Order of Man - When Guilt Can Serve You, Cultivating Coincidence, and Strategic Stress Relief

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.440 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.020 Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's going on this morning, man?

00:00:27.600 Not much. Where are you?

00:00:30.580 I'm in a spare bedroom of my in-law's house in Southern Utah. We're leaving tomorrow.

00:00:36.580 So I've been here for about a week. So we did an early Thanksgiving here with the family.

00:00:42.460 All of my wife's family came in, all her siblings and everything from Nashville to Kentucky to Salt Lake.

00:00:50.280 They all came down here for an early Thanksgiving. And then we head home tomorrow and I've enjoyed it,

00:00:56.360 but I'm ready to get back to you and back to home and back to work.

00:01:00.680 So how long have you been in Southern Utah? A week or?

00:01:05.560 Yeah, about a week. I think we got here like Monday of last week. So about a week today.

00:01:09.280 Yeah. Yeah. I asked just because my wife and I, we can't, we've, we've determined we're probably about a four day, five day max.

00:01:18.800 So if we go on holiday somewhere around about four or five days, we're like, yeah, I'm done. Let's, let's get back to our routines.

00:01:26.460 Yeah. Yeah. And I am too, but you know, all of our families here. I say our families, it's her, all of her family is here.

00:01:34.720 The kids have all their friends here. My, my work is remote. So here I am in this, this bedroom.

00:01:40.740 So it like, it isn't ideal, but I can make it work. Like I brought all my microphone and audio equipment with me.

00:01:46.520 So it's manageable. It's some, and I've actually got a lot more done than I thought because I really planned what I wanted to get done.

00:01:53.500 So between the eating and the cards and the visiting and all this, I have been able to get some work done, which has been good.

00:01:59.740 Cause I'd go crazy if I wasn't able to, but if you guys ordered anything from the store, it's all backed up right now.

00:02:06.480 So we'll get back. We do this all the time. And you know, this is one of the pros and cons of having us as a family run our merchandise store is when we all leave.

00:02:15.240 But orders don't get filled. So if you ordered something in the last week, I hope you saw the banner on the store that said, Hey, we're not shipping until I think the 24th, I believe.

00:02:24.780 But we're going to ship those the 24th, 25th, get caught up on everything. Your stuff is coming guys.

00:02:29.800 I appreciate you being patient. And to me, it's a small price to pay for me anyways, to maybe limit or hinder the store growth over the past week to know that, you know, my son is doing it.

00:02:38.480 My other children are doing it and they're learning and growing. And that's just the trade-off that we have.

00:02:43.100 Well, now we'll know if your son gets kicked out of future family vacations, it's because he's, he's taken a hit for the team and he's keeping the score running.

00:02:54.380 Actually, we've been so busy lately and I plan on releasing at least one new shirt a month moving forward.

00:03:00.480 And we've been so busy lately that we're outgrowing our space in our house.

00:03:04.920 So I've actually been looking for some sort of shop or storefront or little mini warehouse there in Franklin County in Maine and potentially moving into that and then hiring somebody else part-time to help us ship orders, which is cool.

00:03:23.660 So it's just interesting to see the growth of that.

00:03:26.640 That's funny. Yeah. You talked a little filled, man, get a little corner there in the, uh, in the Jocko fuel space just for, I don't know if they have, I don't know if they have any space in theirs.

00:03:37.140 Because every time I turn around, they've outgrown a new space. So they're there, there's not a whole lot of space there between what they have. And they have actually, I don't know if you saw it last time you were out there, uh, in the back corner, they have it marked off.

00:03:50.680 There's a, and I don't know how big the segment is, but it's all AstroTurf.

00:03:54.120 Yeah. And it's for lacrosse. So Pete has the lacrosse teams practice there and stuff like that in the winter when they can't get outside. So I don't know how much space there is even in there.

00:04:06.000 That's funny. It's crazy. Yeah.

00:04:08.000 Cool. All right, man. Let's get to some questions.

00:04:10.140 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So we're going to field questions really from two primary sources. One, the foundry, which is, um, the system in which you use an iron council, uh, to learn more about the iron council, you can go to order of man.com slash iron council.

00:04:23.560 We have a few questions there from a few weeks ago and then we'll hop right on that one.

00:04:28.340 Yes, sir. Yeah. And on that one, guys, if you do go check out the iron council, I highly suggest that you check it out. It's closed right now though. So, and I've gotten a lot of messages from you guys. And so I appreciate the level of interest. We want you there. Uh, we're excited to have you join us, but you won't be able to join us until December 1st. It's closed right now. Uh, Kip and I had in fact actually spent about 15 minutes working through just some structuring and logistics before we even started recording this podcast.

00:04:53.300 Cause there's some, some structural changes that we're making to the iron council that I think will be advantageous for existing brothers inside the iron council and for new members coming in. So check it out, drop your email in there. And then on December 1st, I'll shoot you an email, let you know we're open. And then you can decide to join us at that point.

00:05:10.440 Excellent. All right. And then we'll field questions from the Facebook group as well to join us there. Go to facebook.com slash group slash order, man. All right. Foundry questions or iron council questions, Nicholas Myers, how to get out of the lone wolf mentality due to not wanting to disappoint your battle team or let them down. If you're not hitting your numbers or any other reasons. And, and obviously his Nicholas's questions around battle teams, but maybe just around life in general.

00:05:38.820 Yeah. Let's talk about battle teams in the iron council. So what he's talking about is groups of teams that we work in within the iron council. And they're, uh, anywhere from 10 to 15 men in those teams. And so you're feeling guilty for not hitting your numbers. And you're wondering how you can get out of that guilt. What the hell?

00:05:57.420 Like that would be like, look, with all due respect, that's like asking, Hey, I feel really bad that I'm 50 pounds overweight. How do I not feel bad? Lose 50 pounds.

00:06:09.320 No, stay away from you. So then that way I'm not confronted with my lack of integrity.

00:06:13.980 Look, man, mine's easier. It's easier for sure. Well, no, it's not actually, it's not easier. It's easier to not do anything, but you're still going to feel like shit. And that's not easy. Mentally, that's tough.

00:06:28.580 All of us have been in difficult times and we felt guilty and ashamed and remorseful about our decisions and our actions. That's not easy. That's hard. So how do you get over the guilt of not reporting your numbers and not doing your work inside your battle team? Report your numbers, do the work. That's the point.

00:06:48.540 Was it Nick? Yeah. Dude, that's why you joined the Iron Council. I guarantee I'd be willing to bet that one of the things that you wanted most when you joined the Iron Council was this word that everybody throws around called accountability. Well, look, brother, now you got it. You asked for it. You got it. This is accountability. So if you actually don't want accountability, then maybe the Iron Council is at the right place. And then you can go do the lone wolf thing. I'm hoping you don't do that. I'm not even encouraging you to do that.

00:07:15.920 I'm encouraging you to follow through on what you said you wanted, which was accountability. And now you got 12 guys who are saying, hey, where's your numbers? Why aren't you reporting? Why aren't you participating? Why aren't you giving back to what we're giving to you? And hopefully that will encourage you to the point where you will do that instead of withdrawing. So you have a couple options. You have a couple of choices. One is, yeah, retreat. Hey, this is too uncomfortable.

00:07:45.920 I don't like this. I'm not going to report my numbers. I feel guilty. And so I'm going to default back into my old patterns. You can do that. Or you could say, hey, I don't like this. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I'm not reporting my numbers. So therefore, I will start to do the work and I will begin to report my numbers. That's why we set it up the way we set it up.

00:08:03.420 So actually, what a lot of people think is that, well, I shouldn't feel guilty or I shouldn't feel sad or I shouldn't feel this way or I shouldn't feel that way. No, actually, you should feel guilty.

00:08:12.960 You should be slightly ashamed of not following through on your commitments. Yeah. Because that's going to drive you to make better decisions. So make different choices. So you don't feel guilty. Yeah. Like this morning for give an example this morning. Oh, good. I, I, I've been really trying to eat clean. Well, I went to the gas station. I got a drink and there was a breakfast burrito right there. Ooh. And it was delicious. It was a Maverick steak breakfast burrito. And I'm like,

00:08:41.540 I could sit, I put that in the health, healthy category, but whatever. Yeah. Okay. And put it wherever you want. You know, it isn't. So I got myself a steak breakfast burrito and I ate it and it was so good. And about two minutes later, I'm like, man, what is wrong with you? And so I felt guilty. Right. I felt ashamed because, okay, that's the point. You should feel like that. Yeah. Yes. And then tomorrow I'm going to have another burrito. No, I'm just kidding. Tomorrow I'm going to

00:09:11.520 try to remember how I felt and make a better decision. Yeah. And I think sometimes us, uh, for those on the other end, we need to remember that same principle, right? In Nicholas's case, his battle team, they may say, you know what? I don't want to, I don't want to bring this up because I don't want Nick to feel bad. Right. Or I don't want to do this because I guess what? He should feel a little bit bad.

00:09:36.640 He's not honoring his word and that's okay. And, and so we, we sometimes avoid that conversation because we don't want people to feel bad. And, and really what I'm hearing, Ryan, and I think we're in agreement is like, it's okay. Like you should actually feel a little guilty when you're out of integrity. You, these are things that help drive us to improve. Like that's okay. It's, oh, you know, I feel like a slob because my house is a mess. Yeah. You probably are a slob.

00:10:04.460 You should probably change that. Right. Versus, oh no, it's okay. Ryan, you're busy. We understand. It's like, no, like you kind of should feel that way. That's there's a reason.

00:10:16.720 Well, and, and look, if, if you're, if you're the individual who might be helping hold somebody accountable, like in this case, you're on the battle team, or even if you notice one of your friends really slacking or your children are not making good decisions, it is tempting to say,

00:10:33.720 well, I don't want them to feel bad, but look, I don't, I don't want Nick to feel bad, but I care more about Nick and his performance and his growth and his improvement and him getting better than me risking, maybe being somewhat offensive.

00:10:48.320 Cause he could listen to this and be offended. And that is a risk that I'm willing to, to, to take on because I care enough about him to tell him the truth.

00:10:57.840 And so many of you guys are like, well, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to hurt anybody. Well, then you don't care about him. You care more about your feelings than you do about the overall success of that person.

00:11:08.400 Something away.

00:11:09.100 And that comes from a, from a place that you and I both know that we're on a path. We're not perfect. You're not perfect. Right. And this is part of standing up for other individuals is by, by being honest with them and communicating what they probably need to improve.

00:11:25.440 Like, you know, so if Nick's listening, which I I'm sure he is, you know, this comes from a place of like us trying to help. You're right. This is how we stand together. This is how men band together and help each other by being straight, not by going, Oh, you know what, Nick, you know, and just.

00:11:40.780 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. There you go. Rex Huston. Not a question. All right. Next guy. Tyson's joking. All right, Rex. We'll, we'll pretend. So not a question. He says,

00:11:54.580 but if you had not shared the story about being, I, which I don't think you have. Um, so, but he talks about it here around what you told the club president around moments to speak. Um, and he thinks, you know, that, that would be a great story to share.

00:12:09.880 He says, I find that most guys are like the club. This is actually funny. I find that most guys are like the closing scene of dumber and dumber that they tell the bikini bus, uh, the town is three miles away.

00:12:21.120 Uh, and then they go on complaining about how they never get a break. Right. So he says, right. I call it cultivating coincidence. Some guys appear lucky because they are prepared to, uh, for the breaks that they get. Others go through life unprepared and the breaks just pass them by.

00:12:36.320 I really liked that term. I wrote it down. Cultivating coincidence. Yeah. Yeah. Like it too. That's cool. Yeah. All right. So what he's referring to is for a long time, I was part of an organization called BNI business network international.

00:12:49.240 In fact, I had the founder, Dr. Ivan Meisner on the podcast probably a couple of years ago. It was a really powerful discussion. Um, so BNI really briefly, it's an organization where professionals, service professionals, uh, get together on a weekly basis and we share each other's businesses.

00:13:08.380 And then we pass referrals. That's the whole point of it. And, you know, you have anywhere from maybe 15 to 30 to 40 members and we're all passing referrals back and forth to each other because we know each other and we get to know each other and each other's businesses.

00:13:19.500 So, uh, one thing that I, I realized fairly quickly when I joined business network international is that each and every week you either have one or two guest speakers present for about five to 10 minutes on their particular business in order to teach other people about how to, how to sell and how to market and how to get referrals for, for you.

00:13:41.400 Yeah. And it was very interesting because inevitably we had people who either weren't prepared for their scheduled time or they just didn't show up.

00:13:52.000 Like they were a no show or last minute they had to cancel or, or couldn't make it. And I thought, man, what a shame. These people have an amazing opportunity to present their business to other people who want to give them referrals almost like this.

00:14:05.640 It's a free sales force. Yeah. It's a sales pitch, but you're also educating a sales force. Now I'm talking about my business and telling 40 people how to sell my business. What an amazing opportunity. And so I'd see these people who wouldn't show up. And I went to the presidency and I said, Hey, look, I want you to know that at any point, if anybody can't make it, doesn't want to present, you need somebody to fill in for whatever reason.

00:14:33.420 You can give me exactly a 10 second notice and I will be ready to present at any given point. And so I would, and I got the lion's share of presenting opportunities. And I later found out that there was a couple of people who didn't like that, right? They complained.

00:14:51.000 Well, why is he presenting all the time? Yeah.

00:14:52.900 That's what it was. They complained. They're like, how come Ryan gets so many opportunities to present? And I only, I only present once every six months or whatever it is. And the answer is like, well, because he said he would.

00:15:01.800 And, and I, and I always kind of got a chuckle out of the fact that people, professionals couldn't talk about their business for five to 10 minutes at the drop of a hat. Like you should always be able to do that.

00:15:13.760 Yeah, totally.

00:15:15.000 And, and so I got the lion's share of presentation opportunities because I asserted myself into this situation. I cultivated the coincidence as Rex would say.

00:15:25.580 Yeah, this is a lesson in asserting yourself. And so many of us are passive. We're waiting for people to give us opportunities. We're waiting for permission. We're hoping somebody comes to us and knocks on our door and says, congratulations. All of your dreams are going to come true now because I'm going to bestow this upon you.

00:15:43.740 No, go get it. Go take it. And to those individuals who were upset that I got the presenting time, like you can do the same thing. There's nothing to keep you from doing it. So don't be upset that I did it. Be upset that you didn't think about it. And then course correct.

00:15:59.700 Yeah, for sure. I find this interesting. I almost feel like I have to disclose. So I'm totally not that like I am. In fact, I was just talking with my wife last night about this very problem. And I, and I did flag this as a problem of mine, but my default mentality has always been work hard, bust your ass opportunities, present themselves.

00:16:25.740 And I seldom ever sit back and go, Hey, you know what? I really want this. And I, you know what I mean? And I strategize and actually communicate that out. I have never done that in my career ever. And, and, and I can't help but think now it's kind of worked out well for me. Like I consider myself well off. Right. And I've had great success in life, but then I can't help but think, man, you know what? I wonder how many more opportunities would have presented themselves if I was just more assertive and said, Hey,

00:16:55.580 you know what? Guess what? I have this plan. This is my strategy. This is what I'm looking for and set some expectation and probably a whole lot of heartache because, because of my approach of just kind of heads down work and let people notice, you know, and come to me saying, Hey, Kip, you're doing great. Let me give you this opportunity.

00:17:13.640 The problem is, is when those opportunities don't present themselves, I go around going, feeling unappreciated. Right. Cause I have these expectations of like, man, I'm busting my ass and it's not being seen. And, or these opportunities or these expectations of opportunities that I think I should be getting aren't showing up.

00:17:32.620 And I make it mean that, well, I must not be valued in their eyes or they may must not see it. And then I just go upset kind of, to be a Frank, you know, having a covert contract with, you know, with individuals in my life. You know what I'm saying?

00:17:49.740 Well, look, here's something I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Everyone is lazy. That includes your boss.

00:17:57.540 Yeah. So, so even if they see the opportunity, they're just like, I don't have time to go talk to Kip about it, man.

00:18:04.880 And then if you went to him and you said, Hey boss, I know you're looking for somebody to head up this project and it's got to be a challenge because there's a lot of moving parts. And I came up with this, uh, five-step plan. Here you go. He's going to look at it. Odds are, he's going to look at it and be like, yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. You want to do that?

00:18:21.400 Yeah.

00:18:21.800 Because he's lazy. Just like you are.

00:18:24.820 Yeah.

00:18:25.180 And so we can, we can, maybe, but lazy.

00:18:29.180 Yeah.

00:18:29.660 Just capitalize on it. That's all you have to do. And you do it with integrity and you do it with class and honor and tact, but just capitalize on it. Uh, you know, look, you said, I'm not like this. Kip, I'm not like this either.

00:18:42.520 Because you know, well, you and I talk about the natural man a lot, right?

00:18:45.580 Yeah.

00:18:45.800 Well, and this goes to what I'm saying. The natural man is like, he's, he's lazy. He's weak. He's immediate gratification. He wants the results without the effort. So I'm not that either, but I want it. So I have to cultivate that.

00:19:03.940 I have to actually work towards asserting myself. And so what I used to do is I used to go around and look at the success that everybody else had. And my response was, well, why do they have that? Why do they have? Oh, well, must be nice to have all those opportunities.

00:19:23.740 It was exhausting. And it actually didn't produce any results for me. So I learned through mentorship and reading and other information that I had access to that. Well, just go assert yourself. And so that's what I started to do. And lo and behold, I started to get the same opportunities that all the people that I was looking at and admired and respected were getting. And I started to run in their circles. And now people say it to me.

00:19:48.280 Well, Ryan, well, Ryan, oh, it must be nice to be able to know that person must be nice to be able to make that money or have access to this. Yeah, it actually is really nice. But that doesn't mean I didn't work for it.

00:20:00.760 Yeah, for sure.

00:20:01.720 Well, and I wonder, for some guys, there's a level of validation seeking, I think, that seeks into this as well, right? Where if I come to you, Ryan, with this idea, it's like, well, did he agree just because I asked? Or do you get what I'm saying?

00:20:20.780 Oh, I get what you're saying, but the answer is it doesn't matter.

00:20:23.180 Yeah, I know. I know. But I'm just saying, like, in my mind, I think some guys, they may not be as assertive because they're seeking validation and confirmation of something.

00:20:33.540 That's fine. I mean, look, you can be a validated loser or you can go out there and assert yourself.

00:20:39.960 And maybe somebody only gave you the job because you were the first person to ask and then you can win.

00:20:44.120 And so, I'd rather win and maybe have some sort of weird belief about my damaged, fragile ego or I can sit on the couch and lose, but, you know, maintain that pride and that ego that I have. Choose.

00:20:57.860 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good point.

00:21:01.640 All right. Tyson Junkers, in one of your last Ask Me Anythings, you were asked about your top tips for marketing a new business.

00:21:10.340 I want to add to that question. What are your marketing tips for a business that challenges the norm?

00:21:18.040 I am opening a private school with a system that goes against the standard curriculum in both public and private schools.

00:21:23.660 Do you have any other advice for marketing towards families to pique their curiosity?

00:21:28.560 I'm not trying to beg them to come to the school, but show them another option that exists in the world that has gone mad.

00:21:34.620 So, first and foremost, Rex and Tyson, I'm just going to apologize.

00:21:40.340 On behalf of KIPP and say that we know that your name is Rex Houston.

00:21:47.460 I said Rex Houston.

00:21:49.420 You said Huston, I think you said.

00:21:51.660 Oh, no, I didn't.

00:21:52.660 And we know that Tyson, your last name is Pryce.

00:21:55.300 Don't hit rewind. I said it right.

00:22:00.340 All right, Rex and Tyson, we know that.

00:22:03.140 Okay. What did I say for Tyson's name?

00:22:05.400 Junkers.

00:22:06.260 What did I say?

00:22:07.320 Hey, that's what you said.

00:22:09.560 Is it not Tyson Junkers?

00:22:11.780 Junkers.

00:22:14.380 Tyson, you need to spell your name right.

00:22:17.780 Tyson and Rex both need to be Y-U-N-K-E-R-S.

00:22:22.220 And Houston is with an O, Rex.

00:22:23.900 Come on now.

00:22:24.580 Is Junkers?

00:22:25.260 Oh, hold on.

00:22:26.060 So, J-H.

00:22:27.500 So, what is that?

00:22:30.240 I don't know.

00:22:30.620 It's not English.

00:22:31.700 Next.

00:22:32.600 You know what?

00:22:33.100 We'll skip Tyson's question.

00:22:34.300 It's not, it is not, it is not American.

00:22:38.040 That is true.

00:22:38.660 It's not like Smith.

00:22:40.480 All right, Junkers.

00:22:41.600 So, yeah.

00:22:42.720 All right.

00:22:43.980 What was the question?

00:22:45.200 All right.

00:22:45.500 So, marketing.

00:22:46.340 So, that challenge, the status quo or the norm.

00:22:49.020 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:49.360 Marketing around it.

00:22:50.360 Yeah.

00:22:51.040 I mean, look, Tyson, I know what you're doing.

00:22:54.240 You're working through Apogee, which is the program that Matt Boudreau and Tim Kennedy have going on.

00:23:01.460 I think Matt's in California and Tim's obviously in Texas.

00:23:04.400 I think, Tyson, you're going to be down in Florida.

00:23:06.260 So, I know what you're doing.

00:23:07.400 It's alternative schooling for, I don't know if it's exclusively for young men, but I really, really like the idea.

00:23:13.260 And just the fact of what you're doing is actually challenging the status quo, which gives you a huge advantage.

00:23:18.980 Because if you lean into it, and most people won't do this, most people will not lean into things that challenge the status quo.

00:23:26.140 Why not?

00:23:27.020 Why don't they?

00:23:27.300 Because it's scary.

00:23:28.480 It's scary.

00:23:29.660 Right?

00:23:30.020 Like, you're going to have pushback, and you're going to have people who think it's a bad idea, and maybe it's not as tested as some of these other ideas of traditional schooling.

00:23:39.080 So, there's risk involved.

00:23:41.480 But that is actually what makes it a really good thing, is the fact that it does challenge the status quo.

00:23:47.560 And again, don't run away from it.

00:23:49.920 Lean into it.

00:23:51.060 So, call out public schooling.

00:23:52.880 Talk about what's wrong with public schooling.

00:23:54.660 Again, you're going to get a lot of pushback on that.

00:23:57.020 You're going to get a lot of vitriol and hostility.

00:23:59.120 I do.

00:23:59.620 Every time I say homeschool your kids, people's minds explode, and their faces melt, and they just go ravenous.

00:24:07.740 Just lose their shit.

00:24:08.800 They do.

00:24:09.320 They really do.

00:24:10.060 I don't understand how that's a threat to people.

00:24:12.660 I mean, I get it.

00:24:16.080 Because I'm saying homeschool your children, and so people that send their kids to public school think that I'm calling them bad parents or something.

00:24:25.000 That's the conclusion they might jump to.

00:24:26.780 Or even school teachers, they might think that I have something against school teachers.

00:24:30.580 I actually don't.

00:24:31.340 I have something against the system, but I know plenty of school teachers who I really admire and respect.

00:24:36.920 I just think they're part of a system that is not in the best interest of our children.

00:24:39.960 Well, and they want to promote the system in which they work in.

00:24:42.960 So, you mentioned private schools and homeschooling.

00:24:44.960 It disrupts what they do, right?

00:24:47.120 Well, and look, I mean, these school teachers, they put in a lot of work and a lot of effort.

00:24:52.120 You know, they've got plenty of post-secondary education.

00:24:56.120 They're fully vested.

00:24:57.360 They actually care.

00:24:58.260 I know they care about their kids for the most part.

00:25:00.360 99% of them do.

00:25:02.500 You know, and they've got a lot of work inside the classroom, but even outside of the classroom with having to do the administrative stuff.

00:25:08.280 There's a lot to it.

00:25:09.040 I get it.

00:25:10.040 And so, if I'm saying homeschool your children, well, that's, they might interpret that as an insult to their profession and what they're doing.

00:25:17.420 Yeah, I see that.

00:25:18.420 So, what I would say, and this is very broad and generalized, Tyson, but lean into the fact that you are challenging the status quo.

00:25:26.800 And the more that you do that, obviously, the more pushback you're going to get.

00:25:29.800 But the more you're going to be able to step outside of the norms, the more people are going to see you.

00:25:35.480 You're not going to be lost in this sea of sameness.

00:25:38.400 I'll give you a very small example.

00:25:40.280 When I went to basic training in 99, I was fortunate enough to do a couple of trainings with the National Guard section that I was going to be training with.

00:25:51.780 And one of the guys said, hey, as you're going to basic training, just remember, your whole goal is to blend in.

00:25:55.760 Like, it's such a foreign concept to me, blend in.

00:26:02.700 Why would I want to do that?

00:26:04.340 Why would I want to do that?

00:26:06.320 And I get it in the military that the whole concept is standardization.

00:26:10.260 But really, who gets the promotion?

00:26:11.980 Well, the person who stands out, right?

00:26:13.420 So, it's just not good advice.

00:26:16.360 The only time that's applicable is like an active shooter situation.

00:26:20.520 Right.

00:26:20.660 Is that what you mean, in combat, like conceal and cover?

00:26:25.840 Like, that's what you mean, right?

00:26:27.120 No, no, no.

00:26:27.620 At any point, just blend in.

00:26:29.100 Don't get singled out.

00:26:30.420 Yeah.

00:26:30.660 I think that's horrible advice.

00:26:32.460 You need to stand out.

00:26:33.860 Everything that you do needs to be different.

00:26:36.660 You need to use different colors, different fonts, different concepts, different ways of speaking, different ideas.

00:26:41.060 You need to challenge the status quo.

00:26:42.640 You need to go on the offense when everybody else is going on the defense.

00:26:45.240 The more that you do things differently, the more you're going to stand out and the better off you're going to be.

00:26:50.880 So, I know that's very broad and generalized.

00:26:53.460 But, man, with what you guys are doing, Matt and Tim and Tyson, you, you're in a perfect, perfect position to challenge the status quo.

00:27:03.300 You're going to piss off a bunch of people, but you're really going to advocate for the people who believe in what it is you're doing.

00:27:10.220 And it makes your unique selling proposition, like, super clear.

00:27:13.160 Easy.

00:27:13.700 Right?

00:27:13.840 Yeah.

00:27:14.560 Yeah.

00:27:15.340 Yeah.

00:27:16.880 Literally easier to market.

00:27:18.460 All right.

00:27:18.940 Yeah.

00:27:19.120 I mean, I'm, I'm, look, part of the reason that we do as well as we do is because I'm willing to be confrontational.

00:27:25.380 You know, the running joke with my wife and I is I wake up, she wakes up and she says to me, who are you going to piss off today?

00:27:31.740 Yeah.

00:27:32.740 Yeah.

00:27:33.060 And I don't know.

00:27:33.760 The answer is I don't know yet, but I'm sure it'll be somebody.

00:27:36.500 And I don't set out to piss people off, but I'm certainly willing to risk pissing people off in order to spread a message.

00:27:42.800 I think is crucial in today's culture.

00:27:45.200 Yeah.

00:27:46.300 Copy.

00:27:47.480 All right.

00:27:48.000 Hopping over to Facebook, facebook.com slash group slash order, man, James Oldham.

00:27:52.400 Quick question.

00:27:53.440 Just kind of a fun one.

00:27:55.020 Which is your favorite gear or no gear?

00:27:58.440 My favorite is gear.

00:28:00.200 Yeah.

00:28:00.640 Just because I train 98% gi.

00:28:05.100 When we were at immersion camp, I trained with this guy and he's, he's like clearly a no-gi guy.

00:28:12.800 Yeah.

00:28:13.240 And we were doing no-gi and he's like, yeah, you want to train?

00:28:15.300 I'm like, yeah, sure.

00:28:15.760 I'd love to.

00:28:16.780 And he just completely embarrassed me.

00:28:19.800 Yeah.

00:28:20.200 Like, like just demolished me and he's been training for longer.

00:28:25.520 So I expected it would take place, but to the level that it was, the discrepancy between his game and mine was astronomical.

00:28:34.920 And, and I, you know, I said to myself, well, it's, you know, because you train, you know, I train like, yes, of course, those are the excuses.

00:28:41.120 And I don't have, but I don't have an excuse.

00:28:43.480 It's just that I happen to train more gi than no-gi.

00:28:47.400 It is, it's very, in principle, it's the same, but it, it really changes the whole dynamic of.

00:28:56.160 Yeah.

00:28:56.600 And you like, you like no-gi, don't you, Kip?

00:29:01.180 Maybe.

00:29:01.800 I don't know.

00:29:02.860 I'm on the fence.

00:29:03.320 Seems like you're more of a no-gi guy if I had to guess.

00:29:05.420 Yeah.

00:29:05.700 Sometimes when I train no-gi, I'm like, damn, I love this.

00:29:07.940 This is so fun.

00:29:08.660 And, but then, but then I love the, I think there becomes more technicality and scenarios and more risks and grips and just more in play when there's the gi on, you know what I mean?

00:29:25.480 There's just so much more that you have to be concerned about.

00:29:28.160 So, so I like that aspect of it as well, but I like the movement of no-gi.

00:29:32.840 I like the idea that it's very hard for the game to get locked in and kind of stalemate.

00:29:40.980 See, that's the difference I think for me is I like, and I think this is the difference even between our styles.

00:29:47.660 I like pressure.

00:29:49.160 I want to be close.

00:29:50.400 I want to feel the pressure.

00:29:51.460 I want to put the pressure on.

00:29:52.720 I want everything to be super tight and compact.

00:29:55.640 I love that game and that bodes well with no-gi because I can hold people where they, where I want them to.

00:30:03.400 Yeah.

00:30:04.140 Or with gi, excuse me.

00:30:04.960 Yes.

00:30:05.500 Because I can hold people down with lapels and sleeves and bring them in, hold them tight, keep them close to me.

00:30:11.620 And you just don't have those same options.

00:30:13.880 I think, correct me if I'm wrong, with gi, it's much more, with no-gi, excuse me.

00:30:18.520 It's much more dynamic and flowy, I think, than gi is.

00:30:22.920 Yeah, it's certainly hard, but it's interesting though, because I, sometimes, I remember when I started doing more no-gi, I thought, man, it's impossible to hold someone.

00:30:33.440 That's not true.

00:30:34.440 It's not, right.

00:30:35.300 Sure.

00:30:35.820 It just, it's different, right?

00:30:37.820 You're like holding hips and, you know, it's just, it evolves a little bit.

00:30:41.920 But I do think that game goes both ways, right?

00:30:44.100 Like, I think the gi guy that's doing a lot of gi goes no-gi and goes, man, it's hard to hold onto this guy.

00:30:50.280 But it also goes the other way, where the no-gi guy gets on a gi and thought, shit, I can't move, right?

00:30:56.700 Like, I can't, like, I'm locked in.

00:30:59.800 I can't scramble out of stuff as easily.

00:31:02.340 And so, I don't know.

00:31:03.340 Those games are just, I think they complement each other to kind of what you're alluding to earlier.

00:31:07.680 100%.

00:31:08.160 It's the principles.

00:31:09.580 Yeah.

00:31:09.800 It's just so fun.

00:31:10.780 I don't know.

00:31:11.240 Both of it's fun.

00:31:12.340 So, I don't know.

00:31:13.240 Probably a little bit more no-gi.

00:31:15.020 Yeah, I think you're right.

00:31:15.900 I probably prefer that a little bit more just because I feel more like I can get out of anything.

00:31:21.640 So, I mean, yeah.

00:31:23.120 Well, I just think it bodes well to your game.

00:31:25.880 I guess, here's the other thing I would say is train more of whatever you don't typically train as.

00:31:32.660 Like, I need to train more no-gi than I currently do.

00:31:38.860 And so, you know, that round out your game.

00:31:41.140 I think that's important too.

00:31:42.380 And they help each other.

00:31:43.840 They don't take away.

00:31:44.240 It's only going to make your other game better.

00:31:45.640 Sure.

00:31:46.060 Yeah, totally.

00:31:47.240 All right.

00:31:47.680 Nick Taylor.

00:31:48.600 I'm 32.

00:31:49.560 I finally know what I'm passionate enough about to pursue on the side until it takes off.

00:31:55.080 Public speaking on solutions that society struggles with, with highly, struggles with highly,

00:32:01.140 I'm confident that I have ideas that would blow other speakers out of the park,

00:32:05.020 but I'm frightened of speaking any advice.

00:32:09.520 Well, first, you actually don't know if you have topics that are going to blow other speakers out

00:32:14.040 of the park.

00:32:14.540 You actually don't know that.

00:32:16.220 Till you test it.

00:32:17.900 Yeah, that's right.

00:32:18.920 You got to test it.

00:32:20.240 You know, I wouldn't have known that the ideas and the concepts we're sharing here in Order of Man

00:32:24.560 would have been so successful if I wouldn't have gone out and tested.

00:32:27.720 And so what you might have happen is because you think so highly of yourself is that you

00:32:35.600 go out and you share this concept or this idea and you're like, this is going to blow

00:32:39.760 everybody out of the water and it absolutely flops.

00:32:43.640 So just, just take a couple of steps down the stairs, the pedestal, right?

00:32:49.080 Just, just a couple, not, not all the way.

00:32:50.680 Cause there is a healthy level of confidence that you need to have.

00:32:54.000 So I don't want you to step all the way off.

00:32:56.020 I just want you to take a couple of steps down.

00:32:57.820 And if you're terrified of public speaking, then start small.

00:33:01.800 We talked about business network international.

00:33:03.960 Okay.

00:33:04.360 Well, if you can go present for five to 10 minutes in front of an odd captive audience

00:33:09.420 of 20 people, 30 people, then you can begin to test and experiment and see what really

00:33:16.980 works and what doesn't.

00:33:18.900 I'll give you a small story.

00:33:20.080 At the main event, I shared the story.

00:33:26.400 I think you remember Kip of how we found the house that we're in, in the barn.

00:33:31.500 And, you know, my wife was so excited about it and she didn't even have to go in and look

00:33:35.380 at it.

00:33:35.740 And then I told the story of how I was like, well, hold on a second.

00:33:37.800 And then, and then how I came into the barn.

00:33:39.500 I'm like, we'll take it.

00:33:40.220 Right.

00:33:40.480 Like you remember that story?

00:33:41.700 Yeah.

00:33:41.880 Yeah.

00:33:42.060 Of course.

00:33:42.680 I've told that story probably two dozen times.

00:33:45.340 The first time I ever told it, it was like, okay, yeah.

00:33:48.520 The last time I told it, it's funny.

00:33:50.360 It's hysterical because I worked on it.

00:33:53.240 Yeah.

00:33:53.420 You, you, you know, you work, it worked some angles, figure out what worked, what didn't

00:33:57.720 work.

00:33:57.860 That's right.

00:33:58.720 Yeah.

00:33:58.940 That's right.

00:33:59.940 So the same is true about any public speaking is the first time you get up on stage, it's

00:34:04.980 going to be a little clunky.

00:34:06.440 You're going to be a little awkward.

00:34:07.920 Your stories might not land as well as you think they should, but that's why you test

00:34:12.460 it in a controlled, small environment.

00:34:14.720 And you actually look at it like a test, not like, oh, this is going to blow it out of the

00:34:18.320 water.

00:34:18.720 You're actually going there to experiment because what that allows you to do is look for cues

00:34:24.160 and feedback from your audience that will help you refine it, hone it, fine tune it, and

00:34:30.360 make it better.

00:34:31.140 The next time you go to speak to 50 people instead of 20 people.

00:34:34.380 So if you're terrified of public speaking, look for opportunities to speak in public.

00:34:41.120 Rotary, BNI, maybe there's an opportunity at work to present.

00:34:46.000 Maybe you can give a lesson or a seminar from the pulpit at church or teach a men's group,

00:34:53.880 or maybe you can get a group of guys together and you just talk for five minutes before the

00:34:58.220 event about why it's so important we're here together.

00:35:00.500 Just look for those opportunities to get in front of groups of people and share ideas,

00:35:06.340 concepts, et cetera, and then look at it as experimentation so you can continue to improve

00:35:11.340 and get better.

00:35:13.060 And Nick, it might be that the ideas may be solid.

00:35:16.320 You may be spot on.

00:35:17.560 They may be excellent, but how you explain them or the language you use may not be spot

00:35:24.100 on.

00:35:24.340 Yes.

00:35:24.620 And a good example, like I'm doing this, literally I'm doing this right now.

00:35:29.620 So at my current job, I am officially over culture.

00:35:35.380 And so I'm heads down, like I'm totally nerding out about this, right?

00:35:41.360 Like what literally makes company culture?

00:35:44.060 How do you drive this?

00:35:45.400 And you know what I mean?

00:35:46.080 What are these different aspects, whether they be mindsets and guidelines and all this kind

00:35:49.600 of stuff?

00:35:50.420 And I'm tempted.

00:35:52.480 Of course, I think my idea is brilliant at how this is going to work, right?

00:35:56.780 And I might be tempted to package this bad boy up and implement.

00:36:00.880 No, no, no, no, no.

00:36:01.980 So what I'm doing is going, hey, I need to talk to the chief people officer over at another

00:36:07.820 company.

00:36:08.920 I want to run my idea by him.

00:36:10.860 And then I'm going to go to another company and pitch my idea, not to convince them.

00:36:14.700 This is their specialty.

00:36:18.820 I'm going to run my ideas by the experts already and say, does this work?

00:36:24.680 What am I missing?

00:36:25.680 Right?

00:36:26.000 And go directly to the source of people that would see this differently.

00:36:30.660 So in your case, you're talking about solutions that society struggles with.

00:36:34.720 Well, go find those people that already have an opinion about solutions that society struggles

00:36:39.860 with and run your ideas through them.

00:36:42.220 And you're going to get probably way further on down that path of figuring out the right

00:36:47.740 message a lot quicker when you talk to those individuals.

00:36:52.160 Yeah.

00:36:52.440 Yeah, I agree.

00:36:53.860 You know, Kip, there's one other thing.

00:36:54.980 And then we'll move on to the next question that I thought here.

00:36:57.480 There's a mindset shift that I think most public speakers or those who are trying to present

00:37:01.320 an idea in public need to remember.

00:37:04.780 And here's the shift.

00:37:06.160 You need to move from serving yourself to serving others.

00:37:09.600 Yeah.

00:37:10.740 So the fear doesn't come from your worry about serving other people.

00:37:14.320 The fear comes from serving yourself.

00:37:16.520 Yeah.

00:37:17.020 How am I going to be viewed?

00:37:18.600 What are people going to think of me?

00:37:20.420 Are they going to buy my product or my good or my service?

00:37:22.880 And so I would suggest that instead you go with an attitude to say, what do these people

00:37:28.000 need from me?

00:37:29.300 What are their problems?

00:37:30.860 What are they struggling with?

00:37:32.420 What solutions do I have that would help them fill those problems?

00:37:35.680 It does another thing too, when you're listening to an audience or you're collecting feedback

00:37:39.680 and we are as we're presenting and you're seeing what stories are landing and what aren't.

00:37:44.300 If you go with an attitude to serve, you'll be able to adjust on the fly.

00:37:48.860 You'll adjust your presentation based on the feedback you're receiving.

00:37:52.200 So if the audience isn't participating, and I've had that, I've realized this isn't working,

00:37:59.640 shift.

00:38:00.460 And usually when I make that shift, it becomes much more of a participation versus a presentation.

00:38:07.880 And so I look for little strategies and ways to get the audience involved, even if that's

00:38:12.260 just telling a joke or fielding a question or asking a question of somebody specific in

00:38:17.040 the audience and it changes when your attitude is to serve rather than to be served.

00:38:23.680 Totally.

00:38:24.100 Yeah.

00:38:24.380 I'm sure if we look back at the main event, there are probably numerous instances where

00:38:30.220 you were like thinking one thing and you're like, you know what, like whether it's a gut

00:38:34.940 filling or feedback, body languages or whatever, you're like, you know what, this needs to be

00:38:39.920 said.

00:38:40.580 And it's not, this needs to be said.

00:38:42.480 So I look better.

00:38:43.140 It's no, something's needed here for the people that we're serving.

00:38:47.000 Let's now talk about something else or let's, let's change the conversation slightly.

00:38:52.500 That's right.

00:38:53.060 That's right.

00:38:53.880 Cool.

00:38:55.300 All right.

00:38:56.820 Joseph Medeiros, I'm planning on proposing, help a brother out here.

00:39:01.700 I'm planning on proposing to my girlfriend in December.

00:39:04.140 She ended up figuring out the exact day that I was going to propose.

00:39:07.780 Should I do it on the same day or change it?

00:39:09.460 I'm going with change it.

00:39:11.220 Oh, I am too.

00:39:11.740 Do it two days earlier.

00:39:12.880 Yeah.

00:39:13.480 Yeah.

00:39:14.380 Yeah.

00:39:14.720 Not later.

00:39:16.200 Not later.

00:39:17.160 That's trouble, bro.

00:39:18.180 That's a bad idea.

00:39:18.980 Don't do that.

00:39:19.620 Yeah.

00:39:19.780 That's trouble.

00:39:20.600 That's trouble.

00:39:22.040 I heard my wife had created this ultimatum in her mind about if I didn't propose by a

00:39:27.520 certain time, she was done.

00:39:28.980 And if I remember correctly, it was Valentine's day and I didn't do it on Valentine's day because

00:39:33.960 that's lame, but I actually ended up doing it later and she was bugged, you know, until

00:39:39.320 I did ask her, but yeah, don't do it later.

00:39:41.620 Do it earlier.

00:39:43.240 And it'll be, you'll be good.

00:39:45.520 All right.

00:39:45.960 There you go.

00:39:47.380 All right.

00:39:47.820 Will Luna.

00:39:49.120 I'm a junior high school coach.

00:39:51.120 What manly values would you, the both of you want to instill in these young individuals?

00:39:55.780 Wow.

00:39:57.900 All right.

00:39:58.180 So there's a lot to unpack.

00:39:59.460 First, I commend you.

00:40:00.280 This is one of the things that we talk a lot about is serving young men in your community.

00:40:03.620 And this is exactly what you're doing.

00:40:05.460 And, you know, also to go back to our public school thing that we were talking about, this

00:40:10.700 is why in spite of a system that I think is at best struggling, at worst broken, there's

00:40:18.660 still individuals who, I don't know if you're just a coach or you're also a school teacher

00:40:23.320 at the junior high or whatever, but there's individuals that I still honor and celebrate

00:40:28.220 and appreciate because of what they do for the kids they're serving.

00:40:30.580 Uh, okay.

00:40:31.800 So what, what's manly skills?

00:40:36.140 I think one of the things that goes overlooked in society is aggression.

00:40:42.960 And in sports, you have the perfect opportunity to teach them how to harness their competitive,

00:40:50.400 aggressive, even dominant and violent at times nature into something that's productive

00:40:56.220 for themselves and for their team.

00:40:58.280 And what I, what I want you to remember is that, is it basketball?

00:41:02.200 Is that what, is that what he said?

00:41:03.620 Oh, wrestling.

00:41:04.340 Sorry.

00:41:04.920 Yeah.

00:41:05.200 What I want, which is the way, a way better winter sport than basketball.

00:41:08.960 Let's just get that out of the way right now.

00:41:10.900 I'll be honest.

00:41:11.700 I wasn't on that train.

00:41:12.860 I would be now, but when I was in high school, it was hoops all the way, but we're saying manly

00:41:18.540 characteristics.

00:41:19.440 So I, I just, I, I should have just assumed and known that it was wrestling.

00:41:23.820 That single, it didn't seem very manly when I was in high school.

00:41:27.200 I'm sorry.

00:41:27.760 For me, it was, it just depends on how, how you're packing down there.

00:41:32.900 So I had no issues at all.

00:41:34.440 Kip, I don't know what you're talking about.

00:41:36.160 Oh man.

00:41:36.840 I was like, there's no way in hell I'm wearing that thing.

00:41:40.040 Dude.

00:41:40.520 I went to a, so the first year I wrestled, uh, I, I was, um, a backup to, to, uh, one,

00:41:49.280 one of our guys on our team.

00:41:50.300 He was really good.

00:41:50.920 And the guy that my coach said, Hey, you need to come to the tournament.

00:41:55.260 And I'm like, yeah, great.

00:41:56.100 Do I like, do I need to bring my stuff and whatever?

00:41:57.940 He's like, Oh no, don't bring your stuff because you're just going to just watch and

00:42:03.000 observe.

00:42:03.420 And I'm like, okay, that's fine.

00:42:05.540 Well, come to find out.

00:42:06.660 And I can't remember if either the guy got hurt or a couple of schools ended up having

00:42:11.600 additional wrestlers at that, at that, uh, at that weight.

00:42:15.880 Yeah.

00:42:16.200 So he's like, well, you're going to wrestle.

00:42:17.640 And I was like, well, coach, like, I don't have anything.

00:42:20.300 You didn't, you told me not to bring anything.

00:42:22.560 He's like, it's okay.

00:42:23.280 I used to coach at the school.

00:42:24.340 I can get you a singlet.

00:42:25.740 And this was in, I think it was in Paiute or Panguitch.

00:42:28.980 I can't remember.

00:42:29.840 So I'm like, okay, well, fine.

00:42:31.580 So I was probably 140, 150 pounds, whatever that weight class is.

00:42:36.300 I don't remember a whole lot of this.

00:42:37.160 Cause it was like 20 something years ago.

00:42:39.340 And I said, well, that's fine.

00:42:40.260 I can wrestle.

00:42:41.020 This is the singlet or whatever.

00:42:42.560 So he goes into the wrestling room and he, and he brings me back.

00:42:44.860 There's like, all right, here you go.

00:42:45.640 I'm like, coach, this is a small.

00:42:47.760 He's like, yeah, that's all they have.

00:42:49.960 I'm like, I'm not wrestling in this coach.

00:42:51.960 Like, I'm not wrestling in this.

00:42:53.460 He's like, no, you are going to, you're part of the team.

00:42:55.900 And if you forfeit, that hurts the team.

00:42:58.400 You are going to wrestle in this.

00:42:59.640 I'm like, oh my gosh, are you serious?

00:43:02.060 Like I'm dead serious.

00:43:03.740 So I put this thing on, man.

00:43:05.580 It's like so tight and, you know, talk about everything being visible.

00:43:10.220 And I'm like, I look in the mirror and a singlet's already bad enough.

00:43:14.200 Let alone one that's two sizes too small for you.

00:43:18.340 And I put on some shoes that he had found or whatever.

00:43:20.960 And I go out onto the mat and no joke, people are laughing at me.

00:43:26.020 And the referee, I shit you not.

00:43:29.340 The referee, he has this meat in the middle and he looks at me and he looks up and down

00:43:35.220 at me and he puts his hand in his face and just shakes his head.

00:43:39.960 Oh man.

00:43:41.020 No joke.

00:43:41.700 Oh, and I, I was so embarrassed.

00:43:46.360 So yes, the singlet is rough.

00:43:48.220 Although I thought I was, I, what I thought your story is, I thought you're going to say

00:43:51.700 he gave you one that was like way too big and baggy.

00:43:54.960 So your ass is like falling out of it during, which I thought the guy I was wrestling with,

00:43:59.940 you know, it worked out pretty well.

00:44:03.520 Balls hanging down outside of my, my, the guy's like, I'm out forfeit.

00:44:09.360 Yeah.

00:44:09.640 I don't want that in my face.

00:44:10.960 Oh man.

00:44:13.360 All right.

00:44:13.720 Back to, back to the question.

00:44:16.160 What was the question?

00:44:17.100 Helping wrestlers.

00:44:17.800 No, I, junior wrestling.

00:44:19.540 Um, I would say aggression is the biggest thing.

00:44:22.680 And, and what I was going to say before we got side railed there is understand that it's

00:44:28.160 not about wrestling.

00:44:29.900 Yeah.

00:44:30.620 What you're doing as a coach for these young men has, yes, it's wrestling, but it's not

00:44:35.700 about wrestling.

00:44:36.680 It's about life.

00:44:37.740 And so what I would encourage you to do is take the traits and the characteristics of

00:44:43.440 aggression and dominance and control and even violence to a degree and, and teach those

00:44:49.100 boys how to harness it off of the mats or off of the court or off of the field or off of

00:44:55.700 the baseball diamond, teach them how to take that off of the mat and apply it towards being

00:45:02.300 a father, apply it towards your career aspirations, apply it towards, uh, getting a promotion at

00:45:10.820 work, teach them how to harness that same set of characteristics that makes them young

00:45:16.900 men and how much more advantageous their life is going to be.

00:45:20.800 If they learn how to harness that effectively off the mats, just as they do on site on the

00:45:25.000 mats.

00:45:25.300 Yeah.

00:45:27.160 I love that advice, especially around like remembering, it's just not about the sport,

00:45:31.500 you know, like years ago when coaching Kyabe, when he was playing basketball, so much of my

00:45:37.740 mind was like when the game and you know what I mean?

00:45:40.580 It was, I was losing sight of like, Whoa, what, what are we doing here?

00:45:44.260 Like, what's the, what's the long game?

00:45:46.680 And it's very easy to lose sight of that when, when coaching, cause you just want your team

00:45:51.160 to win and it's fun.

00:45:52.760 And, you know, I don't know, at least I, I struggled with that in the first few years,

00:45:57.000 but cool.

00:45:58.260 And the point is to win, right?

00:45:59.500 Like that is the point.

00:46:00.780 Yeah.

00:46:01.140 That's why you keep score.

00:46:02.300 That's why you practice.

00:46:03.640 That's why you improve.

00:46:04.740 But again, this is just a metaphor for life.

00:46:07.540 So winning on the court or on the mats is just as well, it's actually less important than

00:46:12.900 winning in the rest of life.

00:46:14.680 But the formula is pretty much very similar.

00:46:18.120 Yeah.

00:46:18.280 Yes, absolutely.

00:46:20.100 All right.

00:46:20.280 All right.

00:46:20.840 JJ Wally, kind of a longer question here, but I think there's some good stuff in here.

00:46:25.580 I'm a recent homeowner and I've been married for one month.

00:46:28.460 We are trying for kids right away.

00:46:30.180 Just after I bought my first house and the month before our wedding, I was offered an

00:46:34.380 amazing promotion with my company, but it put me on a second shift with an hour and 30

00:46:39.760 minute, with an hour and 30 minute commute.

00:46:42.180 We decided to take it because I have been with my company for five years.

00:46:46.220 This was the next step.

00:46:47.220 I absolutely love my job, the people and the work that I do.

00:46:50.400 However, I'm struggling mentally and physically because it is hard to eat right exercise, wasting

00:46:55.600 three hours a day in the car with four hours of sleep.

00:46:58.080 I'm only home two to three hours in the morning.

00:47:01.320 Also, I'm struggling with only seeing my wife two days a week for the first year of our

00:47:05.480 marriage.

00:47:05.920 I plan to follow through this promotion to give us a better life in the coming years,

00:47:10.000 but in the meantime, how can I make the most of this short time at home throughout the

00:47:14.860 week and with my wife on the weekends to stay motivated and happy?

00:47:20.880 I don't know.

00:47:23.420 Next question.

00:47:25.220 No, I mean, you took on this work at the expense of the things that you truly value.

00:47:31.040 Yeah, you know, and I know you're saying that, oh, well, it's a short stint and it's going

00:47:36.200 to be better in the long haul.

00:47:37.780 Like, I really hope that's the case.

00:47:40.160 I don't know if it is going to be.

00:47:41.940 I hope that's the case.

00:47:43.200 And if that is true, then I think you really need to have a strategy to make that happen

00:47:47.380 because I realize there are seasons for everything.

00:47:49.840 Sometimes you're busy.

00:47:50.720 Sometimes you're not.

00:47:51.800 Sometimes it's more work.

00:47:52.800 Sometimes it's more family and there are seasons and we can get through those seasons.

00:47:56.940 So, if you believe that it's truly a season in life, then you need to communicate that

00:48:01.820 effectively to your wife and to your children as best you can.

00:48:06.300 And you need to have an effective strategy for ensuring that's the case.

00:48:10.360 Don't just say, oh, it'll be better next year.

00:48:13.480 Why?

00:48:14.060 Why will it be better next year?

00:48:15.740 What specifically is going to happen where it's actually going to be better?

00:48:19.960 You know, the other thing I would consider doing is looking for ways to make this work

00:48:25.060 better.

00:48:25.320 And here's an example.

00:48:26.520 I don't know if it works in your situation, but here's some things you could be thinking

00:48:29.060 of.

00:48:30.120 Is there an opportunity for you to work at home two to three days a week?

00:48:34.580 Again, I don't know what you guys do.

00:48:36.340 I don't know your situation, but I just want you to be creative.

00:48:39.040 Is there an opportunity for you to stay at home two days a week and to work from home

00:48:44.280 and make those your administrative days?

00:48:46.400 And then here's what you do.

00:48:48.260 You go to your company and you say, hey, I would like to stay home on Tuesday and Thursday.

00:48:53.420 Those are going to be my administrative days.

00:48:55.320 And I'm going to get X, Y, and Z done.

00:48:57.320 And the reason it's get your best interest as a company is because I'm not going to be

00:49:02.820 at the office.

00:49:03.540 So you're not going to have that expense of me being there.

00:49:05.520 I'm not going to have to reimburse you for gas.

00:49:08.460 And I'm going to be more productive and more effective because I'm taking three more hours

00:49:13.620 because I don't have that round trip commute each day.

00:49:15.940 So I can donate or give an additional hour of time to the company on those days.

00:49:22.960 And it's just going to be more effective for you.

00:49:25.680 Again, I don't know if that works in your situation, but I think there's some opportunities

00:49:29.080 for some creative solutions here.

00:49:31.740 And if there is, then you need to look for those opportunities so that you can do what

00:49:35.080 you feel is important with your career aspirations and also what's important for your family at

00:49:40.320 the same time.

00:49:41.600 Totally.

00:49:42.240 And let's be frank, the eating right, that's a little bit of an excuse, right?

00:49:46.540 There's ways to eat good with a tough schedule.

00:49:50.160 It just may not be what you would like it to be.

00:49:52.740 I think meal planning, meal prep would be a big deal.

00:49:55.460 You know, on the weekends, do six, six, seven days of meal planning.

00:49:58.200 Like I got guys here in the office, like on the top of every hour, they drop and burn

00:50:02.940 out pushups.

00:50:04.920 That literally takes like a minute or two, right?

00:50:07.760 That's possible, right?

00:50:08.900 So there's, there's strategy.

00:50:10.160 It just, you may have to give up like looking stupid, drop and doing pushups or whatever,

00:50:16.680 but you know, that's the price you have to pay in your current circumstance.

00:50:20.280 So you might need to get creative or, or, you know, if you get, let's say you get an hour

00:50:24.900 lunch break and it takes you 10 minutes to eat because it doesn't take an hour to eat.

00:50:29.420 It takes you 10 minutes to eat and you, uh, go for a 30 minute run on your lunch break

00:50:35.920 or you run down to the local gym and you get a two or three day a week membership and you

00:50:42.380 go bust out a quick hit workout for 30 minutes on your lunch break.

00:50:46.320 You know, like, is that ideal?

00:50:48.400 No, it's not ideal, but it will help with your sanity.

00:50:51.180 It'll help obviously with your energy levels.

00:50:54.080 So those are, those are really good points you're making Kip.

00:50:56.580 Yeah.

00:50:57.680 All right.

00:50:58.440 Next question.

00:51:00.260 Um, I don't know.

00:51:01.380 I think this is, I'm, I'm interested, but maybe this is a good question or not.

00:51:05.120 Maybe we should have screen this past it.

00:51:06.460 Then we don't need this one then.

00:51:08.620 Just kidding.

00:51:09.260 Go for it.

00:51:09.800 No, I don't even know what it is.

00:51:11.500 Steven, Wayne, Abel, your, your biggest questioned questions you would have loved an answer from

00:51:19.480 God.

00:51:19.880 I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't really get into that.

00:51:31.840 Yeah.

00:51:32.760 I just feel like I've never thought that.

00:51:35.220 I just feel there's things that, you know, in moments where I'm like, Oh, you know, why

00:51:39.700 is this?

00:51:40.200 Why did this happen?

00:51:40.900 Or why is it this way?

00:51:42.160 Why can't it just be like this?

00:51:43.460 And then I'm, I'm actually, I've been pretty okay.

00:51:47.040 And this, I think is a very powerful principle is just to learn to accept that some things

00:51:52.880 are within your control and that some things are not within your control.

00:51:56.700 And so when I have those questions about why is it have to be this way, or why is the world

00:52:01.440 the way it is?

00:52:02.780 And I want to like reach out to God for that answer.

00:52:05.780 It's like, you know, it just is.

00:52:08.040 And so even questioning it is not even just not accepting it.

00:52:12.980 Like just, it is what it is.

00:52:14.200 So just deal with it and learn from it and grow from it and let it go.

00:52:18.600 So I haven't really ever got into that.

00:52:22.280 I can think of right off hand, like the biggest question that I would ask God or want the answer

00:52:26.400 to, I just figure just live my life as best I can try to live at his hand and his direction.

00:52:31.680 And then when the time is right, some of those things will be revealed to me.

00:52:36.280 Yeah.

00:52:36.920 I think what provides clarity of why I wouldn't want to know is because I don't know how I'd

00:52:42.900 react, right?

00:52:43.780 Like when I first read this question by Stephen, I thought, you know, what'd be really insightful

00:52:47.440 is if God said, Hey, just so you know, this is what your potential is.

00:52:53.440 I'm like, that'd be kind of cool.

00:52:54.720 Right.

00:52:55.000 Cause then I'd be like, Oh, that's what I'm capable of, but I might result to that and

00:52:59.340 go, Oh, I'm, I'm amazing without putting any effort in.

00:53:03.260 Right.

00:53:03.480 And then that may put me on a projection in life that ends up being negative and doesn't

00:53:08.720 benefit me whatsoever.

00:53:09.420 Right.

00:53:09.900 So I I'm kind of like one of those, I think if we had answers to certain things, it might

00:53:16.400 put us on a path of arrogance, or it might put us on a path that may not be beneficial

00:53:21.640 to us.

00:53:22.180 So I don't think that's a good point.

00:53:24.700 Well, I, and I think this too, this is maybe just a worldview or a life belief that I have

00:53:28.380 is that I already know what my potential is.

00:53:33.820 Okay.

00:53:34.300 I already, it's limitless.

00:53:35.780 I already know that.

00:53:37.080 I don't need anybody to tell me that.

00:53:38.980 Yeah.

00:53:39.260 Good.

00:53:39.520 It's, it's limitless.

00:53:41.080 Now, whether or not I realize it is a different story, but it's limitless.

00:53:44.520 I already know life is going to work out.

00:53:46.320 I already know that.

00:53:48.040 And I know that I'm going to have some hardships, you know, we're going to go through struggles

00:53:51.520 and challenges.

00:53:53.040 I know that.

00:53:55.180 So that's it.

00:53:57.100 That's all I need to know.

00:53:58.560 Whatever you do.

00:53:59.200 Don't ask.

00:54:00.080 Just don't pray for humility.

00:54:02.260 That's I, yeah.

00:54:03.580 I always thought of that as a kid.

00:54:04.860 I'm like, I'm never going to pray for humility because I don't want hardship in my life.

00:54:08.380 Well, just be, and just be humble.

00:54:11.300 So you don't have to learn those lessons, right?

00:54:14.240 Totally.

00:54:15.340 Which is something I struggle with often, but yeah.

00:54:17.580 All right.

00:54:18.320 Rudy Van Deer Viver.

00:54:21.980 Yunkers, whatever.

00:54:23.040 That's definitely right.

00:54:24.140 That's definitely right.

00:54:24.720 What techniques can a man use when in difficult situations to keep calm, hold himself together

00:54:30.820 and not let his emotions take over?

00:54:33.900 Well, I would say put yourself in more difficult situations and controlled environments, right?

00:54:38.220 The more that you're in those situations, right.

00:54:40.860 You're going to get exposed to difficulty and being uncomfortable and you're going to

00:54:45.740 be more calm in that chaos.

00:54:47.740 Let's go back to jujitsu.

00:54:49.080 You know, the first time a grown man wraps his arms around your neck, you're probably going

00:54:53.540 to freak out a little bit.

00:54:54.720 Yeah.

00:54:55.200 The hundredth time he does it, like you're still not going to be comfortable there, but

00:54:59.500 it's manageable and you learn little techniques and tips and strategies and to keep yourself

00:55:05.780 calm and to breathe and to escape, right?

00:55:08.220 So the same thing is true about life.

00:55:11.120 And if all you ever do is run away from hardship and challenge and adversity, then yeah, it's

00:55:17.780 going to be hard when it inevitably catches up with you and it will, will catch up with

00:55:23.060 you.

00:55:23.900 So do hard things physically.

00:55:27.420 Jesse Itzler, when I had him on the podcast several months ago, talked about this one thing

00:55:31.200 that he does every single year that scares him, that pushes him outside of his comfort

00:55:35.820 zone, whether that's going to run a triathlon or an ultra endurance event or race or going

00:55:41.720 to some sort of event or climb climbing one of the tallest peaks on the continent.

00:55:46.040 Like, these are the things that he does so that the rest of the light, it's, it's like

00:55:51.640 perspective, right?

00:55:52.620 The rest of life is like, Oh, that's not hard.

00:55:54.520 Cause I just climbed Mount Everest.

00:55:56.240 So if I do that, I can, I just live with David Goggins for, uh, you know, a month or whatever

00:56:03.220 he did.

00:56:03.640 So who's going to yell at me that could possibly be hard.

00:56:07.120 I saw this in basic training.

00:56:08.460 Even I saw kids, young men who the drill sergeants would get in their face and yell at them and

00:56:13.700 they would completely break mentally, emotionally, physically.

00:56:16.720 And the drill sergeants would get in my face and I'm like, Oh, okay.

00:56:19.560 Welcome to football.

00:56:21.120 Yeah.

00:56:21.560 This is just football.

00:56:22.160 Like we're back at football.

00:56:23.680 So like I had been in that situation so many times that it just didn't phase me anymore.

00:56:28.960 So that that's point.

00:56:30.280 Number one, deliberately difficult situations will help ease some of the discomfort when

00:56:36.560 those situations arise.

00:56:38.280 Um, now outside of that, if you start to feel your emotions welling up and you losing control,

00:56:43.760 it is okay to disengage at times.

00:56:46.160 Yeah.

00:56:48.240 Temporarily.

00:56:49.000 Yeah.

00:56:49.460 So it's not a permanent time box on it.

00:56:51.440 Yeah.

00:56:51.720 Yeah.

00:56:52.360 It's not a permanent retreat.

00:56:53.560 It's just a temporary disengagement to collect yourself.

00:56:56.420 Right.

00:56:56.780 And so we do the same thing in battle, right?

00:56:58.520 You're in battle.

00:56:59.360 It's not going well.

00:57:00.100 And so you, you, you pull back, you regroup, you re strategize, and then you re engage.

00:57:06.940 And so if you notice that your emotions are starting to get the better of you, whether it's

00:57:11.100 anger or fear, and you feel like you might react emotionally, that's a good trigger for

00:57:19.340 you to say, Oh, pause timeout.

00:57:22.540 Let me disengage.

00:57:24.320 Maybe you're having a difficult conversation at work.

00:57:26.420 Hey, you know what?

00:57:28.340 I got to take lunch.

00:57:29.640 I got to have to take these few calls.

00:57:31.000 I really want to come back to this in an hour.

00:57:33.520 We'll do it.

00:57:33.880 And you put it on the calendar.

00:57:34.720 So you actually have a time to come back or with you, with your wife or your kids, and

00:57:38.660 you're starting to get upset.

00:57:39.560 And maybe your, your voice is getting a little loud and you're getting a little impatient.

00:57:44.640 Disengage.

00:57:45.200 Hey guys, I'm just going to go outside, crank out a few pushups, lift a little weights, go

00:57:50.020 for a run, go for a walk.

00:57:51.480 And then I'm going to come back.

00:57:52.540 I'm going to come back.

00:57:53.440 And then you come back and you re-engage in a more appropriate way.

00:57:57.720 Yeah.

00:57:58.680 And re-engage.

00:57:59.840 And I would only suggest that you have mental clarity on why you're upset as part of the

00:58:06.300 coming back, right?

00:58:07.060 Like you may be calmed down, but if you didn't work through what was kind of firing you up,

00:58:12.100 you need to do that before you come back.

00:58:13.880 Otherwise you're just going to repeat the same thing, right?

00:58:15.700 So like get clarity of like, okay, wait, why am I upset about this, right?

00:58:19.440 Is it unique to the circumstance to use a Ryan quote?

00:58:22.940 You know, does it serve the situation, you know, get clear on that mental state and why

00:58:28.120 you're feeling the way you are before you come back to it.

00:58:31.100 That's right.

00:58:31.480 All right.

00:58:32.220 Jimmy bars.

00:58:33.040 It's kind of a fun question.

00:58:34.400 And I actually don't know this about you.

00:58:37.060 He says, how do you use a public restroom while using an IWB holster?

00:58:41.480 I don't even know what IWB stands for, but I'm assuming he's talking about appendix.

00:58:46.300 Anyhow.

00:58:46.900 Well, I mean, an IWB is, you know, inside the waistband, but it doesn't have to be

00:58:50.560 appendix.

00:58:51.340 It could be on the hip or even on the back.

00:58:52.820 Or whatever.

00:58:53.620 Yeah.

00:58:53.860 Or like, uh, was like, uh, yeah.

00:58:56.660 Like, uh, what four or five o'clock or whatever on the, right.

00:59:00.620 Right.

00:59:00.900 Like on the smaller, your back or on the back hip or front hip or, or your appendix.

00:59:04.300 But he's asking what now?

00:59:06.360 Yeah.

00:59:06.540 Well, his question, wouldn't appendix carry be cumbersome, uh, while using the bathroom

00:59:10.860 managing along, uh, managing along with the old, uh, Johnson.

00:59:15.960 Do you appendix carry?

00:59:17.440 Do we even want to share if how we carry, is there a drawback to that?

00:59:21.460 I'm trying to wonder if there's a drawback.

00:59:23.040 I don't, of the way we carry concealed or, or if we, if we, or expressing publicly that

00:59:29.300 we do carry.

00:59:31.080 No, I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

00:59:33.500 Yeah.

00:59:33.660 I mean, I, how do you, what do you carry?

00:59:35.620 I carry on my hip.

00:59:36.860 On your hip?

00:59:37.320 I carry on my hip.

00:59:38.280 Yeah.

00:59:38.700 Inside the waistband on my back hip.

00:59:40.680 And I feel like I have pretty good access there.

00:59:42.820 So I've never done an appendix carry.

00:59:44.440 I know a lot of people do.

00:59:45.200 So I don't, I don't know how they utilize the, the, the latrine if they've got the appendix

00:59:51.940 carry, but.

00:59:53.400 Do you say I appendix carry?

00:59:55.900 I, I should probably be washing.

00:59:58.160 I should probably wash my, my, um, uh, my holster every so often, maybe just in case.

01:00:08.560 Probably if your wiener's touching it all the time, you're peeing all over it.

01:00:12.120 You probably should.

01:00:13.200 There's a little bit of shifting it.

01:00:15.660 You know what I mean?

01:00:16.120 But I don't think it's that bad for me.

01:00:18.600 And we, we have another question in here.

01:00:20.600 Um, I'm not going to give credit to the other guy.

01:00:23.460 Darn it.

01:00:24.100 Some guy, he asked a question about like, he actually had a question about appendix carrying

01:00:29.180 and what's comfortable.

01:00:31.060 It's not.

01:00:31.660 And, and I, my recommendation, find someone that has already been through this.

01:00:36.720 Like I did this with Clint here in Utah.

01:00:39.460 I'm like, Hey, Clint, do you appendix carry?

01:00:41.840 And he's like, yeah.

01:00:42.360 And I'm like, can I borrow your holster?

01:00:44.160 And do you have a, uh, uh, just, just remind me not to ever borrow your holster with the

01:00:50.060 way you're talking about, but, but literally I brought like four holsters from Clint first

01:00:54.560 and I actually wore them like all about a week.

01:00:58.620 Clint, now you know, bro.

01:01:00.500 Yeah.

01:01:00.800 You know, Clint, you better sanitize those when you got, you get what I'm saying.

01:01:04.460 Just so I can figure out what's comfortable at work, what didn't work.

01:01:08.100 So I tried every possible position on a holster before I decided.

01:01:12.560 Yeah.

01:01:13.120 So I, I, I mean, plenty of people, appendix carry, I can't imagine it'd be, you know,

01:01:20.100 that difficult where it couldn't be manageable or navigated.

01:01:23.180 So, yeah.

01:01:24.240 Yeah.

01:01:24.660 I will also, what kind of gun are you carrying?

01:01:26.360 You know, like if it's in the way of like, like 50 caliber desert Eagle, like, you know,

01:01:34.200 I carry a G 43, which is a single stack, you know, nine millimeter Glock, you know, it's,

01:01:39.620 it's not, it's not, you know, based on what I'm used to packing around, it's not that

01:01:43.540 much more big of a difference.

01:01:44.920 So yeah, I appendix carry a two, two, three.

01:01:49.640 You carry, you carry an, you have an AR 15 and his, the appendix carries his AR 15.

01:01:54.780 Got it.

01:01:55.120 Okay, cool.

01:01:56.420 Yeah.

01:01:57.040 We know what we're talking about.

01:01:58.480 Yeah.

01:01:58.660 I thought that was something else going down the side of your pant leg, but that's your,

01:02:01.420 that's your rifle.

01:02:02.140 Got it.

01:02:02.460 Okay.

01:02:02.680 That was my rifle.

01:02:03.540 So I think the key thing is just find someone that has those holsters, you don't even just

01:02:08.880 give it a try and figure out what works.

01:02:11.080 Yeah.

01:02:11.720 Yep.

01:02:11.880 All right.

01:02:12.200 Agreed.

01:02:12.480 I'll joke in a side.

01:02:14.840 All right.

01:02:15.700 Take a couple more.

01:02:16.920 Yeah.

01:02:17.380 So kind of similar question, but I think it's a little bit different.

01:02:20.900 So we'll cover it.

01:02:21.900 So Anthony Severino, what are both of your go-to de-stressing techniques?

01:02:28.080 So maybe not a conflict conversation, having to step away, but just de-stressing.

01:02:33.720 Yeah.

01:02:34.400 Well, jujitsu is a big thing for me.

01:02:36.920 That's been powerful.

01:02:38.180 Reading is also another thing I can read.

01:02:40.180 I can disengage from whatever else is going on and read.

01:02:43.300 I've been writing a lot lately, mostly because I've got this second book coming out next year.

01:02:47.540 So that's actually de-stressing because I'm not thinking about other things.

01:02:52.060 I'm hyper-focused on the work.

01:02:54.260 And I think that's probably the theme that runs through all of my de-stressing techniques

01:03:00.400 is that it allows me to be hyper-focused on something else.

01:03:04.640 So if it's jujitsu, I'm hyper-focused on training and learning and growing and staying in the

01:03:10.060 positions I need to stay in.

01:03:11.660 Even when I go to jujitsu, I'm very deliberate and intentional about what lessons I'm going

01:03:18.440 with, like what I want to practice and what I want to take away.

01:03:22.240 So even within just the overall arching jujitsu training, like I even get more specific and

01:03:29.900 that helps me be more hyper-focused on that particular thing.

01:03:33.180 And I'm not thinking about work or the kids or my wife or whatever else.

01:03:36.420 Same thing with reading.

01:03:37.480 You know, I'm reading.

01:03:38.000 I'm not thinking about other things or writing.

01:03:42.580 I'm thinking only about that.

01:03:44.040 One thing actually I will do, and this is a de-stressing thing, but this is more, this

01:03:47.880 is a little bit different because it's along the lines of trying to work through problems

01:03:53.060 I might be dealing with, is a walk.

01:03:55.580 Yeah.

01:03:56.580 Right?

01:03:57.080 So no headphones, no music.

01:03:58.640 And I'll even leave my cell phone on the nightstand and I'll just go for a walk around

01:04:03.960 our property, the groom property anyways.

01:04:06.200 It's exactly one mile.

01:04:07.460 So I can go around that and it might take me, you know, 12 to 15 minutes, whatever, because

01:04:12.360 I'm just walking, I'm not trying to set any records and, and I just think, you know, and

01:04:18.340 I've been amazed how often I will just walk and an idea will come to me that will work

01:04:23.800 me through a problem that I've been dealing with for weeks or maybe even months in a simple

01:04:28.080 walk without any other stimulus, sometimes jar something a little loose so that I can

01:04:33.300 think about things in a new context.

01:04:35.680 And that's de-stressing because the things that stress me out are here's a problem.

01:04:39.000 How are you going to navigate that challenge and going for a walk helps me navigate that

01:04:43.340 challenge.

01:04:43.680 So there's, there's disengaging techniques and there's new perspective techniques.

01:04:49.040 And so I use either one based on the situation.

01:04:52.940 Same way.

01:04:53.420 Yeah.

01:04:53.920 Jiu-jitsu, lifting weights.

01:04:56.480 And, and I was going to just say that too, why you're, why you're sharing is like, however,

01:05:01.300 if I need to deal with something, it's not those things.

01:05:05.060 Exactly.

01:05:05.840 It's actually a run for me.

01:05:07.540 Right.

01:05:07.960 And, and it's amazing how just running, you're working all this stuff through your mind and

01:05:13.200 then you get done running.

01:05:14.100 You're like, got it.

01:05:15.380 I know what I need to do.

01:05:16.780 I got clarity that I needed.

01:05:18.600 And, and then you can address it.

01:05:19.980 So, yeah, I'm exactly there.

01:05:22.660 Well, there's something to be aware of in these strategies that we're talking about.

01:05:26.380 So, so let's talk about the de-stress strategies when you're working through a problem.

01:05:32.800 Yep.

01:05:33.200 So you go for a walk, you go for a run, whatever it is, and you give yourself the space to think

01:05:37.460 about things in a new light.

01:05:39.440 Okay.

01:05:39.800 But there's some, there's something else that could happen.

01:05:42.160 You want to be careful not to fall in this.

01:05:43.500 And this is escapism or procrastination.

01:05:47.560 Right.

01:05:47.900 So, so you're like, oh, I'm stressed about it.

01:05:49.460 So I'm going to go, you know, go hang out with my buddies.

01:05:52.180 Avoid it.

01:05:53.080 Okay.

01:05:53.680 Well, like, are you really trying to de-stress or see things from a new light?

01:05:57.360 Or are you trying to escape or procrastinate the things that you should be doing?

01:06:00.520 And I can't make that call.

01:06:01.800 Neither one of us can make that call for you.

01:06:03.360 You have to make that call and be honest with yourself.

01:06:06.500 Like, are you really trying to get a new perspective?

01:06:09.680 And I'll do that with a book even, because I don't particularly enjoy the writing process.

01:06:13.660 And so I'll catch myself saying, you know, I'm going to go for a walk or a drive,

01:06:17.160 a drive sometimes is what I'll do.

01:06:18.560 I'll go for a drive, you know, so I can think through this chapter.

01:06:21.780 And then I end up putting on another podcast, which generates more stress

01:06:26.800 because you're not doing what you should have done and made some progress.

01:06:31.200 Yeah.

01:06:31.440 Yeah.

01:06:31.980 So you need to evaluate what it is you're really doing in those moments.

01:06:35.040 Are you really trying to de-stress or, or work through an issue?

01:06:38.500 Or are you just trying to escape or procrastinate?

01:06:41.240 Yeah.

01:06:42.040 Yeah.

01:06:42.500 Copy.

01:06:43.420 Because sometimes a de-stress strategy, sorry, last thing, Kip here.

01:06:46.880 Yeah.

01:06:47.020 A de-stress strategy is to tackle the thing you're stressed about.

01:06:52.660 Yeah.

01:06:53.420 Like if you're stressed out about meeting the deadline, then maybe the best thing you should

01:06:57.100 do is to hit the deadline and then your stress is gone.

01:07:01.420 Yeah.

01:07:01.920 I, most things in my life, whenever I'm stressed, I find clarity, even if it's a situation that

01:07:09.180 takes time to resolve.

01:07:10.800 If I have a plan like, okay, this is what I'm going to do.

01:07:15.360 This sucks.

01:07:16.580 We're going to deal with it, but here's the strategy moving forward.

01:07:19.760 I'm on a path now of, you know, Hey, we're going to address something or we're going

01:07:23.780 to deal with something.

01:07:24.480 And I have a way forward.

01:07:26.320 Usually it doesn't take the stress away, but it provides a lot of comfort in like, Hey,

01:07:31.700 it's being dealt with.

01:07:33.200 Right.

01:07:33.460 So, yeah.

01:07:36.580 All right.

01:07:37.060 I would say one other thing to add to the, to the plan thing is it's not the plan for

01:07:41.860 me that helps.

01:07:42.620 It's the execution of the plan.

01:07:44.520 Fair enough.

01:07:45.300 Yeah.

01:07:45.600 Cause I know a lot of people will, they'll just plan and they think they're moving the

01:07:50.180 needle.

01:07:50.700 And to me, when you're planning, you're not actually moving the needle.

01:07:53.920 You're getting ready to move the needle.

01:07:56.040 Yeah.

01:07:57.200 So moving the needle is actually moving the needle, not planning to move it, but planning

01:08:02.320 is important.

01:08:02.900 You should plan.

01:08:03.900 Yeah.

01:08:04.120 Yeah.

01:08:04.400 But don't make sure you're actually doing anything just by planning.

01:08:06.980 Right.

01:08:07.680 Yeah.

01:08:08.200 Copy.

01:08:08.560 All right.

01:08:09.800 David Rivas, you spoke once or twice about the differences of being nice and being kind.

01:08:16.300 Would you share your insights on this for us again, a lap, a little louder for those

01:08:20.960 in the back, love and respect the movement order of man.

01:08:24.040 Uh, look, I, I think in its simplest form, the difference between night being nice and

01:08:29.280 being kind is being passive and being assertive.

01:08:33.260 Hmm.

01:08:34.060 And look, I don't want to get wrapped up into semantics here, guys.

01:08:37.020 So I don't, meaning you're not, you're not attacking the person or whatever you're, you're

01:08:42.120 addressing the issue.

01:08:44.560 Yeah.

01:08:45.020 And that's where the, sure.

01:08:47.060 I'll talk a little bit more about that, but let me preface by saying, saying this is let's

01:08:51.740 not get wrapped up in the semantics.

01:08:53.360 A lot of times we do this, we play these word games and I'll say nice and kind of people

01:08:57.800 will like, well, nice is not bad.

01:08:59.460 And they say, nice is actually this.

01:09:00.980 And it's actually identical to the way I described kind.

01:09:03.800 I really don't care which word you use.

01:09:05.500 You guys understand the point.

01:09:06.860 All right.

01:09:07.740 I'm just using words so that we can articulate a point.

01:09:11.780 Okay.

01:09:12.140 So nice to me equates to being passive.

01:09:15.940 I'm the nice guy.

01:09:17.140 I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.

01:09:19.120 I'm not willing to stand up for myself because I don't want to rock the boat.

01:09:22.300 And look again, people will say, well, that's not nice.

01:09:25.340 That's this.

01:09:25.960 Okay.

01:09:26.440 Use whatever word.

01:09:27.640 Use kazasmo or what, like, if that's what you want.

01:09:31.020 I don't care what word you use.

01:09:32.220 You get the point.

01:09:32.880 It's being passive.

01:09:35.580 It's being weak.

01:09:36.360 It's being timid.

01:09:37.160 It's being afraid, worried about confrontation, not wanting to offend anybody at your own level

01:09:44.100 of risk or other people that you care about.

01:09:47.080 And you don't want to, like, I don't want to rock the boat.

01:09:49.140 That's nice to me.

01:09:51.940 Kind, on the other hand, is somebody who has at least a base level of respect for somebody

01:09:59.740 else, and I always give a base level of respect to somebody until they prove they're not even

01:10:05.420 worthy of that.

01:10:07.100 But I think everybody deserves, as a default, a base level of respect.

01:10:12.120 Everybody.

01:10:13.000 And then if you prove otherwise, then we'll go backwards.

01:10:15.500 But, you know, I don't jump to this ultimate tier of honor for people that I don't know.

01:10:21.040 It's just a baseline level of respect.

01:10:22.700 But also, you're not jeopardizing your own standards or morals or principles or beliefs

01:10:30.160 just because you're afraid of risking offending somebody or hurting somebody's feelings.

01:10:38.300 A kind person is willing to articulate what's on their mind.

01:10:42.440 They're willing to ask for what they want.

01:10:44.560 They're not a jerk about it.

01:10:45.920 You know, they do it in a nice, respectful, tactful way.

01:10:48.940 But still, they're willing to risk offending other people to move forward into whatever

01:10:57.180 their goals and objectives are.

01:10:58.680 But they do it in a kind, respectful manner.

01:11:02.680 And that's what I would say is the difference between being nice and being kind.

01:11:05.960 Again, whatever word you want to use, I don't care.

01:11:09.280 You understand the principle of it, which is, are you being passive and timid and weak?

01:11:15.140 Or are you being assertive, which means that you're going to be a decent, respectful human

01:11:19.880 being, but not be a pushover and still move forward into your objectives and the objectives

01:11:24.500 of the people that you have a responsibility for?

01:11:28.500 Okay.

01:11:29.560 Let's take one or two more.

01:11:31.180 One or two more.

01:11:33.040 Man, we got a lot.

01:11:34.360 We're not going through these as much.

01:11:36.220 If we don't get to your questions, guys, stay tuned.

01:11:37.820 Let's take that.

01:11:38.720 Here, let's end on this one.

01:11:39.840 Um, somebody asked about the, the, the, the tweet that I had made the other day about

01:11:45.100 politics.

01:11:46.300 Yeah.

01:11:46.660 And so let's talk about that because I think that's actually worthy of discussion.

01:11:50.500 Yeah.

01:11:51.000 So Joseph O'Neill, um, he is a screenshot and the screenshot was, do you want to, I don't

01:11:58.140 have the screenshot in my notes here.

01:12:00.280 Um, I can probably put it up on Facebook or hold on.

01:12:03.180 Yeah.

01:12:03.580 I got this.

01:12:04.120 One of us can.

01:12:05.280 Yeah.

01:12:05.480 Cause I had made, while you're pulling that up, I had made a post, uh, on Twitter the

01:12:12.740 other day, which you can, at Ryan Mickler.

01:12:15.240 That's right.

01:12:17.240 And we can tell you as soon as we pull it up here, exactly what it said.

01:12:21.220 Yeah.

01:12:21.900 It said something about, I'm going to find it here.

01:12:25.580 Kip is a, let's say is, Oh no, here it is.

01:12:29.020 Okay.

01:12:29.480 So here it is.

01:12:30.500 So here's what I posted four days ago.

01:12:32.400 I said, I've always questioned why the left is the way they are.

01:12:36.100 I now realize that whether they're ignorant, idiotic, or immoral makes no difference.

01:12:40.520 They are the enemy.

01:12:42.260 Yeah.

01:12:42.680 And so that's what I posted.

01:12:44.400 Yeah.

01:12:44.620 And so Joseph O'Neill's question to that is, is this a real tweet?

01:12:48.320 If so, how does this help the country or the political discourse in it?

01:12:53.340 Maybe an image of the text that says tweet Ryan Mickler.

01:12:56.600 I've always questioned why the left.

01:12:58.220 Okay.

01:12:58.800 I guess I did have the quote.

01:13:00.120 So yeah, you had it written down.

01:13:02.780 Okay.

01:13:03.240 Yeah.

01:13:03.500 So, and, and what I responded back is he said, what, how does this help political discourse?

01:13:08.640 How does this help?

01:13:09.200 Whatever, whatever he said, is this a real tweet?

01:13:10.780 Yes, it's a real tweet.

01:13:11.840 And yes, I absolutely believe that.

01:13:13.960 And, and I think I responded with something to the effect of you're assuming that the left

01:13:20.480 doesn't already consider you the enemy and that they're actually interested in reconciliation

01:13:28.440 or cooperation with, what did I say?

01:13:32.200 The same freedom loving Americans that most of us are.

01:13:35.980 Like that, that to me is a big assumption that just because I make this statement, you know,

01:13:43.080 that somebody that this other side of the aisle is so interested in even having a reasonable

01:13:49.000 discussion.

01:13:49.520 And they've proven time and time again that they aren't.

01:13:52.540 Now, let me say this.

01:13:54.400 A leftist is not the same as someone who's liberal.

01:13:57.260 I have liberal people in my life.

01:14:00.760 I have family members who are on what I would say the left side of the aisle.

01:14:04.280 They're liberal in their perspective, in their political viewpoints.

01:14:07.080 I don't agree with them always.

01:14:09.120 In fact, most of the time, politically and culturally, I don't, but I don't think they're

01:14:13.160 the enemy, right?

01:14:15.440 I don't, I don't think that they're, they're out to destroy what this country has created.

01:14:20.600 And that, that to me is a liberal, but we know there's varying degrees of the, of the

01:14:25.460 political spectrum on both sides of the aisle.

01:14:28.100 Yeah.

01:14:29.060 Right.

01:14:29.420 And left.

01:14:30.080 And a leftist to me is somebody who is so far extreme on the left that they're not even

01:14:38.080 interested in a reasonable, rational discussion, let alone a free America.

01:14:44.460 They're not even interested in that.

01:14:46.280 In fact, what they're interested in is communism.

01:14:48.440 They're interested in the opposite of what I'm interested in.

01:14:52.480 And communism is the enemy.

01:14:54.520 Yeah.

01:14:55.460 A hundred percent.

01:14:57.120 There's no discussion I can have with a communist or somebody who's a far leftist

01:15:02.620 that we would walk away with some sort of mutual understanding of each other.

01:15:07.840 None.

01:15:09.080 You're never going to convince me that communism is better than what we have created in this

01:15:15.460 country.

01:15:15.960 And that's what we're at risk with, with this country is moving in that direction.

01:15:20.020 And that's an enemy to freedom, to liberty, to the pursuit of happiness.

01:15:26.900 So, yeah, that isn't hyperbole for me.

01:15:31.240 That isn't just rhetorical.

01:15:33.100 Now, how does it help political discourse?

01:15:36.180 What makes you think I'm interested in political discourse with somebody I consider to be the

01:15:40.500 enemy?

01:15:40.700 I'm not even interested in it with the far left because they're not interested in compromise.

01:15:46.420 They're not interested in a rational, level-headed discussion.

01:15:49.620 They're not.

01:15:50.160 So, what I'm interested in is rallying those who are interested in the same things that

01:15:58.160 we are to this side.

01:15:59.760 And we have people who are on the left side of the aisle who are, what I would say, liberal,

01:16:05.920 who believe a lot of what we believe.

01:16:07.960 They don't agree with everything I say, and that's understandable.

01:16:11.300 And I'm glad they're here because I hope I can shed some light on some things that might

01:16:16.020 help them see culturally, societally, some problems I feel exist.

01:16:21.060 And they'll move closer to what I believe, again, this is my opinion, is a more productive

01:16:26.580 way of living our lives and leading our families and communities and everything else.

01:16:30.560 Yeah.

01:16:30.720 But a leftist, no, they're not.

01:16:33.920 They're not interested in it.

01:16:36.080 And we have leftists that have permeated every fabric of society from medical to education

01:16:43.020 to the political arena.

01:16:45.360 And those people need to be rooted out because they're the enemy.

01:16:48.640 They represent the antithesis of what we as Americans stand for.

01:16:53.920 So, yeah, that was a real tweet.

01:16:56.580 And I really mean it.

01:16:59.740 It's great.

01:17:01.160 Well, and I was just going to say, you know, and where it could help with the political

01:17:04.740 discourse is for people to go, oh, yeah, you know what?

01:17:07.260 I don't associate like I don't associate his left.

01:17:11.000 Right.

01:17:11.560 Like, you know what I mean?

01:17:12.960 Like liberals that that might might agree with you from this perspective should kind of

01:17:19.240 speak up and say, yeah, no, no, no, no.

01:17:21.220 That's not me.

01:17:22.220 Right.

01:17:22.600 Like just because I vote Democrat doesn't mean that I see everything the same way as,

01:17:28.420 you know, all these extreme extreme lefts.

01:17:31.320 Right.

01:17:31.600 And they should.

01:17:32.480 They should.

01:17:32.900 The right side of the house should do that, too.

01:17:34.900 Yeah.

01:17:35.160 Well, I'm this like I'm the same way.

01:17:36.800 I get pissed off.

01:17:37.680 Like I get a text message or a stupid phone call saying, oh, you're part of the Republican

01:17:42.380 Party.

01:17:42.800 You want to don't.

01:17:43.220 I'm like, I don't donate to the Republican Party.

01:17:46.020 Right.

01:17:46.400 I donate to actually the candidates that represent my viewpoints, period.

01:17:50.680 Right.

01:17:50.940 Like, you know, and I don't know.

01:17:52.880 I think there's some value for us to provide clarity of where we stand.

01:17:57.580 Look, here's here's my here's I'll wrap it up.

01:18:02.400 If if somebody is on the left of some society, societal or cultural issues and they want to

01:18:09.380 have a rational discussion about things.

01:18:11.220 Yeah.

01:18:12.380 Let's do that.

01:18:13.620 Yeah, that they're not the enemy to me because I think people on the left still want a free

01:18:18.100 America.

01:18:18.420 I still believe they want freedom, liberty, the pursuit of happiness.

01:18:22.800 I think that's what they want.

01:18:23.780 And we just see the way we're going to get to it differently.

01:18:26.680 Yeah.

01:18:26.820 I don't think leftists want that.

01:18:29.340 Yeah.

01:18:29.780 I mean, and it's easy.

01:18:31.040 Right.

01:18:31.300 You just turn on the TV and it's just like all logic is gone.

01:18:36.500 Right.

01:18:37.040 Like like no one ever took debate, apparently.

01:18:41.060 Right.

01:18:41.520 And the whole thing is just full of fallacies, slippery slopes, lack of logical, critical

01:18:47.540 thinking, even evidence for that matter.

01:18:49.800 I mean, it just it blows my mind.

01:18:52.640 Some of the stuff I hear.

01:18:54.280 Oh, I don't know.

01:18:56.400 Yeah.

01:18:57.000 And, you know, here's maybe an example and it's maybe a silly or simplified example.

01:19:03.240 Of course it is.

01:19:04.260 But if I go to.

01:19:07.860 If I want to teach my kids math.

01:19:09.740 And I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm going to teach it to them or I'm going to

01:19:16.360 have somebody else teach it to them.

01:19:18.100 And that person comes and says, well, you know, here's how I teach it.

01:19:22.220 And they don't believe that two plus two is four.

01:19:27.000 Like, I'm not going to have I'm not going to have a conversation with that person.

01:19:31.380 Like, I'm not going to have a conversation about advanced calculus with somebody who doesn't

01:19:35.960 believe that two plus two equals four.

01:19:37.640 Like, how how could we ever come to some sort of mutual understanding about that?

01:19:42.980 Yeah.

01:19:43.340 There's no way that we can.

01:19:46.060 Yeah.

01:19:46.460 And that's the point of this is that the foundational principles are so at odds with each other that

01:19:51.940 it's I'm not interested in discourse in that in that way because it's not worth it.

01:19:56.200 It's a waste of time.

01:19:57.480 It's futile.

01:19:58.620 Yeah.

01:19:58.900 Well, and it's not a discourse.

01:20:01.580 It is just noise for them.

01:20:04.580 Like, there is a discussion.

01:20:05.720 Well, for me, too.

01:20:06.640 Like, yeah, whatever I say is going to fall on deaf ears, whatever they say is going to

01:20:10.220 fall on deaf ears.

01:20:10.880 So let's just worry about talking to the other people who maybe are rational, level-headed

01:20:15.820 people, regardless of what side of the political aisle they sit on.

01:20:18.560 And I'm OK with that.

01:20:19.780 Yeah, for sure.

01:20:21.020 All right, brother.

01:20:21.460 I got it.

01:20:22.000 I have a hard stop.

01:20:22.900 You got a jet.

01:20:23.700 Yeah.

01:20:23.880 All right, guys.

01:20:25.080 Well, I appreciate you tuning in.

01:20:26.500 Um, make sure you check out the Iron Council.

01:20:28.920 Again, we're closed, but we're opening up here in the next week or so.

01:20:31.660 December 1st, we'll open that back up.

01:20:33.700 Uh, orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

01:20:36.560 Check out the store.

01:20:38.100 We're going to be shipping orders as of the release of this podcast.

01:20:41.520 So we're back on shipping.

01:20:42.860 So your stuff's going to be out.

01:20:44.160 We're going to get it to you for Christmas and all of that.

01:20:46.900 I have signed books coming in.

01:20:48.860 Kip, I see the book over your shoulder there.

01:20:50.740 I've got signed copies of Sovereignty that'll be here next week, I believe.

01:20:54.380 We've got hoodie.

01:20:55.200 We've got all kinds of stuff.

01:20:55.960 Just go check it out at store.orderofman.com.

01:21:01.220 Kip, appreciate you, brother.

01:21:02.300 Guys, I appreciate your questions.

01:21:03.820 We'll catch you on Friday.

01:21:04.600 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:21:08.240 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:21:11.140 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be?

01:21:14.780 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - November 24, 2021

When Guilt Can Serve You, Cultivating Coincidence, and Strategic Stress Relief ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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