You are the Master of Your Domain ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this episode of Field Notes, Ryan talks about the importance of becoming the master of your domain and how to reclaim and restore masculinity in our society and culture. He also talks about his own struggles with anxiety and depression and how he overcame them.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michleter, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man, which is a movement to reclaim and restore masculinity.
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I want to welcome you here. Whether you've been listening for a very long time, four or five years now, or just tuning in for the very first time, this is going to be, hopefully, and it's my goal, to become a very powerful resource for you in your ability to step up within the walls of your home, your business, your community.
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Wherever you may be showing up as a man. So we've got some great interviews. Guys like Jocko Willink, Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone, Lewis Howes, Dakota Meyer.
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The list is absolutely phenomenal. The lineup of men that have decided to band with us in some capacity because they believe in what we're doing and believe in the importance of masculinity and manliness in this society and culture that seems to be increasingly dismissive of it.
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Right now you're listening to your Friday field notes, excuse me, which is not a, not an interview show, but you get to listen to me and some of my thoughts and ramblings from throughout the week.
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And I think I've got a very interesting one, a good one lined up for you today.
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If I can keep my, uh, my throat clear anyways, uh, we're going to get to that in just a minute.
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I do want to make sure that I mentioned our friends and show sponsors origin, Maine.
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Uh, these guys make Brazilian jujitsu, geese rash guards, uh, but they also do some lifestyle apparel.
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In fact, uh, let's see, I think a couple of days ago, as of the release of this podcast, I actually did a photo shoot because, well, if you know, if you know me, you know that I'm, I'm the perfect male model.
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Um, anyways, I did a photo shoot with these guys, uh, with their denim, uh, their boots.
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And also they just, uh, released or are releasing a denim jacket.
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They're making some incredible products and their factories are here in Maine, just down the road from me.
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Uh, you guys will not be disappointed with, uh, with their products and their service as well.
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If you're interested, check it out, head to origin, Maine.com origin, Maine.com and use the code order at checkout.
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You'll support me and you'll support American manufacturing.
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I want to talk with you about becoming the master of your domain.
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I talk with a lot of guys who aren't behaving this way.
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They, they, they, they aren't the masters of their domain.
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They're not leading in their communities and they're kind of just passerbys.
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Uh, they feel like to a degree that they're not really supposed to be there.
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They feel like they're renting space and they don't feel like they are the master of the areas in which they operate.
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And I can tell you when you feel that way, uh, it's very disheartening.
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It's very uncomfortable, obviously, but it's very disheartening because you have this vision and this idea for the type of man that you want to be in your mind.
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And the way that you're living your life is not in alignment with the vision that you have for yourself.
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And I know for me personally, uh, this was probably nine, 10 years ago, uh, when I was really struggling in my marriage and my business and with my health
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is the most frustrating, disheartening time in my life was when there was this disconnect between who I thought I was or who I had the potential to become.
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And then trying to reconcile that with who I actually was at that time.
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Uh, I think this leads to a lot of anxiety and depression and potentially even suicidal thoughts and attempts within men.
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So the, the, the, the solution to feeling this way is to become the master of your domain.
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Now I hear guys who say, well, I'm an employee.
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That doesn't mean that you can't be a master of your domain because even though you may not have the same capacity as a business owner, for example, or, or, or the boss or the employee or the team leader, that doesn't mean that you don't have a domain.
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You do, you have your cubicle, you have your space, you have your area of operation, and that domain is yours.
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And when you learn to embrace the idea that there, it isn't anybody else's responsibility, that your life and your domain is your responsibility.
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You're going to start moving into the man that you have a desire to become.
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Therefore, your confidence is going to improve and, and your capabilities are going to be more enhanced because you've exhibited some courage towards those things because the confidence allows you to do that.
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It's this compounding effect when you adopt this mindset.
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So today, what I wanted to do is share with you six, uh, takeaways, six keys, if you will, that will help you become the master of your domain.
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Number one, and I'm just going to jump right into this because it's that important.
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Number one is you just have to adopt the mindset.
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Now you can take action and you can move and you can do the things that you're supposed to do or the things that you know you should be doing.
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But if in your mind, you have not adopted the mindset that you are in charge, that it is your space, that is your area of operation.
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When you walk in that door, that house is yours.
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When you walk into your office or into your cubicle, that cubicle is yours.
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Everywhere you show up, you need to learn that that is your space.
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I'm not saying that you need to, to boss people around or be a tyrant or a dictator.
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In fact, I think if anything, those who are masters of their domain understand that leadership is about service.
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You're serving other people, your wife, your children, your clients, your colleagues, your employees, whoever it is that you're interacting with, you're serving them.
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So becoming a master doesn't mean slave driver.
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It means that inside of your head, you realize and understand and you act in accordance with this being your space.
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So as you're driving in your car right now or watching this on your computer, if you're on YouTube or listening to it as you're doing yard work around the house or other chores, things you need to get accomplished.
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I really want you to adopt this mindset however you can, that you are the master, that you are the one in charge, that you are the one responsible.
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And having that mindset wherever you show up, I guarantee will change the way that you show up as you implement these other five steps I'm going to talk with you about today.
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All right, I cannot tell you, and I think this is a very immature thought.
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This is a boy-like behavior, is not taking responsibility for your area of operation, for your domain.
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And let me tell you this, taking responsibility doesn't mean that you're assuming fault.
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There's a difference between fault, taking fault, and taking responsibility for something.
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I fully realize that there's situations outside of your control.
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There's situations that don't always go according to plan.
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It might be external circumstances, things beyond your control.
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But that doesn't mean that you can shirk the responsibility.
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If you want to be a master of your domain, then you have to understand, A, the distinction
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between fault and responsibility, and B, always be willing to take responsibility.
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So if you see something out of alignment or out of order or counter to what it is you're
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trying to accomplish within your domain, it is your obligation and responsibility to accept
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Now, I realize taking responsibility is a challenge.
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Uh, there, there's pressure, obviously there, there's added, uh, challenges that come with
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it, but man, what a powerful, powerful way to operate your life.
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Again, not that you're taking fault, but that for every area, every engagement, every encounter,
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every conversation, every project, every piece of trash you see on the ground, a shopping cart
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If you decide that this is my area of operations and my domain, because I happen to be here in
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this moment, then you will learn to take the responsibility and you will be able to do something
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So many guys are willing to shirk that responsibility and simultaneously, whether they're doing it
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consciously or subconsciously are giving away any power and authority to do something about
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See, if you think it's somebody else's responsibility, then you have to sit with your hands tied behind
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your back, not capable of doing anything that will move the needle because you're waiting on
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I'll tell you the most success I've had in, in, with regards to order of man and other
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businesses and my financial planning practice, and even as an employee and as a father and
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a husband is because I'm willing to take responsibility when nobody else is, when everybody's looking
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around and, and wondering who's going to do what and, and waiting for permission to act.
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I take responsibility for it, whether it's something that is my fault or not.
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You see a problem, you take responsibility for it, and you create and propose solutions
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You will make yourself indispensable if you do it that way.
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And by the way, that's a very important thing to understand is how to make yourself indispensable
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because there's guys who are listening to this.
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Maybe you who are working for a company and think, man, if we have layoffs or, or we have
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these other problems come up, you know, like I'm, I'm going to be out of a job.
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There should always be opportunity for you because you take responsibility more so than
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And this little strategy here will elevate you so much further and above anybody else.
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You need to be very clear about what you stand for, what you don't stand for, what the issues
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are, what the problems are, what your battle is.
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John Eldridge in his book, wild at heart says deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle
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to fight, an adventure to live in a beauty to rescue.
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I want to isolate that first component, a battle to fight.
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What is the hill that you're willing to die on?
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And if you can't answer that question, that's a problem.
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It might just be an indicator that, uh, you, you don't stand for anything and you don't
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And how are you communicating that to other people?
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We're going to talk about that in a minute, but guys, if you haven't thought about your
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vision for your domain, and let's talk about what this might look like your vision for
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the way that your family operates, the way that you and your wife lead your children,
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the way that your children behave, their responsibilities and obligations within the household, yours
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and your wife's responsibilities and obligations within the household, how you're showing up
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at work, how you work with clients, what type of clients you're going to take on and what
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Uh, I just did a podcast and it's not quite out yet.
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I'm going to move a couple of things here so you can see, uh, with Michael Hyatt and
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It's called the vision driven leader is his, is his newest book, uh, which will be out soon.
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And I did a podcast on this, but he talks about having this vision and answering these
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10 questions, which you can listen to in the podcast.
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If you're not subscribed, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss that or anything else.
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But he talks about these 10 questions that you need to ask yourself regarding the vision
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that you have and, and what type of stand you're willing to make.
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And are you willing to die proverbially on that, on that Hill?
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And if the answer is no, you probably ought to consider what it is you're, you're willing
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to do that for when you're that convicted about a mission or a purpose or a battle.
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You're going to be very, very difficult to stop.
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Uh, and you truly do become the master of your, your space and your domain.
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I'm always hesitant to talk about, you know, like the one skill that you need to learn that
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will improve everything else or, or, or, uh, is so much more important than anything else.
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But I will tell you that the better I've gotten at communication, the more effective I've
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been, the more effective father and husband, the more effective podcaster.
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Obviously, uh, the more money that I've made, the more promotions I've secured, the more
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friendships I've been able to build because I've learned to become a great communicator.
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If you've adopted this mindset of becoming the master of your domain, you've taken responsibility.
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You, you've got a vision, you, you know where you're going to make your stand, but you cannot
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You're going to have a very difficult time implementing the strategies and the processes
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I would suggest that you listen to some podcasts or, uh, jump on YouTube and watch some videos
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about communication, uh, that you look at the great communicators, whether it's speeches,
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John F. Kennedy's, uh, speech about what you can do for your country or Martin Luther King
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Uh, you start to study these masterful speakers and presenters and communicators with an eye
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That is delivering that message clearly, concisely, and powerfully, uh, join a Toastmasters, join
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a Rotary club, look for opportunities to present.
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Maybe there's a TEDx conference that you can go to and listen to these speakers, uh, or that
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you could throw your hat in the ring and actually try to present there yourself.
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The more that you can present, the more that you can practice communicating your ideas,
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the better you're going to get at, the more efficient you're going to be.
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And the more effective you are in enlisting other people to your cause guys, no man is
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I realized that we live in this, uh, this lone wolf mentality.
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I'm the, I'm the, the Omega is one that I hear quite often.
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And I'm just telling you, it's like, you don't need to go at this alone.
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You shouldn't go at it alone, but you are going to go at it alone unless you can learn
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how to communicate effectively with other individuals.
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So develop that skill, practice that skill and watch how that helps you become and position
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Number five, be worth following, be worth following.
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Again, you're going to need to enlist other people.
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Uh, unless you're worth following, they simply won't follow you.
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I hear a lot of guys will complain about people, not listening and people, not doing what they
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Well, yeah, if you're not worth following, they're not going to follow you.
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And any behavior that would force people to follow you is tyranny and dictatorship.
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You might be able to get people temporarily, uh, to do what you need them to do.
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For example, if you're a boss or a team leader and you're a dick and nobody likes you and you're
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not worth following, I mean, people are probably going to do what you say, but they're not completely
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committed to the cause because why would they be so they're doing mediocre work?
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They're doing just enough not to get fired, just enough not to be singled out or pointed
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out by you instead learn to be a great communicator.
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And also I would say, this is the formula you ought to be after when it comes to getting
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people to follow you a morality and be capability.
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And I realized that morality in a lot of your eyes is subjective.
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And certainly I think there's some things that maybe, uh, we could disagree on regarding morality.
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But when I say morality, I'm talking about being a virtuous human being.
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Just be a man of your word, work hard, have ethics.
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And if you have any questions about what you should or shouldn't do in a particular circumstance,
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And things have a way of working themselves out.
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If you do what's right, you may expose yourself to, uh, some potential heartache and headache
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short-term, but long-term it's all going to play out.
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Capability obviously is your ability to get the thing done.
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Uh, I heard a great quote from somebody on Instagram.
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Uh, he had left a comment on one of my posts the other day and he said, cause I was talking
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And he said something to the effect of, uh, morality is being able to point out what's
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Capability is being able to do something about it.
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Morality is the ability to point out something that's wrong.
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Capability is the ability to do something about it.
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You can't just be a moral person, like a quote unquote good person and not have the capacity
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to impact your environment, to impact your domain, to become that master of your domain.
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You need to be able to exhibit bravery and courage in the face of, you know, people not
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not, not seeing your vision immediately or some consent, uh, uh, consenting, non-consenting,
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I should say, uh, voices, people that don't agree with you, people that don't see it your
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way, people that, that, that hate on you for what it is you're doing.
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You need to be able to act in the face of that.
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When you see something wrong, do something about it.
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Stop bossing people around and just get the job done, develop new skills, focus on what
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you can do to implement these ideas and be moral.
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When you're that type of individual, I promise you all of these other things are going to
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People are going to be excited about where you're going.
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Uh, you've taken responsibility and now you're actually influential in their life.
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And the last point, point number six, and this is a little counterintuitive based on
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But number six is you need to have a willingness to walk alone.
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Now I'm not telling you always should, and I'm not telling you this is the end result
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or objective, but I am telling you that if you can't learn to walk alone at times, you're
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going to have a very, very difficult time doing any something meaningful, anything meaningful
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You have to be able to walk alone because when you start a project or a mission or you're
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pivoting gears or you're changing who you are within your family dynamic or your work
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environment, people aren't going to believe in you initially because you might frankly
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have a track record that says you're not somebody worth believing.
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I know that might sound frustrating to you, but look, the reality is the reality.
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You've spent 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years, uh, operating in a certain way, a certain mindset,
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and people are responding to you based on how you've been acting.
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And all of a sudden, if you start to change who you are by implementing these strategies
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and everything else that we talk about within order of man, people aren't going to initially
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You need to be willing to walk that path alone.
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When I started order of man five years ago, nobody except for my wife and even her, she
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had questions about it, but nobody believed in what I was doing.
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People thought it was stupid or that it was silly and it wasn't needed and they didn't
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You know, these are people who just didn't understand or didn't care to understand or cared
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about me and didn't want to see me throw away my financial planning practice that I had
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And I held no ill will against these individuals, but you know what?
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A lot of these same individuals are my biggest supporters now.
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They're the people who send me messages and say, Hey Ryan, I really appreciate what you're
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These are the types of messages I get from people because I was willing to walk alone.
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I was willing to go against the current, against the grain.
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It's a hard thing to do because everybody's going to tell you not to do it.
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And I don't think the overwhelming majority of people are devious in their desires for
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I just think that they have some, some, their own self-esteem issues.
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A lot of people just care about you and don't want to see you mess up.
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I mean, who wants to see their friends and their family mess up?
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That doesn't make you the master of your domain.
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And it makes you produce mediocre at best results.
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Like I had mentioned in point number three, and you need to be willing to walk alone for
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And you know what, if you do and you stay true to your purpose and you stay true to your
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mission and true to what you want to accomplish and, and, and the fact that you want to be
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a king of your environment, every environment that you show up, people will begin to follow
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And whether they vocalize it or not, they'll begin to see it.
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And they'll act in accordance with your ability to lead yourself.
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And if we want to do that, then we have to adopt number one, this mindset that wherever
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Uh, I remember my stepfather, uh, he was, he was, he played football, uh, and he was
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Um, and I remember we were talking about going up for a football for a pass, you know, as a
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linebacker, if the quarterback's throwing it to a receiver, that's coming across the
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middle, he said, Ryan, you have every right to that ball.
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As much as the receiver's trying to catch it, you have just as much right to go after that
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That is a very, if you think about that, just like stop for a second and think about that.
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You have every right to achieve the results that you're after.
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Now, whether you exercise it or not is up to you, but you have the right to that.
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And I want you to be the master of your domain.
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I want you, when you show up in your house and you walk through that door, you walk through
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like a damn King of that castle because that's who you are.
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When you go to bed with your wife and you want to be intimate, that you are the master
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of that domain, that you, that you're assertive, that you take charge, that you, uh, that you,
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you show up the way that you want to show up the way that she wants you to show up.
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When you walk into your office, I want you to walk up with your chest out, your shoulders
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back, and you walk in there like you own the damn place, whether you do or not.
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And this isn't a show, by the way, I'm not talking about faking it till you make it.
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I'm talking about adopting these six strategies so that you feel confident doing that.
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And you feel like you have the right to do that.
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When you walk into the store, I want people to stop and look at you and wonder, what is
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Again, not fault, not the burden of blame or fault responsibility.
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You need to take responsibility for your actions.
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Take responsibility for the environment around you.
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If you see a piece of trash on the floor, yeah, maybe you didn't throw that piece of trash
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If there's a cart hanging out in the, in the parking lot and it's like not in its place,
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Oh, because Ryan, it's not my, it's not my fault.
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Well, what if you decided to take responsibility for it?
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Andy Frisilla, he talks about pee droplets on the toilet.
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Now, a lot of guys are going to have a hard time connecting that.
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Like what is wiping the toilet seat off have to do with being a master of your domain?
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I'm telling you, if you adopt it in the mindset of these like small, seemingly insignificant
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issues, like putting the cart away or picking up a piece of trash or wiping the seat
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off, like you're going to implement that in other facets of your life.
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You're going to, you're going to talk with your clients more assertively.
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You're going to get the education and the training and the schooling and the skill sets
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Number three, make a stand, have a vision for what you want to accomplish.
00:27:00.120
Number four, communicate that effectively to the people who will be impacted by the decisions
00:27:04.740
that you're going to be making your wife, your children, your employees, your colleagues,
00:27:08.740
your coworkers, your clients, your friends, whoever is going to be impacted by what you're
00:27:13.920
Be able to communicate that effectively and gain that, gain that knowledge, which leads into
00:27:18.340
point number five is be worth following morality and capability.
00:27:23.800
If you're not a moral human being, nobody's going to follow you.
00:27:25.600
You might be the best, whatever salesman, power lifter, jujitsu practitioner, communicator.
00:27:34.280
But if you're not moral, people aren't going to tune, tune into it.
00:27:38.100
And you can't just be moral without having some sort of capability to go with it.
00:27:44.120
And point number six is have that willingness to walk alone because you'll need to, if you're
00:27:48.840
making improvements and changes in your life, you're going to notice very quickly that
00:27:52.580
people are going to be hesitant to follow you might be because your track record.
00:27:56.680
It might be an indicator of something that they may be dealing with, but for whatever
00:28:00.320
reason, you're going to walk alone for a while and it's okay.
00:28:04.340
And if you are okay with it and you walk alone and you follow these other five steps, in addition
00:28:09.100
to that six step, you're going to find you're not going to walk alone for long because people
00:28:15.960
They're going to recognize you as the master, the king of your domain, and they're going to want
00:28:24.760
I mean, 30 minutes isn't a lot of time to talk about these issues, but you know what?
00:28:28.660
If you like what we have to share, you can do a couple of different things.
00:28:35.040
We're talking about this every single week and they're very powerful strategies for you
00:28:40.920
In addition, I would encourage you to join our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council.
00:28:45.840
This is a band of brothers, 500 and I want to say 30 members roughly.
00:28:49.980
Give or take, uh, who are all leading themselves, leading each other, communicating about this
00:28:55.980
stuff, developing new skillsets, uh, holding each other accountable and putting each other's
00:29:00.300
feet to the fire on what it is they want to accomplish.
00:29:02.360
And it's a very, very powerful way for you to band with other men who want to achieve
00:29:08.540
You can check that out at order of man.com slash iron council.
00:29:12.760
Guys, we'll be back on Tuesday of next week for another powerful, powerful interview.
00:29:18.840
And as a parting note, I would also ask that you leave a rating and review goes a very,
00:29:26.400
If you would, uh, for promoting the visibility of the show.
00:29:29.380
So give us a five-star rating, give us a quick review, tell us how good this show is.
00:29:39.480
If you're on YouTube, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.
00:29:43.940
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:29:46.840
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:29:50.860
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.