Order of Man - What is a Masculine Life, How to Handle a Wife Making More Than You, and Helping Kids with a Difficult Move ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Good to see you. Your hair looks great today,

00:00:27.840 by the way. Your hair is looking great. Get a little scuff on the side. What's this?

00:00:34.980 What is this on the right side of your eye right here? I use my head in jujitsu too much,

00:00:41.540 and I constantly, like once this starts, mark my word, once this starts, that will be a scab

00:00:47.400 for months because it'll get easily agitated every single time I train, and I'm not willing

00:00:54.360 to stop training. So now I have like this permit scar on the side of my face. I'm going to your

00:00:58.640 right side next time we train. Good to know. Thank you. The funny part, this is not even a

00:01:03.600 gi rash. This is no gi smash my face rash. Hold on. Hold on. We got a malfunction. A technological

00:01:14.220 malfunction. Hold on. All right. I think we're good. What is that Red Bull you're drinking?

00:01:21.000 Oh my goodness. Okay. So there's a little something on my eye too, right here. You see

00:01:26.820 it right here? Oh yeah. It's a sunspot because I don't use my head during jujitsu. I do it right.

00:01:36.160 I use the side of my head all the time. I don't know. That's why you have cauliflower ear, bro.

00:01:41.520 Joey. I actually, I, I used to think it was from people grinding my ears. No, it's from me

00:01:47.600 from my ears on people. I swear I create it more than, than they do. So I was talking the other day

00:01:54.300 about cauliflower ear and he's like, well, you know, I don't have, he's been training for a long

00:01:58.100 time, longer than you. I mean, yeah, that's not like he's been around for a long time. Yeah. And

00:02:03.900 I'm like, why don't you have cauliflower ear? He's like, cause I protect my head, bro. I'm like,

00:02:08.460 got it. Fair. That's a fair response. So now you're like, I hope I don't get cauliflower

00:02:15.320 here. It's going to give me shit forever. Yeah, dude. I've been dealing. You guys know

00:02:19.360 this torn bicep. Look at that. Look at that shit, man. That's a week. Yeah. Better. It looks

00:02:26.320 amazing. Guess what Ryan's doing tonight. He's going to jujitsu deadlifted. Who cares? I already

00:02:34.300 deadlifted, bro. My son was like, dude, I bet you can't pull as much as me. He's 14. I'm like,

00:02:40.940 how much. And the ego kicks in, you know, he's like, care that I'm injured. And he's

00:02:45.800 like, I can pull two 65. That's my record. I'm like two 65. What? So like a little boy

00:02:50.960 weight. All right. So I threw up two 65 is warmups. That's not true. Actually. I was

00:02:57.280 like, Oh shit, I'm in trouble. And, uh, we got to, I think, I think the other day I got

00:03:02.940 to three 15. I, I don't like saying this. I'll be honest. I'm probably like, if I could

00:03:09.220 pull, if I had a one rep max, I'm thinking maybe like three 63 70, somewhere right in

00:03:17.320 there. That should always be two times your body weight. So I'm thinking like

00:03:19.840 somewhere right in there. I pulled three 15 and I was like, okay, I'm done. I, it

00:03:25.760 hurts. Like it hurts my pack. This pack right here on my left side is like way

00:03:31.720 bigger than my right side. So I think maybe you jacked your pec a little bit.

00:03:36.480 Yeah. I think I need to go in. It's bigger, like, like visibly noticeably bigger. So, well,

00:03:43.100 you keep playing with it and it's going to keep doing that. I keep tweaking my nipples

00:03:47.520 like this. And you know, my pec just like gets bigger. I don't know. I don't know what's

00:03:51.920 going on here. What Ryan's not telling you guys is the next morning he didn't get out

00:03:56.600 of bed. Don't worry about all that. It doesn't matter. I threw my bag out what we're talking

00:04:04.120 about how much you can lift, not how quickly you can recover after the fact.

00:04:08.620 Yeah. That's a whole other bag. Yeah.

00:04:11.700 So I will say today, we'll get into questions here in a second. I will say today I'm fired up.

00:04:17.300 I posted something about homeschool. Actually, I made two posts about homeschool today.

00:04:21.940 And my wife sent me a message because I was out running errands and she's like,

00:04:25.700 I see you're pissing people off early this morning. That's exactly right.

00:04:29.940 Do people get mad when you make posts about homeschool? What's the typical reason they're

00:04:37.440 angry? Well, I'm going to do a Friday field notes this week about it. So make sure you tune into that

00:04:42.940 if you are interested in a deeper discussion. But there's usually two or three. Number one is

00:04:49.680 not all parents are in that position or not all kids can get homeschooled by their parents. That's

00:04:56.180 number one. Because we've relied on school as a babysitter, babysitting tool. And they're not

00:05:05.740 in a position to be able to do homeschool because they need to work. Is that correct?

00:05:12.840 Okay. Correct. Yep. So two parents working. Look, I'm not going to judge that. I get it. If we look at

00:05:21.480 Bidenflation, I mean, come on, you're paying 30% plus more for everything. I get it.

00:05:28.640 Yeah. We all might need his. I get it. Totally get it. This is Biden's fault.

00:05:34.980 Okay. I'll be rude. This is not Putin's price hike. This is Biden's fault. Then you,

00:05:43.080 some of you people listening voted for Biden and it's also your fault. You can take that.

00:05:48.520 So I get it. Okay. So that's one. Hey, we can't afford it. I get it, but work towards it. You

00:05:57.360 know, you might have to sacrifice. You might have to let go one of the cars. You know, you, you

00:06:03.240 probably like, if we look, look at the statistics, you, as a family, you probably own more than two

00:06:09.080 cars. How many cars do you own Kip? I probably shouldn't say. No, just say it. Four, four cars.

00:06:17.360 I own three. And what? We don't need four. No, no, no, no, no. And we don't need four.

00:06:26.460 So you have five. You have five vehicles. Okay. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying that to put it on

00:06:33.020 you. Like you guys have created the life that you want, but like, that's cool. Yeah. Okay. We,

00:06:38.760 we have, we have two vehicles, excuse me. We have three vehicles. One's being restored

00:06:44.380 right now. And we have two street worthy street legal bikes, dirt bikes. Yeah. So we've got

00:06:54.160 like six vehicles. Okay. The average consumer owns more than two vehicles. What, what would

00:07:02.420 10 or $20,000 in your bank account mean? Yeah. It, for you, it's okay. For me, it's okay.

00:07:10.780 But for the people who are like, well, I can't afford it. Well, how many cars do you own?

00:07:13.560 That could be the difference. Yeah. Right. Okay. How many, how many subscriptions do you own?

00:07:19.640 How much bullshit and baggage do you, I know you want to talk, but like how much shit do you own?

00:07:25.720 And then simultaneously, you're going to say to me, well, like I can't homeschool because I don't have

00:07:32.000 any money. Well, no shit. You've been buying six cars. Of course you don't have any money.

00:07:37.200 All right. Go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I've always been bothered by,

00:07:42.940 cause I, I was, we were pretty poor being, or being raised when I was being raised and it,

00:07:51.180 it always shocked me when you would see like a, another poor family that had like cable TV or even

00:08:00.400 TVs and like game consoles and other things. And, and they were still asking for help. I never

00:08:08.000 understood that because I was like, we'll sell your TVs first, right? Like sell these other things you

00:08:13.120 don't need, but you're right. What about fat, poor people? Yeah. Like how can you be fat and poor?

00:08:23.320 Yeah. That's, that's what we would call the, the, the technical definition is an oxymoron.

00:08:30.120 I'm fat as fuck, but I'm poor oxymoron that you ain't poor. I have food. Yeah. But you're overeating.

00:08:38.700 Okay. So come on now, come on now. So my wife, so I'm fired up. You can hear it. Um, but my wife was 1.00

00:08:46.920 like, Hey, Oh, you're getting started earlier or whatever. Yeah. You're damn right. I am. Cause

00:08:52.400 I got a problem with what's going on with the public school system. And this is what I said to her and

00:08:58.160 she laughed cause she knows me, you know, eight, almost two decades of being together. Good.

00:09:02.740 So you gave three reasons why people typically complain. One was, Oh, they can't, they can't

00:09:09.380 pull it off because of their financial circumstances. What's the other two? Um, the, the second is they

00:09:15.020 won't be socialized. Oh, the, okay. They're afraid their kid won't be socialized appropriately.

00:09:21.620 Okay. Yeah. And then all my kids. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I don't buy into that. I have brother,

00:09:27.760 I have a brother that has homeschool kids. We actually homeschooled Kiave for a few years,

00:09:32.320 you know, but, but, but, but I do think that's a trend. People assume that you know what I mean?

00:09:38.720 It's, it's an old, it's an outdated line of thinking because when you and I were in high school,

00:09:46.340 so this was, so I'm four, I just turned 41. So what's that? 22, like 20, 23 years ago,

00:09:54.300 like 27 to 23 years ago. So like a quarter of a century ago, uh, the homeschool kids were

00:10:01.460 fricking weirdos, man. I started laughing because I knew exactly what you're going to say. It's like,

00:10:07.120 yeah, actually homeschool kids used to be odd. They were fricking. No, that's, that's nice. You

00:10:12.680 said it nicely. They're fricking weirdos. Yeah. That's funny. Okay. Today, like, you know, my kids,

00:10:19.220 I got four kids. Yeah. My kids can hold the room with the best of them. My kids could sit at a table.

00:10:24.760 My oldest in particular could sit down at a table with 700 men and, and, and hold the table.

00:10:32.460 Yeah. Tell jokes and stories and laugh and tease and mock and play and, and, and engage with the

00:10:40.700 best of them. Totally. All right. So there's this. So what did I say? There's, there's the,

00:10:46.260 hey, two parents need to work. There's the socialization issue. The last issue that I hear

00:10:51.360 all the time is like, well, you know, that's nice for you, but some kids, bro, I'm not talking about

00:10:56.100 some kids. What do you mean? Something about what, what they'll say is like, well, but some kids don't

00:11:00.980 have a parent. Some kids don't have two, two parents out. Some kids are, so I'm not talking about

00:11:06.200 the exception to the rule. Right. Yeah. And I'm not even talking to, I'm talking about you.

00:11:10.460 Does that apply to you? You think, you think when I talk to you that I'm saying that, that saying,

00:11:18.460 well, some kids I'm talking to you, bro, you. Yeah. So what are you saying to me? You're either one

00:11:26.500 a saying my kids don't have two loving parents. So that's an indictment on you. Yeah. Or I'm not

00:11:35.840 willing to do the work, which is also an indictment on you. Yeah. Now look, I know that there's some

00:11:42.360 kids out there who don't have loving parents. What the fuck do you think we're trying to change

00:11:50.100 in the order of man podcast? I'm trying to get men to step up. I want you to step up. I want you to

00:11:57.840 live your life. I want you to be a man. I want you to, to, to work with as best you can,

00:12:05.120 the consequences of maybe some poor decisions that you made in life. That's what we're trying

00:12:10.280 to do here. Yeah. That's the point of the mission for you to step up as a husband, a father, a business

00:12:19.660 owner, a community leader, all these things. So don't talk to me about some kids, either those,

00:12:25.420 some kids are your children or those, some kids are somebody else's children in which I recognize

00:12:31.820 that maybe we need to come in collectively as a society and help these children out. I'm talking

00:12:38.480 about your kids. Okay. My children, my, I have four. How many do you have Kip? Six, seven, six,

00:12:48.080 six or seven, maybe more. Who knows? Six.

00:12:57.760 That would be the same as like, hold up. That's a bad sign. You know, I am a loving parent.

00:13:06.180 I'm talking to you, Kip. You don't even know how many kids you have.

00:13:11.480 Possibly. At least six, maybe more.

00:13:21.000 I can't, I don't know where I was going. You guys all know. Who knows?

00:13:29.060 All right. Look, it's been a tough morning. Actually. It has. It's been a day. It's been a

00:13:33.800 day. All right. The point is guys here at the end of the day is like, take care of your kids,

00:13:39.220 do what's right by them. It's going to require a sacrifice. And you know, those kids who don't

00:13:43.840 have the luxury that your children do because you're involved and hopefully you're, you're

00:13:47.260 working to become more involved. Yeah. We need to take care of those guys. And so we step up and

00:13:52.720 we coach sports and we, and we coach little league teams and we step up in the community and we work

00:13:57.740 to serve these individuals and public schools and option for these kids. But for your kids,

00:14:03.840 you really ought to consider homeschool. There's one other thing. And then we'll get the questions

00:14:08.820 that I said, cause I made two posts about homeschool today. Yeah. Which is a rarity.

00:14:14.160 Usually I only do one because like nobody can handle it. You know, you can't handle one,

00:14:18.720 let alone two. Second post I made is if I was a school teacher, I'm like, all right, look,

00:14:23.880 if I was a school teacher, because I know that there's great school teachers out there.

00:14:28.200 There, there really are. And, and what I'm suggesting to you is not an indictment on school

00:14:34.360 teachers broadly. There are some scumbag school teachers, a hundred percent for sure. And there

00:14:40.860 are some incredible, incredible, lovely, beautiful, courageous school teachers that are working in a

00:14:48.240 broken system. To me, it's like you have this, just this like disgusting, rotted, gross tree.

00:14:56.760 And there's one limb that is like beautiful. And it's working on overtime trying to produce the

00:15:04.260 best fruit, but the tree is entirely rotten. And this tree is just doing, or this limb is doing

00:15:09.520 everything it can to produce beautiful apples or pears or oranges or whatever. And the whole tree is

00:15:16.660 rotten. And it's like the last, the last like resort, the thing that's holding on the last.

00:15:24.100 And I made a post and I said, if I was a school teacher, what I would do is I would leave government

00:15:30.020 schooling immediately. I would pick up 10 students, 10, just 10 in my immediate community. I would

00:15:38.080 charge $1,500 a month. So if I I'm doing my math correctly, this is not common core. This is like my

00:15:43.720 math, 1500 a month times 10. If my math serves me correctly, that's 15,000 a month. If my math serves

00:15:53.000 me correctly, times 12 annually is 180,000. So you're making just under 200 grand a year,

00:15:58.920 just under a quarter of a million dollars per year. And you're working with 10 children

00:16:08.220 and you're serving them and you're loving on them and you're teaching them truth.

00:16:14.760 And you're serving your community and you're quadrupling. If not, I don't even know the term

00:16:22.200 quintupling your income and you give them personalized attention and you cater their

00:16:29.960 schooling based on what they need to know. And you don't work with them. Let's just say

00:16:35.680 hypothetically, they go from, uh, what eight o'clock to five o'clock. So that's nine hours

00:16:42.840 times five. That's 45 hours. Uh, again, I'm, I'm not using common core, so I could be wrong,

00:16:50.540 but to me, the math comes to 180 hours per month. If there's four weeks in a year in that month.

00:16:58.220 And instead of doing 180 hours, you're doing a hundred hours because you're not doing assemblies

00:17:07.440 and you're not doing bullshit and you're not trying to be way more efficient than that.

00:17:13.080 Yeah. And you're not undoing what Joe Schmo, you know, woke Mr. Woke over here. You're not undoing

00:17:19.560 all his bullshit or her bullshit or their, they bullshit. Cause I think that's the pronoun we're

00:17:25.380 supposed to use. And so you let you, you have to like radically change everything. They just learned

00:17:31.080 for the last two hours. And now instead of 180 hours per week, you're doing a hundred hours per

00:17:38.440 week. You're making more money. You're serving these kids better. The community is better served.

00:17:45.120 That's hard for a school teacher because you've been indoctrinated and you don't want to hear that.

00:17:50.840 Yeah. Well, and I think some schools teachers might hear this, like, that's really

00:17:55.320 great, but I couldn't, or maybe I couldn't get those 10 students. And I would suggest you could

00:17:59.860 dude, you, the, the teachers as a parent, the teachers that are amazing. If like giving a perfect

00:18:06.980 example, we're, we're pulling Kika and Kulani probably out next year and working with one of

00:18:12.500 those schools from Matt, the private school that Matt does. And we're a little to the same teacher

00:18:20.540 that Kika had when she was in fourth grade, just said that she's still doing fourth grade and is

00:18:26.040 curious about Kulani. And we're now we're like, Oh wait, she's so great. And so now we're thinking

00:18:31.600 about keeping her around with that teacher. Cause that teacher was so amazing. If that same teacher

00:18:36.260 said, Hey, I'm doing my own thing. We'd be like, awesome. Sign us up. Yeah. Cause once you get an

00:18:41.500 amazing teacher, it's like, it's, it's everything. Yep. They're so good. So Miss Gwen is one of our

00:18:48.380 favorite teachers. Um, I think three of my children have worked with Miss Gwen, you know,

00:18:55.460 she was a kindergarten teacher, uh, actually preschool and kindergarten private, right? Private.

00:19:00.300 Yeah. Yep. She's awesome. You know? So anyways, all right. Well, soapbox step down. 0.84

00:19:06.920 On that note, before we get started, do you want to throw out URLs really quick for

00:19:11.360 man and caged just so that's upfront and personal and, and, and so guys know about it? Cause that's

00:19:16.520 a limited window. Yeah. So guys, thank you for bringing that up. We have an event this weekend.

00:19:21.660 It's, uh, this Saturday. Uh, so that's going to be May 7th, May 7th. Uh, it's called man uncaged.

00:19:29.700 So I'm going to be speaking. Kip's going to be there. John Lovell is going to be speaking.

00:19:33.560 Bedros Cooley's Cooley is going to be speaking. Jack Donovan's going to be speaking. Tanner

00:19:37.620 Guzzi is going to be speaking. Matt Pedro is going to be speaking. Steven Mansfield is going to be

00:19:41.180 speaking. Um, this is a powerhouse lineup. So you can do one of two things. If you're in the

00:19:47.260 Sacramento, California area. And if you are, I don't know if you listen to this podcast,

00:19:52.120 actually, if you're in California, it's further up North, it's further up North. You're good.

00:19:57.000 It is. Okay. Fair. Fair. So like you're Northern California, not the same. Uh, we're going to be in

00:20:02.440 the Sacramento Roseville area, May 8th, go to manuncaged.com slash live. You can pick up your

00:20:08.280 ticket there. The second option is if you're not in the California area, which I don't blame you.

00:20:14.180 I commend you. Then you can do the virtual conference, which is free, free virtual conference,

00:20:22.140 manuncaged.com. I think that's it manuncaged.com. And you'll have access to the virtual conference,

00:20:28.660 which you can attend when we have unlimited seats there. So if you want to come rub shoulders with

00:20:33.740 all of us, me, of course, right? Like, of course. Uh, but the, some of these other guys who, you

00:20:39.700 know, are kind of cool. Then you can do the live manuncaged.com slash live, or you can do

00:20:44.660 themanuncaged.com, which will take you to the virtual ticket. Yeah. Come on site. Help me hackle,

00:20:51.780 harass these guys, bro. There's nothing you can say. I haven't heard. I promise you that.

00:20:57.540 Uh, good times. All right. Should we jump into it? Let's do it.

00:21:02.420 Facebook.com. Yes. Go ahead. Slash group slash order, man. Go ahead.

00:21:07.960 Nope. That's it. I'm on. I'm on. I'm on your time now, Kip. Okay. Andrew Workman. How did your

00:21:14.180 kids handle your move to Maine? My plans for the future and where I see my, uh, dictate a move to

00:21:20.080 a different state. And if not dictating the move, a move may make the endeavors more successful,

00:21:26.160 but I worry about the impact of my family and my kids. Some extended family would go with us,

00:21:31.300 but the kids' cousins wouldn't. Thoughts, recommendations. Good question. Two things.

00:21:37.660 Number one, it doesn't matter. You're the adult. Do what's best for your family.

00:21:42.920 You're the adult. Your kids don't know. Your kids are dumb.

00:21:45.720 Okay. They're dumb. They're ignorant and they're dumb. It's like a double whammy.

00:21:52.560 Yeah. Just like mine are. I'm not calling your kids dumb. Like, Oh, Kip's kids are so dumb. Like,

00:21:57.780 Oh, no. Like all of our kids are dumb. Okay. My kids are dumb. Your kids are dumb. Like

00:22:03.340 the cool thing that we have in common is that all our kids are stupid. Okay.

00:22:06.660 Like, like, so what you are the dad. Your wife is the mom. You make the decisions culturally. It's

00:22:19.060 like, Oh, well tell me what, like you have a penis, but like, but you feel like you should 0.98

00:22:23.420 have a vagina. Oh, tell me about it. Oh, like, Oh, maybe I should, you know, like care about that. 1.00

00:22:28.520 No. Like if your boy has a penis, then he's a boy. If your daughter has a vagina, then she's a girl. 1.00

00:22:34.420 Like I have boys and a daughter and you know, they are what they are. Like, you don't get to tell me

00:22:39.980 you don't get to dictate the tone of the conversation. All right. Let me get that out of

00:22:45.100 the way. Um, how did our kids handle it? We worked very closely with them about the pros and the cons.

00:22:54.500 We didn't lie to them. We told them the truth, which is that in many ways, it's going to be good.

00:23:00.580 You can have some wonderful opportunities. We have some land to stretch out on and we're going to play

00:23:05.480 and we're going to laugh. We're going to joke. And we're going to do this all together. And you're

00:23:09.320 going to have to leave your friends and you're going to have to make new friends and you're going

00:23:15.200 to have to change your lifestyle. Cause we went from public school to homeschool and it's going to be

00:23:19.920 sacrificial in a lot of ways. And that's the trade-off. Like you don't get your cake and eat

00:23:26.940 it too. You got to choose. And here's what we've chose to do. And so the better that my wife and I

00:23:33.460 have been involved in the process, um, the more that we can engage them in a meaningful and

00:23:38.680 significant way, not only for us, but for them, you know, my oldest is like, he's all about hunting.

00:23:44.680 And so he's like, dad, can we do a food plot? Yeah, absolutely. We can do that.

00:23:50.560 My daughter's like, Hey, I'd like to dance. Cool. Let's find you a dance studio in the area. 1.00

00:23:54.960 And it's 45 minutes away every Wednesday night. My wife drives my daughter 45 minutes away to go to 0.98

00:24:02.820 the dance studio. And she has little girlfriends and they play and they laugh and they dance together.

00:24:07.460 And one of them, that's her best friend in the world, you know, quote unquote, best friend in the

00:24:12.320 world is moving to Oregon and she got her number and she's going to talk with her or whatever.

00:24:18.660 Kids are resilient. Okay. Kids are going to learn from you. They're going to see how you handle it.

00:24:24.280 And then they're going to bounce back and they're going to get on their feet in a new, in a new

00:24:28.400 environment. So be aware of what they're struggling with. I got to be honest, my second son, not totally

00:24:34.800 on board with the move. You know, I could see him being back in Utah and just living his best life.

00:24:42.780 And at some point, maybe he will, maybe he'll move back or, you know, maybe he'll move somewhere

00:24:47.100 else. And he loves the city and he gets energized by it. And he's like, he just loves it. I don't love

00:24:54.680 it at all, but he loves it. And so he's going to have to make some changes probably in the next

00:24:59.460 was 11. So in the next six or seven years. And so like, that's okay. Like you can make those changes,

00:25:05.620 but here's the experience that we're having now. So it's really about the experience that you're,

00:25:09.280 that you're having. But the one thing I would say is don't place too much weight on how your

00:25:14.520 kids will deal with it because that becomes an excuse. Your kids will deal with it to the degree

00:25:19.540 that you can. Yeah.

00:25:21.300 And so this afternoon I get done. So it's about noon here and I've got a call right after this

00:25:28.700 that I've got to get on. So that'll put me about, about one o'clock Eastern. And my, my kids are

00:25:35.420 like, Hey dad, can we go shoot the 22? Absolutely. We can go do that. And that'll take us an hour,

00:25:41.420 you know? Um, and then I can go back and do some work, but like, this is the beauty of what we've

00:25:47.500 created here. You can make it work in any environment. Totally. I can't, I'm sure this

00:25:52.960 is the case for you too, Ryan, where some of the most memorable experiences of my life were the

00:26:00.380 difficult scenarios of when I was a kid. There are the scenarios I would have avoided as a kid.

00:26:06.820 And most parents would have tried to like shield me from, but because I was exposed to them,

00:26:14.760 there are some of the most memorable things I've ever experienced in my life. Yeah. So you don't

00:26:20.640 know a move is not going to be that. Right. So yeah, they're going to, the kids are, and you, by the

00:26:26.800 way, the kids and you are going to be fine wherever you are. So in our church and Kip, you and I share a

00:26:35.560 similar faith. We, we, we host a, um, a testimonial meeting is what it's called on the first Sunday of

00:26:43.820 each month. Yeah. And that testimonial is no Bishop or no priest or nobody else is coming up to give us

00:26:50.980 a sermon, but that testimonial meeting is opened up to the church congregation. And so on a voluntary

00:26:57.640 basis, people get up and they speak about their relationship with Christ and their relationship

00:27:02.660 with God and their, and, and the things they've been dealing with. And one of the things that I

00:27:08.820 used to hear a lot is, you know, I really, I really pray. I I've been trying to figure out where I need

00:27:14.460 to move and I've been really praying for an answer. And God said, and I, I've, I personally, I really

00:27:21.420 take issue with that. Kip, I don't know how you feel about that. Like God actually doesn't care where

00:27:27.880 you live. I think he's a lot more hands-off than I think most people think, but yeah. And it's

00:27:34.820 because that's how you learn and grow. It's not because he doesn't care. Like you need to make

00:27:38.840 your decisions. And so I don't think God said to you, well, you should move to Maine. I think God said

00:27:47.120 to me personally, that if Maine's where you feel like you want to go, I will support you in that.

00:27:54.800 And I will present opportunities and I will give you guidance and direction. But if Maine's

00:28:00.840 somewhere you feel like you need to go, then I have your back. I think that's what God has said

00:28:05.760 to me. Yeah. But I don't think God said you should move to Maine because it could be Maine. It could

00:28:13.320 be Nebraska. It could be Oregon. It could be Colorado. It could be Montana. It could be any of

00:28:18.920 these States. And God's like, no, no, wherever you move, like I've got your back. Like I'm going to help

00:28:23.440 you. And it's the same with schooling. It's the same with education. It's the same with moving your

00:28:31.660 kids. Like wherever your kids are, you have their back and there's going to be pros and cons. And so

00:28:39.860 it's okay. Like you have their back. They'll be okay. They'll be fine. You support them. You do what

00:28:46.560 needs to be done as a father. You would not be asking this question if you didn't feel like you

00:28:49.980 have the capacity to do it, or you wanted the desire to do it. You guys will be okay. You really

00:28:55.160 will. You'll be better. You'll actually be better because you did something challenging together

00:29:00.320 and that's meaningful and that's significant. Bob Ross. People ask all the time for book

00:29:08.240 references. Hold on. I'd like to know. The guy's name is Bob Ross. That's awesome. Bob Ross. Yeah.

00:29:14.220 I can pronounce that correctly. So I know that's right. Well, you know, Bob Ross is

00:29:19.400 sorry, Bob. Who's Bob Ross. Oh man. I'm not even going to say anything.

00:29:31.220 I can't, I can't even. I'll pretend to not be distracted in Google, Bob Ross,

00:29:37.000 or you try to trick me into Google, Bob Ross. I can't even, I don't know if we can. Oh,

00:29:43.400 the happy tree guy. Yes. Come on. I'm not even sure. I don't even know his name. It's Bob Ross.

00:29:52.520 I'm not even sure we continue to do this podcast together. All right. Go ahead and ask the question.

00:29:58.360 Happy tree guy for next week. People ask all the time for book references. I would like to know

00:30:04.520 what a short story or poem that resonates with you and why. A short story or poem.

00:30:12.000 Yeah. I come prepared in case you didn't. Cause I thought about this and I thought, well,

00:30:16.800 maybe I'll pull up something, but. Well, there's a couple of things. So one that always inspires me,

00:30:23.380 it's right up here on my wall is Theodore Roosevelt's man in the arena. So that's kind of a quick snippet.

00:30:30.260 There's another one. Let me read this to you. So this one comes from my second son, very artistic.

00:30:34.880 Music. Yeah. Just very interested in the arts written, spoken, drawn, whatever. Very interested

00:30:42.000 in the arts music. This one's called living statue, living statue. He wrote this probably three years

00:30:49.360 ago when he was maybe eight or nine years old. He says, and I've got it framed. I should show you

00:30:56.120 guys sometime. I've got it framed and posted. He says, I think I'm right. I think I'm wrong.

00:31:02.280 I didn't listen to the statue rules. I'll see. I'll go with the flow. Oh, excuse me. So I'll go with

00:31:11.060 the flow, go slow as an alpaca. That's it. Let me, let, let me just read it one time. Cause I

00:31:22.080 butchered it. I think I'm right. This is called living statue. I think I'm right. I think I'm

00:31:26.860 wrong. I didn't listen to the statue rules. So I'll go with the flow, go slow as an alpaca.

00:31:35.360 And one time I asked him, I said, what, what does that mean? What do you, what are you even

00:31:40.100 getting at here? Yeah. He's like, well, dad, I don't know. And I'm paraphrasing. He said, sometimes

00:31:44.380 I'm like, I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but then it doesn't feel right. And sometimes when I

00:31:50.500 feel like I do the quote unquote wrong thing, I feel like I'm also right. And I didn't listen

00:31:56.060 to these statue rules. And I'm like, what do you mean by the statue rules? He's like, I don't know,

00:31:59.700 like statues are like, like frozen, like somebody's telling you what to do. And like, it's immovable.

00:32:08.220 I'm like, okay. And he says, so, but I didn't want to follow those rules. I wanted to, I wanted to be

00:32:13.920 different. And alpacas are weird. That's what he said. Alpacas are weird and they're different and they're

00:32:20.200 not like unique. They're unique. They're not like a real, like a, like a normal animal.

00:32:25.140 So I wanted to be like that. I'm like, bro, you're nine years old. You shouldn't be thinking

00:32:32.940 about this stuff, but he's right. Like he's a hundred percent. Right. Like, I think I'm right.

00:32:39.900 I think I'm wrong. He's conflicted. Yeah. Okay. I didn't, I didn't listen to the statue. I didn't

00:32:48.200 listen to what everybody else, all the authorities told me what to do. So I think I'm going to go

00:32:55.940 with my own rules. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to do my own, I'm going to do my own thing.

00:33:00.200 I'm going to go slow as an alpaca because an alpaca doesn't care. It just spits on your ass when

00:33:07.780 you like try to get to get in its face. Okay. I got, so he drew this on a little piece of paper,

00:33:16.300 like an eight and a half by 11 piece of paper. And I reached out to my designer

00:33:20.020 and I said, I need you to, I need you to like do this. And he's got a picture of an alpaca. I'm

00:33:26.720 looking at it right now. He's got a picture of an alpaca. And I said, I need you to just put this

00:33:31.040 together. And we have three or four of them written around the house. That stuff's powerful, man.

00:33:37.580 Powerful. It's like one of my favorite poems. And it's from my son, my second son, when he was

00:33:44.240 probably, like I said, eight or nine years old. I find it interesting around eight or nine.

00:33:52.520 All my kids have expressed the conflict of right and wrong, like logically in their head

00:34:01.240 around that age. And it's always fascinates me. They're like, Oh, I, I feel tempted. Like I want,

00:34:10.260 they don't use the word tempted though. Other thoughts enter my mind. And I want to do the

00:34:15.780 wrong thing. You know what I mean? That's, it's really interesting. It's always around that age.

00:34:21.640 Yeah, it is. They, um, they start, they start to claim some, well, what we talked about is sovereignty.

00:34:30.420 Yeah. Right. They start to gain some control over their life and see that they are

00:34:34.820 autonomous creatures that they aren't, they aren't required to follow what we follow as,

00:34:41.540 as, as their father. So it's kind of an interesting point in their life.

00:34:46.000 Yeah. Um, can I say one other thing on that kit? Like when, when you talk about poems or short

00:34:52.560 stories, I have all sorts of stuff up in my office that reminds me of that. So, um, I've got Theodore

00:34:58.320 Roosevelt. I've got my son right here. I've got one by Jason Reese. It says when nothing seems to help,

00:35:04.260 I go and look at the stone cutter hammering away to his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as

00:35:08.840 much as cracking a crack showing in it yet at the 101st blow, it will split in two. And I know it was

00:35:15.820 not the blow that that blow that did it, but all the blows that had gone before I've got a code of

00:35:21.020 conduct up here. Like I've got stuff in my office that reminds me of what I need to be reminded of,

00:35:26.780 uh, in order to do the things that, you know, I want to do in life.

00:35:33.740 All right. Dylan Beaudry tips for finding contentment in a job that doesn't challenge

00:35:39.620 you or push you in your respective field, but pays the bills.

00:35:47.120 Well, paying the bills is great. That's a virtuous thing,

00:35:50.200 but I think what you might be doing and, and I don't want to put words in your mouth or

00:35:57.700 jump to conclusions is I think what you might be doing is assuming that it's your job's

00:36:03.940 responsibility to give you meaningful challenge. And it isn't. And so you're wondering when they,

00:36:09.380 again, I'm guessing, cause I don't, I don't know the backstory, but you might be sitting there

00:36:14.720 wondering when your job is going to give you something that's meaningful or significant.

00:36:18.320 What I would suggest to you is go find it. Like what charges you, what energizes you,

00:36:24.620 what gaps do you see? What challenges are the business is the business dealing with?

00:36:29.280 What struggles, um, how could they make more money? How could they serve their clients better? Like

00:36:34.380 all these questions you could be asking. And then you could go to, if you were my boss,

00:36:38.920 Kip, I'd go to you and I'd say, Hey, um, you know, Mr. Kip, here's the things that,

00:36:43.440 that we're doing very, very well. And here's the reasons I actually like being part of this

00:36:48.240 company. We're doing all these cool things. Um, but what I noticed is that there was this

00:36:53.140 really interesting, I went through all of our social media profiles and accounts and questions,

00:36:57.740 and there was this reoccurring trend and people were asking about X, Y, and Z. And I thought, man,

00:37:04.840 what a great opportunity. We've never even considered that before. And so, um, I've put together ABC,

00:37:11.300 which I think would help address this. Have you guys ever addressed this before?

00:37:14.520 And he would say, yes, we have. And here's why it didn't work and say, oh, okay, well,

00:37:18.760 here's why I think maybe we can reevaluate it. Or he might say that, uh, no, well, actually we've

00:37:28.100 never addressed that before and say, okay, great. Well, with your permission, and I'm not asking for

00:37:35.700 you to pay me more or like, like nothing in return, but with your permission, I would really like to

00:37:41.160 start tackling this. Would you be okay with that? And then you get the permission and you start

00:37:48.440 building out your own position. I don't know what it is. I'm speaking generally and broadly. Like,

00:37:56.040 I don't know what your manager's like, but, or your boss, but these are ways that I would personally

00:38:01.520 bring it to the table. In fact, I have done that. Like when I worked in retail,

00:38:06.440 I, I, I saw issues that we had with the way our store was set up. And so I brought it from a manager

00:38:12.680 and fortunately she was very receptive to that. And I did it tactfully, but she was very receptive

00:38:17.340 to that. Um, and that helped me develop this leadership capacity. Uh, there was also things

00:38:24.680 in my financial planning practice. And this is very, this is a very important lesson. So I was trained

00:38:32.220 by a bunch of what I would call old timers. Okay. These are guys that are probably 60 plus years old,

00:38:38.160 uh, in the financial planning service. And they've been in the business for at least a quarter of a

00:38:43.460 century, if not more, three, four decades. And I went to them and I'm like, Hey, have you guys ever

00:38:49.680 tried like doing digital marketing, digital marketing? Oh, what are you talking about? Have you guys ever

00:38:56.900 tried a podcast? Oh, podcast. Oh, that's stupid. Oh, what are you talking about? I'm like, okay,

00:39:00.940 well, clearly these guys aren't on board. They all were kind of overweight and they were all slightly

00:39:06.300 balding and their chairs were a little higher than either my chair as somebody walking to their

00:39:11.360 office or their client's chair. You guys know exactly who I'm talking to. And I said, you fools,

00:39:16.280 not to them, obviously face to face, but in my head, I'm like, you fools, like you fools,

00:39:22.520 you sit in your, you know, your ivory towers and you look down on me and you look down on your

00:39:28.840 clients. You guys are foolish. And so I said, well, I'm going to start a podcast. And you know

00:39:35.860 what those companies that I was working with did? They said, well, we're not totally comfortable with

00:39:42.700 this. You need to submit everything that you're going to talk about. You need to submit us a script

00:39:49.760 every week. So our old ass people can look at that script and make sure you're saying the things that

00:39:57.360 are approved. And you know what I said? Fuck you. I'm not doing that. Here's what I'm doing.

00:40:05.660 And I said, well, you know, Ryan, well, you can't do your podcast. And you know what I said? Good.

00:40:10.400 I'll go start a different podcast. And guess what I did? The order man podcast.

00:40:14.500 And here we are seven years later doing this because a bunch of old decrepit

00:40:24.440 men who thought they had it figured out, didn't have it figured out. And guess who's running laps

00:40:33.340 around those people now? Me.

00:40:35.460 So when a guy says, well, like, I don't know what to do. Like you create the solution and it might

00:40:45.340 lead you to a betterment in your current business. It didn't for me, the hires up, the powers that be

00:40:51.260 rejected it for me. Unfortunately, not for me, unfortunately for them, because I could have

00:40:58.460 made them quite literally billions and billions of dollars, like literally billions of dollars,

00:41:03.640 but they didn't accept it. And so I said, see you later. And now we are here

00:41:12.240 with order of man doing something that wasn't even on the radar seven, eight, nine years ago.

00:41:21.320 Yeah. Create the solutions to your problems. They're there. And if people don't believe in you,

00:41:26.000 good. Believe in yourself. And there are going to be people who, and there have been people who

00:41:31.960 believed in me. You know, Kip, you've been with me for a long time. You believed in me. You don't

00:41:37.640 have a reason to do that. You might have a reason now. And if you join now, I might say, well, okay,

00:41:43.540 like I might question a little bit more, but you believed in me when nobody else did

00:41:47.000 or very few people did. I should say that that's, that's more fair when very few people did.

00:41:52.940 Yeah. And I think the key thing here too, Ryan is just to be really clear, at least for me,

00:42:00.720 you got to be killing it in what your current responsibilities are. And, and that's, that's,

00:42:06.620 that's really the, that's the confirmation of willingness to let someone like see an idea and

00:42:15.120 run with it. Because I know that them running with this idea would be beneficial. Why? Because they

00:42:20.860 have the right work ethic because they're committed. You know what I mean? They work hard or whatever,

00:42:25.260 but if you're mediocre in what you're currently doing now and you're disenfranchised and you're

00:42:31.340 just doing the bare minimum, and then you come to the table and go, ah, there's a great idea. I'm

00:42:36.320 going to go. Yeah. You can't even do what you're doing today. Well, so why, why would we give you

00:42:44.180 more? Right. Because then, then I'm thinking you're just the guy that's, that's chasing a shiny

00:42:49.500 object and this is exciting. And eventually once it's not exciting anymore, you're not going to do

00:42:54.060 a good job. No, I, I agree. I think that's a hundred percent right. So double down on what

00:43:01.420 you're doing, but, but I will throw one caveat to that tip. And I'd like to hear your feedback on

00:43:06.440 this is like, just because you're killing it in whatever you're doing doesn't mean they're going

00:43:13.240 to see the vision of what you'd like to do. Yeah. You still run that risk. Correct. And,

00:43:18.600 and some of it, I mean, and don't get me wrong. There's some value, right? Like it could mean

00:43:22.680 your boss is closed mind. It could mean you failed at pitching the idea well enough for them to connect

00:43:29.200 to it. Right. So, you know, as always, as with most things, be slow to judge and, oh, it's my boss

00:43:37.240 and maybe evaluate a little bit and say, well, did I articulate that well enough for him to get on

00:43:42.060 board? Right. So I actually hear this a lot in the relationship aspect of life. So we had Terry

00:43:48.060 cruise on last week. And one of the things Terry talks about, and that was super fun conversation,

00:43:53.220 by the way, that's a cool conversation. I mean, the guy is actually like,

00:43:59.200 well, I say actually, because I don't think it's that common. He's very down to earth.

00:44:03.820 Yeah. He's very humble. Um, and he's very supportive. You know, he's still, he comments

00:44:09.880 on Instagram with me. I could probably text him and he would text right back. He's I, I got a message

00:44:16.720 from somebody that had, uh, well, I, I'm not going to disclose what he said, but he, he, he, he disclosed

00:44:23.700 a very heartfelt message and I, and I forwarded it without the names. Cause I want to be discreet

00:44:28.540 there because of the impact that the conversation had on him. Yeah. It was an impact that, that had

00:44:33.680 with him. And he did something in his own personal life based on that conversation. And I took that,

00:44:39.020 I screenshot it and I took it without his names, without his name on it, or identifying information.

00:44:44.100 And I sent it to Terry and Terry's like, Oh my goodness. He spent, sent me like a very incredible

00:44:49.440 message back. Um, and, and so like, he, he, he's very heartfelt. He's, he's very, um, engaged in what

00:45:00.600 we're doing here. Uh, I can't remember where I was going with that right off hand, but do you remember

00:45:06.360 what we were talking about right before that? Um, right before that we were talking about,

00:45:10.420 you know, don't be too quick to assume like, Oh, my boss doesn't understand. Take some ownership

00:45:15.940 in regards to being clear and concise on your message or your pitch. And then you brought up

00:45:21.800 the conversation with Terry. Yeah. Gosh, dang. I got distracted because I was, no, it's not,

00:45:26.920 it's not you. I was just got distracted because I was thinking about like, that's not common for

00:45:31.840 somebody to do that. Unfortunately, I wish it were more common, but he's one of the few and there

00:45:36.620 have been, but the, one of the few individuals who actually did that. Um, I guess maybe I'll remember

00:45:41.720 it later. I just, I just lost my train of thought. So I might, I might pull it back up.

00:45:47.560 Okay. Mark Mancuso, how to properly balance a masculine life when a spouse, his wife has a 0.86

00:45:55.100 career that pays 10 times what he makes. In fact, uh, me trying to make money, uh, definitely hinders

00:46:03.360 family life. I am okay with it, but it does bug me a little bit. I look, I get it. I actually

00:46:10.220 get it. Yeah. Me too. It would bother me too, but I know that, I know that the common theme is to be

00:46:17.840 like, well, so what she makes more than you, but like, but like put yourself in that situation for

00:46:22.840 a minute. Well, as men, we, we love, I mean, whether good or bad, and we could probably have a

00:46:29.720 whole conversation on whether it's good or bad or not, but a lot of us measure, um, our,

00:46:34.920 our value of met as a man in our ability to provide for our families, right? Like that's

00:46:43.700 one of the things that we do. Right. I mean, of course it should be. That's, that's what we talk

00:46:48.560 about. Yeah. All right. But what do we do with this? I get it, bro. I empathize with you kind of,

00:46:56.240 but then at the same time, like, damn, your wife's making 10 times. That's awesome. 1.00

00:46:59.700 Yeah. What are you bitching about, man? Come on. Like I see both sides of this. I really do. And

00:47:07.480 I'm trying to be very honest. That's one of my goals for this quarter is just to be more honest.

00:47:13.640 And the aunt, like I made a post about how charming Joe Biden was in his, uh, in his, uh,

00:47:21.620 presentation with no, no, no, no, no, no. With his, his speech at the press conference.

00:47:31.400 Like he was very charming, like very good. And everybody's like, ah, I'm going to lose my mind.

00:47:40.280 And I'm like, no, we gotta be honest. Like he was pretty charming. That was also, by the way,

00:47:45.980 that's also the most dangerous he is, is when he's charming because then he fools everybody.

00:47:50.460 Yeah. But he was charming. Like, we gotta be honest. And so with this guy, I gotta be honest.

00:47:58.760 I'm like, man, I get that. I feel that. Like when your wife's making more than you and she's like,

00:48:05.700 quote unquote, being more of a man than you are. Like, I feel it. I think it's fulfillment.

00:48:14.340 Explain. I mean, just thinking if I were Mark, right.

00:48:18.940 Why, why, why do I put value associated to my ability to provide? And it's because it gives me

00:48:26.260 fulfillment. It's a form of fulfillment in regards to I'm making an impact and I'm making a difference.

00:48:32.920 So if I'm not making a difference and impact financially for my family, then I have to be

00:48:39.700 about something. So you better figure out what the other mission is, right? The other way that

00:48:46.460 you're being fulfilled in life, knowing you're killing it. Like that's the, that's the answer,

00:48:51.480 right? You gotta be killing it in life. So if killing, it's not 10 X financially, then,

00:48:57.880 and let's be honest, a lot of us listening could be killing it financially and not really killing it

00:49:03.520 in life too. Right? Like that's not everything. And so maybe the answer, at least my thought is,

00:49:09.100 find another mission and start getting after it and have, leave a lasting impact. And maybe it's not

00:49:16.600 in how much money comes in through the door at your home, but it's elsewhere.

00:49:23.640 Period. Like put a stamp on it. I don't think I could have said that better myself, kid.

00:49:29.680 Well, thank you. I mean, I probably could have, but I was just saying that.

00:49:33.220 I know. No, I don't think I could have. When you were saying that, I'm like, yeah,

00:49:39.660 that's like bingo. That's exactly right. The only thing I would add is what could that actually look

00:49:45.940 like? Yeah. What, what, how do you connect to that and figure that out? Yeah. But maybe even

00:49:52.580 your financial, I mean, one, one thought really quick is your wife's killing it financially. 0.99

00:49:58.880 You might be in a position to do something that a lot of guys can't do.

00:50:02.780 You know, a lot of us are wrapped up into the financial side of things, making ends meet,

00:50:09.520 and we can't go after the other thing. Well, maybe you can due to that financial benefit that you

00:50:16.160 have. So what, what would be the other thing? Well, back to your question. What are the other

00:50:21.900 things? I've heard you say this, but I think it's the things that light you up. So me personally,

00:50:28.380 find a problem, something that pisses you off or gets you super excited and find a problem and make

00:50:35.320 it yours, whatever that is. So if you get fired up by homelessness, you get fired by child abuse,

00:50:41.680 you get fired up by whatever social thing that's, that's happening in the world,

00:50:46.780 take it by the horns and make it your problem. That's a good place to start. 0.98

00:50:53.220 Totally agree. I mean, for me personally, the things that would come to mind would be,

00:50:57.420 man, what if I could just like pour fully into coaching youth sports for boys, for boys specific,

00:51:04.660 for me, I'm not saying this needs to be for you, but for me, like, what if I could pour fully into

00:51:09.680 coaching youth sports for young men and not only teach them sports, but teach them all the life

00:51:15.120 lessons they need to know through the basketball court or the football field or the baseball diamond.

00:51:20.620 And like, what if I could do that? What if I was free to do that? Man, you're free to do that.

00:51:28.120 Your wife's crushing. Now, look, you need to get her buy-in, right? Cause she's, 0.99

00:51:31.720 she's an integral part of this, obviously financially, but you're wrapping up your identity

00:51:37.980 into income. And I do too, like my, because my, guess what? My wife doesn't work outside of the 1.00

00:51:44.500 home. So she literally has zero income coming in. So with our dynamic, it's, it's my dynamic. It's

00:51:53.340 not yours. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. With our dynamic, I pull in 100% of the income.

00:52:00.820 Kip, you probably pull in, if I had to guess, maybe what, like 70 to 90% of the income.

00:52:06.600 Yeah. And that's your dynamic and it's not wrong or right. That's just what your dynamic is. And so

00:52:13.560 I pull a hundred percent, but if she's pulling an 80 to 90, okay, well, what are you going to do with

00:52:19.060 the 20? Well, you got to decide. And then you got to get her on board. You got to sell that to her 0.84

00:52:22.820 because she's an integral part of this. Just like if my wife says, Hey, here's what I want to do.

00:52:28.600 I want to, her big thing right now is pigs. And she's like, I want to get by a couple of pigs. I'm 1.00

00:52:33.200 like, cool. You need to sell me on that because I'm the one that's got to pay for it. Yeah. I'm

00:52:38.700 the one that has to pay for feed and all this stuff. Now you have time invested. Sure. But I

00:52:43.520 got to pay financially. There's, there's an investment on my part. So you got to sell me

00:52:47.960 on that. And she will, and she'll, you know, tell me for whatever reason. And I'm like, okay,

00:52:52.360 cool. That makes sense. Or hon, I don't think this is the right time. And I have said that for the last

00:52:56.040 couple of years, like, no, like let's get our feet under us. And then we can talk about it.

00:53:01.060 And now she's like, no, I really want to do this. Okay. Well, like sell me on it. Well,

00:53:05.200 you might need to explain to her why this is the thing that you need to do. And you're

00:53:09.300 a team. And that is the interesting thing about team. So here's a conversation I've had

00:53:13.980 with my wife is occasionally all, and I just said it actually, it's like, well, it's my

00:53:19.040 money. Is it, is it? Because if I remember correctly, 18 years ago, I

00:53:31.060 said, we are now one. So is it my money? No, actually, no, it's ours. Yeah. And when

00:53:43.900 she says, well, these are my bees, are they your bees? Are they, or are they ours? Right.

00:53:51.020 And so I fall into it of like, well, and I tease and I, and sometimes I take it too

00:53:56.080 far, but I do tease it. I'm like, well, like you can do whatever you want, but just

00:54:00.220 remember my, it's my income. It's paying for that. I'm like, okay, I'm teasing her

00:54:03.820 about it. Okay. But like, it's not my income. It's ours. Well, and then other guys, the

00:54:10.120 mass fear guys will say, well, how come it's hers? Because I already agreed. I'm a man of my

00:54:15.860 word. I already said, well, and we identified who's doing what. And so part of what she does 0.95

00:54:23.700 allows me the freedom and time to go to the office and focus on bringing income in. I can't

00:54:30.940 do that. If she's not at home watching kids, like that's impossible, right? Like my, my

00:54:37.060 morning was crazy because she's actually out of town. I'm getting kids ready. You know what

00:54:40.260 I mean? So part of my success, a great deal of my success is a result of her doing her

00:54:46.520 part, right? Just like Trish is really getting great at, or is great at gardening. Why? Because 1.00

00:54:53.700 your role helps support her in doing that. Just like what she does help support you in your

00:54:59.140 podcast. Like, I, me and Asia do this all the time because we're kind of competitive by

00:55:03.920 default, which is not probably really healthy for our relationship.

00:55:07.540 Actually, it probably is. It's probably a good thing for your relationship.

00:55:11.560 And that pendulum swing sometimes, right? And she's just, and she'll kind of get attached

00:55:15.840 like, well, how am I financially versus, am I, babe, us, this is our game, right? This

00:55:22.380 is not mine. This is not yours. This is ours. Now, once I get a new truck, that will definitely

00:55:28.080 be mine. But, but other than that, everything else, cute, cute kid.

00:55:33.700 Let me, let me say it this way. All right. Let's put it this way.

00:55:37.820 I'm just going to use some arbitrary numbers, but I think it'll help with the math.

00:55:41.020 Okay.

00:55:42.340 Again, numbers, you guys will get the point. Let's say your wife makes $100,000

00:55:46.760 and you make 10 a year and you make 10,000 a year doing whatever it is you do.

00:55:56.240 That's $110,000 a year. Okay. Now let's look at this. Let's say that you said to your wife,

00:56:03.200 hey, hon, you know, I really only want you working 50% of the time so I could work twice

00:56:09.700 as much. So now she makes $50,000 and you make $20,000. 0.71

00:56:15.480 So you went from $110,000 to, if my math serves me correctly, $70,000. You almost cut your pay in

00:56:26.440 half because your stupid ego got in the way. Yeah. Boy.

00:56:31.980 Now, on the other hand, he said, hey, hon, like you're better at this.

00:56:38.260 Yeah. Or you're in a career or an industry that has a way higher probability of bringing in better

00:56:45.060 income than mine. Yeah.

00:56:47.700 Right. So here's what I'm going to do. And I don't think that I really don't think that men

00:56:54.860 should stay home with their kids exclusively. Like I actually really don't think that's a good

00:57:00.100 scenario because we suck at it because we suck at it. And I mean, anecdotally, it's just horrible.

00:57:08.460 You know, I love my kids. My kids are begging for mom to get home.

00:57:12.060 Yeah. So you'll need to go out and find something in addition to, but let's not let our ego get in

00:57:20.360 the way because if you can either collectively make $110,000 together, I'm actually kind of

00:57:26.120 thinking through this as I'm talking about it, but you can make $110,000 together or you can make

00:57:31.120 $70,000 together. Well, cool. I choose $110,000 because that's an extra $40,000. That's almost,

00:57:39.340 what is that? Like $3,500 a year, maybe $3,300 a year that I'm like, oh, or excuse me, a month.

00:57:47.200 That like, that's a $3,300. Cool. Like go buy three rental properties with $3,300 a month.

00:57:57.160 Yeah. And now you turn that into, in this market,

00:58:01.200 $7,000, $9,000. And you're managing those now and now you got your thing.

00:58:04.260 Yeah. Come on now. Come on now. Like let's get our ego out of the way. All right. Let's take one more. 0.98

00:58:09.320 Okay. Um, Matthew Estes, how does a father balance a career where he's gone from home half the month

00:58:18.200 every month? Um, it is, is it worth it to find a more simple job where he can be home every day

00:58:24.640 or continue his dream job and be gone half the time? So he threw in that dream job in there. So

00:58:31.020 I would, didn't expect that that was a curve ball. Yeah. Cause usually what, without dream job,

00:58:36.820 you're like, you know, priorities, but now it's a dream job. Yeah. That's a curve ball. Cause usually

00:58:42.580 what, and, and okay, here's what I'm going to say here. I'm going to challenge you. Is it really

00:58:47.640 or is it comfortable? And it's what, you know? Yeah. So like, I don't know. I don't know.

00:58:54.900 We'll take it at face value, but I want you to ask that question. Are you just saying dream job

00:58:59.240 because you're making good money? Okay. Like I need you to ask that question, but let's take it at

00:59:04.200 face value that it is your dream job. Um, our motto is protect, provide, preside.

00:59:12.740 Right. Like we've, we've been very clear about that for over seven years now.

00:59:23.420 And if you look at each one of those components, protect, provide, and preside, which is synonymous

00:59:31.020 with leadership, there is an element of sacrifice and all of those things.

00:59:41.100 And you think, and I thought, and Kip, I know you have, and a lot of men listening to this

00:59:47.100 is think that we, we get to have our cake and eat it too. And you don't, you don't remind myself

00:59:55.780 constantly that like, there's a price always a price. There is a price. And I'm not going to tell

01:00:03.440 you whether or not you should pay that price. That isn't my job. You are the patriarch. You are the

01:00:10.920 man. It is your job to determine whether or not that price is something you're willing to pay.

01:00:18.900 And for me, so I'm just going to tell you what I would feel. Let's just hypothetically say I was

01:00:24.320 making $200,000 a year in my dream job. And I decided because I made the decision to bring kids

01:00:36.100 into the world. I did make that decision. Contrary to popular belief, we all know how kids come into

01:00:41.640 the world. I made that decision. Well, we don't need to do graphic, but I made that decision.

01:00:48.360 And whether or not I realized the cost of that decision, I still made it.

01:01:01.460 And so maybe that means that I'm going to need to sacrifice my dream job of $200,000 a year and take

01:01:09.940 $100,000 a year. And my dream has changed. My priorities have changed. But there's also

01:01:18.580 circumstances once your wife says, this goes to the last question where your wife is like, 0.97

01:01:23.200 no, like, I think you should pursue that dream. We're making plenty of income over here,

01:01:27.860 but she's part of the deal. It's now a package deal. Do you remember that when you were kids,

01:01:32.940 like when you were playing soccer or like dodgeball or, you know, red Rover on, on, on the, on the

01:01:41.600 playground during recess and you had your best friend and you're like, well, if you choose me,

01:01:47.800 you choose him. We're a package deal. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you want to be on the

01:01:54.420 same team. Doesn't matter because you're a package deal. It ain't you or them. No, you, you, at some

01:02:03.960 point, because you married her said, no, we're a package deal. Yeah. And so that means that, look,

01:02:11.320 if I'm on the, if I'm on at recess and I'm like, nope, me and Kip, we're buddies, we're package deal.

01:02:16.160 You pick me, then you get Kip. If you don't pick us, then you don't get either of us. And you know

01:02:23.160 what? That might play to our favor in some instances, and it might not play to our favor

01:02:28.260 in some instances, but that none of that matters. Cause I already decided we're a package deal.

01:02:33.580 Like you get me, you get him, you get him, you get me package deal. No questions asked.

01:02:40.360 And at this stage in your life, you know, if somebody said to me, Hey Ryan, you could choose

01:02:45.360 order a man or my wife, easy decision, easy all day long. I'll make that decision for order of man. 1.00

01:02:51.800 I'm just, that's a joke for my wife. Okay. All day long. No questions asked. We're a package deal.

01:03:00.640 This is what I bring into the equation. This is what she brings and it works. But if any instance

01:03:04.860 came and said, Hey, you need to choose this or your wife. I already made that decision. I made that 0.97

01:03:11.280 decision almost two decades ago. I don't know questions. There's no thought about it. I already

01:03:15.680 thought about it. It's already inked into the deal. So ask yourself if you really committed to

01:03:24.860 your wife and your family, or did you just commit based on some contingencies?

01:03:32.120 So I wrote this book that's coming out later this fall and they paid me up front. They paid me a

01:03:41.080 signing bonus, which was, which was nice and hefty. And that feels really good. They believe in me.

01:03:48.280 And then they're going to pay me a little bit more based on the sell, the books that I sell.

01:03:53.560 And they, and they said to me, Hey Ryan, we're going to ink this into your contract. And if you sell

01:03:58.520 X, Y, Z amount of books, then we're going to pay you a little bit more. And if you sell this many

01:04:03.320 books, we'll pay you this much more. These are all contingencies. And I like those contingencies

01:04:07.860 because there's no downside potential. There's only upside potential, but in your marriage, those

01:04:15.400 there's no contingency. Yeah. Like, could, could you imagine say like a, a, a, a pastor saying, Hey,

01:04:25.160 um, you know, Ryan, Patrick Mickler and Tricia and Mickler, you're, you know, joined together in holy

01:04:33.660 matrimony, unless a hotter babe comes along and then that's cool. Yeah. That's not what they say. 1.00

01:04:41.640 That's all in all in a hundred percent. Yeah. So what are you in for? Are you in for your dreams?

01:04:48.860 Are you in for her? And is she your dream? My wife's my dream, man. I come home. I came,

01:04:54.400 I came home today. We have a, you know, kit, cause you've been out to our place several times.

01:04:58.600 And there's this inside of a barn. That's the door. I come in. I walked through our barn every

01:05:02.520 day. And then I, there's this window and this window is a mudroom. And then beyond that window

01:05:07.220 or beyond that mudroom is the laundry room. And I, I, I got into that window and I didn't open the

01:05:15.500 door cause the mudroom door was open and my wife was in there doing laundry and I was just staring 0.95

01:05:20.460 at her for a minute. Creep. I totally. And I just watched her for a minute and I knocked on the

01:05:28.800 door. So I, I, you know, I got her attention and she like bent over the laundry machine, like doing 1.00

01:05:34.260 laundry, but also being sexual, which was like, she doing my laundry, but she's always doing being 1.00

01:05:38.820 sexual. Like this is amazing. And that's my dream, bro. Like she's my dream and my kids are my dream

01:05:51.680 and the job supports it. Dream. Yeah. That's it. So I'm getting a little emotional here. If,

01:06:03.920 if the job needs to change for the dream to be realized, then so be it. But you Kip are not my 1.00

01:06:12.960 dream. My dream is her and my kids and I'll do whatever I need to do to ensure that I get the

01:06:22.780 dream and walking into my barn and seeing my wife and her teasing me and playing with me or playing

01:06:29.200 with the kids or outside doing her garden, bro. That's my dream. That that's my dream. Everything

01:06:35.640 else supports it. Period. That's all I got, man. Excellent. All right, gentlemen,

01:06:49.040 connect with us online, facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And of course,

01:06:55.660 learn about the iron council. We'll be opening that back up probably later this month. So stay

01:07:01.900 tuned, stay connected, sign up for a newsletter to get notified appropriately, order of man.com

01:07:06.880 slash iron council. And of course, connect with Mickler on Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

01:07:13.920 And just a reminder on the uncaged man, uncaged event this weekend, that's manuncaged.com

01:07:22.260 or for the live event for streaming. That's manuncaged.com slash live.

01:07:28.620 That's it, man. Still a little emotionally thinking about that.

01:07:33.080 So what matters?

01:07:34.460 Yeah, man. So that's always been what matters.

01:07:39.460 Figure out what your dream is, like what your real dream is. Dream job is like part of the equation.

01:07:45.520 And I'm not going to tell you that following a dream job isn't your dream. I don't know what your

01:07:50.440 dream is. I just know what mine is. And I know what I can get myself distracted with.

01:07:56.240 And I get myself distracted with work. I think most, a lot of us as men do, I can distract myself.

01:08:02.900 Yeah, it's easy. It's, um, it's simple. Maybe it's not easy. Our work is hard, right? But it's

01:08:08.960 simple. It's like I can measure performance. I can measure income. I can measure getting out of debt.

01:08:14.940 Like you can measure all these things, but how do I measure, you know, my wife shaking her ass at me 1.00

01:08:21.200 when I'm peeking through the door as a creeper, you know, how do I measure the connection I have

01:08:28.840 with my children? I don't, I don't know how to do that. I wish I could tell you it's this formula.

01:08:33.820 I wish it'd be so much easier, so much simpler. It just doesn't work like that, man. So

01:08:41.020 lots of things to think about for myself today. All right, guys. Well, I appreciate you. Uh,

01:08:47.540 we'll be back on Friday. I'm going to talk about homeschooling on Friday. Cause that's an important

01:08:51.220 topic. Uh, and, uh, until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:08:57.820 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:09:02.440 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at quarter of man.com.

Order of Man - May 04, 2022

What is a Masculine Life, How to Handle a Wife Making More Than You, and Helping Kids with a Difficult Move ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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