Why You Need to Be Different, The True Meaning of Vulnerability, and Finding the Courage to Live Fully ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 7 minutes
Words per Minute
185.80089
Summary
In this episode, I sit down with my good friend and co-host of the podcast, Kip, to talk about the importance of being a man of action. We talk about how to deal with rejection, the value of networking, and how important it is to have a support network.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Kip, what's up man? It's good to see you. It's been, what, two or three weeks?
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Cause I had Sean on, I think last week and then Sean and I ran, you know, it's all kind of blending
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together at this point, but Hey, look, I mean, I think there's value. One thing I've seen a lot of
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guys do is they live in this lone wolf mentality mindset. We're like, or, or the other one is
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this arrogance mindset. We're like, if I want it done right, I got to do it myself. So yeah.
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And I actually, I look, I appreciate it because you're invested in what you're doing and it's
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important to you, but then you're hindering yourself. There might actually be somebody
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who can do it just as good, if not better than you. And even if they can't, why would you limit
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other people that you want to serve from opportunities to serve, to improve, to get better?
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So I love the fact that you're here as my host, that we have guys like Drew, guys like Sean,
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other people that message me and are interested in doing it. I want to give those opportunities
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to do it because that, that means that they're excited about it. And it means that there's an
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opportunity to grow for them and me to back out and let other people handle some stuff now and again.
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Yeah. I'm sure with Drew doing that one app, you got flooded. You're like, Oh, Hey,
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everyone else is like, Hey, right. You know, I'm down too, bro. You know,
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all the time, all the time. It's hard. It's, it's, it's increasingly hard when people reach out
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and I'm just trying to be really frank and give those who are listening a glimpse into this world
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of being semi publicly successful. People reach out all the time and most 99% of the intentions are
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good. But when you hear things so many times, like you have a hundred people who are like, well,
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I want to host the podcast. It's, it's like, yeah, I can do that. Or if you have a hundred people
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or a thousand people say, Hey, you got a fake follower. It's like, I know, I know I have a fake
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account. I know. Or if a bunch of people reach out and they're like, Hey, you spelled, you use the
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wrong version of your, it's like, Oh, I know you're trying to be helpful. It's just let it go. Like,
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just let it go. Cause when you get a thousand responses, again, it's like a weird place to be
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because everybody's trying to be helpful. But when you hear it a thousand times, it just gets
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old. It really does. But there's a lesson also too. If you want to connect with people,
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be different, be different, be unique. Well, if, if you reach out to me and you, and you say to me,
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Hey Ryan, I really like what you're doing. Thank you. I appreciate it. I think that's nice. It's a
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nice gesture. I usually give them a thumbs up or a fist bump emoji or whatever. But if on the other
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hand, you reached out and you said, Hey Ryan, I wrote this. I'm not going to say that. Cause I know
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that's going to unleash. Hey Ryan, I have this connection to so-and-so actually one guy messaged
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me. It's a guy that I've been wanting to have on the podcast. And he knew that cause he listened to
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the podcast enough. And he said, Hey, I know you've been trying to get this guy on the podcast. I
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actually have a connection with him. Can I send you an email? Bingo, different, unique value driven.
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That's a guy I'm going to respond to. Right? So think about that when you're reaching not out
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to me, I'm a nobody, but when you're reaching out to people that you really want to be connected
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with, if you do it like everybody else, you're going to get either ghosted, ignored, or the same
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generic manufacturer response that somebody else does. But this is also true, not just in this space
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we're talking about, but with your boss, Hey boss, I'd really like a promotion. Well, how many people
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do you think have said that? Everybody that works for him has said that.
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Or if you go to a client and you're like, well, I'd really like your business because X, Y, and Z.
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That's what everybody says. Or one of the things you often talk about Kip is unique selling
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propositions. If you say, well, you know, my unique selling proposition is I care about people.
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Well, welcome to the party. We all care about people. Like, give me something different.
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How do you do that? The first thing you do is you listen for what other people are saying.
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Right. If I know that a hundred people have said, Hey, my I'm different because I care about people.
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I can't say that. Like I have to just nix that from my vocabulary.
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And a lot of guys are email me and message me and they're like, Hey Ryan, I'm thinking about
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starting something like you. And here's what I'm going to do. I'm like, bro, that sounds
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exactly identical to what I created. And it's fine. Like there's enough space for us,
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but I promise you, I will mop the floor with you.
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I promise you. And I'm not saying that arrogantly. I'm just saying I'm better at this than you.
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And I will snag up that market space faster than you can imagine because we're better at it
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because I've been doing it for seven years. But if you make something different and unique,
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something the world has never seen before, and it's uniquely you, man, you're off to the races.
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So just be different. Yeah. You know, something you said earlier, I didn't want to glaze over it
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because we're talking about what I'm paraphrasing is delegating, right? And the value of you being
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able to have me and Drew and Sean, you know, in a corner. One, you mentioned the ability to create
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an opportunity for us, right? The other part was they might be able to do it better.
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Um, where I get hung up on this is I think different is better, right? I think my version
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of it is actually better when reality, it's just different. So like I delegate something to someone
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else, they'll do it differently. And I get hung up that it's not the way I would do it. And thus,
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it's not a superior product when reality, that's not true. It's just different. And it has its own
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values in a different way. And maybe some negatives in a different way that I wouldn't have
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seen, but, but I get hung up on my version, always being the right version.
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Occasionally. And it's just occasionally, it's not very much. So don't, don't let this blow your
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head up here. I'll get somebody that says, I really like Kip's insights. Just occasionally,
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Kip, not too much. Well, don't worry. They're, they're all messaging me and letting me know.
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And it's exhausting after thousands of messages. I'm just like, Oh my gosh, it's so hard to be
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popular. Uh, I really struggle. I can relate to you, right? I'm done, man. I'm done. I'm out. You
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win. You win the podcast today. Oh, the popularity is so hard to deal with. Well, woe is me.
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I can't, I can't. I'm done. I'm out. Just call Sean. You win. There's no rebuttal for that.
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To be liked by so many. I'm literally bitching about people messaging me.
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Okay. You put me in my place. All right. You win. No, no, no, no. Please proceed to talk about
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how great my perspective is first, at least before we end. Okay. I'll, I'll start that. And then you can
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just run it on your own. Uh, people will say, well, I really like Kip's insight. And what is my
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natural response? Like what generally, what is a man's natural response? What about mine? Well,
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you like Kip, what about, and you know what? Awesome. You like Kip's feedback because to your
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point, it's different. And it's something I just couldn't give. Like, I can't give your perspective
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on the questions that we answer because I'm not you and I don't have your experiences and I don't
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have a hundred percent of your same beliefs or your culture or whatever. And we, we shouldn't be
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threatened by that. I, I should actually feel good about that. Oh, well, yeah. Because I brought Kip
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in because I actually acknowledged that too. I knew it would be different enough. And that's why I wanted
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him here on the podcast. I knew Sean had some perspective and was intelligent and, and successful.
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And so I brought him on and I'm not intimidated or threatened by the fact that people really
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resonate with you and Sean. I'm actually really grateful that I have guys like you in my corner
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that you believe in supporting what we're doing. How do you make sure, how do you get into that
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mindset though? Right? Because that's like, so, because I'm the same way, like that's so easy
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to immediately feel undervalued or where, whatever that is, right. To have the ego come into play and go,
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you know, you know, fuck that and get pissed off. Like, is it just the pausing in the moment and
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going, wait a second, no bigger purpose. Or I don't know, what does that look like for you to kind
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of put that in check? Maybe a little pause, a little self-reflection to your point. I would say
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it goes deeper than that. I would say that you have to be successful. You just have to, like, I,
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I can only be proud enough of people to the degree that I believe in myself.
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Yeah. It's self-confidence, you know, which is, which is a result of success in different ventures.
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So I'm a successful podcaster by, by any objective metric, I'm a successful podcaster.
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So you coming on my podcast doesn't threaten me.
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Right. Cause you, you've gotten great at it. Yeah.
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Just not a threat. I'm not concerned about it. Um, Joe Rogan, I I'm not concerned that Joe Rogan
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is as successful as he is because I'm a successful podcaster. I'm not maybe a little bit more on my
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level as far as downloads reach that sort of thing. Uh, Jordan Harbinger, a good friend of mine,
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uh, Brett McKay with the art of manliness, Larry Hagner, good dad project. These are all guys
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that I think were peers. As far as some of these objective metrics, I'm not intimidated by Larry.
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I'm not intimidated by Jordan. I'm not intimidated by Brett because I'm confident enough in my own
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abilities. Now I look to those guys and I see what they're doing and I'm like, Oh, that's a cool
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guest or Brett has some great guests on Brett runs a completely different podcast than I do.
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He's very structured, very self-help where I think ours is more conversational. Uh, Jordan
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Harbinger brings on some elite level people that I have, I don't even have access to. And he's very
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thoughtful. He's very intelligent. Uh, Joe Rogan is an incredible conversationalist and he has access
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to some of the most incredible people that doesn't threaten me because I'm pretty sure about where I am.
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And I know the trajectory I'm on. Yeah. If I looked at some, let's talk about it in a different
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vein. If I looked at somebody who was ultra, uh, let's say I wanted to get good at jujitsu
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and I looked at you who's a jujitsu black belt and I'm like, well, you know, Kib, oh,
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he's not really that good because look at his body type and, you know, look at this and look at that.
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And I don't have that. Yeah. Because you're not even in the arena now, Kib, I'm not threatened by
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you at all. I've been training for a little over three years. I, I, I'm actually inspired by you.
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I actually look at you and say, Hey, you know, here's what he's done. He's not an ultra amazing
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specimen of a human being. Like he's healthy. He's fit. He's trained. He's, he's got this game that
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he's developed. And so that's cool. Like, but I can't feel that way unless I'm actively on the
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path myself or unless there's a little bit of a fracture in the path. So let's say,
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let me give an example. I hear from with a lot of guys. So let's say I'm looking at you with
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regards to your health or your jujitsu game. And I really want to be confident in myself,
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but I really have a hard time with alcohol. Like I I'm a, I'm a, I'm an alcoholic. I can't,
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get over it. I can't figure it out. That's a frack, but everything else I'm doing, right.
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I'm engaged with my family. I'm, I'm eating correctly, except for the alcohol. I'm fit.
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I'm training. I'm doing all this thing. That's a fracture in my game. And that fracture more often
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than not is going to manifest itself in projection, not internalization. So I'm less likely to say,
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I can't have what Kip has because I'm an alcoholic. And I'm more likely to say,
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well, if Kip didn't have these challenges and if Kip this and Kip that, and I project it all onto you,
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then he wouldn't be as good as me. So instead of what I, what we do as men is we tend to pull people
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down rather than say, Oh, this is a fracture in my game. And I need to replace that with something
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that's more positive so I can lift myself up. I really love this. Let me see if I can say a
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different way and see if you agree. Fracture I'm, I'm seen as a sense of being out of integrity.
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And when we're out of integrity, we do two things. We own it and we pivot, or we excuse it to justify
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it, to live with ourselves. And so what I'm hearing is, is that projecting of bringing other people down
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is the justification of my action because I'm out of integrity, because I'm, I'm showing up in a way
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that I know I shouldn't be. And I don't want to change. Thus I have to, I have to run the story,
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right? I have to come up with some bullshit excuse to justify the behavior.
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And it might not even be bullshit. It might actually be a real thing. So I'm dealing with
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this right now. And I'm not going to lie that this is dealing with my self-confidence,
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struggling with my self-confidence because of this. Yeah.
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This is an external circumstance. Now there's things I can do to internally to make sure I'm doing it
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correctly, but this little minor, minor injury that I'm dealing with is a external circumstance
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that I personally created. I'm not denying that I created the circumstance. Yeah. Uh, and it's,
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and it's impacting myself confidence. So you're, you're a hundred percent right. And I liked this is,
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this is the proper use, by the way, Kip, you need to understand this. You need to learn that.
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Here's a lesson you can learn. Okay. This is, this is the proper use of the word vulnerability.
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Yeah. Oh yeah. Sorry. We totally blew up. I told those guys to blow up your Instagram. I'm like,
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all right, we're leaving the Utah meetup. I want to see hashtag be vulnerable, be safe and tag Ryan.
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It'll be great. This is the proper use of the word. So let's say you hurt your leg and you go to the
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doctor and get an x-ray and there's a little minor fracture in your, in your fibula or your humorous
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fibria, fibria, fibria and tibula, right? Are those leg or arm? You guys will know. Okay. Let's let
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humorous. I know you're humorous. Your leg bone. Yeah. I'm from Minnesota, Utah leg bone. So yeah,
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I'm from peril. And so we're not all that different. So let's say there's a, you get an x-ray. There's a
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minor little hairline fracture in your humerus. That's a vulnerable spot. It's weak. Right.
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We could acknowledge it and take a step back and say, you know, I'm going to let that heal.
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Let me focus on some other elements of my life and let this heal and do its thing.
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Another alternative is we could say, Hey, you know, I actually need a cast on that because
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not only do I want it to heal, like I want it to heal properly straight.
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And so I'm willing to completely take a step back for a minute and really let it do its
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But we just don't, we aren't willing to do that as men.
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And even me, you know, even in this sling now, I'm like, my wife's like, you need to have
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Even the lady at the gas station, I go to the convenience store occasionally down the road.
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I'm like, Jill, I got my wife nagging me about the sling.
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She just laughs, you know, you know, so you got to deliberately and intentionally take
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a step back occasionally so that you can get better.
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But also I can focus on other avenues of my game.
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I can be a little bit more thoughtful in the way that I, that I approach things, or I could
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watch and observe, see some things that I've never seen before.
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I kept fully planning on going to jujitsu tonight.
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I'm not going to train, but I'll have my gym clothes on.
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Not that I'm going to, but I'm going to be there to be available and to learn and grow
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and be in the presence of and get better in a way that I haven't been able to do before.
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So that is the proper use of the word vulnerability.
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And it's not vulnerability for the work, the sake of vulnerability, like nobody wants to
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And if you do, then you're a loser and there's no other way to say it.
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There are people, actually, there are people who want to be weak.
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I mean, if you use the fractured bone, as an example, those individuals are, are seeking,
00:17:38.640
Hey Ryan, look at, look at, look how bad my life is.
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I, it totally makes sense why your life's falling apart.
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Not, I'm not here to, I'm not here to tell you vulnerabilities don't exist.
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They do, but this whole woke nonsense of let's be vulnerable for the sake of vulnerability
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Like who's going to have a fractured, uh, humorous just so they could say they have
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I'm weak in this department, which is the definition of vulnerability.
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I was just thinking that there's another aspect of kind of what we're talking about.
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Like the con I might take away from this is if my egos get in a way often, and I almost
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have a scarcity mentality, I need to build up my confidence.
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That's, that's the, I need to focus on, Hey, you know what?
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So there's a, there's a question that begs answering in, in that statement.
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How do you know if your ego is getting in the way?
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So if, if I were training jujitsu and I was thinking about this the other way, it's like,
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you know, let's say you're a blue belt right now.
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And the chances of you training with the lower belt and that lower belt catching you and you
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not making that mean something is very low, right?
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But I think as we get better in our jujitsu, that tap doesn't mean as much because we have
00:19:35.860
We're like, Hey, you know, like I know what I'm doing.
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Like, I'm not going to make that mean something about me emotionally and kind of get all emotionally
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So I think whenever I get emotionally wrapped up into it, that's ego.
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I'm not in it, in, in tune as much as that, where sometimes when I think, when I'm emotionally
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vested in something, let's say my wife and I are arguing about something and I get emotionally
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bothered or pissed off initially, I'm like, well, that's because I'm right.
00:20:20.560
So for me, when you know, here's how, you know, your ego's in the way when you're not
00:20:27.520
It's always, guys, for us, it's always ego driven.
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If you are not making the kind of money you want, it's because you're arrogant.
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The reason you're not making the money that you want, or at least on the path to, I realize
00:20:55.240
it takes time, but the reason you're not making the money you want is because you're
00:20:59.140
The reason you don't have the deep, meaningful connection with your wife is because you're
00:21:10.740
You think that she just needs to do everything that you say.
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And if that was the case, then everything would be fine.
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If she would just listen and do what she's told, that's arrogance.
00:21:19.840
If you're not as fit as you would like to be, it's because you think you can eat all
00:21:25.440
the bullshit and never work out because I don't know, you're God's gift to women and
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you're some sort of like Greek God or something.
00:21:32.840
No, you're an arrogant sack of shit and you need to realize that you're a human being.
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And if you eat like garbage and you don't ever move, then you're not going to have the
00:21:45.620
To me, ego is always a manifestation, or I should say it this way.
00:21:54.280
If you're not producing what you want in life, it's always a result of arrogance and ego.
00:22:06.860
There are things that other people will do to you.
00:22:09.380
They'll manipulate, they'll lie, they'll steal, they'll cheat, they'll hurt you.
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That are temporary setbacks and those are beyond your control, but also you should be aware
00:22:23.120
But the overwhelming majority of things in your life that you're not experiencing are a result
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I, and I, I'm just trying to work this out to see if I, if it works out.
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And as I think through this, it's like ego would prevent me from being humble enough to
00:22:45.640
learn and listen, you know, from a jujitsu perspective, you may never even show up to the
00:22:51.200
gym because you don't want to be found out to be crappy.
00:22:59.480
Because you don't want to get to that guy might, that guy might tap me.
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Um, and then I'm acting out of emotion and instead of clarity of mind, because I'm angry
00:23:23.080
I had, I had Brian Littlefield, a very, very technical black belt.
00:23:29.480
You know, I haven't out of all, you've done some training, some classes and courses with
00:23:37.640
He was in my side control and I tried to get him.
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I tried to sweep him from side control and he didn't respond the way that I wanted him
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to respond because he's a highly technical black belt.
00:23:50.060
And there was some cues that I missed personally.
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And instead of, and I even, here's the interesting thing.
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I did it and I laughed and I'm like, bro, you're supposed to move.
00:24:11.280
I'm like, well, if you're not going to do it the way that it's supposed to work, then
00:24:16.600
And I tried to muscle him and I'm not sure if I heard or felt it, just go snap.
00:24:48.120
Mickler on the socials, that's at Ryan Mickler.
00:24:51.360
And we're filling questions today from his Instagram account.
00:24:55.240
First question, Gregory gang, Ryan and Kip, what are you both most excited about right now?
00:25:02.320
Not including the order of men, which I actually really appreciate that.
00:25:07.780
Cause I, we already know that you're excited about it.
00:25:12.620
So, but what other thing are you most excited about?
00:25:16.160
Uh, I'm going to do a little bit of rapid fire.
00:25:18.160
Cause I know we have a lot of great questions actually.
00:25:21.400
Uh, there's two things I'm excited about right now.
00:25:29.580
Um, I have started working out, um, I have started working out, I'm doing legs and working this
00:25:36.040
And I'm excited to get back to jujitsu, but it's going to be about three to four months.
00:25:41.260
Uh, number two on a very, on a more personal, more immediate term level.
00:25:49.100
They're going to be gone for about five or six days.
00:25:51.860
And we dropped them off yesterday and it was challenging more.
00:25:56.360
So I, I think for my wife to drop them off, but the fact that my two oldest boys are there
00:26:01.520
together, they're with camp counselors and they're doing their thing.
00:26:07.380
Uh, and there's actually one more thing I drew out for moose, a moose hunt, uh, in October.
00:26:20.220
I've have, I have friends that have been putting in for literally 20 years and haven't
00:26:26.760
So me and my oldest son Brecken, uh, are going to go hunt in October for moose.
00:26:33.380
So those are the three things I'm really excited about right now.
00:26:38.060
I mean, I think for me, the main thing is, um, we're, we're breaking ground finally.
00:26:43.260
So we got this old trailer off the property, down off the water.
00:26:49.740
Um, and, uh, probably next week we'll be doing foundation.
00:26:53.660
And then shortly after that, start framing a house and I'm really excited about it.
00:27:00.680
Actually, I'm excited because, uh, my wife's uncle is going to be the general contractor
00:27:07.020
and I plan to take as much time off and work like long days.
00:27:13.820
So I can have like long weekends and just go down there and, and focus on building a
00:27:23.520
I'm just super excited to be like, have a mentor and say, this, this is what we do.
00:27:28.940
And, and know that it's going to be done right.
00:27:30.740
Versus if I try to do it, I know back the house would be leaning or something wrong.
00:27:34.680
So to know, have someone that's an expert, be able to coach and just be humble, listen
00:27:45.940
This will be a, uh, this will be a second home or a, or a lake, a lake cabin versus your
00:27:58.880
Like Utah, it's like a cabin and you're like, yeah, it's not a cabin.
00:28:04.540
But it still is a cabin, but here they call it camp.
00:28:11.700
Uh, Boka 09 Kip and Ryan, how do you manage your time and tasks when your children were younger?
00:28:17.620
I have four kids underneath eight, including an infant.
00:28:20.920
I find I am most productive early in the morning or late in the evenings when everyone is sleeping,
00:28:27.120
How can I better manage daily schedules while being present to help my wife and be there
00:28:38.100
And it's actually not meant to be, but here's the beautiful thing.
00:28:46.940
Don't quote me on this guys, or don't tell my wife, but 14, 11, almost nine and six.
00:28:59.060
It's not sustainable, but it's not supposed to be.
00:29:03.240
So look, I wish I can give you a better answer, but I think you stumbled upon it or deliberately
00:29:08.340
Maybe not stumbled upon it early mornings before everybody's awake and evenings after everybody's
00:29:13.820
And the only other thing I would suggest to you, if you're not already doing it, sounds
00:29:19.200
So you might need to communicate with your wife and your older children, maybe you're
00:29:22.880
eight and six year old, uh, and say, Hey guys, look from, from 5 AM to 7 AM is dad's
00:29:31.940
So if you wake up at 6 30, you guys, you know, go have some breakfast, maybe watch a cartoon,
00:29:39.280
So you let me have my time at seven o'clock at night.
00:29:50.400
Bedtime is a seven or seven 30 or whatever your family dynamic is.
00:29:57.380
I will say you shouldn't put them to get bed at nine or 10 or midnight or whenever you
00:30:09.940
And then our two oldest go to bed between eight and eight 30.
00:30:22.140
And these are the boundaries that we have in place.
00:30:27.380
Sometimes my wife gets very overwhelmed with homeschool and taking care of the kid and
00:30:33.660
And so she institutes quiet time and that might just mean 30 minutes and everybody goes to
00:30:38.860
their room and they close the door and they figure out something to do.
00:30:43.580
Legos, Barbies, playing the guitar, listening to music, cleaning your room.
00:30:49.360
I really don't care what it is at that point, but there's quiet time that's instituted.
00:30:55.000
And these are boundaries that are healthy for not just parents, but also for kids.
00:31:03.460
Quiet time with a two-year-old is probably not going to work other than a nap.
00:31:07.360
And so what I would do is if I had kids under the age of eight is I would say, okay, well,
00:31:12.140
our two-year-old's going to bed at, you know, one o'clock this afternoon for an hour.
00:31:17.040
And so that's when quiet time is, everybody else is going to go to their rooms while the baby takes
00:31:22.540
a nap and you're all going to take an hour or a half an hour or whatever. And that gives you some
00:31:26.540
time to recharge, rejuvenate, maybe do some work, catch up on some emails, make some calls,
00:31:32.160
Yeah. And it just takes reps to get there. You like sometimes when you instigate some of this
00:31:37.960
stuff, initially it's not going to work quite times a disaster. Kids are still, you know what I
00:31:43.880
mean? But stick with it, get some consistency and have some discipline around it and it'll work.
00:31:49.880
You just need to get some initial reps in. That's a good part. Yeah. It doesn't work just
00:31:55.820
because you say it should be this way. Yeah. And you'll want to give up, right? You'll want to
00:32:00.700
give up and go, this isn't working. They're not consistent. It takes consistency for it to become
00:32:06.300
consistent. Right. Well, let's take a, again, just because we like jujitsu so much, let's take a
00:32:11.880
jujitsu analogy. It's always interesting when you roll with a brand new white belt, who's strong and
00:32:16.380
athletic. And most guys who come to jujitsu usually are right. They use, they've done wrestling in the
00:32:21.880
past or they're athletic, they're football players, they're bait, they're athletic. They wouldn't come
00:32:26.000
to jujitsu if they didn't have some sort of previous experience or something, right? Something,
00:32:31.060
right. And so what do they do? They go a thousand miles an hour and they can't do anything. And you just
00:32:37.420
laugh because it's funny and it gets hilarious and it's very ineffective. It's very inefficient
00:32:43.720
and it doesn't work. And then, but you did that Kip, I bet. Yeah, totally. I did that. I still do
00:32:50.800
that. Obviously, clearly I still do that and it doesn't work sometimes. Yeah. Right. And so you
00:32:57.920
realize, oh, strength actually, like I want to be strong, but that's not the primary factor in this
00:33:03.240
game. And so you learn and you do reps to your point and then it becomes more effective and more
00:33:09.200
efficient. And you're like, oh, that doesn't work in theory, sweeping them makes sense, but the way
00:33:15.100
I'm doing it doesn't. So let me do that a different way. In theory, getting the kids to go to bed on
00:33:21.000
time is effective and efficient, but the way I'm trying to do it isn't working. So let's come up with
00:33:25.760
a new scenario to do it. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Matthew Hall, the first, should I quit?
00:33:32.700
But I left this question in. Yeah. Well, it says first on the end. So I thought I'll read that part.
00:33:38.780
It's just interesting. You're going to beat this up, but I left it in here because there's some
00:33:43.560
good, there's some goodness in here. I'm going to beat it up. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I would never,
00:33:47.280
I would never. I know you so well. Like I, I literally got halfway through the sentence and I'm
00:33:53.360
like, I already know. Okay. So should I quit my full-time job or start farming with my family
00:33:59.320
and do what I actually enjoy or take the safe and easy road with eight hours a day and good benefits?
00:34:06.780
That's a dumb question. I know, but here's the, here's the better part. How do I find the courage
00:34:11.920
to take the leap? That you just do like, you don't have to find, you don't have to find courage.
00:34:17.880
Like there's no courage to find it's just in you. You just take it. It's already there. You already
00:34:23.840
have it. You don't need to find it. You just need to act on it. You already know, like, think about
00:34:30.820
the verbiage that you use. Do I take the safe path? Do I farm with my family and find joy and
00:34:37.980
happiness and fulfillment? Like what a crazy question. So the real question is your second
00:34:43.420
half, which is how do I find the courage to do this? Let's forget about everything else you said,
00:34:48.880
because you already know. And just like everybody who's listening, who's trying to come up with
00:34:53.300
answers to these types of questions, guys, you already know, already know. How do you find
00:34:59.200
the courage? It doesn't need to be found. It already exists and resides within you.
00:35:05.380
You just need to make the decision. Now, I don't want you to be reckless. I'm not telling you to be
00:35:10.520
reckless, but maybe you need to come up with a six month game plan, right? Like you're in a job that
00:35:18.660
you don't enjoy. You know, which direction you want to go. You can't quite do it now,
00:35:22.500
but over six to 12 months, you could definitely position yourself with cattle, with livestock,
00:35:28.980
with setting up the contracts with grocery stores that you're going to sell your produce to.
00:35:35.680
There's things that you can do over the next six to 12 months. And so what I would suggest is not
00:35:40.560
that you don't need to find the courage. You already have it. You just need to act on it,
00:35:43.800
but that you have a roadmap for the next 52 weeks. Week one, XYZ. Week two, ABC. Week three,
00:35:53.480
and you come up with a 52 week strategy. And now it's not so much courageousness as it is just
00:36:00.060
execution. I just got to do it. That's week one. My wife and I already talked about it. And so you do
00:36:05.080
those things and you're on track. And I would, I would encourage some first principle thinking here
00:36:11.440
where there's a lot of assumptions being made, right? Take it safe, easy road, good benefits. Okay. Well,
00:36:19.160
what makes that safe? Hmm. Right. Like I, and I'm only present to this because I worked for myself
00:36:26.400
and I had employees and I, I get this all the time, right? I'd get these employees that were like,
00:36:31.760
well, Kip coming to work for you with a small company is a risk. It's not as safe as if I worked
00:36:38.160
for Intel or some large corporation. And I would argue that point until I was blue in the face.
00:36:44.360
Really? You think you being a cog in a bigger system in a machine with, with less correlation
00:36:51.080
between your hard work and success is safety. It's perceived safety, but I would argue anything that
00:36:59.960
the direct outcome of your success is more tied to how you show up and how hard you work.
00:37:06.920
That's probably safer because that you are in controlling. But if I work for some large
00:37:12.420
corporation and I'm just a number and I can work amazingly hard and still get laid off, that's not
00:37:19.120
safety. So get clear on what you think is safe and is it really safe and, and, or good benefits,
00:37:27.740
right? Like you pay for those benefits, you know, that, right? Right. Like that's the other part
00:37:33.400
that's super funny. People think like, Oh, I work for a company and I, I get good benefits. Like it's
00:37:38.640
a perk. No, you pay for those. You don't think when you hire employees that the cost of the employees
00:37:45.820
not calculated into the benefits that we give them. Right. And, and how much salary, like, trust me,
00:37:52.180
that trickles down. If we didn't give you benefits, we'd pay you more. Right. So just get clear on the,
00:38:03.160
I Kip, I agree with you in principle, but there's one, there's one change I would make to that.
00:38:11.840
And I think it actually is safer because we've got to look at the metrics they're considering safe,
00:38:17.760
which is income and stability, right? That's when they say safe, when somebody says safer,
00:38:21.880
that's what they're saying. Income and stability. Yeah. It actually is unequivocally safer today.
00:38:30.560
Would you agree with that? Like a hundred percent, it's safer today than going into your boss and say,
00:38:37.320
like, let's say you're my boss, Kip. And I said, Kip, I quit. And you're like, Oh, okay. You're
00:38:41.980
resigning. When's your last day. I'm like yesterday afternoon. It was definitely safer. If your
00:38:48.380
definition of safe is income, it's definitely safer today to keep that job because it's known
00:38:54.480
is what you're saying is like, because I need to put food on the table today. Yeah. Yeah. Got it.
00:39:00.200
Yeah. It's not safer tomorrow. Actually it's, it's less safe tomorrow. And then it, in, in two years,
00:39:08.640
it's less safe in 20 years. It's like, who knows? Like the, the, the, the pendulum has swung in 20
00:39:14.760
years. You're much more likely it's way safer to have started your own business and be in business
00:39:19.760
for 20 years on your own than it is to be under the thumb of an organization. So the longer we spread
00:39:26.200
that timeline out, the, the, the less safe it is. So how do you mitigate that by exactly what we just
00:39:33.540
told you? I just told you 12 months, give yourself a 12 month timeline because today it's
00:39:38.520
safer to keep your job like unequivocally without fail. Because it's known to you as well. Like
00:39:44.560
you, you know, everything. Yeah, exactly. And you've planned your life around it, but in 12 months,
00:39:50.460
that safety measure goes down. And that's why if I could lift my arm, it's, it's, you know, it's like,
00:39:58.240
here's where you are right now, safe. Here's where you could be entrepreneur. And then over time,
00:40:03.280
it goes like this and it actually crisscrosses. Yeah. For what we're trying to do is get you to
00:40:10.280
hear this, this inflection point as quickly as we possibly can so that that can switch.
00:40:17.920
Yeah. Yeah. For those not watching on YouTube, just imagine a T-Rex, you know, trying to
00:40:25.320
illustrate something with this, you know, little arm.
00:40:29.000
Hold on. We're, we're, we're going to do this right. So if you're on YouTube, you're going to
00:40:34.000
get this screen share. Here's you are, here you are right here. You're totally safe. You're here's,
00:40:41.120
here's where you could be. It's totally a risk, right? Like I'm going to start my new business.
00:40:45.960
And then over time, your risk with your current organization goes down, your risk with your
00:40:54.920
business actually goes up. And not your risk with your business, your safety with your business.
00:41:01.380
Yep. Sorry. Yep. So we're trying to get you to hear as effectively as possible. And what that means
00:41:08.400
is that you have all of this time, right? I'm really good with graphs. You can see this.
00:41:14.000
You have all of this time right here. So when you're like, well, what do I do? This is what matters.
00:41:19.660
So when people say, let me stop sharing here. When people say to me, Ryan, how'd you start
00:41:28.160
order of man? That's how I did it. I took that time, go to YouTube and watch it. I took that
00:41:33.680
because you need to see that chart. I took all of that little grayed out area and I made the most
00:41:38.700
effective use of that. That's how I did that. And that meant that I needed, that's it. And that means
00:41:44.500
that to the previous question about with kids, like the first two hours of the day were mine.
00:41:49.660
The rest of the time, then a next hour or so was my family's because we did breakfast and family
00:41:54.800
scriptures. Then the next eight hours was my businesses because I committed to doing that.
00:42:00.040
And then there was one break in between that was also mine called lunch. And I use that time for
00:42:05.280
that gray area. And then there was time that I gave to my family when I was done with work. And that was
00:42:10.580
about an hour to two hours. And then there was two hours that was mine. It's what you do in the gray
00:42:15.980
area. That's going to make sure that you reach that inflection point as quick that maybe inflection.
00:42:21.680
I don't know if it's like fulcrum or whatever at the right, as quickly as you possibly can.
00:42:28.160
Israel O in the context of a relationship that was heading towards marriage and ended because of my
00:42:34.420
own failures, lack of confidence and emotional confusion. I've identified my issues and I am working
00:42:41.100
on them aggressively when, when, um, the text is all messed up. I think he was like texting this
00:42:49.640
when, how do I, how do I show my ex now that I want us and I am better in a way that is confident
00:42:56.520
and aggressive, but respectful and not needy. I'd like to hear a little bit more about how you
00:43:01.840
repaired and took back your relationship. I, I take issue with one of the things that he said
00:43:09.480
you're going to, I'm going to paraphrase, but he said, um, you know, something along the lines of
00:43:16.280
his, him and his ex are, you know, they didn't do well. And it was partly stemmed from a lack of
00:43:20.320
confidence. I take issue with that. It is, it wasn't an issue with your confidence. It was an issue
00:43:29.100
with your integrity, right? We already talked about that. And that lack of integrity has hurt
00:43:36.480
your confidence. Yes. So let's not attribute what we, what to the, to the, to the symptom,
00:43:45.080
what we should be attributing to the problem, which is you weren't in integrity. You committed
00:43:51.680
to your wife and I don't know why it is. I'm not going to make assumptions, but I know enough about
00:43:55.400
other people's scenarios that I could say it could be a fidelity issue. It could be that she's lost
00:44:01.580
faith in you because of your work ethic or your laziness, or, or you weren't bringing income to
00:44:06.100
the table. Yes, it could be some things on her end. Sure. Let's table that for now, but it wasn't a
00:44:13.100
lack of confidence. It was a lack of integrity. You weren't doing what you, even if it was to yourself,
00:44:19.760
you didn't do what you committed to doing. And that stemmed in a lack of confidence, which she saw
00:44:26.840
and she didn't see the confidence. She said, well, he's cheating on me. Well, he told me he was going
00:44:32.540
to provide for me in the family and he's out partying every night. Like it's a, it's not a
00:44:36.940
confidence issue. It's an integrity issue. Really quick before you answer the rest of the question.
00:44:41.940
I like this Ryan, because I think when, when guys have a tendency to say I have a lack of confidence,
00:44:48.300
it's almost like it's in a box and it's like something that they have to deal with,
00:44:53.760
but they didn't create, you know what I mean? Like they're a victim of it. And, and thus there's
00:44:59.840
minimal action. It's like, Oh, I got to fix this thing. That's wrong with me versus like, no, no,
00:45:04.980
you created that. And this is how you created it. And it just gives way better context to address it.
00:45:13.120
So a lot of people will, will say, even if it's subconsciously, well, you know,
00:45:17.180
if only I have the confidence of Kip, then, then things would be fine. Well, you can have Kip's
00:45:22.300
confidence. Like it isn't something that you just were born with, like you've earned it.
00:45:26.620
Well, you know, I wish, I wish I was as confident or as sure of myself as Ryan is. And people have
00:45:31.540
said that they've reached out. Hey, I just wish I could communicate better. I wish, I wish as I was
00:45:36.440
as sure in my positions as you were. Well, I earned that. I like, it didn't just happen one day.
00:45:40.700
So you can have that. And it isn't confidence. It's integrity.
00:45:45.220
Yeah. So that's point number one point. Number two, you're doing it for the wrong reason. And
00:45:50.820
that's why you're never going to win her back in the way that you're doing it.
00:45:55.080
Yeah. Cause it's still going to come across needy. It is needy. Yeah. It's a hundred percent needy.
00:46:01.100
Yeah. It's, it's like you're on the African, the African planes and you're a, you know,
00:46:06.060
a cheetah or a lion and you're trying to chase this thing around and you're trying to develop
00:46:12.140
your skills, but you're really not. You're just kind of relying upon how it was. And maybe one
00:46:16.140
day, if you catch your prey, you'll be fine. And your prey or her are actively trying to avoid you
00:46:22.140
because you're scary. You represent a threat. So stop fucking chasing her, man.
00:46:29.540
Yeah. And what's going to happen if the reason's wrong, right? You're going to bust your
00:46:35.980
ass and let's just see a hypothetically you're successful. Okay. So you, you bust your ass and
00:46:41.340
you do it for all the wrong reasons. You show up more powerfully to quote unquote, win her back.
00:46:46.040
And then once you have her, what you're going to fall the wayside because you were never doing
00:46:52.260
it for the right reason anyway. And then you slump right back into, you know, being the guy that,
00:46:57.600
that caused your relationship to fail because you were never doing it for you. You're never doing
00:47:02.700
it for the right reason. Let's riff on this analogy a little bit more. Let's say I'm a lion on the
00:47:09.500
African plains and I want to catch that gazelle and let's say I managed to do it. Why did I catch
00:47:14.660
that gazelle? Because it was weaker than me. It was slower, dumber, whatever than I was. Is that what
00:47:24.660
you want out of your partner? That she's weaker than you, that she's not independent, that she cannot
00:47:31.000
take care of herself, that she's not confident, that she's dumb, that she's weak. I don't want
00:47:35.940
that in a partner. I want somebody who's strong, who's bold, who's independent, who's capable and
00:47:41.560
yet chooses to be with me. And if you're chasing women around, it's not going to happen. Right.
00:47:46.880
That's weak. I'm not interested in that because I will eat her up and I will spit her out.
00:47:52.200
And that's not what I'm looking for in a long-term relationship. But I've been there. I've had
00:47:55.960
women in my life, you know, before I was married that, you know, it was fun and it was enjoyable
00:48:01.780
and they were weak, but they were fun to spend time with and that's it. And then I was done and
00:48:07.100
I was like, okay, what's next? You go, go onto the order of man website and type in fix yourself first.
00:48:18.700
That's the first thing I'd say, fix yourself first or fix your marriage by fixing yourself. Those are the
00:48:24.160
two resources I would give you. You need to stop chasing her and you need to improve your own
00:48:29.900
capabilities. So if you're that lion on that African prairie, stop chasing and get strong.
00:48:38.020
Stop chasing and get short. Start being smart. Exercise. Build up your pride or your band of
00:48:44.900
brothers. Find some hobbies that you can engage in. Figure out a way to make more money. Learn how to
00:48:50.340
communicate effectively. Learn how to harness and deal with your emotions. Go to church,
00:48:55.440
get spiritual, find God, or find some sort of higher power than yourself. Man, you start doing
00:49:01.260
these things and all of a sudden the gazelle, the lovely, beautiful gazelle over there is like,
00:49:05.120
what's going on over there? Kind of interested in what's happening over there. That's pretty enticing.
00:49:12.720
And then you'll notice the women, the employers, the clients, the friends, the success, the acumen
00:49:20.260
comes to you. You don't even need a chase. It comes to you. It's a beautiful thing, but you got to do it
00:49:26.180
for yourself, not for her. It's a, it's very hard to do, especially in the midst you've been here,
00:49:32.140
Kip, and I've been here. When you lose somebody that you love and it's not just that,
00:49:37.700
it just takes a bit of your own identity away. I prided myself on being a husband. And when my
00:49:45.100
wife left during our separation, it was a personal indictment. It was not just the fact that I didn't
00:49:51.520
have her in my life. It was a personal indictment against me. You failed at this. Yes. And so it's
00:50:00.000
hard to say, okay, well, I got to fix that. It's way easier to say, oh, I got to fix her. You can't,
00:50:06.500
and you shouldn't, she can only do that. And that's part of the, part of what I'm talking
00:50:11.500
about in the new book is it's called the masculinity manifesto. When I did that little white board thing,
00:50:16.740
you probably, maybe some of you, cause I know you guys do this. You like look at other things and
00:50:20.420
you're like, did he have any porn windows up or anything like that? And you look at my emails and
00:50:25.940
you look at, which I did not have any porn sites up, but I, but I had an email up. I saw it and it
00:50:31.280
said the masculinity manifesto. That's the new book coming out this fall. I promise you people will.
00:50:36.500
Especially now, I say, and, uh, and in it, I talk about how to garner influence, authority,
00:50:43.520
and credibility. It has less to do with what you do for, and to other people and more to do almost
00:50:49.720
exclusively what you do for yourself that leads outwards.
00:50:56.340
That's great. New life farm and see how do you think the modern day church is failing as it
00:51:03.280
pertains to serving the needs of men. I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.
00:51:09.500
That was with, was that with you or, or Sean? I can't remember.
00:51:12.400
No, it must've been with Sean. Must've been with Sean. Um, I don't know. I, I'll say it this way.
00:51:20.580
I don't, I don't know that that's a focus I would necessarily deal with like, oh, they're failing me.
00:51:26.000
Okay. Well, how you decide. And then you figure out a solution. Yeah. I really don't think it's
00:51:31.820
the church's, uh, let me think. I was going to say, here's what I was going to say. And I don't,
00:51:38.980
this is not accurate. So, but here's what I don't think it's the church's responsibility to help men
00:51:43.080
with this stuff. That's not accurate. I do because I believe that their responsibility is to serve men
00:51:50.720
and women to lead effectively and then to return to live with God. So that's, that's not true. So
00:51:55.240
I had to think about that for a second. I will say, I think we place too heavy of an emphasis
00:52:00.140
on outside factors when we should do it ourselves. So what I would say to you is, well, here's what
00:52:04.880
I'd say about the church. The church really doesn't care too much about men and masculinity. It's an
00:52:10.300
overly feminized approach. We're going to sit down. We're going to congregate. We're going to sing
00:52:15.120
and we're going to talk about these issues. And we're going to, we're going to circle up and we're
00:52:20.140
going to share each other's problems. And there's a time and a place for that, but you know, what
00:52:25.860
doesn't happen in the church? Hey, you know what? We're going to go and we're going to punch each
00:52:29.940
other in the face today, literally and figuratively. And before that, we're going to say a spiritual
00:52:35.800
little message and a prayer. And then afterwards, we're going to pray together. That doesn't happen.
00:52:41.500
Hey, you know what? We're going to go out and we're going to go to the shooting range
00:52:44.020
and we're going to try to shoot targets that look like human beings. And, and, but before we're
00:52:51.200
going to say a prayer, God, give me the strength and the skill to protect myself and my family.
00:52:57.820
Should the situation arise, that's what doesn't happen in the church. And that's what should happen
00:53:05.520
in the church. If we're talking about Christianity, I talked about this before with you, Kip,
00:53:10.140
those 12 disciples were fricking men. They were fishers. They were dirty. They were disgusting.
00:53:15.340
They were gross. They smelled bad. They were strong. They were capable. They were capitalists
00:53:20.420
because they sold those fish on the market. They tried to get the best value from those fish and
00:53:25.040
they did their work. And when they were there, they were probably drinking. They were probably
00:53:30.220
swearing at each other. They probably came to blows. I guarantee those disciples came to blows with
00:53:36.520
each other. And when one of them said, I'm not going to do that. The other 11 said,
00:53:39.980
no, you are going to do that because you're part of the tribe and you're going to hold your weight.
00:53:45.420
Yeah. Come on now. Like if we really think about what that situation was like,
00:53:49.920
that's the reality. Cause we know how we, as men would behave. And yet all of that was done in a
00:53:56.640
righteous way, right? We're going to, we're going to fight and we're going to be strong and we're going
00:54:00.960
to make ourselves capable. And when one of us is down, we're going to lift the other one up.
00:54:05.600
And you don't see that in church, but you could be that in the church. You could create that.
00:54:11.360
You could go to your pastor who I would almost be willing to bet is not this kind of man.
00:54:18.340
And I would say, Hey, pastor Joe, I love your sermons. I love what you talk about. It enriches me.
00:54:27.920
It helps me lead my family. And one way I would like to serve our congregation is that every
00:54:34.280
Wednesday morning, I would like to do an, a physical activity with men. We're actually going
00:54:40.840
to go train jujitsu. Would you be okay? If I promoted that the way that it's going to work is
00:54:45.480
we're going to say a prayer in the morning and open it up to God. And then we're going to do a
00:54:50.580
spiritual lesson. And then I'm going to tie that spiritual lesson into a lesson of jujitsu.
00:54:55.860
And we're going to fight for an hour. And then we're going to cap it off with a prayer to God
00:55:02.020
in the service of our neighbors and our family members.
00:55:07.820
If that pastor says, no, I'm out of that church. Like, yeah, see ya. I'm onto the next,
00:55:14.060
but you could be the change that needs to be seen in these, uh, overly feminized church
00:55:19.360
congregations. And by the way, when I say that, cause we do have a lot of women listening,
00:55:22.660
ladies, I'm not beating you up. I'm not mocking you. When I say overly feminized,
00:55:26.680
I'm saying it's catered to you and that's beautiful, but it's just not catered to men as well.
00:55:35.160
Yeah. 22 cheapster in the context of marriage, how do you deal with a false? And I've never heard
00:55:41.120
this term before until this question, how do you deal with false ownership coming from your spouse?
00:55:46.920
How, uh, you do your best to strive and truly own your life. But they say things like, I know I'm a
00:55:53.320
bitch, but at least I know it. So it's okay. I know this sounds like whining. There is truth to that.
00:55:59.320
I feel like I'm hanging onto the greased rope for dear life. I struggle wrestling with my personal
00:56:05.660
ownership daily. I can see in others and myself, how I've changed for the positive, mostly myself.
00:56:11.440
I also can clearly see the harm false ownership does to our children.
00:56:17.640
So false ownership, this I'm just trying to wrap my head around it is this example where he said,
00:56:22.160
his wife said, I know I'm a bitch, but it's okay.
00:56:24.960
Yeah. I think it's like this ownership of, I think it's the ownership of this is how I am.
00:56:29.820
And like, and then stopping the thought there, right? So, well, this is just who I am and not
00:56:36.000
following that conclusion to, well, then maybe you should change you or whatever. Right. That's what
00:56:41.000
I'm seeing. The conversation I would have with my wife is I would say, no, that's not okay.
00:56:47.900
And I'll tell you why, because when you act like that, it makes me feel like you don't want to be a
00:56:54.400
contributing member to the family. When you act like that, the kids get upset and it doesn't
00:57:00.260
actually help lead them to a place that I know you really care about taking them. When you act like
00:57:07.560
that, it makes me feel dot, dot, dot. So you're not just like putting it all on her. You're just
00:57:13.780
helping her to explain because this is a leadership issue and you do it too. Just like I do it just like
00:57:20.080
you do it, Kip. Right. Like, well, deal with it. Well, why, why, why does my wife have to deal with
00:57:24.440
my attitude? She shouldn't have to deal with that. Like you're telling me that the only way I can
00:57:28.220
communicate is this one way. And I'm incapable of dealing and working with people in another way.
00:57:32.660
We're human beings. Of course we are. So I, I really think you need to sit down and you need to say,
00:57:37.720
Hey hon, like you've said these things and you've, you've communicated these things before, but I'm not
00:57:43.720
totally sure you understand how your attitude is perceived by me and the kids. And, and I actually
00:57:51.720
appreciate when you say I'm a bitch, so deal with it. You know what I appreciate? I appreciate that
00:57:56.160
you're independent. I actually appreciate your conviction about your beliefs. I appreciate
00:58:02.800
your strong will and your belief in X, Y, and Z. I really appreciate that. That's the part of this
00:58:10.480
quote unquote bitchiness that I like that should be celebrated. And I honor. And then there's
00:58:16.700
the other part that makes me feel like you aren't willing to be a team player and that you aren't
00:58:23.020
willing to lead with me and raising our children. And so I want to talk about that part, but in the
00:58:28.340
meantime, maybe there's just some things that I'm doing on my end that I feel like are advantageous
00:58:33.400
for the family, but you don't think they are. What can I do? Cause look, if you're doing what
00:58:41.460
you need to do, like, so here's a funny example. You don't really too often occasionally, but too
00:58:46.820
often when you look at a, like you look at a husband and wife, like look at their physiques.
00:58:50.800
Their physiques are usually very similar, right? Like look at you and Asia, look at me and Trish,
00:59:00.800
like look, look at the couple's physique. They're usually very, very similar. If occasionally you'll
00:59:07.800
get some differences, but usually they're very, why, why is that the case? Because you guys are just
00:59:14.480
feeding off of each other. So what if you decided to change the dynamic? Would she,
00:59:20.800
respond? Probably. She probably would negatively or positively. If you decided to get off track and
00:59:27.660
be a slob and do whatever, like she would probably respond to that. If you decided, Hey, I'm going to
00:59:32.480
get on track and me and the kids are going to eat correctly and we're going to get in shape and we're
00:59:37.280
going to start working out. You know what? I think she would be on board with that. I really do.
00:59:41.440
That's why women and men so often look the same. Even their animals look the same.
00:59:49.100
Like, look at their animal. If they're fat and gross and overweight, their dogs are fat and gross
00:59:54.980
and overweight. Isn't that wild? That's wild to me. Yeah. But you see a healthy family and the dog
01:00:00.060
is lean and fit and strong and energetic. How, how can that be? We know why. So you need to start
01:00:07.360
leading, man. You need to start leading. Big Steve 12. Are you okay with this being our last
01:00:15.280
question? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, no problem. Big Steve 12. How do you get better at listening
01:00:20.160
to your own intuition and knowing the difference between my inner voice versus external noise?
01:00:26.240
I saw this question and it's actually one of my favorite questions today, let alone forever. Like
01:00:32.600
this is, how do you get better at listening to your intuition? I'm a pretty intuitive person
01:00:37.240
personally, like just by, by design by default. I'm pretty, I'm like, no, it doesn't feel right.
01:00:42.900
Don't do it. That feels right. Okay. Go with it. Even when I was baptized, I'm like,
01:00:46.660
I couldn't really give you a strong testimony other than I felt like it was good and right and period.
01:00:52.100
So I've always been a pretty intuitive person by nature. Here's how you get better at it.
01:00:56.460
You act on it and then you evaluate it. So if your intuition is like, Hey, you know what?
01:01:05.840
You really should pursue this woman. Then you should pursue that woman. Hey, you know what?
01:01:10.220
You should quit your job and pursue this, this hobby. Do it like to a degree. I'm not saying be
01:01:17.180
reckless, but do it to a degree and then have a system in place. This is important. Have a system
01:01:21.840
in place for evaluating the decision. If, if, if you have this intuition of like, you know,
01:01:30.040
I would really like to get into hunting, then you owe it to yourself. And, and from my perspective,
01:01:37.800
God, cause that's God placing these things into your ear or your soul, then you owe it to yourself
01:01:43.600
and God to do it actually. And then you evaluate it. You're like, was that a good decision? Yeah,
01:01:50.200
actually it was, or no, it wasn't because X, Y, and Z. Well, why? Oh, I didn't listen to this,
01:01:54.760
but I did this. And I did listen to my intuition, but I got scared and I changed. Okay. Well,
01:02:00.640
so what do you ask yourself? Here's five simple questions that you can ask yourself.
01:02:06.860
Cause again, it's about acting on it and then evaluating it. So number one, what did I accomplish?
01:02:15.440
What, what did I get done? So my intuition said to do this thing, what did I accomplish?
01:02:20.740
Number two, what didn't I accomplish? My intuition said, follow this and pursue this.
01:02:25.420
Did it work or no? Yes, this worked, but this did not. Number three, what did I do well during that
01:02:32.940
pursuit of that intuition? What went well? Well, I was a great communicator. Well, I really enjoyed
01:02:39.020
this facet of it. And then the fourth question is, what didn't I do so well? Well, I liked this,
01:02:45.000
but I didn't like that. And so you start to discern between what went well and what didn't.
01:02:48.780
And then the fifth question is, what do I do now? Now, what do I do? I've got all this information.
01:02:55.920
I followed my intuition. I know what I got done. I know what I didn't get done. I know what I enjoyed
01:03:00.360
about it. I know what I didn't enjoy about it. And so what do I do now? So let me give you a very
01:03:03.760
tangible example. In 2014, I started a podcast called Wealth Anatomy. And my whole goal was to create
01:03:12.760
some digital marketing in a way that really resonated with me inside of sectors outside
01:03:20.620
of the financial space, which is what I was doing, the financial planning stuff. And I thought, well,
01:03:24.580
I'm going to start this podcast. This would be cool. And so if I was to respond to those questions,
01:03:29.380
what did I get done? Well, I launched the podcast. What didn't I get done? Well, it wasn't as successful
01:03:35.900
as I would have liked it to be. I did pick up some new clients, but it wasn't as successful as I liked it to
01:03:40.340
be. Third question. What did I do? Well, man, I was a really good podcaster from day one. Not that I
01:03:45.940
didn't have room for improvement, but I know I really loved podcasting and I really enjoyed it.
01:03:52.020
And I could ask thoughtful questions and I had the ability to connect with some cool people.
01:03:57.280
What did I not do so well? Well, I really just didn't enjoy talking about finances.
01:04:04.060
Had these conversations like, oh, I have to ask these people about investments in the stock market and
01:04:09.020
saving money. And I don't like that. I'm going to leave that for Dave Ramsey.
01:04:13.640
So what am I going to do now? Well, I liked podcasting. Didn't like talking about money.
01:04:19.460
It's pretty good at it. Why don't I just do another podcast and we'll call it order of man. Now this
01:04:24.920
wasn't an overnight thing. This took several months, but why don't I start another podcast? And here we
01:04:29.500
are 2015. I launched order of man podcast. Here we are seven years later. And it's one of the top
01:04:35.120
podcasts in the world because of what I just told you intuition plus being willing to figure it out
01:04:43.560
and the feedback and evaluating it leads to better results. It always does.
01:04:49.980
Love it. All right. Let's wrap up. I want to do a call out for battle ready. So as many of you guys
01:04:57.260
know, we have the iron council. It's our exclusive brotherhood. And we opened that up on a quarterly
01:05:02.460
basis. It's closed as of now. So that will open back up in roughly about two and a half, three
01:05:09.040
months. But until then, if you're interested in what we do in the iron council and you want to get
01:05:15.080
on a path and maybe even a path of kind of preparing to join us in the IC in a few months, we would
01:05:21.840
highly recommend that you check out our battle ready program. You can go to order of man.com slash
01:05:27.140
battle ready to sign up and do your own version of what it's like to be in the iron council in
01:05:33.520
preparation. And that I think would really set up guys to be successful and help them kind of
01:05:39.640
kickstart into joining us in a, in a couple of months. We we've never done it, but we should
01:05:44.940
actually go in and do like a survey or something for, for how guys feel who joined the iron council,
01:05:52.220
who did do the battle ready program and didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. We should let's let Kip, let's you
01:05:58.860
and I consider that, but anecdotally I would, I'd be willing to bet and, and I'll put a hundred
01:06:05.340
dollars on the line right now, whether that's to like a charity or something, like I'll do a hundred
01:06:10.620
dollars right now tour. I'll do a thousand dollars. That's even better. I'll do a thousand dollars
01:06:16.440
right now that if the guys who go through battle ready, don't feel subjectively more qualified than
01:06:27.580
the guys who did, I'll, I'll just, I don't know. I'll give a thousand bucks to a chair. I'll do it
01:06:33.020
anyways, but I'm just really curious about what that would look like. Yeah. I bet you're right.
01:06:37.940
Yeah. I bet you're right. Order.com slash battle ready. Check it out guys.
01:06:41.540
Yep. And then connect with Mr. Mickler on the socials at Ryan Mickler. Um, and then of course,
01:06:47.640
uh, bandwidth is also on YouTube, um, for, so you can see, uh, Ryan's, uh, attempt to draw
01:06:54.560
attempt, bro. You've never seen anything like, don't tell me attempt. I know you're going to
01:07:00.980
steal that this afternoon with some of your consulting gigs. I'll be in a consulting and be like,
01:07:06.440
well, you know, this diagram I come up with, look at this thing I thought of. It's amazing.
01:07:11.540
Totally. All right, guys. Great questions today. We'll keep them coming. You keep asking the
01:07:17.200
questions and, uh, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man
01:07:22.920
you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take
01:07:27.940
charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order