Why You Can't Save People, Properly Handling Stress and Response, and Prioritizing and Executing ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Summary
In this episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, Kip and Ryan discuss their first time co-hosting a show together. They talk about what it's like being on vacation together, and Ryan shares a story about how Kip almost killed him.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, oh my goodness, can you believe that we're actually
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doing an Ask Me Anything together? Co-hosted Ask Me Anything with two people. Wild.
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Yeah. People are like, oh, that's right. They used to do these together. Yeah. I remember now.
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Yeah. And it sounds like you're going to ease your way into it with your low quality microphone
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or headset or whatever you got there. I invested-
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Thousands and thousands of dollars into you, Kip, and making sure that we can make you sound as
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good as possible, but apparently my gifts aren't good enough for you to use. What's up with that?
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Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm on holiday. I grabbed stuff from the office, from the recording
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studio, and then I rushed. And I soon in the box with the mic was the mic cable. So I have all the
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gear, no mic cable. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, well, that's not going to work. I guess I could have held
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it up like this to pretend that I'm using it. But yeah. Yeah. You could have done that, but I don't
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think anybody would have, would have been fooled. Now, you know, the, uh, the brief conversation that
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we had yesterday, or excuse me, last week before our AMA was my favorite. You're like,
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he sounded so tight. I don't know if you just woke up or you were in vacation mode. You don't even
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remember having to see you were hung over or something. Maybe I'm trying to remember. Oh yeah. I called you.
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I'm like, Hey, are we doing this? And you're like, Oh, I don't know. Let's go. What day of the week
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is it? I can't remember what's happening. And we're sharing this story just so you guys don't
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think that we're perfect. Here's the reality. It was a Friday morning, July 5th. Right. I'm at the
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lake. I've checked out. Like, yes, I get it. I am checked out and I get a call from Ryan. I'm like,
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Oh, something must be going on. I don't get calls from this guy very often. I answered. He's like,
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are we doing this recording? I'm like, uh, I'm not because I'm in a trailer out in the middle of
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nowhere. I was like, Oh man, I think I handled it. Okay. In your absence. I'm sure you did. I'm
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sure you did. But I'll watch just in case. Just give me some feedback. Please do. Uh, and then,
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and of course, as always, we had people reach out who want to co-host. So we've got like a list of
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people who could go host with either one of us moving forward. Yeah. I appreciate all you guys
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jumping on board. You're like, Oh, Kip's dropping the ball. Opportunity presents itself. Hey, Ryan,
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you know, if you ever need a co-host, that's reliable. Yeah. You let me know.
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All right, guys. Well, if you're new to the podcast, uh, we're going to be fielding your
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questions. Biggest thing, uh, that I could get from you guys right now is just making sure that
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you're supporting what we're doing in, in whatever means necessary. So that sharing the podcast,
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taking a screenshot, commenting, liking, subscribing, leaving a rating review,
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supporting us in the store, joining us in the iron council brotherhood. Um, all of this goes a long
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way, especially in the wake of, you know, there's some things in place right now, especially in the,
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in, in the social media world that, uh, they aren't real too thrilled and excited or approving
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of what it is we're talking about. So we counter that by sharing it. Uh, so please guys keep sharing
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it, keep putting out the good word and we're going to keep driving on. It's all we're going to do.
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I still can't tag you on Instagram. I know it's crazy. So it is what it is. I'm not going to
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complain today. I'm just going to say, Hey, let's get some, well, let's throw our weight around a
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little bit and, uh, and support where you can, especially if you've gotten any value out of this
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before. But other than that, let's get to some questions today. Well, I'll go into the first
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question, uh, mostly cause it's a little bit of a banter, but, uh, Anthony Sands, Severino thoughts on UFC
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two 64. I I'm assuming you watch that over the weekend. Watch it. Yeah. Um, I mean the fight
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that really actually stands out of Cal of all the, there was a great card. You had sugar Sean who
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just put on an absolute clinic. I can't, I don't know who he fought. I can't remember the guy's
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name, the guy with the green hair, but, um, man, that guy would not go down. Dude, bad respect for
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that kid. Last minute call. I believe that he was brought in like seven days or 11 days.
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Walking zombie. He was just like, I am not giving up. It was, I don't know. I was kind
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of upset with her Dean stopping that fight with, I think less than 20 seconds left. I'm
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like, let the kid finish the fight, man. Yeah. I mean, he, he was getting pounded right there
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at the end. He may have get, he may have gotten knocked down or knocked out at the end, but
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let the kid finish hearing that. Yeah. Um, so that was cool. And then watching, uh, Greg
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Hardy gets smashed in the teeth and just lights go out, man, that was wild. Did you see that
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fight? Yeah. Yeah. And then you have, I don't, again, I don't, I don't follow too closely.
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I can't remember the guy that he fought, but I very, very unassuming, right? Not, not a typical
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body type of, of, you know, these hardened athletes that you would think of and for him to come in and
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just crack Hardy in the face and just one punch knockout was bang, bang. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
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then of course you got the Connor fight, you know, where look, there's a lot of, here's what I'll say
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about the fight. I think he probably did some damage to his leg. Cause before when he was doing
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those kicks, I think your leg doesn't snap, your leg doesn't snap from, from rotation of throwing
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a straight, right? Right. Exactly. Yeah. I don't care who you are. It just doesn't break. Yeah. And,
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and he was getting there. He was getting pummeled. There's no doubt about that. He was, I mean,
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that might've been a 10 to eight round. Like he was getting throttled. Uh, I was just super
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unimpressed with his post fight interview. And I mean, look, he's got a broken leg. He's
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disappointed. He's still sitting in the ring. He's obviously banged up. So we have to afford
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some, some, some grace and maybe understanding there, but I'm like, man, I was really disappointed.
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I was hoping that he, cause usually enough in a, in a loss, Connor McGregor, even when he loses,
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he does it with some class. I would say some tact and class, not so much leading up to the fight,
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but after he's always been, Hey, you know, I got beat up. Um, I, you know, I, it wasn't my night
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and he did good and I'll be back. I'll be back. And God, it wasn't like that. I was, I was disappointed
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in that personally, but we'll see. Yeah. I was, he's taking it too far, right? Like it's one thing
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to talk crap, but you start bringing family into it. That's a whole other, that's a whole other bag.
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It's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Dustin Poirier, man. He, he had a great round and it was clear that he was
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ready for that fight. And there was a lot, I think, look, I don't want to, you know, armchair
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quarterback. I don't, I don't know, but, but Connor McGregor looked pissed. He didn't look composed
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even as he came out in the fight. He just looked pissed. He didn't look like himself
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and, and Poirier there, Poirier was there to, to, to do the job and he got the job done.
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Whether you, whether you agree with like how it went down and what happened or not,
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like Poirier was winning that fight, of course. Yeah. I think we can all agree. We would have
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loved some more rounds for sure. And it would have went like, no one wants for sure. Yeah. No one
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wants to win, have the fight go that way. It's not good for Connor's career. Uh, and it's not good
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for, for the fans either. Right? Like you, you want to see a good fight and you want to see guys
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bang and, and it would have been nice to get another round in at least. I don't know. Maybe
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it, yeah. Oh, I agree. And maybe, but actually maybe it is good for Connor's career because he
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was getting beat up and if he would have got beat up for another round and just demolished the way he
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was getting demolished in the first round, everybody would have kind of just wrote him off. And now
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if he recovers and he comes back, that's, that's an interesting story right there. So
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could have been a, could have been a rough situation, but have a silver lining. Uh, you
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know, my, my, my friend, Sean Whalen had a really good post. Actually two people had great posts that
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I, a lot of people talked about it, but Sean Whalen talked about the biggest fight being in the man's
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the six inches between a man's ears. He had a good perspective on it that you should go check out.
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And then Tim Grover actually had a really good perspective on it about winning. And I'll surmise
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here. He basically said that the reason Connor's not winning is because he's acting like he's winning.
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He's not going to that dark place of not winning of losing. And so he's not doing what needs to be
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done again, a little bit of armchair quarterback stuff, but coming from Tim Grover, who's coached the
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most elite athletes in the world, he gets a little more credibility in my book. Yeah. Well, and Tim
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Grover, I've never read his winning book. After that post, here's, here's the perfect example of
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sales right here. After that post, I added winning and just purchased it on audible. Yeah. It's a great
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book. I read his post. I was like, you know, it's a really valid point. I want to read that book.
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So, and, and people are probably, unless you know him, he might rub you the wrong way. And the things
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that he says are somewhat counterintuitive, uh, but it's very, very insightful and it causes you
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to think. And so if you haven't read the book or at a minimum, listen to the podcast I did with him
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about three or so weeks ago, go back and listen. Fascinating individual. He's had some tremendous
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success for himself and also the athletes he coaches. So when he talks about performance with
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athletes, I'm going to pay attention. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. Let's get in some legit
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questions. Stephen Zeller. I sometimes have too many things I want to do that I deem important for
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my, for both my personal life and business that I have to prioritize and postpone some things.
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I think this is pretty normal, but I struggle with the prioritization process. Any tips on how to get
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clear mind and prioritize things in the best order? Is there a process or a method you use to do this?
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Yeah, it's called the battle plan, but let's, let's get something deeper. Yeah.
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This is normal. You know, and I've told my kids that sometimes when you have to make a choice,
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you have a choice between two shitty options and you have to choose one and they're both kind of
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crappy. And sometimes in life, you have to make a choice and both options are actually very good.
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Yeah. Good, better, best. Yeah. Right. So then you have to make a choice and that means you have
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to let something go in order to move forward with this choice that you end up deciding on. So this is
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natural. This is the way it goes, but you got to take a step back and realize number one is the
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mindset of, I can't do it all. You have to acknowledge that you have to recognize that
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and you have to operate in that mentality. And you said it very well, good, better, best.
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So you're looking at your scenarios, you're looking at what opportunities you have and,
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and you have to know that, Hey, I can't do everything, but I am going to go all in on the
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things that I am going to choose and select to do. Then once your, your, your DAC is stacked,
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stack, excuse me, your deck, say that again, your deck is stacked, not your deck is stacked,
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but your deck is stacked. Then you have to ask yourself if I'm going to put something else in
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here, what is going to give? Most people don't do that. They're like, Oh yeah, yeah. I got,
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I got some time to do that. What's the price? Right. What's the cost? So there's a difference
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even between price and cost price is just the price tag. Like this pen cost me, or excuse me,
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the price of it was, you know, 50 cents or whatever, but the, the cost of having a pen
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is, well, it's, it's negative actually, because I can write with this, I can take notes, I can journal.
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And so the cost is different than the actual price tag, but everything has a cost. Something's
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going to have to give. And unless you're willing to acknowledge that something has to go away,
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then you're just going to keep putting stuff on your plate and things are going to get diminished.
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Your performance is going to be reduced. And frankly, you're going to be looked at less
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favorably from other people that you have obligations or responsibilities to your workers,
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your, your employees, your employer, your clients, your wife, your kids, they're going to look at you
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less favorably because you're not getting stuff done. So mindset number one, number two is you need
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to know what you want. And if I were to ask Steven in this case, what do you want? It would be my hope
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that he could answer that with pinpoint accuracy, not, Hey, I want to make more money. I want to
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have better sex. I want to lose some weight. I'm talking about pinpoint accuracy. I want to make
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X amount of dollars in the next 30 days. I want to lose 20 pounds in the next 30 days in 60 days.
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I want to be ready to run my marathon. Uh, I want to not, I want to have good sex, but I want to have sex
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three times a week. And here's how I'm going to make sure we get to that point, instigate and seduce
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her and woo her over in this way. So you're very specific. And if I ask a hundred guys, what do you
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want? Most of them will say, yeah, I want to be happy. I want to have some cool experiences.
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Welcome to the club. We all want that. So you got to get specific. Now, once you're specific with what
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you want, then you get to reverse engineer and ask yourself, here's this opportunity that, that,
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that has presented itself. For example, I, I shared with you an opportunity that you and I have to
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partake on later this year, and you can take that opportunity and you can measure it against the
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vision you have for yourself, the specific objectives that you've created. And you can ask
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yourself, is this going to move me in that direction? If the answer is yes, you need to consider
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it. Still things might need to go, but you need to consider it. If the answer is no table, it for
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now. It doesn't mean an indefinite. No, it means that that is not a priority right now. And, and a lot
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of guys have a very difficult time making decisions because they don't have any framework for which to
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measure their decisions against. So mindset, pinpoint accuracy on what you're out to accomplish,
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understand the cost. And there is a cost with everything and make your decisions.
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And let them be a hundred percent. Yes. And the no's are a hundred percent. No,
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don't get into this fear of missing out thing. Hey, you took advantage of this opportunity. Good.
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Go all in and make it work. Let me share a folly that, that I have when I do, when I do this stuff,
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Ryan, and see if this would make it on your list. I have a tendency to even say yes to it.
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And, and I'll even get clear on the cost, but I, I go in not a hundred percent. I don't give that
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thing my all. And so then I'm, I, I, because I, I don't want to give up something else. Right. And so
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my determination is like, well, I won't give that up, but then I'm not fully in it either. Right. And
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I might compromise the quality of the work that I'm doing, or I may not like be all in,
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you know what I mean? And kind of half-ass it because I'm not like, I'm out of integrity with
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my commitment to that item. You're also going to let people down. And that's something that I'm not
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interested in doing. Well, I'll give you an example. I have a friend of mine, close friend of mine
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reached out a couple of months ago and he wants to develop an app. He's got a very cool idea for an
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app and it sounds very intriguing. And at first I was like, yeah, I'm all in. And now I'm kind of
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thinking, ah, you know, if, if I do this, this is going to have to give, that's not really in my
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wheelhouse. I have other goals and ambitions and desires. And so it's a no for me. And it's
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unfortunate because I would really like to work with this individual in this capacity. And I would
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really like to pursue this opportunity, but also I know what I want and I don't want to go half in on
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things. I don't, what is, what does Ron Swanson say? Don't half-ass two things, whole ass one thing.
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Right. So yeah, you know, give it, give it all you got in the things that you can. And look,
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if you evaluate it down the road and, and, and realize that, oh, this pursuit that I'm on here
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isn't as meaningful as I thought it was, but you can always pivot. You can always change courses and
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change directions. And people will say, well, that opportunity will be gone. It might, but other
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opportunities will present themselves. There's an infinite number of things you can do on a,
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oh, throughout your lifetime. Yeah. And it's interesting. I think that more opportunities
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will present themselves based upon how we show up with the things that we're dealing with,
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probably more so than just trying to take advantage of every opportunity that shows up.
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Interesting. All right. Peter Zeffo, how do you battle plan for a day when, when you're on vacation,
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do you still time block, even if it's beach eight to 11 AM? I'll answer this question. Peter,
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you just forget everything. You don't bring equipment. You don't, you know,
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you don't even open your calendar. That's, that's what I do. That's my recommendation.
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My, actually, my recommendation is not all that different. It's, you can let go of things.
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It's, it's okay. You can set some things down every once in a while. It's like weightlifting.
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You don't just pick up your deadlift and hold it forever for an hour while you're waiting. No,
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you pick it up and then you set it down and you recover and then you pick it back up and you hold
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it and then you set it down and recover. That's the process of getting stronger. Life is the same way.
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We've got a lot of things to shoulder. We've got responsibilities as a father, husbands,
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business owners, leaders in our community, friends, et cetera, et cetera. And those are
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burdens. Those are things that we have to carry and they have meaning with them. And I value having
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responsibility and being capable of, of shouldering the load, but it also needs to be put down from
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time to time. So I don't get into the time blocking thing when I'm on vacation. That seems a
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little counterintuitive to me. I used to be a guy that needed every little element of my vacation
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planned out and where are we going when and what time and what event and what activity.
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And this vacation that my family and I took in Hawaii last month was, was not that at all. It
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was, I'm here, I'm present. If we want to go to the beach today or luau tomorrow or this today. And
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then I had an opportunity to go hunt one afternoon that I didn't know would present itself. And I did.
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And it wasn't like time blocking. Now, what I will say is that our responsibilities don't go away
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just because we want to go on vacation and put something down, right? Things still need to be
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carried. So what I do before I go on a vacation is I anticipate everything that's going to need to be
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done over a period of a week or two weeks or a month or however long you're going to be off,
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off grid. And then I plan for it accordingly. I put the systems and processes in place.
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I get the right people in the right position. So things can carry on. If there's emergencies or
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some sort of contingency planning, I build that in. People know where to go. They've got their
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directions. They've got their instructions. They know what my intent is. And fortunately things have
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run pretty smoothly in my absence. And that's because I've done a lot of planning, a lot of systematizing
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and attracting and honoring the right people like yourself and other team leaders and people who
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help in different capacities. And they know exactly what they need to be doing. And if they need to
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leave for a vacation, then maybe I need to shoulder more of a load or I put that on another one of our
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team members, but it doesn't go away. It still needs to be carried, but you build it on the front end
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so that you can disengage from that on your vacation, on your trip, and actually be there and present
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with your family and friends and whatever else you have going on. Yeah. This is a little on the
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extreme side, but I think it proves a point. And the point is far too often, we talk about it,
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right? You got to know why you're not doing something, right? Like, are you not doing X because
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you're really trying to intentionally be present with your family or you're not doing X because you're
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just looking for an excuse not to do it. Right. And, and, and I've had guys within iron council at
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times where they had a daily tactic of running a mile or whatever, because they're preparing for a
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race. And then they're like, Oh, I didn't do it. Why? Well, cause I was on vacation. And, and the only
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question I asked them was if you would have still did the run, if you would have still got those things
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in, would, would it have affected your vacation in a negative or a positive way? Of course,
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positively. Yeah. And all of them are like, yeah, I probably should have ran. Yeah. Because it would
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have been a great way to get up early, feel good about your day. Like, you know, so it's not always
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like, ah, you know, vacation, I'm not going to do anything. Like sometimes you should probably still
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do those things because you're going to show up better on your, on your vacation. If you're still
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accomplishing certain things and you're getting your journaling in or meditation or whatever,
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you know, whatever, some of those things might be for you. So somebody can say this,
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this last trip that I was on. So we had about a week of, of hunting. So I didn't exercise during
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that time because we were walking around, we were hiking. That was kind of built into what we were
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doing and we were getting up early and going all day and going in the evening. So that didn't make
00:21:40.240
sense. You don't want to do late day before hunting. But when that component of the trip got done,
00:21:47.200
then I had about two, two and a half weeks with just my family. I woke up and I walked
00:21:51.680
down to the park, which is about a quarter mile from where we were staying. And I went and ran
00:21:56.660
around the track. I was doing pushups and sit-ups. I mean, it wasn't the best workout ever, but it was
00:22:02.960
still something. And I came back and I actually felt good to your point. There is something else
00:22:07.900
that, that I do when I go on vacation is I'll usually get up early in the morning. So I did my
00:22:13.640
workouts and I'll come back and I'll jump on my computer and I'll do about 45 minutes to an hour worth of
00:22:19.460
work in the morning before anybody's really up and going. So I'm checking emails, I'm doing
00:22:25.180
correspondence. The beauty of that is that I still get some work in that I can feel okay about being
00:22:30.980
at the beach all day because all that stuff's taken care of. And also there's another benefit
00:22:34.840
to this. When I come back, it's easier to transition into everything because I didn't let everything stack
00:22:40.900
up for two weeks. I managed it periodically on a schedule and I made a commitment to do that each
00:22:48.800
and every day. So there's some reasons why you may want to build some of that into it, but work it out
00:22:52.960
with your family and make sure you have the timing that works best.
00:22:56.240
Yeah. Cool. All right. Adam Beachy, when you were building Order of Man while still working in the
00:23:01.820
financial planning, did you plan, did you have any tricks for not getting exhausted or burnt out?
00:23:07.500
Working on building a business while working full-time, raising two kids with my wife,
00:23:12.280
working out and keeping the house in order leaves me exhausted at the end of the day and struggling
00:23:16.640
to work on my business. Yeah, I understand that. I wish I could tell you, do these two or three
00:23:24.000
magical things and you won't get exhausted, but that's actually just not the reality of the situation.
00:23:29.780
That's how it is. And it's a season. It's going to stop. And if you can bear down and you can make it
00:23:36.580
through it and you can be tired, then, you know, that's what you, that's what you make work.
00:23:41.620
There's things you can do. Like if, if you're super tired, you might just take a 10 to 15 minute
00:23:45.960
nap in the middle of the day. That's something that a lot of guys have never done, but I'll tell
00:23:50.340
you, man, that's that, that can actually recharge you and get you to the rest of the day.
00:23:55.300
Outside of that, just know that this is what it's, this is what it takes. And, and if you throw in
00:24:01.100
the towel or you can't hack it or can't hang, well, that's what most men would do. And that's
00:24:07.060
why most men don't have what it is you say you're after is because they're not willing to do it. Oh,
00:24:11.620
I'm too tired. I couldn't make it work. When I was doing both, I would do a couple of hours in the
00:24:18.560
morning of order of man stuff. Then I would, this is before my family would wake up and I would spend
00:24:25.520
a morning with them. And then I would go into work for my financial planning practice. I would come home,
00:24:29.820
I'd do dinner. And then after the kids went to bed, I do another hour to two on the order of man
00:24:34.300
stuff. So this is, this is what it takes. This is the requirement. And I will also say, because we
00:24:41.960
were talking about this earlier, something had to give, well, my exercise and my diet and nutrition
00:24:46.720
gave, and I had to be okay with that at that point. And some people might say, well, you're just making
00:24:52.880
an excuse. And maybe I was, but also, you know, I did that for four to six months and I got back
00:24:59.620
on top of things. So they're seasoned to things. And this is the, uh, the balancing act that a lot
00:25:05.460
of men don't understand. They, they hear the term or talk about this concept of work-life balance
00:25:11.380
and what they think work-life balance is, is this perfect homeostatic status of all their
00:25:19.480
responsibilities. I'm going to give equal time and attention to family life and equal time and
00:25:24.040
attention to work and equal time and attention to my own pursuits. And they're trying to find this
00:25:28.620
like perfect balance. That's not work-life balance. In fact, that's not even the definition
00:25:33.800
of balance. Balance is a series of micro adjustments. If we're talking about the physical
00:25:40.760
body, a series of micro adjustments based on external circumstances. So if you're on, for example,
00:25:48.160
a surfboard and you're trying to ride a wave, you're going to feel the wave. You're going to feel
00:25:53.060
the weight of the board. You're going to feel the current and the tide and the ocean and the forces
00:25:56.820
pushing against you. And then you're making hundreds, if not thousands of little micro adjustments
00:26:01.860
in order to keep you on the board and get you to ride that wave. The same thing with life.
00:26:08.880
If my son today, uh, breaks his arm, work's done. My workday is over because I'm going to be at the
00:26:18.320
hospital. I'm going to give him a time and attention. I'm going to make sure he's doing okay.
00:26:21.540
I'm going to support my wife. I'm going to pick up where maybe she has to slack a little bit
00:26:25.740
because of that situation. It changes. And so I change my approach based on external factors.
00:26:34.320
If you're trying to work two businesses, you got to balance. Something's got to go.
00:26:38.160
Maybe the nutrition has to go. Maybe the exercise has to go. Maybe it's not as much time with the
00:26:42.360
kids and people say that's wrong. It's not wrong. It's just a micro adjustment based on external
00:26:47.260
circumstances and the objective that you have. So let's not look at work-life balance as some
00:26:53.380
magical mystical place where everything is equal. Cause we're just teeing ourselves up for failure.
00:26:59.460
Instead, let's look at it and think I'm going to be dynamic. Work-life balance is dynamic.
00:27:05.920
I'm adjusting. I'm pivoting. I'm flexing. Exactly. And that's what work-life balance is. So here's my
00:27:11.820
final answer for you. Suck it up for two months, three months, six months, a year, whatever it takes.
00:27:18.040
Be smart about is what you're doing, working pivot, adjust where you need to, but yeah,
00:27:24.400
you're going to be tired. That's the price to pay. Or if you don't want to be tired, then don't do that
00:27:30.540
and just keep living your life the way you want to live it. And that's, that's an answer. You know,
00:27:36.680
that that's, that's a direction you have to decide if you're willing to go that route or not.
00:27:41.080
James Percival over the past little bit, I've been trying to identify my circle.
00:27:47.320
This has resulted in trimming the fat to speak, fat, so to speak. I'm also in the very beginning
00:27:54.520
phases of starting my business. So I'm working on relevant business relationships. My question is
00:28:00.360
during this time, would it be wise to continue allowing new friendships to begin, or should I
00:28:05.720
focus on getting rid of those? I don't want in my circle first. I don't, I don't know that I have
00:28:15.260
personally ever identified somebody and said, I'm going to actively eliminate that person from my
00:28:22.740
circle. You just, you're not intentional with them. If, if that's the case, right? You just like,
00:28:28.340
I may not put effort into it. And that's it. And then they just kind of go away. Now there are
00:28:35.360
relationships where I've had to check and establish some boundaries.
00:28:38.720
Like unhealthy ones or unhealthy. Yeah, of course. But you're talking about building your network.
00:28:45.700
So if it were me, I would spend a lot of time and attention building a network with people that you
00:28:52.420
like people that are high caliber, people that are achieving in ways that you want to achieve
00:28:57.720
and realizing that if that's going to be the case, if I'm going to pursue relationships with these
00:29:02.620
individuals, then these other relationships aren't going to get the nurturing that maybe they once
00:29:07.560
did in the past. And maybe that's good. Maybe it's not. You have to evaluate those relationships
00:29:11.880
because if I'm going all in on building my networking relationships that I don't have any
00:29:17.360
time for my wife and kids, that's a problem. If I'm building these networking relationships and I no
00:29:23.700
longer have as much time for individuals who I would go drink with on Saturday night, that's actually a
00:29:28.740
pretty good scenario. So you have to evaluate it. I don't think that you need to focus on
00:29:34.360
either getting rid of people who aren't healthy for you or work on establishing and building all of
00:29:42.360
these relationships. I think there's a way that you can do both simultaneously. But yeah, I'd be
00:29:48.800
more intentional about building productive relationships than I would eliminating destructive
00:29:54.240
relationships. And Ryan, I'm assuming in this example, in his example, you would make a list,
00:30:01.260
right? Like you would say like, Hey, these are the 20 relationships that I need to focus on. And,
00:30:06.000
and, Oh, I, I do that. Yeah. If I'm, I mean, I, I, we have, uh, uh, content management, not content,
00:30:13.420
um, contact. Yes. Contact management systems where there are certain relationships that I have,
00:30:19.800
where I'm going to reach out to this individual, or I'm going to send them a gift or send them a note or
00:30:23.140
shoot them a text. So yeah, I'm very deliberate and intentional about the relationships that are
00:30:28.240
going to serve both of us. It's not just a one-way thing. It's a reciprocal relationship.
00:30:32.800
So I've got people on schedule to call or to text or to message. Uh, if I'm out and about,
00:30:37.680
and I see, uh, I don't know, I see, uh, Tim Kennedy on the cover of ballistic magazine,
00:30:42.020
I'm going to take a quick shot, shoot them a text and say, Hey man, it's like,
00:30:44.940
yeah, we'll hope all as well, period. I'm not looking for anything. Uh, I'm not trying to game it.
00:30:50.640
I'm just saying, Hey man, I care about you. I saw this. I think it's cool. Hope all as well.
00:30:54.400
The end. And that nurtures and fosters a relationship. So yeah, I don't, I don't make
00:30:59.700
a list for people who I don't want in my circle, you know, that I'm like, okay, well these, you know,
00:31:04.640
you know, intuitively who should and should not be there, but you do need to be intentional about it.
00:31:09.060
Yeah. By the way, I did get a bunch of guys ping me like,
00:31:12.360
Ryan needs to get Dustin Poirier on the podcast.
00:31:15.380
Oh yeah. Really? You think cool? Yeah, of course I do. We've been working it. We've been working it.
00:31:22.760
Um, I, I will say a little teaser here for you guys. Uh, Michael Chandler and I have been texting.
00:31:28.520
So, uh, he's coming on in two weeks, I believe next. I think it's next week. He's coming on.
00:31:35.720
Very cool. That's cool. All right. Brandon Peterson, what is your favorite wild game recipe?
00:31:42.160
I don't cook. So I don't, I hug the food. That's it. I procure the, I told, I said this
00:31:53.040
on Instagram or something that I procure my food with my wallet, with lead or with an arrow.
00:31:58.940
And then my wife cooks it for us. That's my, that's my obligation responsibility within the
00:32:05.540
dynamic. And let me tell you why, because some of you guys really confused on this. Not because I
00:32:10.260
think that's a lot of guys smoking. Yeah. A lot of guys smoking. So they're, they probably just
00:32:15.760
assume Mr. Mickler's Traeger in it on a regular basis here. Yeah. No, I'm not. Mrs. Mickler is
00:32:22.700
Mr. Mickler is not. Um, so I'm not saying it because that's how men act. I'm just saying it because
00:32:30.300
I don't take any sense of value or joy in cooking anything. I've tried, I hate it. And guys will say,
00:32:38.020
well, it's cause you're not doing it right. Nope. No, it's because I don't enjoy doing that.
00:32:42.880
And other guys are like, well, you know, there is a lot of pride to be taken in cooking. Yes. I know.
00:32:47.740
Sure. I know. I agree with that. I believe that. I believe you believe that. I just don't see any
00:32:53.400
value in it. So I'll, I'll procure it with my pocketbook with, with a bullet or with an arrow,
00:32:59.480
I'll bring it home and my wife will cook it and I will enjoy it. And that's our dynamic. So
00:33:05.080
when you're talking about recipes, I don't know, just hooked.
00:33:09.340
Right. If, if Ryan was like the lone survivor, like surviving out in the wilderness, you'd be
00:33:15.340
going straight up Gollum, just raw. Ah, just do it. It's exactly now. So that's how a man does it.
00:33:23.920
You mean it's how man, it's right. So there is raw, including chicken cooked. Why do you cook your
00:33:30.900
food? What the hell are you talking about? Are you a pansy? Yeah.
00:33:37.240
Oh, I will say though, again, because we're on vacation, if you haven't had access deer,
00:33:43.140
access deer is amazing. Brandon Lilly, a lot of you guys are familiar with Brandon. He was on our
00:33:47.840
hunt with us. He takes pride in cooking. Yeah. And no, I would never say to him that he is not
00:33:53.980
a man's man. Not only because is that true, but also he might hurt me. Uh, so yeah, he was like our
00:34:03.440
unofficial camp cook. Oh man. It was amazing. So access deer is amazing. And then, uh, I shot a goat
00:34:10.840
on the big Island of Hawaii and, uh, we ate that and the goat was a little tough, but then my wife
00:34:17.180
put it in a crock pot and we did goat tacos one night. Holy cow. Amazing. Amazing. So that's,
00:34:25.100
that's two, uh, two animals that we harvested in the last month or so that we ate. That was delicious.
00:34:32.280
That's cool. All right. Sean sailors. How do I prepare my six-year-old football,
00:34:37.680
my six-year-old for football starting in August? I think you're probably doing it. I mean,
00:34:43.240
there's nothing special. Yeah. You don't, you just, you just play, teach them how to catch,
00:34:48.040
teach them how to throw it, teach them what a route is, teach them what blocking is, um, teach
00:34:51.820
them to protect themselves. I don't know if they're playing tackle or flag at that age for us, six,
00:34:56.980
six years old, there'd be flag. So teach them what routes are, teach them the point of the game,
00:35:01.920
teach them, you know, run sprints with them, get them lean, get them strong. Uh, and then,
00:35:06.600
and then just teach them the dynamics of the game, but just be there and active, toss the football around,
00:35:11.360
show them the different positions. That's actually important is teach them what's a wide receiver,
00:35:15.980
what's a blocker, what's a passer, what's a runner. Um, I would also suggest that you look at
00:35:21.620
your, I'm assuming it's a community league. So you look at your community leagues rule book
00:35:27.360
because every league has slightly different variations about how many downs and can a kid
00:35:33.660
jump or not jump? Can they spin? Like every league has different variations when it comes to flag
00:35:39.440
football. So get a copy of the rule book, study it and make sure you equip your kid with the
00:35:46.820
knowledge they need at six. It's a little tough. That's going to be like herding cats. They're
00:35:51.180
going to have a good time, but just, just prepare them as best you can. And just make the biggest
00:35:55.040
thing. Here's the biggest thing. Dad, it's fun. Okay. Especially at six. It's fun. And if it's not
00:36:05.380
fun, you and, or the coach are failing your kids. And I've been there, I've been the guy who's like,
00:36:11.560
come on. Like it's supposed to be fun. I think you should keep score. I think it should be competitive.
00:36:18.460
I'm not saying that, but it should be fun. Let them learn the game. Let them have friends with,
00:36:25.900
or have good interactions with friends and peers. Let them see how it is to work on a team.
00:36:31.320
Don't let them be poor sports, like teach them. But again, it's gotta be fun and enjoyable for
00:36:38.000
them, especially at six. Yeah. And just make sure if they're not first or last. That's right.
00:36:44.260
Yeah. This isn't about fun. This is about winning. And it is about winning, but they're not mutually
00:36:49.600
exclusive. Have fun. You can have fun while you're winning and you can have fun to a degree while you're
00:36:54.520
losing. But if you lose, you should be a little upset and that's okay. Help, help them have a healthy
00:36:59.600
relationship with failure. Yeah. I like it. All right. Justin Gelsma, when should we build our
00:37:06.600
new home, Ryan? We have equity and some money saved currently, saved currently own from the farmland
00:37:14.680
to build on, to build on has electricity and water already and it's paid for. Jeez. Sorry. That was a
00:37:20.540
little weird. Held off due to building supplies, but would it, but would like to capitalize on low
00:37:26.040
interest rates if possible, would like to hear your thoughts. So building costs up interest rates,
00:37:33.260
really low. When should we build? So I'm not going to tell you when you should build. I'm just going
00:37:39.340
to tell you some factors here. Cause I don't know. I don't know what your goals are. I don't know where
00:37:44.140
you live. I don't know what money you have. I don't know any of that stuff. So here's some factors
00:37:49.800
to consider. You've already considered a couple of them. So you've got building costs are high right
00:37:55.560
now. Interest rates, potentially low. Where's your money now? Is it in the market and is it doing
00:38:01.860
really well? Cause if it's doing really well, then why would you want to pull money out of there to
00:38:05.340
pay low interest rates when you could be getting a high return in an investment, for example? How much
00:38:11.080
money do you have? Can you put 20% down and should, should you finance it more than that? Cause if you
00:38:17.460
put 20% down, then you can void mortgage insurance. If you can afford to put more down,
00:38:22.520
should you, or should you keep that in an investment fund set aside and just make the
00:38:27.440
minimum payments? Should you do a 15 year note or 30 year note? There's a lot of things to consider
00:38:31.740
here. But building is probably, especially if you have, here's another consideration. What's your
00:38:38.300
housing situation now? You know, are you guys satisfied and happy with where you are? Is it too small?
00:38:44.620
Is it big enough? Are you considering having a child and now you need something bigger? Like
00:38:49.520
there's so many variables here, uh, that anything I told you would, would just, you'd have to take
00:38:55.780
with a grain of salt because I don't know, but there are a lot of factors to consider. If I were in that
00:39:01.680
situation, I probably wouldn't be, if I could, I probably wouldn't be building right now, assuming that
00:39:08.380
I have a space where my family and I are relatively comfortable and, and all of our needs are met.
00:39:14.620
Yeah. We are, I think, you'd know, the shrine, like we were getting ready to build, um, this summer
00:39:22.760
and the building costs altogether, what it was increased over a hundred thousand.
00:39:34.360
Just in cost of, of mid building materials. So we're waiting.
00:39:38.940
Right. So take the money because we can't, this is a second home. We're like, nah, we'll just wait
00:39:47.500
Yeah. Take the money, set it aside, build up some reserves, earn some interest on that money.
00:39:53.360
And in six months or 12 months or whatever, uh, you know, and I know your guys' housing situation,
00:39:58.100
you guys are in a great place. Like the kids are taken care of the neighborhood's good.
00:40:01.500
Everything's fine. You know, we, we have a lot of things that we want and, and that's
00:40:06.520
a beautiful thing. That's a nice luxury that most of us have, but it also can be a trap because
00:40:11.380
then we buy a bigger home and we buy a newer car and we go on more exotic vacations. And
00:40:16.380
what if you didn't do that? What if you just stayed where you were? Uh, what if you drove
00:40:21.200
the car that was 10 years old? What if instead of going on that exotic vacation, you did the
00:40:25.520
vacation that was just to tear down, still fun, still, still enjoyable, but didn't break
00:40:30.300
the bank. We have a hard time doing that as consumers.
00:40:34.880
Yeah. Paul, nerd corn, Ryan and Kip, what is your favorite way to drink coffee?
00:40:53.220
Water. I drink it with water, water minus the coffee.
00:41:04.480
No. I mean, I'm, I'm friends with the black rifle guys and I, and I tell them, I joke with
00:41:08.940
them and say, you know, I'd want to drink coffee just cause they're so cool.
00:41:12.160
I don't, they make you want to, I don't even like the smell of coffee. I smell it. I'm like,
00:41:19.220
I'm the same. I walked down that aisle of the grocery store. I'm like,
00:41:21.960
doesn't smell good to me. And it's weird because then there's commercials like,
00:41:26.140
oh, waking up to Folgers. You know, I'm like, oh, that's a horrible way to wake up. I don't
00:41:31.180
You know what I want to wake up to is bacon. Forget about coffee. I just want sizzling bacon. I want
00:41:36.040
to hear it. I want to smell it. I don't want to smell coffee. Black rifle. They're my favorite
00:41:43.280
company that I actually don't do any business with. So I like those guys. I like what they do.
00:41:48.620
The guys that tune into what we're doing seem to like black rifle, but I know there's a bunch of
00:41:52.820
other options out there. So yeah. Sorry, Paul. Wrong tree on that one.
00:41:57.840
Yeah. We're the last guys to be asking about coffee. All right. Bob Ross, what techniques do
00:42:04.440
you use to compartmentalize stress work or home related stress away from your family? Do you allow
00:42:14.080
them to see some stress or do you attempt to keep them mostly away from this part of your emotions?
00:42:19.140
I kind of like this question. I struggle with this. Yeah. They need to see that you're stressed out.
00:42:25.460
Well, but it goes too far, right? Because then I'm stressed and then I'm like a complete ass,
00:42:31.660
right? Yeah. But so don't be like that. So that's me acting out of my emotions, not expressing my stress.
00:42:37.740
Maybe. Well, there's two things. And this is what a lot of people don't understand is that there's
00:42:42.600
the emotion, the way you're feeling about things. And then there's the response to your emotion.
00:42:48.520
Just because you're angry doesn't mean you need to go punch a wall or somebody else.
00:42:52.500
Yeah. Those are two separate things. They're not combined. So you're angry. One option is you could
00:43:00.560
punch a wall or somebody else. Another option is you could disengage from people because you're
00:43:07.200
angry and you don't want to talk to anybody right now. That's an option. Another option is you
00:43:12.420
could analyze why you're angry and try to figure out what you're so, so upset about and see if
00:43:17.420
there's anything within your power to be able to move yourself in the right direction. That's another
00:43:21.760
type of response. So there's all sorts of different ways that you can respond to it. But I think you
00:43:26.580
probably ought to be having conversations like this with your kids. I think they need to know that,
00:43:30.340
hey, dad gets upset. Dad gets stressed out. These are conversations we talk about at the dinner
00:43:35.140
table. Hey, I had a bad day today because X, Y, and Z, and here's what I did to fix it.
00:43:40.100
So if you're limiting the exposure to stress and the reality of life, then you don't have
00:43:46.620
as many opportunities to equip your children with what they need to deal with stress when
00:43:51.480
they are. Right. So yeah, when you say, should I let them see my stress? What you're actually
00:43:59.340
saying is, should I let them see the response to my stress? Because you can't see stress. It's a
00:44:06.100
feeling. It's not, it's not tangible, but the response is tangible. So the answer to your
00:44:12.900
question, should I let them see the response to my stress is yes. As long as it's healthy.
00:44:20.400
Yeah. As long as it's the right response. Yeah.
00:44:23.200
Correct. Because if it's, if it's unhealthy, then the answer to that question would be, no,
00:44:28.620
you don't want them. You don't want to show them an unhealthy response to your emotions.
00:44:34.200
Which is ironic. Yeah. You want to show them that. Yeah. And then you want to explain it.
00:44:40.280
Well, I find it interesting that that's probably why we hide it, right? Is because we're not dealing
00:44:46.820
it, dealing with these things in a healthy way. And so we're unwilling to, to show our children,
00:44:53.660
our stress or communicate it because we know we're handling it incorrectly.
00:44:57.320
Exactly. That's right. And, and it's very selfish too, to do that because you're so worried and I
00:45:03.060
get it. You know, there's things to be stressed about as a man. Yeah. So it's okay to experience
00:45:09.000
that. People say, Oh, I should, I shouldn't be stressed. Really? Why not? You're, you're landing
00:45:14.600
this huge client or your work, you know, you're trying to, to get this big deal or to start the
00:45:18.520
business or you don't think you should be stressed about that. To me, that says you care about it
00:45:22.180
or you're going to do a presentation. You shouldn't, I shouldn't be afraid. I'm going
00:45:25.460
to be presenting in front of all these people. Why, why wouldn't you be afraid? Like, doesn't
00:45:29.960
that mean you care about it and you want to perform well and you want to do a good job
00:45:32.780
to be able to influence people positively? To me that, that says you actually care about
00:45:36.700
it. Now, how do you respond to it? If you're afraid, do you cower and run and botch it? Or
00:45:42.720
do you say, okay, I'm a little nervous about this. And so I'm going to study and I'm going
00:45:47.400
to research and I'm going to practice and I'm going to get good at this so that I can
00:45:51.140
achieve my desired outcome. Emotion, feeling, and response to your emotion and feeling.
00:45:59.340
Yeah. Yeah. I like this. I, a couple of weeks ago when I did a solo AMA, I mentioned something
00:46:06.360
on my, my mom actually reached out to me because she listened to the episode. Now we have two
00:46:10.940
listeners, your mom and then my mom now. So we like doubled our numbers. Yeah. How was that?
00:46:16.640
Yeah. Well, it was funny because someone, I can't remember the question, but I said something
00:46:22.460
about my parents never argued in front of me. And so when, when I was young and I got married
00:46:30.100
and I got in a fight with my wife, I thought like, this isn't, this didn't happen, right?
00:46:36.220
Like something's broken because we're arguing. Cause I never saw that in my, in my life. I just
00:46:43.760
had this la la understanding that like, if you love someone, if they're the right person bubble,
00:46:50.380
you know, even that has its whole loaded meaning, but regardless, you know, the right person,
00:46:55.460
you should never argue. You know, my mom actually reached back out to me. She's like, I'm so sorry.
00:47:00.900
Like, I never thought that would have been valuable. You know what I mean? For you kids
00:47:05.860
to see that while growing up. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I actually would have, it would have
00:47:10.940
been, you know, a healthy, healthy disagreement. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So, yeah. I think we shelter
00:47:17.980
our children from a lot that maybe we shouldn't shelter them so much from, you know, and, and,
00:47:23.300
and sometimes you might be an argument, for example, with, with your wife and your kids come in.
00:47:27.300
And it's like, why are you arguing? And what do you say? We're not arguing. And then you shut
00:47:30.460
everything down. Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah. Instead of saying, oh, we're arguing because we
00:47:35.360
see it differently. And we both care about this, whatever it is we're discussing. And so we're
00:47:41.140
trying to come to a conclusion and a consensus so we can move forward. That's healthy. And then you're
00:47:46.720
like, so do you, here's the deal. Do you agree with mommy or daddy? That's right. Oh, you agree
00:47:51.560
with mommy? Let's bring the other kids in and see if we can skew the, skew the poll here.
00:48:02.280
All right. I think we can do a lot, a lot better job, including our children and the entirety of
00:48:07.800
our relationships versus just the good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Well, and, and puts the
00:48:13.860
heat on us, right? It's like, Hey, do it right. Then, you know, share with your kids and do it right.
00:48:18.020
Cause they need to learn from you. Well, and that's a good point. You know, if you're hiding something,
00:48:21.940
whether it's a conversations you're having or behavior that you're engaged in, isn't that a
00:48:26.020
pretty good indicator that maybe there's something not quite right with the behavior or thought process
00:48:31.220
you have right now. Yeah. Uh, in, in the spirit of hiding, uh, Byron, Byron, uh, Pierce's question,
00:48:40.540
how, how pornography affects marriage. We've had several guys post about the relationship problems
00:48:46.400
due to porn this past week on the order of man, Facebook group. You can join us there, by the way,
00:48:51.920
order of man.com or facebook.com slash group slash order of man. That's right. But, uh,
00:48:57.900
effects of marriage thoughts. Yeah. There's a lot of great resources on this. Uh, fight,
00:49:01.660
the new drug.org, I believe is, is the name of the website, but they've got a lot of good information
00:49:06.240
on how it negatively impacts relationships. But look, if you're, uh, objectifying women,
00:49:12.300
I mean, it seems to me that it's pretty self-explanatory how that might impact your
00:49:16.740
perspective and your view of your wife and your, your role and her role and, and what you guys do
00:49:23.220
together. Uh, but it also diminishes the love and the deep meaning that you have in being a, a
00:49:30.520
protector and a provider and a presider, uh, her, her husband. So I would definitely check out some of
00:49:36.560
those resources, but I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory how you're going to diminish,
00:49:41.100
uh, the, the relationship with your wife and your view of her. You're not going to have a sex,
00:49:46.840
a healthy perspective towards sex and, and what she wants and what you want and how you both can be
00:49:53.360
fulfilled. It's just not a healthy thing. So you gotta be very, very careful, especially when it's so
00:49:59.020
easy to get, uh, access to all of this stuff. You know, it's again, it comes to hiding, you know,
00:50:05.800
if you're, if you're hiding it, well then is there something off about that? Probably. Cause you
00:50:12.980
know, she would be negatively impacted by that. So if you don't think that's the case, then go
00:50:17.720
talk to her about it and you can return a report and let us know how that goes. But cause there's
00:50:22.340
a bunch of guys who were like, well, pornography is not bad. Go. Okay. Totally. Go talk to your spouse
00:50:26.720
about it. Well, no. Okay. Well you got to evaluate that. Here's the part. Let me ask you this. Cause
00:50:34.460
I find this interesting. I I've used this analogy of, well, how would you feel? Right? Like how would
00:50:41.280
you feel if your wife's like watching porn and a bunch of other guys or whatever? Right. And,
00:50:47.220
and you find out about it. And then, and I, and I've heard actually guys, their response to that
00:50:52.680
question is like, Oh, that wouldn't bother me. So then part of me goes, is that weird? Or am I
00:50:59.100
weird that I'd be overly jealous and kind of pissed off about it? Right. Or do you think that's just an
00:51:04.280
excuse? No, not only that, wouldn't you feel inferior? Like am I not doing it? Totally. Yeah.
00:51:09.820
I mean, I don't feel inferior, but you know, whatever. Well, and I think we as men put up those
00:51:16.460
walls and we say that wouldn't bother me. Really? Like you wouldn't feel inferior or you wouldn't feel
00:51:21.740
like she doesn't, isn't attracted to you or she's not getting what she needs. And that's why she's
00:51:26.240
going out here. You wouldn't feel like that. No, no, no. Uh, I think you probably would, but
00:51:30.660
yeah. I mean, you lay it down simple, right? It's like, okay, she's choosing sexual activity
00:51:37.000
with said source versus you. Yeah. Yeah. That's bothersome. There's another problem here too,
00:51:44.520
is that let's looking at pornography and jacking off is way easier than engaging in the work.
00:51:53.600
Yeah. Yeah. So, so what are you conditioning outside of the sexual side of things? What are
00:52:01.520
you conditioning your mind to pursue? The things that are easy, right? You're after cheap thrills.
00:52:06.920
You're after the thing that's easy. You don't want to put forth the effort or the work. And if it is
00:52:10.840
work, you're just going to find the easier solution. So I don't know the data or the statistics or the
00:52:17.100
research to support that. That's, I guess, just maybe anecdotal or a hunch that I have, but I do
00:52:23.820
think that if you're taking the easy way out, then that's probably going to apply to other facets of
00:52:29.100
your life. And when things get challenging or harder, you have to exert yourself in any level,
00:52:33.180
you might be conditioning your mind to avoid doing that because there are easier ways to do
00:52:38.900
everything. So, yeah, I, I, I would argue, and I don't know, I don't know the numbers of this
00:52:44.320
either, but I'd probably argue that the majority of ED cases are actually tied to a large amount of
00:52:52.500
pornography usage. Yeah. Agreed. All right. I always enjoy our good pornography questions. It's always
00:53:00.240
fun when Brian throws out, I feel like such a kid, you know, like you, you mentioned Jack Hoff and I
00:53:05.720
can't help, but I almost giggle, giggling and smiling. I'm so immature. Grow up.
00:53:13.480
Grow up. Sorry, man. It's so embarrassing. That's why we always say these for when you're
00:53:21.680
is it embarrassing? I don't know. I feel, I feel funny talking about it, but I don't, I don't know
00:53:29.060
if it's maybe, I don't know. Maybe, but like, this is, I mean, we've all looked, look, we've all
00:53:36.180
looked at porn, you know, we've all jacked up. Like, these are things that we've all done.
00:53:41.700
I've actually talked about this even with my wife of like women with OBGYNs, you know, it's like,
00:53:47.060
what an awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing scenario. Right. And, and we were talking about
00:53:53.320
it not too long ago. And I said, I wonder if it's just like the mechanic looks under the hood of a
00:53:58.880
car and it's like, and it's that it's more of that for an OBGYN anymore. Like this isn't embarrassing.
00:54:05.140
It's just like looking at the hood of a car and seeing what's going on. I don't, I've got a friend
00:54:09.660
who is in a different location than the other car was. I've got a friend who's an OBGYN and I've
00:54:17.260
talked to them about it. Like, why, why did you want to do this? What, you know, cause of course he gets
00:54:21.680
made fun of and, and ridiculed and everything else. I'm actually really curious. I'm like,
00:54:26.300
why? Like I would never personally want to do that. So why are you? And so I don't get embarrassed by
00:54:32.180
this stuff. This, this, these are the kinds of conversations that we need to have. The ones
00:54:36.360
that people are afraid to have are the ones that we actually probably should be having.
00:54:40.020
Yeah. I have a friend that's a, he's a, I trained with him actually. He's a plastic surgeon. He's a,
00:54:45.200
like a, we call him the boob doctor. You know what I mean? It's the same thing. We all can't help,
00:54:51.220
but like kind of. Right. He gets to look at boobs all day, you know? And at some point he's
00:54:57.380
probably like, boobs are boobs. Like I've seen them all, seen them all in different positions,
00:55:02.960
seen them all different sizes. Yeah. Who cares? That's probably what he's thinking.
00:55:10.180
All right. What were we doing? You're going to be okay, Kip? Yeah. You look a little flush there and
00:55:14.700
everything. Yeah. I'm a little embarrassed. All right. Let's take a couple more. I can't
00:55:18.860
believe you're talking about masturbation. Oh, she knows. She knows what you were doing in the
00:55:27.480
bathroom when you were. Yeah. She knows what you just, you just like destroyed it all. You just
00:55:31.260
told it all. We all have looked at porn and we've all had mastery. My mom's probably thinking all my
00:55:36.300
40 year old son. No, Kip has never done any of that. Never. Yeah. Never. He never touched himself
00:55:42.600
inappropriately. Well, now, you know, mom, just in case you didn't. Yeah. Sorry, mom.
00:55:51.900
All right. Uh, Nathan vendor. Nathan, what's Nathan have to say? How can I help a friend who refuses to
00:56:01.080
help himself? Man, I, well, we're going to read it, but I mean, we get these a lot. He wants a
00:56:06.340
girlfriend, but won't make the effort to get one. He wants to have a better life, but won't make any life
00:56:11.080
changes to make it happen. I'm really his only friend and feel obligated to pull him through life
00:56:15.980
so he doesn't feel alone and go out of my way to help him feel better about himself. Any suggestions
00:56:22.080
on what I can do more or steps I could take to make him step out of his shell and go seek out the best
00:56:29.100
of his life? Yeah. Yeah. First, whatever you're currently doing is not helping them. I want you to wrap
00:56:39.520
your head around that for a second because you think you're helping him by serving him, by being
00:56:43.980
there, by giving him all the answers, by pulling him along, by like forcing and coercing and manipulate
00:56:48.680
him to get him, do this stuff. You think you're helping. You're actually not. You're hamstringing
00:56:53.780
your friend because at the slightest sign of adversity, or if you're not around, he's not going
00:57:00.060
to be able to know how to handle himself. We do the same things with our children. Oh, I just,
00:57:04.520
I want to make sure they're comfortable and they're in this little bubble and I don't want them to be
00:57:07.620
exposed to any of this stuff. And it's like, no, you're hurting your kids by doing that.
00:57:11.760
If you really cared about your friend or your children, you would expose them to some of that
00:57:18.600
stuff and let them figure it out. The other day we were working on a project outside and my oldest,
00:57:26.540
I said, Hey, bring that beam down here. It was in the barn. I said, bring it around the yard. I need
00:57:30.300
you to bring that beam over here. It's like, it's too heavy. And I said, we'll figure it out
00:57:34.100
because I need it down here. I'm working and yeah, maybe it's too heavy for you to pick up the
00:57:40.380
way you're thinking of, but I need you to figure it out and get it down here. And so he was taking
00:57:45.140
a little bit. He's like, all right. And he's been out of shape and everything. And I, and I went
00:57:48.600
upstairs in the barn and I looked cause he was taking a while and I'm like, what is he doing up
00:57:51.780
there? So I went up there and he had grabbed this, like these two little carts, like, uh, like
00:57:57.860
benches that you sit on in the garage. He had grabbed him and he had loaded it on there and he was
00:58:01.600
pushing it. I'm like, perfect. He figured it out and he got it down there and it was no problem,
00:58:07.700
you know, but it, it, I had to say, figure it out. Yeah. I didn't, when he said it's too heavy,
00:58:14.980
I didn't say, Oh, okay. Why don't you sit down and do nothing and let me do it. I said, no,
00:58:19.600
here's the task. It needs to be accomplished and you're going to be the one to do it. So figure it out.
00:58:25.340
And he did figure it out. Now we've been doing that for the last 13 years. And so he understands
00:58:30.260
when dad says, figure it out, that's exactly what he means. And he also knows that when I say do X,
00:58:34.940
Y, and Z, that that's what needs to be done. I don't care how you do it. Just get it done.
00:58:40.300
It's the same thing with your friend. You're trying to rescue and pull your friend along.
00:58:43.860
And what was the very first sentence of the question again, Kip?
00:58:47.840
The very first, uh, how can I help my friend who refuses to help himself?
00:58:51.920
Get the hell out of his way for a minute. Stop shielding him from everything. Stop pulling him along.
00:58:58.200
Stop through your behavior, telling them that it's okay not to pursue the things that he's
00:59:04.120
interested in. You're interested in a girlfriend, but you don't want to go where the girls are.
00:59:07.140
That's not okay. And I'm not going to do it for you. You can't help somebody who doesn't want to
00:59:12.380
help themselves. Yeah. And I, I said it, uh, in, on Instagram or Twitter a while back, I said,
00:59:18.180
you can't rescue somebody who's not willing to participate in their own rescue. And when I hear
00:59:24.920
questions like this, that's what people want to do. And it's noble. You want to serve, you want to
00:59:29.940
help. You even said it yourself. I feel obligated to help in some capacity, in some way. Good. If
00:59:34.940
you really think that that's the case, then you need to let him flounder and struggle a little bit.
00:59:39.460
And occasionally, maybe you throw a lifeline, uh, but you need to help him build some strength by
00:59:44.540
getting him out there, getting involved, letting him see consequences of it. And when he's ready,
00:59:49.480
hopefully he'll know where to turn, but that's on him. You can't do that for him. It's unfortunate.
00:59:55.160
It sucks. Cause you see the potential in people, but it's the reality. I mean, we, we run into the
01:00:00.460
same thing just societally where we see these people who are homeless or, uh, hooked on drugs
01:00:06.260
or just going down a dangerous and destructive path. And we think, well, if I pay their house for
01:00:10.140
them, then it'll be okay. Not really. I mean, they might have a place to sleep that night or for a week,
01:00:15.660
and then they're going to fall back into their own patterns and they're going to create more harm
01:00:19.140
and self-destruct or you give them a bunch of money. And it's like, well, what do they do with
01:00:23.260
that? They go buy more drugs and they do their thing. So I think there are opportunities to serve.
01:00:27.160
Sure. I'm not saying that, but our traditional way of doing it, where we just do everything for
01:00:31.800
people. And we assume that we're their savior is, is a very, it's a very dangerous way to do it.
01:00:37.160
It doesn't actually serve anybody. Well, and what's interesting too, is like,
01:00:40.500
even look at the language that we use, you know, cause what you, and I'm not criticizing what you just
01:00:46.760
said, Ryan, but like, that's the term we use, like be their savior. But even in that example,
01:00:53.060
the savior requires other people to do something, right? Like we even use that analogy of like teach
01:00:58.860
a man to fish, right? It's like, they still had to be at the lake to go fish, to even learn how to
01:01:06.200
fish, let alone if you just gave it to them, right? Like these people have to want to do it.
01:01:12.400
They're just not ready. Right. And, and, and we talk about this, this is, there's some strategy
01:01:17.000
to see if people are ready to see if they're willing to get on that path. And, and we can be,
01:01:21.860
of course, the importance of being a lighthouse is super critical, but just not the how, not the way
01:01:27.840
humans work. Yeah, it isn't. And we need to acknowledge that and recognize that. And what I
01:01:34.740
typically say is invite people into your circle and you know, you don't go pick them up. You don't go
01:01:40.880
operate in their circle. You invite them into your circle and that's a good litmus test. If they're
01:01:46.820
ready, then they will exert themselves. They will come into your circle. They will push, they will
01:01:51.820
try to improve. So we welcome people with open arms. I mean, that's what we're doing here in
01:01:55.860
order of man. It's like, we have the Facebook group, we have our social media accounts. We have
01:01:58.820
the brotherhood. Like I don't actually go pursuing people. And even people ask me questions. Hey, Ryan,
01:02:04.240
you know, I have questions about this and this, what can you do for me? I don't, if you ever email me
01:02:09.360
that question about the iron council, I will, I'll tell you right now, I do not. And I will not
01:02:14.020
answer that question. What can you do for me? What, what can I do for you? What can you do for
01:02:18.900
yourself? That's the question I'll ask you back. What are you, it depends. What are you willing to
01:02:24.280
do for yourself? And I, and I would say that probably 70 to 80% of the people who I asked that
01:02:30.400
question to don't respond back, but the 20% are like, well, here's what I'm willing to do. I say,
01:02:35.140
then welcome, join us, do that. And you will be served.
01:02:39.800
Yep. Yep. I love that. I mean, we changed, you know, that's the survey questions that we put out
01:02:46.340
and I see this past quarter was, you know, get some feedback. And then the other question was,
01:02:52.520
what can you do to make your, your experience better? What can you do to make your team better?
01:02:59.400
No, I love the fact that you added it. Cause I'm like, I'm really, I'm really interested.
01:03:05.060
And that's still valuable. Like it's valuable for us to see that and go, Oh, a lot of these guys
01:03:10.140
think that they could do this. Okay. Well then what can we do is from a leadership perspective to
01:03:15.380
help enable them to do those things. Yeah. To facilitate it. That's valuable. Right. And,
01:03:21.020
and, and just to drive this point home a little bit more, it's like,
01:03:24.280
we did this Utah meetup this past weekend and, and I got a couple, it was kind of funny. I got a
01:03:31.060
couple people reaching and saying, Oh, I, I told my husband he should come. Right. Or I told someone
01:03:37.180
else they should come. And I said, I don't have them come. If they don't want to come, if they don't
01:03:43.640
see the value of coming to the event, I don't want them there. Of course. Right. I don't want some guy
01:03:50.820
there because my wife, you know, like coerced me into coming and is give it cause that's not the
01:03:56.820
right. That's not even the right, uh, persona or, or that's not the mindset of an individual that I
01:04:04.380
would even want there. Right. Cause that's a negative mindset that are not even in the right
01:04:09.640
place to, to, to contribute to the conversation. A hundred percent. I agree. So be careful of
01:04:17.540
rescuing people or attempting to rescue them, invite them into your circle, stand strong,
01:04:21.240
make yourself capable as, as best you can. And then people will see that and be attracted. The
01:04:24.620
right people will see it and be attracted to it. Yeah. Cool. All right. Let's wrap these up for
01:04:29.300
today, man. Yep. Yep. Sounds good. I mean, we, we covered a couple of things, but I think the key
01:04:34.380
thing coming out of our conversation today is, you know, band with us, right? There's some,
01:04:40.200
there's some, uh, you know, well, I don't want to dive into it too much, but there's some,
01:04:44.800
you know, blockage from a social media perspective, right? Happening. And if you're committed to what
01:04:50.420
we're talking about, you, you see the value and what's being communicated, uh, band with us. And
01:04:55.100
that looks like a number of things, right? That's connecting with Ryan Mickler on Instagram and
01:04:59.200
Twitter at Ryan Mickler. That's joining us on the Facebook group. That's joining us in the iron
01:05:04.960
council. That's sharing this message. That's sharing a podcast episode. That's sharing the,
01:05:10.280
the, uh, YouTube video, whatever that is. Um, that's what it looks like to band with us and,
01:05:16.920
and promote what we're doing. That's right. That's right. So make sure you do that. Um,
01:05:21.360
as I've mentioned over the past week or so, um, my son and I are coming out with a new podcast called
01:05:26.000
man in the making. So if you want to get early notification on that, head to order a man.com
01:05:30.680
slash man in the making. Uh, and we'll let you know in the next couple of weeks when we launch that
01:05:35.580
thing, which will be pretty exciting. Cool. I'm excited too. This will be awesome.
01:05:40.040
All right, guys, we'll let you get going. We'll be back on Friday until then go out there,
01:05:43.740
take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:05:48.380
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:05:53.140
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.