Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up brother? Great to see you after a long weekend

00:00:28.140 for me. You were telling me it's probably a long weekend for you as you build your home as well.

00:00:33.660 Yeah. I was working and then you'll appreciate this. I'm sure everybody that's a father's ran

00:00:40.080 into this, but the four-year-old last night around 10, dad, my stomach hurts. He could not fall asleep.

00:00:49.260 Then I think it was around 1 a.m., sits up in his bed and just spews.

00:00:53.800 Fuse everywhere. Everywhere. Yeah. And then just, it was a rinse or repeat process

00:00:58.800 all night long. I'm like, you know, what's so weird is

00:01:03.640 little humans are so weird. Normal, normal size humans, big humans are so weird. We're weird.

00:01:11.080 All of us are weird, but have you ever had one of your children come in and you'll be in your bed

00:01:18.320 and they'll run and they're like, dad, my stomach hurts. I think I'm going to go throw up. I'm like,

00:01:22.780 what are you, what are you telling me for? You're like, run. You're like, get out of here.

00:01:28.000 Go somewhere else. It's like, go to the bathroom. I don't understand why you're coming in to alert

00:01:32.980 me. Just go throw up. You don't need to tell me about it. And not only that, they tell you and I'm 0.98

00:01:39.960 like, well, go to the bathroom and go throw up. And they'll throw up on the way to the bathroom.

00:01:43.400 I'm like, see, if you would have not come and wake, woken me up, you would have been able to

00:01:49.180 go right there. The other one that always kills me. And I, I think I had my second did this one

00:01:54.580 time. And I said, go to the bathroom. Like you got to throw up, go to the bathroom, throw up. It's

00:01:59.060 fine. Whatever. He runs in the bathroom. He throws up in the sink. I'm like, bro, the sink.

00:02:08.860 I've got the tub too, which is kind of gross. Cause then like you have this backlog of junk. 0.87

00:02:14.980 I'm like, you can't just go literally 12 inches to the left and just throw up in the toilet.

00:02:22.860 Now somebody's got to clean up everything. And so I'm not, I'm not very empathetic when it comes

00:02:28.940 to puking. I'm like, just go puke. We all puke. It's what we do. Just go take care of it. Don't

00:02:34.920 alert me. Don't tell. In fact, the less I know about it, the better off the world will be. So just

00:02:39.840 do it and leave me alone. Yeah. We eventually had him in the hallway on a towel. And then we had a

00:02:47.400 bowl and then we're like, all right, buddy, if you have to throw up and you can't make it to the

00:02:51.240 bathroom, here's this bowl. And then same thing. Oh, I'm getting sick. Gets on his hands and knees

00:02:58.580 and just goes all over the floor. And the bowl's like, Oh, the bowl. That's why I gave that to you.

00:03:04.960 I was like bodily functions, bodily. Finally got the bowl. Yeah.

00:03:09.080 But it took like five rounds. Yeah.

00:03:12.180 Bodily functions. That's the one thing I just have little, little, little tolerance for. It's

00:03:18.400 like you little idiot. Like just don't make it's hard. I get it. It sucks, but don't make everybody 1.00

00:03:25.600 else participate in your misery. Okay. Just take care of it. 0.99

00:03:30.500 That's funny. So I'm tired. I'm like, I think I may have slept about an hour total. So

00:03:37.220 well, we'll get it right into some class. I'm tired for a different reason. I was going to tell

00:03:41.880 you. Oh yeah. Yeah. What was your, you had a long weekend. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was long,

00:03:46.200 but it was good. We went down to Bedros Koulian, uh, runs, uh, a program called operation black

00:03:52.620 site. And it's different than the project. It's definitely not as intense. Like the modern day

00:04:02.360 night project is intense. It same thing with the squire program for young men, super intense

00:04:09.280 squire programs overnight. Um, MDK is I think three or four days, but it's super intense.

00:04:17.260 This was less intense and more focused on business networking and developing certain skills. So we did

00:04:26.320 some grappling, but the other cool thing about operation black side is they have world-class

00:04:30.180 instructors. So Mike Chandler was there teaching the grappling and Tony Blower, who a lot of you guys

00:04:37.100 know the spear system. Uh, he was there. So those two guys, Steve Eckhart, um, they taught the self

00:04:43.260 defense martial arts stuff. And then we did a lot of like room clearing house sweeping. Cause they built

00:04:49.300 this house with catwalks up top. So instructors can see how you're moving through the building.

00:04:54.120 And that was taught by Tim Kennedy and, and other, that's cool. Special forces guys. So like,

00:05:00.360 and the, and the people they bring in are phenomenal. So we, it was a really cool Ray cash care. Of

00:05:07.760 course, Bajos was there, Tim Kennedy, Mike Chandler, some guys that are world-class that people

00:05:14.000 unfortunately just don't know about. And maybe at some point they will, but it was phenomenal.

00:05:18.420 And I was fortunate enough that I, I was able to bring my two old boys down with me. So yeah,

00:05:23.940 if you guys are interested in a really cool weekend, I'm actually thinking about, and I'll

00:05:27.780 keep this between you and me and the hundreds of thousands of people who will hear this.

00:05:30.900 I was going to say, uh, do you want to pause really? Um, I'm actually thinking about investing

00:05:37.160 with, with B and the team down there in that. And what's cool about that is not only will it's

00:05:42.320 investment, but also we'll be able to use that facility for our own events, which is cool.

00:05:49.300 Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. Stay tuned. Cool, man. That sounds fun. That sounds fun. I think I saw

00:05:54.720 you posted something, I think, cause I saw something about, or maybe Bedros did a post.

00:06:00.720 Maybe he did. I don't, I may have posted, I may have reposted in stories. I actually haven't posted

00:06:06.460 on Instagram in quite a while, except for just updates on podcasts, taking a little bit of hiatus.

00:06:12.880 I'll probably share a little bit more on, on Facebook and social media and Instagram.

00:06:16.560 I'm still pretty active. I still jump on and follow people and things like that. But as far

00:06:21.780 as me posting, it's been significantly less. It's been nice actually. So yeah, cool, man.

00:06:30.120 Well, we've got some good questions. It looks like, uh, we're interviewing or, uh, questioning

00:06:33.280 guys from, or I guess they're asking questions of us from the iron council. So I, I went through

00:06:38.600 these and we've got some good ones. Some that I know I'll get fired up about and some that

00:06:43.640 hopefully I'll give some good insight on. Yeah. Sounds good. All right. Our first question

00:06:49.340 is from Pramit Ball question for Ryan regarding the transitioning topics in a podcast setting.

00:06:56.200 When I record episodes for my own podcast with a guest, I sometimes find myself using a lot of

00:07:01.200 filler words or, uh, okay. Now let's talk about instead of having a natural flow. I found listening

00:07:08.580 more intently creates better jump off points into the next topic, but it's not always a

00:07:13.360 guarantee. Would love to know if you have any insights and tips, if you have any insights

00:07:19.480 and tips in that regard. Yes. I am never at a loss for insights and tips, whether you should

00:07:24.300 accept them or not. That's a different story, but never at a loss for those things. Yeah.

00:07:28.680 Look, I did this when you're, I don't know how long Pramit's been podcasting for, but yeah,

00:07:33.220 when you're starting a podcast, it's, it's awkward. You got this microphone in front of your face.

00:07:37.960 You've got a camera in front of you. It just changes the dynamic. But imagine if you're sitting

00:07:44.320 down with a friend at a restaurant over a drink at the game, fight nights, golf, like however you

00:07:52.940 guys interact, would you ask that person a question? And then they answer the question.

00:07:57.900 You're like, Oh, great. And you write it down. You say, now my next question is you would never do

00:08:02.980 that. Yeah. And if we get to the root of the reason why you wouldn't do that, it's because you care

00:08:07.460 about that person. That's why you care about what they have to say. You care about their insight.

00:08:12.960 You care about what they might be experiencing or going through. And so it's a genuine level of care

00:08:18.220 when in a podcast setting, I found that our care for other individuals is diminished relative to the

00:08:26.480 care that we have for our friends, because we don't really know those people. And so what are we doing?

00:08:30.540 Well, we're looking to extract value from them. And it's not inappropriate. That is the point of a

00:08:41.040 podcast. If I have you on as a guest kid, it's my job to extract value that you have to share. And so

00:08:45.860 I can present that to my audience. But then it diminishes the humanity of it a bit, the humanity of

00:08:52.940 the conversation. And I don't even say I interview anymore. I say I have conversations.

00:08:57.000 And I might go into a podcast with a very rough outline of what I want to talk about or a direction

00:09:05.440 I'd like to go. And I'll let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes I don't even read the

00:09:10.680 books, the authors write. Sometimes I don't really know everything about their programs or their

00:09:17.880 offerings. And I actually do that by design because I want to go into the conversation with an open mind

00:09:25.460 and a whole lot of curiosity about a particular subject. But if I read the entire book, then it's

00:09:31.400 like, okay, I got it. It loses some of its curiosity. What were you going to say?

00:09:37.180 And as me as a listener, you're aligned with me as a listener, right? So you're going to ask the

00:09:43.340 questions that I'm thinking in my mind, if I haven't heard of this person before either. Does it make

00:09:48.340 sense? And so that's going to resonate better than if you're like deep diving in some theory of a

00:09:54.220 book that I haven't read yet as a listener of the podcast. And I'm like, what are these guys even

00:09:58.500 talking about? That's not valuable to me, right? To your audience.

00:10:03.160 A friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, the Jordan Harbinger podcast. He is a great, I call him

00:10:08.600 conversation, not interviews, conversationalist. And one thing that he told me one time is that

00:10:13.660 your audience doesn't have a voice. So you have to be their voice. And you can know that because

00:10:19.640 I hear from guys who are like, man, Ryan, I was in the car and you asked this question and I was

00:10:24.120 screaming because I wanted you to ask this other question. You didn't ask it. Or you asked the

00:10:28.380 question and I was, he said something and I didn't believe it. And then you said the same thing. And

00:10:31.940 so I'm so glad you went down that rabbit hole. That's how you know that you're starting to resonate

00:10:36.800 with your, with your guest or excuse me, with your audience. So what I would say is number one,

00:10:41.920 don't pigeonhole yourself into questions. Don't, I would not as quickly as I could just get away

00:10:47.820 from prescripted questions. Like I hate these podcasts that ask all their guests, the same 10

00:10:54.140 questions. Well, you don't care about your guests. You don't care about your audience. All you care

00:10:59.520 about is whatever you're producing. Don't do that. Okay. That's not what you do in a conversation.

00:11:04.220 Get away from that. Uh, number two. Well, I think this is part of it by getting rid of questions,

00:11:10.660 prescripted questions. You're allowing yourself to explore things that you wouldn't normally explore.

00:11:17.660 So one thing I've actually tried to do a lot lately with podcast guests is when they say something that

00:11:23.860 either I don't understand, or I don't necessarily agree with, I'm going to challenge that a bit.

00:11:29.940 It took me a long time to figure that out, but I don't have to be confrontational, but I do have to

00:11:34.940 ask if you say something Kip, and I don't quite understand, I'm going to say that, Hey, I don't 0.75

00:11:39.020 understand what you mean by that. Like help me connect the dots. Or if you say something, I'm

00:11:43.640 like, Whoa, hold on. I got to challenge that. And here's why. What do you have to say about that?

00:11:49.320 And then just actually have a real conversation with these guys. It's so much more powerful.

00:11:55.140 Um, I, I think that's what I would do. I would come with less questions and I know Promet personally.

00:12:00.960 I know that he's prepared. I know that he's researched. I know that he's super intelligent.

00:12:07.160 Um, but I also know that in Promet, look, I'm not saying this to beat you up that sometimes

00:12:12.940 your communication comes across a little bit stiff and, and, and that makes it awkward.

00:12:17.860 And so I think you should practice not being so researched, not being so prepared and allowing

00:12:24.540 the conversation to just go where it's going to go and experiment with that and toy around with that

00:12:29.520 and see if that helps you in that conversation. Yeah. Cool. All right. Greg, by the way, hold on.

00:12:35.460 I got to say one thing on that. Sometimes I say things and you know, like, and I'm, and I'm like

00:12:41.700 that. I said, you know, sometimes the conversations a little bit stiff, for example, like I'm not saying

00:12:48.560 that to call out, call him out. I'm saying that because I hope it helps you. I hope it serves you.

00:12:55.020 I hope me being honest and my assessment gives you something to improve upon. Like it's not mean

00:13:00.940 spirited. It's in the spirit of, of, of help and brotherhood. So I hope it comes across that way.

00:13:07.820 Yeah, I think it does. Well, at least those that know us or that know you, you know what I mean?

00:13:13.300 They, they understand that. I think I'd hope. All right. Next question. Greg Cleaver, Ryan,

00:13:19.160 you spoke about the concept of building a buffer into your weekly and daily planning in a recent podcast.

00:13:24.700 What practical ways do you find balance when you are planning to make sure responsibilities,

00:13:30.180 self-growth steps are accounted for while still finding enough buffer time for yourself to avoid

00:13:35.320 burnout? I'm finding myself hitting burnout too often. And I know I need to pivot.

00:13:41.860 Well, okay. So when I was talking about buffer the other day, that isn't actually what I was

00:13:46.000 talking about. I'm going to address your question. Yeah. But I, I hope we're not having a

00:13:51.100 misunderstanding here. When I was talking about buffers, I was talking about buffers in our

00:13:55.240 calendar. So if I had, for example, on a point, well, today, here's a great example. You and me

00:13:59.920 have a podcast. We record at nine o'clock AM mountain time, Monday morning, and we get done at

00:14:06.660 10. It's an hour recording, but I don't schedule another interview, another interview or conversation

00:14:11.780 or, or, or appointment at 10 o'clock mountain. It's usually going to be 10 30 or maybe even 11

00:14:19.040 because I know Kip, sometimes we go a little longer. Sometimes there's certain agenda items

00:14:23.760 that we need to talk about off air. So I don't schedule it right on top of each other. And that

00:14:29.480 way I have a little bit of buffer or margin to be able to decompress or to take some notes for the

00:14:34.860 podcast or get up and take a leak if I have to, or do whatever it is. Or I just got a text on my phone

00:14:40.480 a minute ago. I'm not going to answer it now, but you know, I'm probably going to have a few texts I

00:14:43.980 can answer between the end of this conversation and my next appointment. If I stack everything to

00:14:49.920 the brim, I actually noticed myself being less productive. I'm doing a whole lot more. Yes,

00:14:54.720 definitely. But a whole lot less productive throughout the day. So that's what I meant by

00:15:00.860 buffers is creating buffers for that. Now, Greg, what you're talking about is making sure that you're

00:15:06.300 balancing work activities with taking time off or mixing it up. And that's a great question. What I

00:15:13.920 would say is to experiment and then to allow yourself intentional time. And there was another

00:15:22.200 question I saw. So maybe we'll get deeper into this in a minute, but, and you could pull it up

00:15:26.980 because he's talking about, I was going to say, give me the gist. Ask that question too, right now,

00:15:32.800 because I think this will answer both of these questions. So, so, so what was that question?

00:15:37.120 It's the one I'm referring to. Well, give me the gist really quick. Cause there's a bunch here.

00:15:43.120 Yeah. I'll tell you, he was talking about, in fact, I have a routine. Uh, no, it was from,

00:15:49.360 I think it's from Austin. Yeah. Austin Carter. Carter. Okay. Got it. Yeah. All right. Austin Carter's

00:15:55.740 question, which is related here. When is leisure relaxation acceptable? At what point in a man's day

00:16:02.780 can he give himself permission to rest and relax? And what do you fellows do just for fun or no

00:16:09.720 quantifiable productive outcome other than joy, wonder, and having fun watching a movie, going to

00:16:15.780 a concert, reading a fictional book for entertainment, et cetera. Yeah. Okay. So I'll

00:16:20.660 answer the second half of that in a minute, but the first part of that aligns nicely with what Greg

00:16:24.500 was saying. And here's what I would suggest to you is that your relaxation or your buffer time in this

00:16:30.600 case, Craig, that you're referring to. It just needs to be intentional. Yeah. Just needs to be

00:16:35.500 intentional. If we give ourselves too much time or we hit the burnout stage. And then what do we do?

00:16:44.220 Like, let's say you've been working out 90 days straight. You've been going in for an hour and a

00:16:49.020 half every single day because you're training for some particular event. And now you're just exhausted

00:16:55.260 and burned out and burned up. What usually happens is you take way longer to go back to the gym than

00:17:00.000 just taking a day off. Yeah. So if instead of working out for 90 days, maybe you should train

00:17:06.540 hard for 30 days and then allow yourself a day break. And I'm not saying sit around on the couch and

00:17:12.380 eat bonbons and Cheetos. I'm saying maybe instead of working your ass off that day in the gym,

00:17:17.360 maybe you just go for a walk with your family or you go on a nice little hike in the afternoon or

00:17:22.560 something like that. Right? So you're still moving, still being intentional, but you're mixing

00:17:27.400 it up. And the beauty of that is that you're still achieving your goals. You're still marching

00:17:31.680 forward. I had a great presentation from Wes Watson. A lot of you guys know who Wes is. He's been on the

00:17:37.680 podcast, but he was at Operation Blacksite. And he said that people always ask him, how does he get so

00:17:45.360 far ahead? Five years ago, this is a guy who was in a state penitentiary and he had $200 to his name.

00:17:52.100 Now he's making tens of millions of dollars a year through his coaching services. How did he get

00:17:57.280 so far ahead? He says, I never stop. Every single day I'm marching forward. He's like, some guys will

00:18:04.580 do that for five days and then they'll take two, three huge step backward every Saturday and Sunday.

00:18:11.440 He's like, I don't do that. I march forward every single day and we can do the same thing, but we can

00:18:16.960 mix it up. Right? So now you're going to go for a hike instead of doing a workout. Now you're going to

00:18:21.160 go for a walk or you're going to play a round of golf and it's mixing it up. So you're not doing

00:18:25.260 the same monotonous thing all day, every day. And it's giving you a new way of looking at things,

00:18:30.240 exercising new muscles, training the brain to see things differently because you're engaged in

00:18:34.680 different activities, but it has to be intentional. If you wait until you're burned up, you're just not

00:18:40.160 going to do anything. And you're going to take way too long to get back into the saddle the way that

00:18:45.440 you want to. Does that, do you think that helps? Yeah, I do. I do think that helps. I mean, I think

00:18:51.200 the, I think the intentionality is everything. It is. I mean, if, if something's really important

00:18:56.320 to you, what do you do? You and I have both note, we put it on our calendars. It's no different,

00:19:02.520 right? So if I want to be intentional and, you know, going on a one-on-one date night with one of my

00:19:08.840 kids is important, then it should be scheduled just like everything else in my life. That's really

00:19:13.480 important. That's my system to make sure I don't miss something that's important. It's no different.

00:19:20.360 Jiu-jitsu is on my calendar, just like my workouts are on my calendar, right? Because of the

00:19:24.360 intentionality around them. So. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I just, if you're not intentional, you'll just,

00:19:30.260 you'll just fall off the wagon. You'll never, never get back on. So if you're feeling burned out,

00:19:34.780 okay, you need to mix something up. You need to take a break and that's okay, but you better tell

00:19:40.460 yourself what exactly is it going to be? How long is it going to be for? How are you going to get back

00:19:45.440 into it? Otherwise you're just, you're, you're just going to take it way too far. We just, we just do.

00:19:51.520 Yeah. Now Austin's second question is just kind of curious around what non-quantitative

00:19:57.640 unproductive things do, do, do, do we do?

00:20:01.740 Did he use the word unproductive? I can't remember.

00:20:07.220 He said like unproductive or non-productive. Quantifiable productive outcome other than joy,

00:20:12.080 wonder, having fun. Yeah. So like, yeah. So he says that or just for fun.

00:20:16.900 Look, other than joy, wonder, like those are things that we should have in our lives.

00:20:23.040 And you kind of barking up the wrong tree on this one because I struggle personally in my own life

00:20:28.900 with this, but you know, I, here's an, I got home. I took my, my two oldest boys to California.

00:20:36.320 I got back and many of you guys know about, you know, my, my personal situation with my ex-wife

00:20:43.220 and the relationship. And, um, you know, technically this is so weird. It's such a weird thing,

00:20:48.760 but let's address it. Like it is like, technically this is my weekend with the kids. Okay. Yeah.

00:20:53.940 And she had the two younger ones because me and the two older ones were in California. And so

00:20:59.680 technically, uh, when I got home, they should all be with me Sunday night. And then I drop them off

00:21:06.900 Monday morning to her for schooling. That's the arrangement, but I'm not, neither one of us are so

00:21:15.240 ridiculous that we're not willing to adjust that as necessary in the situation calls for. So I,

00:21:21.460 I sent her a message. I said, Hey, I know you probably missed the boys, you know, technically

00:21:25.040 they're with me tonight, but would you like the boys to stay with you tonight? Cause we've been

00:21:28.760 gone for the last four nights. And she's like, yeah, I'd really like that. Actually, if you don't

00:21:32.640 mind, I'm like, of course I don't mind. Like, of course I want that. What's good for the kids.

00:21:36.540 I want what's good for her. Of course I don't mind. And she said, well, do you still want the two

00:21:40.700 little ones to be with you? I said, yeah, I want to do me for tonight since I haven't seen them

00:21:44.520 for the last three or four nights. And she's like, great, we'll swap, you know, kind of joking,

00:21:48.240 but it sounds so weird, but it is what it is. That's the, that's the situation.

00:21:52.220 So I dropped the older boys off. I take the two little ones with me and I'm like, Hey,

00:21:57.760 what do you guys want to do? Let's go grab some dinner. Like, good. We'll go grab some dinner.

00:22:01.700 We got here. They got their bags dropped off in their rooms. And then we went for a bike ride

00:22:06.480 and I bought, I went to, I saw a yard sale and I need to get them a couple of bikes. So I went to a

00:22:11.980 yard sale last week and I saw two bikes. I got two bikes for 10 bucks, spent $5 on a tube for each

00:22:16.700 one of them. So I got two bikes for 15 bucks. I'm like, let's go for a bike ride. So we all went

00:22:21.340 for a bike ride and it was awesome. Like there was, there was no objective. Like there was no

00:22:27.920 agenda. I didn't even know which direction we were going to go or how long we were going to be gone

00:22:33.660 or what, like none of that. And it was nice. You know, we just went around the block for a bike ride

00:22:39.900 and laughed and talked and realized one of the bikes that I bought didn't have brakes on it.

00:22:45.300 So we found that out. My daughter, she's going down this hill. She's like, dad, I can't stop. I'm

00:22:50.600 like, just keep going straight. The hill levels out. Just stay straight. And I'm yelling at her

00:22:55.740 because she's ahead of me. I'm like, stay going straight, stay straight. And she did. And she was

00:22:59.980 fine. I guess the reason I share that with you is like, I'm personally trying to find more joy in

00:23:10.440 just in moments. Like what, and you might find yourself in a moment. What is the joy in this?

00:23:16.960 You know, I've, I'm looking outside in the backyard and I've got a baseball net up there because my

00:23:20.820 second and fourth children are playing baseball and coaching their teams. And, you know, sometimes I

00:23:27.780 don't want to be out there throwing soft toss. Like I don't, I got emails to send. I got texts. I got to

00:23:32.560 do, I got this, I got to do this and that and fix the house and change this and do this.

00:23:36.940 And then I just stop and I'm like, you know, this is fun. Like no agenda, just step, throw,

00:23:44.320 help him work on his swing a little bit, laugh at him when he messes up, congratulate him when he

00:23:49.360 does well. And that's enough. Like I'm really trying to find situations where the situation

00:23:54.580 in and of itself is enough. It's good. It's not, it's good enough as in it's hitting the baseline,

00:24:00.820 but it's good enough the way it is and just enjoy it. So those are some of the things that I would do.

00:24:06.180 It's usually involves my kids. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm the same way. I don't, we don't TVs are

00:24:13.840 downstairs in some corner of the house. So it's like, we don't watch movies unless it's like this

00:24:21.080 intentional, like, Hey kids, you want to watch a movie? Right. Other than that, there's, there's no

00:24:26.520 TV on or anything like that. Fictional books. I lately, actually I, my brother's been helping me

00:24:33.980 on the electrical on this house that I'm working on. It's kind of funny actually, because I didn't

00:24:39.560 think he was so nerdy. I'm like, what are you listening to? And he's like, these books about

00:24:44.960 Thrawn on Star Wars. They're so awesome. I'm like, what? You're like, really? And he's like, oh man,

00:24:50.760 there's the cool, like, and he just nerded out. And I was like, that's your brother. All right.

00:24:54.960 Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea. It was super funny. And it's, I was like, all right, which one should

00:24:59.880 I start listening to first? And so now when I work on the house, I'm listening to these old

00:25:04.620 Star Wars books on audible. That's funny. That's fun. Right. But, but I, I, I usually don't sit

00:25:11.820 down at least on a fictional book. I don't sit down and just enjoy the book. It's usually, I do that

00:25:17.080 when I'm multitasking usually, but, but I, I'm the same way. I think it's just go to the nickel

00:25:23.020 K with the, it's usually related to my kids or when we're on holiday and it's, and I get into

00:25:29.520 the mode of like, what do you want to do? And it, and the mode is whatever, what do we want to do

00:25:34.240 today? And that's when I'm fully relaxed, but yeah, pretty much the same. I found, I don't know

00:25:43.180 if you feel this way, Kit, but I found that for me, again, I'm all about being productive. I want to be

00:25:49.260 productive. I have to-do lists. I've got notes everywhere. I've got checklists and things I've

00:25:53.900 got to accomplish. And I feel really good at the end of the day when that's done, but I've actually

00:25:58.120 found myself being more productive, the more time that I take and be quote unquote, unproductive

00:26:03.840 deliberately again, intentionality. I'm not just saying sit around and be lazy. I'm saying I'm going

00:26:08.980 to play catch with my kids this afternoon. I'm more productive when I do that because I know I have a

00:26:15.680 certain window and my schedule has changed. You know, when the kids are the days that they're

00:26:20.760 with, with me is I drop them off at school, which happens to be their mom's house. Cause

00:26:26.540 having them homeschooled was still important for both of us. So we made sure that was the case and

00:26:31.220 that could happen. So I, I dropped them off at eight, nine o'clock in the morning. And then I pick

00:26:38.060 them up from school, which is again, their mom's house at three o'clock. So that means that I lost

00:26:44.240 two to three hours a day when they're with me. Cause normally I would work five to six o'clock

00:26:50.780 at night. Yeah. I thought, Oh man, this is going to be rough. It's not, it's not hard at all. It's

00:26:55.560 just, okay. I got to be more productive in this window. I have a smaller window. It went from, you

00:27:00.560 know, eight, nine hours to six, seven hours. And so I have to be way more productive in this window

00:27:06.500 and I am, and it's fine. It works because we make it work. Yeah. It's amazing. Everyone,

00:27:14.800 everyone can relate to that. Everyone can relate to time where, where you had some type of timeline.

00:27:21.800 You had this ridiculous short window to prepare for a meeting, a lesson, a presentation or something.

00:27:29.340 And you just went all in as fast as humanly possible, laser focused, and you pulled it 0.53

00:27:37.760 off. Yep. Yeah. And we normally don't work that way. We, we work distracted constantly. So it's like

00:27:44.440 the intentionality is a whole other, I don't know. I mean, there's a, there's books written on, on,

00:27:50.180 on this whole subject, but anyhow. Well, and it's, I just pulled this up. This is, so here,

00:27:57.220 let's see, this is called Parkinson's law. So it's the adage that work expands to fill the time

00:28:05.040 allotted for its completion. It's Parkinson's law. Again, work expands to fill the time allotted for

00:28:10.120 its completion. So we usually think about that in the context of, well, you know, I, I, I've got

00:28:16.680 two weeks to finish this thing. Right. And so I've got plenty of time. And so I'll, I'll be done in

00:28:23.180 two weeks, but it always be at the buzzer. It's the same concept as, as why I don't think you should

00:28:27.300 go Christmas shopping in October. Cause you're going to be done a day or two before Christmas,

00:28:32.040 whether you do it in October or whether you start in December 1st, the only difference is October,

00:28:37.840 you're going to end up buying way more stuff than if you would have just waited.

00:28:41.700 Cause you won't stop between that and Christmas.

00:28:43.720 So it's Parkinson's law, but the opposite is also true is your work will, it's not even the opposite.

00:28:52.580 It's just a part of the law is that your work will, it says expand, but I will also say it will

00:28:59.940 contract. It will contract to the time allotted. So if I have only five hours to complete a 10 hour

00:29:06.500 project, unless it's unreasonable, I'm probably going to actually get it done in five hours because

00:29:12.180 there's not distractions. There's no procrastination. I'm hyper-focused on the task.

00:29:17.920 Yeah. Yes. Focused on the main thing, as opposed to all the little ancillary type

00:29:22.500 problems that you may have to regularly deal with. So it's work, work is very much the same way.

00:29:29.080 You can get just as much done today. In fact, I would challenge you guys this week, pick a day

00:29:33.400 and, and let's say you've got, you know, eight hours in that work day, try to get all your done,

00:29:39.720 your work done in five hours today. And let me know how it goes. Like get your to-do list out and

00:29:44.480 say, Hey, I've got five hours and tell me if you get it done. I'd be willing to bet the majority of

00:29:49.540 you will get it done in five. What normally takes you eight.

00:29:51.480 So I have a timer. It's a little dial. It looks like a nest dial. And you run this timer. I actually

00:29:59.340 put it on my desk and I actually intentionally do this. So I'll, I'll look at, I don't know,

00:30:04.400 I need to complete something. And I have like a 45 minute window. I'll be like 30 minutes. I'll put

00:30:11.260 it on that timer, put my headphones on and I'll go as narrow focus as humanly possible for that 30

00:30:18.940 minutes. And when that timer's up, I'm done. Yeah. And so I create those time boxes. So then

00:30:24.620 that way I'm hyper-focus sensitive on it too. What is it called? Do you know what it's called?

00:30:30.240 Oh, there's all these things. You can look at time box timers. There's cubes that people have

00:30:35.560 like 15, 30 minute, and you just put the cube on its side and it just starts magically counting

00:30:40.460 whenever the cubes on that side. Yeah. So it's it's handy. Well, I also think Parkinson's law,

00:30:47.300 since we're addressing this is the reason why school, military and government work are so

00:30:51.440 inefficient. Like when we first started doing homeschool, uh, my, my ex-wife came to me and 0.99

00:30:57.960 she said, Hey, we're done. This is like at noon. Hey, we're done with school. Like, what do you mean

00:31:02.520 you're done? You're like done for lunch or you're done. Like you don't want to do it anymore. Like,

00:31:07.400 what is that? I don't know what that means. It's like, no, we're done. Like our whole curriculum is

00:31:10.440 done. I'm like, Oh no, we must be using the wrong curriculum. No. What takes a school,

00:31:16.440 a public school, eight hours to do takes homeschoolers three hours to do. Why? No

00:31:23.140 assemblies, no transferring from class to class, no trying to keep up with, you know, take it from 1.00

00:31:29.680 the dumb kids. You know, that's not going to, that's going to run. Yeah. The slower kids in 0.99

00:31:32.880 the class slowing down the learning process for them, you know, uh, inefficiencies and red tape

00:31:37.940 and bureaucracy teachers have to deal with, uh, administrative nonsense. It's just, it just does.

00:31:44.620 It's not necessary. You know, military is the same way. You know, you guys know this. If you're in the

00:31:49.200 military, you know, this, if you have an hour to train a certain task, it's going to take you an

00:31:56.320 hour, even though you could actually get it done in 15 minutes. Yeah. You know that I remember in

00:32:02.560 basic training, you know, we had a two or three hour time block for physical training, three hours.

00:32:07.740 Come on. We don't need three hours. And we'd go and we'd do the work and they'd look at their

00:32:11.160 clocks. They're like, well, you know, we have 45 minutes left, so let's do extra extra. Like,

00:32:15.700 let's do something else. We got that done. Can we move on to something else and be efficient with

00:32:22.240 it? Nope. Nope. Can't do that. We're on a schedule. Right. And government work is the same way. It's

00:32:27.860 the reason you see all these people leaning around on their shovels, you know, and it's like, or the

00:32:33.320 reason a supervisor or somebody who's been there for a long time will say, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey to the new

00:32:37.920 guy. Don't work so hard. Like we're like, we're going to be here till this time anyway. So like,

00:32:43.280 let's just extend the workout. Yeah. There's incentives to, to work harder. It doesn't exist.

00:32:49.320 Mediocrity and complacency. It exists everywhere. It's crazy. Crazy. It's insanity.

00:32:56.260 You riled up. It's, it's insane. It really is insane. And yet we all buy into it. All right.

00:33:04.000 What's next. Yeah. All right. Travis Neville for my calibration quadrant this quarter,

00:33:09.440 I'm working on building a morning routine to help facilitate some structure and mental

00:33:14.360 resilience. Is there anything you gentlemen do that helps you in the morning to stick

00:33:19.080 on task to your schedule or challenge yourself? Yes. Um, what I would say to this is that my morning

00:33:27.000 schedule actually starts the night before that, that actually helps me. So what I mean by that is

00:33:33.720 that I don't come into the office or come into work or start my day wondering what I'm going to do.

00:33:38.580 Not like over here, like, okay, well, you know, I got to answer these emails and then

00:33:42.360 should I call? Well, I'm going to call, maybe I can call this person and do this.

00:33:47.780 Maybe I'll do this today. Yeah. No, it's none of that. Or, or like, or the gym. It's not like,

00:33:54.320 okay, you know, I'm going to come over here and okay, let me see what I got at my workout.

00:34:00.920 I don't really know. Uh, let me just jump online and see if I can find a workout.

00:34:05.860 Like if I have to do that, I'm not going to go to the gym or even with my clothes. It's like,

00:34:10.220 okay, all my clothes are dirty. I get up, my clothes are dirty. I'm like, ah, man,

00:34:15.060 I don't have any socks or underwear to wear. I've, uh, I guess I'll do it tomorrow.

00:34:18.920 Well, that's the biggest distraction of getting your work done is not knowing the work that needs

00:34:24.800 to be done. So my most effective mornings start the night before where I actually make a detailed

00:34:30.680 itemized list of everything that needs to get accomplished. And then I grease the groove.

00:34:34.680 So what I mean by that is that if I'm going to go work out, I'm not going to wake up and look at

00:34:38.660 what my workout is. I'm going to look at it the night before. Okay. Well, I got, you know,

00:34:42.980 arms and upper back today. Okay. What's this, this, and this, and this cool check. Got it.

00:34:47.860 So that's, that's part of it. Um, I get my clothes laid out, my pre-workout, my water,

00:34:52.580 my water's in the, in the fridge. Like I don't even pour myself water in the morning. I pour it

00:34:56.400 the night before and put the water bottle in the fridge. So I don't have to pour it. It's in there.

00:35:00.620 I could just grab it out of there. Like everything is streamlined to the maximum degree the night

00:35:07.380 before. And look, I'm not perfect, but I know the days that I don't do that, the mornings are

00:35:12.080 significantly less productive than the mornings where I do actually plan it out the day before.

00:35:17.480 Totally. Totally. Yeah. I mean, I I'm the same way. I mean, I put my workout clothes at least out.

00:35:23.320 So I'm not fiddling in the dark. You know what I mean? Trying not to wake up kids and wife and

00:35:28.320 everything. Um, my morning routine is always, uh, I wake up, go to the gym. You know what I mean?

00:35:35.240 Then I start my day. I do the same thing actually with my assistant every day. We do an end of day

00:35:40.220 before I even leave the office. So I know what look, what tomorrow looks like, any pressing issues

00:35:45.100 that should be on my radar before I even leave the office. So that way I'm not carrying it home

00:35:49.240 with me. I think that's been a huge game changer for me is to prepare for the next day is like in

00:35:55.860 my day. Um, and I think that's really important for people that struggle with bringing work home

00:36:01.240 and vice versa is like, you got it in your day. It's got to be clean. Like I'm done working.

00:36:06.640 It can, now everything can wait until I'm here tomorrow. And then that way you can be a little

00:36:10.780 bit more present. Sorry. That's a little bit of a side tangent, but my, my morning routine is pretty

00:36:15.300 much workouts. I've done a number of things like, um, who's Marcus, uh, what's Marcus's, um,

00:36:23.180 he wrote that book, the one day, the day, do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, when the day

00:36:29.340 Aubrey Marcus when yeah, Aubrey Marcus. Yeah. So he had some good morning routine elements. Same

00:36:35.960 thing with, uh, Travis and other resource, the, the miracle morning. Um, you know, those are,

00:36:41.960 I think those are actually really great books and around having creating morning routine. So

00:36:46.900 I'd, I'd look at those. The thing that I would be cautious of is geeking out over it.

00:36:53.580 Like putting too much into your morning. Yeah. Yeah. Like Aubrey Marcus has some great stuff.

00:36:59.100 He's kind of more in the biohacking arena. He's right there with Ben Greenfield. Those guys are,

00:37:05.240 they're, you know, breaking rules and doing a lot of experimental stuff. And I think it's cool.

00:37:10.160 Like I really do. I'm not going to do any of that stuff. Like, yeah, there was one thing I remember

00:37:15.240 and I was joking with Aubrey about this, about him and Ben, like went and did some sort of infrared 0.99

00:37:20.560 ultra Ray light on their balls, on their testicles, because it's supposed to increase 0.97

00:37:25.300 their, I don't know, their sperm count, which increases testosterone production, like all this 0.99

00:37:30.560 stuff. I'm like, okay, at some point there's a diminishing return on some of this. And I think

00:37:36.580 people, and I don't think this about these guys in particular, cause I know them and what they do,

00:37:41.780 but at some point people geek out on this stuff to excuse them from doing the 80%. Now we're talking

00:37:48.420 about laws and principles, Pareto principle. That's you need to do the 20% of work that's

00:37:55.940 going to produce 80% of the results. So everybody's out there taking testosterone and tanning their

00:38:00.240 balls and their buttholes and, you know, doing all sorts of weird nonsense when it's like, did you 0.98

00:38:05.360 drink a gallon of water today? Yeah. Are you still drinking soda? Yeah, right. Okay. So you 0.97

00:38:13.400 could do all the weird shit, all the fringe stuff, all you want, but if we're not doing the 20% base 0.97

00:38:19.180 fundamental stuff, you know, like guys will take creatine and whey and protein and this and that. 0.94

00:38:24.260 It's like, well, where'd you have lunch today? Like, well, I had the double Whopper loaded with extra

00:38:29.020 fries and a Coke at Burger King today. I'm like, well, okay. Like what? So you're taking whey and

00:38:34.620 creatine and testosterone, this and that, and all these things, but you're eating this like,

00:38:39.600 and I'm not, look, I'm not here to judge you because I eat the double Whopper too. I love the

00:38:43.960 double Whopper, but at least I'm not going to lie to myself about it and say that I'm healthy because

00:38:48.660 I'm taking all these supplements when I'm really not like lock in the diet first. And then if you're

00:38:54.360 there, then, okay, now we can talk about supplementation. Yeah, totally. Well, and the other

00:38:59.280 thing is related to what you said, Ryan, and I, I even did this when, I mean, I remember

00:39:04.080 years ago, we covered the morning routine in the iron council. That was my first exposure to that

00:39:10.480 book. And I remember I took it and I was like, Oh, now I got this morning routine. That's like an

00:39:16.840 hour and a half long. You know what I mean? And they didn't even include my workout. Right. It was

00:39:21.360 like, I'm going to journal. I'm going to do this. And it was like this big ordeal and it didn't last

00:39:27.680 because it was too much. Right. It was, it was too difficult. Right. Or, and, and I think it's

00:39:33.680 like, this is the advice I give guys that journal is time box. You're journaling too. Otherwise what's

00:39:38.920 going to happen is you'll like spend two hours and awesome. You'll have this great, amazing journal

00:39:44.500 entry, but come tomorrow, you'll go, Oh man, I don't want to do it. That took like two hours yesterday

00:39:50.100 and then you're not going to do it. Right. So just be mindful of that. Like I've, I've certainly,

00:39:55.780 I still love those books. So check them out, but like time box it. And it's like, Hey, I'm going to

00:40:01.020 nice, efficient, quick. So you can be consistent with it. That's where you'll get the most gains.

00:40:08.100 So, and look, I mean, let's be realistic, realistic about our morning routines. Like

00:40:11.660 let's be honest about it. You know, I wake up, if I go to the gym, I'm usually up about 15 minutes

00:40:18.140 before I go to the gym. Like I'm not, I'm not up two hours before I go to the gym and like stretching and

00:40:25.460 it's not, I get up, my hair's a mess. I'm a little disheveled. Like I'm tired. I'm groggy. I'm still

00:40:33.360 wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Okay. Like that's what I've got, you know? So I go to the gym and I

00:40:38.540 do my thing. I try to drink a bottle of water or at least some water before I go to the gym. I could

00:40:44.640 probably drink more. I could probably put pink Himalayan salt with a little chili powder or something

00:40:50.100 or cumin or whatever products they use to help boost your, you know, your immunosystem in the

00:40:55.360 morning. Yeah. I could do that, but I'm not, I'm not going to do that, but I'll drink some water.

00:41:00.140 Uh, I get done with my, my workout. I come back, I get cleaned up. You know, I, I like to look

00:41:06.320 presentable. So I get cleaned up, get ready for the day. Um, I've already got my task list. So I start

00:41:11.260 knocking a few things out here and there. Um, and like, and I'll, and I'll journal too in the morning,

00:41:16.000 but it's not 15 minutes of journaling. Even it might be just five minutes. Like, Hey,

00:41:20.380 Jim was good today. Felt a little, a little out of it, but pretty productive. Numbers went up,

00:41:25.280 feeling strong today, a little sore from the weekend, met this person, decided to go to lunch

00:41:29.720 with this, uh, this guy that was a long lost friend that, you know, we reconnected with. It's

00:41:34.300 like, and that takes me five minutes. That's pretty much my morning routine. And, you know, am I going to

00:41:41.460 read? Maybe, you know, usually I'll read, like, I'll try to read the Bible at night,

00:41:45.040 read a few pages in the evening, but enough with the people who are lying about their morning routine.

00:41:51.920 That's not what's happening. You know, there are some, there are some, but for the overwhelming

00:41:56.640 majority of people, it's not this like glorious grand thing. Totally agree. He had a question 1.00

00:42:02.940 around just building mental resilience. Um, what do you do, Ryan, that you feel like contributes to

00:42:09.620 building, building that, whether it's part of a morning routine or not. I think that just might be

00:42:13.760 insightful really quick. It's anything that you don't want to do, but know that you should.

00:42:22.400 That's how you build by default. Your day has those. Yeah, of course. And if you, if look two

00:42:28.620 choices, when there's something that comes up that you don't want to do that, you know, you should

00:42:31.920 the two choices to do it or to kick the can down the road, kicking the can down the road, diminishes

00:42:37.800 mental resiliency, addressing it head on face, face first. And going after it is what strengthens

00:42:43.900 mental resiliency. That's it. It's that simple. There's nothing more to it. So if you have to have

00:42:49.460 a conversation with a subordinate or your boss and you're dreading it, kicking it off till tomorrow

00:42:55.420 means you're being weak. That's like objectively the case. It means you're being weak. I'm not accusing

00:43:02.500 you. It's just the reality. I do that too. When we know we should do something and we don't,

00:43:08.260 we're being weak. When we do something, we know we should, we're not only being strong. We're also

00:43:12.680 being courageous because it's fear. It's that's, it's the fear. It's the discomfort. It's the

00:43:17.600 uncomfortable. Anytime, you know, you should be doing something and you don't, you're, you're

00:43:22.860 opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. So it's working out, uncomfortable conversation,

00:43:27.640 presentation, working on a specific task, asking that woman out on a date, like anything.

00:43:34.500 And then what's beautiful about that is even if the end result doesn't go your way, let's say you

00:43:39.420 ask that woman on a date and she's like, no, I just want to be friends. Okay. That sucks. That's a kick

00:43:44.780 in the dick, but you know what? You still should feel better about that because a, you know, now you can 0.99

00:43:51.600 go find somebody else and be, you're like, cool. I had the balls to actually go do it. And you know, 0.97

00:43:56.280 it feels good. When you go have that awkward conversation, it's awkward. It's uncomfortable.

00:44:01.860 It's, it's not fun. And it may not even be better after you will feel better. Not necessarily because

00:44:08.760 of the result, because the result might not be what you want, but you're like, Oh, that sucked. I'm so

00:44:14.080 glad I got it done. And you'll feel better because you know, you're building mental resiliency. That's

00:44:19.100 it. Yeah. And, and please, if your parents look for opportunities to do this,

00:44:24.640 build mental resilience, delay gratification. And, and it's silly. I've never thought of this 0.95

00:44:30.520 until geez, about maybe the last couple of years, but this, and our parents probably never put this

00:44:36.340 verbiage to it, but it's totally what it is. This is why you have your kids clean their rooms before 0.93

00:44:41.760 they play. It's a great opportunity for your kid to delay gratification, build some mental resilience

00:44:49.460 and actually do something they don't want to do and be rewarded for later. Yep. And, and by you

00:44:55.900 going, you know what, go ahead and go play and you can clean your room later. You just robbed the

00:45:01.140 opportunity for them to build some mental resilience and delay gratification. Yep. No. So anyhow,

00:45:07.820 and we all don't live on farms. So look for those opportunities to do that for kids, you know?

00:45:13.040 Well, all right. Tyler Morgan on a farm. I mean, you can live in a, uh, there's just more square

00:45:16.780 foot apartment. I don't think so. I think if like, you can live in 1100 square foot apartment and

00:45:22.420 there's things to do, like there's always things to do. There's chores, there's projects, there's this,

00:45:26.980 there's that, there's always, there's laundry, there's dishes, there's mopping the floor. Like

00:45:31.560 you can find all sorts of things. Yeah. To make your kids. Yeah. Practice that. I see that. All

00:45:38.820 right. Tyler Morgan. I just started reading the book. Every, everyone communicates few connect by

00:45:44.740 John Maxwell. The premise is that, that the premise is that talk is cheap and words are abundant. So

00:45:51.420 focus on how much is it's actually reaching others effectively. I know that I am not naturally gifted

00:45:57.020 in this area or connecting with communication. I've gotten feedback that tells me it's hard to

00:46:02.200 follow my many thoughts and that I'm not clear and I'm too vague. I know this weekend's weakness

00:46:08.760 has played a role in holding me back from where I want to go. I can replay conversations, have better

00:46:15.020 words after interactions are over, but in the moment I often, I'm a wreck and I don't leave an

00:46:21.080 impression. Yeah. Who is this? Who'd this come from? Tyler. Tyler Morgan.

00:46:27.020 Tyler Morgan. Tyler, my disclaimer, I love you. I want you to win. I want you to be able to

00:46:33.960 communicate effectively with people, but I've got to get after you on this. I, I think I know your

00:46:40.540 problem and let me read your question with some emphasis on a few points. So Tyler, was it Tyler

00:46:48.380 Morgan? Yes, sir. Okay. So he says the premise is that talk is cheap. Words are abundant. So

00:46:56.800 focus how much is reaching others, how much is actually reaching others effectively. He's not

00:47:02.800 gifted in the air. This is important. The area of connecting with connection. Well, no, no, no. I'll

00:47:09.240 get to that. But it says I'm not gifted in the area of connecting. That's important. Connecting

00:47:15.180 with communication. So what I hear in this question is that you want to connect with other people.

00:47:19.600 So I'm not going to tell you this to beat you up, but I'm going to point some things out.

00:47:24.480 If I were to read your statement, there's like 17 eyes in there. I just started reading this.

00:47:32.780 I know that I am, I am not, I've gotten feedback. I'm not clear. I know this is a weakness where I

00:47:39.840 want to go. I can replay the conversations. You see the, you see the problem? Yeah.

00:47:46.080 You're, you're being selfish. You're not connecting. Yeah. That's why you're not

00:47:50.940 connecting with people because if you're translating, and again, I'm saying this from

00:47:54.940 a place of care for you. If your communication verbal is a lot like this communication here,

00:48:00.900 where you wrote this down, I would not want to talk with you either because it's all about you.

00:48:06.740 It's all about you. Instead, we need to learn to make it all about the other person.

00:48:12.080 So how would this change? Instead of me being, I can't, I don't know how to connect with people.

00:48:18.840 I can't connect with people. A better thing would be, how will this person be served?

00:48:24.360 What does this person need from me? What value can I give to this individual?

00:48:30.000 What would this person enjoy in a conversation? See the difference? The more you start focusing on

00:48:36.300 other people, the more connection you're going to make. Because if you come into a conversation,

00:48:41.080 Tyler, with me, and now you're not like, I don't know how to communicate. I don't know how to

00:48:43.920 contact. I can't connect with people. I'm not good at this. I'm not gifted. I'm sick of it.

00:48:49.760 But if you come to me and you say, hey, Ryan, like, man, really value what you have to share.

00:48:55.900 What are you struggling with right now? What are your pain points? What's going well for you?

00:49:01.440 How does that work? Oh, what? You're having success in that avenue? That's amazing. How is that

00:49:06.040 working? What have you tried that didn't work? You see the difference? Now the conversation is

00:49:11.600 all about that other person. And now if you're talking to me, I'm excited to talk with you

00:49:15.640 because I get to talk about myself. So the best way to add value in communication is to let that

00:49:22.100 other person see that it's about them. It really should be about them. And by the way, we're going

00:49:26.380 to talk a lot about this, Tyler, here in the Iron Council. We're going to talk a lot about this next

00:49:31.680 month as we talk about powerful networking strategies. And we're going to share how to

00:49:37.200 communicate, how to add value to conversations, how to look for adding value to people. But the

00:49:42.240 more that you can add value to other individuals, the better connector you're going to be. I promise

00:49:47.460 you. Do you think that helps, Kip? Do you think I just want to make sure he got what he needed?

00:49:54.220 I think it comes down to intent. And the intent can't be, I want to be a great communicator to

00:50:00.780 connect with people. It needs to be, I want to let people know that I care and I want to serve them.

00:50:09.520 And your intent will show. Like, I know people that are actually horrible communicators,

00:50:17.240 but guess what? I know they love me. I know they care. And so do we have great connection?

00:50:23.000 Yeah. We have amazing connection because it's real. So just make it real, right? Just get clear

00:50:30.620 on the intent. And now don't get me wrong, right? If I care about you, Ryan, and I'm a good

00:50:36.680 communicator, that ups my game, right? But I can, I mean, it's the same thing we talk about like

00:50:42.720 leaders, right? You can have an amazing leaders. They can be charismatic, great communicators and

00:50:47.560 everything. But if the intent is to look good and build themselves up and it's about them, it doesn't

00:50:53.840 matter. All their talents are wasted because their intent is not about serving other people.

00:50:59.440 Right. So it gets wasted. So I, just another way of saying the same thing. I think it's,

00:51:06.000 it really has to be rooted in service and, and why you're wanting to connect with people.

00:51:12.760 Agreed. And his second, his question in there is how do you start objectively, how do you objectively

00:51:16.820 judge and correct your flaws when your inability to do so is in the past is the reason that it's an

00:51:20.680 issue that it hasn't improved? Again, change your motive. Yeah. And I think that will, that will

00:51:28.360 begin to show. But again, it's also easy to deceive yourself because you'll, why do we serve other

00:51:35.860 people? Think about this for a second. Why do we serve other people? I would argue that for the

00:51:42.200 majority of us, it's because we feel good when we do, which is selfish. Makes us look good. Yeah.

00:51:48.640 We're self, we're, again, it goes back to selfishness. Kip, the reason I serve you is

00:51:53.280 because it feels good for me to do that. Well, I want to feel good. So therefore the benefit wasn't

00:51:56.840 for you is for me. You just happen to be the medium for me to feel better about myself. So are we

00:52:03.380 actually serving because we care about that person? If nobody was around to receive the accolades

00:52:10.680 or to give you the accolades or give you credit or clap or the round of applause or whatever you're

00:52:15.820 looking for, would you still do that thing? Ask yourself that. Would you still do that? And for

00:52:21.080 many of us in certain cases, yes. If it was our wife or our kids or our loved ones, yes, we would do

00:52:26.680 that. But in a lot of our day-to-day interaction, if we're being honest, probably not.

00:52:32.500 And I think we can lose it. And we do. Like I can answer that question right now, Ryan going,

00:52:38.400 oh yeah, it's, it's, it's, my intent is pure. It's out of service and love and caring. And then

00:52:43.900 within a week that's flipped on its head and I've gotten not focused on the right thing. And I've

00:52:49.140 started worrying about my ego and looking good. And I have to like fight to stay in that mindset

00:52:54.960 and hold onto that. I don't think it's, I think it's like integrity. It's something that we have to

00:53:00.200 fight for every single day and you'll lose it. And before you know it, you're doing stuff because you

00:53:06.000 want to look good and feel good. And it's not about other people. If you don't constantly

00:53:10.540 fight to make sure your intent is pure. Yeah, definitely. One thing that, that he said that

00:53:17.060 I thought you were going to say too, but, and we don't have to dive into it, but, but Tyler also

00:53:23.960 like, and, or anyone else listening, be careful not to buy into things, right? Like, you know,

00:53:30.940 I, I'm not naturally gifted in this area. It's like, well, who's naturally gifted?

00:53:35.600 It like the, I don't know. I, I I'm sure people are naturally gifted in key things.

00:53:41.320 However, you seeing yourself as not naturally gifted will be a roadblock for you.

00:53:46.740 So just let go of it. And, and, and I think a more powerful way of looking at that is I don't

00:53:51.860 have the reps yet. I'm probably gotten enough reps in here. So I'm, I'm probably not good at this

00:53:57.180 particular thing yet. And it's about reps. Um, don't, don't fall into this folly of like,

00:54:03.040 well, I'm a set way of being or a fixed way of being. Um, I don't necessarily think that's

00:54:07.920 true for the majority of us. Now I think we do have talents that we can expand and grow,

00:54:13.880 but a lot of the time, these stories that we have about ourselves, they're not true

00:54:18.180 and they just hold us back more than anything. So just be mindful of that, I guess.

00:54:22.260 I think that's, I think that's really well said. And, and also look, if, if, if you're

00:54:27.840 truly not naturally gifted or talented in that area, good, then you get opportunity to work on

00:54:33.580 it and you could actually be better than somebody who is naturally gifted. Cause what are they going

00:54:37.780 to do? Rest on their laurels. Yeah, totally.

00:54:40.640 Like somebody who communicates almost seamlessly and flawlessly, they have issues too. They struggle

00:54:48.160 with other things might not be communication, but maybe they struggle. They might struggle with

00:54:52.060 running their mouth. You know, they might put their foot in their mouth or, or, or say dumb 0.99

00:54:55.940 things a lot because they just communicate and they just blurt it all out. And that's like, 0.99

00:54:59.260 they're good at certain things, but then they share too much. Right. And so that's something

00:55:03.280 that they can work on. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. And if you're like, I'm not naturally

00:55:07.620 gifted in that area. Good. Now you get to go to work and you get to be deliberate about what part

00:55:11.840 of your life you're going to improve. You get to create it. I like that attitude.

00:55:15.200 Hey, can we take, so we got to take one more, but I, Kip, I want to jump ahead a little bit.

00:55:20.940 You want to jump to one? Okay. I want to answer this one because not only does it apply to my own

00:55:25.880 personal life currently, but I think it kind of ties in line with what we were just sharing with

00:55:31.500 Tyler. So, and that one comes from, that's the last question. It comes from Ryan Mills. Can you,

00:55:37.000 can you read that question? Yep. Yeah. Sounds good. All right. Ryan Mills,

00:55:41.680 Ryan and Kip, thank you both for what you're doing. Appreciate you talking insights.

00:55:45.200 That's all I want. That's all I wanted you to share. Yeah. I was, well, that was my joke. I

00:55:49.580 was going to read that and go, all right. Oh, sorry. I still have room. That's all right. Keep

00:55:53.400 going. Great minds to collect. All right. My question is related to divorced families.

00:55:58.400 I hit, it hit me recently that my kids who I have shared 50, 50 custody with are living a double life

00:56:05.840 in a lot of ways. At my home, we are strict, especially with scripture, study, prayer, church

00:56:12.160 attendance and trying to live the gospel principles at the mother's home. They are not only have the

00:56:17.640 opposite of that, but she became, became, um, Oh, a antagonist towards God and the church,

00:56:26.760 even to the point of making fun of my daughter for wanting to live those principles at her house.

00:56:32.280 I know the pain that, that, that trying to serve two masters creates. My question is what tips or

00:56:37.920 thoughts would you have on smoothing things out and creating more consistency? My kids are all

00:56:44.260 teenagers at this point. Okay. So I wanted to talk about this because this impacts my own personal

00:56:50.260 life and it's fairly new for me. And Kip, you're more of a veteran, obviously with how this relates.

00:56:56.400 Yeah. But I thought this would help to see it. I've had this exact issue too. Okay. Now I haven't.

00:57:03.520 And again, I'm, I'm new to this and, but I have not had this and I really don't anticipate this

00:57:09.920 being a big issue, but I still think I might be able to share some insights, but I'm going to give

00:57:15.180 this little disclaimer here first. Number one, I'm new to this. All right. So it's, everything's fresh.

00:57:21.160 Something down the road, certainly like this could happen. I'm not saying that it can't,

00:57:24.720 I'm just saying it hasn't, and I don't anticipate it, but I want to be aware of it.

00:57:27.980 The other disclaimer I want to give is that my ex-wife and I are pretty much on the same page

00:57:33.600 with just about everything except for being together. Like, but everything else is so huge

00:57:41.520 is pretty much on the same page from spirituality to the way that we want to raise our kids to a

00:57:48.940 thought process about politics, like pretty much on the same page with everything. So I want to give

00:57:53.820 that too. But with that said, I think that one thing that could help, number one, you have to

00:58:00.080 have boundaries and rules in place. And I think it is important that you communicate those with

00:58:04.500 the, the, your co-parent, right? With your ex-wife. Like it's very important that you communicate with

00:58:10.140 her about these things. Maybe you've already done that. Maybe you haven't, if you haven't do it,

00:58:15.360 if you have, there's probably some other little obstacles in here that are going to make this a lot

00:58:21.780 harder. And what we want to do is we want to get rid of those obstacles before we even have these

00:58:27.300 conversations because we need to be amicable and we need to be able to work together on other issues

00:58:34.280 so that it translates into these more deeper fundamental issues. So here's what I would propose.

00:58:40.720 And again, I don't know your situation. So I'm just, I'm just speaking, cause I know a lot of guys are.

00:58:44.980 If when you have the kids, you say you're going to drop the kids off at three o'clock,

00:58:49.120 you dang well better drop the kids off at three o'clock. If your wife calls you or your ex-wife 1.00

00:58:55.000 calls you and she says she's having a bad day and she wants to be with the kids because she's upset

00:58:59.960 and she's having a hard time. If that doesn't go over any boundaries that you have, you probably

00:59:05.860 ought to consider doing that because it would be helpful for her and also the kids. If there's

00:59:11.120 little minor disagreements that really don't put you under a whole lot of pressure, stress,

00:59:15.540 or go across any of your boundaries or, or put your kids in any sort of danger or anything like

00:59:19.280 that, you should probably be pretty amicable, but amicable about that. When your kids talk about

00:59:25.380 your ex-wife, even though you may not totally feel like it, you should probably be supportive of

00:59:31.400 your ex-wife and the relationship she has with your guys' children. We were talking about women the 1.00

00:59:38.800 other day, my two oldest boys and I, we were talking about different types of women. And I said,

00:59:44.040 you know, you have to be careful with these types of women because of dot, dot, dot. What you want to 1.00

00:59:47.500 do is you want to find a great woman like mom. And I wasn't lying. That's true. Like mom, because of

00:59:53.400 these things. And I listed all of these character traits that are so incredible and beautiful in her

00:59:58.720 that I think are notable and worthwhile and worth pursuing. I speak highly of her, not only because I

01:00:06.920 love her, but because they need to see me speaking highly of her. And I will say something else.

01:00:13.000 About this. Again, I'm new to it and this isn't the reason I'm doing it, but you know, who's going

01:00:19.880 to hear about that? Mom. At some point, something's going to get brought up and one of the kids is

01:00:25.620 going to say, oh yeah, dad said he loved that about you. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I'm not

01:00:31.900 trying to use kids to like none of that. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. I truly feel

01:00:40.260 that way. And I want to build goodwill between me and my children and my ex-wife and the dynamic

01:00:47.480 and the relationship. And I want everything around it to be positive and good, regardless of the way

01:00:53.200 everything turns out. Because that time that I need to come to her and I need to say, hey, I need to have

01:01:00.200 a conversation with you about some things. And this is probably not going to be a real comfortable

01:01:04.560 conversation, but I've been really dedicated to making sure the kids get a dose of spirituality

01:01:12.940 when they're with me. And it's very important to me and it's very important to the kids.

01:01:17.400 And I realize you don't feel the same way about it, but I felt like you might be actively working

01:01:24.100 to undermine what we're doing here. And I don't mind that you're not engaged spiritually the same

01:01:30.520 way that I am. We all have to make those choices, but I would appreciate it if you didn't mock or put

01:01:36.020 down or belittle what it is I'm trying to create. That would mean a lot to me. The more that you've built

01:01:41.980 up the bank account with her by dropping the kids off a time, being amicable, being flexible with

01:01:49.460 schedules, going out of your way to serve her and help her in different ways. Again, my disclaimer

01:01:57.780 is that my ex-wife and I are pretty much on the same page, but I can't envision that being the case

01:02:05.740 because there's just goodwill that's being built. What do you think though, Kip?

01:02:09.280 Totally. No, I totally agree. I mean, I don't know what kind of crazy he's dealing with, right?

01:02:15.280 Right, right. Because you might get in a scenario where you're just dealing with crazy, but what you

01:02:21.500 said is still true. And it may just mean it's harder, but you helping, you serving, you going out of

01:02:31.240 your way and not trying to seek justice in all things is only going to help you, right? There's

01:02:39.440 been scenarios where in the past, it's like, hey, you know, I bet we could probably reduce child

01:02:46.000 support now or whatever. I'd save a lot of money and we should do it. It wasn't worth it. Like it

01:02:53.420 wasn't worth the relationship of me going, let me nickel and dime. It wasn't. And where's the money

01:03:02.180 going anyway? To the house where my two kids live. In the grand scheme of things, right? Like I

01:03:08.660 shouldn't be complaining about that, right? Like it could be a lot worse. It could be going to the

01:03:13.560 government, right? Instead. So at least it's going in the household where my kids are. And so

01:03:18.280 what you said is true, regardless, it just may be harder to do depending on the, at the level of

01:03:25.140 crazy that you might be dealing with is all. Yeah. I look, I know guys. Well, Sean Whalen is an

01:03:32.220 example of that where he had, I mean, a horrible divorce and so much contention and animosity talks

01:03:39.860 about it. No, police had to come when they would do the children exchanges was that bad. And he tells a

01:03:47.280 story of one of his mentors saying, you need to write her a letter and tell her all the things

01:03:50.560 you appreciate about her. He's like, hell no, I'm not doing that. No way. And he did. And gradually

01:03:56.880 the relationship, the dynamic change they have from what I can tell, I don't know, but from the outside

01:04:01.720 looking in, they have a pretty solid relationship now, all things considered. So I think a lot of this

01:04:07.740 is in your hands. Again, I feel like I am speaking a little bit from ignorance, but maybe I'm giving you a

01:04:15.440 position that allows you to see it differently than you currently are. I don't know. I hope that's

01:04:20.940 the case. The other thought that came, came to mind. Um, so these are teenagers and, and although

01:04:29.100 an ideal state is that, you know, mom's teaching them the importance of spirituality and you are as

01:04:36.060 well, the, the, they're teenagers, meaning they're going to school and getting the opposite of what you're

01:04:42.980 being given them. They're getting the opposite from other kids already. We, this is a great age for

01:04:50.160 them to start owning whatever it is around spirituality. And so be careful, right? Don't

01:04:57.760 demonize mom. But when, when daughter comes and says, oh, mom was criticizing me for wanting to go to

01:05:04.440 church, use it, go, oh, interesting. So why do you go to church? Why do you think that's important

01:05:12.580 enough to want to go, even though that mom doesn't want to go? How do I support you in you owning this

01:05:18.260 for yourself? So they're at an age that you can do this anyway. So coach up and realize that, Hey,

01:05:26.000 they live in the world and the, and the world's going to be fighting against all these great principles

01:05:30.400 that you're trying to teach them anyway. So help them and guide them. And don't do that.

01:05:36.720 That you demonizing mom or criticizing her for seeing things differently is not going to help

01:05:42.280 them. And one last thought I had that I think is really critical that I think we overlook a lot.

01:05:48.540 Your kids, when we criticize their, their parent, either way, you're criticizing your child,

01:05:55.940 who they are is their mother. And they will identify as the daughter of that woman or the son and,

01:06:03.280 and, or the son of their dad. And there's a special bond there, whether you like it or not.

01:06:10.220 And so be very, very careful. And they will, kids will associate your discontent for their parent

01:06:17.300 as discontent for them. So honor, honor their parent by honoring them, make sure that you're not

01:06:25.200 speaking ill and be an adult and help them like work through their own process, you know, and ask them

01:06:32.060 how they feel about things and just help, help guide those waters.

01:06:36.420 Yeah. I think you brought up a good point about a reflection of them, but also you're mocking their

01:06:41.840 love for them. Right? So if you say, Hey, you know, she's a bitch and she's this and she's that, 1.00

01:06:46.080 well, you know, your daughter or your son loves their mother. And so now you say, that's like, 1.00

01:06:50.900 you're mocking the fact that your daughter or son loves their mother. Like you're saying that,

01:06:56.280 like you're diminishing how they feel. Um, there's another silver lining here. I think too,

01:07:02.960 does he have sons or daughters? I can't, I don't know if he said that.

01:07:06.880 There's definitely a daughter because he said that his daughter, um, got some criticism,

01:07:10.900 criticism, criticizing from mom, but that's all I know.

01:07:14.160 You know what your daughter is talking to you. Like she, she's relaying whatever mom said,

01:07:21.080 she's brought that to you and she's talking to you. That's awesome. That means she values your

01:07:28.080 relationship because if she didn't, she would just take it to heart and she wouldn't say anything,

01:07:32.240 say anything about it. She wouldn't share it. Like something, something right is going on here.

01:07:37.980 She's opening up to you. She's talking to you. And you said it, kid. You said,

01:07:41.940 how do you feel about that? What are your thoughts? Not, well, mom's a bitch and she doesn't know. 1.00

01:07:46.340 Oh, this is how you do it. Totally. It's like, Oh, she did. Oh, okay. That's interesting. What, 1.00

01:07:53.040 so what did you say? What, what do you think about it? How do you feel about that? And she might say,

01:07:58.520 well, I think mom's a bitch. You're like, Oh, well, hold on. And now you defend, right? 1.00

01:08:03.520 Let's have some empathy. Is she, is she, or is she seeing this from a different perspective? And now,

01:08:09.660 you know, like, you don't want to take mom's side. Like, I'm not saying that, but yeah,

01:08:12.880 there's really an opportunity to just ask some really profound questions here, but I would treat

01:08:18.580 this as a, as a win. She's talking, at least one of your daughters is talking with you about it.

01:08:24.100 That's awesome. Totally. Totally. And, and you alluded to this earlier about dropping them off

01:08:30.300 on time and building that deposit. This just illustrates that you, we have to bring our A game.

01:08:38.620 You have to be the light on the Hill. The, the, the, we do this sometimes I do this, right? When

01:08:45.940 we're married, we go like, you know, I'm going to double down and focus at work. And, and my wife's

01:08:52.660 taking the reins in these other areas. And I get checked out, right? You can't do that. You can't

01:08:58.000 do that as a divorced parent, right? You, you have to like bring your A game and that spiritual

01:09:03.960 environment that you want to create in your home has to be on point and you got to do it really,

01:09:10.740 really well. You can't even do it as a, as a married parent, because if you do it as a married

01:09:15.820 parent, then you'll be a divorced parent. Like my situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know,

01:09:21.200 yeah. Be under a game if you're a divorced parent, but the stakes are even higher, right?

01:09:26.200 Be an A game parent when you're married. So you don't get into this situation. And that's frankly,

01:09:32.580 a lot of what happened in my situation. Dialed in on the business, the finance stuff and not dialed

01:09:38.360 in on the relational family marriage stuff. And here we are. Yeah. It was the natural,

01:09:42.660 inevitable outcome of that. So yeah, there's, there's moments, there's, there's opportunities.

01:09:47.100 And I, and I do, I look at them as opportunities, whether it's with a relationship with your ex or a

01:09:52.420 relationship at work or, and just like, let's just do what we say we're going to do. You say,

01:09:58.120 we're going to drop them off at three, drop them off at three. You say, you're going to check it on

01:10:01.580 the house when they're out of town. Do that. You say, you're going to bring them by. You're going to

01:10:05.120 whatever. And it's not because you want to prove to her that you're doing it right. That's not the

01:10:11.600 motive. The motive is doing the right thing because that's what men do. That's what we do.

01:10:17.720 And I'm not saying we don't falter. I have. Okay. So maybe I'm in no position to tell you,

01:10:22.260 but I think I am because I'm trying to do it right where I didn't do it right before.

01:10:29.360 Yeah, totally. All right. We got some additional questions. Let's have those for reserve for next

01:10:34.060 week, Kip. Sounds good. And we'll go from there. So guys, right now I've got a lot of emails on the

01:10:40.200 battle planners and inserts for the battle planners when there's going to be available. I just made a

01:10:44.720 big order of those. So I think I'm going to do a presale on those just to get them out and you guys,

01:10:49.460 cause they'll, they'll go quick. Uh, so look for that in the next couple of days. That'll be a

01:10:53.620 store.orderofman.com. Um, outside of that, we have our battle ready program. So 30 days to battle ready

01:11:00.240 will help you address a lot of these questions that we asked or got asked here today. And you can

01:11:05.060 check that out at orderofman.com slash battle ready. Anything else, Kip?

01:11:10.400 Nope. Just obviously the connection with you on the, on the socials at Ryan Mickler, um, and just

01:11:17.600 share, right. Let's keep the, uh, growth of the, uh, I don't know if the movement going.

01:11:23.180 Yeah, absolutely. All right, guys, we'll be back, uh, later on Friday until then let's go out there

01:11:28.420 and take action and become a man. We are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:11:32.840 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

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Using Parkin's Law to Your Advantage, Why Morning Routines Don't Always Cut It, and How Curiosity Wins in Communication ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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