Order of Man - Why Your Goals are Breaking Down

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:17.020 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.

00:00:27.740 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcasting movement. Welcome here. Welcome

00:00:32.200 back. We've got a lot going on. We're two weeks into 2022, so obviously it's going very quick for

00:00:38.340 me and I'm sure it's going quick for you as well. I'm going to say this first and foremost, not feeling

00:00:42.800 100% today. A little under the weather, a little groggy. It's like a seasonal head cold because

00:00:50.720 there are other illnesses that still exist outside of COVID. So not COVID, got a little bit of a head

00:00:55.820 cold. And so I figured I'd come at you today with some thoughts that I've had about why plans break

00:01:01.600 down, why men fail in their planning, and why even after two weeks, so many guys tend to throw in the

00:01:08.400 towel when it comes to their big audacious New Year's resolutions. So we'll get to it in just a

00:01:14.860 quick second. I do want to mention that I've got something very, very special coming up on May 28th

00:01:20.680 of this year. I've decided to partner with Bedros Koulian. A lot of you guys are familiar with

00:01:25.520 Bedros. He's the founder of Fit Body Bootcamp. And of course, he's got the MDK Project. He's also got

00:01:33.200 the Squire Program. And the Squire Program is a rite of passage for young men. These are 13 to 16-year-olds

00:01:42.140 and he's over on the West Coast. But him and I have been friends for some time now,

00:01:47.340 and we thought it would be powerful if we brought this Squire Program, this rite of passage program

00:01:53.200 to the East Coast for some of our East Coast brothers. So we're going to be doing this at my

00:01:57.620 place in Maine. Again, it's called the Squire Program. It's a 15 or 16-hour event, unlike anything

00:02:05.560 that you've probably ever seen. My son and I went through it last year in the summer in Southern

00:02:10.940 California, fell in love with the whole program and the process and the trainers and the coaching and

00:02:16.240 the guidance and the instruction and had to have it up here as well. So if you're interested,

00:02:20.900 do this. Head to squireprogram.com slash Ryan. Squireprogram.com slash Ryan. You can watch a

00:02:29.140 video. If you look closely, my son and I are in that video and you get all your questions answered

00:02:34.060 about ages and what all is included and pricing and dates and all that kind of stuff as well. But

00:02:39.340 it's May 28th and head to squireprogram.com slash Ryan. All right, guys, let's get into this.

00:02:44.940 This is why your plans are falling apart. Okay. Again, we're two weeks into this thing. Some of

00:02:50.080 you guys are still going strong. Some of you have fallen off the wagon a little bit. And I'm not

00:02:54.260 going to tell you that's okay, but I am going to tell you that you still have opportunities to

00:02:57.460 correct it. You always do. It's never too late unless your heart stops beating and you're no longer

00:03:02.180 here with us. So if your heart's still beating, air is still coursing through your lungs, regardless

00:03:07.380 of how you may slipped and fell in the past, you can still get back on track. And that's what I want

00:03:12.040 you to do. So number one, five points today, number one, you don't have any confidence.

00:03:16.660 You don't have any confidence. And you might be thinking, as I say that, well, Ryan, you know,

00:03:20.320 I wish I had confidence or that must be nice for you to say you have confidence. Well, yeah, it is.

00:03:26.580 But I want to tell you this, that confidence is earned, right? You don't get to just have confidence

00:03:31.660 because you want it. You don't get to feel good about who you are because you think you should.

00:03:36.280 This is that whole body positive movement where you try to convince yourself that you're better

00:03:41.540 than you really are. When you know, deep down inside, you're not doing what needs to be done.

00:03:46.100 So if you wake up every day and you shirk your responsibilities and you kind of just perform

00:03:50.820 in a mediocre manner and you don't accomplish the things that you said you were going to do,

00:03:55.620 and you generally live the life that you've always lived, of course, you're not going to have any

00:04:00.120 confidence to be able to maintain that course of action in the wake of difficult and demanding

00:04:06.000 circumstances and situations. Guys, you have to have confidence. And I did a podcast years ago

00:04:12.080 where I talked about this issue. And I'll tell you first and foremost, that confidence is derived

00:04:17.260 from courage, right? You have to develop confidence, but you can't just have it. You need to be

00:04:22.460 courageous, which means you need to take bold, bold action every single day towards your goals,

00:04:28.720 towards your objectives, and your desires. And anybody can be courageous. It's just a decision.

00:04:34.220 You can't decide to be confident, but you can decide to be courageous because it's already

00:04:38.180 within you. So if you're afraid or you're hesitant, or maybe you don't even feel like

00:04:42.400 doing the things that you said you were going to do, be courageous, be bold, be assertive,

00:04:47.460 and do it anyways. And as you do, you move from being courageous to building some level of competency.

00:04:54.800 And competency is your ability to develop the skill sets required to thrive.

00:05:01.280 So if you're trying to improve your fitness, you've got to be courageous enough to get out

00:05:05.820 of bed, to stop hitting the snooze button, to put your clothes on, to go into the gym.

00:05:10.400 Maybe you don't feel comfortable. I remember when I started getting into shape

00:05:13.600 seven, eight years ago or so, I look back at pictures. I was miserable. I was fat. And the way

00:05:22.940 that I like my posture from the pictures that I've seen was embarrassing. And I know what it's like

00:05:27.980 to go into the gym when you feel like that. You feel like everybody's looking at you and

00:05:32.000 everybody's mocking you. And largely that's untrue. And you feel embarrassed and you feel

00:05:37.440 like a loser. I get it. And that's why you have to have courage. You have to have the balls to go do

00:05:43.420 it. And then that develops a certain level of competence. So you go into the gym and you start

00:05:47.840 learning how to train and you start learning how to use the weights and you see that weight melting

00:05:52.560 away. That's the competence that you need to thrive. And then that develops a set of confidence

00:05:58.080 or a level of confidence that you never had before. And then the extra confidence that you have

00:06:03.460 allows you to be more courageous in your actions moving forward. So this confidence loop. And the

00:06:09.220 reason that part of your plans are falling apart is because you don't have the confidence, excuse me,

00:06:14.000 the confidence that's derived from courage and competency. So you want to nail these things in,

00:06:20.060 be courageous, be bold, develop the competency, and you'll be more confident in your planning.

00:06:25.460 Number two, you have no structure. All right. You've said that you want to lose weight.

00:06:29.760 You want to get in shape. You want to have money. You want to pay off debt. You want to start a

00:06:34.200 business. You want to write a book. You want to win your wife back. You want to connect with your kids.

00:06:38.620 You want to run a marathon. You want to get a promotion. You want to finish your degree,

00:06:42.760 right? All of these things that you want to do and you have no structure to get it done.

00:06:46.660 You think that just because you said you want something that the world is going to miraculously

00:06:50.820 deliver it to your lap? No, it's not going to work like that. And even if it does,

00:06:55.040 you got lucky. You can't replicate that. I want replicatable results. I want to be able to plug

00:07:00.760 into a system that I know has a proven track record of success where I can just plug in my goals,

00:07:06.960 plug in my desires, reverse engineer it into the tactics and the strategies and the things I need to

00:07:11.860 be doing on a daily basis. And having that structure in place where I can quite literally

00:07:16.000 go in and check my work off on a list, whether that's a calendar or some sort of notepad that

00:07:23.520 you use or an app, like a to-do list app that you have or the battle plan. Guys, you got to sit down

00:07:30.360 and have some structure. Now I'm a guy who says, you really need to be taking action. But somebody

00:07:36.240 messaged me the other day and they brought up a really good point. They said they had this framework

00:07:39.640 in the army, if I remember correctly. And he said, it's the one-thirds to two-thirds framework

00:07:45.140 or ratio. And what he said is that your time should be spent, one-third of your time rather,

00:07:50.880 should be spent planning. The other two-thirds of your time should be spent executing. So some of you

00:07:56.700 guys are three-thirds or a whole of acting and you're not planning. Well, that's a little bit

00:08:04.200 reckless because you don't know that what you're doing is actually producing the results.

00:08:07.800 And some of you guys are zero-thirds. You're not even acting or planning. You're doing nothing.

00:08:15.520 So start to work out that ratio a bit, the one-third to two-third ratio, one-third of planning

00:08:20.560 and strategizing, building structures, building processes, building systems, putting those systems

00:08:26.000 in place, having a series of checks and balances and processes that you can use to elevate your level

00:08:31.100 of success. And then the other two-third, once you have that one-third checked off, the other two-thirds

00:08:35.660 is acting, getting it done. And you go through that every day. I mean, I don't know if I spent a

00:08:40.940 third of my time planning necessarily. It's a framework, so it's not exact. But man, I spent a

00:08:46.260 lot of time every single morning planning out what I want to get done, what I want to get accomplished.

00:08:51.540 Look, I even have notepads right here of just different notes. And I even wrote my notes right

00:08:57.860 here of things I wanted to talk with you about today. There they are. If you're watching this on

00:09:01.700 YouTube, you can see. Those are my notes. And I spent some time today thinking about what in the

00:09:07.780 world I wanted to talk with you about. And then I'm going to spend 30, 40 minutes sharing it. So

00:09:12.780 one-third planning, two-thirds action. So guys, build that structure. And here's the other thing.

00:09:18.760 If you build a structure, discipline becomes less of a factor. You know, discipline's the buzzword.

00:09:23.980 It's the keyword. It's what everybody talks about. And it's valuable. But discipline requires

00:09:28.520 willpower, right? So if you want to be disciplined to get out of bed, you have to will yourself out

00:09:35.040 of bed. Because the natural man, the weak, lazy, pathetic version wants to stay in bed all day.

00:09:40.700 I want to do that. Like I said, I don't feel good. I want to do that. And so I have to exert some level

00:09:44.980 of willpower to be able to be disciplined in what it is we're doing here. But that's fleeting. That goes

00:09:50.780 away. And we know through research that your willpower is diminished throughout the day.

00:09:55.000 So instead of having to rely so heavily on discipline, what I would suggest to you is

00:10:00.480 that you build in the structures. James Clear talked about this in depth in his book,

00:10:05.260 Atomic Habits, that you need to build the structure and the systems that don't require discipline,

00:10:12.060 that don't require willpower, that don't require the way you feel about something. They just work.

00:10:18.700 And that's the point you want to get to. All right, the next one, guys. So we have no confidence,

00:10:22.380 no structure. Third is you have no support. All right. You think you can do everything on your

00:10:27.140 own. And maybe to a degree, you can do some things on your own, but you can't maximize your

00:10:32.360 performance on your own. I was watching a video on Instagram earlier this morning, and it looked like

00:10:38.760 a group of Marines. And maybe they were having a deadlift competition, or maybe it was just them

00:10:45.660 messing around. But a couple of guys were pulling a lot of weight. I don't know how much weight they were

00:10:49.820 pulling on the deadlift, but there was dozens, if not hundreds of Marines around them cheering and

00:10:56.820 chanting and yelling. And to see these Marines who were pulling those deadlifts, pull those

00:11:02.200 in front of their fellow Marines who had their support, had their back, wanted to see them win,

00:11:08.060 man, that gave them what they needed to be able to pull that weight. And that's a metaphor for the

00:11:12.900 rest of your life. Guys, you can't do it all on your own. And you shouldn't have to do it all on your

00:11:17.700 own. You shouldn't even want to do it all on your own. There's opportunities for you to bandwidth and

00:11:23.520 enlist the help of other men who know more than you, who are better than you in certain areas,

00:11:28.640 who will hold you accountable, who will keep you to your word, who will help you develop the structure

00:11:34.240 that you need, like I talked about earlier, and give you exactly what you need. Even if it's a little

00:11:39.040 push or a little inspirational message or text. I just got a message the other day. In fact,

00:11:44.500 I think it was this morning from my good friend, Steve Weatherford. We were supposed to connect and

00:11:50.720 I told him I'm feeling under the weather. And he said, Hey, rest up champ. Thanks for letting me

00:11:54.500 know. Hashtag accountability. He's in my corner. He wants me to win. I want him to win. And so he

00:12:02.240 sends a quick message that probably took him 15 seconds to write and sent it. That goes a very long

00:12:07.660 way. Who's in your corner willing to do that? And whose corner are you in that you're willing to do that

00:12:12.300 for? Look for support, look for the guidance, look for the structure, look for the support

00:12:16.460 and the inspiration and help of other people band with other men. It's better when you do.

00:12:20.900 All right. Next guys, there's no emotional investment in your planning. You know, if you

00:12:25.400 came to me and you said, Hey Ryan, I want to pay off debt. Nothing inherently wrong with paying off

00:12:30.160 debt. In fact, I think you should probably something inherently good if anything about it. But if you came

00:12:35.400 to me and said, I want to pay off debt. And I said, why? And you're like, I don't know. It's just not

00:12:37.960 good to have debt. It's true, but it's, it lacks a level of richness of depth in your, your, your

00:12:46.540 thought process. Or if you said, you know, I want to lose weight. Why? Well, I just, I just, I think

00:12:51.860 it'd be good to lose weight. Okay. Yeah, of course it would be, but where's the emotional buy-in?

00:12:56.960 Where's the emotional investment? I know, I know guys aren't supposed to be emotional and, you know,

00:13:02.260 we're not supposed to let our emotions dictate what it is we do. That's not entirely true.

00:13:06.580 You should be using your emotions to feel your growth and progress and expansion and betterment.

00:13:14.500 I try to, you know, if I'm inspired by something, if I, if I watch a video, for example,

00:13:20.160 you know, like the Marines I was talking about earlier, man, I got chills watching that video.

00:13:24.960 That's an emotional response to an inspirational situation. And if I can utilize my emotions,

00:13:32.980 the way I feel about a particular subject to keep me in the game longer, then you're damn right.

00:13:38.200 I'm going to use that whether or not I'm quote unquote, supposed to be emotional.

00:13:42.640 So if I want to lose weight, let's go back to that. Then you have no reason as to why you want to lose

00:13:49.180 weight. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, who knows, but you're far more likely to lose weight.

00:13:53.700 If you say, well, the reason I want to lose weight is because I want to show my son what a man who's

00:14:01.720 disciplined and committed looks like and what he can do so I can improve my son's life, man,

00:14:07.300 that's infinitely more powerful. If at work, you're like, well, I want to get a promotion. Why? I don't

00:14:13.520 know. I just, I just, just make more money again, nothing wrong with that. But if alternatively you

00:14:18.480 thought to yourself, I want to get a promotion because if I do, then I have the ability to impact

00:14:23.560 change within the organization. That's going to serve me. And it's going to serve the other

00:14:27.900 employees that work for this company. And it's also going to serve our clients a more meaningful

00:14:32.280 and significant way so they can have a better life for themselves. Guys, do you see the difference?

00:14:38.460 Like one is just dry. It's stale. It lacks inspiration. And the other one, there's an emotional

00:14:45.100 investment, an emotional investment. Let's take somebody like Jocko, for example. You know,

00:14:51.680 Jocko is a pretty stoic guy. He's a friend of mine, obviously pretty stoic, I think is a,

00:14:58.260 is, is, is an understatement. You know, he's, he's extremely disciplined. He's extremely focused.

00:15:03.260 And so you might look at a guy like that or Goggins or Andy Frisilla or some of these other people

00:15:07.840 and think, well, you know, they're just robotic in their goals. I I'd be willing to bet that

00:15:13.820 their goals and desires are tied into something deeply emotional. Tim Kennedy is a great example.

00:15:18.700 You know, the guy's an animal. He's a beast. You see him. He's fit. He's strong. He's capable. He's

00:15:24.140 always working out. He's trying to improve his skill on the firing range. Well, I know because

00:15:28.300 I've had a conversation with him about it. Last podcast, we talked about it. So go back and listen

00:15:32.180 to this one is that it's because he wants to protect and serve. Go listen to that podcast I did

00:15:40.440 with Tim in the end of 2021. Like he wants to protect and serve. So it isn't just about looking

00:15:47.540 good. It isn't just about lifting a bunch of weight. It's about making himself more capable

00:15:51.660 to be able to protect and serve the people that he cares about. And that's an emotionally bought in

00:15:58.120 goal as opposed to just something, you know, you, you might feel like you're supposed to do.

00:16:03.920 And that's actually a trap that I see a lot of guys fall into. You know, they'll say, well,

00:16:07.960 you know, I want to, I want to learn to hunt. Why? Cause these guys do it and it looks cool.

00:16:13.120 I mean, maybe a good reason to try something, but doing what other people are doing. Cause

00:16:18.080 you think that's what you're supposed to do or what men do is not a great strategy for long-term

00:16:24.080 success towards your visions, goals, and desires. In fact, they aren't even your goals and visions

00:16:28.640 and desires. So many of you are chasing other people's goals. Cause you think you see them on

00:16:34.680 Instagram and you think that's what you want. Is it, or do you actually know what you want?

00:16:39.420 And do you really know why you want it? All right. Number five guys is you don't have any faith.

00:16:46.540 You don't have any faith that what you're doing is going to work. You know, you're expecting to see

00:16:52.340 immediate results. If you go into the gym, for example, and you're 50 pounds overweight

00:16:56.240 and you lose two pounds the first week, you might be discouraged by that. You might say,

00:17:01.980 well, why didn't I lose 10? I guess this doesn't work. You don't have any faith in the system,

00:17:08.300 in the process. So how do you develop it? Well, number one, you got to give yourself a fighting

00:17:12.800 chance. When I started this podcast in 2015, I said, I'm not going to make a decision as to whether

00:17:17.840 or not I continue doing the podcast for at least two years. And about five episodes in, I knew that

00:17:25.960 this is something I really wanted to do indefinitely, but I committed to two full years before I even

00:17:31.460 started making decisions about it. And as my friend, Josiah Novak, he's my fitness trainer,

00:17:35.680 often says, he's like, you know, it might've taken you 10 or 20 years to get to the point where you

00:17:42.060 are physically. What makes you think that in two weeks, you're going to undo what you've done over

00:17:47.120 two decades. You got to have faith that over time, if you do the right things, it's going to work.

00:17:54.400 What are the right things? It's very easy to know what the right things are.

00:18:00.240 Look at what successful people are doing and then do what they do. So if you want to be fit,

00:18:06.920 follow fit people and do what they do and have faith that it'll work. Why? Because it worked for

00:18:11.420 them. Now, some people will say, well, you know, it's his genetics or it's this, or it's that. Or you

00:18:16.980 might say about my podcast that, well, you know, Ryan, you're lucky you were in the right place at the

00:18:21.140 right time or whatever, like whatever the excuse is. If you want to start an ultra successful

00:18:26.020 podcast, do what I did. That's it. And then have faith it's going to work. And I know it could work

00:18:33.420 for you because it worked for me. And I'm not any more special than anybody else who's listening to

00:18:37.400 this. Guys, have some faith in yourself to perform, have faith that the systems and the processes that

00:18:45.700 you're implementing, if done correctly, if learned from other successful people will work.

00:18:51.140 And have faith that you can stay in the game for a long period of time. Guys, again, we're two weeks

00:18:58.360 into January, two weeks. Ask yourself when this podcast ends, before you hit on the next podcast,

00:19:05.780 ask yourself, where am I with my goals? Am I still on track? Have I been doing what I wanted to be

00:19:15.420 doing for the past two weeks? Have I slacked off? Have I forgotten those? Have I made convenient

00:19:20.800 excuses to justify my reason for not pursuing my goals? Or alternatively, are you on track and are

00:19:29.240 you doing everything that needs to be done? But if you're not, these are some reasons why your planning

00:19:33.400 is breaking down and why they're failing. So let's recap. I know it's one kind of sounds negative today

00:19:40.480 and maybe it is, but you need to know where your threats lie. Because if we all just talked about

00:19:47.080 the cheerleader foofy type stuff and the feel good stuff, we're not addressing reality. Here's the

00:19:54.360 reality. Some of us are not doing what we need to be doing and we need to find that out. We need to

00:19:58.720 know that so we can shore up those areas. So number one, the reason why your plans are falling apart.

00:20:04.660 Number one, no confidence. Remember courage, competency, confidence. Number two, you have

00:20:11.200 no structure in place. You have no systems and processes in place. Number three, you don't have

00:20:15.940 a support. There's no support team behind you. Number four, no emotional investment in your goals

00:20:22.100 and objectives. And number five, no faith. Implement those five things. Develop confidence through courage.

00:20:29.960 Build the structure, build the systems, build the processes, develop and harness an effective,

00:20:37.440 successful support team. Get emotionally vested and bought in to your goals and desires and objectives

00:20:44.080 and have some faith that if you do this over a long enough period of time, that things will begin

00:20:50.000 to happen. They will. I know they will, but you got to keep yourself in the game. All right, you guys,

00:20:55.340 that's all I've got today. I'm going to go record a podcast with my son. If you don't know about this,

00:21:00.660 we've got our man in the making podcast, which is father son conversations that we do each and every

00:21:04.920 week. You can go type in man in the making, wherever you're listening to this podcast and get the fourth

00:21:09.900 episode tomorrow. Also check out the squire program, which is a rite of passage for boys between the ages

00:21:16.320 of 13 to 16. Little exceptions can be made here and there as needed. You can go check that out at

00:21:21.660 squireprogram.com slash Ryan squireprogram.com slash Ryan. All right, guys, we'll be back tomorrow

00:21:30.760 on the man in the making and Friday for your Friday field notes, not Friday, excuse me. I'm all

00:21:35.620 backwards. Now the man in the making episode was yesterday because this is releasing Friday

00:21:40.520 man in the making yesterday. We'll be back with our interview next week until then go out there,

00:21:46.180 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

00:21:50.980 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:21:56.060 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 14, 2022

Why Your Goals are Breaking Down ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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