Pearl - October 03, 2024


Does She LOVES YOU？ Or Does She Feels THE NEED To LOVE YOU？ ｜ Pearl Daily


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

162.22513

Word count

1,741

Sentence count

76

Harmful content

Misogyny

16

sentences flagged

Toxicity

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

A woman named Lori talks about how she did not initially have a genuine desire for her first husband, but now they have stuck it out for a year and have been happily married for a half a decade. She explains why this happened and how to get her back.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So I wanted to read an article by Rolo Tosi talking about genuine desire, and I want to
00:00:07.320 talk about what that is. So this is called The Desire Dynamic. It's on therationalmale.com.
00:00:13.000 You cannot negotiate desire. This is a very simple principle that most men and the vast
00:00:18.700 majority of women are willfully ignorant of. One of the most common personal problems I've 1.00
00:00:24.380 been asked for advice on the last 10 years is some variation of how do I get her back? Usually this
00:00:30.480 breaks down into men seeking some sort of methodology to return his relationship to an
00:00:36.040 earlier state where a previously passionate woman couldn't keep her hands off of him. Six months in
00:00:43.660 to a comfortable familiarity and the thrill is gone. But in truth, it's the genuine desire that
00:00:49.980 is gone. It's often at this stage that a man will resort to negotiation. Sometimes this can be as
00:00:56.160 subtle as him progressively doing things for her in hopes that she'll reciprocate with the same
00:01:03.060 sexual fervor that they used to have. So this is where you see women like Katy Perry on that podcast 1.00
00:01:10.140 saying that her husband has to do chores in order to get her to have sex with him. She is not 0.97
00:01:17.800 actually attracted to him, and so he has to negotiate the attraction. Other times, a married
00:01:24.280 couple may go to counseling to resolve their issues and negotiate terms for her sexual compliance.
00:01:30.300 He'll promise to do the dishes and a load of laundry more in exchange for her feigned 0.97
00:01:34.240 sexual interest in him. Yet, no matter what terms are offered, no matter how great an external effort
00:01:39.920 he makes so deserving of reward, the genuine desire is not there for her. In fact, she feels
00:01:46.480 worse for not having the desire after such efforts were made for her compliance. Negotiated desire
00:01:52.700 only ever leads to obligated compliance. This is why her post-negotiation sexual response is so 1.00
00:01:59.980 often lackluster and the source of even further frustration on his part. She may be more sexually
00:02:06.900 available to him, but the half-hearted experience is never the same when they first met and there
00:02:12.460 was no negotiation, just spontaneous desire for each other. From a male perspective, and
00:02:18.520 particularly that of an uninitiated beta male, negotiation of desire seems like a rational
00:02:25.340 solution to the problem. Men tend to innately rely on deductive reasoning, otherwise known
00:02:31.400 as an if-then logic stream. The code is something like this. I need sex, plus women have the sex I 1.00
00:02:39.460 want, plus ask women about their conditions for sex, plus meet their prerequisites for sex equals 1.00
00:02:49.920 the sex I want. So this is also when men try to qualify to women for their lists. They're 0.71
00:02:55.580 essentially, even though women will sleep with broke musicians, personal trainers, men that 1.00
00:03:01.280 don't have anything together, right? Okay, so make it make sense. It's simple economics,
00:03:07.840 but built on a foundation that relies on a woman's accurate self-evaluations. 1.00
00:03:13.020 The genuine desire they used to experience at the onset of their relationship was predicted upon
00:03:17.840 a completely unknown set of variables. Overtly communicating a desire for
00:03:23.360 reciprocal desire creates obligation and sometimes even ultimatums. Genuine desire is something
00:03:29.520 a person can come to or be led to on their own politician. You can force a woman by threat to 0.99
00:03:36.340 comply with behaving in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way.
00:03:42.920 A prostitute will F you for an exchange. It doesn't mean that she wants to. Whether a long-term 1.00
00:03:49.260 relationship or one-night stands, strive for genuine desire in your relationships. Half of
00:03:55.260 the battle is knowing you want to be with a woman who wants to please you, not one who feels
00:04:00.720 obligated to. You will never draw this genuine desire from her by overt means, but you can
00:04:06.740 covertly lead her to this genuine desire. The trick is provoking real desire and keeping her
00:04:12.380 ignorant of your intent to provoke it. Real desire is created by her thinking it's something she
00:04:17.740 wants, not something she has to do. So I think the most important sentence here is that genuine
00:04:24.740 desire is when women want to listen to you or they want to please you, not that they feel like 1.00
00:04:31.560 they have to. Now, why is this important? Because there is a debate going on Twitter right now.
00:04:41.400 And the question is, women feel genuine desire for a very small percentage of men. It's rare.
00:04:48.080 So what do we do as a society moving forward? Do women compromise on their type and marry men 1.00
00:04:57.400 they're not attracted to? And as a man, do you want a woman to marry you if she's not attracted
00:05:03.360 to you? The reason I ask this is because, and she's been on the show, there's a woman named
00:05:09.840 Lori talking about how she did not initially have genuine desire for her husband,
00:05:15.840 but they stuck it out and now they've been happily married for a year when I first met him
00:05:22.580 I would I won't tell you how you stress or anything because I don't want to embarrass him
00:05:27.340 but I was not attracted physically to him but I just there weren't those butterflies and the
00:05:33.360 things that I thought should be there with a man that I was supposedly in love with and he said to
00:05:38.860 me, how would you like to be Mrs. Alexander? And I said, sure. That was it. No ring, no going on
00:05:46.680 his knee, no nothing, you know. And so, and I wasn't that excited though. We argued a lot about
00:05:54.360 everything. We didn't get along that great. I felt like he stole my joy. I don't know what was wrong
00:05:59.780 with me. And so I went on my wedding day and, you know, none of those butterflies were excited. I'd
00:06:04.640 to my bridal showers and none of that it's just like this emptiness it's like why don't i have
00:06:09.760 that in me i don't like this i want to be on butterflies and so excited but i you know we
00:06:16.240 we discussed that we married divorce would never be in our vocabulary so we got married
00:06:23.680 and the first 20 years were rough because i was still critical so now that i've been married
00:06:29.040 almost 44 years i can tell you women that love is not an emotion and that is a really shaky
00:06:37.040 unstable ground to build your marriage upon so anyway women remember just because you maybe lost 0.56
00:06:43.200 the butterflies and the emotions and the feelings for your husband that's not love well i'm going
00:06:49.280 to be going to church soon and i will learn in silence with all submission okay so i listen to
00:06:55.120 this and I don't hear anything that's innately wrong, right? We don't want divorce. Divorce is 0.99
00:07:01.740 bad for children. Most men or most women cannot marry men that they're attracted to. There are 0.98
00:07:10.320 just not enough to go around. When we look at who women select for sex, there are simply not enough. 1.00
00:07:18.140 So the question is to men, would you be happy with this kind of marriage? Some men may say yes.
00:07:24.340 Some men may say no. Now, on the other hand, this is a New York Post article and Goldie and this is
00:07:33.480 a marriage that's built on genuine desire. So again, what you get with a lot of marriages in
00:07:41.400 the church is obligated compliance because they're not doing it because they want to,
00:07:47.720 but because they're obligated to. I'm not saying that's right or that's wrong. I'm just saying
00:07:53.540 that's two different types of marriages. So Goldie Howen's secret to a four decade relationship with 1.00
00:08:00.680 Kurt Russell. Good sex. Goldie Howen has a simple secret for why her four decade relationship with 1.00
00:08:07.440 Kurt Russell continues to be a success. Good sex. Because sex is something that connects you 0.55
00:08:14.140 and creates more belonging. People who have healthy sexual relationships usually last longer.
00:08:20.240 but it's not just because of the act it's because of the warmth and the intimacy that it creates
00:08:27.140 Han told E! News at her In Love Gala celebration of the 20th anniversary of the Goldie
00:08:33.080 Han Foundation in Mind Up LA on September 27th she also quipped you have to be nice to each
00:08:40.700 other upon occasion the couple have been together since 1983 and they initially met on the set
00:08:46.640 on set in 1968 of the one and only genuine original family band, but it would be years
00:08:55.240 until they officially became romantic. They starred in the 1984 swing shift before reuniting
00:09:01.720 on screen again in the Jerry Marshall directed comedy Overboard in 1987. You know you're not
00:09:08.040 the same person, the now and then star explained over the weekend. You don't think the same way
00:09:12.560 oftentimes and you have to accept that but you have to measure are we having fun and is this
00:09:17.280 something that we want to do do we laugh together do we share certain things you don't have to share
00:09:23.200 everything the first wives star continued we have a lot of expectation i think around relationships
00:09:30.000 but you have to like the person that's very important han 78 and russell 73 have never
00:09:35.860 married, but are parents of the actor, Wayan Russell, 38. Kurt also welcomed son, Boston
00:09:43.200 Russell, with the ex-wife, Season Hubley, and Sean is the mom of actors, Olivia and
00:09:49.500 Kate Hudson, who she had with musician Bill Hudson. Kurt also spoke about their relationship
00:09:54.640 while they attended the event on Friday. Most people have been together for a long time
00:09:59.200 and I think share one thing in common, and that is after many years together, you will
00:10:04.560 have experienced just about everything there is to experience together and understand all the ups
00:10:09.440 and the downs of just what it means I love the fact that we met and we're still doing it we like
00:10:14.580 being together so you have one school of thought that says even if the feelings aren't there you
00:10:20.820 stay together and you are obligated to listen to your husband and on the other hand a lot of people
00:10:29.540 would see this as shallow right they would say well it's just sex but if there's no sex what
00:10:36.400 makes it different that you might as well just have a friendship so it's two different schools
00:10:40.620 of thought right and I'm not saying one's right or wrong I'm just explaining them