Pearl - February 11, 2026


Modern Mothers Don’t Pay Attention to Their Kids


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

178.13554

Word count

2,058

Sentence count

48

Harmful content

Misogyny

12

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

I was thinking about how messed up people become when they have no one to pay attention to them growing up and how that messes up their lives. I think that one of the greatest gifts you can give a child is their attention, your attention.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.320 What up guys? Welcome to my coffee talks. So I was thinking about how messed up people become
00:00:07.000 when they have nobody to pay attention to them. And I was thinking about this because it's one
00:00:11.900 of my biggest criticisms that I've gotten over the years. I mean, there's a long list. We don't
00:00:16.960 need to get into all of them. But one of them is that Pearl is just bitter because growing up,
00:00:22.500 she had no one to pay attention to her. Now I had nine siblings. I'm always open about the fact
00:00:27.000 that I was raised in part by nannies, right? And so women are so likable and charming that they 1.00
00:00:34.400 just love, I can turn this light, they love to use that against me and just say, Pearl, you're just
00:00:39.320 psychologically damaged because nobody paid attention to you. And I don't think that's the
00:00:44.660 most fair characterization. I got a lot more attention than a lot of kids. I was one of the
00:00:49.300 older ones. So I mean, you know how it is. But regardless, I was thinking about how that does
00:00:57.220 really mess up kids. And I think that's one of the biggest things that like kids are lacking is
00:01:03.540 mothers that are like paying attention to them. And I think that's one of the greatest gifts that 0.99
00:01:08.760 you can give somebody. And I started thinking back, and I was thinking about the people that
00:01:14.220 were really monumental in my childhood. One of them being my father. Now when I was young
00:01:20.420 and I think this is common, I don't think it's like just with me. I didn't see my dad a lot when
00:01:25.960 I was like maybe under the age of eight to ten, like ten below maybe. But over the age of ten
00:01:33.480 my dad started coaching me in basketball and my dad, he was, oh my gosh. Like I was telling my
00:01:43.640 friend this this morning my dad is so intelligent but he didn't have the time to be the head coach
00:01:48.780 so it would drive him nuts because he could make better choices um in decision making than the
00:01:55.780 head coach but he didn't have the authority so after the games he would get so mad like
00:01:59.900 oh I should have subbed that person and my dad was a phenomenal coach even though he didn't
00:02:04.880 really play basketball because um and you meet these guys often they're just good problem solvers
00:02:10.440 Like you could throw them in anywhere and they'll just kind of figure it out.
00:02:15.880 You know, those highly intelligent.
00:02:17.600 My dad's one of those.
00:02:19.540 So anyways, my favorite memories are my dad like driving me home after practice and like
00:02:27.400 just coaching me.
00:02:30.480 And it's because at that point, you know, I had my dad's full attention, right?
00:02:35.940 And I think that's like the memories that we value with our parents is when they have your like full attention.
00:02:42.820 I also think back to like my dad, he he would try to teach me math and I was kind of retarded. 0.81
00:02:50.600 I couldn't get it. But but but like he like, you know, him one on one.
00:02:55.720 I remember getting so frustrated once because I just did not get it.
00:03:00.320 And yeah, like those are like my favorite memories growing up.
00:03:05.940 And I was thinking how the best gift you can give a child is their attention, your attention.
00:03:11.440 And I was thinking about how in ways there were times when my parents, they both worked a lot.
00:03:17.280 And, you know, maybe the criticism is a little bit true.
00:03:21.080 There were times in my life where there wasn't anyone paying attention to me.
00:03:24.980 No, I'm not damaged from it, but are like, you know, torn up.
00:03:28.680 It was a long time ago. Who cares?
00:03:30.280 but I was thinking about how there were certain things I had to learn as an adult because
00:03:36.440 um nobody really taught it to me as a kid like for example I've always struggled with being
00:03:45.000 messy in the last few years I've put a lot of time into learning basic like cooking and cleaning
00:03:49.360 skills and I've gotten so much better um I don't know if anyone's ever gone from being like messy
00:03:54.760 I don't want to say I'm not messy but like less messy on like improving that stuff it feels so
00:04:00.800 good you know you're just like wow this is amazing um but the reason I didn't know it um
00:04:08.460 or I was so like messy it wasn't because I wasn't hard working but it was I never had anyone sit
00:04:16.280 down and like show me the cleaning system or maybe I didn't take the time to learn it whatever
00:04:21.600 but so cleaning is divided into three products and if you use the wrong product on something
00:04:29.000 you're going to be frustrated because it's not going to work and then I just give up you know
00:04:32.420 or the wrong brush etc etc and I was thinking I was an adult I had to put in so much time into
00:04:39.920 re-changing and retraining these habits that I would have been at more of an advantage if
00:04:46.820 it was just like sat down and taught to me day to day as a kid but there's no one like paying that
00:04:52.640 close of attention does that make sense not a dig my parents they did a lot of great things right
00:04:57.820 but this was just something maybe I was I was a stubborn kid I don't know but I was thinking in
00:05:04.780 general the people we love the most are the ones that pay attention to us like it's kind of like
00:05:10.600 the man that really loves his wife his wife is like watching him and paying attention and she
00:05:15.820 can almost sense that he's hungry or whatever before he can and it's kind of the same thing
00:05:20.860 um with a boyfriend or a husband like the husband knows when you're upset before you do
00:05:27.000 and um there's like this deep kind of love that I think you can only get from people or give when
00:05:36.060 they pay really close attention and I think that's largely going away because mothers are kind of on 1.00
00:05:44.400 their phones too much? How do you, you know, how do you pay attention when you're on TikTok or
00:05:51.000 you're scrolling eight hours a day? That used to be like time at home invested into the kids
00:05:56.600 because I don't necessarily think a mother working is the end of the world, but can a mother get off 1.00
00:06:02.660 work and pay full attention to her kids without being on her phone and be present? I don't think 0.99
00:06:09.780 most mothers are doing it and you could see it because there's just an utter lack of life skills 1.00
00:06:14.660 you know i don't think i'm abnormal in the lack of life skills i had um i think most women and 0.99
00:06:24.060 even men are kind of the same they didn't have anyone to teach them to you know fix a car they
00:06:29.240 didn't like they didn't have anyone to pay attention and teach them how to take care of
00:06:33.240 themselves um and some of the parents you know they're raised by boomers what are they called
00:06:39.460 latchkey kids um a lot of times they didn't have anyone paying attention to them either and i was
00:06:47.740 thinking about how that's kind of like the mother's number one job is to pay attention to her husband
00:06:52.820 and her kids and it's not necessarily an issue if a woman works like i mean buying a house nowadays 1.00
00:07:01.140 is expensive if a woman can help her family by making money like i don't see anything wrong with 1.00
00:07:06.820 a woman being a teacher or even like in the service industry um like I don't really think
00:07:15.060 that's a bad thing if it can help the man retire like 20 years early it lowers his risk of being
00:07:21.140 like put on alimony child you know whatever I think the mother's job is to pay attention to 1.00
00:07:30.520 her husband and her kids and I think that's really what's lacking like a lot of women they 1.00
00:07:35.080 get cheated on and they don't even notice because they're not paying attention they don't notice a
00:07:39.240 difference in his behavior they don't care and I think when you care about somebody you care enough
00:07:44.260 to pay attention um and on top of that attention spans are kind of going down because you know
00:07:54.560 people are on on their phones like when I was 14 or 13 that was when I got social media and before
00:08:00.680 that I used to read all the time and really as soon as I got a smartphone I stopped reading
00:08:05.100 um and recently I've been like training myself to pay attention for longer and to start
00:08:13.140 like reading longer and just um and the best way to describe it is like there's two ways you're
00:08:20.940 living life like there's life when you're not paying attention and there's life when you're
00:08:24.700 paying attention. And even in conversation, like when you're paying close attention, not even to
00:08:32.080 listening to what they're saying, but that's part of it. But like the way they talk, the way they
00:08:36.660 move, you pick up more information. Like I've gotten to the point where I can almost guess
00:08:41.880 people's jobs, like just by paying attention to how they talk, their cadence, how comfortable they
00:08:47.080 are like talking to me. Especially women, men are a little harder because trades are very difficult 0.96
00:08:53.380 to like guess um like I was I thought one guy was a plumber and he was a car detailer but you see
00:08:59.940 what I'm saying um it makes me wish I was alive in the 80s because I feel like in the 80s everyone
00:09:11.200 just paid full attention because they didn't have their phones and even like talking day to day you
00:09:17.160 could be paying attention but you just notice everybody not paying attention it's like you're
00:09:21.340 talking to people but they're not fully there um because their mind's somewhere else and i've been
00:09:26.260 the person right i'm not even saying this as a judgment because i've been the person talking to
00:09:29.920 someone in my mind is elsewhere it's like on my work project it's on this it's on that so anyways
00:09:36.560 i think attention um the people that are kind of going to win in this society are the people that
00:09:46.340 can drown out people on screens or selling you things that are trying to get your attention
00:09:52.940 so I think of this as like the youtubers influencers the whatever um a lot of the
00:09:59.420 critiques kind of used to bother me a lot until I realized a lot of the people giving the critiques 0.87
00:10:05.780 are losers you know like I don't want to pick on destiny but that's a loser right I mean that's 0.97
00:10:14.260 that's a guy who's like fat he's got no life skills his personal i don't think his kid even 0.99
00:10:18.780 really likes him um and there are these losers everywhere that because of social media have 0.95
00:10:26.400 been elevated and i'm not even supposed to hear their opinion um you know before only the kings
00:10:32.860 could give decrees and now i have to listen to decrees from peasants right and like peasants with
00:10:39.580 like these that are just not that intelligent, but think they're intelligent because of this.
00:10:44.940 And women especially do this. Like, what do I care about the opinion of some woman who's fat? 1.00
00:10:49.880 You're fat. What am I worried about what you think? So we're in a society where everybody's 0.96
00:10:59.720 trying to get your attention. And the winners are people that can focus on the prize, pay attention
00:11:05.680 to the people that matter and pay attention to their kids because, um, I think there's going to
00:11:11.460 be a lot of repercussions for parents not paying attention to their children. Like that's, those
00:11:16.560 are the people that get their kids transitioned or the parents that just paid no attention to what
00:11:21.760 their kids are on their phones, you know? So anyways, all right guys, um, let me know what
00:11:26.720 you think in the comments. If you have any observations, I love reading them. So put them
00:11:30.340 in the comments, like the video, subscribe, and I'll see you next time.