Order of Man - When No One is Looking, Do the Right Thing ｜ FIRDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 I honestly believe that every time you do something antithetical to what you know you

00:00:05.240 should be doing, a little piece of your soul dies.

00:00:07.940 In fact, it has to, because if it didn't, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself

00:00:12.200 for your own indiscretions.

00:00:14.660 So you have one of two choices when you screw up.

00:00:17.260 You can be a psychopath and pretend as if something didn't happen and dull your emotions

00:00:21.760 and dull who you are as a human being, or you could acknowledge it and feel the guilt 0.73

00:00:26.220 associated with it and then correct your behavior.

00:00:30.660 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.360 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:33.780 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:36.740 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:41.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:46.240 This is your life.

00:00:47.340 This is who you are.

00:00:48.740 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.480 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:55.420 Failure is a natural and inevitable part of life.

00:01:00.160 It's not really a matter of if you will fail.

00:01:03.020 It's a matter of when and how you will fail.

00:01:05.440 And I think most importantly, what will you do in those moments of failure?

00:01:09.580 Because at that time when you fail, whether it's something seemingly insignificant or something

00:01:15.260 crucial and important to your well-being, what you do in that moment is what defines you

00:01:21.440 as a man.

00:01:22.240 So many men on social media and everywhere else, guys that don't know you essentially will judge

00:01:27.440 you and mock you and ridicule you and belittle you and put you down as you fail without a willingness

00:01:33.200 to acknowledge their own failures in life.

00:01:36.060 These are people that don't know you, don't know the nuances of your circumstances or situation,

00:01:43.260 but there are other people who are deeply impacted by the mistakes that we make.

00:01:49.900 Whether it's small or major, we need to be able to correct our mistakes, fix our mistakes,

00:01:57.220 and then drive on in confidence.

00:01:59.700 Now, the reason I'm talking about this today is because I am met with so many men on a daily basis,

00:02:03.780 whether it's in personal interactions or social media interactions or men inside of our iron council

00:02:10.580 who talk with me about their own personal failures and what they should do to drive on and move forward

00:02:16.360 with confidence in life.

00:02:17.480 And I get it.

00:02:18.100 It's difficult to move forward in confidence when you've had a setback, when you haven't performed

00:02:23.140 the way that you think you should.

00:02:24.620 So I want to share a quick little story.

00:02:26.900 Again, this one is very, very insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I think it will illustrate

00:02:31.780 the point.

00:02:32.880 I'm recording this on May 30th.

00:02:36.600 This will release the first week of June.

00:02:39.620 And I'm recording early because I'm going to be hunting in Hawaii next week with five

00:02:45.500 other friends.

00:02:46.200 We're hunting Axis deer on the island of Molokai, which I've hunted for five or six years now.

00:02:51.940 And as I was out today, as of the recording of this podcast, I was out shooting my bow and

00:02:57.660 practicing and trying to dial things in.

00:02:59.660 And I backed it up to about 50 yards, which has been about the maximum distance for my shots

00:03:05.640 in Hawaii on Axis deer.

00:03:07.340 I backed it up to 50 yards.

00:03:10.040 I made five really good shots.

00:03:12.920 And those were all within, I would say, a six to eight inch radius or diameter.

00:03:19.380 I should probably say a six to eight inch diameter on my archery target.

00:03:24.960 And I thought to myself, this is going to be my last arrow of the day.

00:03:28.880 I'd shot 20, 25 arrows or so.

00:03:31.500 I thought to myself, this is going to be the last one of the day.

00:03:33.760 And I rushed it and drew back, aimed and sent it.

00:03:39.900 And immediately, right as the release let go, I knew it was a bad shot.

00:03:46.780 And I heard it clank off some metal and I heard it peg itself into the tire of my neighbor's

00:03:55.100 trailer.

00:03:56.840 And I walked up there with trepidation and pulled the five arrows that I had shot into

00:04:02.020 the target and walked over to the tire and was fairly confident that it was in the tire.

00:04:06.940 And I walked up and sure enough, saw the arrow in the tire.

00:04:11.980 Now, I know this is insignificant.

00:04:14.080 I know it's going to cost me, you know, 16, 18, 20 bucks for the arrow and a hundred bucks

00:04:19.740 for the tire.

00:04:20.460 Well, probably more for the tire now at this point, maybe a couple hundred bucks with inflation,

00:04:23.600 but it was an expensive miss.

00:04:27.720 Really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's really important that we

00:04:31.920 address it because what we do in these moments is very crucial.

00:04:34.880 And the first thing that we need to do, and this is a three-part formula, whether it's

00:04:38.920 you shoot your neighbor's tire with an arrow as you're practicing for a hunt, or you have

00:04:43.940 a divorce, or you flop at work, maybe you drop the ball and really screw things up and hose

00:04:49.760 other people over, or you took advantage of somebody, or you made a huge error, a mistake

00:04:55.800 in your own personal life.

00:04:57.580 It's all the same.

00:04:58.960 It's a principle.

00:04:59.780 So it applies broadly.

00:05:00.740 And there's really a three-part formula to ensuring that when you mess up, that you address

00:05:06.300 it properly.

00:05:07.860 And the first thing that you need to do, guys, is you need to fix what you effed up.

00:05:12.340 You have to fix it.

00:05:14.060 I probably could have pulled the arrow from my neighbor's tire, and it's on an empty lot

00:05:20.780 here next to my property.

00:05:22.960 It's an empty lot.

00:05:23.980 He's got some construction stuff out there.

00:05:26.980 There's rocks and nails, and there's stuff out there.

00:05:31.780 So him having a flat tire on his trailer would not be uncommon.

00:05:37.920 And I probably could have pulled my arrow and likely got away with not ever bringing anything

00:05:45.100 up and letting him deal with that.

00:05:46.800 But that isn't how men deal with their situations.

00:05:50.480 And I know it's tempting, and I know it's in these small moments, it's easier to do than

00:05:56.100 in the big moments.

00:05:57.060 But guys, when we mess up, we have to acknowledge that we screwed up, and we have to first and

00:06:02.320 foremost make an attempt, a deliberate and intentional attempt to fix what we screwed

00:06:08.340 up.

00:06:09.260 If you broke something of your neighbor's like I did, then it's on you to pay for it.

00:06:14.280 But we live in this society that casts all this blame and fault and everything else and

00:06:22.160 can probably get out of something like that, if not through deceit, through the legal ramifications

00:06:28.800 of it.

00:06:29.700 I don't want to play that game because I want to be honest in my life, and I want to address

00:06:35.060 my life with integrity.

00:06:36.880 And I also believe that the way we do the small things is the way we do the big things.

00:06:41.160 So if I would have neglected to take care of that tire, then what am I willing to do

00:06:48.580 on the bigger things when there's even more at stake than paying $200 for a tire and replacing

00:06:54.220 the $12, $15, $18 aero that I broke?

00:06:58.360 Guys, whenever you go wrong, the first step is always to make amends.

00:07:03.760 And by the way, it's crucial that you do because when you learn to make amends for the mistakes

00:07:09.080 that you've made, you feel the weight, the burden of the consequence, and that's a good

00:07:15.440 thing.

00:07:17.020 Most people would say, that's not a good thing.

00:07:18.600 I don't want to feel like that.

00:07:20.680 No, you don't want to make those mistakes, but it's important that you feel the weight of

00:07:24.580 the mistakes that you make because if you don't, you're more likely to make those mistakes

00:07:29.040 in the future. 0.92

00:07:29.680 So when you mess up, whether it's you say something dumb to a coworker or to your wife, 0.94

00:07:37.060 or you shoot your neighbor's tire with an arrow, or any number of things that you could

00:07:41.840 be confronted with, the first step is always deal with it like a man, fix it because it 0.98

00:07:48.700 wasn't yours to break or to mess up.

00:07:51.540 Apologize where you can, make amends where you can, and do everything you can to make the

00:07:56.780 other party whole.

00:07:57.660 And I realized that not in every situation will you be able to do this, but if you can,

00:08:04.720 you have a moral obligation and responsibility to do that.

00:08:08.120 Yeah, I could have got away with it.

00:08:09.700 I definitely could have.

00:08:11.100 Nobody would have batted an eye.

00:08:12.400 Nobody would have said anything.

00:08:13.600 Nobody would have noticed.

00:08:15.220 My neighbor would have had to pay for his own tire and fix it if you wanted to use that

00:08:18.680 trailer.

00:08:19.500 That isn't right.

00:08:20.640 You know that isn't right.

00:08:21.840 I know that isn't right.

00:08:23.280 And so we need to address it accordingly.

00:08:25.000 So again, number one is fix what you messed up.

00:08:26.700 Number two, learn your lessons.

00:08:28.700 All right.

00:08:29.380 Like own it.

00:08:30.600 Be responsible for it.

00:08:32.560 Don't shirk blame.

00:08:33.660 Don't pass judgment or responsibility onto somebody else.

00:08:36.480 Just say, no, I messed up.

00:08:37.780 I screwed up.

00:08:38.380 I made a bad shot.

00:08:40.840 I didn't do what I set out to do.

00:08:42.480 I took advantage of you.

00:08:43.520 I screwed you over. 0.76

00:08:44.620 I was, I was selfish.

00:08:46.660 Like whatever the situation calls for, be honest about it.

00:08:49.640 In this circumstance, I've, I've even heard people say, well, you know, maybe, uh, he shouldn't

00:08:54.740 have had his trailer on the lot.

00:08:55.880 That doesn't have anything to do with anything.

00:08:57.960 What matters is that the trailer was on the lot and I was the one who decided to shoot

00:09:06.760 my, my bow at a target with a trailer behind it.

00:09:13.700 Should it have been parked there?

00:09:16.460 It should or should not have.

00:09:17.900 Doesn't, doesn't really matter.

00:09:19.080 It's irrelevant.

00:09:19.620 What matters is that he was legally able to park there since that lot is his lot to park

00:09:26.980 his stuff.

00:09:27.600 He was gracious enough to let me use it.

00:09:29.480 And I'm the one that shot the tire.

00:09:33.960 How many times do you justify and rationalize your behavior, your poor performance?

00:09:39.400 Well, they shouldn't have been this.

00:09:40.980 They should have done that.

00:09:41.940 They should have been aware.

00:09:42.920 They should have this.

00:09:43.900 The contract doesn't say that the contract says this. 0.98

00:09:47.180 That's all bull crap guys. 0.98

00:09:48.960 And you know, it, we can do better. 0.99

00:09:52.420 If you're, if you're living by the letter of the law so that you can get away with poor

00:09:58.020 performance, you're only shorting yourself.

00:10:00.020 Yes, you are also shorting other people, but you're screwing yourself.

00:10:07.020 You're not allowing yourself to learn the hard knocks, the hard lessons that need to be learned

00:10:13.280 for you to improve.

00:10:14.260 So when you screw up, whether it's something small and insignificant, like a tire or something

00:10:21.580 drastic and maybe even catastrophic, number one, own it.

00:10:26.160 Number two, learn the lessons.

00:10:27.860 What lessons need to be learned from that?

00:10:31.380 For me, I went through the breakdown of my shot and I just, I rushed it.

00:10:34.720 And because I rushed it, I punched the trigger.

00:10:38.160 If you guys are familiar with archery or even rifle shooting marksmanship, you know, like

00:10:43.640 if you rush the shot and punch the trigger, you're probably not going to make a good shot.

00:10:47.940 And that's what I did. 0.74

00:10:48.680 I punched it.

00:10:49.360 I rushed it.

00:10:49.920 I said it was my last one.

00:10:51.000 Wanted to get it done.

00:10:51.760 It was hot outside.

00:10:52.600 I was ready to go inside and relax and just punched one and made a bad shot.

00:10:57.160 But that isn't on anybody else but me.

00:11:04.540 So learn the lessons that need to be learned.

00:11:06.880 For me, it's having more patience.

00:11:10.960 It's being more methodical about what I do and being more deliberate and slowing things down.

00:11:18.400 That's the lesson I need to learn.

00:11:19.860 The lesson you may need to learn could be completely different, but that's the lesson I need to learn.

00:11:23.540 And then number three, just get better.

00:11:28.560 As they say, failure isn't final.

00:11:32.900 Whatever you've done isn't final.

00:11:36.320 It is not the end of your life.

00:11:39.620 It is not the climax or pinnacle or apex of what you can create in this world.

00:11:46.400 We've all fallen short.

00:11:47.880 We've all screwed up. 0.65

00:11:48.800 We've all screwed other people over.

00:11:50.280 We've all taken advantage of people. 1.00

00:11:51.720 We've all made dumb decisions. 0.92

00:11:54.280 That's not really the question. 0.81

00:11:55.760 The question is whether or not you're willing to acknowledge it and then improve your life.

00:12:01.660 Okay, so you weren't a great husband.

00:12:03.840 You should have been, but you weren't.

00:12:05.500 So what can you do about it in the next relationship that you have?

00:12:08.600 You haven't always shown up as a father.

00:12:10.380 Okay, you should have, but you didn't.

00:12:12.040 So what can you do now to make yourself a better father, the father that your children need?

00:12:17.060 You haven't always come through at work with your obligations and responsibilities from a professional standpoint.

00:12:22.360 Okay, well, you should have, but you didn't.

00:12:24.620 So what can you do now to ensure that from this day forward, you are the best employee that anybody has ever hired?

00:12:33.780 You aren't always showing up the way that you need to show up with regards to your own physical health and well-being.

00:12:41.540 So what can you do right now to ensure that's the case?

00:12:44.380 Every decision, every day, every minute, every hour, we're confronted with all sorts of choices and opportunities to do the right thing or to do the wrong thing.

00:12:56.220 And sometimes it is as black and white as that.

00:13:00.080 Do the right thing.

00:13:03.780 Fix what you messed up.

00:13:05.100 Learn the lessons that need to be learned and improve your life.

00:13:11.120 And by the way, this is the exact same formula for getting over things.

00:13:16.160 How many of you reach out and say, how do I get over my ex-wife?

00:13:18.920 This is how.

00:13:21.840 Tell her you're sorry.

00:13:23.900 Write her a letter.

00:13:26.120 Tell her what you should have done.

00:13:27.300 Maybe try to start treating her right now.

00:13:32.460 If it's a former employer that you screwed over, reach out to the employer.

00:13:36.380 Try to make amends.

00:13:37.320 If you stole from somebody, give them the money back.

00:13:40.800 If you don't have the money, volunteer to help them in some way where it's adequately compensated for what you took from them.

00:13:48.580 It's not hard.

00:13:51.360 It's not complex.

00:13:52.560 It's not complicated.

00:13:53.500 And inevitably, I'm going to hear people say, well, you know, in my situation.

00:13:58.340 No, not in your situation.

00:13:59.520 That's a rationalization.

00:14:01.680 That's a justification.

00:14:04.700 And every time you try to take that path of least resistance when it comes to doing what's right, a little piece of your soul dies.

00:14:11.240 And that isn't hyperbole, by the way.

00:14:15.140 I honestly believe that every time you do something antithetical to what you know you should be doing, a little piece of your soul dies.

00:14:22.640 In fact, it has to.

00:14:24.920 Because if it didn't, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself for your own indiscretions.

00:14:31.560 So you have one of two choices when you screw up.

00:14:34.360 You can be a psychopath and pretend as if something didn't happen and dull your emotions and dull who you are as a human being.

00:14:42.960 Or you could acknowledge it and feel the guilt associated with it and then correct your behavior.

00:14:48.500 And that's point number two.

00:14:50.320 Learn the lessons.

00:14:52.020 What can you extrapolate?

00:14:53.220 What can you learn?

00:14:54.000 What can you take away from this experience?

00:14:55.820 How will this negative experience serve you in the future?

00:14:58.860 And then point number three is to improve, to get better.

00:15:01.860 That's it.

00:15:02.420 I don't have anything other than that.

00:15:05.800 No grand, you know, formula.

00:15:08.040 No, like, deep thoughts or pontifications on all the intricacies and exceptions to the rule.

00:15:14.620 It's really just that simple.

00:15:16.420 So, always do the right thing.

00:15:20.880 When you mess up or you screw somebody over, you take advantage or you mess with their life, fix it.

00:15:26.940 Learn what lessons you need to learn.

00:15:28.840 Internalize and absorb those lessons and then improve your life for the betterment of yourself

00:15:34.220 and the betterment of the people that you have an obligation and responsibility for.

00:15:38.120 So, for me, spending a little time this afternoon, pulling a trailer tire off a trailer.

00:15:43.740 My neighbor happens to be traveling abroad.

00:15:45.740 I believe he's in Europe right now.

00:15:48.400 When he gets back, I'll probably shoot him a text here this afternoon and tell him what happened.

00:15:52.480 And he's a good neighbor because I'm a good neighbor.

00:15:56.500 I'm not going to take advantage of him.

00:15:57.780 He's not going to take advantage of me.

00:15:59.000 So, I'm going to shoot him a text, tell him what happened.

00:16:01.520 I'm not going to put it on him.

00:16:02.860 I'm going to go ahead and take the tire off.

00:16:05.360 Go ahead and bring it into the tire shop.

00:16:07.440 Get a new tire.

00:16:08.340 Patch the one if I can.

00:16:09.840 Get a new tire if I have to.

00:16:11.540 Slap the tire back on there.

00:16:12.760 Do everything right.

00:16:13.480 And that way, you know, it's all taken care of.

00:16:15.740 And he doesn't have to worry about something that he didn't do.

00:16:19.300 And then I'm just going to be a better shot.

00:16:21.120 So, we'll see.

00:16:22.020 We'll see how it goes.

00:16:22.860 As of right now, you're listening to this on Friday.

00:16:25.900 I am hunting in Hawaii.

00:16:27.500 So, hopefully, I have already shot one or two axis deer at this point. 1.00

00:16:31.640 If not, hopefully today is the day.

00:16:34.020 Because this is the last day that I'll be hunting on the island of Molokai in Hawaii.

00:16:38.260 And so, we'll see if we can make it happen.

00:16:39.800 Anyways, guys, kind of a short one for you today.

00:16:41.560 But let's be men of honor.

00:16:43.020 Let's be men of integrity.

00:16:44.340 Let's be men of class.

00:16:46.320 Let's just do the right thing.

00:16:48.120 Regardless of whether or not people are looking.

00:16:50.200 And isn't that the definition of character?

00:16:52.080 It's what you do in those moments when nobody is looking.

00:16:55.580 I could have got away with this.

00:16:56.720 You can get away with a lot of different things.

00:16:58.580 But that's not really the metric of success.

00:17:02.600 The metric is whether or not you did the right thing.

00:17:05.640 And we all have great and tremendous opportunities to do the right thing.

00:17:10.800 All right, guys.

00:17:11.660 I'll be back next week for an interview.

00:17:13.060 Until then, go out there.

00:17:14.200 Take action.

00:17:15.860 Be a man of integrity.

00:17:17.680 Become the man you are meant to be.

00:17:22.800 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:17:25.800 You're ready to take charge of your life

00:17:27.440 and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:17:29.900 We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 07, 2024

When No One is Looking, Do the Right Thing ｜ FIRDAY FIELD NOTES

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