Order of Man - September 25, 2020


What to Look For in a Woman (And How to Foster it in Her if You Already Have One) ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

37 minutes

Words per minute

203.88246

Word count

7,688

Sentence count

597

Harmful content

Misogyny

80

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

31

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

What makes a man a man? What makes a woman a woman? What does it mean to be a man and how can we reclaim and restore masculinity? This episode is all about reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is
00:00:26.980 Brian Nickler, and I am the host and founder of the Order of Man movement and podcast. Welcome
00:00:31.800 here. Welcome back. Glad you're tuning in with us today. I've got a very, very important one.
00:00:37.380 All right. I've been doing this for almost six years now. What I'm going to share with you today
00:00:42.100 is extremely, extremely important. It's going to impact the rest of your life. And if you follow
00:00:49.360 the advice that I'm going to share with you today, your life is going to be better. Bottom line,
00:00:54.640 period. Your life is going to be better. If you listen and you heed the advice that I'm going to
00:01:00.260 share with you today. Now, some of you might be thinking, how do you know? Questions I get quite
00:01:05.620 often are, you know, what makes you the authority or the epitome of masculinity? I'm not saying that
00:01:10.780 at all, guys. All I'm saying is that we've got hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men
00:01:15.580 across the planet who are tuned into this podcast, who are tuned into the socials, who are listening to
00:01:21.120 what we're saying. And I'm listening to them. And one of the things I hear over and over and over
00:01:27.500 again is how not heeding the advice that I'm sharing with you today has also impacted their life in a
00:01:36.560 negative way. Guys, deciding who it is that you want to partner with for potentially, and hopefully
00:01:44.480 the rest of your life, if not into eternity is obviously a very important decision. And I've seen
00:01:52.940 so many men make the mistake of getting overly emotional and getting hopped up and thinking that
00:01:58.900 love is the only factor to take into consideration when choosing a partner. And it's not. In fact, if
00:02:06.800 that's all you're doing, I would say that that's a recipe for disaster. So we're going to get into that
00:02:11.380 in just a minute. Now, if you're new here, this is a podcast dedicated to helping you become a more
00:02:16.860 effective man. It does not matter if you're trying to show up with your family, with your business,
00:02:22.340 your employees, your clients, yourself. I'm going to give you the tools, the conversations,
00:02:26.960 the resources, the guidance, the direction, everything that you need to step up more fully as a
00:02:30.860 man. And you know, as well as I do, if you're listening to this podcast, that we need more men in this
00:02:35.960 fight. What is the fight? The fight is to reclaim and restore masculinity, to place it back upon the
00:02:42.900 mantle that it once was and establish or reestablish our authority, our credibility within the walls of
00:02:52.220 our home or businesses or communities, government, and every other facet of life. So we've got a podcast
00:02:59.120 that we do. Obviously this is it. We do interview shows with guys like Jocko Willink and David Goggins
00:03:04.980 and Grant Cardone and Andy Frisella and Mark Manson and Ryan holiday and Jordan Harbinger
00:03:10.680 and Brian Rose. I'm trying to think about the men that we've had on. And you can see that it's
00:03:14.900 diverse. We just had Aaron Marino to talk about style last week. And that podcast did, or actually
00:03:20.860 I think it was this week. It was this week. And that podcast did very, very well. So needless to
00:03:25.900 say, we're putting out good information and I appreciate you being here. One last thing before I get
00:03:29.420 into it, please just leave a rating and review. All right, go to iTunes or Stitcher or Spotify or
00:03:35.420 Pandora or wherever you're listening and just go in there, leave a rating and review. It's going to
00:03:39.600 take you two minutes. And it's just a good way to say thank you. That's it. It's a good way to say
00:03:44.540 thank you. And also it's a great way to expand the mission of reclaiming and restoring masculinity.
00:03:49.240 It takes you two minutes, literally no more than that. Two minutes. And I think it's a good way to say
00:03:55.360 thank you for what we're putting out there. I don't ask a whole lot of you. That is what I ask
00:03:58.740 of you. All right, guys, let's get into this. So as I was thinking about what I wanted to talk with
00:04:04.380 you about today, because the title of this episode is what to look for in a woman and how to foster it
00:04:10.800 in her if you already have one. So I'm going to try to talk to you guys who aren't in a committed
00:04:16.540 relationship just yet. At some point you likely will be. And I also want to talk with you in the second
00:04:21.620 half of this podcast with those of you who already are in a committed relationship, because sometimes
00:04:27.420 it's a little too late. You didn't heed this advice initially, or maybe you didn't hear it,
00:04:32.600 or maybe you didn't know it, or maybe you didn't have a father to teach you it. I'm going to teach
00:04:36.800 it to you. And I'm going to tell you how to foster it in a woman that you may already have. All right.
00:04:41.460 So the first part is again, pretty, pretty well for, or, or I don't want to say exclusively,
00:04:46.840 but it's for those guys who haven't committed to a woman yet. Please heed my advice.
00:04:51.620 All right. It's very important. I've seen it over and over again, where men have not heeded this
00:04:55.240 advice and it doesn't go well ever divorce, sadness, sorrow, loss, being isolated from your
00:05:04.040 children, financial issues, because people don't heed this advice. You're thinking with your day,
00:05:08.800 I consider it with your head and that becomes a problem or your heart. I'm not saying that isn't
00:05:13.300 a consideration. I'm just saying it's not the only consideration. Let's get into this. Number one,
00:05:17.660 what to look for in a woman, number one, independence, guys, you need to find a woman 1.00
00:05:24.620 who is independent. And ladies, by the way, there's about five to 10% of my audience who
00:05:29.040 is women, by the way, please listen to this, because this is what men are looking for.
00:05:33.160 So this will give you some tips too, because what I want to do is I want to make you more
00:05:36.840 attractive to men. And I want to make men more attractive to you and more attracted to you. 0.96
00:05:42.620 So this is going to help everybody. Number one, independence. If you're dating a woman who is not 0.65
00:05:49.380 independent, meaning she's clinging onto you or somebody else or her parents for everything,
00:05:55.240 and she can't do things on her own. And she needs to look to you for all the guidance and advice and
00:06:01.520 wisdom and, and, and, and feedback, man, exhausting. Now it might feel good initially. And here's the
00:06:10.380 trap. It feels good initially because you feel wanted, right? Isn't that what we as men want to
00:06:15.400 do? We want to feel wanted. We want to feel needed by the ladies in our lives. And that feels really
00:06:21.280 good, but I'm telling you, it comes at a cost and that's your own sanity and your own wellbeing.
00:06:27.800 If she's dependent on you or even worse, dependent on her mom or her dad or her sister or siblings,
00:06:34.520 friends and not dependent on you, that's even worse. Because what you want is you want a woman 1.00
00:06:40.780 who is independent. Actually, you want a woman who doesn't need you. She doesn't need you. Now, 0.98
00:06:47.180 I know that sounds a little counterintuitive, but I promise you, if you can find a woman and make
00:06:51.460 yourself more attractive of becoming the kind of man who would attract this woman, where she doesn't 0.96
00:06:56.500 need you, you're going to have a better life. Again, it's going to feel good initially where she needs
00:07:01.320 you and she depends on you and she's calling you all the time. And she's asking for your advice.
00:07:05.240 Why? Because that's appeal to our vanity, to our own sense of ego and arrogance, but it becomes
00:07:12.040 exhausting and it comes at your own personal wellbeing. Because if she's so overly dependent on you, 0.93
00:07:19.080 how are you ever going to have time to take care of yourself? You're not because you're babysitting.
00:07:25.880 I don't want a girl. That's girl-like behavior. And obviously, clearly, there's a distinction 1.00
00:07:33.860 between a girl and a woman. That's why I don't call women girls, by the way, guys. You'll never 0.98
00:07:37.780 hear me call a woman a girl. I think it's insulting. Because a woman is mature, she's strong,
00:07:45.200 she's capable, and ultimately, hopefully, she's independent. If she's not those things,
00:07:48.960 she's more like a girl. So you'll never hear me call a woman a girl because that's not what they are. 1.00
00:07:53.940 Guys, you don't want a little girl. You want a woman that's going to make your life better. 0.99
00:08:00.260 And a woman is independent. She doesn't need to turn to you for every little whim and every little 0.97
00:08:04.520 thing that could potentially come up. She can make her own decisions. Now, granted, she will,
00:08:09.100 she will ask you, she will take into consideration your feedback and your input and your expertise and
00:08:14.560 your credibility and authority that you hopefully have built up. She will ask you those things,
00:08:18.460 but she doesn't need it to make her own decisions. And that's what you want. All right.
00:08:23.240 Number two, low maintenance. Holy cow. I see these women on Instagram and social media and 1.00
00:08:28.380 everywhere else. And I mean, just, just the amount of time, for example, that they use to put on
00:08:32.460 makeup, you know, hours and hours a day. I'm like, Oh, please shoot me right now because I could never,
00:08:38.620 ever, ever deal with that. Or that she needs my attention all the time. And she needs me to tell me 0.99
00:08:45.980 how good she looks and how wonderful she is. And, and she needs that validation or she has daddy
00:08:52.820 issues. Now, granted, she may look great. Why? Cause she spends like three to four hours a day 1.00
00:08:59.160 on her appearance. Just don't, don't fall into that trap. All right. That's a, that's a short term.
00:09:06.960 Hey, she's hot. Okay. You don't do your thing or whatever, even though I don't advocate for that, 0.99
00:09:11.620 but this is not a long-term relationship, not long-term relationship material. I should say.
00:09:18.480 All right. You, you don't want a high maintenance woman. She's going to look good. She's going to be 1.00
00:09:22.280 like eye candy, right? She's going to be on your arm and you're going to walk in and all the dudes 1.00
00:09:25.380 are going to think you're, you're, you're, you're the man. And deep down inside, you're going to be
00:09:30.640 miserable. And she's just going to eat at your soul. And, and I know I'm, I'm using language that
00:09:35.460 maybe is, is a little hyperbolic, but we're exaggerating, but honestly, guys, like we've
00:09:42.720 all been with a high maintenance woman, right? And how exhausting and how miserable there's no 0.79
00:09:48.320 freedom. There's no flexibility. You need to give her all the attention in the world because she can't 1.00
00:09:51.780 get it on her own. She's not confident, surely. So what does she do? She, she bolstered us up with,
00:09:57.220 with, with big boobs and fake eyelashes and all the lipstick and like two inches of, of, you know, 0.99
00:10:02.220 just layered frosting on her face. This is not what you want guys. This is not what you want. 0.97
00:10:10.680 And if you're going to the club to look for a woman, probably this is what you're going to find. 0.95
00:10:14.760 All right. You want a low maintenance woman. Again, this goes back to point number one, 1.00
00:10:18.160 somebody who's independent. She's strong. She's convicted. She has beliefs. She has
00:10:23.440 viewpoint. She's intelligent. She doesn't need to rely on the way, you know, her, her eyelashes stick 1.00
00:10:29.620 out just an extra half inch longer or her boobs. Just, you know, the right amount of cleave is just 1.00
00:10:34.120 popping out of her shirt. That looks great. But again, this is not long-term relationship material.
00:10:40.080 And if you're looking to partner with someone for your life, then probably you ought to find
00:10:43.880 somebody who's low maintenance. I'm not saying she doesn't take care of herself, by the way. 1.00
00:10:47.820 Okay. My wife takes care of herself, but she doesn't spend countless hours in the mirror and, 1.00
00:10:53.480 and, and doing, you know, duck lip selfies and asking how she looks. And Oh, do my, 0.93
00:10:59.000 does my butt look big in these jeans? I don't even know if my wife's ever asked me that 0.93
00:11:02.420 because she doesn't need to ask me that. She's got enough confidence in herself that she doesn't
00:11:08.820 need to ask a stupid question like that. This is the kind of women we should look for. Number three, 1.00
00:11:13.840 guys, no drama. If you ever see any drama, just avoid it. That's a deal. That's a deal breaker
00:11:22.960 actually for me. Now, who am I to say what you're attracted to? Okay. Who, I can't make these
00:11:27.640 decisions for you. I'm just telling you, I've seen thousands and thousands of men go through this and
00:11:32.080 complain about some of the things I'm addressing today. And I'm just telling you that a woman who has 1.00
00:11:36.460 a lot of drama, whether it's daddy issues or ex-boyfriends or girlfriend drama, or, you know,
00:11:42.840 she's a victim of, of what everybody else does to her. Stay away from it. Stay away from it.
00:11:50.860 I got more shit to worry about than what you're upset about right now. The trivial BS and nonsense 1.00
00:11:55.240 that you're upset about right now. I'm not going to deal with it. I don't have time for it. I'm not
00:11:59.480 interested in it. And, and I'm not going to play the game. And that's exactly what is it. It's a game.
00:12:03.520 It's, it's, it's an appeal for attention, which goes back to point number one, independence and
00:12:07.940 point number two, low maintenance. Drama is an appeal for attention. All right. She doesn't 1.00
00:12:13.920 really care about the things that she's upset about. She just wants the attention by pretending
00:12:18.040 to be upset about the things that she's pretending to be upset about. Get rid of the drama. By the way,
00:12:24.600 here's a good strategy I would suggest is get to know your future partner's mother,
00:12:29.960 especially if they're close odds are she's going to turn out a lot like her.
00:12:33.860 So I think it'd be a good idea to meet her mother, also meet her father. That's a pretty
00:12:38.380 good idea because, because it's going to give you an indication of where your life potentially
00:12:42.300 could go. It's not the only indication, but it's symmetric. It's something that should be
00:12:45.840 considered. And if you've got a potential or a future mother-in-law who's filled with drama and,
00:12:50.480 and, and high maintenance, and she's not independent and she's clinging everything else. Well, 0.99
00:12:54.660 you know, pretty good odds that her daughter is going to turn out that way too,
00:12:57.660 because she was conditioned by her. Now I realized guys, as I'm talking about this,
00:13:03.280 this might sound misogynistic. That's what people will accuse me of. As I talk about this,
00:13:08.540 fine. I'm actually okay with that. If, if I'm helping you men stay away from and avoid these
00:13:15.660 five traps that I'm going to suggest to you today, I got through three already and somebody's going to
00:13:21.120 call me misogynistic because of it. I'm okay with that because I'm going to save you. And I don't
00:13:26.600 consider myself your savior, but I'm telling you, if you heed this advice, I will be saving you.
00:13:33.120 If you find the opposite and attract the opposite woman of the things that I'm sharing with you 1.00
00:13:38.380 today. And I'm going to get into this here in a minute, then your life's going to be better.
00:13:43.760 So if somebody wants to call me misogynistic because of it, fine, fine. So be it. Cause I
00:13:50.300 want you men to have a good life. All right. Number four. So I got point number one, independence,
00:13:54.800 point number two, load maintenance, point number three, no drama. Number four, femininity. 0.82
00:14:01.080 Guys, you're going to want a woman who's feminine. All right. There's a great injustice to men and
00:14:07.820 women everywhere. And that was the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies. Now I think
00:14:13.340 it started out with noble intentions, maybe to some degree, you know, women's rights and making the same 0.76
00:14:18.240 amount of income and the right to vote and all these types of things. I think that's all wonderful.
00:14:21.560 And in fact, it's important. I agree with a lot of that, but the feminist movement has morphed and 0.52
00:14:27.340 it's warped and it's become distorted and it's just become disgusting. And what it's essentially
00:14:31.600 said at this point is that a woman should be more like a man, not that a woman should be a feminine.
00:14:37.840 The feminist movement is not about the care for women. It's not about making women more womanly 1.00
00:14:42.840 or more feminine. It's about turning them into men. And they do that in two ways. Number one, 0.66
00:14:48.040 they undermine masculinity. That's so, you know, bring them down to their level. 0.96
00:14:52.340 And number two is make women more like men. So this is the strategy, right? And so what we have 0.96
00:14:59.700 is we have a lot of women who are running around who have bought into the idea that if they act more 1.00
00:15:04.440 like men, then somehow they're more valuable. Well, I don't know about you, but I believe that a woman 1.00
00:15:09.380 who gives birth, who bears children, who makes a house, a home, who provides guidance and support
00:15:17.100 and nurturing and love and, and, and all of these things that I would consider womanly feminine.
00:15:25.340 That to me is significantly more valuable, not just to me, but to society than any woman who 1.00
00:15:30.120 pretends that she has to be a man to be important. Ladies, the, the, the five to 10% of you who are 1.00
00:15:36.760 listening to this podcast, you don't need to be a man to be important.
00:15:40.060 Your loveliness, your, your, your beauty, your, your kindness and your compassion and your empathy
00:15:49.360 and the ability to bear children and to be motherly and to support and nurture is worthy in and of
00:15:57.120 itself. And I am so grateful that I found a woman who understands because her mother taught her this
00:16:04.460 and her grandmother as well taught her what it meant to be a woman. And it doesn't mean be a man.
00:16:10.060 It means embrace all of the lovely things that make you women. And guys, if you're, if you're out
00:16:17.980 there looking for a woman who acts more like a man in competitiveness and aggression and dominance 0.95
00:16:24.900 and career aspirations, I'm not saying that's inherently bad. I'm just saying you ought to be
00:16:29.220 aware that you're not going to probably get a, a, a very feminine woman. Now, if you're okay with that,
00:16:38.240 all the power to you and I hope it works out well for you, but I know there's a lot of guys listening
00:16:42.400 who would love to have a woman, a wife who wants to mother their children, who wants to stay at home 1.00
00:16:48.600 and turn their house into a home, who wants to potentially homeschool their children and teach
00:16:53.200 their children the way they should go, who wants to cook. You know, we hear the old adage,
00:16:59.080 barefoot and pregnant. Look, I know we're making a mockery of that, but you know, like my wife,
00:17:04.860 we've, we've had four children. I love the fact that I loved when she was pregnant. I mean, it was 0.78
00:17:10.900 hard and it was challenging, of course. And she would say the same thing, but she was bringing our
00:17:14.700 children into the world. When my wife makes me and the children dinner, I don't think less of her
00:17:20.660 because she made us dinner. And she actually, she doesn't think less of herself because she made
00:17:23.560 dinner. She feels like she's adding and contributing in a way that is meaningful and
00:17:28.660 significant to her. And this is going to become more important guys and increasingly difficult to
00:17:33.200 find by the way, as the feminist movement continues to lead women astray and make them believe that the 0.99
00:17:39.220 only way to have value and worth in their life is to act like men. No, let the men act like men
00:17:43.980 and let's honor and cherish and celebrate the fact that women act like women. All right. And the last
00:17:49.880 one guys, ambition. I can't tell you how often I hear from men who say things like, you know,
00:17:56.000 my wife isn't motivated. I'm trying to get back on the path. And of course you would be,
00:17:59.520 you wouldn't listen to this, be listening to this podcast if that weren't the case.
00:18:03.080 And I hear from these guys who are like, ah, my, my wife isn't motivated and she's not ambitious.
00:18:07.160 And she's, you know, put a few pounds on and, and she's lost her sense of purpose and direction, 0.85
00:18:11.760 which certainly is, is, you know, prone to happen. Same, same thing with us guys.
00:18:16.240 You know, we get married and we start popping out a couple of kids and we get in our careers
00:18:21.820 and we put a few pounds around the midsection and we lose some interest and hobbies and we lose our
00:18:26.160 friends and activities. You know, this happens. This is, this is a natural thing, but you're on the
00:18:30.980 path. You need to find somebody who's ambitious. Now you might be thinking, well, that's a direct
00:18:35.560 odds with the point you just made about femininity. No, I'm not. Or no, it's not rather. It's not at
00:18:41.560 odds with it. I'm not saying that she needs to go out into the workforce and become the next CEO of 0.95
00:18:45.740 the fortune 100 company. Ambition for her might be different than it is for you. It took me a long
00:18:51.340 time to realize this, but I have a wife who is extremely, extremely ambitious. Now that doesn't
00:18:56.880 mean that she's out wanting to conquer the world like I do, but man, you can't find a hard, a harder
00:19:02.140 working housewife. You can't find somebody who's as committed to making the garden grow and the yard 0.99
00:19:09.980 look great in the home, lovely and comfortable and warm and inviting and her children, my children,
00:19:16.680 our children being, being nurtured and being supported and feeling loved. Like my wife is
00:19:22.860 fully vested in that. She's very ambitious when it comes to that different ambition than mine. 0.85
00:19:28.400 You know, I want all those things, but that's not what I'm going to actively work towards,
00:19:31.680 but she's got things that she's excited about. And she's just as excited about those things as I am
00:19:36.420 about my things. So she doesn't need to be interested in your stuff, guys. She needs to
00:19:40.480 be interested in her stuff as interested as you are in your stuff. That's what I'm talking about.
00:19:46.440 When I talk about ambition, not that she's going to make her dent in the universe, not that she's
00:19:50.460 going to change the world, not that she's going to be the next CEO or the next president. Although
00:19:54.120 if she wants to great, but that she's interested in something, she's fascinated. She's intrigued.
00:20:01.260 She's working towards becoming better and improving her life in some capacity.
00:20:05.920 That's what she should be looking for. So guys, let me recap. And then I'll go to
00:20:09.500 how to foster this in, in your wife or your girlfriend, if you already, you know, have,
00:20:16.900 have one. So again, point number one, look for independence. Point number two,
00:20:21.100 low maintenance. Point number three, no drama. It's a red flag. Point number four,
00:20:25.400 a woman who is feminine and loves being feminine. Point number five is she needs to be ambitious. 1.00
00:20:31.780 All right, let's go into how to foster this. Cause some of you guys are already married and you're 0.98
00:20:35.480 like, what do I do? Like you've made a commitment and I respect and honor you for making that commitment
00:20:39.960 and want to stick this thing through. Maybe you've had a hard time. Maybe you realize, man, you know,
00:20:44.960 maybe you made some, made some poor choices, but again, I honor you for making that commitment
00:20:49.820 and wanting to stick with it. Maybe she's changed a little bit. So how do we begin to now as the
00:20:54.580 patriarchs of our home? By the way, guys, patriarch is not a swear word, right? It's a good thing.
00:20:59.460 It's simply the male leader of the household or the community or the tribe or the business.
00:21:04.260 I think it's amoral. Okay. It's not, it's not a bad thing. You need to become a good patriarch.
00:21:09.780 And here's how you do it. Number one, when it comes to independence. And so I'm going to counter
00:21:13.580 these with what to look for. So I said, what to look for is independence, how to counter this or how
00:21:17.660 to foster this is don't solve her problems. All right. Don't be her white knight.
00:21:22.220 Because if she, she always has these problems and you come in to rescue her or save her,
00:21:28.640 well, what's she going to do? She's going to be more dependent on you. 1.00
00:21:33.600 Let her fix her own problems. Now that doesn't mean you can't offer guidance or direction or
00:21:37.660 counsel or insight. You should, that's your job as a man is to offer your perspective and your
00:21:43.500 insight and to help her with the problems that she has. You're you've partnered with her and her job
00:21:48.600 is to do the same for you. But if you save her, if you solve all of her problems is if you rush in
00:21:55.520 on the white knight and think that she needs some sort of rescuing, you know, you're, you're only
00:22:00.100 fostering dependence, which is the exact opposite of what you should be fostering, which is independence.
00:22:08.100 That she doesn't always need to run to you. Like she ran to maybe daddy to solve all her problems.
00:22:14.600 Let her figure out some of this stuff on her own. And when she says, Hey, what, you know,
00:22:20.160 what should I do? I'm struggling and I've got this going on. I've got that going on. What should I do
00:22:23.460 about it? Your answer should be, what do you think you should do about it? What have you already tried?
00:22:28.120 What are you going to try? How are you going to solve this problem?
00:22:33.940 Now, granted, there's some situations of course, where you may need to step in or some situations
00:22:38.100 where, you know, yeah, it makes sense to offer your advice, but let her, I don't want to say
00:22:43.160 struggle a little bit, but let her, let her break the shackles or the chains from you. 1.00
00:22:50.640 It's only going to be a good thing. Now, some of you are so concerned that if you,
00:22:54.280 if you foster some sort of independence, she'll, she'll leave you. Well, this is a whole other
00:22:59.020 conversation, but this is about making yourself more attractive to her. We're going to have these
00:23:02.980 conversations, but don't be threatened by that. If she's more independent. Yeah. If you're a loser. 0.84
00:23:08.100 Yeah. She's probably going to, she's probably going to throw you to the curb, but if you're 1.00
00:23:12.640 not a loser, and we've been talking about that for five and a half years, then you fostering
00:23:17.040 this independent is independence in her is only going to make you more attractive. 1.00
00:23:22.100 So don't solve her problems. Let her solve her own problems. She got herself into the mess. Let 1.00
00:23:27.360 herself get out of it, offer advice and input where, where deemed appropriate. All right. Number two,
00:23:32.800 I talked about finding somebody who's low maintenance. Here's what I would say. Don't be
00:23:38.540 so available. Don't be so available. I mean, some of us guys, oh my goodness, are so physically and
00:23:46.720 emotionally and mentally available that it's like, you're right there. And you're like a cute little
00:23:52.200 loyal puppy dog that, that she can just turn to and, and, and dump all of her baggage on you or, 0.98
00:23:59.040 or, or, you know, she'll be in the bathroom looking at her makeup and spending two to three
00:24:03.080 hours in there. And you'll just be sitting there like a good little boy that you should be.
00:24:06.960 And all you're doing is you're encouraging that behavior.
00:24:11.940 Don't be so available. Take some hard line stances and some things. I'm not telling you to be a jerk,
00:24:16.860 but you know, sometimes it's okay to say, you know, I'm going out with my friends tonight. Oh, 0.99
00:24:20.820 how do I look? Yeah. You look great. I'm going out with my friends. See you. I love you. Bye.
00:24:24.220 Bye. Let her be on her own. Let her know that you don't need her in your life.
00:24:32.720 Now you want her. Sure. But you don't need her in your life. Some of you guys might as well just
00:24:40.560 like, let her, you know, wrap you up in some of these little dog carriers that I see some of these 1.00
00:24:45.720 high maintenance women walking around with. And they're literally like carrying their little lap 1.00
00:24:49.720 dog in their purse with them. That's you. Some of you are that little puppy dog and you're so
00:24:56.660 available and you're getting railroaded and you're allowing her to be high maintenance because she 1.00
00:25:00.540 knows she's got you on the short leash. Don't be that dude. All right. It's a recipe for disaster.
00:25:07.100 Instead, take the collar off, take the leash off and say, Hey hon, love you. Going to hang out with the
00:25:12.980 guys. Hey hon, love you. But I've got a hunt coming up this weekend and I'm going to be gone for three
00:25:18.220 days. But what am I going to do? I don't know. Figure that shit out because I'm going to be gone.
00:25:22.440 So I'll help you up into this point, but I'm going to be gone for three days. I mean, I know guys that 0.99
00:25:26.600 their wives call them like two, three times an hour. What the hell could you possibly be calling me for 1.00
00:25:33.180 that often? Now, when my wife calls me, I usually answer because she doesn't call me all the time
00:25:40.160 because she's, she's low maintenance. So if she's calling me, I'm like, Oh, something's up.
00:25:47.320 But if she's calling me every 20 minutes, every 30 minutes, I mean, I've been on hunts where a wife, 1.00
00:25:52.360 Oh my, you know, little, little Timmy threw up. Okay. So clean, clean it up.
00:25:57.180 Like, what do you want me to do about it? I'm, I'm across the country on a hunt. Like,
00:26:03.140 what, like, what do you want me to do about it? I just wanted to tell you, I don't need to know
00:26:06.840 about that. Clean it up and then drive on, give them some, some saltine crackers and some chicken
00:26:14.800 noodle soup and some ginger ale and let little Timmy get on about his day. Like I don't need to
00:26:19.540 know about that. Or I don't need to tell you how to clean up the throw up. I mean, I know it's not
00:26:23.800 pleasant, but you can handle that. This is exactly what I'm talking about. You guys do everything for
00:26:29.000 your, for your woman and, and, and wonder why she's so high maintenance. Wonder why she's such 1.00
00:26:33.360 a headache. Well, stop doing stuff for her and don't be so available to do those things. All right.
00:26:38.120 Point number three, no drama. Don't be your girlfriend guys. Be the man, be your boyfriend,
00:26:45.660 be your husband. Don't be your girlfriend. I talked about this in the, ask me anything. You can go 0.97
00:26:49.220 back and listen to it. Some of you guys are so emotionally available. You're, you're talking
00:26:53.780 to her like a girl would talk to her. You're complaining and bitching and moaning about your 1.00
00:26:57.100 life. You're having gossip and gab sessions with her. Nope. Nope. If my wife comes to me and she 1.00
00:27:05.600 wants to talk to me like a girlfriend, I'm like, you know what? Love you, hon. I think this would
00:27:10.240 be a great conversation for your friend, not for me. And I'm perfectly okay with saying that. In fact,
00:27:15.740 I don't even need to say that because she has girlfriends. We're going to get to that in a minute 0.99
00:27:18.540 because she knows that there's some things you got to go to your girlfriend for. And there's
00:27:24.160 some things you got to go to me for. She knows the difference. She understands the difference
00:27:27.320 and she acts accordingly. And I act accordingly when she comes to me about drama and wanting to
00:27:31.600 complain. Nope, nope, not doing it. I'm not your girlfriend. This is not a conversation that we're
00:27:38.220 having. Now, if you need to share something and it's important, it's crucial to our lives or our
00:27:42.100 children or you or something. Yes, of course we can have that conversation. If it's a gab session or gossip
00:27:46.960 session or a drama or high maintenance session, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not
00:27:54.800 interested and I'm not playing that game. So you have girlfriends. And in fact, I would, I would
00:28:00.880 suggest that you tell her to find some girlfriends. Like you have, you have friends, guy friends that
00:28:08.700 you hang out with, right? If you don't, you should. And when you say, Hey hon, I'm going to hang out
00:28:12.720 with the guys for the weekend. Why don't you call Cindy up and see if she wants to go to dinner with
00:28:18.860 you or wants to come over and talk or whatever, whatever, whatever, but foster her having
00:28:25.900 girlfriends and don't be the girlfriend. Cause if you act like a girl, she's going to treat you like 1.00
00:28:30.220 a girl when you're not a girl or you're not a woman. I should say, this is, it goes back to what
00:28:34.180 I was saying earlier. You're not her girlfriend. You're not a woman. You're a man. So act like a man
00:28:38.800 and don't step into the girlfriend rule, uh, role. Keep yourself apart from that. Number four, 0.99
00:28:46.780 femininity, right? I told you, find a woman who's feminine. Well, in order to find and foster 1.00
00:28:52.140 femininity in her, you need to be masculine. Cause if you're feminine, what does she need to do? 1.00
00:28:57.820 She needs to be masculine, right? Like I know, I know of a lot of guys who are masculine or excuse me,
00:29:02.700 who are feminine in nature and they have these women and their women are more masculine. And look, 0.91
00:29:07.660 if that's the dynamic that works for you, great, but acknowledge it, acknowledge it,
00:29:12.620 be truthful about the situation. Because if she's masculine and you don't want her to be masculine,
00:29:16.700 then maybe you ought to question your masculinity. Now, this is about the time guys say, well,
00:29:22.300 it doesn't take a beer or guns to be masculine. I'm not even suggesting that,
00:29:26.400 but it does spend, take spending time with other men. It does take competitiveness. It does take
00:29:33.020 physicality. It does take stoicism. It does take some of these more masculine activities, 0.98
00:29:40.140 whether it's sports or physical activities or shooting or spending time with the guys.
00:29:45.160 It's not going to define you as a man, but it's certainly bolsters testosterone production. We know
00:29:50.220 that scientifically. We know that we know that even competition and specifically winning at that
00:29:55.840 competition will boost testosterone production. Sex will also produce and bolster testosterone
00:30:04.080 production. So, you know, sometimes you need to go initiate it. You know, you get home from a long
00:30:10.740 day at work. Don't plop your ass on the couch and drink a beer and watch a show. Like go ravage your 1.00
00:30:15.400 woman. Like show her that you're the man and that you want her and that you're attracted to her 0.99
00:30:21.100 sexually, emotionally, physically be the man. And when you act like a man, you free up the space for
00:30:29.140 her to act like a woman. Some of you are, are hoping, and look, I did this too for a very long
00:30:34.060 time. I wasn't acting like a man in the house. And so I was subconsciously asking my wife to be both
00:30:42.000 the wife and the husband to fill both the feminine and the masculine role. 1.00
00:30:48.180 Well, that was a recipe for disaster. We went through almost a near divorce because of it.
00:30:52.720 So lose the weight, drop the alcohol, get working out, initiate sex, compete with other men.
00:30:59.800 These are all things that are going to help you be more of a man. And she's going to be attracted to
00:31:05.160 that. And then you're going to leave the space and the margin for her to step into this femininity, 1.00
00:31:10.300 which by the way, guys, she wants to, she wants to be a woman. She doesn't want to be a dude. 1.00
00:31:17.440 She wants to be a woman. And you have a big part to play in that. If you've made a commitment to her.
00:31:23.720 Okay, well, I'm going to fill the masculine role so you can fill the feminine role. 1.00
00:31:27.660 If you're not willing to fill the masculine role, then she's going to feel obligated to do both. 1.00
00:31:31.000 And then she's going to burn out. And then one day she's going to come to you and she's going to
00:31:34.240 say, I'm not in love with you anymore. How many of you have gone through that experience?
00:31:36.940 You know exactly what I'm talking about. The spark isn't alive. I don't, I love you,
00:31:41.820 but I'm not in love with you. Yes. That's your fault because you weren't being the man that you
00:31:48.480 should have been. And you asked her to do both, whether it was consciously or subconsciously,
00:31:54.160 you asked her to do both. And now she's burned out. And guess what? She's looking for the dude 0.99
00:32:00.220 who's going to be more like a man. So she can be a woman. She wants to feel like a woman.
00:32:04.020 She wants to act like a woman. She wants to be beautiful and lovely. And you need to create it 0.96
00:32:10.540 by being strong and capable by being a man. All right. And point number five, and I've talked
00:32:17.600 about this at length in the past, guys, you need to foster her interests. Guys, you need to foster
00:32:21.460 her interest. It's not about getting her to read the same books or listen to the same podcast or be
00:32:26.160 engaged in the same activities as you are. It's about fostering her interests, finding girlfriends,
00:32:30.020 finding activities. My wife does canning, food preservation, beekeeping. She does stuff for 0.99
00:32:36.520 homeschooling and she does little, little arts and crafts to, you know, for Sunday school lessons 0.88
00:32:42.060 and for the kids. And, you know, I used to tease her and just poke at her a little bit. I don't do 0.74
00:32:46.020 that anymore because that's actually what I want her to do. I want her to feel important by contributing
00:32:53.060 that way. And so when I would tease her, yeah, I still banter with her, but I would really get after
00:32:57.700 about these, you know, little stupid arts and crafts. That's a mistake. I shouldn't tease her 0.99
00:33:03.720 about that. That's what I want. I want her to feel important. I want her to be excited about
00:33:08.020 canning. I want her to grow a garden. I want her to keep her bees. I want her to do, do projects and 0.97
00:33:14.400 be prepared for the homeschool lesson that she's going to teach the next day. And so when she does
00:33:17.860 those things and I see them psychology one-on-one, I, I acknowledge it. I congratulate it. I compliment
00:33:24.880 it. And the more that I'm aware of what she's doing and the effort that she's putting forth,
00:33:30.000 although it's not the same level of F not the same, not that it's not the same level. It's not the same
00:33:34.160 type of effort that I'm putting forth. The more she's likely to continue down that path. And you
00:33:39.240 have more power when it comes to this than you believe, but you got to do it when she does something 0.92
00:33:45.780 and you think, oh, that's silly. It's not silly. It's not silly. It's important to her.
00:33:52.340 And if it's important to my wife, then it's important to me. If I say, oh, that's stupid 1.00
00:33:57.080 or that's silly, or I can't believe you spent, you wasted your time doing that. How insulting can 1.00
00:34:02.920 you possibly be? I've been there. I've done it. I still do it. I still make the mistake from time
00:34:07.380 to time, but I try to be conscious about saying, good job. Congratulations. Wow. That's awesome.
00:34:12.900 That's amazing. I even see it in my daughter, my daughter and my wife. They made a pie the
00:34:17.660 other day, an apple pie. And you know, I wasn't interested in apple pie, but I hate apple pie
00:34:22.320 because my daughter made it and she was excited about it. And I want her to be excited about
00:34:27.640 the things that she's interested in. So I ate the apple pie and it was delicious by the
00:34:30.920 way. And she felt better because she was able to nurture and to support and to add value
00:34:37.060 in the home, in her own way. Not my way. I'm not, I'm never going to bake an apple pie guys.
00:34:42.720 So don't bank on that. But it's not about me. It's about her. That's her way of adding value.
00:34:48.800 And I foster that and I compliment it and I acknowledge it because it's important to her.
00:34:55.140 And that makes it important to me. So guys, let me recap on this guy. I'm just telling you,
00:34:59.920 I'm telling you, these are very important lessons. A lot of you guys are going to forget
00:35:03.200 about these things. A lot of you guys are going to find this attractive woman who's high maintenance 1.00
00:35:06.600 and she's beautiful. And, and you know, she looks the part cause she's got two inches of 1.00
00:35:10.380 makeup caked on her face and her eyes are big and her lips are, you know, bright red. And she's got 0.99
00:35:14.720 her, her, her chest is sticking out. And you're going to like, everything I just shared with you
00:35:19.440 is like going to go in one ear out the other. Don't do it, please. Cause you're the guy I'm going
00:35:26.400 to need to hear from in two to three years. You're like, Oh, my wife is this. My wife is that. Yeah.
00:35:30.400 Well, you knew it when you got involved with her, but you overlooked it because she looked the part. 0.98
00:35:35.360 What about looking the part? It's about everything else I'm telling you. So here we go.
00:35:39.260 What to look for in a woman. Number one, independence. Number two, low maintenance. Number 1.00
00:35:42.820 three, no drama. Number four, femininity and number five ambition. And here's how you foster it. Number
00:35:49.440 one, don't solve her problems. Number two, don't be so available. Number three, don't be her
00:35:56.000 girlfriend. Number four, be more masculine. So she can be more feminine. And number five, 0.99
00:36:01.680 foster her interest, not yours guys. I know this will serve you. I know this will help you. I hope,
00:36:07.800 I hope that you listen to what I'm sharing with you. And if you don't, you, you know, you can,
00:36:12.840 you can go down that path. I'm just telling you, you'll come back in two to three years and wonder
00:36:15.800 why life isn't what you want it to be. But if you heed this information and you heed this advice,
00:36:21.300 you're going to be better off. Now I'm not going to say things are going to always work out or
00:36:24.680 that it's going to be perfect for you, but it's going to be better. It's going to be better.
00:36:29.160 All right, guys, if I missed anything or I was off on anything based on what you believe,
00:36:33.860 cool. Share it with me. Let's have a respectful conversation and dialogue about this. Ladies, 1.00
00:36:37.600 I'd like to hear from you too. Am I off? Am I right? Am I wrong? I think I'm right. I think
00:36:41.880 you're going to agree that I'm right. But if I'm not, or I missed something or I was off on a point,
00:36:46.800 share it. I'd love to hear it. And we'll continue this conversation on the, on the socials,
00:36:52.080 on the interwebs. Instagram is the best place at Ryan Mickler. Twitter is also somewhere I'm
00:36:57.820 spending a lot more time, less and less time on Facebook, but Twitter is also at Ryan Mickler.
00:37:02.060 If you want to watch this video, which is, you know, just me talking ahead. I don't know why
00:37:06.760 you want to do that, but if you do, that works better for you. You can go to youtube.com slash
00:37:11.080 order of man. Again, as I said earlier, leave a rating, leave a review. It's a great way to say,
00:37:15.380 thank you. Tell me what you thought about the podcast, what you think about the podcast in general.
00:37:19.400 It's a great way to expand the visibility and the mission of order of man, which is to reclaim
00:37:24.560 and restore masculinity. All right, guys, I'll be back on Tuesday until then go out there,
00:37:29.660 take action and become a man. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
00:37:34.240 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:37:39.340 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.