Order of Man - Your Integrity Gap is Destroying You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 250,000 people have killed themselves in the past six months. He also said that every 14 seconds

00:00:07.200 somebody takes their lives. I can't help but wonder why so many men are taking their lives.

00:00:12.160 And I would argue that it's because they don't feel valuable. They're not contributing in some

00:00:16.180 meaningful and significant way. They feel like they've lost their way or lost their purpose or

00:00:20.200 lost their drive or lost their passion. And then we slip into depression, anxiety, frustration,

00:00:27.140 and eventually unchecked suicide.

00:00:32.780 Men, do you ever feel like you're destined for something more? Maybe you're lying awake at night

00:00:38.680 thinking about what your current reality is versus what you imagine it could be and what you think it

00:00:43.660 ought to be. Maybe you feel frustrated or anxious or depressed or angry even about the results that

00:00:53.200 you're experiencing in your professional life, in your personal life, in your physical health,

00:00:58.300 and just your overall sense of well-being. I know I certainly have and I still do get that way from

00:01:03.540 time to time. And what I've realized is that in those moments of desperation and despair or even

00:01:07.960 just frustration about the lack of results that I'm enjoying in my life relative to the results I

00:01:13.740 would like to enjoy is all a matter of what I call the integrity gap. And the integrity gap for some

00:01:21.480 frame of reference here is the gap between what you know you should be doing, what you know you want

00:01:28.460 to be doing, what you know you ought to be producing in your life, and the results that you're actually

00:01:33.360 enjoying. And we can know everything about what it takes to be a man. We can know everything about what

00:01:41.720 it takes to have a successful relationship. We can know everything we need to know about how to build

00:01:46.280 an amazing physique or how to build prosperity and abundance. And yet so many men struggle every

00:01:52.640 single day even though they know what they should be doing and actually doing it. There's a really

00:01:58.280 great example of this when you consider our financial prosperity. If money was just a matter of knowing

00:02:07.260 what to do, then we'd all be independently wealthy because we all know how to do basic addition and

00:02:12.680 subtraction. If it was just a matter of knowing what to do, then all of us would have incredible

00:02:20.320 physiques, the six-pack abs, the muscle, the lean mass, and the strength that we want to have. You all

00:02:26.400 know what to do, which is interesting about my job because even though everybody knows what they ought to

00:02:32.860 be doing, very few people are doing it, which is why they're not experiencing the results in their

00:02:36.820 life. So today I want to talk with you about what this integrity gap actually is, what it means. We're

00:02:43.120 also going to talk about the dangers of falling into creating a wide gap in your integrity. And then

00:02:50.140 I'm going to share with you six questions, just six questions. So I want you to take a notepad out,

00:02:55.940 whether it's on your phone or the computer or a piece of paper, and write down these six questions and

00:03:02.060 commit to yourself that this weekend, maybe it's Saturday evening, maybe it's Sunday morning, that

00:03:07.340 you're going to spend some time really poring over the six questions that I'm going to give to you,

00:03:11.880 finding out the answers, and then acting on them. But first, let's talk about the risk and the struggles

00:03:17.940 and the challenges that come with having this integrity gap in your life, which again, is the gap between

00:03:24.240 what you know you ought to be doing and what you're actually doing. Number one is you are

00:03:29.520 risking growth and progress in yourself. We're going to talk about your family and friends and

00:03:37.300 career and all those other things, sure. But at the end of the day, I want you to feel good about

00:03:41.480 yourself. You can't lead well unless you feel good about yourself. You can't get people to a place that

00:03:47.440 you are not currently at. You can't help people build confidence, whether it's your wife or your

00:03:52.900 children or your friends or your colleagues or coworkers, unless you've built that confidence for

00:03:56.520 yourself. Your measure of success in life is only proportionate to the level of success that you

00:04:03.320 have in your own personal life. And so you'll see all these guys go out there. Maybe you've been

00:04:08.260 guilty of this. I certainly have. And we wonder why people won't follow us, why people won't be led,

00:04:13.420 why people won't be influenced, why people won't listen to us. It's because at the risk of you being a

00:04:20.060 little upset by what I'm about to say, you're not worth following. People see it, man. They see right

00:04:26.680 through it. If you are preaching how important fitness is and yet you're 40, 50, 60, 80, 100 pounds

00:04:35.500 overweight, do you think people are going to take you seriously? No, you have an integrity gap.

00:04:41.660 If you're preaching about financial prosperity, but you're up to your eyeballs in debt, do you think

00:04:45.700 people are going to listen to you and be inspired by you and how they can grow, grow their own wealth?

00:04:51.380 No, because you have an integrity gap and they see it and you see it and all the words and all the

00:04:58.220 posturing and all the bravado that you put out into the world is seen right through and nobody's going

00:05:04.560 to take you seriously. So if you do have this large integrity gap, this disparity between where you want

00:05:11.080 to be and where you currently are, then you're a danger to yourself. You're not producing the results

00:05:17.420 that you desire. Your mental health is going to be off. Your emotional well-being is going to be

00:05:21.680 sacrificed. You're probably going to be overly emotional and reactive when things happen that

00:05:25.680 inevitably come up. You're not going to know the value you provide to others. You're not going to be

00:05:31.860 convicted in your beliefs towards other people and everybody's going to see right through it.

00:05:37.360 Number two is your results are going to suffer. Obviously, I want you to do a real good inventory,

00:05:44.540 an honest, accurate inventory of the relationship that you have with your wife right now. How is it?

00:05:51.240 If it's amazing, then good. Figure out why it's amazing and keep doing that. If it's not as amazing

00:05:56.360 as you'd like, whether it's average or good or ordinary or horrible, maybe there's something you

00:06:02.320 can do to show up more effectively as a man that would help improve that. And by the way,

00:06:07.000 I'm not saying that she might not have a part to play in it. Of course she does. It takes two to

00:06:12.220 tango, but I'm focused on you. You can't control her. You can control you. If your boss doesn't like 0.92

00:06:19.920 you, if your colleagues don't listen to you, if your clients don't take your advice, your results are

00:06:25.060 going to suffer. You're going to make less money. You're going to be overweight. You're going to be

00:06:28.360 depressed. You're going to be anxious. Your kids aren't going to be influenced by you. You're not

00:06:31.820 going to have any sort of influence in your community. And you're going to be frustrated

00:06:36.480 by that as you ought to be frustrated by it. But I don't want you to sit in this perpetual cycle

00:06:42.060 of frustration and wondering why you can't seem to get ahead. It's not because your ship hasn't come

00:06:47.940 in yet. It's not because Joe Schmo, who you're comparing yourself to, has some thing, some magical

00:06:55.940 equation that you don't have. It's just that that guy's doing what he needs to be doing. And you're

00:07:01.320 not. When you wake up in the morning and your alarm goes off, you hit snooze. When you roll out

00:07:07.880 of bed, you don't really go out into the gym to get fit. You just kind of roll out and you probably

00:07:13.200 eat worse than you need to. And you probably don't engage your family. And you probably don't even give

00:07:17.800 yourself enough time to set up a meaningful day for yourself. And you just kind of roll out of bed

00:07:21.440 like a blob and expect that life is just going to roll over for you. And you get to work and you

00:07:28.760 don't know what you're going to be doing. And if you do, you kind of do it half-assed. And you know

00:07:32.440 you're not excited about the work you're doing, but it puts food on the table. And like, that's the

00:07:37.220 extent of your life. And then you get home and your wife's telling you what you ought to be doing,

00:07:40.340 what you shouldn't be doing. Your kids are bouncing all over your leg. You have no purpose, no drive,

00:07:43.640 no passion, no enthusiasm, all because you aren't doing what you know you ought to be doing.

00:07:51.440 The six questions I'm going to give you here shortly are going to help you address that, but

00:07:54.360 your results are suffering. And if your results are suffering in any facet of your life,

00:07:59.200 relationships, career, physical fitness, finances, it's probably a pretty good indicator that you have

00:08:06.800 a larger integrity gap than you believe you do. Number three, this one is extremely, extremely

00:08:13.260 important to me and most of the men who listen to this podcast. Your people are going to suffer, man.

00:08:17.060 If you're overweight, your kids are going to suffer.

00:08:24.020 If you're not doing your work when you're on the job and providing financially for your family,

00:08:29.260 your wife and kids are going to suffer. If you're not learning what you need to be learning in order

00:08:35.020 to become a better, whatever your job is, your clients are going to suffer.

00:08:39.260 If you're not making yourself influential and credible and reputable within your community,

00:08:48.360 your neighbors, they're going to suffer. Everyone around you is going to be worse off

00:08:53.520 because you can't bridge the integrity gap. And I don't care which hole you need to plug first,

00:09:00.300 yourself, your results, or your people, but whatever speaks to you. If it's your people and you're like,

00:09:05.420 I don't want to let my people down, then that's the fuel you need. If it's you and you think to

00:09:10.420 yourself, man, I've been placed on this earth by God for a reason, and I need to live up to that,

00:09:15.600 then that's what you need to focus on. If it's just seeing the results, the fruit of your labor

00:09:20.800 and efforts, and that's what you need to focus on, then that's what you need to focus on.

00:09:24.840 None are right or wrong. All three probably exist, but what is it that fuels you?

00:09:29.540 And consider that for yourself. And I would say maybe the first exercise of this weekend is

00:09:34.060 to ask yourself, are you happy with the results that you're producing?

00:09:39.160 And don't be general about this. It's easy to say yes or no. Like I'm talking about the specifics.

00:09:45.560 And I'm going to get into that as I get into these six questions. Let's jump into it. Number one,

00:09:49.860 who are you ideally? Who are you ideally? Now I'm going to give you four places to focus on.

00:09:58.340 Because sometimes when I say, who are you ideally? We don't really know where to focus,

00:10:01.340 but let me give you four main areas. Number one is your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

00:10:08.300 Ideally, in an ideal world, if you're at your fullest version of yourself, who are you mentally,

00:10:14.440 emotionally, and spiritually? Are you intelligent? Are you thoughtful? Are you rational? Are you level

00:10:21.360 headed? Are you emotionally regulated? Are you tapped into a higher purpose, a higher calling,

00:10:27.740 and a higher power? And it's those things that are driving you. And I put that one first,

00:10:32.520 because if you get these things right, mental, emotional, and spiritual right, the rest seems

00:10:36.820 to fall in place. Not that it's going to be easy necessarily, but that now you have a foundation

00:10:41.960 to build from that's unwaivable, that's unmovable. So who are you ideally when it comes to your mental,

00:10:48.520 emotional, and spiritual health? That's number one. Number two, who are you as it relates to the way

00:10:53.740 you show up with others? We call that connection. How are you with your significant other?

00:10:59.700 How are you with your children? How are you with your colleagues, and your clients, and your

00:11:04.580 coworkers? How are you with your neighbors? And evaluate yourself. Take notes. Write this stuff

00:11:09.800 down. Hey, maybe I'm being a great husband, but I'm not so great of a father. Maybe I'm a really

00:11:16.560 good employee, or a business owner, and all of my clients listen to me, and they create prosperity 0.99

00:11:21.460 and abundance in their life, and I get them the results they want, but I'm a shitty father. 0.94

00:11:27.420 Maybe I have the fatherhood thing locked down. The husband thing is iffy at best. The work stuff's 0.95

00:11:33.460 iffy, but I'm a pretty good neighbor to other people. I know my neighbors. I care about them.

00:11:37.240 I serve them. I help them when they need help. They help me, and we have a good relationship.

00:11:42.860 Look into all of those areas where you're formulating connections, and ask yourself,

00:11:46.500 am I really showing up the way that I want to show up? And if it was ideal, who would I be?

00:11:52.840 So for me, just off the cuff, with my children, for example, I am an engaged father. I care deeply

00:12:00.480 about my children. My job is to help guide, lead, instruct, and coach them to becoming productive

00:12:08.300 adults. I am there to administer discipline as needed in appropriate ways.

00:12:15.560 I know what they're struggling with. I know what their strengths are. I know what their weaknesses

00:12:21.900 are. When they have problems, they're willing to come to me. They don't shut down. They don't close

00:12:26.540 off. They're open and receptive to my insight, to my suggestions. They take it, and they implement it.

00:12:35.940 They ask me for advice. Now, I'm not saying I'm all of these things all of the time, and I'm not even

00:12:41.340 saying I'm all of these things most of the time. I'm saying, ideally, that is who I am as a father.

00:12:47.720 As a business owner, I'm equipped. I'm trained. I'm intelligent. I have the skill set. I focus on

00:12:55.200 the skills. I care about the issues. I can share relevant content. I acquire the knowledge I need

00:13:00.700 to use tools that are available, whether it's social media or other technology, to be able to

00:13:05.020 communicate a message clearly. I recognize what you, the people who listen to this podcast, what your

00:13:10.560 problems are. I find solutions. I work with other people who have solutions to your problems, and

00:13:16.320 generally, we're adding value to your lives as men, and I find extreme value myself in that. That's

00:13:22.760 ideally who I am when it comes to the connection I have with you guys on a professional level.

00:13:26.720 If it's being just a general man, it's my contribution. That's the third component.

00:13:34.540 My contribution. My addition to society. My way of giving back. My neighbors know me. I know them.

00:13:43.800 We know, like, and trust each other. I serve them. I know people in the community. I make a conscious

00:13:49.480 effort to be connected in the community. I serve my family and friends and colleagues and co-workers

00:13:54.420 and neighbors because that's all part of our integral network as a community, and if anything

00:13:59.080 goes wrong, I want them to be able to turn to me, and if anything goes wrong, I want to know who I

00:14:03.240 need to turn to, and so I'm a man who's respected, and I'm a man who's looked at, who adds value into

00:14:09.800 the lives of other people that I interact with within my community, and then the last component is

00:14:14.900 my condition. It's my physical health, so ideally, I am lean. I am strong. I am healthy. I eat

00:14:23.340 correctly. I fuel myself right. I train regularly. I try to make myself into a tool that will protect

00:14:30.340 other people, that gives me the energy I need to thrive and succeed and contribute and connect and

00:14:35.160 all the things that are important to me, and so I'm lean and strong and healthy. I'm committed

00:14:42.080 to using my body effectively. It is a tool for usefulness in my life and the lives of the people

00:14:48.740 that I care about, so I hope you can see that I'm deliberate and I'm thoughtful about how we are to be

00:14:58.200 ideally. I'm not saying I'm all of those things. Please don't misunderstand me. Sometimes I am, and to

00:15:04.300 varying degrees, I am in certain aspects of my life, but if we focus on those four areas, so again, it's

00:15:10.960 what I call calibration. That's mental, spiritual, and emotional health. It's connection, our relationship

00:15:17.540 with others. It's our condition. That's our physical health, and then it's our contribution, becoming

00:15:22.320 men of value. Those are the four areas that I focus in, because if I focus on everything, it's

00:15:28.740 going to be difficult, but those are the four areas, and then I ask myself, who am I ideally? So that's

00:15:32.700 number one. Number two, who are you currently? Who are you currently? So if I tell myself I want to be

00:15:39.260 lean and strong and fit and capable, and I want to be an asset physically in my life and the lives of the

00:15:44.740 people I care about, who am I right now? This is really hard for a lot of men to do, because maybe

00:15:49.680 for the first time in your life, you actually need to document that you're not who you need to be.

00:15:54.740 If you're 50 pounds overweight, you are not ideally who you want to be. Like, I don't know any men who

00:15:59.980 think to themselves, I'd really like to be 50 pounds overweight. And by the way, I also don't know any

00:16:05.640 women who believe, they'll say that, oh, the dad bod, the dad bod. No, no, women don't like the dad bod. 0.86

00:16:10.260 I don't know why they even say they do. Maybe it's some virtue signaling or something that looks

00:16:16.520 aren't the most important thing. I don't know, but it's not true. All things being equal, they're going

00:16:22.220 to take a guy who's fit and lean and jacked over a guy who's soft and weak and lazy. It's just the reality

00:16:28.240 of it. And you can complain about it and moan and gripe about it, or you could say, that's the reality, and so

00:16:32.940 I'm going to do something about it, and I'm going to work on improving myself. Who are you when it comes to

00:16:38.760 being a husband? Maybe you're kicking ass at work, but you come home, and your wife's annoyed by you, 0.99

00:16:43.960 you're annoyed by her, you aren't on the same page, you guys are constantly bickering and nitpicking 0.94

00:16:48.400 at each other, and you're not presenting a unified front for your children, and so you're thinking,

00:16:54.200 man, work's awesome, but when I come home, this sucks. Document it. Write it down. Talk with her about it.

00:17:04.300 Maybe you can get things done, but your emotional well-being is really struggling,

00:17:07.800 and anytime somebody says words that impact you or hurt you, you get triggered to the point where

00:17:12.340 you just react, and you blow up and explode at your kids, or your wife, or your friends,

00:17:15.980 or your neighbors, or whoever else is at the suffering end of your wrath. Okay? You're not

00:17:23.180 the clear level-headed man that you want to be, so what are we going to do about it? We'll get to

00:17:27.080 that here shortly. Or maybe you just feel worthless. My son, my oldest son, sent me some statistics, 0.51

00:17:34.240 and I can't remember them right offhand, but the statistics around how often

00:17:38.780 men kill themselves. I think he had said, and I have to validate this, but

00:17:42.340 so I'll look at it, but even if he's off

00:17:45.980 by a magnitude of 20 or 30 percent, it's staggering. It's horrible.

00:17:50.140 And he said, Dad, did you know that in the past six months since the year began,

00:17:53.680 500,000 Americans have killed themselves?

00:17:55.620 Again, if he's off by a magnitude of 50 percent, that means 250,000 people have killed

00:18:03.220 themselves in the past six months. He also said that every 14 seconds, somebody takes

00:18:08.840 their lives. And I'm going to break it down. I'm going to look at those numbers and see

00:18:14.100 how many of those are men versus women. Not that either is more important than the other.

00:18:18.220 It's tragic regardless if it's a man or a woman. But since we focus on men, I can't help

00:18:24.260 but wonder why so many men are taking their lives. And I would argue that it's because

00:18:28.320 they don't feel valuable. They're not contributing in some meaningful and significant way.

00:18:32.560 They feel like they've lost their way or lost their purpose or lost their drive or lost their

00:18:36.300 passion. And then we slip into depression, anxiety, frustration, and eventually unchecked suicide.

00:18:46.720 So who are you currently? Okay. Number three. Now you have those four areas. You know who you

00:18:51.480 want to be. You know who you are currently. Now, what needs to happen daily? I don't want

00:18:58.080 you to say, for example, and I'm just using the condition element of this, that you're 50

00:19:01.480 pounds overweight. And so what needs to happen? I need to lose 30 pounds. Great. You do. Sure.

00:19:07.340 But what are you going to do daily to ensure that happens? And this is where we start bridging

00:19:12.720 the integrity gap. Now it's no longer some weird theory out there in space that we don't

00:19:18.680 quite understand. We know where we want to go. We know where we currently are. And now

00:19:23.260 we just have to plot a point. So if you're trying to lose 30 pounds, two things you can

00:19:29.740 do are 45 minutes of exercise every single day and cut out processed food and maybe artificial

00:19:36.460 sugars, processed sugars in particular. If you did those three things, cut out processed food

00:19:46.840 and processed sugars, and you went to the gym or trained or ran or hiked or rocked or whatever,

00:19:52.920 swam, jujitsu, 45 minutes per day, of course you're going to lose 30 pounds. Might take you

00:19:57.700 a little while. Might take you a month. Might take you nine months. I don't know. But if

00:20:01.960 you're doing those things every single day, then you are actively bridging the gap. If you're

00:20:06.020 trying to build wealth and prosperity and you say to yourself, man, I really want to make

00:20:10.520 $100,000 this year, but right now I'm only making 70. Okay. So we have a $30,000 annual

00:20:16.880 discrepancy. What do I need to do daily? Train, study, learn. Maybe there's a new credential

00:20:24.940 that you can pick up. Maybe it's make a few more sales calls. Maybe it's ask for a raise

00:20:29.840 or a promotion. Maybe it's start a side business. It's what are you going to do daily to improve

00:20:36.560 your situation? If it's connecting with your kids because you don't feel like you're as

00:20:41.260 connected as you'd like to be, okay, that's fair. What are you going to do daily? Talk to

00:20:45.940 them, text them when they're at school, connect with them, do things they're interested in,

00:20:52.480 be interested in what they like and what they care about, and start formulating and building

00:20:57.480 those connections every single day. So again, we have who are you ideally? Number two, we have

00:21:02.700 who are you currently? And number three, again, these are in each of the four quadrants.

00:21:06.560 What needs to happen daily? Okay, number four, what information do you need? Because it might

00:21:14.060 be that you're lacking some information. Again, if you want to lose that weight, maybe you don't

00:21:19.840 know how to work out, and that's okay. It's not okay moving forward, but it's okay now. You don't

00:21:24.940 know. It's amazing to me how often I think culturally and societally we'll mock men because they don't

00:21:31.540 know how to do something. And then a man invests in himself, whether it's join a group or

00:21:36.040 join a gym or learn a new skill, and then people will mock him for learning things that

00:21:41.460 they mocked him for that he should have already known. Like it's ridiculous. It's a lose-lose 0.88

00:21:47.860 situation. But what information do you need? Stop worrying about what other people say or what

00:21:53.560 they think or how they might judge you for not knowing what you quote-unquote ought to already

00:21:57.940 know. And just ask yourself, I need to learn money management. I suck with money management.

00:22:02.740 I don't know how to budget. Or I overspend. Or I don't know where to invest. Or I don't know how 0.99

00:22:08.400 to best pay off my debt. Fine. That's okay. It's not okay moving forward. It's okay right now.

00:22:14.900 What do you need to learn? If you don't know how to use gym equipment, hire a trainer. Jump online.

00:22:23.100 Type in that particular equipment and say, okay, how do you use this? And you'll find a YouTube video.

00:22:27.780 Ask a friend. Ask somebody at the gym. Hey, bro, you look jacked. Like you look like you got some

00:22:34.280 like huge arms and I want to have, I want to work towards building a physique like yours.

00:22:38.700 Like what are you doing? And let them answer the question. Clearly it's working.

00:22:44.840 So we have to let go of the pride and the arrogance and the hubris and step into the things that we don't

00:22:49.640 know by learning the information that we need. Okay. Number five, what systems do you need in place?

00:22:55.740 Again, it's not just about the information. If it were just about the information, you'd have the

00:23:00.980 dream woman and dream relationship. Your kids would be so well-behaved and connected and loved by you.

00:23:05.940 You'd have financial prosperity and abundance. You'd have a six pack abs with 20 inch biceps and

00:23:12.160 everywhere you went, women were looking at you. Men were looking at you because women want to be with 0.99

00:23:16.520 you and men want to be like you. If that's all it was, was just information. It's not. It's systems.

00:23:21.260 Do you have a process for the most effective day? What does that even mean? Like, do you even know

00:23:27.420 what I mean when I say that? A process for the most effective day of your life? What time are

00:23:31.620 you getting up? Is it the same time every day? What are you doing when you get up? Do you have a,

00:23:37.040 I'm just pulling this out right here. Do you have a plan? This is our battle planner. If you go to

00:23:41.240 orderofman.com slash TWBP as in 12 week battle planner. So TWBP, you can find this. Do you have this?

00:23:49.040 Are you using this? Even if you have it, are you using it every day? Are you committed to doing it?

00:23:55.540 Are you going into the gym and working the program that your trainer gave you?

00:23:59.800 Are you listening to people like Dave Ramsey and other investment advisors outside of that who are

00:24:05.460 teaching you what you can do on a daily basis to calculate your debt, to manage your income and

00:24:11.040 expenses, to learn how to invest wisely? Do you have programs? Do you have apps? Do you have

00:24:18.960 emails? Are you going to conferences? What are the systems that you're using to ensure that you're

00:24:23.940 going to achieve success? I can't go through all the systems because we're talking broadly today,

00:24:28.240 but if you're not achieving results, then I would say part of the reason is because you don't have a

00:24:33.540 proven system and formula that will predict those inevitable results, or you're just not doing it.

00:24:39.420 So do it. Figure out what they are and do it. And then the last thing, number six, is what do you

00:24:47.760 need to do right now? What do you need to do right now? So now we're going to prioritize.

00:24:54.400 So maybe you want to lose 30 pounds. Maybe you want to pay off the $10,000 car loan that you have.

00:25:00.980 Maybe you want to connect with your kids more. Maybe you want to start courting your wife again. 0.58

00:25:05.240 Maybe you want to be more physically intimate and have sex with her more often. Maybe you want to 0.99

00:25:10.720 advance your career. Those are all good things. You can't do it all at once. You can work on those

00:25:16.080 things all at once. And that's why I whittle it down to four instead of 400. But what's the first

00:25:21.740 step? I often talk about this. What is the next first step? Because when you start to evaluate and

00:25:28.260 look at your life and analyze your integrity gap, it can be daunting. It can be very overwhelming and

00:25:33.680 concerning. How am I ever going to get out of $80,000 of consumer debt? How am I ever going

00:25:39.360 to lose the 60 pounds? How am I ever going to rekindle the spark in my relationship when we

00:25:44.080 spent the last three, four, five years bickering, fighting, and debating on whether or not we should

00:25:49.120 even stay together? What is the next first step? You're not saving your marriage. You're connecting

00:25:55.920 with your wife. You're not becoming the next billionaire. You're managing your money.

00:26:03.660 You're not necessarily going to be Mr. Olympia. You're just trying to lose 10 pounds. Now, some of

00:26:11.160 that stuff will come. Maybe you do want to be Mr. Olympia. Maybe you do want to be employee of the

00:26:17.460 year. Maybe you do want to be recognized by your local chamber for entrepreneur of the year. It's fine.

00:26:24.060 Those are all aspirational. Those are good. But what is the next first step? And do that today,

00:26:28.800 right now. Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. Don't worry about next year. What's

00:26:33.800 the next first step? And then when you do that, then it's the next first step. Then the next first

00:26:37.600 step. Then the next first step. And the reason I like this model is because it allows us to adapt and

00:26:42.320 adjust based on inevitable changes in our lives. One of your kids breaks his arm. Your wife is frustrated.

00:26:50.360 Your boss lays you off. You get hung up because you got in an accident and broke your leg.

00:26:56.320 These things are going to come up. So you need to be able to adjust and pivot in real time as these

00:27:01.780 things come up. And that's the prioritization. And that's why I say, what is the next first step?

00:27:06.620 Men, I really want you to bridge this integrity gap. I feel like if you got this part down,

00:27:12.840 if you listen to what I'm saying about this and other resources we have on the integrity gap,

00:27:16.680 and you just took it to the nth degree, every aspect of your life would get better

00:27:20.880 and you'd have less problems than you might have right now. But it's the integrity gap.

00:27:28.280 So let me recap. When you allow that integrity gap to stay where it is or grow even, you're letting

00:27:35.980 yourself down, you're missing results, you're harming your people, and it's just not a good thing.

00:27:43.360 And then again, the six questions are, who are you ideally in the four quadrants I gave you?

00:27:49.440 So again, it's calibration, mental, physical, or mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

00:27:55.640 Connection, your relationships with others. Condition, which is your physical health. And

00:28:00.280 number four is contribution, becoming a man of value. So who are you ideally in each one of those

00:28:04.720 areas? Who are you currently in each one of those areas? What needs to happen daily in order to

00:28:11.340 lessen the gap? Number four, what information do you need? Number five, what systems do you need?

00:28:18.680 And number six, what do you need to do right now? So I'm going to end it right there because

00:28:23.320 that's a very important question. And I want to give you the space to be able to do it.

00:28:29.920 What do you need to do right now? And then we get to work. If you want more resources on this,

00:28:35.000 guys, if you want to connect with me, if you want the accountability, which is part of the systems,

00:28:39.700 that was question number five, uh, number, yeah, number five, the systems connecting with other

00:28:45.100 men who are already doing the work. That's also question number four is gaining information for

00:28:48.840 men who are already doing the work. Then I would encourage you to join our iron council. We open

00:28:53.300 back up here in about a week, a little over a week, June 15th. So we want you inside and we want

00:29:01.740 you to bridge the integrity gap. And we're doing all the things that we can do for each other and

00:29:05.620 ourselves to do just that. Go to orderofman.com slash iron council. All right, guys, I hope that

00:29:11.320 helps. I hope that serves you. We will be back next week for our interview until then go out there,

00:29:16.080 take action, bridge the integrity gap, and become the man you are meant to be.

00:29:25.020 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:29:29.640 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 06, 2025

Your Integrity Gap is Destroying You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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Order of Man - June 06, 2025

Your Integrity Gap is Destroying&#xA0;You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Your Integrity Gap is Destroying You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES