Pearl - Modern Mothers Ruin Their Children (Call In Show)

00:00:00.000 Amen.

00:00:30.000 all right hello everybody let's see if this is working

00:01:00.000 let's see here we got okay it looks like it's working on here let's go to the

00:01:11.780 network okay it looks like the network is going okay those are the two most

00:01:28.260 important let me put in my headphones let me do one more thing I'll be back

00:01:41.780 Thank you.

00:02:11.780 oh is the song not playing well when even the words we share with each other don't ever

00:02:26.140 i thought the song was playing

00:02:29.740 oh i wanted you guys to listen to my mixtape no

00:02:36.480 okay i'll play it i'm gonna play it anyway

00:02:42.260 okay

00:02:46.200 i have one more thing i gotta do sorry

00:02:59.740 But it's 2 a.m. and I'm missing you And I find myself calling you

00:03:12.740 Saying, babe, come over, let's do this over Come beat my shoulder to cry on

00:03:18.740 Life really ain't been the same Since you've been gone

00:03:23.740 Cause you're addictive, side effects include missing you

00:03:29.560 Loss of appetite, sleepless nights and trust issues

00:03:35.300 You're high risk, I'm a love addict

00:03:40.940 This feeling is fatal, mentally unstable

00:03:46.500 You should've come with a warning label

00:03:52.660 You should've come, with a warning label

00:03:58.320 You should've come, with a warning label

00:04:03.980 You should've come, with a warning label

00:04:09.640 You're in bed with someone else, saying you miss me

00:04:14.900 And I'm crying on the bathroom floor, wishing I didn't leave

00:04:20.740 This love is expired, but I still desire a refill

00:04:27.880 A refill

00:04:30.720 Cause you're addictive

00:04:33.180 Side effects include missing you

00:04:37.320 Loss of appetite, sleepless nights and trust issues

00:04:43.100 You're high risk

00:04:45.880 I'm a love addict

00:04:48.700 This feeling is fatal, mentally unstable, you should have come with a warning label, you should have come with a warning label, you should have come with a warning label.

00:05:17.400 All right, now I ain't been addicted like this since I was alone and broke

00:05:20.840 And had a woman holding me down like she was my only hope

00:05:23.600 Like how we do in difficult times ensue, we can only cope

00:05:26.440 To say this was my lifeline, I'm tugging on, that's a lonely rope

00:05:29.260 Addicted like Klonopin, praying, asking, it's got a thing

00:05:32.080 When taking L's with women, so Rolo tells me that's not a win

00:05:34.880 Now maybe there's a path that we walk in passing, withholding passion

00:05:37.860 Frightened of addiction to one another, withhold attraction

00:05:40.600 You don't let yourself fall, you fight your feelings like Southpaw

00:05:43.300 When even the words we share with each other don't ever sound wrong

00:05:46.100 And maybe repeat the cycle, like this ain't my only feature

00:05:48.800 Recovery time in meetings, don't make me the only speaker

00:05:51.560 Put my best foot forward, always gave you my best first

00:05:54.300 You could be the reason I'm forever buried in step work

00:05:57.080 And that's a risk I'm down to take, cause I've taken it many times

00:06:00.020 You could read me this warning label as fatal for either side, is that a sucker?

00:06:03.600 It's been three years now and I'm married with a diamond ring

00:06:07.880 You're with some random girl but still in love with me

00:06:13.580 I won't admit it, but I see you in my dreams

00:06:19.920 I wonder, are you the one who's supposed to be next to me?

00:06:24.740 You should've come with a warning label

00:06:30.740 You should've come with a warning label

00:06:36.420 You should've come with a warning label

00:06:42.080 do you know what i actually don't need auto-tune i filmed this like a couple of years ago my voice

00:06:58.320 wasn't as good then i think i'm gonna re-record it okay king minor that music stinks okay then

00:07:05.760 why are you here log log off okay hello guys welcome to another episode of pearl daily i am

00:07:14.240 your host pearl and i have three more days till my producer comes back and i am not stranded out here

00:07:21.200 as you guys know i am self-producing so please to god bear with me please god um obviously i

00:07:27.840 can't do everything and i am very limited on my tech knowledge so that's why we got these little

00:07:34.400 you know, intro things, issues at times. So thank you guys all for bearing with me.

00:07:40.580 But if you do want to support me and you guys want to meet smart, intelligent men that are not

00:07:45.260 famous, go to the audacity network.com. That's the audacity network.com and sign up for our

00:07:51.240 monthly or yearly membership Friday. I'm raising this prices. This is going to be a very expensive

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00:08:04.040 i have met over the past five years and um i found that personally the most intelligent people i know

00:08:10.360 are not famous and so they're going to give presentations on different industries i'm very

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00:08:35.520 to go up friday but if you are one of the first thousand people that sign up this week i will

00:08:41.040 keep you guys in it for life so for life i'm keeping an excel sheet of your emails and so

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00:08:53.440 and for life you'll be in my program for 10 bucks a month 100 a year that's it that is it

00:09:03.520 okay so today we're going to talk about mothers now the one thing that i get annoyed with

00:09:09.840 is that you know women still control the narrative and mainstream media when it comes to many things

00:09:17.920 in society and the idea is that everything is the man's fault and it comes from this trend it's the

00:09:22.640 the men's fault for the divorce because the women aren't happy. You men are solely responsible for

00:09:27.840 making a woman happy. It's men's fault for single mothers because men don't stay. And when it comes

00:09:33.220 to parenting, the narrative has created the myth that fathers are not needed and that mothers are

00:09:39.240 superior to parents, superior parents to fathers because they're a woman. This has put all of the

00:09:45.900 accountability for childhood trauma on fathers while letting mothers get away with everything.

00:09:50.260 everything. Professionals and influencers always talk about daddy issues and the shortcomings

00:09:56.760 of their fathers, but they never talk about the traumas that mothers inflict on their

00:10:01.220 own children. That is what we are going to talk about on today's show, mother trauma.

00:10:07.200 Mother trauma refers to the psychological and emotional harm experienced by a child

00:10:12.100 due to the mother's neglect or actions. This can include a wide range of expressions such

00:10:18.780 as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, and witnessing domestic violence.

00:10:25.740 Mother trauma can have the longest lasting effects on a child that can include anxiety

00:10:30.520 and depression, low self-esteem and insecurity, difficulty with attachment and relationships,

00:10:36.020 trust issues, problems with intimacy, substance abuse, and eating disorders.

00:10:40.920 These effects are only made worse by the mother's inability to take accountability for the harm

00:10:45.180 that they've done to their child.

00:10:47.040 the child asks any questions about how their mother treated them when they got older, they

00:10:51.540 will usually get gaslit and lied to. Mothers that have inflicted mother wounds on their

00:10:58.840 children will, number one, they'll deny it happened. You know, we have Casey Anthony

00:11:05.140 on TikTok now. That woman murdered her child and is denying that it happened. And this

00:11:12.900 isn't unique to Casey Anthony women do terrible things to their children and when they get older

00:11:22.320 and do it's like they get offended when you remember it's like mom do you remember when

00:11:28.340 you did that and then they get mad at you like you did it um they'll be unwilling to have a

00:11:34.360 conversation about the trauma they'll rewrite history and use sigh language shame insult guilt

00:11:40.500 and the need to be right and what they'll do is they'll lie to save their reputation to themselves

00:11:45.540 their children and other members of the family and any child that wakes up to the mother's

00:11:51.780 manipulation the woman the mother will make that kid's life a living hell mothers that inflict

00:11:57.780 trauma on their child reverse the nurturing contract between themselves and their children

00:12:03.220 in most circumstances the mother is supposed to be doing what is necessary to cultivate and

00:12:08.260 reinforce the emotional development of a kid in cases of mother trauma the child has to cultivate

00:12:15.300 and reinforce the emotions of their mother the child must help and the child must have endless

00:12:23.540 praise on the mother from when they are young and far into adulthood this leaves the child

00:12:28.500 emotionally and mentally stunted and unprepared for the world as an adult i hope that one day in

00:12:34.500 the u.s society judges mothers as harshly as they judge fathers the mothers can do no wrong culture

00:12:40.740 in america really has got to stop giving mothers the benefit of the doubt in all circumstances

00:12:46.420 really needs to stop she did the best she could needs to stop mothers need to be held accountable

00:12:52.340 for the damage that they are doing to their children so i'm going to read an article and it's

00:12:57.140 10 signs of a narcissistic mother moms are oh no it's a video one second guys i'm gonna play

00:13:04.740 my mixtape again whether you like it or not while i i get up unless this my ipad isn't working

00:13:11.620 recently so i haven't been able to flip the camera it is what it is give me a second we're gonna

00:13:20.020 and i'm crying on the bathroom floor wishing i didn't leave this love is expired but i still

00:13:31.460 desire a refill a refill cause you're addictive side effects include missing you

00:13:43.360 Loss of appetite, sleepless nights and trust issues, you're high risk, I'm a love addict, this feeling is fatal, mental

00:13:58.660 Okay, now we're gonna, here we go, Friday guys, my producer is back, I'm so excited,

00:14:10.160 Dear God, I have done the best I can, but I am not meant for this tech stuff.

00:14:15.420 I'm really not.

00:14:19.420 Supposed to be supportive and nurturing.

00:14:21.960 But what happens when the very woman that should be your number one fan is actually your number one adversary?

00:14:28.680 And if you're like most people, you slip into this confusing, guilt-ridden mess.

00:14:33.400 And that's why in today's episode, you're going to learn the 10 signs that your mother is a narcissist.

00:14:38.960 And these are the signs that every single one of my students has experienced but just couldn't make sense of.

00:14:45.680 But I want you to please note that Christianity isn't about just slapping a love label on someone and ignoring all the damage that they caused.

00:14:53.160 And nor is our time together meant to be a mom-bashing episode.

00:14:57.420 But rather, I want you to allow God to bring to light what the enemy is trying to keep in darkness.

00:15:02.620 So in doing so, you can now have an accurate assessment of your situation and honor God in your interactions.

00:15:09.820 So let's dive into the 10 signs.

00:15:11.960 And I'm really curious to hear what you think about number 10.

00:15:16.040 Number one, she sees you as an extension of her.

00:15:20.140 Imagine how someone would feel if they weren't allowed to have their own identity,

00:15:24.840 weren't able to make their own choices without upsetting someone.

00:15:27.560 In my world, that leads to a codependent, performance-driven mess.

00:15:33.800 Narcissistic mothers often live their life through their children.

00:15:38.060 Maybe mom always wanted to be the popular one, so she pushed you to always look pretty.

00:15:43.300 Or she didn't finish college, so now you had to go on to some prestigious school so she can have bragging rights.

00:15:51.340 And most of us moms like to be proud of our children's choices.

00:15:54.700 But narcissistic moms take this to a toxic level.

00:15:59.280 You're a reflection of her.

00:16:01.240 So therefore, you must make choices based on...

00:16:04.100 Narcissistic mothers care more about their reputation than the welfare of their kids.

00:16:10.800 That's generally what it comes down to.

00:16:12.900 Her preferences.

00:16:14.680 Number two, she's critical.

00:16:17.040 Look, not all critical people are narcissists, but all narcissists are critical.

00:16:21.040 And she likely has something to say about everyone and everything, and in doing so, positions herself as superior.

00:16:28.480 And this can be through overtly criticizing someone or you for their choices,

00:16:33.280 or passive-aggressively making comments about someone else in an attempt to make sure to get the message to you.

00:16:39.900 But, ironically, if you have any criticism or complaint about her,

00:16:44.100 you will get met with a toxic reaction as you are now creating a crack in her fragile facade.

00:16:51.040 And number three, she has toxic reactions.

00:16:54.520 Look, we can all overreact or react poorly from time to time,

00:16:58.180 but narcissistic mothers will maintain this radioactivity as her MO.

00:17:03.340 And you can likely predict that she will have a defensive, stonewalling, victim-like reaction

00:17:08.000 if you attempt to bring anything to her attention that she doesn't want to hear.

00:17:13.200 And narcissistic mothers cannot and will not look at themselves.

00:17:16.620 So if you challenge her delusion, the response will be radioactive.

00:17:22.620 Nothing is ever her fault, and if you ever try to argue otherwise, you will get met with the victim and martyr.

00:17:30.400 Number four, she lacks empathy.

00:17:33.400 Narcissistic mothers will fake empathy with their sweet, high-pitched voices and their feigned sincerity.

00:17:40.420 But it's all an act.

00:17:42.140 When push comes to shove, she can't fake it anymore.

00:17:45.820 she doesn't care about what you're going through especially if it inconveniences

00:17:50.740 her or worse pertains to her and some of these moms have realized just how

00:17:55.540 selfish they appear so they will make excuses like oh if something's so much

00:18:00.940 more devastating to deal with and thereby making you the problem because

00:18:05.640 you don't now have empathy for what she's going through whoo if you've

00:18:11.340 struggled under the weight of a toxic mother and want to break free to all that

00:18:15.800 God has for you, I want to encourage you to check out my online course called the Toxic Mother

00:18:21.320 Survival Course, or we also have another course called How to Heal from a Toxic Mother,

00:18:27.340 Restoring Your Life Through Faith. I will go ahead and include links in the description section below.

00:18:33.220 And number five, she doesn't respect your boundaries. Narcissistic mothers do not take

00:18:39.480 no for an answer your boundaries are perceived as a personal slight towards her because after all

00:18:46.440 i'm your mother whether she's sharing your personal information to others or overriding

00:18:50.600 your preferences she believes that you should cower to her commands and since narcissistic

00:18:56.840 mothers still view their adult children as young children they believe wholeheartedly that they

00:19:03.400 have free reign over your life and you yeah you know fathers will give kids the information and

00:19:12.520 let the children make their own mistakes mothers cannot let their kids fail and if their kids fail

00:19:22.600 they are not concerned about their kids failing they're they're concerned about how it looks on

00:19:27.320 them oh them and here's where you're gonna get met with a manipulative comment like you're supposed

00:19:35.160 to honor and obey me or what kind of christian treats their mother oh oh that that one triggered

00:19:42.680 me you're supposed to honor me i'm sorry i hate christian women they always do this this way

00:19:52.520 all of this is in an attempt to disregard your limits and shame you into feeling like a bad

00:19:58.680 person number six she wears a mask narcissistic mothers have several facades that they try to

00:20:06.600 uphold and this can be done easily for a short period in public but get behind closed doors in

00:20:12.600 private and you're going to see that mask slip or fall off completely their public persona is

00:20:20.200 in stark contrast to their private one and this is why it makes your skin crawl when you hear

00:20:28.840 people say oh your mother's so great oh she's so sweet and you think ah if you only knew

00:20:38.520 and number seven she believes that others are jealous of her mom having trouble keeping friends

00:20:44.840 long term no i'm not talking about those equally toxic girls that she's been friends with since

00:20:49.560 college I'm talking about a constant revolving door of people in and out of

00:20:54.420 her life narcissists can't have genuine connection with others so when those

00:21:00.060 people end up leaving which they always do the narrative that sounds best in her

00:21:05.240 mind is she was just jealous of me that leads to number eight she's entitled and

00:21:12.060 self-important and this trait can be overt or covert the overt will be a bit

00:21:17.800 more histrionic in her behavior, making overt displays to get attention. Maybe that's dancing

00:21:23.240 inappropriately at a party or bragging to anyone with an ear or treating people that she deems

00:21:29.140 inferior like trash. The covert narcissist may not be as obnoxious in her expressions, but make no

00:21:35.140 mistake, she will exude superiority over others. Especially watch for number 10. But first,

00:21:41.780 in December 9. She distorts reality, otherwise known as gaslighting. You can't have a healthy

00:21:48.460 conversation with a narcissistic mother because she is always telling you that you're remembering

00:21:53.380 things wrong. Whether she denies saying or doing something or just calls you too sensitive when

00:21:58.560 you try to raise an issue, narcissistic mothers don't desire genuine connection. I know they say

00:22:03.940 they do. They desire admiration. And if you're questioning her, challenges that, she will flip

00:22:10.240 the script on you faster than a fried cook flips hotcakes. And number 10, she has weird facial

00:22:18.360 expressions. Okay, so this one isn't so much proven, but in my experience, I've seen most

00:22:25.760 narcissistic mothers with these almost uncontrollable facial expressions that

00:22:31.620 reveal their contempt for others. From eye rolls, to snarky smirks, to eye

00:22:39.560 flutters. Can't even do it if I tried. These are all signs of disdain and

00:22:47.040 disapproval towards others. They truly think that they are better than others,

00:22:51.620 including you. Okay, so dare I ask, how many signs have you seen so far? Let me

00:22:58.260 know in the comments below and did you know that growing up with a narcissistic mother can actually

00:23:04.080 lead to people pleasing where you're always saying yes and I'm sorry and if you want to know just how

00:23:09.500 much this has impacted your life I want to invite you to go ahead and take our okay let me switch

00:23:15.960 the screen real quick

00:23:28.260 Oh, dang it, it's another video, hold on, hold on guys, sorry.

00:23:48.920 Is this the same way with this one?

00:24:17.520 Hey guys, I'm Dr. Kim Sage. I'm a licensed clinical psychologist. And this next few series

00:24:39.420 of videos are going to go a little further into what I like to call mama trauma. What is mama

00:24:46.680 trauma you may ask I believe it is really what happens to us we have parents and

00:24:52.500 oftentimes our primary caregivers who really do struggle with disorders like

00:24:58.140 borderline narcissism their own wounding or mental health issues maybe you know

00:25:04.200 trauma issues but whatever happens is that over time it's not a one-time

00:25:09.420 event it's a chronic classic CPTSD dynamic where there's chronic

00:25:14.580 interpersonal trauma often between you and your caregiver which it may be an

00:25:20.760 auntie or grandmother but it really is that mother role and I'm going to make

00:25:25.440 other videos and what I call Papa trauma which is about trauma with our fathers

00:25:29.220 but I'm gonna finish out this part with mama trauma so before I get started

00:25:33.780 though I'm a clinical psychologist and this channel really focuses on

00:25:37.340 attachment relationships childhood trauma and there seems to be a real

00:25:42.960 interest in terms of understanding our primary caregivers and the wounds they

00:25:47.520 can create in us as children, especially if they are people who struggle with

00:25:51.700 their own disorders. So that is what this whole series about mama trauma will be

00:25:56.780 exploring. Please feel free to click the bell and that way if you want to

00:26:01.200 subscribe you'll get notified when I post new videos. Okay so this video is really

00:26:07.200 about the top seven signs, you know, if we're talking about do I have mama

00:26:12.600 trauma? What does that really mean? There's a certain sort of description of the way we engage

00:26:18.120 with a parent who has chronic, you know, relationship issues, being parents who are

00:26:24.800 consistent and stable and available. No parent is perfect, as I literally will keep saying. We all

00:26:30.120 screw up sometimes. But these are parents who can say hurtful things, who can do hurtful things,

00:26:35.480 who are unreliable. And I'm not talking about, like I said, in a certain period of time where we all

00:26:40.120 are struggling. But when you look back over your childhood, there's like a certain way you would

00:26:44.480 describe the relationship and the odds are very good today you're still in the trauma bond with

00:26:50.740 a parent like this. So if you were wondering, do I really have some mama trauma? These to me are

00:26:56.740 the signs. The first sign is that you would describe your parent, your mother, your mother role

00:27:02.220 as challenging, as crazy, as difficult, as unreasonable, as unpredictable. And that would

00:27:09.180 be a label you will use to describe the majority of the time with them now not

00:27:13.680 all of the time with them as I've said in the videos about borderline moms with

00:27:18.340 borderlines especially there can be more of that good love that good relationship

00:27:23.040 and so it can feel confusing because it's not always bad but when you step

00:27:27.360 back and look at it and you start to really understand what healthy parenting

00:27:32.120 looks like you would describe it as sort of these you know labels of you know

00:27:36.740 crazy, unusual, intense, challenging, difficult and things like that. So your

00:27:41.660 mom in general is not the easiest person for probably anyone to deal with but it

00:27:46.940 especially was not easy for that relationship between the two of you. The

00:27:50.540 next one is that you have a deep core sense of not being good enough and that

00:27:56.660 is often driven by your perfectionism, being overly critical. I think we all

00:28:01.820 struggle with some degree of worthiness. I mean it's just part of life and the

00:28:05.420 culture we live in. But if you had a parent who actually told you repeatedly

00:28:09.700 that you weren't good enough, that something was wrong with you, that you

00:28:13.200 were a bad child, and they're still telling you things like this, right? There's

00:28:16.960 never been any change that might be a sign that there's some trauma in there,

00:28:21.960 especially as related to the worthiness and attachment security that can really

00:28:27.660 help us not feel so much that way. The next one, number three, is that her love

00:28:33.320 hurts. Her love hurts mentally or physically or emotionally. There's something about the love with

00:28:39.100 her that has a deep wound inside of it. It's not simple. It's not pure. It's not easy to express

00:28:46.460 and understand. And so there's a wound that exists. And the love with her, even if it can be really

00:28:51.800 good at times, it can also be deeply, deeply wounding. Number four is that you have some,

00:28:57.280 you know likely symptoms of CPTSD especially as your chronic trauma

00:29:02.440 Therapists just make up words. She's on to something but damn CPTSD.

00:29:09.880 Relates to the parenting relationship with your mother or mother caregiver and

00:29:15.520 that includes everything I discussed in this video from autoimmune and chronic

00:29:19.760 health issues to mental health issues you know it really does vary there's a

00:29:24.340 a lot of things that can go into and manifest in CPTSD,

00:29:27.860 but if you think about the relationship

00:29:29.560 and it's chronically difficult nature with your mother,

00:29:32.460 there's a chance you may have some mama trauma.

00:29:34.700 And that really goes into the next one,

00:29:36.040 which is you may actually have physical

00:29:38.900 and mental health symptoms that are ongoing,

00:29:40.980 that are chronic, everything from these sort of disorders

00:29:44.840 that we can't seem to get ahold of,

00:29:46.660 that they require ongoing treatment,

00:29:49.020 and that you tend to and or repeatedly go back to

00:29:51.700 and struggle with, as well as, as I was saying,

00:29:54.100 we might find in sort of typical stress-induced chronic medical and physiological health issues.

00:30:01.220 Number five is that if you had a mom who, for the most part, you've been embarrassed to tell

00:30:06.500 other people about the things that she did to you, that she said to you, that she did or said to your

00:30:11.020 dad or your siblings, there's just this sort of cringy, uncomfortable nature that you don't really

00:30:16.440 want to share because, for the most part, you don't hear people saying things like that out loud

00:30:20.900 and or you were embarrassed of the way that she talked to you and treated you there's a chance

00:30:25.880 that because of her own difficulties and maybe lack of boundaries and her own inability to manage

00:30:30.460 herself that the way she treated you that was also hurtful or embarrassing is something that

00:30:36.460 you don't want to share with people and and all of it it just feels really uncomfortable to think

00:30:40.720 about telling someone else what your childhood with this parent was really truly like. And that's

00:30:47.180 think there's so there's so many like when you talk about your father you can talk about his

00:30:56.220 flaws and his strengths and the dads i mean they'll usually agree with you the mothers though

00:31:01.740 it's like if you say anything even remotely that may piss them off it is like world war three

00:31:09.740 i also want to say thank you to the people that have signed up today

00:31:13.500 um we just had someone sign up to the website i'm just gonna say hold on the bottom okay thank you

00:31:20.480 to ben thank you you got a yearly membership guys we are so close to covering my producer's salary

00:31:26.100 i might cry i might cry if i if we cover the i have um i don't want to say how many people but

00:31:36.940 if we cover all of the people so everyone has job security at the company i will just be very

00:31:42.760 excited that it'll be a good day so thank you guys so much i know um i know what it takes to support

00:31:48.920 like a youtuber um and i mean it would take a lot for me to download a different app

00:31:56.040 and um but i really see a future with this app to be honest i really do um i want i want to create

00:32:03.880 i want to take all of the writers that have been like driven out of hollywood and all this me too

00:32:09.160 stuff i really want to bring back 90s humor and um yeah thank you guys for helping me i couldn't do

00:32:16.280 it i seriously couldn't do it without you guys six is that you never feel deeply and truly seen

00:32:21.880 or heard or validated by her now this may be a sort of narcissistic thing where you know as a

00:32:27.080 result of her narcissism you are an extension of her and so when you are achieving or when you're

00:32:31.960 being good you are the good child or the golden child and you know when you're not she rejects

00:32:38.440 you or it just could be that at your core you never felt truly seen or heard by her and then

00:32:44.600 that kind of connects to all the other things around embarrassment and and wounds and name

00:32:49.320 calling or whatever in that regard someone said my ex-girlfriend's narcissistic mother ruined her

00:32:54.020 marriage to her college boyfriend was a major factor in our splitting up she's 67 and her

00:32:59.340 daughter's 25 at the core you really feel like there's this wide disconnect between her seeing

00:33:06.140 you and loving you and accepting you for who you are even if there are differences and the last

00:33:11.980 one would be that you have an intense love-hate relationship now I think the love-hate can often

00:33:18.220 align really well with borderline and splitting as I keep saying you do get some good love but

00:33:23.740 it's also true with many other parents who have narcissism and things like that for the most part

00:33:28.300 unless they're on the extreme end it's not all bad all of the time though I know that it can be

00:33:34.540 You can have good vacations with some parents who you don't have a good relationship with.

00:33:38.140 You can have some moments where it was good, but the vast majority of the time, you feel

00:33:43.620 these intense emotions towards them, and the way you really know is if you've said things

00:33:47.960 like, I hate my mom, I hate her, and you're like a grown adult, right?

00:33:52.740 We're not talking about you're a teenager and your parents are driving you crazy and

00:33:56.240 you're trying to become independent.

00:33:59.960 this is a full-on you know thing where obviously you wouldn't want to say out loud to many people

00:34:05.280 but you do have this deep love or deep hate and they often coexist okay we're gonna move on to

00:34:12.620 the next one if you've ever so this is a woman talking about her mother not liking her felt

00:34:23.100 like your own mother doesn't like you i'm gonna explain to you why this is many of us

00:34:29.820 so this is the competing mother the mother that competes with her daughter look for validation

00:34:35.980 acceptance love from our mother and if your mother never received those things

00:34:45.340 from her own mother yeah this is another one women's behavior is always explained right if men

00:34:53.340 behave badly it's never explained and right now what she's going to do is she's going to say

00:34:58.940 that the mom's behavior is because her mother did something instead of her choices doesn't know

00:35:05.660 what those things look like when you're asking someone to be a safe space for you to take

00:35:12.300 responsibility to love you and be there for you in a way that you need if they themselves have

00:35:19.580 never received that you're like you're like asking them something in like a different language they

00:35:25.420 don't even know where to start and we're gonna do a call in later and the reason a lot of mothers

00:35:31.900 don't like their children is because they're mothers they also can't take that their time

00:35:38.220 and the sun is over um and they keep trying to extend it you know now we have these old ladies

00:35:44.940 and like movies and stuff didn't like them and this is a very difficult and real truth that is

00:35:51.740 in the area of generational trauma because if your grandmother was someone who herself

00:36:00.300 um so someone in the chat if you guys want your chat spread you have to go to the website you

00:36:04.940 download the app um when i'm live and i do read the chats on here steve likes the song thank you

00:36:11.340 very much um thank you joel he says i'm managing the studio okay fazelle said women never forgive

00:36:18.940 forget even though each and every one of us came out of one anna says can we gift a membership that

00:36:25.660 can be given to someone at random in your audience i know you can gift a subscription if you look at

00:36:30.780 the top um i don't know if it can be given at random but if you get someone's email i think

00:36:39.020 you can send it to them um thank you but you know thanks for asking anna the mothers all right

00:36:44.940 mothers treat their daughters the worst the first person to call a young girl too fat too skinny

00:36:49.660 dressed like a slut you look like your deadbeat dad it's the mom had trauma herself didn't receive

00:36:57.100 that safety love validation emotional support from her mother she couldn't have given it to

00:37:03.100 your mother so your mother ended up having a void within her that was never filled and now that void

00:37:09.100 is filled with trauma pain and suffering that she doesn't even know how to look at if she hasn't

00:37:15.100 self-reflected so how do you expect someone who has never received what it is you're asking for

00:37:21.520 to give that to you the only person that could fulfill that void within you is yourself you can't

00:37:28.040 ask someone who's never got love to love you because they don't even know what that looks like

00:37:32.640 you are the only one that can fulfill that void within you and validate yourself

00:37:37.580 this mother this woman has a transactional mother i have a transactional mother she's not

00:37:47.320 going to text me to see how my day is going or how i'm feeling she's not going to inquire about

00:37:52.580 how business is going this week and whether or not i'm happy in my role she's going to hit me

00:37:58.940 up because she needs something she's going to text me and when i open that text message

00:38:03.000 even though i may want to hear i love you and i just wanted to say that i miss you very much

00:38:07.340 it's going to be like hey can you buy this off of Amazon for me even though I've showed her

00:38:11.660 10,000 times how to do it herself. She's not going to prioritize me when it comes to holiday season

00:38:16.500 because she has things to do and she values other things more than she values family time.

00:38:22.020 After all she's a business owner so holidays mean big money where she's at so why would she take

00:38:28.860 off to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with her only daughter. I have a transactional mother

00:38:34.240 that's how she is it's who she is and i no longer look at the way she is as a reflection of who i am

00:38:41.120 because i have a lot of heartfelt connections with wonderful people who see me for who i am

00:38:46.980 they don't see me as a butler or chat gpt my mom treats me like i'm chat gpt she comes to me with

00:38:54.160 questions and she expects answers and god forbid i ever make a point that she doesn't connect deeply

00:38:59.060 enough with me she's going to say i don't know where i went wrong i did everything i could blah

00:39:03.460 blah, blah, blah, blah. She should have hired a butler, not had a daughter. What's worse is I

00:39:08.740 have a transactional mother that has a better relationship with my brother, but I already made

00:39:13.760 a TikTok about that. I'm not going into detail with that. I'm making this video because I have

00:39:17.780 16 messages and I felt super overwhelmed just looking at it. And then I reminded myself I have

00:39:23.900 a transactional mother. I can respond when I'm ready to. If you can say that you have a transactional

00:39:29.500 parent i pray you have similar boundaries where you realize i ain't got to respond right now i'm

00:39:35.480 not ready i don't feel like it i will come to you when i'm ready i hope you have a similar boundary

00:39:40.660 i hope you don't feel pressured to respond right away you are not chat gpt babes you are not chat

00:39:47.140 gpt make sure no matter how transactional your parent is whenever you feel that guilt you remind

00:39:53.260 yourself that it's only because you're familiar with having to respond in this way they raised

00:39:58.600 you in an environment of urgency when they had a need because they selfishly wanted you to meet

00:40:04.380 that need. Instead of realizing I don't have everything I need to parent properly and I need

00:40:09.640 to figure out a way to, you know, make up for this and compensate for this, they made it your

00:40:14.640 responsibility. And that's why a lot of us became adults at early ages. I have a transactional

00:40:19.540 parent. I know all about it. If you need help creating some boundaries and processing some of

00:40:24.820 feelings you have around having a transactional parent hit me up i have some slots available

00:40:30.980 okay the mother is the victim in every story well you need to understand that your mother

00:40:36.260 will always be the victim in the story between both of y'all so if you try to hold her accountable

00:40:41.060 if you try to tell her how she's hurt you in the past because of maternal narcissism because of her

00:40:46.500 narcissism she is always going to be the victim in the story let me tell you why because of this

00:40:51.220 perspective and because she has the title of mother she's always right and she knows best

00:40:57.460 because at the end of the day she's the mother so when she is confronted with issues that she may

00:41:02.580 have caused she cannot see past like how could she be the problem if she is a mother and she's

00:41:08.420 always right and she did the best she could well this leads her to portray herself as the victim

00:41:13.780 in the story between both of y'all every single time and it makes you look like the ungrateful

00:41:19.220 child who was challenging a mother who was only doing her best yeah mothers always have victims

00:41:29.780 three things a narcissistic mother does that cause your trauma one behaving completely differently

00:41:35.380 in front of others compared to how she behaves in private towards that's the thing they'll have like

00:41:40.580 two personalities people wondering why you're so unpleasant towards her and thinking you're

00:41:46.420 ungrateful number two creating splits within the family by assigning walls to each of the children

00:41:52.980 the golden child the scapegoat and the lost child number three when something bad happens to others

00:41:59.220 instead of offering support all attention focuses on her and somehow the story becomes her person

00:42:06.740 anna says it's good to sort out your and improve yourself but keep that process in

00:42:10.980 your head we don't need the transactional diatribe on tiktok ladies hey don't listen to don't listen

00:42:19.300 to anna i need these for my show anna hush have you looked in the jesse lee peterson videos on

00:42:26.020 this topic as well a lot of callers report the same stuff when confronting their mothers

00:42:31.700 i've seen a little bit but you can feel free to send me stuff we're gonna do a call at the

00:42:36.740 end of the show i don't love my mother and whenever i make that statement it ignites

00:42:42.900 a ton of people and a ton of judgment she brought you into this world you know i owe her gratitude

00:42:49.940 i owe her love when the fact of the matter is she owed me safety and nurturing and love

00:42:58.340 this little girl the only thing she ever experienced in connection

00:43:04.500 to her mother the only thing i ever experienced in connection to my mother this is the thing about

00:43:10.500 anxiety boomer mothers to do terrible job did a terrible job as parents and then they're mad at

00:43:17.380 the kids because the kids don't like them and there's like whole articles about kids ghosting

00:43:22.260 the parents fear and absolute terror and that was the result of the emotional violence the emotional

00:43:31.780 abuse that she perpetrated against me so no i don't love my mother because that's not what

00:43:40.900 she grew between us and i wish i did and i wish she had emotionally absent mother i'm an emotionally

00:43:52.900 absent mother what's that mean it means that i'm insensitive or unaware of your emotional needs

00:43:57.700 i seem like i'm an involved parent i'm at school functions i'm at your games but i take very little

00:44:03.140 interest in how you think or what you feel i don't really know how to comfort you when you're upset

00:44:07.060 or how to see your perspective about anything at all that doesn't sound good she said that doesn't

00:44:12.020 sound good no i disconnected from my emotions years ago i've been completely shut down so anytime

00:44:19.140 you're upset i get super uncomfortable and pretty much just ignore what's happening it's my only

00:44:23.700 coping mechanism okay so how will this impact me well i'm not empathetic to anything you go through

00:44:30.100 i'll just tell you to stop making a big deal out of things or i might not even notice that you're

00:44:34.180 going through something at all you'll notice my disconnection though and you'll do all you can to

00:44:38.500 win my love trying to be perfect and overachieving you won't have the space to develop a healthy

00:44:43.300 sense of self you won't know who you are at the same time you'll feel conflicted about me

00:44:48.580 you'll know how much i do and sacrifice for you and you'll be angry at me because you know something

00:44:53.620 is really missing here because you have this deep sense of loneliness even when we're together

00:45:01.780 that's funny okay i'm gonna put on um an audacity network

00:45:06.820 show while i go set up the zoom link this is another woman i please ah dang it ah come on

00:45:16.820 okay well this is another woman i kicked out but i guess i guess i'll put on uh one from this

00:45:24.340 because i can't log in while i'm on i can't i can't switch the cameras it just says what it is

00:45:29.540 um pearl davis pre-game show i'm sure there's something on youtube um here we go

00:45:39.780 this full thing is on my website too what up guys welcome to the just pearly things youtube channel

00:45:46.960 and welcome to the pregame okay before i start do not forget to subscribe to the channel and

00:45:53.260 ring that notification bell that we are going to be notified of my daily videos like the video on

00:45:57.720 your way in we have a special channel tonight but before we get to that a couple announcements

00:46:03.820 before we start the show the first is that we have two clips channels just pearly clips and

00:46:08.700 pearl daily make sure you go subscribe to both of those sign up for our membership

00:46:12.860 tiers follow me on instagram and thank you for 800k and thank you for a hundred episodes

00:46:21.580 all right guys let's take a quick second and hear from our channel sponsor identity theft

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00:47:54.060 thank you guys again okay so um why don't we go around and have everyone on the panel introduce

00:48:00.300 introduce yourself so your name your age your relationship status where are you from all right

00:48:05.420 guys i just emailed myself the zoom link i'm gonna have uh doug is gonna call in

00:48:15.900 or we're gonna put in the chat so if you guys have a mother's story tell me about your mothers

00:48:25.340 and if you come in to tell me your mother was an angel this just isn't the show for that please

00:48:30.600 stop you know what i mean it's like i hate it when someone comes in it's like their life mission

00:48:36.160 to tell you guys have a mother story hold on their their mother was perfect i'm like okay

00:48:45.500 let me put this on the website

00:48:48.360 too I'm going to put it over here

00:48:50.720 this computer

00:48:54.180 sent it from this email

00:48:56.400 okay I put it in both

00:49:10.680 yeah so tell me your mother's stories

00:49:14.520 what what's been going on guys one mother's story i realized was that pretty much all women have

00:49:31.240 been alienated from their dad it's like universal so i had one i had one friend growing up the the

00:49:38.220 story was always that her dad was this evil monster right and she would he would get deployed

00:49:46.400 for like nine months at a time so that was the only story we had turned out this hoe was cheating

00:49:51.560 yeah sounds about right yeah she was cheating you know hey doug how's it going do you got a

00:50:02.200 other story for me yeah so if um anyone's been on any other live streams on my channel or actually

00:50:08.520 i i told this on pro channel multiple times but i'll i'll tell it again so um you know

00:50:15.520 i'll say it this has nothing to do with pearl everyone this is dug in pa saying it i always

00:50:23.900 know when you say this it's going to be a race thing well you know what hey you know what

00:50:28.600 put it put it in the chat black mothers are the worst american black mothers are the worst

00:50:35.980 mothers mothers on the planet and you can't tell me different now they say doug mp how can you talk

00:50:41.100 about black mothers like that what about your mom yeah my mom was awful to me too in fact uh i used

00:50:47.880 to run a mentorship group um where i would mentor aj and i we would mentor young african immigrant

00:50:55.060 and african-american men okay and it was just a brotherhood all of us had awful mothers all of us

00:51:02.100 every single because you can't tell them nothing you know that they have all these

00:51:07.700 outs to taking accountability well i put a roof over your head i put food in your belly

00:51:14.100 you know what are you complaining about you know so anyway so um

00:51:19.460 um i hate using these terms but i don't know how to put it like my mother was verbally and

00:51:26.660 emotionally abusive i grew up in a verbally and emotionally abusive household and you know my

00:51:32.420 parents were made but my dad worked a lot he worked all the time my dad was high value and

00:51:39.860 so we were literally left at home with our mom and like our mom is like well first off we got

00:51:47.300 spank is we were young but you know i'm a twin so we we probably deserved it but anyway but right

00:51:54.500 around like middle school and high school my mom was just which is awful she she said the worst

00:51:58.740 things possible and um uh it was just awful the worst thing that you all of the tactics that you

00:52:07.220 said in your monologue my mom did it shame insults guilt they need to be right lacking what was the

00:52:12.900 worst one like do you is there one that like sticks out to you oh yeah like maybe a specific

00:52:18.020 story you have the i wish you were never born all the time she would say that holy oh yep

00:52:25.380 yep yep she'd say all this stuff and you know or all the it's just it was just awful or what's

00:52:31.140 the worst when they say sorry go ahead huh it's like the worst is when they like think they can

00:52:36.180 do anything because they gave birth to you you're like it's one day yeah that was one day

00:52:41.300 go ahead go ahead uh i carried you for nine months blah blah blah all that stuff right

00:52:48.620 and so the the thing about my mom is my mom she was a depressed miserable person and

00:52:56.940 her goal was to constantly make the house that way

00:53:00.180 so i grew up in an environment where i had there's a person in the house that just her goal was to

00:53:08.960 make things uncomfortable for you so you you were always on edge because she'd always say

00:53:13.600 something harmful she she'd find a way to turn any good news anything going on with your life

00:53:21.120 so we just stopped sharing things with her you know uh any accomplishments anything like that

00:53:25.760 because she's going to find a way to to tear it down and also my mother was one of those mothers

00:53:30.560 where she should have been doing the emotional maintenance on us to foster us into healthy

00:53:35.200 adults but we had to do the emotional maintenance on her to to constantly um uh uh validate that

00:53:44.880 she was a good mother even though she wasn't how would she try to ruin your day when because she

00:53:52.000 was depressed so um like how would she do a day-to-day i'm just wondering so just she would

00:54:02.080 listen she how am i going to put this here she'd always find a way to insult you always

00:54:09.120 about everything even stuff that you can't even think that you get insulted about

00:54:16.160 all of your hopes all your dreams she's tear it all down can i have an example i was about to say

00:54:22.480 can i have an example and then you started to go so you know i got accepted to the school i always

00:54:28.240 i went to uh community college first and i got accepted to the school i always wanted to go to

00:54:33.920 and i knew that uh i transferred from community college to university and i knew i was really

00:54:40.640 happy but i didn't want to tell my mom because i knew that she was going to find a way to tear it

00:54:44.400 down right so i didn't tell my mom until two days before i was going to leave and the last thing

00:54:51.360 that she said to me before i moved i have a car packed i was ready to drive down there and the

00:54:57.200 last thing that she said to me was i don't know why you're going down there because all you're

00:55:01.040 going to do is fail out and end up on our couch then what are you going to do and it wasn't like

00:55:10.320 you you don't seem like you were a bad student in high school no i wasn't yeah like it doesn't seem

00:55:17.440 like you seem like a pretty responsible person i i ended up moving across the country to get a job

00:55:24.160 because i moved back in my parents after i got my graduate degree and my mom was doing

00:55:28.960 the same thing and i literally moved across the country because my mom was just too much right

00:55:34.560 and uh the day before i left my mom asked me why i was leaving and i said it's because of you

00:55:43.120 because i hate you you're just awful to me with my whole life and then she said to me you guys ready

00:55:49.120 she said i i hate you when you're here but i miss you when you're gone

00:55:57.680 wow and that summed up my entire childhood with my mom right there right so but there is a part

00:56:08.960 two to this story so my um my parents ended up um divorcing after like 30 some odd years and my mom

00:56:19.200 had never lived by herself ever uh because she went from uh her parents house to the military

00:56:26.240 and then she got married whatever so she was living by herself and then she started going to

00:56:31.680 therapy and she called me up out of the blue and first off my mom never called me i was like hey

00:56:40.880 what's up and she's like hey could i talk to you she's like yeah i said yeah and i was expecting

00:56:47.040 the usual bs and my mom's like you know i want to apologize for being so terrible to you your

00:56:52.640 whole life and i want to apologize to all you kids because i was just terrible to you the reason why

00:56:57.360 why i say that the term scumbag is that's what my mom said my mom said that she was a scumbag to me

00:57:03.020 most of my life and and and then guys she had a bulleted list of events in my life that she wanted

00:57:10.140 to apologize for so remember in third grade when i did this to you remember i didn't know i didn't

00:57:16.980 know women could apologize yeah i didn't either wow i didn't either so she said in fifth grade

00:57:25.080 in seventh grade like she had specific situations oh yeah yeah uh-huh and um and then so it was

00:57:32.760 about 45 minutes because she went down the whole list and i was just speechless and then she said

00:57:38.120 i'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the fact that i was so terrible to you

00:57:43.480 and she's been doing it guys i literally have mom 2.0 right now she is a completely different person

00:57:50.200 than she was when i was young she actually did the work you know i i just i remember one time

00:57:56.760 we were talking because she was trying to act like nothing happened and then a couple times i just

00:58:01.240 unloaded on her and just let her know all the terrible things she did to me and she just sat

00:58:04.600 there and just took it and so now her and i have a great relationship and i can't believe it guys i

00:58:10.360 really can't like she she did the work to try to um and she's doing the work right now to try to be

00:58:18.680 a better mother to to all of us kids you know i can call her and talk to her now without having

00:58:23.960 to without worry about stepping on a hand you know on a on a landmine you know like she's emotion she

00:58:30.600 just she she apologized she took accountability and i i have mom too i have mom 2.0 now now the

00:58:40.520 biggest problem is i meet a lot of guys who aren't where i'm at yet and i feel so bad for them because

00:58:45.560 it's some heavy weight guys it is some heavy weight when your mom is an absolute scumbag

00:58:52.360 it hurts and it doesn't get any better all you can do is just get used to it

00:58:57.880 yeah and even that won't happen so you know i consider myself fortunate you know from when i

00:59:04.040 was 35 and four my mom has been a completely different person but the first 35 years of my life

00:59:09.480 she was the worst person in my life just absolutely terrible and i grew up in the

00:59:14.440 suburbs where there was a lot of um uh you know stereotypical um moms you know housewives and

00:59:23.640 stuff and i would go to my friend's house and see how warm and nurturing their moms were and then

00:59:29.720 i go home to my house and you know my mom's a demon right and it's like it's not fair why did

00:59:36.760 i get stuck with this and so you know i consider myself fortunate um that my mom has done what she

00:59:44.360 done because a lot of people will never get that and guys a lot of people will say well

00:59:50.040 your biggest problem is you keep wanting from your mom what she's never going to give you

00:59:56.440 but that doesn't make it make it any easier it's your mom like your family your mother

01:00:01.560 and your father and your family it could hurt you like nobody else

01:00:07.320 so um but yeah my mom did did the actual work she she's she still has a lit it comes out a little

01:00:13.720 bit i still have to have social boundaries but yeah for the most part mom 2.0 is in full effect

01:00:21.480 that's crazy i wonder has anyone else had that happen call in if so

01:00:26.600 who are the bear someone says interview the barretts have you heard of them

01:00:31.240 uh-uh um you said that someone else on the line yeah and just let me just reiterate guys um

01:00:40.200 like i said in the chat um black mothers not all but most are the worst mothers on the planet

01:00:46.840 because you can't tell them nothing that they're strong independent blah blah blah and 55 of

01:00:53.640 violent crimes are perpetuated by black people it's it's true it's a stat but the reason why is

01:01:00.040 all these single mothers guys all these b-dub single moms and it's sad everything in the black

01:01:09.000 community comes from single mothers all the bad things come from from single mothers so guys if

01:01:16.360 you don't have any children even if you do stay away from single moms don't date them don't sleep

01:01:20.920 with them don't marry them leave them alone anyway uh the next person is jc jackson are you there

01:01:27.800 unmute hey yeah can you hear me yeah hey jc how's it going it's good good to be back um

01:01:34.360 I had a pretty bad mom as well, just because he brought up the race.

01:01:40.340 I'm white, so there's a white mother.

01:01:42.300 So this thing is not race-exclusive.

01:01:45.840 I grew up with – my mother was all the stereotype things, but the worst thing about it was probably the two-facedness.

01:01:53.820 My mom did the whole stereotype where when friends and family come over, she was very, very – almost too perfect.

01:02:01.260 and when when they left that's when the trouble really started so but so I heard I heard all the

01:02:09.820 same things like he said um I think but I left home at 17 to mainly to get away with her joined

01:02:18.040 military and left at 17 and she hated me for that but but say I'm 32 now I I haven't gotten mom 2.0

01:02:27.980 yeah i'm hoping hoping that happens because she still behaves the same way yeah but i would say

01:02:34.800 the worst thing that happened to me because all the all the stereotypical stuff happened to me

01:02:38.760 where you know they scream at you they uh every once in a while they'll hit you every once they'll

01:02:43.540 make sure any day you have all the school as a as a teenager is still doing chores or or her just

01:02:50.080 running around the house mad but the worst thing that probably happened was when i was an adult and

01:02:55.400 And my grandfather, so my mother's father, gifted her some land, gifted her land, put

01:03:04.160 a house on it.

01:03:06.200 And she, for some odd reason, was dating this guy and wanting to move in with him.

01:03:11.540 She was twice divorced, no third marriage yet, and I can see why.

01:03:19.960 But she said, okay, well, I don't want this house anymore.

01:03:22.640 and i said okay well i will take it over it's it's on my family it's on my family and it's on

01:03:27.440 my grandfather's land grandfather's done nothing wrong you know so i took over the mortgage i

01:03:31.920 started paying it but it's still in my mom's name she ain't done she ain't signed anything over to

01:03:36.000 me yet she sells it to someone else after i've been paying the mortgage and stuff on it just

01:03:44.240 sells it and just announces it at a family family meeting like yeah yeah everybody everybody knew

01:03:50.400 yeah yeah i told her i told jc yeah he he was aware i was gonna sell it no idea i got blindsided

01:03:56.160 and the the couples right there it was a it was a gentleman and his wife and the wife was pregnant

01:04:00.640 so like i couldn't flip my and i couldn't flip my in front of a pregnant woman that that'd be

01:04:06.560 inappropriate but yeah that was one of the worst things that ever happened and then we got into a

01:04:13.920 fight maybe a year or two ago where she started to want to come around for like grandkids but she

01:04:18.720 would play very weird favoritism with the grandkids and like she started doing the mind games with

01:04:23.840 the grandkids like wanting to talk to my kids behind closed doors about when me and her had a

01:04:29.360 heart argument and i just i just i i told my mom i said look you gotta get lost like if if we didn't

01:04:36.400 have grandkids or i wouldn't have nothing to do with you and my mother sat there and said all

01:04:42.880 All right, well, then lose my number.

01:04:45.640 I said, dumbass, I know where you live.

01:04:47.520 Like, what do you mean?

01:04:49.000 Yeah.

01:04:51.180 Wow.

01:04:51.720 So she would try to manipulate your grandkids and turn them against you.

01:04:55.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:56.420 Like, we got into a massive...

01:04:57.620 Sorry, her grandkids.

01:04:58.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:59.300 You're good.

01:04:59.700 You're good.

01:05:00.040 We got into a massive argument, and she wanted to go talk to my daughter, and she tried showing

01:05:03.400 my daughter's door.

01:05:04.320 I said, oh, you leave that fucking door open.

01:05:06.780 And because I made her leave the door open, she wouldn't even talk to her, and she left

01:05:10.440 the house.

01:05:11.440 Yeah.

01:05:11.720 So I had to record us getting into a fight.

01:05:16.740 She came over and got into a fight with me one day.

01:05:19.040 I had to hit record on my phone, put it in my pocket so where the phone camera was hanging out.

01:05:24.600 So she couldn't tell we were being recorded.

01:05:26.700 I had to record the fight so my dad, my grandmother, and my grandfather could all see what she was like behind closed doors.

01:05:35.180 Because they just, they, the whole family.

01:05:38.400 What would she do?

01:05:39.600 like could i have like a play-by-play of what the fight was um so generally she come in you know

01:05:46.860 the slam the door open way too hard like normal usually scream my name and then she just start

01:05:53.100 flipping on me about something that ear i didn't know about or is you know honestly not her

01:05:59.900 fucking business like um like one time my daughter called me to ask me permission for something and

01:06:07.040 I said no and my grandma and she's there with my mom because she's with my she's with my

01:06:12.320 grandma my grandmother and my my mother's mother's mom because I still want them to

01:06:18.020 have a relationship even if I'm even if we're if we're not in good terms I try to do the

01:06:22.260 right thing um why oh my god you think that's the right thing you're gonna torture the grandkid

01:06:29.480 too sorry yeah like like this is before i cut her off like that before that argument i told you about

01:06:39.720 every man tries to do the right thing for a while with their moms like like like the last guy said

01:06:45.080 but she would just come in here and scream at me and she would do this thing and i know a lot of

01:06:50.120 i know a lot of men know about this your mom will kind of buck up at you because a let's be real

01:06:57.640 they know they can't win the fight but they know most of us won't hit them yeah i was just about

01:07:02.200 to say that she she can buck up because you're never going to raise your hand to your mom yeah

01:07:08.280 yeah i i've noticed this a lot like like she would do it every argument i'm just like and i one time

01:07:14.840 i just had to tell her like look you know i could throw you through that wall right like and so she

01:07:19.800 would she would hit you would you like in the face on the arm how would it usually go um it's mainly

01:07:26.440 pushes to the chest like okay like open palm like you know pushing somebody in the chest like just

01:07:33.240 that i don't know how to describe it but they're they're egging you on they want you to do something

01:07:37.160 yeah and and it's and it's just it that type of stuff happens and no one believed me because she

01:07:43.320 would because what she would do is she would go running and you know she would spin her side of

01:07:46.920 the story to my dad to my uh grandparents because you know is i mean and then and then i would hear

01:07:55.240 about it like i would get a call from my grandparents so what did you do what what what happened i'm

01:07:59.160 like i didn't do anything i'm sitting here mind my own business and she just came up came at me

01:08:05.160 ill ill about something and i like i said i had to record her to get proof to for people to believe

01:08:12.360 me i still have a little cousin a little female cousin that's uh well she's not little but she's

01:08:17.640 like she just turned like 1920 but she this this cousin is is ugly to me to this day because she

01:08:26.040 thinks i'm mean and disrespectful to my mother i'm like no yeah it's she's two-faced and some of them

01:08:34.440 just have never seen it yep and she she put she put a uh not she put not a deep but like a like

01:08:41.960 a she put like a slight scar on me on my neck like before the week before i left for the military

01:08:46.440 because when she found out i was leaving for the military she like tried to choke me out and i was

01:08:51.240 like 17 years old i still could out powered her but i didn't fight back yeah and so like one her

01:08:57.080 one her nails like you know scratched up my neck pretty good it had like yeah like the week before

01:09:02.360 i left for the military that was that was a fun little explaining like hey recruit where'd you

01:09:07.960 show up with that some of them probably understood they're like yeah it's happened to me you know

01:09:16.040 but yeah but yeah i'm but i'm i'm 32 year to 32 years old my mother's 22 years older than me so

01:09:22.840 that makes her 54. and like she still acts like this to the to this day it's that it's that weird

01:09:29.400 bit of like feminism and and aggressiveness that like it doesn't matter where you're from like um

01:09:38.520 some people like uh feminism just seeps so deep in they don't even understand what they're

01:09:45.320 doing and i'm like she and she's like i always say white women are more sneaky with their aggression

01:09:52.920 like white women that's just my observations like black women put their aggression up front

01:09:57.800 where white women it's like i got a divorce attorney say that he did not he feared he would

01:10:02.920 never marry a white woman because of how brutal they were in divorce court yeah white women are

01:10:08.360 tend to be two-faced with black women are openly aggressive yeah and then latinos we accept they're

01:10:14.360 aggressive because most of the time they're hot

01:10:18.840 that's funny okay well thank you for sharing jc

01:10:25.480 calling anytime okay no worries and uh tom are you there on

01:10:33.080 mute i'm here hey tom how's it going

01:10:39.320 going well how are you i'm good what do you have on the topic

01:10:44.040 what was your mother like she enjoyed violence physical she enjoyed it

01:10:54.440 and she i didn't know until my 30s that she was the one that had broke my leg when i was two

01:11:01.240 wow no way yeah she slipped up in a communication when she was uh you know how they how people who

01:11:14.760 are um trying to cover up a lie how how they'll slip sometimes because they're in the moment right

01:11:23.800 she was carrying on about something about her victimhood and how my dad was always cheating on

01:11:33.180 her and whatnot and how horrible it was for her and and then she slipped and said and you know

01:11:39.080 and then that's what caused me to um to you know do what I did to you when you were two

01:11:49.560 So up until that point, I thought that I had fallen on the stairs.

01:11:54.880 Wow.

01:11:56.760 Tommy, did you ever go through, so was she physically violent your whole childhood?

01:12:02.240 Yes.

01:12:03.480 Did you ever get to the point where she, especially when you got older, you got taller than her or whatever,

01:12:08.780 where you did the catch the hand where she tried to hit you and you caught her wrist?

01:12:13.040 Did you ever do that?

01:12:14.220 Yeah.

01:12:14.720 I knew it.

01:12:16.240 I knew it.

01:12:16.840 Most of my friends who had violent mothers, just one day you realize she takes a swing at you and you just catch her hand.

01:12:24.320 Oh, my God.

01:12:24.740 Yeah.

01:12:26.220 Go ahead.

01:12:27.020 Yeah, I caught her hand, and then that was the one moment my dad stepped in.

01:12:32.160 So I thought my dad up to that point was just scared of her or something.

01:12:38.560 But he was enabling her.

01:12:40.560 And at that moment, I figured it out because he said, well, if you don't hit a woman and if you hit your mother, because I was holding her hands and she was like really hard trying to get out.

01:12:53.860 And he told me to let go of her and I said, well, she's going to hit me.

01:12:59.600 And he said, you don't you don't touch a woman.

01:13:01.980 And if you do that, you got to you're going to deal with me.

01:13:05.660 My dad, at that time, could have took me because I was 14 or something, 15 maybe.

01:13:14.920 What did your dad do for occupation, if you don't mind me asking?

01:13:19.240 He was a scam artist.

01:13:21.500 Oh, okay.

01:13:22.740 Sorry.

01:13:23.520 I wasn't expecting that answer.

01:13:25.600 Sorry.

01:13:26.800 Okay.

01:13:27.520 What did he scam people on?

01:13:29.200 And he always had some sort of a entrepreneur thing.

01:13:36.400 Yeah.

01:13:36.760 So they did things like Amway and Shackley and stuff like that.

01:13:41.500 Yeah.

01:13:41.580 Yeah.

01:13:43.720 And then what he would do is he would start businesses and then it was like my job to work the business and try to figure out how to make it work.

01:13:56.000 You know, as a teenager, no.

01:13:59.200 so um usually it was involved with him just telling a big story to somebody that had some money

01:14:06.800 and then uh um taking their money and then not doing anything he got um

01:14:17.600 probably he took my money too i i we couldn't pay the rent and stuff so i went to work very young

01:14:25.840 and and that's how he enforced it was my mother would come and just physically take my money from

01:14:32.920 me so do you still have a relationship with your mom at all or did you have to end up cutting her

01:14:39.420 off um after the incident where i found out that she had broke my leg i figured it sounds strange

01:14:46.980 but it didn't dawn on me until then that i wasn't the problem

01:14:54.580 wow so you were in your 30s when you figured it out yeah and um yeah i started figuring it out

01:15:04.980 in my 20s when i had kids your kids reached these milestones and you're like oh my god

01:15:10.820 she was doing x y or z at this time i can't imagine doing this to my children

01:15:16.980 And then you're like, okay, well, maybe I was just an exceptionally bad kid.

01:15:22.420 Well, and that's what she said, of course.

01:15:25.040 She would refer to me to the rest of the family as the black sheep, and I was the reason why.

01:15:32.480 Did you ever go to therapy and have that to help you figure out it was not normal?

01:15:37.520 Or was raising your own kids the catalyst where you really started to figure out that what you went through wasn't normal?

01:15:44.800 Because it's usually one of the two.

01:15:47.700 it's my ex-wife i married kind of a combination of my mom and my dad which is the worst of both

01:15:55.940 worlds and so and as people who've gone through this know that's that's what you do you you

01:16:04.500 subconsciously or i was subconsciously trying to fix my parents by marrying the traits that they had

01:16:13.860 and so i um

01:16:18.820 found out the the nice thing about the whole situation is is that my ex-wife trained me

01:16:27.140 in life like i found i found out everything through her all of the actions that she took

01:16:36.660 because now i'm an adult and i have um when i'm married to her i have autonomy and i could see

01:16:44.020 everything that i was and i and i could go out and and make money and i could go out and i could

01:16:50.980 negotiate and you know and take a non-violent approach to arguments and it's and i learned

01:17:00.020 through that, that if somebody enjoys violence, they will engage in violence and it doesn't matter

01:17:08.600 how you approach. I'm going to ask you one more question. So

01:17:14.260 from your, did you deal with a whole lot from your girlfriends, like a whole lot of foolishness

01:17:21.260 from your, from your wives and girlfriends? Because situations like that, you, it kind of

01:17:28.560 raise you with the mindset that you should like the the virtue of a man or the virtue of a person

01:17:35.460 it's just enduring were you one of those kind of people were you you just endure people will say

01:17:40.960 how are you so patient or how do you put up with so much were you one of those kind of people

01:17:45.500 i was a complete simp there you go i knew it and it happens it was primarily because i fell for my

01:17:55.580 mom's victim stories if you know if if she hadn't something happened something hadn't happened to

01:18:05.820 her so you know if my dad wasn't such an ass or whatever then everything would be fine um or that

01:18:11.180 she wouldn't have to do these things and i i for example i thought that i thought she was a clean

01:18:16.540 freak um growing up because she had me clean the house first my family was six people

01:18:25.580 and I was the house the housekeeper for the entire family and she would come

01:18:32.360 home and with this bright red carpet and cats with white fur and the fur would

01:18:39.500 show up really easy so I was really fastidious about cleaning all of it and

01:18:44.460 everything and she would come come and glued and you know I won't tell you what

01:18:53.000 she did, but we, you can all imagine. And later on, I thought that it was just because she was

01:19:00.640 such a clean freak. And then I moved out of the house and then their house turned into a disaster

01:19:06.320 and my dad's a hoarder. And so it just, he just hoarded it up. And, uh, I was like, what,

01:19:13.760 what's going on here? And she's like, Oh, I just, you know, I just haven't gotten around to it.

01:19:18.620 And so I realized that she just enjoyed having a slave.

01:19:22.260 That was really more about that and less about being clean.

01:19:25.640 So it was a way to control you, basically.

01:19:30.720 Yeah, it was a control technique, absolutely.

01:19:33.360 Yeah.

01:19:34.820 Okay.

01:19:35.160 So to answer Doug's previous question, you don't really ever get over it because what people don't understand about this sort of thing,

01:19:47.900 is if you're abused at as a toddler your world isn't safe you don't socialize

01:19:58.280 properly with other children and I didn't and so I had no friends and the

01:20:03.660 other kids stay for obvious reasons I just had massive behavior problems mm-hmm

01:20:10.040 And so it's a lifelong damage.

01:20:17.820 And the biggest thing that didn't happen was nobody in the neighborhood said anything.

01:20:29.500 I look back on it, I'm like, it was obvious that she was a monster.

01:20:35.240 And we had a very large extended family.

01:20:38.440 my grandmother didn't do anything about it my other grandparents didn't do anything about it

01:20:42.040 nobody in the neighborhood did anything about the teachers didn't do anything about it

01:20:46.440 and she constantly threatened she's like we're gonna you know if you say anything then you're

01:20:50.520 gonna get taken to to foster care and they're going to um and it's going to even be worse

01:20:55.560 there right and later on as an adult i was like well it wouldn't no it wouldn't have been worse

01:21:02.280 it couldn't have been that's crazy yeah well thank you uh for sharing tom we really appreciate it and

01:21:09.160 you know um it's good to tell stories like this because before i you know i used to have

01:21:15.720 a mentorship group and a lot of the guys i used to mentor we would just share stories and it would

01:21:20.920 you know they were younger than me and i would share my story and it would it'll kind of help

01:21:24.920 them make sense of their situation and i'm pretty sure that your story is going to help a lot of

01:21:29.560 of guys in the chat and who are going to watch this mason situation so thank you for sharing

01:21:34.520 we really appreciate it and calling anytime okay yeah just let them know it's not them

01:21:40.200 that's the biggest thing because they they think i thought it until i was in my 30s okay all right um

01:21:49.160 is it it's j a m e j jane are you there

01:21:59.560 J-A-M-E, Jame?

01:22:02.480 I can't believe she broke a two-year-old's leg.

01:22:05.900 That's insane.

01:22:06.700 Did you see there's this nurse that was breaking baby's legs and arms in the hospital?

01:22:12.280 Yeah, she's being tried right now.

01:22:14.440 It was awful.

01:22:16.500 Okay, Thompson, unmute.

01:22:23.980 You're still muted?

01:22:26.260 You are still muted, my friend.

01:22:29.560 you're still muted also we just had another sign up thank you John thank you

01:22:38.920 John for signing up guys three more signups would be great this show sorry

01:22:43.740 what was the name Doug Thompson Thompson hi welcome to the show Thompson

01:22:49.620 hey phil how you going i'm good how are you

01:22:55.220 yeah not too bad oh are you in england pretty good actually

01:23:01.320 no i'm australian oh okay yeah australia nice first up you know i gotta if you're if you're

01:23:09.560 one of our canadian brothers or australian brothers constant i'm glad you made another

01:23:14.800 day man because canada and australia are both feminist hellholes that hate men so

01:23:19.600 so thank you for being here and thank you for making it another day

01:23:24.160 yeah geez brother now there's a lot of um a lot of misandry here man you know especially the last

01:23:31.680 few years you know did you have anything on the topic uh i'm not too really sure to talk about

01:23:44.480 i just kind of wanted to say like um after my parents tumultuous marriage i've never really

01:23:53.760 been able to fall in love i've had girlfriends and stuff but they've never really lasted very long

01:24:04.320 and do you do you think that's from your parents or like was it from your mother

01:24:11.120 there's a lot to do with with um with the way that my mom used to treat my dad but then my dad

01:24:21.320 was uh like my dad would always bash her up you know so by the time i was 15 16 i'd be fist fighting

01:24:30.080 my dad on the front lawn and even the cops would come over and the cops wouldn't even do nothing

01:24:37.320 really they just you know tell my dad to keep it down and shit like that but i think it stems more

01:24:42.920 from my mom to be honest with you yeah how so uh just kind of like the last dude was saying like um

01:24:57.080 like i feel like she's definitely a bit of a monster too like just exactly like the last

01:25:03.240 bloke was saying and everyone else knew it you know but no one really decided to step in and put

01:25:09.240 a stop to it you know and my parents never got divorced because my dad died of a heart attack as

01:25:19.160 well like 10 years ago so and so have the girls you dated have they been like your mother or have

01:25:26.840 they've been different uh they've been a little bit different but i can just never

01:25:36.120 uh i can just never connect with them you know

01:25:41.480 well i so

01:25:45.960 you can you can apply okay when when i was mentoring my mentees and one of them would say

01:25:54.200 doug and pa i'm just not happy at work i say why do you think that you get to be happy at work like

01:25:59.000 why do you expect to be happy at work like most people aren't right so so take that out of the

01:26:05.160 out of the equation and see how you feel about your job um and i can kind of say that about love

01:26:12.680 love in a relationship okay i think that respect comes first utility comes second love comes third

01:26:20.120 thank you kevin samuels for that um love is a feeling that comes and goes

01:26:27.400 so when you're getting to know a woman see if she could earn your respect first

01:26:34.360 and then you can build a life together where you're both living a life that you can't live by

01:26:40.280 yourself and then love should come after that so don't think that love is the most important thing

01:26:46.840 to get in a relationship because it's not love is a feeling it comes and goes but people have

01:26:52.440 to earn and maintain your respect okay so i would i would recommend don't be looking for love so much

01:27:01.960 look for a woman that respects you first men want respect women want love okay so maybe don't focus

01:27:10.920 so much on loving a woman if she earns your respect and you guys are are are in a relationship

01:27:17.560 or you get married or whatever you're living your life to a quality life that you can't live by

01:27:22.600 yourself the love will come yeah definitely man i'm yeah i'm definitely big on respect too i think

01:27:30.200 that's yeah i think that's why i probably couldn't fall in love with them because i just felt like

01:27:34.680 they didn't respect me you know yeah as well do you still have a relationship with your mother or

01:27:43.640 no uh yes i do i don't live with my mom but i still um go around and uh help her sometimes if

01:27:52.760 she needs it how do you does she ask you for help or do you give it to her freely like like willingly

01:28:02.120 A little bit of both, man, to be honest with you.

01:28:07.280 You know, because out of all my siblings, I'll probably live the closest.

01:28:12.880 Yeah, I do live the closest, actually, yeah, to my mom.

01:28:17.580 Okay.

01:28:19.500 Well, you know, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

01:28:25.400 29.

01:28:26.800 Yeah, you got plenty of time left to keep your head down,

01:28:31.140 Because when you hit 35, man, if you put in any kind of work to be, if you have a highly valued skill, highly valued trade, highly valued education, and you're building towards something, bro, once you hit 35, the whole world opens up, man.

01:28:46.260 I'm telling you.

01:28:47.620 So just keep your head down.

01:28:49.700 And just really think about this whole love thing I told you, man.

01:28:52.180 Don't be looking for love.

01:28:55.020 Respect.

01:28:56.020 Utility.

01:28:56.960 Love comes after that.

01:29:00.080 Yeah, definitely.

01:29:01.140 night definitely uh well thanks thanks for having me on guys thanks pearl yeah thanks for calling in

01:29:08.820 calling anytime okay no worries my take it easy on thank you and then uh

01:29:19.300 james is still there yam james are you there yeah yeah i'm here james or jame james james

01:29:27.140 Yes. I've never heard someone with that name before.

01:29:31.120 Yeah. Yeah. It's been my name for a minute now.

01:29:33.680 Yeah. I like it. It's a nice name. What's your mother's story?

01:29:39.700 So I guess my story is not as bad as everyone else's, but my mom had me pretty young.

01:29:46.260 She was 15 when she had me. So she was a kid raising a kid. I'm the oldest of seven.

01:29:52.460 i have a pretty unique lifestyle now and i think that uh the way that things gone with my mom

01:29:59.060 when i was younger uh kind of um spearheaded that uh i guess i can say that because she was a kid

01:30:07.260 she was with a lot of guys that weren't my that wasn't my dad um so a lot of different dudes in

01:30:13.960 my life from a young age um how many fathers to the seven kids shit uh my mom's black i'm black

01:30:21.520 so i i want to say i don't have any siblings with the same dad so seven different oh my gosh that's

01:30:29.280 crazy no facts i i no no no no i'm not taking seven okay so so it's just it's it was crazy

01:30:39.360 right she's trying to figure out her life um while still trying to be my mom so obviously you know

01:30:45.120 that comes with problems i remember in high school uh you know fighting her boyfriend at the time

01:30:51.040 you know and you know her even looking conflicted with her 16 year old and and her boyfriend like

01:30:57.280 whose side to choose yeah just you know how things were so so for me um i think that that uh that

01:31:05.200 affected me but i think i used it in a more positive way um because like i i was the one who

01:31:10.640 was telling you guys to to interview my family uh because i have i have right now i have five wives

01:31:16.160 i live in la and we have 11 kids and so one of the ways that i kind of put all that together was

01:31:21.360 because i i didn't want to be absent in my kids lives um because what happened to my you know

01:31:28.800 to me when i was a child do you have five wives in la yeah what do you what do you do for a living

01:31:35.200 are you are you rich like that's that sounds like expensive lifestyle hey uh i i'm i used to live

01:31:42.800 I'm from Chicago and I live there and I do real estate, so that's like the main thing

01:31:48.940 that I do.

01:31:49.940 I invest as well, so that's kind of what I do.

01:31:53.680 Are you Muslim?

01:31:54.680 No.

01:31:55.680 I'm not.

01:31:56.680 There's no religion.

01:31:57.680 I'm just wondering how, like, you sold this to the women.

01:32:00.760 In the West, I just feel like I don't know many—I know women that would be side chicks,

01:32:05.420 but not like—it's weird, right?

01:32:07.640 Women will be side chicks, but they won't be a second wife.

01:32:10.040 Isn't that weird?

01:32:11.040 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:32:12.460 i mean i never thought about that pearl that's a good point no i'm like there's so many women that

01:32:17.260 do the side chick thing in situationship but it's like they won't be a second wife i i don't know i

01:32:23.420 don't know neither well apparently they will according to you so i'm curious honestly i think

01:32:29.820 we would have a good conversation um if you guys ever feel if you have free time check out our

01:32:34.780 family page and you might get curious what's it called it's next gen barrett they're saying you're

01:32:41.740 trolling in the chat i'm not you're not okay next gen barrett is it on youtube or what ig ig tiktok

01:32:52.140 oh no i see you you're on youtube too i think yeah probably

01:32:58.380 oh wow it's like a blonde woman in the middle and then right is it the picture like you're in the

01:33:04.540 middle blonde and there's like two it looks like you got like an asian three latinas and a blonde

01:33:11.660 is that right no no it's it's it's four latinas and a blonde okay the picture is kind of blurry

01:33:18.860 i couldn't tell wow so you have 11 kids are you from chicago too yeah i'm from chicago did you

01:33:25.500 grew up in dupage no oh oh wife one so do they get jealous yeah like i mean it's there's so much

01:33:36.780 to talk about but i think that it's a good conversation to have maybe your viewers might

01:33:40.380 like it yeah it might be an ola soon maybe i can have to set that up because that sounds interesting

01:33:49.740 we don't i don't know if we the people post on youtube as much but ig you definitely see a lot

01:33:55.020 of hate and they're calling they're saying like a lot of red pill and people were telling me like

01:33:58.860 hey hit up pearl she definitely would love you so i was like for sure yeah i'm gonna be in you said

01:34:06.220 you're in la i'll be there in april so maybe i could bring up camera crew and just see yeah come

01:34:12.780 house come to the house cool wow and so you essentially did this because did you feel like

01:34:20.060 you couldn't be monogamous i'm guessing yeah exactly like really early in my life i was like

01:34:26.060 you know i it just wasn't for me um and i was lying at first a lot of a lot of cheating to be

01:34:31.580 honest with you um and then i was like and then i started having kids and that's when things kind

01:34:36.460 of changed because certain girls that i was having kids with like they those kids didn't see me as

01:34:41.740 much right and i started to feel kind of guilty because of what i dealt with with my mom's

01:34:47.020 decisions and not finding the right man to bring you know and and him being an absent father i

01:34:52.860 didn't want to be like that to my other kids even though they weren't my main girl so i was like let

01:34:57.900 me bring all of this together and then once i brought it all together i was like actually this

01:35:01.980 relationship works out for me too and so this is so sorry i'm looking at the tick tocks this is so

01:35:09.660 interesting um and so do you like pitch this to new women right away or is it something you kind

01:35:16.940 of ease them into no no you you definitely would have to ease in a woman into it and um i mean

01:35:23.740 right now because we're kind of like you know blowing up on ig and tick tock uh women are

01:35:28.460 actually reaching out to us they're asking to be six like they're like oh can i be wife six like

01:35:33.740 i have probably like 20 women that hit our dms every day saying like do you need a six wife

01:35:38.460 i was actually talking to another podcaster today and he made a good point he said something along

01:35:43.580 the lines of like um you're basically showing off what it would be like to be a wife so it's actually

01:35:50.460 works out better for you because it's like the women does when they go with monogamous men

01:35:55.660 they have to guess how it's going to be rather than with you they already know how it's going

01:36:00.860 to be they see the other five and they can guess that it's going to be similar to that experience

01:36:05.660 and so do you still date like because i mean five women like do you feel a need to date more than

01:36:13.100 that like are you still sourcing new women i actually tell most girls no um i might like if

01:36:21.660 the girl is really cute i might say something and show the girls like hey you guys think she's cute

01:36:26.620 they might say yes or no but i mean it's not something that we're focused on i'm obviously

01:36:31.420 busy with work and shit like that so um yeah it's not something like that's a priority yeah how long

01:36:37.780 have you done it for uh bringing them all together it's only been like three years but i've been with

01:36:43.980 all these girls like most of them six actually all of them six years plus i'm 30 now we're all

01:36:50.260 like 30 and what would you do if one of them like wanted to leave would you like how would you

01:36:57.220 navigate that i mean i would let them go and then you know we'd have to figure it out with the kids

01:37:02.360 you know um it's not like a situation where they're like stuck or in a cult or anything

01:37:08.220 like that yeah no no i can tell but okay that's interesting i might take you up on it are you on

01:37:13.740 twitter uh no i'm not no i'm not uh instagram yeah instagram i'm on tiktok instagram and i guess

01:37:22.480 youtube um if you dm me on just pearly things official maybe we could set it up because i'm

01:37:28.240 very intrigued this is interesting yeah yeah is that on your ig is that your ig yeah it's just

01:37:34.720 pearly things official i'm i'm looking on youtube this sounds off but you get you guys have a tick

01:37:40.080 tock page yeah or no i'm sorry a youtube page not tick tock but cool yeah for sure but yeah

01:37:49.280 i appreciate you guys letting me on pearl yeah thanks for calling in calling anytime okay

01:37:55.280 absolutely absolutely

01:37:59.280 okay uh nick unmute

01:38:06.880 he get the unmute buddy i still see the mute sign on your thing there you are okay this is yeah

01:38:15.120 it's nick bro hi nick how are you i'm good how are you oh my god this is crazy

01:38:24.180 what's crazy about it i mean i've just like i've watched you for like years and this is the first

01:38:32.580 time i'm like communicating to you you know you know it's funny that's such a weird thing to say

01:38:36.860 to someone but i've heard it for years like this is the only context in 2025 that would be a normal

01:38:43.580 thing to say. Um, but I get, I get it all the time. That's fine. Um, so tell me what's your

01:38:55.660 thoughts on the topic. What's your mother experience, mother trauma? So, well, um, I grew

01:39:02.640 up with a single mom, which is fine, whatever, but like, it's interesting because I feel like

01:39:08.440 a lot of times women, um, oh dude, it's so weird, like actually being on here. But, uh, so

01:39:13.160 i feel like um it's still like the her show you know what i mean like i'm like she was very

01:39:20.760 involved in my life for a lot of it and then when i was 12 she didn't really have any boyfriends or

01:39:25.560 anything but then she got remarried and that was that you know it was kind of like yeah it was like

01:39:32.980 she i just became like part of the the background you know what i mean and my dad was not alienated

01:39:39.780 for my life but like he was definitely not like she did the thing of poisoning the well a little

01:39:44.740 bit with him and so for the longest time i thought he was not a very good person so

01:39:50.960 when did it switch when did you figure it out how old

01:39:55.380 uh oh good question it really was like college i think he passed away when i was 16 so it was

01:40:03.760 very like obvious that like there was when things were different you know what i mean but like

01:40:09.560 in college I started to realize like oh there's a lot of things that he did that I didn't that

01:40:13.560 just kind of took for granted yeah and I like didn't really think anything of it and then

01:40:19.460 and then when I was in college I was like oh there's like a bunch of people doing a bunch of

01:40:23.580 random weird shit dude that like my dad was very good at like seeing and telling me about and being

01:40:29.640 like don't fucking listen to that you know oh I can't swear can I you can it's not a big deal

01:40:35.300 oh cool okay it's youtube not a tv network

01:40:38.940 actually that happened to me i swore on tv once and they're like you can't do that i'm like what

01:40:45.060 do you mean i can't do that um yeah i mean it's so common did you see it with your friends too

01:40:53.820 or was your situation unique dude i mean there's just this kind of idea that like

01:41:00.980 the men in the family are not that great i feel like no even if even with my friends who had like

01:41:08.320 good like good quote unquote married parents or whatever but like it just always seemed like the

01:41:16.180 dads were like second class or whatever and even like with teachers and stuff like that right

01:41:23.140 because when you're growing up most of your teachers are women and so they kind of assume

01:41:27.120 that the moms are the better parent and the dads are like yeah which kind of like helps the poison

01:41:35.740 the well a little bit you know what i mean you're like oh okay like even recently it's crazy so i'm

01:41:39.660 30 now so my dad died like 14 years ago and so there was one lady that i was uh staying with

01:41:46.400 while i was in a different city and she was she knew me when i was really little and knew my mom

01:41:50.100 and knew my dad and stuff like that and i was like oh it's interesting because i have a lot of things

01:41:52.940 like are similar to my dad that i didn't even realize until way later and she goes

01:41:56.780 yeah but he had a lot of demons that you don't have and i was like off ladies

01:42:06.380 i've heard that before the demons that's so funny dude it was crazy it's like almost a direct quote

01:42:12.380 too i was like don't talk about him like that you yeah and that's one of the dangers of of of being

01:42:21.340 a married man raising a family and this current environment with this narrative is you're going to

01:42:27.900 be painted as a villain no matter what you can even see it there are wholesome videos of like

01:42:33.900 a father with like his son or daughter and women will always find a way to like make it about women

01:42:39.900 or start tearing the guy down anything a man does with his child on social media you know oh my god

01:42:46.380 is it is is the child safe oh my god does he know what he's doing they throw they throw pedophile

01:42:53.500 also on everything everything i mean i'm like they're calling me a pedo now i'm like you guys

01:42:59.740 just throw that you guys just throw that at everyone yeah it's literally it's like when

01:43:05.820 the the arguments run out it's like pedophile pedophile pedophile there they go what was the

01:43:13.980 biggest lie that was told to you about your dad oh dude it's tough to know because like he

01:43:19.660 like i i i don't know what was true and what wasn't but like um

01:43:27.580 like i think that one of the biggest things is that like the flaws were made very very very clear

01:43:32.140 and the the goods were kind of put on the back burner a little bit like my mom wasn't terrible

01:43:37.340 as far as moms go in this stuff she was not the worst but still very clearly problematic you know

01:43:43.980 and like um so there were things that my dad did really well like he was really good at standing

01:43:48.240 up for himself i never felt in danger he looks nothing like me he's like bald and had a goatee

01:43:53.800 and had a ton of muscle so like no one would ever want to fuck with me you know um and he

01:44:00.720 had really strong morals so like if like after he passed away like a little almost a year later uh

01:44:08.040 was one guy that was like um oh uh yeah i told him like oh yeah he passed away because he knew

01:44:14.760 my dad and he was like oh how is he and i was like oh he died and he's like oh that sucks he

01:44:18.200 was the kind of person you always knew if he was in the room and it was funny because the way that

01:44:21.400 he said it sounded like he it was not necessarily a compliment but it was turned into a compliment

01:44:26.440 because if you always know someone's in the room that's not always a good thing you know and so

01:44:33.240 so like i think that was one thing that he was really good at is just being like look if there's

01:44:37.640 something that is wrong here i am even if everyone else disagrees i am going to be the one to say

01:44:43.560 like no this is how it should be all you this is how the world should be you know and my mom

01:44:52.520 is not like that she's a little bit like that but if everyone else disagrees she'll kind of go with

01:44:56.840 the flow a little bit you know and um so i'm just gonna ask you one more question and then we're

01:45:04.440 gonna have to wrap it up do you do you have any kids yourself no i don't uh how is your how is

01:45:10.080 this whole thing with your dad being painted as a villain and stuff or your mother's stuff

01:45:14.340 um how has that affected your view of having children man it's scary bro like i've like it's

01:45:23.860 tough because i want to have kids so fucking bad and i want to be in a monogamous relationship i

01:45:28.520 kind of picky but like you know i want to be in a monogamous relationship and like dude i've been

01:45:35.400 watching this show a lot more lately and it just is so it like enlightens a lot of different parts

01:45:44.680 of your life i feel like and it goes like dude holy how the hell am i gonna get married bro how

01:45:48.920 am i gonna have kids it only gets worse because right around like 35 to 40 all the people especially

01:45:55.640 a lot of the women in your life like oh you'd be such a good dad and this and that blah blah blah

01:46:00.120 but you know i i would say the biggest problem is you have to have a child

01:46:03.800 with these modern american women yes

01:46:13.160 i don't have any kids because you know you know i i i fear nothing but god

01:46:18.600 and co-parenting those are the two things i fear man i'm telling you and

01:46:23.640 And right when you hit your mid-30s, your friends who got married, you're going to have to be there for them when they go through divorce court, man.

01:46:33.460 So when you see one of your best friends just get crushed in paternity court and divorce court, and unfortunately, the only way to not lose is to not play that game, bro.

01:46:45.400 So I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't, but I have the same thoughts going on right now, too.

01:46:52.860 it's just like you have to have a child with like a modern woman can you can you can you ivf it does

01:47:01.260 the kid belong to you if you like hire a surrogate hi sorry you'd be raising a child as a single

01:47:11.260 parent though isn't that better i mean the word we just did a whole show on how the moms are messing

01:47:15.420 up the kids i like i think the kid would be better off than with the most dude i actually

01:47:25.660 asked my mom like what she thinks i should do because i was like what should like what the

01:47:29.900 fuck this is like such a crazy landscape and she was she said ivf and i was like even then though

01:47:34.140 like am i you know it's bad when the women are telling you to get a surrogate my mom my literal

01:47:39.740 mom is like yeah probably just get a surrogate surrogate cost let me check this out oh shit

01:47:45.940 that's so expensive that's what i'm saying like 50 60 grand or something like that the cost of

01:47:51.660 surrogacy can range from 100 to 250k oh yeah i know yeah so pearl how do we have kids how do

01:48:01.100 men have kids right now i got nothing i you're talking to the wrong person i've seen men that

01:48:08.560 did everything right get completely fucked i've seen men with prenups get fucked i've seen men

01:48:14.760 that married the religious church girl get fucked i've seen men church girl dude church means

01:48:22.380 nothing they're they're worse dude yeah i mean i grew up around these i mean that's why do you

01:48:29.120 think i hate these trad con women i grew up around these women like i i love what you've been saying

01:48:35.780 about the trad cons because like it it it's been like unlock like making me see pieces of my

01:48:41.120 subconscious with it where i'm like i don't really trust like i love brett cooper but man she says

01:48:45.440 some things where i'm like what i don't know and nick the biggest problem is you know they say

01:48:50.240 nature makes its poisonous things like bright colors and odd shapes but so like liberal women

01:48:57.340 they have the purple hair the tattoos and the bullnose race so you can see them coming but the

01:49:02.760 trad cons you know they could hide it better because they don't have any of nature's way of

01:49:07.600 telling you that they're dangerous no and they're all they're all so unhappy because they picked

01:49:13.080 betas as husbands so i can't say that no they do that's like it's like really obvious all the

01:49:19.360 trad con women listen to the traits they use to describe their husband it's never like hot or

01:49:24.620 exciting it's always stable dependable like it's it's always like beta traits which is it's okay

01:49:32.560 if they have both but do you know what i mean yeah i know exactly like even i think i think

01:49:38.400 i heard brett describe her like i forgot what but i was like don't say that i forgot there was one

01:49:44.880 oh man and like girls have to be pulled like describe your partner as like dangerous or

01:49:50.960 exciting or you know like first of all uh there's so many sorry what do me a favor

01:49:58.560 stop saying the word partner as a man you shouldn't be telling you because it all starts

01:50:06.380 with the language of your thoughts if you're looking for you know a good woman and maybe a

01:50:12.820 wife one day just start by saying that because if you keep saying partner that's exactly what

01:50:19.580 you're gonna get don't ask a man you shouldn't say partner doug they should doug they should

01:50:24.220 look for a partner maybe you can put her on alimony you know what if i was a guy that's the

01:50:31.640 strategy i would take i this is what i would do i would and i'm not saying this is what you should

01:50:36.960 do this is just what i would do i would go find a woman that makes more money and like wants like

01:50:43.280 one kid right so i had a i had a guy that worked for me right and his strategy was to get super

01:50:49.440 hot and go for a female lawyer knowing that she was going to divorce him but just go in no no just

01:50:56.080 go and get the kids but then like get the evidence you need for divorce court like go in oh my god

01:51:03.440 and so like he's like she's gonna cheat at work let me just get evidence so on the way out

01:51:11.440 she's for sure gonna cheat let me just make sure i catch her

01:51:14.080 and you know and he was he was talking about how he was gonna put her in situations to cheat

01:51:19.860 he's like i'll hire a personal trainer it's fine and then and then he's like and then on in

01:51:26.400 in divorce court i'll put her on alimony and child support and then i'll go

01:51:30.620 date women 15 years younger forever she's like oh i'm going to miami this weekend with it for

01:51:38.260 a girl's trip and he's like yeah babe go ahead yeah and then he's on the phone with the pi

01:51:43.320 he's like oh you

01:51:48.460 well and you know just for me every single instance of a woman paying child support

01:51:55.360 alimony losing custody of her kids to the father just makes my heart smile dude it's it's vindictive

01:52:03.940 but i agree because the time of men taking the moral higher ground is over bro so true

01:52:12.920 if she hits you press charges yeah makes more money than you take that child support take that

01:52:20.560 alimony if anything you could instigate her and like annoy her so she'll hit you get you but you

01:52:26.760 have you have to go in ready for the divorce that's what i would do i would get like hidden

01:52:31.320 cameras everywhere oh my god dude i would it's crazy though yeah you guys are like how do we

01:52:39.900 have kids with these modern women you guys are hoping for a good woman it's like why would you

01:52:44.140 do that oh yeah true we just need to have kids with the worst women that we know for sure will

01:52:51.500 us over yeah i mean i know i mean i would just like expect the worst you know i wouldn't go in

01:52:57.480 i would go in knowing it's gonna go like you know that as soon as the youngest kid hits preschool

01:53:03.880 she's gonna start cheating you know that's like usually when they do no it's usually around

01:53:08.200 it's usually around the age of like five because the kids yeah so what happens is it's as many

01:53:15.140 kids as she wants when the youngest kid hits preschool that's when she's going to cheat now

01:53:19.560 like now the kids are gone all day she's got the time she's back she's back working i mean

01:53:25.600 a lot of women will do it before right but that's when she's going to start with the exit plan so

01:53:31.300 the divorces are usually seven years in so around year five she's got to start you know looking

01:53:37.580 around who's gonna and but you could do is instead of you could assist her i know we had a guy on the

01:53:44.140 show no i had a guy on the show right and his he his plan with his exes is he finds them the next

01:53:50.700 boyfriend yeah he said he's had good relationships with all of his exes so he helps them find the

01:53:59.500 next boyfriend and then there's no like and he's like i'll try to get them someone better taller

01:54:05.020 it's fine and then no he said it goes well and then he just goes on to get younger and hotter

01:54:14.200 again oh my god i'm sure they hate it they just they're like happy they're happy that he tried

01:54:19.460 or something i don't know well i know he said he's he owns a boat with one of his ex-girlfriends like

01:54:25.360 um like husbands what yeah he owns a boat with one of them because he just you know they dated

01:54:32.760 didn't work out but now she married a rich guy and they own a boat together

01:54:39.800 the benefits of being friends with her yeah checkers guys i i don't know i i think after

01:54:46.360 a certain age like people that dated it's like not as big of a deal you know what i mean like

01:54:51.720 you kind of see that when you're younger there's like these huge breakups and it's so really

01:54:55.880 dramatic but then you get older it's like you can't i see that more where people will like date

01:55:02.280 people that like they'll stay friends with their axes and it's really not a big deal it's not

01:55:07.680 usually the alpha guys right but it's like you know she dates a yeah she dates a beta for a bit

01:55:13.480 it's like well you know you can she was never into him anyway so yeah yeah that's the thing

01:55:21.740 sorry let me just i kind of say one more thing yeah you're okay i was talking to my mom and

01:55:25.700 she was like oh yeah you know like because there's all this advice that women give men on like what

01:55:29.440 they need to do to be more attractive or whatever and i was telling her like dude it's all the wrong

01:55:34.360 advice and like the easiest thing to do is just get a firearm get some tattoos and get a drug habit

01:55:39.640 what part of the country are you in i'm in kansas right now i grew up in california though

01:55:47.560 so well that's the problem is all the hot women don't really stay in kansas do you know what i

01:55:54.020 mean yeah there's not very i was in salt lake recently though and there's a shitload of cute

01:55:59.700 girls in salt lake oh yeah the mormons but yeah they go to the the big cities you know so if i

01:56:06.560 was a guy do you know what i would do i would go i'd go to two places this is where i'd go to find

01:56:11.120 my wife i would either go to a college town you want to get them before they're damaged right

01:56:16.780 college is way late okay well damaged in college bro what are you talking about well they might as

01:56:24.400 well get damaged by you you might as well you might as well be one of the ones damaging and

01:56:31.760 maybe eventually you'll hit one that that's like oh i might be the second guy she slept you know

01:56:39.260 it's a numbers like if you fuck enough 19 year olds or 20 year olds you're bound to get one

01:56:46.100 that waited maybe out of a hundred right but how many dicks has she sucked she's a virgin but how

01:56:52.360 many i didn't say virgin i just said maybe maybe like okay there's the girls that have a high

01:56:57.600 school boyfriend and then they obviously have to leave him to do better you could be the better

01:57:02.880 oh wow

01:57:04.480 i would go i'd go to austin or i'd go to like some college town or i'd go to a city where all the

01:57:15.060 hot women go to so maybe it's salt lake you know and then i just i would just if i was a guy i'd

01:57:20.820 just hook up with one of them until i do a numbers game until one just stuck around i'm not

01:57:26.600 and then but i would still but i would still expect her to do the worst so i'd still expect

01:57:33.000 a divorce at your side the pi on like ready yeah you know because you might as well get the best

01:57:39.620 years you know so you might as well you might and then like okay she's gonna leave you like

01:57:44.840 let's say she has a kid with you at 24 she'll leave you around 30 for money but you could see

01:57:49.780 it coming yeah yeah because then she's got to go get the the money for the rest of her life

01:57:55.640 so i don't know if that's you but if if you tell them it's you then they're gonna use you for it

01:58:01.200 so you might as well let someone else do that so true the tattoos and firearms

01:58:05.760 I'm a strategist here, you know, but yeah, Nick, thanks for calling in, man.

01:58:19.220 Call back in any time, man.

01:58:20.980 This is the best call.

01:58:22.040 Thank you so much.

01:58:22.840 Thanks for having me, guys.

01:58:23.880 Love you guys.

01:58:24.460 Thanks for calling in.

01:58:27.560 Well, guys, that's going to conclude the call-in portion today.

01:58:32.120 You guys can hear the rain, can't you?

01:58:34.100 I think this is pretty loud.

01:58:35.760 Can you hear? No, no, no, you can't hear it. Really? You can't? Oh, I totally, wow, I can hear it on my

01:58:42.060 headphones. I mean, I can't hear it on the Zoom call. Maybe they can hear it on YouTube, but I can't

01:58:48.300 hear it on the Zoom call. Well, they said college is before they get HPV. Well, you might as well be

01:58:54.300 before you know you might as well um anyways uh thanks so much for watching guys let me know what

01:59:06.840 you think in the comments and also go to the audacity network.com we're also on the app store

01:59:12.040 the link is in the description if you could support um it really helps us out here i i want

01:59:18.440 to do bigger and better stuff but you know we got to get enough members on the website so i really

01:59:23.140 appreciate you guys helping me out um and thank you doug a pleasure as always you got anything

01:59:29.060 last to say to the people doug no you know guys a lot there's a lot of scumbag mothers out there

01:59:36.340 i'm hoping that one day we judge mothers as harshly as we do fathers um and you know try to

01:59:44.500 share your stories with your friends guys because a lot of guys out there had awful mothers and they

01:59:50.500 they think that they're the only one or their mother was the absolute worst like the worst one

01:59:54.680 and most of the time it's not yeah that's all i got well thank you guys like the video on your

02:00:01.700 way out and subscribe and i'll see you guys tomorrow bye

02:00:20.500 Thank you.

02:00:50.500 Thank you.

Pearl - March 05, 2025

Modern Mothers Ruin Their Children (Call In Show) ｜ Pearl Daily

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