When No One is Looking, Do the Right Thing ｜ FIRDAY FIELD NOTES
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180.17436
Summary
Failure is a natural and inevitable part of life. It s a matter of when and how you will fail. And I think most importantly, what will you do in those moments of failure? Because at that time, whether it s something seemingly insignificant or something crucial and important to your well-being, what you do is what defines you as a man.
Transcript
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I honestly believe that every time you do something antithetical to what you know you
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should be doing, a little piece of your soul dies.
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In fact, it has to, because if it didn't, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself
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So you have one of two choices when you screw up.
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You can be a psychopath and pretend as if something didn't happen and dull your emotions
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and dull who you are as a human being, or you could acknowledge it and feel the guilt
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associated with it and then correct your behavior.
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Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Failure is a natural and inevitable part of life.
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And I think most importantly, what will you do in those moments of failure?
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Because at that time when you fail, whether it's something seemingly insignificant or something
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crucial and important to your well-being, what you do in that moment is what defines you
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So many men on social media and everywhere else, guys that don't know you essentially will judge
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you and mock you and ridicule you and belittle you and put you down as you fail without a willingness
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These are people that don't know you, don't know the nuances of your circumstances or situation,
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but there are other people who are deeply impacted by the mistakes that we make.
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Whether it's small or major, we need to be able to correct our mistakes, fix our mistakes,
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Now, the reason I'm talking about this today is because I am met with so many men on a daily basis,
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whether it's in personal interactions or social media interactions or men inside of our iron council
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who talk with me about their own personal failures and what they should do to drive on and move forward
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It's difficult to move forward in confidence when you've had a setback, when you haven't performed
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Again, this one is very, very insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I think it will illustrate
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And I'm recording early because I'm going to be hunting in Hawaii next week with five
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We're hunting Axis deer on the island of Molokai, which I've hunted for five or six years now.
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And as I was out today, as of the recording of this podcast, I was out shooting my bow and
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And I backed it up to about 50 yards, which has been about the maximum distance for my shots
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And those were all within, I would say, a six to eight inch radius or diameter.
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I should probably say a six to eight inch diameter on my archery target.
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And I thought to myself, this is going to be my last arrow of the day.
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I thought to myself, this is going to be the last one of the day.
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And I rushed it and drew back, aimed and sent it.
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And immediately, right as the release let go, I knew it was a bad shot.
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And I heard it clank off some metal and I heard it peg itself into the tire of my neighbor's
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And I walked up there with trepidation and pulled the five arrows that I had shot into
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the target and walked over to the tire and was fairly confident that it was in the tire.
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And I walked up and sure enough, saw the arrow in the tire.
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I know it's going to cost me, you know, 16, 18, 20 bucks for the arrow and a hundred bucks
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Well, probably more for the tire now at this point, maybe a couple hundred bucks with inflation,
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Really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's really important that we
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address it because what we do in these moments is very crucial.
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And the first thing that we need to do, and this is a three-part formula, whether it's
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you shoot your neighbor's tire with an arrow as you're practicing for a hunt, or you have
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a divorce, or you flop at work, maybe you drop the ball and really screw things up and hose
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other people over, or you took advantage of somebody, or you made a huge error, a mistake
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And there's really a three-part formula to ensuring that when you mess up, that you address
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And the first thing that you need to do, guys, is you need to fix what you effed up.
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I probably could have pulled the arrow from my neighbor's tire, and it's on an empty lot
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There's rocks and nails, and there's stuff out there.
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So him having a flat tire on his trailer would not be uncommon.
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And I probably could have pulled my arrow and likely got away with not ever bringing anything
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But that isn't how men deal with their situations.
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And I know it's tempting, and I know it's in these small moments, it's easier to do than
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But guys, when we mess up, we have to acknowledge that we screwed up, and we have to first and
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foremost make an attempt, a deliberate and intentional attempt to fix what we screwed
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If you broke something of your neighbor's like I did, then it's on you to pay for it.
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But we live in this society that casts all this blame and fault and everything else and
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can probably get out of something like that, if not through deceit, through the legal ramifications
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I don't want to play that game because I want to be honest in my life, and I want to address
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And I also believe that the way we do the small things is the way we do the big things.
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So if I would have neglected to take care of that tire, then what am I willing to do
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on the bigger things when there's even more at stake than paying $200 for a tire and replacing
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Guys, whenever you go wrong, the first step is always to make amends.
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And by the way, it's crucial that you do because when you learn to make amends for the mistakes
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that you've made, you feel the weight, the burden of the consequence, and that's a good
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Most people would say, that's not a good thing.
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No, you don't want to make those mistakes, but it's important that you feel the weight of
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the mistakes that you make because if you don't, you're more likely to make those mistakes
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So when you mess up, whether it's you say something dumb to a coworker or to your wife,
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or you shoot your neighbor's tire with an arrow, or any number of things that you could
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be confronted with, the first step is always deal with it like a man, fix it because it
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Apologize where you can, make amends where you can, and do everything you can to make the
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And I realized that not in every situation will you be able to do this, but if you can,
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you have a moral obligation and responsibility to do that.
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My neighbor would have had to pay for his own tire and fix it if you wanted to use that
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So again, number one is fix what you messed up.
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Don't pass judgment or responsibility onto somebody else.
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Like whatever the situation calls for, be honest about it.
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In this circumstance, I've, I've even heard people say, well, you know, maybe, uh, he shouldn't
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That doesn't have anything to do with anything.
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What matters is that the trailer was on the lot and I was the one who decided to shoot
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my, my bow at a target with a trailer behind it.
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What matters is that he was legally able to park there since that lot is his lot to park
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How many times do you justify and rationalize your behavior, your poor performance?
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The contract doesn't say that the contract says this.
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If you're, if you're living by the letter of the law so that you can get away with poor
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Yes, you are also shorting other people, but you're screwing yourself.
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You're not allowing yourself to learn the hard knocks, the hard lessons that need to be learned
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So when you screw up, whether it's something small and insignificant, like a tire or something
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drastic and maybe even catastrophic, number one, own it.
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For me, I went through the breakdown of my shot and I just, I rushed it.
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And because I rushed it, I punched the trigger.
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If you guys are familiar with archery or even rifle shooting marksmanship, you know, like
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if you rush the shot and punch the trigger, you're probably not going to make a good shot.
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I was ready to go inside and relax and just punched one and made a bad shot.
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It's being more methodical about what I do and being more deliberate and slowing things down.
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The lesson you may need to learn could be completely different, but that's the lesson I need to learn.
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It is not the climax or pinnacle or apex of what you can create in this world.
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The question is whether or not you're willing to acknowledge it and then improve your life.
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So what can you do about it in the next relationship that you have?
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So what can you do now to make yourself a better father, the father that your children need?
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You haven't always come through at work with your obligations and responsibilities from a professional standpoint.
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So what can you do now to ensure that from this day forward, you are the best employee that anybody has ever hired?
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You aren't always showing up the way that you need to show up with regards to your own physical health and well-being.
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So what can you do right now to ensure that's the case?
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Every decision, every day, every minute, every hour, we're confronted with all sorts of choices and opportunities to do the right thing or to do the wrong thing.
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And sometimes it is as black and white as that.
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Learn the lessons that need to be learned and improve your life.
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And by the way, this is the exact same formula for getting over things.
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How many of you reach out and say, how do I get over my ex-wife?
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If it's a former employer that you screwed over, reach out to the employer.
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If you stole from somebody, give them the money back.
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If you don't have the money, volunteer to help them in some way where it's adequately compensated for what you took from them.
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And inevitably, I'm going to hear people say, well, you know, in my situation.
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And every time you try to take that path of least resistance when it comes to doing what's right, a little piece of your soul dies.
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I honestly believe that every time you do something antithetical to what you know you should be doing, a little piece of your soul dies.
00:14:24.920
Because if it didn't, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself for your own indiscretions.
00:14:31.560
So you have one of two choices when you screw up.
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You can be a psychopath and pretend as if something didn't happen and dull your emotions and dull who you are as a human being.
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Or you could acknowledge it and feel the guilt associated with it and then correct your behavior.
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How will this negative experience serve you in the future?
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And then point number three is to improve, to get better.
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No, like, deep thoughts or pontifications on all the intricacies and exceptions to the rule.
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When you mess up or you screw somebody over, you take advantage or you mess with their life, fix it.
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Internalize and absorb those lessons and then improve your life for the betterment of yourself
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and the betterment of the people that you have an obligation and responsibility for.
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So, for me, spending a little time this afternoon, pulling a trailer tire off a trailer.
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When he gets back, I'll probably shoot him a text here this afternoon and tell him what happened.
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And he's a good neighbor because I'm a good neighbor.
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So, I'm going to shoot him a text, tell him what happened.
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And that way, you know, it's all taken care of.
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And he doesn't have to worry about something that he didn't do.
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As of right now, you're listening to this on Friday.
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So, hopefully, I have already shot one or two axis deer at this point.
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Because this is the last day that I'll be hunting on the island of Molokai in Hawaii.
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Anyways, guys, kind of a short one for you today.
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Regardless of whether or not people are looking.
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It's what you do in those moments when nobody is looking.
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You can get away with a lot of different things.
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The metric is whether or not you did the right thing.
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And we all have great and tremendous opportunities to do the right thing.
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Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
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We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.