Order of Man - Work Life Integration, Balance is a Verb, and Parenting Step-Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.900 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.280 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.880 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.320 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you today. Glad to have you

00:00:26.820 back on the podcast, and I'll be seeing you again a little later. I wasn't saying literally,

00:00:35.020 although it sounds like that. A little later this week for our main event coming up this weekend.

00:00:40.600 Yeah, it's going to be a great time, man. Just the caliber of individuals that we get at these

00:00:46.860 events just gives me hope and uplifts me just being around those kind of high caliber men

00:00:55.080 you know and maybe a lot of people know, but we have this main event. Roughly what? How many men,

00:01:00.680 Ryan? A little over 100 guys coming out. 100 guys. Most of them actually being Iron Council members.

00:01:07.640 Yep. Which, and not to judge you guys that aren't part of the Iron Council, but it's always safe to say

00:01:13.520 that when we have a chance to get together with other Iron Council members, the conversation

00:01:20.580 is elevated. The quality of men that will be around is just stellar. And so, I'm just looking

00:01:28.200 forward to it. Yeah, man. Should be good. Well, guys, if you're just joining us for the first time,

00:01:32.520 we're going to be going through some questions from our Facebook group today, which is at

00:01:37.640 facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. And love to have you join over there. And that's where

00:01:44.040 these questions are coming from today. So, let's see what we can do on these ones.

00:01:46.480 Yeah. Do you want me to really quick though? So, we might mention the Iron Council a little bit,

00:01:52.960 just as a heads up, just in case I forget to mention it later. Are we still open?

00:02:00.060 It is. It's unofficially still open. I meant to close it down and got a little distracted. We had

00:02:07.060 another event here this last weekend. So, you might be able to slip in there real quick. I'll just leave

00:02:12.820 it there. You might be able to slip in under the radar real quick. Order of man.com slash iron

00:02:17.920 council if you want to slip in. Otherwise, you're waiting until later this year or right before next

00:02:22.920 year. Towards the end of the year. That's right. Yeah. All right. Alan Diaz, is there some plans to

00:02:29.200 expand the podcast content range to other countries? I think it would be great resource for other men

00:02:33.820 out there. I'll be more than happy to help in translation to Spanish. Thanks for all you do,

00:02:38.920 Ryan. And order of men has been a life changer discovery. A life changer discovery.

00:02:46.360 Yeah. Well, I don't know about that necessarily. I mean, as far as the podcast, you could listen

00:02:51.560 anywhere. I mean, it's not in different languages. So, I'm not really sure how that would work.

00:02:56.360 Like, I have no idea how that would work because it would be somebody else's voice. It'd be a

00:03:02.760 different language. I'm just not sure of the logistics of that, quite honestly. I do have a

00:03:08.700 lot of people reach out and they want the podcast or books in different languages. And I'm certainly

00:03:13.120 open to that, but just really haven't gone down that rabbit hole yet. And it's not that it isn't

00:03:19.240 important. It's just I'm focusing on what I can do where I can have maximum results, maximum reach to

00:03:25.920 help as many people as possible. And that's in America, clearly, Canada, Australia, the UK,

00:03:32.980 you know, English speaking countries, not that I'm opposed to having this information everywhere.

00:03:37.280 It just, obviously there's no translation needed to do that. So, logistically, it's a whole lot easier.

00:03:43.180 Yeah. And when you look at your podcast numbers, like, you know, when, remember you shared with me

00:03:48.840 a couple of years ago, there's like three people in Madagascar, you know what I mean? Kind of stuff.

00:03:53.320 So, we probably have a pulse of like where the attention needs to be given.

00:03:59.280 Well, and that might be just self-fulfilling numbers too, right? Because the reason that

00:04:05.740 it's not listened to and, you know, Bangladesh is because we're not speaking that language, right?

00:04:10.640 So, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe some translations in the books and things like that,

00:04:17.120 but yeah, no, no plans. All right. Andrew Voss. Hey, Ryan. Actually, I would say one other thing

00:04:23.980 on that last one. There's nothing to keep you from sharing this information though.

00:04:29.940 Yeah. So, if you have friends wherever you are, let's say you're in, I don't, did he say where he

00:04:34.980 is? Well, I'm assuming he's Spanish. So, Spain, Mexico. Okay. Spain. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So,

00:04:43.260 I mean, it doesn't really matter where you live. If you're getting value from what we're doing here

00:04:48.020 and you feel like you want to translate, maybe get a men's group together, maybe get four or five of

00:04:52.740 you together every month and you pick a topic or a podcast that we talk about, or you pick a chapter

00:04:58.420 of one of our books, or the masculinity manifesto. And, you know, you do it that way, or you even join

00:05:05.700 the iron council and have some of your guys join the iron council. And look, I'm happy to set up a

00:05:12.440 Spanish branch or Portugal or Brazil or whatever. Like, I'm happy to set that up. So, if there's

00:05:20.340 five or six of you and like, Hey, let's join the iron council and let's make this the Spain battle

00:05:25.120 team. Let's do it. I'm all for that. I think that'd be a lot of fun actually. So, yeah, that'd be

00:05:29.620 awesome. Yeah. Okay. Andrew Voss. Hey, Ryan and Kip. My wife and I argue over her parenting techniques

00:05:37.040 versus mine of our oldest son, which is nine. While she is not his biological mother, we make

00:05:43.860 sure she is able to parent him all the same. The number one thing that we argue about is how she

00:05:50.060 parents and speaks to him. I feel it is more bullying and harsh than parenting. My wife and I

00:05:55.420 have a baby boy together now who is going to be one this month. Her and I are on the same page in

00:06:01.340 almost every aspect of life. How do we get on the same page with parenting techniques? We talk about

00:06:06.660 having a second child, but I'd like to have us be on the same page with parenting our children

00:06:10.800 before we make the decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for all you do.

00:06:16.960 Yeah, that's a hard one. I'm actually curious if they have a baby too. Is that right? They have a

00:06:23.080 baby together. Yeah. That's almost one. And then how does the, his son, not, not her biological son,

00:06:29.440 but his son? Nine. I'm actually really curious. You can't tell right now, obviously, but I'm really

00:06:34.860 curious what her parenting style will be like with your one-year-old. Totally. Like, I'm very curious

00:06:41.480 if it will be the same as it is with your son who's nine, because there's obviously going to be,

00:06:48.020 well, there might be a lot there. There might be some, some contention. There might be some jealousy.

00:06:52.800 Uh, there, there might be just, uh, some sort of frustration or anger because he's your son,

00:06:59.540 not hers. Like there might be things there. I don't want to jump to that conclusion, but

00:07:03.880 I would be, it would be very interesting to know if she treats your guys' kid together the same as

00:07:09.780 she treats your, your oldest son. I don't want to, I don't want to like bring this up necessarily and

00:07:15.760 like bring up fights that you guys can get into about how he, like, that's not what I'm talking about.

00:07:20.800 Yeah. Give you ammunition. Yeah. Right. I'm actually just curious, but I, you know,

00:07:25.040 I think you guys are doing the right thing. It sounds like you're talking about it. That's,

00:07:28.560 that's the most important thing. And what I would encourage you to do is rather than trying to prove

00:07:33.260 each other wrong or you wrong, or, Hey, you're bullying him. There might be a reason why, you know,

00:07:38.480 and it could be some of that contention, uh, or maybe that is just her parenting style for all,

00:07:43.360 for all of her children. And maybe that's how she was parented. So I think there are some

00:07:49.560 opportunities to get down a little deeper rather than just saying, and maybe you've done this,

00:07:54.100 but rather than just saying, Hey, you know, I don't like the way you're doing it comes across

00:07:57.060 as bullying is, is she might not see it that way, or she might not even recognize that that that's 0.99

00:08:02.700 how it may be perceived. So let's try to strip away some of those layers and really understand

00:08:08.300 why she's doing it that way. Now, if that's just your personality, like, does she talk to you like

00:08:13.320 that? It doesn't sound like it because you guys get along in a lot of other aspects from what

00:08:18.420 you're saying. So it's just this isolated thing. So what, why, why? And I would suggest that it's

00:08:25.440 probably something that's been hardwired into her from the time that she was, she was younger and,

00:08:30.840 or there's some contention or animosity towards the nine-year-old. If I had to guess.

00:08:35.380 I mean, like you already alluded to, right. I don't want to create like some opportunity to

00:08:42.360 generate more argument, right. Or risk, but maybe a few considerations for me. Um, it was different.

00:08:50.060 So how I parented my wife's son versus my biological boys is different. I don't, it's,

00:08:59.300 I, it's more logical. It's less empathetic for whatever reason. And people might criticize me

00:09:06.220 for this, but I would argue most people that want to like pretend that it's not different.

00:09:10.760 They're lying. It's different. You have some built-in kind of empathy for your biological kids 0.94

00:09:16.320 and you're more logical with your non-biological. So it could be different. The other thing to

00:09:23.740 consider, um, well, what was his name again? Sorry. I should know this part. Uh, Andrew,

00:09:28.300 one thing to consider is, is she countering how you're parenting, right? I've seen that with my

00:09:35.540 wife and I, where with her son, I think she's too soft on him and she babies him too much. So how do

00:09:42.920 I show up in the parenting? I go, I, I overboard it, right. I go, Oh, you'd be too, you know, and I'm,

00:09:49.220 and I'm actually parenting in spite of her because I think she's being too soft. And so I overdo it.

00:09:55.500 And that, which causes her to do what mama bear even more because I'm too harsh. And, and, and so 0.98

00:10:01.740 once again, back to your point, right, the conversation is super critical, but, but also

00:10:06.280 see how your parenting might be affecting her parenting. And then the last thing, which I've

00:10:12.120 heard you say numerous times, Ryan is we're not the same. And, and so I also think that there,

00:10:19.360 there's some healthy level of saying a dad is going to bring a certain type of parenting to the

00:10:25.240 table. And mom's going to bring a level of parenting to the table. And guess what? They 1.00

00:10:29.940 can compliment or compliment each other. And they're not necessarily bad because they're different.

00:10:36.740 And so figure out where that balance is too. I'm not saying bullying your kids fine,

00:10:40.800 but dads are going to be naturally a little bit more aggressive. And that might be okay.

00:10:45.560 Hey, you guys need to come to that conclusion, but don't think that you have to parent the same

00:10:50.300 for it to compliment one another. Yeah. And he's actually saying the opposite. He's saying that

00:10:54.940 she's more, she, that she, she, it feels like she's more bullying than, than maybe he does. So

00:11:00.480 that's almost the opposite dynamic. The only other thing I would add to that Kip is there,

00:11:06.260 there are some things that she probably does pretty good when it comes to parenting. 0.95

00:11:10.760 Right. So it's easier to criticize a little bit. It is. And maybe, maybe there's some

00:11:16.920 opportunities here just to acknowledge and respect and appreciate what she does. I mean,

00:11:23.540 that's not her son. That's gotta be hard. There's gotta be stuff with that, right? There has to be,

00:11:30.080 of course. Um, and yet she's still there. Maybe she's doing the best she can. Maybe she's doing

00:11:35.200 the best she learned. Uh, maybe there are elements of it that you really like how she parents and

00:11:40.700 focus on that, you know, Hey, hon, I just want to let you know, uh, how it went with, with,

00:11:46.780 with little Jimmy today. Um, I know that was kind of a hard thing and that was a challenge. And I just

00:11:51.820 want to let you know, I really appreciate the couple of points that you made to him. That was,

00:11:55.420 that was really powerful. Thank you. And I wonder if acknowledging what she is doing and trying to

00:12:02.120 see it from her perspective might help open the doors to her being more understanding of you at

00:12:09.660 some point saying, Hey, you know, like when you do that, he's interpreting it this way and he's

00:12:14.520 not feeling great about it. In fact, he tells me about it. The other thing is making sure that

00:12:18.680 you're not throwing her under the bus with your son too. Right. So if she quote unquote bullies him,

00:12:23.980 like you're saying, I'm just using that term. Cause that's the term you used. And then he comes

00:12:27.560 running to you. You, you can't like, if you and your wife want to have a healthy relationship,

00:12:32.560 you can't take his side on that and say, Oh yeah, you're right. She was wrong. She shouldn't

00:12:38.320 have done that. Now that that might be true, but you don't talk with a kid about that. You go back

00:12:43.380 and you talk with her about it. And, and what you say to the kid is, Hey, look, I understand how you

00:12:48.680 feel. That's fine. Cause his feelings are, are important. So I understand how you feel about that,

00:12:55.480 but I want you to know that she does really love you because she's expressed that to me

00:13:01.200 and that she's doing what she can to help raise you. And I'm very grateful for her.

00:13:07.420 And you start talking about her that way, man, that's so much more powerful than,

00:13:13.340 than trying to throw her under the bus or create that, that divide or that rift between the two,

00:13:19.080 maybe not even trying just inadvertently doing it. Yeah. And you mentioned some,

00:13:23.500 having some empathy around her, you know, also keep in mind that he might be treating her

00:13:28.420 differently than, than he treats you. Yeah. Good point. And so, so she might be

00:13:33.160 kind of retaliating a little bit because nine-year-old Billy is being a little prick.

00:13:38.840 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but with you, he's like, Oh dad, you're the best. Right. So, I mean,

00:13:43.260 you know, have some empathy. I didn't even think about that. Good point. Cool.

00:13:47.200 A little, little, little brats joke. All right. Joe Bozik thoughts on purchasing and financing a

00:13:54.640 vehicle, cash or finance 10% of paycheck rule for a monthly payment or Ramsey's rule or bust

00:14:01.060 Ramsey's rules or bust on that would like to get a newer truck, but the current market is over the

00:14:08.120 top. My kids are going to outgrow my old tried and true vehicle sooner than later.

00:14:13.220 Yeah. But they're not there yet. Yeah. Like, what are you worried about in two years that you

00:14:21.180 won't be able to find a vehicle? Like you're, I think you're worrying about something that's not

00:14:27.080 an issue right now because you're trying to justify you wanting a new truck. Yeah. Which is totally

00:14:31.860 understandable. I can understand. And it's fine. If you want a new truck, fine, but don't say it's

00:14:36.660 kids. Yeah. Yeah. Just be clear on it. Yeah. I mean, you're look, if you want to buy a new truck,

00:14:42.380 you're barking up the wrong tree with me. Yeah. Like you should probably ask somebody else.

00:14:47.160 Cause I'm going to tell you flat out, like, just don't. Why, why go buy a new truck? Whatever

00:14:52.080 you have is fine. I'm sure of it. I'm sure the family fits okay in there. It may not be perfect.

00:14:57.260 It may not be ideal. It may not have all the bells and whistles, but we know it's fine. And so you're

00:15:03.120 going to dump all this money into a vehicle. You already said the market's overinflated and we know it

00:15:09.620 is. So not if the market was normal, you'd still have this depreciating asset, not even asset,

00:15:18.000 just this depreciating liability. Now we're talking about it being inflated and it'd be even worse

00:15:24.940 than that. So if it's me, what I'm telling you right now is just don't. All right. If you're,

00:15:32.240 if you're, let's say your payment's going to be, I don't know, three or 400 bucks a month.

00:15:35.320 Why don't you just take that 300, three or 400 bucks and set it aside, maybe pay off some other

00:15:41.860 debt that you have. That's high interest debt. Uh, maybe set that aside in a bank account somewhere

00:15:47.000 and over a couple of years, you'll have 10 grand you can put down on a, on a vehicle,

00:15:50.660 but yeah, you don't need a new, you don't need a new truck. You know it. If you want it and you can

00:15:56.500 afford it by all means. Sure. Um, we have a little bit of debt on our suburban. Uh, my truck's paid off

00:16:03.940 has been for a couple of years now. The suburban's very close. The interest rate is so low. It just

00:16:09.960 doesn't make sense to even pay it off really. Uh, so yeah, I mean, we financed vehicles, but I think

00:16:17.140 I put 50% down on, on the suburban. And I think I probably did about the same on the, on the truck

00:16:24.060 somewhere in there. Yeah. Why is there ever a case, you know, like his question was thoughts on

00:16:31.180 purchasing cash or finance. Is there ever a case where, I mean, where's the scenario by which you

00:16:37.500 go, Hey, yeah, you know what? Financing is a good idea here versus cash. I think a 0% interest loan

00:16:44.320 would, would be a good reason to do that. You know, you might, you might find a, find, uh, an

00:16:50.200 opportunity to like either seller financing or yeah, I don't, I don't know that might work. Or,

00:16:57.080 uh, there's some, your credit card has some sort of introductory offer or something. Um, you know,

00:17:03.180 that might be a good reason. Maybe you have the cash, but you don't do it because it's 0%. Just be

00:17:08.300 careful. Cause there is some fine print in that. Like if you don't pay it off in four years or you miss

00:17:11.860 one payment, then all of a sudden it goes from zero up to 19. So you got to be careful with that

00:17:16.040 kind of stuff. But yeah, if, if the interest rate's super low or non-existent, that, that would be a

00:17:21.220 case where it would make sense. Just make sure that you don't go blow the money. If you, if let's say

00:17:25.320 you're purchasing a, I don't know, $45,000 vehicle, like, and you've got 45 grand set aside.

00:17:33.220 Okay. Well now your payments, I don't know what your payment would be on that. Maybe what four or

00:17:37.000 500 bucks a month. I really don't know. Actually. Yeah. We just don't, don't do that.

00:17:41.860 But yeah, don't go blow the $45,000 you have in your account on something dumb. Just make sure

00:17:47.880 that you've got to set aside so that you can still pay off that vehicle and you're in the black.

00:17:52.800 Yeah. Okay. Ben Dixon for the battle ready program.

00:17:58.440 Hold on. I got to say one more thing. I got to say one more thing.

00:18:02.420 Just don't be emotional with your financial decisions.

00:18:05.240 Hmm. Just don't like strip the emotion out of it. I see trucks driving by on the corner every day.

00:18:12.160 And I have guys coming over for events and things like that. And I see their trucks and I see their

00:18:16.660 cars. I'm like, Oh, that'd be rad. And it would, it would be rad for a couple of weeks, you know?

00:18:22.400 So with my vehicle, yeah. With my truck, um, my wife and I were talking, I wanted to put some step rails

00:18:28.940 on it, uh, and just do a few little different things. I had to fix like the back seat of the,

00:18:34.320 the driver's side auto. My son pushed it, like kicked it off of there and it broke.

00:18:39.960 And it was just some little ticky tacky things here and there, some dents and things that needed

00:18:44.200 to be replaced or fixed. And so I, my wife and I talked, I'm like, you know, I'm just going to pay

00:18:49.740 this off first. And then once it's paid off, I can start doing those little things. So I did,

00:18:53.520 I paid the truck off. I spent, I don't know, a thousand bucks on the side rails, um, maybe three

00:19:00.260 or 400 on the backseat thing. I got a new one and got that set up, uh, did the rhino lining or the

00:19:07.080 line X on it. You know, that was something I didn't do for years and years and years because like,

00:19:12.360 I'm not going to be emotional about a hunk of metal. I'm just not, unless you're in a position

00:19:17.260 where you can, and you want to buy the car purely off emotion, which is, I want to buy this car

00:19:23.120 because it makes me feel dot, dot, dot. And you're in the financial position to do that.

00:19:27.820 Yeah, sure. By all means go do that. I think the key thing is be clear on it. Right? Like,

00:19:33.500 like it, like it's like this, when I, when I bought a, when I bought my truck, uh, a few months

00:19:39.700 back, Asia goes, do we need a truck? And I'm like, no, actually we're probably okay. Cause her dad has 0.98

00:19:46.560 a truck and whenever I need one, I just borrow his, you know? And she's like, why do you want to buy it?

00:19:50.440 And I'm like, cause I just want to. Yeah. She's like, okay. Okay. Yeah. Like be clear on it. Like

00:19:57.460 don't, don't pretend that it's like, oh, well I need it. It's like, well, actually I don't need it,

00:20:03.320 but I want to. And we're in a position that I could buy something because I want to, not because

00:20:08.900 I need to. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. Yeah. Copy. All right. All right. Next question. Uh, Ben Dixon,

00:20:15.640 he has a question about the battle ready program. He says for the battle ready program,

00:20:19.720 you identify four quadrants, calibration, connection, condition, and contribution to

00:20:26.460 improve your life by what quadrants do you use for business or a career? A contribution.

00:20:34.440 And, and I, and I put it in that category because so contribution is becoming a man of value. It's,

00:20:41.040 it's, it's, it's adding more than you take. It's giving back, it's developing skill sets and,

00:20:46.780 and developing the abilities to make money and then to be able to create a life around that. Uh,

00:20:53.840 so when that, and that's something that a lot of people don't really get right is they think that,

00:21:00.700 oh, well, if I'm earning money, then I'm not really contributing that we got to get out of that

00:21:04.680 mindset. Yeah. We have demonizing it, right? Everybody demonizes cap capitalism, frankly,

00:21:10.580 but if you think about at the root of everything else that what capitalism is, it's, it's basically

00:21:16.400 just the, the, the voluntary exchange of goods or services. So Kip, if I have, um, a computer that

00:21:28.540 you want, a new computer that you want, and I'm, and I say, Hey, this is, it's a thousand bucks. If you

00:21:34.060 want to buy this computer, you have to believe that the computer is worth more than the thousand

00:21:39.100 dollars you're going to give me to pay for it. And I have to believe that your thousand dollars

00:21:43.680 is worth more than the computer I'm giving you. If either one of us don't believe that,

00:21:48.760 that we're getting more value out of the deal, it doesn't take place. So isn't that a cool thing?

00:21:54.120 Because if you give me a thousand dollars and you think the computer is worth more than you have the

00:21:58.360 computer and you win and also existing at the same time I win because I'm like, sweet, I got a thousand

00:22:06.780 dollars. And the computer to me was only really worth 700. It's a win-win scenario. It's a win-win

00:22:13.680 situation. So I always put business career, that sort of thing, money finances into the contribution

00:22:21.520 quadrant, because in order to make more money, advance in our career, start a business, get a

00:22:27.020 promotion. We have to learn and embrace the idea that we need to contribute more than we currently

00:22:32.040 are. Sure. You talk about how these quadrants support one another. Do you want to talk through

00:22:40.620 kind of the balance of that and why it's important that a gentleman doesn't go through a battle ready

00:22:47.800 program and just focus on one quadrant, right? And just kill it in calibration and drop connection

00:22:54.820 and condition, you know, or whatever. Yeah. And it's tempting to do that. And there actually

00:23:00.640 might be times where you need to shift a little bit. So we'll talk about balance. Let's talk about

00:23:06.060 it right now. Balance is a verb. It's not some place or destination that you arrive at. It's a verb.

00:23:11.780 You're balancing. Like you should never say, I want to find balance. You should say, I want to learn how

00:23:18.920 to balance. Right. Do you see the distinction there? Like finding it's like, Oh, once I, once

00:23:26.020 somebody tells me this magic formula of how much time I should spend away and how much time I should

00:23:30.800 spend with my family and how much time here and how much time there, then everything will fall into

00:23:35.480 place. Like I've arrived. No balance is a verb and it changes on a minute by minute basis.

00:23:42.620 Let me give you an example. I'm very focused and present in this conversation that we're having

00:23:48.320 right now. This would fall under contribution. It's part of the business. I'm trying to add value

00:23:53.700 to people's lives. You and I are having a good conversation. It could also be fall under

00:23:57.920 connection too, because you and I are connected. We have a relationship, right? So we're fostering and

00:24:04.640 bolstering that relationship as we're having this conversation, as long as it's healthy and

00:24:08.100 productive, but I would put this in contribution. Well, if I hear a scream downstairs, so I work at

00:24:14.740 home. If I hear a scream downstairs, like a blood curdling scream, guess what? Conversation over.

00:24:22.200 Yep. And I'm like, Kip, I'm out. See ya. I go downstairs and one of my kids breaks, breaks their arm.

00:24:29.800 We're going to the hospital, right? So that's a, that's a small example of how something can shift

00:24:37.280 in a minute by minute basis. Now, does it make me wrong that I shifted away from contribution and

00:24:43.120 went over to my family and connection with my family? No, I think all of us would say those are

00:24:48.880 priorities. That's the right thing to do. So when we're talking about balancing between, let's break

00:24:54.660 it down. Let's take the four quadrants. And you learn more about this in the iron council. And by the way,

00:24:58.340 again, you can sneak in there if you do it the next couple of days, but if you take these four

00:25:03.480 quadrants, so you take calibration and we put that one first because it's very, very important. And

00:25:09.080 it's something a lot of guys overlook, and that's getting right with yourself mentally, emotionally,

00:25:13.620 and spiritually. Next is, is a connection. Those are the relationships that you have with other people,

00:25:21.340 not just your wife, not just your kids, not friends, but everybody, all of your relationships.

00:25:25.080 Next is condition. That's your physical health. So that's nutrition, that strength, stamina, sleep,

00:25:31.560 rest, recovery, hydration, all of it. And then contribution, becoming a man of value. And usually

00:25:38.060 you're going to be rewarded in some way through career aspirations and goals and business and

00:25:42.140 clients and things like that. So those are the four. Depending on what you want, and this is why in

00:25:48.960 the battle planning and the battle ready program is we start with your vision. What is it that you want

00:25:54.040 out of life? And we go through a process of that. And depending on what you want out of your life

00:25:58.680 is going to determine how we're going to create our battle plan and where we're going to put our

00:26:04.340 priorities. But yeah, there's the adage that goes around. It says the way you do one thing is the way

00:26:09.140 you do everything. That's not actually true. I mean, at some level it is like the way that you show up,

00:26:15.480 if you're, that's more of a values thing. Like if you're a hard worker in this department,

00:26:21.120 you're going to be a hard worker here, or if you're an integrity in one place, you're going

00:26:25.240 to be an integrity usually in other places. Like that's a values statement, but I, I know plenty

00:26:31.080 of guys, myself included, who can absolutely knock it out of the park in the, in the career

00:26:36.940 quadrant and absolutely flop on the ground and flop all over the place in the family department.

00:26:43.800 So it does, it's not always that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything,

00:26:48.980 but you do need to find this balance based on external circumstances.

00:26:55.140 So if my kid downstairs breaks their arm, okay, I got to pivot. I got to shift. The best analogy

00:27:00.240 I've ever used for that is if you're surfing and you're on a surfboard and you're riding that wave,

00:27:05.200 there's going to be the water and there's going to be the tide and there's going to be the current.

00:27:08.500 There's going to be the way the wave's going and how it's breaking. There's going to be all

00:27:11.540 these factors that are beyond your control. They really are.

00:27:14.600 And dynamic nature. Yeah.

00:27:16.420 Yeah. And you can't control these factors, right? You can't, all you can do is ride the wave to the

00:27:22.860 best of your ability, but the wave is coming and the wave's going to do whatever it's going to do.

00:27:26.960 Now you can influence that. And we do influence it by where do you go surfing?

00:27:32.020 Yeah.

00:27:32.900 Right. What time of day, what is your skillset relative to what waves you should be trying to ride?

00:27:38.960 When, when do you stand up? When like, there's things that you can do to put yourself in better

00:27:43.640 situations. Me as a guy who's only surfed twice in his life would never go try to wait,

00:27:48.760 ride a 25 foot wave. I would die, literally die. Now, would I try to ride three and four feet? Yeah.

00:27:56.880 I think that's manageable. I think I could, I still might die, but I could, I could probably be okay.

00:28:02.340 Okay. Yeah. So, so when you're riding that wave and the wave is doing what the wave does,

00:28:09.820 regardless of how you feel about it, you just have to shift and pivot left, right, forward, back,

00:28:16.160 up, down. Like you're making all these little micro adjustments and the best surfers in the world

00:28:21.760 are doing that intuitively. They're not even thinking about it. They just feel it. It's because

00:28:28.800 the wave becomes part of them, right? It's, it's an extent. The surfboard is an extension of them,

00:28:33.900 right? Because they've done it so many times, it becomes intuitive. So balance is very much the same

00:28:38.480 way. When things go wrong, it's like, man, I got to put more weight towards my family,

00:28:43.720 which is where I'm at right now. And more weight, frankly, more weight towards the first one,

00:28:49.820 which is calibration. I'm out of alignment and I have been over the past couple of months.

00:28:55.580 And so it's like, oh man, like nothing else matters. I got to get, let me correct that.

00:29:01.560 Nothing else matters as much as me getting back in alignment. And the beauty of this to your point

00:29:07.540 earlier is once I start getting back in alignment, who am I? What is my purpose here? What are my

00:29:14.240 values? What am I driven by? What are my priorities? What's important to me? I get that calibration in

00:29:21.200 line and now everything else starts to work just a little bit better. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. And I

00:29:28.140 was just going to add, I mean, that balance is so critical. I mean, I I'd seen guys, I mean, I've had

00:29:32.860 guys when I was a team lead in the IC where, you know, it's like, oh, you know what? My relationship

00:29:40.340 with my spouse, my family is just so solid, you know, and, and I'm going to take it easy in that

00:29:46.600 quadrant and I'm going to focus on condition and contribution and these other areas. And then all

00:29:52.200 sudden what happens when we neglect that area of our lives? Oh crap. Right. Now my, my family life

00:29:59.840 has fallen apart. And so there's the balance of, of across these, but I, I also, they support one

00:30:06.980 another. And we talk about this at my employment where it's like work, work-life balance is actually

00:30:12.600 work-life supporting and integration, right? Work. If things are going great at work, guess how you

00:30:20.340 show up at home more powerfully at home, right? When, when you got your, your health in check and

00:30:26.780 you feel great about your body and you're in control of it, you show up better to, for your kids and your

00:30:33.100 family, you have more energy, right? When your life at home is going well, it allows you to show up at

00:30:38.340 work in a more powerful way. So these things, not just as they're a balance of them, but they support

00:30:43.720 each other and they allow us to show up more powerfully in all areas. When we, when we keep

00:30:49.580 that alignment in check. Yeah. I like that work-life integration, trying to integrate it all. And as you

00:30:55.640 were speaking about that, I was thinking about the game Jenga. Remember that game, like with the blocks.

00:31:00.960 Yeah. Yeah. And you know, if you're crumbling at family, like your finances are going to suffer.

00:31:05.800 Absolutely. And so you have all these little pieces in the Jenga puzzle, right? And you push

00:31:11.400 one out. You're like, I'm going to pull that one out. And all of a sudden the whole structure is

00:31:15.140 less stable. Pull another one out, less stable. The more you pull out of these pieces, the less

00:31:22.440 stable the structure is. And then eventually somebody pulls out just the right one and the whole thing

00:31:28.260 tumbles. And so what are those pieces? Well, those pieces are distractions. They're temptations.

00:31:37.080 They're being out of integrity. They're being tired. That's one I hear a lot. It's addiction,

00:31:43.500 medical issues. Like these are all the pieces that are going to happen throughout life to all of us.

00:31:49.600 One form or another suicide, you know, somebody commits suicide or you lose a loved one,

00:31:54.160 you get sued. You have a car accident. You go through a divorce. You have a bankruptcy.

00:31:59.560 Like all of these things are just little pieces. And the more you pull out of those, man,

00:32:04.840 very easily the thing comes toppling down. So we need to make sure we maintain that base by hitting

00:32:10.560 all of these quadrants. Not all the same at all times, but all of them to the degree they need to

00:32:15.880 be addressed. Aaron Campbell, besides marriage and birth of kids, what are the three most

00:32:24.360 meaningful moments from your life? And did you curate those moments or did they just happen to

00:32:29.800 you? So most memorable moments in your life besides marriage and the birth of your kids? Way to take

00:32:37.180 away the top two immediately, but yeah. Marriage and kids other than marriage and kids, most meaningful 0.93

00:32:42.240 moments. I would say one is starting order of man. That was a big one for me, you know,

00:32:50.040 is to take the risk, take the leap. And I, and I would say even, even more than just starting it is

00:32:54.780 when I sold my financial planning practice and I completely washed my hands of my financial planning

00:32:59.240 practice and went a hundred percent into order of man. That, that was a big, that was a big leap.

00:33:04.320 Yeah. Joining the military. And then when I got back from deployment, very proud of that

00:33:12.140 joining, but then also, you know, going through basic training and the, and the skills and the

00:33:18.400 confidence that came with that. And then going on deployment and coming back, that was a big one

00:33:22.980 for me. And then again, along the lines of order of man, really, you know, I'd like to say writing the

00:33:30.700 second book, but it's not, it was writing my first book. Like that was a, that was a big

00:33:35.100 major milestone for you. Yeah. It's very, very proud of that because it's not something that comes

00:33:41.400 easy to me, but it's something I wanted to put out in the world. And that's a, that's a thing of

00:33:45.580 pride for me. So I would say those three things. How about you? Man, I don't know. I mean, the one

00:33:52.060 thing that came to mind is I remember going to college seemed to be such a unattainable item for

00:34:00.000 me as a kid. And so I remember that being like a really defining moment of moving out as, as I think

00:34:07.020 I was 18 at the time and I was in Phoenix and I was about to start school like on a Monday and it was

00:34:12.380 Sunday. Right. And I was just like, yeah, I'm doing this. Right. And it was like a, kind of a,

00:34:17.020 a big step for me. The other one I'd have to say is, is probably not to make it all negative town,

00:34:25.760 but it was a, as a really meaningful moment is where, where I kind of got slapped up the side of

00:34:32.200 the head in the, in the middle of my divorce, to be frank and realize like the, where my, the,

00:34:42.400 where the place where my life was at that moment was a hundred percent within my control.

00:34:48.880 And up until that moment, there was a whole lot of like, life is this way because I'm being acted

00:34:54.820 upon and, and it wasn't my fault. And there's a lot of blaming and a lack of ownership. And that was

00:35:01.700 as scary as it was. Cause there was a moment of like, oh shit, this is all me. Like,

00:35:07.340 right. You created it. I'm owning this, right. I created this, but it was also like empowering.

00:35:12.740 It was like, okay, like I'm going to do this. Like, this is my life. Right. And, and I'm not

00:35:18.800 going to hold onto any of these excuses. And, and I let go of the blaming. And that was a really

00:35:25.340 pivotal moment and very meaningful part of my life for sure. That's awesome. Heartache, suffering,

00:35:32.100 but meaningful nonetheless. Right. Yeah. Good. Cool. All right. What else we got?

00:35:39.860 All right. Dallin, Michael, are your thoughts on daycare, the same as thoughts on public schools?

00:35:46.460 We are considering daycare for a year until my wife gets out of grad school. So I can go back to 0.91

00:35:51.480 full-time work right now. I'm a part-time working nights. I'm also in school online. So your thoughts

00:35:57.940 are on daycare, same as public school. I don't think it's the same as public school because

00:36:03.260 daycares aren't required to follow some sort of curriculum and they aren't necessarily interjected

00:36:08.820 and inundated with this woke ideology that needs to, you know, permeate the academia.

00:36:14.480 It seems like. Public policy is not forced into it. Right. Yeah. Right. So from, from that perspective,

00:36:20.100 I don't think it's the same. But yeah, I wouldn't encourage people to have their kids at daycare,

00:36:25.820 you know, if you have to, because of school situations, like you're talking about, I understand.

00:36:30.120 I went to daycare because it was my mom raising us. So she had to put me and Ash in daycare.

00:36:36.700 Like that's just how it worked, you know, how it went. And it wasn't horrible. Like I don't,

00:36:41.600 I don't have any traumatic experiences or anything from that. I remember having friends I played with

00:36:46.560 and a bunch of, I played a lot of Legos, you know, like, yeah. So yeah. But I would move towards

00:36:53.640 having somebody at home as quickly as possible, you know, and I, and I don't know. I mean,

00:36:59.600 who am I to say what your dynamic should be with your, your household dynamic, but I don't know.

00:37:05.780 I just feel like if having kids at home and having one of you be with the kids is kind of a crucial

00:37:11.960 thing, you know? So yeah. Kind of the ideal experience, right? I think it is, but who am I

00:37:17.000 to say what's ideal for you? You have to decide that for yourself, but for me, that would be ideal.

00:37:22.400 Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I mean, I don't have anything to add. I, I, Koa, he's four. He goes

00:37:32.580 daycare for two hours. I really think it's just so Asia can have like a two hour break. You know what 0.99

00:37:39.740 I mean? And that's like, you know what? Yeah. You know, let's be honest about that. It's like,

00:37:44.800 like, I mean, you say two hour break and I know you're not saying it means spirited at all,

00:37:49.100 but like we say two hour break, I get it. I get it. You know, if you need two hours and you want

00:37:55.860 to do some shopping or, or maybe you have a, an activity or a hobby or an interest or gardening

00:38:02.200 or whatever it might be, and you need a couple hours per day to do that, then yeah, I can certainly

00:38:06.220 understand where that would come from. So yeah. Okay, cool. Any other questions?

00:38:12.920 No, those are all right. That's all the questions for today, man.

00:38:15.660 Yeah. Good. We got through them all. Yeah. Well, good guys. Um, let's wrap it up Kip and

00:38:20.880 I'll let you bring it home and then we'll close up for the day and get to our days and our week and

00:38:25.580 let the guys get going to theirs. Sounds good. So, I mean, you guys got bonus material and the

00:38:31.160 bonus material is you can get in the IC, even though it's officially closed. So if you're getting

00:38:36.320 this message on Wednesday, I'm going to be Frank, it's probably going to be closed by the end of the

00:38:40.920 day by the time you listen to this. So, um, if you're on the fence, take some action, make it

00:38:46.100 happen. That's order of man.com slash iron council connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram

00:38:51.580 at Ryan Mickler. And of course, as always join us in the different areas by joining our Facebook

00:38:58.800 group at facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or connecting with us on social media,

00:39:03.860 or of course, like I've already mentioned, uh, join us in the iron council and band with us.

00:39:08.360 That's right. Well, Kip, I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you. Great questions today. Hopefully,

00:39:12.840 hopefully we gave you some, some things to consider anyways. That's what we want to do is give you some

00:39:17.340 things to consider. And then obviously you need to make your own decisions. So appreciate you all.

00:39:21.380 And we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:39:26.560 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:39:31.080 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

00:39:38.360 Thank you.

Order of Man - October 05, 2022

Work Life Integration, Balance is a Verb, and Parenting Step-Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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