Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, oh my goodness, can you believe that we're actually

00:00:28.240 doing an Ask Me Anything together? Co-hosted Ask Me Anything with two people. Wild.

00:00:32.980 Yeah. People are like, oh, that's right. They used to do these together. Yeah. I remember now.

00:00:40.000 Yeah. And it sounds like you're going to ease your way into it with your low quality microphone

00:00:44.680 or headset or whatever you got there. I invested-

00:00:48.580 In a corner of a room somewhere.

00:00:50.280 Thousands and thousands of dollars into you, Kip, and making sure that we can make you sound as

00:00:54.040 good as possible, but apparently my gifts aren't good enough for you to use. What's up with that?

00:00:58.240 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm on holiday. I grabbed stuff from the office, from the recording

00:01:05.820 studio, and then I rushed. And I soon in the box with the mic was the mic cable. So I have all the

00:01:14.660 gear, no mic cable. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, well, that's not going to work. I guess I could have held

00:01:20.520 it up like this to pretend that I'm using it. But yeah. Yeah. You could have done that, but I don't

00:01:26.580 think anybody would have, would have been fooled. Now, you know, the, uh, the brief conversation that

00:01:31.580 we had yesterday, or excuse me, last week before our AMA was my favorite. You're like,

00:01:36.700 he sounded so tight. I don't know if you just woke up or you were in vacation mode. You don't even

00:01:42.020 remember having to see you were hung over or something. Maybe I'm trying to remember. Oh yeah. I called you.

00:01:46.440 I'm like, Hey, are we doing this? And you're like, Oh, I don't know. Let's go. What day of the week

00:01:52.000 is it? I can't remember what's happening. And we're sharing this story just so you guys don't

00:01:58.600 think that we're perfect. Here's the reality. It was a Friday morning, July 5th. Right. I'm at the

00:02:05.660 lake. I've checked out. Like, yes, I get it. I am checked out and I get a call from Ryan. I'm like,

00:02:11.360 Oh, something must be going on. I don't get calls from this guy very often. I answered. He's like,

00:02:16.040 are we doing this recording? I'm like, uh, I'm not because I'm in a trailer out in the middle of

00:02:21.800 nowhere. I was like, Oh man, I think I handled it. Okay. In your absence. I'm sure you did. I'm

00:02:28.440 sure you did. But I'll watch just in case. Just give me some feedback. Please do. Uh, and then,

00:02:34.400 and of course, as always, we had people reach out who want to co-host. So we've got like a list of

00:02:39.000 people who could go host with either one of us moving forward. Yeah. I appreciate all you guys

00:02:43.340 jumping on board. You're like, Oh, Kip's dropping the ball. Opportunity presents itself. Hey, Ryan,

00:02:48.300 you know, if you ever need a co-host, that's reliable. Yeah. You let me know.

00:02:53.440 All right, guys. Well, if you're new to the podcast, uh, we're going to be fielding your

00:02:57.740 questions. Biggest thing, uh, that I could get from you guys right now is just making sure that

00:03:02.480 you're supporting what we're doing in, in whatever means necessary. So that sharing the podcast,

00:03:07.460 taking a screenshot, commenting, liking, subscribing, leaving a rating review,

00:03:12.580 supporting us in the store, joining us in the iron council brotherhood. Um, all of this goes a long 1.00

00:03:17.720 way, especially in the wake of, you know, there's some things in place right now, especially in the,

00:03:22.260 in, in the social media world that, uh, they aren't real too thrilled and excited or approving

00:03:26.960 of what it is we're talking about. So we counter that by sharing it. Uh, so please guys keep sharing

00:03:32.560 it, keep putting out the good word and we're going to keep driving on. It's all we're going to do.

00:03:36.340 I still can't tag you on Instagram. I know it's crazy. So it is what it is. I'm not going to

00:03:41.520 complain today. I'm just going to say, Hey, let's get some, well, let's throw our weight around a

00:03:45.400 little bit and, uh, and support where you can, especially if you've gotten any value out of this

00:03:48.620 before. But other than that, let's get to some questions today. Well, I'll go into the first

00:03:53.260 question, uh, mostly cause it's a little bit of a banter, but, uh, Anthony Sands, Severino thoughts on UFC

00:04:00.300 two 64. I I'm assuming you watch that over the weekend. Watch it. Yeah. Um, I mean the fight

00:04:07.720 that really actually stands out of Cal of all the, there was a great card. You had sugar Sean who

00:04:13.960 just put on an absolute clinic. I can't, I don't know who he fought. I can't remember the guy's

00:04:17.900 name, the guy with the green hair, but, um, man, that guy would not go down. Dude, bad respect for

00:04:24.640 that kid. Last minute call. I believe that he was brought in like seven days or 11 days.

00:04:29.380 Walking zombie. He was just like, I am not giving up. It was, I don't know. I was kind

00:04:35.620 of upset with her Dean stopping that fight with, I think less than 20 seconds left. I'm

00:04:40.260 like, let the kid finish the fight, man. Yeah. I mean, he, he was getting pounded right there

00:04:46.320 at the end. He may have get, he may have gotten knocked down or knocked out at the end, but

00:04:49.440 let the kid finish hearing that. Yeah. Um, so that was cool. And then watching, uh, Greg

00:04:55.160 Hardy gets smashed in the teeth and just lights go out, man, that was wild. Did you see that

00:05:00.400 fight? Yeah. Yeah. And then you have, I don't, again, I don't, I don't follow too closely.

00:05:05.760 I can't remember the guy that he fought, but I very, very unassuming, right? Not, not a typical

00:05:11.880 body type of, of, you know, these hardened athletes that you would think of and for him to come in and

00:05:17.080 just crack Hardy in the face and just one punch knockout was bang, bang. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

00:05:25.040 then of course you got the Connor fight, you know, where look, there's a lot of, here's what I'll say

00:05:31.560 about the fight. I think he probably did some damage to his leg. Cause before when he was doing

00:05:37.920 those kicks, I think your leg doesn't snap, your leg doesn't snap from, from rotation of throwing

00:05:46.620 a straight, right? Right. Exactly. Yeah. I don't care who you are. It just doesn't break. Yeah. And,

00:05:53.300 and he was getting there. He was getting pummeled. There's no doubt about that. He was, I mean,

00:05:57.820 that might've been a 10 to eight round. Like he was getting throttled. Uh, I was just super

00:06:04.220 unimpressed with his post fight interview. And I mean, look, he's got a broken leg. He's

00:06:11.400 disappointed. He's still sitting in the ring. He's obviously banged up. So we have to afford

00:06:16.060 some, some, some grace and maybe understanding there, but I'm like, man, I was really disappointed.

00:06:21.860 I was hoping that he, cause usually enough in a, in a loss, Connor McGregor, even when he loses,

00:06:28.720 he does it with some class. I would say some tact and class, not so much leading up to the fight,

00:06:33.600 but after he's always been, Hey, you know, I got beat up. Um, I, you know, I, it wasn't my night

00:06:39.380 and he did good and I'll be back. I'll be back. And God, it wasn't like that. I was, I was disappointed

00:06:45.080 in that personally, but we'll see. Yeah. I was, he's taking it too far, right? Like it's one thing

00:06:51.000 to talk crap, but you start bringing family into it. That's a whole other, that's a whole other bag. 0.99

00:06:56.060 It's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Dustin Poirier, man. He, he had a great round and it was clear that he was

00:07:03.420 ready for that fight. And there was a lot, I think, look, I don't want to, you know, armchair

00:07:09.520 quarterback. I don't, I don't know, but, but Connor McGregor looked pissed. He didn't look composed

00:07:14.460 even as he came out in the fight. He just looked pissed. He didn't look like himself

00:07:18.540 and, and Poirier there, Poirier was there to, to, to do the job and he got the job done.

00:07:23.840 Whether you, whether you agree with like how it went down and what happened or not,

00:07:28.440 like Poirier was winning that fight, of course. Yeah. I think we can all agree. We would have

00:07:33.800 loved some more rounds for sure. And it would have went like, no one wants for sure. Yeah. No one

00:07:38.980 wants to win, have the fight go that way. It's not good for Connor's career. Uh, and it's not good

00:07:45.420 for, for the fans either. Right? Like you, you want to see a good fight and you want to see guys

00:07:50.280 bang and, and it would have been nice to get another round in at least. I don't know. Maybe

00:07:54.480 it, yeah. Oh, I agree. And maybe, but actually maybe it is good for Connor's career because he

00:08:00.320 was getting beat up and if he would have got beat up for another round and just demolished the way he

00:08:05.080 was getting demolished in the first round, everybody would have kind of just wrote him off. And now

00:08:09.480 if he recovers and he comes back, that's, that's an interesting story right there. So

00:08:15.580 could have been a, could have been a rough situation, but have a silver lining. Uh, you

00:08:21.780 know, my, my, my friend, Sean Whalen had a really good post. Actually two people had great posts that

00:08:26.140 I, a lot of people talked about it, but Sean Whalen talked about the biggest fight being in the man's

00:08:30.160 the six inches between a man's ears. He had a good perspective on it that you should go check out.

00:08:35.300 And then Tim Grover actually had a really good perspective on it about winning. And I'll surmise

00:08:40.460 here. He basically said that the reason Connor's not winning is because he's acting like he's winning.

00:08:45.360 He's not going to that dark place of not winning of losing. And so he's not doing what needs to be

00:08:50.800 done again, a little bit of armchair quarterback stuff, but coming from Tim Grover, who's coached the

00:08:56.000 most elite athletes in the world, he gets a little more credibility in my book. Yeah. Well, and Tim

00:09:01.600 Grover, I've never read his winning book. After that post, here's, here's the perfect example of

00:09:07.720 sales right here. After that post, I added winning and just purchased it on audible. Yeah. It's a great

00:09:14.840 book. I read his post. I was like, you know, it's a really valid point. I want to read that book.

00:09:18.520 So, and, and people are probably, unless you know him, he might rub you the wrong way. And the things

00:09:25.720 that he says are somewhat counterintuitive, uh, but it's very, very insightful and it causes you

00:09:32.420 to think. And so if you haven't read the book or at a minimum, listen to the podcast I did with him

00:09:36.420 about three or so weeks ago, go back and listen. Fascinating individual. He's had some tremendous

00:09:41.980 success for himself and also the athletes he coaches. So when he talks about performance with

00:09:47.860 athletes, I'm going to pay attention. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. Let's get in some legit

00:09:54.260 questions. Stephen Zeller. I sometimes have too many things I want to do that I deem important for

00:09:59.980 my, for both my personal life and business that I have to prioritize and postpone some things.

00:10:05.840 I think this is pretty normal, but I struggle with the prioritization process. Any tips on how to get

00:10:11.820 clear mind and prioritize things in the best order? Is there a process or a method you use to do this?

00:10:19.240 Yeah, it's called the battle plan, but let's, let's get something deeper. Yeah.

00:10:24.260 This is normal. You know, and I've told my kids that sometimes when you have to make a choice,

00:10:28.960 you have a choice between two shitty options and you have to choose one and they're both kind of 0.96

00:10:33.400 crappy. And sometimes in life, you have to make a choice and both options are actually very good. 0.86

00:10:38.740 Yeah. Good, better, best. Yeah. Right. So then you have to make a choice and that means you have

00:10:42.740 to let something go in order to move forward with this choice that you end up deciding on. So this is

00:10:48.720 natural. This is the way it goes, but you got to take a step back and realize number one is the

00:10:54.160 mindset of, I can't do it all. You have to acknowledge that you have to recognize that

00:10:59.240 and you have to operate in that mentality. And you said it very well, good, better, best.

00:11:03.560 So you're looking at your scenarios, you're looking at what opportunities you have and,

00:11:07.980 and you have to know that, Hey, I can't do everything, but I am going to go all in on the

00:11:13.940 things that I am going to choose and select to do. Then once your, your, your DAC is stacked,

00:11:19.100 stack, excuse me, your deck, say that again, your deck is stacked, not your deck is stacked,

00:11:24.380 but your deck is stacked. Then you have to ask yourself if I'm going to put something else in

00:11:30.420 here, what is going to give? Most people don't do that. They're like, Oh yeah, yeah. I got,

00:11:34.680 I got some time to do that. What's the price? Right. What's the cost? So there's a difference

00:11:41.460 even between price and cost price is just the price tag. Like this pen cost me, or excuse me,

00:11:46.180 the price of it was, you know, 50 cents or whatever, but the, the cost of having a pen

00:11:52.000 is, well, it's, it's negative actually, because I can write with this, I can take notes, I can journal.

00:11:58.920 And so the cost is different than the actual price tag, but everything has a cost. Something's

00:12:04.520 going to have to give. And unless you're willing to acknowledge that something has to go away,

00:12:08.820 then you're just going to keep putting stuff on your plate and things are going to get diminished.

00:12:13.200 Your performance is going to be reduced. And frankly, you're going to be looked at less

00:12:17.220 favorably from other people that you have obligations or responsibilities to your workers,

00:12:22.220 your, your employees, your employer, your clients, your wife, your kids, they're going to look at you

00:12:27.540 less favorably because you're not getting stuff done. So mindset number one, number two is you need

00:12:34.580 to know what you want. And if I were to ask Steven in this case, what do you want? It would be my hope

00:12:41.000 that he could answer that with pinpoint accuracy, not, Hey, I want to make more money. I want to

00:12:47.160 have better sex. I want to lose some weight. I'm talking about pinpoint accuracy. I want to make 0.96

00:12:53.140 X amount of dollars in the next 30 days. I want to lose 20 pounds in the next 30 days in 60 days.

00:13:01.000 I want to be ready to run my marathon. Uh, I want to not, I want to have good sex, but I want to have sex 0.98

00:13:07.780 three times a week. And here's how I'm going to make sure we get to that point, instigate and seduce 0.98

00:13:13.180 her and woo her over in this way. So you're very specific. And if I ask a hundred guys, what do you

00:13:19.100 want? Most of them will say, yeah, I want to be happy. I want to have some cool experiences.

00:13:24.620 Welcome to the club. We all want that. So you got to get specific. Now, once you're specific with what

00:13:30.760 you want, then you get to reverse engineer and ask yourself, here's this opportunity that, that,

00:13:37.100 that has presented itself. For example, I, I shared with you an opportunity that you and I have to

00:13:41.760 partake on later this year, and you can take that opportunity and you can measure it against the

00:13:47.480 vision you have for yourself, the specific objectives that you've created. And you can ask

00:13:53.140 yourself, is this going to move me in that direction? If the answer is yes, you need to consider

00:13:58.980 it. Still things might need to go, but you need to consider it. If the answer is no table, it for

00:14:04.240 now. It doesn't mean an indefinite. No, it means that that is not a priority right now. And, and a lot

00:14:10.020 of guys have a very difficult time making decisions because they don't have any framework for which to

00:14:15.840 measure their decisions against. So mindset, pinpoint accuracy on what you're out to accomplish,

00:14:23.720 understand the cost. And there is a cost with everything and make your decisions.

00:14:28.980 And let them be a hundred percent. Yes. And the no's are a hundred percent. No,

00:14:33.020 don't get into this fear of missing out thing. Hey, you took advantage of this opportunity. Good.

00:14:38.140 Go all in and make it work. Let me share a folly that, that I have when I do, when I do this stuff,

00:14:44.880 Ryan, and see if this would make it on your list. I have a tendency to even say yes to it.

00:14:50.720 And, and I'll even get clear on the cost, but I, I go in not a hundred percent. I don't give that

00:15:00.180 thing my all. And so then I'm, I, I, because I, I don't want to give up something else. Right. And so

00:15:06.780 my determination is like, well, I won't give that up, but then I'm not fully in it either. Right. And

00:15:12.360 I might compromise the quality of the work that I'm doing, or I may not like be all in,

00:15:17.960 you know what I mean? And kind of half-ass it because I'm not like, I'm out of integrity with

00:15:24.400 my commitment to that item. You're also going to let people down. And that's something that I'm not

00:15:29.240 interested in doing. Well, I'll give you an example. I have a friend of mine, close friend of mine

00:15:32.740 reached out a couple of months ago and he wants to develop an app. He's got a very cool idea for an

00:15:37.520 app and it sounds very intriguing. And at first I was like, yeah, I'm all in. And now I'm kind of

00:15:41.280 thinking, ah, you know, if, if I do this, this is going to have to give, that's not really in my

00:15:47.640 wheelhouse. I have other goals and ambitions and desires. And so it's a no for me. And it's

00:15:53.780 unfortunate because I would really like to work with this individual in this capacity. And I would

00:15:57.700 really like to pursue this opportunity, but also I know what I want and I don't want to go half in on

00:16:04.120 things. I don't, what is, what does Ron Swanson say? Don't half-ass two things, whole ass one thing.

00:16:09.020 Right. So yeah, you know, give it, give it all you got in the things that you can. And look, 0.98

00:16:15.380 if you evaluate it down the road and, and, and realize that, oh, this pursuit that I'm on here

00:16:20.280 isn't as meaningful as I thought it was, but you can always pivot. You can always change courses and

00:16:25.980 change directions. And people will say, well, that opportunity will be gone. It might, but other

00:16:30.240 opportunities will present themselves. There's an infinite number of things you can do on a,

00:16:33.780 oh, throughout your lifetime. Yeah. And it's interesting. I think that more opportunities

00:16:41.280 will present themselves based upon how we show up with the things that we're dealing with,

00:16:46.100 probably more so than just trying to take advantage of every opportunity that shows up.

00:16:52.420 Yes. Agreed.

00:16:54.640 Interesting. All right. Peter Zeffo, how do you battle plan for a day when, when you're on vacation,

00:17:02.140 do you still time block, even if it's beach eight to 11 AM? I'll answer this question. Peter,

00:17:08.080 you just forget everything. You don't bring equipment. You don't, you know,

00:17:17.180 you don't even open your calendar. That's, that's what I do. That's my recommendation.

00:17:22.680 My, actually, my recommendation is not all that different. It's, you can let go of things.

00:17:28.220 It's, it's okay. You can set some things down every once in a while. It's like weightlifting.

00:17:33.100 You don't just pick up your deadlift and hold it forever for an hour while you're waiting. No,

00:17:38.240 you pick it up and then you set it down and you recover and then you pick it back up and you hold

00:17:44.020 it and then you set it down and recover. That's the process of getting stronger. Life is the same way.

00:17:50.640 We've got a lot of things to shoulder. We've got responsibilities as a father, husbands,

00:17:54.420 business owners, leaders in our community, friends, et cetera, et cetera. And those are

00:17:59.420 burdens. Those are things that we have to carry and they have meaning with them. And I value having

00:18:05.400 responsibility and being capable of, of shouldering the load, but it also needs to be put down from

00:18:11.780 time to time. So I don't get into the time blocking thing when I'm on vacation. That seems a

00:18:17.440 little counterintuitive to me. I used to be a guy that needed every little element of my vacation

00:18:22.260 planned out and where are we going when and what time and what event and what activity.

00:18:26.500 And this vacation that my family and I took in Hawaii last month was, was not that at all. It

00:18:32.540 was, I'm here, I'm present. If we want to go to the beach today or luau tomorrow or this today. And

00:18:36.940 then I had an opportunity to go hunt one afternoon that I didn't know would present itself. And I did.

00:18:42.140 And it wasn't like time blocking. Now, what I will say is that our responsibilities don't go away

00:18:50.480 just because we want to go on vacation and put something down, right? Things still need to be

00:18:55.780 carried. So what I do before I go on a vacation is I anticipate everything that's going to need to be

00:19:02.660 done over a period of a week or two weeks or a month or however long you're going to be off,

00:19:06.640 off grid. And then I plan for it accordingly. I put the systems and processes in place.

00:19:12.140 I get the right people in the right position. So things can carry on. If there's emergencies or

00:19:17.600 some sort of contingency planning, I build that in. People know where to go. They've got their

00:19:22.200 directions. They've got their instructions. They know what my intent is. And fortunately things have

00:19:28.480 run pretty smoothly in my absence. And that's because I've done a lot of planning, a lot of systematizing

00:19:34.980 and attracting and honoring the right people like yourself and other team leaders and people who

00:19:42.540 help in different capacities. And they know exactly what they need to be doing. And if they need to

00:19:46.840 leave for a vacation, then maybe I need to shoulder more of a load or I put that on another one of our

00:19:52.000 team members, but it doesn't go away. It still needs to be carried, but you build it on the front end

00:19:57.500 so that you can disengage from that on your vacation, on your trip, and actually be there and present

00:20:02.540 with your family and friends and whatever else you have going on. Yeah. This is a little on the

00:20:07.520 extreme side, but I think it proves a point. And the point is far too often, we talk about it,

00:20:15.860 right? You got to know why you're not doing something, right? Like, are you not doing X because

00:20:21.200 you're really trying to intentionally be present with your family or you're not doing X because you're

00:20:27.940 just looking for an excuse not to do it. Right. And, and, and I've had guys within iron council at

00:20:33.620 times where they had a daily tactic of running a mile or whatever, because they're preparing for a

00:20:39.440 race. And then they're like, Oh, I didn't do it. Why? Well, cause I was on vacation. And, and the only

00:20:45.220 question I asked them was if you would have still did the run, if you would have still got those things

00:20:52.420 in, would, would it have affected your vacation in a negative or a positive way? Of course,

00:20:58.280 positively. Yeah. And all of them are like, yeah, I probably should have ran. Yeah. Because it would

00:21:03.240 have been a great way to get up early, feel good about your day. Like, you know, so it's not always

00:21:09.320 like, ah, you know, vacation, I'm not going to do anything. Like sometimes you should probably still

00:21:12.940 do those things because you're going to show up better on your, on your vacation. If you're still

00:21:17.360 accomplishing certain things and you're getting your journaling in or meditation or whatever,

00:21:21.700 you know, whatever, some of those things might be for you. So somebody can say this,

00:21:26.100 this last trip that I was on. So we had about a week of, of hunting. So I didn't exercise during

00:21:32.100 that time because we were walking around, we were hiking. That was kind of built into what we were

00:21:35.760 doing and we were getting up early and going all day and going in the evening. So that didn't make

00:21:40.240 sense. You don't want to do late day before hunting. But when that component of the trip got done,

00:21:47.200 then I had about two, two and a half weeks with just my family. I woke up and I walked

00:21:51.680 down to the park, which is about a quarter mile from where we were staying. And I went and ran

00:21:56.660 around the track. I was doing pushups and sit-ups. I mean, it wasn't the best workout ever, but it was

00:22:02.960 still something. And I came back and I actually felt good to your point. There is something else

00:22:07.900 that, that I do when I go on vacation is I'll usually get up early in the morning. So I did my

00:22:13.640 workouts and I'll come back and I'll jump on my computer and I'll do about 45 minutes to an hour worth of

00:22:19.460 work in the morning before anybody's really up and going. So I'm checking emails, I'm doing

00:22:25.180 correspondence. The beauty of that is that I still get some work in that I can feel okay about being

00:22:30.980 at the beach all day because all that stuff's taken care of. And also there's another benefit

00:22:34.840 to this. When I come back, it's easier to transition into everything because I didn't let everything stack

00:22:40.900 up for two weeks. I managed it periodically on a schedule and I made a commitment to do that each

00:22:48.800 and every day. So there's some reasons why you may want to build some of that into it, but work it out

00:22:52.960 with your family and make sure you have the timing that works best.

00:22:56.240 Yeah. Cool. All right. Adam Beachy, when you were building Order of Man while still working in the

00:23:01.820 financial planning, did you plan, did you have any tricks for not getting exhausted or burnt out?

00:23:07.500 Working on building a business while working full-time, raising two kids with my wife,

00:23:12.280 working out and keeping the house in order leaves me exhausted at the end of the day and struggling

00:23:16.640 to work on my business. Yeah, I understand that. I wish I could tell you, do these two or three

00:23:24.000 magical things and you won't get exhausted, but that's actually just not the reality of the situation.

00:23:29.780 That's how it is. And it's a season. It's going to stop. And if you can bear down and you can make it

00:23:36.580 through it and you can be tired, then, you know, that's what you, that's what you make work.

00:23:41.620 There's things you can do. Like if, if you're super tired, you might just take a 10 to 15 minute

00:23:45.960 nap in the middle of the day. That's something that a lot of guys have never done, but I'll tell

00:23:50.340 you, man, that's that, that can actually recharge you and get you to the rest of the day.

00:23:55.300 Outside of that, just know that this is what it's, this is what it takes. And, and if you throw in

00:24:01.100 the towel or you can't hack it or can't hang, well, that's what most men would do. And that's

00:24:07.060 why most men don't have what it is you say you're after is because they're not willing to do it. Oh,

00:24:11.620 I'm too tired. I couldn't make it work. When I was doing both, I would do a couple of hours in the

00:24:18.560 morning of order of man stuff. Then I would, this is before my family would wake up and I would spend

00:24:25.520 a morning with them. And then I would go into work for my financial planning practice. I would come home,

00:24:29.820 I'd do dinner. And then after the kids went to bed, I do another hour to two on the order of man

00:24:34.300 stuff. So this is, this is what it takes. This is the requirement. And I will also say, because we

00:24:41.960 were talking about this earlier, something had to give, well, my exercise and my diet and nutrition

00:24:46.720 gave, and I had to be okay with that at that point. And some people might say, well, you're just making

00:24:52.880 an excuse. And maybe I was, but also, you know, I did that for four to six months and I got back

00:24:59.620 on top of things. So they're seasoned to things. And this is the, uh, the balancing act that a lot

00:25:05.460 of men don't understand. They, they hear the term or talk about this concept of work-life balance

00:25:11.380 and what they think work-life balance is, is this perfect homeostatic status of all their

00:25:19.480 responsibilities. I'm going to give equal time and attention to family life and equal time and

00:25:24.040 attention to work and equal time and attention to my own pursuits. And they're trying to find this

00:25:28.620 like perfect balance. That's not work-life balance. In fact, that's not even the definition

00:25:33.800 of balance. Balance is a series of micro adjustments. If we're talking about the physical

00:25:40.760 body, a series of micro adjustments based on external circumstances. So if you're on, for example,

00:25:48.160 a surfboard and you're trying to ride a wave, you're going to feel the wave. You're going to feel

00:25:53.060 the weight of the board. You're going to feel the current and the tide and the ocean and the forces

00:25:56.820 pushing against you. And then you're making hundreds, if not thousands of little micro adjustments

00:26:01.860 in order to keep you on the board and get you to ride that wave. The same thing with life.

00:26:08.880 If my son today, uh, breaks his arm, work's done. My workday is over because I'm going to be at the

00:26:18.320 hospital. I'm going to give him a time and attention. I'm going to make sure he's doing okay.

00:26:21.540 I'm going to support my wife. I'm going to pick up where maybe she has to slack a little bit

00:26:25.740 because of that situation. It changes. And so I change my approach based on external factors.

00:26:34.320 If you're trying to work two businesses, you got to balance. Something's got to go.

00:26:38.160 Maybe the nutrition has to go. Maybe the exercise has to go. Maybe it's not as much time with the

00:26:42.360 kids and people say that's wrong. It's not wrong. It's just a micro adjustment based on external

00:26:47.260 circumstances and the objective that you have. So let's not look at work-life balance as some

00:26:53.380 magical mystical place where everything is equal. Cause we're just teeing ourselves up for failure.

00:26:59.460 Instead, let's look at it and think I'm going to be dynamic. Work-life balance is dynamic.

00:27:05.920 I'm adjusting. I'm pivoting. I'm flexing. Exactly. And that's what work-life balance is. So here's my

00:27:11.820 final answer for you. Suck it up for two months, three months, six months, a year, whatever it takes. 0.99

00:27:18.040 Be smart about is what you're doing, working pivot, adjust where you need to, but yeah, 0.97

00:27:24.400 you're going to be tired. That's the price to pay. Or if you don't want to be tired, then don't do that

00:27:30.540 and just keep living your life the way you want to live it. And that's, that's an answer. You know,

00:27:36.680 that that's, that's a direction you have to decide if you're willing to go that route or not.

00:27:41.080 James Percival over the past little bit, I've been trying to identify my circle.

00:27:47.320 This has resulted in trimming the fat to speak, fat, so to speak. I'm also in the very beginning

00:27:54.520 phases of starting my business. So I'm working on relevant business relationships. My question is

00:28:00.360 during this time, would it be wise to continue allowing new friendships to begin, or should I

00:28:05.720 focus on getting rid of those? I don't want in my circle first. I don't, I don't know that I have

00:28:15.260 personally ever identified somebody and said, I'm going to actively eliminate that person from my

00:28:22.740 circle. You just, you're not intentional with them. If, if that's the case, right? You just like,

00:28:28.340 I may not put effort into it. And that's it. And then they just kind of go away. Now there are

00:28:35.360 relationships where I've had to check and establish some boundaries.

00:28:38.720 Like unhealthy ones or unhealthy. Yeah, of course. But you're talking about building your network.

00:28:45.700 So if it were me, I would spend a lot of time and attention building a network with people that you

00:28:52.420 like people that are high caliber, people that are achieving in ways that you want to achieve

00:28:57.720 and realizing that if that's going to be the case, if I'm going to pursue relationships with these

00:29:02.620 individuals, then these other relationships aren't going to get the nurturing that maybe they once

00:29:07.560 did in the past. And maybe that's good. Maybe it's not. You have to evaluate those relationships

00:29:11.880 because if I'm going all in on building my networking relationships that I don't have any

00:29:17.360 time for my wife and kids, that's a problem. If I'm building these networking relationships and I no 0.94

00:29:23.700 longer have as much time for individuals who I would go drink with on Saturday night, that's actually a

00:29:28.740 pretty good scenario. So you have to evaluate it. I don't think that you need to focus on

00:29:34.360 either getting rid of people who aren't healthy for you or work on establishing and building all of

00:29:42.360 these relationships. I think there's a way that you can do both simultaneously. But yeah, I'd be

00:29:48.800 more intentional about building productive relationships than I would eliminating destructive

00:29:54.240 relationships. And Ryan, I'm assuming in this example, in his example, you would make a list,

00:30:01.260 right? Like you would say like, Hey, these are the 20 relationships that I need to focus on. And,

00:30:06.000 and, Oh, I, I do that. Yeah. If I'm, I mean, I, I, we have, uh, uh, content management, not content,

00:30:13.420 um, contact. Yes. Contact management systems where there are certain relationships that I have,

00:30:19.800 where I'm going to reach out to this individual, or I'm going to send them a gift or send them a note or

00:30:23.140 shoot them a text. So yeah, I'm very deliberate and intentional about the relationships that are

00:30:28.240 going to serve both of us. It's not just a one-way thing. It's a reciprocal relationship.

00:30:32.800 So I've got people on schedule to call or to text or to message. Uh, if I'm out and about,

00:30:37.680 and I see, uh, I don't know, I see, uh, Tim Kennedy on the cover of ballistic magazine,

00:30:42.020 I'm going to take a quick shot, shoot them a text and say, Hey man, it's like,

00:30:44.940 yeah, we'll hope all as well, period. I'm not looking for anything. Uh, I'm not trying to game it.

00:30:50.640 I'm just saying, Hey man, I care about you. I saw this. I think it's cool. Hope all as well.

00:30:54.400 The end. And that nurtures and fosters a relationship. So yeah, I don't, I don't make

00:30:59.700 a list for people who I don't want in my circle, you know, that I'm like, okay, well these, you know,

00:31:04.640 you know, intuitively who should and should not be there, but you do need to be intentional about it.

00:31:09.060 Yeah. By the way, I did get a bunch of guys ping me like,

00:31:12.360 Ryan needs to get Dustin Poirier on the podcast.

00:31:15.380 Oh yeah. Really? You think cool? Yeah, of course I do. We've been working it. We've been working it.

00:31:22.760 Um, I, I will say a little teaser here for you guys. Uh, Michael Chandler and I have been texting.

00:31:28.520 So, uh, he's coming on in two weeks, I believe next. I think it's next week. He's coming on.

00:31:35.720 Very cool. That's cool. All right. Brandon Peterson, what is your favorite wild game recipe?

00:31:42.160 I don't cook. So I don't, I hug the food. That's it. I procure the, I told, I said this

00:31:53.040 on Instagram or something that I procure my food with my wallet, with lead or with an arrow.

00:31:58.940 And then my wife cooks it for us. That's my, that's my obligation responsibility within the

00:32:05.540 dynamic. And let me tell you why, because some of you guys really confused on this. Not because I

00:32:10.260 think that's a lot of guys smoking. Yeah. A lot of guys smoking. So they're, they probably just

00:32:15.760 assume Mr. Mickler's Traeger in it on a regular basis here. Yeah. No, I'm not. Mrs. Mickler is

00:32:22.700 Mr. Mickler is not. Um, so I'm not saying it because that's how men act. I'm just saying it because

00:32:30.300 I don't take any sense of value or joy in cooking anything. I've tried, I hate it. And guys will say,

00:32:38.020 well, it's cause you're not doing it right. Nope. No, it's because I don't enjoy doing that.

00:32:42.880 And other guys are like, well, you know, there is a lot of pride to be taken in cooking. Yes. I know.

00:32:47.740 Sure. I know. I agree with that. I believe that. I believe you believe that. I just don't see any

00:32:53.400 value in it. So I'll, I'll procure it with my pocketbook with, with a bullet or with an arrow,

00:32:59.480 I'll bring it home and my wife will cook it and I will enjoy it. And that's our dynamic. So

00:33:05.080 when you're talking about recipes, I don't know, just hooked.

00:33:09.340 Right. If, if Ryan was like the lone survivor, like surviving out in the wilderness, you'd be

00:33:15.340 going straight up Gollum, just raw. Ah, just do it. It's exactly now. So that's how a man does it. 1.00

00:33:23.920 You mean it's how man, it's right. So there is raw, including chicken cooked. Why do you cook your

00:33:30.900 food? What the hell are you talking about? Are you a pansy? Yeah. 0.97

00:33:37.240 Oh, I will say though, again, because we're on vacation, if you haven't had access deer,

00:33:43.140 access deer is amazing. Brandon Lilly, a lot of you guys are familiar with Brandon. He was on our

00:33:47.840 hunt with us. He takes pride in cooking. Yeah. And no, I would never say to him that he is not

00:33:53.980 a man's man. Not only because is that true, but also he might hurt me. Uh, so yeah, he was like our

00:34:03.440 unofficial camp cook. Oh man. It was amazing. So access deer is amazing. And then, uh, I shot a goat

00:34:10.840 on the big Island of Hawaii and, uh, we ate that and the goat was a little tough, but then my wife

00:34:17.180 put it in a crock pot and we did goat tacos one night. Holy cow. Amazing. Amazing. So that's,

00:34:25.100 that's two, uh, two animals that we harvested in the last month or so that we ate. That was delicious.

00:34:32.280 That's cool. All right. Sean sailors. How do I prepare my six-year-old football,

00:34:37.680 my six-year-old for football starting in August? I think you're probably doing it. I mean,

00:34:43.240 there's nothing special. Yeah. You don't, you just, you just play, teach them how to catch,

00:34:48.040 teach them how to throw it, teach them what a route is, teach them what blocking is, um, teach

00:34:51.820 them to protect themselves. I don't know if they're playing tackle or flag at that age for us, six,

00:34:56.980 six years old, there'd be flag. So teach them what routes are, teach them the point of the game,

00:35:01.920 teach them, you know, run sprints with them, get them lean, get them strong. Uh, and then,

00:35:06.600 and then just teach them the dynamics of the game, but just be there and active, toss the football around,

00:35:11.360 show them the different positions. That's actually important is teach them what's a wide receiver,

00:35:15.980 what's a blocker, what's a passer, what's a runner. Um, I would also suggest that you look at

00:35:21.620 your, I'm assuming it's a community league. So you look at your community leagues rule book

00:35:27.360 because every league has slightly different variations about how many downs and can a kid

00:35:33.660 jump or not jump? Can they spin? Like every league has different variations when it comes to flag

00:35:39.440 football. So get a copy of the rule book, study it and make sure you equip your kid with the

00:35:46.820 knowledge they need at six. It's a little tough. That's going to be like herding cats. They're

00:35:51.180 going to have a good time, but just, just prepare them as best you can. And just make the biggest

00:35:55.040 thing. Here's the biggest thing. Dad, it's fun. Okay. Especially at six. It's fun. And if it's not

00:36:05.380 fun, you and, or the coach are failing your kids. And I've been there, I've been the guy who's like,

00:36:11.560 come on. Like it's supposed to be fun. I think you should keep score. I think it should be competitive.

00:36:18.460 I'm not saying that, but it should be fun. Let them learn the game. Let them have friends with,

00:36:25.900 or have good interactions with friends and peers. Let them see how it is to work on a team.

00:36:31.320 Don't let them be poor sports, like teach them. But again, it's gotta be fun and enjoyable for

00:36:38.000 them, especially at six. Yeah. And just make sure if they're not first or last. That's right.

00:36:44.260 Yeah. This isn't about fun. This is about winning. And it is about winning, but they're not mutually

00:36:49.600 exclusive. Have fun. You can have fun while you're winning and you can have fun to a degree while you're

00:36:54.520 losing. But if you lose, you should be a little upset and that's okay. Help, help them have a healthy

00:36:59.600 relationship with failure. Yeah. I like it. All right. Justin Gelsma, when should we build our

00:37:06.600 new home, Ryan? We have equity and some money saved currently, saved currently own from the farmland

00:37:14.680 to build on, to build on has electricity and water already and it's paid for. Jeez. Sorry. That was a

00:37:20.540 little weird. Held off due to building supplies, but would it, but would like to capitalize on low

00:37:26.040 interest rates if possible, would like to hear your thoughts. So building costs up interest rates,

00:37:33.260 really low. When should we build? So I'm not going to tell you when you should build. I'm just going

00:37:39.340 to tell you some factors here. Cause I don't know. I don't know what your goals are. I don't know where

00:37:44.140 you live. I don't know what money you have. I don't know any of that stuff. So here's some factors

00:37:49.800 to consider. You've already considered a couple of them. So you've got building costs are high right

00:37:55.560 now. Interest rates, potentially low. Where's your money now? Is it in the market and is it doing

00:38:01.860 really well? Cause if it's doing really well, then why would you want to pull money out of there to

00:38:05.340 pay low interest rates when you could be getting a high return in an investment, for example? How much

00:38:11.080 money do you have? Can you put 20% down and should, should you finance it more than that? Cause if you

00:38:17.460 put 20% down, then you can void mortgage insurance. If you can afford to put more down,

00:38:22.520 should you, or should you keep that in an investment fund set aside and just make the

00:38:27.440 minimum payments? Should you do a 15 year note or 30 year note? There's a lot of things to consider

00:38:31.740 here. But building is probably, especially if you have, here's another consideration. What's your

00:38:38.300 housing situation now? You know, are you guys satisfied and happy with where you are? Is it too small?

00:38:44.620 Is it big enough? Are you considering having a child and now you need something bigger? Like

00:38:49.520 there's so many variables here, uh, that anything I told you would, would just, you'd have to take

00:38:55.780 with a grain of salt because I don't know, but there are a lot of factors to consider. If I were in that

00:39:01.680 situation, I probably wouldn't be, if I could, I probably wouldn't be building right now, assuming that

00:39:08.380 I have a space where my family and I are relatively comfortable and, and all of our needs are met.

00:39:14.620 Yeah. We are, I think, you'd know, the shrine, like we were getting ready to build, um, this summer

00:39:22.760 and the building costs altogether, what it was increased over a hundred thousand.

00:39:32.200 Yeah. It's crazy.

00:39:34.360 Just in cost of, of mid building materials. So we're waiting.

00:39:38.940 Right. So take the money because we can't, this is a second home. We're like, nah, we'll just wait

00:39:45.320 and kind of see where it goes.

00:39:47.500 Yeah. Take the money, set it aside, build up some reserves, earn some interest on that money.

00:39:53.360 And in six months or 12 months or whatever, uh, you know, and I know your guys' housing situation,

00:39:58.100 you guys are in a great place. Like the kids are taken care of the neighborhood's good.

00:40:01.500 Everything's fine. You know, we, we have a lot of things that we want and, and that's

00:40:06.520 a beautiful thing. That's a nice luxury that most of us have, but it also can be a trap because

00:40:11.380 then we buy a bigger home and we buy a newer car and we go on more exotic vacations. And

00:40:16.380 what if you didn't do that? What if you just stayed where you were? Uh, what if you drove

00:40:21.200 the car that was 10 years old? What if instead of going on that exotic vacation, you did the

00:40:25.520 vacation that was just to tear down, still fun, still, still enjoyable, but didn't break

00:40:30.300 the bank. We have a hard time doing that as consumers.

00:40:34.880 Yeah. Paul, nerd corn, Ryan and Kip, what is your favorite way to drink coffee?

00:40:45.040 That's easy. I don't drink coffee.

00:40:50.220 Period.

00:40:50.880 Just put go baby. We don't need coffee.

00:40:53.220 Water. I drink it with water, water minus the coffee.

00:40:57.820 Minus the dirt. Yes. And I drink it cold.

00:41:00.740 That's right. Do you drink coffee?

00:41:04.480 No. I mean, I'm, I'm friends with the black rifle guys and I, and I tell them, I joke with

00:41:08.940 them and say, you know, I'd want to drink coffee just cause they're so cool.

00:41:12.160 I don't, they make you want to, I don't even like the smell of coffee. I smell it. I'm like,

00:41:16.740 gross. Who wants to drink that?

00:41:19.220 I'm the same. I walked down that aisle of the grocery store. I'm like,

00:41:21.960 doesn't smell good to me. And it's weird because then there's commercials like,

00:41:26.140 oh, waking up to Folgers. You know, I'm like, oh, that's a horrible way to wake up. I don't 1.00

00:41:30.400 want to smell that.

00:41:31.180 You know what I want to wake up to is bacon. Forget about coffee. I just want sizzling bacon. I want

00:41:36.040 to hear it. I want to smell it. I don't want to smell coffee. Black rifle. They're my favorite

00:41:43.280 company that I actually don't do any business with. So I like those guys. I like what they do.

00:41:48.620 The guys that tune into what we're doing seem to like black rifle, but I know there's a bunch of

00:41:52.820 other options out there. So yeah. Sorry, Paul. Wrong tree on that one.

00:41:57.840 Yeah. We're the last guys to be asking about coffee. All right. Bob Ross, what techniques do

00:42:04.440 you use to compartmentalize stress work or home related stress away from your family? Do you allow

00:42:14.080 them to see some stress or do you attempt to keep them mostly away from this part of your emotions?

00:42:19.140 I kind of like this question. I struggle with this. Yeah. They need to see that you're stressed out.

00:42:25.460 Well, but it goes too far, right? Because then I'm stressed and then I'm like a complete ass, 0.99

00:42:31.660 right? Yeah. But so don't be like that. So that's me acting out of my emotions, not expressing my stress. 1.00

00:42:37.740 Maybe. Well, there's two things. And this is what a lot of people don't understand is that there's

00:42:42.600 the emotion, the way you're feeling about things. And then there's the response to your emotion.

00:42:48.520 Just because you're angry doesn't mean you need to go punch a wall or somebody else.

00:42:52.500 Yeah. Those are two separate things. They're not combined. So you're angry. One option is you could

00:43:00.560 punch a wall or somebody else. Another option is you could disengage from people because you're

00:43:07.200 angry and you don't want to talk to anybody right now. That's an option. Another option is you

00:43:12.420 could analyze why you're angry and try to figure out what you're so, so upset about and see if

00:43:17.420 there's anything within your power to be able to move yourself in the right direction. That's another

00:43:21.760 type of response. So there's all sorts of different ways that you can respond to it. But I think you

00:43:26.580 probably ought to be having conversations like this with your kids. I think they need to know that,

00:43:30.340 hey, dad gets upset. Dad gets stressed out. These are conversations we talk about at the dinner

00:43:35.140 table. Hey, I had a bad day today because X, Y, and Z, and here's what I did to fix it.

00:43:40.100 So if you're limiting the exposure to stress and the reality of life, then you don't have

00:43:46.620 as many opportunities to equip your children with what they need to deal with stress when

00:43:51.480 they are. Right. So yeah, when you say, should I let them see my stress? What you're actually

00:43:59.340 saying is, should I let them see the response to my stress? Because you can't see stress. It's a

00:44:06.100 feeling. It's not, it's not tangible, but the response is tangible. So the answer to your

00:44:12.900 question, should I let them see the response to my stress is yes. As long as it's healthy.

00:44:20.400 Yeah. As long as it's the right response. Yeah.

00:44:23.200 Correct. Because if it's, if it's unhealthy, then the answer to that question would be, no,

00:44:28.620 you don't want them. You don't want to show them an unhealthy response to your emotions.

00:44:34.200 Which is ironic. Yeah. You want to show them that. Yeah. And then you want to explain it.

00:44:40.280 Well, I find it interesting that that's probably why we hide it, right? Is because we're not dealing

00:44:46.820 it, dealing with these things in a healthy way. And so we're unwilling to, to show our children,

00:44:53.660 our stress or communicate it because we know we're handling it incorrectly.

00:44:57.320 Exactly. That's right. And, and it's very selfish too, to do that because you're so worried and I

00:45:03.060 get it. You know, there's things to be stressed about as a man. Yeah. So it's okay to experience

00:45:09.000 that. People say, Oh, I should, I shouldn't be stressed. Really? Why not? You're, you're landing

00:45:14.600 this huge client or your work, you know, you're trying to, to get this big deal or to start the

00:45:18.520 business or you don't think you should be stressed about that. To me, that says you care about it

00:45:22.180 or you're going to do a presentation. You shouldn't, I shouldn't be afraid. I'm going

00:45:25.460 to be presenting in front of all these people. Why, why wouldn't you be afraid? Like, doesn't

00:45:29.960 that mean you care about it and you want to perform well and you want to do a good job

00:45:32.780 to be able to influence people positively? To me that, that says you actually care about

00:45:36.700 it. Now, how do you respond to it? If you're afraid, do you cower and run and botch it? Or

00:45:42.720 do you say, okay, I'm a little nervous about this. And so I'm going to study and I'm going

00:45:47.400 to research and I'm going to practice and I'm going to get good at this so that I can

00:45:51.140 achieve my desired outcome. Emotion, feeling, and response to your emotion and feeling.

00:45:59.340 Yeah. Yeah. I like this. I, a couple of weeks ago when I did a solo AMA, I mentioned something

00:46:06.360 on my, my mom actually reached out to me because she listened to the episode. Now we have two

00:46:10.940 listeners, your mom and then my mom now. So we like doubled our numbers. Yeah. How was that?

00:46:16.640 Yeah. Well, it was funny because someone, I can't remember the question, but I said something

00:46:22.460 about my parents never argued in front of me. And so when, when I was young and I got married

00:46:30.100 and I got in a fight with my wife, I thought like, this isn't, this didn't happen, right?

00:46:36.220 Like something's broken because we're arguing. Cause I never saw that in my, in my life. I just

00:46:43.760 had this la la understanding that like, if you love someone, if they're the right person bubble,

00:46:50.380 you know, even that has its whole loaded meaning, but regardless, you know, the right person,

00:46:55.460 you should never argue. You know, my mom actually reached back out to me. She's like, I'm so sorry.

00:47:00.900 Like, I never thought that would have been valuable. You know what I mean? For you kids

00:47:05.860 to see that while growing up. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I actually would have, it would have

00:47:10.940 been, you know, a healthy, healthy disagreement. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So, yeah. I think we shelter

00:47:17.980 our children from a lot that maybe we shouldn't shelter them so much from, you know, and, and,

00:47:23.300 and sometimes you might be an argument, for example, with, with your wife and your kids come in.

00:47:27.300 And it's like, why are you arguing? And what do you say? We're not arguing. And then you shut

00:47:30.460 everything down. Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah. Instead of saying, oh, we're arguing because we

00:47:35.360 see it differently. And we both care about this, whatever it is we're discussing. And so we're

00:47:41.140 trying to come to a conclusion and a consensus so we can move forward. That's healthy. And then you're

00:47:46.720 like, so do you, here's the deal. Do you agree with mommy or daddy? That's right. Oh, you agree

00:47:51.560 with mommy? Let's bring the other kids in and see if we can skew the, skew the poll here. 1.00

00:47:56.220 Yeah. Totally. And you're grounded.

00:48:02.280 All right. I think we can do a lot, a lot better job, including our children and the entirety of

00:48:07.800 our relationships versus just the good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Well, and, and puts the

00:48:13.860 heat on us, right? It's like, Hey, do it right. Then, you know, share with your kids and do it right.

00:48:18.020 Cause they need to learn from you. Well, and that's a good point. You know, if you're hiding something,

00:48:21.940 whether it's a conversations you're having or behavior that you're engaged in, isn't that a

00:48:26.020 pretty good indicator that maybe there's something not quite right with the behavior or thought process

00:48:31.220 you have right now. Yeah. Uh, in, in the spirit of hiding, uh, Byron, Byron, uh, Pierce's question,

00:48:40.540 how, how pornography affects marriage. We've had several guys post about the relationship problems

00:48:46.400 due to porn this past week on the order of man, Facebook group. You can join us there, by the way,

00:48:51.920 order of man.com or facebook.com slash group slash order of man. That's right. But, uh,

00:48:57.900 effects of marriage thoughts. Yeah. There's a lot of great resources on this. Uh, fight,

00:49:01.660 the new drug.org, I believe is, is the name of the website, but they've got a lot of good information

00:49:06.240 on how it negatively impacts relationships. But look, if you're, uh, objectifying women,

00:49:12.300 I mean, it seems to me that it's pretty self-explanatory how that might impact your

00:49:16.740 perspective and your view of your wife and your, your role and her role and, and what you guys do

00:49:23.220 together. Uh, but it also diminishes the love and the deep meaning that you have in being a, a

00:49:30.520 protector and a provider and a presider, uh, her, her husband. So I would definitely check out some of

00:49:36.560 those resources, but I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory how you're going to diminish,

00:49:41.100 uh, the, the relationship with your wife and your view of her. You're not going to have a sex,

00:49:46.840 a healthy perspective towards sex and, and what she wants and what you want and how you both can be

00:49:53.360 fulfilled. It's just not a healthy thing. So you gotta be very, very careful, especially when it's so

00:49:59.020 easy to get, uh, access to all of this stuff. You know, it's again, it comes to hiding, you know,

00:50:05.800 if you're, if you're hiding it, well then is there something off about that? Probably. Cause you

00:50:12.980 know, she would be negatively impacted by that. So if you don't think that's the case, then go

00:50:17.720 talk to her about it and you can return a report and let us know how that goes. But cause there's

00:50:22.340 a bunch of guys who were like, well, pornography is not bad. Go. Okay. Totally. Go talk to your spouse

00:50:26.720 about it. Well, no. Okay. Well you got to evaluate that. Here's the part. Let me ask you this. Cause

00:50:34.460 I find this interesting. I I've used this analogy of, well, how would you feel? Right? Like how would

00:50:41.280 you feel if your wife's like watching porn and a bunch of other guys or whatever? Right. And, 1.00

00:50:47.220 and you find out about it. And then, and I, and I've heard actually guys, their response to that

00:50:52.680 question is like, Oh, that wouldn't bother me. So then part of me goes, is that weird? Or am I

00:50:59.100 weird that I'd be overly jealous and kind of pissed off about it? Right. Or do you think that's just an

00:51:04.280 excuse? No, not only that, wouldn't you feel inferior? Like am I not doing it? Totally. Yeah.

00:51:09.820 I mean, I don't feel inferior, but you know, whatever. Well, and I think we as men put up those

00:51:16.460 walls and we say that wouldn't bother me. Really? Like you wouldn't feel inferior or you wouldn't feel

00:51:21.740 like she doesn't, isn't attracted to you or she's not getting what she needs. And that's why she's

00:51:26.240 going out here. You wouldn't feel like that. No, no, no. Uh, I think you probably would, but

00:51:30.660 yeah. I mean, you lay it down simple, right? It's like, okay, she's choosing sexual activity

00:51:37.000 with said source versus you. Yeah. Yeah. That's bothersome. There's another problem here too,

00:51:44.520 is that let's looking at pornography and jacking off is way easier than engaging in the work. 0.74

00:51:53.600 Yeah. Yeah. So, so what are you conditioning outside of the sexual side of things? What are 0.68

00:52:01.520 you conditioning your mind to pursue? The things that are easy, right? You're after cheap thrills.

00:52:06.920 You're after the thing that's easy. You don't want to put forth the effort or the work. And if it is

00:52:10.840 work, you're just going to find the easier solution. So I don't know the data or the statistics or the

00:52:17.100 research to support that. That's, I guess, just maybe anecdotal or a hunch that I have, but I do

00:52:23.820 think that if you're taking the easy way out, then that's probably going to apply to other facets of

00:52:29.100 your life. And when things get challenging or harder, you have to exert yourself in any level,

00:52:33.180 you might be conditioning your mind to avoid doing that because there are easier ways to do

00:52:38.900 everything. So, yeah, I, I, I would argue, and I don't know, I don't know the numbers of this

00:52:44.320 either, but I'd probably argue that the majority of ED cases are actually tied to a large amount of

00:52:52.500 pornography usage. Yeah. Agreed. All right. I always enjoy our good pornography questions. It's always

00:53:00.240 fun when Brian throws out, I feel like such a kid, you know, like you, you mentioned Jack Hoff and I

00:53:05.720 can't help, but I almost giggle, giggling and smiling. I'm so immature. Grow up.

00:53:13.480 Grow up. Sorry, man. It's so embarrassing. That's why we always say these for when you're

00:53:21.680 is it embarrassing? I don't know. I feel, I feel funny talking about it, but I don't, I don't know

00:53:29.060 if it's maybe, I don't know. Maybe, but like, this is, I mean, we've all looked, look, we've all

00:53:36.180 looked at porn, you know, we've all jacked up. Like, these are things that we've all done.

00:53:41.700 I've actually talked about this even with my wife of like women with OBGYNs, you know, it's like, 0.99

00:53:47.060 what an awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing scenario. Right. And, and we were talking about

00:53:53.320 it not too long ago. And I said, I wonder if it's just like the mechanic looks under the hood of a

00:53:58.880 car and it's like, and it's that it's more of that for an OBGYN anymore. Like this isn't embarrassing.

00:54:05.140 It's just like looking at the hood of a car and seeing what's going on. I don't, I've got a friend

00:54:09.660 who is in a different location than the other car was. I've got a friend who's an OBGYN and I've

00:54:17.260 talked to them about it. Like, why, why did you want to do this? What, you know, cause of course he gets

00:54:21.680 made fun of and, and ridiculed and everything else. I'm actually really curious. I'm like,

00:54:26.300 why? Like I would never personally want to do that. So why are you? And so I don't get embarrassed by

00:54:32.180 this stuff. This, this, these are the kinds of conversations that we need to have. The ones

00:54:36.360 that people are afraid to have are the ones that we actually probably should be having.

00:54:40.020 Yeah. I have a friend that's a, he's a, I trained with him actually. He's a plastic surgeon. He's a,

00:54:45.200 like a, we call him the boob doctor. You know what I mean? It's the same thing. We all can't help,

00:54:51.220 but like kind of. Right. He gets to look at boobs all day, you know? And at some point he's

00:54:57.380 probably like, boobs are boobs. Like I've seen them all, seen them all in different positions, 0.92

00:55:02.960 seen them all different sizes. Yeah. Who cares? That's probably what he's thinking.

00:55:10.180 All right. What were we doing? You're going to be okay, Kip? Yeah. You look a little flush there and

00:55:14.700 everything. Yeah. I'm a little embarrassed. All right. Let's take a couple more. I can't

00:55:18.860 believe you're talking about masturbation. Oh, she knows. She knows what you were doing in the 0.99

00:55:27.480 bathroom when you were. Yeah. She knows what you just, you just like destroyed it all. You just

00:55:31.260 told it all. We all have looked at porn and we've all had mastery. My mom's probably thinking all my

00:55:36.300 40 year old son. No, Kip has never done any of that. Never. Yeah. Never. He never touched himself

00:55:42.600 inappropriately. Well, now, you know, mom, just in case you didn't. Yeah. Sorry, mom.

00:55:51.900 All right. Uh, Nathan vendor. Nathan, what's Nathan have to say? How can I help a friend who refuses to

00:56:01.080 help himself? Man, I, well, we're going to read it, but I mean, we get these a lot. He wants a

00:56:06.340 girlfriend, but won't make the effort to get one. He wants to have a better life, but won't make any life

00:56:11.080 changes to make it happen. I'm really his only friend and feel obligated to pull him through life

00:56:15.980 so he doesn't feel alone and go out of my way to help him feel better about himself. Any suggestions

00:56:22.080 on what I can do more or steps I could take to make him step out of his shell and go seek out the best

00:56:29.100 of his life? Yeah. Yeah. First, whatever you're currently doing is not helping them. I want you to wrap

00:56:39.520 your head around that for a second because you think you're helping him by serving him, by being

00:56:43.980 there, by giving him all the answers, by pulling him along, by like forcing and coercing and manipulate

00:56:48.680 him to get him, do this stuff. You think you're helping. You're actually not. You're hamstringing

00:56:53.780 your friend because at the slightest sign of adversity, or if you're not around, he's not going

00:57:00.060 to be able to know how to handle himself. We do the same things with our children. Oh, I just,

00:57:04.520 I want to make sure they're comfortable and they're in this little bubble and I don't want them to be

00:57:07.620 exposed to any of this stuff. And it's like, no, you're hurting your kids by doing that.

00:57:11.760 If you really cared about your friend or your children, you would expose them to some of that

00:57:18.600 stuff and let them figure it out. The other day we were working on a project outside and my oldest,

00:57:26.540 I said, Hey, bring that beam down here. It was in the barn. I said, bring it around the yard. I need

00:57:30.300 you to bring that beam over here. It's like, it's too heavy. And I said, we'll figure it out

00:57:34.100 because I need it down here. I'm working and yeah, maybe it's too heavy for you to pick up the

00:57:40.380 way you're thinking of, but I need you to figure it out and get it down here. And so he was taking

00:57:45.140 a little bit. He's like, all right. And he's been out of shape and everything. And I, and I went

00:57:48.600 upstairs in the barn and I looked cause he was taking a while and I'm like, what is he doing up

00:57:51.780 there? So I went up there and he had grabbed this, like these two little carts, like, uh, like

00:57:57.860 benches that you sit on in the garage. He had grabbed him and he had loaded it on there and he was

00:58:01.600 pushing it. I'm like, perfect. He figured it out and he got it down there and it was no problem,

00:58:07.700 you know, but it, it, I had to say, figure it out. Yeah. I didn't, when he said it's too heavy,

00:58:14.980 I didn't say, Oh, okay. Why don't you sit down and do nothing and let me do it. I said, no,

00:58:19.600 here's the task. It needs to be accomplished and you're going to be the one to do it. So figure it out.

00:58:25.340 And he did figure it out. Now we've been doing that for the last 13 years. And so he understands

00:58:30.260 when dad says, figure it out, that's exactly what he means. And he also knows that when I say do X,

00:58:34.940 Y, and Z, that that's what needs to be done. I don't care how you do it. Just get it done.

00:58:40.300 It's the same thing with your friend. You're trying to rescue and pull your friend along.

00:58:43.860 And what was the very first sentence of the question again, Kip?

00:58:47.840 The very first, uh, how can I help my friend who refuses to help himself?

00:58:51.920 Get the hell out of his way for a minute. Stop shielding him from everything. Stop pulling him along.

00:58:58.200 Stop through your behavior, telling them that it's okay not to pursue the things that he's

00:59:04.120 interested in. You're interested in a girlfriend, but you don't want to go where the girls are.

00:59:07.140 That's not okay. And I'm not going to do it for you. You can't help somebody who doesn't want to

00:59:12.380 help themselves. Yeah. And I, I said it, uh, in, on Instagram or Twitter a while back, I said,

00:59:18.180 you can't rescue somebody who's not willing to participate in their own rescue. And when I hear

00:59:24.920 questions like this, that's what people want to do. And it's noble. You want to serve, you want to

00:59:29.940 help. You even said it yourself. I feel obligated to help in some capacity, in some way. Good. If

00:59:34.940 you really think that that's the case, then you need to let him flounder and struggle a little bit.

00:59:39.460 And occasionally, maybe you throw a lifeline, uh, but you need to help him build some strength by

00:59:44.540 getting him out there, getting involved, letting him see consequences of it. And when he's ready,

00:59:49.480 hopefully he'll know where to turn, but that's on him. You can't do that for him. It's unfortunate.

00:59:55.160 It sucks. Cause you see the potential in people, but it's the reality. I mean, we, we run into the 0.97

01:00:00.460 same thing just societally where we see these people who are homeless or, uh, hooked on drugs

01:00:06.260 or just going down a dangerous and destructive path. And we think, well, if I pay their house for

01:00:10.140 them, then it'll be okay. Not really. I mean, they might have a place to sleep that night or for a week,

01:00:15.660 and then they're going to fall back into their own patterns and they're going to create more harm

01:00:19.140 and self-destruct or you give them a bunch of money. And it's like, well, what do they do with

01:00:23.260 that? They go buy more drugs and they do their thing. So I think there are opportunities to serve.

01:00:27.160 Sure. I'm not saying that, but our traditional way of doing it, where we just do everything for

01:00:31.800 people. And we assume that we're their savior is, is a very, it's a very dangerous way to do it.

01:00:37.160 It doesn't actually serve anybody. Well, and what's interesting too, is like,

01:00:40.500 even look at the language that we use, you know, cause what you, and I'm not criticizing what you just

01:00:46.760 said, Ryan, but like, that's the term we use, like be their savior. But even in that example,

01:00:53.060 the savior requires other people to do something, right? Like we even use that analogy of like teach

01:00:58.860 a man to fish, right? It's like, they still had to be at the lake to go fish, to even learn how to

01:01:06.200 fish, let alone if you just gave it to them, right? Like these people have to want to do it.

01:01:12.400 They're just not ready. Right. And, and, and we talk about this, this is, there's some strategy

01:01:17.000 to see if people are ready to see if they're willing to get on that path. And, and we can be,

01:01:21.860 of course, the importance of being a lighthouse is super critical, but just not the how, not the way

01:01:27.840 humans work. Yeah, it isn't. And we need to acknowledge that and recognize that. And what I

01:01:34.740 typically say is invite people into your circle and you know, you don't go pick them up. You don't go

01:01:40.880 operate in their circle. You invite them into your circle and that's a good litmus test. If they're

01:01:46.820 ready, then they will exert themselves. They will come into your circle. They will push, they will

01:01:51.820 try to improve. So we welcome people with open arms. I mean, that's what we're doing here in

01:01:55.860 order of man. It's like, we have the Facebook group, we have our social media accounts. We have

01:01:58.820 the brotherhood. Like I don't actually go pursuing people. And even people ask me questions. Hey, Ryan,

01:02:04.240 you know, I have questions about this and this, what can you do for me? I don't, if you ever email me

01:02:09.360 that question about the iron council, I will, I'll tell you right now, I do not. And I will not

01:02:14.020 answer that question. What can you do for me? What, what can I do for you? What can you do for

01:02:18.900 yourself? That's the question I'll ask you back. What are you, it depends. What are you willing to

01:02:24.280 do for yourself? And I, and I would say that probably 70 to 80% of the people who I asked that

01:02:30.400 question to don't respond back, but the 20% are like, well, here's what I'm willing to do. I say,

01:02:35.140 then welcome, join us, do that. And you will be served.

01:02:39.800 Yep. Yep. I love that. I mean, we changed, you know, that's the survey questions that we put out

01:02:46.340 and I see this past quarter was, you know, get some feedback. And then the other question was,

01:02:52.520 what can you do to make your, your experience better? What can you do to make your team better?

01:02:57.720 Right. And we've never asked that before.

01:02:59.400 No, I love the fact that you added it. Cause I'm like, I'm really, I'm really interested.

01:03:05.060 And that's still valuable. Like it's valuable for us to see that and go, Oh, a lot of these guys

01:03:10.140 think that they could do this. Okay. Well then what can we do is from a leadership perspective to

01:03:15.380 help enable them to do those things. Yeah. To facilitate it. That's valuable. Right. And,

01:03:21.020 and, and just to drive this point home a little bit more, it's like,

01:03:24.280 we did this Utah meetup this past weekend and, and I got a couple, it was kind of funny. I got a

01:03:31.060 couple people reaching and saying, Oh, I, I told my husband he should come. Right. Or I told someone

01:03:37.180 else they should come. And I said, I don't have them come. If they don't want to come, if they don't

01:03:43.640 see the value of coming to the event, I don't want them there. Of course. Right. I don't want some guy

01:03:50.820 there because my wife, you know, like coerced me into coming and is give it cause that's not the 1.00

01:03:56.820 right. That's not even the right, uh, persona or, or that's not the mindset of an individual that I

01:04:04.380 would even want there. Right. Cause that's a negative mindset that are not even in the right

01:04:09.640 place to, to, to contribute to the conversation. A hundred percent. I agree. So be careful of

01:04:17.540 rescuing people or attempting to rescue them, invite them into your circle, stand strong,

01:04:21.240 make yourself capable as, as best you can. And then people will see that and be attracted. The

01:04:24.620 right people will see it and be attracted to it. Yeah. Cool. All right. Let's wrap these up for

01:04:29.300 today, man. Yep. Yep. Sounds good. I mean, we, we covered a couple of things, but I think the key

01:04:34.380 thing coming out of our conversation today is, you know, band with us, right? There's some,

01:04:40.200 there's some, uh, you know, well, I don't want to dive into it too much, but there's some,

01:04:44.800 you know, blockage from a social media perspective, right? Happening. And if you're committed to what

01:04:50.420 we're talking about, you, you see the value and what's being communicated, uh, band with us. And

01:04:55.100 that looks like a number of things, right? That's connecting with Ryan Mickler on Instagram and

01:04:59.200 Twitter at Ryan Mickler. That's joining us on the Facebook group. That's joining us in the iron

01:05:04.960 council. That's sharing this message. That's sharing a podcast episode. That's sharing the,

01:05:10.280 the, uh, YouTube video, whatever that is. Um, that's what it looks like to band with us and,

01:05:16.920 and promote what we're doing. That's right. That's right. So make sure you do that. Um,

01:05:21.360 as I've mentioned over the past week or so, um, my son and I are coming out with a new podcast called

01:05:26.000 man in the making. So if you want to get early notification on that, head to order a man.com

01:05:30.680 slash man in the making. Uh, and we'll let you know in the next couple of weeks when we launch that 0.94

01:05:35.580 thing, which will be pretty exciting. Cool. I'm excited too. This will be awesome.

01:05:40.040 All right, guys, we'll let you get going. We'll be back on Friday until then go out there,

01:05:43.740 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:05:48.380 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:05:53.140 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Why You Can't Save People, Properly Handling Stress and Response, and Prioritizing and Executing ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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