You Are What You Do | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
You are a man of action. You live life to the fullest. You embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. You are not easily deterred or defeated. This is your life, this is who you are. And at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler.
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I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast movement. When I started this movement
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eight years ago, it was my goal to help equip you with the tools and resources, conversations,
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everything that you and I needed as men to thrive and become better in our families, our businesses,
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our communities. And over the past eight years, I've learned a lot. I've grown a lot. I've stumbled
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along the way. I'm sure you have too. This is not a movement about me being perfect or you being
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perfect. This is a movement about us as men being on the path. And it is increasingly obvious. And it
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was eight years ago. It's even more so today that society, culture, governments, educational
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institutions aren't interested in having you and I step up as men until it hits the fan, until things
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go wrong, until we as men are needed. And in my book in 2016 or 2017 called Sovereignty, the Battle
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for the Hearts and Minds of Men, I wrote an analogy there. And it seems to me like this is increasingly
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happening is that men are being put up on the wall. And you see these in buildings, commercial
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buildings. You see these in hotels. The axe or the fire extinguisher or the fire hose is up mounted
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on the wall and it's behind glass. And the writing says, in case of emergency, break here. And it seems
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to me that we as men have been put behind that glass only to be, quote unquote, let out when there's an
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emergency. Well, guys, that ain't going to cut it. It's not going to cut it for the people that care
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about us, the people that love us and the people that we're trying to serve. So it's my mission to give
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you everything that you need to thrive, to win, to succeed. I haven't implemented these things 100%. I wish I
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could say that I did. I have not, but I'm on the path. I'm working to improve. And I hope this is
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serving you as well. Guys, glad to have you here today. We're going to talk about what you do is
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who you are. Okay. What, what said differently is who you are. Can't talk today. You are what you do.
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There we go. You are what you do. That's it. That's the bottom line. I bring this up because so often
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we as men tend to believe that we aren't certain things you can fill in the blank. I've said it
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before in my own life. I'm not a hunter. I'm not a writer. I'm not a runner. I'm not a good dad,
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whatever. We all come up with these lies and they are, they're delusions about our own performance.
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And we say, I'm not this. And so today I'm going to talk with you about five principles that you need
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to adopt into your life so that you can stop saying, I am not fill in the blank and instead have
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something that's going to be more empowering for you as you look to grow and develop and excel.
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So we've all heard the quote, and I think it's often attributed to Aristotle. I don't actually
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believe it was Aristotle who said it. And I can't tell you who it was right off hand. I should have
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been a little bit more prepared, but the quote is this. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence,
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therefore is not an act, but a habit. Guys, whatever we repeatedly do is what we are,
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is who we are. Now, some people will say, no, your thoughts determine who you are.
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I don't believe that's true because if you've ever had a glimpse into my brain, into my mind,
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that isn't always a lovely picture. And I'm sure it's the same for you. There's a lot of thoughts
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that come to my mind. There's a lot of devious, dubious thoughts and behaviors that cycle through
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my brain if I'm being honest, but I don't act on those things. I don't act on every little
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inhibition or every little thought that comes into my mind because I would not be a refined
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gentleman who can take his natural ability to be masculine and drive it towards helpful outcomes,
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which is what I would call manliness. So it isn't our thought process. Yes, we should continually be
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working to improve our thought process, but it's not just our thoughts. It's what they translate
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into. And that requires refinement. That requires tempering. That requires patience and empathy
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and care for other people. That requires a sense of duty and responsibility and obligation. So it
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isn't just about what you think. It's about what you actually do. And one thing I often hear from men
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is this concept of imposter syndrome. It stalls them out. It hinders growth because they feel like,
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I'm not a good dad. Okay. Maybe you're not the greatest dad. Like, like I am not that I'm the
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greatest dad, that I'm not the greatest dad. Let me be very clear about this. And, and so does that
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mean that it's going to keep us from trying to improve? Well, you know, I I'm just afraid somebody
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will find me out and I'm, I'm not a great entrepreneur. I'm not a great business owner.
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I'm not a great C level of executive. I'm not a great athlete. I'm not a great hunter. I'm not a great
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this. I'm not a great that guys stop saying that. How do you overcome imposter syndrome?
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Easy. Don't be an imposter. So we do that in one of two ways. Number one, we exercise humility.
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We don't tell people or lead people to believe that we're better than we actually are
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because deep down in your soul, you know, your own performance. And if you're trying to deceive
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others and yourself, it's not going to go well. And at some point we're all going to be found out.
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Number two, continually working on improving in whatever department you feel like an imposter
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will help you overcome that. So instead of saying, I feel like an imposter, I better retreat.
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No, the answer is I feel like an imposter. So I better work on these things so that I am in
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integrity with the way that I want to show up in the world. Now, the reason I started thinking about
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this today is in my living room, which is just out the door here. I've got a huge shoulder
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mounted moose that my oldest son and I shot last year. And it came earlier in the week.
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And it was interesting as it came in, I caught myself being very excited about having that moose
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because it represents a mission accomplished. It represents time with my son. Like there's a lot
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of representation in having that moose and we're going to mount him on the wall. He's going to look
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amazing. But I also caught myself not only in the present, but in the past saying, well, I'm not a
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hunter. And the other day I had this big moose. It's four feet wide by four feet deep by four feet
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tall. It's massive. And I had this big moose in my room and the, the evidence was, was unequivocal
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that I am a hunter. And I'd gotten so used to saying, I'm not a hunter. Well, that isn't true
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because that moose out there in my living room says otherwise. And then when I was looking at this,
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thinking about this and contemplating this concept of I'm not a, or the imposter syndrome,
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I started looking around the walls. I've got a beautiful white tail that I shot in Minnesota
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several years ago. My son's got his white tail that he, his very first white tail that he shot
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in Pennsylvania three or four years ago. I've got a beautiful goat head right here that him and I shot
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earlier in the year, maybe three months ago. And we worked our asses off for that thing. I've got
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another goat out there. I've got a sheep out there. I've got axis deer out there.
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These are all memories that prove that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a hunter.
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The same is true when it comes to writing. You know how many times I told myself, I'm not a writer.
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I'm not a writer. I'm not good at this. I shouldn't do this. Who are you to think?
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You know what? I've got two books out that have done very, very well. So who am I to say? I'm not
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a writer. I'm a published author. I have books that have done very well with the people that I'm
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trying to serve. And I don't say that to brag. I say that to prove to you that there's facets of
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your life where you're telling yourself, I'm not good at these things. I'm not a runner. I'm not a
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writer. I'm not a hunter. I'm not an athlete. I'm not an entrepreneur. But if you look around at the
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data, it suggests otherwise. So what are you going to believe? Your own mind that plays tricks on you
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and tries to deceive you at times? Or are you going to believe the data that supports that you
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are in fact what you say you're not? Same thing is true with running. As I've prepared for different
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events, running events and Spartan races and jujitsu camps and other things that I've done,
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I can't in all honesty say I'm not athletic. I am. I can't in honesty say I'm not a hunter. I am.
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I can't in honesty say that I'm not a writer. I am. Guys, we are what we repeatedly do.
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Runners run. Hunters hunt. Writers write. So if you're doing those things, then you are those
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things. Now, let's get into the principles. I've got five of them to share with you today.
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Number one is your action dictates who you are. We've talked a lot about this. I don't think I
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need to beat a dead horse on this. Again, it's not what you say you'll do. It's not what you think
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about. It's what you actually do and more specifically, the results that you produce.
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So if you want to be an entrepreneur and you're going out and you make a sale,
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like you build a product or a service or an offering to somebody and you sell it,
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guess what you are now? You are an entrepreneur. Now, are you the greatest entrepreneur to ever
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grace this earth? No, but you are an entrepreneur and that's empowering. That gives us fodder for
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continued growth because we feel good about ourselves. And guys, it's okay to feel good about
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your growth. You have two opposite ends of the camp that I've seen. And this permeates much of
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social media where everybody's like, oh, you're beautiful just the way you are. And you're
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perfect. You're not perfect. And you know that I'm not perfect. I'm not going to walk around and
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pretend like my shit don't stink. It does. Okay. I haven't always been successful in life. I've
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fallen and I've faltered. And some of it has been private and some of it has been very public.
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Okay. So I'm not perfect, but I'm working on improving myself, but I'm also not a complete
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pile of trash either. I think I talked about this last week or the week before, like you're not a
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complete worthless sack of shit. You are valuable, inherently valuable right now it's stored or, or,
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or potential energy. And like I said, a couple of weeks ago, you need to translate that over into
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kinetic energy or moving energy. But again, your actions dictate who you are. Number two,
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the mindset here is that you need to be willing to look like a novice. So many guys won't do it
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because of their fragile egos. They won't go to jujitsu because they're worried about how they'll
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look. They won't sign up for the Spartan race because they're worried they won't complete it.
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They won't start a business because they're worried no clients will buy anything from them.
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They won't go to the gym because they're worried about how they look compared to the guy who's been
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going to the gym every day for the last 10 years. They won't go on a hunt because they feel like
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they're going to miss the shot. They won't write a book because they don't know what to say or how
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to say it. And they feel like nobody will read it because we're so consumed with what everybody
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else thinks about us that it often and overwhelmingly hinders our own ability to move forward. Now,
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people will say, well, you know, Ryan, I'm not a blank. I'm not a writer. Nobody was a writer.
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You think you came out of your mama's womb with a pen in your hand and, and a Shakespearean like
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voice. Of course not. Nobody was, you know, what all the great writers did. They started,
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you know, what all the great hunters I'm talking about guys like Cameron Haynes, who I know you're
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familiar with. He's been on the podcast, John Dudley, who's been on the podcast, you know,
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all these great hunters, Jim Shockey, who's coming on the podcast next month. These guys that we hear
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of in the hunting community, at one point they went on their first hunt. At one point they made a bad
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shot and they injured an animal or missed completely. It's like, we didn't, we weren't born amazing.
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And it's hard to look at people who are further down the path than you and imagine that at some
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point they were in the same position you were, but that's the truth. That's the reality. It's often
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been said with regards to jujitsu, that a black belt is nothing more than a white belt who never quit.
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You understand? That's it. You just never quit. You're willing to look like a novice.
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You're willing to look a little foolish. I would suggest that you open your idea or your mind to
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asking good questions of other people. And at some point you will be the guy, you will be the man,
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you will be the black belt in whatever area of life you're after. Number three is that we need to wrap
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our heads around this concept of excuses that we often create in our own lives. And the, I'm not a
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blank is often an excuse. It's nothing more than that. It's your, your mind's way, your body's way,
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your soul's way of keeping you from danger. That's all it is. I'm not a writer. Well, why would you say
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that? Because it's a threat. Like if you want to write a book and you're saying to yourself, I'm not a
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writer, writing a book is a threat to your ego. And so rather than saying, Oh yeah, I can do this.
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I'm, I'm, I'm accomplished and I'm successful and I have something to say and I can figure it out
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because I'm somewhat intelligent because that's going to expose you to risk. Rather than saying
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that, what you say is I'm not a writer. I probably shouldn't do this. Well, no, you should do it.
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You're just making up excuses as to why you're not going to do it because you're afraid.
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And fear is not a bad thing. Fear really is not a bad thing, but we need to understand what the
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fear is telling us. Is it telling us that you're going to do something that's going to push you
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outside of your comfort zone? Or is it telling you that you're going to do something that might
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get you killed? Because that's the differentiator. And if it's something that might get you killed,
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you probably ought to think twice about doing that thing. But if it's something that is going to push
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you outside of your comfort zone, then maybe the fear is a great indicator that you're about to do
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something that you've never done before, which will expose you to a new set of ideas,
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a new group of people, and a new way of looking at life that might push you a little further than
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you currently are. Take jujitsu, for example. I can't tell you how often I hear from guys who are
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like, yeah, I don't know. What should I do at my first class? I'm worried. I'm concerned.
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Get over it. You don't need to ask what you should do at your first class. You don't need to say
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you're afraid about all these things. I know you are, and that's fine. But sack up. Yeah,
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we're all afraid when we go do something that puts us in a position where we might look foolish.
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So what? Be courageous. Be bold. Be daring. Be assertive. Go live your life. Yeah,
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we're all scared. You don't need a bunch of information to overcome your fear. You just
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need to make a decision to overcome your fear. So don't ask people like, oh, what should I expect?
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I don't know. What should I expect? Is it going to be hard? And like, I'm 52 years old,
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and it's like that too much? Bullshit. All excuses. All these little games that your mind
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plays on you. All these little tricks to keep you from doing what you want to do, which is to go to
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jujitsu, which is to write the book, which is to ask the woman on a date, which is to start the
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business, which is to ask for the promotion. Just go do it. Stop with the excuses. You can
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recognize that they're there, but you don't need to feed into them. You don't need to buy into them.
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Number four, what you say about yourself matters. Okay. Now I've told you that I'm not a blank is an
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excuse, but if you start saying that to yourself and you do that enough, you're going to start to
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believe your own bullshit. You're going to start to believe that that mantra of I am not a writer,
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for example, is true. And where do you go from there? I'm not a writer. Okay. Well, where do we
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go from there? Nowhere. That's the point of saying that. Like it keeps you from going where you want
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to go. So what we say about ourselves matters. If you start telling yourself you're horrible X,
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Y, and Z, that's self-fulfilling prophecy. You're going to do things to sabotage your own results because
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you bought into the idea that you're horrible at whatever that thing is. Conversely, if you suggest
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to yourself that, Hey, I'm capable of learning this, you see the distinction. I didn't tell you
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to say I'm good at this because that's a lie too. We're not going to lie to ourselves. So some people
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will say, Oh, you have to have these, you know, these affirmations, like I'm good at this. I'm
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special. I'm amazing. That might not be true either. So let's not lie to ourselves because then we
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create internal dialogue that keeps us from progressing. Instead, when I know I'm not
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comfortable with something or I'm not proficient enough in something, or I'm not as good as I would
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like to be in an asset area of life, I don't say to myself, I'm good at it. I say to myself,
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I'm capable of figuring this out. I'm capable of learning this. I'm interested in doing this.
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This sounds fun. This sounds enjoyable. This sounds challenging in a good way. This will push the
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needle. This will help me get better. This will help me improve. Those are all true. They're not
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lies. I'm not saying I'm a sack of shit, but I'm not saying I'm awesome and amazing at the thing
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either because neither are true. But the reality is I can figure it out. And how do I know that?
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Because I've got 42 years of figuring shit out. 42 years of proof that I'm still here. I'm still
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fighting. I'm still kicking. I'm still living my life. And I'm still succeeding in a lot of facets
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of my life. So I can take those lessons where I've succeeded in something that I've never done before.
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And I can say, well, you know what? I did that. I wrote a pretty successful book. I think I could
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probably write another one. I've been able to connect with hundreds, almost a thousand different
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men on this podcast now. I think I can reach out to some heavy hitters because I've got a track
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record of success. Like guys, look at what you've done. Now it's hard when you look and you see that
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you're in the midst of a divorce or a medical problem or some financial troubles or you're
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laid off from work or any number of things that could ail us on a daily basis. It's hard to look
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through that. But the reality is you're still here, man. You're still kicking. You're still alive.
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There's still a lot of fight in you regardless of where you are in your journey. There's still more in
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you. And there's proof. If you look, there's proof that suggests that you're capable of things
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greater than what you're currently doing. Guys, the last thing I would suggest to you is that the
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proximity principle counts. If you want to know more about the proximity principle, go visit my friend
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Ken Coleman. He's with Dave Ramsey's team, the Ramsey Solutions. And he wrote a book, among others,
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called The Proximity Principle. And he talks about the power of being in the right places with the right
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people. Now, short of saying that this stuff is going to be picked up through osmosis,
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the people that you surround yourself with are inevitably going to wear off on you.
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If you're surrounded by losers and pessimists and people who are always hurt or angry or sad,
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it's only a matter of time before you're that type of person. If, on the other hand,
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you're around optimists and you're around successful people and you're around entrepreneurs
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and you're around athletic people and fit people and people that care about self-development
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and people that care about their own improvement and people that care about serving others and
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people who are Christian, if that's what you are. The more that you surround yourself with the kind
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of person you want to be, the more likely it is that you're going to be that kind of person.
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The proximity principle matters. So, take a good look at your own life. If you want to be a writer,
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you better get around writers. If you want to be strong and fit, you better get your ass into the
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gym because that's where the strong and fit people are. Or sign up for a Spartan race or a marathon or
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a Ragnar or any number of these things that these guys do. If you want to start a business,
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find the chamber of commerce in your city and join the chamber of commerce even before you have a
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business. Because the proximity principle counts. If you're not achieving what you want to achieve
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in any metric or any measure of life, then look around you and ask who in my immediate circle is
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achieving what I want to achieve. And more than likely, it's probably going to be no one. And if
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that's the case, you need to adjust that. How do you do that? How do you do that? How do you get
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around these guys? You have a podcast. Easy for you to say. Well, I didn't always have the podcast,
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but how do you do it? You add value to their lives. You comment on their social media. You
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download their newsletter or subscribe for their newsletter. You buy their programs. You buy their
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courses. You go to their events. You get into their masterminds. It's not hard. I mean, it's
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going to cost you a little time and money, but anything worth doing is going to be worth an
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investment that you're going to have to make. I can't tell you how often guys are like,
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hey, I really want to be better, but I can't really invest in myself. What do you want me to do about
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that? You're not investing in yourself now, which is why you're producing the results that you're
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producing. So if you want to produce different results, you have to invest in yourself a little
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differently, a lot differently than you currently are. Listen to podcasts. Podcasts are free. Books
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are free at the library. Newsletters are free. And then you start to get in your paid stuff, which is
00:21:41.820
a one-time program, a course that's available, a mastermind, a little bit more might be individual
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group coaching, might be an event that you go to, but there's tiers to this. And then the top tier
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is hiring a personal individual one-on-one coach. It's going to cost you a lot of money. It's going
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to be worth it because they've proven that they can do this for other people and they can certainly do
00:22:01.520
it for you. So guys, let's knock it off with the, I'm not a blank. I don't want to ever hear anybody
00:22:07.640
else who ever listens to this podcast to say that again, unless you're not willing to do the work.
00:22:12.780
If you're like, I'm not a runner and you're not willing to do the work, then I guess that's true.
00:22:17.580
But if you want to be a runner or you want to be a better husband, or you want to be a business owner,
00:22:22.880
or you want to be an athlete, or you want to be an author, or you want to be a hunter and figure it
00:22:28.160
out, stop telling yourself you're not and start telling yourself that you're capable of doing it.
00:22:33.580
The five points again is your actions dictate who you are. Number two, you have to have a willingness
00:22:38.400
to look like a novice. Number three, the I'm not a blank is nothing more than excuse to keep you
00:22:43.620
from doing that thing. Number four, what you say about yourself matters because you're going to
00:22:48.620
start to believe it. And number five, the proximity principle counts. Guys, I hope that serves you.
00:22:53.520
I do want to put a shameless plug. We're opening up the iron council in the next two-ish weeks.
00:22:59.220
And I would love to see you in there speaking about investing in the proximity principle.
00:23:03.600
Guys, being around other men who don't necessarily have everything figured out,
00:23:07.320
but there's a framework, a proven systematic framework for achieving more in your life.
00:23:13.880
Proximity principle, learning new things, doing things you're not comfortable with,
00:23:18.480
holding yourself accountable, holding other men accountable, being willing to have them hold
00:23:23.160
you accountable, being willing to look like a novice. These are all things that are available
00:23:27.220
inside of our brotherhood, the iron council. We've got a thousand guys in there working hard to
00:23:33.040
improve themselves. And I want you to be there in there with us. So if you go to orderinman.com,
00:23:37.240
slash iron council, you're going to drop your email in there. And then I'm going to send you an email
00:23:41.420
probably on the 14th, 13th, 14th of September and let you know we're open for enrollment.
00:23:48.040
And I would love to have you there because I think you're going to add value to what we're doing.
00:23:52.040
And I think you're going to be served by being there. And I know you want to get better because
00:23:55.900
you would not be listening to this podcast if you didn't want to improve in your life.
00:23:59.480
And that's one way that you can invest in yourself and improve your life. And in the meantime,
00:24:04.720
improve the lives of thousands of other men who are in there, who have been in there and who will
00:24:10.800
come after you. Go to orderinman.com slash iron council. All right, guys, that's what I've got for
00:24:15.960
you today. I will be back next week for another fascinating interview. Until then, let's go out there.
00:24:22.600
Let's take action. Let's remember that we are what we do. And let's become the man we are meant to be.
00:24:29.520
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:24:34.020
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.