Pearl - January 24, 2026Modern Women Love Cutting Off Their Family
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
210.9395
Summary
Estrangement is a growing trend amongst young people, especially in relation to their parents. In this episode, I discuss the pros and cons of going No Contact with family, why it s a good and bad thing, and what to do about it.
Transcript
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most if you pay attention most relationships are transgender meaning the woman is acting like the
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man and the man is acting like the woman what up guys welcome to my reaction series today
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we are going to be reacting to women that go no contact with their parents now i have a hard time
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reacting to these videos because i don't really know who the villain is because a lot of times
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it's easy to blame gen z women but boomer women were terrible too so usually if they go no contact
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with their parents it's it's one of three things right number one the the daughter's insufferable
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and unappreciative that's one two the mother is insufferable and makes it so insufferable to go
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home that um yeah that's two three is the mother turned the daughter against the father so one of
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three and we're gonna go together in the chat you can say what you think it was so discourse lately
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about going no contact with family aka estrangement and how this is a growing trend amongst young
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people i think the conversation can get a little bit too black and white so i wanted to offer
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what i like to think of as the secret third option there are absolutely situations and
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circumstances in which going completely and 100 no contact permanently and forever
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is the right move now i don't know there's different parents are overbearing right so
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So like a lot of times they got to let their kids grow up, but at the same time, at the
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same time, sometimes the kids are insufferable.
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They're abusive and they're harmful to one or more parties.
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But there are a lot of relationships that live in this middle gray territory that would
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really benefit from what I like to call a relationship reset period more than a complete
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our longest held relationships can get caught in time in these like because sometimes it just needs
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to be like a few years um and then they they figure it out but sometimes things need to get
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broken to like come back together i don't know if that like makes sense relational dynamic loops
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that over time we outgrow but every time we drop into the dynamic we're forced to play this role
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that was established a very long time ago so these are relationships where the role that you play in
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the dynamic supersedes your individual personhood. And it's not necessarily that you're, you're
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outright harmed in the dynamic. It's, it's not necessarily that you're completely unseen
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or completely disrespected, but we used to have kids. So like no contact, you could just be like,
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well, I'm busy with my kids. That's the challenge. Now no contact means more because you're like,
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yeah, you're obviously not busy. You're not accepted for who you are now. You are seen
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through a filter of perhaps who you once were or who other people have always wanted you to be.
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These sort of relational dynamics are not totally unworkable. They can be if the other parties are
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completely committed to never changing at all. But oftentimes what they benefit from is the
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severing of the old dynamic. So it's a temporary period of estrangement that declares I will no
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longer be showing up in that capacity. I will no longer be playing that old role. And it asserts
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you don't know me as well as you think that you do, right? The estrangement creates strangers.
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And so after a period of estrangement, you can re-enter the relationship and establish a new
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dynamic. You re-meet each other in a different period of time under different circumstances
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as new iterations of self. I think the reason that this is a quote-unquote growing trend is in part
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because there's an increased conversation around abusive dynamics and that we do not have to remain
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in them that you don't deserve to but i also think in part it's because a lot of relationships are
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going through this reset period i mean i i think people have the right to their hell either way
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so if you know there's nothing necessarily wrong with going no contact um you know if it's a
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mistake they'll find out it's a mistake later you know where people are presently or are going no
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contact who may not choose to be that way for the duration of their entire life but who need to
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enter that period of no contact for a chapter in their life. There's something like an 80%
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reconciliation rate with mothers and a 70% reconciliation rate with fathers in parent-child
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estrangement dynamics. Life is both long and short. It's important to live with the awareness
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that we don't have... Okay, I'm gonna need to move on to the next one. She needs to get to the point.
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All right, let's see this one. Basically led me to my breaking point in going no contact with my
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parents. I'm not gonna talk about things that happened in my childhood. Obviously, we know
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like they were not good people but honestly i thought once i moved out it was going to get
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better so i very quickly realized that it was not going to get better so the first one is i would
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still make up rules that i would have to follow whenever i would go to their house like i remember
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the first couple times that i had to go to their house after i'd moved out they didn't say anything
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to me about me having my phone in like certain areas of the house and then randomly like like
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the third or fourth time i went over there after i'd moved out i had my phone in my hand and i was
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going into my okay this is a brat i mean if it's someone else's house you still have to it's like
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women man yeah when you go to someone else's house you do have to obey their rules sister's room my
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mom was like just because you moved out doesn't mean the rules are different you need to leave
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that out here even though i had already done that like several other times before when i had visited
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and it was never mentioned basically i just think she was doing it to like show that she was like
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the boss or something i don't know there was also one time where i basically called my mom asking her
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to say sorry and to stop acting the way that she acts she basically like admitted to doing it but
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also like wouldn't take accountability for doing it basically she wanted me to drop it and slip it
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under the rug and i wouldn't let that happen i was literally like i just wanted i'm sorry i just
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want you to say sorry she was like fine i'll say sorry and she was like i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm
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sorry it was not genuine at all she was literally mimicking me on the phone all right i'm i'm going
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with the kids the brat in this when she started doing that i basically just hung up on her and i
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text her i was like you're disgusting maybe the mom is too dang i never want to talk to you again
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this is like my basically like overall breaking point for everything it would try so hard to
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sneak around to find out things about me genuinely like nobody would ever really like call and check
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up on me i asked my mom would never ever to call me or text me even before we went no contact never
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call up and text me but she was always doing things to try and figure out what i was doing
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she was always trying to figure out where i was at they literally put a tracker in my car without
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my knowledge really anytime i would have a missed call from my dad i was all right i'm getting
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overbearing mother and bratty daughter i'm getting both literally calling back it would always be
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like oh sorry i didn't mean to call you it was never like oh i was just calling you to see how
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you were doing like i never got a phone call like that no wonder i just basically tracker tells me
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crazy mom that's crazy yeah control freak mom brat dot yeah we realized they did not actually
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care and they were actually just like obsessed with controlling me and that's like my overall
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reason for not talking to them anymore bye guys okay um all right let's let's analyze this one
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millennial child going no contact with you is it because they're ungrateful you fed and watered
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them for 18 years yeah that's a bad i agree with the daughter on this because um if you kids do
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not you're not entitled to gratitude for doing what you were supposed to do do you know what i
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mean it's like uh you gotta you were supposed to pay your kids till they're 18. now if they keep
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doing it that's another thing but you did take on the responsibility of children and that's an 18
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year you know because they told you a hundred times what hurt them and instead of listening
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you played victim became emotionally abusive i'd have to know what specifically hurt you and then
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they had to set a boundary what is emotional abuse you got to go into that protect themselves
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the way you wouldn't protect them who said that your millennial child let's see and to be fair
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millennials had terrible parents in general i mean um most of our parents like didn't i mean most of
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the mothers were working just in general not great not great parenting millennial parents i mean they
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raise these only fans whores going no contact is not a trend it's not an aesthetic and it's
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not a personality trait it is quite literally a last resort nobody just wakes up one day and
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is like you know it would be fun to cut off my mom to cut off my dad to cut off my siblings
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and to walk through the holidays alone no contact is what happens after years of being the scapegoat
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of being dismissed of okay what does that mean do you know what makes me believe this story less
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i gotta be honest it's the background music for me um a little bit the horse teeth um
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unseen of being the peacemaker of being the emotional punching bag going no contact
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is the final boundary that every like it's just dramatizing it do you know what i mean like
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Like, I feel like less problematic people, they're just like, look, this is the problem.
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But this is the music makes me think she's the problem.
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One child doesn't want to set, but all of their other smaller boundaries have been crossed.
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It's the moment you finally choose your nervous system.
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it's the moment that you decide you are not going to continue playing the role that your family has
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cast you in who are calling no contact a trend have obviously never grieved a family that was
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still alive they never had to choose between their mental health and a seat at the holiday table
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they've never cried in their car after setting a boundary that should have been respected the first
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time so no going no contact with your family is not a trend it is a response to trauma and it is
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a healing decision now in her defense right there are a lot of overbearing mothers there's a lot of
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mothers that take no direction from the father right and this completely implodes the family
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dynamic because our nature is chaos um it's chaotic when we don't have male guidance so
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um now to be fair to the fathers um i mean that women don't accept the guidance so it's like uh
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you know so um most if you pay attention most relationships are transgender meaning the woman
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is acting like the man and the man is acting like the woman but i i still think the music
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is gonna my final thing is i think it's her and if this is your first season no okay yeah let's
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go to the next one but what in writing what your wishes are i don't know my boundary is my
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My wishes are either I leave or you leave. These are my wishes. So how is that going to be executed?
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Because you said no contact. I respect your no contact, but I'm not going to keep walking around
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in a space where somebody does not want to have no contact with me. That doesn't make sense. Why
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would you want to be in a space with somebody that you don't want to have no writing? Put what in
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writing what your wishes okay i'm a little confused so she lives at home and is going no
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contact um okay let's try this one my dm's asking me this crazy question about can you go no contact
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with a parent that you still live with and i'm going to hurt a couple of feelings with this
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answer because no baby you cannot when you are over 18 and you're living in somebody else's house
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you're a guest you're a guest you don't legally have to be there so what do you mean i'm gonna
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go no contact but still live in your house no contact means i don't have to speak to you
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i don't have to be governed by yeah okay the mom i would say the mom would should kick her out
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you can't be relying on some like that's kind of yeah they should kick her out your rules and if
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you live in a person's house then you absolutely do see you're not entitled to a person's financial
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support because they abused you and as a matter of fact you should be running from their financial
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support because you know it always comes with strings people who have really been abused by
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their parents and have who have been taken down through there by their parents understand this
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and before a person say oh you entitled you don't know ball baby i've been on my own since i was 17
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paying my own bills and making my own way one of the things my mother used to say to me that really
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stuck with me is if you want to be grown and you go get your own mortgage and that's exactly what
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i did and i know the times are hard right now but you have a decision to make the decision though
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is not making the rules in your parents house go get you a mortgage of your own if you want to be
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be no contact okay i agree with that i agree with that okay let's see the next one you go no contact
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with my toxic mother now i do still live with her and she pays all of the bills incredible that's
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incredible the mother is paying for the daughter to talk to i bet the mom is toxic i don't know why
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but well let me that is not the point this has been a really hard decision but i need to prioritize
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my peace because my mental health matters and sometimes that means cutting off the people who
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are hurting you even if they're family even if you live in their house even if they pay your phone
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bill your car insurance and buy all of the all right she needs to get a job yeah she needs to
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get a job trees you eat because those are just things and things do not erase trauma my mom is
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i actually agree that just because someone buys you a lot of times people like i'll give you an
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example men want their money to matter to women but women don't care about money we care about
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their behavior or we care about money when we're forced to care about money but in general
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we look for like character traits you know so um yeah genuinely so toxic she's always asking me
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questions like did you eat or what time are you coming home tonight can you clean up after
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yourself like i'm an adult this has to be trolling i can do whatever i want she doesn't
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get to interrogate me every day just because i live in her house rent free so i've decided i'm
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done engaging when she tries to talk to me i'm gonna plug my ears and if she keeps going i'm
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gonna go la la la la la until she stops that's called a boundary and when she asked me to do
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chores i'm gonna stomp to my room slam the door and put a pillow this has to be trolling
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go over my your job decided to go no contact with my it's called a boundary and when she asked me
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to do chores i'm gonna stomp to my room slam the door and put a pillow over my head because i don't
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deserve that kind of negative energy in my life and yes i still eat the food she buys but i wait
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until she goes to bed so I don't have to see her face. I tiptoe to the kitchen at around two in the
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morning to have my meals. That's called strategy and protecting my peace while I get the nutrition
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that I deserve to heal. And for everyone saying that's not what no contact means, yes it is.
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It means no emotional engagement. It doesn't mean I have to move out of her house. Why would I move
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out of her house? I don't have a job and I don't want to pay bills. I'm not about to be homeless
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just to be able to set a boundary and prove a point she owes me she's the reason i need therapy
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so the least she can do is continue to pay for everything while i do my healing and if she calls
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herself trying to come into my room to talk i'm hiding under the covers and holding my breath
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and she's just gonna have to deal with that i'm an adult now and this is what adults do
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anyway i'm on a healing journey i'm in my peace era and i'm setting boundaries and protecting my
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mental health stay toxic free besties i feel like this has to be trolling the gynecologist telling
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you that your periods can't be scooped out are okay i was like this has to be a troll okay there's
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no way all right guys um i think some of those women will you know i think some of them are a
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little crazy but some of them it's valid you know because again most relationships right now are
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transgender and um because we're all in transgender relationships um a lot of stuff's messed up but
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some people do need to go no contact to get away from their overbearing mother anyways guys let
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me know what you think in the comments make sure you like the video and subscribe to the channel
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i love you all thanks so much for watching and i'll see you next time