Order of Man - Why Every Man Must Advocate for Himself

00:00:00.000 Can I expect my daughter to stand up for herself

00:00:02.480 in the wake of a situation like that

00:00:04.760 if I'm not a man who's willing to stand up for myself?

00:00:07.720 If I'm not showing her what that actually looks like?

00:00:11.640 Because that can be a scary thing

00:00:13.280 in the context of potential sexual violence,

00:00:17.120 in non-confrontational situations.

00:00:19.000 It can be really hard to do,

00:00:20.400 but if your kids see you advocating for yourself,

00:00:23.600 standing up for yourself,

00:00:24.820 sharing what you believe unapologetically,

00:00:26.840 they are much more likely, according to the evidence

00:00:28.900 from the Father Involvement Research Alliance,

00:00:31.040 much more likely to be able to do it in their own lives.

00:00:35.900 You're a man of action.

00:00:37.540 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:39.000 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:41.940 When life knocks you down,

00:00:43.300 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:46.380 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:48.700 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:51.460 This is your life.

00:00:52.540 This is who you are.

00:00:53.960 This is who you will become.

00:00:55.660 At the end of the day,

00:00:56.840 and after all is said and done,

00:00:58.300 you can call yourself a man.

00:01:05.040 Men, the other day I stated on one of our Ask Me Anythings

00:01:08.620 that it's crucial for a man to learn how to advocate for himself.

00:01:13.520 If you have boundaries and rules and expectations

00:01:16.560 of the way that you'll be treated,

00:01:18.800 and you left those things unsaid,

00:01:21.160 and the boundaries not upholded,

00:01:24.160 then essentially what you're teaching yourself more

00:01:27.600 or the same as everybody else

00:01:29.800 is that you are not worth advocating for.

00:01:33.020 And you'll continue to allow yourself to be walked over,

00:01:36.000 to be trampled on,

00:01:37.500 to be disrespected,

00:01:38.720 and ultimately not live the life that you desire.

00:01:41.900 If on the other hand,

00:01:42.980 you have boundaries

00:01:43.840 and ways that you will be treated

00:01:45.700 and ways that you won't,

00:01:46.660 but you advocate for yourself.

00:01:48.780 You do it respectfully,

00:01:50.780 but you communicate with other people

00:01:52.320 what is acceptable and what is not.

00:01:54.520 You articulate your needs and desires and wants

00:01:57.560 and your romantic interests

00:01:58.740 and your professional pursuits.

00:02:00.540 Then you are training yourself

00:02:02.740 to believe that you are worth standing up for

00:02:05.940 and that your voice matters,

00:02:08.000 your desires matter,

00:02:09.120 and what you want to accomplish in this life matters as well.

00:02:13.180 Now, it would be very easy for somebody

00:02:16.100 who is not accustomed to doing this

00:02:17.760 to interpret that as being selfish,

00:02:19.280 but the evidence and the research shows

00:02:21.440 that a man who can advocate for himself

00:02:24.260 not only creates a deeper sense of purpose,

00:02:26.560 satisfaction,

00:02:28.040 relational fulfillment,

00:02:29.660 job fulfillment,

00:02:31.160 increased income,

00:02:32.400 but also is able to lead the people,

00:02:34.680 his family,

00:02:35.640 his community,

00:02:36.540 his clients,

00:02:37.160 employees,

00:02:37.600 et cetera,

00:02:38.120 more effectively.

00:02:39.340 So we know,

00:02:40.400 and I'm going to share some data with you today,

00:02:42.080 why it is so crucial

00:02:43.860 that you learn to advocate for yourself.

00:02:46.660 I did some research.

00:02:47.860 I dived into the rabbit hole on this one

00:02:49.620 because I thought it was so important

00:02:51.320 and something that I said

00:02:52.300 almost as a throwaway line,

00:02:54.000 let's jump right into it.

00:02:55.540 I've got five points

00:02:56.740 I wanted to make with you today.

00:02:57.900 Number one is that

00:02:59.160 nobody is going to come save you.

00:03:01.440 All right, you,

00:03:02.180 I don't want to say you're in this alone.

00:03:04.300 You're certainly not in it alone,

00:03:06.060 but at the end of the day,

00:03:07.180 the buck stops with you.

00:03:09.420 Most of the people

00:03:10.300 that you're going to interact with

00:03:11.320 on a daily basis

00:03:12.100 don't really care all that much

00:03:14.080 about what you have going on,

00:03:15.880 what your needs and wants and desires are,

00:03:18.000 what you want to accomplish

00:03:19.100 because they're so consumed

00:03:20.520 with what they're trying to accomplish

00:03:22.280 that they're not even considering

00:03:24.120 what maybe you want to accomplish.

00:03:26.580 Now there are exceptions,

00:03:27.840 of course,

00:03:28.340 and there should be exceptions,

00:03:29.400 but the reality is,

00:03:31.080 is that the weight of your ambitions,

00:03:33.800 the weight of your desires,

00:03:34.960 the weight of which you want to accomplish

00:03:36.580 in this life

00:03:37.240 is upon your shoulders.

00:03:39.040 I came across a quote

00:03:40.960 that I really like here

00:03:41.720 and it says this,

00:03:42.840 the world owes you nothing.

00:03:44.860 It was here first.

00:03:46.040 That's from Mark Twain.

00:03:47.620 Nobody owes you anything.

00:03:49.480 Nobody's coming to save you.

00:03:51.380 Nobody's coming to rescue you.

00:03:53.280 And I believe,

00:03:54.700 even if that's wrong,

00:03:56.480 because there are some cases

00:03:57.720 where there's exceptions to that rule,

00:03:59.640 if you operate as,

00:04:02.080 you need to be the one

00:04:03.580 to provide everything,

00:04:05.140 the financial stability,

00:04:06.340 the financial resources,

00:04:07.660 the provision,

00:04:08.120 the protection,

00:04:08.760 all of the things

00:04:09.980 that we've been talking about

00:04:10.920 for a decade now,

00:04:12.740 then the rest is just a bonus.

00:04:15.360 If somebody else does offer

00:04:16.880 their services

00:04:17.960 or jump into help

00:04:19.900 where they don't really need to

00:04:22.100 or aren't obligated to,

00:04:23.480 then it's a bonus for you.

00:04:25.340 But I'm not really all that interested

00:04:26.920 in putting my desires,

00:04:31.240 wants, needs, goals, ambitions,

00:04:32.720 objectives onto other people

00:04:34.480 because I don't want to sit around

00:04:35.800 and wait for those people

00:04:37.500 to show up and perform.

00:04:38.940 And I don't have any expectations.

00:04:40.780 And part of the problem

00:04:41.580 is that we have faulty expectations

00:04:43.040 of others.

00:04:44.180 And what that ends up doing

00:04:45.700 is leading to a life

00:04:47.400 of dissatisfaction,

00:04:50.340 unrealized expectations,

00:04:51.980 frustration,

00:04:52.740 even contention,

00:04:53.900 and ultimately breakdowns

00:04:55.320 in relationships.

00:04:56.820 So take that to heart.

00:04:59.080 No one's coming to save you.

00:05:00.880 If you want to lead,

00:05:01.800 you want to win,

00:05:02.620 you want to succeed,

00:05:03.640 it is on your shoulders.

00:05:05.280 Number two,

00:05:06.080 your mission,

00:05:06.900 your responsibility.

00:05:08.060 Now, when I say that,

00:05:09.600 I don't mean that

00:05:10.300 you need to do everything.

00:05:11.760 And again,

00:05:12.420 it would be easy to

00:05:13.600 listen to what I have to say

00:05:15.440 and assume that

00:05:16.000 I'm just talking about

00:05:17.020 you isolating yourself

00:05:18.600 from the world

00:05:19.320 and isolating yourself

00:05:20.380 from other people

00:05:21.100 and being hardened

00:05:22.540 and maybe even contentious

00:05:23.860 towards others.

00:05:24.600 That's not at all

00:05:25.220 what I'm saying.

00:05:26.480 We can enlist other people

00:05:27.620 in our mission,

00:05:28.220 whether that's on the personal front

00:05:29.740 with our families

00:05:30.380 or the professional front

00:05:32.260 in our careers.

00:05:33.400 We need to learn

00:05:34.020 how to delegate.

00:05:35.160 We need to learn

00:05:35.900 how to identify

00:05:37.340 people who will help us

00:05:39.880 accomplish good

00:05:41.020 and great things.

00:05:42.220 But ultimately,

00:05:43.020 if that job

00:05:43.800 is not being met,

00:05:45.000 it's your responsibility.

00:05:46.660 Who else's responsibility

00:05:47.820 would it be?

00:05:49.280 On a spectacular stage,

00:05:51.260 we can look at the conflict

00:05:52.640 going on with Russia

00:05:53.680 and Ukraine.

00:05:54.980 Ukraine has come

00:05:55.840 to the United States

00:05:56.680 to ask for hundreds

00:05:57.680 of billions of dollars

00:05:58.660 and we have acquiesced

00:05:59.720 to those requests.

00:06:01.700 But it's not

00:06:03.360 our responsibility.

00:06:04.820 Now, the only reason

00:06:05.640 we ought to consider,

00:06:07.640 I'm not saying

00:06:08.340 whether we should

00:06:08.860 or should not,

00:06:09.400 but ought to consider

00:06:10.500 offering aid

00:06:11.780 is if there's something

00:06:12.660 in our best interest.

00:06:13.780 Now, I don't blame

00:06:14.660 Zelensky for advocating

00:06:17.500 for his country,

00:06:18.560 but I care about

00:06:20.720 our country

00:06:21.500 more than I care

00:06:22.780 about Ukraine.

00:06:23.940 And that should be

00:06:25.000 the case.

00:06:25.520 And that's

00:06:26.060 on a global scale,

00:06:27.960 but I hope

00:06:28.520 it underscores

00:06:29.260 the importance

00:06:29.940 of advocating

00:06:31.240 for your own,

00:06:32.260 taking care

00:06:32.740 of your own mission

00:06:33.440 and worrying

00:06:34.200 about that.

00:06:34.740 All too often,

00:06:35.620 I hear from guys

00:06:37.020 who are like,

00:06:37.480 well, you should do this

00:06:38.320 and you should do that

00:06:39.060 and you should solve

00:06:39.840 this crisis

00:06:40.480 and you should worry

00:06:41.240 about this problem.

00:06:42.300 You're worrying

00:06:42.860 too much about this one

00:06:43.780 and too much about that one

00:06:44.760 and not enough about this

00:06:45.740 and not enough about that.

00:06:46.800 And usually when somebody

00:06:48.720 reaches out and says,

00:06:49.520 you should do X, Y, and Z,

00:06:51.720 my knee-jerk reaction is,

00:06:53.340 you should do it.

00:06:55.720 Your priority

00:06:56.660 is not my responsibility.

00:06:58.520 If you see a great travesty

00:07:00.200 or injustice in the world,

00:07:01.380 if you see a problem

00:07:02.460 that you can solve,

00:07:04.040 it's not my responsibility.

00:07:05.360 I'll advocate for you.

00:07:06.820 I will help you.

00:07:07.940 I will support you.

00:07:09.120 I will believe in you.

00:07:10.120 I will rally behind you.

00:07:11.680 But ultimately,

00:07:13.100 that mission

00:07:13.680 is your responsibility.

00:07:15.000 It's not mine.

00:07:16.400 I came across this research

00:07:17.660 in 2019.

00:07:19.260 The American Journal

00:07:20.320 of Men's Health

00:07:21.420 did a study

00:07:22.460 and it said this,

00:07:23.960 I'm paraphrasing,

00:07:25.160 men who have a strong sense

00:07:26.660 of personal purpose

00:07:28.620 and advocate for their needs

00:07:30.840 show better health outcomes

00:07:32.540 and lower stress levels.

00:07:35.020 Men who drift

00:07:35.760 without a mission,

00:07:37.200 they have higher rates

00:07:37.960 of anxiety

00:07:38.680 and even chronic illness.

00:07:41.020 Now we know

00:07:41.700 how much anxiety

00:07:43.720 and chronic illness

00:07:45.180 is permeating

00:07:46.180 much of our culture

00:07:47.760 and I would argue

00:07:49.200 and the research

00:07:50.440 tends to suggest

00:07:51.460 that the reason that is

00:07:52.980 is because men

00:07:54.040 are without purpose.

00:07:56.340 Think about your day

00:07:57.340 on an average day.

00:07:59.620 You wake up

00:08:00.700 with just enough time

00:08:02.060 to get ready,

00:08:03.020 maybe do a few things,

00:08:04.800 kiss your wife,

00:08:05.760 goodbye as you walk out the door,

00:08:07.220 pat your kids on the head

00:08:08.120 and say see you

00:08:08.820 in 8 to 10 to 12 hours.

00:08:10.460 You drive into work,

00:08:12.920 you go into a job

00:08:14.440 or an environment

00:08:15.860 that you're completely dissatisfied

00:08:17.720 and again,

00:08:18.400 the research shows

00:08:19.220 upwards of 70%

00:08:21.060 of men

00:08:22.120 are dissatisfied

00:08:22.860 with their work

00:08:23.620 and you're beholden

00:08:25.620 to a boss

00:08:26.520 who you probably

00:08:27.560 don't believe

00:08:28.120 in all that much.

00:08:29.100 You're beholden

00:08:30.100 to a mission

00:08:31.000 and an assignment

00:08:31.600 that you're not really

00:08:32.540 supportive of

00:08:33.560 and then you come home

00:08:34.960 and you eat some dinner

00:08:36.280 hopefully

00:08:36.680 and maybe read the kids

00:08:38.180 a book

00:08:38.780 before they go to bed

00:08:39.680 and then you do

00:08:40.080 the same thing

00:08:40.740 over and over

00:08:42.220 and over again.

00:08:44.400 Most men have

00:08:45.180 zero purpose

00:08:46.000 so it's not any surprise

00:08:47.160 to me

00:08:47.520 that most men

00:08:48.300 are feeling depressed

00:08:50.280 and anxious

00:08:51.520 and many men

00:08:52.640 are even feeling suicidal.

00:08:54.580 This is why we see

00:08:55.440 men who end up

00:08:56.820 losing their

00:08:58.200 professional identity

00:08:59.320 whether it's

00:09:00.360 a law enforcement officer

00:09:02.320 or a member

00:09:03.240 of the military

00:09:04.040 or somebody

00:09:05.780 who is

00:09:06.740 an incredible athlete

00:09:08.340 and becomes injured

00:09:09.580 and can no longer

00:09:10.320 play their sport

00:09:11.220 of choice

00:09:11.740 why they end up

00:09:13.620 being depressed

00:09:14.160 and in many cases

00:09:14.920 unfortunately

00:09:15.480 decide to commit suicide

00:09:17.160 put an end to their life

00:09:18.620 because they have

00:09:19.680 no purpose

00:09:20.340 and without purpose

00:09:21.920 I don't think

00:09:22.440 there's any hope

00:09:23.080 and without any hope

00:09:24.300 as frankly

00:09:26.580 as I can state it

00:09:27.440 what would be

00:09:28.280 the reason to live?

00:09:29.520 If you don't hope

00:09:30.680 if you truly

00:09:31.440 do not believe

00:09:32.120 that tomorrow

00:09:32.660 can possibly

00:09:33.620 be better

00:09:34.100 than today

00:09:35.160 why wouldn't

00:09:37.820 you end it?

00:09:38.840 And I'm not advocating

00:09:39.660 for that by the way

00:09:40.540 I'm just trying

00:09:41.580 to understand

00:09:42.220 what it might feel

00:09:43.000 like to believe

00:09:43.680 that there's

00:09:44.720 no hope left

00:09:45.360 in this

00:09:45.800 it's your mission

00:09:47.080 it's your responsibility

00:09:48.300 we can unlist

00:09:49.300 other people

00:09:50.000 but it's your

00:09:51.100 responsibility

00:09:51.540 to get it done

00:09:52.180 number three

00:09:53.420 your strength

00:09:54.600 commands respect

00:09:55.920 now look

00:09:57.220 as you begin

00:09:58.600 to advocate

00:09:59.740 for yourself

00:10:00.440 and tell your boss

00:10:01.700 that you want

00:10:02.840 to raise

00:10:03.300 or tell your wife

00:10:04.720 that you want

00:10:05.580 to have

00:10:07.280 a deeper connection

00:10:08.060 or spice up

00:10:08.980 intimacy in the

00:10:09.660 bedroom

00:10:10.020 or begin

00:10:11.400 to communicate

00:10:11.840 with your kids

00:10:12.460 about rules

00:10:13.120 and expectations

00:10:13.900 of the way

00:10:14.340 they're supposed

00:10:14.740 to show up

00:10:15.300 or maybe even

00:10:16.260 clients

00:10:16.660 about how

00:10:17.140 they're supposed

00:10:17.640 to perform

00:10:18.280 what obligations

00:10:19.840 responsibilities

00:10:20.400 they have

00:10:20.980 as clients

00:10:21.880 of yours

00:10:22.280 it has to be

00:10:22.800 a symbiotic

00:10:23.340 relationship

00:10:23.900 you're going

00:10:25.780 to have people

00:10:26.760 who are going

00:10:27.180 to disagree

00:10:27.800 with you

00:10:28.200 and in many

00:10:30.120 cases

00:10:30.460 especially if

00:10:31.020 you're doing

00:10:31.300 this for the

00:10:31.860 first time

00:10:32.460 they're not

00:10:34.140 going to believe

00:10:34.720 you

00:10:34.960 and they're

00:10:36.040 going to

00:10:36.440 subconsciously

00:10:37.400 push the

00:10:37.960 boundaries

00:10:38.260 a little bit

00:10:38.760 your kids

00:10:39.920 aren't going

00:10:40.240 to do the

00:10:40.540 dishes

00:10:40.760 just because

00:10:41.360 you decide

00:10:41.980 all of a

00:10:42.360 sudden

00:10:42.540 that they're

00:10:42.920 supposed to

00:10:43.260 do the

00:10:43.480 dishes

00:10:43.700 every night

00:10:44.180 the woman

00:10:46.540 in your

00:10:46.780 life

00:10:47.100 isn't going

00:10:48.100 to refrain

00:10:48.960 from raising

00:10:50.060 her voice

00:10:50.720 if for the

00:10:51.800 very first

00:10:52.220 time you've

00:10:52.820 told her

00:10:53.180 hey we're

00:10:53.640 not going

00:10:53.900 to communicate

00:10:54.420 if you're

00:10:54.800 going to

00:10:54.920 raise your

00:10:55.200 voice

00:10:55.540 your boss

00:10:56.900 probably

00:10:57.300 if you ask

00:10:57.800 for a raise

00:10:58.240 isn't going

00:10:58.780 to acquiesce

00:10:59.420 to that request

00:11:00.280 for a raise

00:11:00.900 immediately

00:11:01.720 he may

00:11:02.740 want to

00:11:03.420 see why

00:11:04.540 you deserve

00:11:05.180 a raise

00:11:05.560 and so

00:11:06.200 you're going

00:11:06.420 to get

00:11:06.620 pushback

00:11:07.120 on this

00:11:07.500 but I'll

00:11:07.840 tell you

00:11:08.280 I've found

00:11:09.200 that even

00:11:09.720 in those

00:11:10.360 moments

00:11:10.800 of disagreement

00:11:12.040 with people

00:11:12.840 as long as

00:11:13.580 we can all

00:11:13.900 do it

00:11:14.100 respectfully

00:11:14.560 even in

00:11:15.900 those moments

00:11:16.360 of disagreement

00:11:16.940 I've realized

00:11:18.500 that the people

00:11:19.200 who you are

00:11:19.860 upholding

00:11:20.300 boundaries with

00:11:20.980 ultimately

00:11:21.440 will respect

00:11:22.200 you more

00:11:22.700 they may

00:11:23.200 not agree

00:11:23.560 with you

00:11:23.920 and I'm

00:11:24.340 not suggesting

00:11:24.880 that's the

00:11:25.280 case

00:11:25.580 but I will

00:11:26.700 say they

00:11:27.100 will appreciate

00:11:27.740 and respect

00:11:28.440 that you're

00:11:29.360 a man

00:11:29.700 of conviction

00:11:30.260 that you

00:11:31.380 have courage

00:11:32.240 that you

00:11:32.680 have strength

00:11:33.480 your boss

00:11:34.760 might recognize

00:11:35.380 something in you

00:11:36.080 and unlock

00:11:36.920 an opportunity

00:11:37.820 that was not

00:11:38.380 available to you

00:11:39.060 because you

00:11:39.480 cower all the

00:11:40.020 time

00:11:40.300 your wife

00:11:41.700 might just

00:11:42.320 decide that

00:11:43.000 she wants

00:11:43.480 to help

00:11:44.680 you meet

00:11:45.600 your needs

00:11:46.220 and desires

00:11:46.820 because for

00:11:47.280 the first

00:11:47.580 time she

00:11:48.060 knows what

00:11:48.860 they are

00:11:49.300 or at least

00:11:50.080 she knows

00:11:50.520 that there's

00:11:51.020 rules and

00:11:52.000 there's limits

00:11:53.240 to the way

00:11:53.740 that you

00:11:54.220 will engage

00:11:55.020 with each

00:11:55.340 other

00:11:55.560 it's crucial

00:11:57.600 that you

00:11:58.140 command

00:11:58.680 respect

00:11:59.320 not demand

00:12:00.440 that's different

00:12:01.200 command

00:12:02.920 respect

00:12:03.380 through your

00:12:04.220 actions

00:12:04.640 through your

00:12:05.260 strength

00:12:05.640 through being

00:12:06.200 deliberate

00:12:06.660 and sharing

00:12:07.620 with people

00:12:08.160 what you

00:12:08.840 want

00:12:09.080 even

00:12:09.740 if it's

00:12:10.460 not

00:12:10.620 comfortable

00:12:10.980 I really

00:12:11.900 like this

00:12:12.300 quote

00:12:12.500 it says

00:12:12.860 you teach

00:12:13.560 people

00:12:13.980 how to

00:12:14.840 treat

00:12:15.120 you

00:12:15.420 by what

00:12:16.340 you allow

00:12:16.860 what you

00:12:18.080 stop

00:12:18.520 and what

00:12:19.580 you reinforce

00:12:20.200 so if

00:12:22.020 somebody's

00:12:22.500 mistreating

00:12:23.100 you

00:12:23.440 in any

00:12:24.160 way

00:12:24.440 minor

00:12:25.700 to

00:12:26.040 severe

00:12:26.540 and you

00:12:27.640 allow it

00:12:28.120 to happen

00:12:28.560 you are

00:12:29.360 essentially

00:12:30.000 reinforcing

00:12:30.900 that behavior

00:12:31.580 and telling

00:12:32.240 that person

00:12:32.880 it is

00:12:33.640 acceptable

00:12:34.160 for you

00:12:35.200 to behave

00:12:35.780 or treat

00:12:36.280 me

00:12:36.560 the way

00:12:37.020 you are

00:12:37.320 right now

00:12:37.740 and it

00:12:38.700 isn't

00:12:39.020 and you

00:12:39.800 know it

00:12:40.080 isn't

00:12:40.680 so we

00:12:41.160 have to

00:12:41.400 have the

00:12:41.860 testicular

00:12:42.440 fortitude

00:12:43.040 if you

00:12:43.580 will

00:12:43.820 to be

00:12:44.480 able to

00:12:44.680 stand up

00:12:45.060 to that

00:12:45.420 all right

00:12:46.140 number

00:12:46.300 four

00:12:46.600 your family

00:12:47.780 and community

00:12:48.380 need a

00:12:49.140 leader

00:12:49.340 it is

00:12:50.420 readily

00:12:51.020 available

00:12:51.480 if you

00:12:52.080 want to

00:12:52.240 look at

00:12:52.480 politics

00:12:52.880 if you

00:12:53.260 want to

00:12:53.480 look at

00:12:53.700 the

00:12:53.780 professional

00:12:54.160 landscape

00:12:54.780 if you

00:12:55.540 want to

00:12:55.780 look at

00:12:56.060 the

00:12:56.380 breakdowns

00:12:57.520 in

00:12:57.600 relationships

00:12:58.180 and the

00:12:59.060 fatherless

00:12:59.920 homes

00:13:00.280 it is

00:13:00.560 readily

00:13:01.040 apparent

00:13:01.480 that there

00:13:02.040 is a

00:13:02.360 crisis

00:13:02.740 of male

00:13:03.240 leadership

00:13:03.600 in this

00:13:04.060 world

00:13:04.340 there truly

00:13:05.380 is

00:13:05.720 I believe

00:13:06.620 if more

00:13:07.140 men

00:13:07.480 were behaving

00:13:08.220 as we

00:13:08.920 ought to

00:13:09.340 behave

00:13:09.740 as protectors

00:13:10.500 providers

00:13:10.900 and presiders

00:13:11.520 we wouldn't

00:13:12.420 have the

00:13:12.880 same

00:13:13.180 economic

00:13:13.660 turmoil

00:13:14.140 the same

00:13:15.280 political

00:13:15.780 division

00:13:16.640 the same

00:13:18.080 military

00:13:18.620 conflict

00:13:19.380 or even

00:13:20.100 the conflicts

00:13:20.700 within the

00:13:21.140 walls of

00:13:21.460 our homes

00:13:21.920 or the

00:13:23.160 contention

00:13:23.600 that you

00:13:23.880 might have

00:13:24.360 with your

00:13:24.900 neighbor

00:13:25.220 or they

00:13:25.600 may have

00:13:26.000 with you

00:13:26.420 it comes

00:13:27.340 down to

00:13:27.720 masculine

00:13:28.180 and manly

00:13:28.680 leadership

00:13:29.140 the quote

00:13:29.900 I came

00:13:30.140 across was

00:13:30.680 leadership

00:13:31.040 this is a

00:13:31.600 good one

00:13:31.840 by Simon

00:13:32.320 Sinek

00:13:32.660 leadership

00:13:33.740 is not

00:13:34.380 about being

00:13:34.860 in charge

00:13:35.500 that's what

00:13:36.160 most people

00:13:36.560 think it is

00:13:37.000 actually

00:13:37.360 leadership

00:13:38.220 is not

00:13:38.720 being about

00:13:39.300 being in

00:13:39.760 charge

00:13:40.200 it is about

00:13:41.140 taking care

00:13:41.880 of those

00:13:42.680 in your

00:13:43.980 charge

00:13:44.500 it is also

00:13:46.320 your responsibility

00:13:47.220 in addition to

00:13:48.240 your mission

00:13:49.180 your responsibility

00:13:49.860 that's point

00:13:50.320 number two

00:13:50.720 but it's also

00:13:51.200 your responsibility

00:13:51.900 to take care

00:13:52.460 of your

00:13:52.640 people

00:13:52.980 you have an

00:13:54.720 obligation to

00:13:55.400 take care of

00:13:55.840 your kids

00:13:56.300 you have an

00:13:56.780 obligation to

00:13:57.400 serve your

00:13:57.740 wife

00:13:57.980 you have an

00:13:58.260 obligation to

00:13:59.320 uphold the

00:14:00.600 agreement that

00:14:01.160 you have with

00:14:01.580 your employer

00:14:02.080 or to serve

00:14:03.820 your clients

00:14:04.360 in the best

00:14:04.900 way possible

00:14:05.600 there's some

00:14:06.700 research this

00:14:07.220 came out of

00:14:07.700 the father

00:14:08.060 involvement

00:14:08.520 research alliance

00:14:09.440 reports that

00:14:10.900 children with

00:14:11.860 engaged

00:14:12.800 assertive

00:14:13.960 fathers

00:14:14.480 so engaged

00:14:15.320 assertive

00:14:15.840 fathers

00:14:16.200 and this in

00:14:17.700 particular who

00:14:18.340 model advocacy

00:14:19.840 advocacy

00:14:21.200 meaning being

00:14:22.880 advocate for

00:14:23.600 yourself and

00:14:24.260 leadership are

00:14:25.440 more socially

00:14:26.500 competent

00:14:27.040 more emotionally

00:14:29.080 secure

00:14:29.660 when men lead

00:14:31.020 at home

00:14:31.480 everyone under

00:14:32.680 their roof

00:14:33.240 will be able

00:14:34.140 to level up

00:14:34.800 because they

00:14:36.040 are more

00:14:36.320 competent and

00:14:37.740 they are more

00:14:38.280 emotionally secure

00:14:39.260 if you are

00:14:40.380 passive and

00:14:41.780 you're sitting

00:14:42.220 idly by and

00:14:44.360 you're letting

00:14:44.760 things happen

00:14:45.540 and you're

00:14:46.500 letting other

00:14:46.960 people dictate

00:14:47.640 how your

00:14:48.080 children and

00:14:48.560 your family

00:14:48.940 and your

00:14:49.180 community

00:14:49.460 behave

00:14:49.960 and you're

00:14:50.680 letting what

00:14:51.040 I call the

00:14:51.500 doctrine of

00:14:52.060 popular culture

00:14:52.880 dictate the

00:14:53.660 way that your

00:14:54.160 family or

00:14:54.920 your friends

00:14:55.460 or your

00:14:55.860 community or

00:14:56.940 even your

00:14:57.540 culture within

00:14:58.540 your company

00:14:59.180 migrate

00:15:00.040 you are

00:15:01.100 creating a

00:15:02.060 vacuum

00:15:03.160 for degeneracy

00:15:05.080 and in this

00:15:06.320 case a lack

00:15:07.260 of competence

00:15:08.000 and emotionally

00:15:09.720 secure places

00:15:11.220 we have to

00:15:12.940 create those

00:15:13.600 places for

00:15:14.420 our children

00:15:14.940 and for our

00:15:15.480 people we

00:15:16.420 need to

00:15:16.700 create the

00:15:17.100 environments that

00:15:17.820 allow them

00:15:18.280 to express

00:15:19.400 themselves

00:15:19.940 the environments

00:15:21.280 that allow

00:15:22.140 them to share

00:15:23.980 what's on their

00:15:24.460 mind the

00:15:25.500 environments that

00:15:26.520 allow them to

00:15:27.440 experiment with

00:15:29.140 what they're going

00:15:30.400 to do and how

00:15:31.160 they're going to

00:15:31.620 show up in low

00:15:32.560 risk environments

00:15:33.400 and always know

00:15:34.520 that even though

00:15:35.240 dad for example

00:15:36.380 may not always

00:15:37.160 agree or condone

00:15:38.700 our behavior he

00:15:39.660 will always have

00:15:40.640 our back and we

00:15:42.500 do that by standing

00:15:43.320 up for ourselves

00:15:44.240 and as we stand

00:15:45.580 up for ourselves

00:15:46.360 people will see

00:15:47.200 that you are

00:15:47.840 capable enough to

00:15:49.280 stand up for them

00:15:50.040 as well how many

00:15:51.580 times have you even

00:15:52.540 subconsciously run

00:15:53.560 across an individual

00:15:54.500 who you may have

00:15:55.900 otherwise wise

00:15:56.760 thought highly of

00:15:57.640 and that individual

00:15:59.200 refused or could

00:16:01.940 not stand up for

00:16:03.200 himself does that

00:16:04.560 bolster confidence in

00:16:05.760 that person are you

00:16:07.360 interested in following

00:16:08.400 that individual or on

00:16:10.480 the other hand have

00:16:11.140 you seen men who

00:16:12.300 courageously and

00:16:14.420 boldly take a stand

00:16:15.540 and you don't even

00:16:16.120 have to be in total

00:16:16.940 agreement but the

00:16:17.680 fact that they're

00:16:18.180 willing to stand up

00:16:19.040 for what they

00:16:19.460 believe does that

00:16:20.240 bolster or hinder

00:16:21.320 their level of

00:16:22.560 influence with you

00:16:23.360 I would imagine

00:16:24.940 that it bolsters it

00:16:25.880 I imagine that even

00:16:27.660 in disagreement you

00:16:28.620 could say to

00:16:29.240 yourself hey at least

00:16:30.420 that guy has some

00:16:31.980 balls at least that

00:16:34.040 guy stands up for

00:16:34.920 himself at least that

00:16:35.840 guy really believes

00:16:36.860 what he's saying and

00:16:38.120 I can respect that

00:16:39.120 even though I might

00:16:39.900 not agree

00:16:40.640 we need to be the

00:16:43.340 example to our

00:16:44.280 people and if you

00:16:45.820 aren't willing to

00:16:47.040 stand up and

00:16:47.880 advocate for yourself

00:16:49.340 how in your right

00:16:51.200 mind could you ever

00:16:52.160 believe that your

00:16:52.960 children are going to

00:16:53.600 be able to stand up

00:16:55.220 and advocate for

00:16:55.980 themselves you know I

00:16:57.440 think about this with

00:16:58.120 my boys as they go

00:17:00.200 out and my daughter as

00:17:01.100 they go out into their

00:17:01.800 life and careers and

00:17:03.160 all of the aspirations

00:17:04.940 they have I can't help

00:17:06.540 but think well you're

00:17:08.480 only going to get what

00:17:09.180 you ask for you're only

00:17:10.200 going to get what you

00:17:11.120 expect the world will

00:17:12.540 give you everything but

00:17:13.560 you better ask something

00:17:14.660 important of it and

00:17:16.240 then I also think about

00:17:17.160 even I think more

00:17:18.120 specifically with my

00:17:19.000 daughter especially as

00:17:20.680 it relates to the rates

00:17:22.140 around how often young

00:17:24.060 ladies are victims of

00:17:25.660 sexual abuse and

00:17:26.540 violence is can I

00:17:29.260 expect my daughter to

00:17:30.400 stand up for herself in

00:17:32.060 the wake of a situation

00:17:33.140 like that if I'm not a

00:17:34.980 man who's willing to

00:17:35.800 stand up for myself if

00:17:37.000 I'm not showing her what

00:17:39.300 that actually looks like

00:17:40.520 because that can be a

00:17:42.200 scary thing in the

00:17:43.660 context of potential

00:17:45.440 sexual violence but

00:17:47.420 just in non

00:17:48.740 confrontational situations

00:17:50.040 it can be really hard

00:17:51.040 to do but if your kids

00:17:52.180 see you advocating for

00:17:54.680 yourself standing up for

00:17:55.880 yourself sharing what

00:17:56.940 you believe unapologetically

00:17:58.240 they are much more

00:17:59.320 likely according to the

00:18:00.220 evidence from the

00:18:00.880 father involvement

00:18:01.500 research alliance much

00:18:03.460 more likely to be able to

00:18:05.120 do it in their own

00:18:05.900 lives and the last point

00:18:07.680 that I want to make here

00:18:08.420 guys is that weak men

00:18:09.580 simply get walked on and

00:18:11.280 strong men the reality of

00:18:13.520 it it's the strong men who

00:18:14.660 get the results this this

00:18:16.800 is the quote I came

00:18:17.480 across the only thing

00:18:18.700 necessary for the triumph

00:18:19.800 of evil is for good men

00:18:21.600 to do nothing and we've

00:18:23.260 seen it time and time

00:18:24.400 again in culture in our

00:18:26.440 communities in politics

00:18:28.300 in the national and

00:18:30.060 domestic and international

00:18:31.380 and global arena and

00:18:32.580 stages we've seen it we've

00:18:33.720 seen good men unwilling to

00:18:35.260 stand up and do what is

00:18:37.360 necessary and it's those

00:18:39.300 individuals who will

00:18:40.380 complain and cry about

00:18:41.620 why they didn't get their

00:18:42.560 way and why the world is

00:18:43.960 horrible and why the

00:18:45.000 president this and why

00:18:46.380 their neighbor is that and

00:18:47.960 why their boss is this way

00:18:49.260 and why their wife is

00:18:50.280 acting that way those are

00:18:52.420 weak men who do that

00:18:53.440 strong men they get

00:18:55.600 results because when they

00:18:56.880 see a problem they advocate

00:18:58.060 for themselves they advocate

00:18:59.320 for what they want and

00:19:00.300 they start working towards

00:19:01.380 what they desire in 2020

00:19:03.640 men's health forum in the

00:19:05.540 UK this was a report it

00:19:07.520 highlighted that men who

00:19:08.640 suppress their needs so if

00:19:10.740 you're suppressing your

00:19:11.620 needs and avoiding self

00:19:13.160 advocacy they face this is

00:19:15.780 a wild list listen to this

00:19:17.000 higher rates of burnout

00:19:18.660 job dissatisfaction and

00:19:21.960 relationship breakdowns so if

00:19:25.040 you are unable to express

00:19:27.840 your needs and advocate for

00:19:30.600 yourself you are much more

00:19:32.100 likely a significantly higher

00:19:33.580 rate of burnout in your job

00:19:35.380 job dissatisfaction and

00:19:37.540 relational bit breakdowns and

00:19:39.780 as I mentioned earlier also

00:19:41.840 chronic illness so it's

00:19:43.320 mental it's emotional it's

00:19:45.580 spiritual and it's also

00:19:47.320 physical if you're not

00:19:48.520 willing to advocate for

00:19:49.320 yourself conversely men who

00:19:51.380 stand up who speak up and

00:19:54.580 then take decisive action

00:19:56.020 towards the problems they see

00:19:57.220 often report better careers

00:19:59.360 stronger marriages and even

00:20:02.300 longer lives so if you think

00:20:06.900 that I'm just kind of spit

00:20:08.840 balling here and thinking

00:20:09.960 about what I think should be

00:20:11.260 good and it'd be good if you

00:20:12.420 stood up for yourself sure

00:20:13.740 obviously I think we all

00:20:15.060 hopefully intuitively know

00:20:16.240 that but the research and the

00:20:17.560 data behind it suggests that we

00:20:19.320 are to do this if we want to

00:20:21.060 have better jobs better

00:20:23.040 marriages deeper connections

00:20:25.060 with our kids more successful

00:20:26.740 children a higher degree of

00:20:29.260 job satisfaction greater

00:20:31.580 income longer lasting

00:20:33.300 marriages deeper sense of

00:20:35.000 purpose and satisfaction and

00:20:36.180 fulfillment and men if we

00:20:38.060 can fulfill all of that by

00:20:39.660 just starting to communicate

00:20:41.040 and teach other people how we

00:20:43.700 are to be taught again I go

00:20:45.200 back to that quote from Tony

00:20:47.000 Gaskins that says you teach

00:20:48.260 people how to treat you by what

00:20:50.760 you allow what you stop and

00:20:53.820 what you reinforce think about

00:20:55.360 that and inventory your life

00:20:57.340 where are you letting other

00:20:58.620 people walk all over you

00:20:59.700 where have you left unsaid

00:21:02.040 expectations needs desires

00:21:05.140 objectives goals and how over

00:21:07.640 the next 24 to 48 hours moving

00:21:09.600 forward can you begin to

00:21:11.100 communicate effectively how you

00:21:14.880 can get what you want what you

00:21:17.200 need what you desire and how

00:21:19.060 you'll be spoken to and

00:21:20.960 treated I hope that serves you

00:21:22.460 guys again as a recap number one

00:21:24.700 no no one is coming to save

00:21:25.880 you number two if it's your

00:21:27.320 mission it's your

00:21:28.140 responsibility number three

00:21:29.940 strength commands respect

00:21:31.760 number four your family and

00:21:34.140 community need a leader and

00:21:36.000 number five weak men get

00:21:37.600 walked on and strong men get

00:21:39.860 results I hope that helps if

00:21:41.780 you want to learn how to do

00:21:42.900 more of what we're talking

00:21:43.940 about and dive deeper into this

00:21:45.880 about how to begin to learn how

00:21:47.580 to communicate with other

00:21:48.520 people what those needs and

00:21:50.060 desires are please consider

00:21:52.520 joining us in our brotherhood the

00:21:54.040 iron council we're talking

00:21:55.040 about these types of

00:21:55.960 conversations and so much

00:21:57.340 more we are currently closed

00:21:59.260 but we've got some free

00:22:00.640 resources available to you if

00:22:02.700 you go to order excuse me yes

00:22:04.600 order of man dot com slash iron

00:22:06.960 council you can get some free

00:22:09.200 resources that are going to gear

00:22:10.560 you up until we open up here in

00:22:12.600 about well about a week so again

00:22:15.620 that's order of man dot com slash

00:22:17.200 iron council all right guys that's

00:22:20.460 what I've got for you go out

00:22:21.840 there take action advocate for

00:22:24.620 yourself and become a man you

00:22:26.280 are meant to be

00:22:27.500 thank you for listening to the

00:22:34.760 order of man podcast you're ready

00:22:36.860 to take charge of your life and be

00:22:38.640 more of the man you were meant to

00:22:39.940 be we invite you to join the order

00:22:41.880 order of man dot com

00:22:43.720 you

Order of Man - March 07, 2025

Why Every Man Must Advocate for Himself ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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