Order of Man - Unscripted with the Mrs., Part II ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.200 Guys, what's going on? Hey, this isn't Ask Me Anything.

00:00:27.220 It's a little bit different than it has been in the past because I have somebody,

00:00:31.680 well, I was going to say new, but you're not new. You're a podcast veteran.

00:00:36.040 You've done one other podcast before, right? Right.

00:00:39.200 This is your second. This is, yes, my second.

00:00:42.020 Okay. Which is a little sad because you've done one other podcast,

00:00:46.740 and that podcast that you did before with me back in like October was one of my most popular shows.

00:00:54.600 Which is super flattering.

00:00:55.700 Well, it's probably because you have a great co-host.

00:00:58.980 Wow. Obviously.

00:01:00.840 For those of you guys, for those of you who don't know who that voice is, that is my lovely wife,

00:01:07.360 Mrs. Tricia Mickler. And we thought we would do another Ask Me Anything. So,

00:01:11.700 we kicked Kip to the curb this week. It's funny because I actually made a post in Facebook and I

00:01:17.200 said, Hey guys, we're doing an Ask Me Anything. I'm gonna have my wife on in honor of Valentine's Day.

00:01:22.100 Hey, just ask your questions. And I meant to tell Kip we were doing that.

00:01:27.440 And he texts me like two hours later. He's like, So, I guess I'm not doing the show with you this week, huh?

00:01:33.160 Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you that you are not going to be on the show, that my wife is going to be on the show this week. 1.00

00:01:37.980 Which, there may be some bitterness between you two. Next time you see him, he might be.

00:01:42.220 What? I haven't even met them, man.

00:01:43.320 Give me the angry eyes. You haven't met Kip?

00:01:45.100 No.

00:01:46.180 I didn't know that. We're gonna have to go up and spend some time with him.

00:01:49.780 Yeah.

00:01:50.000 All right. So, for those of you who don't know what it is you're listening to, this is Ask Me Anything.

00:01:55.060 So, every Wednesday, we make a post in the Facebook group, on our Patreon page, in the Iron Council,

00:02:02.820 everywhere we are trying to get and solicit your questions.

00:02:07.760 And so, specifically this week, I thought we would talk more about, I don't know about Valentine's Day necessarily,

00:02:12.880 but just questions for us. And most of the questions, and I really didn't look through these.

00:02:18.240 I glanced through them, put together a little cheat sheet for you, so you could see the questions and be prepared for that.

00:02:24.120 But what I did see, a lot of these are relationship-based. A lot of questions about relationships.

00:02:29.240 Right.

00:02:29.780 How are you feeling about this?

00:02:31.460 A little nervous. I don't ever claim to be an expert on anything, let alone relationships.

00:02:38.180 Well, you're an expert on some stuff. That's a little, you're being a little humble. A little too humble.

00:02:43.320 No. But I guess if they think I have something to say, we'll say it and they can take it or leave it.

00:02:50.360 Simple as that, right?

00:02:51.460 Right.

00:02:51.980 Should we just get right into it?

00:02:53.180 Yeah.

00:02:53.500 We've got, I don't know, what would you say, 30 questions here?

00:02:56.160 Yeah, looks like it.

00:02:57.380 Try to get through as many as we can. I think we can get through them all. So, we'll just crank into them

00:03:00.660 and hopefully we'll get your names right, hopefully we'll get your questions right,

00:03:03.440 hopefully we'll give you some insight that will serve you and your wife and whatever it is you're doing in your life.

00:03:08.920 Sounds good.

00:03:09.900 Question number one. Here we go. Let me get my notes out here. All right. Question number one.

00:03:14.360 So, this is from Jacob Brad Johnson. He says, how have you developed strong communication when things broke down over the years?

00:03:21.360 Several times have I heard on the podcast. How did you repair the communication and what did you have to do and feel for the healing to occur?

00:03:31.220 So, here's my take on that. I'll lead us off and then you can share what you think.

00:03:34.660 I think I've always been a fairly decent communicator. The way that I articulate things may be rough around the edges at times.

00:03:42.920 More so probably 10 years ago than it is now. I think I'm a little bit more empathetic to how the message is being received.

00:03:49.300 You're looking at me like that's not the case, but I think it is.

00:03:52.200 I think I'm better, right? I'm better. You're better. I'm better.

00:03:56.500 So, I tend to be a little harsh, a little hard, a little short, but I am never at a loss for expressing my opinion or the way I feel about things or what's going on in my mind.

00:04:06.680 Is that correct?

00:04:08.060 Right. I never have to question what you're thinking because you've always been very opinionated and not afraid to say what's on your mind.

00:04:16.720 You definitely have become more tactful over the years. I will give you that.

00:04:23.060 And you know usually when to approach with caution.

00:04:26.540 Sometimes you come up, you know, mad as a hornet, but usually you take a pretty good approach and are clear and honest and open to what I have to say back.

00:04:36.220 Yeah. It seems to me like just trying to look at this objectively that I can go from zero to a hundred on the pissed off scale instantaneously.

00:04:45.060 Yeah. It's impressive.

00:04:47.560 Impressive is not the word you used a couple of days ago when I, when I illustrated my skillset in that department.

00:04:53.260 No, I think it was a little more colorful.

00:04:54.960 So I think, so that's my strength and my weakness. I think if I'm looking at you objectively, you are significantly better than this, but I think your biggest challenge is that you clam up and you don't express anything.

00:05:08.980 So if you're pissed or bothered or something's going on from my perspective, it's, it's not that you're going to be open about that.

00:05:15.880 It's actually going to shut that stuff down because you don't want to talk about it.

00:05:18.900 And I imagine that's because it's not fun, right?

00:05:22.440 It's not enjoyable to have these types of difficult conversations that require communication on both of our parts.

00:05:28.440 Yeah. I'd say that's true. And a lot of times, um, I think you are more of one to say everything you're feeling all at once and then usually apologize afterwards for maybe some things that probably didn't need to be said.

00:05:43.740 But me, I like to chew things over for a little bit and that's hard for you to handle because you're the complete opposite.

00:05:48.860 So if I'm mad, I might just need, you know, a couple hours to figure out what exactly I'm mad at.

00:05:55.880 Which is so weird because, and this is, might just be a personality thing. It might be a women, men thing. I don't need to think about it. Like I know what I'm pissed about. I know why I'm pissed. I know what you did or what somebody else did or how I'm reacting. I know instantaneously. It's not, there's no, there's no guesswork. I know exactly what I'm fired up about.

00:06:16.080 So, so when you say things like, I just, I think just in the last week, you know, you've, you've been off maybe a day or two or whatever, just because that happens. And I have to at times. Uh, and I said, well, what's wrong? You're like, I don't know. And I hate that because it's hard for me. I don't think you're lying to me, but it's hard for me to wrap my head around. Well, how the hell don't you know? Like, what do you mean? You don't know what's bothering you? I don't understand. I legitimately do not understand. It's not like I'm trying to.

00:06:46.760 Like push you or, or get you to lie. Like, I just don't know how that could possibly be. It's so weird for me. Yeah. So I think, I think the moral of the story though, what we're saying is that we both recognize our own individual and each other's strengths and weaknesses. And then we play to it. Like I imagine that you are, you probably talk more than you would by default because you realize that's what I need. Right.

00:07:12.660 And I think that I probably try to scale back as though, even though it may not feel like at all times, that I do try to scale back because I realize that's what you need. Right. It's interesting. Cause people say, and this is like, I don't know if this is a new thing or this has always been the case, but I get, I get this all the time. People are like, well, I don't give a, an F about what people think. And the zero, you know what I'm talking about, right? Like the zero Fs mentality. If they don't understand, it's their fault.

00:07:42.660 Communicate a message. It's not about how you want to give it. If, if I'm effectively trying to portray something to you, then I need to do it in a way that you will effectively receive it. Right. If I'm just doing it the way that I should do it and I want to do it because I'm the boss or I'm the man or whatever else. I mean, I can do that, but I'm self-sabotaging because you're not going to receive it or choose to be influenced by whatever it is I'm trying to convey. And it's just going to create more animosity and problems.

00:08:11.280 Yeah. I agree. Um, that's right. Of course you do. Yeah. How could you disagree with that? Try that. We'll see how it goes. Um, but going back to his question on how we've developed it, it's taken time. It did take counseling. It took counseling. What? Almost 11, 10 years ago. Yeah. Like 10 or 11 years ago. Somewhere in there. It took counseling. I honestly did not know how to communicate to Ryan because I would climb up and I just wouldn't say anything. I'd just be pissed for like a week over

00:08:40.520 something just insignificant. So it took, it truly took learning how to communicate with you. And then, um, it's been a lot of trial and error. That's what I was going to ask. You say it took a lot of time to learn, but like, what does that mean? Does it mean, were you trying and then processing it, how it went or like, were you consciously processing it or reviewing it afterwards? Like, how did you learn?

00:09:07.760 Um, if we were disagreeing about something or you hurt my feelings, like I would try to speed up that process. And I, I would think about it instead of just being like, well, I am just mad at him and I'm going to ruin his day. Like he ruined mine. Instead of figuring out how to get back at you or make you feel bad for making me feel bad. I figure out, okay, why am I feeling this way? Well, I'm feeling like maybe a little guilty that he got upset that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because I didn't do what I said I would do.

00:09:37.760 So I just taken that time to maybe think it over a little bit and look a little more inwards. I think that helped a lot. Um, I think too, if I can interject, like, I think it's, I think it's risky to do something you're not accustomed to. Yeah. Especially in our relationship, because I mean, let's be honest, I was an asshole. Yeah. More so than I am now. So I'm admitting I still have a little bit. Um, but it was riskier for you then to commute

00:10:07.760 communicate things that you need to communicate to me because you didn't know how I would respond. Oh, definitely. But now it's not. Sometimes you fly off the rails. Right. Mad at me. And I, I wouldn't understand why. Right. But it could just be because I didn't effectively tell you something. Like I might've said something and it came out totally opposite of how I meant it, but you would take it the wrong way and flip. So, so yeah, I was a little gun shy on it. Right.

00:10:37.760 It's more risky if, and I'm just talking to the guys now, obviously it's more riskier for her to communicate in a way that you feel would be effective for you. If you can't make her feel comfortable enough to communicate that stuff. So if I encourage my wife, for example, like if I were to encourage you, okay, you got to share, you got to open up. Like, I want to hear this stuff. I want to hear what's going on. And then one day you're like, okay, well I'll try it. And that's the day I decide to be a complete and total jerk. Right.

00:11:07.080 Then your thought is C and then you're not going to try it again because you know, you, I just confirmed what you thought would happen. And I crushed your experiment for lack of a better term. Yeah. Yeah. And just an example this week, I, I, I did have a couple off days this week and there was one day I was just sad. I had no reason really. And like you find, like you could tell, and you were honestly putting in a really good effort at being sweet and helping me and just being maybe extra nice.

00:11:37.080 Well, I mean, that's kind of like my default. Like I'm really romantic and empathetic.

00:11:40.920 I think so. But finally you did just kind of corner me and like, Trish, I genuinely want to know what is going on. And I could tell you were honest and you were sincere. And I straight out told you like, I'm kind of embarrassed to say, but X, Y, Z. And you, I mean, you pulled that out of me kicking and screaming, but I told you and, and you were totally open and you were receptive and you were nice.

00:12:04.520 And you gave me a big hug and told me everything would be okay. Like, and that's what I needed. Yeah. I didn't need you saying, well, we can fix this and let's do this and do this. Like, which is what I wanted to say. I know. I think most guys are like that. Oh, I totally agree. You guys are fixers. You want to fix what's wrong. And maybe we just need to talk about it. Which is weird. That's another weird thing. It's totally weird. All right. She's, she's telling us to move on to the next question. All right. So question number two. So Jacob Brad Johnson, also, he gets two questions. Cause he was the first one to ask.

00:12:34.400 Uh, it seems from my understanding that you let, or had to ask Ryan to leave for a while. Uh, I'm assuming he's talking about our separation. Right. When did the decision have to be made and how, why, what had he had done to become or become that made you allow him back into your life? So what, when did the decision have to be made that you, that you and I needed to separate and then what needed to happen for us to reconciliate? That's how I'm reading that question.

00:13:03.740 Okay. Um, gosh, it's hard to say. There were just, it was such a long buildup. I don't think there was one thing where it was because this, because he cheated on me or something. It was like nothing like that. No, it was just lots of things built up. And finally, just one night we were in the middle, we were in the kitchen and we were just going at it. And I just, I was like, I am done. Like I, this is not the life I want for me. This is not the life I want for our son. Like, I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm constantly fighting and yelling and being put down. Like, I'm just done.

00:13:33.740 And I told him because he was leaving to go for a business trip. And I just said, you can go. I won't be here when you get back. And that was it. And I think I told him there's nothing you could say or do right now that would change my mind. And, and I was gone. He left to the strip and I packed us up and we went.

00:13:52.820 I actually came back. Do you remember that? No, I left. Maybe I'm making this up, but this is how I thought it went. That I left and I got like an hour North of where we are. And I was like, what are you doing, man? Like Trisha's leaving. She's taking break. Like, what are you doing? And I came back and I think we talked and you're like, no, I'm in that. And you moved in with your parents. Did that not, that's not how it went.

00:14:18.640 I, I don't, I remember, I mean, you were in a dark place anyways. I was bad. Yeah. Um, but, but that's what I remember. And you left and I don't even know if I went up and did that training or not, but I was devastated. Yeah.

00:14:30.920 So long story short, what needed to happen for both of us? I don't, I don't think it's a one thing. Like I want to make sure guys understand this is it wasn't, I had to change a lot, no doubt. But I always tell you guys is that she would be the first one to say that she needed to work on things too. And that's totally true.

00:14:50.700 So, so what needed to happen from your perspective for me? And then what needed to happen also for you?

00:14:58.260 I was trying to think of it. And again, it was just not one thing. Like I, I saw in your eyes, I saw in your whole persona, like you were a broken man. That was awful. And I, I honestly, I try to block that out. I hate that look I saw in your eyes and you were that way for quite a while.

00:15:17.360 Yeah. You really were. Yeah. You were, it was awful. You, I mean, you got gone, you lost a ton of weight. Like you could tell you weren't sleeping. And then, and then it's like one day you just decided to, it's time to pick myself up.

00:15:30.380 Do you know why that was? Did I ever tell you why that was? Have I explained that to you? So I've told the guys this and maybe you probably know, but I got, I remember the road I was on. I remember I was on Riverside and River Road. That was the intersection it was at.

00:15:47.840 And I was going to an appointment, a client appointment or something. And I was thinking about us and I, and that was the first time that I ever said like, this is over. This, this relationship is over. Cause there was no closure at that point.

00:16:00.260 We were separated, but it was like, maybe there's some hope, maybe not. Like there was no closure at that point. And I just thought this is over. And, and I didn't want to wrestle with that idea, but it was actually pretty liberating and life altering.

00:16:12.900 Because at that moment I remember saying to myself, well, if this relationship is over, then I'm going to be the best catch for the next woman to come into my life. 0.99

00:16:23.060 Like I remember thinking that, and I, and that was hard. Like I didn't want to wrestle with that, but I mean, I'm young. Like I knew that it would be okay. It would suck, but it would be okay.

00:16:33.360 Yeah. And that moment, what that moment allowed me to do is to stop focusing on you so much. Cause I was, it was like, how could I get her to like me? And I'm going to call her all the time and I'm going to do this.

00:16:44.800 And it was like all about you, you, you, you, you, and that probably, I can't even imagine, but not annoying. It was. Yeah. Annoying, infuriating. No, truthfully. It really was. It was awful.

00:16:54.760 So every time I tried to like get you or fix you or get you to change or whatever, see the errors of your ways, I just drove a greater wedge. And when I thought it was over, I was like, well, okay, I'm not going to focus on her. It's over. So I'm just going to focus on me.

00:17:07.660 And at that moment, that's where I really started to work on myself and then go on and continue. I just wanted to interject that because I think that was relevant.

00:17:16.900 It was because when you started to, to just back off a little bit, that gave me some time to breathe. That gave me some time to reflect on what it was I wanted and digging myself out of the hole I was in and that it just, the space was needed for us.

00:17:35.980 And then also seeing the light start to return to your eyes and you had, you were starting to get confidence again and you were starting to be proud of what things you were doing and, and it did change.

00:17:48.300 It made me start seeing you the way I used to see you. And then, um, yeah. And it was just little things like that that kept building and building.

00:17:57.620 And then you had asked me over and over like every week, Hey, I'm going to counseling. I would love for you to come. You never said more than that. You just kept it at that short statement. And I told you, you know, every time, every time, every time.

00:18:10.040 And then finally I just, you know, it was through a lot of praying and self-reflection that I was like, okay, I'm going to go one time. And that one time is what saved our marriage.

00:18:21.840 Hmm. And so, um, I think, I think that was, that's what did it. It was just giving each other space to work on ourselves and to heal.

00:18:34.100 But that's, that's also the hardest part, I think for men too, because to go back to it, we're fixers, right? By default, I think we're biologically hardwired to look for problems and then fix them.

00:18:45.860 So the hardest part about the advice of step back, step off for a minute, like just ease up the, off the gas a little for a second or put it somewhere else.

00:18:54.420 If you have yet to put that energy somewhere, put it towards a hobby or an activity or the gym or something.

00:18:59.640 The hardest part of that is that in my mind, I thought to myself, well, if I do give her what she's asking for space and I ease off a little bit, then there's a likelihood that she will leave, which is true.

00:19:17.700 Yeah.

00:19:18.160 That risk is there. So I thought in my head, what I was thinking is, well, if I just stay engaged, right?

00:19:25.540 If I call and I text or I stop by or I, like, if I stay engaged, then that increases the likelihood that we'll have to get.

00:19:35.980 So it's a little counterintuitive, but the challenge is like both situations are good.

00:19:42.100 And that I mean this, if you would have left permanently because I backed up and started working on myself, that would have not been good, but it would have been okay.

00:19:50.280 Right.

00:19:50.600 Because you would have moved on and I would have moved on. Both of us would probably be remarried by now. Like we'd have different lives. It would have been okay.

00:20:01.180 Wouldn't have been ideal or maybe, you know, I don't know. Or the, the, the other scenario is that we, we do get back together. So whatever happens, it's going to be okay.

00:20:11.680 That's the point that I'm making. And it's weird to say, even like talking with you now that we've been together for, is this your six, this is your 16 years marriage, right? Or 15 years?

00:20:22.240 This is 15 married.

00:20:23.080 15 married. So it's weird talking to you right now in the basement of our, you know, our house and 15 years into marriage saying, Hey, if it didn't work out, we would have been okay.

00:20:34.480 Well, like we would have been cool. We would have been fine.

00:20:36.900 That's really weird to say, but it's true, right? Yeah. Like you would have been remarried. You would add another, you would add a family. I would have been remarried. I, she's saying no, but that's a debate that we have all the time.

00:20:47.400 Like if I, for example, like if I passed away, she's like, I'd never get married again. I'm like, give me a break. Some of these guys would probably, probably want to hit you up if I was out of the picture.

00:20:56.720 All right. Let's move on here. Uh, number three in what, uh, this is Scott Mason. He says, in what ways do you support Ryan in fulfilling his calling? I, and I'm not sure what he means by calling. Maybe just my calling as a husband, father, business owner. I don't know. What do you, what do you read?

00:21:12.360 I I'm kind of assuming he's being like with what you're doing with order, man. Okay. And my thought on that, and maybe I don't have it articulated quite right yet, but it's my job to support you and to push you forward and to be your number one fan. And sometimes raise the caution flag a little bit, but that's my job.

00:21:31.240 Know your role.

00:21:34.340 It's not my job to hold you back. Maybe because I'm insecure or I'm scared about taking new chances.

00:21:40.120 Are you what holding you back?

00:21:42.120 No, no, no. Scared about risk and taking chances and the things that we do.

00:21:46.180 Um, I'm not anymore.

00:21:48.200 Were you when I started ordering in?

00:21:49.740 A little bit.

00:21:50.560 What was the fear?

00:21:51.820 Well, at first I was like, well, okay, this is kind of a cool hobby.

00:21:55.880 Was it cool or was it like, this is weird?

00:21:57.640 Well, I didn't really understand podcasts. I still don't really understand podcasts, but like, obviously something's working. People must like you.

00:22:05.900 Well, I think they just stick around for you for the one every three months that you're doing it.

00:22:10.140 Guys, by the way, I'm trying to convince her to do order of women. 1.00

00:22:13.240 Stop it. Stop it. 1.00

00:22:14.040 Anyway, um, I'm not really scared anymore because you have proven time and again, like it's going to be okay.

00:22:21.980 And yeah, this might be scary, but it could be awesome.

00:22:25.440 And if it's scary, like what's the worst that could happen?

00:22:29.440 Really?

00:22:30.160 I go back into financial planning or go flip burgers at McDonald's or whatever. Like it'll be okay.

00:22:34.900 It will. We'll land on our feet. We'll be together. We'll just take it one step at a time.

00:22:39.720 I think you bring up a really good point about me proving that, that it will be okay.

00:22:46.180 Because I think there's a lot of guys out there who believe that, well, it's my wife. I'm entitled to her support.

00:22:51.740 No, no, I've got to earn that.

00:22:53.820 That's right.

00:22:54.800 I remember, I remember early in our marriage, cause I was, you know, like our garbage disposal broke or tree fell over or whatever.

00:23:03.200 And I'd call my dad to come help. And I remember asking my mom, I said, at what point do I start asking my husband to do this?

00:23:10.760 At what point do I trust him that he knows how to handle this? She goes, you know, I did the same thing.

00:23:15.360 She's like, I always called my dad. She's like, but just at some point they just, they just start doing it.

00:23:20.880 She's like, and then you, you know, your husband can handle it.

00:23:23.580 Yeah.

00:23:24.180 And so.

00:23:24.760 That's interesting.

00:23:25.320 Yeah, it was. It's, it's just kind of like a weird thing. Cause you know, my dad was always the one that fixed things.

00:23:30.400 Well, he's so handy and he's so like, he's self-reliant and resilient. He's, he figures it out. Yeah, for sure.

00:23:36.940 And, and it's taking you time. Like, I think we started marriage. We had a hammer and a screwdriver and we couldn't fix anything.

00:23:43.120 Right.

00:23:44.040 But now, I mean, you're super handy.

00:23:46.880 That's right.

00:23:47.540 Yeah.

00:23:48.540 I'm learning. It's taken me 15 years of marriage, but we're getting there.

00:23:54.300 Uh, I don't know if we answered the question. Uh, what, what, no, you answered. Okay.

00:23:57.560 He also says, again, Scott Mason says, uh, talk to us about the delineation of roles and how you see your role in raising men.

00:24:06.380 I think that's a very big word.

00:24:08.680 Delineation or role.

00:24:10.960 Yes. Um,

00:24:12.360 I think roles are important. They're important in marriage. They're important in raising kids. 0.99

00:24:19.460 They're important in society. Uh, I think my role in raising men is fulfilling my role.

00:24:28.080 As what?

00:24:29.000 As a woman.

00:24:29.840 Yeah, but what, but how would you define your role?

00:24:32.820 That's so hard for me.

00:24:35.440 Do you feel like you can or you should define it or not?

00:24:38.300 I think my actions should speak for my role. Does that make sense?

00:24:45.940 Yeah. But what's the difference, for example, between your role as a woman, a mother and a wife as, and mine as a man, a husband and a father?

00:24:56.920 Hmm. Um, I might need a little help here.

00:25:03.880 Well, think about, think, okay. So, um, well, let me ask you this way. Are the roles that each of us fill, would you say, are they societally constructed?

00:25:13.540 Meaning, meaning is it some sort of like patriarch, like society in general constructed all these? Do you believe it's God given? Do you believe it's biological? Like where does our position as mother, father, husband, wife, man, woman, where does that, I guess, for lack of a word, where does that authority come from?

00:25:36.420 I think it's shaped by a lot of things. But for us in our family, I believe these are roles given to us by God. I think, I think they're also biological. Like I have a pull, probably stronger than you to take care of the kids. When the kids are hurt, you stand strong. You're like, you're okay. Me, I want to get down. I want to get a bandaid. I want to hug them. I want to kiss them. I want to love them until they feel better.

00:26:00.240 Right. So I think something, some of those things, like that's just the natural way women are. And I think that's awesome. 0.99

00:26:08.020 It is awesome. It's not, it's not any sort of like subservient role or anything like that, or, or, or secondary role to what a man provides. Do you consider, this is, this might be a funny, this is a funny question. Do you consider me, the sole leader of the home, you, the sole leader of the home or us leaders together?

00:26:28.120 Like, how do you, how does that hierarchy work for you?

00:26:33.400 Um, the way I see us in our family, I see you and I side by side with you, maybe like just an inch in front of me.

00:26:43.540 Why would you put me in front of you that way? Even if it's just an inch?

00:26:47.020 Uh, I, that's just, that's who you are. That's what you are to our family. You're the one, it just sounds cliche to do the protect, provide, preside, but that's what you do.

00:26:57.820 But, but you lead our family.

00:27:00.660 But does that mean that you have to submit to me?

00:27:04.900 No. And I, I honestly cannot see a situation where you would even request that of me.

00:27:10.720 Do you feel like, and I'm trying to like frame this in, in a way that there's a lot of these hardcore extreme feminists who think that if you follow me, that somehow I'm subjugating you or I'm keeping you, you know, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. 1.00

00:27:30.320 Right.

00:27:30.740 Do you feel like that?

00:27:32.540 I don't feel like that. And I think, I think women are failing to recognize how strong we are when we work with our husbands, with our mates. I think they don't see the power that's there. 0.97

00:27:45.620 Cause if I'm doing things on my own, I'm pretty strong. Like I, I consider myself a strong woman.

00:27:51.380 I agree.

00:27:52.020 And, um, I know, I know I can do a lot of things without you, but I know when I do them with you, that we are, we are a force to be reckoned with.

00:28:01.980 Like, I totally full heartedly agree and believe that you put whatever you want in front of us and you and I will do it together.

00:28:12.320 I agree with that. Uh, so here's my perspective in this, my, I mean, I think you inherently know this just because we've been together for long enough where you, where you know this, but I feel like ultimately the buck stops with me.

00:28:22.600 And I feel like if we had a decision that we had to make where we were kind of waffling, or maybe you thought one way, or I thought one way, I would definitely take everybody's thoughts into consideration.

00:28:32.500 But ultimately I feel like it's my responsibility to make the decision.

00:28:35.840 I agree.

00:28:37.200 Because if things go South, the risk, the burden isn't going to fall on you.

00:28:42.580 Like for example, if we can't make the mortgage payment, the burden's not going to fall on you.

00:28:47.660 If there's a natural disaster, the kids aren't going to look to you to save them.

00:28:51.240 If there's some sort of violent encounter in society or just out in public, nobody's going to look to you and say, Oh, save us.

00:29:00.100 Right.

00:29:00.800 They're going to look to me.

00:29:02.200 Yeah.

00:29:02.560 So all of the burden of responsibility, not, I wouldn't say all of it, but ultimately the responsibility, the burden, the weight, my job is not, is, is not to pawn my weight off on you.

00:29:15.040 Like my job is to shoulder the weight so that you don't have to, which leaves you the opportunity to be the nurturer and empathetic and the carer and the love and the support.

00:29:26.560 Or if you had to carry the weight, you couldn't do those things as effectively had you had to carry the weight and also be those things.

00:29:34.700 Right.

00:29:35.060 And again, it's not going back to saying that women can't do those things because they can and they have.

00:29:39.360 But I think you are better at doing those things when, you know, I'm right there with you.

00:29:45.260 Well, because you're doing your role.

00:29:46.960 Because I'm doing my role.

00:29:47.980 You don't have to worry about if the kids are okay or that kind of stuff, or if I'm okay.

00:29:54.460 Like, because, you know, I'm handling my end of the deal.

00:29:57.860 You're handling your end of the deal.

00:29:59.240 And we can both way more efficiently do that.

00:30:01.560 Which is why I love that you're at home.

00:30:04.060 I love being at home. 0.98

00:30:04.860 Because I don't have to worry about our kids going to daycare and being surrounded by some jackass kids who are learning who knows what or being molested by a sitter. 0.93

00:30:13.880 And look, if you have your kids at a sitter, I'm not trying to scare you. 0.91

00:30:17.340 I'm just saying there's other threats that I don't have to worry about as much because we've put ourselves in an environment, in a situation where I can go shoulder the load.

00:30:27.700 And I know that the things around the house and the way that the house is made into a home and that our children are loved and cared for and they're being watched over, it allows us to fulfill our responsibilities more fully, I think.

00:30:41.940 Right.

00:30:42.240 I totally agree.

00:30:43.180 Cool.

00:30:43.620 Okay.

00:30:43.920 Let's go on to the next one here.

00:30:45.080 I think we're on five and we're like 30 minutes into this thing.

00:30:48.880 All right.

00:30:50.060 Bubba says, Trisha, I want you to be honest.

00:30:51.980 How much sexier is your husband when he's wearing a curved brim?

00:30:56.720 Bubba, I love this.

00:30:58.520 He definitely has his moments.

00:31:03.700 He started our relationship in a curved brim hat.

00:31:07.220 I would like you to know that.

00:31:08.360 And no beard.

00:31:10.480 It's only been the last couple of years he's gone to the flat bill.

00:31:13.600 But the curved brim still has his moments and it is sexy as hell.

00:31:17.700 Do you like that better than the flat brim?

00:31:19.900 It's okay.

00:31:20.860 I know you do, right?

00:31:22.280 Well, sometimes you get that kind of like my country girl comes out and get that like...

00:31:26.720 Sexy, wild side going.

00:31:30.480 Kind of like it.

00:31:31.160 Because even when I come inside and I've been tinkering around on the scout or something,

00:31:34.720 the other day I came in and I smelled like gas or Motorola or something.

00:31:38.280 Yeah.

00:31:38.540 Like sweat and dirt and gas.

00:31:40.380 Which is weird that you'd say that.

00:31:42.200 I know.

00:31:42.600 And you had...

00:31:43.200 I think you had a curved brim hat on and it just worked.

00:31:47.620 All right.

00:31:48.200 Well, good to know.

00:31:49.020 But I'm happy either way.

00:31:50.120 All right.

00:31:50.680 That's a weak answer.

00:31:51.600 That's a PC answer.

00:31:53.280 I want to know the real answer.

00:31:54.560 These guys want to know that they deserve the real answer.

00:31:56.840 I don't care.

00:31:57.960 Okay.

00:31:58.320 There you go.

00:31:59.300 Beard or no beard?

00:32:00.740 Beard.

00:32:01.440 I don't care either.

00:32:03.000 Come on.

00:32:03.860 I...

00:32:04.180 Gosh, right?

00:32:05.000 I love you with the beard.

00:32:06.020 I love you without.

00:32:06.960 All right.

00:32:07.700 Fair enough.

00:32:08.700 He also says now that that's out of the way, you two are an inspiration to me.

00:32:11.800 As someone who has numerous failed relationships, it's really awesome to watch someone get

00:32:15.680 it right.

00:32:16.200 I appreciate that, Bubba.

00:32:17.360 Bubba, man, if you only knew how much I needed to put up with and how hard I need to work

00:32:21.660 at making this relationship work, you might be singing a different tune.

00:32:26.500 Hey, Bubba, maybe you should try a flat brim hat.

00:32:29.060 Oh.

00:32:31.080 He would look so much sexier with a flat brim hat.

00:32:34.240 Oh, he's going to hate you for saying that.

00:32:36.620 All right.

00:32:36.980 Corey says...

00:32:37.620 Corey Britton says, how does she feel about the move to Maine and is she preparing to

00:32:42.180 help with the family transition?

00:32:44.320 I'm excited.

00:32:45.620 Yeah.

00:32:45.880 I feel like I've probably been pushing this harder than you.

00:32:48.000 Which is totally weird, by the way.

00:32:49.660 So weird.

00:32:50.340 Because you are, what, third generation born in this little valley in southern Utah?

00:32:54.740 Like fourth.

00:32:55.480 Fourth?

00:32:55.920 Okay.

00:32:56.140 So fourth generation in this little valley.

00:32:59.900 Most of your family, well, they kind of always migrate back, right?

00:33:04.340 Right.

00:33:04.420 They scatter and then they come back.

00:33:05.900 This is home base.

00:33:06.260 Scatter and come back.

00:33:07.660 And I never in a million years thought you wouldn't be moving.

00:33:11.300 Or we, I should say we.

00:33:12.640 Well, I always felt like...

00:33:13.100 Like I'm moving, you're staying here.

00:33:14.200 We've always traveled so much.

00:33:17.020 Like I loved dropping into our happy little valley here.

00:33:20.360 Yeah.

00:33:20.660 Like I got out, we got to go to the cities, we got to see new things, try new things.

00:33:24.540 And we'd come home and it was beautiful and it was peaceful.

00:33:27.460 But I just kind of got this itch.

00:33:29.680 Like it was time to, it's time for an adventure.

00:33:32.920 Yeah.

00:33:33.180 It's time for something new.

00:33:34.780 I felt like that too.

00:33:35.980 Well, Chris Gatchko, I know, because I was looking through these questions a little bit,

00:33:38.580 glossing through these.

00:33:39.200 And he was asking like, how was it, what did he say?

00:33:42.020 How was, what was your reaction?

00:33:43.520 Yeah.

00:33:44.020 So it wasn't like one day, I don't know, was it?

00:33:46.880 Kind of, a little bit.

00:33:48.000 We're moving.

00:33:49.100 Well, we've thought about the East Coast for a long time, like years and years into our

00:33:53.980 marriage.

00:33:54.960 And a couple of years ago, we went and visited our friends, the Wilsons out in South Carolina.

00:33:59.400 And it's beautiful.

00:34:00.740 But I mean, it was just pretty, but nothing, it didn't click.

00:34:03.340 It didn't call to us.

00:34:05.040 Right.

00:34:05.160 I mean, it was beautiful.

00:34:06.140 We loved spending time with the Wilsons.

00:34:07.920 And you went, you actually, you and your mom and sister went back.

00:34:11.460 Yeah.

00:34:12.520 But like, I don't feel like it called to us, like we could live here necessarily.

00:34:16.080 And then this past summer, Ryan went to Maine for the origin.

00:34:20.220 Immersion camp.

00:34:20.740 Immersion camp.

00:34:21.360 That's right.

00:34:21.980 And he sent me video like multiple times a day.

00:34:25.040 He's like, Trish, you got to see this place.

00:34:26.960 Trish, this is amazing.

00:34:27.940 And I'm thinking, of course it's amazing.

00:34:29.800 It's summer. 0.59

00:34:30.900 And you're talking about freaking Maine. 0.66

00:34:33.200 So I said, okay.

00:34:34.380 I was like, well, let's look at houses and let's go in December.

00:34:37.700 But that's weird.

00:34:38.300 Why would you say that?

00:34:39.800 I don't know.

00:34:40.200 Why would you say, let's look at houses?

00:34:42.060 Because I'd been there once.

00:34:43.240 You'd never been there.

00:34:44.280 And you're like, let's look at houses.

00:34:46.620 And even then I was kind of like half serious.

00:34:48.880 Like, oh, we're going to move here.

00:34:50.420 Kind of joking.

00:34:51.140 You know?

00:34:52.340 But you kind of just kept going along with it and along with it.

00:34:54.860 And then we went out there in December.

00:34:56.280 Right.

00:34:56.700 And it was frozen.

00:34:58.160 Everything was frozen.

00:34:59.260 And it was cold.

00:35:00.100 I don't think I've ever seen that.

00:35:02.640 No way.

00:35:03.020 It was amazing.

00:35:04.380 But it was so beautiful.

00:35:05.880 And then we put an offer in on a house.

00:35:07.640 The day we saw it.

00:35:09.600 Yeah.

00:35:09.900 Which is crazy.

00:35:10.680 Because it wasn't any of the houses that we had scheduled to look at.

00:35:13.400 It was just kind of like, hey, this one might be available.

00:35:16.000 Do you want to look?

00:35:16.740 And I'm not kidding.

00:35:17.860 We pulled up.

00:35:18.920 And the clouds parted.

00:35:20.400 And the angels sang.

00:35:21.520 And the house glowed.

00:35:22.580 And like, I don't even know if we walked in the house.

00:35:25.540 And I said, we need to buy this house.

00:35:27.260 Yeah.

00:35:27.280 That's how I felt, too.

00:35:29.560 I feel like it's really hard to explain because people ask me, like, why me?

00:35:33.140 Why me?

00:35:33.440 You get that all the time.

00:35:34.320 All the time.

00:35:34.940 I said, why not?

00:35:36.400 Exactly.

00:35:36.920 Why not?

00:35:37.260 Why not?

00:35:37.840 It looked awesome.

00:35:39.160 We felt pulled or drawn to it.

00:35:41.720 Found a beautiful home that we could raise our family there.

00:35:45.020 We have some friends out there.

00:35:46.760 Right.

00:35:47.720 It'll present its fair share of challenges.

00:35:50.820 Right.

00:35:51.100 We're moving cross-country to an environment we have never lived in.

00:35:54.960 And not just an environment, like a hostile environment.

00:35:58.140 Right.

00:35:58.340 We know, like, five people.

00:35:59.820 Right.

00:36:00.780 And it's kind of scary.

00:36:02.160 But, man, it's exciting.

00:36:03.240 Yeah.

00:36:04.040 And so, I mean, what happened?

00:36:06.000 So, we can't hack it.

00:36:08.140 The winters are miserable.

00:36:10.480 We freeze.

00:36:12.340 Like, I don't know.

00:36:13.560 Well, freeze.

00:36:14.120 All these things that could go wrong.

00:36:16.160 But, think of all the things that could go right.

00:36:18.380 And if it goes wrong, gosh, you know, we pick somewhere else on the map.

00:36:21.360 Right.

00:36:21.460 Or we come home.

00:36:22.140 Right.

00:36:22.920 And if it's awesome, then we stay.

00:36:25.680 It's just...

00:36:26.200 It doesn't seem like...

00:36:27.200 It doesn't seem risky.

00:36:28.780 No.

00:36:29.180 I think a lot of people are a little envious.

00:36:33.120 And they're not, like, mean-spirited about it.

00:36:34.420 No.

00:36:34.560 But I think deep down...

00:36:35.200 Because we've heard a lot of, like, oh, we really wanted to do that.

00:36:38.260 Or we were going to do that 20 years.

00:36:40.180 Like, we hear these stories.

00:36:41.700 And I think people are envious.

00:36:43.000 It's like, just go do it then.

00:36:46.220 Yeah.

00:36:46.660 Like, it's not a...

00:36:47.620 But I think they're afraid.

00:36:48.920 I'm like, what are you...

00:36:49.880 It's...

00:36:50.220 To me, I hear it.

00:36:51.380 And I'm not being oblivious or delusional.

00:36:53.080 Because I've never been that way in my life.

00:36:56.000 It's not risky.

00:36:57.880 The worst case scenario is we're out a couple years.

00:37:00.200 Because we don't enjoy it or whatever.

00:37:01.720 Right.

00:37:02.240 We're out a significant investment.

00:37:04.940 Like, let's not lie.

00:37:05.660 Like, we're putting a lot of money into...

00:37:06.880 Money.

00:37:07.300 Right?

00:37:07.620 So, it's a significant investment.

00:37:09.760 We can make that back.

00:37:11.080 I'm talking about worst case scenario.

00:37:13.040 Worst case scenario.

00:37:14.020 I don't know.

00:37:15.420 Like, I get stuck in a snowbank.

00:37:18.240 Yeah.

00:37:18.760 Worries me a little.

00:37:20.400 That's pretty bad.

00:37:21.920 But really, I'm excited.

00:37:24.160 I think it's going to be awesome.

00:37:25.640 It's going to be challenging.

00:37:27.140 But what an adventure.

00:37:29.820 Yeah.

00:37:30.260 No, that's how I think too.

00:37:32.540 Prepping to help with the family transition.

00:37:34.600 Just packing, right?

00:37:35.420 The logistics.

00:37:35.880 You're pretty...

00:37:36.400 You're not pretty good.

00:37:37.280 You're great with the logistical stuff.

00:37:39.580 Thanks.

00:37:40.100 You think we're going to take like two weeks going out there and seeing all the trips.

00:37:43.220 We're not doing that.

00:37:43.980 I think we should do a heck of a road trip.

00:37:46.140 We're not doing that.

00:37:46.920 We are going across America.

00:37:48.120 I know, but...

00:37:48.380 Think of all the amazing little towns we can see.

00:37:51.060 We can find the biggest ball of twine.

00:37:52.880 We could have like the best roadside barbecue.

00:37:55.080 The biggest ball of twine.

00:37:55.720 We could see like so many cool things.

00:37:58.960 Yeah, but I don't want to do that.

00:37:59.360 And you're just like, let's get there as fast as we can.

00:38:01.700 Yeah.

00:38:02.380 Which is lame.

00:38:04.660 The adventure is there.

00:38:06.380 Right.

00:38:06.860 The adventure is in the journey.

00:38:09.300 I think I saw that on a poster somewhere.

00:38:11.880 Yeah.

00:38:12.480 Yeah.

00:38:12.720 I think you did. 1.00

00:38:13.700 It was a dumb poster. 1.00

00:38:15.600 All right. 0.99

00:38:16.520 Corey also says, what are your thoughts on the Gillette commercial?

00:38:19.640 But you said...

00:38:20.400 I haven't seen it.

00:38:21.440 It's...

00:38:21.800 Like I know it was a big stink for a while and lots of opinions out there.

00:38:25.120 And honestly, I just...

00:38:26.340 You haven't even seen it?

00:38:27.640 I haven't seen it.

00:38:28.220 I don't care.

00:38:30.180 It's just one of those other like social justice commercials.

00:38:34.720 And I just...

00:38:35.720 I don't care.

00:38:36.160 How do you know you haven't seen it?

00:38:37.480 I saw the comments.

00:38:38.860 I saw everyone raging about it.

00:38:41.260 So upset.

00:38:41.640 Like some of the mommy blogs I follow, everyone's so like, oh, this is amazing.

00:38:44.880 Yay for Gillette.

00:38:45.440 And then other people like you, oh, this is so bad, blah, blah, blah, man.

00:38:49.440 I wasn't like that.

00:38:50.160 I know.

00:38:50.520 I'm just teasing.

00:38:51.720 I don't care.

00:38:52.520 Look, I mean, I care because it's my thing.

00:38:54.000 But I think the Gillette commercial is a very good way to sell a lot more razors.

00:39:00.740 Right.

00:39:01.240 You're either going to sell a ton or I saw, what was it, Dollar Shave Club say, welcome to

00:39:06.320 the club.

00:39:06.740 Yeah.

00:39:07.120 Like you're either going to make money or you're going to lose it.

00:39:08.980 The best part about Gillette is that I don't have to worry about it because I don't

00:39:13.160 shave.

00:39:13.940 So I don't give a, I don't have a care in the world about it.

00:39:17.000 I do.

00:39:18.260 Do you use Gillette?

00:39:19.400 I have no idea.

00:39:20.640 What do you use?

00:39:21.440 I don't, Venus.

00:39:22.560 I don't know what company makes it.

00:39:24.380 I think Gillette's Procter & Gamble.

00:39:26.840 Well, I will have to check.

00:39:28.560 And if it's that big of a deal, maybe I'll change brands.

00:39:31.260 I just don't.

00:39:31.880 I truly don't care.

00:39:33.000 I don't care.

00:39:33.560 It just does the job.

00:39:35.020 It shaves my legs.

00:39:35.940 We're good.

00:39:36.660 Well, and that's, that's actually one of the things is like, sometimes I just want a company

00:39:41.040 to sell me a really good product and not tell me you should believe this and you should

00:39:44.840 believe that we're social justice and we think you should stand for the flag and we

00:39:48.140 think you should kneel for the flag and we think men are good and we think men are

00:39:51.340 bad.

00:39:51.580 I'm like, dude, can I please just buy a straw from you?

00:39:54.740 I know, can you please give me a razor that's sharp that if I ever wanted to shave, that

00:39:58.660 would do a good job without cutting me.

00:40:00.440 That's all I want from you.

00:40:01.640 I don't want you to tell me how to live my life or, or tell me any wonderful things about

00:40:05.620 how you think you are or virtue signal. 0.99

00:40:07.780 Just sell me a damn razor that works. 1.00

00:40:10.820 The end. 1.00

00:40:13.820 What an idea.

00:40:15.440 Michael Custode says, how do you solve, let's see, how do you solve for resentment on both

00:40:20.680 sides of the fence?

00:40:21.480 Uh, work on you will likely be the answer I'm guessing.

00:40:24.460 I want to know from both of you how you recovered from that.

00:40:27.760 I don't have resentment towards you.

00:40:29.600 I think sometimes you do some things that maybe, you know, I get upset about or piss me off

00:40:34.060 or whatever.

00:40:35.120 Um, but I just tell you, I'm like, no, I don't like that.

00:40:38.800 Right.

00:40:39.340 And then we, as we discussed earlier, you just come out and say it.

00:40:42.020 Me, I think about it a little more.

00:40:43.600 Like sometimes when you go on these cool trips or you meet these cool people or getting

00:40:47.760 cool shit in the mail, I'm like, well, I'm not getting that.

00:40:50.960 And, you know, maybe I start feeling bad, but if I stop thinking about it, I'm like, 0.99

00:40:54.560 oh, well, I'm just maybe a little jealous.

00:40:57.120 Right.

00:40:57.540 It's just some reflection.

00:40:59.000 Right.

00:40:59.200 One of the things I was thinking about the other day, well, this was like on my hunt.

00:41:02.580 You said something about, like, I was already pissed off about the hunt because I didn't,

00:41:05.980 I didn't get, I didn't tag out.

00:41:08.160 And you were like, come on, like hurry and do it or something.

00:41:11.560 And I don't think you were being, you weren't being underhanded or mean or anything, but I

00:41:16.420 was still like, well, what the hell do you think I'm trying to do?

00:41:19.300 And so I just, I remember, I don't remember if I texted you or told you, I'm like, you

00:41:23.160 know, I don't like when you say that.

00:41:24.480 Right.

00:41:25.000 And you're like, oh, I'm sorry.

00:41:26.060 I didn't, like, I wasn't saying it like that.

00:41:27.360 I didn't realize it was coming across like that.

00:41:28.640 I'm like, yeah, I don't like it.

00:41:29.780 And you're like, okay.

00:41:31.080 And that was it.

00:41:32.180 Right.

00:41:32.600 Because we respect each other.

00:41:34.040 Yeah.

00:41:34.360 Like it, that kind of motivation doesn't work for you.

00:41:37.860 It's fine.

00:41:38.700 Right.

00:41:38.880 I'm glad I'm, I'm glad I say it again.

00:41:40.500 Right.

00:41:40.960 And then it's solved.

00:41:42.260 Yeah.

00:41:42.460 Not because you chewed me out for it because you don't like that.

00:41:45.720 I recognize it.

00:41:46.720 I don't want to make you feel bad.

00:41:47.880 So I fix it.

00:41:48.780 Right.

00:41:49.740 Yeah.

00:41:50.100 I think, I think really it just comes down to a level of maturity that, um, I, you know,

00:41:54.560 I, I care about you.

00:41:55.600 I love you, but I also care about me and I love me.

00:41:58.660 I know that if we want to have a healthy relationship that I have to be healthy, you have to be

00:42:02.640 healthy.

00:42:03.120 And I think communicating that stuff, because here's what a lot of people do.

00:42:06.600 Here's resentment.

00:42:07.140 Resentment to me is unmet expectations.

00:42:11.000 Yeah.

00:42:11.600 Right.

00:42:11.900 So there was a standard that, that I had for you or our relationship, your behavior, my behavior,

00:42:19.380 our relationship, and you failed to meet my expectation, whether I communicated it to

00:42:24.940 you or not, you failed to meet my expectation. And here's where the resentment comes in.

00:42:30.060 I failed to tell you, you failed to meet my expectation.

00:42:34.500 Yeah.

00:42:34.940 So that's, so if I have resentment, that's my fault on two fronts. Number one,

00:42:38.780 I probably didn't communicate the expectation to you. I could, I could have this thought in my

00:42:42.940 mind and then I get all pissed off and bent out of shape. And you're like, whoa, whoa,

00:42:47.520 what is this coming from? Like, well, you did this or didn't do that. And you're like,

00:42:50.060 I didn't know that was a thing. Right. And so we have these things and they've been dubbed

00:42:54.160 covert contracts. So these little contracts with you that you don't even, you aren't even aware

00:42:58.280 of. It's the conversation we're having, but you didn't know we had it. Right. And then,

00:43:02.220 and then my nose is itching. Sorry. And then, uh, and then you break the covert contract because

00:43:08.460 you didn't know it was there. And then I'm pissed off at you because you did it. But then I'm also

00:43:15.760 pissed off at me because I didn't then tell you that you broke the contract. That's my big circle.

00:43:22.420 But yes, it's not a big circle. It's just my fault. Period. Yeah. Like if I have resentment

00:43:28.900 towards you, that's my fault. Right. Or if you have resentment towards me, that's your fault.

00:43:35.600 And some people say, well, she just won't, she just won't uphold those boundaries. Well,

00:43:40.020 that's still your fault because you know that and you keep going back. Right. You're in the

00:43:44.180 relationship. So if you know a snake's a snake and I'm not necessarily calling your,

00:43:48.220 I'm in trouble. If you know a snake's a snake and yet you pick up the damn snake and you keep 1.00

00:43:55.500 putting it in your jacket and then one day it bites you, you can't be mad at the snake. 0.99

00:44:00.140 Bingo. Maybe that's not a great analogy. You are in so much trouble.

00:44:05.400 All right, guys, I'm doing this for you, but it's at my own peril tonight, apparently.

00:44:10.460 All right. Better get to the next question. Nick says, Nick McElroy says,

00:44:13.500 how hard is it to set? Let's see. How hard is it to set, appreciate and respect boundaries set by

00:44:21.940 each other, no matter how petty or small they may seem? I think you just talk through them. I can't

00:44:27.200 really think of like a boundary. Oh, actually, no, there was one today. Oh, did that small thing,

00:44:34.460 really small thing. Uh, it auto came up. He's our, he's our youngest or our little girl. I can't

00:44:41.240 remember. And they wanted, Oh, they wanted a drink from your drink. Oh yeah. And I said,

00:44:45.860 no, you're not having a drink right now. We're going to have dinner or whatever. Like I said,

00:44:48.940 no. And then you took a drink and you had a, you left a little bit and you gave it to him.

00:44:54.980 And I said, Hey, I just told him you can't have that drink. You're like, Oh, it's just a little.

00:44:59.340 I mean, it doesn't matter if it's a little or a lot. You don't undermine me

00:45:02.740 when I've already said something. I wouldn't undermine you. Even if I think you're wrong,

00:45:07.620 we can go back and talk about it later, but we can't undermine each other. Right. And you were

00:45:12.120 like, Oh yeah, I'm sorry. Well, at first, like I didn't say it out loud, but I'm like,

00:45:16.440 gosh, how chill, man. Yeah. Because it was a little thing. No big deal. Right. But you know,

00:45:20.720 I, you know, in the half second talk, me think about it. I'm like, yeah, he's right. Like it

00:45:25.160 translates. Say it again. You also said something you don't say a whole lot, which is I'm sorry. You did

00:45:31.720 say, I'm sorry today. But I mean, I think to Nick's question here, uh, if it's petty,

00:45:40.380 like if you recognize it as petty and it's stupid and it's trivial to even you, then maybe it's not 0.97

00:45:44.920 really a boundary you need to worry about. But if it is a boundary you feel like is worthy of maybe 0.97

00:45:49.700 potentially getting upset about like, Hey, we're not going to undermine each other. Then it's not

00:45:53.180 petty. Right. And you need to have that conversation with your significant other. Yeah. I think it's

00:45:57.680 important to understand why that's a boundary and communicate it. Right. Communicate it. And then,

00:46:04.800 and at that point, like the boundary either, like it won't matter anymore. Like, cause you'll

00:46:09.480 understand, or you can talk about it and figure out a better way to resolve it. Right. Cause maybe

00:46:14.340 it was stupid and you're like, Oh yeah, I hadn't really considered your side of the thing. Right. 1.00

00:46:18.080 Cool. Uh, Vinny, Vinny Gedev says, I think that's how you pronounce his last name? Gedev.

00:46:24.020 Yeah. Uh, have you ever been at a point where you both assumed your

00:46:27.420 relationship was far gone in your earlier stages of development? If so, how would you

00:46:32.120 both describe the feeling? Uh, and how did you end up going about the situation voluntarily

00:46:35.940 or involuntarily? I think we kind of addressed this question. Maybe we got that. Yeah. I mean,

00:46:40.220 you thought it was over. I got to the point where I'm like, well, she's gone. Like she's

00:46:43.640 not coming back. I think we addressed that question. Right. All right. Bob, a question for

00:46:48.240 both of you, Bob Monroe, by the way, uh, what is a quality that you admire most about your

00:46:52.260 partner? Actually a two-part question, uh, that the thing, the thing you find least attractive

00:46:57.400 or what would you like to change? So what is the thing you'd like most or admire? And what

00:47:01.420 is one thing you'd like to change? The thing I like most about you is your drive. You have

00:47:08.360 tenacity and you, if you have your eyes set on something, you will go, go, go. And if for

00:47:15.320 some odd reason it doesn't work out, you can't say that you didn't give it your all.

00:47:18.680 Yeah. And I think that's impressive. Continue. No, no, no, not. I'm saying with the praise.

00:47:26.380 Oh, no, I'm just kidding. All right. So I will say the thing I like about you. I love

00:47:30.540 how self-reliant you are. Okay. I, I just love that. I love that you're self-reliant. I love

00:47:37.900 that you're strong, that you're assertive. Uh, I love that. I don't need to worry about

00:47:41.880 you if I'm gone. Like, look, I know some guys whose wives text them and all the, the baby's

00:47:48.300 throwing up. It's like, well, clean the dang throw up then. Like, what do you want me to

00:47:51.160 do about it? And I never have to worry about, Oh, I don't know what to do. The baby's throwing

00:47:57.220 up and, and our car carpool fell through and like little stupid things. Like I never have 0.99

00:48:02.020 to worry about that. I know that when I'm gone, everything's on lockdown. The kids are

00:48:06.520 taken care of. The house is taken care of. Everything will get done because you don't really

00:48:12.400 need me to like, you want me here because I add value hopefully to what we're doing,

00:48:17.860 but you don't need me to be around in order for you to be able to operate like a functional

00:48:22.580 human being, a functional adult. And I like that in you.

00:48:26.980 Thank you. I'm proud of it.

00:48:28.140 The thing that, that is hard for me is also, it also comes with the territory, meaning that

00:48:36.140 you're stubborn and you're hardheaded and, but you can't separate the two.

00:48:44.080 Right.

00:48:44.640 I don't think I could have, sometimes I wish like you wouldn't be so hardheaded that you

00:48:49.500 just maybe see my way or just like, let me do it or show you or something. Right. But

00:48:54.680 then that would also take away the thing that I really admire, which is the independence.

00:48:59.160 So I don't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater kind of thing. But that is one

00:49:03.880 thing that when you're stubborn or you just want to be right, like not even, you even know

00:49:09.980 you're wrong, but you're like, I know I'm wrong about this thing, but I can't admit that I'm

00:49:13.740 wrong because I want to be right. And it's like, dude, just say sorry and take your, take your

00:49:19.280 licks. Like you lost, you're not right. And you just can't do it.

00:49:23.120 I refuse.

00:49:24.080 I know. But if you didn't have that, you would be the woman who's calling me every 10 minutes 1.00

00:49:30.980 when I'm trying to work or do whatever and telling me that, you know, the, the, the toilet's

00:49:35.900 flooding. I'm like, well, turn the water off. You know, like, I don't have to worry about

00:49:38.820 that. It's like, and they both go hand in hand.

00:49:41.340 Yeah. So is that a double? Is that what you love and hate about me?

00:49:45.500 I wouldn't say hate. That's a strong word.

00:49:48.480 It's just a quality that's, that I, that I wrestle with at times. What would you say?

00:49:53.700 Um, the thing I find least attractive or what I would change is we've talked about the love

00:50:00.380 languages before the five love languages and where your love languages are high.

00:50:07.520 What do you mean high?

00:50:08.460 Like where you score really high and like, yeah, I can't even think of all the names.

00:50:13.500 Words of affirmation.

00:50:14.260 Words of affirmation. That's what you need. Like for me, I don't need that so much, but on

00:50:18.660 the flip side of where it's hard for me is like, I need, I have other needs for my love

00:50:23.100 language, gifts and physical affection. Right. And you're not really good at those.

00:50:28.120 Either of those at all. I don't need gifts. I don't need a bunch of like cuddly. In fact,

00:50:34.060 the, the, like the hand holding and the thing like out in public, I'm like, this is weird.

00:50:39.280 Right. You can tell it's like awkward for you. And I'm like, damn it, hold my hand.

00:50:42.660 I see couples who are holding their hand or the one, like when couples, when the guy has 1.00

00:50:46.780 his arm around his girl, I'm like, let the damn woman walk. Like she doesn't need your arm 1.00

00:50:50.300 around her. And yet you probably would like that at times.

00:50:53.040 I probably would.

00:50:53.560 That seems so weird to me.

00:50:54.720 It feels good. But it's just, so that's, that's one that's hard for me, but I also

00:51:01.020 realized that's not you.

00:51:03.340 Right.

00:51:03.700 And I can't ask you to change your stripes. Like, 0.99

00:51:06.240 no, I know, but I know you can work on it and you can be better. And times you are better

00:51:10.280 than others. And sometimes I just thought, I have to say, Ryan, I need you to hold me.

00:51:15.260 And, and you do. And sometimes you're really good about it. And other times I can tell you're

00:51:18.920 like counting the seconds in your head, like one, 1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 1,000. So I'll just

00:51:25.220 go find one of our kids to hold for a little bit.

00:51:27.940 Perfect.

00:51:28.600 Yeah.

00:51:29.580 I'm sorry.

00:51:30.720 No, you're not.

00:51:31.560 I wish I was better.

00:51:32.880 No, you're not.

00:51:33.700 I just wish I was a better husband.

00:51:35.880 I know you really have some improvement to do.

00:51:37.940 All right. Uh, Timo Nordstrom says, Timo?

00:51:41.340 Yeah.

00:51:41.700 Timo Nordstrom. Uh, what's one place on earth? Let's see. What's one place anywhere on earth

00:51:47.340 that you have never been together, but always want to do? I think we should do this on three.

00:51:50.760 We should just say it on three. Okay. So I'll say one, two, three, and then we'll say one,

00:51:54.280 two, three, Italy. Boom. This is like the newlywed game. Yes. I think we've always had that idea. 0.97

00:52:01.720 Always. Right. I think even dating, I think probably if we didn't have, if we didn't have this move,

00:52:07.120 I think we probably would have done that this year, maybe next, right? This move is going to take

00:52:11.600 some resources and time and financial capital. And so I think we've, we've pushed that back.

00:52:16.460 Not that it's going to be gone, but we, we just, our priorities change.

00:52:19.740 Italy's always going to be there. It's been there for a really long time.

00:52:22.620 Really long time. All right. Good. I knew that you were going to say that.

00:52:27.380 All right. Craig Cottrell says, uh, I fully believe in the restoration of masculinity and

00:52:32.660 support this movement. I see positive movement daily, but I also feel like I see the modern

00:52:36.420 feminist movement making strides in the wrong direction. Uh, we can do all, let's see, 1.00

00:52:41.100 we can all do our best to raise our daughters correctly. How else can we help?

00:52:45.900 Oh, the modern feminist movement just makes me want to beat my head against the wall. 1.00

00:52:51.080 It just infuriates me and it makes me sad. How so? Why?

00:52:55.520 Cause I see these women stripping away everything that makes women, women. 1.00

00:53:00.160 Yeah. They want to be dudes, right?

00:53:01.540 They do. And like, sometimes they're just so vulgar and so crass. And I think,

00:53:05.020 why are you doing this? Like, who are you trying to impress?

00:53:09.520 To me, it seems like these women didn't grow up without a, grew up without a mother. 0.88

00:53:12.820 I'm like, where's your mom? Like, didn't she ever teach you how to be a lady? 0.90

00:53:15.840 A lady. And, and like, I get it. I don't want any crap coming towards either of us about this,

00:53:21.380 but like, like these women, it's just, it makes me sad for them. It really does. I'm not saying

00:53:26.840 we all need to be Susie housekeeper and we all need to have our hair done just right. And we all

00:53:30.400 when you wear dresses and love pink and all these wonderful things. But also like women,

00:53:38.720 we are different and we're special and there's something totally unique about us. And that is

00:53:44.840 awesome. That already puts us a step ahead in life. Like those are really good things to have.

00:53:50.680 And you, we don't need to do all the things men do. We can with exceptions, but like we don't have to.

00:53:59.000 I just feel like when a woman tries to be like a man, she's just ends up being an inferior man 1.00

00:54:05.660 instead of being a strong, superior woman. 1.00

00:54:10.700 Right. What's wrong with stepping into femininity? Yeah. Like now I realize there's tomboys and 0.95

00:54:16.880 there's girls that like wrestling or sports, but I, but I still think you can be a woman. 1.00

00:54:22.380 Right. And like some of these things or you're competitive or maybe you're ambitious with a

00:54:27.220 career. Okay. That's great. But you can't be a woman and do that. Right. I, I, I don't fully get it, 1.00

00:54:36.920 but, um, I think, I think women need to be embracing their femininity instead of pushing 1.00

00:54:43.000 it away. So how do you, he says here, we can all do our best to raise daughters correctly,

00:54:47.100 but how else can we help? I, I don't know who said it and I don't know if it's the answer,

00:54:52.440 but I think the most important work we do is within the four walls of our home.

00:54:55.940 I said that. That's my quote. No, it's not. It's like mother Teresa or something.

00:54:59.560 Stealing for mother Teresa. No, it was someone like some prominent woman that said it. Yeah. It's not

00:55:04.700 you're so blasphemy, but I, I, I agree. Like ladies take the time to show your daughters 0.99

00:55:11.420 like the amazing and special things about being a woman. Like what fathers, what would be a good

00:55:16.280 example of that? Um, I don't even know how to like, cause I don't want to make it sound like

00:55:23.260 we're all homemakers like me, but like, I enjoy to say cooking and cleaning, right? It'd be easy to

00:55:28.940 say that. Well, cleaning is stupid. No one likes cleaning, but you know, I enjoy, I enjoy going 1.00

00:55:34.920 out with Viv and like, I enjoy the activities we do together. And like, you know, some nights we like

00:55:40.680 to go to the bookstore and we go get chocolate and then we come home and eat in bed while watching

00:55:44.560 a movie. Which she sang a song by that. I know it was adorable. Anyway, we love doing that, but we

00:55:49.440 also love going out and doing yard work together. And I love showing her how plants grow and, you know,

00:55:55.440 tying that into like our life and taking care of things and, you know, showing her how, you know,

00:56:01.460 we do little things around the house to show the boys that we love them and, you know, just how we

00:56:05.500 take care of ourselves. And, you know, I love going on walks with her and we point out different things

00:56:10.440 and just showing her maybe like the beauty that we have. Yeah. One thing I really like that you've

00:56:16.240 done just over the past, I would say week maybe is every day on the way out of the door, I notice a

00:56:21.700 new little heart on the door and it says, I like going walks on together as a family or I like

00:56:27.060 watching a movie together. What is that? Is that for like Valentine's? It is for like, I see it. I'm

00:56:32.340 like, Oh, that's nice. I know. And, and, um, like the first couple of days, I don't think anyone

00:56:36.240 noticed the heart. I noticed the very first one. I didn't say anything about it. I think I just

00:56:40.600 forgot, but I noticed it. I'm like, Oh, well, I wonder what that's for. I thought maybe it was for

00:56:44.640 like a project or something. No, one of my girlfriends had posted on our group text. It was, um, for the days

00:56:50.580 leading up to Valentine's, just putting up a heart, saying something you love about your family.

00:56:54.340 And so I've been doing that every day. And I guess you noticed, but I don't think the kids

00:56:58.120 knows for the first couple of days. And then it got to, you know, day four or five and they're like,

00:57:03.540 did you put up a new heart yet today? Where's today's heart? So they started catching on and,

00:57:08.140 um, and, and they, it's been exciting cause they come down in the morning. Have you put up the heart

00:57:12.580 yet? Cause they want to know. And so I've tried to pick just something that our family does

00:57:18.000 together and saying that I love that. I think we do a pretty good job at that. Like even around,

00:57:23.020 um, like the dinner table, you know, occasionally we'll say, well, what's one thing we'll go around

00:57:29.000 the table. Tell us one thing you like about Eli. Like what's your favorite thing about you? We'll

00:57:33.780 do that. Or focus on one kid that night. Right. Our favorite thing. What do we love about you?

00:57:37.860 Or I just think in general, we do a good job encouraging our children to explore what they're

00:57:42.400 interested in. The prime example is Eli's poems. But yeah, where'd that come from? The, uh, moving

00:57:49.720 statue. The alpaca. That was awesome. I want to be an alpaca. The alpaca. What is it? I think I'm

00:57:55.880 right. I think I'm wrong. I didn't listen to the statue rules. I think I'll just go with the flow

00:58:03.220 slow, like an alpaca. Right. And I had, did, did you see that post? Because I asked him what he meant

00:58:10.380 by it. And he told me all that stuff. It was amazing. Amazing. Yeah. Cause I asked him separately

00:58:16.020 too. I'm like, Oh, well, what's the statue rule? And he explained it to me. I'm like, Holy smokes.

00:58:20.900 Was it the same? Or did he explain something? It was like the exact same thing. It was shockingly

00:58:25.040 amazing. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? So smart. So I, back to raising daughters. Yeah. I don't know how

00:58:31.080 we got, I don't know how else just be a good example, teach them the things, get them involved

00:58:39.180 with your doing. I think just communicating with your kids and involving them. Um, I, I'm

00:58:46.280 a storytime reader at the library and Viv sees me working on like my little handouts and my

00:58:52.060 little puppet shows and stuff I do. And so she'll invite me into her room and she's done

00:58:55.740 the same thing. And it makes me so proud and so happy because she sees a quality in

00:59:01.700 me that she likes and she wants to copy. And like that, those are some of my proudest

00:59:07.340 mom moments. She's a pretty good storytime reader. She's a great story. Well, I'd never

00:59:13.020 seen her at the library, but I've seen her, some of her plays and stuff. All right. Uh,

00:59:17.580 shade Rodolfo. I'm curious to hear what each of your visions are for marriage and for your

00:59:21.140 family. Are they similar to each other and how often do you discuss your, discuss your

00:59:24.660 vision? I don't know that we, I don't, I don't know that we do it like this. Maybe.

00:59:31.640 No, we've never like sat and wrote out a family vision or like if somebody asked me that question,

00:59:36.300 like what's your vision for your family? I'd be like, I don't know. Be amazing. Like, I

00:59:39.980 don't know. Yeah. I would say take some risks, try some new things, love each other, raise

00:59:44.360 each other, right. Tell each other to, or, or hold each other accountable to what we say.

00:59:49.120 Um, try hard, support each other. One thing that I think we do pretty well is, is

00:59:54.580 like supportive of the kids. The one that I think about a lot is our oldest boy. He's 11.

00:59:59.560 He, I think he's starting to get to the point where he's like, Oh, this girl's kind of cute.

01:00:03.120 Like there's some attraction there. It's not prevalent, but it's there. Right. And I just,

01:00:09.560 I, what the thing that you and I have agreed to is that we're not going to tease our kids about

01:00:13.800 boyfriends and girlfriends because why would we tease something that we would encourage? Like,

01:00:17.260 I want him to be attracted to girls, right? I want him to like, have little girlfriends over

01:00:21.700 and want to, want to spend time with them and appreciate who they like. I want that. So why

01:00:26.980 would I make fun of that? Right. And I want him to talk to us about it. Right. If he's having

01:00:31.180 girl problems, I want to, I want him to come to us, not his friends that are. Because we make fun

01:00:36.940 of him or something. Right. I don't want him that ever to be an awkward conversation. Right. So I want

01:00:41.660 our family to be strong and supportive and open and loving. And you know, if we could be kind most

01:00:47.840 days, that'd be awesome too. Like what, like what percentage would you be happy? Like, you know,

01:00:53.120 if we could like, at least every other day people got along. So you're saying like 50%? It needs to

01:00:57.800 be like 70 at least. Yeah. I'm just trying to be realistic. Yeah. It's tough with the kids. I mean,

01:01:03.700 if our kids didn't have such strong personalities, maybe 70, but like. Oh, they are. They're all yours.

01:01:09.260 Just like you. So I just think if, if somehow we deviated a little bit or we, we did something

01:01:19.600 that maybe the either one of us thought, well, that's weird or I don't like that. I think we'd

01:01:22.760 be pretty quick to course correct. Right. It'd be just a quick conversation. Like,

01:01:26.820 we need to talk about this one. We're not disciplining our kids this way or something.

01:01:30.380 I think we're pretty much in agreement on most stuff. I think our vision is a living document,

01:01:36.560 if you will. Like it changes. Yeah. I don't like that term. It just alludes to the constitution

01:01:42.560 being a living document. And I think that's. Right. Don't get political. Okay. Just stop.

01:01:47.400 All right. Matt Prolux. Prolux. Prolux. Prolux. Prolux. I don't know. Matt. French. Maybe. Matt

01:01:54.000 says, what episode number is that with your wife previously? I actually wrote down on here,

01:01:59.500 October. I don't know what episode number it is because we don't do episode numbers anymore.

01:02:02.380 It was October 26th of 2018. So you can go back and check it out. October 26th, 2018.

01:02:08.380 Paula Burquez says, why did you pick or choose Ryan? It was his curved brim hat.

01:02:14.920 It's exactly what it was. It's exactly what it was. I honestly, I, I was having a great time in high

01:02:22.720 school, dating lots of guys. And I had a boyfriend and we had gone over to Ryan's apartment. I don't

01:02:29.640 know. Cause he was a friend of mine. He was a friend of Ryan's and, uh, we were just going

01:02:34.140 over to hang out and Ryan walked out and man, we gave each other the whole up and down stare

01:02:39.000 and knew we were interested, but I was dating his friend. So nothing ever happened. And as

01:02:45.100 soon as I broke up with his friend, it didn't take too long for us to get together. We were

01:02:48.880 at the mall together. Yeah. We were both working like kind of kitty corner to each other.

01:02:53.400 And, and I, you gave me your number and I didn't call you back. I was pissed. I was

01:02:58.780 working. You're the first guy that never called. I was working it. You were. I was no fool.

01:03:04.760 Yeah. I didn't. She gave me your number. I think it's cause I left to Hawaii or something.

01:03:08.380 Or I, it might've been guard training. Oh, maybe it's there for the national guard,

01:03:12.120 but I didn't call. And that just got, I was so mad. That's how you do it. Fellas play 0.99

01:03:18.740 a little harder to get to come right to you. Uh, disease Flores says Mrs. Mickler, by the 0.99

01:03:25.460 way, guys, I said this in the Facebook post. I really appreciate the level of respect towards

01:03:30.360 my wife and towards me. Um, I'm always a little hesitant. And this is what I said in the group.

01:03:34.820 I'm always a little hesitant to, uh, bring you into this because I just know people can turn

01:03:40.840 into a holes, but the guys in the group don't know. I would, some of them do, but nobody's

01:03:47.980 disrespectful to you probably cause they know. Yeah. Well they do get blocked, but also I

01:03:53.980 think the guys in your group are, they're good men. Well, they're proving, I mean, they're,

01:03:58.540 they've taken a step there. They've like voluntarily decided I want to improve my life as a man.

01:04:03.540 Yeah. Well, and they see what you stand for. And I mean, if they didn't agree on some level,

01:04:07.300 they wouldn't be there. And there's a lot of people that disagree and they just weed themselves

01:04:10.380 out, which is fine. Go off into whatever it is you want to do. Yeah. Still seems weird to see

01:04:14.160 Mrs. Mickler. It feels so old. Mrs. Mickler is my mother. Right. Or my mother. Yeah. Weird. All

01:04:21.960 right. Uh, thanks for bringing some light to our dark leader. I'm assuming that's me. Ha ha. Now

01:04:27.900 real questions. When you decided to be back with Ryan, uh, was the fact that he had the drive to

01:04:32.160 be better and was taking action or the man he was becoming that attracted you? Hope this makes sense.

01:04:36.420 I kind of feel like we maybe address this a little bit. Right. And I just say to the,

01:04:40.200 those things, yes, it was all of those strive to be better. He was taking action and, and yeah,

01:04:46.200 I was more attracted to him. He wasn't the man wallowing in self-pity weak weak link. Yeah. Broken.

01:04:54.200 Yeah. Okay. Uh, Nate Wardrip, Mrs. Mickler. What advice would you give to a young wife on how to be 0.92

01:05:03.600 the woman she was meant to be? With Ryan addressing the men on how to be masculine,

01:05:08.160 how would you address women to be more feminine and the women they need to be in the home? Thank you.

01:05:14.720 That's a lot. Um, on the first one on a new, a new young wife on how to be the one she wants to be. 1.00

01:05:21.640 Well, she was meant to be is the word he uses. Right. I think that one's hard. Cause I think back

01:05:28.180 to our early years of marriage and I was trying so hard to be like my friend down the street,

01:05:32.980 how she is with her husband and how I was raised and how I saw my sister doing it. And I was comparing

01:05:36.980 myself to all of the other women that were married that I knew. And I was trying to just keep up with

01:05:44.460 them and do what they were doing. And I think it's important to just stop and discover who you want

01:05:50.520 to be. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. But I think, go ahead. Well, I was just going to say,

01:05:59.260 wouldn't you agree that it's also good to model certain things on how you want to live your life

01:06:05.920 and what you want to create? Like, isn't it good to model your mother, for example, um, in the things

01:06:10.860 that you say good about, see good about their relationship? Or isn't it good to see, you know,

01:06:15.320 Sue down the street and she does this with her family, just like the hearts on the door. Like you saw

01:06:20.240 that from somebody else. Like, Oh, I like that. I'll incorporate that. So like, how do you find

01:06:23.920 the balance between being yourself, but then modeling certain ideas and behaviors and personalities

01:06:30.720 to, to reach the potential that maybe you didn't see was there? Right. I don't know. I guess that

01:06:37.140 is a little more complicated. Um, I'm not saying pretty deep and thoughtful too. So like if it's,

01:06:43.340 if it's, you know, it's a little hard, I understand. Um, I think, well, yes, obviously you're

01:06:50.180 going to see traits that you like and everything, but I don't think you should be doing things

01:06:54.080 in your marriage just because someone told you that's how you do it in marriage. Does

01:06:57.580 that make sense? Especially if you don't feel good about it. Right. So you have to review

01:07:01.060 it. Like, and I'm doing this to feel right. That's what I'm saying. Like, take the time

01:07:05.300 to think about like, well, do I agree with that? Or is that just how I've been told to do

01:07:09.980 it? Right. And so I think that's important. Um, and just encourage her, encourage her to find

01:07:17.040 her hobbies, find her role in the home. Like maybe she sucks at cooking and she hates it. 1.00

01:07:23.680 She's never going to be that wife for you if she doesn't, if that's not a thing for her. 1.00

01:07:27.860 So maybe, maybe you learn how to cook or maybe you take cooking classes together. I'm just saying

01:07:33.800 like, like you can't expect her to be something she's not. Right. But maybe you can encourage.

01:07:41.340 I would also add just from my perspective, looking at you, one of the things that helps you is

01:07:46.120 having friends too. Yeah. Where you can go out and you can do the thing and, you know,

01:07:53.020 have pillow fights in your underwear, whatever women do when guys aren't around. 1.00

01:07:57.060 Totally. Uh, but no, really though, it was like just having, cause you're going to talk with your,

01:08:03.280 your girlfriends different than you're going to talk with me. Right. And you actually need both.

01:08:08.560 Like both are good. Right. I, there was a point in time where I would really try to make you feel

01:08:13.020 guilty. So consciously or subconsciously for leaving, like just for going out for the night.

01:08:18.760 I mean, right. And I was so insecure with myself. It's not like you're going to the club

01:08:23.180 and meeting dudes. It's not what I'm talking about, but I was, you wanted to go out with your mom.

01:08:27.920 Right. Or your sister and your mother to a, to a concert or some, or your girlfriends to play

01:08:32.820 bunco for the night. And I would make you feel guilty over that, which didn't serve me. It didn't

01:08:38.580 serve you. It was sabotaging. It was not a good thing. And now I feel like for the most part,

01:08:45.720 I feel like I'm pretty encouraging is when you say, Hey, I want to go out or me and my mom are

01:08:50.440 going to go to a play or whatever. My girlfriends are going to go to bunco that I feel like, yes,

01:08:58.420 maybe I fall short sometimes, but I feel like for the most, that's why I'm laughing. Cause she's

01:09:02.640 looking at me and rolling her eyes. I feel like I'm pretty supportive of that.

01:09:08.360 You are for the most part. You are.

01:09:09.880 Yes. Maybe 95%. Yeah.

01:09:11.900 Would you say 95%?

01:09:12.660 That's probably a good statistic. Yeah.

01:09:14.260 Don't roll your eyes at me.

01:09:16.660 So how would I address women to be more feminine and the women they need to be at home? I would say, 0.99

01:09:24.280 don't be afraid to step up to that role. I think there's so many.

01:09:29.120 You're saying, Oh, the women or the guys? What are you saying?

01:09:31.980 Okay.

01:09:32.440 To be more feminine and what they need to be in the home. 1.00

01:09:36.440 Why would a woman be afraid of that? 0.82

01:09:38.120 Because society is telling us so much, like you don't want to be a homemaker. 0.95

01:09:41.420 Oh yeah.

01:09:41.800 You don't want to do this.

01:09:42.580 He's holding you down.

01:09:43.780 Right.

01:09:44.360 Yeah.

01:09:44.740 You're not, you're not fulfilling your potential.

01:09:46.920 You should be ruling the world and like, don't be afraid to say, no, this, this is actually

01:09:53.600 what I want.

01:09:54.300 What do you think about women who lead in a corporate environment or politics? What do you 1.00

01:09:59.860 think about that?

01:10:01.300 I, I think, I think to each their own. Like I think some women, some women just are not 0.99

01:10:08.600 meant to be homemakers. Like it's just, it's just not them. And I think that's okay. If you 0.87

01:10:14.720 find fulfillment in running a fortune 500 company, then run it.

01:10:18.800 Like a woman. 1.00

01:10:19.700 Kick ass do it. Yeah. 1.00

01:10:20.400 Yeah. Do it. And don't, don't, don't take a, you know, a hand up from anyone. Don't

01:10:25.960 expect special treatment. You're going to do it. Then get in there and do it.

01:10:30.600 That's one of the funny things I see about this extreme feminism is like these, these 1.00

01:10:35.940 women are like, well, we're strong and we're independent and we're powerful, but we need 1.00

01:10:41.480 legislation to help us get ahead. It's like, wait, I thought you just got done telling me

01:10:45.760 how independent and strong you were.

01:10:47.520 I thought you wanted to be equal.

01:10:48.700 Yeah. You need a bunch of old white guys to legislate something so that you can have 1.00

01:10:53.300 whatever it is you think you deserve.

01:10:54.960 Yeah. I think if that's, if that's your thing, if you want to be in the military, you want

01:11:00.180 to be like the best welder in America, or you want to run a company, I think that's awesome.

01:11:05.740 And if that's, that's your thing, then go for it, fight for it and do the absolute best

01:11:11.860 you can. Cause there are going to be so many women along the way telling you you're doing

01:11:15.900 the wrong thing. There's going to be men around the way telling you, you can't. So if that's

01:11:19.940 your choice, if that's the decision in life, then do it and go all in.

01:11:24.160 There you go. You heard it here.

01:11:26.680 Peter Van Zyl, Zyl, Zyl, Zyl, one of the two or three. How do you see the role that God

01:11:33.520 made quote unquote, the wife helper in today's terms? Times have definitely changed. How will

01:11:38.560 that role be accomplished in today's life? He put a scripture in here. I didn't include

01:11:42.320 the scripture, but it was something along the lines of God was not meant or man was not

01:11:47.220 meant to be alone. So he sends woman to help and support kind of that helper role. He used,

01:11:53.480 I can't remember the scripture. He used a scripture reference from a translated Bible that I'm not

01:11:59.420 familiar with. We, I, we use the King James version. I don't know what translation he was

01:12:03.880 using. So I'd, I'd have to look exactly to see like what terms are being used, but yeah. What do

01:12:09.860 you think? Wife is a help. I still think that's our role. Um, I think instead of helper, I'd be more

01:12:16.080 like support. Yeah. But obviously you're not the help. Yeah. You're not going out and like knocking

01:12:21.600 down trees to build Arlene too, and shooting a couple of squirrels for dinner. Like have you ever

01:12:27.080 eaten a squirrel? No. Would you? I'd probably try it. I would eat a squirrel. I'd try it. Why wouldn't

01:12:32.160 you try it? I don't know that I eat raccoon or possum, but I'd go for a squirrel. Possums are

01:12:36.000 disgusting. Yeah. Anyway. Um, so, but like we're not, that's not the way we live anymore, 0.97

01:12:43.020 which it's awesome. Um, because who wants squirrel? But, um, I think a lot of people eat squirrel.

01:12:50.720 Yeah. I don't know. It's not that gross. Like it's not gross. No, I've seen some big freaking

01:12:56.740 squirrels. Oh no, not chipmunks. What are they called? Woodchucks. Rock chucks. We have 0.76

01:13:03.960 rock chucks here. Is there really a difference between a rock chuck and a wood chuck? I don't

01:13:07.680 know. I think it depends on where they make their home. Wait, it's like if they're in rocks,

01:13:12.520 they're rock chucks. Yeah. I'm going to look, maybe you guys know, look, this is going downhill

01:13:17.100 fast. It's nine 30 here, which isn't late except for when you have four kids is late. So we're

01:13:22.740 getting to that delirious stage. You are. I keep interrupting you. I know. Let me finish

01:13:26.940 my thought. Um, I think as we've talked before, like I think women's role is to support her

01:13:33.860 husband, whether that means, um, keeping house, maybe she needs to get another job to help. 1.00

01:13:39.720 Like I think. No, no, I don't. I mean, you can think whatever you think. I disagree.

01:13:45.420 It could be. Well, what if you like chopped your leg off and find a minute, you know, I

01:13:51.060 don't, I don't, I could work without a leg. I know. Unless you were in the hospital for

01:13:54.080 like three weeks. Well, I'm saying there's some extenuating circumstances. Yes. But I

01:13:58.640 think if you're like, well, hon, we're not making the ends meet. So like, will you go out

01:14:01.400 and get a job? No. That's BS. That is BS. But I didn't mean it that way. I meant it

01:14:06.880 like times tough. Like in some. Well, no, then the dude should go out and get another

01:14:11.580 job. Okay. I'm just saying. No, like, I think this is a real, I think this is a real

01:14:17.780 point of distinction. This is what I was saying earlier is like, that's your job. Like if you

01:14:23.260 can't make ends meet, you don't go ask your wife to do a job. You go out and do another 0.75

01:14:28.160 job. Okay. You do have a point there. Now, if you're, if you're, if you're, if

01:14:31.300 you're doing everything and you're working 20 hours a day and like, okay, well, yes,

01:14:36.400 I understand. But I'm just saying, don't shirk that. And here's the thing we hear a

01:14:42.960 lot. At least I do is that people ask me how we managed to make the stay at home

01:14:48.280 thing work. Now let's be real. Now it works really well because we're doing well

01:14:53.520 financially. I don't want to be so arrogant or ignorant to believe that 0.92

01:14:58.140 everybody's in this position, but early in our marriage, we were broke. 0.57

01:15:04.140 We were so poor.

01:15:05.240 And yet you've always, since we had Brecken, you have always stayed at home.

01:15:10.880 Always.

01:15:11.580 Always.

01:15:12.340 Because I feel like that's what we wanted. And so I have to go out and do the thing

01:15:17.440 to make that a reality. That's my job. It's not your job because we agreed that you

01:15:23.820 would stay at home. That's true. Yes. You're right. Wait, what? I think you've

01:15:30.020 said this at least, at least seven times.

01:15:32.280 Well, you can listen to as much as you want. I'm going to record it. Well, it is

01:15:35.300 recording. I'm going to go back and listen just for how often you tell me I'm

01:15:38.200 right in the podcast. All right. Chris Dalton says, question for Miss Michelle,

01:15:43.780 Mrs. Michelle. I think that's an auto correct. How did you manage the separation

01:15:46.960 yourself? And what is the biggest lesson learned during that period of separation?

01:15:50.300 I didn't handle it so well. Got into some pretty good postpartum depression and that

01:15:59.560 was difficult. That took some time to climb out of. But the biggest lesson I learned during

01:16:05.800 that time of separation was, well, there were so many learned, but there when we were starting

01:16:12.360 to work things out, I chose to stay married. I didn't feel like I had to be there. I didn't

01:16:19.800 feel like that's just what I was supposed to do. I chose this marriage. And when I made

01:16:25.020 that decision, there was no turning back for me. I was in a hundred percent.

01:16:29.060 But you weren't always that.

01:16:30.240 I was on the fence of like, no, I wasn't on the fence like, well, we'll see how it goes.

01:16:34.100 I'm going to give it a couple months. I was a hundred percent in. Chips are there. And knowing

01:16:39.980 that I had made that decision, I had chose to take you back. I had chose to raise our son

01:16:45.340 together. I had chose this marriage. Like that was biggest lesson I've learned.

01:16:51.260 That you made the conscious choice.

01:16:53.060 Right.

01:16:54.280 I like it. Okay. Clay Watts, advice for young couples starting a life together.

01:16:59.880 I've actually made a post on this the other day in Facebook or might've even been today.

01:17:03.680 Okay. And I said, don't lose yourself to your wife because that is the, that's the first 0.98

01:17:12.860 thing to go for guys. They get rid of their buddies. They get rid of their hobbies. I get

01:17:18.660 it. You want to be with your woman. That makes sense to me. That's what I wanted to do. And

01:17:24.000 yet I became weaker. Like I weakened my position by doing that.

01:17:28.600 Right.

01:17:28.800 I almost in a way, and I talk about this in the book, the sovereignty almost in a way

01:17:33.540 I gave you my authority. What I mean is I, I over myself, I'm saying I gave you the power

01:17:41.700 over me instead of maintaining the power for myself. And I think that's really important

01:17:45.180 in a relationship and something a lot of people don't talk about is that you need to maintain

01:17:49.760 your own sovereignty.

01:17:51.880 Yeah, I agree.

01:17:52.840 You need to maintain your own authority. If I give you authority over my life and it could

01:17:58.580 be as simple as making a decision and pawning that decision off you when I should be making

01:18:03.200 that decision to, uh, just, just not fulfilling my responsibilities. I mean, it could be anywhere

01:18:10.100 on that spectrum. Then I'm giving you the authority that you don't deserve. And maybe not deserves

01:18:18.080 not the right word, but I think you see what I'm saying. And also I'm weakening my position

01:18:22.860 as a man. So I'm not nearly as effective as a husband and a father. A woman does the same 1.00

01:18:27.620 thing when she totally and completely submits and gives away her own authority to live her 0.99

01:18:32.400 life. She weakens her position. I believe as a woman. Now, I think there's a lot of people

01:18:36.120 who would probably disagree with that on both sides of the spectrum. I know a lot of guys

01:18:41.220 who would say, well, a woman's supposed to be completely and a hundred percent subservient 1.00

01:18:44.700 to his wife, uh, uh, to, or to her husband. I, I disagree. Like, I don't even want that.

01:18:51.680 How, like, to me, I just think how miserable, like how I just can't fathom a life where you

01:18:58.420 were at my beck and call and waiting on me hand and foot. Like, I just can't, I can't envision

01:19:05.680 that sort of life. That's good. It's good. Cause it ain't happening. So I would say that

01:19:12.560 you really long answer, but I would say you need to maintain your authority. You need to

01:19:18.540 keep your buddies and spend time with them. You need to continue your hobbies free of her.

01:19:25.460 You can do things together, but you all should do some things without her and vice versa.

01:19:29.780 Yeah. I think that I actually only came up with two words to your long answer was patience

01:19:36.160 and communication. Being a newlywed was hard. Everyone talked about newlywed bliss. I thought

01:19:42.300 it was just going to be fast. It was hard.

01:19:43.860 Well, we were newlyweds twice.

01:19:45.940 Yeah. It was hard both times because we, we had never lived with each other, obviously.

01:19:52.460 Like, and then, um, I had never moved out of my parents' house, which has its own issues. But

01:20:01.420 I, so I didn't know, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. So I think just having the

01:20:06.120 patience to work through kind of the, the kinks along the way, I think is important. And 1.00

01:20:12.000 then learn early on how to communicate because that was a big, that was a big wedge for us for

01:20:18.660 a lot, both times, both newlywed times.

01:20:20.940 Yeah. You really needed to work on that.

01:20:25.280 All right. Let's get through. I think there's, we've got maybe eight to nine, so let's get

01:20:30.320 through these. Uh, Chris Gatchko talks about moving to Maine. I think we addressed that

01:20:33.960 for both of you, John Gilliland, uh, for both of you, how do you manage the differences between

01:20:38.920 the two of you? How do you encourage these differences? I feel like maybe we've kind of

01:20:43.120 talked about this a little bit different or a little bit. Um, I like, I appreciate that

01:20:48.420 you, that you have different thoughts and different ideas and you think about the world

01:20:52.480 differently than I do because it gives me a perspective that I wouldn't consider on my

01:20:56.100 own. So I actually just look at it as another point of reference that makes, helps me make

01:21:00.700 better decisions.

01:21:01.440 Right. I think the yin and yang thing is awesome because we are so different on a lot of things.

01:21:07.120 We're very similar on some things, but I think I had to laugh, um, earlier question how it said,

01:21:12.840 bring some light to our dark leader, because I think that is a lot of the time you're very serious

01:21:17.360 and you're very black and white. And I'm like, Oh, this sounds fun. Let's try this. Hey, look,

01:21:22.480 rainbows. And you just, you're, you're not quite, but man, sometimes you just suck it up and you come

01:21:27.220 along with me and, and it's awesome. Um, yeah, well, thank you. I don't, I don't know that I'm

01:21:33.860 awesome at that, but I appreciate you recognize that I try play ball. Um, I think, I think it's

01:21:40.560 important to remember that we're individuals. We are, we are one within our marriage, but you're

01:21:48.000 a hundred percent Ryan Mickler. You have your own likes, your dislikes, your quirks, your like

01:21:52.080 stubbornness. You have all those things about yourself. I am Tricia. Like I was a person before

01:21:57.920 I married you. I was a person before we had kids. I am still a person. I still have things that make

01:22:03.340 me unique. And I think remembering that is important. What do you think about women who 0.98

01:22:08.580 don't want to take their husband's names? I think that's between them. I know, but I think it's kind

01:22:13.980 of weird. Um, I, I, I assume they have some sort of reason behind it, but I think, I think that's

01:22:22.140 part of marriage. Like you join together. You, but why? Okay. So why wouldn't a man take his wife's name 0.91

01:22:27.460 then? I don't know. I'm just curious what you think. I've never spent time thinking about it.

01:22:33.760 I mean, if your answer is, well, that you joined together, then why does the woman have to take 0.95

01:22:37.940 the man's name? I guess it depends on the couple. I would, I mean, I'm, I'm just playing devil's

01:22:43.100 advocate here. Like I truly have not spent a minute of my life thinking about it. I don't care. I think

01:22:50.000 about all these things. You should definitely have better things to worry about. All right. Uh,

01:22:56.800 let's see. Jason Scott, uh, what's your favorite podcast or books to read? I've been asking, uh,

01:23:01.900 I've been meaning to ask for one of the AMAs. I, I actually don't listen to podcasts ever. Not even

01:23:08.940 mine. I rarely do I listen to yours. What makes you decide to listen to one? Cause occasionally you

01:23:13.220 listen to one. Why would you listen to one? Um, sometimes it depends on how excited you were to

01:23:16.880 talk to this guest or something you've said about like a story shared during it. Um, but

01:23:21.540 yeah, I rarely listen to yours, which is funny. Um, I mean, why should you, why should you, you

01:23:27.220 know me? Well, that's the thing. Like I, I talk to you all the time. Right. I know your

01:23:31.360 opinions. I know your views. And so like, why would I listen to it? I do like to listen to

01:23:39.320 Mike Rose. They are like seven minutes and I enjoy the way he tells a story. He's a good

01:23:43.800 storyteller. And so if I, if I am listening to a podcast, I listened to that one. I am

01:23:48.000 going to get micro on the podcast. That'd be awesome. Mark it now. He's already turned

01:23:51.240 me down. Well, not him. His team has turned me down three times. Well, maybe I should

01:23:54.940 ask. Yeah. I think that'd work. Um, Travis knows him. Travis Mills. Well, I'd like Travis

01:24:01.520 too. What do you mean? He was fun. That was a fun podcast. I got to sit in that room while

01:24:06.100 you were doing it. Obviously, you know that, but the listeners didn't. Travis was fun. I

01:24:10.440 really liked that interview. He's an awesome, awesome guy. He is. Um, but books. So I get

01:24:16.780 very emotionally invested in my books. And so I will read like the bestsellers and I will

01:24:23.240 read the book club recommendations. But honestly, some of those stories get, I get, I get torn

01:24:28.880 up on the stories and the backstories and it kind of puts me in a funk. So a lot of the times

01:24:33.600 like I have to stop reading those and I'll just go to the cheap romance paperback novel

01:24:39.440 and I'll read like 20 of those in a row before I can read an actual real serious book again,

01:24:44.900 because I just need something lighthearted, something to just break the monotony of laundry

01:24:50.200 and dishes and all that.

01:24:51.580 I saw one, I think it was today, some handsome, rugged cowboy. I'm like, what is this?

01:24:58.480 I know. And like, I know what the story is going to do. I know it's cheesy, but it's just such a

01:25:04.120 good break from reality. I know.

01:25:06.240 I think what he's asking is what self-help stuff do you listen to?

01:25:10.220 Oh, hey, those are self-help.

01:25:12.000 But you, but you don't really, like you're not a self-help junkie like I am.

01:25:17.240 No, I can't stand, I can't stand the podcast. I can't stand, I know.

01:25:21.440 My podcast? That was a trick thing to say.

01:25:24.000 I read books. I can't, like, I would rather have a teeth pulled than read like a self-help book.

01:25:30.300 I truly would.

01:25:31.940 Because I think what he's getting at is you should start Order of Women.

01:25:34.700 No, I don't, I don't see that anywhere there.

01:25:36.800 That's his next question. He just didn't have room to put it.

01:25:39.000 Don't see that.

01:25:39.860 Would you ever start Order of Women? 0.95

01:25:41.520 Let's see what Keith says. Keith Dorey.

01:25:42.420 No, no. Would you ever start Order of Women? Or whatever you'd call it.

01:25:48.860 That is not a path I'm on right now.

01:25:51.020 Okay.

01:25:51.420 Right now I'm focused on raising our kids.

01:25:53.280 That's a fair answer.

01:25:54.160 Yeah.

01:25:55.140 I think just people would, like, I, you're beating a dead horse on.

01:25:58.960 I'm just saying, I'm not trying to convince you. I'm just saying, guys, I wish I could.

01:26:04.340 This is just one area that I just can't get her to do what I tell her to do.

01:26:08.500 Every other area she submits to my authority.

01:26:11.180 But for whatever reason, this area, she just won't.

01:26:16.180 So I'll keep working it over.

01:26:17.780 All right. Keith Dorey, is that how you'd say that?

01:26:20.260 Ryan, if, well, I don't need to ask her. You can ask her.

01:26:22.820 Could you ask your wife if she's ever contemplated cutting off your beard while you're sleeping?

01:26:28.600 No. I get asked a lot what I think of the beard. Honestly, I like it. I think he looks handsome.

01:26:36.180 People are crazy. They ask the dumbest questions. And contrary to popular belief, there are dumb questions. 1.00

01:26:43.100 And one of them is, does your wife like your beard? Come on. 0.99

01:26:47.360 Do you honestly think if you didn't like my beard that I would keep my beard?

01:26:51.300 Exactly.

01:26:51.820 And I make jokes. I'm like, if you shave your beard for a woman, you deserve neither a beard or your woman. 1.00

01:26:56.540 Right. 0.84

01:26:57.000 That's a joke. If you didn't, and it's sad I need to say that, but people are so sensitive and literal these days.

01:27:02.620 Because if you didn't like my beard, guys, I just wouldn't have a beard.

01:27:06.760 Or I'd have this sexy stubble or whatever, like, or a handlebar mustache.

01:27:11.140 Yeah.

01:27:11.620 Which, by the way, there is a picture out there somewhere, I don't know if it's on the internet or if we just have it,

01:27:16.880 of me with my, like, kind of handlebar mustache when our daughter was born. 0.91

01:27:22.360 The day she's born is the day he cuts a freaking handlebar mustache. 0.97

01:27:25.520 Oh, my gosh. I'm so glad we have photo evidence of that. 0.97

01:27:28.700 So awesome. All right. We got, I think we got five left. Let's get through these and then we'll go eat ice cream or something.

01:27:36.060 Yeah.

01:27:37.120 Roke Abraham Reyes. What advice can she give to women who feel lost in their marriage to reconnect?

01:27:44.040 What is it that made her realize that she didn't want to be separated anymore?

01:27:47.480 Which I think we've kind of talked about that. What drives her to stay in the marriage? 0.98

01:27:51.720 So I'd answer question one in three.

01:27:53.360 Okay. Well, three, I think, again, what drives me to stay is I chose this. I want this. I want it to work.

01:27:59.760 And I want it to be, I want this family for our children. I want to be with you. I don't have to be. I want it. I made that choice.

01:28:09.180 Women feeling lost in their marriage on how to reconnect. The thought I had was find a common interest. Find something to do together. 0.99

01:28:16.820 I mean, it might just be simple as like Ryan and I every now and then we'll break out a puzzle. And like, it's like, here we are on a Friday night putting together a Charles Wysocki puzzle.

01:28:28.980 Is that how you say his last name?

01:28:30.000 I don't know. That's how I sit.

01:28:30.980 But, um, it, it, it's like a lame thing to do, but we're sitting side by side. I know we do pretty good on those.

01:28:38.420 It's awesome.

01:28:38.820 You're really good at them.

01:28:39.760 I'm pretty good at puzzles.

01:28:40.900 Yeah. But, um, it's no big thing. It's not some big fancy night out, but we're side by side. We're working on something together. Sometimes we're talking, sometimes we're just watching a movie, but we're doing it together. And, and we're close physically and emotionally. Like we're close at that moment.

01:28:55.960 So just find something to do together.

01:28:58.900 You also just got a bow.

01:29:00.320 Yes.

01:29:00.980 We had a little contest yesterday. Would you care to tell them how the contest went?

01:29:04.480 I was super close.

01:29:05.700 You weren't, you were actually closer than I thought you would be.

01:29:08.340 I know. I'm good.

01:29:09.080 When you started hitting those, I was like, she's only been doing this. Like that was probably your third session.

01:29:13.940 Like fifth.

01:29:15.040 Okay, but.

01:29:15.660 But still. And also on that, like I, I see that you've gotten into hunting and you're interested in it. I also want to do that with you.

01:29:24.360 Yeah. So I asked for a bow. I asked you on your hunts. I asked you different questions about it because I have an interest in it.

01:29:31.380 I thought it was interesting yesterday because I was out shooting my bow. Um, I think before dinner or something, I think you and the kids were actually gone. You'd maybe just ran or something.

01:29:41.460 So I was shooting the bow and I just saw you over by the truck. Everybody had gotten out and the kids were their friends and stuff. And I saw you and you were just leaned up against the suburban and you were just watching me.

01:29:51.260 And I was like, grab your bow, come over and shoot. She's giving me the sexy eyes right now. So I'm like, grab your bow, come over here and shoot. And you're like, Oh, I don't. And you did. You went, cause I could tell you were excited.

01:30:04.240 So you went and grabbed your bow and you like came right out, which I, I was glad I wanted you there. And then you said, Oh, I'm sorry to like cut into your time. Right. And look, I gotta have time. Like there's some time where I, frankly, I don't want you out there shooting with me. I just want to shoot.

01:30:19.940 But, but I enjoy it doing it together. And that the fact that we had a little bit of contest, I was able to maybe coach you a little bit through a couple little minor things that maybe I'm not qualified to coach on necessarily. It was just fun. I just had a good time. I thought that was nice doing that together.

01:30:35.860 Yeah, it's fun. And we, again, it's just something more to reconnect on. It's something to build on. It's, you know, fun, have a little trash talking going, a little competition and, and yeah, it's just finding something to do together.

01:30:49.120 I think, um, one of the mistakes that couples make, I think that pertains to this question here is that they think that they have to sit by the fire and hold hands and stare into each other's eyes and sing Kumbaya or ask about each other's feelings and deep thoughts and visions about the future. And look, there's a point in time where you got to talk. You, you want to connect that way.

01:31:11.640 Appropriate at times, but it doesn't always have to be like that. Like the other day, the other night you were standing by the bed and you were standing by the bed and you, you were faced away from the door.

01:31:26.020 And I snuck up and I literally put the Goldberg spear on you from behind. And I just, I was airborne, airborne onto the bed. It was awesome. And that was a connection.

01:31:40.280 It was. We laid there and we laughed and jumped up and went about our business, but it was so fun.

01:31:45.400 I mean, I wanted to say out because you like landed in the middle of my back, but like, it was so funny.

01:31:55.120 But that's a connection. Yeah. And so it doesn't have to be like this therapy session.

01:32:02.960 Right. Oh, you know, one thing when we were first getting back together that you did that, that helped a lot.

01:32:08.620 I know. You were really good about leaving me notes. I know. He would fold these like amazing origami things. I'll have to dig them out so we can show these guys.

01:32:16.640 But, um, and he, it'd just be like a cute little note. I know. I need to do that. I've really dropped the ball on that.

01:32:21.800 Yeah. It's been like nine years. No, it hasn't. I did. I had dropped the ball. I thought about that just like a week ago.

01:32:28.380 Just like little things. They don't need to be, you know, roses and candle lights and unicorn farts. Like it could just be something. I mean, unicorn fart would go a long way.

01:32:41.500 But, um, it just little things. What would a unicorn fart smell like? Cupcakes.

01:32:47.560 Cupcakes. And what is it? We better move on.

01:32:49.120 What is that commercial? The unicorn poop is the soft serve ice cream, like rainbow soft serve ice cream.

01:32:54.760 What is that? Squatty potty. Squatty potty. That's right.

01:32:56.780 I heard they smell like cupcakes and David Beckham.

01:32:59.560 David Beckham. After a soccer game or?

01:33:04.180 Yeah.

01:33:05.740 All right. Let's move on, guys.

01:33:09.020 Josh.

01:33:09.600 Who?

01:33:10.180 Josh Coughlin.

01:33:10.640 Coughlin.

01:33:11.740 Mrs. Mickler, what caught your attention first when Ryan started his journey to the man he is today when you guys were split up?

01:33:18.080 We've answered this, right?

01:33:18.980 Right.

01:33:19.180 Let's not beat a dead horse.

01:33:20.060 Okay.

01:33:20.680 So Josh, I hope we've answered that for you.

01:33:22.820 Jose David Hernandez, do women really like flowers? 1.00

01:33:26.220 I do not.

01:33:28.660 Talk to me.

01:33:29.460 Exception.

01:33:30.000 Okay.

01:33:30.600 I do not like roses.

01:33:32.740 I know that.

01:33:32.840 In fact, the Valentine's Day coming up, I freaking hate Valentine's Day. 1.00

01:33:36.020 I think it is the stupidest holiday. 0.99

01:33:37.780 Which is funny because I want to do this for the guys for Valentine's Day. 1.00

01:33:40.280 Oh, guys.

01:33:41.380 Do not buy chocolates.

01:33:42.860 Do not buy stuffed animals.

01:33:44.200 Do not buy roses.

01:33:44.420 Do some women like that stuff? 1.00

01:33:45.840 I'm sure there are.

01:33:46.640 And if your woman does, I'm sure you know it because she's probably made a big deal about it. 1.00

01:33:51.260 However, do you think there's a lot of women that like that stuff or is this a common misconception?

01:33:56.860 Is it the exception or the rule?

01:34:00.200 I don't know.

01:34:01.660 I try to ignore this holiday.

01:34:02.840 However, if Ryan, a couple weeks ago, he brought me some wildflowers.

01:34:09.880 I mean, they're from the store, but it's like a wildflower bouquet.

01:34:12.460 Yeah.

01:34:12.980 And those things last for weeks.

01:34:14.440 They still look amazing by my sink.

01:34:16.260 And I love that because rose will die within the week.

01:34:20.440 And I hate that.

01:34:21.420 And there's so-

01:34:22.020 It is.

01:34:22.520 It's totally cliche.

01:34:23.620 Are you in the doghouse?

01:34:24.960 Yeah.

01:34:25.480 But like these flowers are bright and happy.

01:34:27.860 And like every time I look at them, I'm also happy.

01:34:30.620 And one thing I super love, and he's done a few times, if he's going to bring me flowers,

01:34:35.480 I want them still in the dirt so I can go plant them outside because I have flowers the entire season.

01:34:41.780 And I love that.

01:34:43.800 And one year, last spring, actually, he brought me, I think they were daffodils.

01:34:50.180 They're bulbs.

01:34:50.820 So I can plant those, and they will come up every year.

01:34:54.300 I did plant them.

01:34:55.240 Like, they're out front.

01:34:56.140 And I'm excited to see they'll start coming up in the next weeks.

01:34:58.640 And so like that, to me, it means a little bit more because he, because I know he didn't

01:35:03.480 just go buy some cheap bouquet at Walmart on his way home.

01:35:07.120 He took the time to actually think like, well, Trish wouldn't actually like this.

01:35:12.100 She would like this more.

01:35:13.580 And so that, to me, is a better fit.

01:35:16.880 What is the secret to finding or conditioning a woman to not like Valentine's Day? 0.87

01:35:29.240 Well, I think, see, one of the things I don't like Valentine's Day is it's this day you're

01:35:34.600 supposed to confess your love, and it's supposed to be all mushy.

01:35:38.660 It's a fake holiday.

01:35:39.500 Yeah.

01:35:39.880 It's so cliche.

01:35:40.760 It's just, it's super cheesy.

01:35:42.960 And I think if you really love someone, you should be doing it more than just one day a

01:35:47.940 year.

01:35:48.200 You should be expressing that daily.

01:35:50.620 And in your own unique way.

01:35:52.420 Yes. 0.86

01:35:52.980 Not, let me buy you a box of these disgusting chocolates or whatever. 0.55

01:35:55.300 These wacky chocolates that you probably don't want to eat because they're going to 0.98

01:35:58.320 make you fat.

01:35:59.000 And they're overpriced.

01:35:59.980 Yeah.

01:36:00.740 And like these roses that are going to die that I had paid like a hundred bucks for,

01:36:04.320 which should really be like 20.

01:36:05.820 And like, it's just, and like this teddy bear holding this heart and it says, I love you,

01:36:10.060 which, what are you going to do with it? 0.99

01:36:11.340 Because it's really actually stupid looking. 0.98

01:36:13.500 And then you need to keep it because you feel guilty if you get rid of it. 0.99

01:36:16.420 But so if, if you're into Valentine's day, I mean, think, think beyond like the typical

01:36:22.700 stuff you're supposed to do.

01:36:25.360 Yeah.

01:36:25.800 Be creative.

01:36:26.520 Right.

01:36:26.920 Okay.

01:36:27.280 Cool.

01:36:28.500 Uh, whoa.

01:36:29.280 Robert says two more questions.

01:36:30.760 Robert says, uh, you say your woman shouldn't be your everything, but she comes before the 1.00

01:36:34.400 kids.

01:36:34.740 And I agree with that.

01:36:35.560 So if you aren't, if you two aren't each other's everything, doesn't that take away

01:36:40.080 from the mission of life?

01:36:41.580 I think pause there.

01:36:42.500 Okay.

01:36:42.840 The next one.

01:36:44.860 Do you want me to, are you answering that?

01:36:46.200 No, go ahead.

01:36:46.940 Am I your everything?

01:36:48.500 You're not everything.

01:36:50.160 No.

01:36:51.020 Why?

01:36:51.360 That's weird.

01:36:51.780 And I'm okay with that.

01:36:52.240 That would be weird.

01:36:53.100 I don't.

01:36:53.800 Like if I didn't have anything outside of you, how horrible of a husband and a human

01:36:57.800 being would I be?

01:36:58.600 I don't want to be your son.

01:37:00.060 I don't want you to revolve around me.

01:37:01.760 Right.

01:37:02.420 Cause that's.

01:37:04.000 Well, that's a lot of pressure for you. 0.99

01:37:05.280 Well, it's pressure and it's kind of pathetic. 0.99

01:37:07.600 I agree. 0.91

01:37:08.660 So I don't subscribe to the idea of she's my everything.

01:37:12.200 Is she the most important thing?

01:37:14.840 Yeah.

01:37:15.460 I'd probably say that, but certainly not everything that I'm interested in or care about in this

01:37:20.680 world.

01:37:21.320 And I don't want to be, I don't want that.

01:37:24.420 Yeah.

01:37:24.620 But I, but I, yeah, I definitely like knowing I'm most important.

01:37:29.340 Yeah.

01:37:29.900 Yeah.

01:37:30.860 I mean, at the end of the day, we want life to carry on.

01:37:33.740 So that's why we raise children to behave responsibly like us as adults, a man and a

01:37:37.320 woman make it, make that happen. 1.00

01:37:38.560 But at the end of the day, when a man returns from hunting and gathering, isn't it to feed

01:37:43.640 her and them and to protect her and them through the dark night following?

01:37:48.340 Sure.

01:37:48.900 Yeah.

01:37:49.440 But I don't just go out and hunt and gather.

01:37:51.940 I just started playing the guitar and I like to dink around on Photoshop sometimes and I

01:38:00.440 like to play catch with my kids.

01:38:02.320 And so it's not all practicality, right?

01:38:07.100 It's not all utilitarian.

01:38:09.140 Right.

01:38:09.280 There's things about my life that I enjoy that are outside of something that would be practical

01:38:14.100 application or contribution to the family or you.

01:38:17.800 You got to have that stuff.

01:38:21.940 I agree.

01:38:22.580 Okay.

01:38:23.400 My real question is, is this way of thinking completely literal or is it simply a strong

01:38:29.280 mindset to adopt so we keep ourselves in check first and foremost so we can fulfill these

01:38:34.500 roles that are everything we exist to do as individual men and women?

01:38:38.140 I kind of think, Robert, I kind of think based on what I'm hearing, you might just be overthinking

01:38:43.640 this a little bit.

01:38:45.200 And maybe like you said here, you might just be taking it too literal.

01:38:50.020 Yeah.

01:38:50.180 I think, I think that's what's happened.

01:38:51.960 I don't like we could debate and argue and discuss semantics, but at the end of the day,

01:38:57.700 my wife is a number one priority in my life, but that doesn't mean she's the only priority

01:39:05.240 in my life.

01:39:05.980 And there's things that I do that are practical and utilitarian.

01:39:08.940 For example, I work, I earn a paycheck so that we can pay the mortgage and she can buy 1.00

01:39:14.020 some food for the house and she could have some adventures with the kids and us.

01:39:17.240 And like, that's all utilitarian.

01:39:19.080 And then there's other things where I just want to come down here and just strum on the

01:39:23.300 guitar and outside of just making me happy and giving me a little bit of a challenge.

01:39:27.440 Like there's nothing that necessarily adds to the family and both are completely acceptable.

01:39:32.980 In fact, I would go so far as saying encouraged.

01:39:35.120 You and me, you and me, we're right here.

01:39:38.880 Yes.

01:39:39.300 Last question from my good friend, Andy Selig says, as I'm surprised he's not asking about

01:39:44.180 curb room hats because him and Bubba.

01:39:46.080 I have seen him go back and forth on this against me.

01:39:49.380 Well, no, they're not going back with me.

01:39:51.420 They've teamed up.

01:39:52.260 They're on the same team against me.

01:39:53.760 It's like a mutiny, but he's asking a real question here.

01:39:57.180 As a woman, what advice does your wife have for describing other, excuse me, order of man 0.94

01:40:02.140 to other women, specifically for guys on the dating scene?

01:40:08.100 It has been so long since I was on the dating scene.

01:40:12.000 Well, I think he's saying.

01:40:13.460 Like, how do I describe it?

01:40:14.620 No, what he's saying is.

01:40:19.260 Yeah, I think for guys on the dating scene, like, I think he's saying.

01:40:22.820 Like, what should they say?

01:40:23.700 How do I describe what I'm involved with to women?

01:40:27.360 I think that's what he's saying.

01:40:28.720 So maybe take it from two ways.

01:40:32.060 So take it like, if he was a guy explaining it to a woman, what would you want to hear 0.54

01:40:36.560 about it?

01:40:37.540 And then secondary to that, just in case this is what he's asking, how would you explain

01:40:41.480 it to a girlfriend?

01:40:43.340 I think I can kind of do it the same.

01:40:45.260 Okay.

01:40:45.420 I do start with the three Ps, protect, provide, preside, and say, this is, you know, things

01:40:52.820 that we believe that men should be doing, which they should be accepting and, like, fulfilling

01:40:59.020 those needs.

01:41:00.780 And, sorry, I started looking at something, got distracted.

01:41:06.480 What were you looking at?

01:41:07.280 My ax? 1.00

01:41:08.720 Your ass? 1.00

01:41:10.160 Your ax, ax, yes. 1.00

01:41:11.640 My ax.

01:41:11.920 Did you really think I said that?

01:41:12.900 My ax?

01:41:15.320 When I tell people about Order Man, I explain the three Ps, and that it's just men trying 0.98

01:41:20.900 to step up in their communities, stepping up in their families, stepping up in their lives,

01:41:24.500 and just being better, striving for better lives, better work, better relationships, and

01:41:31.860 just taking it one step at a time and working towards that.

01:41:36.000 But people have a hard time understanding that.

01:41:39.040 They're like, I don't get it.

01:41:39.940 I mean, all that stuff sounds great, but it's like, I don't get that.

01:41:42.400 So, what do they do?

01:41:43.500 So, what does he do?

01:41:44.220 So, like, what's his real job?

01:41:45.880 Oh, man, I get that all the time.

01:41:47.180 All the time.

01:41:47.700 He makes money doing this?

01:41:48.820 Yeah.

01:41:49.100 Well, no, we're living on hopes and dreams.

01:41:53.220 And I do have a couple single friends, and I tell them, like, these are the guys you want.

01:41:58.580 These are guys that are taking action in their life.

01:42:00.600 These are the guys that want to be better.

01:42:03.200 They're the ones that want to lead.

01:42:04.620 They're the ones that are determined to do better.

01:42:06.960 Yeah.

01:42:07.920 And so, I just, I think, it's kind of hard to explain.

01:42:15.820 I would think.

01:42:17.300 I think most women want a man who is strong.

01:42:22.420 He's capable.

01:42:23.280 He understands.

01:42:23.880 He's a protector, provider, presider.

01:42:25.280 He's actively engaged in an organization that's allowing them to be those things.

01:42:31.700 He invests in himself to a degree that helps him fulfill that responsibility even more so.

01:42:37.920 Like, I think at the end of the day, this is just from my perspective.

01:42:41.300 Of course, it's obviously biased, right?

01:42:44.620 But I just assume that a woman wants this in a man. 0.99

01:42:49.100 That's why I get so much support from women because they approve, obviously, of what we're doing. 0.99

01:42:55.960 The only way I could see a woman not appreciating this is maybe some of her own insecurities. 0.99

01:43:02.700 Or I would say, yes, I think that's right.

01:43:05.300 And a woman, and maybe this is insecure, who feels damaged and or victimized by men. 0.99

01:43:12.440 And maybe even legitimately so.

01:43:14.480 I'm not.

01:43:15.420 Oh, yeah.

01:43:15.800 No, there's definitely cases.

01:43:17.040 Right.

01:43:17.220 There's women who have been, for example, sexually abused who have not managed to separate the sexual abuse from the behavior of men.

01:43:27.120 Right.

01:43:27.520 So they just like lump them together.

01:43:29.040 And obviously, that's not the case.

01:43:30.960 But it's easy to see how that would happen, how a woman might believe that.

01:43:35.860 Right.

01:43:36.060 Or there's the woman that's been in just a terrible relationship and thinks all men act that way.

01:43:40.600 Right.

01:43:40.860 And, you know, that's going to take some time probably for her to realize that, you know, I believe most men are good.

01:43:47.940 Most men want to do these things.

01:43:49.940 To me, that would be like a maturity issue.

01:43:52.220 Yeah, maybe.

01:43:53.620 But I guess also that insecurity.

01:43:55.860 And I don't want to be insensitive of a woman who has been in an abusive relationship in any form and say, well, you're just not being mature.

01:44:02.460 Like, that's not what I'm saying.

01:44:04.040 And I'm trying to dance around that a little bit because I think as an adult, like, you would be able to put that together.

01:44:11.480 But I've never been in that situation.

01:44:13.560 Right.

01:44:13.800 So it's hard for me to say, well, you're just being immature.

01:44:16.740 Like, just get over it.

01:44:18.160 Yeah.

01:44:18.340 That's not.

01:44:18.820 I can't imagine any situation where a woman wouldn't want a confident, strong man.

01:44:25.460 Right.

01:44:29.080 The end.

01:44:29.960 The end.

01:44:30.900 That's it.

01:44:31.420 Women want men. 1.00

01:44:34.180 And men want women. 1.00

01:44:35.500 We don't want little boys. 0.82

01:44:36.680 We don't want puppies. 0.55

01:44:37.720 We want a strong man.

01:44:39.040 That's a really good point.

01:44:40.080 I think a lot of guys, and they're rewarded for this, actually, I think, is why they do it.

01:44:46.960 But they behave like their potential mate or partner or spouse or whatever you want to call it, or girlfriend, like a little child.

01:44:57.520 And I think that makes a very insecure woman happy because she feels needed and wanted and loved and she gets the attention.

01:45:07.480 That's not, to me, girlfriend or spouse material.

01:45:10.020 Right.

01:45:10.200 She just wants gratification of being needed and wanted and having something to take care of. 0.92

01:45:14.140 And I promise you that level of immaturity and that, I have no problem saying with this completely immature, but that level of immaturity spills over into other facets of your life, other facets of your life.

01:45:25.680 And that will be a, that should be a huge, huge red flag.

01:45:31.840 I also think even a woman who, who isn't insecure might actually initially enjoy that because they're being waited on and they're being served and they're being loved and they're being given gifts and they're being uplifted through words and through deeds and actions.

01:45:48.380 And so even the strongest of women would probably say, this is kind of nice, but a woman who is mature is, is going to say, whoa, dude, like I got it.

01:46:00.660 Enough is enough.

01:46:02.040 Please back up.

01:46:04.620 Definitely.

01:46:05.580 Just leave me alone for a minute.

01:46:07.920 And, and so that's a trap a lot of guys fall into is they act like they're like their, their wife's baby boy.

01:46:13.840 Yeah.

01:46:14.040 It's like, man.

01:46:15.380 And then also, I think it's important to make this distinction.

01:46:18.220 Not every woman is looking for the strong alpha male, like, but that, that's not the only way for a man to be manly and strong.

01:46:25.920 You can be strong in your convictions.

01:46:27.380 You can be strong in your beliefs.

01:46:28.920 You can just have a backbone.

01:46:30.720 When you're saying alpha male, you're talking about loud, outspoken, red personality, I think. 0.99

01:46:36.100 Yeah.

01:46:36.300 You don't need to be six, three and muscly and drive a Harley and all these all wonderful things.

01:46:41.500 So you're basically like describing me right now.

01:46:42.960 Yeah.

01:46:44.160 Except for four to five inches shorter.

01:46:47.580 No Harley.

01:46:48.860 Which is a shame.

01:46:49.400 50% muscles.

01:46:51.640 Sorry.

01:46:52.980 But I got a beard.

01:46:54.240 You have a beard.

01:46:56.220 And a killer podcast.

01:46:58.520 Yeah.

01:46:59.220 What else do you need?

01:47:00.000 What else could you want?

01:47:01.120 And I got you ice cream.

01:47:02.680 Let's go eat it.

01:47:03.360 You did?

01:47:04.120 Aw.

01:47:04.700 All right, guys.

01:47:05.300 We're going to wrap it up.

01:47:05.940 We're almost two hours into this thing.

01:47:07.480 Geez.

01:47:07.800 I'm sorry if you're still listening.

01:47:09.140 No, all of them are still listening.

01:47:11.740 And if they're not, then unsubscribe right now.

01:47:14.480 You need to listen to the whole thing.

01:47:16.260 The only way you've heard that is if you're listening to the whole thing.

01:47:17.920 If you are still listening.

01:47:19.240 All right.

01:47:19.740 So we're going to call it a day, guys.

01:47:20.760 I hope this helps.

01:47:21.460 I hope that you found some value from it.

01:47:22.960 I hope that you laughed a little bit along the way.

01:47:25.540 What else?

01:47:26.040 Any other parting words of wisdom?

01:47:27.660 No.

01:47:28.080 So this will be released on a Wednesday.

01:47:30.100 I believe Valentine's Day is on Thursday.

01:47:32.540 So Valentine's Day will be tomorrow as of the release of this.

01:47:35.840 Right.

01:47:36.900 Any parting words of wisdom?

01:47:39.580 No.

01:47:39.980 I just big thank you for all of you that listen and support us.

01:47:43.720 We're proud as can be about Order of Man and where it's going.

01:47:46.520 And we're thankful to have you along.

01:47:48.120 Right on.

01:47:48.620 All right, guys.

01:47:49.140 We'll call it a day.

01:47:50.660 Go out there.

01:47:51.120 Have a good one.

01:47:51.900 Take action.

01:47:52.660 Become the man you are meant to be.

01:47:54.840 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:47:57.780 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:48:01.880 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

01:48:05.900 You're welcome.

01:48:07.080 Thank you.

Order of Man - February 13, 2019

Unscripted with the Mrs., Part II ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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