Order of Man - May 30, 2025


What We Do Echoes in Eternity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

23 minutes

Words per minute

163.01988

Word count

3,755

Sentence count

256

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Too many of us operate in the here and now. We allow our emotions to get the better of us, and we think what is prudent now is going to serve us best. What we want now is at direct odds with our betterment for the future.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Not everything that you experience in life deserves a response in that moment.
00:00:05.120 In fact, most of it doesn't.
00:00:07.200 If you're having a conversation with your wife and it's bothering you,
00:00:10.060 you can say, hey, you know, thank you for bringing that to my attention.
00:00:13.780 Let me think on that a little bit.
00:00:14.980 If your kids say something that maybe is rude or upsets you,
00:00:19.580 or a client, or your boss, or a co-worker, or a colleague, etc., etc.,
00:00:23.940 pause, take a time out, take a breath, relax.
00:00:27.360 Not everything needs to be answered immediately.
00:00:32.820 I was watching one of my favorite movies, which is Gladiator, just the other day.
00:00:37.620 And the quote that really stood out to me as I was watching the movie was by Maximus,
00:00:42.740 which said, what we do echoes in eternity.
00:00:46.480 Now, that might be a misattribution.
00:00:50.160 I think it was actually probably more likely to be Marcus Aurelius,
00:00:53.720 who said that in his book, Meditations, and through his Stoic philosophy.
00:00:59.400 But regardless, the impact and the weight of what that had on me in that moment,
00:01:06.000 and throughout my entire life, has been very, very powerful for me.
00:01:11.260 And I hope that it is for you, too.
00:01:13.020 If you've never heard that quote, or if you're just trying to wrap your head around what that means,
00:01:18.160 I think being able to lengthen out our horizon and our time frame as men is a very powerful thing.
00:01:25.680 Too many of us tend to operate in the here and now.
00:01:28.660 We allow our emotions to get the better of us.
00:01:31.240 And we think what is prudent now is going to serve us best.
00:01:36.380 But I'm not going to say very rarely,
00:01:39.320 but I am going to say that oftentimes what we want now is at direct odds with our betterment for the future.
00:01:47.340 So today, I'm going to talk with you about a few things.
00:01:49.700 Number one, I'm going to talk with you about three things that you need to keep in mind
00:01:54.140 as to why we need to maintain a very long-term perspective
00:01:58.220 with our goals, desires, dreams, and ambitions.
00:02:01.600 And then number two, I'm going to share with you three very simple strategies
00:02:05.300 that you can implement right now to ensure that you are keeping and maintaining
00:02:10.060 a long-term perspective in life
00:02:13.500 and therefore producing results that just aren't fleeting or luck or chance or happenstance,
00:02:20.640 but very predictable results for your own betterment
00:02:23.640 and for the betterment of the lives of the people that you love and care about.
00:02:27.180 Number one, and we're talking about the mindsets.
00:02:30.220 We're talking about the thought process behind
00:02:33.180 why you ought to maintain a long-term horizon
00:02:38.660 with your goals and dreams and desires.
00:02:40.720 Number one, it keeps us from allowing our emotions to get the better of us.
00:02:44.440 Guys, we're all emotional, all right?
00:02:46.440 I'm so tired of the so-called quote-unquote alphas online
00:02:51.580 telling us that we have to be badasses
00:02:54.020 and that we can't express our emotions
00:02:56.340 and we can't feel the emotions
00:02:58.820 and we can't be emotional creatures.
00:03:01.480 I mean, how are you going to do that?
00:03:04.260 Really, it's biologically hardwired into you to be emotional.
00:03:09.760 Now, that's not to say that we need to react emotionally,
00:03:12.640 but to say that you can just get rid of your emotions
00:03:16.020 simply because you want to
00:03:17.460 or because some schmo on Instagram or Facebook
00:03:22.180 or through a podcast told you to be less emotional,
00:03:25.660 it doesn't work like that.
00:03:27.480 You are going to be emotional.
00:03:28.840 Our job is to regulate our emotions.
00:03:31.540 When it comes to romance,
00:03:34.660 when it comes to entrepreneurship or business ownership,
00:03:38.660 when it comes to our own personal desires and dreams and ambitions,
00:03:42.000 you can't help but be emotional.
00:03:44.600 But what I found is that emotions,
00:03:47.560 although a consideration in the equation,
00:03:51.500 if meant to be the end-all, save-all,
00:03:54.840 will probably set us up for failure because we're fickle,
00:03:58.760 we're greedy, we're jealous, we're envious, we're ambitious.
00:04:05.240 We want all the things without any of the effort immediately right now
00:04:10.300 and to hell with everybody else. 0.86
00:04:12.160 And I'm the same way.
00:04:13.460 I would love that too.
00:04:15.600 But when we look for things where we can have immediate gratification,
00:04:19.580 it comes at the expense of learning the lessons that need to be learned
00:04:22.500 that will inevitably produce the lifelong results for us.
00:04:26.280 So when we embrace this idea that what we do echoes in eternity,
00:04:30.860 meaning it pushes us and expands us out further
00:04:34.800 than our emotions might be able to acknowledge,
00:04:38.760 we can begin to make clearer decisions based not on emotion alone,
00:04:43.380 but logic, reasoning, rational, decision-making, et cetera, et cetera.
00:04:49.640 Number two, it keeps us from shortchanging ourselves.
00:04:54.740 If I am wanting to make a million dollars right now,
00:04:59.560 I could do a lot of things that would help me make a million dollars immediately.
00:05:05.440 And you could do a lot of things that would help you make a million dollars today.
00:05:08.780 But if we do that at the expense of our own morals and virtues and principles,
00:05:15.540 we might make that million dollars, but we won't make it down the road.
00:05:20.580 We won't be able to create the systems, structures, procedures, processes, et cetera,
00:05:26.840 that will inevitably produce long-term results.
00:05:30.320 It's also the same in relationships.
00:05:32.460 You know, you can go chase tail.
00:05:34.280 You can find an attractive, lovely woman.
00:05:36.740 You can pursue her.
00:05:37.880 You can say all the right things.
00:05:39.420 And you can get what you want in the short term, which is basically physical.
00:05:44.860 Or alternatively, you could find a very attractive woman who you're attracted to physically,
00:05:50.400 but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
00:05:53.260 And you can work to build a lifelong relationship.
00:05:57.840 Getting laid, although feels really good in the moment,
00:06:01.640 doesn't actually produce the results that I think most of us want.
00:06:05.540 So lengthen out the horizon.
00:06:08.100 Think about slowing the relationship down.
00:06:10.520 When it comes to business, get rid of the get-rich-quick schemes and the hacks.
00:06:20.380 You know, that's another thing we see not only with wealth, but also with health.
00:06:26.020 You know, hack and biohack and trick the system, game the system, manipulate the system.
00:06:31.260 I mean, it's so prevalent.
00:06:33.080 It's just obnoxious at this point.
00:06:35.000 There's no shortcut.
00:06:36.880 There's prudent decision-making, but there's no shortcut.
00:06:40.300 Lengthen out the time and realize that if you are just chasing the momentary pleasure,
00:06:47.800 you're going to leave a lot of room on the table for what comes next.
00:06:51.600 And look, it's tempting to chase what could happen over the next six months
00:06:58.600 and forget about what might happen over the next six years.
00:07:02.540 I'm going to take the six years.
00:07:04.400 I'm going to double down on the small and simple things that helped me
00:07:07.540 really, really achieve over six years what most people are just pursuing over six months.
00:07:13.920 Number three, it keeps us in the abundance and investment mindset.
00:07:20.340 When you're thinking about what you can get right now immediately in a relationship,
00:07:27.060 in a business, in your health, you're going to do dumb things.
00:07:32.200 And the trap, the trick is that some of it might actually work.
00:07:36.840 You can starve yourself, for example, and lose five to 10 pounds as a man over the next week.
00:07:41.980 You could absolutely do that.
00:07:44.000 But does that mean you're healthy?
00:07:45.740 No, of course not.
00:07:47.120 You could really try to win a woman over by saying and doing all the right things 0.98
00:07:53.480 and, you know, whining and dining her, and you might get your result.
00:08:00.620 But does that mean you have a deep connection and relationship with her?
00:08:05.500 Of course not.
00:08:06.600 You could say all the right things to your children,
00:08:08.840 and they could love what you're saying.
00:08:10.520 But if you don't follow through,
00:08:11.680 does that mean you actually have a connection with them?
00:08:13.880 No, and they'll see you right through it.
00:08:16.520 So when you adopt the idea that we're going to play a longer-term game here,
00:08:22.620 and look, I'm not going to tell you that, well, let me back up.
00:08:28.640 I don't know what you believe.
00:08:29.660 I don't know if you believe in God.
00:08:31.040 I don't know if you even believe in eternity.
00:08:32.700 But I will say, whether you believe in God or Christ or whoever it might be for you,
00:08:37.900 that having a longer-term perspective,
00:08:42.900 regardless of what you believe happens to us when we die,
00:08:46.260 will really help you live a better life.
00:08:51.340 And some people will say, well, you know, I have to sacrifice the current.
00:08:55.220 You're not sacrificing anything.
00:08:56.580 I don't sacrifice when I go to the gym.
00:08:59.400 I don't sacrifice when I have deep and meaningful conversations with the people I care about.
00:09:04.160 It takes time, sure.
00:09:05.920 But it's an investment.
00:09:07.780 It's an investment in them.
00:09:09.940 It's an investment in myself.
00:09:12.280 It's an investment in life.
00:09:14.100 And I believe that it will always pay big dividends.
00:09:18.260 Excuse me.
00:09:19.640 All right, so let's jump right into after, you know, obviously we go through those.
00:09:23.680 So it keeps us from allowing our emotions to get the better of us,
00:09:26.820 having this long-term perspective.
00:09:28.300 It keeps us from shortchanging ourselves in the results that we produce.
00:09:32.660 As they say, good is the enemy of great.
00:09:36.020 And then number three, it keeps us in abundance and investment mentality.
00:09:39.500 Meaning I am going to pour into the people I care about.
00:09:42.060 I'm going to pour into the businesses and causes and missions and movements that I care about.
00:09:47.920 But let's talk about what you can do specifically.
00:09:50.360 Number one, stop before you act, right?
00:09:53.300 The very first thing that's going to happen whenever you're presented with a conversation,
00:10:00.540 a situation, a set of circumstances, is the lizard brain is going to step in.
00:10:06.600 And it's going to, it's called the amygdala.
00:10:09.860 It's going to keep you from rationally thinking about what you ought to do.
00:10:16.860 The amygdala is designed to keep you safe.
00:10:19.560 It's the part of the brain.
00:10:21.540 We call it the lizard brain.
00:10:22.540 It's the most ancient part of the brain that controls our feelings.
00:10:28.340 It's the flight and fight or freeze response.
00:10:33.360 So maybe your wife doesn't call you when you think she does or should or when she normally does.
00:10:41.340 And instead of thinking, maybe she's busy.
00:10:43.720 You think, oh, she doesn't love me anymore.
00:10:46.920 Oh my gosh, she's gotten to an accident.
00:10:48.680 Oh, the end of the world.
00:10:50.100 It's the catastrophe that I've been assuming would have happened.
00:10:54.480 And then she calls you an hour or two later and says, hey, I'm sorry, my phone died.
00:10:58.860 This is what we would call a cognitive distortion.
00:11:01.420 Specifically, it's black and white thinking and catastrophizing.
00:11:05.680 Now, I only know that because I do that myself.
00:11:08.800 But what happens is we let that lizard brain, the amygdala, take over our response and we make dumb decisions based on irrational, completely irrational decision-making processes.
00:11:22.680 Your wife isn't ignoring you. 0.82
00:11:25.700 She doesn't hate you.
00:11:27.460 She's just busy. 0.92
00:11:29.560 Her phone died.
00:11:31.200 Maybe she dropped her phone and it broke. 0.84
00:11:35.620 It could be a million things.
00:11:37.500 And yet we as men immediately jump to the worst case scenario.
00:11:42.840 I really want you to look up the concept of cognitive distortion because it's really going to help you.
00:11:48.720 But the point that I want to make back and draw it back to when we're talking about extending and stretching our perspective out over long term is just stopping for a second.
00:12:01.040 When you're heated or you're frustrated or you have anxiety or you're anxious or you're upset, just stop.
00:12:11.040 Not everything that you experience in life deserves a response in that moment.
00:12:16.020 In fact, most of it doesn't.
00:12:18.720 If you're having a conversation with your wife and it's bothering you, you can say, hey, you know, thank you for bringing that to my attention.
00:12:26.100 Let me think on that a little bit.
00:12:28.400 If your kids say something that maybe is rude or upsets you, maybe say, hey, you know what?
00:12:35.880 That's a rude thing to say.
00:12:37.980 That's not a proper way to behave.
00:12:40.600 And I want to teach you how to do that.
00:12:41.920 But you don't need to wrap up your identity into it.
00:12:44.560 You don't need to blow up just because your kid said something or a client or your boss or a co-worker or a colleague, et cetera, et cetera.
00:12:51.440 Pause.
00:12:55.200 Take a timeout.
00:12:56.460 Take a breath.
00:12:57.500 Relax.
00:12:58.520 Not everything needs to be answered immediately.
00:13:02.580 There is a gap between the stimulus and the response.
00:13:06.440 You guys have all heard this.
00:13:07.300 There's a gap between the stimulus, which is the experience that you're having right now, and the response.
00:13:15.200 And the more thoughtful, not the longer, but the more thoughtful that gap is, the more likely you are to respond in a very positive way.
00:13:24.080 Number two, I call it the 5-5-5 rule.
00:13:26.240 I was introduced to this idea, this concept, probably 10 years ago by a friend of mine.
00:13:34.740 And when we're dealing with difficult and challenging circumstances, I think what you ought to ask yourself is, number one, is this going to matter in five hours?
00:13:44.820 Is this going to matter in five hours?
00:13:47.820 Number two, is this going to matter in five days?
00:13:52.600 Is this going to matter in five days?
00:13:54.240 Number three, is this going to matter in five months?
00:13:59.060 And I think through those three questions, we could pretty much rule out 99.68% of all of the things that we think we're struggling with.
00:14:12.660 Most of what we're dealing with is not going to matter in the next five hours.
00:14:16.640 It really isn't.
00:14:17.380 You're going to come up with new challenges, new struggles.
00:14:20.340 People are going to be pulling on you for other time and attention and energy.
00:14:24.240 Let alone five days or five weeks.
00:14:28.180 And I would tell you that if it's not going to matter in the next five hours or five days or five weeks, then maybe it doesn't matter now.
00:14:37.600 Maybe it's not as relevant as what you're making it out to be.
00:14:41.620 Maybe it isn't as catastrophic as what you think it is.
00:14:45.400 I mean, you as a man are a protector, a provider, and a presider.
00:14:48.960 And if you lose your shit every time something goes slightly sideways, you are undermining your ability to lead for yourself and in the eyes of other people.
00:14:58.940 The people in your life are looking for security and safety and comfort and guidance and direction and leadership.
00:15:06.240 And if you freak the F out every time some little thing happens, you're undermining your ability to lead your people effectively.
00:15:15.900 Relax, calm down, calm down, ask yourself, is this going to matter in the next five hours, the next five days, the next five weeks?
00:15:27.280 If the answer is no, it probably doesn't really matter now.
00:15:31.940 And not everything warrants a response or an action just because somebody else might have a problem or you might be confronting some external circumstances.
00:15:43.280 Number three, look for the long-term results.
00:15:47.880 I saw this all the time.
00:15:49.720 I was a financial advisor for about eight, nine years, and I saw this all the time.
00:15:54.880 People would come to me and they'd say, hey, Ryan, what's the best rate of return that you can get me?
00:16:00.140 What does that mean?
00:16:01.940 What do you mean?
00:16:02.500 What does it mean?
00:16:02.880 What's the best rate of return?
00:16:04.720 Do you mean what's the best rate of return last year, this year, 10 years, five years, 100 years?
00:16:10.140 Like what is it exactly they're looking for?
00:16:12.660 And most people would say, well, what's the best rate of return you got for your clients last year?
00:16:19.080 And depending on what portfolio we had them in, it could have been 2%.
00:16:22.980 It could have been 27%.
00:16:24.880 It could have been 80% depending on the portfolio.
00:16:27.420 But that's not the real question to be asking.
00:16:29.960 The question to be asking is, what did you produce over 10, 20, 30, 50, 70 years that I can then go back and look at and see how I can improve my life?
00:16:40.740 But most people are looking for short-term results.
00:16:43.900 What feels good right now?
00:16:45.620 So guys who are single will go on dates to attempt to get laid because it feels good right now.
00:16:51.800 And I'm not going to argue with that.
00:16:53.260 It definitely does.
00:16:56.240 But is that what you're after?
00:16:58.840 What feels good for the next 5 to 10 minutes?
00:17:02.340 Or are you trying to build a lifelong relationship?
00:17:05.960 When it comes to your kids, are your kids happy right now in this moment?
00:17:11.240 Because if that's the case, just go buy them, take them to Chuck E. Cheese and buy them all the clothes they want.
00:17:16.160 Or let them go run around with whoever they want.
00:17:18.720 And they're going to be happy.
00:17:19.780 But is that going to serve them?
00:17:21.040 Or are you more interested in producing bold, strong, capable, proficient adults?
00:17:27.200 Because you might not spend all your money on them.
00:17:30.480 You might not let them go hang out with whoever.
00:17:33.280 You might not let them run the roost around your house if your desire is for them to be functioning adults.
00:17:40.380 If you're trying to build a relationship, if it's in the short term, you might be tempted to just acquiesce to your wife's propositions and appease her and give her gifts and do all the chores and turn into a passive wimp.
00:17:57.840 You might get her to not pick on you or be a little nicer to you periodically.
00:18:04.680 But is that what you want?
00:18:05.900 Or do you want a relationship where you as a man are leading and guiding and instructing and coaching and she's nurturing and supporting and loving and has empathy and kindness?
00:18:15.780 Because those are two different sets of rules.
00:18:21.140 I can get people to like me in the short term by just saying, yes, you're right.
00:18:25.340 I believe in you.
00:18:26.280 I will follow you, et cetera, et cetera.
00:18:27.960 But if they're wrong, I'm not going to do that.
00:18:29.800 And it rubs people the wrong way at times.
00:18:31.960 But I'm more interested in what's going to happen over the long term.
00:18:35.100 I'm not going to not discipline my kids because they have a hard time.
00:18:38.320 I'm going to discipline them knowing that at some point, not now for sure, but at some point, they'll realize I care about them.
00:18:45.940 I'm not going to agree to everything the woman in my life might say just because I hope it appeases her and she loves me and she doesn't see me as a threat.
00:18:59.920 I'm not going to do that.
00:19:00.760 I'm going to say this is exactly how I feel.
00:19:02.220 This is what I want.
00:19:02.900 This is what I care about.
00:19:03.940 What do you want?
00:19:04.560 What do you care about?
00:19:05.260 And how can we make it work?
00:19:06.960 Might ruffle more feathers in the short term, but over the long term, it's going to produce a much more favorable type of relationship.
00:19:13.580 If we're looking at finances, I could be happy.
00:19:17.780 I could go buy a truck.
00:19:20.000 If I went and bought a truck, let's say a $90,000 truck today, I could go do that.
00:19:24.060 This afternoon, I could take some time.
00:19:25.580 I could go to a couple of dealerships.
00:19:26.960 I could find the truck.
00:19:27.960 I could find the truck I want and I could go drop 90 grand and I'm going to feel really good.
00:19:32.720 I'm going to feel very excited.
00:19:34.320 I'm going to take pictures of it.
00:19:35.740 I'm going to share with all my friends.
00:19:37.340 I'm going to pick a few people up and give them a ride around.
00:19:41.440 And then what happens in five days?
00:19:44.460 Everybody's seen the truck and nobody cares.
00:19:47.420 I don't even care that much at that point.
00:19:49.080 And so I spent $90,000 for three, four, five days of joy and excitement.
00:19:57.040 Lame.
00:19:58.960 That's short-term thinking.
00:20:00.920 Guys, what we do echoes in eternity.
00:20:04.840 Put it out.
00:20:05.780 Like delay gratification.
00:20:08.720 Think about the long-term perspective.
00:20:11.560 Think about your legacy and what the people in your life will say about you when you die or they're doing your eulogy.
00:20:16.440 If you can do that, I believe that you're going to make better decisions in your life.
00:20:21.160 And that's what I'm trying to do.
00:20:22.480 Make better decisions in my life through lengthening out the time frame of the lens in which I look.
00:20:30.240 So again, the mindsets are or the reasons why you would even consider this is it keeps us from allowing our emotions to get the better of us.
00:20:38.260 Number two, it keeps us from short-changing ourselves and playing small.
00:20:42.020 And number three, it keeps us in this abundance and investment mindset.
00:20:46.940 And the way we do it specifically, number one, stop.
00:20:51.280 Just stop for a second.
00:20:52.880 Relax.
00:20:53.360 Take a chill pill.
00:20:54.440 Take a timeout.
00:20:55.280 Take a pause.
00:20:57.180 It's going to be okay.
00:20:59.760 And then you can make better decisions.
00:21:01.060 Number two, will this matter?
00:21:02.440 It's the 5-5-5 rule.
00:21:03.560 Will this matter in five hours?
00:21:05.240 Will it matter in five days?
00:21:06.740 And will it matter in five weeks?
00:21:08.040 If you cannot answer no to any of those, then just leave it alone.
00:21:13.600 It's going to be okay.
00:21:14.640 And then number three is looking for long-term results, not short-term gratification.
00:21:21.340 If it came easy, it'll leave easy.
00:21:23.520 If it came hard and you really had to work for it, then you are more likely to invest, protect, and defend what it is you've earned.
00:21:31.880 Guys, what we do echoes in eternity.
00:21:36.800 And the longer we can lengthen out our time horizon and our perspective of life, the better off we're going to be.
00:21:42.420 All right, guys.
00:21:43.160 That's all I've got for you today.
00:21:44.340 We'll be back next week for our interview.
00:21:47.520 If you have any questions, thoughts, considerations, ideas, feedback, criticism, et cetera, et cetera, connect with me on Instagram, at Ryan Michler.
00:21:55.500 I talked a little bit about Marcus Aurelius' book, Meditations.
00:22:00.680 If you want other good book recommendations, go to orderofman.com slash bookshelf, orderofman.com slash bookshelf.
00:22:08.380 And outside of that, just keep connected, keep listening, keep sharing.
00:22:12.560 More men need to hear this.
00:22:14.080 And let's go out there, take action, and become the men we are meant to be.
00:22:18.160 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:22:24.880 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:22:32.060 Thank you.