Pearl - November 08, 2026


35-Year-Old VIRGIN Did EVERYTHING the Church Told Her… Still Can't Find a Husband

Friendship Expert Gets GHOSTED by Her Friend of 20 YEARS @JustPearlyThings Woman Keeps LOSING Friends… Then Admits She NEVER Forgives Anyone @JustPearlyThings

Episode Stats


Length

23 minutes

Words per minute

175.97

Word count

4,198

Sentence count

102

Harmful content

Misogyny

28

sentences flagged

Toxicity

43

sentences flagged

Hate speech

58

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 and yes and that's a non-negotiable i'm not changing that ever she gives 10 of her money 0.98
00:00:04.800 um in to the church even though she's in a bad financial position and all the people that go
00:00:10.000 on caleb hammer show have bad financial problems for the most part so 10 of her money should not
00:00:15.760 be going to church and i even tied like i got a return from my car when i crashed my car and i
00:00:21.680 tied 10 on that wait what i crashed my car in november so when i got the insurance check for
00:00:27.600 it i ended up getting a check for like five or six thousand dollars and i tithe ten percent on
00:00:32.320 it because it's the only reason they do it is women are very status driven so a lot of times
00:00:37.040 in the church they make it public who donates so now there's a popularity contest based on how much
00:00:43.040 money you give and women want to be popular i was really praying that i would only get enough money
00:00:47.120 to pay my car off and then i end up getting six thousand but the mathematical reality when it
00:00:51.280 comes to giving any charity or to any religious organization if you actually get this taken care
00:00:56.000 care of and get yourself on a better financial footing you will be able to give a larger number
00:01:01.040 over the course of your life than if you're giving just a little bit right now so yes i would pause
00:01:06.780 that temporarily no i'm not doing that because here's the thing are you here for listening yeah
00:01:12.120 women don't listen and that's kind of the problem is men do tell women the truth but we don't listen
00:01:18.340 to it so men just get tired and they say okay good luck good luck good luck i wish you well 0.98
00:01:25.580 chica you know i'll listen but that one i won't listen about god i'll listen but i won't do it
00:01:31.660 wants us to make sacrifices what you're doing is making a sacrifice now in your life so that you
00:01:37.620 can give more to the church later no you'll be giving more so isn't that better well yeah but i
00:01:43.560 just don't see it that way so i moved to texas it's like a god thing i prayed really hard and i
00:01:47.700 was like god you didn't bring me to texas all the way to send me home like i found a church that i
00:01:52.180 really love i'm not going home i love it here you brought me here for a reason and so like i fought
00:01:56.100 with him and i prayed really hard and then the next day we accidentally found the apartment that 0.98
00:01:59.720 i'm in right now i was stupid about it i yeah that's you being a moron that's not you praying 1.00
00:02:03.880 though no that's you being a moron yeah and that's these churches god is not talking to you 1.00
00:02:09.020 bitches i'm not about churches that church is a retirement home for people who don't fucked up 1.00
00:02:13.560 their whole life yeah that's the other thing it gives the most predatory women to get out of jail 1.00
00:02:17.820 free card i'm telling now you got some people who were born in church you know not born in church
00:02:23.180 but they've been going to church since they've been kids they've been they've been messing up 0.98
00:02:26.060 too but church pretty much at the end of the day is for people who said damn i done fucked up my 0.97
00:02:31.420 whole life let me go try to get right before i die and when i the reason i'm saying that is because 0.97
00:02:36.780 we go to church and we think the thing is having highs and lows is a woman thing right doing really
00:02:42.440 bad really good really bad really good and it kind of attracts men with the minds of women too 0.94
00:02:47.800 where just being consistent that's the most important thing in life that's a male thing
00:02:52.380 right you do the same thing every day going there and we're meeting all of these great people no we
00:02:56.560 meet ex drug dealers ex pimps ex everything right and and really it's not ex it's still in us but
00:03:03.660 we're trying to get it out of us we just want to try to make it right and hopefully by going to 0.82
00:03:07.320 church and hopefully by praying to god we'll make it right the fact that we fucked up in our heads 0.75
00:03:11.300 because i was the same one that was going to church who just got out of prison i was just
00:03:15.780 getting off drugs and these are the kind of people that you meet in church all the time 0.96
00:03:19.500 church is a and you get lectured by them for people who have fucked up their entire life and 0.83
00:03:25.020 they're trying to get it right at the end of the day so i said it before and i'm gonna say it again 0.99
00:03:29.020 if you think you're going to church and you're gonna find somebody great and sweet no you're
00:03:32.460 finding somebody who done screwed up so much that now they want to get their life right with god
00:03:36.900 again i don't need nobody coming in my comments because some of y'all gonna say that's not true
00:03:41.500 i'm not saying everybody but the majority of us that end up running to church are those that
00:03:46.200 believe we need jesus because we done screwed up so much in life and that's just we are talking
00:03:50.880 it is an institution it is a mental church is a mental institution it's just labeled differently 0.80
00:03:56.320 one thing i found out about church is that church yeah all right let's keep going so this woman says 0.58
00:04:01.860 i did everything christian women were told to do girls are told to do and i'm still single
00:04:06.760 I became the woman I was told to become. I grew up in Christianity. I was taught very clear
00:04:13.980 expectations about how a Christian woman was supposed to live. Save sex for marriage. Don't 1.00
00:04:19.700 get drunk. Don't party. Dress modestly. Don't get tattoos. Don't wear a lot of makeup. Date Christian
00:04:28.360 men. Actually, I've never actually done that. Take marriage seriously. Be the good Christian girl.
00:04:35.760 and I actually did those things except for the um dating Christian men part I'm 35 years old
00:04:44.560 and to be fair to her I'm going to say to be fair to her Christian men there aren't usually there's 0.86
00:04:49.580 usually more women than men in church so she's not she's not going to be that attractive like
00:04:53.520 she's like a four or five she's not going to compete for the men that she wants and I'm still
00:04:57.520 a virgin I don't drink I don't have tattoos I don't wear makeup I dress modestly and I'm still
00:05:04.320 single i don't regret living according to my values i still don't want to do those things
00:05:10.720 my issue is what i was taught would happen if i lived this way i wasn't only taught how to live
00:05:18.240 i was taught what men supposedly wanted i wasn't simply told this is how christians should live
00:05:26.480 there was another message underneath it this is the kind of women good christian men want
00:05:32.720 yeah and i totally agree with her um again the men with choice which so you have to understand
00:05:37.940 what women are saying women are asking how do i get the men that i'm attracted to um just like
00:05:44.200 men want to know how to get the women they're attracted to right and the truth is when you 0.99
00:05:47.980 look like her you just are not going to be able to compete with a woman like this is nala ray the 0.84
00:05:52.360 girl that did porn and then decided to be a christian after you're not going to compete 0.99
00:05:56.060 with that the men are gonna they'll gaslight you to eternity right oh no sorry they'll gaslight you 0.98
00:06:03.340 to eternity but they're picking the the only fans chick over this girl they just are it just is what
00:06:09.240 it is you want women who save themselves for marriage men want modest women men don't want
00:06:17.020 women who party men don't want women who have slept around men don't want women covered in
00:06:24.660 tattoos men want women who don't wear a bunch of makeup I grew up believing that if I lived
00:06:31.700 according to these values eventually the kind of Christian man I wanted would appreciate those
00:06:37.280 things in me I'm 35 obviously I've been an adult for a very long time and what I've actually
00:06:43.560 observed observed here's the thing I've met this archetype of women so many times woman so many
00:06:49.200 times I think in another life I could have been this type of woman um because when I was young
00:06:54.380 I was really religious and like I had a lot of hangups with that but you are so behind if you
00:07:00.500 cannot go into old age being a virgin I'm telling you men don't know how to instruct women to be 1.00
00:07:07.840 feminine right and there's a reason why whores tend to be more feminine than prudes they have 0.97
00:07:13.940 more experience with men and you do learn if you want to through experience you know how to live 0.97
00:07:19.580 a man you under like over a certain age purity doesn't mean much to men anymore it just doesn't 0.79
00:07:25.420 it's right it's a young woman's game um and at some point you need to know how to be a girlfriend 0.72
00:07:29.500 and a wife and if you're 35 with no experience it's time to put out then very different i've
00:07:36.300 watched men say they want one thing and choose something completely different i've watched
00:07:42.540 christian men say they don't want they don't like makeup and then pursue a woman who wears makeup
00:07:49.180 It's like they don't even understand what a natural makeup look is
00:07:53.400 and then they're 100% attracted to women who wear makeup,
00:07:56.580 but very light makeup.
00:07:58.260 I've heard men say they want a woman who dress... 0.98
00:08:01.200 Makeup does help. 0.99
00:08:02.100 They want women who dress modestly 1.00
00:08:04.020 and then become attracted to women
00:08:06.060 showing considerably more skin than I ever would.
00:08:10.320 I've heard men criticize tattoos 0.54
00:08:12.100 and then date or marry women with tattoos.
00:08:15.940 I've heard men talk about wanting women
00:08:18.460 who saved themselves for marriage and then marry a woman with sexual histories and my problem isn't
00:08:25.800 that they married those women my problem is why are you telling women that these things were so
00:08:32.040 important to you when apparently they weren't if i say something is a deal breaker yeah the
00:08:37.200 uncomfortable truth is that men are attracted to beauty first that's why we hate them because at 0.92
00:08:44.100 some point you're going to be chopped and he's going to want to have sex with someone younger
00:08:47.540 and hotter it actually affects who i date if you repeatedly make exceptions to your deal breakers
00:08:54.580 it's not actually a deal breaker so just be honest about what you want now i'm not blaming the other
00:09:01.940 women i want to make this extremely clear i'm not saying that a woman with a sexual history doesn't
00:09:08.980 deserve a husband i'm not saying a woman with tattoos is a bad woman i'm not saying women who
00:09:15.540 wear makeup are doing anything wrong i'm not saying a woman who became a christian later is
00:09:22.100 less deserving of marriage than i am this isn't woman versus woman my criticism is about the
00:09:30.420 message girls like me received as children why were we told no it's so it's so true it's so true
00:09:39.220 i mean and what happens is there's a bunch of mids that look like her in these churches and there's
00:09:43.620 there's one or two cute prudes that think they're better than everyone else totally guarded by their 0.78
00:09:48.260 families and then one or two sluts come in and the guys totally overpass the women that look 1.00
00:09:53.140 like her to just marry the slut the ex-slut right a particular way would make us especially 0.99
00:09:59.180 desirable to christian men when there was never any guarantee of that divorce makes the whole 0.98
00:10:07.300 thing even stranger to me a woman could have several serious relationships live with boyfriends
00:10:16.020 have sex and still enter the christian dating dating world as never married because obviously 0.99
00:10:24.400 that's true right another woman could have been married once gotten divorced and still be a virgin 0.97
00:10:31.760 Yet the divorced woman can suddenly face all these questions. 1.00
00:10:36.700 Why did you get divorced?
00:10:38.280 Was your divorce biblical?
00:10:40.760 Are you even allowed to remarry in the Bible, right?
00:10:44.820 Because it's not biblical, then you can't remarry. 0.97
00:10:48.120 Meanwhile, the never married woman doesn't necessarily face the same barriers.
00:10:53.420 a divorced virgin could potentially face more scrutiny than a never married woman with an 0.99
00:11:00.560 extensive sexual history. And I'm just pairing those two up because it's like complete opposites, 0.97
00:11:05.340 right? This whole thing is incredibly strange to me. Then we get blamed for being single.
00:11:13.580 Once a Christian woman reaches a certain age, unmarried, people start asking what's wrong.
00:11:20.120 are you too picky are your standards too high now their standards are too high and they are too
00:11:27.580 picky but it's not really their fault in a way because here's the thing like all of the men in
00:11:32.360 these churches are totally demasculinized and totally unattractive and they're given the wrong 0.80
00:11:37.500 information about what is attractive to women i mean the more moral you are the more women don't
00:11:41.780 like you and the women are given the wrong information too because they're not accurately
00:11:47.380 being told to assess their attractiveness level they're told to be a good woman and you'll get
00:11:51.640 Chad no why won't you give this particular man a chance but I was also taught that marriage is
00:11:59.980 one of the biggest decisions I'll ever make I was taught that marriage is supposed to be lifelong
00:12:05.800 so why would I marry someone I don't want just so I can say I'm married being said yeah again
00:12:13.460 women don't want to be with average men women want to be with chad so it's either the church 0.50
00:12:18.800 requires these mids to marry average men um and stop giving them male attention because a lot of
00:12:24.540 these women are having uh emotional relationships with the high status men in these churches or 0.89
00:12:29.880 you marry a guy you're not attracted to and um have a sexless marriage angle doesn't automatically
00:12:35.020 mean i've done something wrong give the nice guys well well you it you did do something wrong um 0.93
00:12:42.780 I mean, honestly, some plastic surgery would have benefited her.
00:12:47.300 Give the nice Christian guy a chance. 0.93
00:12:50.840 I've heard this kind of message towards women so many times.
00:12:55.020 He's a good guy.
00:12:56.840 He loves God.
00:12:58.600 He has a good job.
00:13:01.420 He'll provide for you.
00:13:03.240 He really likes you.
00:13:05.580 Give him a chance.
00:13:07.440 But what if I don't want him?
00:13:09.820 His attraction to me doesn't magically create my attraction to him.
00:13:15.200 I want mutual attraction.
00:13:18.900 I want to be excited about the person I'm marrying.
00:13:22.560 I don't want to marry somebody because everybody around me decided he's sufficiently nice.
00:13:30.040 And quite frankly, I don't think that would be fair to him either.
00:13:34.000 I wouldn't want my husband finding out years later that I was never attracted to him
00:13:38.080 and everybody just convinced me to settle yeah and that's the question we we got to ask do you 0.96
00:13:43.880 guys want women that aren't attracted to you to marry you because they are going to torture you
00:13:48.020 i mean that's the question we got to answer as a society i'm a virgin that doesn't mean i don't 0.95
00:13:54.880 want sex this is another part of christian singleness that i don't think people talk 0.80
00:14:00.040 about enough women have sex drives too being a virgin doesn't mean i don't want sex i believe 0.94
00:14:08.120 in waiting until marriage but that doesn't magically eliminate sexual desire at 18 i'm told
00:14:14.820 to wait at 25 wait at 30 wait at 35 keep waiting yeah see this is what i mean to tell on earth 0.57
00:14:24.800 these meds i'm telling you women that look like this should have put out a decade ago 1.00
00:14:29.560 that's that is not a strategy for your looks level bitch sorry wait until when if i never 1.00
00:14:37.060 get married the practical consequence of this teaching is lifelong celibacy that's a huge 0.98
00:14:44.240 thing to ask of someone huge churches need to acknowledge what they're actually asking
00:14:50.580 long-term single christian this girl actually i totally agree with this i totally agree to do
00:14:57.880 my experience with christian dating has made this even more confusing i've never been on a date with
00:15:04.260 a man who genuinely shared my christian sexual values i've encountered men identifying themselves
00:15:12.780 as christian who expected sex before marriage that's incompatible that's incompatible with what 1.00
00:15:20.680 i believe and that's what i mean girl you got to put on your big girl pants and suck suck and fuck 1.00
00:15:25.900 I'm just being honest here. That is not going to work. It's not. I mean, good luck. 1.00
00:15:30.520 At the same time, I've met non-Christian men who were willing to respect the fact that I wanted to wait until marriage. 0.99
00:15:38.040 So I'm told I should marry a Christian, right? Because you've got to be equally yoked. 0.99
00:15:43.640 I'm told I shouldn't have sex before marriage. 0.93
00:15:46.980 But what happens when the Christian men I'm encountering don't share that sexual boundary? 0.96
00:15:52.400 Yeah. Because again, it's offensive to them. I mean, they're going to assume you've done 0.98
00:15:55.180 something with somebody, the attractive ones anyway. I mean, that's the problem. You there's
00:15:59.860 a language of alphas and the language of betas. The language of betas want you to wait till
00:16:04.060 marriage to have sex. The alphas are too, they're too smart for that. The betas are dumb. They 0.97
00:16:09.140 believe women, you know, three and beta is a mindset. Am I supposed to compromise that sexual
00:16:15.580 boundary? Am I supposed to date a non-Christian man who actually respects that sexual boundary? 0.98
00:16:22.400 or am i or am i supposed to reject both and continue waiting and if i continue waiting 0.52
00:16:29.520 eventually somebody asks why i'm still single don't give me all these non-negotiables and then
00:16:36.980 call me too picky when those non-negotiables shrink my dating pool and where exactly am i
00:16:44.000 supposed to meet this christian husband and that's the thing oh my gosh churches are so neurotic
00:16:50.560 you can't meet men anywhere else it's they got to be in the church and there's not enough
00:16:55.960 attractive men in church to go around I mean it's it's such a problem and they're so oh you
00:17:00.120 can't meet people on dating apps why I am so over this crucification of dating apps you can make
00:17:06.320 great meet great men and great women on dating apps they're on there this is for how long I'm
00:17:11.240 not saying they're on there for a long time another problem I've personally encountered
00:17:14.920 i've aged out of young adult groups once i hit my 30s where exactly am i supposed to go
00:17:22.100 i'm not married so married groups aren't for me i'm not a parent so parenting groups aren't for
00:17:29.260 me i'm too old for the young adult group i don't know what you're doing download hinge and start 0.99
00:17:35.560 sucking and fuck i mean that's all you got man in person where else gym um coffee shops maybe 1.00
00:17:42.680 if you do work go remote workplaces but over a certain age i mean you can go to dive bars too 1.00
00:17:49.240 yeah that's my recommendations but that's so much time it's so much easier a general woman's bible
00:17:55.340 study isn't the same thing as having a community of single adults my age churches have ministries
00:18:02.220 for children ministries for teenagers young adults married couples parents and families
00:18:10.660 where are the 30s, 40s, and 50-year-old singles? If I'm being told that I should marry another
00:18:18.720 Christian, shouldn't churches at least create communities where unmarried singles can actually
00:18:24.560 meet one another? I'm not asking the pastor to assign me a husband. I'm asking why long-term 0.70
00:18:30.960 single adults seem to disappear from the church's structure. I feel like I aged out of the Christian 0.92
00:18:37.860 life script there's this expected progression children's ministry youth
00:18:44.500 group young adults get married join the married group have children join the
00:18:53.340 parents and family ministries but I didn't get married during that expected
00:18:57.660 window so everybody else moved into the next category and I basically aged out
00:19:03.540 Where does this long-term single adult fit? Being single at 35 isn't extended
00:19:11.080 adolescence. I'm an adult. I need adult community too. And a lot of people
00:19:17.240 giving me advice got married extremely young. This is something else that really
00:19:22.800 frustrates me. A pastor who met his wife in college and married at 22 has never
00:19:29.260 experienced being 35 and single he hasn't experienced waiting this long for sex he hasn't
00:19:37.740 experienced aging out of young adult ministries while still being unmarried he hasn't experienced
00:19:45.100 modern dating at 35 he hasn't spent 15 additional years wondering whether marriage is ever and they
00:19:52.940 give you oh my god it's like a hamster wheel of mental torture they give you no pragmatic advice
00:19:57.820 right they don't tell you how you can they might say you're masculine or
00:20:03.700 controlling but they don't tell you how specifically and how to change it and
00:20:07.180 then you Google I remember being in my early 20s like trying that's why I love
00:20:11.500 the red pill I was looking for stuff on Google that would help me solve this
00:20:15.280 problem because I took such an L with a guy really liked in college I was like
00:20:20.080 totally in love he didn't like me back whatever and it's like okay I have this
00:20:26.440 problem how do I fix it and in every other area of my life I could figure out solutions to problems
00:20:31.420 but not this one going to happen that doesn't mean he can ever talk about singleness but I want some
00:20:37.660 humility don't tell me how easy it is to just wait when you're waiting ended at 22 don't
00:20:45.040 immediately tell me I remember my grandma oh my god telling me oh well wait till marriage to have
00:20:50.860 sex and I'm like grandma you got pregnant at like 16 and I wait I'm not gonna put the age I waited
00:20:55.920 but i waited longer i was the last one standing on my volleyball team and i remember being so 0.93
00:21:01.120 freaking horny because at that age that's all you could think about is sex and i'm like you guys
00:21:06.160 didn't wait at all i'm too picky when you haven't dated since college ask long-term single christians 0.92
00:21:12.880 what our lives are actually like before telling us what's wrong with us i think christian girls 0.99
00:21:19.520 deserve a more honest message instead of telling me save yourself for your husband
00:21:25.440 tell me we believe sex belongs within marriage but marriage isn't guaranteed instead of telling me
00:21:33.200 good christian men want women like you tell me live according to these values because
00:21:39.520 you believe in them not because you're expecting yeah totally ding a man i actually totally agree
00:21:46.000 with this chick as your reward tell girls that they marry oh my gosh tell girls that they might
00:21:53.120 marry at 22. They might marry at 35. They might marry at 50. They might never marry. Tell them 1.00
00:22:03.980 that another woman can make completely different life choices. Become a Christian later and marry 1.00
00:22:11.400 before them. That doesn't mean the other women don't deserve marriage. And it doesn't mean the 1.00
00:22:17.800 women who remain single failed. Just tell the girls the truth. I'm not changing who I am
00:22:25.580 because of any of this. I'm not going to start drinking because I'm single. I'm not going to
00:22:32.700 get tattoos because some men might find them attractive. I'm not going to start wearing
00:22:37.940 makeup because some men like hot girls first above all and might prefer it. I'm not going to
00:22:44.880 start dressing differently to get male attention. I'm not going to have sex just so I can become
00:22:51.160 sexually experienced. And I'm not going to marry a man I'm not attracted to simply because he's
00:22:58.040 willing to marry me. These are still my values. The difference is that I no longer believe
00:23:05.880 following these values means I'm eventually owed or even guaranteed a husband. If I could tell
00:23:12.600 younger Christian girls anything, it would be this. Don't live this way because somebody told 0.99
00:23:18.020 you this is how you get a husband. If these are your convictions, live them because they're your
00:23:23.800 convictions. You can do anything you were told to do and still be single. Yeah. All right, guys.
00:23:30.880 Let me know what you think of the comments. I actually, I liked this video. I actually agree
00:23:34.440 with what she's saying. Obviously the Christian women are too picky and I'm sure she likes men 1.00
00:23:39.180 out of her league but you know it would have been more accurate for the churches to say hey this is 1.00
00:23:43.600 your league so anyways I love you guys thanks for watching like the video and have you had a church
00:23:48.460 experience please put it in the comments I love you I'll see you next time