Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up brother? Great to see you after a long weekend

00:00:28.140 for me. You were telling me it's probably a long weekend for you as you build your home as well.

00:00:33.660 Yeah. I was working and then you'll appreciate this. I'm sure everybody that's a father's ran

00:00:40.080 into this, but the four-year-old last night around 10, dad, my stomach hurts. He could not fall asleep.

00:00:49.260 Then I think it was around 1 a.m., sits up in his bed and just spews.

00:00:53.800 Fuse everywhere. Everywhere. Yeah. And then just, it was a rinse or repeat process

00:00:58.800 all night long. I'm like, you know, what's so weird is

00:01:03.640 little humans are so weird. Normal, normal size humans, big humans are so weird. We're weird.

00:01:11.080 All of us are weird, but have you ever had one of your children come in and you'll be in your bed

00:01:18.320 and they'll run and they're like, dad, my stomach hurts. I think I'm going to go throw up. I'm like,

00:01:22.780 what are you, what are you telling me for? You're like, run. You're like, get out of here.

00:01:28.000 Go somewhere else. It's like, go to the bathroom. I don't understand why you're coming in to alert

00:01:32.980 me. Just go throw up. You don't need to tell me about it. And not only that, they tell you and I'm

00:01:39.960 like, well, go to the bathroom and go throw up. And they'll throw up on the way to the bathroom.

00:01:43.400 I'm like, see, if you would have not come and wake, woken me up, you would have been able to

00:01:49.180 go right there. The other one that always kills me. And I, I think I had my second did this one

00:01:54.580 time. And I said, go to the bathroom. Like you got to throw up, go to the bathroom, throw up. It's

00:01:59.060 fine. Whatever. He runs in the bathroom. He throws up in the sink. I'm like, bro, the sink.

00:02:08.860 I've got the tub too, which is kind of gross. Cause then like you have this backlog of junk.

00:02:14.980 I'm like, you can't just go literally 12 inches to the left and just throw up in the toilet.

00:02:22.860 Now somebody's got to clean up everything. And so I'm not, I'm not very empathetic when it comes

00:02:28.940 to puking. I'm like, just go puke. We all puke. It's what we do. Just go take care of it. Don't

00:02:34.920 alert me. Don't tell. In fact, the less I know about it, the better off the world will be. So just

00:02:39.840 do it and leave me alone. Yeah. We eventually had him in the hallway on a towel. And then we had a

00:02:47.400 bowl and then we're like, all right, buddy, if you have to throw up and you can't make it to the

00:02:51.240 bathroom, here's this bowl. And then same thing. Oh, I'm getting sick. Gets on his hands and knees

00:02:58.580 and just goes all over the floor. And the bowl's like, Oh, the bowl. That's why I gave that to you.

00:03:04.960 I was like bodily functions, bodily. Finally got the bowl. Yeah.

00:03:09.080 But it took like five rounds. Yeah.

00:03:12.180 Bodily functions. That's the one thing I just have little, little, little tolerance for. It's

00:03:18.400 like you little idiot. Like just don't make it's hard. I get it. It sucks, but don't make everybody

00:03:25.600 else participate in your misery. Okay. Just take care of it.

00:03:30.500 That's funny. So I'm tired. I'm like, I think I may have slept about an hour total. So

00:03:37.220 well, we'll get it right into some class. I'm tired for a different reason. I was going to tell

00:03:41.880 you. Oh yeah. Yeah. What was your, you had a long weekend. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was long,

00:03:46.200 but it was good. We went down to Bedros Koulian, uh, runs, uh, a program called operation black

00:03:52.620 site. And it's different than the project. It's definitely not as intense. Like the modern day

00:04:02.360 night project is intense. It same thing with the squire program for young men, super intense

00:04:09.280 squire programs overnight. Um, MDK is I think three or four days, but it's super intense.

00:04:17.260 This was less intense and more focused on business networking and developing certain skills. So we did

00:04:26.320 some grappling, but the other cool thing about operation black side is they have world-class

00:04:30.180 instructors. So Mike Chandler was there teaching the grappling and Tony Blower, who a lot of you guys

00:04:37.100 know the spear system. Uh, he was there. So those two guys, Steve Eckhart, um, they taught the self

00:04:43.260 defense martial arts stuff. And then we did a lot of like room clearing house sweeping. Cause they built

00:04:49.300 this house with catwalks up top. So instructors can see how you're moving through the building.

00:04:54.120 And that was taught by Tim Kennedy and, and other, that's cool. Special forces guys. So like,

00:05:00.360 and the, and the people they bring in are phenomenal. So we, it was a really cool Ray cash care. Of

00:05:07.760 course, Bajos was there, Tim Kennedy, Mike Chandler, some guys that are world-class that people

00:05:14.000 unfortunately just don't know about. And maybe at some point they will, but it was phenomenal.

00:05:18.420 And I was fortunate enough that I, I was able to bring my two old boys down with me. So yeah,

00:05:23.940 if you guys are interested in a really cool weekend, I'm actually thinking about, and I'll

00:05:27.780 keep this between you and me and the hundreds of thousands of people who will hear this.

00:05:30.900 I was going to say, uh, do you want to pause really? Um, I'm actually thinking about investing

00:05:37.160 with, with B and the team down there in that. And what's cool about that is not only will it's

00:05:42.320 investment, but also we'll be able to use that facility for our own events, which is cool.

00:05:49.300 Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. Stay tuned. Cool, man. That sounds fun. That sounds fun. I think I saw

00:05:54.720 you posted something, I think, cause I saw something about, or maybe Bedros did a post.

00:06:00.720 Maybe he did. I don't, I may have posted, I may have reposted in stories. I actually haven't posted

00:06:06.460 on Instagram in quite a while, except for just updates on podcasts, taking a little bit of hiatus.

00:06:12.880 I'll probably share a little bit more on, on Facebook and social media and Instagram.

00:06:16.560 I'm still pretty active. I still jump on and follow people and things like that. But as far

00:06:21.780 as me posting, it's been significantly less. It's been nice actually. So yeah, cool, man.

00:06:30.120 Well, we've got some good questions. It looks like, uh, we're interviewing or, uh, questioning

00:06:33.280 guys from, or I guess they're asking questions of us from the iron council. So I, I went through

00:06:38.600 these and we've got some good ones. Some that I know I'll get fired up about and some that

00:06:43.640 hopefully I'll give some good insight on. Yeah. Sounds good. All right. Our first question

00:06:49.340 is from Pramit Ball question for Ryan regarding the transitioning topics in a podcast setting.

00:06:56.200 When I record episodes for my own podcast with a guest, I sometimes find myself using a lot of

00:07:01.200 filler words or, uh, okay. Now let's talk about instead of having a natural flow. I found listening

00:07:08.580 more intently creates better jump off points into the next topic, but it's not always a

00:07:13.360 guarantee. Would love to know if you have any insights and tips, if you have any insights

00:07:19.480 and tips in that regard. Yes. I am never at a loss for insights and tips, whether you should

00:07:24.300 accept them or not. That's a different story, but never at a loss for those things. Yeah.

00:07:28.680 Look, I did this when you're, I don't know how long Pramit's been podcasting for, but yeah,

00:07:33.220 when you're starting a podcast, it's, it's awkward. You got this microphone in front of your face.

00:07:37.960 You've got a camera in front of you. It just changes the dynamic. But imagine if you're sitting

00:07:44.320 down with a friend at a restaurant over a drink at the game, fight nights, golf, like however you

00:07:52.940 guys interact, would you ask that person a question? And then they answer the question.

00:07:57.900 You're like, Oh, great. And you write it down. You say, now my next question is you would never do

00:08:02.980 that. Yeah. And if we get to the root of the reason why you wouldn't do that, it's because you care

00:08:07.460 about that person. That's why you care about what they have to say. You care about their insight.

00:08:12.960 You care about what they might be experiencing or going through. And so it's a genuine level of care

00:08:18.220 when in a podcast setting, I found that our care for other individuals is diminished relative to the

00:08:26.480 care that we have for our friends, because we don't really know those people. And so what are we doing?

00:08:30.540 Well, we're looking to extract value from them. And it's not inappropriate. That is the point of a

00:08:41.040 podcast. If I have you on as a guest kid, it's my job to extract value that you have to share. And so

00:08:45.860 I can present that to my audience. But then it diminishes the humanity of it a bit, the humanity of

00:08:52.940 the conversation. And I don't even say I interview anymore. I say I have conversations.

00:08:57.000 And I might go into a podcast with a very rough outline of what I want to talk about or a direction

00:09:05.440 I'd like to go. And I'll let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes I don't even read the

00:09:10.680 books, the authors write. Sometimes I don't really know everything about their programs or their

00:09:17.880 offerings. And I actually do that by design because I want to go into the conversation with an open mind

00:09:25.460 and a whole lot of curiosity about a particular subject. But if I read the entire book, then it's

00:09:31.400 like, okay, I got it. It loses some of its curiosity. What were you going to say?

00:09:37.180 And as me as a listener, you're aligned with me as a listener, right? So you're going to ask the

00:09:43.340 questions that I'm thinking in my mind, if I haven't heard of this person before either. Does it make

00:09:48.340 sense? And so that's going to resonate better than if you're like deep diving in some theory of a

00:09:54.220 book that I haven't read yet as a listener of the podcast. And I'm like, what are these guys even

00:09:58.500 talking about? That's not valuable to me, right? To your audience.

00:10:03.160 A friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, the Jordan Harbinger podcast. He is a great, I call him

00:10:08.600 conversation, not interviews, conversationalist. And one thing that he told me one time is that

00:10:13.660 your audience doesn't have a voice. So you have to be their voice. And you can know that because

00:10:19.640 I hear from guys who are like, man, Ryan, I was in the car and you asked this question and I was

00:10:24.120 screaming because I wanted you to ask this other question. You didn't ask it. Or you asked the

00:10:28.380 question and I was, he said something and I didn't believe it. And then you said the same thing. And

00:10:31.940 so I'm so glad you went down that rabbit hole. That's how you know that you're starting to resonate

00:10:36.800 with your, with your guest or excuse me, with your audience. So what I would say is number one,

00:10:41.920 don't pigeonhole yourself into questions. Don't, I would not as quickly as I could just get away

00:10:47.820 from prescripted questions. Like I hate these podcasts that ask all their guests, the same 10

00:10:54.140 questions. Well, you don't care about your guests. You don't care about your audience. All you care

00:10:59.520 about is whatever you're producing. Don't do that. Okay. That's not what you do in a conversation.

00:11:04.220 Get away from that. Uh, number two. Well, I think this is part of it by getting rid of questions,

00:11:10.660 prescripted questions. You're allowing yourself to explore things that you wouldn't normally explore.

00:11:17.660 So one thing I've actually tried to do a lot lately with podcast guests is when they say something that

00:11:23.860 either I don't understand, or I don't necessarily agree with, I'm going to challenge that a bit.

00:11:29.940 It took me a long time to figure that out, but I don't have to be confrontational, but I do have to

00:11:34.940 ask if you say something Kip, and I don't quite understand, I'm going to say that, Hey, I don't

00:11:39.020 understand what you mean by that. Like help me connect the dots. Or if you say something, I'm

00:11:43.640 like, Whoa, hold on. I got to challenge that. And here's why. What do you have to say about that?

00:11:49.320 And then just actually have a real conversation with these guys. It's so much more powerful.

00:11:55.140 Um, I, I think that's what I would do. I would come with less questions and I know Promet personally.

00:12:00.960 I know that he's prepared. I know that he's researched. I know that he's super intelligent.

00:12:07.160 Um, but I also know that in Promet, look, I'm not saying this to beat you up that sometimes

00:12:12.940 your communication comes across a little bit stiff and, and, and that makes it awkward.

00:12:17.860 And so I think you should practice not being so researched, not being so prepared and allowing

00:12:24.540 the conversation to just go where it's going to go and experiment with that and toy around with that

00:12:29.520 and see if that helps you in that conversation. Yeah. Cool. All right. Greg, by the way, hold on.

00:12:35.460 I got to say one thing on that. Sometimes I say things and you know, like, and I'm, and I'm like

00:12:41.700 that. I said, you know, sometimes the conversations a little bit stiff, for example, like I'm not saying

00:12:48.560 that to call out, call him out. I'm saying that because I hope it helps you. I hope it serves you.

00:12:55.020 I hope me being honest and my assessment gives you something to improve upon. Like it's not mean

00:13:00.940 spirited. It's in the spirit of, of, of help and brotherhood. So I hope it comes across that way.

00:13:07.820 Yeah, I think it does. Well, at least those that know us or that know you, you know what I mean?

00:13:13.300 They, they understand that. I think I'd hope. All right. Next question. Greg Cleaver, Ryan,

00:13:19.160 you spoke about the concept of building a buffer into your weekly and daily planning in a recent podcast.

00:13:24.700 What practical ways do you find balance when you are planning to make sure responsibilities,

00:13:30.180 self-growth steps are accounted for while still finding enough buffer time for yourself to avoid

00:13:35.320 burnout? I'm finding myself hitting burnout too often. And I know I need to pivot.

00:13:41.860 Well, okay. So when I was talking about buffer the other day, that isn't actually what I was

00:13:46.000 talking about. I'm going to address your question. Yeah. But I, I hope we're not having a

00:13:51.100 misunderstanding here. When I was talking about buffers, I was talking about buffers in our

00:13:55.240 calendar. So if I had, for example, on a point, well, today, here's a great example. You and me

00:13:59.920 have a podcast. We record at nine o'clock AM mountain time, Monday morning, and we get done at

00:14:06.660 10. It's an hour recording, but I don't schedule another interview, another interview or conversation

00:14:11.780 or, or, or appointment at 10 o'clock mountain. It's usually going to be 10 30 or maybe even 11

00:14:19.040 because I know Kip, sometimes we go a little longer. Sometimes there's certain agenda items

00:14:23.760 that we need to talk about off air. So I don't schedule it right on top of each other. And that

00:14:29.480 way I have a little bit of buffer or margin to be able to decompress or to take some notes for the

00:14:34.860 podcast or get up and take a leak if I have to, or do whatever it is. Or I just got a text on my phone

00:14:40.480 a minute ago. I'm not going to answer it now, but you know, I'm probably going to have a few texts I

00:14:43.980 can answer between the end of this conversation and my next appointment. If I stack everything to

00:14:49.920 the brim, I actually noticed myself being less productive. I'm doing a whole lot more. Yes,

00:14:54.720 definitely. But a whole lot less productive throughout the day. So that's what I meant by

00:15:00.860 buffers is creating buffers for that. Now, Greg, what you're talking about is making sure that you're

00:15:06.300 balancing work activities with taking time off or mixing it up. And that's a great question. What I

00:15:13.920 would say is to experiment and then to allow yourself intentional time. And there was another

00:15:22.200 question I saw. So maybe we'll get deeper into this in a minute, but, and you could pull it up

00:15:26.980 because he's talking about, I was going to say, give me the gist. Ask that question too, right now,

00:15:32.800 because I think this will answer both of these questions. So, so, so what was that question?

00:15:37.120 It's the one I'm referring to. Well, give me the gist really quick. Cause there's a bunch here.

00:15:43.120 Yeah. I'll tell you, he was talking about, in fact, I have a routine. Uh, no, it was from,

00:15:49.360 I think it's from Austin. Yeah. Austin Carter. Carter. Okay. Got it. Yeah. All right. Austin Carter's

00:15:55.740 question, which is related here. When is leisure relaxation acceptable? At what point in a man's day

00:16:02.780 can he give himself permission to rest and relax? And what do you fellows do just for fun or no

00:16:09.720 quantifiable productive outcome other than joy, wonder, and having fun watching a movie, going to

00:16:15.780 a concert, reading a fictional book for entertainment, et cetera. Yeah. Okay. So I'll

00:16:20.660 answer the second half of that in a minute, but the first part of that aligns nicely with what Greg

00:16:24.500 was saying. And here's what I would suggest to you is that your relaxation or your buffer time in this

00:16:30.600 case, Craig, that you're referring to. It just needs to be intentional. Yeah. Just needs to be

00:16:35.500 intentional. If we give ourselves too much time or we hit the burnout stage. And then what do we do?

00:16:44.220 Like, let's say you've been working out 90 days straight. You've been going in for an hour and a

00:16:49.020 half every single day because you're training for some particular event. And now you're just exhausted

00:16:55.260 and burned out and burned up. What usually happens is you take way longer to go back to the gym than

00:17:00.000 just taking a day off. Yeah. So if instead of working out for 90 days, maybe you should train

00:17:06.540 hard for 30 days and then allow yourself a day break. And I'm not saying sit around on the couch and

00:17:12.380 eat bonbons and Cheetos. I'm saying maybe instead of working your ass off that day in the gym,

00:17:17.360 maybe you just go for a walk with your family or you go on a nice little hike in the afternoon or

00:17:22.560 something like that. Right? So you're still moving, still being intentional, but you're mixing

00:17:27.400 it up. And the beauty of that is that you're still achieving your goals. You're still marching

00:17:31.680 forward. I had a great presentation from Wes Watson. A lot of you guys know who Wes is. He's been on the

00:17:37.680 podcast, but he was at Operation Blacksite. And he said that people always ask him, how does he get so

00:17:45.360 far ahead? Five years ago, this is a guy who was in a state penitentiary and he had $200 to his name.

00:17:52.100 Now he's making tens of millions of dollars a year through his coaching services. How did he get

00:17:57.280 so far ahead? He says, I never stop. Every single day I'm marching forward. He's like, some guys will

00:18:04.580 do that for five days and then they'll take two, three huge step backward every Saturday and Sunday.

00:18:11.440 He's like, I don't do that. I march forward every single day and we can do the same thing, but we can

00:18:16.960 mix it up. Right? So now you're going to go for a hike instead of doing a workout. Now you're going to

00:18:21.160 go for a walk or you're going to play a round of golf and it's mixing it up. So you're not doing

00:18:25.260 the same monotonous thing all day, every day. And it's giving you a new way of looking at things,

00:18:30.240 exercising new muscles, training the brain to see things differently because you're engaged in

00:18:34.680 different activities, but it has to be intentional. If you wait until you're burned up, you're just not

00:18:40.160 going to do anything. And you're going to take way too long to get back into the saddle the way that

00:18:45.440 you want to. Does that, do you think that helps? Yeah, I do. I do think that helps. I mean, I think

00:18:51.200 the, I think the intentionality is everything. It is. I mean, if, if something's really important

00:18:56.320 to you, what do you do? You and I have both note, we put it on our calendars. It's no different,

00:19:02.520 right? So if I want to be intentional and, you know, going on a one-on-one date night with one of my

00:19:08.840 kids is important, then it should be scheduled just like everything else in my life. That's really

00:19:13.480 important. That's my system to make sure I don't miss something that's important. It's no different.

00:19:20.360 Jiu-jitsu is on my calendar, just like my workouts are on my calendar, right? Because of the

00:19:24.360 intentionality around them. So. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I just, if you're not intentional, you'll just,

00:19:30.260 you'll just fall off the wagon. You'll never, never get back on. So if you're feeling burned out,

00:19:34.780 okay, you need to mix something up. You need to take a break and that's okay, but you better tell

00:19:40.460 yourself what exactly is it going to be? How long is it going to be for? How are you going to get back

00:19:45.440 into it? Otherwise you're just, you're, you're just going to take it way too far. We just, we just do.

00:19:51.520 Yeah. Now Austin's second question is just kind of curious around what non-quantitative

00:19:57.640 unproductive things do, do, do, do we do?

00:20:01.740 Did he use the word unproductive? I can't remember.

00:20:07.220 He said like unproductive or non-productive. Quantifiable productive outcome other than joy,

00:20:12.080 wonder, having fun. Yeah. So like, yeah. So he says that or just for fun.

00:20:16.900 Look, other than joy, wonder, like those are things that we should have in our lives.

00:20:23.040 And you kind of barking up the wrong tree on this one because I struggle personally in my own life

00:20:28.900 with this, but you know, I, here's an, I got home. I took my, my two oldest boys to California.

00:20:36.320 I got back and many of you guys know about, you know, my, my personal situation with my ex-wife

00:20:43.220 and the relationship. And, um, you know, technically this is so weird. It's such a weird thing,

00:20:48.760 but let's address it. Like it is like, technically this is my weekend with the kids. Okay. Yeah.

00:20:53.940 And she had the two younger ones because me and the two older ones were in California. And so

00:20:59.680 technically, uh, when I got home, they should all be with me Sunday night. And then I drop them off

00:21:06.900 Monday morning to her for schooling. That's the arrangement, but I'm not, neither one of us are so

00:21:15.240 ridiculous that we're not willing to adjust that as necessary in the situation calls for. So I,

00:21:21.460 I sent her a message. I said, Hey, I know you probably missed the boys, you know, technically

00:21:25.040 they're with me tonight, but would you like the boys to stay with you tonight? Cause we've been

00:21:28.760 gone for the last four nights. And she's like, yeah, I'd really like that. Actually, if you don't

00:21:32.640 mind, I'm like, of course I don't mind. Like, of course I want that. What's good for the kids.

00:21:36.540 I want what's good for her. Of course I don't mind. And she said, well, do you still want the two

00:21:40.700 little ones to be with you? I said, yeah, I want to do me for tonight since I haven't seen them

00:21:44.520 for the last three or four nights. And she's like, great, we'll swap, you know, kind of joking,

00:21:48.240 but it sounds so weird, but it is what it is. That's the, that's the situation.

00:21:52.220 So I dropped the older boys off. I take the two little ones with me and I'm like, Hey,

00:21:57.760 what do you guys want to do? Let's go grab some dinner. Like, good. We'll go grab some dinner.

00:22:01.700 We got here. They got their bags dropped off in their rooms. And then we went for a bike ride

00:22:06.480 and I bought, I went to, I saw a yard sale and I need to get them a couple of bikes. So I went to a

00:22:11.980 yard sale last week and I saw two bikes. I got two bikes for 10 bucks, spent $5 on a tube for each

00:22:16.700 one of them. So I got two bikes for 15 bucks. I'm like, let's go for a bike ride. So we all went

00:22:21.340 for a bike ride and it was awesome. Like there was, there was no objective. Like there was no

00:22:27.920 agenda. I didn't even know which direction we were going to go or how long we were going to be gone

00:22:33.660 or what, like none of that. And it was nice. You know, we just went around the block for a bike ride

00:22:39.900 and laughed and talked and realized one of the bikes that I bought didn't have brakes on it.

00:22:45.300 So we found that out. My daughter, she's going down this hill. She's like, dad, I can't stop. I'm

00:22:50.600 like, just keep going straight. The hill levels out. Just stay straight. And I'm yelling at her

00:22:55.740 because she's ahead of me. I'm like, stay going straight, stay straight. And she did. And she was

00:22:59.980 fine. I guess the reason I share that with you is like, I'm personally trying to find more joy in

00:23:10.440 just in moments. Like what, and you might find yourself in a moment. What is the joy in this?

00:23:16.960 You know, I've, I'm looking outside in the backyard and I've got a baseball net up there because my

00:23:20.820 second and fourth children are playing baseball and coaching their teams. And, you know, sometimes I

00:23:27.780 don't want to be out there throwing soft toss. Like I don't, I got emails to send. I got texts. I got to

00:23:32.560 do, I got this, I got to do this and that and fix the house and change this and do this.

00:23:36.940 And then I just stop and I'm like, you know, this is fun. Like no agenda, just step, throw,

00:23:44.320 help him work on his swing a little bit, laugh at him when he messes up, congratulate him when he

00:23:49.360 does well. And that's enough. Like I'm really trying to find situations where the situation

00:23:54.580 in and of itself is enough. It's good. It's not, it's good enough as in it's hitting the baseline,

00:24:00.820 but it's good enough the way it is and just enjoy it. So those are some of the things that I would do.

00:24:06.180 It's usually involves my kids. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm the same way. I don't, we don't TVs are

00:24:13.840 downstairs in some corner of the house. So it's like, we don't watch movies unless it's like this

00:24:21.080 intentional, like, Hey kids, you want to watch a movie? Right. Other than that, there's, there's no

00:24:26.520 TV on or anything like that. Fictional books. I lately, actually I, my brother's been helping me

00:24:33.980 on the electrical on this house that I'm working on. It's kind of funny actually, because I didn't

00:24:39.560 think he was so nerdy. I'm like, what are you listening to? And he's like, these books about

00:24:44.960 Thrawn on Star Wars. They're so awesome. I'm like, what? You're like, really? And he's like, oh man,

00:24:50.760 there's the cool, like, and he just nerded out. And I was like, that's your brother. All right.

00:24:54.960 Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea. It was super funny. And it's, I was like, all right, which one should

00:24:59.880 I start listening to first? And so now when I work on the house, I'm listening to these old

00:25:04.620 Star Wars books on audible. That's funny. That's fun. Right. But, but I, I, I usually don't sit

00:25:11.820 down at least on a fictional book. I don't sit down and just enjoy the book. It's usually, I do that

00:25:17.080 when I'm multitasking usually, but, but I, I'm the same way. I think it's just go to the nickel

00:25:23.020 K with the, it's usually related to my kids or when we're on holiday and it's, and I get into

00:25:29.520 the mode of like, what do you want to do? And it, and the mode is whatever, what do we want to do

00:25:34.240 today? And that's when I'm fully relaxed, but yeah, pretty much the same. I found, I don't know

00:25:43.180 if you feel this way, Kit, but I found that for me, again, I'm all about being productive. I want to be

00:25:49.260 productive. I have to-do lists. I've got notes everywhere. I've got checklists and things I've

00:25:53.900 got to accomplish. And I feel really good at the end of the day when that's done, but I've actually

00:25:58.120 found myself being more productive, the more time that I take and be quote unquote, unproductive

00:26:03.840 deliberately again, intentionality. I'm not just saying sit around and be lazy. I'm saying I'm going

00:26:08.980 to play catch with my kids this afternoon. I'm more productive when I do that because I know I have a

00:26:15.680 certain window and my schedule has changed. You know, when the kids are the days that they're

00:26:20.760 with, with me is I drop them off at school, which happens to be their mom's house. Cause

00:26:26.540 having them homeschooled was still important for both of us. So we made sure that was the case and

00:26:31.220 that could happen. So I, I dropped them off at eight, nine o'clock in the morning. And then I pick

00:26:38.060 them up from school, which is again, their mom's house at three o'clock. So that means that I lost

00:26:44.240 two to three hours a day when they're with me. Cause normally I would work five to six o'clock

00:26:50.780 at night. Yeah. I thought, Oh man, this is going to be rough. It's not, it's not hard at all. It's

00:26:55.560 just, okay. I got to be more productive in this window. I have a smaller window. It went from, you

00:27:00.560 know, eight, nine hours to six, seven hours. And so I have to be way more productive in this window

00:27:06.500 and I am, and it's fine. It works because we make it work. Yeah. It's amazing. Everyone,

00:27:14.800 everyone can relate to that. Everyone can relate to time where, where you had some type of timeline.

00:27:21.800 You had this ridiculous short window to prepare for a meeting, a lesson, a presentation or something.

00:27:29.340 And you just went all in as fast as humanly possible, laser focused, and you pulled it

00:27:37.760 off. Yep. Yeah. And we normally don't work that way. We, we work distracted constantly. So it's like

00:27:44.440 the intentionality is a whole other, I don't know. I mean, there's a, there's books written on, on,

00:27:50.180 on this whole subject, but anyhow. Well, and it's, I just pulled this up. This is, so here,

00:27:57.220 let's see, this is called Parkinson's law. So it's the adage that work expands to fill the time

00:28:05.040 allotted for its completion. It's Parkinson's law. Again, work expands to fill the time allotted for

00:28:10.120 its completion. So we usually think about that in the context of, well, you know, I, I, I've got

00:28:16.680 two weeks to finish this thing. Right. And so I've got plenty of time. And so I'll, I'll be done in

00:28:23.180 two weeks, but it always be at the buzzer. It's the same concept as, as why I don't think you should

00:28:27.300 go Christmas shopping in October. Cause you're going to be done a day or two before Christmas,

00:28:32.040 whether you do it in October or whether you start in December 1st, the only difference is October,

00:28:37.840 you're going to end up buying way more stuff than if you would have just waited.

00:28:41.700 Cause you won't stop between that and Christmas.

00:28:43.720 So it's Parkinson's law, but the opposite is also true is your work will, it's not even the opposite.

00:28:52.580 It's just a part of the law is that your work will, it says expand, but I will also say it will

00:28:59.940 contract. It will contract to the time allotted. So if I have only five hours to complete a 10 hour

00:29:06.500 project, unless it's unreasonable, I'm probably going to actually get it done in five hours because

00:29:12.180 there's not distractions. There's no procrastination. I'm hyper-focused on the task.

00:29:17.920 Yeah. Yes. Focused on the main thing, as opposed to all the little ancillary type

00:29:22.500 problems that you may have to regularly deal with. So it's work, work is very much the same way.

00:29:29.080 You can get just as much done today. In fact, I would challenge you guys this week, pick a day

00:29:33.400 and, and let's say you've got, you know, eight hours in that work day, try to get all your done,

00:29:39.720 your work done in five hours today. And let me know how it goes. Like get your to-do list out and

00:29:44.480 say, Hey, I've got five hours and tell me if you get it done. I'd be willing to bet the majority of

00:29:49.540 you will get it done in five. What normally takes you eight.

00:29:51.480 So I have a timer. It's a little dial. It looks like a nest dial. And you run this timer. I actually

00:29:59.340 put it on my desk and I actually intentionally do this. So I'll, I'll look at, I don't know,

00:30:04.400 I need to complete something. And I have like a 45 minute window. I'll be like 30 minutes. I'll put

00:30:11.260 it on that timer, put my headphones on and I'll go as narrow focus as humanly possible for that 30

00:30:18.940 minutes. And when that timer's up, I'm done. Yeah. And so I create those time boxes. So then

00:30:24.620 that way I'm hyper-focus sensitive on it too. What is it called? Do you know what it's called?

00:30:30.240 Oh, there's all these things. You can look at time box timers. There's cubes that people have

00:30:35.560 like 15, 30 minute, and you just put the cube on its side and it just starts magically counting

00:30:40.460 whenever the cubes on that side. Yeah. So it's it's handy. Well, I also think Parkinson's law,

00:30:47.300 since we're addressing this is the reason why school, military and government work are so

00:30:51.440 inefficient. Like when we first started doing homeschool, uh, my, my ex-wife came to me and

00:30:57.960 she said, Hey, we're done. This is like at noon. Hey, we're done with school. Like, what do you mean

00:31:02.520 you're done? You're like done for lunch or you're done. Like you don't want to do it anymore. Like,

00:31:07.400 what is that? I don't know what that means. It's like, no, we're done. Like our whole curriculum is

00:31:10.440 done. I'm like, Oh no, we must be using the wrong curriculum. No. What takes a school,

00:31:16.440 a public school, eight hours to do takes homeschoolers three hours to do. Why? No

00:31:23.140 assemblies, no transferring from class to class, no trying to keep up with, you know, take it from

00:31:29.680 the dumb kids. You know, that's not going to, that's going to run. Yeah. The slower kids in

00:31:32.880 the class slowing down the learning process for them, you know, uh, inefficiencies and red tape

00:31:37.940 and bureaucracy teachers have to deal with, uh, administrative nonsense. It's just, it just does.

00:31:44.620 It's not necessary. You know, military is the same way. You know, you guys know this. If you're in the

00:31:49.200 military, you know, this, if you have an hour to train a certain task, it's going to take you an

00:31:56.320 hour, even though you could actually get it done in 15 minutes. Yeah. You know that I remember in

00:32:02.560 basic training, you know, we had a two or three hour time block for physical training, three hours.

00:32:07.740 Come on. We don't need three hours. And we'd go and we'd do the work and they'd look at their

00:32:11.160 clocks. They're like, well, you know, we have 45 minutes left, so let's do extra extra. Like,

00:32:15.700 let's do something else. We got that done. Can we move on to something else and be efficient with

00:32:22.240 it? Nope. Nope. Can't do that. We're on a schedule. Right. And government work is the same way. It's

00:32:27.860 the reason you see all these people leaning around on their shovels, you know, and it's like, or the

00:32:33.320 reason a supervisor or somebody who's been there for a long time will say, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey to the new

00:32:37.920 guy. Don't work so hard. Like we're like, we're going to be here till this time anyway. So like,

00:32:43.280 let's just extend the workout. Yeah. There's incentives to, to work harder. It doesn't exist.

00:32:49.320 Mediocrity and complacency. It exists everywhere. It's crazy. Crazy. It's insanity.

00:32:56.260 You riled up. It's, it's insane. It really is insane. And yet we all buy into it. All right.

00:33:04.000 What's next. Yeah. All right. Travis Neville for my calibration quadrant this quarter,

00:33:09.440 I'm working on building a morning routine to help facilitate some structure and mental

00:33:14.360 resilience. Is there anything you gentlemen do that helps you in the morning to stick

00:33:19.080 on task to your schedule or challenge yourself? Yes. Um, what I would say to this is that my morning

00:33:27.000 schedule actually starts the night before that, that actually helps me. So what I mean by that is

00:33:33.720 that I don't come into the office or come into work or start my day wondering what I'm going to do.

00:33:38.580 Not like over here, like, okay, well, you know, I got to answer these emails and then

00:33:42.360 should I call? Well, I'm going to call, maybe I can call this person and do this.

00:33:47.780 Maybe I'll do this today. Yeah. No, it's none of that. Or, or like, or the gym. It's not like,

00:33:54.320 okay, you know, I'm going to come over here and okay, let me see what I got at my workout.

00:34:00.920 I don't really know. Uh, let me just jump online and see if I can find a workout.

00:34:05.860 Like if I have to do that, I'm not going to go to the gym or even with my clothes. It's like,

00:34:10.220 okay, all my clothes are dirty. I get up, my clothes are dirty. I'm like, ah, man,

00:34:15.060 I don't have any socks or underwear to wear. I've, uh, I guess I'll do it tomorrow.

00:34:18.920 Well, that's the biggest distraction of getting your work done is not knowing the work that needs

00:34:24.800 to be done. So my most effective mornings start the night before where I actually make a detailed

00:34:30.680 itemized list of everything that needs to get accomplished. And then I grease the groove.

00:34:34.680 So what I mean by that is that if I'm going to go work out, I'm not going to wake up and look at

00:34:38.660 what my workout is. I'm going to look at it the night before. Okay. Well, I got, you know,

00:34:42.980 arms and upper back today. Okay. What's this, this, and this, and this cool check. Got it.

00:34:47.860 So that's, that's part of it. Um, I get my clothes laid out, my pre-workout, my water,

00:34:52.580 my water's in the, in the fridge. Like I don't even pour myself water in the morning. I pour it

00:34:56.400 the night before and put the water bottle in the fridge. So I don't have to pour it. It's in there.

00:35:00.620 I could just grab it out of there. Like everything is streamlined to the maximum degree the night

00:35:07.380 before. And look, I'm not perfect, but I know the days that I don't do that, the mornings are

00:35:12.080 significantly less productive than the mornings where I do actually plan it out the day before.

00:35:17.480 Totally. Totally. Yeah. I mean, I I'm the same way. I mean, I put my workout clothes at least out.

00:35:23.320 So I'm not fiddling in the dark. You know what I mean? Trying not to wake up kids and wife and

00:35:28.320 everything. Um, my morning routine is always, uh, I wake up, go to the gym. You know what I mean?

00:35:35.240 Then I start my day. I do the same thing actually with my assistant every day. We do an end of day

00:35:40.220 before I even leave the office. So I know what look, what tomorrow looks like, any pressing issues

00:35:45.100 that should be on my radar before I even leave the office. So that way I'm not carrying it home

00:35:49.240 with me. I think that's been a huge game changer for me is to prepare for the next day is like in

00:35:55.860 my day. Um, and I think that's really important for people that struggle with bringing work home

00:36:01.240 and vice versa is like, you got it in your day. It's got to be clean. Like I'm done working.

00:36:06.640 It can, now everything can wait until I'm here tomorrow. And then that way you can be a little

00:36:10.780 bit more present. Sorry. That's a little bit of a side tangent, but my, my morning routine is pretty

00:36:15.300 much workouts. I've done a number of things like, um, who's Marcus, uh, what's Marcus's, um,

00:36:23.180 he wrote that book, the one day, the day, do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, when the day

00:36:29.340 Aubrey Marcus when yeah, Aubrey Marcus. Yeah. So he had some good morning routine elements. Same

00:36:35.960 thing with, uh, Travis and other resource, the, the miracle morning. Um, you know, those are,

00:36:41.960 I think those are actually really great books and around having creating morning routine. So

00:36:46.900 I'd, I'd look at those. The thing that I would be cautious of is geeking out over it.

00:36:53.580 Like putting too much into your morning. Yeah. Yeah. Like Aubrey Marcus has some great stuff.

00:36:59.100 He's kind of more in the biohacking arena. He's right there with Ben Greenfield. Those guys are,

00:37:05.240 they're, you know, breaking rules and doing a lot of experimental stuff. And I think it's cool.

00:37:10.160 Like I really do. I'm not going to do any of that stuff. Like, yeah, there was one thing I remember

00:37:15.240 and I was joking with Aubrey about this, about him and Ben, like went and did some sort of infrared

00:37:20.560 ultra Ray light on their balls, on their testicles, because it's supposed to increase

00:37:25.300 their, I don't know, their sperm count, which increases testosterone production, like all this

00:37:30.560 stuff. I'm like, okay, at some point there's a diminishing return on some of this. And I think

00:37:36.580 people, and I don't think this about these guys in particular, cause I know them and what they do,

00:37:41.780 but at some point people geek out on this stuff to excuse them from doing the 80%. Now we're talking

00:37:48.420 about laws and principles, Pareto principle. That's you need to do the 20% of work that's

00:37:55.940 going to produce 80% of the results. So everybody's out there taking testosterone and tanning their

00:38:00.240 balls and their buttholes and, you know, doing all sorts of weird nonsense when it's like, did you

00:38:05.360 drink a gallon of water today? Yeah. Are you still drinking soda? Yeah, right. Okay. So you

00:38:13.400 could do all the weird shit, all the fringe stuff, all you want, but if we're not doing the 20% base

00:38:19.180 fundamental stuff, you know, like guys will take creatine and whey and protein and this and that.

00:38:24.260 It's like, well, where'd you have lunch today? Like, well, I had the double Whopper loaded with extra

00:38:29.020 fries and a Coke at Burger King today. I'm like, well, okay. Like what? So you're taking whey and

00:38:34.620 creatine and testosterone, this and that, and all these things, but you're eating this like,

00:38:39.600 and I'm not, look, I'm not here to judge you because I eat the double Whopper too. I love the

00:38:43.960 double Whopper, but at least I'm not going to lie to myself about it and say that I'm healthy because

00:38:48.660 I'm taking all these supplements when I'm really not like lock in the diet first. And then if you're

00:38:54.360 there, then, okay, now we can talk about supplementation. Yeah, totally. Well, and the other

00:38:59.280 thing is related to what you said, Ryan, and I, I even did this when, I mean, I remember

00:39:04.080 years ago, we covered the morning routine in the iron council. That was my first exposure to that

00:39:10.480 book. And I remember I took it and I was like, Oh, now I got this morning routine. That's like an

00:39:16.840 hour and a half long. You know what I mean? And they didn't even include my workout. Right. It was

00:39:21.360 like, I'm going to journal. I'm going to do this. And it was like this big ordeal and it didn't last

00:39:27.680 because it was too much. Right. It was, it was too difficult. Right. Or, and, and I think it's

00:39:33.680 like, this is the advice I give guys that journal is time box. You're journaling too. Otherwise what's

00:39:38.920 going to happen is you'll like spend two hours and awesome. You'll have this great, amazing journal

00:39:44.500 entry, but come tomorrow, you'll go, Oh man, I don't want to do it. That took like two hours yesterday

00:39:50.100 and then you're not going to do it. Right. So just be mindful of that. Like I've, I've certainly,

00:39:55.780 I still love those books. So check them out, but like time box it. And it's like, Hey, I'm going to

00:40:01.020 nice, efficient, quick. So you can be consistent with it. That's where you'll get the most gains.

00:40:08.100 So, and look, I mean, let's be realistic, realistic about our morning routines. Like

00:40:11.660 let's be honest about it. You know, I wake up, if I go to the gym, I'm usually up about 15 minutes

00:40:18.140 before I go to the gym. Like I'm not, I'm not up two hours before I go to the gym and like stretching and

00:40:25.460 it's not, I get up, my hair's a mess. I'm a little disheveled. Like I'm tired. I'm groggy. I'm still

00:40:33.360 wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Okay. Like that's what I've got, you know? So I go to the gym and I

00:40:38.540 do my thing. I try to drink a bottle of water or at least some water before I go to the gym. I could

00:40:44.640 probably drink more. I could probably put pink Himalayan salt with a little chili powder or something

00:40:50.100 or cumin or whatever products they use to help boost your, you know, your immunosystem in the

00:40:55.360 morning. Yeah. I could do that, but I'm not, I'm not going to do that, but I'll drink some water.

00:41:00.140 Uh, I get done with my, my workout. I come back, I get cleaned up. You know, I, I like to look

00:41:06.320 presentable. So I get cleaned up, get ready for the day. Um, I've already got my task list. So I start

00:41:11.260 knocking a few things out here and there. Um, and like, and I'll, and I'll journal too in the morning,

00:41:16.000 but it's not 15 minutes of journaling. Even it might be just five minutes. Like, Hey,

00:41:20.380 Jim was good today. Felt a little, a little out of it, but pretty productive. Numbers went up,

00:41:25.280 feeling strong today, a little sore from the weekend, met this person, decided to go to lunch

00:41:29.720 with this, uh, this guy that was a long lost friend that, you know, we reconnected with. It's

00:41:34.300 like, and that takes me five minutes. That's pretty much my morning routine. And, you know, am I going to

00:41:41.460 read? Maybe, you know, usually I'll read, like, I'll try to read the Bible at night,

00:41:45.040 read a few pages in the evening, but enough with the people who are lying about their morning routine.

00:41:51.920 That's not what's happening. You know, there are some, there are some, but for the overwhelming

00:41:56.640 majority of people, it's not this like glorious grand thing. Totally agree. He had a question

00:42:02.940 around just building mental resilience. Um, what do you do, Ryan, that you feel like contributes to

00:42:09.620 building, building that, whether it's part of a morning routine or not. I think that just might be

00:42:13.760 insightful really quick. It's anything that you don't want to do, but know that you should.

00:42:22.400 That's how you build by default. Your day has those. Yeah, of course. And if you, if look two

00:42:28.620 choices, when there's something that comes up that you don't want to do that, you know, you should

00:42:31.920 the two choices to do it or to kick the can down the road, kicking the can down the road, diminishes

00:42:37.800 mental resiliency, addressing it head on face, face first. And going after it is what strengthens

00:42:43.900 mental resiliency. That's it. It's that simple. There's nothing more to it. So if you have to have

00:42:49.460 a conversation with a subordinate or your boss and you're dreading it, kicking it off till tomorrow

00:42:55.420 means you're being weak. That's like objectively the case. It means you're being weak. I'm not accusing

00:43:02.500 you. It's just the reality. I do that too. When we know we should do something and we don't,

00:43:08.260 we're being weak. When we do something, we know we should, we're not only being strong. We're also

00:43:12.680 being courageous because it's fear. It's that's, it's the fear. It's the discomfort. It's the

00:43:17.600 uncomfortable. Anytime, you know, you should be doing something and you don't, you're, you're

00:43:22.860 opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. So it's working out, uncomfortable conversation,

00:43:27.640 presentation, working on a specific task, asking that woman out on a date, like anything.

00:43:34.500 And then what's beautiful about that is even if the end result doesn't go your way, let's say you

00:43:39.420 ask that woman on a date and she's like, no, I just want to be friends. Okay. That sucks. That's a kick

00:43:44.780 in the dick, but you know what? You still should feel better about that because a, you know, now you can

00:43:51.600 go find somebody else and be, you're like, cool. I had the balls to actually go do it. And you know,

00:43:56.280 it feels good. When you go have that awkward conversation, it's awkward. It's uncomfortable.

00:44:01.860 It's, it's not fun. And it may not even be better after you will feel better. Not necessarily because

00:44:08.760 of the result, because the result might not be what you want, but you're like, Oh, that sucked. I'm so

00:44:14.080 glad I got it done. And you'll feel better because you know, you're building mental resiliency. That's

00:44:19.100 it. Yeah. And, and please, if your parents look for opportunities to do this,

00:44:24.640 build mental resilience, delay gratification. And, and it's silly. I've never thought of this

00:44:30.520 until geez, about maybe the last couple of years, but this, and our parents probably never put this

00:44:36.340 verbiage to it, but it's totally what it is. This is why you have your kids clean their rooms before

00:44:41.760 they play. It's a great opportunity for your kid to delay gratification, build some mental resilience

00:44:49.460 and actually do something they don't want to do and be rewarded for later. Yep. And, and by you

00:44:55.900 going, you know what, go ahead and go play and you can clean your room later. You just robbed the

00:45:01.140 opportunity for them to build some mental resilience and delay gratification. Yep. No. So anyhow,

00:45:07.820 and we all don't live on farms. So look for those opportunities to do that for kids, you know?

00:45:13.040 Well, all right. Tyler Morgan on a farm. I mean, you can live in a, uh, there's just more square

00:45:16.780 foot apartment. I don't think so. I think if like, you can live in 1100 square foot apartment and

00:45:22.420 there's things to do, like there's always things to do. There's chores, there's projects, there's this,

00:45:26.980 there's that, there's always, there's laundry, there's dishes, there's mopping the floor. Like

00:45:31.560 you can find all sorts of things. Yeah. To make your kids. Yeah. Practice that. I see that. All

00:45:38.820 right. Tyler Morgan. I just started reading the book. Every, everyone communicates few connect by

00:45:44.740 John Maxwell. The premise is that, that the premise is that talk is cheap and words are abundant. So

00:45:51.420 focus on how much is it's actually reaching others effectively. I know that I am not naturally gifted

00:45:57.020 in this area or connecting with communication. I've gotten feedback that tells me it's hard to

00:46:02.200 follow my many thoughts and that I'm not clear and I'm too vague. I know this weekend's weakness

00:46:08.760 has played a role in holding me back from where I want to go. I can replay conversations, have better

00:46:15.020 words after interactions are over, but in the moment I often, I'm a wreck and I don't leave an

00:46:21.080 impression. Yeah. Who is this? Who'd this come from? Tyler. Tyler Morgan.

00:46:27.020 Tyler Morgan. Tyler, my disclaimer, I love you. I want you to win. I want you to be able to

00:46:33.960 communicate effectively with people, but I've got to get after you on this. I, I think I know your

00:46:40.540 problem and let me read your question with some emphasis on a few points. So Tyler, was it Tyler

00:46:48.380 Morgan? Yes, sir. Okay. So he says the premise is that talk is cheap. Words are abundant. So

00:46:56.800 focus how much is reaching others, how much is actually reaching others effectively. He's not

00:47:02.800 gifted in the air. This is important. The area of connecting with connection. Well, no, no, no. I'll

00:47:09.240 get to that. But it says I'm not gifted in the area of connecting. That's important. Connecting

00:47:15.180 with communication. So what I hear in this question is that you want to connect with other people.

00:47:19.600 So I'm not going to tell you this to beat you up, but I'm going to point some things out.

00:47:24.480 If I were to read your statement, there's like 17 eyes in there. I just started reading this.

00:47:32.780 I know that I am, I am not, I've gotten feedback. I'm not clear. I know this is a weakness where I

00:47:39.840 want to go. I can replay the conversations. You see the, you see the problem? Yeah.

00:47:46.080 You're, you're being selfish. You're not connecting. Yeah. That's why you're not

00:47:50.940 connecting with people because if you're translating, and again, I'm saying this from

00:47:54.940 a place of care for you. If your communication verbal is a lot like this communication here,

00:48:00.900 where you wrote this down, I would not want to talk with you either because it's all about you.

00:48:06.740 It's all about you. Instead, we need to learn to make it all about the other person.

00:48:12.080 So how would this change? Instead of me being, I can't, I don't know how to connect with people.

00:48:18.840 I can't connect with people. A better thing would be, how will this person be served?

00:48:24.360 What does this person need from me? What value can I give to this individual?

00:48:30.000 What would this person enjoy in a conversation? See the difference? The more you start focusing on

00:48:36.300 other people, the more connection you're going to make. Because if you come into a conversation,

00:48:41.080 Tyler, with me, and now you're not like, I don't know how to communicate. I don't know how to

00:48:43.920 contact. I can't connect with people. I'm not good at this. I'm not gifted. I'm sick of it.

00:48:49.760 But if you come to me and you say, hey, Ryan, like, man, really value what you have to share.

00:48:55.900 What are you struggling with right now? What are your pain points? What's going well for you?

00:49:01.440 How does that work? Oh, what? You're having success in that avenue? That's amazing. How is that

00:49:06.040 working? What have you tried that didn't work? You see the difference? Now the conversation is

00:49:11.600 all about that other person. And now if you're talking to me, I'm excited to talk with you

00:49:15.640 because I get to talk about myself. So the best way to add value in communication is to let that

00:49:22.100 other person see that it's about them. It really should be about them. And by the way, we're going

00:49:26.380 to talk a lot about this, Tyler, here in the Iron Council. We're going to talk a lot about this next

00:49:31.680 month as we talk about powerful networking strategies. And we're going to share how to

00:49:37.200 communicate, how to add value to conversations, how to look for adding value to people. But the

00:49:42.240 more that you can add value to other individuals, the better connector you're going to be. I promise

00:49:47.460 you. Do you think that helps, Kip? Do you think I just want to make sure he got what he needed?

00:49:54.220 I think it comes down to intent. And the intent can't be, I want to be a great communicator to

00:50:00.780 connect with people. It needs to be, I want to let people know that I care and I want to serve them.

00:50:09.520 And your intent will show. Like, I know people that are actually horrible communicators,

00:50:17.240 but guess what? I know they love me. I know they care. And so do we have great connection?

00:50:23.000 Yeah. We have amazing connection because it's real. So just make it real, right? Just get clear

00:50:30.620 on the intent. And now don't get me wrong, right? If I care about you, Ryan, and I'm a good

00:50:36.680 communicator, that ups my game, right? But I can, I mean, it's the same thing we talk about like

00:50:42.720 leaders, right? You can have an amazing leaders. They can be charismatic, great communicators and

00:50:47.560 everything. But if the intent is to look good and build themselves up and it's about them, it doesn't

00:50:53.840 matter. All their talents are wasted because their intent is not about serving other people.

00:50:59.440 Right. So it gets wasted. So I, just another way of saying the same thing. I think it's,

00:51:06.000 it really has to be rooted in service and, and why you're wanting to connect with people.

00:51:12.760 Agreed. And his second, his question in there is how do you start objectively, how do you objectively

00:51:16.820 judge and correct your flaws when your inability to do so is in the past is the reason that it's an

00:51:20.680 issue that it hasn't improved? Again, change your motive. Yeah. And I think that will, that will

00:51:28.360 begin to show. But again, it's also easy to deceive yourself because you'll, why do we serve other

00:51:35.860 people? Think about this for a second. Why do we serve other people? I would argue that for the

00:51:42.200 majority of us, it's because we feel good when we do, which is selfish. Makes us look good. Yeah.

00:51:48.640 We're self, we're, again, it goes back to selfishness. Kip, the reason I serve you is

00:51:53.280 because it feels good for me to do that. Well, I want to feel good. So therefore the benefit wasn't

00:51:56.840 for you is for me. You just happen to be the medium for me to feel better about myself. So are we

00:52:03.380 actually serving because we care about that person? If nobody was around to receive the accolades

00:52:10.680 or to give you the accolades or give you credit or clap or the round of applause or whatever you're

00:52:15.820 looking for, would you still do that thing? Ask yourself that. Would you still do that? And for

00:52:21.080 many of us in certain cases, yes. If it was our wife or our kids or our loved ones, yes, we would do

00:52:26.680 that. But in a lot of our day-to-day interaction, if we're being honest, probably not.

00:52:32.500 And I think we can lose it. And we do. Like I can answer that question right now, Ryan going,

00:52:38.400 oh yeah, it's, it's, it's, my intent is pure. It's out of service and love and caring. And then

00:52:43.900 within a week that's flipped on its head and I've gotten not focused on the right thing. And I've

00:52:49.140 started worrying about my ego and looking good. And I have to like fight to stay in that mindset

00:52:54.960 and hold onto that. I don't think it's, I think it's like integrity. It's something that we have to

00:53:00.200 fight for every single day and you'll lose it. And before you know it, you're doing stuff because you

00:53:06.000 want to look good and feel good. And it's not about other people. If you don't constantly

00:53:10.540 fight to make sure your intent is pure. Yeah, definitely. One thing that, that he said that

00:53:17.060 I thought you were going to say too, but, and we don't have to dive into it, but, but Tyler also

00:53:23.960 like, and, or anyone else listening, be careful not to buy into things, right? Like, you know,

00:53:30.940 I, I'm not naturally gifted in this area. It's like, well, who's naturally gifted?

00:53:35.600 It like the, I don't know. I, I I'm sure people are naturally gifted in key things.

00:53:41.320 However, you seeing yourself as not naturally gifted will be a roadblock for you.

00:53:46.740 So just let go of it. And, and, and I think a more powerful way of looking at that is I don't

00:53:51.860 have the reps yet. I'm probably gotten enough reps in here. So I'm, I'm probably not good at this

00:53:57.180 particular thing yet. And it's about reps. Um, don't, don't fall into this folly of like,

00:54:03.040 well, I'm a set way of being or a fixed way of being. Um, I don't necessarily think that's

00:54:07.920 true for the majority of us. Now I think we do have talents that we can expand and grow,

00:54:13.880 but a lot of the time, these stories that we have about ourselves, they're not true

00:54:18.180 and they just hold us back more than anything. So just be mindful of that, I guess.

00:54:22.260 I think that's, I think that's really well said. And, and also look, if, if, if you're

00:54:27.840 truly not naturally gifted or talented in that area, good, then you get opportunity to work on

00:54:33.580 it and you could actually be better than somebody who is naturally gifted. Cause what are they going

00:54:37.780 to do? Rest on their laurels. Yeah, totally.

00:54:40.640 Like somebody who communicates almost seamlessly and flawlessly, they have issues too. They struggle

00:54:48.160 with other things might not be communication, but maybe they struggle. They might struggle with

00:54:52.060 running their mouth. You know, they might put their foot in their mouth or, or, or say dumb

00:54:55.940 things a lot because they just communicate and they just blurt it all out. And that's like,

00:54:59.260 they're good at certain things, but then they share too much. Right. And so that's something

00:55:03.280 that they can work on. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. And if you're like, I'm not naturally

00:55:07.620 gifted in that area. Good. Now you get to go to work and you get to be deliberate about what part

00:55:11.840 of your life you're going to improve. You get to create it. I like that attitude.

00:55:15.200 Hey, can we take, so we got to take one more, but I, Kip, I want to jump ahead a little bit.

00:55:20.940 You want to jump to one? Okay. I want to answer this one because not only does it apply to my own

00:55:25.880 personal life currently, but I think it kind of ties in line with what we were just sharing with

00:55:31.500 Tyler. So, and that one comes from, that's the last question. It comes from Ryan Mills. Can you,

00:55:37.000 can you read that question? Yep. Yeah. Sounds good. All right. Ryan Mills,

00:55:41.680 Ryan and Kip, thank you both for what you're doing. Appreciate you talking insights.

00:55:45.200 That's all I want. That's all I wanted you to share. Yeah. I was, well, that was my joke. I

00:55:49.580 was going to read that and go, all right. Oh, sorry. I still have room. That's all right. Keep

00:55:53.400 going. Great minds to collect. All right. My question is related to divorced families.

00:55:58.400 I hit, it hit me recently that my kids who I have shared 50, 50 custody with are living a double life

00:56:05.840 in a lot of ways. At my home, we are strict, especially with scripture, study, prayer, church

00:56:12.160 attendance and trying to live the gospel principles at the mother's home. They are not only have the

00:56:17.640 opposite of that, but she became, became, um, Oh, a antagonist towards God and the church,

00:56:26.760 even to the point of making fun of my daughter for wanting to live those principles at her house.

00:56:32.280 I know the pain that, that, that trying to serve two masters creates. My question is what tips or

00:56:37.920 thoughts would you have on smoothing things out and creating more consistency? My kids are all

00:56:44.260 teenagers at this point. Okay. So I wanted to talk about this because this impacts my own personal

00:56:50.260 life and it's fairly new for me. And Kip, you're more of a veteran, obviously with how this relates.

00:56:56.400 Yeah. But I thought this would help to see it. I've had this exact issue too. Okay. Now I haven't.

00:57:03.520 And again, I'm, I'm new to this and, but I have not had this and I really don't anticipate this

00:57:09.920 being a big issue, but I still think I might be able to share some insights, but I'm going to give

00:57:15.180 this little disclaimer here first. Number one, I'm new to this. All right. So it's, everything's fresh.

00:57:21.160 Something down the road, certainly like this could happen. I'm not saying that it can't,

00:57:24.720 I'm just saying it hasn't, and I don't anticipate it, but I want to be aware of it.

00:57:27.980 The other disclaimer I want to give is that my ex-wife and I are pretty much on the same page

00:57:33.600 with just about everything except for being together. Like, but everything else is so huge

00:57:41.520 is pretty much on the same page from spirituality to the way that we want to raise our kids to a

00:57:48.940 thought process about politics, like pretty much on the same page with everything. So I want to give

00:57:53.820 that too. But with that said, I think that one thing that could help, number one, you have to

00:58:00.080 have boundaries and rules in place. And I think it is important that you communicate those with

00:58:04.500 the, the, your co-parent, right? With your ex-wife. Like it's very important that you communicate with

00:58:10.140 her about these things. Maybe you've already done that. Maybe you haven't, if you haven't do it,

00:58:15.360 if you have, there's probably some other little obstacles in here that are going to make this a lot

00:58:21.780 harder. And what we want to do is we want to get rid of those obstacles before we even have these

00:58:27.300 conversations because we need to be amicable and we need to be able to work together on other issues

00:58:34.280 so that it translates into these more deeper fundamental issues. So here's what I would propose.

00:58:40.720 And again, I don't know your situation. So I'm just, I'm just speaking, cause I know a lot of guys are.

00:58:44.980 If when you have the kids, you say you're going to drop the kids off at three o'clock,

00:58:49.120 you dang well better drop the kids off at three o'clock. If your wife calls you or your ex-wife

00:58:55.000 calls you and she says she's having a bad day and she wants to be with the kids because she's upset

00:58:59.960 and she's having a hard time. If that doesn't go over any boundaries that you have, you probably

00:59:05.860 ought to consider doing that because it would be helpful for her and also the kids. If there's

00:59:11.120 little minor disagreements that really don't put you under a whole lot of pressure, stress,

00:59:15.540 or go across any of your boundaries or, or put your kids in any sort of danger or anything like

00:59:19.280 that, you should probably be pretty amicable, but amicable about that. When your kids talk about

00:59:25.380 your ex-wife, even though you may not totally feel like it, you should probably be supportive of

00:59:31.400 your ex-wife and the relationship she has with your guys' children. We were talking about women the

00:59:38.800 other day, my two oldest boys and I, we were talking about different types of women. And I said,

00:59:44.040 you know, you have to be careful with these types of women because of dot, dot, dot. What you want to

00:59:47.500 do is you want to find a great woman like mom. And I wasn't lying. That's true. Like mom, because of

00:59:53.400 these things. And I listed all of these character traits that are so incredible and beautiful in her

00:59:58.720 that I think are notable and worthwhile and worth pursuing. I speak highly of her, not only because I

01:00:06.920 love her, but because they need to see me speaking highly of her. And I will say something else.

01:00:13.000 About this. Again, I'm new to it and this isn't the reason I'm doing it, but you know, who's going

01:00:19.880 to hear about that? Mom. At some point, something's going to get brought up and one of the kids is

01:00:25.620 going to say, oh yeah, dad said he loved that about you. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I'm not

01:00:31.900 trying to use kids to like none of that. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. I truly feel

01:00:40.260 that way. And I want to build goodwill between me and my children and my ex-wife and the dynamic

01:00:47.480 and the relationship. And I want everything around it to be positive and good, regardless of the way

01:00:53.200 everything turns out. Because that time that I need to come to her and I need to say, hey, I need to have

01:01:00.200 a conversation with you about some things. And this is probably not going to be a real comfortable

01:01:04.560 conversation, but I've been really dedicated to making sure the kids get a dose of spirituality

01:01:12.940 when they're with me. And it's very important to me and it's very important to the kids.

01:01:17.400 And I realize you don't feel the same way about it, but I felt like you might be actively working

01:01:24.100 to undermine what we're doing here. And I don't mind that you're not engaged spiritually the same

01:01:30.520 way that I am. We all have to make those choices, but I would appreciate it if you didn't mock or put

01:01:36.020 down or belittle what it is I'm trying to create. That would mean a lot to me. The more that you've built

01:01:41.980 up the bank account with her by dropping the kids off a time, being amicable, being flexible with

01:01:49.460 schedules, going out of your way to serve her and help her in different ways. Again, my disclaimer

01:01:57.780 is that my ex-wife and I are pretty much on the same page, but I can't envision that being the case

01:02:05.740 because there's just goodwill that's being built. What do you think though, Kip?

01:02:09.280 Totally. No, I totally agree. I mean, I don't know what kind of crazy he's dealing with, right?

01:02:15.280 Right, right. Because you might get in a scenario where you're just dealing with crazy, but what you

01:02:21.500 said is still true. And it may just mean it's harder, but you helping, you serving, you going out of

01:02:31.240 your way and not trying to seek justice in all things is only going to help you, right? There's

01:02:39.440 been scenarios where in the past, it's like, hey, you know, I bet we could probably reduce child

01:02:46.000 support now or whatever. I'd save a lot of money and we should do it. It wasn't worth it. Like it

01:02:53.420 wasn't worth the relationship of me going, let me nickel and dime. It wasn't. And where's the money

01:03:02.180 going anyway? To the house where my two kids live. In the grand scheme of things, right? Like I

01:03:08.660 shouldn't be complaining about that, right? Like it could be a lot worse. It could be going to the

01:03:13.560 government, right? Instead. So at least it's going in the household where my kids are. And so

01:03:18.280 what you said is true, regardless, it just may be harder to do depending on the, at the level of

01:03:25.140 crazy that you might be dealing with is all. Yeah. I look, I know guys. Well, Sean Whalen is an

01:03:32.220 example of that where he had, I mean, a horrible divorce and so much contention and animosity talks

01:03:39.860 about it. No, police had to come when they would do the children exchanges was that bad. And he tells a

01:03:47.280 story of one of his mentors saying, you need to write her a letter and tell her all the things

01:03:50.560 you appreciate about her. He's like, hell no, I'm not doing that. No way. And he did. And gradually

01:03:56.880 the relationship, the dynamic change they have from what I can tell, I don't know, but from the outside

01:04:01.720 looking in, they have a pretty solid relationship now, all things considered. So I think a lot of this

01:04:07.740 is in your hands. Again, I feel like I am speaking a little bit from ignorance, but maybe I'm giving you a

01:04:15.440 position that allows you to see it differently than you currently are. I don't know. I hope that's

01:04:20.940 the case. The other thought that came, came to mind. Um, so these are teenagers and, and although

01:04:29.100 an ideal state is that, you know, mom's teaching them the importance of spirituality and you are as

01:04:36.060 well, the, the, they're teenagers, meaning they're going to school and getting the opposite of what you're

01:04:42.980 being given them. They're getting the opposite from other kids already. We, this is a great age for

01:04:50.160 them to start owning whatever it is around spirituality. And so be careful, right? Don't

01:04:57.760 demonize mom. But when, when daughter comes and says, oh, mom was criticizing me for wanting to go to

01:05:04.440 church, use it, go, oh, interesting. So why do you go to church? Why do you think that's important

01:05:12.580 enough to want to go, even though that mom doesn't want to go? How do I support you in you owning this

01:05:18.260 for yourself? So they're at an age that you can do this anyway. So coach up and realize that, Hey,

01:05:26.000 they live in the world and the, and the world's going to be fighting against all these great principles

01:05:30.400 that you're trying to teach them anyway. So help them and guide them. And don't do that.

01:05:36.720 That you demonizing mom or criticizing her for seeing things differently is not going to help

01:05:42.280 them. And one last thought I had that I think is really critical that I think we overlook a lot.

01:05:48.540 Your kids, when we criticize their, their parent, either way, you're criticizing your child,

01:05:55.940 who they are is their mother. And they will identify as the daughter of that woman or the son and,

01:06:03.280 and, or the son of their dad. And there's a special bond there, whether you like it or not.

01:06:10.220 And so be very, very careful. And they will, kids will associate your discontent for their parent

01:06:17.300 as discontent for them. So honor, honor their parent by honoring them, make sure that you're not

01:06:25.200 speaking ill and be an adult and help them like work through their own process, you know, and ask them

01:06:32.060 how they feel about things and just help, help guide those waters.

01:06:36.420 Yeah. I think you brought up a good point about a reflection of them, but also you're mocking their

01:06:41.840 love for them. Right? So if you say, Hey, you know, she's a bitch and she's this and she's that,

01:06:46.080 well, you know, your daughter or your son loves their mother. And so now you say, that's like,

01:06:50.900 you're mocking the fact that your daughter or son loves their mother. Like you're saying that,

01:06:56.280 like you're diminishing how they feel. Um, there's another silver lining here. I think too,

01:07:02.960 does he have sons or daughters? I can't, I don't know if he said that.

01:07:06.880 There's definitely a daughter because he said that his daughter, um, got some criticism,

01:07:10.900 criticism, criticizing from mom, but that's all I know.

01:07:14.160 You know what your daughter is talking to you. Like she, she's relaying whatever mom said,

01:07:21.080 she's brought that to you and she's talking to you. That's awesome. That means she values your

01:07:28.080 relationship because if she didn't, she would just take it to heart and she wouldn't say anything,

01:07:32.240 say anything about it. She wouldn't share it. Like something, something right is going on here.

01:07:37.980 She's opening up to you. She's talking to you. And you said it, kid. You said,

01:07:41.940 how do you feel about that? What are your thoughts? Not, well, mom's a bitch and she doesn't know.

01:07:46.340 Oh, this is how you do it. Totally. It's like, Oh, she did. Oh, okay. That's interesting. What,

01:07:53.040 so what did you say? What, what do you think about it? How do you feel about that? And she might say,

01:07:58.520 well, I think mom's a bitch. You're like, Oh, well, hold on. And now you defend, right?

01:08:03.520 Let's have some empathy. Is she, is she, or is she seeing this from a different perspective? And now,

01:08:09.660 you know, like, you don't want to take mom's side. Like, I'm not saying that, but yeah,

01:08:12.880 there's really an opportunity to just ask some really profound questions here, but I would treat

01:08:18.580 this as a, as a win. She's talking, at least one of your daughters is talking with you about it.

01:08:24.100 That's awesome. Totally. Totally. And, and you alluded to this earlier about dropping them off

01:08:30.300 on time and building that deposit. This just illustrates that you, we have to bring our A game.

01:08:38.620 You have to be the light on the Hill. The, the, the, we do this sometimes I do this, right? When

01:08:45.940 we're married, we go like, you know, I'm going to double down and focus at work. And, and my wife's

01:08:52.660 taking the reins in these other areas. And I get checked out, right? You can't do that. You can't

01:08:58.000 do that as a divorced parent, right? You, you have to like bring your A game and that spiritual

01:09:03.960 environment that you want to create in your home has to be on point and you got to do it really,

01:09:10.740 really well. You can't even do it as a, as a married parent, because if you do it as a married

01:09:15.820 parent, then you'll be a divorced parent. Like my situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know,

01:09:21.200 yeah. Be under a game if you're a divorced parent, but the stakes are even higher, right?

01:09:26.200 Be an A game parent when you're married. So you don't get into this situation. And that's frankly,

01:09:32.580 a lot of what happened in my situation. Dialed in on the business, the finance stuff and not dialed

01:09:38.360 in on the relational family marriage stuff. And here we are. Yeah. It was the natural,

01:09:42.660 inevitable outcome of that. So yeah, there's, there's moments, there's, there's opportunities.

01:09:47.100 And I, and I do, I look at them as opportunities, whether it's with a relationship with your ex or a

01:09:52.420 relationship at work or, and just like, let's just do what we say we're going to do. You say,

01:09:58.120 we're going to drop them off at three, drop them off at three. You say, you're going to check it on

01:10:01.580 the house when they're out of town. Do that. You say, you're going to bring them by. You're going to

01:10:05.120 whatever. And it's not because you want to prove to her that you're doing it right. That's not the

01:10:11.600 motive. The motive is doing the right thing because that's what men do. That's what we do.

01:10:17.720 And I'm not saying we don't falter. I have. Okay. So maybe I'm in no position to tell you,

01:10:22.260 but I think I am because I'm trying to do it right where I didn't do it right before.

01:10:29.360 Yeah, totally. All right. We got some additional questions. Let's have those for reserve for next

01:10:34.060 week, Kip. Sounds good. And we'll go from there. So guys, right now I've got a lot of emails on the

01:10:40.200 battle planners and inserts for the battle planners when there's going to be available. I just made a

01:10:44.720 big order of those. So I think I'm going to do a presale on those just to get them out and you guys,

01:10:49.460 cause they'll, they'll go quick. Uh, so look for that in the next couple of days. That'll be a

01:10:53.620 store.orderofman.com. Um, outside of that, we have our battle ready program. So 30 days to battle ready

01:11:00.240 will help you address a lot of these questions that we asked or got asked here today. And you can

01:11:05.060 check that out at orderofman.com slash battle ready. Anything else, Kip?

01:11:10.400 Nope. Just obviously the connection with you on the, on the socials at Ryan Mickler, um, and just

01:11:17.600 share, right. Let's keep the, uh, growth of the, uh, I don't know if the movement going.

01:11:23.180 Yeah, absolutely. All right, guys, we'll be back, uh, later on Friday until then let's go out there

01:11:28.420 and take action and become a man. We are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:11:32.840 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:11:37.600 We invite you to join the order at quarter of man.com.

Using Parkin's Law to Your Advantage, Why Morning Routines Don't Always Cut It, and How Curiosity Wins in Communication ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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