Work Life Integration, Balance is a Verb, and Parenting Step-Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, we are joined by Kip and Ryan to talk about the upcoming Iron Council event this weekend and answer some of your questions. We also discuss our plans for expanding the podcast to other countries and other media outlets.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you today. Glad to have you
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back on the podcast, and I'll be seeing you again a little later. I wasn't saying literally,
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although it sounds like that. A little later this week for our main event coming up this weekend.
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Yeah, it's going to be a great time, man. Just the caliber of individuals that we get at these
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events just gives me hope and uplifts me just being around those kind of high caliber men
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you know and maybe a lot of people know, but we have this main event. Roughly what? How many men,
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Ryan? A little over 100 guys coming out. 100 guys. Most of them actually being Iron Council members.
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Yep. Which, and not to judge you guys that aren't part of the Iron Council, but it's always safe to say
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that when we have a chance to get together with other Iron Council members, the conversation
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is elevated. The quality of men that will be around is just stellar. And so, I'm just looking
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forward to it. Yeah, man. Should be good. Well, guys, if you're just joining us for the first time,
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we're going to be going through some questions from our Facebook group today, which is at
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facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. And love to have you join over there. And that's where
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these questions are coming from today. So, let's see what we can do on these ones.
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Yeah. Do you want me to really quick though? So, we might mention the Iron Council a little bit,
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just as a heads up, just in case I forget to mention it later. Are we still open?
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It is. It's unofficially still open. I meant to close it down and got a little distracted. We had
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another event here this last weekend. So, you might be able to slip in there real quick. I'll just leave
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it there. You might be able to slip in under the radar real quick. Order of man.com slash iron
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council if you want to slip in. Otherwise, you're waiting until later this year or right before next
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year. Towards the end of the year. That's right. Yeah. All right. Alan Diaz, is there some plans to
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expand the podcast content range to other countries? I think it would be great resource for other men
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out there. I'll be more than happy to help in translation to Spanish. Thanks for all you do,
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Ryan. And order of men has been a life changer discovery. A life changer discovery.
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Yeah. Well, I don't know about that necessarily. I mean, as far as the podcast, you could listen
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anywhere. I mean, it's not in different languages. So, I'm not really sure how that would work.
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Like, I have no idea how that would work because it would be somebody else's voice. It'd be a
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different language. I'm just not sure of the logistics of that, quite honestly. I do have a
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lot of people reach out and they want the podcast or books in different languages. And I'm certainly
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open to that, but just really haven't gone down that rabbit hole yet. And it's not that it isn't
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important. It's just I'm focusing on what I can do where I can have maximum results, maximum reach to
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help as many people as possible. And that's in America, clearly, Canada, Australia, the UK,
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you know, English speaking countries, not that I'm opposed to having this information everywhere.
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It just, obviously there's no translation needed to do that. So, logistically, it's a whole lot easier.
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Yeah. And when you look at your podcast numbers, like, you know, when, remember you shared with me
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a couple of years ago, there's like three people in Madagascar, you know what I mean? Kind of stuff.
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So, we probably have a pulse of like where the attention needs to be given.
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Well, and that might be just self-fulfilling numbers too, right? Because the reason that
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it's not listened to and, you know, Bangladesh is because we're not speaking that language, right?
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So, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe some translations in the books and things like that,
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but yeah, no, no plans. All right. Andrew Voss. Hey, Ryan. Actually, I would say one other thing
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on that last one. There's nothing to keep you from sharing this information though.
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Yeah. So, if you have friends wherever you are, let's say you're in, I don't, did he say where he
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is? Well, I'm assuming he's Spanish. So, Spain, Mexico. Okay. Spain. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So,
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I mean, it doesn't really matter where you live. If you're getting value from what we're doing here
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and you feel like you want to translate, maybe get a men's group together, maybe get four or five of
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you together every month and you pick a topic or a podcast that we talk about, or you pick a chapter
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of one of our books, or the masculinity manifesto. And, you know, you do it that way, or you even join
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the iron council and have some of your guys join the iron council. And look, I'm happy to set up a
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Spanish branch or Portugal or Brazil or whatever. Like, I'm happy to set that up. So, if there's
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five or six of you and like, Hey, let's join the iron council and let's make this the Spain battle
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team. Let's do it. I'm all for that. I think that'd be a lot of fun actually. So, yeah, that'd be
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awesome. Yeah. Okay. Andrew Voss. Hey, Ryan and Kip. My wife and I argue over her parenting techniques
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versus mine of our oldest son, which is nine. While she is not his biological mother, we make
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sure she is able to parent him all the same. The number one thing that we argue about is how she
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parents and speaks to him. I feel it is more bullying and harsh than parenting. My wife and I
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have a baby boy together now who is going to be one this month. Her and I are on the same page in
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almost every aspect of life. How do we get on the same page with parenting techniques? We talk about
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having a second child, but I'd like to have us be on the same page with parenting our children
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before we make the decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for all you do.
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Yeah, that's a hard one. I'm actually curious if they have a baby too. Is that right? They have a
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baby together. Yeah. That's almost one. And then how does the, his son, not, not her biological son,
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but his son? Nine. I'm actually really curious. You can't tell right now, obviously, but I'm really
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curious what her parenting style will be like with your one-year-old. Totally. Like, I'm very curious
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if it will be the same as it is with your son who's nine, because there's obviously going to be,
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well, there might be a lot there. There might be some, some contention. There might be some jealousy.
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Uh, there, there might be just, uh, some sort of frustration or anger because he's your son,
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not hers. Like there might be things there. I don't want to jump to that conclusion, but
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I would be, it would be very interesting to know if she treats your guys' kid together the same as
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she treats your, your oldest son. I don't want to, I don't want to like bring this up necessarily and
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like bring up fights that you guys can get into about how he, like, that's not what I'm talking about.
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Yeah. Give you ammunition. Yeah. Right. I'm actually just curious, but I, you know,
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I think you guys are doing the right thing. It sounds like you're talking about it. That's,
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that's the most important thing. And what I would encourage you to do is rather than trying to prove
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each other wrong or you wrong, or, Hey, you're bullying him. There might be a reason why, you know,
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and it could be some of that contention, uh, or maybe that is just her parenting style for all,
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for all of her children. And maybe that's how she was parented. So I think there are some
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opportunities to get down a little deeper rather than just saying, and maybe you've done this,
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but rather than just saying, Hey, you know, I don't like the way you're doing it comes across
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as bullying is, is she might not see it that way, or she might not even recognize that that that's
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how it may be perceived. So let's try to strip away some of those layers and really understand
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why she's doing it that way. Now, if that's just your personality, like, does she talk to you like
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that? It doesn't sound like it because you guys get along in a lot of other aspects from what
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you're saying. So it's just this isolated thing. So what, why, why? And I would suggest that it's
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probably something that's been hardwired into her from the time that she was, she was younger and,
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or there's some contention or animosity towards the nine-year-old. If I had to guess.
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I mean, like you already alluded to, right. I don't want to create like some opportunity to
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generate more argument, right. Or risk, but maybe a few considerations for me. Um, it was different.
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So how I parented my wife's son versus my biological boys is different. I don't, it's,
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I, it's more logical. It's less empathetic for whatever reason. And people might criticize me
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for this, but I would argue most people that want to like pretend that it's not different.
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They're lying. It's different. You have some built-in kind of empathy for your biological kids
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and you're more logical with your non-biological. So it could be different. The other thing to
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consider, um, well, what was his name again? Sorry. I should know this part. Uh, Andrew,
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one thing to consider is, is she countering how you're parenting, right? I've seen that with my
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wife and I, where with her son, I think she's too soft on him and she babies him too much. So how do
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I show up in the parenting? I go, I, I overboard it, right. I go, Oh, you'd be too, you know, and I'm,
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and I'm actually parenting in spite of her because I think she's being too soft. And so I overdo it.
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And that, which causes her to do what mama bear even more because I'm too harsh. And, and, and so
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once again, back to your point, right, the conversation is super critical, but, but also
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see how your parenting might be affecting her parenting. And then the last thing, which I've
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heard you say numerous times, Ryan is we're not the same. And, and so I also think that there,
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there's some healthy level of saying a dad is going to bring a certain type of parenting to the
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table. And mom's going to bring a level of parenting to the table. And guess what? They
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can compliment or compliment each other. And they're not necessarily bad because they're different.
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And so figure out where that balance is too. I'm not saying bullying your kids fine,
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but dads are going to be naturally a little bit more aggressive. And that might be okay.
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Hey, you guys need to come to that conclusion, but don't think that you have to parent the same
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for it to compliment one another. Yeah. And he's actually saying the opposite. He's saying that
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she's more, she, that she, she, it feels like she's more bullying than, than maybe he does. So
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that's almost the opposite dynamic. The only other thing I would add to that Kip is there,
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there are some things that she probably does pretty good when it comes to parenting.
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Right. So it's easier to criticize a little bit. It is. And maybe, maybe there's some
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opportunities here just to acknowledge and respect and appreciate what she does. I mean,
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that's not her son. That's gotta be hard. There's gotta be stuff with that, right? There has to be,
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of course. Um, and yet she's still there. Maybe she's doing the best she can. Maybe she's doing
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the best she learned. Uh, maybe there are elements of it that you really like how she parents and
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focus on that, you know, Hey, hon, I just want to let you know, uh, how it went with, with,
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with little Jimmy today. Um, I know that was kind of a hard thing and that was a challenge. And I just
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want to let you know, I really appreciate the couple of points that you made to him. That was,
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that was really powerful. Thank you. And I wonder if acknowledging what she is doing and trying to
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see it from her perspective might help open the doors to her being more understanding of you at
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some point saying, Hey, you know, like when you do that, he's interpreting it this way and he's
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not feeling great about it. In fact, he tells me about it. The other thing is making sure that
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you're not throwing her under the bus with your son too. Right. So if she quote unquote bullies him,
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like you're saying, I'm just using that term. Cause that's the term you used. And then he comes
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running to you. You, you can't like, if you and your wife want to have a healthy relationship,
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you can't take his side on that and say, Oh yeah, you're right. She was wrong. She shouldn't
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have done that. Now that that might be true, but you don't talk with a kid about that. You go back
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and you talk with her about it. And, and what you say to the kid is, Hey, look, I understand how you
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feel. That's fine. Cause his feelings are, are important. So I understand how you feel about that,
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but I want you to know that she does really love you because she's expressed that to me
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and that she's doing what she can to help raise you. And I'm very grateful for her.
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And you start talking about her that way, man, that's so much more powerful than,
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than trying to throw her under the bus or create that, that divide or that rift between the two,
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maybe not even trying just inadvertently doing it. Yeah. And you mentioned some,
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having some empathy around her, you know, also keep in mind that he might be treating her
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differently than, than he treats you. Yeah. Good point. And so, so she might be
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kind of retaliating a little bit because nine-year-old Billy is being a little prick.
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Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but with you, he's like, Oh dad, you're the best. Right. So, I mean,
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you know, have some empathy. I didn't even think about that. Good point. Cool.
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A little, little, little brats joke. All right. Joe Bozik thoughts on purchasing and financing a
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vehicle, cash or finance 10% of paycheck rule for a monthly payment or Ramsey's rule or bust
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Ramsey's rules or bust on that would like to get a newer truck, but the current market is over the
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top. My kids are going to outgrow my old tried and true vehicle sooner than later.
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Yeah. But they're not there yet. Yeah. Like, what are you worried about in two years that you
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won't be able to find a vehicle? Like you're, I think you're worrying about something that's not
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an issue right now because you're trying to justify you wanting a new truck. Yeah. Which is totally
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understandable. I can understand. And it's fine. If you want a new truck, fine, but don't say it's
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kids. Yeah. Yeah. Just be clear on it. Yeah. I mean, you're look, if you want to buy a new truck,
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you're barking up the wrong tree with me. Yeah. Like you should probably ask somebody else.
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Cause I'm going to tell you flat out, like, just don't. Why, why go buy a new truck? Whatever
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you have is fine. I'm sure of it. I'm sure the family fits okay in there. It may not be perfect.
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It may not be ideal. It may not have all the bells and whistles, but we know it's fine. And so you're
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going to dump all this money into a vehicle. You already said the market's overinflated and we know it
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is. So not if the market was normal, you'd still have this depreciating asset, not even asset,
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just this depreciating liability. Now we're talking about it being inflated and it'd be even worse
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than that. So if it's me, what I'm telling you right now is just don't. All right. If you're,
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if you're, let's say your payment's going to be, I don't know, three or 400 bucks a month.
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Why don't you just take that 300, three or 400 bucks and set it aside, maybe pay off some other
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debt that you have. That's high interest debt. Uh, maybe set that aside in a bank account somewhere
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and over a couple of years, you'll have 10 grand you can put down on a, on a vehicle,
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but yeah, you don't need a new, you don't need a new truck. You know it. If you want it and you can
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afford it by all means. Sure. Um, we have a little bit of debt on our suburban. Uh, my truck's paid off
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has been for a couple of years now. The suburban's very close. The interest rate is so low. It just
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doesn't make sense to even pay it off really. Uh, so yeah, I mean, we financed vehicles, but I think
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I put 50% down on, on the suburban. And I think I probably did about the same on the, on the truck
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somewhere in there. Yeah. Why is there ever a case, you know, like his question was thoughts on
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purchasing cash or finance. Is there ever a case where, I mean, where's the scenario by which you
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go, Hey, yeah, you know what? Financing is a good idea here versus cash. I think a 0% interest loan
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would, would be a good reason to do that. You know, you might, you might find a, find, uh, an
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opportunity to like either seller financing or yeah, I don't, I don't know that might work. Or,
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uh, there's some, your credit card has some sort of introductory offer or something. Um, you know,
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that might be a good reason. Maybe you have the cash, but you don't do it because it's 0%. Just be
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careful. Cause there is some fine print in that. Like if you don't pay it off in four years or you miss
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one payment, then all of a sudden it goes from zero up to 19. So you got to be careful with that
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kind of stuff. But yeah, if, if the interest rate's super low or non-existent, that, that would be a
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case where it would make sense. Just make sure that you don't go blow the money. If you, if let's say
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you're purchasing a, I don't know, $45,000 vehicle, like, and you've got 45 grand set aside.
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Okay. Well now your payments, I don't know what your payment would be on that. Maybe what four or
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500 bucks a month. I really don't know. Actually. Yeah. We just don't, don't do that.
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But yeah, don't go blow the $45,000 you have in your account on something dumb. Just make sure
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that you've got to set aside so that you can still pay off that vehicle and you're in the black.
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Yeah. Okay. Ben Dixon for the battle ready program.
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Hold on. I got to say one more thing. I got to say one more thing.
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Just don't be emotional with your financial decisions.
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Hmm. Just don't like strip the emotion out of it. I see trucks driving by on the corner every day.
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And I have guys coming over for events and things like that. And I see their trucks and I see their
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cars. I'm like, Oh, that'd be rad. And it would, it would be rad for a couple of weeks, you know?
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So with my vehicle, yeah. With my truck, um, my wife and I were talking, I wanted to put some step rails
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on it, uh, and just do a few little different things. I had to fix like the back seat of the,
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the driver's side auto. My son pushed it, like kicked it off of there and it broke.
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And it was just some little ticky tacky things here and there, some dents and things that needed
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to be replaced or fixed. And so I, my wife and I talked, I'm like, you know, I'm just going to pay
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this off first. And then once it's paid off, I can start doing those little things. So I did,
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I paid the truck off. I spent, I don't know, a thousand bucks on the side rails, um, maybe three
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or 400 on the backseat thing. I got a new one and got that set up, uh, did the rhino lining or the
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line X on it. You know, that was something I didn't do for years and years and years because like,
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I'm not going to be emotional about a hunk of metal. I'm just not, unless you're in a position
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where you can, and you want to buy the car purely off emotion, which is, I want to buy this car
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because it makes me feel dot, dot, dot. And you're in the financial position to do that.
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Yeah, sure. By all means go do that. I think the key thing is be clear on it. Right? Like,
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like it, like it's like this, when I, when I bought a, when I bought my truck, uh, a few months
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back, Asia goes, do we need a truck? And I'm like, no, actually we're probably okay. Cause her dad has
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a truck and whenever I need one, I just borrow his, you know? And she's like, why do you want to buy it?
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And I'm like, cause I just want to. Yeah. She's like, okay. Okay. Yeah. Like be clear on it. Like
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don't, don't pretend that it's like, oh, well I need it. It's like, well, actually I don't need it,
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but I want to. And we're in a position that I could buy something because I want to, not because
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I need to. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. Yeah. Copy. All right. All right. Next question. Uh, Ben Dixon,
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he has a question about the battle ready program. He says for the battle ready program,
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you identify four quadrants, calibration, connection, condition, and contribution to
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improve your life by what quadrants do you use for business or a career? A contribution.
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And, and I, and I put it in that category because so contribution is becoming a man of value. It's,
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it's, it's, it's adding more than you take. It's giving back, it's developing skill sets and,
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and developing the abilities to make money and then to be able to create a life around that. Uh,
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so when that, and that's something that a lot of people don't really get right is they think that,
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oh, well, if I'm earning money, then I'm not really contributing that we got to get out of that
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mindset. Yeah. We have demonizing it, right? Everybody demonizes cap capitalism, frankly,
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but if you think about at the root of everything else that what capitalism is, it's, it's basically
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just the, the, the voluntary exchange of goods or services. So Kip, if I have, um, a computer that
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you want, a new computer that you want, and I'm, and I say, Hey, this is, it's a thousand bucks. If you
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want to buy this computer, you have to believe that the computer is worth more than the thousand
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dollars you're going to give me to pay for it. And I have to believe that your thousand dollars
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is worth more than the computer I'm giving you. If either one of us don't believe that,
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that we're getting more value out of the deal, it doesn't take place. So isn't that a cool thing?
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Because if you give me a thousand dollars and you think the computer is worth more than you have the
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computer and you win and also existing at the same time I win because I'm like, sweet, I got a thousand
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dollars. And the computer to me was only really worth 700. It's a win-win scenario. It's a win-win
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situation. So I always put business career, that sort of thing, money finances into the contribution
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quadrant, because in order to make more money, advance in our career, start a business, get a
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promotion. We have to learn and embrace the idea that we need to contribute more than we currently
00:22:32.040
are. Sure. You talk about how these quadrants support one another. Do you want to talk through
00:22:40.620
kind of the balance of that and why it's important that a gentleman doesn't go through a battle ready
00:22:47.800
program and just focus on one quadrant, right? And just kill it in calibration and drop connection
00:22:54.820
and condition, you know, or whatever. Yeah. And it's tempting to do that. And there actually
00:23:00.640
might be times where you need to shift a little bit. So we'll talk about balance. Let's talk about
00:23:06.060
it right now. Balance is a verb. It's not some place or destination that you arrive at. It's a verb.
00:23:11.780
You're balancing. Like you should never say, I want to find balance. You should say, I want to learn how
00:23:18.920
to balance. Right. Do you see the distinction there? Like finding it's like, Oh, once I, once
00:23:26.020
somebody tells me this magic formula of how much time I should spend away and how much time I should
00:23:30.800
spend with my family and how much time here and how much time there, then everything will fall into
00:23:35.480
place. Like I've arrived. No balance is a verb and it changes on a minute by minute basis.
00:23:42.620
Let me give you an example. I'm very focused and present in this conversation that we're having
00:23:48.320
right now. This would fall under contribution. It's part of the business. I'm trying to add value
00:23:53.700
to people's lives. You and I are having a good conversation. It could also be fall under
00:23:57.920
connection too, because you and I are connected. We have a relationship, right? So we're fostering and
00:24:04.640
bolstering that relationship as we're having this conversation, as long as it's healthy and
00:24:08.100
productive, but I would put this in contribution. Well, if I hear a scream downstairs, so I work at
00:24:14.740
home. If I hear a scream downstairs, like a blood curdling scream, guess what? Conversation over.
00:24:22.200
Yep. And I'm like, Kip, I'm out. See ya. I go downstairs and one of my kids breaks, breaks their arm.
00:24:29.800
We're going to the hospital, right? So that's a, that's a small example of how something can shift
00:24:37.280
in a minute by minute basis. Now, does it make me wrong that I shifted away from contribution and
00:24:43.120
went over to my family and connection with my family? No, I think all of us would say those are
00:24:48.880
priorities. That's the right thing to do. So when we're talking about balancing between, let's break
00:24:54.660
it down. Let's take the four quadrants. And you learn more about this in the iron council. And by the way,
00:24:58.340
again, you can sneak in there if you do it the next couple of days, but if you take these four
00:25:03.480
quadrants, so you take calibration and we put that one first because it's very, very important. And
00:25:09.080
it's something a lot of guys overlook, and that's getting right with yourself mentally, emotionally,
00:25:13.620
and spiritually. Next is, is a connection. Those are the relationships that you have with other people,
00:25:21.340
not just your wife, not just your kids, not friends, but everybody, all of your relationships.
00:25:25.080
Next is condition. That's your physical health. So that's nutrition, that strength, stamina, sleep,
00:25:31.560
rest, recovery, hydration, all of it. And then contribution, becoming a man of value. And usually
00:25:38.060
you're going to be rewarded in some way through career aspirations and goals and business and
00:25:42.140
clients and things like that. So those are the four. Depending on what you want, and this is why in
00:25:48.960
the battle planning and the battle ready program is we start with your vision. What is it that you want
00:25:54.040
out of life? And we go through a process of that. And depending on what you want out of your life
00:25:58.680
is going to determine how we're going to create our battle plan and where we're going to put our
00:26:04.340
priorities. But yeah, there's the adage that goes around. It says the way you do one thing is the way
00:26:09.140
you do everything. That's not actually true. I mean, at some level it is like the way that you show up,
00:26:15.480
if you're, that's more of a values thing. Like if you're a hard worker in this department,
00:26:21.120
you're going to be a hard worker here, or if you're an integrity in one place, you're going
00:26:25.240
to be an integrity usually in other places. Like that's a values statement, but I, I know plenty
00:26:31.080
of guys, myself included, who can absolutely knock it out of the park in the, in the career
00:26:36.940
quadrant and absolutely flop on the ground and flop all over the place in the family department.
00:26:43.800
So it does, it's not always that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything,
00:26:48.980
but you do need to find this balance based on external circumstances.
00:26:55.140
So if my kid downstairs breaks their arm, okay, I got to pivot. I got to shift. The best analogy
00:27:00.240
I've ever used for that is if you're surfing and you're on a surfboard and you're riding that wave,
00:27:05.200
there's going to be the water and there's going to be the tide and there's going to be the current.
00:27:08.500
There's going to be the way the wave's going and how it's breaking. There's going to be all
00:27:11.540
these factors that are beyond your control. They really are.
00:27:16.420
Yeah. And you can't control these factors, right? You can't, all you can do is ride the wave to the
00:27:22.860
best of your ability, but the wave is coming and the wave's going to do whatever it's going to do.
00:27:26.960
Now you can influence that. And we do influence it by where do you go surfing?
00:27:32.900
Right. What time of day, what is your skillset relative to what waves you should be trying to ride?
00:27:38.960
When, when do you stand up? When like, there's things that you can do to put yourself in better
00:27:43.640
situations. Me as a guy who's only surfed twice in his life would never go try to wait,
00:27:48.760
ride a 25 foot wave. I would die, literally die. Now, would I try to ride three and four feet? Yeah.
00:27:56.880
I think that's manageable. I think I could, I still might die, but I could, I could probably be okay.
00:28:02.340
Okay. Yeah. So, so when you're riding that wave and the wave is doing what the wave does,
00:28:09.820
regardless of how you feel about it, you just have to shift and pivot left, right, forward, back,
00:28:16.160
up, down. Like you're making all these little micro adjustments and the best surfers in the world
00:28:21.760
are doing that intuitively. They're not even thinking about it. They just feel it. It's because
00:28:28.800
the wave becomes part of them, right? It's, it's an extent. The surfboard is an extension of them,
00:28:33.900
right? Because they've done it so many times, it becomes intuitive. So balance is very much the same
00:28:38.480
way. When things go wrong, it's like, man, I got to put more weight towards my family,
00:28:43.720
which is where I'm at right now. And more weight, frankly, more weight towards the first one,
00:28:49.820
which is calibration. I'm out of alignment and I have been over the past couple of months.
00:28:55.580
And so it's like, oh man, like nothing else matters. I got to get, let me correct that.
00:29:01.560
Nothing else matters as much as me getting back in alignment. And the beauty of this to your point
00:29:07.540
earlier is once I start getting back in alignment, who am I? What is my purpose here? What are my
00:29:14.240
values? What am I driven by? What are my priorities? What's important to me? I get that calibration in
00:29:21.200
line and now everything else starts to work just a little bit better. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. And I
00:29:28.140
was just going to add, I mean, that balance is so critical. I mean, I I'd seen guys, I mean, I've had
00:29:32.860
guys when I was a team lead in the IC where, you know, it's like, oh, you know what? My relationship
00:29:40.340
with my spouse, my family is just so solid, you know, and, and I'm going to take it easy in that
00:29:46.600
quadrant and I'm going to focus on condition and contribution and these other areas. And then all
00:29:52.200
sudden what happens when we neglect that area of our lives? Oh crap. Right. Now my, my family life
00:29:59.840
has fallen apart. And so there's the balance of, of across these, but I, I also, they support one
00:30:06.980
another. And we talk about this at my employment where it's like work, work-life balance is actually
00:30:12.600
work-life supporting and integration, right? Work. If things are going great at work, guess how you
00:30:20.340
show up at home more powerfully at home, right? When, when you got your, your health in check and
00:30:26.780
you feel great about your body and you're in control of it, you show up better to, for your kids and your
00:30:33.100
family, you have more energy, right? When your life at home is going well, it allows you to show up at
00:30:38.340
work in a more powerful way. So these things, not just as they're a balance of them, but they support
00:30:43.720
each other and they allow us to show up more powerfully in all areas. When we, when we keep
00:30:49.580
that alignment in check. Yeah. I like that work-life integration, trying to integrate it all. And as you
00:30:55.640
were speaking about that, I was thinking about the game Jenga. Remember that game, like with the blocks.
00:31:00.960
Yeah. Yeah. And you know, if you're crumbling at family, like your finances are going to suffer.
00:31:05.800
Absolutely. And so you have all these little pieces in the Jenga puzzle, right? And you push
00:31:11.400
one out. You're like, I'm going to pull that one out. And all of a sudden the whole structure is
00:31:15.140
less stable. Pull another one out, less stable. The more you pull out of these pieces, the less
00:31:22.440
stable the structure is. And then eventually somebody pulls out just the right one and the whole thing
00:31:28.260
tumbles. And so what are those pieces? Well, those pieces are distractions. They're temptations.
00:31:37.080
They're being out of integrity. They're being tired. That's one I hear a lot. It's addiction,
00:31:43.500
medical issues. Like these are all the pieces that are going to happen throughout life to all of us.
00:31:49.600
One form or another suicide, you know, somebody commits suicide or you lose a loved one,
00:31:54.160
you get sued. You have a car accident. You go through a divorce. You have a bankruptcy.
00:31:59.560
Like all of these things are just little pieces. And the more you pull out of those, man,
00:32:04.840
very easily the thing comes toppling down. So we need to make sure we maintain that base by hitting
00:32:10.560
all of these quadrants. Not all the same at all times, but all of them to the degree they need to
00:32:15.880
be addressed. Aaron Campbell, besides marriage and birth of kids, what are the three most
00:32:24.360
meaningful moments from your life? And did you curate those moments or did they just happen to
00:32:29.800
you? So most memorable moments in your life besides marriage and the birth of your kids? Way to take
00:32:37.180
away the top two immediately, but yeah. Marriage and kids other than marriage and kids, most meaningful
00:32:42.240
moments. I would say one is starting order of man. That was a big one for me, you know,
00:32:50.040
is to take the risk, take the leap. And I, and I would say even, even more than just starting it is
00:32:54.780
when I sold my financial planning practice and I completely washed my hands of my financial planning
00:32:59.240
practice and went a hundred percent into order of man. That, that was a big, that was a big leap.
00:33:04.320
Yeah. Joining the military. And then when I got back from deployment, very proud of that
00:33:12.140
joining, but then also, you know, going through basic training and the, and the skills and the
00:33:18.400
confidence that came with that. And then going on deployment and coming back, that was a big one
00:33:22.980
for me. And then again, along the lines of order of man, really, you know, I'd like to say writing the
00:33:30.700
second book, but it's not, it was writing my first book. Like that was a, that was a big
00:33:35.100
major milestone for you. Yeah. It's very, very proud of that because it's not something that comes
00:33:41.400
easy to me, but it's something I wanted to put out in the world. And that's a, that's a thing of
00:33:45.580
pride for me. So I would say those three things. How about you? Man, I don't know. I mean, the one
00:33:52.060
thing that came to mind is I remember going to college seemed to be such a unattainable item for
00:34:00.000
me as a kid. And so I remember that being like a really defining moment of moving out as, as I think
00:34:07.020
I was 18 at the time and I was in Phoenix and I was about to start school like on a Monday and it was
00:34:12.380
Sunday. Right. And I was just like, yeah, I'm doing this. Right. And it was like a, kind of a,
00:34:17.020
a big step for me. The other one I'd have to say is, is probably not to make it all negative town,
00:34:25.760
but it was a, as a really meaningful moment is where, where I kind of got slapped up the side of
00:34:32.200
the head in the, in the middle of my divorce, to be frank and realize like the, where my, the,
00:34:42.400
where the place where my life was at that moment was a hundred percent within my control.
00:34:48.880
And up until that moment, there was a whole lot of like, life is this way because I'm being acted
00:34:54.820
upon and, and it wasn't my fault. And there's a lot of blaming and a lack of ownership. And that was
00:35:01.700
as scary as it was. Cause there was a moment of like, oh shit, this is all me. Like,
00:35:07.340
right. You created it. I'm owning this, right. I created this, but it was also like empowering.
00:35:12.740
It was like, okay, like I'm going to do this. Like, this is my life. Right. And, and I'm not
00:35:18.800
going to hold onto any of these excuses. And, and I let go of the blaming. And that was a really
00:35:25.340
pivotal moment and very meaningful part of my life for sure. That's awesome. Heartache, suffering,
00:35:32.100
but meaningful nonetheless. Right. Yeah. Good. Cool. All right. What else we got?
00:35:39.860
All right. Dallin, Michael, are your thoughts on daycare, the same as thoughts on public schools?
00:35:46.460
We are considering daycare for a year until my wife gets out of grad school. So I can go back to
00:35:51.480
full-time work right now. I'm a part-time working nights. I'm also in school online. So your thoughts
00:35:57.940
are on daycare, same as public school. I don't think it's the same as public school because
00:36:03.260
daycares aren't required to follow some sort of curriculum and they aren't necessarily interjected
00:36:08.820
and inundated with this woke ideology that needs to, you know, permeate the academia.
00:36:14.480
It seems like. Public policy is not forced into it. Right. Yeah. Right. So from, from that perspective,
00:36:20.100
I don't think it's the same. But yeah, I wouldn't encourage people to have their kids at daycare,
00:36:25.820
you know, if you have to, because of school situations, like you're talking about, I understand.
00:36:30.120
I went to daycare because it was my mom raising us. So she had to put me and Ash in daycare.
00:36:36.700
Like that's just how it worked, you know, how it went. And it wasn't horrible. Like I don't,
00:36:41.600
I don't have any traumatic experiences or anything from that. I remember having friends I played with
00:36:46.560
and a bunch of, I played a lot of Legos, you know, like, yeah. So yeah. But I would move towards
00:36:53.640
having somebody at home as quickly as possible, you know, and I, and I don't know. I mean,
00:36:59.600
who am I to say what your dynamic should be with your, your household dynamic, but I don't know.
00:37:05.780
I just feel like if having kids at home and having one of you be with the kids is kind of a crucial
00:37:11.960
thing, you know? So yeah. Kind of the ideal experience, right? I think it is, but who am I
00:37:17.000
to say what's ideal for you? You have to decide that for yourself, but for me, that would be ideal.
00:37:22.400
Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I mean, I don't have anything to add. I, I, Koa, he's four. He goes
00:37:32.580
daycare for two hours. I really think it's just so Asia can have like a two hour break. You know what
00:37:39.740
I mean? And that's like, you know what? Yeah. You know, let's be honest about that. It's like,
00:37:44.800
like, I mean, you say two hour break and I know you're not saying it means spirited at all,
00:37:49.100
but like we say two hour break, I get it. I get it. You know, if you need two hours and you want
00:37:55.860
to do some shopping or, or maybe you have a, an activity or a hobby or an interest or gardening
00:38:02.200
or whatever it might be, and you need a couple hours per day to do that, then yeah, I can certainly
00:38:06.220
understand where that would come from. So yeah. Okay, cool. Any other questions?
00:38:12.920
No, those are all right. That's all the questions for today, man.
00:38:15.660
Yeah. Good. We got through them all. Yeah. Well, good guys. Um, let's wrap it up Kip and
00:38:20.880
I'll let you bring it home and then we'll close up for the day and get to our days and our week and
00:38:25.580
let the guys get going to theirs. Sounds good. So, I mean, you guys got bonus material and the
00:38:31.160
bonus material is you can get in the IC, even though it's officially closed. So if you're getting
00:38:36.320
this message on Wednesday, I'm going to be Frank, it's probably going to be closed by the end of the
00:38:40.920
day by the time you listen to this. So, um, if you're on the fence, take some action, make it
00:38:46.100
happen. That's order of man.com slash iron council connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram
00:38:51.580
at Ryan Mickler. And of course, as always join us in the different areas by joining our Facebook
00:38:58.800
group at facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or connecting with us on social media,
00:39:03.860
or of course, like I've already mentioned, uh, join us in the iron council and band with us.
00:39:08.360
That's right. Well, Kip, I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you. Great questions today. Hopefully,
00:39:12.840
hopefully we gave you some, some things to consider anyways. That's what we want to do is give you some
00:39:17.340
things to consider. And then obviously you need to make your own decisions. So appreciate you all.
00:39:21.380
And we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:39:26.560
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:39:31.080
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.