Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.420 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man. I want to

00:00:32.360 welcome you to this podcast, to the movement, to the mission to reclaim and restore masculinity in

00:00:38.660 a society that seems to be increasingly dismissive of it. We're on a mission here, guys. That's to

00:00:44.580 give you the tools and the conversations, guidance, resource, direction, insight, whatever you need

00:00:49.540 to help you become a more capable father, husband, business owner, community leader, you name it.

00:00:55.240 So, like I said before, I'm glad you're here. Got a good one lined up for you today on the concept

00:01:01.720 or the idea of who has your back because this is increasingly important, I think, for men and

00:01:07.440 something that we have seemed to have forgotten. So, we're going to get into that here in a minute.

00:01:12.340 Before I do, I want to let you know a little bit about our, not only our show sponsors, I was going

00:01:17.740 to say that, but that doesn't quite do it justice. I want to talk with you about my friends,

00:01:22.100 my friends over at Origin Maine. Now, these guys do rash guards, they do geese, they do Brazilian

00:01:28.540 jiu-jitsu apparel, but they also do lifestyle apparel. And they're coming up with a denim line

00:01:34.320 and also a boot line. And then, of course, they've got their supplements. It's the Jocko supplements,

00:01:39.540 it's the Joint Warfare, the Super Krill, the Malk, the Discipline, which is the pre-workout,

00:01:44.980 and then their Discipline Go, which is a cognitive enhancer. And I think they just released that

00:01:50.440 this week, I want to say. If it's not this week, it's next week. And I've tasted it and

00:01:55.540 used it, and it's pretty powerful stuff. So, I'm excited about that as well. Make sure you check

00:02:01.120 them out, originmain.com, originmain.com, and use the code ORDER, O-R-D-E-R, at checkout for a discount

00:02:08.660 on your entire purchase. Again, originmain.com, use the code ORDER. Now, part of the reason I wanted

00:02:15.340 to bring that up is not only because I believe in what they're doing and their story, and of course,

00:02:19.740 use their products personally, but because these are guys in a way that I look at as having my six,

00:02:25.740 having my back. And that's what I wanted to talk with you about today because I seem to be getting

00:02:32.140 a lot more text and direct messages and emails from members who listen to this podcast and who are part

00:02:39.640 of this organization with questions that, frankly, they... Let me say it this way. I'm glad that they're

00:02:46.120 asking me these questions, but I shouldn't be the one that they have to turn to. And as I get these

00:02:51.720 emails and these texts and these direct messages, it seems to me like a lot of these guys have no

00:02:56.620 other place to turn. So, they're asking me questions about their relationship or their career status or

00:03:02.700 how they're doing in their finances. And maybe they're facing a difficult circumstance like a

00:03:08.180 medical condition or illness or potential bankruptcy or a divorce or separation in their marriage or

00:03:16.260 their relationship. And although I'm honored, these guys would reach out to me and humbled that they

00:03:22.520 would ask me questions and think highly enough of me that they feel like they can turn to me. I mean,

00:03:27.860 that's what I want to do is be a resource. I can't help but think it's a little disheartening

00:03:32.820 and a little sad, frankly, that these guys don't have anywhere else to turn. And that's what they

00:03:38.160 tell me. In fact, I got a message, I believe it was earlier this week. And the guy said,

00:03:41.880 I can't turn anywhere else. I can't turn to my friends or I don't have friends. It was something

00:03:45.560 along those lines. And I thought, man, that's actually pretty rough. And I think it's a detriment

00:03:50.380 to how we show up as men. As men, we've been operating for tens of thousands of years in tribes

00:03:59.300 and packs and gangs and teams and groups. And it seems to me that as we gain more technological

00:04:08.560 advancements and we isolate ourselves even more, that it's become a problem of banding together with

00:04:14.400 other men. Now you couple this with the idea and the notion that's been perpetuated, I think probably

00:04:19.300 started around industrial revolution, where we now leave our communities and we leave our farms and

00:04:26.500 our families and we go out into the workforce and we focus on specialization or one little thing that

00:04:31.240 we're good at in the assembly line. And we continue to see why this is a problem, this idea of isolation.

00:04:39.340 Then you get into pop culture and you get into James Bond and Jason Bourne. And these guys are the

00:04:45.780 lone wolf, right? They're doing everything on their own and they don't want any help. They don't want any

00:04:51.480 outside interference. And so what we do as young boys who have been conditioned and indoctrinated

00:04:57.460 in a way to look at this is we think that that's how we're supposed to do it. That we're supposed to

00:05:02.800 go at it alone. And that if we need any sort of assistance or help along the way, then we're

00:05:06.900 perceived as being less masculine or weak. Now, I don't think it's weakness to reach out to a band of

00:05:13.240 brothers, to reach out to somebody who's going to have your back, who has proven time in and time out

00:05:18.500 that they are going to support you. They're going to uplift you and edify you and help you overcome

00:05:24.000 these challenges and obstacles. And yet so many of us don't have a band of brothers. We don't have

00:05:29.660 men, other men that we can rely on that will help us get through these difficult life circumstances.

00:05:37.020 And that we help get them through difficult life circumstances and challenges as well. And that's

00:05:44.060 what I'm going to talk with you about today is I want you to ask yourself, seriously consider and

00:05:49.940 ask yourself, who has your six? Who is it that you can call in the middle of the night that if you've

00:05:56.180 got a problem, whatever that problem looks like, and we'll get specific about that, that you know

00:06:01.100 without a doubt that that individual is going to get his ass out of bed or he's going to put down

00:06:05.560 whatever it is he's doing and he's going to come and he's going to serve you and he's going to help

00:06:09.480 you overcome the challenging situation that you may have found yourself in. If the answer is,

00:06:15.500 or there is no answer, or I don't know who that would be, you've got a problem. You've got a serious,

00:06:21.100 serious problem. And the reason that you may not have addressed it is because you haven't had to

00:06:27.000 call on that individual yet. But mark my words, you will. Something bad will happen. You'll have a

00:06:32.420 medical diagnosis. You'll lose a loved one, potentially your spouse or a child. You'll go

00:06:41.180 through bankruptcy or you'll lose your job. Any number of things that could happen. You'll become

00:06:46.900 disabled and you can't work. If that day comes and when it comes, we don't know specifically what

00:06:53.040 it's going to be, but when that day comes, if you haven't prepared yourself by rallying around you

00:06:58.720 a band of brothers who are motivated and inspired and positive and encouraging and uplifting and

00:07:05.400 loyal to you, you're going to find yourself in a bad situation. I know I did. I've talked about it

00:07:10.420 at length. When I went through the separation, now there's other stories as well, and I'll maybe get

00:07:15.060 to some of these either on this podcast or a future one. But when I went through my separation with my

00:07:20.120 wife, what I had done for the previous four or five years leading up to our separation is I had

00:07:26.040 ostracized all my friends. I spent all my time and my attention and my energy on her,

00:07:32.160 which kind of makes sense. I wanted to be around her. I love her. And also gave that attention to

00:07:38.680 my one-year-old son at the time. So my band of brothers was non-existent. They were out doing

00:07:43.920 their thing and hanging out and having fun and lifting each other up and competing and rising

00:07:49.060 together. And I wasn't part of that club because, not because they wouldn't invite me, but because

00:07:54.280 I bowed out of the organization because I was busy with life and marriage and raising a kid and

00:08:02.400 business and everything else. And so when this difficult time in my life happened, my wife and

00:08:06.740 I going through our separation, I had nobody. I had nobody to turn to because I hadn't built up the

00:08:14.340 relationship capital that I needed in order to call upon men who would help me come through these

00:08:22.220 difficult situations. And granted, I was able to develop that over a course of months and ended

00:08:28.780 up building out a band of brothers and that helped me. But I can't think that that would have gone a

00:08:32.520 whole lot quicker and a whole lot smoother for me. And I would have been mentally in a completely

00:08:37.660 different place, a much better place had I had men who rallied behind me in my time of need.

00:08:43.340 Guys, we can't operate in life alone. We have these little terms, the lone wolf. And the one I heard

00:08:50.440 not too long ago was, it's no longer about an alpha or a beta. It's something like an omega now,

00:08:57.280 which is that he doesn't need anybody else. I don't know. It's weird. Anytime I hear alpha or beta or

00:09:02.940 omega, apparently, I kind of tune out a little bit because I don't think we can be boxed down or

00:09:08.000 pigeonholed into these simple frameworks or categories. So the point that I'm making,

00:09:15.540 if you don't get it by now, is that you need to build a band of brothers. You need to find men

00:09:20.620 in your life who care about you, who want to see you thrive, who want to see you succeed. These are

00:09:25.860 not bobbleheads that are going to bob up and down and say, yes, yes, yes, everything you're doing is

00:09:29.540 wonderful, but they might actually call you on some of your bullshit when you need to be called on

00:09:34.160 those things. That's what you need in your life. You need competition. You need brotherhood. You

00:09:39.440 need camaraderie. You need support. And it's on you to build that. A lot of times it seems to me

00:09:44.940 that guys are waiting around for something wonderful to happen to them. That, oh, if I find the right

00:09:50.180 guy to include in my circle, that everything will just work out. No, it takes time and it takes an

00:09:55.260 investment. It takes energy and resources into those individuals so that you can build the type of

00:10:01.080 brotherhood I'm talking about. And I'll tell you what, it's powerful. It's powerful. When men band

00:10:06.220 together towards a common enemy or towards a common purpose, I think that creates a very unstoppable

00:10:14.260 force for good and for overcoming hardship and tragedy that you may inevitably face and experience

00:10:21.060 in your life. So what I wanted to do with you today, as I was thinking about over this past three or

00:10:25.560 four days on what I wanted to talk with you on the Friday field notes, is I thought I'd share with you

00:10:29.760 a couple of strategies, a couple of tips that you can use in order to build this band of brothers,

00:10:36.840 in order to build a brotherhood of guys who have your six, who have your back when things go south

00:10:42.060 and things go wrong and you aren't relying upon reaching out to me, somebody, frankly, you don't

00:10:49.020 know because you have nobody else to turn to. Now, I'll do the best that I can. I can't say that I'll get

00:10:54.620 to everybody or I can't answer every question or dilemma or problem that every man has ever

00:10:58.480 experienced. I'll do what I can. I try to do a lot on this podcast and that's why I want you to have

00:11:02.960 somebody locally, somebody near you, at least somebody digitally that you can connect with

00:11:08.560 and band with who will have your back in these difficult situations. So the first thing I would

00:11:13.000 say, guys, is you've got to invest now. I talked about this not being a passive strategy. It's going

00:11:18.680 to be very active. You've got to be assertive in this. You've got to put yourself in the situation

00:11:23.820 to build a band of brothers, to have men who have your back. And it takes an investment of resources,

00:11:29.200 time, energy, money. These are the types of things that are required on your part to build this out,

00:11:34.080 but you've got to invest in that now. Because if you wait until there's a problem or a divorce or a

00:11:40.300 bankruptcy or a medical condition or a job layoff or a death in the family, if you wait, you've waited

00:11:46.100 too long. You've got to be proactive about this and you've got to invest now. And I say investing in

00:11:52.640 other men because it truly is an investment. If you look at what an investment is, it's a

00:11:59.360 voluntary giving of resources in order to yield more resources down the road. Now, those resources can be

00:12:11.340 financial resources. If we're talking about financial planning, it could be time, it could be

00:12:15.960 energy and focus. It could be attention. When you give those resources to other men who you want to

00:12:22.340 include in your circle, that will be returned to you. Now, you're not going to do it because it's

00:12:26.740 going to be returned to you, but this has to be a mutually beneficial relationship. You have to be

00:12:32.000 able to serve other men in your circle, your brothers, just as much as they serve you. And if you're in

00:12:39.560 relationships, whether it's a romantic relationship or some sort of fraternity, a brotherhood, and all

00:12:46.020 you're trying to do is get and take and take and take, you might get some things initially, but this

00:12:51.340 is not a long-term strategy. This is going to be a very short-lived relationship and it's not going to

00:12:57.180 value those other men. And it's certainly not going to value you. So we're playing a long game,

00:13:02.340 the long investment strategy here. How can I pour into other men who I admire, who I respect,

00:13:09.560 who I want to see win, who I value? How can I serve them knowing that ultimately there may come

00:13:17.120 a point in time where they can serve me and help me in a way that I need to be helped? So number one,

00:13:22.860 invest right now. It's like that old adage or proverb that says, when's the best time to plant a tree?

00:13:28.700 Well, before you need the shade. When's the second best time? Right now. Because I'm telling you,

00:13:33.960 the shade's coming and I hope you're prepared in that day. I really do. It's up to you to prepare

00:13:38.920 right now. Invest now. Number two, I alluded to it. Lead with value. Lead with value. I can't tell

00:13:45.300 you how many times people reach out to me. And these are the guys I'm talking about who don't

00:13:48.860 have anybody who has their back and has their six. And they'll reach out to me and they'll want me to

00:13:54.060 solve their problems. Which I get when you're desperate at times for solutions to life's dilemmas.

00:14:03.520 You're kind of in take mode. You're kind of in, I need to consume mode. I need somebody to help me

00:14:10.420 or to give me a couple ideas. But look, that's not leading with value. That's the antithesis of

00:14:17.040 leading with value. You're taking. So if you want to invest now in a band of brothers, in a fraternity,

00:14:22.900 men who are going to help you thrive and succeed in the best of times and the worst of times,

00:14:26.360 then you've got to lead with value. How are you going to serve these other individuals?

00:14:29.780 How are you going to ensure that they win? What resources do they need? What connections can you

00:14:35.000 make for these individuals? When you start leading with value because you care about people and you

00:14:39.780 care about individuals and you want these men to win, you inevitably will win. A rising tide lifts

00:14:45.820 all boats. There's another proverb or a quote, and I don't know who said that, but a rising tide lifts

00:14:50.360 all boats. So it might not be your time right now to get, but you can certainly give. You may be in

00:14:57.840 a position where you have the resources or the capacity to serve other individuals, other peers,

00:15:04.000 brothers. Make sure you do that. Lead with value. And then when there comes a point in time where

00:15:10.500 you're going to need to extract from the group, there's not going to be any question as to whether

00:15:14.580 or not they will serve you. Now, some might because they might be gaming it or they might be keeping

00:15:19.340 score, but those are guys you're going to weed out of your inner circle anyways. I'm talking about

00:15:23.520 loyal, committed brothers who will do anything for you. Most of us don't have it. Maybe we had it in

00:15:33.360 school a little bit. Maybe we had it in some sort of organization, a church organization or scouts

00:15:38.120 when we were younger. Maybe if you play any sports and you were on a club that way, you had some of

00:15:44.020 this. Military certainly has that element of brotherhood, but outside of that, very few men have

00:15:49.660 this. You've got to invest. Number one, you've got to lead with value. Number two, number three,

00:15:55.180 rally around a cause, a common cause, something that's meaningful and significant to you and the

00:16:00.860 other men in your life or against a common enemy. It's been shown that physically women do best when

00:16:10.320 they're face-to-face, right? They're interacting, they're having conversations, they're face-to-face and

00:16:15.400 they're discussing thoughts and ideas and beliefs and everything else they discuss. But it's been shown

00:16:20.640 alternatively for men that they operate best when they're standing shoulder-to-shoulder, hip-to-hip,

00:16:28.000 facing a common obstacle, facing a common objective, and then working collectively and in tandem to

00:16:34.960 achieve the ultimate result. So the best way to find men who are going to be in your circle, guys who are

00:16:40.900 going to have your back in the best and worst of times is to rally around a cause, a meaningful cause

00:16:45.880 or against a common enemy. So a couple of examples, hunting has been a big part of my life and a part

00:16:54.700 of my life where I've builded, builded, that's not a word, where I've built, excuse me, where I've built

00:17:00.360 some solid friendships and connections because we have a common purpose and there's meaning and

00:17:08.540 significance in us being on the hunt together. Brazilian jiu-jitsu, another thing that's

00:17:12.640 relatively new in my life. But not only are we against a common enemy and sometimes it's each

00:17:18.100 other, there's a lot of cooperation in that that improves ourselves. You know, I'll roll with a guy

00:17:24.220 for 10 minutes and he'll kick my butt for 10 minutes, I mean hard, where I'm in physical pain

00:17:29.620 and then at the end of it, we shake hands and slap each other on the butt and say, hey, good job, man.

00:17:34.480 That's, that's what I'm talking about here. So not quite literally, we're going against each other,

00:17:39.480 but it's also cooperation. So Brazilian jiu-jitsu has been a big part of that. And then, and the other

00:17:46.780 component I can think of is, is exercise. That's been a big part of my life for the past, I would say

00:17:53.940 five, six, seven years. And I'm always amazed, specifically one that comes off to off mind is

00:18:00.480 Soren X, Bert Soren. He's the president and CEO. He's a close personal friend of mine.

00:18:05.640 And I'm amazed at what I've seen him create within his culture, within his organization. I was

00:18:12.200 fortunate enough to go to their annual event called Summer Strong just a few months ago and to see the

00:18:18.720 camaraderie and the friendships and the brotherhood and the care that they had built around getting

00:18:24.920 strong and being physically cultured and becoming legendary is their tagline. It was pretty inspiring

00:18:31.220 to see. These are men who are rallied around a very common purpose, a very common objective.

00:18:37.860 They're helping each other out. They're calling each other out. They're competing in a way that

00:18:41.740 pushes them and drives them to succeed and excel and do better. So find something that's meaningful

00:18:47.320 to you. Find a hobby, an interest in activity, something that, that you're excited about.

00:18:52.580 And I guarantee there's other men who are excited about that. And when you find this common purpose

00:18:57.760 or the common enemy, you will be that much more bound together. But if you're just hanging out,

00:19:04.640 that's, that's, that's not significant. That's not meaningful. And it's likely that you're not going

00:19:09.220 to find the type of men of which I'm referring, or they might be, but you're going to have to

00:19:13.080 figure that out in a different capacity. So rally around a very, very specific cause.

00:19:17.680 Uh, number four, include other men in activities. Don't do things alone. It's that simple. I know

00:19:24.660 sometimes it's weird if, for example, you've identified somebody that you want to have in

00:19:29.280 your inner circle. And like, it's almost like you're asking this individual on a date. And

00:19:33.620 obviously that's awkward and weird. And that's why I think a lot of guys don't do this is because

00:19:38.020 they feel stupid. And you probably ought to, if you're asking a guy to like go to a movie or

00:19:43.560 something, it's, it's weird, right? So how do you overcome this? You, you throw gatherings,

00:19:50.620 activities, again, jujitsu, uh, lifting, going into the gym, uh, hunting. That's a great way to do it.

00:19:57.780 Even fight night. One of the things that I do quite often is I do a fight night. So we'll,

00:20:02.660 we'll, uh, watch UFC. I'll invite a bunch of guys over, not one. So it's not like a date. I'm like,

00:20:07.660 Hey, we're having a bunch of people over to the house. Why don't you come on over,

00:20:10.260 bring another friend with you and let's just hang out. We'll have some good food. We'll watch

00:20:14.660 the fights. We'll have a good time. And, and that'll be the end of it. That's not as weird.

00:20:20.400 Other things that I've done is if I'm going golfing, which I haven't golfed in years now,

00:20:25.080 seems, seems kind of like a silly thing now that I haven't done it for a while, but it is fun.

00:20:30.300 Anyways, uh, if I'm going golfing, what I'll do is let's say I've got two of us that are going

00:20:35.300 golfing is that I'll deliberately and intentionally invest and reach out to two other guys who maybe I

00:20:40.160 don't know all that well, but I'd like to get to know because I see some value in who they are and

00:20:43.880 how they're showing up is I'll reach out to those guys and I'll say, Hey, you know, I'm, I'm going

00:20:47.540 golfing. Uh, I've got a foursome lined up. Love to have you out. Uh, come, come hang out with us

00:20:52.460 on Thursday at seven. That's our tea time. And then it's not awkward. It's not weird. It pulls down

00:20:57.260 the barriers. It's not like a date. Like I talked about, it's just four guys going golfing,

00:21:01.700 having a good time, hitting the ball around. So think about group settings, group environments,

00:21:07.200 invite other individuals, other men, encourage those guys to bring their, their, their brothers

00:21:11.800 or their buddies or their fathers and get the men together. Uh, number five guys, this is really,

00:21:17.740 really, really important. Did I say that enough? Really important. Keep your word, keep your word.

00:21:27.400 When I'm looking for somebody to include in my inner circle or to let even further into my inner

00:21:31.860 circle, I need to know that this is an individual who will honor their word, who will follow through

00:21:38.160 on their commitments. And I need to be that kind of individual because every time I say something and

00:21:43.620 I don't follow through on it, I diminish my credibility. I undermine my authority and my

00:21:50.600 ultimate purpose of building out a band of brothers who has my back. You cannot say things

00:21:58.280 that you don't intend on doing. You cannot continually come up with excuses for not upholding

00:22:07.040 your word. Now, do things happen? Of course, but just like a physical bank account, if you are

00:22:14.920 withdrawing from the relationship, the relationship capital by taking or not honoring your word, it's only

00:22:25.420 a matter of time before you're overdrawn and it's going to happen sooner rather than later. You have

00:22:29.320 to deposit relationship capital into the account in order to withdraw. You do that by investing. You

00:22:35.100 do that by leading with value. You do that by inviting other people to activities, all the things

00:22:39.840 that we've talked about. And you also do that by keeping your word. When you tell your buddy, Hey,

00:22:45.900 you know what? I'll come on Saturday and I'll help you move because I've got a truck and I can help you

00:22:51.060 do that. And then Friday night you call them up and you say, Hey man, I had something come up. I can't

00:22:55.260 really make it. Well, you just withdrew. You just withdrew from the relationship capital and now he

00:23:01.680 trusts you less. So next time he needs you to help move or needs some help in some other manner,

00:23:09.280 he's not going to call you. He's not going to reach out to you. And why would he? And then when

00:23:14.500 you reach out to him because you need something, guess what? He's not going to answer the phone

00:23:18.500 because he knows every time you call or every time you reach out or every time you say something,

00:23:23.760 you're full of shit and he doesn't believe you. And why should he believe you? You don't follow

00:23:29.760 through on your word. You don't keep your promises and you're probably not somebody worth having in

00:23:34.200 his inner circle. So you want to have men in your inner circle, be worthy of being in their inner

00:23:38.760 circle. When you say things, commit to them. Commit is not a word, by the way. It's not a promise.

00:23:46.700 A commitment is not a promise. A commitment is action. Because I can promise you and I can say

00:23:52.540 everything I can to make you think that I'm going to do the thing. But commitment is actually acting

00:23:56.440 and following through on the thing that you promised to do. So when you say something, commit,

00:24:02.600 be there. Don't come up with excuses. Don't mess up your schedule. Keep a schedule, right?

00:24:08.260 Because if you have to call the guy up and say, hey man, I'm sorry, I forgot I had little Timmy's

00:24:11.260 baseball game at nine o'clock on Saturday morning. I can't come help you move. Your excuse doesn't mean

00:24:15.820 anything. It doesn't mean anything. All right. You may feel like it justifies your decision and

00:24:22.680 you know what? It probably does because I think you should put little Timmy's baseball game ahead

00:24:26.420 of priority in some of these things. But you should have thought of that. You should have

00:24:31.500 thought of that. You should have had it scheduled. You shouldn't have committed to going to help move

00:24:36.480 in this example when you had a game. So manage your schedule. Manage your time. Be a good steward

00:24:41.660 over the things you have, including your schedule and your resources and your time, attention,

00:24:45.320 and energy. So when you say something, it's worth its weight in gold because you've done it time and

00:24:50.720 time and time and time again. And when you need to withdraw from that relationship bank account,

00:24:56.560 you have the capital to do it. And there's no question. I've got two dozen friends who I could

00:25:01.840 call right now if I needed something and I needed help and every single one of them would rush to help.

00:25:08.640 Why? Because I've invested in them. Because I care about them. I make connections for them. I lead

00:25:15.500 with value. I help them where I can. Not because I'm going to get something out of it, but because

00:25:21.260 I believe in goodwill. I like these individuals. They like me. I support them. I edify them. I uplift

00:25:27.560 them. And if and when the day comes that I need them to do the same thing for me, I know that these men

00:25:33.160 will be there for me. So that's number, what is that? Number five. And the last one, and I know this

00:25:39.380 one's going to be a little controversial, but it is what it is. Number six, don't be a bitch. Don't be a

00:25:46.560 bitch. And what I mean by that is don't be a punk. Keep things between you and your confidants

00:25:54.460 confidential. That's where that word comes from. Keep it confidential. Keep it between you and him.

00:26:00.520 Don't be a whiner. Don't be a complainer. Don't withdraw more than you invest and put in. Don't be

00:26:07.160 an a-hole or a dick. Don't make this a difficult thing. Don't make it hard to be your friend.

00:26:16.960 And I'm not sure how much more specific I can get than that. It's sad that I may even need to get more

00:26:21.980 specific than that. But don't make it hard to be your friend. We all have friends like that.

00:26:28.340 There's all people running in our circles who are like that. And you know exactly who I'm talking

00:26:32.200 about. It's the guy who you like, but he's really, really difficult to be a friend for. Don't be that

00:26:38.400 guy. When you make a commitment, make a commitment. Don't withdraw more than you put in. Don't whine and

00:26:45.860 complain and be a dick and be an a-hole and undeliver on your promises. And don't be weak.

00:26:54.080 Don't be weak. I have this theory that the reason that men push each other physically, mentally,

00:27:01.240 emotionally, the reason we even bust each other's balls with jokes, the reason we do this is because

00:27:06.740 I need to know who's going to punk out when things get hard. And if you're so emotionally weak

00:27:12.320 that you can't stand me giving you a little bit of a hard time or busting your balls when you do

00:27:16.320 something stupid or getting after you a little bit when you don't uphold your commitments. If you

00:27:21.720 punk out during that time, then I know you're weak and I can't have you in my battle. Because if I'm

00:27:29.120 going up against something that is difficult and challenging and potentially life-threatening,

00:27:33.620 I don't want you by my side. I want the guy that can stand the beating. I want the guy who's

00:27:39.420 emotionally and physically and mentally resilient and tough and gritty. And how do I find that out?

00:27:45.880 By pushing. It's what men do. We push on each other. Not because we don't like each other,

00:27:51.340 but because I need to know who's going to have my back. I need to know who's going to stand shoulder

00:27:58.520 to shoulder with me and face down that dragon together. I don't want to look left and look right

00:28:05.160 and see a bunch of dudes run and tuck tail because they can't handle the difficult six

00:28:09.120 situation that we all may have found ourselves in. I'm not talking about guys who are fearless.

00:28:15.520 I'm talking about guys who are bold and courageous and assertive and are willing to do this thing

00:28:19.640 called life with me. That I can support them, that I can help them, motivate them, push them,

00:28:26.840 and that I can take a little pushing. We let our egos get in the way. It's like we don't want people

00:28:32.940 around us who are going to push hard because it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable when somebody

00:28:37.900 calls you out on your bullshit, but that's the path to growth. Comfort's great. It's great until

00:28:44.740 you want to succeed or strive for success. And at that point, you're going to need to get

00:28:50.300 uncomfortable and you're going to need to do the hard things. And you're going to need other men

00:28:55.500 around you who push you to do those hard things and are willing to do the hard things themselves.

00:28:59.360 So that's why I say number six, don't be a bitch. Guys, that's it for you today. I feel like maybe this

00:29:04.860 came across as a little bit of a lecture and maybe it is that. Maybe that's exactly what it is.

00:29:10.160 For those of you who have reached out to me, and look, I'm not telling you not to reach out to me.

00:29:13.700 All right? If you have something to share, share it. I'll do my best to get with you. But I don't

00:29:19.320 want to be your last resort. I don't want to be your only resort. That's kind of sad, actually.

00:29:24.160 It's kind of pathetic, frankly. And I get it. I've been there. I've been in situations where I

00:29:29.160 haven't poured any sort of relationship capital into other men who I can support, who can support

00:29:34.420 me. And I found myself in a bad situation, but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm investing. I'm

00:29:40.780 leading with value. I'm rallying around a cause and a purpose. I'm including other men in my

00:29:46.540 activities and things I'm doing. I keep my word. I honor my commitments. And I really try to be

00:29:52.700 somebody who is mentally, physically, unemotionally tough, gritty, and resilient. And because I'm those

00:29:59.980 things, I never have to worry like I did before about who will be here standing with me when shit

00:30:07.240 hits the fan. And it will, guys. It will. I'm not praying or hoping any of that stuff happens to you.

00:30:12.960 I just know that it will. And we got to be realistic about that. Who's going to be standing with you in

00:30:17.960 that day? And that's largely determined by the type of man you are, the type of things that you do,

00:30:25.040 how you invest in other men, and how you ultimately behave in this thing that we call life.

00:30:32.320 So, guys, that's my thing for you today, my message for you today. A couple of things as we part here

00:30:39.560 today. If you are interested in building out this kind of band of brothers that I'm talking about,

00:30:47.100 we have a digital band of brothers. It's called the Iron Council. And these are guys who are going

00:30:53.100 to push you, motivate you, inspire you, hold you accountable, hold your feet to the fire.

00:30:58.000 Most of it, 80% to 90% is done digitally. But a lot more of these guys are getting together face-to-face,

00:31:03.040 shoulder-to-shoulder, knee-to-knee, engaging in conversations and activities that are going to

00:31:06.960 push and inspire and motivate them. It's a great resource if you're looking for somebody who will have

00:31:11.200 your back. And I've got guys who have been with me in the Iron Council for almost four years now.

00:31:16.120 And I know that if I needed something, I could pick up the phone and they would be there in

00:31:21.240 support of me. And whatever that looks like, at any time, any night, any day, they'd be there for me

00:31:27.300 because I've implemented this stuff. And these guys have implemented that stuff as well.

00:31:31.260 Check it out, orderofman.com slash Iron Council. And then the last thing I'll tell you is if you

00:31:35.160 want to get face-to-face with some other men who believe like you do and who espouse the virtues and

00:31:40.620 the thoughts that we're talking about here in the Order of Man and on the Order of Man podcast,

00:31:44.620 then I think we have a few extra spots for the event. Head to orderofman.com slash main event,

00:31:53.740 orderofman.com slash main event. That's coming up August 10th and 11th. So what? 10, 8, 8, 9 days.

00:32:01.420 So it's very, very quickly approaching, but we'd love to have you there. And we have a few more spots.

00:32:05.500 We'll have another 75 guys there who are going through the same things we're talking about here

00:32:09.940 today. Anyways, guys, that's all I've got for you. Just ask yourself the question, who's got your six?

00:32:13.800 And if the answer is no one, but you can't thank anybody, you got some work to do. So get out

00:32:17.920 there, go do it, take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

00:32:23.000 Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:32:27.700 were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

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