Order of Man - Violence as a Virtue, Overcoming a Victimhood Mentality, and Dealing with a Separation

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.600 Hey, what's up, man? Good to be here.

00:00:28.100 Good to be in Maine.

00:00:29.760 I know, you just got here last night, man. What do you think? You've been to Maine before?

00:00:33.520 No, this is my first time.

00:00:34.840 I hadn't either. It's amazing.

00:00:36.580 It's beautiful. It's super beautiful.

00:00:38.500 I reached my highlight so far on my trip when, just this morning, we're outside the cabin,

00:00:46.000 and you see these big guys come by on a golf cart, and it's Jocko.

00:00:50.900 Yeah.

00:00:51.180 And he looks over at us and goes, get some. It's so funny.

00:00:55.240 Well, anything is going to be better than last night.

00:00:57.000 It was hot.

00:00:58.500 Well, no, not only that, but you got lost.

00:01:01.220 Why are you bringing that up for? Embarrassing me.

00:01:03.900 We need to bring that up.

00:01:05.000 We need to bring that up.

00:01:06.620 All right. Well, let's just say that I grabbed the wrong address off the Facebook group and

00:01:11.340 ended up at a different camp last night around midnight, wandering in the woods trying to find

00:01:16.540 a cabin.

00:01:16.800 I was out here on my phone with you like, where are you? You're like, by the tennis courts.

00:01:22.120 I'm like, I'm by the tennis courts. You're not by the tennis courts.

00:01:24.940 And you're like, no, down by the lake. I'm like, there's no tennis courts by the lake.

00:01:28.280 And Pete drove by, Pete Roberts with Origin. And he's like, dude, what are you doing still

00:01:34.140 awake? Like, I'm trying to get one of my guys here. And he was cool. He gave me a ride over

00:01:38.500 there to pick you up.

00:01:39.280 Yeah. The minute you said, do you see the golf cart? And I'm like, the one that's parked

00:01:44.020 on the building? And you're like, no, the one running. I'm like, oh, there's nothing

00:01:46.960 going on over here. Right? Like there's some lights on in a cabin that I was kind of poking

00:01:51.800 my head through the window. It was, yeah.

00:01:54.680 I got to turn you down here. You're a little bit loud.

00:01:56.700 Oh, geez. Fine then.

00:01:58.400 But I can, I can just keep talking normal. Don't, don't change. Don't change.

00:02:01.480 Um, yeah, man, I'm excited to do this. We, I don't know if we were planning on doing this.

00:02:06.600 I've been podcasting with, with some of the guys, uh, Jocko and Pete, and we're going to

00:02:11.340 get JP and Leif on later, but I thought we might as well do an AMA and ask me anything while

00:02:16.120 we're out here. Yeah. The shows have been doing pretty good though, man.

00:02:19.820 They better. Well, we're going to get fired. No, you won't get fired, dude. It's been, it's

00:02:25.120 been good. This is adding in like a new dimension to the podcasting and what we're doing here.

00:02:30.380 And I think the guys really appreciate it. Well, and I think it's, it's good to get some,

00:02:34.800 some insights of Mr. Mickler, right? Because we don't have, you don't, you don't hear this

00:02:41.120 too often, right? It's you constantly doing the interview. We're always hearing from your guests.

00:02:45.040 So it's, it's nice to kind of get your perspective above and beyond and more from a casual perspective

00:02:50.700 than the Friday field notes, I think. Yeah, that's, that's true. And it was funny because

00:02:54.840 this was maybe like a month ago, my wife asked me a question and it was something I think

00:03:00.240 a lot about and I can't, I can't remember what it was, but I just started going off and she's

00:03:05.200 like, don't Friday field note me. Like I was monologuing to my wife. Yeah. I just went off on

00:03:11.240 a tangent. I was, it was like me presenting. And as soon as she said that, I'm like, oh man,

00:03:16.040 yeah, that's what I was doing. I was presenting to my wife. Yeah. Because I'm assuming it was a

00:03:21.240 subject that you've talked about many times before. And then you got into your typical dialogue and

00:03:25.280 of course, you address it. Exactly. Yeah. And she wasn't upset. She was just laughing

00:03:29.300 at me. She's like, don't Friday field notes me. Yeah. You know, we should, uh, a podcast

00:03:34.440 episode on things that wives say to us by being in the order of man or within the iron council

00:03:41.440 would be really funny. The one I get about, or I hear a lot from guys in the IC is man club.

00:03:48.200 Oh, you're doing your little man club. Your man club. And what's funny is it's derogatory at

00:03:52.440 first until wives see cool changes in their husbands. And they're like, you need to go

00:03:59.380 to your man club. It's not your little man club anymore. It's like, you need to go to

00:04:04.500 man club. Yeah. It's like going from weasel to maggot or something in the military. You

00:04:10.540 know, it's like, it's still bad, but not quite as bad. Yeah. Well, and do we still have a team

00:04:15.320 whiskey in the iron council? Did that go away? No, I think we did away with that one. So Joe

00:04:20.240 Schultz, which is on our team, originally he was on team whiskey and his wife would

00:04:25.620 always say, well, what would your whiskey boys think about this? Yes. Like you always

00:04:30.500 cut, you know, so whenever you're out of line, the wives go, Oh, what would your

00:04:34.340 echo boys think about this? What would they say about this? Right. My wife's done it to me

00:04:38.300 multiple times. That happens to me all the time. She's like, you remember that episode

00:04:43.240 that you did and you talked about being an integrity? And I'm like, shut up. Like she

00:04:48.280 doesn't even need to finish the sentence. And I know exactly where she's going. Yeah.

00:04:52.020 Let's get into some questions, man. All right, let's do it. Bradley Wheeler. So first off,

00:04:57.460 we didn't cover all the questions from last week. Yeah. And hold on. Let me say one other

00:05:00.980 thing too, before you get started, guys, if you're just tuning in for the first time,

00:05:04.400 you're like, what the heck are these guys talking about? This is our ask me anything episode.

00:05:09.420 This is, I think number four, I want to say this is our fourth time. And we're just fielding

00:05:15.120 questions from our Facebook group. Primarily. We do have a Patreon account. You don't even know

00:05:22.160 about that. I don't think I didn't even tell you about that. No, it's new. Cool. And I don't even

00:05:28.460 know the address. Just go to Patreon and search for order of man. And it's a cool way to give back

00:05:34.000 to the community in a small amount. And then we're actually going to allow those Patreon members to

00:05:39.260 take precedent with the questions that are being asked. Copy. And there's some other little perks and

00:05:43.740 benefits for being a Patreon member. So if you want to join the iron council, which is our exclusive

00:05:47.340 brotherhood. Yeah. Do that. That's, that's like high level stuff. Yeah. That's the iron council.com.

00:05:53.520 That's right. Or order of man.com slash iron council. Yep. Either one. And if you're not

00:05:59.080 quite there, but you're like, you know, I want to give a buck or two or five or whatever to these guys

00:06:03.500 and help support the movement, grow the movement, and then get some cool perks and ask some questions.

00:06:09.060 The Patreon account is a great place to do that. Cool. So, you know, they should be posting

00:06:13.060 questions eventually there. Eventually. I imagine we'll get to a point where all of our

00:06:18.220 questions will be housed via Patreon or iron council. Okay. You got to pay to get your question

00:06:24.980 answered. Yeah. No freebies. These guys get freebies though, because they came from the order

00:06:29.420 of man. And we're, and we're glad. I mean, just, just as glad and just as grateful that we have 50,000

00:06:34.320 guys in the order of man Facebook group, which is boggles my mind. Yeah. And we, there's a lot of guys

00:06:40.540 active in that order of man Facebook group. There's iron council members that are in there.

00:06:44.700 You're in there posting. So even if your questions don't end up on the podcast, there's, there's good

00:06:51.140 conversations to be had. The bottom line is we're here, we're available in different formats and

00:06:57.660 different settings. And based on what you're trying to accomplish and what you feel like you need

00:07:02.100 and what you feel like you can contribute, we have options. Yeah. And we're on a mission,

00:07:08.320 a mission to help other men and hopefully people join the order, right? Join the order from the

00:07:14.440 perspective of, of sharing themselves and helping other men and leveling up together. Cause that's

00:07:19.560 how it's done. That's right. Cool, man. All right. Let's get into some questions. Cause we got a,

00:07:23.560 we got a, a time constraint. We got to go get you checked in and everything else. So let's just get

00:07:27.400 some jujitsu to do here in Maine later today. Hurt you, man. You've been, you've been for the last

00:07:31.820 two weeks. You've been telling me about all your injuries and I've been documenting every single

00:07:35.520 one of them. Well, that's why I'm bringing telling you all my injuries. So I have a backdoor excuse

00:07:40.040 of a rolling. Either that, or you're lying to me and you're like, I'm going for your left shoulder

00:07:44.740 and you're like fake. It was my right shoulder. Uh, I just want to pull on the, on the beard.

00:07:51.120 I lost like a third of the volume of my beard this week. Like every time somebody goes for my

00:07:56.380 collar, let me grab your beard hair in it as well. Oh, which I get a lot of guys are actually

00:08:01.900 timid. Like they want to try to be nice. They want to go for a collar or they want to go for like a

00:08:07.560 choke or something. And, and they're like, Oh, I don't know. Like, I'm like, dude, if it were me on

00:08:12.480 the other end, I'd yank that thing out. Yeah. Those guys should go straight up original UFC,

00:08:18.020 right? The back in the day UFC had no gloves. It was bare fisted. You could kick, punch the groin.

00:08:24.860 The only thing, yeah. The only thing you could do is not eye gouge and bite. That's it. But you

00:08:30.000 could grab hair, nut shots. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. There was a fight like early UFC one or two

00:08:35.560 hoist Gracie. He was going against this, this a guy that's like a pastor. He's like a religious

00:08:42.380 leader. That's an MMA fighter. Right. And he had this long ponytail off the top of his head. Oh,

00:08:48.760 he yanked it out. No, he grabs it with one hand, pulls his head down and he's just

00:08:53.800 punching him in the face as he's holding this braid. Didn't somebody get their hair like

00:08:58.260 completely ripped out? Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. I thought I saw those early days are a little,

00:09:02.440 little brutal. People think that you have gloves to like protect the person. It's really your hands,

00:09:08.580 right? Well, in gloves, what I've heard is there's more problems with gloves than without,

00:09:14.220 because if you're throwing bare knuckle, you have to protect your hand better. Yeah. But if you have

00:09:18.360 gloves, like a lot more injuries to hands and everything with gloves, a lot more brain damage

00:09:23.320 because they're throwing harder punches. Totally. Yeah. I've heard that. That's why Eddie Bravo,

00:09:28.460 those guys, they, they have a, a Nogi style of jujitsu tournaments called combat jujitsu and you can

00:09:36.220 strike, but it's open palm striking only. So you can, and grab slap. Yeah. To like loosen them up a

00:09:44.040 little bit. Have you seen those slap contests where they'll like stand across at a table

00:09:47.600 and like, and one guy knocking each other out. Yeah. One guy has to lay there and the other guy's

00:09:51.860 like rubbing his hands together and he's like, and he like, like, like a golfer coming up to a tee

00:09:57.400 where he's like practice swings. The guy's like gauging his distance and then he just slaps the

00:10:02.400 shit out of the other dude. And I've seen guys just freeze up, lock over and fall over, knock guys

00:10:08.340 out with slaps. People think, yeah. Oh, you got to punch them. No, no, no. You get the right part of the

00:10:12.940 job. It doesn't matter what you hit them with. Right. Yeah. I'm going to slap you this weekend.

00:10:17.180 I'm going to pull your beard. All right. All right. Let's go. What are we doing? 10 minutes

00:10:21.260 into this thing and we haven't even got to questions. All right. Bradley Wheeling. That's

00:10:24.400 my fault. His question is how do you keep motivated? I sometimes find myself unproductive. Now he does

00:10:30.540 admit that he's not as unproductive as he used to be since he's moving the right direction. Yeah. So

00:10:36.200 he's moving the right direction since he's joined the order of man. Um, but he's still struggling

00:10:41.040 with, uh, keeping focused at the task at hand. Well, so I think a lot of this comes down to bigger

00:10:46.040 picture thinking. Sometimes if you don't have, uh, some sort of ultimate goal or objective,

00:10:50.920 and it's not just any goal or objective. Like if you told me what your goal was in life,

00:10:56.340 I'm not going to get motivated about that. I might be excited for you, but I'm not going to get

00:11:01.080 motivated for me. And I think we fall prey to that a lot of times. Like we either don't have a goal or

00:11:04.820 ambition or we do it based on what somebody says we quote unquote should do. And then it's no wonder

00:11:10.500 we're not motivated. We're not excited about it. So there's that element of it. So I think you got

00:11:13.920 to come up with a plan. There's a little bit of that discipline part initially, but you're kind

00:11:18.740 of saying, Hey, once back up, like as Steven Covey says, start with the end of mind. Like if you don't

00:11:23.520 have some sort of end objective, that's moving you physically, mentally, emotionally, of course,

00:11:27.840 you're not going to be motivated. Yeah. Uh, so, so that's, that's the first component. Then you work

00:11:31.820 backwards into, okay, now what do I need to do? We talk about tactics and checkpoints. I've talked about

00:11:35.540 that at length. Uh, the other side of it is, you know, motivation sometimes. Yeah. You're not

00:11:40.540 going to be motivated. So, so what? Yeah. Go do it. Go work because there's days where I don't want to

00:11:46.760 go to the gym or I don't want to do a podcast or I don't want to get on social media or, and I'm not

00:11:51.580 quote unquote motivated to do it, but the end goal drives me. And it's more of, no, I said I was going to

00:11:58.720 do it. I know this activity is what it takes to be successful. So I will do this. And the ultimate

00:12:05.460 question you have to ask yourself is, are you a man of your word or not? Yeah. Because if you have

00:12:11.840 an objective and you've worked backwards into tactics and the things that you're going to do

00:12:15.680 on a daily basis, and you don't do those, you're lying to yourself. There's no other way to sugarcoat

00:12:21.400 that. Yeah. It goes back to that integrity gap that you've talked about. That's exactly right. And I don't

00:12:25.680 know what episode that was, but yeah, go look at the integrity gap because that's what it is. So

00:12:31.000 yeah, motivation's good. Um, the other thing you could do, let's, let's, let's just address

00:12:34.680 motivation real quick. Find people that motivate you, right? Maybe there's certain people that you

00:12:39.260 follow on Instagram or Facebook, or you listen to their podcast or YouTube videos and they get you

00:12:43.440 riled up and excited. Uh, but, but use that, use that when you can, uh, and then find some internal

00:12:49.920 discipline to get the job done even when you don't feel like it. Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot.

00:12:55.960 Cause it's very easy for us just to say, we'll just do it. Just do it. Yeah. But there's some

00:12:59.900 tactics, right? There's some, that's over, that's over, right. That we can do to kind of help.

00:13:05.700 Sure. Help along the process. That's why I talk so much about the battle plan guys. I've seen this a

00:13:11.160 lot in the Facebook group lately. These guys are like, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I'm like,

00:13:14.280 have you read the book yet? And it's hard for me to say that because it sounds like a same,

00:13:17.860 shameless plug. Yeah. And maybe it is, but, but you should get the book, but you should like,

00:13:23.660 I wouldn't have written the book if I didn't think that that would help a guy who feels like

00:13:28.660 someone or something else has them by the balls. Yeah. And, and that's what sovereignty is about.

00:13:35.000 Yeah. Grabbing your balls back, reattaching them where they need to be and then getting some work

00:13:39.880 done, getting some things done, doing some big things in life. Yeah. Well, and that, the conversation

00:13:44.160 that we had earlier about wives holding us accountable based upon what we say, like

00:13:47.740 that helps motivate us. Accountability is awesome. Yeah. That helps us. And, and not that everyone

00:13:53.260 has the opportunity or everyone has that opportunity, but maybe not everyone wants to

00:13:57.220 all of a sudden start a podcast, but you know, come up with a battle plan, come up with your goals,

00:14:01.780 share them with your spouse. Yeah. You don't need to have a podcast or a platform to be held

00:14:06.520 accountable. Yeah. There's people in your life, you know, you have friends, brothers, coworkers,

00:14:11.560 colleagues, bosses, wives, like you don't want to be henpecked. I'm not saying that there's people

00:14:16.200 that'll hold you accountable. And sometimes like when I did that Spartan gogi, I don't

00:14:20.880 like to live in the past. I've been talking about that a lot lately. I got to stop talking

00:14:23.320 about that. Cause it was like two years ago. Um, your glory days, my glory days. When

00:14:27.700 you're 30, 35, if we went back, if we went back to high school, I'd take state, no doubt

00:14:32.720 in my mind. Name that movie. Napoleon Dynamite. I know Kip. He's training to be a cage fighter.

00:14:41.180 That's right. I can relate. Um, I don't know where we're going. Who knows? But yeah, just

00:14:47.420 find gogi. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, um, well I told 10,000 people I was going to finish the

00:14:54.100 gogi. It was like, there's no way in hell I'm not finishing the gogi. Cause it was 10,000

00:14:58.960 guys in the Facebook group at that point. Yeah. And I'm, I'm, I told those guys I was going

00:15:03.640 to finish. Like how could, how could, and my kids, I told my kids I was going to finish.

00:15:07.680 Yeah. How could I come back and say, sorry guys, I told you I was going to get 60, but

00:15:13.140 dad can only do 10 or 24 or even 48. No, that's not what you told him. You said 60. Yeah. So

00:15:19.580 you got to finish 60. And those little rugrats of mine held me accountable. Yeah. It's awesome.

00:15:25.280 If you want increased accountability, iron council. That's what we'll talk about. I know it's a

00:15:29.720 plug, but man, it's so valuable. That's the hard thing about plugging stuff is like, we like

00:15:35.160 it would feel like we're plugging, but like, but it's true. Yeah. It doesn't take away from

00:15:39.440 it. And by the way, if, if you're one of those guys that's annoyed by the quote unquote

00:15:44.500 recommendation of, Hey, the book or Kip's bringing up the iron council, you know, get over your

00:15:49.320 story that you're telling yourself that, Oh, well, if someone's making money about something,

00:15:54.100 then obviously it can't like, it's almost like we have this mentality that if it's not free,

00:15:58.920 then the value or the moral behind it cannot be valid. Right. In some, I think it's more

00:16:05.420 valid. Yeah. Anytime I ever pay for something is because it's valuable. Yeah. Well, and not

00:16:10.820 only that, but imagine, imagine the flood of guys that would join the iron council if it

00:16:16.000 was free and the flood of guys that would be highly ineffective and would not be dedicated

00:16:21.520 to what we do. Well, and it's not only a detriment to them, but it's a detriment to everybody else

00:16:25.720 to the guys in iron council about being there. Exactly. That's why we kick off. I mean,

00:16:29.660 it sounds kind of mean, but that's why we kick some guys out off of teams. Why? Cause they're

00:16:33.960 not contributing. Right. If you're not going to level up and honor your word and be on this team,

00:16:38.740 you need to jump off the team and we need to get a member that will because it affects the overall

00:16:42.420 group. Right. So cool. What else? One question down. It's a good question. Yeah. James Stillman

00:16:48.500 during your separation, this is a good question. During your separation, how often did you speak with

00:16:54.040 your wife and who usually initiated it? My wife and I recently separated and it's tearing me apart

00:17:00.060 to be away from her and away from the home, mostly not being able to put my son to bed at night and

00:17:05.800 spending my mornings with him. Dude, that sucks. I mean, it does. When I went through my separation

00:17:11.840 with my wife, we were separated for about four months ish, somewhere in there. And we had a one-year-old

00:17:18.360 son at the time, my oldest and dude, it was hard. Like it was miserable. It was the darkest point of

00:17:24.580 my life. And initially through our separation, I, I really became desperate. And I even hate,

00:17:33.440 I don't like talking about it because that's the last position I want to be in. Like, that's the

00:17:37.380 exact opposite of what I talk about when it comes to sovereignty. But I got myself to that position of

00:17:42.320 like desperation. How can I win her back? How can I, I literally, I don't like talking about this,

00:17:47.540 but I literally would cry in my son's bedroom and talk to a picture of him on the wall and tell him

00:17:56.820 like, I'm going to get you back. So she left the house. You're at the house. I'm at the house,

00:18:01.800 empty bedroom, empty nursery, pictures of my son and us together smiling and stuff like that.

00:18:09.040 And he's not there. Yeah. So initially I instigated a lot of the communication. She was

00:18:15.920 checked out, dude. She was done. Yeah. She was finished. She was done. I've even asked her,

00:18:20.540 I'm like, well, like, like why, why, why are we back together? You know? And she said, I don't know.

00:18:27.740 She said, I, I, I mean, she recognizes changes in me. She's like, I, we were done. We were done. I was

00:18:33.960 done. And she said that through the changes she saw me make and through a feeling, and we've talked

00:18:40.900 a little bit about spirituality through a feeling of divine inspiration. She said, I'm going to go

00:18:46.940 to counseling. And, and that's when it began to turn around for us. But to answer the question,

00:18:52.580 I initiated a lot of it. We talked every couple of days. I initiated a lot of it.

00:18:57.000 Um, just a casual conversation. Like, how are you doing today? Like, what do those conversations

00:19:03.100 look like? Yeah. How are you doing? Um, can we meet somewhere and bring, bring Brecken along? And

00:19:08.400 is there a guy in the background? I heard a guy in the background. Oh, dude, you do all that. You do

00:19:12.780 all that crap. Is there a guy in the background? Totally. Uh, the other thing is like drive by where,

00:19:17.400 you know, she's staying and like, was she here? Like, dude, we do that stuff. And it's, and it's,

00:19:23.440 I remember one time in particular, I hate talking about this cause I sound so pathetic,

00:19:27.980 but I know guys are in this boat. Yeah. Guys are going to be able to relate to this. Um,

00:19:32.940 and I remember, I remember, uh, calling her one time and her voicemail up to that point,

00:19:39.620 it said, Hey, you've reached the Micklers, leave a message. We'll call you back. Right. It was like

00:19:43.940 us. And I called and she didn't answer. And the voicemail was you've reached Trisha.

00:19:49.440 Uh, if you need me or leave a message, whatever. And that like, for whatever reason, like my heart

00:19:56.660 was like ripped out of my chest on that. That's what I decided, decided to fixate on. And I went

00:20:02.440 to some, uh, some counseling by myself actually, cause I was in a dark place. And, um, the, uh,

00:20:07.460 the therapist had introduced me to a term that I wasn't familiar with called cognitive distortions.

00:20:12.560 Have you heard of this? And a cognitive distortion is our ability as human beings to jump to the worst

00:20:17.780 case scenario. And we do that for survival purposes. Yeah. Right. Because survival mechanisms

00:20:22.240 so we can prepare, right. It puts us on alert and gets us in the position we need to be, but

00:20:26.060 it has an ability to sabotage ourselves. And so I jumped at the conclusion of like, Oh, she's done.

00:20:31.700 She wants a divorce and like worst case scenario possible. And we've talked about it since. And,

00:20:36.940 and, and she said, Oh, I just changed it because I was running like a car show. She was responsible

00:20:42.060 for a car show in our town. And she's like, I just wanted to tell people like who I was. So they,

00:20:47.480 if they left a message, they knew who they were getting ahold of. It's like, that's all.

00:20:51.580 And I was freaked. Yeah. So relax, relax. All right. It sucks. I get it. It's dark. I always say

00:21:00.320 when guys ask about marriage and separation and stuff, time and attention, give yourself some time.

00:21:04.740 It's going to take time. In the meantime, focus your attention elsewhere. Find a band of brothers,

00:21:09.400 find a hobby, find an activity, distract yourself, engage your mind, engage your body,

00:21:15.920 go exercise, do the things that we've been talking about. Give her the space, work on yourself.

00:21:22.460 Feel it out. I don't know. I don't know what the right answer, like, do you call it every 48 out?

00:21:26.700 I don't know. That's going to be different based on the situation. Feel it out. Don't be desperate.

00:21:32.020 All right. Don't chase. Chasing drives a greater wedge. I did it for a long time. It wasn't until I

00:21:37.320 stopped chasing my wife that she was like, Oh, let's open the Ryan. Yeah. Cause she, cause I,

00:21:44.160 I was wrapped around her finger. Right. And that confidence too. Right. Right. And I had some

00:21:48.320 confidence. And I wanted her still wasn't, wasn't that I still, I just, I'm like, I'm not chasing.

00:21:52.240 I'm done. Not that I'm done with the marriage. I'm done chasing. I'm done being desperate. Yeah.

00:21:57.300 And that was when the thing switched for us started to switch. I should say,

00:22:00.260 I think it's important to note that even though you were done chasing and I don't know this,

00:22:05.220 but I assume this just because I know you that it wasn't, I'm done. Screw this.

00:22:09.640 No, it wasn't arrogant. Yeah. But it was from a position of, I've corrected the problem the best

00:22:14.680 I can. Right. I'm, I'm taking care of myself. I'm becoming a better person and I'm not going to

00:22:21.120 chase, but I'm going to be that person. Like you still resolve the problem. It's not like, Hey,

00:22:25.960 that's the past deal with it. Yeah, totally. It was, it was more of, and I remember the point I got to

00:22:31.220 was basically, I thought the marriage was over and, and I remember the road I was on. I told

00:22:36.680 guys this before. I remember the road I was on. I remember the cross street even I was on

00:22:39.660 that. I came to the conclusion that the marriage was probably over. And I remember thinking to

00:22:44.020 myself, you know what, if this marriage is over, I'm going to be the best catch for the next woman

00:22:48.620 to come into my life. And I'm going to be a rad dad, even though I'm not in the home. Yeah.

00:22:54.580 And I, I got, when I got to that point, everything changed because I took ownership of my own life.

00:23:00.940 I was like, there's, I can't change her anymore. She's out. So I finally took ownership of my life.

00:23:05.300 You don't even have to get to that point. You can decide that today. I'm going to take ownership of,

00:23:09.460 of me, of my stuff and let the chips fall where they may, which is hard for guys. Like you want to

00:23:15.080 control and dominate, manipulate and coerce. And that ruins it, man. I'm telling you, it ruins it.

00:23:20.520 Yeah. It's super tough. It makes me think about myself. That's the toughest time of my life.

00:23:25.860 You know what it's like. Toughest time of my life. You know, if there's one thing that

00:23:29.120 may be posed to James is, you know, he's, he's mentioned his son a couple of times in this about

00:23:34.640 putting him to sleep, putting him to sleep, not spending his mornings with him. I would just be

00:23:39.480 really careful to make sure that your son knows everything's okay. It's really tempting for us,

00:23:48.120 or at least it was for me and, and for my ex-wife for that matter to, to confine in them to go,

00:23:54.960 Oh, I'm so set, like cry in front of them. Oh, what's wrong? Oh, well your mom or your dad,

00:24:00.400 you know what I mean? And it's just super, super, super dangerous. Right. So I would try to keep

00:24:05.960 that. I don't want to use the word front because it implies that it's, you're lying. You're lying,

00:24:11.820 but be positive for your son. It's going to be okay. Right. Be positive around him.

00:24:17.820 Yeah. That's a good point. It's a really good point. Tough James. It is man. You got this.

00:24:22.620 What do we got next? Chad Shepard. I lost 45 pounds and need a new hunting clothes.

00:24:29.780 What do you recommend for hunting 30 degrees and below? I've never, I don't know if I've never

00:24:34.780 hunted 30 degrees below. Why would you hunt? I recommend getting back in the cabin and building

00:24:43.080 yourself a fire. No, um, I get it. I actually, I admire and appreciate the challenge of adding that

00:24:48.440 weather dynamic to the hunt. I've never done it. I don't know. I'm not the best guy to ask. You know

00:24:53.920 who I would ask or look into is, um, John Dudley. Do you know John Dudley? Yeah. We'll class archer,

00:24:59.240 bow hunter. Uh, he just left under armor and I, I use under armor. My, most of my camos under armor,

00:25:06.280 like the skin, the under, like the day you'd wear under all your clothes. Yeah. Well that,

00:25:11.600 but under armor has their, their UA hunt division. Okay. So they've got gear, they've got vests,

00:25:16.740 they've got jackets, sweaters. I mean, they've got the full system. Cool. So I use under armor,

00:25:22.040 but, uh, Dudley uses Sitka and he, and he actually did a breakdown. Go listen to his podcast,

00:25:28.380 knock on podcast. He did a breakdown on, uh, on hunting gear with the owner, the founder or CEO,

00:25:36.180 or whatever of, uh, of Sitka. So go listen to that. That's, that's better than I can ever give

00:25:41.480 you. Cool. Yeah. All right, Chad, there you go. Douglas, Ed, why is it so hard for modern men to

00:25:48.020 let go of their victimhood mentality? Pretty close to my last question I asked, but I think this would

00:25:54.160 be a good talking point. Well, stop telling yourself it's hard. That's why you keep saying

00:25:59.440 it's hard. It's hard. It's hard to do this. No, I think, I think Douglas is calling out other guys,

00:26:03.440 maybe. Well, then they need to stop telling themselves it's hard. Yeah. Like we, the scripts

00:26:07.720 that we tell ourselves is are important. If you're telling yourself, this is shitty. I don't want to

00:26:12.520 do this work. Then the work becomes crappy and unenjoyable. If even if it's unenjoyable and you

00:26:18.960 say to yourself, this is unenjoyable, but I find meaning and purpose in it, then it becomes purposeful

00:26:23.260 and meaningful work, engaging work. Uh, if you tell yourself, Oh, the world's out to get me,

00:26:29.340 then you're going to find all kinds of reasons that might actually be valid as to why the world

00:26:34.380 is out to get you. Your boss is an asshole. Your wife doesn't treat you well. Your parents

00:26:38.840 didn't raise you right, whatever. Yeah. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course. So you're

00:26:43.260 going to find all kinds of things to, to, to, uh, well, like you said, fulfill, fulfill that revelation

00:26:51.760 that you've created in your own mind. That's not even really true. So what are you going to tell

00:26:56.420 yourself that it's hard? Now, some guys just don't even recognize it. They're not to the point

00:27:01.680 yet that they're even capable. No, I shouldn't say capable. They're not to the point yet where

00:27:08.900 they're ready to accept that there's a lot within their control that they've been giving away.

00:27:14.940 Yeah. Why is that hard? Uh, because it's easier to say it was Kip's fault. The reason we didn't

00:27:21.660 produce a good podcast today is because Kip wasn't prepared or I'm now responsible or, or yeah, or,

00:27:29.360 or he, he doesn't present himself well or whatever. I mean, whatever excuse. So now some of that might

00:27:37.200 be true. It's not in this case, by the way, Kip, thanks for clarifying. But some of that might be

00:27:41.960 true, but it might also be true that you didn't, that I didn't prepare, that I wasn't ready, that I

00:27:47.880 didn't have the right equipment, which I had happened three weeks ago. I went up three weeks,

00:27:51.420 four weeks ago. I went up to do a podcast with a couple of guys and, uh, brought my little podcast

00:27:56.120 traveling kit, which we're using right now. And it didn't work. It's Mike, you know, I told you the

00:28:04.280 microphones weren't working and fortunately they had some stuff, but that could have been a crappy

00:28:09.540 situation. That wasn't their fault. Yeah. That wasn't the equipment's fault. Yeah. I mean,

00:28:15.340 maybe, maybe it's just shoddy work, but why didn't I test it? Why didn't I make sure? Why

00:28:23.080 didn't, why didn't I have a backup plan? Yeah. Well, and why is that valuable? Because I want to

00:28:30.660 win. I want to complete the objective. So, so the objective was to go up and do a podcast.

00:28:36.680 Now, granted, they, they had some equipment we were able to use, but if they didn't,

00:28:40.300 I would not have, I would have not have completed the objective. But by you saying,

00:28:44.640 I could have tested, I could have, when you take accountability, right. And you're hashing

00:28:49.900 through what you could have done to prevent you, you're growing, right? Totally. You are now like

00:28:56.000 extending beyond where you were. You now see things differently. You're preparing yourself

00:29:00.760 better for next time. Like all those, the, the growth opportunities are now present in that

00:29:05.660 scenario where nothing is available to you to grow from when it's, it's not my fault.

00:29:11.520 Right. So the answer to that is like, why is it hard? Because it's easier to be a victim

00:29:16.360 than it is to put forth the effort, the work, the thought to be the champion.

00:29:22.000 Yeah. And, and to Douglas, you, to your point on victimhood mentality, what's the opposite of being

00:29:26.800 a victim? Taking accountability for things. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's super tough. I mean,

00:29:32.480 not to bring up separations, but that, that was my breaking point, uh, in my marriage where we

00:29:39.160 separated and I, it sounds so foreign now, it sounds insanely foreign, but I honestly believed

00:29:47.660 at that time in my life that it was not my fault. Yeah. I really did. I know. I really, truly believed it.

00:29:54.100 And, and, and I had all these excuses and reasons of, oh man, if, if she was this way or if she'll,

00:30:01.620 I would be happy. And, you know, and I really, honestly, truly believed it. And, uh, we were

00:30:07.740 separating and, and I remember the, the night like it was yesterday and it was kind of, kind of a weird

00:30:12.920 scenario, but for whatever reason, all at once. That was funny. Your phone chimed at like the same

00:30:19.360 time that you're like, I don't know if, I don't know if you guys heard his phone chime. Sorry.

00:30:23.980 Go on. Keep going. And it's on silence. I'm not sure how that's working out. Anyhow, distraction.

00:30:29.200 Um, you were talking about that, that moment. Yeah. That moment hit me like a, a ton of bricks

00:30:34.820 and it almost felt like a bad joke. I thought, holy cow, I am a fool. And, and I went from the space of

00:30:44.360 all these people need to do these things for my life to be better to it's all mine. Yeah. And,

00:30:50.820 and it was a bad joke because I came to the realization that I was in the place in life

00:30:57.520 at that moment because of me and not, not, not because of anyone else.

00:31:02.780 But isn't that awesome? Yeah. It's, it's like, you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're

00:31:06.960 saying, I'm inadequate. I suck. And you do. And you don't want to hear yourself say that,

00:31:12.020 but if you want to grow, if you want to expand, if you want to get better,

00:31:17.240 you'll be willing to say I'm inadequate. Yeah. But I can do X, Y, and Z to not be inadequate.

00:31:21.720 And it puts the, it puts the power back in our hands. Right. Yep. And that's,

00:31:26.180 that's the beautiful part about it. Cool. Love it. Kurt Davis. I'm 43 year old, 43 years old.

00:31:34.440 You're old Kurt. I'm just joking. You're not an old man. It's harsh, dude. I feel old and I'm 39. He's

00:31:40.640 he's four years older. That's mean. Just tech calling guys out. I'm just depressed lately about

00:31:45.400 my age. I think I'm having a hard time. Well, you should feel better. He's 43. You're 39. You

00:31:49.840 should feel better about that. Yeah. But he's saying he's old or did he say he's old? No,

00:31:53.300 he's just saying he's 43 zero. He didn't say a thing about him being old or young. He's just like,

00:31:58.380 I'm 43. That's a fact. All right. That's your stuff. That's my story. It's my excuse. It's my excuse.

00:32:05.260 So he had back surgery 18 months ago, uh, to repair an injury from the army. I'm working out,

00:32:11.900 but I've been out of the fitness game for a number of years. I lift heavy and I have a few

00:32:15.740 CrossFit workouts five days a week. My diet is meat, veggies, food, and water. What can I add

00:32:21.540 or do differently to drop my body fat percentage? You know, sometimes the answer is you're doing it

00:32:26.140 right and there's nothing else you can do. Like I think sometimes the prudent course of action is to

00:32:31.320 stay the course. Yeah. I think there's a lot of people like, I'm not seeing the results as fast as I'd

00:32:35.100 like. It takes time. It does. And maybe you're off. Maybe, maybe your macros are off or maybe

00:32:40.080 you're eating a little too much or, you know, I would say track, track your, your food. Maybe

00:32:46.200 you're eating snacks and you don't even really realize how many snacks you're eating. Right.

00:32:49.960 Or, or maybe you're scheduled to do CrossFit five days a week, but you actually only do three.

00:32:55.020 Yeah. And so you're telling yourself, no, I do five. I do five. Yeah. He's telling us his plan,

00:33:00.080 not the actual. And I'm not saying that's the case. I'm saying these are things that you need to

00:33:03.560 evaluate. Do you really work out five days a week? Do you really lift strong? Like lift heavy?

00:33:09.260 Are you really only eating meat, fruits, vegetables, yada, yada, yada. So I think this is a perfect time

00:33:14.140 for you to inventory exactly what it is you're doing. Do it for seven days. Here's what I ate

00:33:18.720 Monday. Here's what I ate Tuesday. Here's what I ate Wednesday. Now you go back and it's objective.

00:33:23.180 Yes, I am doing those things. Okay, good. Stay the course. Or no, I had that bag of M&Ms that night and I

00:33:29.580 was sitting by, and I had some popcorn with my wife when we were watching the movie, like me,

00:33:34.080 Milk Duds. Like if we go to the movie, I'm like, I'm getting a box of Milk Duds.

00:33:36.760 See, I'm all hot tamales.

00:33:38.240 You are?

00:33:38.800 Yeah, I love the hot tamales.

00:33:39.880 No. My wife does frozen junior mints, which...

00:33:44.080 Gross.

00:33:44.500 That's gross. I don't like coconut.

00:33:45.880 It's like eating brush, like toothpaste.

00:33:49.240 It's like that.

00:33:50.100 Why would I eat toothpaste? That's candy.

00:33:52.340 Frozen toothpaste. That's true. Chocolate covered toothpaste.

00:33:55.200 But yeah, so inventory. Inventory your workouts. I would also say some accountability in there

00:34:02.280 would be pretty cool. That would help, probably. Whether that's a strength coach, you have some

00:34:09.180 accountability in CrossFit. Certainly, it's probably built into it. A nutritionist, if you

00:34:13.500 feel like you need to go that far. But maybe you just maintain the course and maybe you've

00:34:17.320 only been doing it for two weeks. And so, give it a couple months.

00:34:20.680 Yeah, it takes time. Most people have spent decades in patterns that have gotten them

00:34:26.600 to where they are right now. And they want to see the results overnight. I'm like, dude,

00:34:31.500 you took 20 years to get 50 pounds overweight. You're not going to lose 50 pounds in two weeks.

00:34:37.580 Give yourself some time. Be consistent. Be disciplined about it. Inventory what you're

00:34:42.040 doing. Make sure what you think you're doing is what you're actually doing. And evaluate from

00:34:48.180 there.

00:34:48.760 Cool. Stick with it, Kurt.

00:34:50.680 Yeah, good. Yeah, it's good.

00:34:52.540 Casey, Shroinbatchelor. His question is, what is the...

00:34:58.860 That can't be right.

00:34:59.720 I know. He may have made that up just to make me sound like a moron.

00:35:04.760 Maybe. I don't know.

00:35:05.760 Casey, I'm coming for you.

00:35:08.060 Bring it, Casey.

00:35:09.140 All right. What is the dumbest piece of widely circulated advice you've heard?

00:35:12.660 There's a lot of dumb stuff out there. Well, I don't think this is advice necessary. Well,

00:35:23.680 I don't... Fake it till you make it is one that I don't like. I mean, I understand the premise of it.

00:35:28.820 Yeah. But I don't like it.

00:35:30.700 But it rubs you wrong.

00:35:31.580 Just be it. Don't fake it. Be it.

00:35:33.320 Yeah.

00:35:34.120 You know, you don't need to fake anything. Just be it. How do you fake confidence? You don't. It's not

00:35:40.360 called confidence. It's like toxic masculinity. It's an oxymoron. It doesn't exist. It's like

00:35:49.260 fake confidence. Oxymoron doesn't exist. Confidence requires courage. It requires action.

00:35:55.420 It requires conviction. It's real. And fake confidence is not real. So that's one I don't

00:36:02.420 like. I don't like... And this is not circulated advice necessarily, but this seems to be a growing

00:36:08.940 trend is that men and women are the same. I hate that. I despise that.

00:36:13.100 It makes me so angry.

00:36:13.880 And look, look, there's women that listen to this podcast. And even if there wasn't, I would say this,

00:36:19.440 is that men and women are not the same, but that does not mean one is inferior or superior to the

00:36:26.240 other. It just means we're different. Like my wife brings an entirely new dimension instead of

00:36:30.780 virtues to the table that I possess in low quantities, compassion and empathy being among them.

00:36:37.320 And, and she brings that to the table. I bring other things to the table. I'm not better than

00:36:42.920 her. She's not better than me. In fact, we're stronger together. That's one that just toxic

00:36:47.820 masculinity. That's another one that gets me. Obviously that rubs me the wrong way. Um, yeah,

00:36:52.500 I guess there's just some, I haven't really thought about that. I try to,

00:36:55.940 how do I say it? I try to, uh, avoid like getting in the weeds. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying?

00:37:06.060 Like people say, Oh, this, this, like, I don't like, good believe that or whatever. Go have your

00:37:10.220 little fun or whatever. Believing that philosophy. Here's I, here, here's where I am. I've planted my

00:37:16.380 flag. Everybody who's spent any amount of time with order of man knows where we stand, what we're all

00:37:21.020 about, what we're doing. I'm not coming down to appease other people or tell them how wrong they

00:37:26.100 are. Uh, let them make fools of themselves. I'm over here doing what I believe is right.

00:37:31.860 How do you feel about that advice around? I'm this way. Oh, like, like I'm just an introvert

00:37:39.920 kind of thing. Yeah. Or I was born this way. Like that our actions don't define who we are or it's

00:37:46.680 outside of your control. Yeah. I'm big boned. I'm just, I'm just an introvert. Yeah. You decide.

00:37:54.760 Right. I mean, maybe you're introverted. Yeah. But you're not an introvert. Yeah. Meaning that

00:38:00.840 you're a human being and you can, you can change. Like, like me, for example, I was talking with

00:38:05.280 Pete Roberts with origin about this, uh, just a couple of days ago and we were talking about

00:38:10.240 being introverted and he said that and he's, he asked me what I thought. And I'm like, when I'm out

00:38:14.620 in a crowd of people, like I have to exert myself. It doesn't come naturally. I exert myself

00:38:20.140 into conversations and, and meeting people, excuse me, and connecting with people because

00:38:25.920 there's value in it for me and there's value in it for those individuals. So I choose to be a certain

00:38:32.760 way because it's valuable for what I want to accomplish and it helps other people with what

00:38:37.380 they want to accomplish. So don't know. I I'm just introverted. I'm big boned. I'm this,

00:38:43.760 I'm that I can't change it. I throw my hands up. I'm no, you're not. You're, you may have had some

00:38:49.640 bad things or some certain scenarios or situations happen or your path to something might be a little

00:38:54.120 bit harder for someone else. But yeah, of course, I'm not denying that you've had a rough or that

00:38:59.720 there's some things about you need to overcome just, just like me, but you are capable of overcoming

00:39:04.940 those things. Yeah. I think there's huge danger when we paint ourselves into a stereotype or a

00:39:10.100 corner of, Oh, well, this is, this is how I am because it's, it's just has excuses wrapped

00:39:16.840 around. Totally. Well, but I, but so let's look at the other side of that. Yeah. Yeah. True. True.

00:39:21.600 That's a good point. The other side of it is that you shouldn't be delusional that either.

00:39:25.620 Yeah. For example, let's take the introversion. If you know, it's a challenge to put yourself out

00:39:31.080 there and be social, that's okay to recognize. So then you, okay, well, that's something I need to

00:39:37.360 overcome. What can I do to fix it? So I'm not saying be delusional and just walk around. Like

00:39:42.220 you got everything figured out. You're perfect. I'm saying be realistic. And then the things are

00:39:47.600 important to you about fixing, correct the behavior and improve on those things.

00:39:51.580 Come up with your tactics on your battle plan. That's right, man. Get the book.

00:39:55.100 That's right. Jason, Jason Gase. His question is if you could give advice to yourself when you were

00:40:02.460 just starting the order of man, what would that advice or how would that advice be different or

00:40:07.740 would it be different at all? I don't think it'd be different. I get that question a lot.

00:40:12.360 What would I do differently? It's going well, man. Without trying to be arrogant, like it's good.

00:40:18.200 It's good, man. Like it's, we have our challenges. I remember, um, we, we had a shirt design. This is

00:40:25.300 one of our fails. We had a shirt designed and in hindsight, it looked identical to another company's

00:40:32.320 like branding and imaging. And it was bad. It's too close. It was so close. And these guys had a

00:40:40.280 Facebook group and somebody saw the picture of our shirts and they put in their Facebook group

00:40:45.980 and these guys blasted me. What shirt was this? I, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna bring it up. Tell me

00:40:52.160 after I'll tell you after these guys just blasted, like just how dare you still are. Completely blasted

00:40:59.440 me. And they're like, we're going to roast this guy. And I get a couple of emails, you know,

00:41:03.420 or messages or whatever. And, um, you know, looking back, I was like, yeah, that looks like that looks

00:41:10.280 so, so I reached out to the owner of the company and I reached out to him like, and I sent him a

00:41:15.780 message and I'm like, look, dude, I did this in hindsight. I can see how it would come across.

00:41:23.480 Like I was ripping you off. It truly was not my intention. I've pulled all those shirts. We're

00:41:28.020 not selling those. We fulfilled like 10 of them at the time or whatever. And I got stuck with like

00:41:32.960 200 shirts that Ryan's family all got those shirts for Christmas gifts the following Christmas.

00:41:39.240 Yeah. Well, we have just rags, you know, for days now, but you do, you do dumb stuff.

00:41:45.720 Yeah. You know, I did that. Um, let's go over all the dumb things Ryan has done.

00:41:52.440 This sounds kind of nice. Yeah. I'm starting to be entertained at this point. I'm like,

00:41:56.540 oh yeah, this is cool. Um, I've done that. I tend to be a guy who takes like,

00:42:01.400 like a lot of action, right? If I have an idea, I'm like, go. One of the things I did is the

00:42:05.920 uprising event. A lot of guys know about that, which is our, uh, our three and a half day event.

00:42:10.300 Hold on. I'm trying to turn this on. Okay. There we go. Our three and a half day event. And

00:42:14.920 it must've been like a Friday where I had the idea. I'm like, I'm going to bring all these guys in.

00:42:19.400 We're going to do rad stuff. It's going to be like boy Scouts meets military basic training.

00:42:23.360 This is uprising one. This is, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so it was like a Friday. It was like a,

00:42:30.300 yeah, it must've been like a Friday or Thursday, maybe something like that. Yeah. It was the

00:42:33.360 middle of the night. I thought about the next morning I wake up and I'm like, I'm doing this.

00:42:36.980 And I booked a lodge. I found a lodge. I'm like booked the half of the money down, sizable deposit.

00:42:44.100 I'm in. I wake up the next morning. I'm like, what the hell did I just do? I don't know how I'm

00:42:50.800 going to market this. I don't know. I started to freak out cause I put this money down. Yeah.

00:42:56.540 So we get marketing this event, the uprising. Did you come to zero, uh, zero, zero one?

00:43:01.380 No, I can't. Okay. So, um, yeah. So, so I start marketing the event and figuring out what we're

00:43:09.960 going to do and start piecing it together. Cause I'm in it. Right. Like I, I committed, I'm in it.

00:43:14.680 And nobody signed up, dude, not a single soul. And we get like a month away and I call the guy at the

00:43:20.600 lodge. I'm like, look, we're not going to do the event. Like I didn't get anybody to sign up. And he's

00:43:25.960 like, Oh, that's too bad. You're going to lose your deposit. And I'm like, well, like, will you work with

00:43:30.940 me? And he was just trying to get his lodge kind of up and running and market it more. And he's

00:43:35.360 like, yeah, yeah, I'll work with you. But if you, and I said, great. What if we just bumped it back

00:43:39.360 like six months? Cause we were going to do it in the spring. We ended up doing in the fall or vice

00:43:43.120 versa. I can't remember. And you felt if I have more time, maybe I can figure this out or whatever.

00:43:48.000 And, and so he's like, yeah, he said, it's going to be more expensive when you do it because that's

00:43:52.820 going to be on season during the season. So it'll be more expensive, but we'll take your deposit and

00:43:56.900 we'll apply it towards that balance. And I said, cool. I went back to the drawing board gambling.

00:44:02.580 You just increased your costs. I did double or nothing. I did. I'm like, just put it all out

00:44:08.300 there, man. And, uh, well, no, because worst case scenario, I was going to be out the deposit

00:44:12.440 anyways. And I was already out. The deposit was the same either way. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it wasn't

00:44:17.100 any added risk to me. And so I went back to the drawing board and, and figured out how to market it,

00:44:22.360 talk with other people who'd ran events. And we filled that up with 20 spots. We had 20 spots. We call

00:44:26.060 ourselves the terrible 20. And, uh, it was rad, dude. It was a great event. And I, you know,

00:44:30.780 I lost a little time and lost a little of my chipped away at my confidence a little bit, but

00:44:36.440 in sleep, I'm sure in sleep. Yeah. Stressed out too. We could go, we could do an infinite number

00:44:42.660 of podcasts on all the little missteps, but you know what? The missteps are the things that you

00:44:46.180 learn from. And if you don't have those missteps, you don't ever learn and grow and develop. We

00:44:49.960 wouldn't be where we are today. If there was some magic formula that I just followed where everything

00:44:55.040 worked out exactly right. So what would I tell my younger self start earlier, do this six months,

00:45:00.840 a year earlier than you wanted to, or that you had, when you had this idea started, start it then.

00:45:05.320 Yeah. That's the only thing. So you can get learning right away. So you can get going. Yeah.

00:45:09.060 That's it. Totally. Yeah. I mean, I can honestly say, you know, so my, I wasn't able to save my

00:45:15.160 marriage from that separation, but I can honestly say the, the man I am now and the husband I am now is

00:45:21.820 there's no way I'd be, I don't think I'd be who I am today. There wasn't that experience,

00:45:26.540 that crappy, horrible experience. It's, it sucks, man. It really sucks. But

00:45:32.380 so you got me all depressed talking about this whole separation stuff. I'll tell you some jokes

00:45:36.600 later. Okay. Was it last week? I told you I'd sing you some songs or something. Yeah.

00:45:40.120 You're going to Garth Brooks, uh, the dance, cry me a river or something. Justin Timberlake.

00:45:45.380 Like, no, it was Garth. I don't even know what Justin Timberlake sings. It was the dance.

00:45:51.180 You guys better have gone back and listened to the dance. And if you haven't,

00:45:54.980 stop listening to Order of Man right now. All right. Next question. Order of Rodeo. Is that

00:46:00.880 what you said? No, it was the, Oh, or the Rodeo. I thought you said Order of Rodeo.

00:46:05.940 Order. We're going to start another podcast. Dude, I have so many. You're going to get into

00:46:09.200 Rodeo. Look, I have so many people. They reach out. They're like, Hey, uh, I'm going to start a

00:46:13.760 thing, a movement. And I'm going to call it like Order of Dads or Order of Beards or Order of

00:46:20.740 Christians or whatever. I'm like, really? To clarify, Mickler has beards, dads, and man

00:46:27.200 copyrighted. You can't use those terms for anything. That's right. It's all covered here

00:46:31.580 at the Order of Man podcast. That's right. It's umbrellaed under it. I just gave somebody an idea.

00:46:37.200 They're actually going to do it now. Totally. All right. What do we got? So Ellis Williams,

00:46:40.760 I'm kind of flattered here. He says, do either of you journal? Oh no. I got it. Oh no. Did I get

00:46:48.580 a question? People are asking you questions. I got a question. All right. You go first. I think

00:46:51.740 that counts. It counts. Totally counts. You know what, Kip? I want to, I do want to let you know as

00:46:56.440 much as I like to hear myself talk and I do, I like to hear myself talk. Um, I appreciate you in a

00:47:02.180 co-host, man. This has actually been a lot of fun. And, uh, my, one of my fears, but also like

00:47:09.300 will be cool is when people are like, Hey, Ryan, what, like we asked Kip a question for me

00:47:14.460 and I become the, like the helper. It'll never happen. It'll happen, dude. No, it'll happen.

00:47:22.000 But, but that's, but that's cool. Like to me, I promise you, I promise you right now,

00:47:27.380 you're marked, mark my words right now that that will happen. Um, but it's now just going

00:47:32.320 to happen because you brought it up. No, do it. If somebody's going to do it, like do

00:47:35.280 legitimately, of course, but, but, um, but that's, that's the sign of leadership too is

00:47:42.300 like, if you can raise people up and not only raise them, think about like, if you're

00:47:46.480 climbing a wall, like, let's say you have to forge this wall, you have to get over this

00:47:50.900 wall and, and, and you're the leader. Most people think, well, I go, I go over first and

00:47:56.320 like, I encourage, right. Which in some instances, maybe you do have to do that.

00:48:00.560 But the way that I look at this is like, I'm going to be on the bottom and I'm going

00:48:03.920 to give you my, my hands and you're going to step on my hands and then I'm going to lift

00:48:07.220 you up a little bit. And then you're going to step on my shoulders. And then I'm going

00:48:10.220 to like, then you're on my hands and I'm actually like going to push you up over the

00:48:14.880 wall. You're, you're going for like, I'm, I'm propelling forward. That's leadership.

00:48:20.400 Yeah. Right. It's like, is you, you're going to, you're going to use me to help you

00:48:26.220 accomplish something that you didn't previously think capable or frankly, wasn't even on your

00:48:31.160 radar. And what a lot of guys will do is a lot of leaders is to say, Kip, you get down

00:48:36.940 there. I'm going to step on you so I can get over. You're here to serve me. Yeah. I don't

00:48:41.580 think that, I think it's the other way around. And I think it's so profound. I mean, it's,

00:48:44.520 it's back to the mantra of the order of man, right? Protect, provide, preside. Those are

00:48:49.880 service. Oh, totally. And we, we learn this all the time that a true leader, you're serving

00:48:55.160 people. Yeah. You're the servant. Yeah. Right. Often. Right. You're not being served.

00:49:00.380 Yeah. I've, I've thought about this. Um, just like, what was I thinking of in the context

00:49:07.580 of, um, I kind of lost my train of thought there for a minute, but like, as you think

00:49:11.980 that I'm envisioning, so you're, you're pushing me up the wall and then I reach back, I grab

00:49:17.880 you and I curl you up. I thought you lift you with one arm. That's absolutely what you get.

00:49:23.920 I thought you were going to say, I get to the top and I look down and I flip you off

00:49:27.200 and then leave. All right, man, what do we got? Did we answer the question? No. Do

00:49:35.000 either of you journal? I'm trying to get into the habit of journaling daily and was wondering

00:49:38.800 if either of you have noticed any benefits from doing so. You first, man. Yeah. I totally

00:49:44.200 journal. Um, this is actually a sore subject. I used to journal a lot. Um, when I was younger,

00:49:51.280 when I got married and, um, my ex wife, wife at the time grabbed my journal is reading through

00:49:58.720 my journal. Really? Yeah. Cause a major fight cause I was really raw and authentic. Oh yeah.

00:50:04.100 So if we got in fights, I'd write that down and yeah, completely backfired. Did she use

00:50:09.420 that against you? She did. And I, and I stopped journaling for years because of it. Cause I was

00:50:13.780 kind of like, Oh, you know, I'm never going to document my feelings ever. Right. And then,

00:50:18.720 um, since I've joined the iron council in the order of man, I, after I read miracle morning,

00:50:23.480 I thought I'm going to journal, but the approach I take because back in the day, I don't know,

00:50:28.880 back in the day, I think, Oh, I'm going to, I need to document my life day one. I did. You know,

00:50:33.480 it was like, I was almost like writing scripture. You might as well give me like a rock and I'm

00:50:38.220 chiseling, you know, philosophies of life. Right. And, and the problem was, is you'd miss a day.

00:50:43.580 And then I'd go, Oh my gosh, this is going to take me four hours to catch back up. Yeah. And

00:50:49.800 it was just so daunting. And then I really thought like, why am I even doing that? And so I've changed

00:50:55.380 my journaling to just a gratitude journal. So in the mornings, I do my morning ritual. I grab my

00:51:01.000 journal and I sit there and I ponder and I think, what am I truly grateful for today? And I'll jot that

00:51:06.140 down and that's it. A little paragraph, nothing too extensive. If there's something that's kind of

00:51:11.540 really driving me for the day, like some type of subject, that's kind of, I feel inspired by,

00:51:17.100 I'll throw that in, but it's typically just what I'm grateful for. I just got to make sure that

00:51:21.480 I equally distribute my gratefulness across my kids, you know, just in case they come back.

00:51:26.980 Yeah. Or yeah. As they go through the journal, they're like every day, dad writes jujitsu and

00:51:31.920 sex, jujitsu, sex. He's never said anything about me. Right. So, cause you know, your kids are going

00:51:37.080 to go in there, like put numbers, you know, that's five times for me. Yeah. Yeah. So I got

00:51:42.600 to be careful, but, um, yeah, that's, that's my approach. I don't journal at all. No, just don't

00:51:49.740 see a need for it. Let's be frank. This is, this is a journal. It's a journal. It's an audio journal.

00:51:54.860 Yeah. Everything I put out on social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, every, every podcast I do,

00:52:00.800 every conversation I have, I talk about my family. I talk about the things I'm grateful for.

00:52:04.180 Um, I've never been a great writer. You know, I don't, I don't particularly enjoy writing all

00:52:08.760 that much anyways. I, this is like an audio journal for me and I want my kids to be involved and I want

00:52:14.320 them to know what their dad does. And I want, I think journaling is great for posterity. I think

00:52:17.900 it's also great for you to go back and review and, and ask yourself, you know, that's what I believed

00:52:21.760 at that moment. Do I still believe that? How have I evolved? How have I changed? And so I go back

00:52:25.660 and listen to old podcasts and my wife gives me heart. She's like, you listen to your own podcast. I'm

00:52:30.180 like, you're dang right. It was a good episode. Amazing. And, uh, and I go back and watch old

00:52:36.720 videos and I like it as embarrassing as it is to see. I like it. I'm like, man, look how far I've

00:52:43.580 come. Yeah. Like, look at all the cool stuff I've been able to accomplish over a very short period of

00:52:48.840 time. And my kids hopefully will recognize how proud I am of what we've been able to create.

00:52:53.860 And hopefully, you know, if they, that they'll want to be part of it. And if they don't, that's

00:52:57.720 okay. But hopefully they'll just look at it as, you know, dad did some cool stuff and I get to hear

00:53:03.620 him every day, even after he's gone. There's this like, that is well documented. That is cool.

00:53:09.640 So I don't, I don't write like traditional journaling, but I do, I do look at this as a journal

00:53:14.100 experience. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think a lot of guys in the IC, they'll journal on the monthly

00:53:20.080 topics that we talk about. They'll journal based upon the books that they're talking about. I mean,

00:53:24.200 I think there's a lots, lots of scenarios of journaling. Well, and I, I mean, I've got a book,

00:53:29.200 what my book in the bag there, that's a journal. Cause I talk, there's a lot of personal stories in

00:53:33.000 that book of, of my life and what I went through and how I overcame that in the experience. That's a

00:53:37.920 journal. Yeah. So maybe I do journal. Maybe it's just different medium. Yeah. I think the main thing,

00:53:43.980 and I don't know what else is alluding to, but a lot of people benefit from journaling.

00:53:49.280 So let's just give it a try. It's reflection. If you can, the more you can reflect upon your life,

00:53:54.240 your behaviors, your thoughts, your patterns, your actions, your advancements, your, the things

00:53:58.120 where you fall behind, the better off you're going to be. And if, if that reflection process

00:54:03.060 includes journaling, cool, use it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. We got about, uh, I think five to maybe

00:54:09.700 10 minutes top. So maybe we can do a couple more questions here. Okay. Sounds good. Kyle, Craig,

00:54:13.880 what would you write in a letter to yourself at 18? Yeah, we get this a lot, right?

00:54:19.280 Yeah. Now you're starting to see how many times I get the questions. Yeah. These kinds of

00:54:22.520 questions. Yeah. Um, I'm a little open, more open-minded. Like we were kind of slammed a

00:54:26.680 couple of guys early in the podcast when we were doing this. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that too. I

00:54:32.380 thought, Oh man, we just threw that guy in the back, but it's, it's not, I mean, I get it. Cause

00:54:37.140 people are at different stages. And the more I've thought about this, I'm like, no, that requires a

00:54:40.920 legitimate answer. The guy, the guy wants an answer. He's asking that for a reason, like for me to say

00:54:45.900 that's stupid or that don't ask me that that's not, that's not helpful. So, well, I mean, talk

00:54:52.000 about advancement. Like we learned these things, right? We did it. And we're like, no, that wasn't

00:54:55.200 right. Adjust. So the, so the answer to the question, what, what would I write to my 18 year

00:55:00.600 old self? Yeah. Take more risks sooner, more often. Go for it. Go for it, man. Like life's short,

00:55:06.560 dude. I'm, I'm 37 years old, which isn't old. You're 39, which isn't old. Ken or whatever.

00:55:11.760 His name is 43, which isn't old. Right. Yeah. Uh, but it's not young. Yeah. You know, a life

00:55:19.820 expectancy for, for a man is probably, if I had to guess in maybe his mid seventies, that

00:55:25.220 means you and me are halfway through this thing. Yeah. If we live a decent long life, that's

00:55:30.220 kind of scary. So at 18, if I took more risks 20 years ago, nearly 20 years ago, where would

00:55:39.000 I be now? But all the little things that kept me back and all the little things that

00:55:42.900 I was afraid of and how would people respond? And what if I failed? And what if this, and

00:55:47.520 what if that, like, if I stopped playing that shit out in my mind and I had an idea and I

00:55:51.760 was like, I'm going to try it. I'll give you a great example. My wife and I, we want to

00:55:56.200 move right now, right now, because we want to have an experience. Yeah. And we've actually

00:56:01.720 been thinking about moving here to Maine, but you can pull it off. That's the thing location

00:56:06.260 independent. And, and so my wife and I have been talking a lot about, a lot about it,

00:56:10.060 like seriously, like getting our ducks in a row to make this move. And people are like,

00:56:16.340 well, why, why, why Maine? I'm like, because it's the furthest away in the United States

00:56:20.020 that I could possibly get. Yeah. It's an adventure. Yeah. And, and when I talk about it and I'm

00:56:26.360 excited about it and while we're out here, I'm taking pictures of houses for sale and showing

00:56:29.560 my wife and stuff and she's excited about it. The little voice that's countering it is like,

00:56:34.720 what if you, what if, what if this, and what about the schools and what about, you know,

00:56:40.440 moving and you got the cost and what if it, you don't like it? And what if it's bad winter,

00:56:44.820 which is all but guaranteed. It's like, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if,

00:56:49.740 so we have a bad year and we tried something gutsy and brave and fun and adventurous. And then we just

00:56:57.580 moved back home. I love it. So that's why I ended up in DC and New York. Is that right? Yeah. We

00:57:03.580 were talking about that earlier. Yeah. I got married to my wife and she'd go, I want to move.

00:57:07.200 And I'm like, what? You're crazy. And my mentality is status quo, you know, structure, you know?

00:57:13.100 And, uh, so we're like, all right, let's move to New York. That's what we did. It's awesome.

00:57:17.340 Yeah. And you, and you, and you did the thing and you experienced it and you moved back and it was

00:57:21.580 as gutsy as hell because not only we decided to move to New York, I flew out, I found a contract

00:57:28.940 to do work, but the contract was only for six months. I'll see that. So I flew out, found the

00:57:34.560 apartment and, and by the way, like the rental agreement looked like a, uh, like three Bibles

00:57:40.340 combined. It was like impossible. Right. And it was for, uh, two years. The ice. Yeah. I signed a

00:57:46.520 two year lease while I had a six month contract with the idea that I got six months to figure out

00:57:52.500 the next year and a half. I love it, dude. And it worked out. It works out. We loved it. It was such a

00:57:58.060 great experience. We had never lived there longterm. Yeah. There's never a plan to live

00:58:01.480 there longterm. You just want to try it. Kept our house in, in Salt Lake. And when we were done,

00:58:05.860 we moved back. It was great. Yeah. It was good. She's already getting the itch again.

00:58:09.880 That's what I, that's yeah. That's what I, I'm surprised you guys don't live in Hawaii.

00:58:14.860 Uh, she's been trying. She's been trying to get to you because she's from Hawaii, right?

00:58:19.020 Yeah. Yeah. And when we go visits, like, like last time we went with the kids, it was like a month

00:58:24.140 longer and longer. And we don't do vacations long for typically we're four days in and we're done.

00:58:29.280 We're like, ah, let's get home. Yeah. You go to Hawaii and you're like, I could stay here.

00:58:34.140 Yeah. Oh, of course. No doubt. All right. One more question. One more. Oh man, man. Two choices.

00:58:39.620 We didn't even get, I actually asked the guys in the Facebook group if they had questions. We

00:58:43.060 didn't even get to the Facebook group. Did we? No, we didn't. Okay. We got to do better about that.

00:58:47.000 Guys, we have them documented. So don't worry. We'll cover them next episode.

00:58:50.840 Yeah. Maybe I just won't ask for a couple of weeks so we can get caught up.

00:58:54.060 So let's go with Josh Melman. This is a good question. He says, Ryan, you've talked about

00:58:59.360 the connection between masculinity and violence, having the capacity for violence in order to

00:59:04.700 be a true gentleman. This is a new concept for me. Where do I start in becoming the man

00:59:10.700 who is a protector and who, who has the capacity for violence? So John Wayne, I think it was John

00:59:16.740 Wayne said in order to be a gentleman, you have to be a man first.

00:59:20.840 Hmm. Right. Like you can't be, you can't be, let me explain this this way. If you're

00:59:27.980 gentle, but you're not a man, you might just be a weenie or a man. What'd you say?

00:59:36.080 Nothing. You might just be a wimp. Yeah. And there's nothing gentlemanly about that. A gentleman

00:59:44.040 who could do some real damage. Who's a man that is gentle. Like, like imagine a man walking in who's

00:59:51.500 fully capable of protecting himself. He's confident. He, he's, he's, he's, he's proud of who he is. Not

00:59:59.180 in, not an egotistical way, just proud of his accomplishments. He's fully capable. And yet

01:00:04.640 he's humble enough to open doors for his wife and hold her hand and be gentle with his, gentle with

01:00:12.820 his children, show empathy and love and kindness. If you don't have the capacity for violence and

01:00:19.680 you're being gentle, you're being weak. Probably it to be a gentleman is a strong man who understands

01:00:28.380 the nature of violence and aggression and competitiveness and domination. And the, again,

01:00:35.200 the capacity to do violence and chooses intentionally not to do that because he recognizes that maybe his

01:00:42.800 children need something else out of him. Maybe, maybe his, his wife needs attention and love and

01:00:49.520 affection outside of the bedroom. Maybe the employee that he's working with is going through a real

01:00:56.260 shitty time in life and doesn't need to be bossed around and told what to do, but needs a hug

01:01:01.400 or, or, or somebody to listen to. I remember when I was, and I get upset about this because I made a

01:01:09.520 really, really bad mistake. I was a young store manager for buckle clothing. I worked for buckle buckle.

01:01:16.680 Yeah. And we had a lot of young girls working for us. That's nature of retail. Right. And this,

01:01:23.080 this, this employee would just, just fire me up, man. Like she wouldn't clean up her stuff. She'd leave

01:01:29.260 clothes and stuff. She wouldn't fold it and put it away. And I really got after her one day,

01:01:34.740 like really got after her about it. And I made her cry. And I remember this was probably 10, 15 years

01:01:43.260 ago. And I remember like, what did you, like, there's a better way to handle it. You had to make

01:01:52.280 her cry to get the point across. Like there, there was a better way to handle that. And

01:01:59.120 sometimes the situation calls for dominance, aggression, even violence. I hope it doesn't

01:02:04.740 come to that, but sometimes it does. And sometimes the situation calls for more. A man knows the

01:02:11.440 difference and is able to fulfill and step into both roles. If you can't step into both roles,

01:02:18.680 you're neither manly nor gentlemanly. So where do you start? Go do something violent.

01:02:23.800 Yeah. Go, go to the gym and lift weights, go to a jujitsu class and, and roll around with another

01:02:30.820 dude. Who's better than you, stronger than you, more technical than you, and wants to hurt you.

01:02:35.580 That like, like wants to break your arm, wants to choke you out, wants to rip your beard hairs out.

01:02:41.640 That'll make you tough. And also at the same time with jujitsu, for example, just because we're here

01:02:49.260 doing this thing now is he's controlled because you tap and he lets go. That's gentlemanly. He,

01:02:56.880 he has your life in his hands. He could kill you literally. And yet you tap and say, I've had enough

01:03:03.980 and he lets go because he's controlled. He's gentlemanly. He has the capacity to do violence,

01:03:09.720 but chooses in the situation not to, in order to serve, not himself, but you.

01:03:16.760 Yeah. Totally.

01:03:18.200 That's why I think being, or having the capacity to do violence, it's in our nature anyways.

01:03:23.580 It's there. It's there.

01:03:24.800 Whether we realize it or not.

01:03:25.380 You better figure out a way to harness it.

01:03:27.440 Yeah.

01:03:27.680 This is what, this is what, like when people talk about toxic masculinity, it's been warped and skewed

01:03:33.100 and manipulated and it means something completely different. But originally when people were talking

01:03:37.420 about toxic masculinity, what they were talking about, and I, I use this term is undeveloped,

01:03:43.120 unharnessed masculinity. It's my boys who, who freak out and punch each other because they're not

01:03:51.000 sharing.

01:03:51.660 Yeah. Gone savage.

01:03:53.180 Yes. And, and, and so sometimes called for in a controlled environment. Other times something else

01:03:59.940 is needed. Develop, harness masculinity, but you only do that by being masculine in the first place.

01:04:04.260 Yeah.

01:04:04.580 And masculinity is strength. It's competition. It's dominance. It's, it's, uh, it's, it's,

01:04:10.220 it's violence. It's all of those things that we generally think of as quote unquote masculine.

01:04:15.400 And then it's harnessing them to produce effective outcomes for ourselves and those that we care about.

01:04:19.600 And I don't, I would assume that we don't know how to control that violence unless we're

01:04:24.520 experiencing the violence, right? Like if the violence pops up when we're pissed off, we're

01:04:29.500 going to already lost your lid, right?

01:04:31.300 Of course. That's why we see a lot of, a lot of violent crime. Who, who, who, who is the instigator

01:04:38.060 of violent crime? It's men. And if you look at it, a lot of them grew up without a father figure.

01:04:45.220 Well, why is that important? Like, what about that metric makes those boys who are turning into men

01:04:50.160 violent? Nobody ever showed him how to control the violence, right? Dad wasn't around to say,

01:04:57.260 son, I'm sorry you had a bad day or I'm sorry. Little Billy was picking on you at school. Let me

01:05:02.160 show you how to defend yourself in the right way. Yeah. And so instead of defending himself in the

01:05:06.780 right way, he acts out and he does something he shouldn't do or takes it too far or takes it to the

01:05:11.920 extreme because dad wasn't around to say, no, no, no, no. Controlled violence. You can be angry.

01:05:19.260 You can be upset. You can even be violent at times. Use that to your advantage. In these parameters

01:05:25.060 to accomplish productively what it is you're trying to accomplish. Yeah. And we see that so

01:05:30.380 much in sports, kids sports. Totally. My son gets riled up, right? Crazy passionate when he

01:05:36.820 talks about sports. Which is good. And it's constant mental for calm. Be angry, sure, but don't give them

01:05:43.080 the power by lashing out, right? You use it in a way that's going to benefit you. And if you're not

01:05:48.040 around to do that or if the only people around are saying, shame on you. Shame on you for being

01:05:56.620 angry or being violent or being destructive to a little boy who's violent, angry, and destructive

01:06:02.020 by design and all he's hearing is you're bad, you're wrong. Give real, man. Like no wonder that

01:06:10.260 we're having problems with boys becoming men. Men aren't ushering them into manhood.

01:06:15.760 I have a perfect example of the benefit of violence if you don't mind me sharing. So

01:06:20.460 shout out to my friend Corey Bright. I've trained jujitsu with him for years. He's gone through some

01:06:28.300 hard times recently from a relationship perspective and he took a mini vacay, came to Salt Lake and

01:06:36.440 we're training. And, um, and I start training with him and he's, he's holding back, right? He's kind

01:06:45.300 of being passive a little bit and he's down and out in his rolling. He's down and out.

01:06:51.080 You can feel it.

01:06:52.180 Yeah. And I was like, no, harder, harder. And I start pushing harder fight. Like I'm like yelling

01:06:59.400 at him while we're training. I'm like, dude, I know you're pissed. I know you're angry.

01:07:05.020 Dude, this is the time to do it, right? This is a perfect scenario that you want to lash out. You

01:07:10.960 want violence. This is a perfect time to do it. Right. And we started rolling way harder. Right.

01:07:17.280 And I'm like, you need, we need those outlets. Men do. Yeah. That's cool, man. And you know

01:07:23.720 what is sad about that? As society looks in and they're like, these beasts, these untamed

01:07:29.980 beasts, like, why are they doing this? Masculinity is bad. What are you talking about? Dude, I,

01:07:36.640 this has been a great week for me because I get to get, I get to, I get to, I get to hurt

01:07:43.340 people in a controlled environment. Yeah. Right. And then, and then, you know what, the guy that

01:07:48.580 just choked me out or the guy I just tapped out, we go have breakfast or lunch together. Yeah. And

01:07:55.620 we're like, Oh, so what did you do right there? Like, how'd you do that? And he tells me, or I

01:07:59.020 tell him and that's good. That's good for men. Yeah. And it's in that scenario, it keeps your ego

01:08:04.540 in check. Totally. Totally. Cause that's sometimes hard to do, right? Oh, that guy submitted me. I hate

01:08:09.740 that dude. Well, I had, so there's a guy, his name is Travis and he's been a follower for order

01:08:14.000 of man and he's a Brown belt and he's here and he's like, Hey man, let's roll. And, and, and as

01:08:19.780 we were rolling, as I was thinking about it, I was like, well, I can't lose. Like I'm, I'm order of

01:08:24.140 man. Right. And I can't lose. He looks up to me. Yeah. Yeah. And yet I can lose and there, it doesn't

01:08:32.500 hurt our relationship. It doesn't hurt my status even. In fact, if anything, it probably enhances it

01:08:38.020 because it's humility. It's, it's, it's, it's just genuine. It's, it's being open to learning

01:08:44.580 new things and being humble and congratulating him and saying, man, that was a tough SOB that that

01:08:51.080 helps. That's good. That's good for men. So to, was it Josh? Josh's question. I think his name is

01:08:57.040 Josh. Josh's question. Uh, how do you, where do you start? Find, find places to be violent and it's

01:09:03.760 going to be scary. It's going to suck. When I did the first jujitsu class I went to, they

01:09:09.020 did like half an hour of technique. I don't even remember what they taught. Um, cause I

01:09:13.940 was lost. I was like, cause it didn't matter. Yeah. So we did a half an hour of technique

01:09:17.680 and then he said, okay, go roll. I'm like, I don't know what that even means. He's like,

01:09:22.180 fight that guy. I'm like, how? He's like, just try not to get submitted. Okay. Survive.

01:09:28.860 Survive. And so that's what I did. And it was a rude awakening. It was a rude awakening. Cause

01:09:34.940 I thought I was in shape. I thought I was conditioned. I pride myself on, on those things

01:09:39.420 and I was proven otherwise, but it was good. All right. We got to go. We got to wrap this

01:09:43.960 up. Um, real quick, uh, how to connect with us, learn more, whatever, whatever it is that

01:09:48.980 you know. Yeah. So on the social media side, you can connect with Ryan at, at Ryan Bickler

01:09:54.720 and then Twitter's at order of man. If you want to join the conversations that we're having

01:09:59.480 like this on Facebook and within the order, go to facebook.com forward slash groups forward

01:10:05.360 slash order of man. And we talk about the 1%, but if you're willing to willing and want to

01:10:12.340 take advantage of the opportunity to take these conversations to a much deeper level and applying

01:10:19.100 them in a practical way in your life, we call that the iron council. And you can learn about

01:10:23.960 the iron council at order of man.com forward slash the iron council, just iron council,

01:10:29.440 or just iron council, or you can go to the iron council.com as well. You can find us

01:10:33.440 or Patreon or patron. That's right. Just do a search for order of man. I'll get you guys

01:10:38.440 some random Patreon. It's pro I'll probably, I'll probably just make the link order of man.com

01:10:42.740 slash Patreon. Yeah. And, and a couple of the questions today was around how to become more

01:10:48.700 violent. Um, how do I re reduce my body fat percentage? There's a lot of key questions

01:10:55.960 there and we felt to mention this, but the testosterone t-shirt on the order of man store

01:11:02.560 will help with all of those scenarios by default. It will just by wearing it. In fact, I, I have

01:11:10.120 a big gut. I've worn the testosterone shirt for two weeks straight and, uh, I have a six pack

01:11:15.800 and 10% body fat now. It's incredible. Yeah. But, but of course I'm doing all the things on the back

01:11:20.540 of the t-shirt. That's the kind of thing. You got to do that stuff. Yeah. All right,

01:11:24.820 brother. I appreciate you, Kip. Appreciate being here. We'll call it a day guys. Uh,

01:11:28.320 keep asking those questions. Great questions today. And, uh, yeah, I just appreciate you guys

01:11:33.340 being here. I mean, this has been a good ride. Um, pretty cool. Pretty cool. I think you guys are

01:11:37.200 enjoying the ask me anythings. Uh, let us know what you think and we'll keep going. So until,

01:11:41.580 uh, what do we got Friday until Friday for the Friday film, let's take action and become

01:11:45.860 the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're

01:11:50.640 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite

01:11:54.900 you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 05, 2018

Violence as a Virtue, Overcoming a Victimhood Mentality, and Dealing with a Separation｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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