Order of Man - Vigilance, Presence, and Consistency ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 If you don't think a computer can look at all the intricacies of U.S. law better than

00:00:04.960 you can do it, that's your arrogance speaking.

00:00:07.540 And what I want to suggest to you and the moral of I think this story is you are replaceable

00:00:12.140 either by another human being who's better and working harder than you or the technology

00:00:16.780 that's going to work to put you out of a job.

00:00:18.900 So we need to remain vigilant as men.

00:00:21.240 We're looking at maybe even hundreds of thousands of jobs on the line because technology is

00:00:26.540 coming.

00:00:27.160 It absolutely will happen.

00:00:28.460 So be ready and get out ahead of it right now.

00:00:32.240 You're a man of action.

00:00:33.880 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:38.260 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:42.700 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:47.780 This is your life.

00:00:48.860 This is who you are.

00:00:50.280 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:53.140 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:58.460 All right, man.

00:00:59.820 Good to see you, Kip.

00:01:00.840 I had to just delay a little bit while you were taking a sip of your, what is it, the Jocko Go?

00:01:07.780 No?

00:01:08.460 No.

00:01:08.900 Is it like Monster or Rain or what's the one you like?

00:01:12.800 Don't tell me.

00:01:13.420 Bang is what you like. 0.91

00:01:14.480 I did like, I do like some bang, but I moved over to, I drink some Bucked Up sometimes.

00:01:21.400 Oh, Bucked Up.

00:01:21.680 Okay.

00:01:22.120 Yeah.

00:01:22.640 Yeah.

00:01:22.980 That, that company is making some moves.

00:01:25.280 I see them everywhere.

00:01:26.340 I don't know if it's as prevalent outside of Utah, but they are everywhere.

00:01:29.420 Oh yeah.

00:01:29.860 In Utah, they're all over the place.

00:01:31.780 You know, pre-workout.

00:01:32.860 Now they're doing other supplements.

00:01:34.680 Yeah.

00:01:35.000 I mean, it's, um, and it's kind of fun.

00:01:37.380 I'm assuming, I'm assuming most hunters love the idea that there's like velvet in there.

00:01:44.600 Some pinuendo in there.

00:01:45.200 Yeah.

00:01:45.840 Yeah.

00:01:46.140 It's just kind of funny.

00:01:47.220 Yeah.

00:01:47.780 But it is.

00:01:48.620 They do a really good job marketing.

00:01:50.460 So yeah, that's cool.

00:01:52.680 Cool, brother.

00:01:53.120 Well, good, man.

00:01:53.740 Well, um, I'm excited to do this call.

00:01:55.560 You know, one of those, uh, it's one of those Mondays.

00:01:57.880 Normally I would say where it's like, oh, I'm drained and I don't want to do this, but I got up like on fire today, man.

00:02:03.840 Nice.

00:02:04.340 Went to the gym, got a really good workout in, and I've just been cranking away at emails and projects and everything else.

00:02:10.760 So this has been a really good Monday.

00:02:12.560 So don't mess it up for me, kid.

00:02:14.640 Yeah.

00:02:15.260 Well, and I'm glad you're bringing the heat.

00:02:16.980 I'm the, I'm the opposite.

00:02:18.260 I dropped off Asia and the girls at the airport.

00:02:21.100 We got up at three, came back.

00:02:24.040 I'm, yeah, I'm a little disoriented.

00:02:26.140 You know what I mean?

00:02:26.660 So, but it's, um, no, I love it, man.

00:02:29.980 And what, and this is, this is the power of banning with people because when you're not feeling it, are you around people that are going to lift you up and talk into you and, and bring you up when you're feeling down, you know?

00:02:43.240 So just, it's just a testament to what we're doing, uh, in the iron council.

00:02:48.400 And of course that's, that's open for enrollment.

00:02:51.720 Um, so anybody that's interested in banning with us, um, certainly look up order of man.com slash iron council.

00:02:59.340 Yeah.

00:03:00.020 Well, you know, there's another thing here too, uh, about brotherhood that I didn't even think about till you said it.

00:03:05.420 I was actually going to bring up that you seemed a little off this morning and you and I know each other well enough at this point where, you know, you can read me pretty well.

00:03:14.620 I can read you pretty well, even through this digital medium that we have here, but that's a power of knowing your friends, knowing the guys who you have their back and they have your back.

00:03:25.280 Because when one of those guys is off, you, you actually notice it.

00:03:29.320 And then of course it's your responsibility to say something about it.

00:03:32.220 So I actually noticed that in you.

00:03:33.900 So I'm not sure if it's just the tiredness or you just are going to miss Asia or, you know, what life is going to be like without her here with the kids and everything.

00:03:42.020 Look, it could be a combination of all of it.

00:03:45.300 Sure.

00:03:47.360 Fair enough.

00:03:48.140 It's all life.

00:03:49.460 Yeah.

00:03:50.140 Well, let me, uh, let me distract you here for an, for an hour or so.

00:03:53.780 Well, let's get into some questions from our, uh, from our, uh, I think this one comes from Instagram.

00:03:58.960 Yeah.

00:03:59.140 And this will be, of course, this will be edifying for me.

00:04:02.460 Were there anyone else?

00:04:03.380 Whether you guys listening gets value out of this or not, Ryan and I may just have these conversations regardless of whether we ever record.

00:04:13.020 Don't worry.

00:04:13.580 I don't care about you guys.

00:04:14.720 We just need questions so we can figure it out for ourselves.

00:04:19.060 Yeah, totally.

00:04:20.020 Did you want to jump into a headline, sir?

00:04:22.400 Oh, that's right.

00:04:23.500 No, I do have a headline.

00:04:24.420 That's right.

00:04:25.000 Um, I heard, uh, I've heard some whisperings and then I heard, or I saw it on the, on the TV at the gym today.

00:04:31.620 Uh, and this one comes from NBC news and the title is this major maritime strike could threaten ports across the entire East coast.

00:04:38.840 So in about a week, if there's not an agreement between, uh, what is it called?

00:04:43.720 The ICL or ILC ILA, which is the international long shore shoreman's association and the U M let's see us MX, which is the United States maritime alliance.

00:04:57.500 I believe, yes, that's right.

00:04:58.500 United States maritime alliance.

00:05:00.420 There are negotiations right now for two things, primarily increased wages for members of the, uh, long shoreman's association.

00:05:09.820 And, uh, they're trying to get that from this alliance, which is represent, uh, representation of all of the port employers across the country.

00:05:21.680 So we're talking thousands and thousands of employees and not just on the East coast.

00:05:28.000 I heard something today that the, uh, president or chairman of the ILA has actually convinced, uh, ports on the West coast, not to open their ports to merchandise that's being redirected from the East coast to the West coast.

00:05:44.920 Otherwise they lose their bargaining power.

00:05:46.440 So we're talking about billions and billions of dollars of goods that are going to be delayed.

00:05:54.000 And if there's a day long strike, it could take, I think if I understood correctly, five weeks of seeing the ramifications of that.

00:06:02.400 And if it happens to be a month of striking, we're looking at getting into 2025 and the negative ramifications of imported products, which obviously.

00:06:15.260 What that means is we're looking at greater inflation.

00:06:19.400 That's what that means.

00:06:20.760 And supply chain issues.

00:06:22.140 And a couple of, yeah.

00:06:23.400 Well, yeah.

00:06:24.440 A couple of things that really stood out is number one is that the ILA is looking for additional, uh, pay for their members.

00:06:34.620 I think they've averaged a 2% increase in pay over the past several years when obviously the rate of inflation and the cost of living has increased multiple times that 2%.

00:06:48.140 Uh, welcome to life.

00:06:49.560 I think everybody's kind of dealing with that.

00:06:51.560 Right.

00:06:51.960 Yeah.

00:06:52.140 But the other thing that really stood out to me, and this is one that gets under my skin and irks me a little bit, is the ILA is bargaining for, uh, shutting down technological advances in shipping operations.

00:07:04.520 So essentially they don't want technology to replace their members' jobs.

00:07:10.120 That's what it is.

00:07:11.260 And while I can certainly understand the sentiment, if you're a member of the, the ILA, like the big thing that a couple of years ago was, uh, learn to code.

00:07:24.740 Right.

00:07:25.180 I don't know if you remember that, but it's like, learn to code guys, whether you're a member of the ILA or something completely different, know that technology is always a threat to your job.

00:07:34.920 Always.

00:07:36.040 As a former financial advisor, the robo advisors that we see, the AI that's coming out.

00:07:41.120 I was telling advisors about this stuff 10 plus years ago.

00:07:45.940 And a lot of them mocked it, laughed at me, beat their chest.

00:07:50.400 No computer can do it better than I can.

00:07:52.360 Of course, that's complete nonsense.

00:07:54.160 I also look at it in some of these white collar jobs, legal, for example, accounting, your job is going to be obsolete except for a few specialties in the area.

00:08:05.040 But if you don't think that a computer AI program can figure out all the little nuances of tax code way more effectively and officially than you can, you're just lying to yourself.

00:08:16.860 If you don't think a computer can look at all the intricacies of U.S. law and determine how to proceed or how to put together a document better than you can do it, that's your arrogance speaking.

00:08:28.260 And what I want to suggest to you and the moral of I think this story is you are replaceable either by another human being who's better and working harder than you or the technology that's going to work to put you out of a job.

00:08:40.440 So we need to remain vigilant as men, not only on the consumer side, because now we're looking at supply chain issues, we're looking at increased cost of goods and services.

00:08:50.180 But now we're looking at literally thousands, tens, maybe even hundreds of thousands of jobs on the line because technology is coming whether you want it to or not.

00:09:01.500 And it will happen. It absolutely will happen. So be ready and get out ahead of it right now.

00:09:05.780 Yeah. I mean, that's one of the pillars that we have in our leadership development that you and I identified was adaptability and how critical that is.

00:09:15.680 And you don't have to look far into the past to see evidence of organizations that doubled down and didn't adapt.

00:09:24.680 I mean, look at Blockbuster, right? It's like, come on, people, embrace some tech, embrace some innovation, and then figure out your role in it.

00:09:36.460 But if you're too rigid in it, you're just going to lose out, right? Unfortunately.

00:09:41.320 And based upon where we are, that adaptability may pivot and change.

00:09:45.640 It was funny. I was talking with a friend that we were talking about a jujitsu move called a lockdown.

00:09:52.180 It's kind of this position where someone kind of traps one of your legs, and it's kind of annoying, right?

00:09:58.840 And there's a great escape for it.

00:10:02.180 And I showed him the escape, and I said, hey, this is where that escape is.

00:10:06.900 And I touched base with him, like, last week.

00:10:09.440 I said, hey, have you had a chance?

00:10:10.800 And they're like, yeah, I keep trying to find an opportunity to use it.

00:10:13.840 And my response was, then you don't need it.

00:10:19.720 Right.

00:10:21.040 Good point.

00:10:22.140 Jujitsu will present what you need when you need it.

00:10:26.260 And if it's not showing up, then it's not showing up, right?

00:10:29.600 You don't need it.

00:10:30.300 And maybe in the future, that opportunity to use that will show up.

00:10:36.280 And often, it will show up based upon what?

00:10:40.820 Your jujitsu, not the other people.

00:10:43.840 That's exactly right.

00:10:44.800 He's doing something that's not putting himself in that position.

00:10:47.840 Exactly.

00:10:48.640 And so you don't need that yet.

00:10:50.700 And maybe you'll need it as you evolve and change.

00:10:53.700 But the adaptability aspect of it is, I mean, that's a principle that's just transcendent across martial arts and, you know, personal development and business, for that matter.

00:11:04.820 Yeah.

00:11:06.580 Yeah, I agree, man.

00:11:08.020 I was thinking about something on jujitsu, and it's been on my mind for months since we did the uprising.

00:11:12.780 And you remember when I rolled with Trevor?

00:11:16.540 Yeah.

00:11:17.520 And I had him gift-wrapped, right?

00:11:21.100 Yep.

00:11:21.360 And I was like, I got him gift-wrapped.

00:11:24.480 Yep.

00:11:25.340 And he, was I?

00:11:27.100 Yes, I was.

00:11:27.980 Yeah.

00:11:28.860 And I'm like, oh, I got him.

00:11:30.160 And he was able to maneuver out of it.

00:11:31.920 And I've been playing this in my mind for months.

00:11:34.220 And this is the frustration of jujitsu.

00:11:37.200 I don't know why I didn't go to an arm triangle. 0.98

00:11:42.080 I did not move to an arm triangle, which would have been very easy for me to drop my head, wrap my arm around his neck.

00:11:48.040 And it's like, I could have finished.

00:11:49.520 That was one of the very first submissions I learned.

00:11:52.200 And I've been replaying that in my head.

00:11:54.420 I'm like, why didn't I do that?

00:11:56.500 And he actually ended up submitting me maybe 30 seconds, 60 seconds later.

00:12:03.000 But it is interesting and an important lesson in the after-action review.

00:12:09.900 Like, why did you lose the job?

00:12:12.700 Why didn't you get the promotion?

00:12:14.460 Why do you find yourself in this position?

00:12:16.480 And that's what a lot of guys won't do is they'll get beat or passed up or passed over.

00:12:20.720 And then they'll just throw up their hands instead of thinking, oh, man, maybe if I did this or maybe this is what got me into that position, they could be better the next time.

00:12:30.680 But they don't take that next step.

00:12:32.480 They just stop with a failure.

00:12:34.500 Totally.

00:12:34.800 One, and this is a perfect segue into the thoughts I had this past weekend, and I should have brought up this statement.

00:12:45.480 But there's evidence scientifically that proves that when your body is in a position of struggle and stress, your brain adjusts to be more malleable, and your ability to retain knowledge increases.

00:13:06.880 Really?

00:13:08.220 Yeah.

00:13:08.460 So you can have a growth mindset.

00:13:10.380 But once you have a growth mindset with stress as an enhancer, your ability to retain knowledge skyrockets with stress being involved.

00:13:23.920 This is why when you compete in a jiu-jitsu tournament, you can't get the match out of your head.

00:13:29.940 It's like ingrained in your head.

00:13:32.700 I don't remember all my training roles last week.

00:13:36.420 No way.

00:13:37.100 But I remember a tournament from five years ago still.

00:13:40.380 Yeah.

00:13:41.160 Right?

00:13:41.560 It's cemented in my brain, which illustrates the action that we must take on things.

00:13:50.220 I was in a group setting.

00:13:51.660 I was in a church setting.

00:13:53.040 And I don't mean to be overly negative, but this is one of my complaints in some religious settings or even superficial settings is we'll talk about things that we should do to improve.

00:14:06.620 And it's all hypothetical.

00:14:10.320 And it's like, oh, yeah, we should learn that.

00:14:12.740 Oh, and we move on.

00:14:14.180 And I'm like, brass tacks.

00:14:16.500 What does this look like next week?

00:14:17.980 And we need to be courageous in our action.

00:14:22.200 And part of it is because you're not going to learn in the hypothetical.

00:14:27.380 You could prepare yourself reading books and everything else.

00:14:30.500 But we talk about this on the podcast all the time.

00:14:33.060 It's not until you start summoning the first ridge that you even know where the peak is anyway.

00:14:38.320 And so we need to just get boots on ground, start taking action, experience struggle, stress, and learn and grow, and stop being so hypothetical about everything.

00:14:51.000 And that was kind of my key takeaway over the weekend.

00:14:54.580 It's just, man, we just need to be courageous and start acting.

00:14:58.520 And the learning opportunities will be far greater in those circumstances than if we study a book and we really understand the book really, really well and then act.

00:15:11.220 Yeah.

00:15:12.460 That's all.

00:15:13.080 I think you're dead on.

00:15:13.900 No, it reminded me of something, Kip, that I had made a post on on Instagram the other day, and it really resonated with a lot of people and bothered others, of course.

00:15:24.600 But it's this.

00:15:25.560 Here's what I wrote.

00:15:26.520 And I posted on Twitter and reposted on Instagram.

00:15:30.260 And I said, I trust the jack dude at the gym more than the credentialed family practice doctor.

00:15:34.660 I trust the serial entrepreneur more than the PhD econ professor at the Ivy League College.

00:15:39.320 I trust the grandfather who's been married for 40 years more than the licensed family and marital counselor.

00:15:44.380 I trust the neighbor who mows the widowed woman's lawn more than the silver-tongued theologian.

00:15:49.360 Credentialing doesn't mean a thing.

00:15:50.720 Results do.

00:15:52.080 And a lot of people took it out of context.

00:15:53.940 They're like, well, actually, you know, blah, blah, blah.

00:15:56.000 Like, okay.

00:15:57.100 And they let it fly over their head because they're so worried about, like, the one verbiage or one example I used when it's not really what I was saying.

00:16:04.720 It's the point of the message.

00:16:06.000 The point is that if you have the licensing, the credentialing, the degrees, the designations, but you aren't actually putting it into practice, that is meaningless.

00:16:18.560 You know, and that's actually one of the things that I think, and I'm biased, of course, but we do so great in the Iron Council, is we're talking a lot about theory.

00:16:27.580 We talk a lot about the 30,000-foot view, but then at the end of the day, you're paired with a group of 10 to 12 guys who are going to tell you first, ask, what are you going to do about that?

00:16:40.680 And then they're actually going to follow up with you, and you have to face them and say, I either did it and here's what happened, or no, I didn't do it, and then they're going to get after you.

00:16:50.520 And I think there's something to be said for a little bit of public shaming and guilt.

00:16:54.560 And I know that's not popular in today's society, but if you're running with a group of people that you admire and respect and you let them down, that's guilt and shame.

00:17:03.060 Used in a powerful and constructive way, it's a really, really effective method for improving performance.

00:17:09.940 So that's one of the things that I think sets our group apart, is that we're actually doing work, not simply just talking about it.

00:17:16.780 Well, and quite ironic, right, based upon your headline or this issue with possible supply chain issues, and the subject this month is also around our self-reliance and preparedness around circumstances.

00:17:30.420 And what does that mean, right?

00:17:32.540 It's like, it goes back to your book, Sovereignty, right?

00:17:36.800 Whenever we're dependent on the framework of something, we lack sovereignty to some extent, right?

00:17:44.900 And those are potential areas of risk for us.

00:17:48.180 So if your spirituality is dependent on whether you can show up to the chapel every Sunday, COVID probably exposed you.

00:17:54.820 If your fitness and health is dependent on a gym membership and you don't have the discipline to pull it off in your basement, COVID probably exposed you.

00:18:05.580 And, you know, these are all the areas, wonderful areas for all of us to sure up, focus on, and improve on, you know?

00:18:13.900 And that's really what we're about.

00:18:16.340 Cool, man.

00:18:16.940 Well, Kip, let's get into some questions today.

00:18:18.340 Yeah, so Mikey Measer, he has a, I don't even know if you wanted to get into this question, but it's kind of fun.

00:18:25.740 And I actually, I like it.

00:18:27.660 So his question is, how can a freedom-loving American justify a vote for Trump after witnessing his behavior on January 6th?

00:18:38.480 Yeah, I mean, so he said that, and I wrote back, and I said, obviously, this is a loaded question.

00:18:44.960 But if you're really, if you're actually open to the answer, I mean, I'll talk about it.

00:18:49.160 I think it's an answer that people need to hear.

00:18:51.440 And to his credit, he said, you know, no, I'm open to it.

00:18:54.080 I thought he was trolling or whatever.

00:18:56.400 He's like, no, I'm open to it.

00:18:58.220 You know, I think he said he supported Tulsi Gabbard's bid before she dropped out.

00:19:04.180 So he said he was open.

00:19:06.120 So here's my thought.

00:19:08.240 There's a couple thoughts here.

00:19:09.200 With January 6th, number one, it's a real misrepresentation of what he actually did and said.

00:19:18.940 He was there at the Capitol.

00:19:20.900 He made remarks that could, if you just pick them apart or splice little elements of a speech out, it could say, go march on the Capitol.

00:19:31.520 But he also did, and something that doesn't get reported a lot, I think he said, I don't want to quote it, but I want to say peacefully and maybe respectfully.

00:19:40.460 I can't remember.

00:19:41.720 I don't want to be misquoted on that.

00:19:43.180 But there's some language about restraint in regards to how it should be done.

00:19:46.540 Yeah.

00:19:47.220 Right.

00:19:47.580 And so there's some nuance there.

00:19:48.840 You know, yes, I think that I'm trying to think about how to articulate the way I feel about what happened in 2020 regarding the election.

00:20:00.280 I don't think it was rigged in the way that a lot of people say that they think it was rigged.

00:20:06.560 Yeah.

00:20:07.060 I think it was rigged by the media, by the coverage, by the spin.

00:20:13.780 I don't think it was blatantly like rigged.

00:20:16.240 I'm sure there was some elements of that happening and cheating and some nefarious action taking place.

00:20:22.200 But I think the largest part of that, and we're seeing this now in this election, is that it is rigged against Trump again, not in the formal sense.

00:20:32.980 But if you look at the debate that he did with Kamala Harris, I mean, that's a rigged situation.

00:20:39.000 He walked in where it was three on one, and he should have been smarter about that and more tactical about that.

00:20:44.180 I think he could have done some things better during the debate, but that's a side issue.

00:20:49.060 But it's rigged that way.

00:20:50.540 That's what I mean when I say it.

00:20:52.240 And I don't think Trump means it that way, and that's where we might disagree.

00:20:56.120 Totally.

00:20:56.920 But how can a freedom-loving people vote for somebody like Trump in spite of that?

00:21:02.520 Here's what I'd say.

00:21:03.260 When Trump was president, we had a border that was shut down.

00:21:08.920 We had less conflict happening throughout the world.

00:21:12.420 We didn't see the same thing that we see in Ukraine and Russia and with Israel and all these other little skirmishes that we're starting to see in the Midwest.

00:21:20.060 Or excuse me, Middle East, not Midwest.

00:21:21.560 We saw a great economy.

00:21:26.240 Now people say, well, it was the worst economy ever.

00:21:28.160 Yes, because of COVID.

00:21:29.620 I think he mismanaged COVID.

00:21:32.220 I think he probably should have let go of Fauci.

00:21:34.380 I think we should have taken a different approach, which everybody is saying now is the approach that you and I were talking about.

00:21:40.960 It's like, let it run its course.

00:21:42.240 Let's protect the compromised and our elderly and let the rest of us deal with it. 0.55

00:21:47.000 But that's not the approach that was taken, and so it was mismanaged that way.

00:21:50.780 But I think just about every metric, not only internationally but here at home, was better under a Trump presidency.

00:22:00.460 Is he crude?

00:22:01.740 Sure.

00:22:03.060 Is he a moral person?

00:22:04.880 I don't think so.

00:22:06.780 Is he a great leader?

00:22:11.580 Questionable.

00:22:12.660 Like I'm not doubting any of that.

00:22:14.200 But when it comes down to it, his policy was good, and his policy is what made this country stronger and put us in a better economic position, not just here but on the world stage.

00:22:29.420 That's why I vote for Trump, not because he's a moral person, not because he's a great human being.

00:22:37.180 People say he's a convicted felon.

00:22:39.020 I doubt that too.

00:22:39.900 That's, again, a rigging situation I'm talking about.

00:22:42.880 Like I have some real concerns about lawfare, all of the things that I think a lot of us would be familiar with.

00:22:50.340 That's one side of it.

00:22:51.440 The other side is if you're not going to vote for Trump because he's not the person you think you want him to be, then tell me who you're going to vote for.

00:23:00.380 Because really, at this stage, you're going to vote for Kamala Harris or Trump.

00:23:07.460 Yeah.

00:23:08.000 Or not at all.

00:23:09.980 So, like, if you're not voting for him because he's not the person you want him to be, then you need to have the moral fortitude to be able to tell me that are you saying that then you're going to vote for Kamala Harris?

00:23:23.720 And how, then, is that a moral issue?

00:23:27.180 Totally.

00:23:27.920 How, then, can a freedom-loving people vote for her when they see and they have clear evidence based on the last four years of what her administration, and I say her deliberately.

00:23:41.200 It's probably her and Jill Biden's administration have done to this country over the past four years.

00:23:46.840 And that's not something I'm willing to live with.

00:23:50.360 I mean, I may be forced to, but it's not something I'm certainly going to advocate or vote for.

00:23:55.300 So that's a little bit about my position.

00:23:58.060 Trump's not a moral person, no doubt.

00:24:00.460 Policy was good.

00:24:01.860 Kamala Harris, not a moral person.

00:24:04.260 Policy is horrible.

00:24:05.480 The choice is pretty easy for me.

00:24:07.320 Totally.

00:24:07.580 When I, and I hate to come across like I'm speaking for conservatives, but, but I would probably bet I'm, I'm justified in saying that a lot of people that lean in that direction of Trump, they're, they're making that vote also against the typical establishment of politicians.

00:24:27.700 Sure.

00:24:28.640 It is, I'm tired of, and are they smart?

00:24:33.800 Are they intellectually intelligent and they're clever and they're banding together to pass and maintain control?

00:24:40.840 Absolutely.

00:24:43.140 So do you want that?

00:24:44.780 Or do you want a guy that has a massive ego that pushes against the fray?

00:24:51.740 And, and I think the vote for Trump across America is pretty much a true, a vote against what our government has, has become.

00:25:02.260 And it's the two party system and it's people trying to buck the system.

00:25:06.480 And that's, that's why people are excited.

00:25:08.960 This is, this is why I love, um, do you ever follow Russell Brand at all?

00:25:15.780 Uh, not really?

00:25:16.860 A little bit here and there.

00:25:17.900 I mean, no, I, he's just kind of a weird dude and I don't really like get half the things he's saying because the way he says it.

00:25:26.620 Plus I can't understand people with accents. 0.98

00:25:28.880 Like I, even if they're speaking English, I'm like, dude, I can't even understand what you're saying.

00:25:33.800 Get the English out of your mouth.

00:25:36.600 No, I'm just joking.

00:25:37.620 Exactly.

00:25:38.700 They don't speak American.

00:25:39.980 I don't understand it.

00:25:40.680 His entire platform, his entire platform is based upon the idea of bucking the system that like you, our votes aren't counting as much.

00:25:52.040 There's powers that are banding together to make decisions that are not, that are in the best interest of themselves and not the people.

00:26:00.240 And that's really what it comes down to.

00:26:01.940 And, and Trump is a disruptor to that.

00:26:04.220 And I think that's where he's getting that vote more than anything.

00:26:08.500 And it's so unfortunate, right?

00:26:10.460 Like I saw this meme.

00:26:11.900 It was, I don't know who was it.

00:26:13.480 It was Romney and Obama.

00:26:15.820 And the, the meme was split in half and it was Romney Obama debating above and like had them debate something like add a segment for, I don't know, 20 seconds.

00:26:26.060 And then it moved to Biden and Trump and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like those guys were highly presidential.

00:26:35.760 They weren't name calling it.

00:26:38.160 It sounded really nice.

00:26:40.740 You know what I mean?

00:26:41.420 And then it jumps to like Biden and Trump arguing about who can drive further.

00:26:46.740 And I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's so embarrassing.

00:26:49.860 Whose crowd sizes are larger.

00:26:51.800 I know.

00:26:52.140 I mean, I hate that side of it, but that's a response to Romney, who is like the weakest presidential candidate we've had in a very, very long time.

00:27:03.660 And the arrogance and division that Obama created, like it's just a product of that.

00:27:11.600 And we are and have the representatives that we deserve.

00:27:15.660 And that's what we deserve right now.

00:27:17.460 And people will say, well, this is the best we have on the conservative side of the aisle.

00:27:23.100 No, we had other candidates, Vivek Ramaswamy, Ron DeSantis.

00:27:28.300 We actually had other candidates that I thought would have done a pretty good job.

00:27:33.420 Yeah.

00:27:33.720 And so, no, this isn't the best.

00:27:36.020 This is who conservatives voted for.

00:27:38.660 Yep.

00:27:39.940 Yep.

00:27:40.480 I was excited actually by Vivek, by the way.

00:27:42.600 Yeah, I think he's got a good future in politics ahead of him, if he can stay with it.

00:27:47.500 I'm actually trying to get him on the podcast right now.

00:27:49.520 He's got a new book coming out in the next couple of weeks, I think, and just had a movie come out.

00:27:54.020 So he is – I didn't like him at first.

00:27:56.320 I thought he was just in there to just like throw a wrench and everything.

00:27:59.360 And I think he kind of was a little bit.

00:28:01.640 But also I think he's got a little bit more substance behind him than I initially gave him credit for.

00:28:07.320 Well, it's because he's sticking with it and you're like, okay, well, so this isn't just about becoming president.

00:28:13.180 It wasn't a shtick.

00:28:14.300 Yeah.

00:28:14.720 This is something that he's passionate about.

00:28:17.980 Yeah, I feel that same way.

00:28:19.780 All right.

00:28:20.100 John Anthony 70, how can you restart your relationship with God?

00:28:25.320 I have lost mine.

00:28:27.120 I have lost my way.

00:28:28.180 I'm sorry.

00:28:28.920 You know, so I'm reminded of the prodigal son when people say things like this.

00:28:35.140 If you notice in that story, and you guys can go read the parable, but if you notice in that story, this man, wealthy landowner, had a son who went astray.

00:28:45.240 And the landowner said, hey, you can come back anytime.

00:28:53.000 And when his son did return, finally, he met him.

00:28:57.300 He ran down and he met him and he embraced him.

00:28:59.740 I think that's even the verbiage they use.

00:29:01.600 Opened his arms and embraced him, something like that.

00:29:03.760 I'm not well-versed in it.

00:29:04.660 I know enough to mess it up.

00:29:09.100 But the thing that stands out to me is that the father did not chase the son.

00:29:16.420 He said, you go live your life.

00:29:19.120 You live your life.

00:29:20.200 You do what you need to do.

00:29:21.100 I'm not happy with it.

00:29:22.280 I'm saddened.

00:29:22.980 I'm heartbroken by it.

00:29:24.020 I'm devastated by it.

00:29:25.220 But I don't have control over you.

00:29:27.200 You go live your life.

00:29:30.060 And if and when you're ready to return to something immovable and steadfast and good and honorable, I will be here.

00:29:38.160 The gates will be open.

00:29:39.380 And I will embrace you with a hug.

00:29:43.820 And so I want to tell you to anybody who's moving away from God, God is not moving away from you.

00:29:51.560 You have moved away from him.

00:29:54.720 And so it's your job to return as the prodigal son returned.

00:30:02.280 You have to go back.

00:30:04.280 So where do you go back?

00:30:05.400 You have to go back to the Bible, to his word, to his kingdom, which is his church.

00:30:10.940 You have to immerse yourself with other people who are operating in his environment.

00:30:16.360 You have to get down on your knees and communicate to him and pray to him.

00:30:21.580 And that's where he is.

00:30:24.260 And if you do that in earnest, he's going to embrace you.

00:30:29.260 Just like the parable says, he will embrace you and he will welcome you with open arms.

00:30:34.000 But it's your responsibility because you're the one that went away.

00:30:37.920 Your responsibility to come back.

00:30:40.420 And that's as simply as I can say it.

00:30:42.940 Sometimes I kind of feel like it's almost a weak answer or a throw answer, but it is the answer.

00:30:48.780 Go back to where he is.

00:30:49.800 You know where he is.

00:30:50.820 Go back to where he is and immerse yourself in his world.

00:30:55.320 It's perfect.

00:30:57.200 All right, Joseph PKR, what nootropics have worked for you?

00:31:04.000 Have you?

00:31:04.800 I don't.

00:31:05.660 Me either.

00:31:06.160 I don't do that.

00:31:07.200 All right.

00:31:07.740 Sorry, Joseph.

00:31:08.180 The only thing I do right now is, yeah, I mean, I eat well.

00:31:15.280 I'm looking at doing some creatine.

00:31:17.800 I eat a lot of meat.

00:31:19.140 Like, I try to eat as much protein as I can.

00:31:23.100 That's about it.

00:31:24.460 Yeah.

00:31:24.600 All right, TM Goodner, can you speak on your journey to date after marriage?

00:31:32.500 What are some of your lessons you've learned from your past and how did you want to prioritize things in your new relationship?

00:31:39.100 Yeah.

00:31:41.040 Yeah.

00:31:42.620 Yeah, no, dating is actually, it's been generally a good experience for me.

00:31:47.620 I've enjoyed dating and I'm dating a woman now that we've been dating for a little over nine months now.

00:31:55.180 Yeah.

00:31:55.360 You know, so we've been dating for a while and we have a really good relationship and, you know, it has things that come up now and again, but she's willing to work on them.

00:32:02.580 I'm willing to work on them.

00:32:03.500 You mean it's not perfect?

00:32:04.700 Believe it or not, I'm like, I thought the second time around, I'll get it perfect.

00:32:08.760 Like, what is the problem here?

00:32:10.400 It must be her problem, not mine. 0.93

00:32:13.700 Hopefully she doesn't hear this part of the podcast.

00:32:18.980 No, look, I think the first thing is if you're going to date, I think it would be to do it for the right reasons.

00:32:25.540 That's the most important thing.

00:32:26.880 I think a lot of the times men have a hard time being alone.

00:32:30.540 I think a lot of the times men get validation from women in their lives and that's what makes them feel good about who they are.

00:32:38.920 And so if they don't have that, then they feel devoid of being validated and worthy.

00:32:43.740 And if that's you, then I would say that's probably not a good reason to date.

00:32:47.680 Same with just wanting to get laid.

00:32:49.480 I don't think that's a good reason to start starting to date because I believe dating is about forming a long-term relationship.

00:32:57.060 That to me is the point of dating.

00:32:59.040 Now, not everybody believes that, but that's what I believe.

00:33:01.640 And I think most men who are in the situation of a failed marriage and considering dating again would probably agree with that.

00:33:09.140 So that's the first thing, doing it for the right reason.

00:33:12.200 The next thing is knowing what you want and what you don't want.

00:33:15.460 You know, you really have an opportunity in a way to start your life over in this regard.

00:33:20.960 And so there's some things that you messed up on.

00:33:23.060 There's some things that maybe you would have done differently.

00:33:25.420 Hopefully you would have done differently and you get to figure out what that is and then create a new life with a new person built on knowledge that you didn't previously have.

00:33:35.120 So I think before you start dating, you should really start to think about and even maybe write down in a journal or something what exactly you're looking for.

00:33:42.280 Like, what are you looking for in a woman? 1.00

00:33:45.120 What values do you find attractive?

00:33:48.680 What goals and ambitions and dreams do you have?

00:33:52.420 What are your desires with the relationship?

00:33:55.640 What are your boundaries?

00:33:57.100 What don't you want in a woman? 1.00

00:33:58.700 How are you going to show up when there's turmoil or strife or contention?

00:34:04.380 What is it that you're going to do differently?

00:34:06.760 And that's been one thing that I think I'm getting right in the relationship is just really trying to be more steadfast than I was in the past.

00:34:17.600 And I think a lot of that came from – my emotional instability came from my drinking primarily, which is not something I have to be concerned with at this – that's not the right way to say it.

00:34:32.240 I am still aware and concerned of it, but it's not something I'm dealing with, right, currently wrestling with.

00:34:37.520 And so for me to be emotionally stable in a relationship is so much easier if she's coming to me with things that maybe in a previous relationship I would have been offended by or upset by or bothered with, then I would react negatively.

00:34:55.540 And I don't really have those feelings anymore.

00:34:58.120 And so if she needs to come to me with news that I don't particularly like or we have a difficult conversation, I don't feel bothered like I was before, which creates a really powerful environment for her to be able to be free to express herself.

00:35:16.220 And also for me is that I'm not as volatile and my mood doesn't really depend as much on the current climate of our relationship in any given day or any given hour because it changes, obviously, when you have two stubborn people like we both are.

00:35:36.000 Like it can be challenging, but that to me, learning how to be emotionally stable is the number one thing that more men can do.

00:35:47.020 I think that would just lead to more marriages staying together, less turmoil, less strife, less contention, less volatility on your part, less damage between you and kids and everybody else.

00:35:59.680 It's just – that's the number one thing is can you be emotionally stable?

00:36:03.740 And if you can't because you're too emotional right now or because there's other problems you haven't addressed, then therapy, working through those issues, learning about what you might be dealing with, insecurities first before you start getting into dating because you're just going to take that baggage into the next relationship if you don't deal with it.

00:36:23.540 Yeah, totally.

00:36:24.100 I remember one of the key things that I prioritized when I started dating was the individual I'd end up with having a growth mindset.

00:36:35.040 Like that was so critical to me because I felt like if they are too rigid and they are kind of fixed in their way of thinking, then they wouldn't grow.

00:36:45.440 And I couldn't grow and we couldn't work through stuff because there was no evaluation of oneself at all.

00:36:55.000 And so that was really critical for me is to identify that in someone that I was dating that they had a growth mindset that they were willing to evaluate and they're self-aware and wanted to improve as an individual constantly.

00:37:08.180 Um, that was, um, that was, that was super critical.

00:37:11.720 The other thing that I would just, you know, and you've, you've mentioned it briefly, but I just want to double down on it is learn the lesson that is to be learned from the divorce, right?

00:37:25.440 Far too often guys make this mistake, right?

00:37:29.220 We, we, we, uh, it didn't work out.

00:37:31.260 And then we'll, we'll, and we have all these phrases.

00:37:33.420 We were young, we changed, we evolved finances, this, that, no, what was your, yeah.

00:37:42.940 What was your role in the marriage failing?

00:37:47.860 And if you can't say what that was, then you haven't dug deep enough.

00:37:52.320 And then if you're one of the fan boys of Jocko and you're like, well, I take ownership.

00:37:58.400 My, my marriage failed.

00:37:59.880 It's all on me.

00:38:00.940 Okay, great.

00:38:01.600 What exactly?

00:38:04.500 Everything.

00:38:04.860 Okay.

00:38:05.320 Just is.

00:38:06.040 Yeah.

00:38:06.280 If you can't explain what specifically, then no, you haven't taken ownership of anything.

00:38:11.620 You're just, you know, taking the glory of saying you've taken ownership, but you haven't really identified your role and why it failed.

00:38:21.000 So learn from it, man.

00:38:23.040 Otherwise that whole thing will be a waste of hardship and suffering.

00:38:28.600 And, and we've talked about this.

00:38:30.320 One of the greatest ways to live a life of no regret is to learn from our mistakes so much that you can't help, but be grateful that that thing happened to you because you wouldn't be the man you are today without it.

00:38:48.020 Be like grow in that kind of way.

00:38:51.920 So you almost look at your divorce and go, I'm actually happy kind of that it happened because who I am today is amazing.

00:39:01.080 It exposed areas of, of how I was showing up in the world that I would have never thought of.

00:39:05.960 And as hard as it is, I'm a better person for it.

00:39:09.880 If you can't say that, then you have more digging to do in regards to your responsibility in that marriage.

00:39:15.740 I think that's a good point.

00:39:18.260 I mean, I look at the situation I'm in and I'm a much better partner than I was before.

00:39:22.840 And I'm also much better father than I was before.

00:39:25.880 So that one's a little weird.

00:39:29.920 Like be happy.

00:39:30.880 Like, it's hard to say that you can be happy.

00:39:32.820 I know what you're saying.

00:39:33.580 It's kind of like a messed up.

00:39:35.020 But yeah, I mean, you're, you're not wrong, but I really want to flesh that out just for a second because I know a lot of guys wrestle with that.

00:39:42.100 Like two things can exist at once.

00:39:44.900 You can be grateful that you've had your experiences, learn from them and gotten yourself better.

00:39:49.620 And you can be disappointed or frustrated or feel like you failed in some way and you wish you wouldn't have, but it happened.

00:39:57.040 And those two things I think can exist.

00:39:59.380 They can coexist.

00:40:00.980 It doesn't have to be one or the other.

00:40:03.360 You're either miserable or you're happy and you completely forgot about all that stuff.

00:40:07.340 No, we're complex creatures.

00:40:09.360 You can be happy.

00:40:10.420 You can be proud.

00:40:11.140 You can be grateful for the life that you currently have and how you've improved and be a little regretful as long as it's not hindering you, a little sad or, you know, just acknowledging that was a failure on your part.

00:40:24.020 And I think that's a healthy way to look at it is not be one or the other.

00:40:27.800 Just realize we're humans, we're complex, and we can be all the things at once.

00:40:31.620 Yeah, totally.

00:40:33.380 All right.

00:40:34.660 HRT Strong, building a business online.

00:40:37.880 What would you do differently if you could do it over?

00:40:40.100 Do you consider your business to be an online business?

00:40:43.500 I guess it is.

00:40:44.400 I mean, it's not like a brick and mortar, but it's not what I typically think when I think of online business, though.

00:40:49.500 But I think a lot of times when we're talking about online businesses, most people think about online goods and services.

00:40:55.720 E-commerce.

00:40:56.280 Yeah.

00:40:57.000 Right.

00:40:57.400 I mean, we do some of that, right?

00:40:58.680 We have our merchandise store.

00:41:00.740 And we have services, though.

00:41:01.840 Found a store at orderofman.com.

00:41:02.560 Yeah.

00:41:02.940 And we have services through Iron Council, which is at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:41:07.380 Yeah.

00:41:08.620 And we have the other services, the orderofman.com.

00:41:12.820 Orderofman.com.

00:41:13.860 Yeah.

00:41:14.260 That one's coming out soon.

00:41:16.480 During Gay Pride Month, that one's coming out. 0.98

00:41:18.920 When is that?

00:41:19.360 June.

00:41:19.700 So June of next year.

00:41:21.420 Any member of the IC.

00:41:23.000 I'm going to make people so mad today.

00:41:24.260 Where your battle plan, where you don't meet your expectations on your battle plan, your

00:41:29.300 profile gets added to orderofman.com.

00:41:34.860 Oh, man.

00:41:36.860 Yeah.

00:41:37.540 I don't know what I'm going to do with that one, but we got to do something with it.

00:41:41.140 I own it, so we got to do something with it.

00:41:44.600 Okay.

00:41:45.080 Anyhow.

00:41:45.660 What was the question?

00:41:46.880 What would you do differently?

00:41:47.720 What would I do differently?

00:41:48.560 Yeah.

00:41:48.780 Anything you would do differently?

00:41:49.940 Um, man, I just, I think I did it right, honestly.

00:41:54.480 I really do.

00:41:55.760 I, a lot of it was just fortunate starting at the right time.

00:41:59.360 Um, I launched before I was ready to completely launch.

00:42:02.540 That's one thing a lot of people get wrong.

00:42:04.180 Yeah.

00:42:04.660 They feel like they have to have everything, everything perfect.

00:42:06.740 I didn't feel that way.

00:42:08.680 Started going to trade conferences and, and meetups and events really early on.

00:42:15.320 That was a great way for me to network.

00:42:16.840 I think that's one lesson I learned and, and one that I kind of moved away from the last

00:42:20.620 couple of years is that in-person, uh, networking is so crucial.

00:42:25.180 Um, I went to Nashville a couple of weeks ago to see Matt Walsh's premiere of his movie,

00:42:30.600 Am I Racist?

00:42:31.620 And, you know, just rubbing shoulders with people.

00:42:35.340 Um, I met Matt Walsh, uh, met Chris Williamson, who's been on the podcast.

00:42:40.100 So we're, and we've talked, but we're able to actually meet face to face.

00:42:43.540 Uh, Zuby, I saw again, a handful of other people that I met, Jeremy Boring, I met.

00:42:48.720 Um, so just like being able to see people face to face, there's just something different

00:42:53.480 about that.

00:42:54.200 So I would definitely, definitely take the business offline.

00:42:57.900 And then also doing meetups with your members or your clients.

00:43:02.140 And when you're in Nashville or Dallas or Austin or wherever, um, just reach out to the people

00:43:10.260 who are your customers, your clients, and tell them you're going to be in the area.

00:43:13.640 We did a meetup when we were in Nashville and we had, you know, four guys for lunch.

00:43:17.280 I feel way more connected to those four guys than I do before.

00:43:20.800 And they probably feel the same way.

00:43:22.180 So that was, that would be crucial, but yeah, I don't, I feel like, I feel like we've got

00:43:30.740 a lot of things right.

00:43:31.860 And then the things that I, I'm not telling you that it's always going to be right.

00:43:36.180 The things that I mess up on, I just kind of learn and adjust along the way.

00:43:40.420 My friend Pete Roberts talks about tuition payments and sometimes you just make a mistake

00:43:47.460 and you do something dumb and I've, I've done things that have cost me tens of thousands

00:43:52.680 of dollars, uh, mistakes and literally just chalk it up to a cost, a learning experience. 0.99

00:44:01.180 It's all you can do.

00:44:02.120 You're not getting the money back.

00:44:03.580 So I guess maybe the other thing would be learning from other people.

00:44:07.500 And I've, I've done better about that lately.

00:44:10.180 Like asking people who are doing what I want to do questions, whether it's formalized, uh,

00:44:15.160 coaching and mentoring, or just asking a friend what they think about this, because they happen

00:44:20.000 to do it really well.

00:44:21.500 So there's a few lessons for you.

00:44:23.900 I love it.

00:44:25.020 All right.

00:44:25.680 Philly D one overcoming hardships is always a great topic to tackle.

00:44:30.620 Majority of people are daily going through trials and need the encouragement and vision.

00:44:35.060 He has no question here.

00:44:37.280 So maybe your thoughts around overcoming hardships.

00:44:41.780 Yeah.

00:44:42.260 I'm trying to give you some, maybe, uh, not so conventional advice.

00:44:45.280 I think the most conventional advice that I are non-conventional advice that I can give

00:44:49.300 you something you probably don't hear a lot is acknowledge it for what it is.

00:44:53.600 There are so many little clever and cute phrases and little feel good, heartwarming Instagram

00:44:59.700 stories and memes that you can read about why you're not a failure and why you should rise

00:45:04.240 above and be better than you were before.

00:45:06.900 You know what?

00:45:07.700 Sure.

00:45:08.180 Sure.

00:45:08.940 I think there's a place for motivation, but I actually believe there is a larger place

00:45:13.860 for just true and honest, accurate assessment of what happened.

00:45:18.960 Whether we're talking about a divorce, like we were talking about earlier, uh, or a bankruptcy

00:45:24.240 or a medical condition or losing a job, getting passed over for a promotion, dealing with a

00:45:32.560 loved one's medical condition or their own personal circumstances is just sit in it and be aware

00:45:40.860 of it and you don't have to be okay that you're sad or mad or angry or whatever, but you do need

00:45:47.340 to embrace it and know that when it comes to your emotions, you shouldn't be like trying to get rid

00:45:55.420 of your emotions.

00:45:56.680 I think that's the conventional wisdom.

00:45:58.680 I shouldn't be angry.

00:46:00.440 I shouldn't be mad at this.

00:46:02.060 I should forgive this person.

00:46:03.780 I should get over this.

00:46:05.740 Why should you?

00:46:07.560 Who said you should?

00:46:09.460 Maybe your response is actually very appropriate.

00:46:13.560 And if, if we just, I think realized that our emotions, even the so-called negative emotions

00:46:22.420 are not actually negative at all.

00:46:24.720 They're purely indicators to tell you that something's off in your life.

00:46:28.560 And it's just the first step.

00:46:30.180 You know, if somebody passes away that you love, you shouldn't be sad about that.

00:46:35.720 Of course you should be sad about that.

00:46:37.800 Yeah.

00:46:38.400 And then how do you deal with it?

00:46:39.860 Well, a couple of really positive ways are to memorialize that person.

00:46:43.580 Maybe it's just through your own thought process.

00:46:45.840 Maybe it's through applying what they taught you that was good and right and true in your

00:46:50.000 life.

00:46:51.280 Maybe it's to go hug your wife or your kids a little tighter tonight because you realize

00:46:55.340 how fragile life is.

00:46:56.820 Those are all very appropriate responses to grief.

00:47:00.180 Which people would say is a negative emotion.

00:47:02.540 Sounds like some positive came from it.

00:47:05.460 So that's what I would say is just all the other wisdom that you hear is, is applicable.

00:47:11.000 Like pick something to start with, make a plan.

00:47:14.500 I did something a couple of weeks ago and I can pull it up here in a minute.

00:47:17.000 I'd love to hear your thoughts and I'll pull it up.

00:47:18.800 But, um, yeah, that's my advice.

00:47:22.400 It's like be okay with being uncomfortable and having those difficult emotions so you

00:47:27.940 can learn to regulate those things and then act accordingly.

00:47:30.800 Yeah.

00:47:32.020 I mean, it goes back to what we were saying earlier, right?

00:47:36.040 We need to, uh, I mean, sit with it, but also this is where growth is and I mean, we may

00:47:44.980 not like it, but a hardship is the opportunity of growth and comfort and ease is not.

00:47:52.720 So when hardship comes, right, embrace it, figure out what there is to learn from it and, and

00:48:02.200 move on.

00:48:02.980 And I think we over dramatize things a little bit, you know, when we're out, it's like,

00:48:08.260 oh, I have all these hardships and it's like half of them are first world problems.

00:48:12.360 And they're just, our expectations not being met.

00:48:16.320 And we have these stories of what we deserve in life and how people should act or treat us

00:48:21.720 when in reality, no one owes you anything.

00:48:24.940 And we're entitled in regards to the way we think the world should show up for us versus

00:48:31.000 what we're going to do with it.

00:48:32.420 And so I would, I would double down on growth, but also double down on what defines this as

00:48:38.940 not so much the outcome sometimes as much as how we show up in the moment of the hardship

00:48:45.800 and, and maybe Philly, one thing to consider that kind of inspires me is I think about the 0.96

00:48:53.920 things that make me frustrated and I'll be honest with you, they're kind of pathetic and

00:49:00.640 I, I have to look at them and go, wait a second, Kip, you know, you want to make a difference 0.98

00:49:06.820 in this world, but you're mad at a dirty garage.

00:49:10.080 Really?

00:49:11.260 You can't regulate your emotions of dealing with that.

00:49:14.500 Guess what?

00:49:15.360 You're not ready to take on bigger things in life.

00:49:19.520 Like that's the stepping, that's the stepping stool of, of living a stronger, more powerful

00:49:25.840 legacy is dealing really well with what you're dealing with.

00:49:30.040 And if I can't do that, then I'm not ready to take on more.

00:49:32.900 And, and, and people overlook that.

00:49:35.920 I think far too often we want to tackle all these big things in the world, but yet like

00:49:40.700 we can't deal with a emotionally unregulated five-year-old and you're like, what are you

00:49:47.140 worried about politics for?

00:49:48.540 You can barely handle the five-year-old, right?

00:49:51.160 Like, so whatever's on your lap, man, show up powerfully winning those things, do a great

00:49:58.120 job and realize how little they are.

00:50:01.080 And then what will happen is you'll learn and grow and then opportunities for, for you

00:50:05.860 to step into a bigger position to serve others will just increase as we have more hardships.

00:50:12.500 And guess what? 1.00

00:50:13.580 They don't, this shit doesn't go away. 1.00

00:50:15.720 I was having this conversation with Asia months ago where I'm like, you know, it's really 1.00

00:50:19.840 interesting is life's not getting any easier.

00:50:24.420 And in fact, I think as I'm able to deal with certain hardships, just other hardships show

00:50:32.120 up that are bigger hardships than the ones that we learn to deal with.

00:50:36.220 So maybe isn't, it's not the elimination of hardship.

00:50:40.640 It's, it's how we show up in spite of them.

00:50:42.900 Um, I'm writing some notes down here when you were talking about problems.

00:50:48.580 I mean, the whole goal, and I've heard this somewhere is you want to create, you want

00:50:52.560 to have better problems.

00:50:54.260 Yeah.

00:50:54.660 And you might even say more meaningful or more sophisticated problems than you did before.

00:51:00.220 Right.

00:51:00.640 Sometimes it'd be, now I just have bigger problems.

00:51:02.220 No, you have better ones to solve.

00:51:03.480 Yeah.

00:51:03.780 Those are good problems.

00:51:04.820 First world problem type scenarios.

00:51:06.680 Yeah.

00:51:06.940 Um, the other thing I wrote down here is you were talking about the things that you get

00:51:09.980 frustrated by and I do too.

00:51:11.800 We all do.

00:51:12.440 They're usually the things that we love.

00:51:15.020 Have you noticed that?

00:51:16.020 And also the things that we asked for.

00:51:18.020 Yeah.

00:51:18.840 So like your kids, of course you love your kids, but they're frustrating your job.

00:51:22.820 You like your job for the most part.

00:51:24.980 And people say, I don't love my job.

00:51:26.500 Really?

00:51:26.780 Try doing it without, try going without a week without that job.

00:51:30.480 Tell me if you don't want your job back.

00:51:32.380 Yeah.

00:51:32.920 Cause you're like, oh, it gives me meaning and purpose.

00:51:35.760 Exactly.

00:51:36.240 Or your car.

00:51:36.960 Some people say, oh, I didn't want my car to break down.

00:51:40.360 Well, yeah, but it's the cost of having, like, did you do the maintenance on it?

00:51:44.240 Did you take care of it?

00:51:45.400 It's the cost of having a vehicle.

00:51:47.020 Well, I don't love my vehicle.

00:51:48.080 Really?

00:51:48.760 Do without it for a week.

00:51:49.740 Have it in the shop for a week and tell me if you don't want that car back.

00:51:54.480 Everything that we complain about is a thing that we love.

00:51:57.780 If it wasn't something we loved or cared about, we wouldn't complain about it.

00:52:01.620 Totally.

00:52:02.020 Even emails.

00:52:02.740 You know, I was sitting here cranking out emails and I'm like, I found myself like, ah,

00:52:06.640 it was frustrating.

00:52:07.600 You know what?

00:52:08.060 I asked for that.

00:52:09.120 10 years ago, I would have given anything for people to email me and ask if they could

00:52:14.560 come on my podcast and ask me to come on theirs.

00:52:17.080 And now I'm complaining about it.

00:52:18.220 Come on.

00:52:18.920 Yeah.

00:52:19.340 Good point.

00:52:20.360 So, yeah.

00:52:22.480 You're going to pull up something.

00:52:25.340 Oh, yeah.

00:52:26.140 I'm glad you said that.

00:52:27.000 It's from August 30th.

00:52:29.420 It's a Friday Field Notes and it's called Depression Proof Your Life.

00:52:32.400 So, if you want some more details on the tactics of overcoming some of these hardships, that's

00:52:38.260 a really good one to listen to.

00:52:40.080 Excellent.

00:52:41.260 All right.

00:52:41.760 Luke C16.

00:52:43.060 What should a man do to get better communication with his wife? 0.89

00:52:46.440 I want to be like short on this one, but I'm actually trying to – okay.

00:52:51.680 So, here's what I would say.

00:52:52.620 Number one, work to understand her.

00:52:56.660 Hmm.

00:52:59.720 And I think maybe that might be the only answer.

00:53:02.500 Yeah.

00:53:03.880 Active communication is one term that they would call that maybe.

00:53:08.460 Yeah.

00:53:08.760 Yeah.

00:53:09.180 Well, and I think sometimes when we say communication, it's one way.

00:53:14.500 We think we're – oh, we're communicating.

00:53:16.800 That's part of it.

00:53:17.660 The other part is we're – people are communicating with us.

00:53:21.020 It's a two-way street.

00:53:22.800 You can't communicate with yourself.

00:53:25.320 So, there's another party involved in the communication process.

00:53:29.360 Yeah.

00:53:30.040 So, I would say whether it's personal or professional, in this case you're talking about with your

00:53:34.060 wife, just try to understand her. 1.00

00:53:37.320 Yeah.

00:53:37.940 And that's it.

00:53:38.820 And so, an example of that is maybe she's telling you about her day and she's frustrated

00:53:43.040 about something that happened at work or happened with the kids.

00:53:46.920 Not really anything for you to solve.

00:53:48.380 Just try to understand why she's having a bad day.

00:53:51.120 Is it because her boss yelled at her?

00:53:52.580 Is it because she lost a client? 1.00

00:53:53.840 Is it because the kid shit himself or puked all over the carpet or like what? 0.99

00:54:00.020 Again, nothing. 0.99

00:54:00.720 She already solved it.

00:54:02.120 She's already got it taken care of.

00:54:03.620 You don't need to go in and take care of that.

00:54:05.260 Just try to understand her.

00:54:07.160 And if she needs help, that's another thing to consider is maybe she is looking for help

00:54:11.300 from you.

00:54:11.760 So, try to understand.

00:54:14.060 And the best way to do that is to ask, hey, are you just venting?

00:54:17.420 Are you trying to explain or connect with me?

00:54:19.100 Or do you need some advice or what?

00:54:20.860 And she's like, no, I just want to tell you about my day and just kind of let it off and

00:54:24.660 blow steam a little bit and share it with you.

00:54:26.920 Okay.

00:54:27.980 I'm capable of just listening and being a good listener.

00:54:31.320 But I think if we just work to understand her, you'll ask better questions.

00:54:37.480 You'll listen more attentively.

00:54:39.400 You won't hog conversations.

00:54:41.680 You'll stop being so selfish.

00:54:43.960 All the things that I am guilty of.

00:54:46.260 But when I'm just trying to listen and understand, I'm not guilty of any of those things.

00:54:50.560 Because my motive is what can I do to serve her?

00:54:53.400 Yeah.

00:54:53.580 I find this, this is really interesting.

00:54:56.320 I learned this a couple weeks ago.

00:54:59.580 And the, it was a communication master class actor, actually.

00:55:04.640 And they're saying that your brain, only about 20% of your brain is being utilized when listening

00:55:14.480 to someone's words.

00:55:15.660 And, and, and we want to be active with our brains.

00:55:22.320 So what people will do is they'll start daydreaming.

00:55:25.720 They'll start taking notes.

00:55:28.560 They'll multitask.

00:55:29.680 They'll be doing something instead of fully listening, right?

00:55:31.860 Because they're trying to.

00:55:33.200 They'll start looking for resources when I'm trying to share a topic.

00:55:35.820 They'll be over on their thing, clicking away, looking for resources.

00:55:39.100 I think you may have been doing that a second ago.

00:55:41.160 And I was doing it to you two minutes ago.

00:55:43.160 So that's fair.

00:55:43.620 So, so it's funny.

00:55:46.360 We'll, we'll fill up the gap, right?

00:55:49.400 When we're just surface level listening.

00:55:53.000 But when we move beyond that, and I'm listening to hear you, I'm listening for mood and emotions.

00:56:03.080 I'm, I'm watching your body language.

00:56:05.980 I'm empathetically trying to understand how you feel, not just what you're saying.

00:56:12.180 If we're really present in our active listening, what ends up happening is I requires a hundred

00:56:19.960 percent of my full attention.

00:56:22.480 And now I'm engulfed in the conversation.

00:56:24.600 And now I'm in a much better place because I'm doing all of those things.

00:56:29.560 And so I just find that interesting.

00:56:31.380 If you find yourself multitasking, like listening and doing these other, you're not really actively

00:56:36.620 listening.

00:56:37.440 Active listening is what you're saying.

00:56:40.260 It's, it's trying to understand how they feel, what their emotional state is, reading

00:56:46.600 them in between the lines, communicating back.

00:56:48.920 So what I'm hearing is that you felt like, and, and validating that you really understand

00:56:54.320 the conversation, not just heard it.

00:56:56.540 And what's great about it is if we're really present to it, you will find satisfaction in

00:57:01.680 the listening because you're engaged in it and you won't look for distractions in the

00:57:06.480 conversation.

00:57:08.780 There's some phrases that I, I I'm hesitant to share phrases because then it becomes a script

00:57:15.320 and you don't want it to be a script.

00:57:16.680 You actually want to mean it.

00:57:18.220 So the first thing is you actually have to have the right intent behind what I'm going

00:57:22.340 to share with you.

00:57:23.280 Yeah.

00:57:23.720 Otherwise it's just manipulation.

00:57:25.900 That's all it is.

00:57:26.660 And I wrote that here is don't try to manipulate and don't try to angle.

00:57:30.580 Yeah.

00:57:31.420 You know, a lot of people, and people will do this is they'll ask questions, but they're

00:57:34.700 leading questions because they're trying to get the person they're talking with to move

00:57:37.940 into a certain position so then they can pounce or do whatever it is they wanted to do

00:57:41.520 to begin with.

00:57:42.260 Yeah.

00:57:42.620 So the intent is I care about you.

00:57:46.320 I love you.

00:57:46.980 I want to serve you and I want to help.

00:57:49.600 And so a couple of phrases are, I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes.

00:57:56.040 Yeah.

00:57:56.840 Again, you're not going to say that every time you say it because it sounds canned now.

00:58:00.500 You have to actually have the real intent behind it.

00:58:02.360 But that little phrase of like, man, I would feel the same way.

00:58:06.020 I think if I was in your shoes is really, really powerful. 1.00

00:58:09.520 Or another one is, damn, that sucks. 1.00

00:58:13.780 What are you thinking? 1.00

00:58:15.720 Yeah.

00:58:16.360 Again, you're not going to use that every time, but it's, it's the category is like,

00:58:20.820 I'm validating what you're saying. 0.98

00:58:22.820 It sucks. 0.95

00:58:24.160 And I'm encouraging you to share more. 0.99

00:58:26.480 What are you thinking?

00:58:28.060 Yeah.

00:58:28.520 Or how are you feeling?

00:58:29.760 I think that's another one, but those are two phrases that you can use.

00:58:33.440 And again, they're just categories.

00:58:34.620 Don't use them verbatim.

00:58:36.340 They're just categories to get you to validate and have them explain more.

00:58:41.120 And there's a couple of things at the root of this that have been instrumental for me

00:58:45.580 in seeking to understand your wife or your kids or whoever it might be is these two things

00:58:51.660 to genuinely be interested in that person and be very curious about what makes that person tick.

00:58:59.760 Yeah.

00:59:00.960 So when your significant other is angry, be like, why is she curious?

00:59:04.960 And be interested, like almost fascinated.

00:59:07.180 Like, yeah.

00:59:07.800 Ooh, she's angry.

00:59:08.600 I like this.

00:59:09.140 Why is she angry?

00:59:09.840 Like, let's figure it out.

00:59:10.920 Let's understand.

00:59:11.360 I'm interested.

00:59:12.460 Yeah.

00:59:13.080 Same thing with your kids.

00:59:14.180 Like when your kids are upset or frustrated or really happy or excited, you know, sometimes

00:59:18.320 my kids will come to me and they'll share stuff.

00:59:20.120 They're really excited about it.

00:59:21.080 I'm like, I couldn't care less about whatever it is you're excited about.

00:59:25.020 But what I do care about is that you're excited about it.

00:59:28.900 And I'm curious as to why you're so fired up about this right now.

00:59:34.400 And when you take that approach, it causes you to engage to your point on a more deeper

00:59:39.540 level than the surface level.

00:59:41.260 Let me try to get out of this conversation or let me try to get my two cents in.

00:59:45.660 It puts the spotlight on them, which is validating.

00:59:51.220 It feels good.

00:59:52.680 Totally.

00:59:53.000 I can't help bring this up because we talk about this.

00:59:55.760 How many times, like I'm thinking of your scenario and I'm thinking, why don't I do that?

01:00:03.060 And the reason why I don't do that is because I'm trying to still work.

01:00:06.800 I'm still trying to do these other things versus being present.

01:00:10.040 And so we have to bring that up for Luke here.

01:00:14.140 It's like you have to have the margin and the priority to be fully present with people.

01:00:20.020 Otherwise, my ability to be curious around my son and his emotions and be present with

01:00:26.860 him while I'm trying to get some work done, not going to work.

01:00:31.240 Not going to work whatsoever because his communication to me is a disruptor to another objective.

01:00:38.760 And so we have to have that margin and that energy to be able to give him.

01:00:43.640 Kip, I was thinking about something that I, over the weekend, and I was thinking a little

01:00:48.960 bit about presence and being there and all in for people.

01:00:51.600 And this is what I thought, that in order to be present in one area of your life, you

01:00:56.700 have to be present in the other areas of your life.

01:00:58.920 And I can't think of a better example than coming home from work and seeing your wife

01:01:03.880 or seeing your kids and wanting to be there and present.

01:01:06.300 But what would keep you from that, to your point, you not getting your work done because

01:01:10.960 you were so distracted with Instagram and nonsensical work and sitting on the toilet

01:01:16.140 too long.

01:01:17.060 So because you weren't present at work getting after it, now you're taking that home and

01:01:23.420 you can't be present for her.

01:01:25.120 But if you have a to-do list and you're cranking through that and you're hyperproductive and

01:01:30.460 at the end of the day, you're like, man, I got 80% done, but I didn't get the rest,

01:01:33.540 the 20%, I'll do that on Tuesday, I'll do this on Thursday, I'll do that on Friday.

01:01:37.480 And you have it all figured out.

01:01:39.260 That's presence that allows you to now go home.

01:01:42.100 You don't have to think about work.

01:01:44.280 That's all done.

01:01:45.200 That's all taken.

01:01:45.740 You did your job.

01:01:46.740 That's all taken care of.

01:01:47.700 Now you can be present for other people who are just as, if not more important than your

01:01:52.200 work is.

01:01:53.240 Yeah.

01:01:53.920 Good call.

01:01:55.480 Lewis G 3110, ways to develop consistency in everything we do.

01:02:00.820 This is one of those that the answer is in the question.

01:02:04.540 And being consistent is a matter of choice.

01:02:09.900 There's nobody on the planet who wants to do something all of the time, every day, even

01:02:17.960 if they love it.

01:02:19.420 It's just not a reality.

01:02:22.540 For you, maybe that's jujitsu.

01:02:25.260 For professional athletes, it's their sport of choice.

01:02:29.500 For somebody who's a workaholic, I tend to be like that.

01:02:34.200 It's that.

01:02:36.340 There's nothing that you can find that you will want to do every single day without any

01:02:41.020 sort of friction at all.

01:02:43.240 And in those moments, you have to do two things.

01:02:45.660 You have to have already made the decision that you're going to do it in spite of how

01:02:49.220 you feel.

01:02:50.120 I know tomorrow morning when I wake up, not as much anymore, but it's easier now.

01:02:55.400 And that's one of the benefits of consistency.

01:02:57.760 But I know that tomorrow morning, I'm going to hesitate getting out of bed.

01:03:01.480 I already know it.

01:03:03.260 It's nice and warm in bed.

01:03:05.220 I'm going to be tired.

01:03:06.660 I know I got a hard workout ahead of me.

01:03:09.140 The sun is still down.

01:03:11.020 Like I, yeah, I know.

01:03:13.220 Like I just know.

01:03:14.780 But because I know that ahead of time and I've already decided that in spite of that, I'm

01:03:18.660 going to do it.

01:03:19.460 I'm going to do it.

01:03:21.760 The other really practical way is to anticipate what might keep you from doing the thing and

01:03:27.540 address it right now before it comes up.

01:03:30.460 So tomorrow morning, little things could come up.

01:03:35.240 Maybe I don't want to dig around and look for my workout clothes in the morning when the

01:03:40.480 lights are all off and it's dark in my house.

01:03:43.920 Maybe I'm going to be sore.

01:03:46.280 And so I'm going to be like, oh, I deserve to have the day off.

01:03:51.580 There's a lot of things, right, that could come up.

01:03:55.740 Anticipate what they are and address them now.

01:03:57.560 So if it's clothes, get your workout clothes out.

01:04:00.360 If it's soreness, when you're at home with your family, do a family stretch.

01:04:04.480 Like get a tennis ball or a lacrosse ball, racquetball and, you know, put it on your back

01:04:09.180 and all do it together while you're watching a movie or whatever.

01:04:11.560 Like whatever the problem is going to be, deal with it now so that it's not as relevant

01:04:18.400 when you know you're going to confront it.

01:04:21.020 Totally.

01:04:21.620 It's just systems, creating systems.

01:04:24.060 Yeah.

01:04:24.280 And the courage and the discipline to execute against it because there's always not going

01:04:29.920 to be easy.

01:04:29.940 And that's the choice.

01:04:31.260 Yeah.

01:04:31.500 That's the choice, right?

01:04:32.840 Yeah.

01:04:33.400 Just the choice.

01:04:34.160 And I do want to give him props for asking this question because this is where winning

01:04:39.100 is.

01:04:41.100 It's in the consistency as well as trust, which is something that we sometimes don't talk

01:04:46.960 about.

01:04:47.360 When we're inconsistent, you're unreliable.

01:04:52.820 People don't know what they're going to get with you.

01:04:55.640 Consistency is super, super important from a relationship perspective as well, not just

01:05:00.220 from a performance perspective.

01:05:01.500 Well, I thought you were going to take that somewhere else, Kip, on the trust is, and

01:05:07.780 I would add this, trust the process.

01:05:11.260 Yeah, good point.

01:05:12.300 Because on the micro, it doesn't look like you're improving, but then you start scaling

01:05:19.460 it out a little bit and you see yourself over months or years and you can see that slow

01:05:24.700 growth.

01:05:26.340 You have to trust the process even though you might not be experiencing the results.

01:05:30.260 And the best way to trust the process is to follow somebody who's already done it because

01:05:35.280 they're going to be able to tell you, oh yeah, I like for a podcast, for example, I've had

01:05:39.420 countless people reach out, man, my podcast was doing so well and now it plateaued.

01:05:43.820 So I don't think I should do it anymore.

01:05:45.920 Nope.

01:05:46.420 Stop.

01:05:47.920 That happens.

01:05:48.840 Sometimes it's the ebb and flow, ups and downs.

01:05:52.180 Sometimes it's really good.

01:05:53.440 Sometimes it's not so good.

01:05:54.840 But again, if you pan out, if you stay in it, it will always go up.

01:05:58.860 But only somebody who's done it can help you see that and explain that to you so you don't

01:06:04.620 throw in the towel too early when you're tempted to.

01:06:07.380 Yeah.

01:06:08.620 All right.

01:06:09.220 I handpicked this last question to wrap up here.

01:06:13.180 S.

01:06:13.480 Mitty 4997, why do I put everyone first but myself?

01:06:18.760 I read this and I think it's because you're insecure.

01:06:28.720 I don't know you.

01:06:30.800 I don't know anything about your situation.

01:06:34.340 But the underlying theme of all nice guys that I've met is they put people ahead of themselves.

01:06:40.200 And this, this is the point I'm making here, is that they need validation from other people

01:06:50.860 to prove that they're worthy or good enough of whatever it is they're after.

01:06:57.460 And if other people aren't validating you saying, thank you for helping me, thank you for this,

01:07:03.820 thank you for that, or maybe they're not even thanking you, but you're feeling like they're

01:07:07.000 grateful, then you take it upon yourself as you're not important or you're not valuable.

01:07:16.360 It's a bit ironic, but I think that's what ends up happening is the insecurity takes over

01:07:21.500 and you just crave validation, even subconsciously from other people.

01:07:25.920 There's people in my life who I know very well who do this and they're very codependent.

01:07:32.560 Um, they rely on the mood of other people to determine their own mood on any given day

01:07:38.600 or moment and they need people to be okay for them to be okay.

01:07:45.340 Yeah.

01:07:46.100 There's some codependency and some, uh, insecurities going on here.

01:07:49.680 Which is funny, right?

01:07:50.920 Cause like, why do I put everyone first but myself?

01:07:54.260 You're not putting them first.

01:07:55.900 You're putting yourself first and you're using, you're using others to prioritize your own

01:08:04.000 emotions and everything that you're doing for them is really covert contracts.

01:08:08.600 Also, you can feel better about yourself, which is highly selfish.

01:08:12.680 That's what nice people do is they use others for their own personal benefit.

01:08:16.700 Yeah.

01:08:17.540 And I've had to learn that in a way.

01:08:19.500 Go ahead.

01:08:19.720 I was going to say the way, the way you validate that is would you put all those people first

01:08:25.800 and be highly content with what you're doing for them?

01:08:30.300 If there's zero gratitude, zero, whatever for your efforts, then you should be, then you

01:08:40.980 wouldn't be asking this question.

01:08:42.420 You would feel fulfilled in what you're doing, but you don't, right?

01:08:48.820 Because it's, it's coming with covert contracts and you're, you have these expectations of

01:08:53.120 what they should be doing for you or how they should be treating you.

01:08:56.320 And they're not in most cases.

01:08:58.580 I, I haven't, I personally, I, I have experience with this.

01:09:02.120 I mean, I grew up in a kind of environment that I learned a lot of this behavior myself.

01:09:05.960 And so, um, this part of this has been a real challenge.

01:09:09.940 And one of the most challenging things about this has been that I need everybody around

01:09:15.800 me to be okay.

01:09:16.980 And if they're not, like if they're upset or they're sad, or if they're having a hard

01:09:20.980 time, I took it on my shoulders to be like, well, I'm responsible for making sure that

01:09:26.480 person's not sad anymore.

01:09:28.560 I'm responsible for fixing whatever the problem is.

01:09:31.500 And one indicator of this would be, I often ask people, um, are you okay?

01:09:37.500 But I realized now I really wasn't asking if they were okay.

01:09:43.160 I was making sure they were okay to validate my need to be okay.

01:09:48.520 Yeah.

01:09:49.040 So Kip, if you're having a bad day and I'm like, Hey man, is everything okay?

01:09:51.780 It wasn't like I genuinely cared.

01:09:53.340 It was like, are you mad at me?

01:09:54.980 Like, is there something going on?

01:09:57.060 And it was selfish.

01:09:58.360 Yeah.

01:09:58.760 And so what I started to do was more of my own deliberate personal work with regards

01:10:05.440 to my diet, my nutrition, my exercise, um, reading, gathering new information, being an

01:10:13.540 integrity with my word, like really learning to validate myself.

01:10:17.360 And then now if someone's wrong, I still ask, I mean, I, I kind of brought it up earlier

01:10:23.480 as like, I noticed something was up, but the way you answered that question has no relevancy

01:10:29.040 as to whether or not I'm in a good or bad mood.

01:10:31.060 It doesn't affect me.

01:10:32.840 I can't, I asked because I care about you.

01:10:35.160 And that was my only motive.

01:10:36.360 And it's actually really, really liberating for a nice guy to start doing that because

01:10:41.760 now I don't need to rely on everybody else and figure out everybody else and angle the

01:10:47.920 way I should behaving.

01:10:49.060 But it's also super liberating to the people in your life because you might be a real drain

01:10:58.180 on other people.

01:11:00.160 Totally.

01:11:00.740 When, when, when somebody is mad or angry, you can ask, but if you feel like it's your

01:11:05.660 responsibility, you know what, who are you to say that person shouldn't be angry?

01:11:10.960 Who are you to try to cheer somebody up?

01:11:13.180 I mean, sure, I get it, but also people have their moments, they have their moods and they

01:11:17.840 also need to learn to regulate themselves.

01:11:20.440 My kids at times, they'll be angry.

01:11:22.260 I'm like, Hey guys, what's going on?

01:11:23.640 Not because I need to be okay, but because I I'm worried about them and they'll say, Oh,

01:11:27.540 I'm just upset today.

01:11:28.880 So I'll say, well, would you like to talk about it?

01:11:31.600 No, not right now.

01:11:32.980 Okay.

01:11:35.020 That's fine.

01:11:36.400 We don't need to talk about it right now.

01:11:38.200 And I don't need to force you to talk about it.

01:11:40.820 So I leave and I say, Hey, look, a couple of things.

01:11:44.280 Clearly you're upset.

01:11:45.440 Why don't you take some time?

01:11:48.020 First, first and foremost, you don't get to treat anybody else poorly around here.

01:11:51.960 So if you need to take time to yourself or you need to change your attitude when you're

01:11:55.300 around.

01:11:55.780 Okay.

01:11:56.840 And when, and if you're ready to talk about it, we can discuss and we can talk about

01:12:00.840 it.

01:12:00.960 And then I model the behavior that I expect to see in them by talking about my issues with

01:12:05.300 them.

01:12:06.040 So anyways, and you serve them better that way.

01:12:10.000 Of course.

01:12:10.820 It's taxing.

01:12:12.080 It's taxing to know when people react in a negative way to your negative day.

01:12:17.840 It is exhausting because now they're in a bad mood and you're trying to regulate, control

01:12:24.260 everybody.

01:12:24.800 I mean, oh my gosh.

01:12:26.360 I mean, I've been in relationships where, where I almost felt like I was on eggshells

01:12:31.080 constantly because they were going to latch onto however I was feeling.

01:12:35.080 And that was going to control their day too.

01:12:37.840 You don't want any of that, man.

01:12:39.440 That's, that's too much to handle.

01:12:42.280 And, and it's, it's just exhausting to be around the best times where my spouse just shows

01:12:49.780 up powerfully for me is when I'm having a bad day and her day ends up still going great.

01:12:54.700 That serves me better than her latching on to my misery and then being pissed off at me 0.94

01:13:03.780 because then I'm like, well, okay, fine.

01:13:06.420 Just add it to the list.

01:13:07.640 Now everyone's pissed off.

01:13:08.660 You know what I mean?

01:13:08.940 And it doesn't serve me in any way, but if they continue on and their day's gray and I

01:13:15.100 get out of my little funk, it's perfect.

01:13:18.220 That, that, that is how it's, it really, it's an example of the prodigal son a little

01:13:22.500 bit, right?

01:13:23.080 It's like that relationship didn't change for them.

01:13:25.880 They're still happy.

01:13:26.680 They're good.

01:13:27.480 Hey, but when you're ready to come back and you want to talk or you have, you need open

01:13:33.080 arms, we're here, you know, but we're not going to get drawn into whatever's bothering

01:13:38.480 you because of our own insecurities.

01:13:42.980 Kip, there's some other things in here and I know we got to kind of wrap things up here,

01:13:46.260 but I wanted to share some of these things.

01:13:47.800 It's because this goes back to something we were talking about earlier with regulating your

01:13:50.900 own emotions and being an emotionally stable rock for other people because they need that.

01:13:57.300 They're not going to be most likely.

01:13:59.060 So you need to be is when you're taking care of yourself in a meaningful and significant

01:14:04.860 way and you are not impacted by the way people show up.

01:14:09.540 Kip, if you came to this podcast in a bad mood, one scenario is I would do it anyways and

01:14:15.000 I'd still perform just as well as I hope, hope I am now.

01:14:17.680 The other one is, Hey, you seem like you're in a really bad mood.

01:14:19.840 Why don't you call in sick today on this podcast, do what you do your work or whatever.

01:14:25.480 You're distracted.

01:14:26.420 I'm still doing the podcast.

01:14:28.400 Yeah.

01:14:28.940 The beautiful thing about this, and I think this goes to the point you're making about

01:14:32.060 Asia is it's so emotionally regulated that it creates a safe environment for then Kip 0.99

01:14:39.180 you to go back at some point and say, Hey, I actually do have a problem and here's what

01:14:45.200 I'm concerned about because the other party is so emotionally regulated that it creates

01:14:51.540 and fosters that environment.

01:14:53.000 If I was emotionally volatile and I'm like, Oh man, you're in a bad mood.

01:14:56.240 And now I'm in a bad mood.

01:14:57.500 I created an unsafe place.

01:14:59.380 Exactly.

01:15:00.920 So you actually shut down discourse between you and your other person.

01:15:05.480 Yeah.

01:15:05.660 So there's that.

01:15:06.400 And then the other thing I was going to say here is that there's a cruel irony in this.

01:15:11.400 When you stop putting other people first, as you're saying, and instead you decide that

01:15:17.840 you're going to take care of yourself, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

01:15:22.900 And you're going to do those things without question every single day, you actually position

01:15:28.500 yourself to better serve other people.

01:15:31.960 And there's a last component of this.

01:15:34.420 You have to have boundaries.

01:15:37.080 So Kip, if you said, Hey, Ryan, I'm going to be moving this week.

01:15:41.500 And can you help me move on Thursday at two o'clock?

01:15:45.540 Well, the answer is no, because that's when I'm working.

01:15:49.600 Now I want to help you because I'm a good friend.

01:15:51.840 So I will say this, Kip, I can't help you at Thursday at two.

01:15:54.960 I have work appointments, two things we can do here.

01:15:58.640 I can lend you my truck.

01:16:00.040 If you trade, I'll take your car, you take the truck and you can have the truck.

01:16:04.580 Or I can come at six o'clock after work, or I can come all day Saturday.

01:16:08.960 What would be better for you?

01:16:11.780 You're still being helpful, but you're still honoring your boundaries.

01:16:16.200 And so there's a really healthy way to get the best of both worlds.

01:16:18.900 Whereas, yes, I want to help other people, but I also honor my own schedule and my own

01:16:23.340 integrity.

01:16:24.520 Yeah, totally.

01:16:26.140 And you're asking for, what's the term?

01:16:31.500 Predetermined resentment sometimes when you're like, okay, I'll drop everything on Thursday

01:16:37.220 and go help Kip.

01:16:38.220 And if I don't like say, I thank you enough, or I don't praise you enough, then you go home

01:16:44.340 going, man, I changed my whole schedule.

01:16:47.440 I did all these things and man, my expectations weren't met.

01:16:51.660 And now you just have resentment because you didn't withhold the boundary.

01:16:54.980 I wasn't aware of all the sacrifice that you even brought to the table.

01:16:58.320 So I didn't communicate my gratefulness for it.

01:17:01.860 You're not better off.

01:17:02.920 Can I say one other little tactic?

01:17:06.980 I got a lot on this because I've been through this.

01:17:09.180 Okay.

01:17:09.320 One other tactic I have here is sometimes nice guys feel put on the spot when they're

01:17:16.620 asked to do something or they notice there's a need for other people.

01:17:20.000 They feel like they're on the spot.

01:17:21.200 And when you're on the spot, you'll usually just acquiesce to whatever they're asking for.

01:17:25.720 Yeah.

01:17:26.040 When you know, you're like, ah, I don't want to do this, but yes, here's a little tactic

01:17:31.680 you can use.

01:17:32.940 So Kip, you asked me for something and I feel like now I'm on the spot.

01:17:36.260 Maybe you even say it in front of other people, which puts you more on the spot to do the quote

01:17:40.920 unquote right thing. 0.75

01:17:42.420 So here's, here's the best answer.

01:17:44.940 Hey Kip, I have to think about that and look at my schedule.

01:17:49.120 When do you need an answer by?

01:17:50.480 What that does.

01:17:53.540 And he's going to say, oh man, if you could let me know this afternoon or, you know, maybe

01:17:56.480 tomorrow sometime, like whatever he says is fine.

01:17:58.500 It's not really a matter of that.

01:18:00.600 It's a matter of getting you out of the pressure that you're feeling right now.

01:18:05.140 Yeah.

01:18:05.400 So he's going to say, hey, if you could just let me know this afternoon, it's like, cool.

01:18:08.680 I'll look at my schedule, see if I can do it.

01:18:10.640 That gives you an opportunity to figure out if you can actually do this, if it aligns with

01:18:15.640 your values and your boundaries.

01:18:17.200 And if it doesn't, it allows you to come up with a respectful, no, but that little bit

01:18:24.280 of margin by saying, hey, when do you need an answer by?

01:18:26.560 So you're not put on the spot is huge.

01:18:29.360 I have used it countless number of times.

01:18:31.720 And sometimes I say yes.

01:18:33.440 And sometimes I say no, but it saved me a lot of regret by doing things I didn't want

01:18:39.420 to do or couldn't do or couldn't work into my schedule.

01:18:43.240 Got it.

01:18:44.140 I like it.

01:18:45.240 All right, man.

01:18:46.060 I mean, we really have one call to action.

01:18:47.740 We mentioned a couple of times that Iron Council is open for enrollment.

01:18:51.320 We're going to do a preview call.

01:18:52.860 Ryan, did you end up identifying a date and time for that?

01:18:56.820 Yeah.

01:18:57.060 So that's going to be on September 30th.

01:18:59.940 I believe that is Monday.

01:19:01.880 Let me just look here.

01:19:03.140 Yep.

01:19:03.740 Is that right?

01:19:04.220 Oh, looking at the wrong month here.

01:19:05.840 Yeah.

01:19:06.100 September 30th.

01:19:07.020 It's Monday.

01:19:08.140 Monday at 8 p.m.

01:19:10.080 Eastern.

01:19:10.640 What we're going to do is a preview call.

01:19:12.420 We're going to pull back the curtain.

01:19:13.600 I'm going to spend a lot of time showing you what all the benefits and all the features

01:19:19.220 of the Iron Council are.

01:19:20.540 And then you're also going to hear from other members of the Iron Council who might have

01:19:24.520 some insight to share with you about their own experience, what they've liked, what they

01:19:29.360 haven't liked, what they want to see.

01:19:31.400 We don't pull punches.

01:19:34.140 So they're going to share all of that stuff with you.

01:19:37.320 And that's going to be, again, September 30th at 8 p.m.

01:19:41.860 Eastern.

01:19:42.460 And if you want to join that, if you go to theironcouncil.com slash preview, theironcouncil.com

01:19:50.580 slash preview, it'll give you all the details and everything you need.

01:19:53.860 You can throw it in your calendar and then attend that call September 30th, 8 p.m.

01:19:58.640 Eastern.

01:19:59.720 Excellent.

01:20:00.380 And we're going to stay open until the end of the day of the 30th?

01:20:04.400 Are you going to keep enrollment open maybe for a couple more days?

01:20:07.740 Okay.

01:20:08.120 Yeah, another day or two just to make sure that the guys get all the information they need

01:20:11.960 and they can make an educated decision.

01:20:13.740 And if you know, hey, a lot of guys are like, I already want to join the Iron Council.

01:20:17.180 I've been waiting for it to open.

01:20:18.440 Then just go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil and get started right now.

01:20:22.400 All right, guys.

01:20:22.980 Great questions today.

01:20:23.840 I know we kind of went off on some little tangents on some of these things, but it's

01:20:28.180 amazing to me, Kip, every time we do this, how all of these questions seem to like intertwine

01:20:33.540 with each other, right?

01:20:35.340 Totally.

01:20:35.940 I don't know.

01:20:36.400 There's themes.

01:20:36.940 I think those themes.

01:20:38.020 Yeah.

01:20:38.660 Yeah.

01:20:39.140 It's really interesting.

01:20:40.560 Yeah.

01:20:40.780 Anyways, guys, great questions, Kip.

01:20:42.240 As always, I appreciate you.

01:20:44.180 Hope you're able to, you know, survive your wife being gone and get your work done, take

01:20:49.780 care of your kids and still be able to train jujitsu.

01:20:52.720 Yeah.

01:20:53.140 That's addressing my top priorities right there.

01:20:56.700 I know.

01:20:57.120 I know what they are.

01:20:58.240 All right, guys.

01:20:59.220 Appreciate the great questions.

01:21:00.560 We'll be back on Friday.

01:21:01.880 Until then, go out there, take action and become a man you are meant to be.

01:21:05.560 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:21:13.000 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:21:17.040 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 25, 2024

Vigilance, Presence, and Consistency ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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