Pearl - Modern Mothers Don’t Pay Attention to Their Kids

00:00:00.320 What up guys? Welcome to my coffee talks. So I was thinking about how messed up people become

00:00:07.000 when they have nobody to pay attention to them. And I was thinking about this because it's one

00:00:11.900 of my biggest criticisms that I've gotten over the years. I mean, there's a long list. We don't

00:00:16.960 need to get into all of them. But one of them is that Pearl is just bitter because growing up,

00:00:22.500 she had no one to pay attention to her. Now I had nine siblings. I'm always open about the fact

00:00:27.000 that I was raised in part by nannies, right? And so women are so likable and charming that they 1.00

00:00:34.400 just love, I can turn this light, they love to use that against me and just say, Pearl, you're just

00:00:39.320 psychologically damaged because nobody paid attention to you. And I don't think that's the

00:00:44.660 most fair characterization. I got a lot more attention than a lot of kids. I was one of the

00:00:49.300 older ones. So I mean, you know how it is. But regardless, I was thinking about how that does

00:00:57.220 really mess up kids. And I think that's one of the biggest things that like kids are lacking is

00:01:03.540 mothers that are like paying attention to them. And I think that's one of the greatest gifts that 0.99

00:01:08.760 you can give somebody. And I started thinking back, and I was thinking about the people that

00:01:14.220 were really monumental in my childhood. One of them being my father. Now when I was young

00:01:20.420 and I think this is common, I don't think it's like just with me. I didn't see my dad a lot when

00:01:25.960 I was like maybe under the age of eight to ten, like ten below maybe. But over the age of ten

00:01:33.480 my dad started coaching me in basketball and my dad, he was, oh my gosh. Like I was telling my

00:01:43.640 friend this this morning my dad is so intelligent but he didn't have the time to be the head coach

00:01:48.780 so it would drive him nuts because he could make better choices um in decision making than the

00:01:55.780 head coach but he didn't have the authority so after the games he would get so mad like

00:01:59.900 oh I should have subbed that person and my dad was a phenomenal coach even though he didn't

00:02:04.880 really play basketball because um and you meet these guys often they're just good problem solvers

00:02:10.440 Like you could throw them in anywhere and they'll just kind of figure it out.

00:02:15.880 You know, those highly intelligent.

00:02:17.600 My dad's one of those.

00:02:19.540 So anyways, my favorite memories are my dad like driving me home after practice and like

00:02:27.400 just coaching me.

00:02:30.480 And it's because at that point, you know, I had my dad's full attention, right?

00:02:35.940 And I think that's like the memories that we value with our parents is when they have your like full attention.

00:02:42.820 I also think back to like my dad, he he would try to teach me math and I was kind of retarded. 0.81

00:02:50.600 I couldn't get it. But but but like he like, you know, him one on one.

00:02:55.720 I remember getting so frustrated once because I just did not get it.

00:03:00.320 And yeah, like those are like my favorite memories growing up.

00:03:05.940 And I was thinking how the best gift you can give a child is their attention, your attention.

00:03:11.440 And I was thinking about how in ways there were times when my parents, they both worked a lot.

00:03:17.280 And, you know, maybe the criticism is a little bit true.

00:03:21.080 There were times in my life where there wasn't anyone paying attention to me.

00:03:24.980 No, I'm not damaged from it, but are like, you know, torn up.

00:03:28.680 It was a long time ago. Who cares?

00:03:30.280 but I was thinking about how there were certain things I had to learn as an adult because

00:03:36.440 um nobody really taught it to me as a kid like for example I've always struggled with being

00:03:45.000 messy in the last few years I've put a lot of time into learning basic like cooking and cleaning

00:03:49.360 skills and I've gotten so much better um I don't know if anyone's ever gone from being like messy

00:03:54.760 I don't want to say I'm not messy but like less messy on like improving that stuff it feels so

00:04:00.800 good you know you're just like wow this is amazing um but the reason I didn't know it um

00:04:08.460 or I was so like messy it wasn't because I wasn't hard working but it was I never had anyone sit

00:04:16.280 down and like show me the cleaning system or maybe I didn't take the time to learn it whatever

00:04:21.600 but so cleaning is divided into three products and if you use the wrong product on something

00:04:29.000 you're going to be frustrated because it's not going to work and then I just give up you know

00:04:32.420 or the wrong brush etc etc and I was thinking I was an adult I had to put in so much time into

00:04:39.920 re-changing and retraining these habits that I would have been at more of an advantage if

00:04:46.820 it was just like sat down and taught to me day to day as a kid but there's no one like paying that

00:04:52.640 close of attention does that make sense not a dig my parents they did a lot of great things right

00:04:57.820 but this was just something maybe I was I was a stubborn kid I don't know but I was thinking in

00:05:04.780 general the people we love the most are the ones that pay attention to us like it's kind of like

00:05:10.600 the man that really loves his wife his wife is like watching him and paying attention and she

00:05:15.820 can almost sense that he's hungry or whatever before he can and it's kind of the same thing

00:05:20.860 um with a boyfriend or a husband like the husband knows when you're upset before you do

00:05:27.000 and um there's like this deep kind of love that I think you can only get from people or give when

00:05:36.060 they pay really close attention and I think that's largely going away because mothers are kind of on 1.00

00:05:44.400 their phones too much? How do you, you know, how do you pay attention when you're on TikTok or

00:05:51.000 you're scrolling eight hours a day? That used to be like time at home invested into the kids

00:05:56.600 because I don't necessarily think a mother working is the end of the world, but can a mother get off 1.00

00:06:02.660 work and pay full attention to her kids without being on her phone and be present? I don't think 0.99

00:06:09.780 most mothers are doing it and you could see it because there's just an utter lack of life skills 1.00

00:06:14.660 you know i don't think i'm abnormal in the lack of life skills i had um i think most women and 0.99

00:06:24.060 even men are kind of the same they didn't have anyone to teach them to you know fix a car they

00:06:29.240 didn't like they didn't have anyone to pay attention and teach them how to take care of

00:06:33.240 themselves um and some of the parents you know they're raised by boomers what are they called

00:06:39.460 latchkey kids um a lot of times they didn't have anyone paying attention to them either and i was

00:06:47.740 thinking about how that's kind of like the mother's number one job is to pay attention to her husband

00:06:52.820 and her kids and it's not necessarily an issue if a woman works like i mean buying a house nowadays 1.00

00:07:01.140 is expensive if a woman can help her family by making money like i don't see anything wrong with 1.00

00:07:06.820 a woman being a teacher or even like in the service industry um like I don't really think

00:07:15.060 that's a bad thing if it can help the man retire like 20 years early it lowers his risk of being

00:07:21.140 like put on alimony child you know whatever I think the mother's job is to pay attention to 1.00

00:07:30.520 her husband and her kids and I think that's really what's lacking like a lot of women they 1.00

00:07:35.080 get cheated on and they don't even notice because they're not paying attention they don't notice a

00:07:39.240 difference in his behavior they don't care and I think when you care about somebody you care enough

00:07:44.260 to pay attention um and on top of that attention spans are kind of going down because you know

00:07:54.560 people are on on their phones like when I was 14 or 13 that was when I got social media and before

00:08:00.680 that I used to read all the time and really as soon as I got a smartphone I stopped reading

00:08:05.100 um and recently I've been like training myself to pay attention for longer and to start

00:08:13.140 like reading longer and just um and the best way to describe it is like there's two ways you're

00:08:20.940 living life like there's life when you're not paying attention and there's life when you're

00:08:24.700 paying attention. And even in conversation, like when you're paying close attention, not even to

00:08:32.080 listening to what they're saying, but that's part of it. But like the way they talk, the way they

00:08:36.660 move, you pick up more information. Like I've gotten to the point where I can almost guess

00:08:41.880 people's jobs, like just by paying attention to how they talk, their cadence, how comfortable they

00:08:47.080 are like talking to me. Especially women, men are a little harder because trades are very difficult 0.96

00:08:53.380 to like guess um like I was I thought one guy was a plumber and he was a car detailer but you see

00:08:59.940 what I'm saying um it makes me wish I was alive in the 80s because I feel like in the 80s everyone

00:09:11.200 just paid full attention because they didn't have their phones and even like talking day to day you

00:09:17.160 could be paying attention but you just notice everybody not paying attention it's like you're

00:09:21.340 talking to people but they're not fully there um because their mind's somewhere else and i've been

00:09:26.260 the person right i'm not even saying this as a judgment because i've been the person talking to

00:09:29.920 someone in my mind is elsewhere it's like on my work project it's on this it's on that so anyways

00:09:36.560 i think attention um the people that are kind of going to win in this society are the people that

00:09:46.340 can drown out people on screens or selling you things that are trying to get your attention

00:09:52.940 so I think of this as like the youtubers influencers the whatever um a lot of the

00:09:59.420 critiques kind of used to bother me a lot until I realized a lot of the people giving the critiques 0.87

00:10:05.780 are losers you know like I don't want to pick on destiny but that's a loser right I mean that's 0.97

00:10:14.260 that's a guy who's like fat he's got no life skills his personal i don't think his kid even 0.99

00:10:18.780 really likes him um and there are these losers everywhere that because of social media have 0.95

00:10:26.400 been elevated and i'm not even supposed to hear their opinion um you know before only the kings

00:10:32.860 could give decrees and now i have to listen to decrees from peasants right and like peasants with

00:10:39.580 like these that are just not that intelligent, but think they're intelligent because of this.

00:10:44.940 And women especially do this. Like, what do I care about the opinion of some woman who's fat? 1.00

00:10:49.880 You're fat. What am I worried about what you think? So we're in a society where everybody's 0.96

00:10:59.720 trying to get your attention. And the winners are people that can focus on the prize, pay attention

00:11:05.680 to the people that matter and pay attention to their kids because, um, I think there's going to

00:11:11.460 be a lot of repercussions for parents not paying attention to their children. Like that's, those

00:11:16.560 are the people that get their kids transitioned or the parents that just paid no attention to what

00:11:21.760 their kids are on their phones, you know? So anyways, all right guys, um, let me know what

00:11:26.720 you think in the comments. If you have any observations, I love reading them. So put them

00:11:30.340 in the comments, like the video, subscribe, and I'll see you next time.

Pearl - February 11, 2026

Modern Mothers Don’t Pay Attention to Their Kids

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