Pearl - Do MEN Believe Having A Second Marriage Is Worth It？

00:00:00.000 Why are men more likely to remarry than women? Now on my channel I say that it's not in a man's

00:00:07.560 best interest to get married. As you guys know I went into the red pill thinking that marriage was

00:00:13.380 a good deal for men and the red pill is kind of interesting because before you see it you kind of

00:00:18.840 some of the stuff sounds far off or weird but then you get older and you live a little more and you

00:00:23.680 realize the red pill is right. It is 100% correct and most of the people that criticize the red

00:00:29.180 pill actually are representations of why you know like destiny right now. He said the red pill was

00:00:34.260 wrong and then his wife left him for a streamer. Now the divorce rate in the United States is standing

00:00:40.000 at just over 50%. This means you have a coin flip chance of staying married. If the coin lands on

00:00:47.040 heads you stay married and you're probably going to end up staying with a woman that bosses you around

00:00:51.540 and refuses to sleep with you. Your chance of your wife gaining 20 pounds or more in the first five

00:00:56.720 years of marriage are 80% and remember that's only five years it goes up as they get older. If the

00:01:01.400 coin lands on tails you're getting divorced because you will end up in divorce court. Your kids get taken

00:01:05.780 away. You pay child support and in some cases you'll pay alimony. You'll have to start all over. Now let's

00:01:10.860 paint the picture. We have Robert. He's a plumber. He graduated high school, chose to go into the trades

00:01:15.280 and started his career as an apprentice plumber. Worked his way up to a journeyman and meets a woman right

00:01:20.160 around the age of 25. He marries a girl at 27 and has two kids with her. The marriage slowly

00:01:25.320 deteriorates. Over the course of seven to eight years his wife gained weight. He doesn't get sex.

00:01:30.180 There's no food on the table for him to eat and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do on

00:01:33.900 the weekends to make some woman happy that doesn't even love him anymore. So 35 comes around and Robert

00:01:39.620 comes home from a long day of work to get divorce papers shoved in his face. The wife decides to leave

00:01:44.840 and take the kids. There's nothing he can do about paternity court divorce court rips Robert's life

00:01:50.180 apart and he has to get alimony and child support. But despite all this Robert wants to get married

00:01:54.820 again. 35% of men will remarry after getting divorced. That's right after getting screwed in

00:02:00.140 a divorce court and paternity court by their wife who decided to leave to go find herself or sleep with

00:02:05.380 Gavin the bartender, Tyrone the personal trainer. One out of three men will choose to get married again.

00:02:11.220 Now let's look at the stats when it comes to second marriage. Women initiate two-thirds of divorce in

00:02:17.580 first and second marriages. 90% is the risk of getting divorced in a second marriage compared

00:02:22.540 if it had been the first marriage for that couple. Two out of three marriages. Two out of three marriages

00:02:28.560 will make it to their 10th anniversary but only one out of three marriages will make it to their 25th

00:02:33.100 anniversary. After a first marriage it generally takes someone four years to get married a second time.

00:02:38.040 Women who grew up in a two-parent family are less likely to divorce a second time. 33% than women

00:02:43.680 who came from a blended or single family. 49%. 15% is the percentage of second marriages that will end

00:02:50.960 after just 36 months. One in four second marriages will end after five years. If a sibling goes through

00:02:57.160 a second marriage and divorce then the person is 22% more likely to get divorced themselves. For a second

00:03:02.980 marriage the average age for a woman is 37. For men in a second marriage it's 39 years old. About 6%

00:03:09.740 of American couples divorce, marry, and then remarry each other. Half of all Americans kids will see

00:03:16.040 their parents divorce and half of those kids will see their parents get a second divorce. Now let's look

00:03:22.060 at the reasons that men get married again. In this blog post we will explore the various reasons why men

00:03:29.060 opt for second marriages. While second marriages are stigmatized in society it is important to

00:03:34.880 understand the different perspectives and circumstances that lead men to make this joint.

00:03:39.740 One of the reasons why some men choose to get married for a second time is financial stability.

00:03:44.560 Many men believe that marrying a wealthy woman can improve their financial status and provide them

00:03:49.020 a comfortable lifestyle. They see second marriage as an opportunity to elevate their social status and

00:03:54.440 gain access to a higher circle. On the other hand some men are financially stable but still opt for

00:03:59.840 second marriages. For them it is often a marriage or a matter of personal preference or habit. These men

00:04:06.100 may have a desire to experience the thrill of a new relationship or simply enjoy the companionship of

00:04:11.620 multiple partners. Emotional connection and romance. Another reason why men pursue second marriages is the need for

00:04:18.240 emotional connection and romance. Some men feel that their first marriages lack the passion and excitement

00:04:24.020 that they desire and they believe that a second marriage can fulfill their emotional needs. These

00:04:28.780 men can find themselves attracted to women who are more expressive and romantic. They appreciate the

00:04:34.120 affection and attention they receive from their second wives which they may not have experienced from a

00:04:38.940 previous partner. For many men second marriages come later in life when they have achieved personal

00:04:43.940 growth and success. These men have focused on their careers or other priorities during their first marriage

00:04:48.860 and now seek a partner who can match their level of achievement. As these men become more successful

00:04:53.320 they often attract women who are equally accomplished. They appreciate the intellectual

00:04:58.280 stimulation and shared goals that come from being in a relationship with someone who's on their level.

00:05:03.460 In some cases men opt for a second marriage due to unfulfilled expectations or compatibility issues in

00:05:09.500 their first marriage. They may believe that their first wife does not meet their emotional and physical

00:05:13.480 needs and they believe finding a new partner will provide them with the satisfaction they seek.

00:05:17.740 The conclusion is that while second marriages are often met with judgment and skepticism it is

00:05:22.560 important to recognize each individual's circumstances and motivations are unique. The reasons behind

00:05:27.780 men choosing to pursue second marriages vary widely from financial stability to personal growth to

00:05:34.060 emotional fulfillment. Has everybody seen that clip of the divorce lawyer talking about second marriage

00:05:38.840 divorces and how he's actually observed moms getting sick of doing everything and divorcing? He just

00:05:44.980 kind of skirts the second marriage question. Typically first and second marriages have different

00:05:49.460 requirements to them. First marriages usually happen a little bit younger. They're to establish a family

00:05:54.980 home and a family usually often to have children which increases the overall responsibilities the load

00:06:02.500 all of that kind of stuff. Second marriages however a lot of the child kind of rearing is mostly done

00:06:09.040 if not all the way done. Second marriages a lot of times the children are already out of the home

00:06:14.060 and in here the second marriages that come in to see me very often they're started out with the explicit

00:06:20.660 goal or desire I guess of having a partner for one another. They want someone to travel with go out with

00:06:28.840 and yeah have a lot of really hot schmexy time with. The first marriages I see yeah we'll spend time on the

00:06:35.380 couch debating who's doing what in the household but the second marriages I see we don't do that. We spend time

00:06:42.840 trying to figure out why we aren't enjoying each other as much as we want to. Okay so the first

00:06:48.740 marriage was for children and the second marriage is for fun. Marriage is hard but you know what's even

00:06:55.780 harder? The odds are stacked against you. There's the negative stereotypes, the non-traditional family

00:07:03.420 structure and holidays, the scars it leaves behind and the emotional triggers. A lot of times the second

00:07:10.360 spouse is guilty until proven innocent where the first spouse didn't really have that problem. They

00:07:17.900 were the ones who whittled away the trust, hence the divorce. But there are some distinct advantages.

00:07:23.920 It's a chance to start over, to start fresh. It's finding love again. You're more aware of the pitfalls.

00:07:31.840 You're more willing to work harder on your marriage and avoid complacency. You're really determined to

00:07:38.980 do it right this time and you usually have more in common. You share a lot more of the same goals

00:07:44.560 in the bigger picture. You value your time together more. Generally you learn to compromise better and

00:07:50.620 you're more self-aware and studies show you have more and better sex. You can't deny your past hurts or

00:07:58.600 your triggers. The key is to learn to work on them together to improve in your marriage as a team.

00:08:06.080 What you really don't want to do, and this can be hard, is you don't want to show up less than you

00:08:12.220 did the first time. You shouldn't trust less. You shouldn't give less. You try not to repeat the

00:08:18.280 same habits. The communication is fucking key. Has talking to women more made them argue with you less?

00:08:26.560 Or does it just give them more things to pick apart? Guys, women that say that communication is key,

00:08:33.240 men that say communication is key, there are men that listen to women and what they say. And women

00:08:38.300 that say that communication is key, either A, have no emotional control and need to tell the guy every

00:08:44.240 single emotion, or B, they like to fight. So that you can work past all that stuff. And then your bond is

00:08:50.880 even stronger. And it's scary, but you have to be vulnerable. You have to have realistic

00:08:57.560 expectations. You got to catch yourself and check yourself when you might be treating somebody

00:09:03.700 differently because of something that has nothing to do with them. And that's not easy. But acknowledging

00:09:09.900 it, that's the first step. Dealing with it, that's the next step. But it's this kind of growth

00:09:16.600 that really makes that second marriage so special, and so much more fulfilling. The Gottman Institute

00:09:24.560 talks a lot about this stuff, about trust and intimate relationships. And one of their famous

00:09:30.580 quotes from their research and interviewing people, writing books, blogs, you name it. Life gets better

00:09:37.940 for those who have the courage to trust. Women talking about second marriage like it's a joke.

00:09:43.100 Listen, I'm second marriage material. Go have your starter marriage, learn all the lessons,

00:09:48.100 and then come and see me. And we will live like sexy, responsible adults who split bills,

00:09:52.520 communicate, and leave each other alone most of the time.

00:09:55.420 Fellas, who's going to do it? I know it's one of you. Now, here's another one. It's a woman who has

00:10:01.360 remarried and husband adopted her two kids. So if you follow me for a bit, you know that I am married

00:10:08.220 again. This is my second marriage. And I came into our marriage with two kids. My husband came in with

00:10:13.800 three. So we have five together. He actually has adopted my kids. So I have two kids and three step

00:10:20.120 kids, and he has five kids. So anyhow, I want to say this. If you want to have a big blitz of a wedding

00:10:28.000 and party, do it. This might not be your... If you want to see if a girl likes you, if she says she

00:10:34.200 wants to get married, courthouse. Let's go to the courthouse. If she hesitates and argues with you,

00:10:40.040 hate to break it to you. The wedding is attention central for women. Remember, we get off on attention.

00:10:45.300 So if women want a big wedding, usually they want the wedding, the attention of the wedding. They

00:10:50.500 don't really want the man. The best men really have is to take away more of the things that they get

00:10:55.800 and see if they stick around. First wedding, your first marriage, but it's your first marriage to

00:11:01.320 each other. So why shouldn't you celebrate? Why do we often think like, oh, well, it's your second

00:11:08.700 marriage or your third, whatever it is that you shouldn't have, that you should only have the big

00:11:14.080 celebration for your, if it's your first marriage. Because when we do that, we immediately downgrade

00:11:19.800 that subsequent marriage and we should be lifting up and celebrating every marriage. So whether you

00:11:27.560 want to elope, just get married, just the two of you or have a big extravaganza, do it because every

00:11:35.000 marriage is one to be celebrated. Start off your marriage knowing that this is huge. It's big. It's

00:11:43.120 important. And it's definitely a lot less important than your first marriage.

00:11:47.540 My opinion is second marriages are less important than your first marriage. Look,

00:11:51.660 first marriage, you at least sort of have a clean track record where we can say they might promise

00:11:56.240 and mean it. Second marriage, I mean, at that point, you already broke your first promise.

00:12:01.020 Why am I supposed to believe your second promise? Like, what does your word mean?

00:12:04.980 Woman saying her second marriage is a great thing.

00:12:07.800 Nah, marriage isn't as special the second time around. Wrong-o.

00:12:11.600 Let me tell you why that is absolutely not true for me. I was married from 2014 to the end of 2016,

00:12:19.200 divorced over the course of the- Look, your second marriage by definition cannot be as special the

00:12:26.640 second time around. It literally cannot. Definition of special. Different than usual. Better, greater,

00:12:34.120 otherwise different than usual. Unusual. So if marriage is something you're doing over and over

00:12:41.440 again and divorcing, that's kind of usual. In my opinion, the only thing men can get in 2024

00:12:47.760 is genuine desire from women. And the red pill talks about this. I have a friend and he's a total

00:12:53.880 player. And his experience is he's the type that as women approach him. But to his surprise,

00:12:59.720 he took a couple women's virginities and he said he couldn't believe how little it meant to them.

00:13:04.040 They did not care. They were ready to go off into the world and be a whore. And I thought about it

00:13:08.800 and I thought, okay, so if now women, and that kind of matches with what the stats say and, you know,

00:13:13.700 what I've seen in life, because if women really thought their virginity was something special and

00:13:19.020 marriage was special, they wouldn't leave, right? They would treat it as if they're special. The only

00:13:23.440 thing I really see that men can get is genuine desire from a woman. So, you know, those women

00:13:29.020 that completely destroy their families for like one guy, that's what you want to get. I mean,

00:13:34.340 that's pretty special. If you're the guy, now I know you're thinking, no, I'm not saying take her

00:13:38.120 seriously. Clearly a woman that does that's mentally ill. But that's the most unique thing

00:13:42.480 you're going to get. A woman that destroyed her family to be with, like, imagine you hook up with a

00:13:47.160 woman, maybe you knew she was married, you don't care. You find out she left her whole family to be

00:13:51.820 with you. That's pretty unique. That's honestly more special than most marriages these days. That dynamic?

00:13:57.420 Now anyways. Divorced over the course of the end of 2016-2017, and I got remarried to my soulmate

00:14:03.680 in 2022. Let me tell you why it was so much more special the second time around. The first time

00:14:11.000 around, I was young. I had gut feelings telling me that it was the wrong thing, and I didn't listen

00:14:16.780 to them because I listened to all the people around me telling me that it was wedding jitters. It was

00:14:20.660 normal. Blah, blah, blah. The second time around, I was as confident as I've ever been in my entire

00:14:27.320 life. Not only that, but I had the knowledge of all of the things that I did in my first wedding

00:14:32.500 that I knew that I either did or did not want to do again. My first wedding day went by so fast.

00:14:39.100 My opinion, second marriage is courthouse only. There's no point. Her other video says healing is

00:14:45.580 never done. Lord help the man that signed up for that. And so on my second wedding day, I was able

00:14:50.640 to be fully present all day. I took the time to stop throughout the day, recognize what was going

00:14:56.840 on around me, and attempt to slow down time. In doing this, I have way more long-term memories of

00:15:02.360 my wedding day the second time around than I did the first time around. I also learned that all of the

00:15:07.360 things I regretted from my first wedding were the things that I did to appease other people. So the

00:15:12.520 second time around, I didn't do that. And he and I eloped on the beach with 30 people,

00:15:17.520 our closest 30 people. I did everything the way that we wanted to for. The way we wanted to or she

00:15:24.880 wanted to. What's your guess? What is your guess? I didn't do anything for looks or appearances. I did

00:15:30.980 everything to honor our relationship and our love story. You want to know another reason why it was

00:15:37.100 more special? Everyone around us knew it was right. Our speeches were better because they were genuine.

00:15:43.220 And when people were speaking from the heart, saying how happy they were, they meant it.

00:15:47.520 Versus the first time around, when my entire family didn't actually agree with the marriage,

00:15:52.140 and they gave speeches because they needed to, not because they wanted to. Not only that,

00:15:56.240 but I cannot tell you how different it is to walk down an aisle towards your soulmate than it is to

00:16:01.780 walk down the aisle towards someone who isn't right for you. Of course, during my first marriage,

00:16:05.940 I didn't know that. I didn't know I was walking down the aisle to the wrong person,

00:16:08.940 and I loved my first wedding. But then there's hindsight. And then I learned. And then I met

00:16:14.400 my soulmate and felt how different it is. Walking down the aisle to him was worlds different. And so,

00:16:21.500 so special. More special. And more me. More him. More us. More sentimental. More joyous. More carefree.

00:16:35.140 More at ease. Literally, it was just more. So maybe if you've married multiple times,

00:16:41.400 it wasn't as special for you. But it sure as fuck was for me. Okay. Soulmate equals simp. That's true,

00:16:48.280 actually. Yeah. Anxiety comes from alphas. Simps offer security. Well, while she is talking,

00:16:55.220 there's a guy in the background playing a video game, just happy he's not being bothered. I think

00:17:00.220 that's why women get so many TikTok accounts. Because the men just want their wives to leave them alone.

00:17:05.980 You'll leave me alone for four hours a day and do TikTok? And they're like, fine. And they're not

00:17:11.220 really on social media. So they're not really looking, right? And so they're thinking things

00:17:14.640 are good. And their wife is telling all of the family's most intimate secrets on TikTok.

00:17:20.920 Oh, too funny. Okay. Attorney warns stepmoms about putting their name on the deed in case their new

00:17:27.200 husbands pass away. Pearl, stop spilling the game. Men want to be left alone, but not be lonely.

00:17:33.840 No. Why do you think I'm here? I spill the game on both genders. To get really good insights on what

00:17:39.220 I talk about. I talk to date like guys that coach men on this stuff. And really, you're not going to

00:17:43.540 get a better insight into what's going on. There's people you can talk to that will give you more

00:17:48.740 information than ever. One is people that live in the front of apartment complexes. The women can lie,

00:17:54.840 but your doorman will not. They see everything. That's one. Another one to get really good information is men

00:18:02.080 that coach men in dating. Because they deal with men that are married having problems. Men that are

00:18:08.200 young and just don't know. Like I talked to one coach. He gets guys laid within three weeks from

00:18:13.080 virgins. That's what he does. And he said the men that listen, it's like a month. He said the men that

00:18:17.860 don't listen a year. Depends how stubborn the guy is. Now, and I ask very specific questions. So I'll ask

00:18:23.600 like, okay, a guy that's getting laid. How many are in its harem on average? A guy that's just a

00:18:28.980 relationship guy. I ask very specific questions to figure out the frequency of things. All I'm

00:18:35.240 saying is yes, I'm going to keep spilling the tea. Okay, let's keep going. This has just got to be

00:18:39.060 said because I can't take it anymore. Imagine being your second marriage and you've been married for

00:18:45.020 30 years and y'all have had a loving relationship and you have children from another marriage and he

00:18:52.540 has children from another marriage and for God's sake, what happens next is just traumatic. Your

00:18:59.880 husband passed away. But the house that you are living in is in his name and your name was never

00:19:06.080 put on a deed and the children make you leave the house as soon as that funeral is over. This is real

00:19:11.940 life stuff. This is really, this really, really happens. Change the deed. It is very important that

00:19:18.040 in your lifetime, if you're in a second marriage and y'all have been together for a long time,

00:19:22.700 you change the deed. Joint tenant with writer survivorship with both names on it. And that way,

00:19:28.200 if something were to happen to him, the house automatically goes to you. If something happens

00:19:32.080 to you, it automatically goes to him. Because I always tell people, the worst comes out of individuals

00:19:38.140 at weddings and deaths. Change those deeds. Women talking about second wife advantage. So this woman,

00:19:46.280 I liked her video. She talks about men actually learn from relationships and they get better every

00:19:52.280 time. Women, we get worse every time, unfortunately. As someone who has dated men that come from divorce,

00:19:59.740 despite the stigma attached to people having failed marriages, I can honestly testify to the fact that

00:20:05.920 there are advantages to being a second wife. In the few cases that I can recall, there was one in

00:20:11.860 particular where the man was the one to initiate his divorce. And as I've mentioned on my channel

00:20:17.260 before, 69% of divorces are initiated by women. So I was really intrigued to see what made him want to

00:20:24.600 walk away from his marriage. The marriage that he described to me was one where his partner was not

00:20:29.860 very supportive. She wasn't very friendly. She was very unkind to him and she really was not affectionate.

00:20:36.900 And they did not have sex as much as he felt they needed to in order to foster that intimacy.

00:20:43.920 There were a host of other issues, but based on what he told me, I really did understand why he felt

00:20:49.840 compelled to walk away and why he felt like it was unsalvageable. In the other instance I can think of,

00:20:56.220 it was the opposite. This couple had been together for a really long time and she felt like she didn't

00:21:02.220 have her own identity in their marriage. Everything kind of revolved around the kids and he was very

00:21:08.540 emotionally and physically unavailable and didn't really make a lot of time for her and to foster

00:21:14.000 their own form of intimacy mentally and physically. And again, it's the same kind of feeling as, you

00:21:21.660 know, the first one where you can understand why someone would feel the need to walk away from

00:21:26.320 something after enduring years and years of that. In both cases though, I did find both men to be

00:21:34.740 incredibly self-aware, incredibly reflective about how they contributed to the demise of their marriage

00:21:42.400 and things that they wish that their partner did differently. Ultimately, I felt like these men had a

00:21:49.140 perspective that you can really only have if you've gone through a really monumental breakup or in their

00:21:56.300 cases a divorce. I think the biggest advantage of being a second wife or of dating someone who

00:22:02.900 comes from a failed marriage is the perspective that they have, is their ability to look back at

00:22:09.680 something and say, okay, well, here's what we did wrong. For a lot of people, not just men and not just

00:22:15.760 divorcees, but women and people at any stage of their life, there are certain lessons that are learned

00:22:21.300 with time and with retrospect. And there are a lot of things that as we go through, we don't really

00:22:26.520 know what is happening until we've had time to kind of stop and assess everything. For me personally,

00:22:35.200 I don't, I don't want to be with a man who is learning lessons that I feel should be very obvious.

00:22:42.780 Like not being physically or emotionally unavailable for me just sounds like absolute hell. And so if

00:22:51.220 this person really did not understand how important that is until his wife ended his marriage, and that

00:23:00.220 is now a lesson that he has, one that I will benefit directly from, yeah, sign me up. I mean, it makes a lot

00:23:07.500 of sense if you think about it, right? Like think about the first couple people that you, that you dated when

00:23:11.720 you first got into the dating scene. You don't really have the best idea of what you're looking

00:23:18.420 for, what you want, or of who you are. And I think it, it's the same thing in marriage. Despite it being

00:23:27.140 such a massive commitment, there are so many people that have given me anecdotal stories about the

00:23:34.140 circumstances under which they married. Well, we were together for a couple of years. Well, I was

00:23:40.360 pregnant. All my parents were pushing me to pop the question. It's not uncommon for people to

00:23:46.640 marry because they feel like they have to, which leads me to my next point. If a man is dating you

00:23:53.420 intentionally, despite coming from a failed marriage, especially if he is expressing interest

00:24:00.120 in marrying again, know that he is going to devote so much more of himself to that second marriage

00:24:07.400 than he did the first time around. Why? Because he's experienced the heartbreak of a divorce.

00:24:14.760 Men and women experience heartbreak totally different. Yeah, totally. But they still experience

00:24:21.260 heartbreak. In both of the relationships that I cited, even the man that initiated the divorce

00:24:27.940 had his own heartbreak and having to walk away from his marriage. So the chances of him going into

00:24:36.400 something else all willy nilly and wanting to experience that all over again are slim to none.

00:24:43.680 So all of this is to say, if you are dating and you come across men that have a failed marriage or

00:24:51.600 they're coming from a divorce, don't be so quick to write them off. Sit down with them, get to know them

00:24:57.200 and try and find out what happened in that relationship that caused it to fail. And if you

00:25:04.400 find that this man is reflective and analytical and open and honest, and more importantly,

00:25:11.520 determined to be different in the relationship that you are building with him than he was in his

00:25:17.840 marriage, you might want to just hold on tight because he wasn't his marriage, wasn't his marriage.

00:25:25.760 You might want to just hold on tight because he's looking for a happy ending, too. Right now,

00:25:30.720 she's just teaching women how to manipulate their second marriage. All right, guys. What,

00:25:37.760 Pearl, if women had to pay for weddings and marriages like men, they would not think about

00:25:41.920 second marriages is so cool and trendy. Well, I want to know what you guys think. Do you think men

00:25:48.240 should get remarried after they divorce? If you had a friend going through a terrible divorce and said

00:25:54.080 to you they wanted to get remarried, would you say do it? What do you guys think? Anyways,

00:25:59.920 guys, like the video on your way out, subscribe, and I will see you tomorrow. Bye.

Pearl - January 31, 2025

Do MEN Believe Having A Second Marriage Is Worth It？｜ Pearl Daily

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