Order of Man - Using Negative Motivation, Avoiding Emotion Response, and How to Deal with you "Dying Inside" ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. All right, Kip, what's going on? Glad to be joining you for

00:00:27.320 another AMA as are as well. Hopefully, it's a day. Yeah, it was a good day. I'm having

00:00:34.980 a good day so far. Good weekend. Can't complain, right? Or at least we shouldn't. I mean, you

00:00:40.280 can. Everybody can complain, but it's not going to do any good. Nobody cares. It's not moving

00:00:46.980 the needle. So it's just wasted energy at that point complaining about stuff.

00:00:52.580 Yeah. It's amazing how much happiness sometimes I think about is just tied to just being

00:00:57.100 grateful, just having some gratitude for what you got. But it's interesting because sometimes that

00:01:02.960 being overly grateful and satisfied with what you have affects our willingness to like push the

00:01:09.820 needle forward. So there may be a little bit of a dichotomy there. Yeah, I know a lot of successful

00:01:14.500 people who rest on their laurels. I've done it too. I'm not immune to it. You know, you get you have

00:01:18.980 some level of success on some front, some metric, and then you're like, cool, I've arrived. And then

00:01:24.820 you just settle into complacency and mediocrity, except for success is perishable. So you don't

00:01:30.960 get to just ride your coattails or anybody else's because you forget what you were doing. And also

00:01:37.080 you stop what you were doing, which means that you're not coasting. I should say you're not on

00:01:41.480 cruise control, but it's like coasting. Eventually, if you let off the gas, you're going to stop.

00:01:45.600 Yeah, the car will eventually slow down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So let's just jump right into

00:01:53.260 the questions, man. We got a lot and we usually BS and waste a bunch of time, but man, I don't want

00:01:58.360 to. Let's just get right into questions and see how many we can answer. It looks like we had some

00:02:01.300 good ones. You sent them to me a little bit earlier. So we've had a chance to at least go

00:02:06.080 through them and do a quick overview. And I think we'll be able to come up with some great answers for

00:02:09.520 the guys and get them on the path they need to be. Sounds good. These questions will be

00:02:13.760 building from the Facebook group to join us there. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:02:19.340 Our first question, Caleb Gary, how to continually stay motivated to be in the gym between work,

00:02:25.900 family and ball games. There never seems to be enough time. Those are two different issues,

00:02:32.020 right? You have time management and you have motivation issues. Look, I'll break it apart and

00:02:38.880 answer them individually. The motivation thing, I never understood that. I never understood

00:02:43.760 that. Who, like who started to perpetuate this lie that you always needed to be motivated to do

00:02:48.760 something. You don't, you just need to do it because you said you would do it. So focus on

00:02:54.700 why it's important to you, why you're doing it the first place. And since you made that decision,

00:02:59.380 then just do it. And here's one way that you can start to build up that practice of doing it

00:03:05.600 regardless of how you feel is doing it regardless of how you feel. And if you do it in other areas of

00:03:11.520 your life, so let's say it's motivated to go into the gym. Well, there's other things that you may

00:03:15.860 not want to do. Maybe you don't want to have that conversation, make that phone call, send that email,

00:03:20.680 do that chore, finish that project, whatever that may be. If you do it, you prove to yourself that

00:03:27.340 you're capable of acting despite how you might feel about taking that action. And then you build up the

00:03:35.460 muscle of determination, grit, fortitude, resiliency, and a lot of these virtues that

00:03:40.860 kind of tie in together when it comes to just doing something you don't feel like doing. So

00:03:45.620 build the muscle, prove it to yourself, become that kind of man and stop looking for everything to be

00:03:52.380 motivating. That that's the problem really is we we've got this belief in society that we always

00:03:59.580 need to be entertained. Like entertain me, entertain me even now on the podcast, entertain me, please

00:04:05.640 entertain me because I can't sit still without being entertained or without laughing or without

00:04:10.700 being fun and exciting. Look, sometimes it's not. So what? Just do it because you know, it's going to

00:04:17.680 move the needle. Just do it. That's it. Yeah. Now regarding time management. Yeah, you do have a lot

00:04:22.500 going on. So does everybody else. So do the guys that you see who go to the gym every single day,

00:04:27.340 they, they have a lot going on and yet they make it work because they sacrifice. You can't,

00:04:33.180 it's the adage. You can't do, you can do anything. You just can't do everything. So you need to decide

00:04:40.100 what's going to go. Maybe you need to wake up a little bit earlier or go to bed a little later

00:04:44.920 so you can get into the gym. Then I know Kip, for example, with you, uh, you train jujitsu during the

00:04:50.500 day on your lunch break. I don't know what that looks like necessarily, but if you have to bring a

00:04:55.120 sack lunch and just down a few things right after you're done doing jujitsu, then that's,

00:04:59.640 that's what you do because it's important to you and you make it work because it's a priority.

00:05:04.520 So be more efficient with the time that you have start developing skills so you can get paid more

00:05:09.420 for the same amount or less work. So you're not having to bang your damn head against the wall,

00:05:14.080 trying to earn a paycheck, living paycheck to paycheck, and then manage your time more effectively.

00:05:18.540 Learn to say no to the things that aren't a priority, uh, and, and just be a little creative and

00:05:23.680 make it work. If you want to make it work, you'll make it work. So just do it. Yeah. And I, and I

00:05:28.940 think you hit the nail on the head. Really, I think the time is just an excuse. Cause if you think

00:05:33.520 about it, like I can put Caleb, I can relate to Caleb in this, in this scenario in the sense of,

00:05:38.800 man, I got work, I got family, got all these things. And when I think about going to the gym,

00:05:44.160 I don't want to. Why? That's different than time management. Exactly. But, but I think that's why

00:05:50.540 time is the excuse because we're like, well, if I had more time, then I'd be motivated to go,

00:05:55.800 but I feel burnt out and now I don't want to go. So he probably can. It's just, he doesn't want to,

00:06:02.380 right? Because so much is going on. He feels overwhelmed, right? Well, let's, let's, let's

00:06:07.400 come up with a different perspective. Let's say that Caleb, instead of having 24 hours a day,

00:06:12.060 he had 25 hours a day, would he still be asking the same question? Yes. Yeah. He would still be

00:06:20.040 asking the same question. Oh, I only have 25 hours in the day and I got to sleep and I've got family

00:06:25.600 and I've got this and I've got, yeah, but you have an hour at more than anybody else. I know,

00:06:28.360 but like, I just have so much going on. We all do. So it's not a time. It's not that you don't have

00:06:34.820 the time is that you may not be managing that time correctly. Yeah. All right, Jason, uh, for

00:06:42.020 tried, where do you see the situation in Virginia going? So maybe I should have asked you, um, well,

00:06:49.480 this is a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to go over this? Yeah. I mean, I'll go over

00:06:55.900 it. I don't know all of the specifics and ramifications. So I am speaking a little bit out

00:07:01.360 of ignorance here, but, uh, Ralph Northam, uh, is trying to pass legislation for, uh, gun confiscation

00:07:09.540 essentially. And there was a huge rally several weeks ago, uh, in, in Virginia. Uh, and, and

00:07:16.240 obviously it was against gun control and restriction because that is a constitutional right. I'm so sick

00:07:23.280 and tired of these politicians swearing to uphold the constitution and then enacting all these laws and

00:07:30.280 rules and regulations and everything else that are directed at direct odds with the constitution.

00:07:35.080 It infuriates me to no end. And we as citizens of this country ought to protect and defend that

00:07:40.860 constitution against these politicians who can't seem to get it through their thick skulls. They

00:07:46.460 don't get to decide, uh, what rules and laws and constitutional, uh, credos they get to follow

00:07:53.380 and which ones they don't. The constitution is the constitution. You follow it or you get out

00:07:58.040 or you're removed peacefully or heaven forbid, but maybe violently if needs be as well, like we

00:08:05.040 obligation and responsibility to protect our way of life, to protect the constitution and to fight

00:08:10.260 against by any means necessary, those who perpetuate ideas, beliefs, rules, regulations that are direct

00:08:17.720 odds with our constitution. And that's how I feel about it. So to see tens of thousands of people

00:08:23.720 show up in the state Capitol and voice their opinion in a peaceful way, in a respectful way

00:08:28.900 within the confines of the laws of the land is a very, very powerful message that we won't be pushed

00:08:35.060 around. We won't be bullied and we won't be, uh, submitting our rights to those people who are

00:08:41.920 misguided in their application of constitutional laws. It, it, like I said, it infuriates me and we need

00:08:51.120 to stand up. Unfortunately, the people who are doing it right. Don't speak out enough. So we hear

00:08:57.700 from all these social justice warriors and we hear from these third way feminists and we hear from 0.97

00:09:02.680 just these delusional deranged people that are out yapping in the streets about who knows what

00:09:08.720 acting just completely disgusting. And we're supposed to believe because of the media cut, uh, coverage

00:09:15.120 that this is the way people are. Well, the normal human beings, the overwhelming majority, I would

00:09:21.180 say of us are working. We're leading our families. We're coaching our kids, baseball teams. We're at

00:09:26.660 the gym. We're engaged in hobbies that are, that are wholesome, that are, uh, uplifting and edifying to

00:09:32.440 us and people around us. Like we're doing good, but we hear all these yappy little people over here 0.97

00:09:37.620 that want to just completely pervade, uh, pervert our way of life. Uh, and, and it's, it's about time

00:09:43.540 that we, the, the overwhelming majority of people who are rational and logical and sane and want to

00:09:51.360 do good, start speaking up. So we don't get overrun by the minority who's willing to speak out.

00:09:57.460 Well, and it's so shocking that politicians are not aware of the silent majority.

00:10:02.240 No, they are aware. I think, but why even, why pander then to the minority in that, in that

00:10:10.040 example, me, because it gets attention, they get gets attention. Yeah. Right. We, we live in an

00:10:15.360 intention economy. And so man, order of man could, could be so much further down the road. I don't,

00:10:21.360 I don't want to say it like that. Could be so much more widespread. If I was, if all I cared about

00:10:26.180 was attention. Yeah. Cause then we could do controversial topics and bullshit. I don't even

00:10:32.220 believe and put a bunch of hot chicks on my Instagram page with little clothing. That would 1.00

00:10:37.480 do really well. Or I could like, we swear a little bit, right? But I could be violent,

00:10:42.240 disgusting, and filthy in my language and it would get attention. But there, there is such a thing as

00:10:47.300 getting noticed for the wrong reason. I know the adage is no, uh, no, there's no bad press or no bad

00:10:53.500 coverage. Yeah, there is. Yeah. It's bad for your character. It's bad for the mission.

00:10:58.540 And it's bad for the mission. Exactly. And ultimately because it's bad for the mission,

00:11:03.180 it's bad for society because our mission to reclaim and restore masculinity is, uh, intertwined

00:11:09.060 with the common good of society. Yeah. And far greater than just popularity and getting views.

00:11:15.800 Right. So here's what I would say about our mission specifically and, and, and ask right here

00:11:21.760 is share it guys, share. All right. We're not going to get the notoriety of a lot of these

00:11:28.260 organizations that are willing to be controversial for the sake of controversy or, uh, or have these

00:11:34.520 like risque or, or whatever. Right. Like we're, we're not going to do that. So we're not going to

00:11:40.360 get as much press. So I feel like it's your obligation to share. Like if you have information

00:11:45.860 that will help somebody and you believe in it, then why the heck aren't you sharing?

00:11:51.340 And a lot of you are, I'm not suggesting you aren't, but if you get value from what we're doing

00:11:56.460 here, share the podcast with a friend, like just send them a text. Hey, listen to this podcast or

00:12:01.660 listen to this podcast at minute mark 10 and hear what they're talking about. Like this makes a ton

00:12:05.840 of sense or share something on Instagram or Twitter or whatever, but, or leave a rating and review.

00:12:10.360 There's so many ways to do this. Stop being silent about it. Like you have an obligation to share

00:12:14.220 information, whether it's order of man or some other organization or movement or thought or book

00:12:17.460 or whatever. If you think it's going to help somebody, then open your mouth and start sharing

00:12:22.040 so that we can spread this mission and we can move the needle in the right direction.

00:12:28.860 Love it. Call the action guys. All right, Joe Marshall, if you're further along in your journey than a

00:12:35.100 friend, loved one, brother, how do you act as an inspiration to motivate them light a fire under their ass?

00:12:44.220 I hate to give this answer because I've said it so much, but it's, it's just be an example. It's be

00:12:51.500 a lighthouse. Yeah. Right. Like you be the best person, the best version of yourself that you

00:12:57.660 possibly can and invite this individual to join you. It's all you can do. So if there's something

00:13:03.880 you've found like activity or an interest or a hobby or a pursuit or a book or a podcast or whatever,

00:13:08.260 like we were talking about earlier, that you feel like is serving you and helping you become a more

00:13:12.240 effective, capable, fulfilled, satisfied husband, father, business owner, community leader,

00:13:17.040 fill in the blank, then invite that individual into your circle. I think we ought to be very,

00:13:22.600 very careful of going into that individual space, right? Like the, the analogy I once heard is that

00:13:28.780 if you have a white glove and you go into the pig pen with the pigs, like they're not going to get

00:13:35.200 clean because you have a white glove, your white glove is going to get dirty and muddy and filthy,

00:13:39.240 right? Cause you're walling around and pig shit. Like don't go into their circle,

00:13:44.260 invite them into your circle and then have the expectation and the standard for their behavior,

00:13:49.400 because that will edify and uplift them. And then they get to make the decision.

00:13:53.560 Is this a circle I want to be around? Am I motivated by these guys? Do I want to improve? And if they,

00:13:57.880 they do, and they're willing to adhere to either the unspoken or written rules of the circle you're

00:14:03.660 running in, then they get to stick around. And if they're not willing to do that,

00:14:08.020 then they don't get to stick around, but ultimately that's their decision.

00:14:11.300 So we need to be very good at pushing decisions back on other people. Hey, I invite you. Here's

00:14:17.260 what we're doing. Here's how we're moving forward. Here's the good we're doing. Here's the activities

00:14:20.540 we're involved in. And here's how we're going to push each other. And here's how we're holding each

00:14:23.480 other accountable. Come join us and do it our way. If that individual wants to do it your way,

00:14:28.440 great. Welcome to the fold. If that individual is not interested in doing it your way,

00:14:32.500 doesn't necessarily make him a bad person or, or a weak person or a hole or whatever else. Like

00:14:38.220 you don't need to attack that guy. It just means that for whatever reason, he's not willing to

00:14:41.880 abide by what you and your boys are willing to abide by. And, and therefore he's, he's made the

00:14:47.060 decision that he doesn't want to be part of your circle. That's his responsibility, not your

00:14:51.760 responsibility. Cause what a lot of people will think, yeah, they'll, they'll think that if you

00:14:57.340 don't, it, let's say you invite somebody into your circle and you're going to go run a, run a marathon

00:15:02.000 together and you're all going to train, you're going to hold each other accountable to doing it.

00:15:06.460 And this guy isn't pulling his weight. Okay. You might believe that if you kick them out of your

00:15:12.720 circle, that you're making the decision to kick them out of the circle. No, you're not. As long as

00:15:18.040 you communicate the standard and the expectations upfront, if that individual is not, is making the

00:15:24.000 conscious decision not to engage the way that you and your, your guys are engaging, you're not making

00:15:29.740 the decision to remove them. He's making that decision himself. He made it not you. So let those

00:15:37.180 people make their decisions and then hold them accountable to the expectations that you've set,

00:15:42.300 which means that you've got to have expectations and you've got to have standards and you have to

00:15:47.100 communicate these standards with the people that you care about. If you're holding it to some like

00:15:51.920 weird, loose idea of, of, of what it is you're trying to do, uh, or, you know, what you want

00:15:59.200 to do, but you're not willing to communicate it to other people and they're not living to that

00:16:02.120 standard. That's your fault, not theirs. Yeah. You uphold the standard by the standard you've defined

00:16:07.200 and, and then let there be consequences to not living in accordance with the standard you've agreed

00:16:13.700 upon. Yeah. And I should have to point this out, but obviously this is applicable to the workplace,

00:16:18.980 right? Is set expectations, communicate them to your employees. If, if they need to leave the

00:16:24.200 organization because they're not pulling their weight, it's their decision, right? By them not

00:16:29.720 meeting the standards that has been clearly communicated. That's why that's so, so critical

00:16:34.120 that we identify those OKRs or those objectives and roles and responsibilities and whatnot for our

00:16:40.520 employees. Let me run this idea by you, Ryan, because I was just thinking about this the other day.

00:16:45.220 In fact, I think I talked about it a little bit on the podcast a couple of weeks ago where,

00:16:50.060 where sometimes when I think about this guy, right? It's like, how do I motivate other people? And I,

00:16:55.560 and I think for me, sometimes when I'm quote unquote on the path, it seems intense, right? It's like,

00:17:02.440 I'm head down, I'm working hard, I'm going home, I'm getting my honey to do items taken care of. I'm,

00:17:08.360 you know, I'm in, in super, super intentional. And sometimes that intentionality does not look

00:17:15.000 fun. Like if someone was looking at me, they're not going Kip's happy. They're not look, I don't

00:17:22.760 look like I'm enjoying myself. I'm just getting stuff done and I'm really intense about it, right?

00:17:28.420 It's like my whole family assumes I'm pissed off whenever I'm cleaning the house, right? Cause I'm

00:17:32.540 just like, you know, getting right at it. And, and I was, and I was thinking about this, how that's

00:17:39.220 not inspiring at all. Like I could be getting after it and having great success in life and not

00:17:45.720 be inspiring. Why? Because I'm walking around kind of pissed off with a chip on my shoulder and I'm so

00:17:51.500 intense about every getting everything done that doesn't cause people to go, Oh, I want what Kip has

00:17:56.780 because that doesn't look enjoyable at all. Right. Right. And so that's been really present for me

00:18:03.900 of late. It's like, okay, I need to change how I show up. Like I can get all those things done and I

00:18:08.340 can, I can be, uh, progressing in multiple areas of my life, but I also have to be joyful and playful

00:18:16.000 and having a good time. And, and that's what makes that appealing to my kids to say, okay, I want some of

00:18:22.720 that in my life or appealing to those that I love. If I'm not joyful and happy, then why would they

00:18:28.060 want to get on this path that I'm on? Right. And what I hear a lot of guys say is, well, they're

00:18:34.560 just staking it. It's, it's intensity, it's drive, it's focus, and it's their fault. They're just

00:18:38.440 mistaking it. Look, if that's your attitude, just be prepared for people not to follow you. And maybe

00:18:44.260 that's okay. Maybe you're not worried about that. But if you are trying to inspire somebody like this

00:18:50.040 gentleman is to light a fire under somebody's ass and get them going, then, you know, the way you 0.70

00:18:55.440 communicate and articulate a message and the way that you say things and how you present yourself

00:18:59.420 from the way that you look, the words that you use, the tone and inflection of your voice, the

00:19:04.400 person, the, the, the perception of, of your fulfillment and satisfaction and enjoyment in the

00:19:10.100 process is going to be a factor that they consider as to whether or not they're going to follow you.

00:19:15.640 So no, no, who you're trying to lead and ask yourself, is this person going to be inspired

00:19:21.000 by my demeanor, which I think speaks nicely to what you were talking about, Kip.

00:19:25.760 Yeah. Demeanor. It's a big word for a, a South severe boy, but, um,

00:19:30.960 That's true. I mean, I get it. I get it. I learned that in parallel. So it's like,

00:19:36.520 why didn't you learn that in South severe? Like, it seems like we were reading from the

00:19:39.900 same textbooks, but whatever. I'm not saying I pass English. Oh man. Well, and I'm not saying

00:19:49.800 fake, right? Like hopefully that, that maybe I should, I don't think it comes across like that.

00:19:54.800 Yeah. No, no. I think, I think, I think people get what you mean. Okay. Greg, Rocky Walker.

00:20:00.880 How can you lead your sister-in-law's family to, if the husband won't,

00:20:05.380 it's not your job, man. Like, what are you going to do? Go in there and swoop in and white night

00:20:13.540 your, what was it? His sisters, his sister-in-law's family. Yeah. Dude, that's not your

00:20:20.520 responsibility. It's not even your place. Like you, okay. So maybe you're an uncle to some, to

00:20:26.280 some nieces and nephews. Okay. Well then be an uncle, be a great uncle. Don't be a dad,

00:20:30.620 be a great uncle, right? Like help, help where you can. And, uh, maybe, maybe fellowship this guy.

00:20:38.840 Maybe he's not, maybe he doesn't know how to act, behave. He's your family. He's not blood,

00:20:42.940 but he's your family. So maybe you can help lead him, invite again, invite him into your circle.

00:20:49.440 Maybe it just doesn't have a path. Maybe he didn't have a mentor. Maybe he didn't have a father. I mean,

00:20:52.780 there's all sorts of reasons this could be, and maybe you've already tried this. I don't know,

00:20:56.420 but I'd be willing to give it a shot. Like if I saw, if I saw my sister-in-law struggling and

00:21:03.380 because, because my brother-in-law was not around or doing what he needed to be doing, then like I

00:21:08.760 would, I would try to help him as much as he'd be willing to accept that help. But yeah, you're not

00:21:14.220 a dad. Um, you're not her husband. She's a big girl. He's a big boy. Do what you can to the degree

00:21:21.560 that you can and just be the best uncle, brother-in-law, et cetera, that you can be.

00:21:27.880 That's a tough situation because you see things and man, we jump into things that we just don't

00:21:31.920 know anything about and we end up putting them in a worse spot or ourselves in a worse spot. So

00:21:36.500 just tread lightly. I commend you for wanting to help and be involved in that way, but just be very

00:21:41.440 aware of how you're doing it and how it's being perceived by the people you're, you are trying to

00:21:45.620 serve. You know, I think that the motive and the intention is good here to be careful in the way you go

00:21:49.960 about doing it. Okay. So Jason for tried really, very much related questions here. Um, what is the

00:21:58.680 best way to lead at work when dealing with peers, when you have no direct authority over them?

00:22:04.360 Just be the best damn employee ever. I had a really good conversation with, uh, his name is

00:22:12.440 Vincent. He goes by Rocco Vargas. The guy's kind of a bit of a Renaissance man. He was a drill 0.91

00:22:18.160 instructor, uh, army ranger. Uh, he's an actor, a musician, an author. Like he's just, his, he's a

00:22:26.420 barber. Like his resumes. Yeah. His resume is amazing. He's a solid dude. And we were talking

00:22:33.020 about, I wish I had my notes from that. He used a term, Oh, power base, power base. And I'm like,

00:22:39.500 what is that? Like, explain what that means. And what he had talked about, he said, we all,

00:22:43.020 we all have a power base and that power base is what people perceive of us when we walk into a

00:22:47.780 room, uh, when they just perceive us or see us from a distance or there, there's some sort of

00:22:51.800 separation. It's this power base. And then our words and our behavior, uh, either solidify that

00:22:57.940 power base or undermine that power base. Right? So when we open our mouths and we spew a bunch of

00:23:03.320 nonsense that doesn't make sense, then we're undermining our perceived power base. But if when we

00:23:08.520 speak up, we do it clearly or articulately, and, uh, we do it with credibility and authority and

00:23:13.940 influence, then it solidifies the P the perception that people have of us. So is it Jason? Yeah.

00:23:21.260 Okay. So Jason has a power base with, or at least did, uh, with his, his peers, with his subordinates,

00:23:30.980 with other employees, he has this power base and you don't need the title of leadership to be able to be

00:23:37.160 a leader. You just need to make sure that your behaviors, your thoughts, your actions, your words,

00:23:43.020 the way that you look, the way you carry yourself lines up and meshes perfectly with this power base

00:23:48.380 because when it does, you will be a leader. You will influence these peers of yours, regardless of

00:23:54.780 the fact as to whether or not you have a title or not. So that was a very cool concept that Vince

00:24:02.440 shared with me. It's like, you have a power base, it's there, whether you want it or not,

00:24:06.460 whether you realize it or not, and all of your actions are undermining or solidifying power base,

00:24:13.640 build that up, focus on that from the way that you communicate the words you're using your language,

00:24:19.720 um, how articulate you are, how knowledgeable you are, even the way you look and all of that

00:24:26.480 will spill over into these employees being influenced positively or negatively, but that's

00:24:32.340 within your control. How is that power base established? What is that based upon?

00:24:38.100 Well, it's individual. It's, it's, it's subjective, right? Because the, it's a, it's,

00:24:43.920 it's a perception. It's not real. Yeah. Right. So all of us have a power base, but it's not,

00:24:50.460 it's not objective. Meaning if it was on a scale from one to 10, I'm just trying to codify this a

00:24:55.120 little bit. If your power base is on a scale from one to 10, I'm not going to be a 10 to everybody I

00:25:00.080 ever encounter. Yeah. So it's based upon their preconceived notions and other things that they

00:25:05.680 may based on their experiences. Look, I mean, I'll give you a prime example, a beard, right? Like

00:25:11.160 some guys like my beard, other guys don't like it. And that's all probably based on past experiences.

00:25:17.440 Some of them, you know, maybe their dad had a beard that looked just like mine and their dad abused

00:25:21.780 them as a kid. Yeah. And so now they're like, okay, I'll give you a great example. There's a

00:25:28.460 guy in the neighborhood and he's a great guy as far as I know. I don't know him real well,

00:25:32.120 but a great guy. And he had a beard when I first met him, he had a beard and I did not like the guy

00:25:38.140 at all. I didn't even, I didn't even meet him or interact him, interact with him, but I made an,

00:25:43.740 I made a, a judgment call based on the way he looked in his beard. And I'm like, why did I do that?

00:25:48.960 He looked like when he had a beard, he looked like the guy that kidnapped Elizabeth smart.

00:25:56.660 He looked like him and immediately I was like, that guy's bad. There's something off about this

00:26:02.300 guy. There's something wrong. Like I don't trust him. He's a pedophile. Like I had all of these

00:26:07.380 like preconceived notions based on a past experience. Now I've gotten to know this individual and he's

00:26:11.620 not like that at all, which is probably more common that our perceptions are off, but it's a great

00:26:17.400 example to show you that the way that people interact with you, the way past people have

00:26:21.740 treated you, uh, says a lot about how they're going to perceive the way that you walk into a room and

00:26:27.240 how you present yourself. So yeah, the power base is determined individually and it's good to be aware

00:26:32.960 of this because then you can know at least to some degree how not to manipulate it because there's

00:26:38.540 some negative connotation with that, but, but mold it, shape it in a way that's going to be positive

00:26:45.180 with other people. So you can impact them in a positive way. Yeah. Very cool. When's that coming

00:26:53.060 out? Do you have, that'll be two or three weeks. Yeah. Two or three weeks. Yeah. All right. Colin

00:26:59.140 McDonald or MacDonald, how'd you start dating again as a single father? I work night and my days off are

00:27:05.800 spent with my kids. That's good. That's where it should be. I think. Yeah. The advice that I would

00:27:13.720 give you with dating again might be a little counterintuitive, but I found this to be true

00:27:17.940 for me when, when I was in the dating scene and, and I think it's true for a lot of guys. It's like

00:27:23.400 dating to me is like holding grains of sand in the beach, right? So you're at the beach and you pick

00:27:30.180 up this scoop of sand and it's smooth and it's white and it feels really good. And you're like, man,

00:27:35.000 I like this. This is cool. And what do you do? You squeeze it harder, right? So you hold onto it

00:27:37.960 harder, squeeze it, squeeze it, squeeze it. And the harder that you squeeze it, what happens?

00:27:41.580 The sand falls out of the little cracks and the little crevices. And eventually if you squeeze

00:27:46.680 hard enough or long enough, you're going to be found with no more sand left in your hand.

00:27:51.560 This is, this is dating if it, because it's, and same thing holds true of business too, by the way,

00:27:57.480 there's a really good book called the selling chronicles that illustrates this point a little

00:28:00.960 bit. If you come across as like, I need a relationship, I want a relationship. I just want

00:28:07.580 to find a good woman. Like, this is the thing I need. You're squeezing that, those grains of sand 0.97

00:28:12.740 and it's all slipping through your fingers. Why? Because you look desperate and no woman worth having 1.00

00:28:20.180 around is attracted to a desperate man. So it would be easy for me to say, well, you just need to appear

00:28:28.600 not desperate, except for you can't. If you're desperate, you can't appear not desperate because the

00:28:35.880 things that you do and the things that you say in your demeanor is going to illustrate that you are

00:28:40.340 indeed desperate, even though you're trying to game it and not be desperate. You actually have to not

00:28:45.140 be desperate. How do you do it? By taking pride in who you are without a woman, right? So going to the 1.00

00:28:54.800 gym, getting in shape, reading good books, having great hobbies, surrounding yourself with solid

00:29:01.840 men in your circle and influence, getting your finances under control, picking up new skills and

00:29:07.980 information that's moving the needle. And the more you focus on yourself, the more attractive you're

00:29:15.240 going to be. And you're not like squeezing the life out of the sand in your hand. What you're actually

00:29:21.360 doing is you're presenting yourself and people will be drawn to you because there's just something

00:29:28.600 about this guy that he's got going on. Now that's not to say you shouldn't position yourself and be

00:29:33.920 in the right place, right? Like you've got to be in the right place. You've got to be around the right

00:29:37.940 women. You've got to be around people and making connections and, and be somewhat available, but 1.00

00:29:43.260 there's a lie between availability and desperation. So my counter counterintuitive thought here is

00:29:50.320 just stop, just stop thinking about like, I got to get a relationship, like have a relationship with

00:29:56.440 yourself, make yourself the project, put all of your attention and focus and energy into improving

00:30:02.760 who you are, not just aesthetically. Cause that's what a lot of guys hear, right? They're like, Oh,

00:30:07.480 okay. So I just need to look better. I just need to have more money and drive a faster car. No,

00:30:10.760 right. That's not what I'm talking about. Like the aesthetics are great. I'm talking about a deeply

00:30:17.140 rooted security and comfort and confidence in who you are because you're doing the work required.

00:30:23.280 The aesthetics will take care of themselves, the car and the money and the abs and the everything

00:30:28.080 out. That'll, that'll take care of itself. You're doing the work. So do that work, make yourself

00:30:34.120 somewhat available, find like where the type of women that you're attracted to you are spending time. 1.00

00:30:39.520 And, and I think you're going to find, find a woman who appreciates and wants to be led by who you

00:30:46.840 are as a man. Yeah. That's a great answer. Where were you when I was single? Yeah. You wouldn't

00:30:53.900 have listened. Although that sounded kind of weird, huh? Where were you Ryan when I was single?

00:30:59.360 Yeah. It did actually sound. Yeah. All right. Moving on. It is funny. Cause even in my financial

00:31:05.060 planning practice, I would talk with people about money and their investments and everything else.

00:31:08.000 And they say, where were you 10 years ago? I'm like, would you have listened 10 years ago?

00:31:11.120 No, probably not. Well, so even if I was around, you wouldn't have not acknowledged.

00:31:16.900 Well, and, and to be frank, it's like the opportunities to learn when you have to

00:31:20.720 dig through it on your own is, is really priceless. So if you're willing to learn from it,

00:31:26.380 like the experience for the sake of experience of hardship is not good in and of itself.

00:31:31.540 You actually have to be willing to learn from it. Yeah. Cause I know a bunch of guys who've got

00:31:36.000 wrecked in life and they keep beating their damn head against the wall. Cause they're not willing to

00:31:40.120 learn the lesson. And then they'll say things like, Oh, my bosses are assholes. All the women 1.00

00:31:44.860 I date are bitches. And I was like, you're the only common denominator in this. So what's really 1.00

00:31:51.220 going on here? Totally. And, and just as a, um, I don't know, an illustration to your example,

00:31:59.360 that's exactly how it was for me. Dating is it was, I was constantly like, I, I put way too much

00:32:05.640 weight on it and constant was in and out of relationships that just didn't feel right. I

00:32:10.460 wasn't ready. And I actually thought like, I was like, Oh, I'm broken. I can't do this. And then

00:32:15.720 it's when I let go of it all and just focused on myself that, that things just kind of aligned.

00:32:21.780 So, I mean, I had a very real world example of that. Um, I remember when I was young, I used to get

00:32:28.740 drunk a lot. I used to drink a lot of alcohol and it was getting bad. Like I, I'm, I was legitimately

00:32:35.560 an alcoholic. I never thought that, but like looking back, I was legitimately an alcoholic.

00:32:41.100 And I remember as I was at this party one night and I, I, I was drunk. And I remember thinking to

00:32:47.520 myself, like, what the hell are you doing, man? This is crazy. I was chasing girls and I was drunk.

00:32:54.540 And like, it just wasn't going anywhere. And in that moment of drunkness, I was like, I can't do

00:32:59.760 this anymore. Like, I don't want to do this. This is gross. Like it doesn't feel good. It's not

00:33:04.180 moving. I'm done. I'm done with this. And that was the last drink. Well, I, I, I should say it

00:33:12.160 probably had a drink since then, but like, that was the last that I got like drunk, like shit face 0.80

00:33:18.320 drunk. I was just done. It was like flipping a switch on the wall. I was done. And at that moment,

00:33:24.460 I said, you know, I'm going to get sober. I'm going to work on my business. Like I'm going to,

00:33:28.320 I'm just going to fix me. And not coincidentally, I met my wife very soon after, very soon after

00:33:35.660 within probably a month or two. And we started dating and man, I knew, I knew almost immediately

00:33:42.200 that she was the one I wasn't planning on that, but I positioned myself for it by fixing myself,

00:33:50.060 like getting myself right and focusing on me and the chips fell into place.

00:33:55.480 Yeah. And what's crazy is what opportunity could have passed you by if you didn't have that

00:34:03.960 breakthrough and positioned yourself and you would have passed up the opportunity of ever meeting her

00:34:09.760 and what opportunities constantly pass us by because we've not, because we haven't positioned

00:34:15.620 ourselves to be in a position to accept or to take on those opportunities to even recognize them.

00:34:22.540 Like how many guys have you heard, say, for example, Oh man, some guys have all the luck. Or if I didn't

00:34:27.840 have, if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have luck at all. Or the rich get richer. I don't ever have

00:34:32.040 opportunities. Dude, you have opportunities just like everybody else, but your behavior and your thoughts

00:34:39.900 are representing a literal and figurative barrier between you and the opportunities that present

00:34:48.260 themselves. Like you have a, a blindfold on. If you don't think you have opportunities, you're,

00:34:53.580 you're blinded by some thought or pattern or behavior. Take the blindfold off on the strap yourself

00:35:00.680 from, from the baggage that you're carrying around. So you can actually see that the opportunities

00:35:05.960 are bound. You just didn't recognize them before because the behavior you're engaged in,

00:35:11.060 whether it's smoking or drinking or pornography or drug abuse or whatever is actually the thing

00:35:19.460 that's keeping you from seeing the opportunities that other men capitalize on because they can see

00:35:25.000 clearly they're not blinded. All right, Nick Hilton, best advice for switching from the public sector

00:35:33.520 to the private sector. I am making a career change next week, leaving my job of 11 years as a police

00:35:39.860 fire dispatcher and becoming a full-time sales rep for leading fire apparatus manufacturer. I will have

00:35:47.040 the entire state of New Hampshire as my region. First, congratulations. I think that's awesome.

00:35:54.620 You're pursuing something that sounds like it's meaningful to you, that'll push you in the right

00:35:57.580 direction. I think that's great. You know, I, I've never really held a government job outside of the

00:36:02.300 military. So that's the experience in the background I'm coming from. So take this for what it is when

00:36:06.660 I say it, but I think more on, especially if you're moving into a sales position, you're, you're

00:36:13.200 probably not going to have as much authority over you as you're potentially used to, right? Like I know

00:36:20.720 my time in the military, we were told what the mission was. We were told what time to get up. We were

00:36:24.940 told what our standard operating procedures and rules of engagement were. We were told where to be,

00:36:29.160 when to be, how to do it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And so all you had to do is be a robot,

00:36:34.900 like quite literally is like, just do what you're told. That's it. You're told to do this,

00:36:42.400 do that. And if you do that, then you get promotions. It's nice. It works out. But in the

00:36:47.620 private sector, especially on the sales side of things, you're not going to have that oversight.

00:36:51.600 You might have that initially, right? You might have, have, uh, some training that you need to go

00:36:56.480 through. You might have some sort of a partner that goes with you and, and, and teaches you and

00:37:01.040 trains you and gets you up to speed. You might have some of that, but once that's done and the

00:37:05.220 ties are severed, like it's like, okay, good luck. Go do your thing. That's been my experience in sales

00:37:10.400 anyways. And that's a difficult thing because you're probably used to clear instruction and direction.

00:37:17.240 And you're probably pretty good as if you had a, had a, a good career in the, in the public sector,

00:37:23.180 you're probably good at following instruction. Well, now there's no instruction. So be aware of

00:37:28.220 that. Be aware of the fact that it's going to require self discipline, self accountability that

00:37:34.020 you're going to need to invest in books and courses and conferences and conversations, uh,

00:37:40.100 about how to be a better salesman. One of the ones I told you about earlier is, uh, the selling

00:37:45.480 chronicles. That's a really good one. Uh, Zig Ziglar has great stuff on sales. Uh, Tom Hopkins,

00:37:52.240 real estate has a good stuff on sales. Grant Cardone, who's like pretty over the top on a lot

00:37:58.420 of things for me still has some quality information regarding sales, but you've got to take ownership

00:38:03.720 of what it is you're doing and invest in yourself, learn how to sell, learn human psychology. Very,

00:38:10.480 very important. Uh, learn how to communicate effectively. There's a book called or a workbook

00:38:16.520 called the assertiveness workbook. Read that. Excuse me. Uh, read the, read and go through the

00:38:24.140 assertiveness workbook. Uh, no more Mr. Nice guy is a good one to go through because it's going to teach

00:38:30.080 you how to be assertive and not be walked over. So yeah, that's, that's my advice. Like, like get good

00:38:38.000 at sales, get good at human psychology and get good at leading yourself. Cool. David Henderson,

00:38:44.800 apart from the majority of people saying, just deal with it. How do you get past the anxiety and

00:38:50.520 time management? I'm currently dealing with running three businesses, three months into having four

00:38:55.960 children studying for a seven hour test to upgrade my contractor's license. Just deal with it.

00:39:04.600 Look, look, here's the thing. I'm going to give you a real answer. I'm saying, I know just saying that

00:39:11.040 like, it's true though. I mean, it is accurate. I'm going to, so I'm going to give you a deeper

00:39:16.800 answer than that here in a second, but don't discount that advice. Like I'm telling you, don't

00:39:25.780 discount. You just deal with it because we are resilient creatures. We are gritty. We are tough.

00:39:34.220 We are resilient. We adapt. Well, you come from the greatest species, the most intelligent, the

00:39:45.100 toughest, the smartest species to ever walk the planet. And your lineage is that of warriors and

00:39:56.240 people who are extremely intelligent and wise and strong and capable because everybody who wasn't

00:40:05.880 died. So they're not your family members. The ones that survived are the smart, intelligent, strong,

00:40:13.140 capable humans. And that's your lineage. That's who you are. It's in your blood. So I actually think

00:40:21.200 there's a lot to be said for you deal with it because what is the alternative? Breaking down,

00:40:27.940 crumbling, cowering in the corner, not getting the mission accomplished. That's not who you are.

00:40:33.900 It's not who your ancestors are. And it's certainly not who you're capable of being and becoming.

00:40:38.660 So become somebody who is capable of dealing with that. So please don't discount that. Now that said,

00:40:45.400 start creating some plans, start creating some strategies, find a healthy and a productive

00:40:52.860 outlet so that you can unplug periodically, have good people in your corner, have mentors and coaches

00:41:00.000 and counselors who have gone through exactly what you're going through and enlist their help.

00:41:06.240 Talk with them, communicate with them, ask them questions about how they experienced it and what

00:41:10.800 they went through specifically and what practices and, and what strategies and planning systems that

00:41:16.160 they use to get through it. How did they, uh, unplug when things got really tough and demanding?

00:41:21.580 Like what exactly did they do? I can't give you specific advice because I don't know specifically

00:41:26.680 your situation. So the general advice I would say is find a specialist, find somebody who's gone

00:41:33.580 through that exact same thing. Even if it only means they're 30 days ahead of you or 30 years ahead of

00:41:40.280 you and ask them, what did they do? How did they do this? How did they overcome this? Again,

00:41:45.360 have your band of brothers with you, uh, who, who are helping you and guiding you go compete,

00:41:50.420 go get punched in the face, go for a run, do something difficult early, early in the morning

00:41:55.880 so that it sets the tone for the rest of the day and, and sets the standard into how you perform

00:42:00.780 and engage and overcome difficult and, and challenging and demanding tasks. And then remember why you're

00:42:06.180 doing it. Remember why you're doing it, you know, and when you're in the thick of things and it's

00:42:11.260 difficult and challenging and a struggle tab back into, Oh yeah, it is hard, but I'm doing it because

00:42:16.820 this thing, this is what's driving me. This is what's propelling me and look and see that light

00:42:22.020 at the end of the tunnel. The other thing I would say is just understand that we all have seasons,

00:42:26.000 right? And sometimes those seasons just require you to get through that season,

00:42:30.200 put your nose down, get your back and your hands to work and just do it because that's,

00:42:34.760 that's what's required. That's what's required. If you want to be a man, that's the requirement.

00:42:40.440 So again, not very specific advice, although I think there's some action strategies in there,

00:42:44.220 but don't discount the, uh, you deal with it. You have the capability of dealing with,

00:42:50.040 that's who your ancestors are and that's who you are.

00:42:52.640 I think what's powerful around the term deal with it is it's a current action of the present.

00:42:59.200 It's deal with it. Like right now, what you are dealing with. And whenever I hear the term anxiety,

00:43:06.480 I have a tendency to assume that we're looking a little bit into the future of things outside of

00:43:11.020 our control. And we're stressed out about, well, I have this expectation. Well, what if it doesn't

00:43:15.580 work? Whatever. That's not dealing with it. Dealing with it is based upon what I know now,

00:43:20.300 based on what I can do right now, this is the action I'm going to take. Now, do we have an

00:43:25.700 after action review and say, Hey, okay, that's not working. We pivot. Sure. But guess what?

00:43:29.840 You don't know any of that of the future. What you do know is what needs to be addressed right

00:43:34.020 now. So focus on the present, deal with it, and then see how things pan out and then pivot and

00:43:40.820 adjust. But we have this, we get so stressed out about, Oh, my current circumstance and how's it

00:43:45.660 going to pan out? And what if it doesn't work or whatever? And then that's not dealing with it.

00:43:49.880 That's actually just wasting time of something that's a little bit outside of your control or unknowns.

00:43:55.700 that are outside of your control. So dealing with it is dealing in the moment.

00:43:59.840 I like that. I tend to think the same thing about statements like handle your business or mind your

00:44:07.480 business, like handle it, handle it, do what you need to do in order to make it work. These are other

00:44:14.060 statements that people have a hard time with man up. Yeah. Don't cry. Right. Cause we rush to

00:44:21.600 conclusions about what's that mean, what that means. So it was like, Oh man, you can't tell a

00:44:26.120 little boy to man up. No, you actually should, because there's circumstances where like he should

00:44:31.480 man up and there are circumstances where he shouldn't cry. So, so give it some context,

00:44:36.880 right? Like, well, okay, man up. What does that mean? Well, it doesn't mean be a dick or be

00:44:43.800 misogynistic or be an asshole. Like it's never meant that man up means be tough, be really a gritty,

00:44:51.460 be resilient, be resourceful, adapt, mold, make yourself stronger and capable. That's what man up

00:44:58.300 means. Well, why don't you just say that? Cause it's easier to say man up.

00:45:01.240 Yeah. As long as you have the content. Oh, you didn't tell a kid not to cry. Yeah. You're damn

00:45:08.560 right. Cause there's times where a little boy and a little girl shouldn't cry. Yeah. There's

00:45:15.420 situations in life that people are going to deal with and crying and bitching and moaning and

00:45:19.620 complaining and griping is not appropriate in that circumstance. Now there's times where it is okay

00:45:25.500 to cry and there's times where it's not okay to cry. So we've got to think about what these

00:45:31.020 terms mean and give them some context and think about us ourselves individually. Ask ourselves,

00:45:37.000 what does it mean? So when somebody says you handle it or you deal with it, okay, well,

00:45:42.440 let me think on that a minute. Like, let me ponder that for a second. What does that mean? Oh,

00:45:46.040 like I could do this and I can adapt and I can learn new skills and I could, I need to figure this

00:45:50.120 out. And so maybe if I figured that out, it would help. And you begin to solve your own problems.

00:45:54.940 Like I'd love to put myself out of work here with order of man. It won't happen,

00:45:59.060 but I mean, wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be a nice day where what we're doing here

00:46:07.040 wasn't needed? That'd be cool, but I don't see it happening. I can't say that it wouldn't be nice

00:46:16.040 though. Logan McConnell, the mentality of you tell me I can't do it and I'll, and I'll do it to prove

00:46:25.640 you wrong. Like most things isn't bad in moderation. How does a person identify when to

00:46:31.340 allow to drive you and when it's being destructive? For example, would, uh, I would be saying I can't

00:46:38.140 lift X weight, but I'll push my body to a breaking point to prove I can. But at the same time, it is a

00:46:45.140 good thing to have to help us use negative energy to power us forward. Yeah. You just look at the

00:46:51.540 results. If, for example, what did, what do you say as far as like lifting weights? Is that what

00:46:57.060 he was talking about? Like dead? Yeah. That's certain weight or something. Yeah. That's the

00:46:59.340 example, right? Okay. I can list that. Okay. Breaking your back. Right. Yeah. So let's say

00:47:05.680 you want to do a 500 pound deadlift and, and your brother's making fun of you. He's like, dude,

00:47:10.440 you can't do 500 pounds. Like that would crush you or whatever. Right. So he's teasing. You're giving

00:47:13.940 a hard time. You're like, yeah, screw you, man. Watch. And you break your back. Cause you did

00:47:18.840 something dumb. Are you more capable or less capable of, of lifting 500 pounds off the floor

00:47:23.880 now? You're less capable because you have a broken back or you're injured. So therefore

00:47:31.300 you let that type of motivation undermine what it is you were trying to do. So be smart. That's

00:47:40.060 it. Just be smart. If it's, if it's motivating you, look, we're, we're walking a fine line of

00:47:45.800 like the should'ves, right? Like, Oh, but you should be motivated by this and you shouldn't

00:47:49.700 be motivated by that. Who cares what you're motivated by? It doesn't matter if your motives

00:47:55.740 are pure and you're moving in the right direction. Like it doesn't matter what motivates you just

00:48:01.620 use it. Like, look, I, I, I personally, I actually like acknowledgement. I'm motivated by

00:48:08.560 that. Like when people acknowledge what I do, that's motivating. Oh, but Ryan, like you shouldn't

00:48:14.000 care what other people think and you shouldn't be motivated. Screw you, buddy. Like if it helps

00:48:18.580 me do something that's meaningful and significant, then that's the fuel I'm going to use. Yeah. And I

00:48:24.000 don't care if I should or shouldn't like, Oh, I shouldn't be motivated by it. Well, if it's moving

00:48:28.060 me in the right direction, then cool. Isn't that a good thing? It's a good thing. Just don't be blown

00:48:34.360 with the wind and realize, you know, what your purpose and direction is, is, is what you're saying.

00:48:39.180 Well, let's go, let's take the acknowledgement thing. I can be recognized and acknowledged for

00:48:44.320 the wrong reasons too. Yeah. So do I let my need to be acknowledged outweigh the mission? And that's,

00:48:53.980 again, that's where you come into a problem, right? Because now the acknowledgement becomes the

00:48:58.100 priority and therefore you start doing things that will get you maybe more recognition and

00:49:02.940 acknowledgement, but aren't perfectly in align with what your mission is. So you have to have both.

00:49:07.440 Okay. But I need to know, I need to be self-aware of what motivates me and inspires me,

00:49:11.680 whether it's acknowledgement or recognition or, or incentives or whatever. This is human psychology,

00:49:17.080 right? And it needs to be directly tied to my purpose-driven mission. And if I'm missing one or

00:49:23.220 the other, it's very easy to drift and get off course. But when you sink the two, you can ask

00:49:27.920 yourself, is this type of motivation, somebody saying that I can't do it, moving me towards what I

00:49:33.800 want to accomplish or further away. And that's how, you know, if it's good and right,

00:49:37.400 that's moving you further away. Oh, that's not good motivation for me. That's so I got to get

00:49:43.000 around people in this, in this case, if, if somebody deflates what I'm doing and my personality

00:49:49.940 is, it doesn't happen to be, but let's just say hypothetically, it is that that's deflating to me

00:49:55.060 and, and it undermines me wanting to move forward. Then I have to distance myself from negativity

00:50:01.240 and move closer towards people who are going to be positive and encouraging and uplifting because

00:50:06.420 I know that's what actually moves the needle for me. So find out what works for you and use it as

00:50:11.300 fuel as long as it's moving in the right direction, all the power to you. Yeah, totally. And Logan, I know

00:50:17.000 this is just an example, but I think your example proves a point as well. And it's slightly related

00:50:22.220 in this example, someone said you couldn't lift the weight, right? And then you go lift the weight

00:50:27.180 and you break your back. That's not making you better, by the way, making you better would be

00:50:32.320 putting a plan together to increase your strength and become better at doing a deadlift that makes

00:50:40.060 you better. This hell Mary of, I'm just going to try harder and try to do something that I'm not

00:50:45.960 capable of doing is not improving us. And so I think we can translate that to other aspects of our life

00:50:52.540 where we might use negative energy to become better, but we need to not just like, it's not

00:50:58.740 a sprint, right? Well, I'm just going to be great for a day. No, no, no, no. That's not the objective.

00:51:03.460 The objective should be, okay, how do I improve for the long game in this area and become a better

00:51:09.820 person? And unfortunately that's a marathon in a lot of cases. So it's not going to be a burst of,

00:51:16.180 oh, I proved them wrong. No, it's going to take time. And you need to look at how that benefits

00:51:20.560 your character. Right. Yeah. The, the terms that I use is emotional response versus emotional,

00:51:27.320 uh, stimulation. Right. So if you have somebody who comes to you and says, Hey, what you're doing

00:51:34.440 is stupid. Cause that, that sounds silly, but people actually say that like what you're doing

00:51:40.940 is stupid. You're a moron. Like a real man doesn't need a man to tell him how to be a man. And then I

00:51:46.180 respond emotionally to that either verbally or through my actions, that's not going to produce

00:51:52.760 a desired result. Yeah. But if it stimulates emotions, then I can use those emotions to your

00:51:59.340 point to formulate a plan that will prove that individual wrong, which is exactly what we've

00:52:04.700 done. Right. So be careful of responding emotionally or just allowing plans and actions

00:52:11.320 and strategies to be stimulated through emotion. I like that a lot. You do stimulation, don't

00:52:19.360 you? Yes. I, I, that's, that's how I wake up and I just wait for stimulation to show up for

00:52:25.180 me to decide how I'm going to show up for today. All right. Kilo Taylor. It would be awesome

00:52:35.960 if you could do something in relationship, uh, in, in relation to Richmond, Virginia activity

00:52:41.640 today, maybe how to train more effectively your thoughts on recommended courses of action,

00:52:47.120 best ways to prepare in case there were ever to be another war on our soil, et cetera. So

00:52:52.860 kind of a little related back to the whole Virginia. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, there's,

00:52:58.980 there's a ton of resources that have done and will continue to do a significantly better job than I

00:53:05.040 will. I almost look at ourselves with order of man as a hub, right? And so maybe we're generalist

00:53:10.540 in a lot of ways. And we talk about psychology and mindset and grit and all of these types of things,

00:53:14.840 but then there's spinoffs of it, which are the experts, the subject matter experts. So yesterday

00:53:20.460 I had on the podcast, Clint Emerson, a former Navy SEAL, New York times, bestselling author. He runs,

00:53:26.120 a security company. Uh, they did the president's inauguration several years ago. Uh, and, and he talks

00:53:33.940 about how to keep yourself alive and safe and dangerous and violent encounters. Clint Emerson,

00:53:39.940 a hundred deadly skills, uh, John level with warrior poet society, met him down at shot show. A lot of

00:53:45.320 you guys are familiar with what he's doing. We are very, very much in alignment, uh, with our mission

00:53:49.940 and a purpose. Um, he focuses more on the firearms and the tactical training. Uh, we've had so many

00:53:56.120 great people on the podcast. Uh, Creek Stewart is another one who I find very, very fascinating and

00:54:01.320 interesting. Uh, he talks a lot about survival skills, wilderness, survival, et cetera, et cetera.

00:54:06.240 So they're out there, you know, like we're not going to do all of that stuff. I just want to bring

00:54:10.700 the right people in and put them in the right places. Uh, but if you are interested in firearms,

00:54:16.540 training, survival, violent encounter situations, there's three or four resources right off the top

00:54:22.200 of my mind with that we've talked with in the last several months, who I think would be great

00:54:26.480 resources for what you're after. They're there. You just got to find them. Cool. All right, Jason

00:54:32.060 thumb. I'm 50 and trying to decide on a new career. I didn't lose my job. I just feel dead inside at

00:54:38.840 work. I'm good at, uh, I'm good at it and I've been doing it for 22 years. There's no more upward

00:54:44.840 movement in the company. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth worthwhile to search for a new

00:54:50.820 inspiration and stay or start a new career doing something I love doing. Well, that thing I love

00:54:56.960 then become a whole hum and just a job. It's just better to do what you've always done. Um, it's

00:55:04.900 better to be miserable from 8am to 6pm. Uh, it's better just to be mediocre because the risk of doing

00:55:13.720 anything different, uh, is just, it's not worth the potential like reward of it. It's just better to just

00:55:20.500 like do the status quo. I mean, come on, this is a silly question. Look, I'm not trying to downplay

00:55:26.240 what you're, what you're doing here, but the reason you're asking the question is because you

00:55:29.900 know the damn answer to the question. If you didn't know the answer to the question, you wouldn't be

00:55:35.380 asking me if you should do something that's motivating and inspiring to you. Of course you

00:55:40.260 should do that. Of course you should. Like, what are you going to do in, in, in 20 years and 25 years,

00:55:46.820 you're down, what, 75 years old and you're lying on your deathbed and you're like,

00:55:49.560 I'm really glad I decided to stick that miserable job out that, you know, I was kind of good at,

00:55:54.540 but I hated it. I'm really glad I decided to do that. Of course not. Of course you're not going

00:56:00.620 to say that. No sane individual would say that. And look, I get it. It's scary as shit, man.

00:56:10.440 You got a good job. Maybe you have a pension. Maybe your wife's whispering in your ear, like,

00:56:15.420 this is safe. This is secure, honey. Like, let's risk. It's okay. And so like, it's scary now,

00:56:20.740 right? Like you're good at what you do because you've been doing it for two decades.

00:56:26.660 That's the problem. You've been doing it so long that you've been domesticated by it.

00:56:32.160 Like you're, you're docile because of it. And you're not reaching your full potential

00:56:39.700 because you've bought into it for a very long time. So I'm glad that you're waking up to it.

00:56:46.100 Now go do something meaningful and stop worrying about, will this become ho-hum? Maybe it will in

00:56:50.920 20 years. And then in 20 years, when you're 70 years old, you're like, you know what? I want to do

00:56:55.440 something different. And then you do something different. Yeah. There is a risk that at some

00:57:01.020 point, if you pursued something else, that at some point you would realize you don't like it or it's

00:57:05.220 no longer meaningful or significant. So what? I'm going to change again. Change again. Does that mean

00:57:11.160 like it wasn't a worthwhile pursuit or that you'd like wasted time? People say that all the time.

00:57:16.580 Oh, I just, I don't want to waste these like, like last 20 years, 20 years are gone, brother.

00:57:20.860 They're gone. I'm not going to say they're wasted. I'm just going to say they're gone.

00:57:26.320 Now what you do today is what matters. And you have 20 years of experience to draw upon 20 years

00:57:32.880 of hard work, 20 years of information, gathering 20 years of wisdom, which is the application of

00:57:38.200 information. You have 20 years of that. Congratulations. You're so much further ahead

00:57:43.220 than the guy who's coming out of college with no experience whatsoever. You have an advantage

00:57:48.380 and you have some disadvantages. So what? Use what you got. You know, the answer to the question.

00:57:53.440 So go do it. Mr. Alphabet. I saw this one, but yeah, man, I wouldn't even try. Do you want to

00:58:03.440 try? No, I don't. I would, I would, I would try it, but that's your job and I don't, I don't want to do

00:58:09.100 it. So it's your job. Copy that. Well, the minute that a name has special characters that I don't even

00:58:14.880 know what they're called, I'm immediately like, I'm not going to even try. Yeah. I'm see. I'm sure

00:58:18.960 I could do it. Kip, I could do it, but I'm all about teaching a man to fish, not doing the fishing

00:58:25.080 forum. So I'm really just trying to empower you here. Yeah. And me skipping your name is just

00:58:29.700 deciding not to fish at all and going for a hike instead. Yeah. Right. Going to the grocery store to

00:58:35.320 get your fish. Yeah. How to get, uh, how to get a relationship, a long-term relationship. My problem

00:58:41.920 is that I meet a girl, I hang out with her for two to three months and then I get bored or something

00:58:47.900 happens and I start looking another for another one of this come. You want to be entertained, man.

00:58:54.440 This is the problem. I hope my wife doesn't listen to this. She probably will because she doesn't 1.00

00:58:59.620 listen to any of them. She'll probably listen to this one. Sometimes my wife is boring and you know, 1.00

00:59:05.000 sometimes I'm boring. I'm probably more boring than she is actually, but you know what? She still loves me.

00:59:09.540 I still love her. I'm still infatuated with her. We still have a great relationship,

00:59:13.960 still romantic and intimate with each other, but sometimes we're both boring.

00:59:18.360 You know, sometimes like we'll, we'll both be reading a book. We're like, are we lame? And we

00:59:22.080 both look at each other and say, yeah, we're lame. Like, cool. And then we drive on with being lame

00:59:25.580 because it's like, why do you need to be entertained all the time? Should it be entertaining? Yeah. I mean,

00:59:33.540 you should have fun and should be spontaneous and there should be a spark and liveliness in your

00:59:39.680 relationship. But look, man, you may have fallen prey to like, I got to be entertained at all times.

00:59:43.900 And if I'm not entertained and it's not fun and exciting and all of this like risky and all of that,

00:59:48.000 then like, it's not worth it. You've bought into that lie because you have been entertained forever.

00:59:55.160 And now you're expected to be entertained. And that's a problem because the minute that you're

01:00:00.820 not entertained, you lose interest and you have no focus, no focus, man. You may have let go of a

01:00:08.860 beautifully, wonderful woman because you wanted to be entertained.

01:00:16.120 That's something you got to consider. So stop wanting to be entertained and like look for deep,

01:00:23.140 meaningful, significant satisfaction. Uh, look, be spontaneous. It's not her fault. Maybe it's

01:00:30.840 your fault. Maybe you're boring and you're, you're the one who's bringing the level of boringness to

01:00:34.820 the, to the relationship. Maybe she wants that and you're not doing it and you're thinking it's her

01:00:38.300 and she's thinking it's you. And like both of you are like, why is this boring? And then you end up

01:00:41.640 splitting off because there's no excitement or fire. So like, bring it, bring it, be creative,

01:00:46.620 find different solutions to be spontaneous and have fun. Find ways to energize yourself outside of her

01:00:52.180 too. That is, that's actually a really good strategy. It's like my wife this week, she's in

01:00:56.880 the Bahamas with, with her girlfriend and they're having fun. She sent me pictures of her on the beach

01:01:02.200 and doing her thing. And I'm like, that's good. Cause she's going to come back and she's going to be

01:01:06.700 more engaged. She's going to be sexier. She's going to be funner. Like it's good. It's all good. And I do

01:01:11.260 the same thing. I go, I'm leaving next week to go spend some time with, uh, Bert Soren with Soren X down in,

01:01:16.260 in South Carolina with some other friends. And I got to do that for me. And then I come back into the

01:01:21.180 relationship, engaged, energized, and, and more excited about what we're doing. So you don't need

01:01:26.580 to always find it in her. That's, that's putting too much pressure on her, too many expectations on

01:01:33.660 her, like find a way to have it outside of the relationship and you guys will all be better off. 1.00

01:01:37.880 You'll both be better off. I can't help, but maybe wonder if there's some psychological stuff going on

01:01:45.280 where there's some internal dialogue after a couple of months with these girls, where

01:01:49.560 you're adding a bunch of meeting to stuff that may not necessarily be there based upon previous

01:01:55.600 scenarios. So maybe just something to consider that, that maybe you're bailing on those relationships

01:02:01.960 before they can hurt you and who knows what, what psychology might be happening there. So I don't

01:02:07.720 know, something to thought, think about it. That is something to consider. I would also say is,

01:02:12.260 you know, like if, if, if you're not ready to settle down, then it is okay to be in an entertaining

01:02:18.620 relationship. Like that's, there's nothing wrong. I'm not saying that's wrong. Like if you're just

01:02:24.460 in a relationship because it's exciting and fun and you're young and that's what you want to do.

01:02:27.540 Cool, man. Get after it. But then don't simultaneously say, I'm looking for a long-term

01:02:31.620 relationship. Right? It's like, you're either looking for fun and want to have fun. And you

01:02:35.500 communicate that with the women you're with, or you're like, nah, I'm actually looking to settle

01:02:38.380 down and get serious. And then you communicate that and let those women make the decision. 1.00

01:02:42.260 Cause if you find a woman, here's what a lot of guys will do. Like, I just want to settle down. 0.75

01:02:45.660 I want to get comfortable. And they find this fun, exciting woman. And then they get all upset

01:02:49.320 because that fun, exciting woman isn't interested in settling down. And they try to like tamer. 1.00

01:02:53.340 It's like, no man, like enjoy the time you had with her. You know, as a fun moment,

01:02:57.780 she's not interested in settling down or what they'll do is they'll lie to her. 0.99

01:03:01.760 Hmm. Right. So, so on both ends, maybe they're looking for excitement and they'll say they're

01:03:08.780 looking to settle down because they know that woman is still alive or they're looking to settle

01:03:13.620 down. And the woman they know is just wanting to have a good time, but you don't want to lose that

01:03:16.940 cause that's fun too. And, and so you lie and say, I'm not just after excitement when really you're

01:03:21.540 after a long-term relationship. And then you get upset when she does things that are fun and exciting

01:03:25.800 and aren't in alignment with what you want because you're lying to her. You're not communicating

01:03:29.880 the expectation clearly. Hmm. All right. Christian George, how do you choose a financial planner or

01:03:38.020 advisor recommendations? Um, there's a good book by Dr. Daniel Crosby called the laws of wealth.

01:03:45.360 And in this, in that book, one of the segments is, I want to say it's maybe 15 or 20 questions on

01:03:50.900 what to look for, but very, very, uh, generally what I would say is look for, uh, somebody who's

01:03:59.240 a fiduciary, meaning they have to, they're legally bound and obligated to keep your best interest

01:04:04.280 at, uh, at the forefront when they're making recommendations, uh, ask about the way that

01:04:09.380 they get compensated and paid. If they're working solely off of commissions, uh, there's going to be

01:04:14.800 a conflict of interest that's inherently built into, uh, the relationship. So, and it might be okay.

01:04:20.300 You know, we, we work with people who, who work off commission all the time, whether you're buying

01:04:25.700 a car or clothes, uh, and that's okay. As long as you know what it is and where their potential

01:04:32.120 conflicts lie, just be aware of that. Uh, I would also ask them what is their investment philosophy

01:04:38.620 or approach to managing money and finances and, and ask them about that. And if, if you agree with

01:04:45.640 what they say, good, then that's a potential moving forward. If, if you're like, this is weird,

01:04:49.380 this is off or you get a bad feeling about it, and then you just interview somebody else.

01:04:52.820 And it truly is an interview, by the way, you need to be interviewing these individuals and

01:04:56.900 they need to be interviewing you. If this guy works with anyone and everyone, like that's also

01:05:00.800 a red flag. They should be working with the kind of person and the kind of clientele that you are,

01:05:06.420 whether that's a career or level of wealth and income or your investment philosophy and strategy,

01:05:11.940 assuming you have one, you should have one. Uh, but read a lot of good books on the subject,

01:05:16.140 know what you're doing. Like for example, I could go to a car dealership today and go buy a new car,

01:05:22.200 but I would never, never in a million years go into a car dealership without doing research and

01:05:28.820 homework and looking at MSRPs and looking at pricing and knowing how much they negotiate and

01:05:34.120 what their strategies are. Like I want to go in equipped with that information. So you can't

01:05:38.920 absolve yourself of the responsibility of knowing money and how it works just because you're handling or

01:05:43.500 hiring a financial advisor. In fact, if you do, you're going to make a bad decision about who

01:05:47.720 you're hiring and you're going to hope and pray that what they're sharing with you is right. It's

01:05:51.240 not going to be right by the way. So like learn, be your own advisor and then have some other people

01:05:58.740 you can come in intelligently and have discussions with and bounce ideas off of and advise you on how

01:06:04.120 to lead and handle your money. Copy. Let's take a couple more. All right. Thomas Williamson,

01:06:10.360 the importance of work-life balance and chasing happiness rather than success and wealth.

01:06:17.200 I don't like chasing happiness. I don't like that word or well, maybe it's just semantics,

01:06:25.060 but when I, when people say, I just want, I want to be happy to me, I hear, I want to be free of

01:06:30.420 conflict. Like I want to be sitting, sitting on the beach, sipping my ties and not have any

01:06:36.400 responsibility or, or pressure. Like who wants that? What do you want? I mean, maybe for an hour,

01:06:41.080 that'd be nice. Like when I go on vacation and that's what we're doing, I'm like, all right,

01:06:46.800 yep. Got it. I'm done. I got to go back and work. Cause I want pressure. I want, I want hardship.

01:06:52.940 I want pushback. And so for me, it's not about chasing happiness. It's about finding and developing

01:06:58.880 and articulating fulfillment because to fulfillment is not the absence to me. It's not the absence of

01:07:05.680 hardship. It's the ability and skillset and maturity to overcome it. And look, if you think

01:07:11.560 that's what happiness is, then cool. We're on the same page. And that's why I say it might just be

01:07:14.920 semantic. So be careful the way you're defining happiness. And maybe you haven't even defined it.

01:07:19.860 Maybe somebody else has defined it for you, or you don't really know what it means or haven't

01:07:24.060 thought much about what happiness actually is. So like, think about that first, because I can be

01:07:29.240 fulfilled and not have a million dollars in the bank account. Right. I can be that because I know

01:07:38.420 what fulfillment looks like. And it's not just financial, it's partly financial, but it's also

01:07:43.260 experiences. It's also engagement with my kids. It's also developing as a hunter and somebody who

01:07:51.440 practices and trains jujitsu. Like there's a lot of different moving parts and facets of this

01:07:56.960 that bring me fulfillment and joy and satisfaction. But you have to define it first before you can start

01:08:02.200 thinking about finding balance between working and like who said that work and or family shouldn't be

01:08:09.480 fulfilling. They should both be fulfilling and you should try to chase both of them and have both of

01:08:13.480 them. And when you notice yourself getting too heavily weighted to one side or the other pivot,

01:08:18.080 make adjustments. And if you think about balancing, whether you're standing on a surfboard, I had a,

01:08:22.160 I had a good conversation with, uh, Shane Dorian. He's a, uh, big wave surfer. He's absolutely

01:08:27.900 incredible. We went hunting together and we talked a little bit about surfing and, and, you know, I think

01:08:33.080 about what a surfer does. Like he's not perfectly balanced on the board at all times. Yeah. Right.

01:08:39.820 He's moving, he's shifting his way, he's sliding his front foot or his back foot forward. I know

01:08:43.720 nothing about surfing by the way. And he's moving up and back and he's like shifting and he's doing

01:08:48.320 what he needs to do in order to like find that perfect balance based on external circumstances.

01:08:54.060 In this case, the wave and what the wave is doing and what he wants to do relative to the wave.

01:08:58.560 Same thing with our lives is like, there's no homeostasis. We're like, Oh, we found, I found it.

01:09:06.180 I'm balanced. I found the perfect formula. I'm balanced. And then you're balanced for eternity.

01:09:10.720 No, it's like, Oh, you know what, man, my kid broke his arm. I probably ought to spend a little

01:09:15.720 more time with him today or, Oh, there's a hunt coming up. So like, I'm not going to be able to

01:09:20.540 spend time with my family, but I'm going to be here. Oh, but maybe I can put in a few more hours

01:09:24.040 with my family before I leave because you know, I want to get that time into and let them know

01:09:27.960 they're a priority as well. So you're like constantly shifting and moving and messing with

01:09:32.320 your schedule and time in order to fulfill your responsibilities, your obligations,

01:09:35.940 and what brings you joy and fulfillment. I love it. Um, I have a hard stop at the top of

01:09:41.860 the hour. You, you, let's wrap it up then, man. Okay. Yep. Let's wrap it up. Let's do this.

01:09:46.020 Talking about fulfillment, work-life balance. Yeah. You're so out of balance, man. You can't

01:09:50.920 even have a simple phone call with a friend. Like, Hey dude, like, you know, I'd love to talk with

01:09:55.660 you, a buddy of mine that we've known each other for years, but like, I got other things I got to do.

01:09:59.460 I see how it is, man. It's cool. I got priorities. I'm really busy. That's really busy.

01:10:04.580 All right. We should have some sort of a, um, like a patch or, or an award that we give to people

01:10:14.060 who want to wear the badge of honor of busyness. And like, it's, it's all about, it's totally making

01:10:20.740 fun of them. I mean, that's the whole goal of it. Has to have a funny tagline. Right. So if you,

01:10:26.420 you know, if you, if you say I'm busy, it's like, congratulations, you win the busyness badge of

01:10:31.060 honor as if that's something that we should want to wear. Totally. So you win the busyness badge of

01:10:37.760 honor today, Kip. Congratulations. Awesome. I'll wear it proudly. All right. Bring us home, man.

01:10:44.420 Okay. All right. So to submit your questions for future AMAs, join us on facebook.com slash group

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01:11:00.940 slash iron council. We did have some additional spots still open for you that, uh, for you guys

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01:11:14.240 for fathers and sons, uh, boys need to be between the ages of eight and 15 years old. To learn more,

01:11:21.260 go to order of man.com slash legacy. And as always support the podcast. I think something that you

01:11:27.720 said earlier, Ryan, about, I mean, what we're trying to do the mission, right? If, if you're tired of

01:11:34.580 being the silent majority, um, and you want to actually speak out around, you know, your viewpoints

01:11:42.780 and you agree with the message that is being taught here, you can do that by subscribing to the podcast,

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01:12:05.220 get your hands on the battle planner. You can find all those things at store.orderofman.com.

01:12:10.620 And of course, follow Mr. Mickler at Twitter or on Instagram at Ryan Mickler. That's R-Y-A-N-M-I-C-H-L-E-R.

01:12:20.860 Mitchler. Mitchler. Hey, however you can find me, if that helps you find it, then by all means,

01:12:26.740 I've been called significantly worse than Mitchler. Just don't Google his name.

01:12:32.720 Why?

01:12:33.320 You might find some stuff that you don't want to find.

01:12:35.180 Why? What are you going to find, Kit?

01:12:36.360 I mean, you know, you're telling us not to Google it. So like, apparently you've been looking at my

01:12:42.120 name, you know, so. Yeah. I don't see enough of you. So I have to like Google you to, you know,

01:12:48.400 look at your beautiful mane. I get it. We're going to be out there in, uh, in your neck of the woods

01:12:53.840 here in the next couple of weeks. So sync up. All right. Sounds good. Get some. All right, guys.

01:12:58.820 Yeah, let's do it. Cool. All right, guys. Appreciate you. Hopefully we got some questions answered and

01:13:03.300 had some fun while we were doing it. Uh, appreciate you guys being on the path and leading us and

01:13:07.200 inspiring us to be better men ourselves. Uh, we will be back on Friday. I've got a very interesting

01:13:13.240 perspective on ego and why it can be good, but how to ensure that it doesn't overtake your, uh,

01:13:24.680 your personality and how you show up and the results that you're producing. So it's going to

01:13:28.580 be an interesting one. I had a great conversation with a friend, uh, who's also, his name is also

01:13:32.840 Kip. Uh, and, uh, we talked about this and hashed them out. So it's pretty cool. That'll

01:13:37.500 be on Friday. Just make sure you subscribe. All right, guys, we'll be back then. Uh, go

01:13:40.940 out there, take action. Come and you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order

01:13:44.900 of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were

01:13:49.540 meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 05, 2020

Using Negative Motivation, Avoiding Emotion Response, and How to Deal with you "Dying Inside" ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - February 05, 2020

Using Negative Motivation, Avoiding Emotion Response, and How to Deal with you &#x22;Dying Inside&#x22; ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Using Negative Motivation, Avoiding Emotion Response, and How to Deal with you "Dying Inside" ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING