Order of Man - When So-Called "Victims" Became the Victors

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.960 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. Whether you're new

00:00:32.160 or you've been with us for any amount of time, I want to welcome you. I'm glad that you're here on

00:00:36.700 this journey. I'm glad you're following along. I'm glad you're engaged in the fight. And as evidence

00:00:40.880 of what we're going to be talking about today, it is very apparent to me, and I think a lot of men

00:00:45.220 out there as well, that this is a fight. That something needs to be done with the trends that

00:00:50.400 we are seeing in society. And I recognize a real problem in the way that men and masculinity are

00:00:55.660 viewed. And it's my job to edify and uplift and give men and fathers and husbands and business

00:01:00.880 owners and community leaders and coaches and everybody out there who is a man, the tools and

00:01:05.620 the guidance and resources. And most importantly in this podcast is the conversations. The conversations

00:01:11.720 that you need to hear, that you need to understand so that you can incorporate some of this stuff into

00:01:16.800 your life and show up more fully the way that you want to. And that's the bottom line. I think

00:01:22.160 most men out there want to be more capable. They want to be more prepared. They want to be

00:01:27.720 more connected with their spouses, more engaged with their children, more engaged in the community,

00:01:32.600 better providers and presiders and protectors over themselves and their loved ones. And that's

00:01:37.120 what we're all about here. And I feel like we're just starting to pick up steam. Now we've been doing

00:01:42.060 this for three and a half years now, coming up on four years actually. And we've had some great

00:01:47.640 momentum. We've had really, really good momentum, but I feel like over the past several months,

00:01:51.660 we've really, really started to pick up steam and that couldn't be possible without you guys.

00:01:56.440 Those of you, fathers, husbands, business owners, community leaders, men in general,

00:02:00.160 who are engaged in this fight. And you're sharing this, you're sharing this message with the men in

00:02:05.660 your life, you're rating and reviewing the podcast. You're sharing it on Instagram and Twitter and

00:02:10.840 Facebook and wherever you're doing the social media thing. And I certainly want to thank you for that.

00:02:14.600 So I do want to get very, very quickly into, uh, into the conversation today because it's very

00:02:21.080 relevant. It's very apparent that this needs to be addressed. And I think there's a lot of you who

00:02:24.800 are listening, who probably, uh, subscribe to, or at least believe what it is that I'm going to share

00:02:30.340 with you today. So I might be preaching to the choir a little bit, but I would ask that you share

00:02:34.640 this, share this with your friends and your colleagues. I don't care if it's men or women,

00:02:38.680 but I think more people need to hear this podcast and this message and the conversation that I'm

00:02:44.820 going to be sharing with you today. So we'll just get right into it. As you can see, I titled this

00:02:49.020 podcast when victims, uh, became the victors. And I think we're at this, uh, this very interesting

00:02:55.980 tipping point in society where it's almost as if there's a race to the bottom, like who can be the

00:03:02.320 most pathetic, who can be the most helpless, who can be the most victimized. And for whatever

00:03:08.340 reason, we as a society are beginning to believe that it's those individuals who are the champions,

00:03:14.580 that the, that they're the victors, that they should be able to dictate the tone of the conversation

00:03:19.200 and dictate the tone and, and the, the path of society in general. And I'm here to tell you,

00:03:25.860 and like I said, you probably are well aware of this. That is a huge, huge mistake. It's catastrophic.

00:03:32.060 And I feel like we're seeing the, uh, the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the negative

00:03:36.200 ramifications and results of allowing those weak people to dictate everything that we do in society.

00:03:44.800 So I'm going to get into this. I'm going to get into why I think this is bad. Uh, I've got,

00:03:48.820 I don't know, seven or eight different points here. I wrote down on a piece of paper as to

00:03:52.200 what I think are the results of this thought, but more importantly than that, I also wrote down

00:03:58.340 eight or nine different points that I think we ought to address when it comes to how do we overcome

00:04:02.560 this? How do we alter the course of believing that the victims out there, the weak and the pathetic

00:04:08.160 and the cowardly, uh, are somehow the ones that we should be listening to. So I'm going to get into

00:04:12.680 that as well, but I've got to say this, I've always got to put it, put a disclaimer out there

00:04:16.660 because there's a lot of people who are going to jump to conclusions about what it is I'm talking

00:04:21.160 about. And I want to be very, very clear. I believe that there are some victims out there.

00:04:26.080 There's victims that, uh, have been victimized by horrible, horrible and tragic, uh, atrocities

00:04:32.680 that have been committed on them. Uh, there's people who are less fortunate. There's people who

00:04:38.960 are suffering from physical and mental handicaps. And there's those types of situations guys that

00:04:45.800 are legitimate. Okay. So please don't misunderstand me here. I'm not talking about somebody who truly

00:04:53.160 needs help. Somebody who truly needs to be lifted up. That's not at all what I'm suggesting,

00:04:57.460 but what I am suggesting is this culture in which everybody believes that they're victimized,

00:05:03.500 that somehow if they don't have what they want or, or, or believe they deserve, then somehow it's

00:05:09.080 because somebody else kept them down. And what I see more and more is it's because white men have

00:05:15.700 kept them down and that couldn't be the furthest thing from the truth. I mean, if you look around

00:05:21.360 and you see the amount of women who are securing college degrees, who are entering the workforce,

00:05:27.360 who are earning good money, who are going out and, and doing things they haven't previously

00:05:32.680 been doing before, if you look at minorities and what they've been able to accomplish, it's,

00:05:37.020 it's obvious, it's obvious that there are plenty of opportunities for every single human being,

00:05:43.580 at least in this country anyways, who have the potential and the opportunities to succeed.

00:05:50.200 Now, I don't want to be so blind and so arrogant to believe that it's not going to be harder for

00:05:55.100 some people than others. Certainly every single person out there has a challenge and I can't

00:06:00.140 pretend to know what that challenge is. I can't even assume to believe that I understand what it's

00:06:05.380 like to be a woman in the workforce or to be a minority. I don't fall into that camp, but I'm

00:06:10.700 telling you, every single one of us deals with hardship and it's those who overcome their individual

00:06:16.200 and their unique challenges that they've been tasked with shouldering that accomplish big things,

00:06:22.540 man, woman, black, white, gay, straight. I don't care. Those people have those opportunities.

00:06:28.060 All right. So now the disclaimer is out of the way. Now that I've explained to you what it is I want

00:06:31.980 to talk with you about, let's just get right into this. All right. We live in this culture and I

00:06:38.700 don't know if it's just me. I mean, maybe you guys can shed some light on some things that you're

00:06:42.240 experiencing, but it seems to me that people just love to be outraged. I mean, they love for

00:06:46.780 something to be wrong. They're actively and constantly looking for the smallest little

00:06:53.100 exception to anything that somebody says or does or a comment that heaven forbid somebody made 10

00:06:59.320 years ago. And they're going to hold that over an individual and choose to be outraged and make no

00:07:04.520 mistake. It's a choice. When a person decides to be offended or even not offended, that's a choice.

00:07:13.260 Everybody has the opportunity to look at a piece of information or a conversation or an article or

00:07:19.720 even this podcast and decide whether or not they're going to be offended and outraged by the things that

00:07:24.620 anybody is saying, or they can understand that maybe there's some truth, maybe there's some validity.

00:07:30.040 And even if there isn't, there's no reason to get upset about some of these things. So let's be

00:07:34.660 very, very cautious of getting ourselves into this, uh, this outrage culture. All right, let's break

00:07:40.240 these down. Now, here are the challenges I see and the very real threats to society as a whole,

00:07:48.120 when we allow the victims and let me say this, the quote unquote victims, because I'm not talking

00:07:53.780 about real victims here. I'm talking about those who only believe that they're victims. Although it's

00:07:59.120 very obvious that they are not. So the first challenge, number one, is it halts open dialogue

00:08:06.460 and communication. When you're afraid to say something because you're worried that somebody

00:08:13.060 might get upset or they might get offended or they might take issue with it. And then not only that,

00:08:18.240 there's some very real ramifications. Like you may have to deal with some societal backlash because

00:08:24.040 you said something that you believe, what does that do? Well, that shuts down communication.

00:08:29.740 There's things that frankly, I haven't said because I have had a little bit of a fear of

00:08:35.100 the ramifications, the pushback on some of the things that I've said. And I'm trying to be more

00:08:39.320 bold in my assertions about what I believe, because I think this poses a very serious threat to

00:08:45.040 open dialogue, open communication, and then having the types of real conversations that need to be had

00:08:50.980 in order to affect real change. So when we pretend like we're upset about every little thing,

00:08:56.820 nobody wants to have conversations about real topics anymore. They want to talk about the weather

00:09:01.420 and they want to talk about sports and they want to talk about all these little things that are safe.

00:09:05.520 And we can't have conversations about sexuality and we can't have conversations about politics and

00:09:10.680 we can't have conversations about all of these real issues that deep down inside, we are burning

00:09:16.460 to talk about. And in fact, the more that we talk about some of these things, the more likely it is

00:09:20.400 that we can come up with solutions to the problems that we're facing. But when we're worried about

00:09:25.080 one person or a group of people being so offended by the things that we say, that we won't say the

00:09:29.640 things that need to be said, it's pretty clear that that poses a problem. So again, the first one

00:09:34.960 halts open dialogue and communication. Number two, is it weakens and softens a society? I mean,

00:09:41.900 there's no doubt we are becoming weaker physically, mentally, emotionally, on every metric that I can

00:09:49.280 imagine. We are becoming a weak people. And I'll, and I'll give you a really small example of this

00:09:55.480 because when we allow these people who want to be vocal and they aren't really victims of anything,

00:10:03.880 they just like to be outraged. What ends up happening is that we, we make ourselves susceptible

00:10:09.420 to allowing those individuals into places that maybe we shouldn't allow those individuals. And I'll give

00:10:15.020 you an example of what I mean by this. If you look at schools, for example, and you look at,

00:10:20.220 we'll just take college admission and entrance into these, into colleges and universities.

00:10:25.740 Well, if we're so worried about making sure that the quote unquote victims of the world get equal

00:10:31.100 opportunities for these things, then we overlook who actually might be credible, who actually might

00:10:36.380 deserve, who have earned the grades and the reputation and everything else that goes into

00:10:40.980 earning your way into college. We don't give that person an opportunity. We give this other

00:10:45.700 individual an opportunity, even though they didn't earn it. So what does that do? Again,

00:10:50.240 it weakens the process. Same thing with teams. If everybody is allowed on the team and there's no

00:10:56.640 tryouts, then of course, we're not going to have nearly the same team that we would have before.

00:11:02.520 This is also true in corporations. If a board of advisors says we need to hire a certain amount of,

00:11:08.500 of ethnicity or minorities, or we need to hire a certain percentage of women and not that there's

00:11:15.540 anything wrong with either of those groups in and of themselves. But if that's the only qualifier for

00:11:20.440 the position, can we see that maybe somebody who is very, very qualified for that position

00:11:25.420 gets passed up? And what does that do to that business? Well, the business isn't nearly as strong

00:11:30.420 because we've got somebody in there potentially who isn't as capable as the individual we had to,

00:11:36.960 that we've been mandated to pass over. And I want to be very clear. I'm not saying that

00:11:41.360 a minority or that women, I'm not saying any of that is just by default, less capable. That's not

00:11:47.880 what I'm saying. But what I am saying is when we judge and we evaluate who should receive these

00:11:52.660 positions based on gender, heaven forbid, I even say that or, or race or nationality. And that's what

00:11:59.600 we're looking at. Well, then again, we're not looking at the metric we should be looking at,

00:12:03.960 which is competence. That is the most important thing when it comes to these things. And of course,

00:12:09.280 it makes us stronger as a society, school districts, universities, teams, corporations,

00:12:15.780 government, et cetera, et cetera. Number three, this idea that these quote unquote victims are the victors

00:12:23.900 now, it distracts. It distracts from the real issues because people get so upset about the littlest

00:12:31.880 things. I saw something about Kevin Hart. He had made some comments, uh, eight or 10 years ago

00:12:37.740 that, well, he's a comedian, first of all, and all comedians by their very nature are irreverent.

00:12:44.300 That's kind of the point we have as a society, given them permission to talk about things that

00:12:48.420 other people probably normally couldn't or wouldn't talk about, but he's being held accountable for

00:12:54.080 things that he said eight years ago. I mean, when I was 20 years old or 30 years old or 18 years old,

00:13:00.060 I said all sorts of stupid shit that I don't even remotely mean today. I probably didn't really

00:13:05.040 even mean it then. And yet we're going to hold this over somebody's head so we can distract from

00:13:10.460 real issues. Now we're worried about some award show or we're worried about who knows all sorts of

00:13:17.060 things when we should be worried about real issues and real problems and how us as men can go into the

00:13:22.540 world and use our capabilities and our skillset and our ingenuity to solve real problems. So it's

00:13:28.700 distracting from the real issues. And, and another point with that is that it's creating confusion

00:13:34.400 with what is real and fake. You know, we've all heard the term fake news and

00:13:38.720 some people mock that and everything else, but that like, if you're not looking then and seeing

00:13:44.000 that there is fake news out there, in fact, it seems to be growing and growing, then you're not

00:13:48.660 looking very hard. And it's become very, very difficult to decipher between what is real and what is fake.

00:13:55.760 And this level of confusion actually puts some people in a greater position of power because

00:14:01.380 they become the gatekeepers. I look at this in my, my old line of work, which was financial

00:14:06.260 planning. I believe for a long time. And I think this barrier is, is, is being torn down at this

00:14:12.400 point through technology and advancements and things like this, that there was a select few

00:14:17.460 companies, organizations, boards that controlled most of the financial information we received.

00:14:23.460 And because they controlled that information and they only allowed what they wanted to get out

00:14:27.720 into the public, the public wasn't as intelligent. They didn't have as much access to information.

00:14:33.500 And when they did, it was very confusing, all kinds of jargon and different terms and products

00:14:39.900 and plans and strategies that people didn't understand. And this confusion, this chaos created a

00:14:46.120 very profitable situation for these organizations who were the controllers of this information.

00:14:52.300 I mean, the same thing happened hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years ago as the church

00:14:57.840 wouldn't let out the, the information in the Bible and wouldn't even let that information be

00:15:02.680 translated because they wanted control over that information. So we can see that when there's

00:15:08.640 confusion between what is real and what is fake, that confusion leads to all sorts of problems.

00:15:14.100 And it actually isolates the power and the control into a very select few people's hands and heads.

00:15:24.060 The next point that I wanted to make is that this pits people against each other. Now, based on the

00:15:30.200 industry that I'm in, which is working with men and teaching masculinity and how this can be so

00:15:35.180 powerful and constructive in society in general, is that I think there's a lot of people who believe

00:15:40.280 that I'm against women or that women should be against men and men should be against women and

00:15:45.020 gay people should be against straight people. And it just pits people against each other where

00:15:48.980 otherwise we would have no issue. Think about that. We would have no issue because I think if I pulled

00:15:54.900 1000 people or 10 or even a hundred thousand people, and I said, what do you want? I think most

00:16:01.940 people would say, I want to be happy. Uh, I want to raise my family. I want to worship the way that I want to

00:16:09.020 worship the way I see fit. I want to make a little money. I want some opportunity for growth. I want

00:16:14.100 to be challenged physically, mentally, emotionally. Uh, I want to raise my family in righteousness in

00:16:21.020 the way that I, I best see fit. Like, I think we all have the same goals and objectives. I think

00:16:26.080 there's a very few select few who, who would say something completely different than that,

00:16:31.560 which leads me to believe whether you're on the conservative or liberal side of the aisle,

00:16:36.560 that we all want the same thing. Now, the way we go about doing that might be different, but

00:16:40.380 I've talked with all sorts of people through the work I've been doing over the past four years

00:16:44.360 who agree with me on some, some stuff and disagree with me on others. And that's kind of the point

00:16:49.680 when we can have these dialogues and I can listen to somebody who might have a differing viewpoint than

00:16:54.640 me, and they can listen to me when I have a differing viewpoint from them. I think that creates

00:16:58.700 an opportunity for better solutions, more well-rounded solutions. If I'm looking at a problem

00:17:04.640 from my perspective, it's only one perspective, but what if I could ask John and Joe and Jill and

00:17:09.840 whoever else, what they're seeing, and then I can get a 360 degree of this perspective. I don't think

00:17:15.060 for the most part that we are against each other. And yet there's the media. And I think even the

00:17:20.360 government plays a part in this where they want us to be against each other, that they want us to

00:17:28.160 fight over nothing over nonsense. It's ridiculous. And then the last point that I wanted to make

00:17:35.700 regarding the challenges, and this is not of course, an exhaustive list. You guys can probably identify

00:17:40.600 some other challenges on your own. And I would encourage you to, if you do think of some of

00:17:43.700 these challenges and issues that, that may come from allowing the so-called victims to become the

00:17:49.500 victors, uh, is this, this is the problem here. But like I said, if you think of something,

00:17:54.300 share it with me, share it on, on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram, wherever you are on social

00:17:58.080 media. But the last point that I wanted to make was that when we believe that we're the victims

00:18:03.580 and we start adhering to this, and there's a race to the bottom where somebody says, well,

00:18:08.260 this happened to me. And the other person says, well, I'm going to outdo you. This happened to me.

00:18:12.240 And this is why I haven't got ahead is that it limits responsibility. And instead it focuses on

00:18:19.860 rights. See, everybody focuses on rights. What am I entitled to? I'm entitled to happiness and I'm

00:18:25.780 entitled to a job and I'm entitled to social security benefits and I'm entitled to title to

00:18:30.140 liberty and freedom. And I'm entitled to healthcare and give me this and give me that. I didn't earn

00:18:34.780 any, but give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. Instead of focusing on what are your

00:18:40.120 responsibilities? Gentlemen, what are your responsibilities for your own wellbeing, for your

00:18:44.860 own fulfillment, for your own satisfaction, for your own financial wellbeing, for your own health

00:18:50.260 that you enjoy? You have ultimate responsibility. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that not a single

00:18:56.140 one of us has any rights because all of those things can be taken away. They've been fought for,

00:19:01.540 for sure. They've been paid for, but that doesn't mean they just go on forever. Most of us have

00:19:08.080 benefited from the responsibility of other individuals. And if we're not willing to step

00:19:15.860 up and take some responsibility into the issue and then pay those forward to future generations,

00:19:20.360 how pathetic, how sad it's, it's ridiculous. It's almost disgusting that we would focus on the

00:19:31.460 bare minimum, which is what is owed to me rather than what can I create for myself. It's, it's

00:19:39.440 un-American. Frankly, it's, it's, it's not even in our human nature. I don't believe it's in our human

00:19:47.260 nature just to just want the, the, the lowest common denominator. I believe that most of us want more.

00:19:56.900 You wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you didn't want more and bigger and better and faster.

00:20:01.460 And somehow that's demonized. There's nothing wrong with that. We've been doing it since,

00:20:06.420 since the dawn of man, we started fire and we built a wheel and we came up with technology and we

00:20:12.620 connected each other. Like we've never been connected before. And we built up these systems

00:20:17.000 and corporations and structures. And sure, there's some things wrong with those things,

00:20:20.480 but it's the best that we've ever created. If you look at the, the poverty rates, if you look at

00:20:27.480 health in general, all of these are increasing and improving. Why? Because we have a desire to

00:20:32.520 improve ourselves. We have a desire to be better. And we're, we're so focused on, on rights and what

00:20:38.500 somebody else or some organization owes me. We're stripping away all of our responsibility. And of

00:20:44.680 course, all the benefit that comes with taking responsibility. There hasn't been a point in my

00:20:49.120 life where I took on additional responsibility and haven't earned some greater reward. This is how you

00:20:54.960 get better. It's how you get healthier. It's how you improve your relationship. It's how you lose

00:20:59.560 that spare tire. It's how you make more money. It's how you start a business. It's how you serve

00:21:03.000 your community by wanting to be better and taking responsibility for doing it. So those are my,

00:21:10.020 I don't know what I say, eight, eight or nine different things that I think are very real threats

00:21:15.880 when we allow the so-called victims to be, to become the victors. Now let's get to the real issues

00:21:20.780 because it's easy to focus on problems, right? We can, we can recognize those problems and very

00:21:25.380 easily see what these problems are. But the question is what, what do we do about it?

00:21:29.540 If these are the problems, how do we fix it? How do we solve it? And how do we take upon the

00:21:34.380 responsibility? Like I was talking just a minute ago to actually be the ones who are going to fix

00:21:39.780 the problems that we see and not allow ourselves to be weakened, not allow ourselves to be outraged or,

00:21:45.600 or offended, uh, not, not distracted from what's really important, not fighting against a common

00:21:52.000 brother or sister who in any other context would be in a complete agreement on these things.

00:21:58.160 How do we fix this? Here's, here's number one, be an example, be an example. Don't whine. Don't

00:22:05.600 complain. Don't paint yourself into the victim corner. You be a victor, take responsibility.

00:22:10.820 You know, if you mess up, you screw up or, or you have to face the consequences of your actions,

00:22:15.520 do it like a man, do it with your head held high on your feet, realize that you got your butt kicked

00:22:21.360 or whatever it may have been and take your licking and then fix it, improve yourself. And when somebody

00:22:27.700 excuses away your piss poor behavior, don't accept that. I hear that all the time. Oh, Ryan, it's okay.

00:22:33.300 Oh, you can take a break. Oh, you can eat this piece of cake. Oh, you can, your business is doing

00:22:36.840 good. You don't need to improve anymore. Bullshit. That might be good enough for you,

00:22:40.820 but it's not good enough for me. And if you're listening to this podcast, I think you're in

00:22:44.460 agreement is that you don't want to be a victim that you want to take responsibility, not only

00:22:49.080 for your life, but your family and your business and your community and the teams that you coach

00:22:53.840 and the people you will mentor and the people you're teaching and every facet of your life.

00:22:57.100 And I commend you. If that's you keep doing that, don't allow yourself to be a victim of any

00:23:02.000 circumstance. Now, are things going to go wrong? Of course, but that doesn't mean you can't take

00:23:07.280 responsibility and emerge better than you were before. Number two, be vocal guys be vocal. I think

00:23:15.560 still, even though I feel like we're, we're reaching this, this tipping point, I still believe

00:23:21.480 that the victims, and I keep saying the victims, I should just say the quote unquote victims are the

00:23:26.440 so-called victims, but that the so-called victims are the vocal minority that they don't represent the

00:23:32.560 majority of us. And yet we're allowing these people to dictate the tone of the conversation.

00:23:37.720 We're allowing it to happen in the media and we're giving attention to it. It's amazing to me how

00:23:42.080 often we'll draw attention to some of these people. Uh, and the more that we do, even if we're trying

00:23:46.580 to combat the argument, the more that we give them the attention, the more that we're rewarding this,

00:23:51.200 this negative behavior, I would never allow my children to complain and bitch and moan and cry and

00:23:56.480 gripe about somebody did this to me. I'll give you an example. Uh, just this past weekend, uh, we,

00:24:01.880 we were playing basketball and, uh, you know, I think the referee made some bad calls and the boys

00:24:08.940 after the game were visibly upset. And I said, you know what, what, what's wrong? What's going on?

00:24:12.720 You know, let's talk about the game. They said, that referee screwed us over. And I stopped them,

00:24:17.240 stopped them right there in their tracks. I said, you know what, that referee may have made some bad

00:24:21.980 calls, but human errors built into the game. You should have never have allowed it to get so close

00:24:28.160 that the, that the game could be dictated by the referee. And I think they understood that.

00:24:34.580 I think they got that. That's what my coach used to say to me, whatever, 21, 22 years ago is that we

00:24:40.820 should never have the game so close that a referee can alter the final outcome of the game. And that's

00:24:49.140 what I told them, guys, we've got to be vocal. We've got to share this stuff. We can't allow ourselves

00:24:54.180 to be the victims and we've got to take responsibility. All right. Number three is

00:24:59.620 about raising children. Now I've, I've talked a lot about this in the past, but guys, we've got to

00:25:03.860 raise children who are champions. We've got to raise children who are champions in the way that we do

00:25:09.460 that is we allow them to fail. We allow them to win. We, we measure their progress. We track their

00:25:16.140 progress. We keep score. We, we allow competition to be a driving factor in their lives because it helps

00:25:22.200 them improve and see where they need to improve, but we've got to raise champions and it's becoming

00:25:27.400 increasingly easy to do that. But we cannot shirk our responsibility as fathers to raise children

00:25:34.080 who thrive, who excel, who under pressure continue to drive on in the face of adversity and obstacles

00:25:41.580 and challenges and trials and everything that are likely to face. See what most parents will do.

00:25:46.800 And I don't know if it's most parents, but what a lot of parents will do is they'll excuse

00:25:50.520 away their kid's behavior. You know, their kid does something stupid in school or, or as a bully

00:25:55.260 and gets in a fight or does something. Then, then the parent swoops in and rescues the child.

00:26:01.880 It's ridiculous. And not only is it ridiculous, it's destructive to that child. That child is never

00:26:06.920 going to understand the ramifications of, and, and consequences of their decisions. And we see this,

00:26:12.900 you know, we see this with, with young people who believe that they're entitled to everything,

00:26:17.000 that if something goes wrong, they can't figure out why somebody is actually mad at them.

00:26:20.520 Or why they lost their job or why they're not making any money. And then what do we do? In addition

00:26:24.340 to that? Well, we give them handouts, we give them money and we give them food and we allow them to

00:26:28.900 move back in, even though they had made a mistake. And part of that, a large part of that is because

00:26:33.440 we didn't teach these principles when they were young, because we were too selfish. And that's what

00:26:38.600 it is. We were too selfish to allow our children to experience the consequences, not because we were

00:26:46.680 worried about them, but because we were worried about our own damn feelings, that it's uncomfortable.

00:26:52.800 I mean, when my, when my, when I have to, to scold or discipline my children, it's uncomfortable.

00:26:59.340 I don't want to do that. I want everything to be happy. I want everything to be fine. I want them to

00:27:05.160 make the right choices. And when they don't, I don't want to allow them to experience anything

00:27:09.720 like that, but I have to, it's my responsibility to do that thing. So gentlemen, raise children who

00:27:17.520 are champions. And along those same lines is that we've got to encourage and foster competition. I

00:27:22.740 mean, you see these, these youth leagues and these sports teams. It's like, let's not keep,

00:27:27.660 I actually saw one article that they actually removed the, the soccer ball. They removed the

00:27:34.920 soccer ball from soccer because they were worried that some kids would score and others wouldn't.

00:27:40.540 It's asinine. It's ridiculous. And it's not good. It's not healthy. Competition is healthy. And I'm

00:27:49.140 going to have somebody who responds back and says, well, we don't want kids to feel bad. I don't want

00:27:53.540 kids to feel bad either, but such as life. You guys have experienced hardship. I've experienced

00:27:59.120 hardship. It sucks. Nobody wants to go through that, but we learn from it. We grow from it.

00:28:03.680 And you know, what's funny is these kids, as I've been coaching for, oh, probably six or seven years

00:28:08.820 now is even though some of the leagues that I've participated in don't keep score. What's really

00:28:13.480 interesting is as soon as the game's over, as soon as the game's over, the children will come up to me

00:28:18.020 and said, who won? And I remember as I was coaching in the first year or two, I'd say, you know what?

00:28:22.080 I don't, I don't know who won because we didn't keep score. They're like, oh, and they were all

00:28:25.760 disappointed. So what I started doing is keeping score. And then through keeping score, I was able

00:28:32.160 to tell them, Hey, we won or we didn't win, or here's what we did. And here's why we won,

00:28:36.240 or here's why we lost. And people will say, well, that takes a good coach to be able to do that.

00:28:39.720 No shit. Of course. That's what I'm saying. That in point number one, as far as the solution,

00:28:44.620 I said, be the example. Yes. It takes men who are good coaches in this circumstance to be able to coach

00:28:51.720 a kid and coach a child to, to help them understand that if you lost, here's why you lost. And if you

00:28:57.280 won, here's why you won. And here's how we can improve. And here's how we can get better. That's

00:29:00.620 a given. It doesn't even need to be said. Of course there needs to be great men to step up

00:29:05.760 and lead our children. But if we allow ourselves to be effeminate or we allow ourselves to be

00:29:11.520 victims, or we feel so bad and we have these bleeding hearts and we don't allow our children

00:29:15.800 to experience hardship or loss, I mean, what good are we really doing them? So guys, let's

00:29:20.400 encourage and foster competition, especially if you're, you're in charge of, of city leagues and

00:29:25.600 rec leagues and some of these sports organization organizations, uh, you need to be fostering that

00:29:30.220 competition. Children thrive on it. They want it. It's a human condition. So get it done. Uh, the next

00:29:36.700 one is, I think that we have an obligation to, and this goes back to the disclaimer that I was sharing

00:29:40.860 earlier is that we, as men, strong men, men who are capable and ready, or we should be anyways,

00:29:46.140 is that we have a responsibility, an obligation. And in fact, we have a moral obligation to serve

00:29:52.460 and protect those who are less fortunate, those who cannot do it for themselves. And I'm not talking

00:29:58.220 about these so-called victims. I'm talking about the real ones. I'm talking about the people that

00:30:03.500 really genuinely need help at the root of what it means to be a man is to serve. And if we're not

00:30:12.260 serving the people who need to be served and we need to be able to discern between who does and who

00:30:17.300 doesn't, but we do have an obligation to serve those who truly need it. And then we aren't looked

00:30:22.640 at as, as so rough or, or unkind or uncaring that people recognize, Oh, this is a man who steps up.

00:30:32.400 He serves in his, his community. He serves the people that he cares about. He serves those who are

00:30:38.060 less fortunate. He donates his time. He donates his energy and he donates his money to those people who

00:30:42.800 aren't capable of doing it for themselves. I do believe we have a moral obligation to do that.

00:30:47.740 And the more that we do that, the more that we're going to be recognized as not these, these strong

00:30:53.480 uncaring men, but that we genuinely do care about the things that are actually important and the

00:30:58.640 things that we actually should. Uh, next is to share and fight for democracy. I'm talking about

00:31:06.640 liberty and I'm talking about freedom and I'm talking about fighting against tyranny and oppression and

00:31:11.200 violence. And first of all, we've got to recognize that it's out there. I've talked with so many people

00:31:15.820 who believe that if you just gave some terrorist a hug, that everything would be fine. Well,

00:31:19.840 I'm here to tell you, that's an individual who's never faced any violence that has never come face

00:31:24.540 to face with another individual who wants to kill you. And not only you, but everything that you love

00:31:28.780 and hold dear. I've seen it. I've been confronted with it and I know what's out there. And so we have

00:31:35.120 an obligation as men who are strong and capable and ready and prepared to do these things, to stand up

00:31:40.120 and fight for democracy, fight for liberty, fight for the voice of those who don't have a voice and,

00:31:46.060 and, and reject some of these ideas and fight against some of these ideas and be prepared and

00:31:50.620 ready and battle tested for the day that comes when somebody tries to take that from you or somebody you

00:31:55.800 have an obligation to, to protect. That's one of our core responsibilities is to, is to fight for

00:32:04.060 this stuff is to care about these people and protect them and lead them in a way that keeps them safe and

00:32:09.380 you secure and produce these effective outcomes for the people that we have an obligation for. So

00:32:13.800 get out there, share it, fight for it, fight for freedom, fight for liberty and democracy, fight for

00:32:19.580 a right to say the things that you want to say and a right to express yourself in a way that you want

00:32:25.940 to express yourself within parameters and, and, and, and be able to have conversations and disagreements.

00:32:31.560 This stuff is all very, very important. Uh, the next, what did I write down here? I lost my,

00:32:36.400 my place here. Oh, is to hold people accountable for their actions. What a novel idea. What a crazy

00:32:42.920 concept that if somebody makes a mistake that we actually hold them accountable to their actions.

00:32:47.160 And I'm not just talking about the common man. I'm talking about our political leaders. I'm talking

00:32:52.800 about those in positions of authority that all of us adhere to the right standard, the same standard.

00:32:57.160 I'm so sick of hearing, for example, uh, Congress. And, and in fact, our school board just approved a 20%

00:33:05.100 pay raise for themselves. It's like, are you kidding me? I mean, that's, that's like the very

00:33:09.100 definition of letting the Fox guard the hen house. It's absolutely ridiculous. We need to hold people

00:33:15.000 accountable for their decisions and the choices they're making and help them realize the consequences

00:33:21.780 of their actions. There are consequences to your actions. And when we don't learn those things and we

00:33:28.620 don't have to suffer the consequence of those things. And even these so-called victims, then they

00:33:33.180 continue to be victims, right? Like if you have somebody who, who has received handouts and

00:33:38.080 government aid and government assistance for the last 10 years, and we never take that away from

00:33:41.820 that individual, it does that individual have any sort of a desire or, or feel any sort of

00:33:48.040 responsibility to go out and pave his or her own path. Of course not. Of course not. Why would they?

00:33:53.860 They've been given everything. So there's gotta be consequences for your inaction. My, my oldest son,

00:33:59.280 for example, man, he has a hard time getting going. My second son, he's on it. If he wants something

00:34:04.260 and I say, Hey, you got to do this, this, this, and this first. And then as soon as you do that,

00:34:07.400 you can do whatever you want. He'll do it. I mean, he's on it. My oldest son, for whatever reason is

00:34:13.100 like, man, it's like light of fire under his ass. Sometimes it's a very difficult thing. I'm like,

00:34:17.060 Hey, as soon as you get done with this and he continues to drag his feet. Well, guess what?

00:34:20.720 We've had to take away some, some opportunities. He's missed some parties. He's missed some team,

00:34:26.060 some, some, uh, some activities. He's missed some, some sports teams and practices and games

00:34:30.960 because he he's not doing what he should be doing. And if I don't allow him to see the negative side

00:34:36.940 of, or the consequence of those actions, I mean, I'm, I'm robbing him. I'm crippling him. So guys,

00:34:42.640 we've got to hold people accountable for their actions. Now there are those who truly need help.

00:34:46.360 And I say, let's help them to the degree we can, and let's put it on a timeframe. And in the meantime,

00:34:50.060 let's educate them. Let's give them a real hand up, which is information and knowledge and

00:34:54.400 application and wisdom to be able to now go on and provide your own way. This is the whole

00:34:58.400 concept between behind, uh, uh, teaching Amanda fish rather than, than giving him a fish, right?

00:35:04.140 We've got to teach these individuals rather than just give them everything. Uh, and then the last

00:35:08.820 one that I had made here as a point, and again, this is not an exhaustive list, but I know we're

00:35:13.280 going a little long here. Uh, but this last point is that we need to learn to have open dialogue and

00:35:20.220 communication. If you're going to complain about other people shutting down conversation or other

00:35:25.920 people being these so-called victims and shutting down your conversation, if that's the path and the

00:35:31.040 route in the dialogue, uh, or the script that you have, then you can't be that individual.

00:35:37.840 And I see that so often as people will say, Oh, you're shutting down communication. Well,

00:35:41.820 you're a hole. And then they just go off. It's like, well, that's a little hypocritical. Don't you

00:35:46.080 think to tell somebody that they're shutting down conversation? And yet you're going to start

00:35:50.100 with the personal attacks and, and start shutting them down. Like this is how can you not see this?

00:35:55.760 So guys, we've got to be better about being open. Look, other people are going to have

00:36:00.040 disagreements. They're, they're not attacking you. What is the quote? Uh, never let me fall into the

00:36:05.680 vulgar trap of believing that every time somebody disagrees with me, I'm, um, or excuse me, that every

00:36:10.920 time I'm contradicted, I'm being persecuted. I may have butchered that, but I think you understand

00:36:14.900 the point guys, nobody's out to get you. Or I should say these people who you think might

00:36:20.980 out are out to get you or not, they just have a disagreement and it's okay. It's okay. In a lot

00:36:26.740 of cases, you don't even need to defend yourself. And if you are going to defend yourself, then just

00:36:30.560 do it respectfully. Do it with an open eye and an open heart and an open ear that, Oh, maybe this

00:36:35.760 individual knows something that I can learn from. And I think if we do that and we encourage and we

00:36:41.200 foster healthy, open dialogue and communication, even with people we don't agree with, I think

00:36:47.460 we're doing ourselves a great service when we do these things. So there it is guys. That's a lot.

00:36:56.240 That's a lot of information that I just went through. So you might need to go back and listen

00:36:59.940 to it or take notes. I just want to go through these things again, really, really, really quick.

00:37:03.240 And then, uh, we'll call it a day, but I'll share with you again that the problems I see, and then we'll

00:37:07.880 get to the answers just as a recap. Number one, as far as the problems go, is it, it, when, when

00:37:13.380 we allow these so-called victims to become the victors of, of society, it halts open dialogue

00:37:18.800 and communication. Uh, it weakens and softens society. It makes us susceptible to, to challenges

00:37:24.780 and struggles and problems. It distracts from the real issues. Uh, it creates confusion between what

00:37:29.960 is real and what is fake. Uh, it pits people against each other that normally wouldn't be put

00:37:34.160 against each other. And then it limits our responsibility and instead focuses on our

00:37:38.260 quote unquote rights. And then the answers is to be the example. Don't be a victim yourself

00:37:43.460 to be vocal, to share this podcast and share what you know about, uh, taking life by, by

00:37:49.720 the horns and doing what you need to do. Uh, raise children who are champions, uh, encourage

00:37:55.020 and foster competition, protect those who are genuinely less fortunate, the genuine victims, not

00:37:59.600 the so-called victims, uh, share and fight for democracy and liberty and freedom, uh, hold

00:38:05.260 people accountable for their actions. And then the last one I just went through is, uh, continue

00:38:09.880 to have open dialogue and communication, even with those people who disagree, be civil about

00:38:14.100 that. So that's what I've got for you today, guys. Uh, again, this, this is a, an interesting

00:38:18.880 point that I think we're beginning to reach where the so-called victims of society, which are

00:38:24.360 not always really victims, uh, have become the victors in a lot of ways. And I reject

00:38:30.180 that idea. I dismissed that idea. I don't think that there are a whole lot of victims

00:38:33.640 out there. I realized that some people suffer at the hands of others, that there are some

00:38:37.660 horrific atrocities that are done to people. Um, but I think that's the exception, not necessarily

00:38:43.580 the rule. And we've got to take responsibility for, for what it is that we're doing. So I hope

00:38:48.500 that helps guys, please share this episode. I think this is a powerful one. I think this

00:38:51.700 is an issue that, that needs to be addressed. And one that probably a whole lot of people

00:38:54.760 aren't talking about because it is uncomfortable. And I'm bringing up some truths that people,

00:38:58.760 sometimes they just don't want to face. So I'll leave you there guys, man. I got a lot,

00:39:02.460 went through a lot. Um, this is our, uh, our Friday field notes. So the next time you'll

00:39:05.700 hear from me is on Tuesday, uh, for my, uh, for my interview show, we do a Tuesday show,

00:39:10.540 which is an interview. And I've got a great one lined up for you. And then we do our, uh, our

00:39:14.680 Wednesday show, which is the ask me anything with Kip. And then of course this year,

00:39:18.380 your Friday field notes. So I appreciate you guys being on the journey. I

00:39:21.560 appreciate you sharing the message. I appreciate you guys being true victors,

00:39:24.900 not playing the victim card. Like so many people like to, and a man, I say this every

00:39:29.020 week, but we couldn't do it without you. And I'm honored, honored to be on this journey

00:39:32.080 with you. So guys, until next week, go out there, take action and become the man you

00:39:36.560 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to

00:39:41.240 take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to

00:39:45.460 join the order at order of man.com.

00:39:51.560 Thank you.

00:39:54.900 Thank you.

Order of Man - December 14, 2018

When So-Called "Victims" Became the Victors ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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