Order of Man - What it Means to Be a Real Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:04.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.380 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.060 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.560 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.

00:00:27.620 I'm the host and the founder of the Order Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today

00:00:32.320 and welcome back. If you've been with us for any amount of time, you know this is a podcast

00:00:37.260 and a movement dedicated to helping all of us, myself included, become the man that we have

00:00:45.120 a desire to be. Men for ourselves, men for our family members, for our communities, and every

00:00:51.240 other facet of life. So today we're going to talk about what is a real man. Now, obviously,

00:00:57.620 as I share this, this is coming from me. I know the difference between fact and opinion.

00:01:04.180 I know the difference between my perception of situations and my truth, if you will, which

00:01:14.180 is a term I don't like, and absolute truth with a capital T. And what I'm sharing with you today

00:01:18.960 is my perception, my opinion of it. But it's not just my opinion of it. It's also the opinion of

00:01:28.100 millions and millions of human beings who have come and gone before us with regards to what does it

00:01:34.800 mean to be a man? Because every once in a while, you'll hear things like a real man is or a real

00:01:40.940 man does. And every time you hear or see that, there's going to be people who say that I'm wrong

00:01:47.260 or their definition of what a real man is different. So I thought we'd all get on the

00:01:52.220 same page. And then if you are, of course, on the same page, we can talk about what that looks like

00:01:56.020 and how we can develop more of this in our own lives. Before I get into the meat of the discussion,

00:02:02.300 I do want to let you know that we have the Iron Council, which is our exclusive brotherhood,

00:02:08.940 is now open for enrollment for a very short window, a very brief moment in time. So if you're

00:02:16.440 interested in banding with us and connecting with other like-minded men and walking through life

00:02:22.400 shoulder to shoulder with other men who are in your corner, who have your back, who want to support

00:02:27.860 you, who want to give you feedback and accountability and the tools that you need and are required to

00:02:34.180 win and to thrive and to be the best that you can be as a man, then check out the Iron Council.

00:02:40.620 You can do that at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Again, orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:02:47.520 All right, guys, let's talk about what a real man is. Whenever I have this discussion,

00:02:53.340 there's always a debate about what it means to be a man. So I thought we'd start there and I want to

00:03:00.560 be precise with my language because if we look at the definition of a man up until, I guess,

00:03:05.700 relatively recently where people are trying to change the definition of man and woman, male and

00:03:10.640 female, let me just tell you what the definition would be traditionally, that a man is an adult male,

00:03:17.300 an adult human male. That's the definition. That's what a man would be.

00:03:22.000 Okay. I'm going to take it a step further. And the reason I'm going to take a step further is

00:03:26.960 because I know many adult human males who are not acting manly. Now they may be men according to

00:03:36.700 that definition, but they're not acting like men. So what I'm going to say is that it goes above and

00:03:46.020 beyond your anatomy and your age, obviously anatomy, uh, because we have young boys. I have

00:03:53.200 three boys and I have a little daughter as well. Uh, but I, but I do have three boys and they're not

00:03:57.420 men. We don't expect them to be men. They have the anatomy. They have the biological makeup,

00:04:01.920 but they're not men. They're boys. They might be young men. My oldest is a young man,

00:04:07.040 but they're still boys. Okay. It's not just the anatomy and it's not just the age. As I stated

00:04:13.820 earlier, I know of plenty of adult aged males who I would not consider men. It goes deeper than that.

00:04:21.900 It's how we show up. It's how we perform. It's what we do. It's how we engage with experiences

00:04:27.880 around us. It's how we lead others. And so what I would suggest to you is that a man is not only an

00:04:34.020 adult biological male, human male, but a real man is somebody who is on the path of making himself 0.78

00:04:42.480 a protector, a provider, and a presider preside synonymous with leadership. That's what it's

00:04:50.080 been throughout thousands and thousands of years of human history. And that's what it is today. And

00:04:55.900 it isn't until the relative ease of modernity that we've even been able to call into question.

00:05:00.520 What is a man? What is a woman? Because every other culture before this knows exactly what it is 0.96

00:05:06.160 and knows the roles and knows what men excel at generally and what women excel at generally,

00:05:12.260 and have not had to call that into question because we needed to step into these roles respectively

00:05:17.520 in order to secure the human race, in order to procreate, in order to keep ourselves safe from 0.97

00:05:25.800 dinosaurs and saber-toothed tigers, in order to hunt and provide for the family, in order to ward off

00:05:33.140 predators and warring tribes and neighbors, in order for women to bond collectively together, 1.00

00:05:40.300 to be able to turn houses into homes and make the community an environment that is nurturing and

00:05:45.820 supportive. Everybody throughout all of history has known this. And now because we have it so easy,

00:05:52.440 and we do, that's not to discount challenging times that people are going through, but the

00:05:58.040 challenges that we struggle with are significantly less than the challenges our ancestors did.

00:06:03.640 The odds of you having to ward off a dangerous predator to stay alive are significantly lower than

00:06:10.580 they were a thousand years ago. So that's why we're calling it into question now. But here's what I've

00:06:17.120 found is that in moments and times of challenge and strife and turmoil and danger, men and women

00:06:24.140 naturally and inevitably will fall back into their default roles and responsibilities based on not some

00:06:30.060 societal construct, but a biological construct that is supported societally. When there's wars to be

00:06:39.600 fought, men go fight those wars. When there's danger or an emergency, it's men who go into that calling,

00:06:51.820 into that battle. That's what the men do. Now, are there women who do that? Sure. Absolutely. So it's not 0.96

00:06:58.340 exclusively true, but generally those are the roles and responsibilities. So a man, according to me,

00:07:04.400 and again, I want to be precise, my language is an adult human male, but above and beyond that,

00:07:09.360 somebody who's learning to and on the path to become a protector, a provider and a presider and

00:07:14.560 not just for himself, by the way, a man is a man when he learns to be able to take care of himself,

00:07:20.960 but also in such a great capacity that now he can use his, his excess, his resources to turn around

00:07:28.760 and provide for his wife and his children and his neighbors and his community members and the people

00:07:33.660 that he loves and cares about. And even people who can't do it for themselves.

00:07:39.540 So I would suggest that if you can take care of yourself and provide your own path, but you're

00:07:43.960 not doing it for people around you, that's not what I would consider manly behavior. I mean, great

00:07:49.460 that you're taking care of yourself and you're a self-sustaining member of society, but unless you're

00:07:54.420 learning to turn that outwards and serve others, I don't think you're acting the way that men behave.

00:07:59.360 So let's talk about this. We'll break it down into segments. We'll talk about protect,

00:08:05.160 provide, and then preside last with protect. Here's what a real man does. A real man knows

00:08:11.620 that he's a protector. And in order to be a protector of not only his things

00:08:15.640 and his boundaries and his home and his community, but also his people,

00:08:21.140 his family members, his colleagues, his coworkers. How many times have we heard of

00:08:27.100 potential mass shootings where you have two opposite ends of the extreme? A man who charges

00:08:33.920 a would-be murderer and subdues or kills that would-be murderer. And on the opposite end of the

00:08:41.200 spectrum, how often do we hear of adult males who run and hide and cower in the corner when confronted

00:08:50.600 with danger and violence? Who is the bigger man? All things equal. I would say the one who

00:08:59.400 runs towards the aggressor and is the protector. We would all absolutely say that that is the bigger

00:09:08.740 man. It's the one who can protect, protect himself, protect his property, protect his boundaries,

00:09:15.140 and protect his people. How do we do this? Number one, guys, we got to get on the path to health.

00:09:19.060 I try not to be as a judgmental here. And I don't know people's situations when I see them

00:09:26.780 or interact with them. I see what I'm presented with, whether it's their physical appearance

00:09:30.740 or a brief conversation that they decide to share or something that I see on social media. And so I

00:09:36.140 can't accurately judge and I don't even want to be judgmental. But I will say that unless we're

00:09:42.240 working to get healthier, we're not being as manly as we could otherwise be. So a man has his health

00:09:49.700 in check. He's losing weight. He's getting in shape. He's building stamina. He's building strength.

00:09:55.240 He's fueling his body correctly. Why? Because if push comes to shove, I want to be the kind of guy

00:10:01.440 that can handle myself in a physical confrontation and I can protect what's mine and what deserves to

00:10:07.660 be protected, what I honor and what I cherish and what I find value in. And if I'm 50, 60, 100,

00:10:16.240 150 plus pounds overweight, and I can't run a mile, let alone a hundred yards, and I can't fight and I

00:10:25.320 can't shoot and I'm weak and I can't fight my way out of a wet paper bag. That's no way that a man

00:10:34.620 shows up. He's going to find himself wanting in that situation and he's going to put others in

00:10:41.320 danger. Remember when I said that a man not only takes care of and provides for himself, but for

00:10:47.400 others, that's being an asset to other people. The antithesis to that is being a liability,

00:10:55.600 meaning that not only is your presence neutral, it actually is more dangerous having you around.

00:11:00.560 Now, I can't tell you that I've always been the epitome of health and I'm not even right now.

00:11:07.600 There's plenty of men out there who are stronger and bigger and faster and more equipped and more

00:11:11.920 skilled than I am. But again, you don't have to be 100% proficient on all of these things,

00:11:17.780 but you should be on the path. You should be on the path to becoming a man.

00:11:22.240 I'm sometimes cautious of using the word should, but in this case, if you want to be a real man,

00:11:27.640 then you should be doing these things. You should be going to the gym. You should be

00:11:31.560 training some form of martial arts. You should know how to use a firearm. You should be aware

00:11:36.340 of your surroundings. You should have provisions in place. You should have plans. Should something

00:11:44.700 go wrong? When's the last time you have an emergency preparedness plan? I'm actually sitting

00:11:48.560 in an Airbnb right now. And in every one of the rooms, I see an escape plan printed up.

00:11:54.700 That might be for some legal reasons, but that's a pretty good idea.

00:11:59.440 So everybody knows in certain situations, whether it's an earthquake or a fire or an intruder,

00:12:04.360 what you should be doing. Are you doing that? Do you know what you would do? Now, granted,

00:12:08.560 as a man, we often pretend like we have it all figured out. Oh, you know, if I ever dealt with a

00:12:15.360 violent encounter, this is what I would do. How do you know? How do you know? If you've never been

00:12:20.740 confronted with violence or you've never been in a violent situation, even in some sort of

00:12:24.640 controlled environment like training, how do you know unequivocally that that's how you would show

00:12:30.680 up? We tend to think more highly of ourself and our performance, but in the environment,

00:12:36.280 we find ourselves less than worthy of being able to deal with it.

00:12:40.840 So guys, what I would suggest to you is maybe get out a piece of paper or a notebook or on your phone

00:12:47.260 and write this down as a checklist and under the heading protect, ask yourself what you're doing

00:12:53.900 for daily training, physical training, lifting weights, running, swimming, biking, whatever your

00:13:02.180 thing is. What skill sets do you have? Do you know how to fight? Do you know how to throw a punch?

00:13:08.700 Do you know how to take a punch? Do you know how to wrestle or grapple on the ground? Do you know

00:13:12.360 how to shoot? Do you have a knife? Can you use a knife? Can you defend against a knife attack?

00:13:19.160 What about natural disasters? What if there's a fire in your house in the middle of the night?

00:13:23.580 What does everybody do? Does everybody know? Quiz them, ask them. If they don't know,

00:13:26.500 you got to figure that out. What about an earthquake? What about an intruder? If somebody broke into

00:13:31.880 your home in the middle of the night, would your kids know what to do? Would your wife know what to do?

00:13:36.240 Don't assume that everybody knows and don't assume that you're going to have it figured out

00:13:41.120 in that moment because I can assure you that that's a variable, the middle of the night,

00:13:47.420 dark, intruder, surprised, element of surprise that you just can't handle to the degree that

00:13:52.780 you can if you're more proficient thinking about it ahead of time. When you get out of the car,

00:13:58.260 the parking lot of Walmart, do you look around? Are you looking for oddities? You're looking for

00:14:03.620 things that are out of the ordinary, potential danger, potential risk. Are you teaching that

00:14:07.480 to your people, your coworkers? What if there's an active shooter situation? If you're an employer

00:14:12.880 and you haven't gone through an active shooting situation, shame on you. We should do better in

00:14:18.640 this department. Are all of your employees medically trained? I'm not saying they have to be EMTs,

00:14:25.640 but do they know basic medical life-saving skills? Do they know CPR? Is that something you

00:14:30.540 could provide to them? Does that make a better environment for them and the people around them?

00:14:34.320 Absolutely. And it makes you a better man. All right, let's talk about point number two,

00:14:41.080 which is to provide. Provide. Now, when I say this, we all know this. You hear it all the time.

00:14:47.060 Men are protectors and providers. We know this. What am I talking about here? Well, I'm not just

00:14:52.040 talking about physical provision, although that is an element of it. Financial provision, home,

00:14:56.640 shelter, food, the necessities on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the necessities of life.

00:15:04.640 But the things that we often overlook, and I have been guilty of this probably more so than

00:15:09.160 most of the men listening to this, is the emotional and mental support that our family

00:15:15.620 and our friends and our community needs. And I would also add the spiritual element of it as well.

00:15:22.640 Are you providing these things? Or are you incapable of dealing with them for yourself? Are you in

00:15:30.660 emotional turmoil? Are you emotionally immature? Are you a ticking time bomb? When confronted with

00:15:43.520 challenging and difficult situations, does your mind break because you've never been confronted with

00:15:48.700 anything difficult and hard before? Because if you can't do it for yourself, I assure you, you're not

00:15:53.040 going to be able to do it for other people. We can't. Now, we think we can. In that moment, in that moment

00:15:58.860 that people need me or the situation calls for it, I will step up. No, you won't. You may have a desire in

00:16:07.760 that moment to step up, but you will cower and you will break and you will not step up because you are not

00:16:13.120 trained to do it and you do not have the capacity to do it. Unless you're training, unless you're

00:16:20.400 building out skill sets, unless you're doing difficult things, unless you're confronting your

00:16:25.480 emotions. I talked about that on last week's Friday Field Notes, I believe, emotional intelligence

00:16:30.380 101. If you're not doing these things for yourself, you're not going to be able to provide them for other

00:16:35.120 people. And I want to do that. When my kids are dealing with something difficult, I want to be the rock.

00:16:40.700 I want to be a beacon of stability emotionally and mentally for them.

00:16:46.680 When hard things are presented, I want them to know that, hey, dad can do it. Dad does hard things.

00:16:53.700 I want them to be able to turn to me and see a man who's not only doing difficult things,

00:16:58.020 but confronting and facing his fear so that I can draw upon that and they can draw upon that

00:17:02.420 and they can use that as fuel to do the same thing in their own life.

00:17:06.780 I want to make sure that I have food on the table.

00:17:10.700 I want to make sure there's a roof over their head.

00:17:14.820 I want to make sure that they have the financial means to pay for their sports programs, for example,

00:17:22.120 or to go on incredible trips or to take them hunting, which I'm doing with my children this year.

00:17:30.360 That's important.

00:17:31.120 It also means that I'm actively and always working to develop and build out my skill sets.

00:17:37.280 Now, what's the skill set? I don't know.

00:17:41.400 See, there's a lot of misconception and I don't think so much anymore, but for example, that the arts

00:17:47.000 aren't quote unquote manly.

00:17:49.540 So that's a painter or photographer or a musician.

00:18:00.160 You might hear or think that cooking, look, I'm not here to judge what you do to provide.

00:18:07.340 As long as it's moral, legal, and ethical, I would say good on you.

00:18:11.600 It's not about what you do or how you do it.

00:18:13.820 It's about the fact that you are providing by doing it.

00:18:17.680 So if you're a photographer, I don't consider that less manly and you're putting food on the table.

00:18:23.800 I don't consider that less manly than a guy who's putting food on the table by fighting.

00:18:29.560 You're both putting food on the table.

00:18:31.180 You're both using a skill set that you have to provide for yourself and the people that you love

00:18:35.400 and care about.

00:18:36.260 That's all that's meant.

00:18:37.260 That's, that's the definition of manly.

00:18:39.160 Not that you fight, but that you provide.

00:18:42.700 So develop and build out your skill set in your chosen, chosen career path.

00:18:47.980 Whatever that career path is.

00:18:49.500 If it's painting, if it's artistry, if it's cooking, if it's hunting, if it's fighting,

00:18:53.500 if it's a mechanic, if it's podcasting, if it's sports, if it's radio, journalism,

00:18:59.760 I don't know what it is, but what, with whatever it is, there's a skill set that you can work

00:19:03.780 and develop. And what happens oftentimes is we either become complacent or we think we have

00:19:10.820 everything figured out and there's nothing else to learn. And I can assure you that there's always

00:19:14.620 something to learn. I would also say this with regards to physical provision is the discipline

00:19:20.360 to do what is necessary to provide for your family. I hear from a lot of guys who are like,

00:19:27.220 man, I hate my job and I find no value and satisfaction in it. And while I can understand,

00:19:31.780 and I think we can have that discussion and we have about how to find meaning and purpose in

00:19:35.480 current work and develop new work that provides different meaning and significance in your life.

00:19:40.900 What I would say is that I commend you and I honor you. If you get your butt out of bed every single

00:19:47.560 day and you go into a job that you hate because you care enough about your family to do it,

00:19:54.440 there's ways to build out a different kind of life that will be more meaningful for you.

00:19:59.760 But in the meantime, I commend you for that. I think highly of you for that.

00:20:06.960 Guys, we've all done things that we don't like and can just think about that. Think about a man who

00:20:12.040 just is so miserable at his current work and where he spends most of his time. And yet he does it

00:20:17.420 every single day, day in and day out, because he wants to make sure that little Timmy can be on the

00:20:24.140 football team this year and has to pay that $200 registration fee. That's manly. Now, again,

00:20:29.020 we can talk about how to build out a different life and we will, but doing what is necessary

00:20:33.820 is the work of men. Having emotional stability by confronting and dealing with your own emotions 0.79

00:20:42.920 so you can help your people do the same is manly. Building out your own mental fortitude by doing hard

00:20:50.200 and difficult things, challenging things and making yourself capable and proving yourself

00:20:55.820 worthy of accomplishing those things so you can teach your family how to do it, that's manly.

00:21:02.560 The last one, guys, I want to talk about is preside. So this is leadership. Your job is to lead.

00:21:08.560 You are called to lead. You are built to lead. It's in your DNA. Now, whether you'll do it or not,

00:21:13.420 that's a different story, but you are called to lead. And there's soft skills and there's hard

00:21:18.680 skills that you need. But at the end of the day, I would say this. Your ability to communicate

00:21:23.660 effectively. Your ability to have a vision. Your ability to communicate that vision.

00:21:32.040 Your ability to create a plan. Your ability to communicate that plan. Your ability to hold people

00:21:37.900 accountable. Your ability to read people so that you can understand what they're experiencing or

00:21:44.320 what they need from you as a leader so that you can motivate and inspire them. And also our level

00:21:49.260 of integrity. Now, all of us fall out of integrity from time to time. And that happens. I'm not going

00:21:54.460 to say it's okay. It's not okay for me to be out of integrity, but it would be lying if I said that I

00:21:59.740 always am. But our job is to be in integrity. And what I mean by that is leading by doing what we

00:22:11.180 expect our followers to do. And when we mess up, admit those faults, admit those failures, even as a

00:22:18.280 leader. Yes, believe it or not, we can admit those faults and those failures as a leader and then

00:22:23.620 realign ourselves or get back in integrity. That's how we build influence, credibility,

00:22:30.240 and authority. And by the way, the more you do that, the more it makes up and allows for times

00:22:35.300 when you do diverge from the path. And you will. Not purposefully, not deliberately, maybe sometimes,

00:22:45.280 but it happens. Life happens. We falter. We mess up. We screw up. It's not okay.

00:22:52.860 But it's to be expected. What's unforeseen is whether or not we'll get up and dust ourselves

00:23:03.300 off, get back on the path, and get back in integrity to do the right thing. And if you

00:23:09.500 can do that, you can communicate effectively with people, then you are being a real man.

00:23:18.760 Being a real man doesn't mean you don't ever falter or that you're perfect. It means that when

00:23:22.760 you do, you get back on the path quickly and you adapt and you adjust and you get better and you

00:23:26.560 improve. And then you help other people do the same. So contrary to popular belief and these modern

00:23:35.700 times that we so often hear, there is such a thing as a real man. And I believe that it's objectively

00:23:45.800 true. It's not subjective. Protection, provision, presiding. That's the work of men. That's not

00:23:57.360 subject to interpretation. That is what we are meant to do. It's not up for debate. And we can

00:24:04.020 talk about how we do that, how we protect, how best to do it. What's the most proficient way to do it?

00:24:09.600 We can talk about how to best provide and how to best lead. And I'll have that conversation with you

00:24:14.120 all day long. In fact, we should be having those conversations. That's what this podcast is about.

00:24:19.320 How do we do this to the best of our ability? How do we make ourselves better? But there are real men.

00:24:28.540 That's the kind of man I want to be. I think that's the kind of man that you guys want to be

00:24:32.220 because you're listening to this podcast. And if you do as I do, then we need to constantly be working

00:24:39.320 to make ourselves more capable of protecting, providing, and presiding for ourselves and the

00:24:47.860 capacity to do that for our loved ones and people who can't do it for themselves.

00:24:53.740 Let me know what you guys think. If you agree, awesome. If you disagree, that's fine. Tell me what

00:24:58.560 you disagree with. Let's have it out. Let's talk about it. Let's discuss it. But more importantly,

00:25:03.120 let's go to work on doing it. I think it's Marcus Aurelius. He says, waste no more time arguing what

00:25:09.020 a good man should be. Be one. Guys, we know what a man should be and we don't need to get tripped up

00:25:15.880 over the words and all this kind of thing. I think it's important we be precise with our language,

00:25:20.380 but at the end of the day, you all know that there is behavior of men just as I do. And I'm not always

00:25:26.520 in alignment with that just like you are, but we should always be working towards improving

00:25:31.680 ourselves and making ourselves better. Okay? That's all I've got. Leave me a message. Hit me

00:25:36.160 up on Instagram. Hit me up on Facebook, wherever, email, whatever. Let me know what you think about

00:25:41.480 the podcast. Let me know what you think about this episode. Let me know what you agree with. And even

00:25:45.600 if you disagree, we can talk about that as well. All right, guys, we will be back next week. Until

00:25:51.080 then, go out there, take action, make yourself a man. Come the man you are meant to be.

00:25:57.100 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:26:01.620 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 17, 2023

What it Means to Be a Real Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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