Order of Man - What Society Values in Men, Where Does a Man Start, and Why Humility Makes or Breaks Us ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 One of the first things I noticed when I stopped drinking was my energy shot through the roof and I recaptured no less than four hours of every single day.

00:00:09.820 So when you have four more hours of your day and you have those four hours are exponentially amplified through the energy that you have.

00:00:19.220 I had a governor on this engine the entire time.

00:00:22.520 The engine just wanted to run free and it's capable of so much more.

00:00:26.960 but there's a governor on it that i didn't even know was there

00:00:30.060 kip what's up man so good to see you on the back of a father's day weekend i hope it was good for

00:00:36.760 you i did the most dad things ever i got up fairly early um went for a walk uh my son wanted to play

00:00:48.800 uh playstation for a bit so we did that then i went grocery shopping my daughter brought me

00:00:55.720 cookies. My son took me to lunch. I built a bunch of stuff around the house, reorganized my, my

00:01:03.060 bedroom, fixed the new podcast studio, which is where I'm at right now, played Lego, moved my

00:01:09.160 youngest son's furniture around, moved my other son into a different bedroom and then watched a

00:01:14.020 movie. So it was like the most dad day ever. It was perfect. It sounds perfect. Actually.

00:01:21.440 It was good. Yeah. It was really good. Yeah. How about you? Do you have a good father's day?

00:01:25.720 Yeah, it was good. I mean, Asia does a great job making making you feel valuable. It was funny. She had the kids fill out these sheets of, you know, do you know your dad? You know, like, what is his favorite things? And what does he hate? And then over dinner with the other dads, you know, in the family, they went around the room and you could say one word that explains each of them. Just one word.

00:01:52.940 Okay. And, and pretty much I walked away with, I hate a clean, I, I hate a dirty home.

00:02:00.840 I don't like wasting time and, uh, discipline, protect, provide masculine. And, um, jujitsu

00:02:10.320 was the mantra of everyone's perception of me, which, which is okay. Or anything like that.

00:02:17.420 Yeah. Yeah. I'll take them. Yeah. I'll take all of them. Although there wasn't very many like

00:02:22.480 loving kind considerate so i kind of walked away with the day from my day with like all right maybe

00:02:29.080 i need to be a little bit more softer but it was i mean maybe but but look at the reality of what

00:02:35.420 they said protect masculine jujitsu like all the things that they said speak to capability

00:02:43.420 and respect. So where I think women generally are more desired as, as a, as a soft, lovely,

00:02:53.600 supporting, nurturing role, men are generally desired as a strong, grounded, principled,

00:03:00.500 capable, protective father. So I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't think, I think it's exactly

00:03:07.480 as it should be. Yeah. I'll walk away with it. One word that was interesting was someone said,

00:03:13.420 the one word that comes to mind when i think of kip is solid oh i like that interesting yeah me

00:03:21.160 too i was like i'm not sure what you mean by it my interpretation i'm digging it i'm digging solid

00:03:26.380 i'll take solid yeah just go with that don't even ask for interpretation just use yours 0.89

00:03:30.360 because it could be like a solid piece of shit or something like that too like if you

00:03:36.880 it's like depending on what you're solid for you know 0.97

00:03:42.220 um all right i want to i want to talk about something so i was thinking we need to create

00:03:48.120 this this new segment and i don't know what what we call it but the word that came to mind for me

00:03:52.860 is wholesome i like that word i like the meaning the significance of of having wholesome activities

00:03:58.500 and wholesome for boys and for men doesn't mean safe or even nurturing or kind or empathetic

00:04:06.260 although it could be that. It could also be something that is just in our nature of

00:04:11.680 protectiveness or, you know, a good guy stopping a bad guy with a gun. So I think we should lead

00:04:17.880 this off with something very, very polarizing. And the idea of this is it's either wholesome

00:04:22.480 or it's not. And we need to decide, is it wholesome or is it not? And then the men who

00:04:28.720 listen can chime in and tell us what they think. So here's the topic. And this is a little outdated

00:04:35.740 because the news cycle moves so quickly uh ufc at the white house wholesome or no yeah

00:04:44.440 am i going first you can go first we can talk or i can go first i'm just throwing that on you

00:04:52.440 right now so if you need a minute to collect your thoughts i can share mine yeah i mean here's my

00:04:58.720 thought at first glance there is a sense of coliseum to it right entertainment and and that

00:05:06.920 i don't like right i don't like this idea of like maintain the control of the masses by entertaining

00:05:12.520 them with violence you know it has it has a little bit of a coliseum yeah yeah and so that i don't i

00:05:20.040 don't like about it now i love fighting because i see it i don't see it as cock fighting in a ring

00:05:26.420 and and it's not to the death and it's skilled fighters that respect each other in a ring

00:05:34.020 and so from that perspective i really respect it and then you might go well it's unprecedented

00:05:40.820 right we don't do this and it's like well compare that to you know biden's you know lighting up the

00:05:47.420 white house with pride colors you know just a few years back or compare it to something pretty

00:05:53.160 awesome which i i looked this up teddy roosevelt having wrestling matches on the south lawn

00:05:59.820 where he would actually fight people where he actually fought people which i think is just

00:06:04.940 awesome right so so are we is this like some thing that has never been done before and we're

00:06:11.720 trying to distract people or oh we do this a lot and each president has their flavor and maybe they

00:06:18.600 are using it for political gain you know what i mean or distraction perhaps um i'm just grateful

00:06:25.180 that it was ufc fights because i enjoy him so i'm a sucker for it i guess all right i know that's

00:06:31.020 not a wholesome or not it's all over the place no or no i wouldn't put it in the category of

00:06:38.400 wholesome but i wouldn't put it in the category of bad no i think that's fair i i kind of feel

00:06:44.660 the same way so agreed about the teddy roosevelt thing agreed about the the pride celebrations at

00:06:50.600 the white house you know and mixing sports and politics isn't uncommon i mean go to a football

00:06:57.420 game for crying out loud or even consider the olympics obviously there's a lot of national pride

00:07:02.420 or or the uh the world cup is what we're we've got going on right now which i think is pretty

00:07:08.500 cool i don't like soccer but i think it's pretty cool to see these nations come together and

00:07:13.420 compete in a respectful way and so i i think sports and national pride go hand in hand and

00:07:20.360 i think it's a great way to showcase an element of what we as americans can produce so from that

00:07:27.240 regard yeah definitely wholesome i did think there were some moments that like i appreciate

00:07:33.460 the regalia i appreciate the the pageantry of it i think it's pretty incredible to see and i think

00:07:39.320 Trump is actually really good at that uh what I what I don't appreciate a couple of things is

00:07:47.020 you know where where it becomes overtly political and charged where it could be a moment to bring

00:07:51.520 people together it's like Hokit or whatever that guy's name he's like Michelle Obama's a man I'm 0.99

00:07:56.540 like that's stupid you know is that necessary it's not necessary and it actually detracts and take 0.99

00:08:02.420 takes away from it or the post-fight interviews everybody's swearing and cussing and look I 0.99

00:08:07.900 i swear time at times too but there should be some level of reverence at the white house and i think

00:08:14.340 the event could have been done a little better from the regard of how the fighters presented

00:08:20.180 themselves but as far as the performance and everything else i thought it was really good i

00:08:25.280 did take a little bit of issue with having foreign fighters i mean the first card was uh

00:08:31.340 uh Diego Lopez I think Diego Brazilian Brazilian he's Brazilian and the other guy is I think he's

00:08:40.360 he he's he's American out of New Mexico but he at first I was like wait we have the first two

00:08:46.980 fighters are not American but I but that's not true that the second guy can't remember his name

00:08:51.360 was but then to see Gaethje you know win in in tremendous fashion obviously was very cool

00:08:58.280 so i took issue with having foreign fighters but then i thought well no this is kind of

00:09:03.040 the same concept of the olympics like you bring your best fighter we'll bring our best fighter

00:09:07.720 and we'll rally behind our best fighter i i rethought that one a little bit so i would say

00:09:14.000 wholesome lacking in a few points that could have rallied more people together i think

00:09:20.180 yeah it would have been i would have enjoyed you all a card of all american fighters fighting i

00:09:27.200 would have to each other i that way it's not like a us versus them it's just us uh and then it went

00:09:34.780 and then and then the optics would look much better uh if someone lost that happened to be

00:09:41.580 an american you know like a worst case scenario you have this celebration of 250 and the main

00:09:47.260 card guy loses yeah to another country like you wouldn't want that either you know yeah that would

00:09:53.500 have been that would have been and it very easily could have happened i mean that was a huge huge

00:09:58.020 oh yeah yeah but then i watched the fighters come out and i watched all the military members

00:10:02.500 saluting and i thought at first i'm like are they saluting the fighters this is horrible

00:10:06.400 like yeah military members do not salute civilians like this is this is horrible and then i realized

00:10:14.320 oh wait no maybe they're actually saluting the escorts the the escort of the of the fighter and

00:10:20.000 so i'm like okay that makes sense so it took me a minute but i at first i was like i don't like

00:10:23.360 that i don't like that and that was cool i really liked it was very cool yeah that they were escorted

00:10:29.180 out and how cool is that to to have like kind of your fight team coming out of like them coming

00:10:36.060 out of the white house is was awesome and then being and then what a great opportunity for those

00:10:42.200 guys to be to walk out with the fighter i'm like that's that's pretty cool that's that was really

00:10:47.740 neat yeah all right so i think we both agreed that there was some great elements and some not

00:10:52.720 so great elements it sounds like yeah although although very cool how awesome would have been

00:10:58.340 to be around during teddy's day and he's out there wrestling people as a u.s press dude i would that

00:11:06.040 would be so awesome he's so awesome we should do more of that we should do more all right let's get

00:11:12.140 into some questions here i've got one from marcus delgado he says i've been listening to the podcast

00:11:17.040 for about two years and the brotherhood stuff hits home because i don't really have it i mean

00:11:22.640 we hear this all the time uh he says he's 38 he works remote most of his old buddies scattered

00:11:27.820 after college how do you actually build real friendships with other men when you're past the

00:11:33.680 age where it happens naturally it feels awkward to just walk up to a guy and say hey want to be

00:11:38.900 friends. Um, yeah, look, it's, it does happen naturally. I don't even say naturally. It just

00:11:48.120 happens by default in a lot of ways. Even as we're older, the guy friends that you do have

00:11:52.460 are usually your neighbors, your brothers or your brothers-in-law or the guys that you work out with

00:11:57.380 or work with or go to church with. That's the reality of the situation. And the same was true

00:12:01.960 when we were boys. It was the kids in our neighborhood. It was the kid in our class.

00:12:05.520 it was the kid we went to church with kids we played sports with and they became our friends

00:12:09.920 but when we were boys we never really questioned whether or not this is a good fit for me based on

00:12:15.440 my personal goals we never did that but that's what you should be doing now and i've talked about

00:12:21.820 this probably for a lot of people listening ad nauseum at this point is you you have to go where

00:12:30.940 the guys are and and i would say if you're trying to build friendships like that it's usually one of

00:12:36.020 four places i think is what we've identified kip in no particular order church the gym

00:12:43.040 business functions and there was a fourth one in there do you remember what it was

00:12:48.740 church probably like a hobby of some sort right oh that's right that's right yeah that's right

00:12:54.320 and that's where you go now it would be weird if you walked up and say hey

00:12:59.200 you you look cool want to be friends just like you said that's weird although we both agree that you

00:13:05.200 should and then let us know how it goes yeah why don't you do that in return and report and let us

00:13:12.180 know how it works out for you yeah it'd be awesome and videotape it while you're at it

00:13:16.720 because we want to watch it can feel a little bit like you're asking a grown man on a date

00:13:22.360 it can feel like that so here's how you avoid that instead of asking a guy to hang out invite

00:13:29.700 him into something you're already doing so for example let's say you're at the gym there's there's

00:13:36.240 a guy that you see regularly and uh you you know you you talk or you catch up or you give each other

00:13:42.240 some pointers or you say hey looking good like something like that and you kind of gradually

00:13:46.460 build a friendship over time the best thing that you can do is instead of saying hey want to hang

00:13:51.400 out is saying, Hey man, like, I don't know if you like UFC or not, but this weekend I'm doing

00:13:57.280 fight nights over at my place. There's like eight or nine of us coming over. We're going to bring

00:14:01.800 our own meat and bring your own beer. And I'm going to fire up the grill. I've got a big place

00:14:07.320 for us to watch outside. And we're just going to catch some UFC fights if you want to come over.

00:14:12.080 And do you see how that no longer sounds like a date? It's like, Hey, we're hanging out. If you

00:14:15.940 want to come hang out with us, come hang out with us. And that's, that's how I would do that. And

00:14:19.700 you can do the same thing for a church function or a camp out or a road trip somewhere or

00:14:28.060 the hobby that you're engaged in but always be the guy who puts things together and then invites

00:14:34.480 other people so i do this often even with hunting and kip you know this because you've had experience

00:14:38.340 yeah whenever i put together a hunt i always go with other guys but i always leave about 20 of

00:14:44.880 the spots open from people i've never hunted with and that's how you came on the hawaii hunt

00:14:49.660 I believe. And, and Minnesota and Minnesota. Yeah. Because we always leave 20% of the spots

00:14:55.660 open for men we've never hunted with. And I say the same thing, Hey Kip, a group of us are going

00:14:59.760 to Hawaii. And in some, and in some cases I ask your wife, which is what I did because I knew

00:15:04.440 you'd say no. But yeah, we always leave that spot open so that we can invite guys who we are

00:15:11.300 interested in bringing into the circle. And it takes a little bit more deliberateness, a little

00:15:15.860 bit more intentionality but build events or outings or gatherings and invite guys into it

00:15:22.400 that's what i do and that's literally what i do ryan can you talk to the all the little things

00:15:31.160 leading up to that though right so let's let's say there's a guy at the gym i'd like to invite

00:15:36.000 him at fight night but i've never talked to him ever i don't make a comment it would be it wouldn't

00:15:41.940 be, it would be odd for me to say, do you want to go to fight now? He'd be like, I don't even know

00:15:45.940 your name. So why don't you talk about some of the advice of those of that nonchalant conversation

00:15:51.640 leading up to the invite? I, I, I hate to say it this way, but I don't really know how else to say

00:15:59.880 it. It's a little bit like courting. That's what you're, you're courting people, obviously not

00:16:07.660 romantically but you want to know is this somebody you might not even like the dude he might be a

00:16:12.440 tool and you're like i'm not interested in inviting this guy over to fight nights but usually what i

00:16:17.060 the best thing you could do for with guys is just play to ego that's it so if i'm at the gym and i

00:16:23.280 see you you know every day and we kind of like look at each other awkwardly when we walk in

00:16:28.520 because we recognize each other but we don't say anything you know i might just walk by you and say

00:16:32.760 hey bro i'm ryan we we work out here all the time it's silly we've never said hey but uh

00:16:37.500 I'm Ryan, what's your name? And you say, Kip. It's like, cool, man. I just wanted to tell you,

00:16:40.640 like, you're looking good. Like I see you're leaning out or building muscles. So it looks

00:16:44.820 awesome. Game over. It's it. It's really that easy. Or if you're at a business function and

00:16:52.660 let's say, Kip, you're, you're speaking at a business function. Maybe it's a business network

00:16:57.120 international or a rotary or a chamber of commerce meeting and you present on leadership.

00:17:03.140 Afterwards, I'm going to go up to you and say, Hey, you know, I, we don't know each other. I'm

00:17:06.840 Ryan. It's good to meet you. Man, I really enjoyed your presentation on leadership about

00:17:11.900 X, Y, and Z. Do you come to these meetings often? It's that easy. And I think a lot of times men

00:17:19.580 feel like, well, I don't want to come across as gay or no homo. Nobody thinks you're a homo 0.90

00:17:25.880 because you pay a guy a genuine compliment. That's not a thing. So just open your mouth,

00:17:32.400 say, hey, man, you look like you have a great physique. I'm trying to work on building my

00:17:36.240 shoulders and traps. Do you have any pointers? That's not gay. No man is going to think that's

00:17:41.260 gay. I've done that. And no man has ever said, get out of your faggot. Oh, sweet. That's awesome.

00:17:48.400 Yeah, I've done a lot of work and I've done some things right and some things not so right. Here's

00:17:52.120 what I would do. And then that's how you build that friendship. And then you just make an effort

00:17:56.740 to reach out every day. So I'd go back to you at a chamber meeting, for example, and the fortune is

00:18:02.980 the follow-up as they say. And so I might come to you next week and say, Hey Kip, um, man, you

00:18:08.600 remember that leadership principle you talked about last week? And I told you, I really enjoyed

00:18:11.940 what you were saying. I actually implemented that this week and I picked up three new clients

00:18:17.000 through that strategy. Or you go tell the guy at the gym, Hey man, I've been working the shoulders

00:18:22.380 and traps. And I got to tell you, like my wife last night, put her hand on my shoulder and she's

00:18:27.400 like hey sexy you feel good and i just want to tell you thanks so you've got to follow up too

00:18:33.360 and that creates more opportunities for these types of conversations yeah and then once all

00:18:38.460 these are in place then it's super easy to say i'm ordering the fights next weekend you want to

00:18:43.360 come over now now it seems way more appropriate or not as awkward yeah there was a guy at the

00:18:50.420 gym a couple of months ago and he looked fit he looked like somebody i'd probably hang out with

00:18:55.040 or spend time with. And he had a tank top on and I saw his shoulder. He had a tattoo on his

00:19:00.120 shoulder. And if I remember, I was, it was, it looked like a coat of arms. So I just asked him,

00:19:05.100 I said, Hey, what is that a coat of arms on your shoulder? He's like, Oh yeah, it's my family crest.

00:19:09.540 I said, Oh, that's cool. What's your, what's your heritage? What's your background? He's like,

00:19:12.240 I'm Scottish mostly. And here's what this means. Here's what that means. We got talking about

00:19:16.120 Braveheart and Scotland and like, it's easy. Just don't make it a big deal. Just go out of your way.

00:19:22.100 And by the way, it's good practice to learn how to strike up conversations with strangers, same sex and opposite sex.

00:19:29.440 Yeah. And you talk about this all the time.

00:19:31.880 It's like start prompting a conversation with the checkout lady, the cashier, just whoever.

00:19:39.980 And crack jokes too, right?

00:19:41.540 Most of the guys at the gym, I've never striked up conversations too much around compliments, but it's usually me cracking a joke, right?

00:19:50.180 like the guys on the, on the hip thrust machine. And I'm like, do you mind if I do curls right

00:19:54.400 here, like in front of them? And then we all just start laughing, right? And we're like, okay.

00:20:02.160 We've got two guys at the gym that I go to and they're, they're actually good dudes. Cause I've

00:20:07.480 met them now, but they're friends, but they, I, I actually wondered if they were gay because the 0.98

00:20:13.000 way they spot each other and the noises they make when they're lifting. And when I, when I didn't

00:20:18.940 know them they're loud and very very sexualized almost and i like turned to a guy that i've seen

00:20:29.140 a couple and never talked to him and i looked at him like what the heck is going on right and he

00:20:33.100 kind of just shakes his head he's like i don't know and uh we just kind of laughed about it but

00:20:38.240 i think those guys after talking with those guys and meeting them i think they do it because they

00:20:42.700 think it's funny so got it got it but but my point being is like you and that other guy you're

00:20:48.360 think of the same thing, right? We have a guy at our gym that he brings his jump rope with him

00:20:53.100 everywhere he goes. And so he's like on the bench machine, lays out towels. He's jump roping like

00:20:59.040 in the hallway. And I'm like, and we're all like looking at each other, like, dude, like seriously,

00:21:03.940 like you're taking up too much space. We're all thinking the same thing. We're just laughing,

00:21:08.600 you know? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's go to question number two. So this one is from Tyler

00:21:13.560 Brennan. I have the easy names. You always get hard names. I have easy names today.

00:21:17.420 yeah uh actually that's probably not his last name i just say it like i know what it is and

00:21:23.640 then nobody else knows the difference except the difference is is i'm admitting i don't know and

00:21:28.100 then you say it with confidence and everyone's like ryan's got the names down that's a secret

00:21:33.460 to life right there fake it till you make it right all right so this one is this uh my wife

00:21:39.060 and i are you know by the way on that nobody knows that you don't know it isn't until you say

00:21:44.780 you don't know yeah one person knows that's it yeah but you also have to be careful with that

00:21:50.860 because you don't want to say you know how to do something and you actually don't so there there is

00:21:55.320 a trap there as well so all right number two so my wife and i are coming up on 12 years

00:22:01.620 and things aren't bad but they're but they're flat we're more like roommates running a household

00:22:07.760 than partners i don't want to blow it up but i don't know how to lead us back into something

00:22:11.500 that actually feels alive. So where do I start? You know, I think the best place to start is

00:22:19.980 you just take what you told me and you say, Hey hon, I'd like to bring up some things tonight.

00:22:28.700 Nothing's wrong. Nothing catastrophic, like no big deal, but I just want to get on the same page

00:22:33.040 about a few things. Can we chat tonight after I get home from work? Now look, I want to be very

00:22:39.900 clear. This is what you do not do. Hey, babe, we really need to talk tonight. How does tonight

00:22:44.220 at six o'clock after dinner work for you? That's messed up. And people do that all the time. And

00:22:50.220 I don't think they're being malicious. I think they're just being a little dense. Don't do that

00:22:55.700 because now she's going to be worried the entire day about, does he want a divorce? Is he cheating?

00:23:02.100 Did he lose his job? Like it's something catastrophic. So don't make her guess. Just

00:23:06.220 say, hey, babe, I want to talk with you about a few things just so you and I are on the same page

00:23:10.600 about our goals and our dreams and hopes and desires. So I'm excited about being able to talk

00:23:15.220 about it. And I just wanted to see if we could carve out some time this evening. So that's what

00:23:20.460 you do to set it up. And then you take what you just said and you say, hey, babe, look, we're

00:23:26.960 coming up on 12 years of marriage. I don't think things are bad, but I feel a little bit like

00:23:31.340 things have been flat lately. And I'm not putting that on you. In fact, I'm taking responsibility

00:23:35.180 for this. Sometimes I feel like we're more like roommates because we've got things in the house

00:23:41.640 and we're running kids to sports and dance and recitals and PTA meetings and all these other

00:23:46.820 things. Look, I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to lose what we have. I want to lead us back

00:23:53.640 into something that both of us love and want and desire and are working towards.

00:23:58.480 just like you said a second ago about about the guys who are all thinking the same thing

00:24:05.460 guess what she's thinking the same thing and you know what you just did you position yourself as

00:24:11.320 an assertive leader that can be respected and trusted because if you're a man and you're

00:24:17.600 noticing things that are going south or going wrong or in this case falling flat and you're

00:24:22.300 not bringing it up what you're actually being and the way she might actually be interpreting this

00:24:26.880 is that you're being cowardly and she will not follow cowardice she may do it for a while she

00:24:34.420 may put on a brave happy face but over time she'll lose a lot of the intimacy and the romantic

00:24:39.880 connection if she feels like you're acting cowardly and it takes courage to bring up

00:24:46.260 something like this but i i can't promise you but i'd be willing to bet that she would breathe a

00:24:54.860 deep deep sigh of relief and whether or not she vocalizes it what she'll be thinking is finally

00:25:01.980 he sees it he recognizes it he wants to take ownership of it and we can actually start

00:25:10.220 doing something about it that's where i would start i totally agree i think an important thing

00:25:17.780 to there's a big difference in this interaction when you go first versus you being reactionary

00:25:26.660 and absolutely I just want to call that out right if let's say you wait too long and then she comes

00:25:32.360 to you what will happen is even though you might agree with her and go all my you know she brings

00:25:38.020 it up and you agree and you're like oh yeah this is great it will always there will be a sense of

00:25:43.060 her that will be like, is he only working on things because I brought it up? It's less important

00:25:49.180 to you because you're reacting. But when you take initiative, you're also sharing that it's

00:25:55.040 important to you. And it's not out of compliance. It's not out of someone else bringing it up. So

00:26:01.200 it's really important that if you see the gap that you act on it sooner than later,

00:26:06.120 because that's what leaders do. And that will be way more meaningful than you reacting to her

00:26:12.560 request yeah and and again if you're not bringing it up what you're doing is you're you're not

00:26:19.160 vocalizing it but subconsciously you're asking her to be the leader and she doesn't want to be

00:26:25.080 the leader and you don't want to be the follower so change the dynamic one other recommendation

00:26:31.660 i would give when you start having these conversations is i believe that that men and

00:26:38.980 leaders come with a plan. I don't think it's enough just to say, hey, here's some things I

00:26:47.420 think we need to work on. What do you think? That's not leadership. I mean, it's a little

00:26:51.720 bit of leadership because you went first, but it's not ultimate leadership. So what I would do in

00:26:56.100 this case for Tyler is I would come into this meeting with a couple of ideas. So I would tell

00:27:02.520 her what you just said. And then I would say, so here's what I'm thinking, babe. I think it would

00:27:08.720 be helpful for us with all that we have going on with the kids and everything else i think it'd be

00:27:12.760 really helpful if we carved out every thursday night because that's what works with our schedule

00:27:18.400 for date night and you know you'd be responsible for getting a sitter lined up i'll be responsible

00:27:25.720 for the plans reservations what we're doing and let's just start doing that every week starting

00:27:30.700 this thursday will you go out with me or or you might say you know i was really thinking maybe

00:27:37.740 we just need a break you know it's summer now and we've been so busy with the kids and everything

00:27:42.680 else in our own lives and career aspirations and pursuits i was thinking in a couple weekends why

00:27:48.120 don't we just go for a long three-day weekend to to vegas or to somewhere you know maybe it's even

00:27:53.200 close to wherever wherever you might be he's in ohio maybe it's the lake maybe it's the cabin

00:27:57.940 maybe it's i don't know whatever your thing is and say hey you know let's just go for a long

00:28:01.940 weekend and just get away and have some fun and get to know each other again but i would come with

00:28:06.580 two or three or four ideas that that will help get the ball rolling a little bit instead of

00:28:12.540 relying on her to give you the feedback that that you feel like you might need i like it i like it

00:28:18.760 yeah i also wonder if i don't know let me run this by you right like there might be an element here

00:28:27.620 of if you approach this wrong it might come across as though she's the problem right that

00:28:35.120 you might be coming to the table, like, you know, trying to fix her or, you know, she needs to change

00:28:40.920 versus you. Right. And so I would make sure that the conversation is valid. Like, do you agree?

00:28:48.420 Are you feeling the same way? Like, how are you feeling about things? How, how do you feel the

00:28:54.460 same way? Is there elements by which we could have more excitement in, in our marriage? Like

00:28:59.680 make sure don't assume how you feel is how she feels right i've had i've literally had this

00:29:05.740 conversation once and well more than once actually but one particular time i had this conversation

00:29:10.940 and it was like i feel great about everything right now and i'm like oh i'm the one that's

00:29:16.940 weird like yeah i in fact i thought it was really weird i thought man we're struggling and she's

00:29:22.560 like i'm feeling really great about things and i'm like oh got it now we're going to talk about me

00:29:28.440 then. And, and it changed the conversation. So get a pulse of where she's at. And worst case,

00:29:36.340 you don't even have to operate in the area of like, something's wrong. The conversation might

00:29:40.920 be in a, how do we become more amazing? Yeah. How do we have more fun? How do we have some

00:29:46.960 more passion? Nothing's wrong, but let's keep growing. Let's level up. What's, what's, yeah.

00:29:52.620 yeah so i think that's right i think it's also important just to focus on how you are showing up

00:29:59.040 because and this is a principle i know you've talked about with regards to jujitsu if i push

00:30:03.220 you kip what are you naturally going to do if you don't know the game you're gonna push me just push

00:30:08.000 back if i pull you what are you gonna do pull me back to your space right yeah so so if i come to 0.80

00:30:16.720 my my partner and i say hey you know our marriage is falling flat and i really think you could do

00:30:24.360 a better job x y and z she's gonna say well you know what i really think you could do a job a

00:30:30.540 better job doing a b and c and then that's not conducive to the relationship so the best thing

00:30:36.480 to do is to start with yourself to pull not to pull her but to just start on yourself so it might

00:30:42.020 be, Hey babe, the relationship, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I feel like I, I've letting work

00:30:48.380 kind of creep into the time a little bit. Um, when I'm home, I feel like I'm not really as

00:30:54.480 present as I could be. I'm not as diligent about making sure we are still courting and going on

00:30:59.720 dates. And I would like to change that in myself. And you know what she'll probably say is she will

00:31:05.980 probably say, well, I really appreciate you saying that, but also I have been distracted with the

00:31:11.520 kids and i have you know not been as open with you because i'm just tired or like she'll start

00:31:20.860 saying her things because you went first and i think that's going to happen more often than not

00:31:25.780 when you go at it like that and you point no fingers let her point her own fingers it's as

00:31:31.660 the saying goes let the dead bury the dead you talk about your issues and she's much more likely

00:31:36.780 to talk about hers and then you guys can both agree and come up with a collective plan

00:31:40.620 yeah all right let's go to Devin Castillo he says you've talked openly about your divorce and

00:31:50.200 your drinking when you were in the thick of that before you have the clarity that you have now

00:31:55.240 what was the moment of realization or excuse me what was the moment or realization that made you

00:32:02.000 actually change instead of just telling yourself you would well this is easy it's not flattering

00:32:08.480 but it's easy. It's when she said she wanted a divorce. That was a real wake-up call for me.

00:32:15.960 And I've often thought, does the hardship that we experience in life have to happen,

00:32:23.620 or will it only change once something catastrophic happens? Well, no, it just changes when you decide

00:32:30.300 that it's changing. You don't have to hit rock bottom, as they say. In fact, I have a different

00:32:36.260 definition of rock bottom if you actually think about the analogy you're digging a hole well

00:32:42.100 where's the bottom when you stop digging stop that's the bottom what would you say kip yeah

00:32:48.780 it's whenever you stop digging is is when you reach the bottom yeah right so the bottom could

00:32:54.200 be catastrophic or the bottom could be a minor inconvenience it's just a matter of when you

00:32:59.760 decide to crawl out of the hole and put the shovel down so the real question is does something

00:33:04.620 catastrophic like a health condition or a breakdown on a marriage or a bankruptcy or a loss of a job

00:33:11.060 have to be the catalyst for change no it certainly will be but it doesn't have to be

00:33:16.720 so in order to ensure that it's not here's what I could have done and utilized a little better

00:33:27.260 than I did I could have been more transparent about what I was dealing with with her with Kip

00:33:35.560 you because you're a friend and other friends and confidants and mentors I could have been more

00:33:40.900 transparent because I feel like if I was more transparent I would have got more support from

00:33:47.260 the guys in my corner who would have found it unacceptable and helped me walk through

00:33:53.620 my own path of development. And what I did in those days and those years leading up to

00:34:00.000 the drinking and to the divorce is I isolated. I mean, I was very public facing, the podcast

00:34:06.460 growing from the outside looked good, but I was very, very isolated mentally and emotionally.

00:34:13.180 I siloed myself. And I have a friend, he runs a business called Rise Up King, Skylar Lewis.

00:34:20.560 and he said Ryan you know the worst thing that you can do when you're when you're he comes at it

00:34:26.180 from a spiritual perspective a Christian perspective he says when you're sinning

00:34:30.180 is it's not the sin that's so bad he's like it is and obviously we don't want to sin it's when

00:34:37.160 you start to hide it that you know it becomes a problem hiding hiding poor behavior is the signal

00:34:45.800 that something needs to stop and that's what I was doing so it wasn't until it came to light

00:34:51.880 that I could actually deal with it and fight it so yeah that's my two cents let me ask you this

00:34:59.040 Ryan is is the sharing with those around you really an outward expression of you accepting

00:35:06.180 and dealing in reality because I think that's what's required right for you to be able to say

00:35:11.000 hey, I'm struggling with this, you're really coming to the conclusion that you have a problem.

00:35:16.520 But as long as you're not communicating it, there's a sense of denial happening.

00:35:21.600 And justification.

00:35:22.080 And justification.

00:35:24.020 So you're never in a position of owning and dealing with what is so and right in front of you

00:35:29.980 because you're perpetuating this denial of it's not an issue.

00:35:35.600 And really maybe a pulse check to make sure that you're dealing in reality is,

00:35:40.380 can you openly talk about it? If you can't, then you're not accepting it yet. And until you accept

00:35:46.040 your current state, you can't really grow from. Yeah. I think, I think that's a great perspective.

00:35:52.060 I think you're absolutely right. Um, I know that there was many times when I was drinking really,

00:35:57.440 really heavily where I thought to myself, you know, I I've got an issue here. I've got to do

00:36:01.180 something about it. And then in the very next breath, I'm like, no, no, no, you can stop

00:36:05.080 tomorrow you can you're you're not it's not an addiction or a temptation for you like this will

00:36:10.640 be your last drink you're good don't don't worry about it you're good and that was satan working

00:36:16.120 me over so that i could continue to pull the wool over my eyes because from all objective measures

00:36:21.640 external measures like my bank account and my social media profile and how the marriage did look

00:36:29.520 it all looked good so I could convince myself what's the problem but was what was interesting

00:36:34.800 is one of the first things I noticed when I stopped drinking was my energy shot through the

00:36:40.160 roof and I recaptured no less than four hours of every single day because for a lot of the days I

00:36:46.920 was drunk hungover or passed out so when you have four more hours of your day and you have those

00:36:54.440 four hours are exponentially amplified through the energy that you have you realize whoa i i had

00:37:02.860 a governor on this engine the entire time the engine just wanted to run free and it's capable

00:37:09.120 of so much more but there's a governor on it that i didn't even know was there and that was pretty

00:37:14.780 telling to me that was wild what was the thought process or the paradigm shift when you were like

00:37:21.860 when your wife says, Hey, you know, I want a divorce or this is over.

00:37:30.280 What was the shift, right? Was it, was your thought process like, yes, I actually do have

00:37:35.920 a problem. Was it the acceptance of I have a problem or was it something else? And I think

00:37:41.540 that was part of it, but if I'm being really truthful about it, a big part of it was I just

00:37:47.340 didn't want to lose my marriage. I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to lose the kids. And so

00:37:50.980 a lot of the initial change that took place was for for her and for them and I don't think that's

00:37:59.320 I don't think that's wrong necessarily I wouldn't say it's wrong but I would say it's inferior

00:38:04.700 motivation to doing it for yourself and doing making changes be not not to win her back not

00:38:11.260 to prove anything but just because it's the thing that the man you want to be would do

00:38:16.420 totally although many of us would make drastic changes in our lives if we thought we were

00:38:23.180 looking to lose our families right and and that makes sense well of course that's why i'm saying

00:38:29.660 it's not wrong if that's the motivation you need to kick start you know i used to make fun of new

00:38:34.500 year's resolutions and i remember i made a post years and years ago about why new year's resolutions 0.99

00:38:38.580 are stupid and somebody had made a comment they said why why is it stupid why is it stupid that 0.99

00:38:46.020 if somebody decides that january 1st is a good day to make behavioral changes that will improve 1.00

00:38:51.140 their life why is that a bad thing and i was like oh yeah i guess it's not a bad thing i guess it's

00:38:58.540 actually a really good thing now you can do new year's resolutions every single day new day

00:39:02.640 resolutions if you wanted to but if that's the thing that causes you to change then good so be

00:39:09.160 fine so be it just make sure you're elevating the reason you're doing it over time into something

00:39:13.960 that is more sustainable yeah got it all right this one comes from aaron whitfield i do have

00:39:24.440 easy names today he says field whitfield jason smith john jones it's like all right aaron says

00:39:35.520 i'm like what's the problem kip why is this so hard for you you know where are these guys from

00:39:39.560 Parowan it's like a whole list of questions from Parowan this guy's from Knoxville Tennessee I got

00:39:45.960 another guy from Lubbock one guy from Sacramento so all right he says this is uh Aaron he says

00:39:53.120 I've got two boys 9 and 11 I grew up with a dad who was around physically but totally checked out

00:39:59.420 emotionally I swore to myself I was going to be different but I catch myself doing the exact same

00:40:05.900 things that he did how do you break the pattern you didn't even choose that that last line hits

00:40:14.020 deep how do you break a pattern you didn't choose because you're right you didn't choose it now at

00:40:18.720 some point I believe that our excuses expire when you're an adult and you keep saying well I'm this

00:40:24.200 way because my dad that's a problem you're a grown man and while that might be a factor

00:40:30.920 it's no longer an excuse it's something that you need to wrestle with and deal with

00:40:36.480 so I would spend some time really journaling I'm a huge fan of journaling and documenting

00:40:42.680 and asking yourself you know how do you wish he would have shown up differently what would life

00:40:48.160 have looked like if you did what would he have done differently how would he have felt about it

00:40:54.300 where did he want to show up but didn't why didn't he show up the way that you think he should show

00:40:59.980 up. These are all really enlightening questions when you start digging deep into the answers.

00:41:06.440 So I'd spend a lot of time with self-reflection, not just like, I wish you would have showed up

00:41:10.580 more. Of course you do. Why? What did that say about you? What did him not being around make

00:41:17.660 you feel? In what ways would he have done better? You just got to ask yourself really good questions.

00:41:23.480 And then the other thing that I would do, and this goes back to, oh, the question about the brotherhood.

00:41:32.440 Marcus, when he talks about, it's awkward to say, hey, I just want to be friends with the guy.

00:41:40.020 But what I would say to Aaron is this is part of the reason that it's so important to have high quality men in your corner.

00:41:45.940 Because Kip, I sent you a message over the weekend with Father's Day and I just told you briefly, hey, man, I really respect the way that you show up as a dad.

00:41:52.920 and you inspire me to be a better dad because here's the reality. You can only do what you

00:42:00.640 know how to do, even if it's subconscious. So Aaron was talking about the pattern he didn't

00:42:05.800 choose. Well, that's the only script you know. It's like asking a computer to do something you

00:42:13.000 didn't program it to do. It doesn't even know. It doesn't know how to do the thing. All it knows

00:42:18.560 is the program that was embedded and etched into the code. That's it. And human beings are the

00:42:23.840 same. So how do you start doing things that you don't know how to do? You find people who can

00:42:29.660 rewrite the program for you, or at least tell you there's another operating system you might be able

00:42:34.060 to use. And that means going to business functions and learning things. That means listening to

00:42:38.980 podcasts. That means joining fatherhood groups. That means having discussions about fatherhood.

00:42:43.500 That means in your church congregation, if one's not already set up, you start a men's group,

00:42:48.560 or you start a fatherhood group and you spend time with these guys and you challenge them and

00:42:52.840 you let them challenge you and you start changing the paradigm in which you look at life. And I'm

00:42:59.340 not here to tell you it transfers through osmosis. You still have to be deliberate about implementing

00:43:03.640 it, but you can't implement what isn't there to implement. So the first step is to get new inputs

00:43:09.500 into your life because whatever goes in here comes out. So if garbage goes in the six inches

00:43:16.760 between your ears, filth and garbage and degeneracy is going to come out. If good, 0.99

00:43:22.540 wholesome, powerful, productive information goes in, that's the output. Now it might take some

00:43:27.680 time depending on how bad you've messed things up, but that's a natural principle. What you put

00:43:33.260 into it, you get out of it. You got to put new inputs in. Yeah. And the inputs are who you

00:43:38.400 surround yourself around, right? So if you have an emotionally detached friend, that's an asshole 1.00

00:43:42.460 to his kids and wife yeah right is is that perpetuating you doing the same thing in your 0.99

00:43:48.600 own home and the and the answer is yes that will help you be the opposite of what you what you're

00:43:55.700 choosing what was the term that he used ryan emotionally unavailable is that what he said

00:44:00.740 uh he said a dad who was present physically but checked out emotionally

00:44:05.720 checked out emotionally. So I get really be careful with these general terms, right? Like

00:44:12.740 that's not a goal, right? And I, let me, let me just beat it up. Right. I need to be more

00:44:17.880 emotionally connected. What do you mean? What does that mean? And then most importantly, why

00:44:25.680 it is always so much more effective to get present to your actions of how they provide value.

00:44:35.720 So what are you addressing?

00:44:37.660 What's the issue?

00:44:38.980 And maybe the issue or maybe what your kids need,

00:44:41.580 maybe it's actually not a more emotionally mature dad

00:44:45.120 or maybe they actually need more discipline right now.

00:44:48.160 Who knows?

00:44:49.060 But whatever it is, identify what the gap is

00:44:51.660 and what you're bringing to the table.

00:44:54.040 And so I wanna give you an idea

00:44:55.640 and I call it like assertive feedback,

00:44:58.000 but pulse check with your family.

00:45:01.920 What are the big things?

00:45:03.160 Ask your kid.

00:45:03.700 In fact, I am, I'm committing right now on this podcast, I'm going to do this with my

00:45:07.260 daughters this week.

00:45:08.460 So I'm going to go to them and say, Hey, what are your biggest stresses right now?

00:45:13.140 What are your biggest struggles?

00:45:14.280 Things that you're worried about stresses in life.

00:45:16.460 And hopefully they'll share those with me and they will.

00:45:19.880 And then I'm going to say, in what way am I making those things more difficult for you

00:45:23.300 right now?

00:45:25.180 And they might be like, well, you get easily mad at us.

00:45:27.700 Okay.

00:45:27.960 Got it.

00:45:29.020 Right.

00:45:29.480 And then I'm going to walk away with a list of things that I'm going to commit to them

00:45:33.040 that I'm gonna do better.

00:45:36.000 And it might be being more emotionally available

00:45:39.680 or connected, but it also might be something else.

00:45:44.080 But regardless, guess what it's gonna be?

00:45:46.140 Something that benefits them.

00:45:48.640 So make sure that whatever it is that you're focusing on,

00:45:51.920 that you're addressing something.

00:45:53.760 And that you're not,

00:45:54.620 because you might even be latched onto this,

00:45:56.500 you might be so paranoid about not being your dad

00:45:59.700 that the pendulum might even swing too far.

00:46:03.040 and you're just, and your focus is what?

00:46:05.940 I don't wanna be like my dad.

00:46:07.340 Well, screw that.

00:46:08.360 Let go of that thought process.

00:46:10.200 How about you just be you

00:46:11.420 and be the best dad that you can be,

00:46:13.860 agnostic of whoever your father was?

00:46:16.540 That's a better focus.

00:46:18.740 So focus on who you're serving.

00:46:20.160 Don't worry about trying not to be someone

00:46:22.020 because there's a sense of holding your past

00:46:25.320 and dragging it into your present

00:46:27.620 when we operate that way.

00:46:29.740 Let go of it.

00:46:30.640 and who what's the man that you need to be today for your family and focus there

00:46:36.220 and where do those men spend time and how can you become friends with them and you have to be

00:46:42.100 deliberate about that you know there's another thing i really like that what you said about

00:46:45.080 that kip and there's another thing i was thinking as you were addressing that

00:46:47.700 if your goal is to not be like your dad that can mean a lot of different things so let's say your

00:46:54.560 dad was a drunk. If you're a drug addict, then you're not like your dad. Does that make it any

00:47:01.140 better? No. So I think you need to get really clear if you start getting into this thing of

00:47:07.560 like, well, I don't want to be like him. Yeah. There's a lot of ways not to be like him that

00:47:10.920 could actually make you maybe even worse than he was. So I like what you said there. That makes a

00:47:16.120 lot of sense. I also pulled up a book. I was, I was pulling up my audible cause I just, I just

00:47:20.640 started reading this or listening to it feeling is the secret by neville goddard it's actually a

00:47:26.040 really good book about why feeling and intuition is really powerful and why we thought why we should

00:47:33.620 start tapping more into the feelings that we're experiencing not to control us but the decisions

00:47:39.920 that we've made we make are often simply supporting the feelings that we already have

00:47:46.120 so if you want to change the outcome change the way you feel about things if you have an addiction

00:47:51.120 instead of saying well i'm just going to stop and that's i'm just going to toughen my way through

00:47:56.340 it start changing your identity the way you feel about yourself and once you start feeling

00:48:01.120 differently about yourself you will naturally start making different decisions if you tell

00:48:06.040 yourself a loser you'll make loser decisions if you tell yourself you're a winner and you actually

00:48:10.460 believe and feel it you're going to start doing the things that winners do yeah you'll self 0.83

00:48:16.080 fulfilling prophecy, right? You'll look for evidence to be right. I've always believed that

00:48:20.400 we would rather be right than happy. And I, and I think if we self-reflect, you'll find yourself

00:48:25.620 making decisions in the space of being right more than happy. It's crazy. And it's, you know,

00:48:33.620 rooted in that ego. Yeah. All right. Um, this one's kind of interesting. I don't, I don't know

00:48:39.760 that I could even answer this question. I can give some insight. So this is from, uh, Cole

00:48:44.680 Hartman. He says, I've gotten more serious about my faith lately, and I started to dig into stuff

00:48:51.160 outside of the standard canon. So Enoch, I don't know these books. I've heard of Enoch, but Enoch,

00:48:56.900 Jubilees, and some of the apocryphal, I don't even know how to say that word, apocryphal writings.

00:49:04.280 My pastor basically waved it off. He says, do you think there's any real value in those texts

00:49:09.840 or am I chasing rabbit holes?

00:49:12.140 I'm not going to answer this question specifically

00:49:14.380 because I don't have enough information to do that.

00:49:16.840 But what I will say is this.

00:49:19.060 I don't think that the Catholic or Christian canon

00:49:24.120 has the market on truth.

00:49:26.640 I don't.

00:49:27.780 Absolutely not.

00:49:29.100 I think there is truth to be found everywhere.

00:49:32.560 And I think there's evil to be found everywhere as well.

00:49:35.700 so is there truth and information outside of the canon the christian canon that will help

00:49:42.940 us live better lives uh yeah i mean just just go work at like finding a workout program is

00:49:51.220 going to help you live a better life but you won't find a workout program in the in the in

00:49:55.820 the bible as far as i know yeah so okay so on one hand yes i say okay there's there's other value

00:50:03.780 in other places. You just need to be able to discern. That's the most important thing,

00:50:09.320 to be able to discern, and in your case, praying, connecting with God, having that relationship,

00:50:16.900 knowing the Bible well so you can actually compare and contrast and gain insight, divine inspiration

00:50:23.880 to help you know what is true and what isn't. Now, I will also say that there are things

00:50:29.480 sometimes that are so ridiculous, so nonsensical, that it's just not worth investing any time, 0.91

00:50:36.320 energy, or attention into. And I'm not saying what you're asking about is necessarily that. 0.66

00:50:39.960 This is where I'm going to say, I don't know. Talk with somebody more qualified in that. But

00:50:44.460 what I would say, the keys to this are truth can be found in many different places. You have to be

00:50:51.400 able to exercise discernment. And there are some things so silly and comical that just don't 0.78

00:50:58.580 warrant your time and attention. And I don't know how this falls into that, if I'm being truthful

00:51:03.520 about it. Yeah. The only thing I'd add to your list there, Ryan, is be self-aware of why you're

00:51:09.000 doing it. That's it. Like know yourself. So why, why are you drawn to be like, oh man, there's

00:51:16.300 these other things. Why? Cause you're trying to prove like, what are you, what are you looking

00:51:20.640 for and why? Is it out of curiosity? Is it validating some, an opinion? And this is where

00:51:26.340 people get sideways, right? Cause they'll grab for straws because they've already have a conclusion

00:51:31.380 and opinion about something. They're looking for evidence that they're right. That, and that might

00:51:36.880 lead you somewhere else that you don't want, right? Like deep down, you might be like Christians are 1.00

00:51:42.360 wrong. And so now you're just, guess what resources you'll find. You'll find resources to validate the 0.95

00:51:47.380 fact that you're correct. Mark my word guaranteed. So why, why are you searching? What is it that

00:51:55.340 you're looking for? And is it just curiosity and openness? I'm like all about it, right? Yeah. A

00:52:01.400 lot of people don't realize this. I mean, and I'm a disruptor in this space, right? I used to teach

00:52:06.740 gospel doctrine for actually for a few years. And I learned so much about the Torah that it was

00:52:14.800 fascinating to me, fascinating. And, and I find massive evidence, stoicism, massive edits,

00:52:23.700 You know what I mean?

00:52:24.900 Buddha, there's awesome stuff, right?

00:52:27.400 Like my opinion, the gospel is truth, wherever it is.

00:52:32.640 That's what the gospel is.

00:52:35.280 And just because someone a long time ago identified what books make it into the Bible

00:52:41.120 and threw away the other books that didn't, doesn't warrant, you know what I mean,

00:52:45.680 what is true and what's not for me, right?

00:52:47.980 So I'm on a quest of just finding truth wherever I can find it.

00:52:51.140 I think it's interesting. I was just pulling this up because I don't know. And I like,

00:52:55.320 I'm curious about things and AI is amazing for this. I just typed this in. When was the gospel

00:53:01.840 canonized? And it said, there's no single data point for this or date for this rather. It says

00:53:06.740 since canonization was a gradual process rather than a formal one-time decision. But it did say

00:53:11.420 there were notable events around 130 to 180 AD, the four gospels. So that'd be Matthew, Mark,

00:53:18.000 Luke, and John were being treated as a collection. It says also one of the most cited milestones is

00:53:27.620 Athenasius, maybe, Easter letter of 376 AD, which lists the 27 New Testament books

00:53:34.280 exactly as we have them today, the first known list to do so. And then there was

00:53:38.020 other councils, 393 AD, 397, 419, where they actually affirmed those 27 books of the New

00:53:47.060 testament so it's it's kind of interesting and my question i've always kind of wondered like why

00:53:53.500 those books and not those books what about those books and not those books was it it was probably

00:53:57.680 very culturally related i imagine like what is accepted culturally uh what is the current

00:54:03.420 predominant religion who's in power who's the the roman emperor at the time i mean there's

00:54:08.980 what's acceptable what isn't i mean there's so many human variables right that come into play

00:54:15.600 Like I even, I even love this and I don't know if this is true.

00:54:18.560 I haven't validated this, but I read something or heard something like a couple of weeks

00:54:22.980 ago around the word commandment, for instance, and that the original word in Hebrew that

00:54:29.760 was translated to commandment is more appropriately translated to instruction.

00:54:36.620 That's profound to me, right?

00:54:39.500 Like part of me is like, what?

00:54:41.960 Like that's a big difference in my mind, right?

00:54:44.740 let me give you these 10 instructions versus commandments. Why? What human decided that

00:54:52.800 commandment was more appropriate? What did that person was they trying to get people to follow

00:54:57.700 out of compliance more than they were worried about growth, right? Like those are the things

00:55:03.680 that come into play. And then we have a tendency to put it in a box and go, that's what it is.

00:55:08.520 Well, not really. I mean, the word was kind of something else, right? And

00:55:14.180 See, this is how it falters, Kip.

00:55:16.420 It's like Kip goes from commandment to instruction.

00:55:19.240 Next, it's going to be guideline.

00:55:21.380 So he's like, ah, you can steal, suggestion.

00:55:24.600 You can steal.

00:55:25.380 I can covet my neighbor's things.

00:55:27.720 Like, it's okay.

00:55:28.880 It's more of a guideline than anything else.

00:55:31.540 And this is where I said, know yourself.

00:55:34.080 Because if you're looking to validate doing something wrong, guess what I'll find?

00:55:40.020 I'll find a word that replaces commandment with suggestion.

00:55:44.180 And I will find evidence that I'm right.

00:55:47.240 Right.

00:55:47.860 Yeah, good call.

00:55:49.280 All right, last one.

00:55:50.040 We got to run this one pretty quick.

00:55:51.360 I got a time stop here.

00:55:53.540 But we're going to talk about hunting, of course,

00:55:55.700 and I'm not going to go without answering this question.

00:55:57.740 This comes from Jesse Lindquist.

00:55:59.380 He says, first archery elk season this fall.

00:56:03.220 He says he's equally parts fired up and terrified.

00:56:05.360 I'm going to screw it up in front of my buddy who's been doing this for 15 years.

00:56:09.340 Beyond the gear and the practice, what's the mental place I should be focused on going in?

00:56:13.020 well number one you are probably going to screw it up you just probably what's going to happen

00:56:17.560 you're you're probably gonna spook an elk a bull or a cow i don't know what you're going for but

00:56:22.760 you're gonna spook spook an elk out of there you're gonna take one step too far or trip and

00:56:27.780 fall right before you get a shot or you're not gonna like aim your bow for whatever reason

00:56:33.880 or you're not even gonna put an arrow in because you forget like these are all things i've done

00:56:39.700 by the way. So, and by the way, all things that your buddy who's been doing it for 15 years has

00:56:44.980 done as well. Trust me. And again, to go back to jujitsu, you know, Kip, and you know, this being,

00:56:52.080 being in the game for nearly two decades at this point is they're going to bust your balls. Let's 0.99

00:56:58.400 be honest. Like if you do something, definitely going to bust your balls because their dad or 0.99

00:57:03.900 grandpa did the same thing to them. But you know what? They don't care. It makes a great hunting 0.99

00:57:10.580 story. It makes for a memorable experience. It makes for a pin on the timeline of development

00:57:16.400 in the skill that you're trying to develop. It's just, it's fun. Enjoy it. I would say lighten up.

00:57:23.840 Know you're going to mess it up. Lower your expectations of your performance. I know why

00:57:29.200 you're going into the woods. You want to kill an animal. Of course, just let the expectation go 0.99

00:57:33.580 way kip you and i have a good friend rick who he is a killer and i think a big part of the reason

00:57:40.100 that he's a killer is because he doesn't care doesn't care yeah he just wants to go he cares

00:57:46.320 enough that he wants to practice and make good shots and do it right he cares enough that way

00:57:49.960 but he doesn't really attach his his sense of worth or the the fun of the hunt to the outcome

00:57:55.920 he's the same whether he shoots an animal or not and and there's something to be said for that

00:58:00.840 and I think that's a good place to get to and when we're wrapped up about how we're looking

00:58:07.640 you're going to be closed off to learning so just yeah let it go and just be hungry and curious and

00:58:14.860 you'll learn way more but if you're so concerned about whatever people are thinking of whether

00:58:19.200 you're messing up guess what that's not a state of learning so let go of that and just be open

00:58:24.540 and just say I suck and then just soak in as much information from everybody as possible 0.96

00:58:30.080 that's it and and i would say the best way to do that it sounds so dumb and elementary but we don't 0.99

00:58:36.100 do it just ask questions if your buddy says something and you're like i and you're thinking

00:58:42.740 i don't know what that means what he's trying to tell me or what he's saying like just say

00:58:47.200 dude i'm sorry i don't you sound like you're speaking ancient greek or hebrew to me right

00:58:53.160 now or something so can you help me understand what that means like just ask a question make

00:58:57.920 it funny, make it light, laugh at yourself and just enjoy the experience knowing that

00:59:02.540 I don't want to say you're not going to be successful, but archery elk hunting is no

00:59:08.740 joke. It is no joke. So, um, go in, have fun, enjoy the experience. Know you're going to get

00:59:18.080 better and laugh at yourself. Life is good. And you're up in the mountains chasing around

00:59:23.700 incredible animals to put food on your family's table that's awesome just that alone is awesome

00:59:29.760 totally love it all right brother well i gotta jet guys great questions i think we've got another

00:59:36.700 four maybe five questions here that we'll get to next week but appreciate those um let us know on

00:59:42.480 the the wholesome segment wholesome or no uh and if you thought we were wrong just keep it to

00:59:48.640 yourself no i'm just kidding you can share you can you can share your insights if you thought i

00:59:53.900 was wrong or off or whatever people i dude i've had a couple crazy posts um on instagram go viral

01:00:01.040 the last couple of days which has been hilarious triggering people i mean i'm not above poking the

01:00:09.220 bear a little bit so yeah that's funny yeah i posted something about elon musk and what trillionaire

01:00:15.380 means and what it doesn't mean and oh my goodness liked over a hundred thousand times it's been

01:00:20.860 viewed on multiple platforms over over 10 million times at this point and then i made another post

01:00:27.420 about do dads take their kid their daughter into the men's restroom or do they take them into the

01:00:34.480 women's restroom and i thought we could have a civil rational discussion about it nope that's

01:00:41.040 not happening so it's been pretty interesting to say the least but the point i'm making is that

01:00:48.940 i'm sure whether or not you agree um you'll definitely want to fight with us which is fine

01:00:53.600 i don't mind that i really don't in fact i like it um so make sure to follow me on on the social

01:00:59.260 media channels and then also youtube really growing youtube new podcast studio it looks

01:01:04.640 decent right now but i'm changing some things tweaking some things it's going to look really

01:01:08.840 nice, uh, when it's all done. So make sure to follow us on YouTube. And last thing we did talk

01:01:14.100 about brotherhood a little bit. If you're looking for that deliberate, intentional brotherhood of

01:01:17.440 accountability and support, look at the iron council order of man.com slash iron council.

01:01:22.700 Anything else? Kip? No, sir. Where do they find you? Because you're doing a lot of leadership

01:01:27.800 principle stuff. Where do they find you and connect with you? I mean, social media, um,

01:01:33.220 I'm at Kip Sorensen, K-I-P-P-S-O-R-E-N-S-E-N.

01:01:38.160 And then leadership stuff, just go lead stronger is website.

01:01:43.980 Excellent.

01:01:44.500 Thank you.

01:01:45.500 All right, guys.

01:01:46.480 Have a great rest of your week.

01:01:48.480 Stay tuned.

01:01:49.080 We'll be back on Friday.

01:01:50.180 Until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.

01:01:54.440 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:01:57.380 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be?

01:02:01.140 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 24, 2026

What Society Values in Men, Where Does a Man Start, and Why Humility Makes or Breaks Us ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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