Order of Man - What to Look For in a Woman (And How to Foster it in Her if You Already Have One)

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is

00:00:26.980 Brian Nickler, and I am the host and founder of the Order of Man movement and podcast. Welcome

00:00:31.800 here. Welcome back. Glad you're tuning in with us today. I've got a very, very important one.

00:00:37.380 All right. I've been doing this for almost six years now. What I'm going to share with you today

00:00:42.100 is extremely, extremely important. It's going to impact the rest of your life. And if you follow

00:00:49.360 the advice that I'm going to share with you today, your life is going to be better. Bottom line,

00:00:54.640 period. Your life is going to be better. If you listen and you heed the advice that I'm going to

00:01:00.260 share with you today. Now, some of you might be thinking, how do you know? Questions I get quite

00:01:05.620 often are, you know, what makes you the authority or the epitome of masculinity? I'm not saying that

00:01:10.780 at all, guys. All I'm saying is that we've got hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men

00:01:15.580 across the planet who are tuned into this podcast, who are tuned into the socials, who are listening to

00:01:21.120 what we're saying. And I'm listening to them. And one of the things I hear over and over and over

00:01:27.500 again is how not heeding the advice that I'm sharing with you today has also impacted their life in a

00:01:36.560 negative way. Guys, deciding who it is that you want to partner with for potentially, and hopefully

00:01:44.480 the rest of your life, if not into eternity is obviously a very important decision. And I've seen

00:01:52.940 so many men make the mistake of getting overly emotional and getting hopped up and thinking that

00:01:58.900 love is the only factor to take into consideration when choosing a partner. And it's not. In fact, if

00:02:06.800 that's all you're doing, I would say that that's a recipe for disaster. So we're going to get into that

00:02:11.380 in just a minute. Now, if you're new here, this is a podcast dedicated to helping you become a more

00:02:16.860 effective man. It does not matter if you're trying to show up with your family, with your business,

00:02:22.340 your employees, your clients, yourself. I'm going to give you the tools, the conversations,

00:02:26.960 the resources, the guidance, the direction, everything that you need to step up more fully as a

00:02:30.860 man. And you know, as well as I do, if you're listening to this podcast, that we need more men in this

00:02:35.960 fight. What is the fight? The fight is to reclaim and restore masculinity, to place it back upon the

00:02:42.900 mantle that it once was and establish or reestablish our authority, our credibility within the walls of

00:02:52.220 our home or businesses or communities, government, and every other facet of life. So we've got a podcast

00:02:59.120 that we do. Obviously this is it. We do interview shows with guys like Jocko Willink and David Goggins

00:03:04.980 and Grant Cardone and Andy Frisella and Mark Manson and Ryan holiday and Jordan Harbinger

00:03:10.680 and Brian Rose. I'm trying to think about the men that we've had on. And you can see that it's

00:03:14.900 diverse. We just had Aaron Marino to talk about style last week. And that podcast did, or actually

00:03:20.860 I think it was this week. It was this week. And that podcast did very, very well. So needless to

00:03:25.900 say, we're putting out good information and I appreciate you being here. One last thing before I get

00:03:29.420 into it, please just leave a rating and review. All right, go to iTunes or Stitcher or Spotify or

00:03:35.420 Pandora or wherever you're listening and just go in there, leave a rating and review. It's going to

00:03:39.600 take you two minutes. And it's just a good way to say thank you. That's it. It's a good way to say

00:03:44.540 thank you. And also it's a great way to expand the mission of reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

00:03:49.240 It takes you two minutes, literally no more than that. Two minutes. And I think it's a good way to say

00:03:55.360 thank you for what we're putting out there. I don't ask a whole lot of you. That is what I ask

00:03:58.740 of you. All right, guys, let's get into this. So as I was thinking about what I wanted to talk with

00:04:04.380 you about today, because the title of this episode is what to look for in a woman and how to foster it

00:04:10.800 in her if you already have one. So I'm going to try to talk to you guys who aren't in a committed

00:04:16.540 relationship just yet. At some point you likely will be. And I also want to talk with you in the second

00:04:21.620 half of this podcast with those of you who already are in a committed relationship, because sometimes

00:04:27.420 it's a little too late. You didn't heed this advice initially, or maybe you didn't hear it,

00:04:32.600 or maybe you didn't know it, or maybe you didn't have a father to teach you it. I'm going to teach

00:04:36.800 it to you. And I'm going to tell you how to foster it in a woman that you may already have. All right.

00:04:41.460 So the first part is again, pretty, pretty well for, or, or I don't want to say exclusively,

00:04:46.840 but it's for those guys who haven't committed to a woman yet. Please heed my advice.

00:04:51.620 All right. It's very important. I've seen it over and over again, where men have not heeded this

00:04:55.240 advice and it doesn't go well ever divorce, sadness, sorrow, loss, being isolated from your

00:05:04.040 children, financial issues, because people don't heed this advice. You're thinking with your day,

00:05:08.800 I consider it with your head and that becomes a problem or your heart. I'm not saying that isn't

00:05:13.300 a consideration. I'm just saying it's not the only consideration. Let's get into this. Number one,

00:05:17.660 what to look for in a woman, number one, independence, guys, you need to find a woman

00:05:24.620 who is independent. And ladies, by the way, there's about five to 10% of my audience who

00:05:29.040 is women, by the way, please listen to this, because this is what men are looking for.

00:05:33.160 So this will give you some tips too, because what I want to do is I want to make you more

00:05:36.840 attractive to men. And I want to make men more attractive to you and more attracted to you.

00:05:42.620 So this is going to help everybody. Number one, independence. If you're dating a woman who is not

00:05:49.380 independent, meaning she's clinging onto you or somebody else or her parents for everything,

00:05:55.240 and she can't do things on her own. And she needs to look to you for all the guidance and advice and

00:06:01.520 wisdom and, and, and, and feedback, man, exhausting. Now it might feel good initially. And here's the

00:06:10.380 trap. It feels good initially because you feel wanted, right? Isn't that what we as men want to

00:06:15.400 do? We want to feel wanted. We want to feel needed by the ladies in our lives. And that feels really

00:06:21.280 good, but I'm telling you, it comes at a cost and that's your own sanity and your own wellbeing.

00:06:27.800 If she's dependent on you or even worse, dependent on her mom or her dad or her sister or siblings,

00:06:34.520 friends and not dependent on you, that's even worse. Because what you want is you want a woman

00:06:40.780 who is independent. Actually, you want a woman who doesn't need you. She doesn't need you. Now,

00:06:47.180 I know that sounds a little counterintuitive, but I promise you, if you can find a woman and make

00:06:51.460 yourself more attractive of becoming the kind of man who would attract this woman, where she doesn't

00:06:56.500 need you, you're going to have a better life. Again, it's going to feel good initially where she needs

00:07:01.320 you and she depends on you and she's calling you all the time. And she's asking for your advice.

00:07:05.240 Why? Because that's appeal to our vanity, to our own sense of ego and arrogance, but it becomes

00:07:12.040 exhausting and it comes at your own personal wellbeing. Because if she's so overly dependent on you,

00:07:19.080 how are you ever going to have time to take care of yourself? You're not because you're babysitting.

00:07:25.880 I don't want a girl. That's girl-like behavior. And obviously, clearly, there's a distinction

00:07:33.860 between a girl and a woman. That's why I don't call women girls, by the way, guys. You'll never

00:07:37.780 hear me call a woman a girl. I think it's insulting. Because a woman is mature, she's strong,

00:07:45.200 she's capable, and ultimately, hopefully, she's independent. If she's not those things,

00:07:48.960 she's more like a girl. So you'll never hear me call a woman a girl because that's not what they are.

00:07:53.940 Guys, you don't want a little girl. You want a woman that's going to make your life better.

00:08:00.260 And a woman is independent. She doesn't need to turn to you for every little whim and every little

00:08:04.520 thing that could potentially come up. She can make her own decisions. Now, granted, she will,

00:08:09.100 she will ask you, she will take into consideration your feedback and your input and your expertise and

00:08:14.560 your credibility and authority that you hopefully have built up. She will ask you those things,

00:08:18.460 but she doesn't need it to make her own decisions. And that's what you want. All right.

00:08:23.240 Number two, low maintenance. Holy cow. I see these women on Instagram and social media and

00:08:28.380 everywhere else. And I mean, just, just the amount of time, for example, that they use to put on

00:08:32.460 makeup, you know, hours and hours a day. I'm like, Oh, please shoot me right now because I could never,

00:08:38.620 ever, ever deal with that. Or that she needs my attention all the time. And she needs me to tell me

00:08:45.980 how good she looks and how wonderful she is. And, and she needs that validation or she has daddy

00:08:52.820 issues. Now, granted, she may look great. Why? Cause she spends like three to four hours a day

00:08:59.160 on her appearance. Just don't, don't fall into that trap. All right. That's a, that's a short term.

00:09:06.960 Hey, she's hot. Okay. You don't do your thing or whatever, even though I don't advocate for that,

00:09:11.620 but this is not a long-term relationship, not long-term relationship material. I should say.

00:09:18.480 All right. You, you don't want a high maintenance woman. She's going to look good. She's going to be

00:09:22.280 like eye candy, right? She's going to be on your arm and you're going to walk in and all the dudes

00:09:25.380 are going to think you're, you're, you're, you're the man. And deep down inside, you're going to be

00:09:30.640 miserable. And she's just going to eat at your soul. And, and I know I'm, I'm using language that

00:09:35.460 maybe is, is a little hyperbolic, but we're exaggerating, but honestly, guys, like we've

00:09:42.720 all been with a high maintenance woman, right? And how exhausting and how miserable there's no

00:09:48.320 freedom. There's no flexibility. You need to give her all the attention in the world because she can't

00:09:51.780 get it on her own. She's not confident, surely. So what does she do? She, she bolstered us up with,

00:09:57.220 with, with big boobs and fake eyelashes and all the lipstick and like two inches of, of, you know,

00:10:02.220 just layered frosting on her face. This is not what you want guys. This is not what you want.

00:10:10.680 And if you're going to the club to look for a woman, probably this is what you're going to find.

00:10:14.760 All right. You want a low maintenance woman. Again, this goes back to point number one,

00:10:18.160 somebody who's independent. She's strong. She's convicted. She has beliefs. She has

00:10:23.440 viewpoint. She's intelligent. She doesn't need to rely on the way, you know, her, her eyelashes stick

00:10:29.620 out just an extra half inch longer or her boobs. Just, you know, the right amount of cleave is just

00:10:34.120 popping out of her shirt. That looks great. But again, this is not long-term relationship material.

00:10:40.080 And if you're looking to partner with someone for your life, then probably you ought to find

00:10:43.880 somebody who's low maintenance. I'm not saying she doesn't take care of herself, by the way.

00:10:47.820 Okay. My wife takes care of herself, but she doesn't spend countless hours in the mirror and,

00:10:53.480 and, and doing, you know, duck lip selfies and asking how she looks. And Oh, do my,

00:10:59.000 does my butt look big in these jeans? I don't even know if my wife's ever asked me that

00:11:02.420 because she doesn't need to ask me that. She's got enough confidence in herself that she doesn't

00:11:08.820 need to ask a stupid question like that. This is the kind of women we should look for. Number three,

00:11:13.840 guys, no drama. If you ever see any drama, just avoid it. That's a deal. That's a deal breaker

00:11:22.960 actually for me. Now, who am I to say what you're attracted to? Okay. Who, I can't make these

00:11:27.640 decisions for you. I'm just telling you, I've seen thousands and thousands of men go through this and

00:11:32.080 complain about some of the things I'm addressing today. And I'm just telling you that a woman who has

00:11:36.460 a lot of drama, whether it's daddy issues or ex-boyfriends or girlfriend drama, or, you know,

00:11:42.840 she's a victim of, of what everybody else does to her. Stay away from it. Stay away from it.

00:11:50.860 I got more shit to worry about than what you're upset about right now. The trivial BS and nonsense

00:11:55.240 that you're upset about right now. I'm not going to deal with it. I don't have time for it. I'm not

00:11:59.480 interested in it. And, and I'm not going to play the game. And that's exactly what is it. It's a game.

00:12:03.520 It's, it's, it's an appeal for attention, which goes back to point number one, independence and

00:12:07.940 point number two, low maintenance. Drama is an appeal for attention. All right. She doesn't

00:12:13.920 really care about the things that she's upset about. She just wants the attention by pretending

00:12:18.040 to be upset about the things that she's pretending to be upset about. Get rid of the drama. By the way,

00:12:24.600 here's a good strategy I would suggest is get to know your future partner's mother,

00:12:29.960 especially if they're close odds are she's going to turn out a lot like her.

00:12:33.860 So I think it'd be a good idea to meet her mother, also meet her father. That's a pretty

00:12:38.380 good idea because, because it's going to give you an indication of where your life potentially

00:12:42.300 could go. It's not the only indication, but it's symmetric. It's something that should be

00:12:45.840 considered. And if you've got a potential or a future mother-in-law who's filled with drama and,

00:12:50.480 and, and high maintenance, and she's not independent and she's clinging everything else. Well,

00:12:54.660 you know, pretty good odds that her daughter is going to turn out that way too,

00:12:57.660 because she was conditioned by her. Now I realized guys, as I'm talking about this,

00:13:03.280 this might sound misogynistic. That's what people will accuse me of. As I talk about this,

00:13:08.540 fine. I'm actually okay with that. If, if I'm helping you men stay away from and avoid these

00:13:15.660 five traps that I'm going to suggest to you today, I got through three already and somebody's going to

00:13:21.120 call me misogynistic because of it. I'm okay with that because I'm going to save you. And I don't

00:13:26.600 consider myself your savior, but I'm telling you, if you heed this advice, I will be saving you.

00:13:33.120 If you find the opposite and attract the opposite woman of the things that I'm sharing with you

00:13:38.380 today. And I'm going to get into this here in a minute, then your life's going to be better.

00:13:43.760 So if somebody wants to call me misogynistic because of it, fine, fine. So be it. Cause I

00:13:50.300 want you men to have a good life. All right. Number four. So I got point number one, independence,

00:13:54.800 point number two, load maintenance, point number three, no drama. Number four, femininity.

00:14:01.080 Guys, you're going to want a woman who's feminine. All right. There's a great injustice to men and

00:14:07.820 women everywhere. And that was the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies. Now I think

00:14:13.340 it started out with noble intentions, maybe to some degree, you know, women's rights and making the same

00:14:18.240 amount of income and the right to vote and all these types of things. I think that's all wonderful.

00:14:21.560 And in fact, it's important. I agree with a lot of that, but the feminist movement has morphed and

00:14:27.340 it's warped and it's become distorted and it's just become disgusting. And what it's essentially

00:14:31.600 said at this point is that a woman should be more like a man, not that a woman should be a feminine.

00:14:37.840 The feminist movement is not about the care for women. It's not about making women more womanly

00:14:42.840 or more feminine. It's about turning them into men. And they do that in two ways. Number one,

00:14:48.040 they undermine masculinity. That's so, you know, bring them down to their level.

00:14:52.340 And number two is make women more like men. So this is the strategy, right? And so what we have

00:14:59.700 is we have a lot of women who are running around who have bought into the idea that if they act more

00:15:04.440 like men, then somehow they're more valuable. Well, I don't know about you, but I believe that a woman

00:15:09.380 who gives birth, who bears children, who makes a house, a home, who provides guidance and support

00:15:17.100 and nurturing and love and, and, and all of these things that I would consider womanly feminine.

00:15:25.340 That to me is significantly more valuable, not just to me, but to society than any woman who

00:15:30.120 pretends that she has to be a man to be important. Ladies, the, the, the five to 10% of you who are

00:15:36.760 listening to this podcast, you don't need to be a man to be important.

00:15:40.060 Your loveliness, your, your, your beauty, your, your kindness and your compassion and your empathy

00:15:49.360 and the ability to bear children and to be motherly and to support and nurture is worthy in and of

00:15:57.120 itself. And I am so grateful that I found a woman who understands because her mother taught her this

00:16:04.460 and her grandmother as well taught her what it meant to be a woman. And it doesn't mean be a man.

00:16:10.060 It means embrace all of the lovely things that make you women. And guys, if you're, if you're out

00:16:17.980 there looking for a woman who acts more like a man in competitiveness and aggression and dominance

00:16:24.900 and career aspirations, I'm not saying that's inherently bad. I'm just saying you ought to be

00:16:29.220 aware that you're not going to probably get a, a, a very feminine woman. Now, if you're okay with that,

00:16:38.240 all the power to you and I hope it works out well for you, but I know there's a lot of guys listening

00:16:42.400 who would love to have a woman, a wife who wants to mother their children, who wants to stay at home

00:16:48.600 and turn their house into a home, who wants to potentially homeschool their children and teach

00:16:53.200 their children the way they should go, who wants to cook. You know, we hear the old adage,

00:16:59.080 barefoot and pregnant. Look, I know we're making a mockery of that, but you know, like my wife,

00:17:04.860 we've, we've had four children. I love the fact that I loved when she was pregnant. I mean, it was

00:17:10.900 hard and it was challenging, of course. And she would say the same thing, but she was bringing our

00:17:14.700 children into the world. When my wife makes me and the children dinner, I don't think less of her

00:17:20.660 because she made us dinner. And she actually, she doesn't think less of herself because she made

00:17:23.560 dinner. She feels like she's adding and contributing in a way that is meaningful and

00:17:28.660 significant to her. And this is going to become more important guys and increasingly difficult to

00:17:33.200 find by the way, as the feminist movement continues to lead women astray and make them believe that the

00:17:39.220 only way to have value and worth in their life is to act like men. No, let the men act like men

00:17:43.980 and let's honor and cherish and celebrate the fact that women act like women. All right. And the last

00:17:49.880 one guys, ambition. I can't tell you how often I hear from men who say things like, you know,

00:17:56.000 my wife isn't motivated. I'm trying to get back on the path. And of course you would be,

00:17:59.520 you wouldn't listen to this, be listening to this podcast if that weren't the case.

00:18:03.080 And I hear from these guys who are like, ah, my, my wife isn't motivated and she's not ambitious.

00:18:07.160 And she's, you know, put a few pounds on and, and she's lost her sense of purpose and direction,

00:18:11.760 which certainly is, is, you know, prone to happen. Same, same thing with us guys.

00:18:16.240 You know, we get married and we start popping out a couple of kids and we get in our careers

00:18:21.820 and we put a few pounds around the midsection and we lose some interest and hobbies and we lose our

00:18:26.160 friends and activities. You know, this happens. This is, this is a natural thing, but you're on the

00:18:30.980 path. You need to find somebody who's ambitious. Now you might be thinking, well, that's a direct

00:18:35.560 odds with the point you just made about femininity. No, I'm not. Or no, it's not rather. It's not at

00:18:41.560 odds with it. I'm not saying that she needs to go out into the workforce and become the next CEO of

00:18:45.740 the fortune 100 company. Ambition for her might be different than it is for you. It took me a long

00:18:51.340 time to realize this, but I have a wife who is extremely, extremely ambitious. Now that doesn't

00:18:56.880 mean that she's out wanting to conquer the world like I do, but man, you can't find a hard, a harder

00:19:02.140 working housewife. You can't find somebody who's as committed to making the garden grow and the yard

00:19:09.980 look great in the home, lovely and comfortable and warm and inviting and her children, my children,

00:19:16.680 our children being, being nurtured and being supported and feeling loved. Like my wife is

00:19:22.860 fully vested in that. She's very ambitious when it comes to that different ambition than mine.

00:19:28.400 You know, I want all those things, but that's not what I'm going to actively work towards,

00:19:31.680 but she's got things that she's excited about. And she's just as excited about those things as I am

00:19:36.420 about my things. So she doesn't need to be interested in your stuff, guys. She needs to

00:19:40.480 be interested in her stuff as interested as you are in your stuff. That's what I'm talking about.

00:19:46.440 When I talk about ambition, not that she's going to make her dent in the universe, not that she's

00:19:50.460 going to change the world, not that she's going to be the next CEO or the next president. Although

00:19:54.120 if she wants to great, but that she's interested in something, she's fascinated. She's intrigued.

00:20:01.260 She's working towards becoming better and improving her life in some capacity.

00:20:05.920 That's what she should be looking for. So guys, let me recap. And then I'll go to

00:20:09.500 how to foster this in, in your wife or your girlfriend, if you already, you know, have,

00:20:16.900 have one. So again, point number one, look for independence. Point number two,

00:20:21.100 low maintenance. Point number three, no drama. It's a red flag. Point number four,

00:20:25.400 a woman who is feminine and loves being feminine. Point number five is she needs to be ambitious.

00:20:31.780 All right, let's go into how to foster this. Cause some of you guys are already married and you're

00:20:35.480 like, what do I do? Like you've made a commitment and I respect and honor you for making that commitment

00:20:39.960 and want to stick this thing through. Maybe you've had a hard time. Maybe you realize, man, you know,

00:20:44.960 maybe you made some, made some poor choices, but again, I honor you for making that commitment

00:20:49.820 and wanting to stick with it. Maybe she's changed a little bit. So how do we begin to now as the

00:20:54.580 patriarchs of our home? By the way, guys, patriarch is not a swear word, right? It's a good thing.

00:20:59.460 It's simply the male leader of the household or the community or the tribe or the business.

00:21:04.260 I think it's amoral. Okay. It's not, it's not a bad thing. You need to become a good patriarch.

00:21:09.780 And here's how you do it. Number one, when it comes to independence. And so I'm going to counter

00:21:13.580 these with what to look for. So I said, what to look for is independence, how to counter this or how

00:21:17.660 to foster this is don't solve her problems. All right. Don't be her white knight.

00:21:22.220 Because if she, she always has these problems and you come in to rescue her or save her,

00:21:28.640 well, what's she going to do? She's going to be more dependent on you.

00:21:33.600 Let her fix her own problems. Now that doesn't mean you can't offer guidance or direction or

00:21:37.660 counsel or insight. You should, that's your job as a man is to offer your perspective and your

00:21:43.500 insight and to help her with the problems that she has. You're you've partnered with her and her job

00:21:48.600 is to do the same for you. But if you save her, if you solve all of her problems is if you rush in

00:21:55.520 on the white knight and think that she needs some sort of rescuing, you know, you're, you're only

00:22:00.100 fostering dependence, which is the exact opposite of what you should be fostering, which is independence.

00:22:08.100 That she doesn't always need to run to you. Like she ran to maybe daddy to solve all her problems.

00:22:14.600 Let her figure out some of this stuff on her own. And when she says, Hey, what, you know,

00:22:20.160 what should I do? I'm struggling and I've got this going on. I've got that going on. What should I do

00:22:23.460 about it? Your answer should be, what do you think you should do about it? What have you already tried?

00:22:28.120 What are you going to try? How are you going to solve this problem?

00:22:33.940 Now, granted, there's some situations of course, where you may need to step in or some situations

00:22:38.100 where, you know, yeah, it makes sense to offer your advice, but let her, I don't want to say

00:22:43.160 struggle a little bit, but let her, let her break the shackles or the chains from you.

00:22:50.640 It's only going to be a good thing. Now, some of you are so concerned that if you,

00:22:54.280 if you foster some sort of independence, she'll, she'll leave you. Well, this is a whole other

00:22:59.020 conversation, but this is about making yourself more attractive to her. We're going to have these

00:23:02.980 conversations, but don't be threatened by that. If she's more independent. Yeah. If you're a loser.

00:23:08.100 Yeah. She's probably going to, she's probably going to throw you to the curb, but if you're

00:23:12.640 not a loser, and we've been talking about that for five and a half years, then you fostering

00:23:17.040 this independent is independence in her is only going to make you more attractive.

00:23:22.100 So don't solve her problems. Let her solve her own problems. She got herself into the mess. Let

00:23:27.360 herself get out of it, offer advice and input where, where deemed appropriate. All right. Number two,

00:23:32.800 I talked about finding somebody who's low maintenance. Here's what I would say. Don't be

00:23:38.540 so available. Don't be so available. I mean, some of us guys, oh my goodness, are so physically and

00:23:46.720 emotionally and mentally available that it's like, you're right there. And you're like a cute little

00:23:52.200 loyal puppy dog that, that she can just turn to and, and, and dump all of her baggage on you or,

00:23:59.040 or, or, you know, she'll be in the bathroom looking at her makeup and spending two to three

00:24:03.080 hours in there. And you'll just be sitting there like a good little boy that you should be.

00:24:06.960 And all you're doing is you're encouraging that behavior.

00:24:11.940 Don't be so available. Take some hard line stances and some things. I'm not telling you to be a jerk,

00:24:16.860 but you know, sometimes it's okay to say, you know, I'm going out with my friends tonight. Oh,

00:24:20.820 how do I look? Yeah. You look great. I'm going out with my friends. See you. I love you. Bye.

00:24:24.220 Bye. Let her be on her own. Let her know that you don't need her in your life.

00:24:32.720 Now you want her. Sure. But you don't need her in your life. Some of you guys might as well just

00:24:40.560 like, let her, you know, wrap you up in some of these little dog carriers that I see some of these

00:24:45.720 high maintenance women walking around with. And they're literally like carrying their little lap

00:24:49.720 dog in their purse with them. That's you. Some of you are that little puppy dog and you're so

00:24:56.660 available and you're getting railroaded and you're allowing her to be high maintenance because she

00:25:00.540 knows she's got you on the short leash. Don't be that dude. All right. It's a recipe for disaster.

00:25:07.100 Instead, take the collar off, take the leash off and say, Hey hon, love you. Going to hang out with the

00:25:12.980 guys. Hey hon, love you. But I've got a hunt coming up this weekend and I'm going to be gone for three

00:25:18.220 days. But what am I going to do? I don't know. Figure that shit out because I'm going to be gone.

00:25:22.440 So I'll help you up into this point, but I'm going to be gone for three days. I mean, I know guys that

00:25:26.600 their wives call them like two, three times an hour. What the hell could you possibly be calling me for

00:25:33.180 that often? Now, when my wife calls me, I usually answer because she doesn't call me all the time

00:25:40.160 because she's, she's low maintenance. So if she's calling me, I'm like, Oh, something's up.

00:25:47.320 But if she's calling me every 20 minutes, every 30 minutes, I mean, I've been on hunts where a wife,

00:25:52.360 Oh my, you know, little, little Timmy threw up. Okay. So clean, clean it up.

00:25:57.180 Like, what do you want me to do about it? I'm, I'm across the country on a hunt. Like,

00:26:03.140 what, like, what do you want me to do about it? I just wanted to tell you, I don't need to know

00:26:06.840 about that. Clean it up and then drive on, give them some, some saltine crackers and some chicken

00:26:14.800 noodle soup and some ginger ale and let little Timmy get on about his day. Like I don't need to

00:26:19.540 know about that. Or I don't need to tell you how to clean up the throw up. I mean, I know it's not

00:26:23.800 pleasant, but you can handle that. This is exactly what I'm talking about. You guys do everything for

00:26:29.000 your, for your woman and, and, and wonder why she's so high maintenance. Wonder why she's such

00:26:33.360 a headache. Well, stop doing stuff for her and don't be so available to do those things. All right.

00:26:38.120 Point number three, no drama. Don't be your girlfriend guys. Be the man, be your boyfriend,

00:26:45.660 be your husband. Don't be your girlfriend. I talked about this in the, ask me anything. You can go

00:26:49.220 back and listen to it. Some of you guys are so emotionally available. You're, you're talking

00:26:53.780 to her like a girl would talk to her. You're complaining and bitching and moaning about your

00:26:57.100 life. You're having gossip and gab sessions with her. Nope. Nope. If my wife comes to me and she

00:27:05.600 wants to talk to me like a girlfriend, I'm like, you know what? Love you, hon. I think this would

00:27:10.240 be a great conversation for your friend, not for me. And I'm perfectly okay with saying that. In fact,

00:27:15.740 I don't even need to say that because she has girlfriends. We're going to get to that in a minute

00:27:18.540 because she knows that there's some things you got to go to your girlfriend for. And there's

00:27:24.160 some things you got to go to me for. She knows the difference. She understands the difference

00:27:27.320 and she acts accordingly. And I act accordingly when she comes to me about drama and wanting to

00:27:31.600 complain. Nope, nope, not doing it. I'm not your girlfriend. This is not a conversation that we're

00:27:38.220 having. Now, if you need to share something and it's important, it's crucial to our lives or our

00:27:42.100 children or you or something. Yes, of course we can have that conversation. If it's a gab session or gossip

00:27:46.960 session or a drama or high maintenance session, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not

00:27:54.800 interested and I'm not playing that game. So you have girlfriends. And in fact, I would, I would

00:28:00.880 suggest that you tell her to find some girlfriends. Like you have, you have friends, guy friends that

00:28:08.700 you hang out with, right? If you don't, you should. And when you say, Hey hon, I'm going to hang out

00:28:12.720 with the guys for the weekend. Why don't you call Cindy up and see if she wants to go to dinner with

00:28:18.860 you or wants to come over and talk or whatever, whatever, whatever, but foster her having

00:28:25.900 girlfriends and don't be the girlfriend. Cause if you act like a girl, she's going to treat you like

00:28:30.220 a girl when you're not a girl or you're not a woman. I should say, this is, it goes back to what

00:28:34.180 I was saying earlier. You're not her girlfriend. You're not a woman. You're a man. So act like a man

00:28:38.800 and don't step into the girlfriend rule, uh, role. Keep yourself apart from that. Number four,

00:28:46.780 femininity, right? I told you, find a woman who's feminine. Well, in order to find and foster

00:28:52.140 femininity in her, you need to be masculine. Cause if you're feminine, what does she need to do?

00:28:57.820 She needs to be masculine, right? Like I know, I know of a lot of guys who are masculine or excuse me,

00:29:02.700 who are feminine in nature and they have these women and their women are more masculine. And look,

00:29:07.660 if that's the dynamic that works for you, great, but acknowledge it, acknowledge it,

00:29:12.620 be truthful about the situation. Because if she's masculine and you don't want her to be masculine,

00:29:16.700 then maybe you ought to question your masculinity. Now, this is about the time guys say, well,

00:29:22.300 it doesn't take a beer or guns to be masculine. I'm not even suggesting that,

00:29:26.400 but it does spend, take spending time with other men. It does take competitiveness. It does take

00:29:33.020 physicality. It does take stoicism. It does take some of these more masculine activities,

00:29:40.140 whether it's sports or physical activities or shooting or spending time with the guys.

00:29:45.160 It's not going to define you as a man, but it's certainly bolsters testosterone production. We know

00:29:50.220 that scientifically. We know that we know that even competition and specifically winning at that

00:29:55.840 competition will boost testosterone production. Sex will also produce and bolster testosterone

00:30:04.080 production. So, you know, sometimes you need to go initiate it. You know, you get home from a long

00:30:10.740 day at work. Don't plop your ass on the couch and drink a beer and watch a show. Like go ravage your

00:30:15.400 woman. Like show her that you're the man and that you want her and that you're attracted to her

00:30:21.100 sexually, emotionally, physically be the man. And when you act like a man, you free up the space for

00:30:29.140 her to act like a woman. Some of you are, are hoping, and look, I did this too for a very long

00:30:34.060 time. I wasn't acting like a man in the house. And so I was subconsciously asking my wife to be both

00:30:42.000 the wife and the husband to fill both the feminine and the masculine role.

00:30:48.180 Well, that was a recipe for disaster. We went through almost a near divorce because of it.

00:30:52.720 So lose the weight, drop the alcohol, get working out, initiate sex, compete with other men.

00:30:59.800 These are all things that are going to help you be more of a man. And she's going to be attracted to

00:31:05.160 that. And then you're going to leave the space and the margin for her to step into this femininity,

00:31:10.300 which by the way, guys, she wants to, she wants to be a woman. She doesn't want to be a dude.

00:31:17.440 She wants to be a woman. And you have a big part to play in that. If you've made a commitment to her.

00:31:23.720 Okay, well, I'm going to fill the masculine role so you can fill the feminine role.

00:31:27.660 If you're not willing to fill the masculine role, then she's going to feel obligated to do both.

00:31:31.000 And then she's going to burn out. And then one day she's going to come to you and she's going to

00:31:34.240 say, I'm not in love with you anymore. How many of you have gone through that experience?

00:31:36.940 You know exactly what I'm talking about. The spark isn't alive. I don't, I love you,

00:31:41.820 but I'm not in love with you. Yes. That's your fault because you weren't being the man that you

00:31:48.480 should have been. And you asked her to do both, whether it was consciously or subconsciously,

00:31:54.160 you asked her to do both. And now she's burned out. And guess what? She's looking for the dude

00:32:00.220 who's going to be more like a man. So she can be a woman. She wants to feel like a woman.

00:32:04.020 She wants to act like a woman. She wants to be beautiful and lovely. And you need to create it

00:32:10.540 by being strong and capable by being a man. All right. And point number five, and I've talked

00:32:17.600 about this at length in the past, guys, you need to foster her interests. Guys, you need to foster

00:32:21.460 her interest. It's not about getting her to read the same books or listen to the same podcast or be

00:32:26.160 engaged in the same activities as you are. It's about fostering her interests, finding girlfriends,

00:32:30.020 finding activities. My wife does canning, food preservation, beekeeping. She does stuff for

00:32:36.520 homeschooling and she does little, little arts and crafts to, you know, for Sunday school lessons

00:32:42.060 and for the kids. And, you know, I used to tease her and just poke at her a little bit. I don't do

00:32:46.020 that anymore because that's actually what I want her to do. I want her to feel important by contributing

00:32:53.060 that way. And so when I would tease her, yeah, I still banter with her, but I would really get after

00:32:57.700 about these, you know, little stupid arts and crafts. That's a mistake. I shouldn't tease her

00:33:03.720 about that. That's what I want. I want her to feel important. I want her to be excited about

00:33:08.020 canning. I want her to grow a garden. I want her to keep her bees. I want her to do, do projects and

00:33:14.400 be prepared for the homeschool lesson that she's going to teach the next day. And so when she does

00:33:17.860 those things and I see them psychology one-on-one, I, I acknowledge it. I congratulate it. I compliment

00:33:24.880 it. And the more that I'm aware of what she's doing and the effort that she's putting forth,

00:33:30.000 although it's not the same level of F not the same, not that it's not the same level. It's not the same

00:33:34.160 type of effort that I'm putting forth. The more she's likely to continue down that path. And you

00:33:39.240 have more power when it comes to this than you believe, but you got to do it when she does something

00:33:45.780 and you think, oh, that's silly. It's not silly. It's not silly. It's important to her.

00:33:52.340 And if it's important to my wife, then it's important to me. If I say, oh, that's stupid

00:33:57.080 or that's silly, or I can't believe you spent, you wasted your time doing that. How insulting can

00:34:02.920 you possibly be? I've been there. I've done it. I still do it. I still make the mistake from time

00:34:07.380 to time, but I try to be conscious about saying, good job. Congratulations. Wow. That's awesome.

00:34:12.900 That's amazing. I even see it in my daughter, my daughter and my wife. They made a pie the

00:34:17.660 other day, an apple pie. And you know, I wasn't interested in apple pie, but I hate apple pie

00:34:22.320 because my daughter made it and she was excited about it. And I want her to be excited about

00:34:27.640 the things that she's interested in. So I ate the apple pie and it was delicious by the

00:34:30.920 way. And she felt better because she was able to nurture and to support and to add value

00:34:37.060 in the home, in her own way. Not my way. I'm not, I'm never going to bake an apple pie guys.

00:34:42.720 So don't bank on that. But it's not about me. It's about her. That's her way of adding value.

00:34:48.800 And I foster that and I compliment it and I acknowledge it because it's important to her.

00:34:55.140 And that makes it important to me. So guys, let me recap on this guy. I'm just telling you,

00:34:59.920 I'm telling you, these are very important lessons. A lot of you guys are going to forget

00:35:03.200 about these things. A lot of you guys are going to find this attractive woman who's high maintenance

00:35:06.600 and she's beautiful. And, and you know, she looks the part cause she's got two inches of

00:35:10.380 makeup caked on her face and her eyes are big and her lips are, you know, bright red. And she's got

00:35:14.720 her, her, her chest is sticking out. And you're going to like, everything I just shared with you

00:35:19.440 is like going to go in one ear out the other. Don't do it, please. Cause you're the guy I'm going

00:35:26.400 to need to hear from in two to three years. You're like, Oh, my wife is this. My wife is that. Yeah.

00:35:30.400 Well, you knew it when you got involved with her, but you overlooked it because she looked the part.

00:35:35.360 What about looking the part? It's about everything else I'm telling you. So here we go.

00:35:39.260 What to look for in a woman. Number one, independence. Number two, low maintenance. Number

00:35:42.820 three, no drama. Number four, femininity and number five ambition. And here's how you foster it. Number

00:35:49.440 one, don't solve her problems. Number two, don't be so available. Number three, don't be her

00:35:56.000 girlfriend. Number four, be more masculine. So she can be more feminine. And number five,

00:36:01.680 foster her interest, not yours guys. I know this will serve you. I know this will help you. I hope,

00:36:07.800 I hope that you listen to what I'm sharing with you. And if you don't, you, you know, you can,

00:36:12.840 you can go down that path. I'm just telling you, you'll come back in two to three years and wonder

00:36:15.800 why life isn't what you want it to be. But if you heed this information and you heed this advice,

00:36:21.300 you're going to be better off. Now I'm not going to say things are going to always work out or

00:36:24.680 that it's going to be perfect for you, but it's going to be better. It's going to be better.

00:36:29.160 All right, guys, if I missed anything or I was off on anything based on what you believe,

00:36:33.860 cool. Share it with me. Let's have a respectful conversation and dialogue about this. Ladies,

00:36:37.600 I'd like to hear from you too. Am I off? Am I right? Am I wrong? I think I'm right. I think

00:36:41.880 you're going to agree that I'm right. But if I'm not, or I missed something or I was off on a point,

00:36:46.800 share it. I'd love to hear it. And we'll continue this conversation on the, on the socials,

00:36:52.080 on the interwebs. Instagram is the best place at Ryan Mickler. Twitter is also somewhere I'm

00:36:57.820 spending a lot more time, less and less time on Facebook, but Twitter is also at Ryan Mickler.

00:37:02.060 If you want to watch this video, which is, you know, just me talking ahead. I don't know why

00:37:06.760 you want to do that, but if you do, that works better for you. You can go to youtube.com slash

00:37:11.080 order of man. Again, as I said earlier, leave a rating, leave a review. It's a great way to say,

00:37:15.380 thank you. Tell me what you thought about the podcast, what you think about the podcast in general.

00:37:19.400 It's a great way to expand the visibility and the mission of order of man, which is to reclaim

00:37:24.560 and restore masculinity. All right, guys, I'll be back on Tuesday until then go out there,

00:37:29.660 take action and become a man. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

00:37:34.240 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:37:39.340 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 25, 2020

What to Look For in a Woman (And How to Foster it in Her if You Already Have One) ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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