Order of Man - You Keep What You Defend, Boundaries for Work-Life Balance, and Getting Out of Your Box ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.920 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.260 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.940 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.420 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you. I know we had a long weekend

00:00:27.460 together, but it's always good to see you, even though I spent the last 72 hours or so with you.

00:00:31.780 Yeah, it's a little weird to hop on the podcast when literally I did see you just yesterday.

00:00:36.820 Yeah, we should have. I was going to say we should have done it when we were in person,

00:00:40.760 but man, we were so busy with what was going on with the event and everything. It wasn't possible

00:00:45.620 to do that. You have a talent in making these events feel like they're a month.

00:00:54.620 I remember the first time or what?

00:00:57.460 No, it's just there's so much happening that when you walk away, you're like,

00:01:01.820 whoa, man, we've only been here for three days. It's like, I thought we were here for like two

00:01:06.980 weeks. So, action-packed, a lot going on. Intentional, right?

00:01:14.220 Yeah. No, I think the men and the sons had a great time. So, it's really cool. Hey, I did want

00:01:19.240 to mention really quickly, the Iron Council is open for this week only, and then we close it out.

00:01:25.000 Look, I've had a lot of conversations over the past several months with guys who might be struggling

00:01:30.520 with addiction or relationship issues or business issues or depression, so many different things.

00:01:39.600 And obviously, just having other men in your corner who get it, right? Who have been through what you're

00:01:46.440 going through, who have come out the other side, who have empathy and even compassion for what you're

00:01:53.660 going through, but can share it in a masculine way, which you probably really won't get anywhere else

00:01:58.480 unless you cultivate that. It's so crucial to have guys in your corner. And that's what we find through

00:02:07.960 our events. That's what we find in the Iron Council. I mean, the guys that are banding together,

00:02:11.580 talking with each other, connecting face-to-face, doing challenging things. They've got assignments

00:02:16.440 that keep them on track for focused learning and growth. It's an incredible thing. Obviously,

00:02:21.980 I'm a bit biased, but I'm a big recipient of what we do there too.

00:02:26.740 Yeah. And we even have this conversation internally in the Iron Council. What we're doing there should

00:02:32.200 never be in conflict with what's important in your life. So, if you're dealing with something in

00:02:38.700 particular, make that the focus and use the framework of the Iron Council, the battle plans

00:02:43.920 and the battle teams to support the stuff that you're dealing with or what you're about.

00:02:50.460 They should never be in conflict. We're all about focusing on what's most important.

00:02:56.040 And that requires, sometimes it requires pivoting. Guys may start a quarter kind of focused one way

00:03:01.600 and life shifts on them and they need to pivot appropriately so they can be addressing the top

00:03:06.200 issues. So, you should never be in conflict. Yeah. Not in conflict, but it's complimentary to

00:03:12.140 what it's just going to help you be better in other facets of your life. So, you want to get

00:03:18.300 your fitness locked in? Great. Join the fitness channel and nutrition channel and you get all

00:03:22.580 that locked in. You want to dial in your relationship? Great. Relationship channels,

00:03:26.200 communication channels, so many different things we're talking about in there. So, check it out.

00:03:30.140 Order of Man.com slash Iron Council. Order of Man.com slash Iron Council. Just a couple more days.

00:03:35.500 Yep. And to be very clear, you said it'll close. So, that's for the rest of the year. So,

00:03:40.600 it's going to be open for this week and then close for the rest of the year and won't open back up

00:03:45.500 until right before the new year. So, just kind of keep that in mind.

00:03:49.380 Yeah, that's right. Cool.

00:03:51.080 Excellent. So, we're going to get questions from the Foundry, really from the Iron Council.

00:03:57.240 So, we have a handful of questions and we'll go ahead and dive into those. Anything else,

00:04:00.900 sir, before we get into those questions?

00:04:02.360 Yeah. Let me just explain what the Foundry is because we've said that before. Guys might not

00:04:06.380 know.

00:04:06.700 I keep mentioning it. Yeah.

00:04:07.880 It's cool. You know, you're all familiar with the Facebook group and Facebook groups in general.

00:04:13.600 The problem with Facebook, let me start with the positives. The positive Facebook group is that

00:04:18.640 you can have a focused discussion around a topic like being better men or fitness or shooting or

00:04:23.980 whatever your thing is. The problem is kind of like the wild, wild west. And you have some really

00:04:31.120 good advice and you have some really crappy advice. You have some guys with good intentions. You have

00:04:35.220 some guys probably with bad intentions or at least not qualified to give feedback or offer feedback. 0.99

00:04:41.580 Some real jerks happen to be in groups. It just happens because it's an open public forum. 0.96

00:04:48.160 So, it just happens. The Foundry is similar to social media platforms in that we can have those

00:04:58.140 focused discussions. We have a timeline that people or a feed, whatever you want to call it,

00:05:03.100 that you can go in and curate to a degree, talk about what topics are interesting to you,

00:05:08.560 join different channels, join a battle team. The difference is everybody has a vested interest

00:05:15.260 in being there. And primarily, they're paying to be there. So, it's not the wild, wild west. It's

00:05:20.920 men who've actually paid to invest in themselves and to invest in other people. So, that little

00:05:29.340 barrier alone significantly increases the quality of the conversations that we're having. Plus,

00:05:35.620 there's frameworks that we teach like asking better questions, using the plans and the tools and

00:05:43.080 the systems that we have in place that allow for deeper, more meaningful conversation rather than

00:05:47.820 just this nonsense that we see so often spouted on Facebook and other social media platforms.

00:05:53.420 So, the Foundry is in a way a social media platform, but it's a closed platform only available

00:05:59.240 to members of our Iron Council. Perfect.

00:06:04.740 John Danik, what are your thoughts on the current FBI raids on conservative and Christian men?

00:06:10.840 I don't... Look, I don't know. I mean, I hear that in the news and I see articles about it and

00:06:18.160 obviously... Well, here's what I'll say. I just don't know enough about it. I don't know if there's

00:06:24.900 legitimate reasons. I know that faith in government institutions, including our law enforcement

00:06:30.700 institutions, are at an all-time low. And I think there's some very legitimate reasons for that.

00:06:35.460 I had a visit from the FBI myself and they didn't raid my place. There was nothing

00:06:41.740 to raid us about, but the fact that they came and knocked on my door says something about what's

00:06:47.680 going on considering we've never done anything illegal or questionable. So, I don't know what's

00:06:59.540 happening. I mean, I think I know what's happening, but I'm just not qualified enough to give that

00:07:03.940 advice. But if the FBI is in fact targeting Christian conservative organizations and groups,

00:07:11.380 yeah, that's highly problematic to put it mildly. So, let's make sure that we get to the polling

00:07:19.500 plate or not the voting booths and vote and run for office and get involved in your communities

00:07:25.780 so that we can start making some of these changes that need to be made. But I don't know enough about

00:07:30.500 the specific conversations or topics or instances you're talking about to be intelligent enough to

00:07:35.520 give you an informed answer on that one. Dustin Mayberry, how do you know when you should leave a

00:07:42.700 steady paycheck for your own business? I am a trade show designer for a Fortune 500 company. I

00:07:47.740 recently had a friend ask me to design a booth for them, which is opening a few other doors to start

00:07:53.080 my own business, including another company's PR department asking to be a design and build their

00:07:58.620 booth. In your opinion, do I fully jump into an independent trade show design and event market

00:08:04.840 business before income can replace my current job? Or do I wait until there are enough hours in the

00:08:10.420 date to do both and everything else in my battle plan before leaving the current career?

00:08:16.340 Well, there's never going to be enough hours in the day to do both. So, what are you waiting for?

00:08:21.200 Some time where now there's 27 hours in the day instead of 24? That's not going to happen.

00:08:26.760 So, and to say, well, you know, I'm busy right now. It's a busy season, so it'll get easier in two

00:08:32.540 months. That's not true either. It's just- It usually never happens that way.

00:08:36.280 Not even usually. It just never happens. Like something else is going to fill that time.

00:08:42.140 So, let's not wait. Let's be smart about this. Now, here's what I would say. From a logical

00:08:48.640 perspective, you could very easily make the case that you either need to have the income that would

00:08:55.140 replace your current income. If that's happening, good to go. Or if there's a discrepancy, let's say

00:09:00.160 you're making $10,000 a month right now and through the business, you're only making $5,000. You have

00:09:05.280 a $5,000 discrepancy. If you have $60,000 saved aside in a bank, that's going to give you 12 months

00:09:12.420 to grow and replace that income. That's a very logical way to look at that. And that's a very feasible

00:09:18.820 possibility. The thing that we don't really consider is when you do spend more time on the business,

00:09:24.160 actually that timeframe will speed up. So, if you're half and half, or let's say you're doing

00:09:31.200 80% with your work right now and 20% with your side business, and you think it's going to take

00:09:35.700 12 months, well, if you go to 50-50, it might only take you eight months because you're spending more

00:09:40.900 time in that new business. So, take that into consideration. That's personally what I would

00:09:45.360 do. I would burn the candle at both ends, not waiting for time to open up miraculously, but carve out

00:09:52.180 time in the morning, lunch breaks, be more efficient with your time at work, after work.

00:09:57.720 Do all of the things that you need to do for the other business now while you have this income coming

00:10:01.740 in and give yourself a deadline. Hey, by December, I'm going to be making $7,000 a month in this side

00:10:09.160 business, or I'm going to actually transfer over in December. But give yourself a timeline and then

00:10:13.900 start working backwards into what you need to do today. But I would say burn the candle at both ends,

00:10:18.140 go through a season of just busting your butt so that you can make this happen sooner rather than 0.98

00:10:24.860 later. Yeah. There's some beauty in testing out the market and even seeing if clients are willing 0.98

00:10:31.960 to wait. That's the other thing, especially when you're an independent contractor, there's always

00:10:36.140 this balance of like, I'm busy. Oh, I'm not busy. I'm poor. Oh, I'm busy. I'm rich. Oh, wait,

00:10:41.820 I'm not busy. I'm poor again. Well, can you, will clients be willing to get backlogged and wait for

00:10:50.580 you to be available next month? Is there enough work for consistency? And you can actually test out

00:10:56.480 consistency without going full-time just by seeing if there's enough clients in the backlog that you

00:11:03.740 can have sitting there waiting for the next time that you're available. If everything has to happen

00:11:09.260 immediately when the client asks and you can't, and they're not willing to wait, there's some

00:11:14.940 learning opportunities there for you to determine what you can do and what you can't do for consistency

00:11:21.860 of cashflow as well. And I don't know what the numbers are, if it needs to be consistent or not,

00:11:26.480 but those are kind of some of the things that you can try out in the market and in your business model

00:11:32.100 to see how this is going to look. Because what I hear right now is I have two projects for two

00:11:38.280 clients. Well, how long is that going to take? Two weeks? Then what? Nothing? Oh, well, maybe you're

00:11:44.900 not ready yet, right? Like maybe you need to play with marketing and see if you can get some backlog

00:11:49.000 and some consistency of work, even if it's part-time. Right. Yep. Cool. All right. What's next?

00:11:56.620 All right. Joshua Horsley, Ryan, in chapter eight of sovereignty, intentionality, you wrote something

00:12:03.120 that I found to be pretty profound, which is good job. Odd. That's why it sticks out so much is that

00:12:09.180 it's like I actually said something profound. No, that book is great. Okay. You get to keep

00:12:16.940 what you defend. This was referring to the excuses we make to rationalize limiting our choices and

00:12:23.280 remaining stuck in our current situation. Like you mentioned in the chapter, this is due to living in

00:12:28.440 a box constructed of our previous experiences. What would be some tactics we could use to expand

00:12:35.400 or move beyond this box? If the current situation that we find ourselves in, while not ideal, but has

00:12:42.200 put in better position than anything we have yet to experience. I'm a little lost on, on the question,

00:12:49.360 mate. Can you, can you paraphrase that? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, I get the, obviously the concept of

00:12:57.100 you keep what you defend. For example, if you're defending some sort of behavior, um, whether

00:13:03.160 that's, uh, blaming people at work or, um, excessive drinking, uh, or, um, you're even, even being

00:13:14.140 depressed is one I hear a lot. Like a lot of guys are so depressed and like, well, I'm depressed

00:13:18.400 because of this. I'm depressed because of that. My childhood was rough and this, and like, okay,

00:13:22.340 all of that might be true, but you're defending your depression. You're defending it. So you get

00:13:29.060 to keep it because you're fighting so hard for it. What if instead, and then I'll get to what you

00:13:33.860 think this means is instead of, instead of being depressed about it and all the things that it could

00:13:39.760 be, it's like, okay, I'm going to own that. I don't want to be depressed personally. I don't want to feel

00:13:43.540 like that. So what do I need to do? Well, I need to change behavior because there might be certain

00:13:48.980 behavior. That's making me feel that way. I need to surround myself with different people

00:13:52.620 because there's different people who might be making me feel that way and might be helping me

00:13:56.100 defend some of that depression. Uh, I need to talk. That's something I need to do. There's

00:14:01.900 attachment styles. So I have, uh, an anxious attachment style. So for me, I get very anxious

00:14:07.820 and I even get anxiety if I don't work through my issues with other people so I can flesh it out and

00:14:13.860 get out of my head. Okay. So that means I need good people in my corner that I can talk with that

00:14:17.940 support me, love me, and care about me. And as I do that, I immediately feel better.

00:14:22.560 So yeah, there might be a lot of reasons for being depressed or anxious or whatever it might be.

00:14:28.260 And you can cling onto those if you want, or you can say, no, I don't want that. And I'm going to

00:14:33.760 change the behavior. A lot of people do it with nutrition and they say things and we laugh at it.

00:14:37.460 Well, I'm just big boned or, oh, it's just my genetics. Okay. Then keep it. Then keep your poor

00:14:42.940 health. That's fine. That's your decision. Or you could say, oh no, my genetics is an issue.

00:14:47.060 So I have to do things differently than other people.

00:14:50.860 Yeah, totally. So I think what Josh is really saying, and Josh, let us know how I do on this.

00:14:57.920 So really, right. We rationalize when we're in this box and what he's saying is tactics on getting out

00:15:05.020 of that box. When in reality, the box has been helping us, right? Like the box has served us

00:15:10.980 and maybe it's not ideal, but it's working, right?

00:15:15.320 The box serves you. And because if it didn't serve you, you wouldn't be in the box.

00:15:20.200 Yeah.

00:15:20.540 So let's take, let's take depression because a lot of you guys are dealing with it.

00:15:25.000 Okay. So if you're depressed, how, how does that serve you?

00:15:30.400 Like objectively, how does that serve you? Well, you know, it doesn't, but subjectively

00:15:34.900 you might be getting some attention. Yeah. You might be blaming other people or other situations

00:15:43.020 and not taking ownership. And, and that is serving you because you don't have to own your own

00:15:47.440 inadequacies. Like something is happening. So the first thing to do is to acknowledge and recognize

00:15:53.480 that there is a box around you and that you constructed it. Like nobody put it around you.

00:15:59.620 You constructed it, which is really hard in the moment guys, because we see this box around us

00:16:08.480 and we think I can't get out of it. But we, what we don't realize it's just, it's like cardboard

00:16:14.500 walls. They look like concrete walls, but they're just cardboard walls. It's that old, that, that,

00:16:20.920 that meme or whatever, where they put a, they take a young elephant and they stake it in the ground.

00:16:27.340 And as the elephant gets big and it can't pull itself out of the stake because it's too small.

00:16:32.840 And as the elephant gets bigger and bigger and bigger, it could easily pull that stake out of

00:16:37.220 the ground and go wherever it wants. But it doesn't because it's been conditioned to believe

00:16:40.780 that that stake is going to keep them exactly where they are. Yeah. A limiting belief.

00:16:45.540 That's what it is. It's a limiting belief. And so how do you get out of it? You start looking

00:16:52.900 outside of the box and it might just be peeking your head up over the walls and saying,

00:16:56.380 what's going on over there? Like what, what's Kip doing? Hey, that guy, that guy over there

00:17:01.980 looks fulfilled. Like he looks like he's good in his family life or he looks fit or he looks fulfilled

00:17:06.920 or he's running a business. Like what's up with that guy? And just take a peek over the wall.

00:17:11.980 And maybe the next day you can start building a ladder. You're like, okay, well, let me build a

00:17:16.460 ladder. Maybe I can't tear the wall down, but I could just go outside for a little bit and walk over

00:17:20.840 this wall and see what's there. And what might the ladder look like? Going to a conference,

00:17:26.640 reaching out to a friend, purchasing a course on something you're interested in,

00:17:31.500 getting up and getting moving for the day, changing and disrupting the patterns of what

00:17:36.520 you currently live in. That's building the ladder. That's going to get you over the wall.

00:17:40.500 And before you realize it, like you're just not going to come back. You know, maybe you go over

00:17:45.880 the wall for a little bit and you feel really good and you're like, but I'm kind of uncomfortable.

00:17:49.820 And so you go back in the box and then the next day you're like, oh yeah, I want to get out. So

00:17:53.980 you go, what happens is you stay out longer and longer and longer and longer and you never come

00:18:01.020 back, but it takes time doing things that are different than what you currently are doing.

00:18:06.540 You have to disrupt the patterns. Totally. If we, if we took a box and we said, that's your story.

00:18:12.660 What's really interesting is we are great at winning. You're doing exactly like you're,

00:18:21.000 you're doing awesome with whatever box you've created, man, you're awesome at it, right? If you

00:18:26.760 are a victim, man, you are awesome victim. You're so good at blaming other individuals. You have the

00:18:32.420 stories to back it, the evidence you've colluded with everybody in their life. You have alignment.

00:18:37.640 I mean, we are great at what we create. I think the big question then is, well, what's the tactic

00:18:46.340 or why would I want to get out of the box? Well, what's possible then? What's, what's so much

00:18:52.780 greater than what you have today? And is it worth it? And if it's worth it, then take the action. I mean,

00:18:59.820 we're all winning in the, in the, in what we've created. We're really good at it. So the question

00:19:07.520 is, do you want more? I think you have to ask, you have to start getting honest with your current

00:19:15.500 situation too. Cause sometimes when we're in that box, it just feels like, well, this is all there

00:19:19.740 is, right? This is it. This is life. This is my life. Yeah. And it is today. Yeah. But it doesn't

00:19:28.580 have to be tomorrow. You just have to do something different. And that's hard, man. That's really

00:19:33.820 hard. Cause you're going to have to let go of some things that you like, like you like playing the

00:19:38.780 victim. You like the pity party. You like, you like the steady paycheck. There's one going off of our

00:19:47.920 last question. You like the steady paycheck. So why would you leave that for the unsteady paycheck?

00:19:53.540 For, I don't know. Potential unknown. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why you would,

00:19:57.080 you have to determine that for yourself. I mean, the cool thing about the box is the box

00:20:00.920 is always there. So you can always come back if you want. Totally. You can always come back.

00:20:04.680 I had this exercise once, you know, and we talked about it actually over this weekend. I shared

00:20:10.680 something with you that it's, it's interesting. We have these sob stories. We all have them. You can

00:20:17.500 grab your piece of paper and write all the, like the, the stories that you tell people every so often.

00:20:23.340 It's, it's what you've used to identify yourself. It might prop you up a little bit and might get

00:20:29.600 people to feel sorry for you. You know, and one of the stories I shared with you over the weekend,

00:20:34.700 it's like, and I literally have held onto this for 20 years, that, that poor kid, I was raised on

00:20:41.640 this, you know, by these two parents that didn't see the value of education. I wanted to achieve

00:20:50.220 greatness. Like part of this story. How's this? Are you ready? I'm the, I'm two of, I'm two of nine

00:20:57.980 kids that actually graduated high school. So that's the story. I hold onto that, right? You hear that

00:21:01.980 Ryan, you're like, oh man, good job, Kip for rising above, man. Jeez. You know, he's so impressive.

00:21:07.380 And then I can go, oh, and I'm the only one that graduated from college. Oh, see, I get some more,

00:21:12.960 you know, like I've, I've literally latched onto the story to help define my, my greatness, right?

00:21:19.140 To prop up my ego. And then I throw in this idea that my dad was completely unsupportive

00:21:25.300 to me going to college, that he fought against it. He wouldn't even sign my paperwork. Well, don't go.

00:21:30.240 And I demonized that man for 20 years for not supporting me, for not quote unquote,

00:21:37.860 loving me enough to support me to go to college. And we had this conversation over the weekend,

00:21:44.320 you know, and I, I had this realization. I don't even remember what triggered it. I was like driving

00:21:48.840 and I thought, and I was actually, I was listening to a song. There's this song that, oh, what's it

00:21:55.480 called? The S Lazy H. It's like this song about this, this guy's dad dies and he loses the family

00:22:02.340 ranch. Right. And my sister, she's like, oh, whenever I hear this song, I think of dad, I think

00:22:07.840 about the farm because right now our familyhood farm is going onto the market. So there's this

00:22:14.060 legacy being sold to some extent. Right. And so it's been on my mind a lot. And, um, yeah, I've

00:22:22.900 been, I've been listening to that song a little bit and I thought, wait a second, did my dad

00:22:28.360 not want me to go to college because he didn't love me? Or did he not want me to go to college

00:22:33.460 because he wanted to pass that on to me? Cause he did say that Kip, you don't need to go to

00:22:40.440 college. Why don't you stay here on the farm? Help me work the farm. You can go to a local

00:22:46.240 trade school and still stay here. And I thought, and I, my perception of that whole thing was

00:22:51.460 damn you bastard. You don't give a shit. You know what I mean? You don't care about my dreams 1.00

00:22:56.600 as an older man. Now I'm like, oh shit. He probably just was hell marrying. Like this 1.00

00:23:04.100 is my last boy at home. This is my last kid. I have this legacy and he was probably trying

00:23:11.480 everything that he had available to him to keep me around. Yeah. I should have been flattered,

00:23:16.840 but instead I demonized him and I've held onto that box and that story to justify all kinds of stuff

00:23:24.540 for like 20 years. You know, we have our sob stories, maybe sit down and just think through

00:23:31.180 what they are and see how unrealistic and how much of them are just perception and not truth.

00:23:38.940 One, thank you for sharing that Kip. Cause that was powerful when you shared it with me

00:23:42.620 is context, right? Context. Think about how often, uh, people have misunderstood you.

00:23:51.760 Right. Like you, you've, yeah, you've done something or said something and people completely

00:23:58.640 misconstrued or they take it out of context or they blow it out of proportion. Well, you do that

00:24:03.180 too. I do that too. So somebody says something or does something and we interpret it away just like

00:24:09.320 you did with your father and had nothing to do with that potentially. And so we're all just making

00:24:14.520 up stories. So if we're going to make up a story, why don't we make up a story that actually serves

00:24:18.460 us rather than hinders us because neither are probably true. The one you make up or the one

00:24:23.780 that you bought into there, they're neat. Neither of them probably entirely true, but it's just

00:24:28.060 context. It could be a thousand different things and you have no idea what it is. Cause you're not

00:24:31.780 a mind reader and we're all not as smart as we think we are. Yeah. And, and usually the, like the more

00:24:38.220 beneficial perspective that you can have, it's interesting how that one usually has empathy

00:24:47.460 and less judgment towards others. Yeah. Ironic how that is. Right. Yeah. Interesting. Cool. What's

00:24:55.300 next? Serves you and them. And them. Chad Perrin. Hey guys, curious how you would handle this. I have

00:25:01.180 two boys. One is four, one is five. Mom and dad are separated and he has them on the weekends. I don't

00:25:07.560 know if it's because they're having a difficulty with time and the separation, but they used to be

00:25:12.440 much braver. They are now afraid to do things that they weren't afraid of before going down tall slides,

00:25:18.880 going on swings, playing with other kids on the playground, going to the swimming pool. Like I

00:25:24.300 said, they used to do these things with no problem. I tell them, I believe in them, that they are brave

00:25:29.160 and strong. I do these things in front of them so they can see me do them and show them how fun things

00:25:35.080 are. Not sure if it's just a phase I need to wait out or if there's a better way to help them

00:25:40.460 overcome their fears. Any advice is greatly appreciated. So he's separated from his wife

00:25:46.360 and they have kids that are four and five and he has them on the weekends. Might be related,

00:25:51.320 may not be related, but the key thing is, is like all of a sudden they seem fearful to try things

00:25:56.740 and he's trying to, you know, looking for advice of how to overcome those fears. I mean,

00:26:02.680 that's the thing. It could be so many different things. It could be their age that they're at.

00:26:06.180 It could be less of your influence in their lives now. So that might change things. It could be a

00:26:12.820 blow to their self-esteem that you and your wife aren't together and they're not seeing you and

00:26:17.980 they're not seeing her as often. Less confidence in themselves.

00:26:20.560 Right. I mean, that's the hard part is it could be so many different things and really all we can do

00:26:27.680 is control the controllables, which is how you show up. So I would, if I were in your situation

00:26:34.200 is I would continue to do what you're doing by showing them it can be fun, encouraging and

00:26:39.600 fostering, taking healthy risk and trying new things and putting themselves out there.

00:26:44.560 And then also putting them environments where they can do that, because maybe that's the other thing.

00:26:49.740 The, their exposure to those types of environments have, has possibly changed. I don't know,

00:26:54.460 but if it's changed now, they're not getting as much practice doing that. So there's like so many

00:26:59.160 different things. So keep doing what you're doing, I would say. And I would also communicate with

00:27:04.880 your, your wife or your ex-wife and express to her, maybe you already have expressed to her

00:27:10.000 what you're expressing to us, because maybe she notices it too. And maybe she's wondering the same

00:27:15.600 thing. Think, think about context. Like how many guys would immediately rush and jump to the

00:27:20.380 conclusion that she's poisoning them against me. And she's keeping them sheltered in the house to 0.85

00:27:25.580 use them as an emotional crutch, like all these things that we could potentially say.

00:27:30.000 Yeah. Or maybe she has the same fears about your guys' children as you do. And is there an

00:27:36.640 opportunity for you outside of your relationship to be able to work together in a meaningful capacity to

00:27:42.580 serve what are still both of your children? And so there might be opportunities there. You can't

00:27:48.920 really talk too much with the kids about what they're feeling. I mean, they're four and they're

00:27:52.080 five years old. How much could they possibly articulate? But I think you're doing a good

00:27:56.180 job by acknowledging it. I think based on what you're saying, it sounds like you're doing a good

00:27:59.860 job exposing them to environments and teaching them through example. The one thing you didn't say

00:28:05.120 is how she feels about it. And maybe, you know, and maybe you don't, but if you don't know how she

00:28:09.780 feels about it, you probably ought to sit down with her and say, Hey, look, hon, I mean, I know we're

00:28:14.380 having our issues. I know whatever. But I'm actually really worried about the kids. Have

00:28:19.460 you, have you seen this? Is there something that you've noticed and what can we do in the wake of

00:28:25.320 what we're experiencing together that we could do to help our children? That's, that's what I want to

00:28:30.960 start. Yeah. And if they're not getting that grit and that opportunity to kind of do hard things,

00:28:35.680 maybe because it's limited time with you, it's like, okay, well maybe we can get the wife or ex-wife

00:28:41.380 on board to let's put them in jujitsu during the week when they're not with you or they're playing

00:28:47.600 soccer or they're playing other sports during the week when they're with mom. So then that way they're

00:28:52.360 getting that kind of that time to do difficult and hard things. Yeah. And, and one thing you can do

00:28:59.400 with that as well is let's say you have them on the weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, hypothetically.

00:29:03.640 So you don't have a Monday through Thursday. Well, maybe Wednesday there's a jujitsu class and you guys

00:29:08.480 could actually go together. So they're not with you per se, but you guys go to class. It's classes

00:29:14.140 every at six o'clock. But you're driving them and mom's going to appreciate that, right? Either

00:29:18.100 you're driving them, you know, and she gets that night or maybe you're not even driving them. Maybe

00:29:22.100 you just meet them there and you, and you guys are there together for an hour and a half. And then mom

00:29:26.140 picks them up and like, ah, that's such a hard, that's such a rough, rough position to be in.

00:29:33.220 But I think there's some creative solutions, especially if you guys are amicable and if you're not

00:29:37.340 amicable, that's something you should definitely work on. Yeah.

00:29:43.020 Work on getting her on board and communicating to get on the same page with her.

00:29:47.020 I'm hesitant to say, get her on board because it makes it sound like she's not,

00:29:51.420 or wouldn't be, it's like combative from the get-go. Like what makes us think that she wouldn't

00:29:56.040 be on board with that? I don't know your situation. So let's, let's not say get her on board because 0.99

00:30:02.060 she might already be on board. We don't know, but let's need to have the conversation. Yeah.

00:30:06.940 You need to have a conversation and you, you really need to honor her. Like as the, the mother

00:30:13.840 of your children, like there's things that you can do where you can honor her. You can appreciate her.

00:30:21.200 You can, you can show her that she's valued, that there are things that you care about,

00:30:25.860 about her. Like there's things that you can do. It's hard, hard, but it's what needs to be done.

00:30:32.680 Colin Hornback. How do you go about building a group of men around you that goes deeper than

00:30:37.660 surface level? I've been trying for months to build better relationships with men, as most of my

00:30:43.780 relationships are an inch deep and a mile wide. I want a group of guys around me that I want,

00:30:48.380 that want to improve, grow deeper together, learn together, engage in accountability. While some guys

00:30:53.460 I've talked to express interest in this, when I've reached out over the last few months for weekly

00:30:58.100 phone calls or daily texts, they just won't engage or even respond at all. I've tried to set my

00:31:04.360 expectations and be proactive and consistent over two to three months of reaching out, but I'm getting

00:31:09.440 nowhere. Should I be changing my approach, looking for a different group of guys that are willing to

00:31:14.680 commit or both? Thanks for all your feedback and thoughts. I think both you're going to have, it's,

00:31:21.980 it's like dating. You know, when, when you want to date a woman, you're going to have to date a lot 0.62

00:31:27.720 of women before you find the one who's like, Oh, you know, she's, she's on the same wavelength as me. 1.00

00:31:32.240 She's interested in the same things as me. She's wanting to go to the same place as me. We communicate

00:31:36.660 and we fit well together, but you, you might have to see a hundred women to do that, right? Or less or 1.00

00:31:43.420 more, just depending on your situation. But it's the same thing with this is the guys in your circle.

00:31:48.400 You, the other thing you have to consider is the guys in your circle you've built on a relationship

00:31:52.660 that you currently have. So it might just be around beers and barbecue. And so now you're,

00:31:58.660 now you're changing the terms of the relationship. Well, that they may not be on board. And if they're

00:32:03.480 not, that's okay. It's fine. You can still have beers and barbecue with them, but don't expect them

00:32:07.920 to go deeper. There's no expectation that they should, because they entered in the relationship with

00:32:12.380 the expectation of beers, barbecue and sports.

00:32:14.520 And let's be clear, really quick. Like most guys that are just into beers and sports are

00:32:20.200 superficial and they go, Hey dude, Hey, I want to have some more in-depth conversation. So I can

00:32:24.660 become a better man. You interested? Most people will go, Oh yeah, man. Yeah, for sure.

00:32:29.640 Yeah. And then not really do anything with it. Yeah, for sure. So you're going to get the lip service

00:32:34.240 of like, Oh yeah, I'm interested. Yeah. So, so I would start, here's what I would do. I would go

00:32:42.900 where those men already are. Cause then you're going to find those, they're already interested.

00:32:49.760 You're over here trying to create this thing and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that,

00:32:54.080 but there, there might be other things that are going on in your area that that's already happening.

00:33:00.720 A great example of that is this, uh, legacy event. We just did this last weekend. I don't know if

00:33:07.480 you noticed Kip, right? As we wrapped up, there was guys, they were hanging out in the barn and

00:33:10.200 they were all getting each other's numbers, right? Because they already qualified themselves. We

00:33:14.360 already know they're interested in this stuff because they're here or the iron council is getting

00:33:19.300 to know each other. And they're like, Oh yeah, this is a solid guy. Yeah. We're on the same page

00:33:23.720 or the iron council. They joined the iron council, not for beer and barbecue,

00:33:27.360 but they joined because they wanted the framework to develop and grow and build.

00:33:31.400 And guys in the iron council have become friends and brothers that do activities just outside of

00:33:37.940 the iron council. It might be a business conference that you can attend, uh, might be an other,

00:33:43.740 some sort of other online community or community within your, maybe it's rotary or chamber of

00:33:48.560 commerce. Like those are generally people who want to go above and beyond their entrepreneurs.

00:33:52.760 They want to give back to the community. So just go insert yourself into the conversations

00:33:57.920 that are already happening. That's an easier way to do it than creating your own thing.

00:34:01.960 Um, at church, that's another way. If there's a men's group at church, join the men's group, 0.71

00:34:07.300 get involved, go to Bible study on Tuesday night. When they do a charity drive or, or some sort of

00:34:13.980 service oriented activity on, on Saturday, go to that thing, insert yourself in that environment.

00:34:19.440 Those guys are obviously interested in giving back to the community, serving, uh, uh, serving the

00:34:24.400 Lord. And if that's you, then that's a great place to go do that. Just go where those guys are.

00:34:29.380 You'll find them.

00:34:30.380 And if you have existing relationships, there might be some context missing, right? If you,

00:34:35.520 Ryan, you came to me 20 years ago and said, Hey Kip, I want to have a deeper relationship.

00:34:40.140 I'm going to learn together and encourage each other, engage in accountability. Are you interested?

00:34:44.020 I'd be like, yeah, sure. But what you're thinking right now and what I was thinking 20 years ago,

00:34:48.060 they're not even on the same page. So if you have some existing relationships,

00:34:52.160 you don't know what you don't know. So one strategy that I've used in the past for people

00:34:56.680 that I actually like genuinely care about that I consider friends, but we're not at this,

00:35:02.240 in this space, right? I'll go grab as a man thinketh. I'll go grab sovereignty. I'll go grab

00:35:09.740 other books. And I'll say, Hey, got you this book. I'll write in the cover. Hey, really thought

00:35:14.280 this book would be valuable to you. Give it to them and say, Hey, when you're done reading,

00:35:18.560 let's talk. If they never want to talk after they read the book, then it's, yeah, I use that

00:35:25.220 as kind of like, Oh, okay. They're, this is not their game. Right. But if as a man thinker

00:35:31.120 resonates with them and like, that was eyeopening, that was awesome. And you talk about it. It's like,

00:35:36.220 okay, now we can create some momentum within a relationship. I, I already had with someone

00:35:41.300 and see if they're interested in going deeper. Well said John Silver. What if any resources do

00:35:48.340 you suggest for taking a, talking to a son about sex? I know it can be awkward and I usually just

00:35:53.740 go with a direct approach, but want to set the stage for some open communication after the talk.

00:36:00.940 I don't, I don't know if there's any resources. I mean, I, I'm sure you could jump online and all

00:36:05.560 that. You could go to the farm. That's a good resource. If you've ever, I mean, my kids know about

00:36:10.980 how babies were like goats. Yeah. That's funny. At first we were like the farm. I was like, Oh,

00:36:16.640 is that like a, like a sex ad retreat thing? Oh, but it took me a second. Yeah. Like we had,

00:36:22.680 we had a bunch of goats when my kids, some of my, a couple of my oldest kids were younger and they

00:36:26.280 saw those goats being delivered, cows being delivered. Like remember how that happened?

00:36:30.020 Yeah. Well, that's how it happens for us too. You know? So it's like, that's actually a pretty

00:36:35.360 good context. Uh, yeah. I don't know about resources. I would just, just talk to him,

00:36:42.220 just talk to him and then ask him questions and don't make it weird. If you make it weird,

00:36:47.880 then he's going to make it weird. Just, just, it's awkward to you. It's going to be awkward to him.

00:36:51.740 Yeah. And also guys, if you're not to the point where you're having this conversation yet,

00:36:56.700 then have other conversations. So they feel comfortable having conversations around you

00:37:03.220 so that when you need to have something a little bit more serious, like the birds and the bees,

00:37:07.400 then it's easier. And it shouldn't just be a talk, by the way, people say the talk, the sex talk,

00:37:13.240 birds and bees. No, it's not a talk. It's you're talking to them about something they're going to

00:37:19.940 experience. So if they see an attractive girl, for example, well, there's an opportunity for some

00:37:28.380 conversation about it. Hey, I noticed that you were, you know, looking at that, that girl or that

00:37:33.840 woman, she, you know, she pretty. Yeah. Yeah. That's she was, I acknowledge that too. As your 0.97

00:37:39.020 father, like she was very attractive and that's natural. And you can talk about why men are

00:37:43.740 attracted to women. You don't have to get into sex. You just talk about why men are attracted to

00:37:47.260 women, right? Like there's all sorts of little opportunities where you can have these conversations 1.00

00:37:53.400 and it isn't the birds and the bees. I mean, eventually you'll need to get to that point.

00:37:58.140 My six-year-old asked the other day about, you know, where babies come from. So we sat down and

00:38:02.580 talked a little bit about it, but he's six. Like, I don't need to give him an anatomy lesson.

00:38:06.580 They just talk a little bit about it, but if we make it awkward, then it's going to be awkward.

00:38:11.280 And I, and I just think, I think another part of the problem with this, this question,

00:38:15.380 and I appreciate you asking the question, but the fact that we're so concerned about it is

00:38:22.580 actually concerning to me. Like, why is this so hard? Like, why is it so uncomfortable? Why is

00:38:30.280 it so awkward? It should not be. And if you're having other conversations, this isn't even a

00:38:36.740 question that I don't think even needs to be asked. It shouldn't be a thing. Yeah. Right.

00:38:41.920 Yeah. I learned with my older kids not to tease them too. I don't know why, but I always,

00:38:47.360 that was like my natural tendency is like, Oh, you like you? Oh, you look a girl. Like I,

00:38:51.780 we don't do that like a moron. Yeah. And I don't do that now. Like when, and now like with my 1.00

00:38:57.620 daughters is like, Oh, I really like this boy. I'm like, Oh, that's great. Like what do you like

00:39:01.880 about him? And, you know, and I, and I try to connect. So she'll tell me now, like now,

00:39:07.140 now she will tell me that she likes a boy and why she likes about him. But if I teased her

00:39:11.980 from the get go, no, no way she's going to be telling me about this boy that she thinks is cute,

00:39:17.860 you know, or whatever. So that's a rule that we have in the house too. Try not to tease them

00:39:21.620 about girls and boys. We don't tease about their crushes and we don't let them tease each other

00:39:26.800 about it. Yeah. And if one of our kids says, I like this girl or I like this boy, it's like

00:39:31.740 the same thing. It's like, Oh, awesome. What, what do you like? You know? And that's a good thing.

00:39:37.540 Yeah. That's what we want. We want to encourage that behavior. We want them to like members of the

00:39:42.020 opposite sex. We want them to have, be attracted to girls and boys. Like we want that. So foster it, 1.00

00:39:49.420 but yeah, I don't think any resources, I think just talk with them to the level that you talk with them

00:39:53.140 practice talking with your kids. That's one thing you can do. And not just the birds and the bees,

00:39:58.280 but like other things, how was football? What, what was hard about it? What did you enjoy about it?

00:40:03.600 Do you like your coach? What do you like about him? What don't you like about him? Like ask open-ended

00:40:08.280 questions with your kids so that when you have to have some of these more serious conversations,

00:40:12.640 it just flows. And it's just, and it just goes, I would say asking questions is going to be a big

00:40:17.380 deal as opposed to lecturing on these types of things. And you might say, well, what do you,

00:40:21.960 what do you know about it? Like, what do you know about sex? Not, what do you know about like, no,

00:40:27.560 Hey, what do you know about sex? What do you know about where babies come from or how they're made?

00:40:31.600 Ask them. You can figure out the context first and then you can fill in blanks as needed.

00:40:35.020 Yeah. And so like my oldest son, it was so off target. Like I remember I asked him once and I was

00:40:42.900 like, Oh yeah, no. Yeah. Let's talk through this. Right. Because yeah, no idea, you know? So to your

00:40:51.800 point, ask the questions is really valuable. So, all right. Sam Broadway, have you considered

00:40:58.040 expanding order of man into any, uh, any other areas such as the order of man shooting ranges or order

00:41:04.800 man, jiu-jitsu academies or hunting classes and et cetera, or anything else along those lines?

00:41:10.760 No. Oh, I have. I totally thought like, dude, we should have like a order of man, jiu-jitsu superior

00:41:16.800 jiu-jitsu. I just figure there's so many qualified places for jiu-jitsu or shooting or cooking or

00:41:24.520 camping or hunting. So it's like, I, and the other thing is, so, you know, it's like, let them do it.

00:41:32.980 And then we can direct them wherever, wherever they need. I don't know. I've never really thought

00:41:36.240 about that. Maybe I should think more about that, but no, I've never really thought about that.

00:41:39.620 Fun idea. Nonetheless, it is for sure. All right. Jeremiah Grinrod, recent position change at work.

00:41:47.520 I am working with someone who has, who has been told when I will be moved to another position,

00:41:53.820 as soon as I am up to speed, it was clearly communicated to me that this individual was not

00:41:58.880 aware that they were going to be resigned. And I was asking to keep this to myself. I asked my

00:42:05.260 leader to communicate this immediately to the individual so I could remain in integrity while

00:42:09.720 working with them. Any advice on how to navigate the situation? I don't believe this has been

00:42:15.160 communicated yet, but my leader agreed with me and committed to doing it soon.

00:42:21.600 Just do your work.

00:42:22.740 Yeah. Well, and I think you addressed it, right? Like, this is awkward. I'm like

00:42:28.060 getting up to speed with this person and this person's on their way out. And you're like, Hey,

00:42:32.740 chain of command a little bit. Like, Hey, you need to let them know.

00:42:35.640 Yeah. I think you're committed to communicating that then. Yeah. I think that's right.

00:42:38.980 But if you're not out of integrity for doing your job and being, and respecting your leader's

00:42:43.980 wishes by not communicating that, like, right. Like you should, that's not your job to tell them.

00:42:50.300 And it doesn't, I don't think it puts you out of integrity for working with that individual and

00:42:54.700 not telling them that they're about to lose their job. That's not your business.

00:42:58.600 Yeah. So just do your work. Go ahead.

00:43:01.820 Well, there might be some assumptions, Jeremiah, that you might be making around the circumstance,

00:43:08.100 right? It's like, Oh, well I'm going to come in and they're getting fired and that's messed up.

00:43:11.760 Well, hold on. Do you know what else is going on from the leader's perspective? Why they're exiting

00:43:17.640 that or offboarding that individual? Do you know if they're getting transfers? Like there's context

00:43:23.360 from your boss's perspective that you may not be aware of. Yeah. Oh, for sure.

00:43:29.100 And so don't make assumptions, go ask if you want to get informed, but don't make assumptions and make

00:43:34.540 it like an awkward transition because you're making assumptions about what this means. Sorry,

00:43:41.240 I interrupted you. So I don't, I don't have anything. I would just say, just keep doing

00:43:45.800 your work. I mean, obviously your, your bosses and your leaders acknowledge the work that you're

00:43:50.080 doing. So just keep doing your work and keep, keep serving this individual, keep doing what you can do,

00:43:56.260 keep doing your work. And, and when the time is right, those guys will let them know and you'll

00:44:00.900 be able to move in that position. But I don't, I don't think you're doing anything out of integrity by

00:44:04.520 not if, if somebody's out of integrity and I'm not saying they are, but if somebody is, it's your,

00:44:11.180 it's your leaders, not you. And I don't even know that they are like, there's timing and there's

00:44:16.380 things that you don't know about. Like you said, Kip, but yeah, just, just do your, just keep doing

00:44:21.140 your work. It's okay. Just keep doing your work, get your training you need. And when the situation's

00:44:25.960 right, that transition will happen. Juan Arroyo. I'm a sole provider for a household and I take care

00:44:34.360 of the finances. I have two-year-old son, another one on the way. How do I balance being a present

00:44:40.500 father, fiance and working while also trying to take care of myself in order to take better of my

00:44:46.220 family? I'm new to the iron council. Thank you, gentlemen. So work-life balance here is what we're

00:44:52.580 talking about, right? Yeah. And we've, we've hit on this a lot. And so you're going to hear about this

00:44:57.140 a lot. Really the biggest thing that you can do is focus on- And Juan, you're going to get better at

00:45:00.540 this, right? Totally. I see. Yeah. Focus on the four quadrants. So there's calibration that's

00:45:06.880 getting right with yourself, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. There's connection. That's the

00:45:11.640 relationships you have with other people. There's a condition that's your physical fitness. And then

00:45:16.620 there's contribution becoming a man of value. So those are the four quadrants. So the best thing

00:45:22.080 I can tell you to do right now is to do your battle plan. You're new to the iron council, do your battle

00:45:26.540 plan and create your objectives for your four quadrants and your tactics. And that's how you

00:45:31.580 find balance because now you have a plan. Now you're doing something. See, most guys will just

00:45:37.140 throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. And we don't, and even if we have some level of

00:45:43.520 success, we don't know how to replicate it because we just threw spaghetti at the wall. So the first thing

00:45:50.500 you need to do, it would be like on a football team and you get, you get all the guys together,

00:45:56.040 right? You get 11 players together and you're like, Hey, go try to score a touchdown. You guys,

00:46:00.960 you 11 guys go try to score. And so they concoct some sort of weird play or something and it works or

00:46:08.240 it doesn't. And then they come back and they're like, okay, try to do it again. Well, what are the

00:46:13.560 odds that they're going to be able to replicate that to the team?

00:46:16.600 You have no idea what happened, right? Right. Right. So what do you do? Well,

00:46:20.400 you get a playbook out and you're like, let's, Hey, let's draft 10 plays. Here's the 10 plays,

00:46:25.620 dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And let's run them and play A works, play B works,

00:46:32.000 play C, that one didn't work. Play D, that one worked on that one time when we did this one thing

00:46:37.340 in this one situation. Okay. Play E, play out, like here's our 10 plays. And you're going to pull out

00:46:43.200 three that didn't work. You're going to really bump up three that did. You're

00:46:46.520 going to change a few that worked kind of to see if you can get them even better.

00:46:51.720 That's what the battle plan is. So you're going to do this. And then you're going to look at it on

00:46:55.960 30 days and 60 days and 90 days at the end of it. And you're going to say, okay, well, what worked?

00:47:00.900 Well, I was really present for my family, but my business suffered. And then you change.

00:47:04.880 And the next quarter, you're like, oh, my business did really well, but my family suffered. And then

00:47:08.180 you change. And so gradually you start tweaking and refining and honing this playbook

00:47:13.100 so that it creates the maximum result that you want. But go back in the meantime,

00:47:17.680 go back and listen. All of you guys should, if you have a question about work-life balance

00:47:21.380 podcast, I did, and I don't know how long ago it was, but the podcast is balance is a verb.

00:47:28.500 Balance is a verb. It's not too long ago.

00:47:31.220 It's not that long ago. It's not some final destination. It's not a noun. It's like you

00:47:37.380 achieve balance. No, it's balancing. You're constantly doing it. So go back and listen to

00:47:42.740 balance is a verb because we talk about that at length. Yeah. And the only thing I'd add is have

00:47:47.280 some discipline around the plan, right? So if your tactic at the moment is to lift weights,

00:47:54.560 lift weights and that's it. Like literally be fully present. We talked about this in the Iron

00:47:59.940 Council, I think last month about the power of presence. If it's spending family time,

00:48:04.220 spend family time, put the damn phone around or down, I mean, and be present with your family. 0.99

00:48:09.900 Like do be amazing at whatever it is that you're currently doing. And you're going to 0.99

00:48:15.740 reap the rewards of being all in, in the moment and being fully present.

00:48:22.200 Yeah. I just wrote down here boundaries, right? Boundaries for work-life balance,

00:48:25.840 putting the phone away. That's a boundary. So there's plenty of them that you can have.

00:48:28.540 Let's take one more, Kip. All right. It's perfect because we only have one more.

00:48:32.860 Doug Swanson, thinking of your legacy event this past weekend, I'm reminded of John Eldridge's book,

00:48:39.980 Fathered by God, Fathered by God, where he accurately describes the different stages of

00:48:45.600 masculinity and how masculinity should be developed and mature with time. Eldridge says,

00:48:52.740 Boyhood above all else is a time of being the beloved son, the apple of your father's eye,

00:48:59.000 a time of affirmation. For though I maintain my premise laid out in Wild at Heart, that every man

00:49:05.600 shares the same core question, which is, do I have what it takes? Before and beneath that question

00:49:12.320 and a man's search for validation lies a deeper need to know that he is prized, delighted in,

00:49:18.860 and that he is a beloved son. How does this quote from John relate to what you offered those who

00:49:25.020 attended the legacy event this past weekend? I didn't offer those boys anything. I mean,

00:49:32.480 yeah, we have the facility, we have the place, we have the structure, but I didn't consider it my job

00:49:37.660 to offer that to them because I don't have, that's not a gift that I have or possess that I should be

00:49:42.860 giving to them. That's their father's gift, not mine. So what we do is we facilitate those

00:49:49.940 opportunities for fathers to do that for their sons by taking them to an event like this. They

00:49:55.820 wouldn't have invested in that event if they didn't care about their son and show them they

00:49:58.980 were appreciated and honored by having activities that were meant to forge tighter bonds and connections

00:50:03.880 with them by having talks around a fire to have them express how much they cared about their son or

00:50:09.760 how much their sons cared about their fathers. Like all we do is facilitate. Like I want to be

00:50:16.440 really, really clear is like, that's not a gift I can give. I don't possess that, but we just want

00:50:21.880 to make sure even with what we do with order of man, like we don't make men better. We facilitate

00:50:29.280 opportunities and environments and cultures where they can improve themselves and work together to

00:50:35.500 improve each other. So they're self-directed in that growth. Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. So,

00:50:41.320 so yeah, what did we give? We gave the space, we gave the margin, we gave the structure, we gave the

00:50:46.540 activities, we gave the venue and even some prompts and some questions and the fathers ran with it.

00:50:53.320 So I think it's really important and going to an event like that, whether it's ours or somebody else's

00:50:57.600 is a great way to show your son how much you honor and respect them. One father came up and said,

00:51:02.020 you know, my son was fighting tooth and nail not to come to this all the way up until we pulled into

00:51:05.900 your, your parking lot out in your field. And I asked him at the end of the event, would he not,

00:51:12.420 not me, this father said, I asked my son at the end, would he like to come back? He says,

00:51:16.760 absolutely. I'd like to come back. So it's cool. It's really cool to see. And we're just facilitating.

00:51:23.820 That's all we're doing. Facilitating those opportunities. All right. It was a great event.

00:51:28.580 It was, it was awesome. Walt said it best. He said, they created it. The boys created it.

00:51:34.000 The men created it, not us. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Once again, orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:51:42.160 That's going to be open for another week and closed until towards the end of the year.

00:51:47.000 Right. So now's the time. If you guys wanted to execute on that fourth quarter,

00:51:51.400 instead of being like everyone else and throwing your ambitions to the wind and doing nothing until the

00:51:57.080 new year starts and you want to get on the court now, orderofman.com slash iron council. And of

00:52:03.900 course you can follow Mr. Mickler on the social media, on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

00:52:08.660 And of course your swag at the order of man store, that's store.orderofman.com.

00:52:14.760 One last thing. Yesterday, the new book, the masculinity manifesto came out. So if you haven't

00:52:20.440 picked up your pre-order copy, you can pick it up and get it now. So wherever books are sold,

00:52:26.440 Amazon's probably best. It's called the masculinity manifesto. So please get that and then leave a

00:52:31.240 review on Amazon. Once you get it and read it, that goes a really, really long way in making sure

00:52:35.680 that people see it, that you're enjoying it. Hopefully that's the goal and that other men

00:52:40.560 get that book because it's much needed. So the masculinity manifesto is available.

00:52:45.200 Excellent. All right, guys, we appreciate you. Great questions today. Those questions all came

00:52:49.260 from members of the iron council. So they're digging in and we'll be back on Friday until then go out

00:52:54.520 there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

00:52:59.540 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:53:04.580 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 28, 2022

You Keep What You Defend, Boundaries for Work-Life Balance, and Getting Out of Your Box ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript