment, you'll never hear me say, Oh no, no.

01:03:37.580 I'm not.

01:03:38.140 Cause what I'm essentially doing is saying your gift is not good enough for me.

01:03:41.280 Yeah.

01:03:41.500 You're belittling the.

01:03:42.920 Exactly.

01:03:43.780 Yeah.

01:03:44.060 So if someone says, Ryan, you're so great at podcasting.

01:03:46.480 My answer is thank you very much.

01:03:48.760 I really appreciate that.

01:03:50.080 But in my heart, I'm saying, but I could be so much better.

01:03:54.360 And here's what I'm doing to make myself better.

01:03:57.520 Hmm.

01:03:58.060 I like that.

01:03:59.880 Let's take one or two more.

01:04:01.800 Yeah.

01:04:02.060 Sounds good.

01:04:02.620 So David Gavella, best advice to start in a new city.

01:04:07.720 Go where the people are.

01:04:09.080 You know, if it's chamber of commerce, rotary, you could join meetup.com.

01:04:14.520 We'll tell you who's meeting in your area that are doing things that you want to be doing.

01:04:18.500 Jiu-jitsu, I think is a great place for that.

01:04:21.760 Maybe there's a city softball or a co-ed softball league that you could join that will help you

01:04:26.560 get in front of other people.

01:04:28.320 Go to the archery range, go to the shooting range, go hiking, join hiking clubs, jump on

01:04:34.620 the city's website and see what kind of activities or community center they have.

01:04:38.440 Join business groups, ask coworkers and colleagues, you know, what they're doing.

01:04:43.560 If, uh, set up a fight night and invite some of your coworkers and tell them to invite a

01:04:48.920 new friend or somebody they know, do just go where the people are and also create opportunities

01:04:54.080 for people to come to you.

01:04:55.300 That that's it.

01:04:56.580 It's, it's, it's really not complicated.

01:04:58.660 It takes some effort and it takes stepping outside of your comfort zone because it's never

01:05:02.600 comfortable to go somewhere where you don't know anybody because there's little clicks

01:05:06.140 and it's awkward and uncomfortable.

01:05:07.600 But if, look, if you want to connect and embed yourself into a city, it's exactly what you're

01:05:13.020 going to have to do.

01:05:13.800 I'll, I'll show you when we moved to Maine, I'll show you and I'll walk you through exactly

01:05:17.580 how I plan on doing it.

01:05:18.820 I know a grand total of like seven people in Maine, but within the first several months,

01:05:23.460 I'll know seven, 700 because I know how to communicate.

01:05:27.860 I know how to network.

01:05:28.980 I know how to broaden my network.

01:05:30.340 I know how to get involved.

01:05:31.620 I know what things I'm interested in and I'll continue to expand my network because I go where

01:05:35.800 the people are.

01:05:36.440 Yeah.

01:05:37.300 And it's crazy how much opportunities will present themselves strictly through doing

01:05:40.880 that.

01:05:41.360 Yes.

01:05:42.000 Yes.

01:05:42.600 I mean, all, all opportunities are given through other individuals.

01:05:46.860 Yeah.

01:05:47.460 Try, try to find an opportunity where somebody else wasn't involved in that opportunity.

01:05:52.480 Yeah, exactly.

01:05:53.980 So true.

01:05:55.040 And whether it's a job or an advancement or a new hobby or an activity, everything.

01:06:01.540 Or a co-host on a podcast.

01:06:02.820 That's right.

01:06:03.680 Think about, I think about, you know, Matt.

01:06:06.440 Right.

01:06:06.940 Matt Jenkins.

01:06:07.440 If he would have never introduced you to what we're doing, we wouldn't be having this

01:06:10.260 conversation today.

01:06:11.280 Opportunity through a friend.

01:06:13.020 How did I, how did him and I meet?

01:06:14.840 We met through a business network international.

01:06:18.000 I believe.

01:06:19.700 Just, just how it works.

01:06:21.500 Just, just work the network.

01:06:23.880 All right.

01:06:24.100 Last question.

01:06:24.840 Really important one.

01:06:26.120 Kyle Shields.

01:06:27.420 Do either of you ride motorcycles?

01:06:29.820 Why or why not?

01:06:31.380 I, I don't personally.

01:06:32.720 I don't, it doesn't sound appealing to me and I'm a pretty risk adverse kind of guy.

01:06:37.920 So risk reward.

01:06:38.920 I'm like, I don't get it.

01:06:40.680 It's not worth it.

01:06:41.620 Yeah.

01:06:41.920 I don't, I don't get it.

01:06:42.880 Oh, but you never, you should ride through blah, blah, blah.

01:06:45.700 Like, I don't, it just doesn't, just doesn't do it for me.

01:06:49.480 I'm just not interested.

01:06:51.280 I do.

01:06:52.200 I'm a dad.

01:06:52.700 I'm sorry.

01:06:53.760 You may not know that about me.

01:06:55.000 So I, I ride a, a classic 78, uh, BMW airhead and our 100 is what it's called.

01:07:01.980 I didn't know that you rode, but I didn't know what you rode.

01:07:04.340 Yeah.

01:07:04.840 So it's a, it's motorcycles as old as I am.

01:07:07.340 And I love it.

01:07:08.120 I love that thing.

01:07:09.420 And it's so fun, but I am, I'll be honest.

01:07:12.760 I, uh, I've rode motorcycles.

01:07:15.540 Um, not actually in my adult life, not as a child.

01:07:19.100 And, uh, and I really just really enjoy riding, but I don't ride very often.

01:07:23.560 Uh, it's, I'm, it's a weekender every so often.

01:07:26.720 I'm very, very cautious on that motorcycle just cause I, I realized the, and the dangers

01:07:31.980 that kind of come with it.

01:07:32.860 But I, I do, I do enjoy riding my BMW.

01:07:35.980 Yeah.

01:07:36.200 That, I think that's cool.

01:07:37.280 Like, it's just not my thing.

01:07:39.000 I see guys riding and, and my wife, man, she would have a motorcycle in a heartbeat. 1.00

01:07:43.940 She could, she could have one, I guess if she wanted one, but yeah, I mean, if she

01:07:48.240 ever left me, she'd leave me for a motorcycle guy. 1.00

01:07:50.280 I'm sure.

01:07:50.640 With an order of man patch on his, uh, leather vest.

01:07:56.020 That's right.

01:07:56.700 That's right.

01:07:57.300 Riding away into the sunset.

01:07:59.160 I have to say this, man, we, we have to, we need to get a large, a large circular order

01:08:05.440 of man patch.

01:08:06.540 I guarantee there's guys listening that ride motorcycles that would probably throw that

01:08:10.500 on their, their leather vests.

01:08:13.560 You know, the, you Harley guys, you just want it for your gi.

01:08:16.740 Yes.

01:08:17.100 And, and then all the jujitsu guys want one of those for their game.

01:08:19.960 What's what size.

01:08:21.240 So when you say large, what size are you talking about?

01:08:23.880 Uh, I would say probably like, uh, maybe like 14 inches, 12 to 14 inches.

01:08:30.400 That big, huh?

01:08:30.940 Yeah.

01:08:31.360 Like a big patch.

01:08:32.300 Yeah.

01:08:32.580 Look at like a lot of jujitsu gis. 0.83

01:08:34.560 They'll put a big circular patch right in the middle of their gi in the back or off to

01:08:37.900 the side.

01:08:38.660 I'm thinking one of those, man.

01:08:40.100 Something big.

01:08:40.540 Okay.

01:08:40.960 We'll get something worked out.

01:08:43.080 Right.

01:08:43.700 Got to represent order of man when we're on the mats.

01:08:46.320 Right, man.

01:08:46.620 That's right.

01:08:47.220 I'm only giving it to the good guys though.

01:08:50.060 Yeah.

01:08:50.500 You're like, uh, you're not worthy of this.

01:08:54.220 If that's the case, I wouldn't be able to wear one myself.

01:08:58.900 It's almost like a belt in and of itself.

01:09:01.100 It's like above black belt. 0.98

01:09:03.180 Yeah.

01:09:03.500 Reach that level.

01:09:04.260 Then I'll give you your patch.

01:09:05.640 If you have the patch, if you have the patch, you don't even need to wear a belt.

01:09:08.100 That's right.

01:09:08.380 It's done.

01:09:08.740 All right, man.

01:09:10.320 Should we wrap this up?

01:09:11.860 Yeah.

01:09:12.300 Yeah.

01:09:12.600 So if you guys, uh, maybe in the future we'll have some patches, but until then you can get

01:09:17.320 shirts, hats, flags, decals, and more and represent the order of man at, at, uh, by going to store.orderofman.com.

01:09:25.680 Hey, wait, let me stop you right there.

01:09:27.660 Good transition, man.

01:09:29.080 Good transition.

01:09:30.380 Yeah.

01:09:30.580 I've worked on that last night.

01:09:31.620 Hey, also, I don't even know if you know this.

01:09:33.820 We have a new battle planner out.

01:09:37.020 Ooh, snap. 0.64

01:09:37.700 It's called the 12 week battle planner.

01:09:39.820 So guys, if you go to store.orderofman.com, you'll see it there.

01:09:42.500 It's just 12 weeks, the whole book.

01:09:43.660 No, no.

01:09:44.660 The way that it works, you'll see it when you go there, but the way that it works is that

01:09:48.060 it's broken down into four quarterly segments.

01:09:51.460 So the first segment is where you actually identify and write down your quarterly battle plan.

01:09:57.400 And then it's got 12 subsequent pages that, that are weekly trackers.

01:10:02.000 So you can track your week, your activities throughout the week, and then make sure that

01:10:05.720 you're tracking your progress towards that battle plan.

01:10:08.100 And then when those 12 weeks are up a new quarterly battle plan page, you do that.

01:10:12.520 Then the next 12 weeks, new quarterly battle plan, next 12 weeks, new quarterly battle plan,

01:10:16.280 next 12 weeks.

01:10:17.120 So a year's worth of quarterly battle plans is built into this 12 week planner.

01:10:22.600 I've got it right here in my hand.

01:10:24.500 It's a leather bound journal.

01:10:27.160 It's pretty incredible, man.

01:10:29.140 So if you guys want to check it out, store.orderofman.com.

01:10:32.720 It's right there on the front page.

01:10:34.420 Done.

01:10:34.960 I'll be getting mine for Ian today.

01:10:37.500 There you go.

01:10:38.100 Since he's on a battle plan.

01:10:39.360 So when I have him filling out like a piece of paper, so that'd be, I use this.

01:10:43.300 This'll be a whole lot better.

01:10:44.220 Yeah, cool.

01:10:45.300 All right.

01:10:45.640 If you want to connect with Mr. Mickler, you can do so on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan

01:10:50.280 Mickler, and please subscribe to podcast, YouTube, or wherever else you are getting your podcast

01:10:57.040 subscriptions.

01:10:58.680 To submit your questions for future AMAs, you can do so by joining the Iron Council, which

01:11:04.000 is our exclusive brotherhood.

01:11:05.420 You can learn more about the Iron Council at orderofman.com slash Iron Council, or you can

01:11:10.880 join us on Facebook, on our private Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order

01:11:17.340 of man.

01:11:19.360 Right on.

01:11:20.200 Well, that's it guys.

01:11:21.080 Appreciate you.

01:11:21.700 As always, glad you're here.

01:11:23.300 We definitely need more men in this fight. 0.99

01:11:25.240 It's cool to see the numbers growing and the amount of men who are enlisted with us in

01:11:29.300 reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

01:11:31.740 This is a good thing.

01:11:32.660 I'm excited you're here.

01:11:34.140 What do we got next week?

01:11:35.260 We've got a former Navy SEAL on the podcast.

01:11:38.200 We've got another New York Times bestselling author on the podcast after that.

01:11:41.860 We've got a lot of good things going on, so make sure you're subscribed to the show.

01:11:44.480 Share it if you would, like you have been, and we'll catch you on Friday for our Friday

01:11:50.400 Field Notes.

01:11:50.900 But until then, guys, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:11:54.580 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:11:57.480 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:12:01.120 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 17, 2019

Unplugging from Work, Overcoming Imposter Syndrome, and Dealing with Incompetent People ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript