Order of Man - Writing Your Vision, Roles in Your Marriage, and Open Dialogue in Organizations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.880 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.220 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.800 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.240 you can call yourself a man. Sean, always a pleasure, man. How you doing? And dude,

00:00:27.280 talk about a wicked podcast location that you're recording from. Give us the rundown. Where you at,

00:00:34.200 man? Yeah. The great Smoky Mountains. We are, we were in Gatlinburg. Now we're in Pigeon Forge.

00:00:40.960 We're doing, they have like a Dollywood out here and all kinds. I've never seen anything like it.

00:00:47.420 It's like a, like a giant carnival for miles. I don't know if you've ever been out here. It's

00:00:53.100 ridiculous. There's too many things that you'd have to be out here for a month and a half to do 0.72

00:00:59.320 everything. And that's, that's Dollywood is like a redneck Disneyland. What is this? It's kind of

00:01:05.040 like Disneyland, but Dollywood's just out here. There's literally like, I think I've seen like

00:01:11.200 20 go-kart tracks. There's probably like 40 mini golf places. There's, I mean, it's ridiculous.

00:01:18.020 There's these giant mountain coaster things that you, I don't know. It's hard to explain without

00:01:23.040 being here. It's pretty unreal, but the kids, I think you guys are just out on, on holiday,

00:01:28.380 just enjoying. We are kids are, kids are in their fall break. One thing about Tennessee compared to

00:01:34.320 California, they don't like the school or longer days and less breaks during their days at school,

00:01:39.920 but then they get more week long plus breaks. So we're in one of those. So we just decided we're

00:01:47.240 probably take like five or six big vacations. You know, like, I think our next one is going to

00:01:54.180 be Costa Rica. We're just going to start taking big trips all the time because we have these big

00:01:59.880 chunks to go do it. Yeah, that's great, man. Well, let's get into it. So for you guys listening,

00:02:06.700 maybe for the first time, this is our ask me anything episode. It comes out every Wednesday on

00:02:13.220 the order of man podcast. And this is where we filled questions from a number of sources.

00:02:17.520 Typically today, we're going to fill the questions from the iron council to learn more about that

00:02:22.960 exclusive brotherhood. You can go to order of man.com slash iron council. And when you go there,

00:02:28.340 you're just going to find out information and then you're going to have to wait because we actually

00:02:32.300 don't open membership all the time. We open up at segments, we have cohorts on board them,

00:02:38.220 and we usually do that on a quarterly basis. So if that's something that you're interested

00:02:42.260 in, stay connected to us, join the Facebook group at facebook.com slash group slash order of man,

00:02:49.840 or follow Mr. Mickler at Ryan Mickler on Twitter and or Instagram, or go to the website, sign up

00:02:55.680 through the newsletter, and then you'll be notified when we open up membership later this year

00:03:00.600 in preparation for Q1 of 2023. So, and like, it's the old guy thing to say like, holy crap, 2023. Isn't

00:03:08.560 that crazy? So anyhow, we're fielding questions. I'll go ahead and dive into these, man. So Ben Lewis,

00:03:15.680 what advice do you have for people writing their first vision statement slash battle planner?

00:03:22.440 How do we tap into that inner version of ourselves to find out what our true motivators are?

00:03:28.600 Yeah. It's, there's a lot to that question that we could kind of latch onto, but yeah, go ahead.

00:03:35.320 Sorry. There is it. I I'm just thinking back to the first one I did as 22. And I just remember

00:03:44.100 trying to think of who I wanted to be, what I wanted my life to look like. I was a young single guy,

00:03:50.840 just like all 22 year old single guys doing really stupid things, partying all the time 0.99

00:03:56.720 and thought, okay, what would I want my ideal life to look like, which I wanted to be married and have 0.99

00:04:02.760 children and, and kind of this ideal. And then I, I just started personally writing down a top 10

00:04:09.940 of things I wanted to do or have, and that started it. And then through that, it evolved and everything.

00:04:18.320 But it's funny looking back on that top 10, the, the most important quote unquote things to me,

00:04:24.440 I still have that first one I wrote. And one of the top 10 was painting flames on my El Camino.

00:04:31.020 I used to have a 1979 El Camino and I wanted to paint flames on it.

00:04:37.040 I mean, priorities, man, priorities of a 22 year old. Yeah, exactly. But that was part of my quote unquote

00:04:43.500 ideal. It was important to me and that drove me. It actually pushed me to do more. So even if it seems

00:04:49.900 like maybe ridiculous, if it's important to you, I think starting with that's important. What would

00:04:56.340 you say? Yeah. Well, and I would, I mean, and not to beat you up a little bit, Ben, I mean, I guess

00:05:01.540 there are some motivators in there, but I I'd go deeper than that, right? Like I would, I would not

00:05:08.280 call them motivators. And I would say impactors, like what's in the vision that you've gotten

00:05:15.140 connected to in a powerful way that you understand the impact of it. And that's going to, and this is

00:05:21.680 kind of the measuring stick I've used in the IC, your vision statement needs to move, touch and inspire

00:05:29.320 you. And there's a, there's a difference between being motivated and being inspired.

00:05:35.260 A giant difference. Big difference. And, and, and, and if I'm a person that's inspired,

00:05:42.540 you become the possibility of inspiration for others. That's how powerful inspiration is.

00:05:48.700 Motivation is just kind of, you know, I think it's more fleeting and Jocko talks about that a little bit,

00:05:54.620 but, but I would, I would go for move, touch and inspired, not necessarily motivated. Now guys,

00:06:01.220 I mean, we talked about this over the leg or not the legacy, the order man main event this past weekend.

00:06:06.400 And guys had these visions that were like very almost like goals, right? Five years out. I want

00:06:13.640 to blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And they, and they go that route. The problem with that is

00:06:20.140 I think it puts the emphasis that happiness or success is in the flames on the El Camino, right?

00:06:31.360 Or in the money in the bank account or in the house or whatever. And, and as I've gotten older

00:06:38.320 and maybe become more of a philosopher than I have been, you know, in my younger years,

00:06:44.320 I think it's more about who we are being and how we show up in the world. And, and when I think about

00:06:50.980 that, that inspires me not for greatness 10 years from now, but it inspires me for greatness today,

00:07:00.300 right now. And so advice on writing a first mission statement, me personally, mine is about

00:07:09.260 how I'm going to show up today. Cause that's all I got. I got today. There's no guarantees on

00:07:15.460 tomorrow. There's no guarantees, you know, a week from now or a month. And so my mission and my why

00:07:22.240 should drive me today. And it's all about how I show up in spite of my circumstances and how I show up

00:07:30.880 as a man. And, and, and, and, and, and what I write out is in the, in the spirit of being powerful

00:07:40.020 enough that I move, touch and inspired to live today to the fullest. I'm glad, I'm glad this came up.

00:07:47.200 Cause I want to give a little pushback on that. Yeah. That's, that's why I tried to think of my first

00:07:53.740 one because, and the reason I brought up the flames was exactly what you said, because that at that

00:08:01.320 time, wasn't something just motivating to me. Cause I agree with you. Motivation is temporary.

00:08:08.680 It, it, it drove me to the point where I couldn't sleep at night thinking about it and thinking back

00:08:15.480 on that. Well, hold on. So thinking back on that is actually stupid. What was the by-product of the

00:08:23.260 flames? Like what were they? I literally thought, okay. I literally thought now this is going to,

00:08:28.560 it was deeper than just the flame, but I literally thought there used to be this club in Hollywood

00:08:33.940 that we used to go to called the key club. And they used to park like this, one of the owners of

00:08:39.620 the place had this like Cadillac that he had that was all decked out and whatever that would be parked

00:08:44.420 in front. And when the guy would pull up, you'd have all these girls like, Oh, who's that? You know?

00:08:49.520 And I literally thought like, if I painted the flames on my Elko, I would drive up and I'd be

00:08:54.900 that guy that the girls were like, Oh wow. Check this guy out. Look at those flames. Yeah. That I

00:08:59.840 attached that, that feeling to the flame. So it wasn't just the flames. It was a whole feeling. It

00:09:06.680 was something that that was going to bring. What that represented. So you got inspiration from

00:09:12.120 what, what that would mean about you as a man or how you would show up was that the, the flames was

00:09:19.520 an outward expression of, of what you really wanted. Yeah. And that, that for me was as far,

00:09:25.560 but the reason that's important and the reason I'm saying not push back, like we're going to argue 0.95

00:09:30.160 about it, but push back, like, no, we can argue like right now it's, that seems stupid to me. 0.56

00:09:36.080 I'm thinking back on it. Like that was really dumb, but simultaneously it's not because I needed 0.98

00:09:41.640 that at that time because I wasn't mature enough yet. I hadn't grown out of that yet. And the funny 0.88

00:09:49.920 thing is, is all of, out of those top 10 things that I wrote down, I, I got every single one of

00:09:56.980 those things except for the flames and two others that were on the list because they just became non

00:10:03.700 important through the process and through that process of me becoming inspired and then finding

00:10:10.160 out who I really wanted to be and how I wanted to show up. Then it changed and evolved. And then,

00:10:15.660 and then that same passion and drive came from other things. And so I just marked one off of the list

00:10:24.560 and replaced it with something else, but it still had to drive me the same. So I think that's the

00:10:30.780 importance that I think the difference, like you said, the important thing is the difference between

00:10:34.740 motivation and something that drives and inspires and, and pushes you that you can wake up, not even

00:10:44.880 wake up that, like I said, it's literally hard to sleep at night because you're so excited thinking

00:10:50.940 about it. I think if there's any one thing that you can get to in writing down what you want or who you

00:10:59.240 want to be, that makes you feel even a little bit like that. I think that's the important part.

00:11:04.960 Totally. Well, and, and, and that it's going to evolve and change based upon where you're at.

00:11:10.800 And so, and even listening to us, like, don't get so wrapped up in like, well, is it the right

00:11:16.120 vision? Like, does it serve you? Is it pushing you forward? Awesome. And then once you get to that

00:11:22.800 ridge, you don't know what's on the other side of the ridge. You don't know what pivots and adjustments

00:11:27.860 you need to make until you get your ass up on the ridge. So get up on the ridge, pivot, adjust, 0.70

00:11:33.340 evolve, and, and, and move on from there. One thing I do like about this, that when, when we,

00:11:40.100 when the vision statement happens to be more about how you show up, I've used this and it just kind

00:11:47.900 of magically works out well, right? Because here's the other thing, right? Guys will write visions,

00:11:51.800 whatever, whatever approach they take. And then like, how often do you look at that thing? Right?

00:11:57.860 And so historically it's really nice, right? Because you're like, oh man, I made some progress,

00:12:03.280 but sometimes we need to get connected to it more often. Right. And, and so it needs to be an active

00:12:10.100 tool. Maybe at least for me, having it be an active tool in my day-to-day is highly valuable.

00:12:16.880 Well, it's really hard when my vision that I read today to help me show up today is like elusive

00:12:26.080 future. Right. And so, I mean, I don't know. I find it harder to connect to for today, but if it's a

00:12:32.940 little bit more how I show up, then I can look at that and go, okay, now what do I have today? Okay.

00:12:38.920 I got these meetings. I got these things. And this is how I'm going to show up powerfully

00:12:42.080 based upon what I wrote. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm wondering, yeah, good.

00:12:48.280 The battle planner is so valuable that way. It's in two ways. If you have the physical battle planner

00:12:54.180 or the app on your phone, I think the important thing, and I got this from Think and Grow Rich

00:13:01.580 was one of the first books I read when I started doing this, that actually I kind of followed the

00:13:06.580 guideline that it had in Think and Grow Rich and how to articulate and write out a plan for your

00:13:12.000 future and what you want. And the important part in writing down that plan was less the exact plan.

00:13:19.520 And it was more about reading it out loud twice a day. So exactly what you just said, having it in

00:13:25.680 front of you daily when you start your day and when you end your day, and then that at the start of

00:13:32.200 your day, it helps push you, drive you, inspire you to do what you need to do that day. At the end of

00:13:38.620 the day, it kind of helps you do your, your AAR, your after action review of, okay, how did my day

00:13:47.220 go? Right. What did I do today? That got me closer to this goal, but without reading it out loud

00:13:53.700 twice a day. And you have to read it with emotion. Like we talked about, like, that's funny. I can

00:13:58.640 think back to still how I thought those flames were going to make me feel because I was reading it

00:14:05.820 every day with passion, with feeling, you know, as if I already had those things that I wanted. And it

00:14:14.420 just made me feel different. It changed my state. Yeah. There's just thousands of guys listening that

00:14:20.680 are just now going to add like flames, you know, add flames to my, to my Land Rover, you know,

00:14:26.580 maybe, you know, what's funny too, is maybe you'll get one. I had one of my plant. One of my things

00:14:32.160 was a, I wanted a Z06. There was this, when they 50th anniversary, Z06 and electron blue that my dream

00:14:40.080 car wanted this car, I got the car. So I bought it. And then I remember sitting in traffic in LA one day

00:14:46.060 because it was a six speed. Right. So I'm sitting there with this stick in traffic, like this sucks.

00:14:52.820 You know, like I'd almost rather be in a Honda Civic because I'd be more comfortable.

00:14:58.720 Yeah. Right in the clutch, like crazy on a gridlock traffic. Yeah. But it was like,

00:15:05.240 wow, I wanted this so bad. And now here I am. And now it's just my car. So sometimes that's going

00:15:10.480 to happen too, but that's fine because that drove me so hard for so many years. Right.

00:15:14.640 No, it didn't serve you. I was just trying to get 50 series tires on my, on my Chevy love.

00:15:21.320 You're like, I just need some nice series. I did have a Chevy love. Not only did I have a Chevy

00:15:29.620 love, it had flames on it. It was, it was gray. I had four inch lowering blocks. It was gray with pink

00:15:39.180 flames. Don't ask. And not only this, this thing was such a piece of shit that, that on the passenger

00:15:46.100 side, you know, it was the driver's side of the floorboard had this massive hole that I used 0.99

00:15:52.560 plywood to cover. And so like, if you drove in the rain, your feet would get all wet, but it was

00:15:57.920 lowered and it was bad-ass. It was, it was so sweet. It's like the Flintstones. Oh man. What was cool

00:16:07.200 about it? I bought that truck. I think when I was 14 and I drove it all the time and I don't think I

00:16:16.740 drove it actually once I was 16, it was my car before I even had a license. It was a whole different

00:16:23.580 time. I mean, it's small, small town world, you know, but I love my lowered cars. I was all about

00:16:29.820 hip hop. Right. So anyhow, I thought this might be valuable. Maybe, I don't know, but it's too late

00:16:35.760 now. I'm going to do it anyway. So, so I have my journal and a good, beautiful, that's beautiful

00:16:41.440 handwriting. All right. So I have my journal and my bookmark in my journal is my, is my vision. And so

00:16:50.020 maybe as an example, this is, this is evolution of this thing. Right. But this, and I'm not always

00:16:57.300 on the path here, but when I am journaling on a daily basis and I read this bad boy, or I pull up

00:17:05.740 into the driveway and read this before I go into the house to kind of level set, you can kind of see

00:17:11.520 as I read this, how it kind of sets the tone, right. For what I'm about to do. So there's two

00:17:16.860 things I do. I'd read this and then I visualize, all right, what do I have today? And based upon what I

00:17:22.080 just read, how am I going to show up throughout the day? And I don't mind this. This is, I don't mind

00:17:25.860 sharing. This is not overly, you know, personal or anything, but I'll, I'll read it briefly. And

00:17:29.780 then we'll move on to the next question. Cause I think it might be beneficial to some of you guys

00:17:33.080 listening. This is what I wrote. This very moment, I choose who I am for today and for the rest of my

00:17:39.480 life. The thoughts and actions I make today mold my future. Today I choose honor, impact, and

00:17:46.420 righteousness. Today I choose a life worth living. Today I decide to live life to the fullest with no

00:17:52.900 regret. Today, not only do I honor those that have passed before me, but I also honor those that

00:17:58.700 will come. Today I'll give my wife and my life a chance to be amazing. And I will do that by letting

00:18:06.100 go of my judgments, stories, and living fully in the present. I do this not to look good or to avoid

00:18:13.820 looking bad, but I do this because this is who I choose to be. Because I am choosing to invent

00:18:19.860 myself. I may be tempted to think that this very moment doesn't matter and that I can change later

00:18:25.700 or be caused to action another time, but there is no tomorrow. Do I have a guarantee that tomorrow

00:18:32.060 will even come? What is at stake today? Is tomorrow guaranteed for everyone in my life? Yesterday has

00:18:39.200 already been gone. And do I not already wish that I could have done it better? I will not waste today

00:18:45.260 and I will not waste a moment. If problems are placed before me today, I will confront them head

00:18:50.140 on. I will not shrink out of hopelessness or fear. I will find the benefit and the value in every

00:18:55.620 struggle. I will go to the Lord in prayer for guidance in all aspects of my life, whether work

00:19:00.960 or personal. Life doesn't care about my self-pity or my story. The only disability in life is a bad 0.99

00:19:07.980 attitude. That was awesome. Me, right? And back to what we were saying earlier, I can read this and

00:19:16.740 I'm like, all right, now I'm ready. And that may not do that for you guys that just heard, but the

00:19:23.120 idea is that this really sets the tone for how I show up. And that is how I've approached the whole

00:19:31.180 vision thing. That was awesome. Okay. Well, you can, you could see your state change. I mean,

00:19:39.780 most of the guys are going to be listening to this and not seeing you, but honestly, watching you read

00:19:44.100 it, you could see the emotion change in your face as you were reading it. Yeah. It's definitely makes

00:19:51.560 an impact. And what am I thinking about? My dad's passed away. How do I honor him? Right. I think

00:19:58.260 about my kids, how do I honor them? You're like, there's more right. Kind of going on in the brain

00:20:04.660 than obviously what I'm, what I'm just reading. Yeah. Power. All right. Kyle Brown, how should you

00:20:10.940 structure the responsibilities between husband and wife? My wife stays home and I provide financially

00:20:16.760 for the household. We don't have children yet. So Hannah's responsibilities are to main the home 1.00

00:20:22.240 cooking, learning about motherhood and children and taking care of me. I want to ensure Hannah does not 0.98

00:20:27.580 have to make money so she can focus all her energy on being a mother when that time comes and 1.00

00:20:33.700 homeschooling. Should we maintain a path where we're where path we are currently currently and continue

00:20:40.400 building the structure of a household for when the children come or should she be generating money

00:20:45.940 until we have children to help us financially ahead? So no kids yet. Yeah. Good. This is a,

00:20:53.420 an easy trap to get into. I actually want to give a word of caution with trying to assign roles

00:21:00.680 as a couple. Because, you know, my wife and I actually do couples coaching all the time. And 0.95

00:21:07.400 one of the reasons we started a business to do this is because this came up so many times for us,

00:21:13.900 because we've worked together in our business since we started dating. And, you know, people ask us all

00:21:19.820 the time. How do you do it? You're together all the time. You're, you know, blah, blah, blah. How do

00:21:23.780 you assign your roles? Who does what? And, and we never assigned roles. And so what we decided a long

00:21:30.080 time ago is that we both know what we're trying to achieve together as a couple. This is before we had

00:21:37.200 kids as a team. So where we're headed. So like we, this is a perfect segue from what we were just

00:21:44.240 talking about, knowing what you want, who you want to be, how you want to show up. And then as a couple,

00:21:50.080 what that was together. So we had our goals together as a couple, as a family, as a, as a,

00:21:56.020 you know, in our business, in our spiritual lives, in our physical lives, all of those things.

00:22:00.540 And being on the same page together and knowing where we were headed was the most important thing.

00:22:06.080 And then once we had that, then it was easy for us to just head in that direction. And so sometimes

00:22:17.240 like everybody goes through seasons. And so what I'll say to that, the reason this is important for

00:22:22.420 you now, because yeah, you've got it dialed. You're working. She's taking care of you. She's doing stuff

00:22:28.420 at the home. Once one kid, two kids, three kids comes into the equation, that's going to get harder

00:22:33.720 for her. So right now it might be pretty dialed, but maybe you'll get home down the road after you

00:22:39.860 have kids and maybe dinner's not ready. Maybe something, you know, the house isn't clean,

00:22:44.860 maybe. So instead of you getting home and saying, Hey, this wasn't done today. Why didn't you do that?

00:22:50.880 You know, or you see something that needs to be picked up. You need to be prepared to maybe you

00:22:56.360 clean up the house. Maybe you help get dinner ready. Maybe you just pick up where things aren't done

00:23:02.120 instead of just assigning that role. And where I see so many couples get into arguments. Number one, 0.91

00:23:08.060 they're not on the same page to begin with, but then when their quote unquote role isn't being

00:23:15.480 completed or isn't being done or, or the expectations aren't met. Yes. Then that causes

00:23:24.120 argument strife, whatever you want to call it. And, and so I think focus less on the definition of who

00:23:32.020 does what and focus more on where you want to be and who you want to be as a couple. And then just

00:23:39.580 pick up for each other as you go. And we talked about the evolution of who does what that's going

00:23:47.000 to change too throughout your roles. Um, I'll, I'll just give you my example. And, and then you jump in

00:23:54.940 here. When, when we started our business, my wife and I, we actually started the same business separately

00:24:02.500 and then met in our business and started dating and then got married and then combined it. So we were all

00:24:10.820 ready, very good at what we do separately and on our own. Go ahead.

00:24:15.760 I was just going to ask, is that just cause you guys are so damn competitive with each other. So

00:24:20.540 you're just like, Hey, that was a part of it. That was, that was definitely a part of it.

00:24:24.960 It sounds like some Mike Asian. I would do. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard you talk about it. 1.00

00:24:30.000 I'm like, bring it.

00:24:33.600 So that starting separately and being good at it, we were really good. And then when we combined,

00:24:40.660 it was like, okay, you're a little stronger at this. I'm a little stronger at this,

00:24:44.440 which at the time hers was like setting up appointments, making phone calls, follow up

00:24:48.780 the backend of our business. Mine was out on appointments, sitting with people actually

00:24:53.540 putting plant, doing that stuff. And so I did that. And then I literally, when we started having

00:24:59.020 kids, I was gone all day on appointments. This is obviously presumed. So I had to do physical

00:25:04.240 appointments. I was driving for hours every day, you know, doing seven, eight, nine, 10 appointments

00:25:09.940 a day and different parts of, you know, like geographically just driving all over the place,

00:25:15.760 but I was never home. We started having kids and that was still our first kid, you know,

00:25:21.560 would go to the office with her and I'd go do that stuff. Second kid that started changing.

00:25:26.280 Third kid, she got sick and she couldn't do a lot of the things she was doing. She couldn't 0.93

00:25:34.040 do anything at home anymore. And so I couldn't be gone, uh, all day like I was. And it, it drastically,

00:25:42.340 we had to shift. And then I went from basically being out kind of doing all these appointments and,

00:25:49.180 and, and, you know, making all this stuff happen to, I had to be home and I had to take care of the

00:25:56.020 kids. Cause she literally physically couldn't get up off of the couch a bunch of days. Um, I had to

00:26:01.320 make food. So I was making meals, food prep for her was four or five hours a day. Cause she had 0.88

00:26:06.040 to change her diet to heal herself. Um, and it just became a giant thing instead of getting angry or,

00:26:12.120 you know, you're not doing that. And obviously she was sick, but that transition in me almost being

00:26:18.000 like Mr. Mom. And then she, when she started feeling better, she could still make phone calls.

00:26:24.660 So she started running a bunch of stuff and then everything shifted what we did. And so inside of that

00:26:30.640 couple of years, it never went back to how it was. So if I had that expectation of getting back to

00:26:36.720 where it was, I'd still be mad. And so now my role's completely different. I'm still in the,

00:26:44.460 in that mode of still, like I cook most of the meals. Now I do, you know, there's a lot of stuff I

00:26:50.660 do. That's mainly focused on the home. I've never transitioned back to as much in the business as I

00:26:57.440 used to be. It's kind of stayed more on the family side, but yeah, I know I didn't stick to

00:27:04.040 that traditional. Well, I'm the man I should be out and I shouldn't, you know? Yeah. So that's,

00:27:08.980 that's, I think it's important that as life changes, you evolve with it. Like, just like

00:27:12.960 we were talking about with our plan. Totally. The only thing I'd add, Sean, on top of what you're

00:27:17.980 saying, you're talking about like where you want to be as a couple and just don't lose your

00:27:21.680 individuality as part of that. And I know that's what you mean too. It's like, well, what is your,

00:27:26.420 what, what talents, what things, what growth does your wife want to have? 1.00

00:27:31.900 Still do those things, right? You don't have kids yet, then grow, right? That's how I see it. It's not

00:27:36.280 like, you know, preparation tactically, how do I become a better mom? You know, maybe she doesn't

00:27:41.700 give a shit about being a mom right now. Maybe she wants to learn about blah, blah, blah, right? Like 0.99

00:27:45.260 growth, right? And so what's the individual, what, what talents do you guys have that you want to develop?

00:27:52.340 And continually grow in and partnering, not just in household and work, but then how do you guys

00:27:59.900 partner to support each other in those different areas of growth? And, and what, and, and paraphrasing

00:28:05.700 kind of what you're saying, Sean, is be dynamic and adjust and pivot and, and, and work it out. I,

00:28:12.040 I love the fact that, um, that we can be flexible and ultimately do what makes sense. And I love what

00:28:21.060 you're saying, Sean is like, it was, it, how's this? When you do the roles thing, it ends up very

00:28:28.540 much promoting this idea that like, it's not yours together. Yeah. And it's, oh, you're the breadwinner,

00:28:36.780 you, it's your money, my house, or, you know, vice versa. Uh, is it, that's not effective,

00:28:42.280 not effective, right? Like I have to, like my, when I ran my own consulting firm for 15 years,

00:28:48.300 guess who was the, the, the legal counsel on all my statements of work? That's my spouse.

00:28:54.160 Cause she's really talented in writing and I sound like an idiot, right? So I'm like, Hey, 0.99

00:29:01.080 honey, here's this contract. Will you review this contract? Make sure it sounds good. Hey,

00:29:05.120 marketing strategy ideas. You know, what do you think? Like you involve them in what you're doing.

00:29:10.600 And, and, and if you want to look at the workplace as an example, we do the same thing,

00:29:16.200 right? You don't hire an employee and then put them in a box and say, Hey, you only do these things.

00:29:21.780 If you want an employee that feels fulfilled in the work that you're doing, what you do,

00:29:26.340 what talents do they have? And you let them bring their talents to the table and things evolve and

00:29:32.380 you have them do things. Maybe that wasn't in the original job description because that's what

00:29:36.580 brings them fulfillment in the work that they're doing, right? It's the same thing with our spouses 0.97

00:29:41.660 and with one another. We, we have to, and we should, uh, in the spirit of finding fulfillment and

00:29:48.180 purpose in life, develop talents, continually grow and use them and bring them to the table.

00:29:54.280 And based upon that, who knows what amazing talents your wife has, right? Like help her 1.00

00:30:01.040 develop them. And, and some of them may not be in the home. Some of them might be elsewhere. And some,

00:30:05.740 maybe some of your empathetic talents are, are needs to be brought to bear in the, in the home

00:30:10.880 with kids. So, you know, I don't know, be dynamic, I guess is, is just the other thing, but don't,

00:30:16.940 I guess what I wanted to say is don't also focus on individual growth as part of that process.

00:30:23.360 Yeah. As you, are you in Asia pretty like the stuff that you like to do, um, whether it's physical,

00:30:30.180 I know you guys run together. That's what made me think about that. Um, are most of the things you

00:30:34.860 like to do you on the same page with, or, or she very different in some of the things she likes to do.

00:30:40.160 And you, she's very, she's very different, right? I don't, I actually, we only run together

00:30:45.620 because she wants to run. Okay. And, and that's my way of supporting her, right? She doesn't want 0.87

00:30:51.120 to run by herself. We ended up talking a lot, so I'll run. And so she wanted to do some races.

00:30:56.300 She, she wanted to do Lodoja, which is a bike race from Logan, Utah to Jackson, Wyoming. I don't ride

00:31:03.720 road bikes. Are you kidding? I did it right. Because that's her jam. You know what I mean?

00:31:10.100 And, and, and jujitsu is mine. And right now she's like obsessed with pickleball. So like we 1.00

00:31:14.620 have our different interests and, and I should be fostering and supporting her as much as possible

00:31:20.340 in those things, whether they benefit me or not. Yeah. I just wanted to bring that up because I

00:31:25.380 know people who listen a lot and they've heard you say that they could be thinking, Oh, it's easy

00:31:29.660 for Kip to say, because, because he and Asia do everything together anyways, and they're on the

00:31:34.180 same page and blah, blah, blah. You know? And, and it's very rare that you find couples that are

00:31:39.820 like that. Usually they're very opposite, which it sounds like is the case for you. It's that's the

00:31:44.040 opposite. I'm stable. She's instable. Like she's trying to convince me to constantly move like

00:31:49.920 somewhere else. The minute she's put for six months, she's like, let's move. And I'm like,

00:31:54.180 you know, let's stay, you know, be stable here. So we're constantly working together to identify

00:32:01.760 what's best for both of us. Yeah. That's awesome. That's important for people to hear.

00:32:05.780 Yeah. Daryl Hahn, best ways to recruit members for the iron council.

00:32:11.740 That's a good question, Daryl. Uh, be an example. Talk about it where, I mean, just where I,

00:32:18.040 it's funny. We have matching hats, Kip and I today, but I, I can't tell you how many times I'm wearing

00:32:25.460 some sort of order of man swag and guys are like, Oh man, you know, I love that podcast or I love

00:32:31.340 that, you know, and you just get in the conversation about it. It's, it's a natural

00:32:37.380 occurrence. If you're showing up, Kip talked about showing up a powerful way. Yeah. And how you show

00:32:43.060 up out in the world and you get into these conversations with people and that leads them

00:32:47.340 to it. Yeah, I agree. I think modeling performance, like be inspiring. If you're getting after it in life,

00:32:56.880 people are going to be like, what's Sean doing? Right. Like, you know, what, what Kool-Aid is that

00:33:02.720 guy drinking? Cause I want some of that Kool-Aid, right? That's, that's one of the most effective

00:33:06.760 ways for us to be a lighthouse. I think the other one is communicating like share. Like I always felt

00:33:13.520 I'll, I'll give credit to my wife. I, I am, I, my default mentality is always take some work,

00:33:21.980 let my results speak for themselves. Right. And I, I don't need to communicate. I'm just going to kill

00:33:27.940 it. And then, and then I sit back with some expectation that, that someone on the sidelines 0.99

00:33:32.620 going, Oh, he's amazing. Right. Sometimes people don't know what you're about unless you're actually

00:33:38.880 sharing it. So sharing powerfully and communicating is a really important aspect of it. Uh, and, and I

00:33:46.120 would be, and I know this is a little bit of a difference, but, but this came up actually,

00:33:50.580 uh, came up yesterday at work when I was talking to some employees that came up at the main event.

00:33:55.980 And I, I talked to this guy that works on air force one. And he said, he was talking to him. I think

00:34:02.760 he mentioned that he had like eight kids and, um, I was like, awesome. And I don't, I can't remember

00:34:10.100 how we segued in the conversation, but we segued into it about how we tell people we have that many

00:34:15.760 kids and how, how, how by default, like, because like I have six kids, right. And, and it's a

00:34:22.980 natural tendency when someone says, Oh, Kip, how many kids you got? I downplay like, there's a little

00:34:28.140 bit of like, let me downplay it and not be proud of it because, because I know the typical result or,

00:34:36.220 uh, not result. The typical reaction to me saying six kids is, Holy crap. You have so many kids. 0.99

00:34:43.100 Yeah. And so I, I play into that versus me maintaining the frame that my six kids and the

00:34:56.560 opportunity of me having six kids is freaking amazing. Yeah. And I don't regret one single

00:35:03.820 bit of it. And I am blessed beyond measure and would be even blessed more if I had 10 or 12 or even 15

00:35:13.560 crazy as that is my kids are the joy of my life. And I should never be downplaying how amazing those

00:35:27.360 lives are because of the quote unquote worldly inconvenience of having them. So what other

00:35:37.440 areas in our life do we kind of downplay the communication? We might even do that on the iron

00:35:42.360 council. Well, you know, it's this, uh, it's this online, you know, dude group where, you know,

00:35:50.160 share our feelings, you know, it, you know, you know, Oh, what? Yeah. That's weird. You know, it's

00:35:55.920 like, no, dude, I have this network of like-minded, powerful men that are not accepting mediocrity in

00:36:05.820 this world. And they're about shifting, moving and showing up powerfully for their families,

00:36:12.020 for their communities in work and making a difference. I'm part of that group.

00:36:16.100 Like love it, own it, be inspired by it. Don't pander to ignorance and low goals and mediocre

00:36:29.840 people because we're afraid of what they might say. And there's, there's also baby steps you can

00:36:35.580 take to introducing people. Cause most likely you tell people about the iron cows that they're not 0.79

00:36:40.900 going to join right away. Um, of course I know one of the things I do is I, I've given out almost

00:36:46.720 200 of Ryan's book sovereignty so far, you know, so recommend sovereignty to people, tell them to

00:36:51.800 read the book. That's a great start. When, when guys ask me, Hey, what are some resources out there

00:36:56.280 for being a better man? Hey, get the book sovereignty. And if they're struggling financially,

00:37:00.700 I'll send them a book, you know, and I'll, I'll just give it to them to help them out. And then, uh,

00:37:05.240 and then I tell everybody to listen to this podcast, you know, that's, that's a good starting

00:37:09.480 point. Right. And then that can transition into them joining the IC. Totally. I've done that at

00:37:15.060 the gym where there's random guys that I got in some talk with and it segwayed. And then they're

00:37:19.580 like, Oh, that podcast is awesome. I share it with my buddy and you know, just see if it, see if

00:37:24.480 they're in a place for it to resonate. Right. And if it, if it's not, they're not right. They're not

00:37:28.680 ready for it. Right. And who knows where that'll lead. They may recommend it to someone else who joins

00:37:32.720 and you'd never know. Yeah. Yeah. Charles Phillips, the second best way to gain investment in getting

00:37:39.460 local men to get together. I'm going to start setting up meetups in Colorado and welcome any

00:37:45.060 advice. So best way to gain investment. Oh, I'm assuming what he means gain investment is get

00:37:50.200 numbers, right? Get people coming together, uh, locally. Yeah. I mean, the best is to, to plan it,

00:37:58.060 put it together, find a space, um, book a time and then put it on the mighty networks. It just,

00:38:05.820 I mean, announce it, but you have an agenda. I know, I know when I did the first one that I did,

00:38:13.400 I reached out to you kit because I heard that's right. And ask what you did agenda wise, what you

00:38:19.660 talked about, you know, so if you want some help structurally in what you're going to do that one,

00:38:24.580 we happen to have Ryan, um, uh, uh, like zoomed into, you know, for, for that one, just to say

00:38:32.200 hello to the guys that showed up. And, um, you know, so just, I think plan it well, have an agenda,

00:38:39.220 know what you're going to talk about, book the time and, and put it on mighty networks.

00:38:43.620 Yeah. And, and that might have baby steps too, right? Maybe it's 10 guys. The first one,

00:38:48.860 maybe it's 20, then it's 30 or whatever. It's three. Yeah. Maybe it's three, but they're still

00:38:53.980 highly valuable. Right. And so, you know, just momentum, get some momentum behind it. And it's

00:38:58.900 possible. I've Charles, I don't know where you're at, but like the last three, um, meetups that we

00:39:03.400 did here in Utah, I think we had like 60, 70 guys, like the conference room was like too full. It was

00:39:08.920 too full and it was so powerful. It's so valuable. Don't expect that though. That's that's,

00:39:14.020 yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take some, yeah. Work it. Yeah. Work and be consistent. All right. Chris

00:39:20.740 Gatchko. Um, he says, just share your thoughts on both legacy and main event. Oh, that's not fair

00:39:27.220 to you. So sorry. No, that, I mean, I can tell you the last legacy because I took my boys at the last

00:39:33.260 one. Um, they still talk about it. It was, it was so good for us. And we're already good at those

00:39:40.260 things. The stuff we were doing there being on the same page, we still came up with more together.

00:39:46.580 Um, we came up with like, like the Villalobos men of the family. You know, we have our own little

00:39:54.260 coat of honor that we put together while we were there. And, um, that that's still giving value to

00:40:01.560 the relationship with my boys that I have from being at that event. So there's, I mean, I can't tell

00:40:09.660 you how valuable it was. Um, and this one, honestly, like main event, the only reason I'm

00:40:15.480 not there is because I'm with my family. And that was the last minute since we put this together,

00:40:19.660 I had a ticket, I was going. Um, but then we put this and, you know, I'm always going to choose my

00:40:25.440 family over every other thing first. So that's the only reason I didn't go. And I was bummed. I wasn't

00:40:31.260 there to be quite honest. It's there would have been growth for me. And, you know, I missed the

00:40:35.980 opportunity to, to be able to build a relationship with more men that are trying to be better as

00:40:41.200 well. And, and so there's more value than you're ever going to pay and time and effort to get there.

00:40:48.800 That's just my two cents, you know, in the experience that I've had. So, but I'd love to

00:40:53.280 hear what you, what you got, were you at both of them this time? Yeah. Yeah. I was at both. Um,

00:40:58.560 I mean, I'll, I think you shared enough on legacy. I'll just talk about main event. That was last

00:41:03.600 weekend. Uh, we had 105 guys out to Ryan's property, three days of intentionality, right.

00:41:11.940 And being fully present around the conversation of protect, provide, and preside, which is kind of

00:41:18.960 our motto within the iron council. And so, um, I think out of the 105 men, like the majority of them

00:41:25.560 were iron council men. And there was just a handful of guys that weren't part of the IC.

00:41:30.480 So, and, and not the personal guys, but like, that means the, the conversations were like great

00:41:38.440 to just even better. Right. Because these are guys that were actively or have been actively

00:41:45.680 participating in their growth and investing and becoming better men, not just, Hey, I'll go out

00:41:51.420 to this retreat and kind of see what I think. The other thing about that is we had a leadership

00:41:57.580 meeting the day before, which was comprised of all the battle team leaders and upper leadership

00:42:03.180 of the iron council. We had like 30 something battle team leaders and mentors in, in that event.

00:42:11.420 So we had just a lot of awesome guys there. Um, so the, so the conversations were, were really great.

00:42:19.380 Here's my takeaways. And there's so much takeaways, but let's be Frank.

00:42:23.220 Like what we take away is what we got out of it. And what I got is going to be different than what

00:42:29.060 you, that then what you would have gotten, Sean, based upon what's a priority in your life, what

00:42:34.200 you're focused on and, and kind of, so no one take this and go, that's all they covered. This is where

00:42:40.260 my mindset was during the entire event that were kind of my big major takeaways that were profound for

00:42:46.920 me. So, so the first one is probably the distinction and the understanding of what does it really mean

00:42:57.260 to band together with other men? And, and I can't help, but think that, you know, and, and I'm not,

00:43:07.300 you know, my Insta is not that impressive. Like I think Sean, you're like probably blowing me out of

00:43:12.220 the water from the followers perspective. But if I pull up my Instagram, the reality of it is,

00:43:17.280 is those few thousands of God people following me. They don't give a shit about me. 0.99

00:43:24.520 The minute that I don't show up powerfully, the minute they can criticize me, the minute they think 0.98

00:43:31.180 what keeps out of integrity is the minute, not only will they stop following me, but they will more

00:43:36.980 likely stab me in the back. That's reality. Like I have some dude like trolls me on, on YouTube and

00:43:46.600 stuff. And while I constantly make comments. Yeah, no, no joke. Like constantly make comments about how

00:43:51.560 Kip's constantly out of integrity because you know, this and that or whatever, like, like it was really

00:43:56.520 adamant. I don't know him. He doesn't really know me, but of course not. But my point being is

00:44:01.760 there's a big difference between this superficial, like, Oh, I love Ryan. Ryan's awesome. And Kip's

00:44:08.180 this or Sean's this. And the minute we don't show up perfect in that ivory tower and, and we make

00:44:15.820 mistakes because we're human, despite the fact that we're constantly on this podcast saying, Hey guys,

00:44:20.720 this is more beneficial to us than you. We're constantly fighting to stay in integrity. We're,

00:44:26.280 we're on the path of trying to become better men, but we're not the man.

00:44:31.040 Right. We're, we're on this with you. Despite all that.

00:44:37.860 People will backstab you in a second, right? If it serves their purpose. And so me getting really

00:44:42.840 present to that versus what does it really mean for Sean to have my back? And, and, and am I willing,

00:44:52.900 am I going to kick Sean out of the boat the minute he has a hard time, not rowing

00:44:58.460 or I'm, or I'm going to stand for him despite his circumstances, despite his struggles,

00:45:05.480 despite those things. And so really what does it mean to be part of a brotherhood? What does it

00:45:11.700 really mean to actually care for someone? That's number one. Another thing that really crossed my

00:45:17.940 mind. There's only two more I can think of. The other thing that crossed my mind is just the power

00:45:23.240 of principles. And I had a conversation with a handful of guys at one of the tables and it was

00:45:30.140 great because I've made this connection over the years. Right. And he goes, he said something to

00:45:34.960 you. He said like, you know, Kip, I, I can't help, but like take everything that we're talking about

00:45:39.200 today. And it shows up all over in the Bible. Right. And I'm like, of course it does. Yeah. Right.

00:45:46.520 Like principles are principles. Right. And then, and so we're just nerding out about how many of

00:45:52.900 these principles transcend. Right. And, and one thing that like really that has been more present

00:45:58.860 on my mind. And so as an example, let me share an example. I didn't talk about it there, but it's

00:46:03.700 an example of this is look at the principle of extreme ownership. Right. And Jocko actually has

00:46:09.540 these like five steps of taking ownership, you know, realize that there's a problem, you know,

00:46:16.520 identify your role in it, communicate the impact, recommitment of, you know, what you're going

00:46:22.620 to do to change it and whatever. Right. Look at that. And then look at the process of repentance

00:46:29.860 for you guys that are, are Christian. What's the repentance process. It's owning it, right. There's

00:46:37.900 a mistake. I own it. I correct the behavior and I recommit, right. That that's how we repent of

00:46:45.660 something. That same exact process is actually how people learn. Yeah. Right. After action review,

00:46:52.700 I make a mistake of something. Okay. I take ownership of it. I like, okay, what could I have

00:46:57.200 done better? Okay. I see the impact of, of the decision I made. I course correct. I recommit to do

00:47:03.220 it. Like that's how we learn. So here we are like this principle of let's Jocko's extreme ownership,

00:47:10.000 the, the Christian version of the repentance process. And then if you get into learning

00:47:15.120 organizations, it's the same process for all three things. Like this, this is how important

00:47:21.500 these conversations are. They're not order of man conversations, they're principles and conversations

00:47:26.660 that we're having. And then the last thing that really crossed my mind and, and Sean, feel free to

00:47:30.920 like, you know, if you want to nerd it out on any of these things, but the last thing that really came

00:47:35.740 to mind, how easy it was. And, and, and this is maybe a little bit as us working through it. How's

00:47:43.180 that guys working through it, but we got some great presentations about different areas about showing up

00:47:49.800 powerfully as men. And we constantly guys constantly get wrapped up on right and wrong. What's the right

00:47:57.760 way, right? What's the right way to do a vision? What's the, yeah, what's the right job for me to

00:48:04.040 have fulfillment in my life? What's the wrong job? And, and, and it's, and it just reminded me like, man,

00:48:10.960 how, how we need to think more critically. And it's not as clean as right and wrong. In fact,

00:48:18.660 it's probably not right and wrong. It's probably just, is it serving you in this moment right now in

00:48:24.960 this season? And if it is awesome, and then you don't know what you don't know until you know it.

00:48:31.520 And that's not going to happen until you take action. And then we evolve in this continuous

00:48:36.620 improvement and it's change. And, and so much of the conversations we have a tendency to like,

00:48:42.880 try to bucket it and say, is it, is this the right way? And the answer is not, is it the right way?

00:48:48.380 Just, are you showing up powerfully with what you have? Are you taking advantage of what you have?

00:48:53.620 And if the answer is yes, then more opportunities will present themselves. Don't worry about like,

00:48:58.620 oh, is it the right job? It's like, no, are you acting right for the job? Are you taking advantage

00:49:04.680 of the moment? And I don't know. And I, and I, and that was just a big thing for me coming out of the

00:49:10.540 week is just, just the power of that and kind of back to the whole banding and really having empathy

00:49:16.560 for people like really like connecting because our legacy lives where, and I'm sure you guys

00:49:23.460 talked about it at the legacy event, your legacy lives in people, in relationships, not in a bank

00:49:29.460 account, not in property somewhere. It literally your impact in this world when you're dead and gone

00:49:35.720 is what the imprint that you left on people, people connection. That's it.

00:49:40.540 That's, that's funny. You say that. Cause I actually gave a talk, Ryan had me give a talk

00:49:45.140 on your legacy and what that means. And that's exactly what I said is, you know, what you leave

00:49:50.320 behind and how you made people feel what you left in the world and your example and how you showed up.

00:49:57.420 And, um, you know, as you say that, I think the most powerful thing from any group like that,

00:50:02.480 um, is you mentioned that troll, right. Or, or people, not even that troll, just people in general,

00:50:11.600 they tend to try and look for people's weaknesses or where they're wrong or where they're not showing

00:50:16.440 up or where they mess up and are critical of those things instead of what I appreciate and what I

00:50:23.500 appreciated with legacy or anything that has to do with being in a group of people that want to be

00:50:29.720 better. I appreciate their shortcomings. I appreciate that not just that they, their shortcomings or that

00:50:36.080 they have them, but when they own them, like you said, and they say when they repent and I get, I

00:50:42.740 actually get so proud of them in those moments because that's so hard to number one, to be able to

00:50:49.820 acknowledge it, to be able to own it and then do something about it. That's so much harder than

00:50:55.920 trying to hide from it. And that's courage. And so when somebody is showing up as a courageous man

00:51:03.320 that wants to be better and you can be in a group of a hundred guys that are in that pursuit. And one

00:51:09.700 thing I'll say at those events, no matter what, you're going to find that the majority of men are

00:51:15.680 struggling with something and that they find a space where they're willing to talk about it and

00:51:21.560 they can gain that support where they're not going to be judged, where they're not going to be

00:51:25.440 criticized and they can be helped to be better. And I mean, and when you can see that in other guys

00:51:33.840 and you can find that courage and you can, it's so inspiring. We're talking about inspiration

00:51:38.380 earlier. You just get so inspired by seeing that willingness to overcome and help and support

00:51:46.980 each other in those endeavors. For me, that's the most powerful part of both of those events.

00:51:55.260 And, and there's a, and just to add to that, because this was another thing that was really

00:51:58.860 present for me and it's kind of related to what we're saying is there's two frames in that example.

00:52:04.200 There's one frame. Let me say it this way. There's one frame that I can have and I can go

00:52:09.760 order man's this org that serves me and I can be part of it. And I could be inspired by Ryan. I can,

00:52:18.080 and I'm seeing this cheesy, like, because it's even embarrassing to kind of say, but I could be

00:52:22.260 inspired by Ryan and I could be inspired by Kip. Right. And I, I might put them on the pedestal, 0.84

00:52:26.840 right. A little bit unwilling, unasked for, because we, I don't ask for that.

00:52:35.100 Who's that about? Yeah. It's about yourself. It's about you. Yeah. You know, it's a really

00:52:41.880 powerful way of, of joining the iron council of being part of order, man freaking show up to serve.

00:52:50.220 So instead of actually like putting me on a pedestal and criticize me, if I make fault,

00:52:54.860 maybe when I make a fault, you reach out and say, brother, how can I help you?

00:53:00.280 Maybe you look at the other people in your life that are struggling and instead of criticizing them

00:53:06.340 and going, Oh, well, this guy's, you know, overweight or whatever. Why don't you do something

00:53:12.000 about it and actually have the frame that I show up powerfully in this world regardless. And I serve

00:53:22.000 people and I lift them up and I build a legacy and I have empathy versus let, let me, let me just

00:53:31.360 consume from these ivory towers. And when they, when those ivory towers aren't so ivory, let me just

00:53:37.900 bitch and complain about it. Yeah. I think different ways of showing up in the world, drastically 1.00

00:53:43.220 different. I mentioned that most people do that and that it's easier. And it is, it's easier to blame.

00:53:50.640 And I think that's what most people are looking for. They're looking for someone else to blame

00:53:54.900 so that it gives them a reason to not have to show up and to work harder and to try harder and to be

00:54:02.700 different. And we all have great talents to provide one another. So why aren't we serving each other

00:54:09.540 and actually showing, having some love and empathy for one another? I mean, what a wonderful, powerful

00:54:14.820 way. Imagine that when people made mistakes that we all banded together and see how we could help them

00:54:20.060 and versus, instead of beating them down, you know, I don't know, maybe I'm prepping you guys.

00:54:25.640 So for, for when I, when I make mistakes, you know, I'm just asking for some love, Sean,

00:54:30.980 just have some empathy and love for me, please. 0.97

00:54:36.900 I'm pulling complete and gosh, darn it. People love me. All right. Ian Roth. It is important for 0.93

00:54:42.700 leadership to have an open and timely dialogue with team members. What's an effective way to do this

00:54:47.960 when your team is a hundred plus members. Okay. And really quick, Sean, I'm assuming we're almost

00:54:54.000 up on time. So do you want to wrap up with this one? Okay. Yeah. This is the last one for sure.

00:54:59.060 Sorry, I'm keeping you. No, effective with a hundred plus. I think it's first knowing what

00:55:07.380 you're trying to achieve as an organization that I'm assuming is talking about business. Maybe it's

00:55:12.560 other than, I mean, it could be in church. A hundred plus, you immediately jump to company,

00:55:16.200 right. But yeah, company church maybe or something. Yeah. Yeah. So in, in any organization,

00:55:21.140 it's important first to know where you're headed, what you're trying to achieve as an organization.

00:55:27.500 And then the why and the mission and purpose is clear. Yes. What I'm hearing. And then be

00:55:33.120 consistent in that message, being strong in your values, whatever the values are for that being,

00:55:39.800 being consistent in that. But then you also have to, um, as far as communication goes,

00:55:45.880 you have to have a system in place that allows you to reach down. You can't, I think too many

00:55:51.460 places rely on just their upper management to talk to, to find out what's going on in the company.

00:55:56.620 And that's a, that's a big mistake. You need to have systems in place that put you in a position

00:56:02.880 where you're around everybody, where you can, you know, now in a hundred or a couple hundred,

00:56:09.500 maybe that's manageable. Once you get into the thousands, you know, like my, my agency covers

00:56:14.180 thousands of people across the country, it gets harder to manage, but you can still have systems

00:56:18.840 in place. Like I put together things to help me find my better up and comers. Like we have a thing

00:56:24.640 we're doing at our home in a next week. Um, we made people qualify for it in our organization.

00:56:30.460 They had to show up and do certain things and we'll have a hundred to 200 people at our home.

00:56:35.600 Um, you know, we're putting a big event on and we're doing this. Um, if it wasn't at our home,

00:56:42.480 we'd, we'd rent a place and we'd have that, but I'm going to spend those two and a half days

00:56:47.920 of being in their world, getting to know them, finding out who they are, what they're trying to

00:56:53.860 achieve, what they're experiencing, how it's going, how they're feeling. Um, and that's where

00:57:00.340 I'm going to find out really what's happening in our organization. So I can have my thumb on the

00:57:05.620 pulse of that. And so that's not, that's not an innate part of our business or our, you know,

00:57:13.080 our quote unquote system for how we run our business. And we don't have to do that, but we

00:57:17.660 have implemented those events, those things to help us as, as a, as a system in our business

00:57:24.620 to be able to reach down because I can't get on the phone and just be calling those people all the

00:57:29.920 time. And I don't know who to call, you know, who's going to be the most effective use of my

00:57:34.040 time. It's the ones that are doing it. And so you need to have a system in place to find those

00:57:38.480 people. And then when I'm in those interactions, if I know what I stand for, what my values are,

00:57:46.480 what we're trying to achieve, um, and how I show up in those moments with them is going to be

00:57:54.400 how I transfer that to them. That's my best chance of it.

00:57:59.680 Well, and I think what you just said, you, you got to model it, right? Culture is critical,

00:58:04.180 right? So you got to, you know, what does it mean to work here? How, how do we do work here?

00:58:10.460 Right. And what is, what is the cultural, not just the mission, the values, but kind of the

00:58:14.540 expected mindsets of how your organization operates. Right. And then I think the other part

00:58:19.200 is just like your ability to move to the right hundred people. You're not, you're not impacting

00:58:25.380 a hundred people. I mean, you are, you need middle management, right? You need the right

00:58:30.720 leaders that are aligned with that culture, with those values showing up in a really powerful way.

00:58:36.160 You don't want all your employees working there because of you. Cause now what if you move to the

00:58:40.660 right too much and you're only in the office a few hours a week because you've, you know, you have

00:58:46.240 this flexibility of something great that you've created. Like you need to know that your middle

00:58:50.420 managers or your next level of management is showing up really powerfully and really driving

00:58:56.260 the conversation forward and showing up and they're modeling performance. Right. And so kind of back to

00:59:01.340 what you said, Sean, you had some prerequisites of these individuals. What is required to be a leader

00:59:07.160 in our organization and how are they showing up powerfully? 60% of people will stay in a unsatisfying

00:59:15.060 job when they report to a manager that they feel inspires them. We will do work. We don't enjoy

00:59:23.920 when we have a good boss. Now on the flip side, it's a complete opposite. You can have an amazing

00:59:29.120 job. And if you report to a manager that is like, or a leader that is pathetic. Yeah. It doesn't matter. 1.00

00:59:36.000 Right. So that middle management is critical. The only other things that came to mind, like statistically

00:59:39.880 it's like, you could do skip level one-on-ones that I do think that's valuable. It gives a sense of

00:59:45.660 like importance. My reports will meet with the COO every so often and just kind of skip level one-on-ones,

00:59:52.560 but you got to be careful, right. To honor the chain of command. We want to make sure that that

00:59:57.900 COO doesn't undermine me, right. As their team lead, but it's good to have that open dialogue and

01:00:03.720 transparency in, in skip levels. The other thing is like the value of town halls, right? It's like,

01:00:09.760 Hey, throw it out. What questions do you guys have for upper, upper management or for the executive

01:00:15.280 team have that dialogue. And then the other thing that we do on a quarterly basis, and we're actually

01:00:20.500 getting ready to do our executive retreat offsite. One of our requirements before we do our executive

01:00:27.460 offsite is that we've met with our divisions and practices, and we've defined that team's critical

01:00:35.960 issues. And then we're bringing it, we're now they're representative and we're going to bring

01:00:41.420 that to the table at the executive level. Now we could do that and that'd be great, but they need

01:00:47.240 to know we did that. Yeah. Right. So it's really important come January that we go, Hey,

01:00:52.860 we heard you, everyone. We discussed, we got, here's the list of the things that you guys said

01:01:00.740 we needed to focus on as an organization. So they know it's actively being acted upon, right? We can

01:01:07.440 ask feedback, but if we don't give them the feedback that, Hey, I got it. And this is now what I'm going

01:01:13.140 to do to be, then they don't think their voice is being heard. Right. And so you need to make sure

01:01:18.800 that you're rolling that back into communication. So then that way they know that those communications

01:01:26.220 happening, maybe a little bit lower down the organizational chain is making its way to the

01:01:31.400 top. And then that way they know that it's not just smoke and mirrors and, you know, and that

01:01:36.480 their voice is being heard. That's good. That's that. I just had one more thought on that is that

01:01:41.100 those, your upper, upper managers, if you want to call them that, or whatever the leaders are in

01:01:46.220 your organization, you need to be speaking with them at least weekly, at least there needs to be

01:01:51.840 constant communication with them and all of your top leaders. And then these other things are,

01:01:59.000 are built to find future leaders and up-and-comers and to hear that voice, like what you're talking

01:02:05.540 about. When I said, have your thumb on the pulse, that's exactly what I was talking about is what you

01:02:09.260 just said. But I think the consistent, constant communication, that's what I call it, CCC,

01:02:14.800 constant, consistent communication with all of your frontline leaders you need to have, and then

01:02:20.360 building things to be able to reach down. You know, and you saw that we were just talking about

01:02:26.560 the main event, right? You guys did that exact thing with having the leadership come in the day

01:02:32.720 before, having that conversation before the rest of the group came in, that, that should always be

01:02:38.420 built into everything that you do, where you have those layers. Yeah, totally. Cool.

01:02:44.160 Guys, good questions. That was fun. Hopefully you didn't rant too long on some of those.

01:02:49.840 Join us if you haven't already, right? So if you're listening to the podcast, but you haven't joined

01:02:53.660 our communities, whether it's the Facebook group or looked into the Iron Council, please do so. I

01:02:58.400 provided those URLs already before. Maybe a couple call to actions. You know, one is the Masculinity

01:03:06.900 Manifesto, Ryan's new book. You can order that online wherever books are sold. So know about that.

01:03:13.100 Subscribe, follow us, whether it's on YouTube or the podcast, but most importantly, just show up

01:03:20.240 powerfully. Let's all band together. Let's show up. Let's support each other. And we're coming to

01:03:27.520 the new year. Don't start January 1. Just start now. There is no such thing as tomorrow. I like that

01:03:34.540 play of words, right? Tomorrow is a word that represents something that doesn't exist. You got now.

01:03:40.320 That's it. So whatever you're doing right now, show up powerfully in regards to what that is.

01:03:46.480 And just constantly show up powerfully throughout your day and be that inspiration to other

01:03:53.140 individuals. Any closing remarks, Sean, before we wrap this up?

01:03:56.500 No, love it. Appreciate you. Always a pleasure.

01:03:59.800 Yeah, for sure. Until Friday on our Friday Field Notes, take action and become the men you were meant to be.

01:04:06.460 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:04:11.120 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 12, 2022

Writing Your Vision, Roles in Your Marriage, and Open Dialogue in Organizations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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