Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge

00:00:04.840 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.080 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.620 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:21.980 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.

00:00:27.020 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. This is your Friday

00:00:31.300 field notes where I share some thoughts from throughout the week. I thought I would get

00:00:36.560 some input from the guys in our Facebook group on what they wanted me to cover. And as I asked

00:00:42.320 for questions, I've got about seven or eight here in the past 15 or 20 minutes, and five

00:00:50.420 of them are along the same subject, which is how to deal with demons coming back into your

00:00:56.000 life. Or if your life gets off track, what do you do to get back on track? A lot of these

00:01:01.040 types of questions. So it feels like this is something that we need to address. There's

00:01:04.740 a few other questions sprinkled in here, and I will get to those of course as well. But I

00:01:10.220 think the theme of this will be getting back on track when you deviate or your plan changes

00:01:17.980 or your external circumstances change, which they have a tendency of doing from time to time.

00:01:22.780 So we'll hit on that. Before I get into that discussion though, I want to let you know that

00:01:28.060 next week on the 15th, we're going to be opening up the Iron Council. So that is our exclusive

00:01:34.900 brotherhood. We've got about 1500 men inside the Iron Council who are all working through some of

00:01:40.120 the questions that we have today. A lot of these guys come into the Iron Council because they have

00:01:45.600 challenges and struggles and problems and changes in their plans and demons coming back into their

00:01:51.640 lives. And they're trying to figure out how to get right again. And you could go at it alone and

00:01:57.100 you could try to make things work. But the reality is you can only change your life to the degree that

00:02:02.300 you know how to. So if you want something different out of your life, then something different needs to

00:02:08.200 take place or you need some different inputs. And one of the best places to get that is from a group

00:02:14.040 of other men who are motivated and inspired and ambitious and ready to do the same thing.

00:02:20.180 What you're also going to find in the Iron Council is men who are experts in their field. For example,

00:02:28.040 we have Johnny Loretty. He's a health and fitness coach. He's my strength and conditioning coach and

00:02:33.000 nutritionist. He's been in the field for a long time. Very credible. Runs a gym outside of Boston.

00:02:43.340 This is an expert. We've got financial experts. We've got entrepreneurs. We've got guys who are

00:02:47.820 fathers. We've got guys who are making incredible six, seven figures each and every year. Guys,

00:02:54.080 of course, like I just said, fitness, firearms, trainers, and instructors. So you're going to be able

00:02:58.480 to have access unlike you will anywhere else when you join a band with us in the Iron Council. So

00:03:04.260 that's going to open up again next week on the 15th. So I need you to go to orderaman.com

00:03:09.780 slash Iron Council right now. And that way, when we open up, I'll be able to send you an email

00:03:15.360 and let you know. Otherwise, you just won't get an email and know that we're open. So orderaman.com

00:03:19.520 slash Iron Council. All right, let's get to these. I'm going to get some of these out of the way.

00:03:24.260 They're good questions, but I'm going to get a few out of the way. And then we're going to get to

00:03:27.480 the meat of the discussion. So this one comes from Caleb Johnson. He says, what are your suggestions

00:03:32.300 for building a workout habit with a job that has odd switching hours? For example, 0,500 to 1500,

00:03:39.300 1100 to 2100 with kids too. And my wife works. This is a question I get a lot with varying schedules.

00:03:46.600 How do you have any sort of normalcy or get in any sort of routine, whether it's a workout or

00:03:52.840 self-development or time for yourself? How do you do this? Well, specifically, Caleb,

00:03:58.500 because you're asking about a workout, what I would suggest is you look at the most efficient

00:04:03.600 workouts possible. It may not be possible for you to spend an hour, hour and a half, two hours in the

00:04:09.240 gym. And you may need to look at 15 minute workouts. I would also highly suggest that you

00:04:14.640 look into body weight workouts because you might be at work or you might get called into work and

00:04:19.660 you're not able to go to the gym or train at your house. And you may need to do something in your

00:04:24.540 office on your break. So if you have a body and you're able to move it, it's pushups, it's pull

00:04:30.220 ups, it's squats, it's lunges. It's all of these types of movements, burpees that you can do regardless

00:04:37.300 of where you are. So that's going to be key for you because you never know when you're going to get

00:04:41.760 called in or when you're going to go to work. But outside of that, even if you don't know your

00:04:48.000 schedule immediately, I'm pretty willing to bet that you know at least ahead of time, maybe it's

00:04:54.620 a week ahead of time. And what I would say is just have a standard practice that you work out

00:05:00.740 two hours before you go into the office or you work out after you get back from work before you

00:05:06.660 go home, whatever that looks or on your lunch break. I don't know your exact line of work,

00:05:10.740 but you know to some degree when and where you're going to be going. So get your training in and just

00:05:16.840 say, Hey, I'm going to train two hours before I get into work. So if I'm going at eight,

00:05:21.200 I'm going to train at six o'clock. If I go in at three this afternoon, then I train at one o'clock

00:05:25.380 and just, and build the normalcy and the routine around the time span that you need before you go

00:05:32.480 to work. I hope that makes sense. Uh, let me see if there's some other questions here. And then,

00:05:38.540 like I said, I'll get a few of these done and then we'll get into the meat of the discussion.

00:05:42.180 Uh, Rob Christensen says limiting frustration and anger at work, backbiting, et cetera, how acting

00:05:50.220 out jeopardizes your integrity. That's a good question. It's a good topic. It's something that

00:05:55.420 I personally deal with. And I'll tell you where that anger stems from. It stems from frustration

00:06:02.140 with my own performance. That's typically what it is. It's frustration with my own performance. And

00:06:08.020 typically the way that shows up is I'm not as effective or efficient with my jobs or my duties

00:06:13.820 and tasks as I could be. Uh, maybe I didn't get as much done as I would have liked to have got done.

00:06:19.280 And that is primarily due to mismanagement of my time, mismanagement of my time. The better I manage

00:06:27.540 my time, the more I'm able to accomplish, the more effective and efficient I am and the less angry

00:06:34.160 and stressed out that I become. So for me, I've, I'm able to get to the root of it. If I can have

00:06:40.960 my schedule accurate, I can stay on my schedule. When I have spare time, like I do today, I filled

00:06:47.740 that spare time with something recording this podcast. Normally I would record on Wednesday

00:06:51.820 today. I'm recording on Tuesday because I have a little spare time. I can get it done now. And that

00:06:56.200 way tomorrow I'm not as cramped. I'm not as rushed. And that will reduce my personal stress levels.

00:07:02.440 But guys, the reality is, is that if you blow up at work in your professional relationships or

00:07:09.000 interpersonal relationships, you are going to undermine all of the trust and credibility

00:07:13.860 and authority that you have been building up with other people. And as I say this, I should say we,

00:07:19.480 because I do this as well. You've been making deposits into the emotional bank account of other

00:07:24.200 people. Maybe it's your wife, possibly your children, definitely your colleagues and your coworkers.

00:07:29.400 And then one day you blow up and you get angry over nothing or, or something, but it was something

00:07:36.180 within your control. And then you undermine everything that you've been doing for the last

00:07:40.300 week or month or year, because you had one blow up. So I would suggest to you that if you don't manage

00:07:46.940 your schedule correctly, the first thing you need to do when you start feeling yourself getting angry

00:07:53.320 angry is disengage. You cannot engage with people when you're angry. So maybe that's a simple, take a,

00:08:02.380 take a deep breath. My wife and I had a conversation last night and she said something that I was getting

00:08:06.900 angry about. And I got triggered by what she said emotionally. And I got a little, a little defensive.

00:08:13.900 And then I got a little offensive. And then I stopped and realized, Hey, this is not conducive

00:08:19.580 to the type of relationship I want to have with her and the discussion I want to have with her.

00:08:24.080 So I literally just said, hold on, just give me a second. And I reset in three seconds. And then I was

00:08:30.340 able to re-engage in that conversation, like a mature man ought to do. Sometimes it requires more.

00:08:38.280 Sometimes you need to leave the situation altogether, but here's what I don't want you to do.

00:08:42.780 I don't want you to not come back to the environment. That's what a lot of guys will do

00:08:46.880 is they'll disengage. Like, Hey, I'm hotheaded. I'm upset about this. I'm triggered, whatever.

00:08:51.940 I'm going to leave. I'm going to go do whatever. And then they never come back to it. That's not

00:08:55.720 healthy either. You need to be a man. We need to come back to the conversations and have the

00:09:00.840 conversations that need to be had, but do it in a positive and constructive way.

00:09:05.660 Dylan Thompson. And then this is the last question I'll get to before we get into that

00:09:09.620 theme of the, of the conversation today, how to deal with family during the holidays.

00:09:15.320 Look, anytime somebody says how to deal with, usually my response is you don't. And I would

00:09:22.440 actually say that with family as well. And I don't mean don't talk with them or communicate with them

00:09:27.080 at all. I would just be willing to bet that it's not all bad. There's just certain topics and

00:09:34.420 conversations and things that got brought up that tend to elicit these types of arguments and banter

00:09:44.600 and disagreement. And I would suggest that you just don't have those conversations because what

00:09:50.920 is the possible result of getting mad and frustrated and upset with each other? Also boundaries.

00:09:57.900 Boundaries are a beautiful thing. We talk about it all the time. So if you have a bunch of family over

00:10:02.480 and there's no boundaries established or you can't get away or they can't get away and you're all

00:10:07.380 stuck and cramped in this house for the holidays, that's going to be an issue. So find a way to get

00:10:13.240 all of you out of the house, out of the environment. You don't have to be together a hundred percent of

00:10:18.260 the time all day, every day. Maybe the guys go out and you go golfing, you know, one afternoon,

00:10:23.540 maybe the ladies go and do what they want to do. Maybe, you know, you have a place for the kids,

00:10:30.000 but then maybe there's a family night where you individually go out as families. You just create

00:10:34.860 little situations where you're not all together all the time, just boiling and steaming and getting

00:10:40.060 ready to blow up. You got to have a venting system for that. All right. So let's get into

00:10:45.000 the theme of the conversation. So Vince Esposito says, how do you handle failure and learn from it?

00:10:56.080 Adam Colin Sharp says, when things don't go the way we want or expect, how would one pivot in life?

00:11:05.720 Another one, this is from Brian Schultz. What to do when the demons you thought you had tamed come

00:11:12.660 creeping back? So you can see a lot of these questions are based on what do I do when things

00:11:20.460 don't go according to plan? Well, here's what I would say. First and foremost, know that things

00:11:26.580 aren't going to go according to plan. You have to manage your own personal expectations that it's

00:11:33.920 not going to be perfect, that it's not going to work out just right. If your expectation is with your

00:11:40.560 fitness journey, for example, that you're going to go to the gym and you're going to lose all this

00:11:44.820 weight and you're going to get strong and jacked in a matter of a couple of days or a couple of

00:11:48.600 weeks, that's probably not going to happen. If you think that everybody is going to do everything

00:11:55.140 that you think they should be doing every single time you bark an order, that's probably not going

00:12:00.280 to happen. If you're tasked with an assignment or something at work and you think that it's going

00:12:05.760 to work perfectly and all the vendors are going to get stuff to you on time and the cost is going

00:12:10.500 to be fixed and people are going to communicate effectively, get real. It's not going to happen.

00:12:16.260 The first thing that we need to do is realize that life is going to throw curveballs at you

00:12:21.580 to varying degrees. It might be that you're driving to work and you notice that somebody

00:12:28.200 on the side of the road has a flat tire or vehicle problems and you decide to pull over and help that

00:12:35.820 person and that's a curveball and it took a little time, but you were helpful. It's pretty benign,

00:12:40.000 I would say. Or it might be that you have a conversation with your wife and you realize

00:12:45.880 she's not happy and maybe she's looking at separation or divorce. That's something infinitely

00:12:51.620 harder to deal with. Or you go into work and realize that you don't have a job anymore.

00:12:57.220 These are harder things to deal with. But if we anticipate that challenges and obstacles are going

00:13:03.360 to come up, then we can be proactive in dealing with those things and assertive before the problems

00:13:08.660 happen. If we recognize that our wives are not obligated to stay with us forever, regardless of

00:13:15.680 how we behave, then maybe that's going to help us behave a little better when things are good.

00:13:21.700 If you know that your employment isn't guaranteed and that any day could go away,

00:13:27.260 then maybe you will be better with your money when the sun is shining and you'll put money aside and

00:13:34.880 you'll build up a network and learn how to network with other people so that job opportunities are

00:13:40.580 abundant. That's the biggest thing that you can do is anticipate that things are going to happen and

00:13:46.780 start planning for what could potentially happen right now today so that when you do get kicked in

00:13:53.000 the nuts, it's not going to hurt as bad. It's like you have a cut. Somebody kicks you in the nuts.

00:13:56.720 It's like, okay, I can't deal with, you know, I can't control that, but I got a cup on, right?

00:14:01.260 So you can mitigate, you can manage those expectations. The next thing I would say is get

00:14:07.020 your mind right. You know, it's hard when things get challenging. You have a medical condition, a job

00:14:11.540 loss, a break in a relationship. I mean, these things are extremely, extremely challenging. And usually

00:14:19.180 our mindset is trapped in looking backwards. What could I have done? What should I have done?

00:14:25.460 How could this have gone differently? I wish I could rewind time. Look, to a degree,

00:14:31.120 we need to analyze our performance because we can make better decisions moving forward. But at some

00:14:36.260 point we have to stake something in the ground and say, okay, this is my new starting point.

00:14:43.000 I am not that man. One of my favorite quotes is no man steps in the same river twice because he is

00:14:49.940 not the same man and it is not the same river. Things change. You change. You've made mistakes.

00:14:58.240 You are worse in some ways. You're better in some ways. You can improve. You can evolve,

00:15:03.580 but you can't do that if you're trapped in what's happened in the past. So take that tragic and

00:15:12.380 sometimes horrible set of circumstances that you found yourself in and put a period at the end of

00:15:20.220 it. You know, that happened period. And now here's the next chapter of my life that I'm going to write

00:15:27.740 and get to writing it. Do things differently. Go to the gym, get your finances in order,

00:15:34.240 sell a bunch of stuff around your house so you can pay off debt, start eating correctly,

00:15:39.280 start having better interpersonal communication with your friends and your family members and the

00:15:44.260 people that you care about. Like you can do things different because you want to. That's a beautiful

00:15:49.740 thing about being a human being. All it takes for you to do something different is to decide

00:15:54.960 that you're going to do something different. Another strategy that I've been using personally,

00:16:00.720 and I haven't always used this, so I can't talk at length about this, but journaling.

00:16:05.380 Journaling has been really big for me. Just getting thoughts out of my mind. You know, I'll write,

00:16:11.300 sometimes I'll write what went well today. You know, what two or three things did I do that went

00:16:15.780 really well? You know, when I got angry today at this person, why was I angry and why did that trigger me

00:16:22.400 and what did I do about it? What lesson did I learn today that I wouldn't have learned if I

00:16:29.080 wouldn't have been a more aware like I am now of what's going on in my life? These are all little

00:16:34.840 prompts that you can use to get out of your own head. Another strategy is to get around people that

00:16:41.020 live the kind of life that you're after. You know, it's, it's, I know it's cliche to say

00:16:46.400 the thing about, you know, you're the average of the five people that you spend the most time with

00:16:51.340 and all this kind of stuff. And it's cliche because it's true. So if you've found yourself

00:16:57.180 in a rut or a set of circumstances that you aren't happy with, that aren't favorable, then you have to

00:17:03.680 change all of those variables. And part of that is getting around the right people and getting around

00:17:08.480 the right people has never been easier than it is today. How do you do that? Go to the gym, get it.

00:17:15.100 That's easy. Get a gym membership. Like if you're lonely and you don't have friends or the friends

00:17:21.200 you do have or losers, where did it, where do you start? Just go down to your local gym and pick up

00:17:27.400 a $40 a month membership and show up, get there early, get there in the afternoon. When people

00:17:33.380 are done, go there on a lunch break, go there. When people are there, you can go to business luncheons.

00:17:38.680 You can look online and find activities in your area that you're excited about because other people

00:17:44.080 will be excited about those same things and you can connect with them. You can go to conferences,

00:17:48.160 you can go to events, just get out where the people are, where the good people are that you want to be

00:17:53.500 connected to and meet with. And at the end of the day, just know it's going to take time. That's probably

00:18:01.380 the worst thing about it is that you and your mind have made a decision to change your life, to change

00:18:08.360 who you are, to change how you show up. And for me, if you're anything like me, not waiting, but

00:18:17.900 allowing the process to work sucks, right? If I want to get in shape, I don't want it to take months.

00:18:27.780 I want it to happen now, but it can't happen now. If I want to rebuild a relationship with somebody

00:18:33.820 that I maybe had damaged over the years, I don't want to wait two or three or five or 10 years or

00:18:39.640 never. I want that to take place now. So that's a mindset thing. And that patience, my friend,

00:18:49.940 Andy Frisilla calls it being aggressively patient. What he means by that is you're doing the work.

00:18:57.460 You're not just sitting back, hoping things will miraculously work out, or you'll have a different

00:19:01.920 set of circumstances than you did before by doing the same thing. No, it's doing the work required.

00:19:07.320 And we all know what it is. Y'all know what the work is. I know what the work is. It's doing that

00:19:12.300 work and letting the process unfold. You know, when I go to the gym and I'm working out and I look in

00:19:19.680 the mirror, I'm like, man, I look the same I did yesterday. Yeah. It's going to take a few weeks to

00:19:25.080 maybe notice some differences or maybe a few months. Or if the relationship I have with my

00:19:31.900 kids or my wife or, or friends or colleagues, isn't what I want it to be. You know, I can make

00:19:37.120 the decision to change and improve, but they may never come around. Or if they do, it may be slower

00:19:43.440 than you would like, but you've got to be aggressively patient. Just keep doing what you need to be doing,

00:19:49.040 knowing that it's the right thing to do. And that's a big deal, by the way, is the ability to

00:19:55.280 do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do. Because if you base your actions

00:20:02.080 on the results that you hope to experience, then your actions are contingent upon receiving those

00:20:10.180 results. And to a degree that makes sense, right? If you're working out and you've been doing it for

00:20:16.040 two years and you're not experiencing results, okay, something's got to change. So we do need to

00:20:20.320 look at that. But there are things that we should be doing in life that are intrinsically valuable.

00:20:26.220 And we actually don't need to have some sort of external result or validation in order for us to

00:20:33.600 do that thing. So keep doing the right things because it's the right thing to do and have faith that

00:20:39.980 if you stack enough of those actions together over long and sustained periods of time,

00:20:47.580 you will be in a better position than you were before. Guys, I know it's challenging and I know

00:20:53.120 it's rough. And I know, especially this time of year, people are thinking about their previous 12

00:20:57.920 months and what's worked and what hasn't and how it's gone well and what's gone to shit in their

00:21:02.740 lives. Like I get it. I understand I'm doing that too. And so sometimes it's easy to dwell on

00:21:09.140 the horrible stuff and it's not bad that we look at it. It's just a reminder that we're imperfect and

00:21:16.600 that we struggle and we mess up and we hurt people and we fall short of our expectations. But what a

00:21:24.180 beautiful time to start thinking about how to improve, how to adapt, how to evolve. And one

00:21:33.160 other prompt I've used is when I'm in a situation where I'm emotionally compromised, I'm frustrated,

00:21:40.780 I'm angry, I'm short, tempered with people, or even where I'm tempted to do something I know isn't

00:21:47.800 right, is asking myself, what would the man that I want to be do in this situation? And then do that

00:21:57.520 regardless of the consequences, because we have a good ability to talk ourselves out of it. So what

00:22:02.580 would the man that I want to be do in this circumstance? And then do that. That's what I'm

00:22:11.140 working on. Can't say I'm good at it. Can't say I get a hundred percent or 80 or even maybe 60%,

00:22:15.680 but that is something that I try. And when I apply it, it works. Okay. All right, guys,

00:22:21.120 appreciate the feedback, appreciate the questions and the topics. But again, we can overcome these

00:22:24.960 things. We can overcome these challenges. We've got to do it right. And I hope I gave you some

00:22:28.760 tips and strategies to be able to do that. So guys, make it a great weekend. We'll be back

00:22:32.960 next week. Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:22:37.880 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:22:42.320 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at quarterofman.com.

What to Do When Things Don't Go Your Way ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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