Pearl - September 05, 2024Modern Women's WORST FEAR Is Doing TOO MUCH ｜ Pearl Daily
Episode Stats
Words per minute
158.82436
Harmful content
Misogyny
43
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Toxicity
39
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Hate speech
29
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Summary
In this episode, I discuss some of the lessons I have learned over the past 3 years about marriage and relationships from interviewing over 1,000 women and men about marriage, family, and life in general. I discuss how women overvalue what they do and undervalue what the man is doing, and how to give without expecting anything in return.
Transcript
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good afternoon everybody welcome to the just pearly things youtube channel make sure you
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like the video on your way in and subscribe to the channel thank you all for being
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here tonight i am so excited to be back in the united states and streaming again you know it's
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been a couple of months since i streamed and it's given me a lot of time to reflect on the last
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three years and for those of you that don't know maybe you're new to the channel i went from
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selling copiers in milwaukee to interviewing a thousand women in england about marriage relationships
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culture family um you know my life changed basically overnight um from doing three years
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of shows so the theme of this week is lessons i learned from three years of shows i was a normal
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woman selling copiers in milwaukee when i stumbled upon a kevin samuels video that video changed my
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life his content inspired me to do panel shows where i interviewed over a thousand women and
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men about marriage and relationships these are some of the lessons that i've learned
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over the past three years when i listen to women talk about their fears and obstacles they have
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encountered in dating and even obstacles i myself have had in the past there is one thing that i
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would hear i did so much for him i want a one in the chat if you've ever heard a woman say that
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she did so much for you um someone says volume slow i'm watching your comments guys if you have
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okay if you guys have comments just let me know i would hear women talk about how they cooked
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cleaned and catered to a man who did not appreciate it i would hear women talk about how they gave
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their best years to a man maybe the woman was with the man for 10 years and he never married her
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Those women were very bitter. Maybe the woman moved to him only to have him change his mind.
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Maybe the woman changed her career and deleted her Instagram and it ended with no ring and no
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children. So, what if you cook clean and submit to a man who does not appreciate it and it rewards
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the behavior? When I spoke to women, this seemed to be a common complaint. From my observations,
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it boils down to a couple of things. When women say they were not appreciated in their last
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relationship, it generally means the women are doing things with the expectation of getting
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something in return. We all know that person in your life who you refuse to accept favors from
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because if you do, they will hold it over your head later. Many times without knowing it,
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women become that person what about all i did for you why did you let me do that what i have found
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is a more healthy mentality to have is to give without expecting anything in return when i think
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about the most warm and feminine women i know they consistently give to their community and
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family without the expectation of getting something in return i would personally rather
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get nothing at all than receive something from someone who expects something in return for
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giving it to you the next explanation is that women are were not nearly doing as much as they
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thought they were sure maybe they cooked and cleaned for their husbands but isn't that what
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they're supposed to do don't you have to eat too maybe she gave him a really good gift one time
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maybe she cooks dinner once a week but generally women overvalue what they do and undervalue what
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the man is doing this is why we have phrases like you need to build a man up men build themselves
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the build themselves up and we can either be assets or liabilities we tend to forget
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what we tend to forget is how much men do for us the shows the reality tv shows they watch for us
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that they don't even like all the events that they get dragged to that they don't want to be at
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sometimes women do the right things but so is a man and you can do the right things and not get
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the guaranteed and sometimes you can do the right thing and still not get the outcome that you
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desire life is not fair and there are no guaranteed outcomes it goes back to do not give in order to
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get give because you want to give and hope it's mutual sometimes in other times i would see that
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woman had a glaringly negative personality trait that needed to be fixed before a man would take
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it to the next level maybe she would nag constantly maybe she was disrespectful
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oftentimes men will date women in hopes that they will improve or maybe get better
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and the reason that he would not take her down the aisle or give her a ring is one the laws that we
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talked about you know but we've gone over those on this shows other times it's because there is a
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it is not the right man oftentimes i would hear women who spent their 20s with influencers
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entertainers rappers and even at times drug dealers like drug drug why didn't a drug dealer
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marry you what are you guys doing um who would not commit to them the women picked the wrong man
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to give the best of her too so what i learned from this is there's no guaranteed outcomes in life
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there are women who do all the right things and wind up single mothers i know a woman whose
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husband has brain cancer and she will and likely end up a widow there are some women who took a
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king who took a gamble and gave their best years to there are women who took a gamble and gave a
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man their best years who was not ready in life there are no guaranteed outcomes and saying you
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did too much for a man who did not appreciate it is thinking that the outcome is in your control
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and that itself is not feminine in order to combat this many women nag in order to get what they want
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they nag for the ring instead of trying to be worthy of it how many women ask themselves how
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they can be better to deserve a ring instead of nagging for one and at times i would see it work
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i would see men get their feet dragged down the aisle but it's not really the same
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it's not really the same sentiment when you nag a man into taking you down the aisle than when
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he wants to do it now what do the men say about this when i ask the men if they ever
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had a woman that did too much for them the answer is overwhelmingly no
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um but if a man did feel like he passed up on a good girl generally he will say it was not the
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right timing he was too young but if it was not that it was generally one of the reasons i listed
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above many men feel as though we want the ring and the children more than the man a story that
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i think of is there is a man and he was a successful um entrepreneur and he was dating a
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woman for a couple of years he loved this woman he wanted to be with her the rest of her life
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she wanted to get married he did not feel like that was in the cards for him because of the laws
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and he had spent a lot of times building himself up to be something and he said from that he
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realized that she wanted the ring more than she wanted him she had him she had his time she had
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his attention he wasn't seeing anyone else but she wanted the ring women very rarely give without
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expecting to receive something in return this is why when women get the kids in the ring oftentimes
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they stop caring about the man i have heard men say that their wife completely changed after
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marriage and after children i know two women in college who were more on the traditional side
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one woman was dating a man who was on the lacrosse team and one was dating a man on the basketball
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team they both wanted to be with the men the guys were kind of players right they were kind of the
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hard type to get to settle down they really had the option to be with a lot of women on campus
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they both stayed both of these women stayed with the man in a non-committed relationship
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for all of college by the way i don't recommend this or say this as the best course of action
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i just look at results one woman got dumped after college and he went on to be a player for most of
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his 20s the other woman married him and is now pregnant with his child i would say that the
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woman that had the worst outcome was actually more feminine than the one that got married
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again life is not fair and life is about choices and trade-offs some women choose to go after
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highly desired men and the trade-off is that if he feels like it you're out the door other women
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choose to go after less sought after men and it will be more likely to be a sure thing some women
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leave these situations bitter and make the next guy pay that is where you get the don't do too
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much for him content these are generally older women that used their youth on a man and didn't
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get the outcome that they desired that's where you also get the i do not perform wife duties
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for girlfriend treatment content again these are women who did things with the expectation of
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getting something in return and it did not pan out so they make the next man pay femininity is about
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selflessness selflessness it's not about keeping score all you can do is be the best version of
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yourself and you cannot control the universe so what made me think of this monologue today was
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a video that i watched a couple of years ago and i remember watching this video when i was
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younger and i totally thought jennifer aniston was in the right it's called the breakup it's about
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um jennifer aniston and vince vaughn um they're dating in this um in this movie and they end up
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breaking up this was a super viral scene and i'm hoping that youtube lets me keep it up please um
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So it starts there, right? It would be nice if you helped me. And I know on the surface, right, a lot of women think it's simple, right? Oh, just help her with the dishes. But again, what is she cooking and cleaning for him because she wants to or because she's expecting something in return? I'm also hoping YouTube keeps this.
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want to do them later let's just do them now take 15 minutes oh honey i am so exhausted i just
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honestly want to relax for a little bit if i could just sit here let my food digest and just try to
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enjoy the quiet for a little bit get some get some get some that's what happens and we will
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you know we can clean the dishes tomorrow you know i don't like waking up to a dirty kitchen
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who cares I care me me me I want it done now me me me my way or the highway
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care all right I care I busted my ass all day cleaning this house and then
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cooking that meal and I work today it would be nice if you so right there we
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have we have it again I did this I did this so you must do this and thank you
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and helped me with the dishes fine i'll help you do the damn dishes oh come on so now he's doing
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it right and this is this is you know it shows the dynamic women nagging right and they get what
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they want is that how you want to get what you want you know what no let's see that's not what
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i want you just said that you want me to help you do the dishes i want you to want to do the dishes
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because I don't have a strong desire to clean dishes?
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No, I'm upset because you don't have a strong desire
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If I knew that it was going to be this much trouble,
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But see, this is her getting mad just to get mad.
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everyone that was at that goddamn table had their own little private bag of lemons
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that's all you're talking about i'm just saying it'd be nice if you did things that i asked it
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would be even nicer if you so when you think of like a kind sweet grandma right who spends her
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whole day slaving away in the kitchen for you you never get this attitude with it and this is the
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problem with the women in our generation, we just do things oftentimes in order to control people
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or in order to get something in return. The things without me having to ask you.
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Well, I do seem to remember doing something for you this morning without you asking.
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Carrie, come on. I'm serious. No, I'm serious. I really am. Come on. You knew I was working today
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and I made that meal, and you could have thought to yourself,
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You said on our very first date that you don't like flowers,
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I'm supposed to take that to mean that you do like flowers?
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No, this is not about... You're not... You're not...
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You're not getting it. You're not getting this, Gary.
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Okay, it's not about the lemons, it's not about the flowers,
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How many times do I have to drop hints about the ballet?
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You got a bunch of dudes in tights flopping around for three hours.
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I wonder when the hell's the goddamn nightmare gonna end
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It's not about you loving the ballet, Gary.
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It's about the person that you love loves the ballet,
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and you don't want to spend time with that person.
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You think screaming drunk kids and leprechauns doing backflips, that's fun.
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And when I hear women talk about this, or, you know, even at times where I've thought like this,
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it's really, it's a problem with the woman because she is keeping score.
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I'm busting my ass to be the best poor guy in the damn city so I can make enough money to support
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both of us. And hopefully you won't have to work one day. I want to work. All I ask, Brooke, is
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that I just get 20 minutes to relax when I come home
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I'm not spending one more second of this life
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this is why i say usually when there's fights it's kind of the woman's fault she could have
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just did the dishes she could have just did the dishes but now it's like this huge deal you did
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you didn't do this this this and this she has every place that he fell short which i am sure
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and this is the thing about men they don't really bring up where we fall short they really don't
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you know men are much more forgiving women it's like we bring up things from like two years ago
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on march 2nd 2002 you did x y and z and that's that's the issue with women a lot of times we
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that was that was the end that was the end of the do the dishes
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it's a medium in which our minds communicate differently yeah and this is this was kind of
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one of the red pilling moments that i had um interviewing a thousand people was
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in the media online on youtube you always get the man's or the woman's point of view on
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relationships when the media publishes a movie the woman is always an angel the guy is always
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the guy that didn't appreciate her the bad guy who just yada yada yada and when i interviewed men
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about their side of the story i mean even even that right you can see what the movie is getting
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at the movie is getting at that poor jennifer aniston she does so much for this guy he doesn't
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appreciate her he just behaves like a child and she is the angelic woman who just could do no wrong
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you can tell it's written by a woman it's written for women and that scene went viral because many
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women identified with it. And the issue you get with that mentality is when you're keeping score
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and you're doing things to get things in return, nobody wins. And