Order of Man - What to Look For in a Wife, Tapping into the "Wild Man," and the Greatest Threat to Men

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Kip, what's up, man? Glad to be back for an Ask Me Anything.

00:00:27.020 I think we've postponed for a couple of weeks because we had some events coming up.

00:00:31.120 I've had a little bit of Ask Me Anything withdrawals or something. I don't know what's going on.

00:00:35.200 Glad to be back nonetheless.

00:00:36.720 Yeah, I scheduled an appointment with my counselor. I'm depressed.

00:00:40.380 He was like, well, when's the last time you talked to Ryan?

00:00:42.920 I'm like, it's been two weeks. He's like, well, there you go.

00:00:45.200 There's the problem.

00:00:46.120 That's the trigger.

00:00:47.240 Yeah, well, it makes sense. I get that. I get that a lot, actually.

00:00:51.520 I'm sure you do.

00:00:52.460 Yeah, the world stops turning when Ryan Mickler is not asking and responding to questions.

00:00:57.580 That's right.

00:00:58.040 Well, you know, it's interesting because I told you in the next couple of weeks, we're making our big move across the country.

00:01:03.320 And so I'll be incommunicado for, gosh, probably two weeks.

00:01:08.020 I'll have to shut things down while we move and get everything transitioned and everything else.

00:01:11.600 So that's going to be a really strange time for sure.

00:01:14.300 Yeah.

00:01:14.500 Yeah, it will be weird. And you're going to be so geographically so far away that when we do the AMA, it'll be like, yeah, ask a question.

00:01:22.600 I'll have to like, wait a second. And then I'll end.

00:01:25.980 There'll be a delay between.

00:01:28.160 Because it's so far.

00:01:29.180 Right. That happens, right?

00:01:30.580 No.

00:01:31.360 No.

00:01:31.760 I don't know. I mean, maybe like 20 years ago, but I think we're on top of things now.

00:01:37.300 It's going to space regardless of where you're located.

00:01:39.780 That's right.

00:01:40.360 That's right.

00:01:40.660 Well, guys, what we're doing here is answering your questions.

00:01:45.160 These are questions.

00:01:45.940 I think we've got some leftovers from a couple of weeks ago from the Facebook group.

00:01:48.800 So we'll get into those.

00:01:49.960 And then I think we've got some really good questions from our guys in the Iron Council.

00:01:54.140 That's our exclusive brotherhood.

00:01:55.360 So the quality of questions this week in particular were really, really good.

00:01:59.840 So I'm excited to get through those.

00:02:01.560 Yeah. I mean, it's evident of the caliber of individuals that are within the Iron Council.

00:02:07.300 Of course, until we get to Bubba's question and then all hell breaks loose.

00:02:10.400 And then, you know, you guys can't judge the IC based upon Bubba.

00:02:13.200 Well, I think he just most of the time likes to throw a wrench in the system just to keep us on our toes.

00:02:17.800 Totally.

00:02:18.380 Although he is working on some new projects in the Iron Council that I'm really, really excited to bring online here soon,

00:02:23.740 which is advancements and patches and things you can earn, burpees.

00:02:27.860 Yeah.

00:02:28.160 What he has dubbed, quote unquote, bitch tickets.

00:02:30.920 I don't know if you saw that or not.

00:02:32.300 I did see that.

00:02:33.260 Yeah. So he's got some good stuff he's working on.

00:02:35.360 Oh, man.

00:02:38.080 Everyone knows the Bubba.

00:02:39.200 Yep. All right, man. Let's get into it.

00:02:41.580 Yeah. So our first questions, like Ryan mentioned, are from the Iron Council.

00:02:46.060 You guys can learn more at orderofman.com forward slash Iron Council.

00:02:49.660 Our first question, Bill Tao, what is your family doing to proactively smooth the transition to your relocation?

00:02:57.420 We've been planning for a long time.

00:02:59.440 I mean, months.

00:03:00.200 We made an offer on this home in December.

00:03:01.900 So, what are we, almost six months into this thing now?

00:03:05.340 Yeah.

00:03:05.520 And we've been planning it out.

00:03:06.980 I have a tendency to procrastinate.

00:03:09.880 We have not done that, actually, in this move, which has been really good.

00:03:12.980 So we've been doing a yard sale and getting everything all lined up and ready.

00:03:17.660 We've been talking with contractors out there for some improvements we need to do with regards to the house.

00:03:23.240 Giving away all your books.

00:03:24.420 I sold a bunch of books.

00:03:27.180 I figured I had roughly 250 books that we ended up selling.

00:03:32.820 Part of me, I'll be honest, part of me was like, maybe I should drive down to St. George and go to Ryan's yard sale.

00:03:39.720 You should have, man.

00:03:40.080 You should have come down.

00:03:40.740 Or you should have told me.

00:03:41.540 I would have given you some books.

00:03:43.700 So I kept about 15.

00:03:45.220 A lot of guys have asked which ones I kept.

00:03:46.720 Maybe I'll talk about that at another point in time.

00:03:49.160 What else have we done?

00:03:50.700 Obviously talked with the kids because they're nervous and scared.

00:03:53.680 We're nervous and scared, to be honest.

00:03:56.580 And you're moving during the summer.

00:03:57.820 So the school thing doesn't – you don't have to worry about the school thing yet.

00:04:01.180 Yeah, we're getting through school here and then baseball season as well.

00:04:05.580 And once that's over, then we're wheels up.

00:04:08.460 We're out of here.

00:04:09.460 So we've kind of thought about this, reverse engineered this, and worked it into the process and figured out, okay, this needs to be done by this date.

00:04:15.740 And you need a pack of this by this date.

00:04:17.960 We've been doing some improvements with our current home because we're renting this out.

00:04:21.960 We're getting the yard ready, making sure plumbing and electrical and everything is on point and ready to go.

00:04:27.800 But again, because we're renting it out.

00:04:29.080 So we just planned it out.

00:04:30.460 We had enough time and we didn't procrastinate and just took it step by step.

00:04:33.760 Yeah.

00:04:34.220 Just like life, right?

00:04:35.660 Yeah.

00:04:35.860 When you give updates, I'm like, oh man, is he moving next week?

00:04:38.640 Yeah.

00:04:38.840 It's like, oh no, we're still a little ways out.

00:04:40.480 I'm like, oh dang, they're totally on top of this.

00:04:42.920 Yeah.

00:04:43.220 Yeah.

00:04:43.580 Well, I mean, it's such a big transition.

00:04:45.280 We didn't want to just overwhelm ourselves with two weeks left to go.

00:04:50.500 So like I said, I mean, it's been months in the works and we've known this is, I mean, we're all in, dude.

00:04:55.800 We're moving out there, whether things work out or not.

00:04:58.340 Like we're without a home June 1st.

00:05:00.300 And so we're out of there.

00:05:01.800 I mean, we're gone.

00:05:02.900 We're 100% vested in this thing.

00:05:05.320 There's no turning back at this point.

00:05:07.220 That's funny.

00:05:07.840 So did your wife convince you to do the road trip?

00:05:10.280 Yeah, she didn't convince me.

00:05:13.020 I, I, I, um, well, I guess I did on my own.

00:05:16.460 No, I guess convince maybe is the right word, but you know what?

00:05:19.300 If that's what she wants to do, then you're down.

00:05:21.480 Cool.

00:05:21.980 Let's do it.

00:05:22.560 I don't want to do that, but if that's what she's on board with and wants to do, then I can, I can make that compromise.

00:05:27.900 That'd be fun.

00:05:28.800 As long as you don't have like a infant child in the back crying the whole time.

00:05:32.600 Well, we've got a three-year-old who's a little helly and so that's going to be a challenge.

00:05:36.980 Yeah.

00:05:37.340 You're going to be stopping peeing and whatever every three hours.

00:05:40.020 Good luck, man.

00:05:41.080 That sounds miserable.

00:05:42.060 Yeah, it is.

00:05:42.700 Thank you.

00:05:43.120 I appreciate that.

00:05:45.520 What else we got?

00:05:46.860 All right, Moose.

00:05:48.100 Let's move on.

00:05:49.280 I'm assuming Moose doesn't mind me just calling him Moose versus reading off his whole name.

00:05:53.560 No, that's how he introduces himself.

00:05:55.300 All right, Moose.

00:05:56.080 Yeah, he's good with that.

00:05:56.920 Do you ever cry in front of your wife and or kids?

00:06:00.120 I was raised to believe that this was unacceptable, but I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by keeping this in.

00:06:06.700 That's a good question.

00:06:07.360 I don't go around crying like an idiot about every little thing, but if I get emotional about something that's touching or watch a scene in a movie or I'm sharing a perspective, I think I may have gotten teary-eyed at our legacy event in front of my boys.

00:06:26.940 So, I don't cry a lot just because there's not a whole lot to cry about.

00:06:32.160 But yeah, if I get emotional, like I don't have any problem crying appropriately in the right situations in front of my family.

00:06:38.360 That's not an issue to me.

00:06:40.320 Totally.

00:06:40.440 Now, I will say also, Kip, though, is I also think there's a time for men to set aside our emotions just temporarily, not like not suppress them, but just set them aside temporarily because our kids and our wife need to see us being strong and resolute.

00:06:58.440 There's also – that's also an appropriate response in the right circumstances.

00:07:03.460 And sometimes it's appropriate to let the guard down and express some emotion or cry or whatever it may be, but it depends on the situation.

00:07:14.240 It's not like I'm always going to be stoic or I'm always going to be crying and I see guys go both directions and it's not appropriate in certain circumstances.

00:07:20.940 What I love about that, Ryan, is your – the concept of crying is often we react to those emotions from a selfish perspective, right?

00:07:34.520 Oh, I'm embarrassed or I shouldn't act as – it's about looking good or whatever, right?

00:07:39.900 Well, and sometimes you should do that.

00:07:41.900 Yeah, but whatever – but what you just said had to do with who, who you're serving.

00:07:47.340 Yeah, good point.

00:07:48.020 Do you benefit them, right?

00:07:49.480 Do I – am I stoic in this moment because it serves them because of what they need from me versus my own personal – you know what I mean?

00:07:58.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:58.880 That makes sense.

00:07:59.760 Or whatnot, right?

00:08:00.360 Yeah, I think that's a great – I think that's a great distinction is really our job as men is to be servants.

00:08:05.640 When we talk about protect, provide, preside, all three of those have an underlying root or foundation of service to others.

00:08:13.580 So, yeah, sometimes it's in the people I'm serving's best interest for me not to cry and other times it is appropriate and so you can cry all you want.

00:08:23.720 Sometimes you got to go in your room and scream or go punch something or roll around in jujitsu or go for a run and that's the appropriate response.

00:08:32.240 You just got to figure out what's appropriate and then handle it accordingly.

00:08:34.600 Totally, totally.

00:08:36.060 And I would like to suggest – someone once told me if you're going to cry, own it.

00:08:41.100 Like own it and like – I don't know.

00:08:44.520 I don't know about you, Ryan, but I was thinking about this from this whole service perspective.

00:08:48.400 And the times that people hold back from maybe showing their emotions, they're also holding back their communication.

00:08:58.680 I agree.

00:08:59.060 Like there's some communication being held back and what is not being shared that should be shared when you hold back on that communication.

00:09:06.360 So sometimes, guess what?

00:09:07.580 You got to own it and you got to finish the communication because that is what needs to be served, right?

00:09:12.740 That is what those people need whether they be your family or whatever.

00:09:15.920 And so if you're holding back because you don't want to cry, then you're holding back the message, right?

00:09:21.980 The potential impactful message that you have to share.

00:09:24.540 So, you know –

00:09:25.520 Well, I'll give you an example.

00:09:27.100 When we were at Legacy, I shared a story about my father, which you remember I'm sure, right?

00:09:34.160 Yep.

00:09:34.520 Yeah.

00:09:35.220 Yeah, I was there.

00:09:37.520 And me being emotional about that, as in I was teary-eyed.

00:09:42.280 I was crying.

00:09:42.840 Me being emotional about that actually made the story that much more powerful.

00:09:48.920 Yeah.

00:09:49.200 Now, I wasn't gaming it, but it was truthful, but it was more powerful because of that.

00:09:56.860 Totally.

00:09:57.540 Yeah.

00:09:57.720 Because it's –

00:09:58.640 It's real.

00:09:59.360 It's authentic.

00:10:00.500 No.

00:10:00.940 No, it's real.

00:10:01.960 It's not authentic.

00:10:03.060 It's real.

00:10:03.540 I said that.

00:10:05.700 I was listening to the podcast from today, and I actually said to my podcast guest something about genuine and authentic.

00:10:12.280 I'm like, oh, like as soon as I said it, I shouldn't have said that.

00:10:15.520 I said that word.

00:10:16.680 Yeah.

00:10:17.120 No, but it's – like I said, it's just figuring out what's appropriate and then handling it best from there.

00:10:22.820 And one of the things I'll tell you too, Kip, to your point about owning it is I don't apologize for my behavior unless I know I've done something wrong, right?

00:10:34.260 So, just for example, if I get teary-eyed about something in front of a group, for example, at that dinner at Legacy, I'm not going to apologize about.

00:10:41.960 There's nothing for me to be sorry.

00:10:42.960 Sorry for crying, guys.

00:10:43.540 Right.

00:10:43.800 Yeah.

00:10:43.960 There's nothing for me to be sorry about in that situation.

00:10:46.600 Now, if I'm an asshole to my wife and I need to correct that, then yes, I will say I'm sorry because I need to correct that.

00:10:54.620 But I'm hesitant to apologize.

00:10:56.400 Too many people apologize for their behavior too quickly.

00:10:59.060 It's like, wait, wait, wait.

00:11:00.100 Are you really sorry or do you think you're supposed to say sorry?

00:11:03.560 So, own your decisions, own your behavior.

00:11:06.020 If you genuinely mess up, fix it.

00:11:08.300 But if not, there's nothing to apologize about.

00:11:10.300 So, don't do it.

00:11:11.640 Yeah.

00:11:12.020 I like that.

00:11:13.020 Good counsel.

00:11:14.480 All right.

00:11:15.560 Bill Tao.

00:11:16.980 We've got two questions in there, Bill.

00:11:18.460 Are these Iron Council ones now?

00:11:20.060 Yes, sir.

00:11:20.740 Yeah.

00:11:21.160 We're in the IC.

00:11:22.140 Yeah.

00:11:22.620 All right.

00:11:23.620 If Order of Man failed in the next two months, what five steps would you take to discover and build your path forward to your next career slash life?

00:11:33.980 I really can't envision doing anything else.

00:11:37.980 So, if Order of Man failed, then I would just start Order of Gentlemen.

00:11:42.800 I don't know.

00:11:43.620 I really cannot envision doing anything else at this point.

00:11:49.720 What five steps would you give someone else that has attempted to do something, it's failed, flopped on their face, and now they need to rebuild?

00:12:00.220 What would those five steps be?

00:12:02.260 Oh, that's a good perspective.

00:12:04.480 I'm trying to be thoughtful in this because my knee-jerk reaction is just start, just go, right?

00:12:10.940 Just start sharing that.

00:12:12.040 I would say yes to a lot of different opportunities that might expose me to some new information or new experiences or circumstances that I hadn't seen before or considered because then that broadens my perspective.

00:12:26.000 Kind of open up your mind a little bit.

00:12:27.260 Yeah.

00:12:27.340 Yeah.

00:12:27.520 Then that broadens my perspective and maybe gets me down a path.

00:12:31.300 I think a lot of the times, too, what most men tend to think is that if they're on the right path, then the clouds will part, the heavens will open, and the angels will sing, hallelujah, you're on the right path.

00:12:42.340 Yeah.

00:12:42.520 I don't think it works like that.

00:12:43.960 No, I think it's the opposite.

00:12:44.840 Like the storm comes in.

00:12:46.640 Right.

00:12:47.560 Well, and if there's –

00:12:49.120 The mountain gets steeper.

00:12:49.500 Yes, yes.

00:12:50.480 And if there's a voice or some sort of nudging or urging, it's very small, and it's not real clear or articulated.

00:13:01.500 And in order to make that voice – like I believe it's divinely inspired, but whether you believe that or not, I still think there's some level of inspiration we all have, and I think most of us would agree to that.

00:13:12.660 But the more you follow that small voice, the more clear and distinct and loud that it becomes, but you have to earn that.

00:13:24.780 And so you earn it by taking one small step.

00:13:27.120 So saying yes to something that maybe you've never said yes to might open you up to something you've never experienced before.

00:13:33.920 And then just taking this one small path.

00:13:36.440 And then the biggest thing I think you can do is just dive in headfirst.

00:13:40.520 You know, whether it's some hobby that you want to pursue, become obsessed with it.

00:13:46.180 Become compulsive with it.

00:13:47.480 Do it every single day.

00:13:48.840 Start sharing using this powerful, powerful medium of social media regarding what you know.

00:13:54.600 I made a post a couple of weeks ago about an experience I had with our baseball team, and I was looking at it yesterday.

00:14:01.360 That post has been, has reached over a half a million people.

00:14:08.020 That's, that's pretty incredible.

00:14:10.460 Just a few words about a very brief moment or experience that I had reached half a million people.

00:14:19.300 So we had this incredible opportunity to connect with and share.

00:14:24.320 And I think that's where we get hung up is this breakdown of communication.

00:14:28.000 Oh, I can't share this.

00:14:29.160 What if people don't like what I have to say?

00:14:31.360 Or what if I fail?

00:14:32.260 Or what if they judge me?

00:14:33.260 Or what if, what if, what if, what if?

00:14:34.580 And then we end up shortening ourselves or placing a governor, if you will, on our abilities.

00:14:40.640 You know, I made a post today, for example, of why I don't think that men and women should have sex before marriage.

00:14:48.100 And I didn't get biblical or religious on it because I know that's not always a foundation that people agree with.

00:14:53.160 So I took a more logical, rational approach to it.

00:14:57.200 And I know that there's going to be a lot of people who disagree with me, but you know what?

00:15:01.400 That's fine.

00:15:02.020 That, that doesn't, that doesn't threaten me in any way.

00:15:05.060 But what it also does is it connects me with those who have believed that, that maybe we're afraid to share it or haven't heard anybody else say it before.

00:15:12.940 So you've really got to be vocal about whatever path you're pursuing and let those who are interested find, find you.

00:15:20.960 So that's what I do.

00:15:22.160 I would take advantage of new opportunities.

00:15:24.580 I would become compulsive with some of those opportunities and really take those steps and learn everything I possibly could.

00:15:30.500 And then I would start sharing my message using social media and allow it to grow and develop organically from there.

00:15:38.140 I'd also learn, I guess, point number four is how to become a good marketer.

00:15:41.880 That's a little bit more tactical, but there's great books.

00:15:45.000 Russell Brunson, Expert Secrets is really good.

00:15:47.860 Gary Vaynerchuk has a lot of good stuff.

00:15:49.880 I don't resonate with a lot of his stuff, but from a marketing perspective, it's really good.

00:15:53.140 Who else?

00:15:54.900 Seth Godin has some great stuff on marketing.

00:15:57.300 I would study these guys and really, what's that?

00:16:00.420 Storybook.

00:16:01.460 Storybook, yeah.

00:16:02.080 I can't remember the author, but that's another good one.

00:16:04.540 Yeah, so there's a lot of great information.

00:16:06.020 That's also something you need to make sure you do.

00:16:08.300 Would you recommend to Bill and others that have the similar question that to go down the whole vision route,

00:16:15.220 you know, like where you see yourself so many years out and kind of go through that process a little bit?

00:16:20.560 I'm assuming you'd be hesitant to say that because you don't want to encourage people to overly plan and not act, right?

00:16:28.380 Well, how do you envision a place you've never been before, you know, and really make it a reality?

00:16:33.180 Yeah, I mean, we can dream and we should and we should have aspirations.

00:16:37.560 Yeah.

00:16:37.840 But you don't really know what you're capable of or what is possible until you start taking steps.

00:16:44.460 That's what I found.

00:16:45.080 The more steps that I take, the more that it unlocks things that I'm like, whoa, I didn't even, I didn't even recognize that was available.

00:16:52.960 I didn't even recognize that was an opportunity.

00:16:54.920 Like if you would have told me five or six years ago that we would be podcasting and we'd be reaching millions of millions of men across the planet through this,

00:17:05.340 through this medium of podcasting and that we'd have 500 guys that are investing in being part of a brotherhood that has frameworks and the network to be able to succeed.

00:17:16.180 And we'd be offering merchandise and people would actually be putting my logo, which was just a thought and an idea.

00:17:24.260 And in its infancy, they'd be putting it on the back of their cars and they'd be wearing it on their backs, on their shirts.

00:17:29.360 Like that's crazy, man.

00:17:32.180 Like I tattooed on their lower tattooed.

00:17:34.480 Yeah, for sure.

00:17:35.100 Not, not lower backs.

00:17:36.840 No tramp stamps here guys.

00:17:38.500 Okay.

00:17:38.820 With the order of man logo.

00:17:40.440 Yeah.

00:17:40.900 I mean, but it's crazy.

00:17:42.580 That's crazy.

00:17:43.860 When I actually stop and think about that for a second, we have like Alex Spitzer who got his tattoo on his arm.

00:17:50.360 And I think he was the first one to show.

00:17:52.040 I don't know if he's the first one to get a tattoo.

00:17:53.720 I think he was, but he was certainly the first one to show me.

00:17:56.980 That's crazy.

00:17:58.580 And I'm not saying he's crazy.

00:17:59.980 I'm just saying that is a very real responsibility.

00:18:03.720 And I never would have even imagined that that would be the case.

00:18:07.540 Even like I said, five, six years ago, but it takes the steps.

00:18:12.160 To open up those possibilities.

00:18:14.060 I wouldn't have dreamed that because I didn't know that was a, that was even an option.

00:18:17.540 Yeah.

00:18:17.740 I can't imagine how you feel.

00:18:19.760 Like even from my position, I'm like, I'm still like often I'm like, what?

00:18:24.840 I'm on the order of man podcast.

00:18:26.220 Like what am I doing?

00:18:27.500 Like, this is so like funny, but, and I would have never, ever thought I'd be doing this.

00:18:32.640 Yeah.

00:18:33.000 Right.

00:18:33.240 With you.

00:18:33.740 So it's crazy.

00:18:34.680 It's like when I was, uh, every once in a while when I'm out to eat or I don't know, I go into the grocery store or convenience store or something.

00:18:41.680 Somebody will come up and say something.

00:18:43.000 It's not a lot, but it happens periodically, occasionally.

00:18:46.180 And they're like, oh man, I love what you have to share.

00:18:48.080 Thanks for sharing.

00:18:48.620 I'm like, really?

00:18:49.520 Why?

00:18:49.960 Like, why are you listening to me?

00:18:51.300 Like that, that's my, that's my knee jerk reaction is like, man, if you knew half the things.

00:18:55.380 You're like, you're a idiot.

00:18:55.940 Yeah.

00:18:56.260 It's like, if you knew half the things I did to screw myself and my relationships and everything else, you would not be taking advice from me.

00:19:02.680 And so it's really a, a very surreal feeling, but you got to take the steps in order to get to that point and see what's possible.

00:19:10.320 That's funny.

00:19:11.040 So quick story that's related to that, that I think is really funny.

00:19:14.440 So, um, so I'm at a, at a clinic for cheer cause my wife does, uh, she's like one of the cheer coaches for Alta high school.

00:19:23.360 And so we're at this cheer clinic and I have my, uh, an order of man t-shirt on and I'm getting ready to leave the building.

00:19:29.600 This guy, um, Andrew that I didn't know at the time goes, Hey man, nice shirt.

00:19:33.800 And I'm like, oh yeah, thanks.

00:19:35.440 He's like, you know, it's really funny.

00:19:36.800 Those guys on that podcast, they always say that, that they run into people and people say something about them wearing order of man shirts.

00:19:43.500 But I, I never see that ever.

00:19:45.340 Right.

00:19:45.820 And I'm like, that's funny.

00:19:47.140 Wait, he didn't know it was you?

00:19:48.780 No.

00:19:49.240 On the podcast.

00:19:50.360 Oh, that's funny.

00:19:51.580 So I'm like, huh, that's funny.

00:19:53.300 And then, uh, and then like, I got a message on messenger shortly after and he's like, Hey, did I just meet you?

00:19:59.360 Is this kid that I just went out to high school?

00:20:01.900 I'm like, yeah, that was me.

00:20:03.140 And he's like, oh man, I really appreciate what you guys are doing on the podcast.

00:20:06.000 And he, and he shared some successes about, you know, how it's really affecting his life.

00:20:11.160 And he's, he's getting after it at work.

00:20:13.100 He's getting after it in the gym.

00:20:14.760 You know, he's having awesome success.

00:20:16.320 And, and it was just, it was just funny.

00:20:18.660 I was like, that's crazy.

00:20:20.120 Isn't that cool?

00:20:20.900 It's such a cool thing.

00:20:22.600 All right.

00:20:22.860 That's funny.

00:20:23.440 I think we got that one answered.

00:20:24.720 Sorry.

00:20:25.600 No, George Sykes, the third.

00:20:28.360 What do each of you see as the greatest threat to humanity?

00:20:31.380 Jeez, George, way to go deep here.

00:20:34.740 Uh, I, I actually think that one's pretty easy.

00:20:36.680 It's just lack of responsibility.

00:20:39.100 That's all it is.

00:20:40.240 It's ownership, man.

00:20:41.360 That's why, that's why I resonate so well with Jocko's message is it's ownership.

00:20:45.160 Just take ownership of, of your life.

00:20:47.840 Take ownership of the responsibilities that you have.

00:20:50.420 Take on extra responsibility.

00:20:52.360 That's one thing I see a lot with guys that want to improve their station in their careers or at work

00:20:56.700 is they'll say things like, well, that's not my job description.

00:21:00.820 That's above my pay grade.

00:21:01.960 Or that's not my responsibility.

00:21:03.500 It's like, well, make it so make it.

00:21:05.300 So like what would happen if you saw something that needed to be addressed?

00:21:09.340 And instead of saying, well, that's not my deal.

00:21:11.460 I don't get paid to do that.

00:21:12.880 You voluntarily accepted it and, and owned that and took upon that responsibility.

00:21:19.400 What opportunities would open themselves up because of that?

00:21:22.720 Totally.

00:21:23.160 So I think it's, it's, it's personal responsibility, it's, it's individual ownership and ultimately

00:21:28.940 it's, it's, it produces sovereignty, which is why I wrote that book, right?

00:21:33.880 It, it, it keeps you as a sovereign individual and you not giving your power away to the government

00:21:39.820 or the school system or another individual or the creditors that you owe money to or your

00:21:46.380 boss or any number of factors or, or people or institutions that you could give your power

00:21:51.280 away to, man, we'd love to do it though.

00:21:53.320 It's crazy to me, but we love to give away that responsibility because it, because it's

00:21:58.540 responsibility.

00:21:59.020 It, it requires work.

00:22:00.840 And while we do it, we gave away the power to actually do anything wonderful and meaningful

00:22:06.040 and significant with our lives.

00:22:07.780 Yeah.

00:22:08.180 Imagine what would be possible if people did not blame other people for their condition,

00:22:14.880 for their circumstances and took ownership on a personal level, let alone within work,

00:22:21.460 within society and government.

00:22:23.520 I mean, man.

00:22:24.680 A small example of that Kip is, and I've, I've talked, it would be, it'd be incredible.

00:22:29.740 I've talked a little bit about our, our, my oldest son's baseball team this year, and

00:22:34.680 we're having a rough season, man, a really rough season.

00:22:37.780 And we've won two games against the same team.

00:22:40.260 So we've only beat one team and we're just having a rough go.

00:22:44.060 And a couple of weeks ago we got slaughtered and I was feeling really down.

00:22:48.020 And I thought to myself, you know, is this me or is this the kids or what is this?

00:22:52.740 And, and I was like, well, it's gotta be the kids.

00:22:54.880 It's the kids.

00:22:55.400 It's not me.

00:22:55.860 It couldn't be me.

00:22:56.580 It's the kids.

00:22:57.960 So I reached out to my old high school baseball and football coach, who I still have a good

00:23:02.240 relationship with.

00:23:02.980 And I said, Hey coach, here's what I'm dealing with.

00:23:04.580 And he gave me some really good counsel.

00:23:07.320 And ultimately he said, focus on the things that you can control.

00:23:10.960 Like your kids, that may be true.

00:23:13.060 Your kids may not be the most athletic, but there's nothing you can do about that.

00:23:16.900 You can be a better coach.

00:23:18.380 And so here's what you can focus on.

00:23:20.040 Here's how you can improve the team.

00:23:21.700 Here's benchmarks that you should worry about outside of what the actual score is.

00:23:25.160 And so you're just looking for constant improvement.

00:23:27.320 Well, I've implemented these things because he sent me some emails and some, some documents

00:23:30.720 I can use.

00:23:31.640 And I've implemented these things over the past two and a half to three weeks.

00:23:35.500 And last night we had a game, we lost seven to four, but you know what, man, I, I want

00:23:40.800 to win.

00:23:41.200 Like I'm a competitor.

00:23:42.400 Okay.

00:23:42.640 I want to win.

00:23:43.540 And not only do I want to not, not only do I want to win, I want to dominate.

00:23:48.600 So to walk away with a loss is not a comfortable thing for me, but looking at it objectively,

00:23:54.000 I'm like, wow, like these kids have really, really improved in a wonderful game compared

00:24:01.280 to what they had two, three weeks ago.

00:24:03.680 And if I would have just thrown up my hands and said, well, it's my kids.

00:24:06.380 My kids suck.

00:24:07.680 Yeah.

00:24:08.040 Then we would have got slaughtered last night and they wouldn't have been served.

00:24:11.240 I wouldn't have been served and it wouldn't have been good for, for anyone.

00:24:14.800 But rather than that, I said, okay, maybe that's true, but what can I do as the coach?

00:24:19.920 What responsibility do I have in this thing?

00:24:23.160 And focused on that.

00:24:24.740 And everybody wins, not, I guess, not technically, but everybody improves, I should say.

00:24:30.060 Yeah.

00:24:30.460 Yeah.

00:24:30.700 I like that.

00:24:32.040 Just to add like another perspective for George, cause I, I, I feel like maybe we should give

00:24:37.300 more than one answer in regards to the greatest.

00:24:39.760 No, there is only one answer.

00:24:41.160 Kip, there is no other answer.

00:24:42.880 It is all encompassing.

00:24:44.660 A close second.

00:24:45.860 Okay.

00:24:46.260 I would say is, is the destruction of the family.

00:24:49.460 I think the family unit, um, falling apart and not being a priority in our lives is a huge

00:24:59.120 threat to humanity.

00:25:00.120 Now, part of that is right.

00:25:02.720 Men being victims or moms being victims and not taking ownership.

00:25:06.980 And their marriage is falling apart because, well, it's not my fault.

00:25:10.060 You know, it's, I married the wrong person or she, if she only did X.

00:25:13.420 Right.

00:25:13.660 So at the root of it, it's still that ownership, right.

00:25:17.640 Scenario.

00:25:18.000 But, but I'd just like to call that out that I, I think the family unit is, is critical.

00:25:24.280 And, and we have my answer now, man.

00:25:26.780 Oh, well, and we have a tendency, like people have this tendency to like, oh, you know, be

00:25:31.460 worried about all kinds of shit.

00:25:32.760 Right.

00:25:33.060 Like, oh, like, don't get me wrong.

00:25:35.300 It's important.

00:25:35.920 But like, uh, taking care of the earth and doing these other things, but yet their family

00:25:41.260 is falling apart at home.

00:25:44.040 They're not, they're not taking care of business within the walls of their own home, but they're

00:25:48.940 busy running their mouth and being so concerned about everything else.

00:25:51.920 And, and in the grand scheme of things, if we all took care of our families and made that

00:25:56.200 a priority, um, I think we'd all be a little bit better off.

00:25:59.920 I, I wholeheartedly agree, man.

00:26:01.900 That, that was a great answer and a great thought.

00:26:03.800 Yeah.

00:26:03.980 I think there's a huge problem with society and families for sure.

00:26:08.460 All right.

00:26:09.140 Nicholas Bean, what is the one trait you would like for in a part you would look for in a

00:26:15.220 partner?

00:26:15.520 Uh, well, I think it goes back to what we said before, um, is responsibility and ownership.

00:26:22.780 Yeah.

00:26:23.300 Uh, I also think one thing I think a lot about my wife, like, what do I appreciate most about

00:26:28.160 my wife?

00:26:28.520 There's a lot for sure.

00:26:29.420 But one thing I appreciate most is her self-reliance.

00:26:33.340 I love that about her.

00:26:35.160 Like she doesn't, I've, I see these guys who get calls from their wives like five times a

00:26:39.420 day throughout the day.

00:26:40.200 Oh, the baby's throwing up or, or the, the plumbing just broke or whatever.

00:26:44.700 It's like, dude, like handle it, figure it out.

00:26:48.440 I can't do all of it.

00:26:49.560 Okay.

00:26:49.780 I'll, I'll do what I can, but I need somebody who can figure some of the stuff out on their

00:26:53.240 own.

00:26:53.780 And that's one thing I absolutely love about my wife is she's so independent.

00:26:58.800 Like she doesn't need me.

00:27:00.140 And I'm fully aware of that, which is actually a compliment because she chooses to be with

00:27:04.320 me even though she doesn't need me.

00:27:06.160 Yeah.

00:27:06.800 Um, but I love the independence, the self-reliance, the capability of her.

00:27:11.960 I, I've, I've dated other women before her who were dependent and like needy and clingy.

00:27:19.480 And it's, it's nice for a little, for a very short period of time.

00:27:23.100 Cause you feel wanted and then it just becomes exhausting and miserable.

00:27:27.880 So I, I think personally, the number one thing that you should look for outside of physical

00:27:32.800 and emotional and mental attraction, of course, that's important is that she is an independent,

00:27:38.440 independent, self-reliant woman.

00:27:41.120 Yeah.

00:27:42.080 Hmm.

00:27:42.540 I like that.

00:27:43.420 What would you call the trait?

00:27:45.720 And I don't even know what the word is.

00:27:47.020 That's why I'm asking.

00:27:48.080 Well, what's the trait of, of someone that's aware of themselves?

00:27:51.380 You know, like, you know how you get some people that are so close minded is like, like

00:27:55.220 a small example.

00:27:58.180 I've heard this before, right?

00:28:00.160 Where, um, you know, honey, we should go to counseling.

00:28:03.620 No, no, no.

00:28:04.200 I'm not going to go have someone tell me how I feel.

00:28:06.120 I know how I feel like really close minded.

00:28:08.840 I don't know what that term would be.

00:28:10.460 Maybe just self-awareness, right?

00:28:12.140 Just, just, yeah.

00:28:13.120 Being self-aware and open, right?

00:28:16.540 Yeah.

00:28:16.980 I would add that to the list.

00:28:19.180 Yeah.

00:28:19.920 I like that.

00:28:20.700 Definitely.

00:28:20.840 Cause I think that's where growth is, right?

00:28:22.260 If you don't have it, there's not going to be any growth.

00:28:24.880 Well, that's another, that's another important factor that you should look for in, in, in a

00:28:29.520 wife is somebody who's growth oriented.

00:28:31.420 Who's got a growth mindset.

00:28:33.100 I'm telling you, it is a recipe for disaster.

00:28:36.340 If you get involved with a woman who is so like, to your point, close minded or doesn't

00:28:41.760 want to improve or doesn't see the value in self-improvement.

00:28:44.740 And I'm not saying she needs to read two dozen self-improvement books a year and listen to

00:28:48.680 all the podcasts you're listening to.

00:28:49.940 Cause my wife certainly doesn't, but she's interested in improving herself.

00:28:53.960 She, she gets a certain certifications, like one that she has that a lot of people would

00:28:58.040 just say, Oh, that's lame is a canning certificate because she wanted to learn how to preserve

00:29:03.340 and build up our food stores.

00:29:04.600 So that was important to her.

00:29:05.420 So she went out and spent time and money in getting that.

00:29:08.120 She goes to the gym every day.

00:29:09.680 She's one of the most disciplined people I know because she wants to improve herself.

00:29:13.720 So it may not be the exact same way that I do, but she's on the self-improvement journey.

00:29:18.100 And I know that she appreciates when I develop because she wants to develop herself.

00:29:24.560 Yeah, that's great.

00:29:26.420 Talking about development, Reese Carter, he doesn't really have a question, but kind of

00:29:30.860 a share here.

00:29:32.040 And I think it's insightful, especially for guys that are, that are like, you know, what

00:29:36.000 does the experience within the iron council look like?

00:29:38.960 And as well as for you guys listening that are already part of the IC.

00:29:42.520 Um, and I, and I, I think we can all relate to, to aspects of a recent statement here.

00:29:48.300 He says, I've been involved in the iron council now for approximately three years at the first

00:29:53.360 year in, I saw a big shift in my wife's attitude and attraction to me.

00:29:58.200 It was only at the two year mark before my wife called me on my bullshit because I wasn't

00:30:03.280 living up to some of the, uh, some of the guidelines, according to my man group.

00:30:08.540 That's quote unquote man group.

00:30:10.100 That's right.

00:30:10.420 I remember seeing that.

00:30:11.500 Yep.

00:30:11.680 Uh, a year later, approximately three years in, she's celebrating me and my involvement

00:30:16.680 publicly.

00:30:18.840 I love it.

00:30:19.660 I mean, what's interesting about Reese is Reese actually left the iron council for a while.

00:30:24.140 I think he was in for maybe a year or two and felt like he got a good handle and grasp

00:30:28.020 on things.

00:30:28.500 And he ended up leaving.

00:30:29.920 And he, and if I remember correctly, I don't want to put words in his mouth, but based on

00:30:33.200 our discussions, he felt like he kind of, at that point stagnated and that he had become

00:30:37.840 comfortable and complacent and wasn't seeing new growth.

00:30:40.500 So actually he actually joined us back again and has continued to elevate and improve and

00:30:46.660 elevate and improve.

00:30:47.820 And he's a team leader and he's helping us with some projects within the iron council

00:30:51.560 as well.

00:30:52.840 Uh, so yeah, I mean, he's a, he's a great example of why the iron council is so powerful

00:30:57.420 and also a great example of what we talk about a lot that, that you're not entitled to your

00:31:02.880 wife's support.

00:31:03.580 You have to earn it and you have to prove that you're worthy of it as well.

00:31:07.960 So, so yeah, she, she, I can't tell you how many times we hear man group and it's, and

00:31:13.740 it's in a tongue in cheek kind of condescending way.

00:31:16.980 Like, Oh, what are you doing in your little man group?

00:31:19.580 Yeah.

00:31:20.000 We hear that all the time from guys in the iron council.

00:31:22.480 And then eventually we, we hear, Hey, I don't know what you do in your man group, but keep

00:31:28.220 doing it because you've proved that what you're doing is worthwhile and that it's helping

00:31:35.220 you improve as a man.

00:31:36.800 And of course, of course, she's going to be receptive to that.

00:31:40.720 That's worth it to her as much as it is worth it to you.

00:31:43.680 Yeah.

00:31:44.100 And I love the call out here of, you know, her calling him out is bullshit.

00:31:47.480 Cause I've heard that too.

00:31:48.980 You know, I get it too.

00:31:49.960 I still get it.

00:31:50.940 Yeah.

00:31:51.140 Back in the day we had, uh, one of the battle teams was whiskey and, uh, Joe Schultz used

00:31:56.260 to, his wife used to call him out and she's, well, what would your whiskey boys say?

00:32:00.240 Oh, that's right.

00:32:01.200 That's right.

00:32:01.800 The way you're acting.

00:32:02.540 I'm like, that's hilarious.

00:32:03.680 Yeah.

00:32:04.580 Yeah, man.

00:32:05.360 That's, uh, my wife still calls me out occasionally and says, Hey, you know, you're talking about

00:32:10.040 this, but here's where you're at.

00:32:11.980 Can you really talk about it with integrity?

00:32:14.280 And when she says that the answer is no.

00:32:16.040 And I correct the behavior and it's all good.

00:32:18.300 See, luckily Asia doesn't listen to the podcast.

00:32:20.260 So she's not holding me accountable to anything I say.

00:32:22.640 I'll just send her snippets.

00:32:23.720 So I'll cut out snippets of things that you say and I'll say, Hey, here's something Kip

00:32:27.680 said on the, on the podcast.

00:32:29.380 You may just want to listen to it and check them every once in a while.

00:32:32.220 What if I did, man?

00:32:34.660 Could you imagine if I did that?

00:32:37.400 Oh, well, even if I did that for myself, like, cause Trish doesn't listen to the podcast

00:32:42.660 all that often either.

00:32:43.540 But if I did that for myself, I'd be in just as much trouble.

00:32:46.040 I'm sure.

00:32:47.000 Or just put signs up in the house.

00:32:49.200 According to me, this is what we should do.

00:32:50.860 And everyone's like, uh, dad, Hey, turn around and read that poster on the wall, dad.

00:32:56.260 And then let's have a conversation.

00:32:58.440 Totally.

00:32:59.220 All right.

00:33:00.460 Ink this, these guys are funny and would start to give me a phonetic spellings and, uh, to

00:33:07.380 help me out on pronunciations here.

00:33:09.240 So pronunciations pronunciations.

00:33:12.140 Yeah.

00:33:12.460 You'll like that.

00:33:13.240 Uh, Promet Ball, uh, what were the early days of the IC like?

00:33:18.140 I joined right at the end of when we were, uh, on Slack and started on mighty networks.

00:33:23.100 So kind of maybe a history.

00:33:24.600 I don't know if he's looking for, from the technology side, but maybe, I don't know, a

00:33:29.380 little history of the IC.

00:33:30.580 Yeah, you bet.

00:33:31.180 So we started in, uh, man, I'm losing track of time here a little bit.

00:33:36.260 Uh, 20, uh, when, 2015, November of 2015 is when we started and we started with 12 guys.

00:33:43.920 You weren't part of the original 12, were you?

00:33:45.680 No, no, no.

00:33:46.460 I was number, I think I was number like 60, I think.

00:33:49.880 Oh, okay.

00:33:50.600 Yeah.

00:33:50.960 Okay.

00:33:51.220 Yeah.

00:33:51.740 So yeah, we started with 12 guys and it was a 90 day course and we got 60 days into it.

00:33:57.340 I'm going to speed this up here.

00:33:59.060 Uh, but we got 60 days into it and guys are like, what's next?

00:34:01.540 What's next?

00:34:02.020 What's next?

00:34:02.520 And that's when we opened it up in January of 2016 to the full-fledged iron council.

00:34:07.380 And we got up to about a hundred guys pretty quickly.

00:34:10.520 Uh, we were on Facebook at the time, but what I recognized in Facebook is that we were losing,

00:34:14.940 uh, things were getting lost in the feed.

00:34:18.500 Like you'd have to scroll through, you know, post after post, after post, after post to

00:34:22.260 find something relevant.

00:34:23.140 And that's why we switched over to Slack is so we could create channels in there.

00:34:27.560 Topics.

00:34:28.320 Topics.

00:34:28.760 That's right.

00:34:29.100 Another thing that I feel like we lost when we got to about maybe a little over a hundred,

00:34:32.420 maybe it's like 150 or so as we lost some of the intimacy, I wasn't able to be involved

00:34:36.040 as much.

00:34:37.080 Uh, so then we, we split, we, we split up into teams, right?

00:34:40.800 So you led a team and we've got, I think we've got 25, 27 teams now.

00:34:46.400 Uh, and, and that's been helpful because now I can help you lead your teams and be more effective

00:34:51.240 with, with that.

00:34:53.220 So that, that's what it was initially.

00:34:55.160 We moved to Slack to get the topics.

00:34:56.660 Then we moved away in the last, what, couple of months to another platform that I think

00:35:00.880 is going to be a little bit more user-friendly for onboarding guys.

00:35:03.880 Cause that's been a real, not a challenge necessarily, but something that's really been on my mind

00:35:08.200 is how do you guys, how do you get, it is tough.

00:35:10.760 I mean, how do you get guys who are interested in, in a brotherhood like this from, they don't

00:35:15.220 know anything to being completely for lack of a better term, indoctrinated into the, into

00:35:21.300 the, the system, right.

00:35:22.480 And the program and the processes that we're using.

00:35:25.880 Uh, so that onboarding process is really, really important for me.

00:35:29.340 Um, developments that I see coming up here in the very, very near future are advancements

00:35:33.480 within the iron council.

00:35:34.960 So you start at, again, for lack of having the terminology and the phraseology down is you

00:35:39.940 start at level zero when you come on board and level one is these certain requirements.

00:35:43.380 Level two is this level three and so on and so forth until you get to the highest level

00:35:46.800 you can.

00:35:47.840 Uh, there's also going to be different rank advancement, excuse me, not rank advancements,

00:35:51.280 but, uh, uh, patches that you can earn based on different qualifying, uh, tests, aptitude

00:35:58.340 tests that you will perform and go through and other patches that you can earn for certain

00:36:03.020 accomplishments throughout your life as well.

00:36:04.860 So there's a lot of cool stuff coming, coming online.

00:36:07.080 Yeah.

00:36:07.480 If you don't mind me adding to that, Ryan is one of the, one of the benefits of the

00:36:12.720 group getting bigger is, is Ryan has created this growth within the organization, right?

00:36:19.120 Where you first come in, you're, you're working on a team and then you can be an XO and, and

00:36:24.900 work into a battle team leader position or a mentor position, you know, and it's, and it's

00:36:29.820 perfect because, you know, like Reese is a perfect example.

00:36:33.440 As you're in, it's like, okay, now, you know, I'm, I'm changing the way I am as a man, right?

00:36:38.300 To, to be, have more integrity and to hold others accountable.

00:36:42.040 And I'm finding my voice and, and how to affect and help other men.

00:36:45.820 And now I, I got this skillset.

00:36:48.060 Now, how do I apply it?

00:36:49.300 Right.

00:36:49.600 And, and, and have this, and we have this ecosystem that allows you to experiment and

00:36:54.800 grow and, and use those tool sets that we're gaining within the organization.

00:36:58.520 And I, and I just think it's, it's been profound, at least it's been profound for me over the

00:37:02.760 last few years.

00:37:03.380 So, yeah, yeah.

00:37:05.240 I think, I think we just, we, as men want to develop and we want to grow.

00:37:08.620 And so having a pathway to leadership and knowing that there's something more, um, I, I went and

00:37:14.100 watched, um, uh, what's, what's the movie Avengers Endgame last night, which actually was not all

00:37:20.100 that impressive.

00:37:20.560 It was just like the same show that had been done five other times and they ruined Thor's character.

00:37:25.180 I'm like, what, if you haven't seen it, I won't ruin anything, but I'm like, what is

00:37:28.180 this?

00:37:29.760 What is this?

00:37:31.120 Anyways.

00:37:31.600 Oh, okay.

00:37:32.980 Um, have you seen it yet?

00:37:34.560 Yeah, I saw it.

00:37:35.240 Okay.

00:37:35.480 So you agree with me, right?

00:37:36.860 Or no, or you, do you disagree?

00:37:38.540 Uh, well, I thought it was funny.

00:37:40.440 It was funny to see him kind of funny, but you're right.

00:37:44.360 I mean, that's not his, his original character, right?

00:37:47.220 It was kind of, you know.

00:37:49.220 Right.

00:37:49.540 And he didn't even really redeem him.

00:37:50.960 Anyways, I don't want to ruin anything.

00:37:52.180 Yeah.

00:37:52.600 I was turning it around.

00:37:53.760 Right.

00:37:54.040 Cause everybody goes through shitty situations, but like the whole point of, of it is that

00:37:59.180 you redeem yourself.

00:37:59.980 You're like, Oh yeah, I screwed up.

00:38:01.280 I mean, this is life.

00:38:01.860 This is us as well.

00:38:02.760 This is my story.

00:38:03.720 I screwed up.

00:38:04.580 And then I'm in the process of redeeming myself.

00:38:06.480 Like, isn't that what every man wants to do?

00:38:08.780 Anyways, I was disappointed.

00:38:09.860 There's a couple of things that were annoying.

00:38:11.460 But yeah, I was disappointed.

00:38:12.660 Anyways.

00:38:13.240 Um, I can't remember the exact situation, but I think, uh, one of the characters came to

00:38:18.000 another character about their loss to Thanos and how they have to redeem themselves.

00:38:22.580 And, and, and the guy said, don't, don't give me hope.

00:38:27.400 He said, don't give me hope.

00:38:29.220 Yeah.

00:38:29.800 Let me, let me be depressed forever.

00:38:32.760 Yeah.

00:38:32.940 Right.

00:38:33.320 And I started thinking about that, that term hope.

00:38:36.960 And then I started thinking about, of course, the meaning behind it.

00:38:40.420 We have to have hope.

00:38:41.720 If we, as human beings don't have hope, there is absolutely no room for growth and progress

00:38:49.040 in our lives.

00:38:49.820 Because if you had no hope, regardless of you listening to this podcast, wherever you

00:38:55.000 are in life right now, if you didn't have hope that you could improve your future, you

00:39:01.520 wouldn't be listening to this podcast.

00:39:03.460 Yeah.

00:39:03.900 You wouldn't be going to school.

00:39:06.680 You wouldn't ask for promotion.

00:39:08.760 You wouldn't be in the gym.

00:39:10.660 You wouldn't be communicating with your wife.

00:39:13.060 You would be doing nothing because there's no hope for room and room for growth and expansion

00:39:20.040 in your life.

00:39:20.700 So the reason I'm talking about this is within the iron council, I've thought about a lot

00:39:25.960 about human psychology and specifically growth in this context and hope is that there has

00:39:30.740 to be another tier.

00:39:33.220 There has to be, you have to continue to improve because that gives you hope that you can.

00:39:38.660 And then once you reach that, you give yourself a physical representation of your growth and

00:39:45.820 progress.

00:39:46.200 And then you check that off the list and then you have hope for the next advancement.

00:39:49.580 This is why boy Scouts work so well.

00:39:52.040 This is why the military works so well.

00:39:54.380 This is why we have hierarchies in life in general.

00:39:57.520 And I know that has even become a swear word.

00:40:00.040 Heaven forbid there's a hierarchy in that we elevate people based on their merits.

00:40:05.340 Oh my goodness.

00:40:06.040 I can't believe we would do that.

00:40:07.660 How can we not just be all equal, Ryan, just for doing nothing?

00:40:11.320 Yeah.

00:40:12.080 But anyways, I think hope is that the foundational element of why we as men are working on this

00:40:18.220 path of improving ourselves as men and really clinging on, I don't want to say clinging,

00:40:23.200 that's not the right word, but enlisted in this battle, I'll say enlisted in this battle

00:40:26.660 to reclaim and restore masculinity for society.

00:40:29.760 But at the elemental level, it's for ourselves so that we can improve and we have hope for

00:40:34.120 improvement in the future.

00:40:35.160 Yeah, I love it.

00:40:38.920 This next name, I may slaughter it here.

00:40:41.040 Let's see.

00:40:41.600 Bubba Downs.

00:40:43.740 Dan Downs.

00:40:44.640 Yes, that's right.

00:40:45.720 The funny part is he helped me to pronounce his name.

00:40:49.300 Punk.

00:40:50.680 All right.

00:40:51.100 When seeking a mentor, what are the most important traits of said mentor?

00:40:55.520 How much should you allow price to sway your decision?

00:40:59.520 As an example, you need Tony Robbins, but you can only afford Ronnie Robbins.

00:41:07.000 Well, I think they have to have a track record of success.

00:41:10.640 That's number one.

00:41:11.600 So you have to find mentors who are, who are one of two things.

00:41:14.840 I used to think differently on this, but it's, it's changed a little bit for me.

00:41:17.660 One of two things.

00:41:18.920 They have to be doing the thing for themselves or, and this is where I deviate now a little

00:41:26.700 bit, just as I've, I've seen more of this, they have to have had a track record of producing

00:41:32.280 results for somebody else.

00:41:34.520 Cause there's actually a lot of instances in life where you as a coach or, or I should

00:41:41.040 not say you, but just a coach or a mentor doesn't necessarily have to perform at the

00:41:46.300 same level as his mentee.

00:41:49.180 Like I think about like Tiger Woods, for example, his coaches throughout his career have

00:41:54.980 never performed at the level he's performing.

00:41:57.980 So does that mean they're not good mentors or coaches?

00:42:00.200 No, of course not.

00:42:00.960 We would all say they're great coaches.

00:42:02.560 Same thing in MMA.

00:42:03.880 A lot of these guys have never performed at the level their students are, are performing

00:42:09.980 at, and yet they're able to elevate them to that position.

00:42:12.760 So there's a certain level of, of being involved in knowing what it takes.

00:42:18.420 And then there's this other skillset of being able to translate and teach that.

00:42:23.540 And that's a different skillset than actually doing the thing itself.

00:42:28.620 So that's number one.

00:42:29.680 You've got to find somebody who has a track record of success in their own life or a coaching

00:42:33.800 people to have that level of success.

00:42:36.560 I don't think money is as big as an issue.

00:42:38.980 As long as you have that track record of success, they're producing results.

00:42:42.960 If they're doing that, then you can take comfort knowing that they know what it is they're

00:42:48.620 doing.

00:42:48.980 That's, that's what you need to look for.

00:42:50.480 Would you add anything else to that?

00:42:54.900 No, I just, uh, in my mind, I'm just thinking of all the examples of, of your analogy of

00:43:00.100 a, of an amazing coach that didn't have the same level of performance.

00:43:04.740 Um, yeah, you see evident, yeah, evidence of it quite a bit everywhere.

00:43:08.360 You know, you take like Bill Belichick, for example, is, is he a Superbowl quarterback?

00:43:13.400 No, but he's coached one of the greatest of all time, if not the greatest of all time.

00:43:19.400 So does that, does that mean he's less relevant as a coach?

00:43:22.400 Hell no.

00:43:23.440 It's one of the greatest coaches of all time because he knows how to coach and lead a team.

00:43:28.280 Yeah.

00:43:28.900 So true.

00:43:29.440 So I would say, so as far as a mentor finding that, and then somebody that you resonate

00:43:34.480 with too, that's, that's really important.

00:43:36.220 So, so Bubba brought up Tony Robbins, like, I'm not going to get coaching or training from

00:43:40.460 Tony Robbins because, and people tell me to come to his events or whatever.

00:43:44.660 Like, I don't, I don't, I don't see it.

00:43:47.200 I don't get it.

00:43:48.440 I mean, he's inspiring and he's loud and, and kind of obnoxious in a lot of ways.

00:43:53.020 And I'm like, eh, I don't, I don't get it.

00:43:54.740 Does he have good stuff?

00:43:55.400 Of course.

00:43:55.820 Like I'm not downplaying what he's done.

00:43:57.320 He's done some amazing things.

00:43:58.300 I'm not going to take that away, but as if I could, but I, it just doesn't land for

00:44:04.300 me.

00:44:04.420 Same thing with Gary Vaynerchuk.

00:44:05.800 I've talked a lot about that.

00:44:06.720 Like the dude doesn't, he annoys me.

00:44:08.560 He doesn't, it doesn't land for me.

00:44:10.200 Has he done wonderful things?

00:44:11.420 Absolutely.

00:44:12.040 Can you coach people?

00:44:12.900 Sure.

00:44:13.200 No doubt.

00:44:14.260 It just, it's not relevant for me.

00:44:15.900 He's not going to be able to coach me because I'm like, eh, I don't get it.

00:44:18.860 I don't feel it.

00:44:20.520 Yeah.

00:44:22.380 All right.

00:44:22.920 Tom Kingwell, in what ways has embracing your wild man contributed to you stepping up

00:44:28.280 as a husband and a father, Ryan and Kip and to the success of the order of man, Ryan.

00:44:34.620 Well, for me, so the reason that Tom's bringing this up is because the wild man, which is,

00:44:39.480 uh, uh, we're talking about iron John, uh, Robert Bly's iron John, his book, iron John,

00:44:45.340 I should say, uh, in, in the iron council.

00:44:47.900 So the reason he's bringing us that up is because that's what we're talking about this

00:44:50.820 month.

00:44:51.020 But for me tapping into the wild man, which is really to explain that a little bit more

00:44:55.660 deeply is to tap into your masculine nature that maybe you've subdued or put away or locked

00:45:00.800 up for potentially a very long period of time, because that's what you're quote unquote supposed

00:45:05.640 to do.

00:45:06.880 So we've locked away this side of us, this masculine side of us that we need to tap into.

00:45:11.180 So for me, it's adventure, uh, it's competition, it's physicality, it's aggression, it's competitiveness,

00:45:17.600 uh, it's risk taking.

00:45:20.280 It's all the things that, uh, John Eldridge actually talks about specifically in his quote,

00:45:24.440 deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live in a beauty

00:45:28.240 to rescue.

00:45:29.040 To me, I, I look at that as being the wild man.

00:45:31.660 So how has it helped me in, in my family?

00:45:35.400 It's helped me with confidence and clarity and focus and knowing exactly what my role

00:45:40.020 is because I'm not subduing who I'm supposed to be to try to appease the masses or appease

00:45:44.760 society or appease somebody who tells me I should be doing it their way instead of my own way.

00:45:49.600 So that level of confidence, knowing who I am and why I'm here and tapping into my own

00:45:56.540 individual strengths as a man is very liberating and allows me to be more effective as a father

00:46:04.360 because I'm more confident and I'm able to raise my boys effectively.

00:46:08.720 I'm able to show them what it means to be a man and how we can harness that masculine energy.

00:46:13.420 I'm able to be an example to my daughter and show her what it means to be a good man so that

00:46:17.980 she can model or use that as a model for who she will ultimately partner with for hopefully

00:46:24.000 and potentially the rest of her life. How has it helped me in order of man? Well,

00:46:29.440 I mean, I talk about this all the time. So many men have subdued themselves and locked away that

00:46:34.600 side of themselves that they're trapped and they're wandering around aimlessly. I see it

00:46:38.860 when I pass guys on the street and they can't even look at you in the eye.

00:46:43.700 Like they do all they can to avoid making eye contact or avoid just a simple hello. I see it when

00:46:49.860 I'm driving down the road and I see these men in minivans whose their soul has been ripped from

00:46:56.100 their chest because they're stuck in a dead end job with a relationship that's mediocre at best

00:47:02.000 with children. They're not connected with a 50, 50 extra pounds sitting around their midsection

00:47:07.080 like Thor, right? Like I see, I see it everywhere I go. And I think a large part of that has to do

00:47:14.540 because they've locked away the thing that makes them men because women and society have told them

00:47:21.220 to sit down, to shut up, to color within the lines and to be quote unquote, good little boys.

00:47:27.900 My job is to unlock that, but I can't unlock it or help men unlock it for themselves.

00:47:33.880 If I haven't personally unlocked it for myself.

00:47:36.360 I love it, man. I mean, I, the only thing for me personally is I think it's, it has served as a

00:47:45.460 guideline of not how I show up, but also like what's the message, right? Like if from your

00:47:51.460 perspective, you're, you know, it's the guideline and the message of order of man. And, and for me,

00:47:57.780 it's the message as a father, right? That I now, I, you know, I kind of have this outline

00:48:03.880 and this conversation in which I can have with my boys of, this is what it means to be a man.

00:48:09.980 This is what it looks like. And, and I'm not going to demonize you for it. And guess what?

00:48:15.420 Society's wrong. Some of this bullshit that you guys are getting is not accurate, but this is,

00:48:21.660 and this is what it looks like. And this is how you need to show up as you become men. And, and that,

00:48:27.360 that has probably contributed to most to just kind of this guideline, this, I don't know what you want

00:48:32.060 to call it, but this outline by which I live, but also set the precedence to my boys of what it looks

00:48:38.440 like. I like it. I like it. I also think it's a, and I think you're alluded to this as well as it

00:48:42.700 gives you a new perspective, right? If you're always looking at life from operating as this robot that

00:48:49.180 people would have you behave, like what, what new stimulus and what new perspective are you bringing

00:48:54.400 to the table? Like when's the last time that you had to defend yourself from somebody else who wanted

00:49:00.820 to hurt you? And, and, and if you did that and you proved that you could withstand that storm,

00:49:05.680 how would you feel about that? Yeah. When's the last time that you got your hands dirty? Like you

00:49:12.800 look down, I look at my hands right now and I see scabs and I see scars and I see calluses and I look at

00:49:20.040 it and I think I got a sliver right here. I'm like, man, this is how a man's hands are supposed to look

00:49:24.600 because it signifies to me that I'm working and then I'm putting these hands to good use and I'm

00:49:32.160 being productive and I'm building things with these hands. When's the last time you were cold?

00:49:39.300 You know, you camped out overnight somewhere and you were cold, so cold that you just,

00:49:43.060 you couldn't even sleep and you stayed up all night. And what, and if you did that and you

00:49:48.620 survived, hopefully you survive is what kind of perspective does that give you? When's the last

00:49:55.980 time that you put a projectile through an animal and then walked up to that animal that you just

00:50:04.020 killed and gutted him and skinned him and ate him? Like that sounds, if you just think of it from that,

00:50:11.680 especially people who don't hunt, that sounds barbaric, but what perspective does that give you?

00:50:16.460 What level of confidence does that give you? That's human. It's masculine. These are the kind

00:50:23.600 of things that we have stripped away generally from society. And then we ask, where have all the real

00:50:30.920 men gone? They're there. They're just under lock and key, waiting, waiting to be let out so that they can

00:50:41.440 step into who they're really supposed to be. Yeah. And I'd add one thing to your, your examples is

00:50:48.520 when's the last time that you have had that difficult conversation versus holding back what's

00:50:55.540 bothering you and, and not speaking your mind, right? Like I, I think it's an example. I mean,

00:51:03.160 I think so much, so many men have that, like, that's part of being quiet and, and behaving,

00:51:09.760 right? Is not to rock the boat, right? Not to have the difficult conversation, not to address

00:51:14.940 issues, right? It's put your head down, suck it up and, and I don't know, be passive.

00:51:23.380 I think you're right. And I think all of what I, I just alluded to will help you be more capable of

00:51:27.760 that. So let's take jujitsu. For example, if I go to jujitsu this evening and I roll around for an

00:51:33.420 hour or two with other men who are trying to hurt me and I'm trying to hurt them and I come out of

00:51:37.860 it with some bumps and bruises, but ultimately unscathed. Now I look at it and think, Oh, well,

00:51:44.000 I can surely have a difficult conversation. I was just getting choked out for two minutes and had to

00:51:49.260 ward that off. Like I can surely have this conversation. I froze my balls off last night for six hours

00:51:55.460 and didn't get an ounce of sleep. I can surely ask for a raise. This is the perspective that I'm

00:52:02.300 talking about that we need that will help us build more confidence in our lives.

00:52:06.700 Love it. Aaron gets what are or were tactics you use for dealing your child with dealing with your

00:52:15.640 children's tantrums, especially toddler age children. My wife and I are getting much better at stopping

00:52:21.780 tantrums. Our children are two and three and a half years old before they begin or at least

00:52:27.740 minimizing how long they last, but I'd enjoy hearing the most effective ways you have dealt

00:52:31.980 with tantrums. Well, I'm not, I'm not awesome. I'm not the expert. I'm not awesome at this, but a tantrum

00:52:38.500 is basically just an uninhibited call for something, right? As adults, we learn, okay, well, if I want

00:52:45.540 something, I've got to ask in a constructive way and then I'll likely have it or earn it. But as kids, we

00:52:50.660 haven't learned that yet. So, what kids will do is they'll just, they'll literally throw themselves

00:52:55.560 on the floor, bang their fist in their legs and cry and scream and shout. And if it works and they

00:53:01.980 get what they want, we just reinforce that behavior. Yeah. So, what I think is the better alternative

00:53:09.160 is to explain to a child as best you can. I don't know what age necessarily, but explain to a child

00:53:16.740 that the proper approach to getting what you want is asking for it or being respectful or polite or

00:53:25.100 earning it or whatever it is, right? Yeah. But in order to do that, we have to do two things. We have

00:53:31.140 to reward positive behavior. You don't reward negative behavior. And I see parents do this all

00:53:37.120 the time. His kid will scream in the grocery store and the mom will get him ice cream. Why? To shut

00:53:42.940 them up. I get that. Cause sometimes you don't want to be embarrassed or you got to be in a hurry.

00:53:47.000 I understand that, but you're just reinforcing negative behaviors. And so, you're just telling

00:53:52.700 that kid essentially is what you're saying is do this again next time and you'll get exactly what

00:53:55.880 you want. Yeah. And if you're doing it in the grocery store, it's too late. You have to be doing

00:54:02.580 it at home the other 24, three and a half hours of the day. And that's, that's where it takes place.

00:54:09.680 So when your kid throws a temper tantrum, when my kids throw a temper tantrum, I just put them in

00:54:14.420 their room and explain the way we get things is X, Y, and Z, but the way you're doing it doesn't

00:54:18.500 work. Go sit in your room. And I don't even give my kids a time constraint on timeouts. I just say,

00:54:23.520 go to your room until you're ready to be a productive member of this family. And my three-year-old

00:54:29.740 understands that. I put them in the room. I close the door. I don't, I don't close it all the way. I just

00:54:33.780 close it. And I say, dude, when you're ready to be, to not cry and ask in a big boy voice,

00:54:39.940 what you're looking for, then come on out. And he usually takes five or seven minutes and he comes

00:54:45.900 out and he's fine. But that's because we encourage positive behavior. And when he does that, we

00:54:50.660 encourage that. We celebrate that. It's just like training a little puppy. You know, you encourage,

00:54:55.380 I'm potty training a little, uh, greater Swiss mountain dog that we have. Okay. I encourage

00:55:00.000 positive behavior. I reward her. I give her a treat every time she goes outside and goes to the

00:55:04.240 bathroom and she realizes, Oh, go to the bathroom. Good behavior. I get a reward. Humans are no

00:55:09.400 different. It's the same thing. So that's my, that's my answer. Yeah. I wouldn't really add

00:55:15.400 anything to it. I mean, it's, it's, we're the same way with our kids. The only thing I'd suggest maybe

00:55:19.960 with the little toddlers is, um, you know, guess what? It's going to be embarrassing. Sometimes

00:55:24.740 you're going to be in the grocery store. You're going to be in an airplane. You're going to get

00:55:28.600 flushed red in the face. You know what? That's, that's part of parenting. And every parent that's

00:55:33.880 ever been a parent totally gets it and understands it's the way people get pissed off or all the

00:55:39.320 people that have no idea what it's like to have a child. And you know what? We don't care what

00:55:42.540 they think anyway. So, well, their, their, their voice isn't credible because they haven't gone

00:55:47.960 through it themselves. So it shouldn't be relevant. Yeah. And try to laugh at it. I mean, sometimes,

00:55:52.620 you know, I, I, I have to watch my temper and I just have to like laugh and just, I don't know,

00:55:58.020 this is a really good tantrum. Like I, we have videos of, of my eight year old, you know,

00:56:03.620 having tantrums when she was like three, because it was so funny and she was crazy. Right. So we're

00:56:09.080 like, you know what? Might as well record this and share it with the world. So the other thing you can

00:56:13.260 do too, that that's worked is just distract them. Like you don't give them what they want because

00:56:17.000 then they win and you reinforce that behavior. But if you can just distract them from whatever

00:56:22.000 they're after, like with kids, that's pretty easy to do. And so just distract them. And maybe that's

00:56:27.060 a strategy that works occasionally as well. That's true. That's so true. Well, and sometimes

00:56:30.660 even our five-year-old, I mean, she gets all, you know, whiny and upset. You know, I can usually

00:56:35.640 actually get her to laugh. Yeah. Yeah. And tickling her or something. Yeah. Come on. Like,

00:56:40.780 are you kidding me? You're going to act like a little baby. And she'll like smile a little bit.

00:56:45.380 I'm like, uh-huh. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Knock it off. Yeah. So, all right. Dan Delario,

00:56:52.020 Ryan just got done listening to your podcast where you talked about the rites of passage.

00:56:56.200 Great episode, by the way. You put your sons through. Can you talk about what your course

00:57:01.160 of action would be if your son did not pass the tests? How soon before a retest? That same test

00:57:07.840 or different instruction skill building in between? I would say don't, you don't have to overthink this

00:57:13.800 process too much. I don't explain necessarily what we do in our rites of passage for a couple

00:57:20.180 different reasons. Some of it is private between me and my sons. Another part is that I just,

00:57:25.700 I want you to create something that's relevant for you, not model exactly what I've done. So,

00:57:29.900 I don't talk about a whole lot of that. But if my sons didn't do that, then it would just be like

00:57:36.500 any other consequence. You don't move to the next level. I mean, this is life. It's not some

00:57:41.960 coddle session. So, if you don't complete these to a satisfactory standard, then yeah,

00:57:48.160 you have to redo them again and you're not going to be rewarded for incomplete or inadequate work.

00:57:54.120 So, as far as when we do that again, when it's appropriate, when I think he's had enough time to

00:57:59.340 be able to accomplish that. Now, I will say that both of my boys have passed and it's not something

00:58:03.900 that's extremely difficult at this point. At 10 and 8 years old, they should be able to pass it.

00:58:08.360 It's not a big deal. But yeah, if it was something where I didn't feel like it was satisfactory,

00:58:13.800 if it was something that we had discussed and they got some information wrong or incorrect,

00:58:18.780 I would just correct the behavior or excuse me, the thought there. And then we would talk about a

00:58:24.220 little bit more and make sure that we're on an understanding, have a mutual understanding. And

00:58:28.500 that's something that can just be handled right there. If it's something, for example, with a firearm

00:58:33.160 and they do something irresponsible, then no, they're not earning their firearm. They're not,

00:58:37.740 I mean, that's more serious, right? So, then we go retest later and they get passed and all as well.

00:58:43.800 I don't think you need to over, is it Dan? Did Dan ask this stuff?

00:58:47.040 Dan. Yeah. Dan.

00:58:48.000 I don't think you need to overthink it. I think you've got a pretty good beat on where your kids

00:58:51.040 are at and what you want to have them do and what kind of message you want to make sure they're

00:58:56.480 receiving. Even the message that even that's hidden between the lines, right? Of the activity,

00:59:05.340 like you know what that is. So, just make sure that you are sharing both verbally and non-verbally

00:59:10.760 the message that you're trying to articulate and pass on.

00:59:14.000 Yeah. Related to the same question, Justin Bloxham was curious, you know, did you receive

00:59:19.380 an initiation into madhood? And if so, if you'd be willing to describe it? And if not, what do you

00:59:25.280 feel that you did to help yourself step into that?

00:59:28.220 I don't think I really got a traditional rite of passage the way that I'm trying to create with my

00:59:33.160 boys, but I was involved in sports. I feel like sports can be a rite of passage,

00:59:39.460 not the ultimate rite of passage, but a rite of passage.

00:59:42.520 A form of it, yeah.

00:59:43.260 Right. I also got that within our church because we have advancements within the church, right?

00:59:49.880 Teacher, excuse me, deacon, teacher, priest, and elder, and so on, right? So, we have advancements.

00:59:54.400 So, there's an element of that as well. Baptism is a rite of passage. I was baptized when I was 16.

01:00:00.600 If you're born and raised in the LDS church, you're going to be baptized when you're eight. I wasn't.

01:00:04.920 I was converted when I was 16. So, that is a rite of passage. Getting married is a rite of passage.

01:00:10.420 Having a child is a rite of passage. Being in the military was a rite of passage when I completed basic

01:00:16.980 training, and then I completed AIT, and then I completed my first deployment, and then I got rank

01:00:21.300 advancements within the military. Those are all rites of passages because there's ceremonies, and then

01:00:25.640 there's meaning and significance behind that ceremony. And then there's a physical representation

01:00:30.240 of that rite of passage. For example, marriage, what do you do? You wear a ring, all right? That's

01:00:37.240 a physical representation of a passage, a transformation into a new man. Same thing with

01:00:42.340 the military. You get a new rocker, get a new bar because you've advanced, and that's how you show

01:00:48.320 that you've advanced and that you've completed the assignments and the things that need to be

01:00:51.360 completed. So, those are all ways that I've had what I would call like quasi rites of passages.

01:00:59.040 They weren't – the one thing I feel like they were missing is that they weren't inherently designed

01:01:05.120 as a rite of passage. They just happened to substitute for. And so, I felt like they missed

01:01:10.460 a lot of the significance, purpose, and meaning because they weren't deliberately designed as

01:01:16.560 a rite of passage, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. This is funny because Dennis Morris,

01:01:23.200 I mean, his question is really similar. So, maybe if there's anything you would add based upon

01:01:28.320 Dennis's question here. He says, when did you become a man? How many times in your life did

01:01:32.780 you have a moment when you thought, this is it? I just went from boy to man. Seems like we tend to

01:01:38.040 think about a lot of moments as we mature. Are you even truly that point where you can call yourself

01:01:44.380 a man yet? I feel like I am. And a lot of guys, when I talk about this, they'll say, well, a man is

01:01:50.380 just an adult boy. No, that's just a male. So, in order to be a man, you have to be something more.

01:01:58.840 Ultimately, you have to be able to take accountability and responsibility for your life

01:02:02.620 and those you have an obligation and responsibility for. And you need to be a protector,

01:02:07.680 provider, and presider. I feel like I am those things. Am I perfect? Am I a master at those things?

01:02:13.920 Of course not. I have so far, so far to go. I don't know that I'll ever get there, but I'm on

01:02:18.700 the path and I'm providing and I'm protecting and I'm learning how to be more proficient in each one

01:02:23.540 of those areas. And I'm learning how to lead effectively and communicate and cast vision and

01:02:27.820 take people to where they didn't even think they could go on their own. Like, these are all things

01:02:31.860 that I'm doing myself. So, I feel like I'm on the path. When did that happen? Not actually that long

01:02:37.420 ago, probably five, six years ago. Even as I started this movement and I recognize and I really study

01:02:43.520 and research and then apply what it means to be a man. Did I ever start feeling like that? I think

01:02:48.300 the moment when I realized or thought that my marriage with my wife was over and I took responsibility

01:02:55.180 for that, I really think that was a pivotal life-altering turning point in regards to masculinity

01:03:03.100 for me.

01:03:04.520 Was there times before that, Ryan, where you felt like there's glimpses of, hey, I am now a man or I've

01:03:12.340 reached this level of manhood. And then later on, you're like, oh, wait, no, there's this other,

01:03:16.360 there's more that I didn't know about.

01:03:18.300 No, I don't. I don't. The reason I say that is because I didn't even know. Like, I didn't know

01:03:23.860 that that's what I was working towards. That's why it's so important that we create rites of passages

01:03:27.640 for our boys because we have to be able to explain to them what the purpose is. One of the first things

01:03:32.960 I do. Yeah, exactly. One of the first things I do with my boys on their eight-year-old rite of

01:03:37.620 passage is I explain and I get these little lion figurines. One's an adult male lion and one's a

01:03:44.860 lion cub. And I show them the lion cub and I'll spare you all the details here, but I show them

01:03:49.120 the lion cub and I show it, say, this is you. This is you. And then I show them the male lion,

01:03:55.280 the adult. And I say, this is who you're trying to become. And there has to be certain things that

01:03:59.860 happen between lion cub and full male lion. And here's what needs to happen. And I walk them

01:04:07.300 through what needs to happen. See, I'm connecting these dots. They need to know what the ultimate

01:04:11.800 objective is and they need to understand the path to get there. I didn't know that because I didn't

01:04:17.140 have that male influence in my life. And so I looked at sports as sports. I looked at military as the

01:04:23.400 military. I looked at prom as prom. I looked at marriage as marriage. I didn't know that these things

01:04:29.000 were helping me achieve something different or helping me become more of a man because that

01:04:34.400 wasn't on my radar. Yeah. So that's why, that's why, that's why the patriarchy is so important

01:04:41.380 because it's the men who have gone before turning around and saying, follow me. This is what we as men

01:04:49.920 are to do. Yeah. But without the elders, the, the youth don't, they, they aren't going to make that

01:04:57.760 connection. That's why we have gang activity and we have violence and we have drug use and abuse and

01:05:04.540 dropout rates with boys. That's why it's so atrocious is because the men aren't turning around and saying,

01:05:09.980 come follow me. These boys are going and doing their own thing. And they're filling this void with

01:05:16.240 unhealthy substitutes for masculinity and for maturity. They're trying to find it. They just

01:05:24.440 don't know how to find it in a healthy route. That's why it's so critical. We do it. Yeah.

01:05:28.640 They, something's missing. They just don't know what it is. So they, so they naturally, purpose,

01:05:34.600 naturally, purpose, belonging. Yeah. Naturally. They don't even have to think about it. They just want

01:05:38.980 to be included. And so naturally they're finding these unhealthy outlets and, and, and resources that

01:05:44.700 aren't going to serve them or anybody else. Yeah. I got to wrap things up, man. I know you do too.

01:05:50.040 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Um, we'll save the, well, we'll get, we'll cover these next questions, uh,

01:05:55.620 next week. Yep. So, um, you know, we, today, most of our questions came from the iron council,

01:06:00.740 uh, to learn more about the iron council to, to kind of use Reese as an example, right? Uh, he shared what

01:06:07.840 his example has been over the last three years and how it's contributed to his life. If that's something

01:06:12.520 that you guys are interested in, uh, and you want to get on the court and stop being a spectator,

01:06:17.320 uh, in your life. So you can join us in the iron council and learn more at order of man.com slash

01:06:22.940 iron council. You can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And as

01:06:29.460 always, um, you can represent the order by a handful of ways. And it's one is to subscribe to the podcast,

01:06:36.600 leave a rating review and or represent via swag. And you can buy shirts, hats, flags, all kinds of

01:06:43.740 stuff at store.orderofman.com. Um, I think almost since we, we talked about premarital sex, I mean,

01:06:50.360 we almost have to have a disclaimer now. And when you purchase the testosterone shirt, you have to

01:06:54.160 state if you're married or not, maybe. Well, and it might be harder just because

01:06:58.160 you'll have more women chasing you down and being attracted to you. So the temptations will be even

01:07:02.860 greater, but because you're wearing it, you're actually giving yourself more capability to,

01:07:07.820 to, to ward that off. So you'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's true.

01:07:12.000 Well, and you, you young single guys, be careful. We'll hang that flag up, right? Cause there's

01:07:15.920 already been evidence of hanging up the order of man flag in your dorm room that, uh, you know,

01:07:19.800 all kinds of women come running. So yeah, keep that in mind. A little disclaimer.

01:07:25.240 Yep. All right, man. Well, I appreciate you and all you do Kip. It's good to do this together.

01:07:30.900 Like I said, as at the beginning of this, I was having a, some Kip withdrawals. So it's good to

01:07:34.720 be back on, on the, on the, uh, on the track here. Yeah, it's great, man. I love this conversation

01:07:40.860 and you know, it's, it's, uh, this, this podcast and what we're doing in the IC is it's no longer,

01:07:48.440 I don't know, like a side thing. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I think that's the case for all

01:07:54.000 these guys in the IC, this is, this is, this is a way of life. Uh, and it supports our families.

01:07:59.500 It supports our work. It, it, it allows us to show up more fully in all aspects of our lives.

01:08:05.860 And so, um, I appreciate that, that the role that plays and that you play in, in me and how I show up.

01:08:12.620 Appreciate you, brother. It means a lot to me. All right, guys, we'll let you get going for the day.

01:08:16.700 Um, I know you got a lot going on. We got a lot going on. Stay tuned. We've got some cool things

01:08:20.400 in the future, um, including an event in Maine. Okay. We'll talk more about that. So make sure

01:08:25.020 you stay tuned and plugged in, uh, with me on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. All right,

01:08:31.120 guys, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

01:08:35.220 the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

01:08:40.040 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - May 08, 2019

What to Look For in a Wife, Tapping into the "Wild Man," and the Greatest Threat to Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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