Pearl - Most Virgins Are Actually High-Value Men! w⧸ @JesseSteele_BrandonHayes

00:00:00.000 like you think about it as a guy if you're watching right and you say it's impossible

00:00:03.980 that never happened something out of a movie or something right but you saw it firsthand

00:00:07.980 well and the crazy thing was like i had on um a conservative guy um like a week or two ago right

00:00:14.920 and he kept telling me that it's only like only chads can like pick up women it's only like the

00:00:20.440 very good looking guys but what kind of surprised me like that weekend where some of the coaches

00:00:24.920 weren't like yeah super like i'm not trying to you know talk but it wasn't like they were the best

00:00:30.300 looking guys in the world they just kind of went for it yeah they kind of just had the balls to do

00:00:36.340 it that's half the battle um because you got to understand too like i don't care what you look

00:00:41.500 like as a guy there's a girl that's always going to say oh that's my type you know but guys let the

00:00:46.940 opportunity just pass by them so half the work is actually just having the balls to go up and say hi

00:00:51.340 i think like people that aren't in this and even me before i like went there you would think it's

00:00:56.520 just like the the weirdest guys that go to this stuff yeah but i was like yeah i know there's

00:01:02.080 i'll talk about it later but but i was like they're pretty normal to be honest and it's kind of

00:01:08.640 interesting because they really can be learned yeah it's a skill yeah right we're all products of

00:01:13.200 our environment um whether you're introverted or extroverted and communication attraction all that

00:01:19.300 it's just kind of like there's a part of extroversion right making a girl feel comfortable 0.97

00:01:23.340 um reducing her anxiety that's like more introverted side so it's all a skill everything you learn is a

00:01:28.980 skill um and the average guy if you look if you go outside you see the average guy half of them are

00:01:34.260 going to have issues with dating so it's a very much it's very much so like an average guy's problem

00:01:38.080 for sure for sure so when you're doing dating coaching what are like the archetypes of guys that tend

00:01:44.040 to come to you so where do i start uh you have a few guys but the two buckets we see the most is

00:01:52.080 the guys who are inexperienced and they just want to have fun with with girls they're like hey i've

00:01:58.000 never had a girlfriend what's a relationship like right they might still be virgins or you know they

00:02:04.140 have no experience the other bucket is the guys who are looking for a long-term relationship

00:02:08.960 they're like hey i got heartbroken i don't know what i'm doing i'm rusty maybe they're in their

00:02:14.220 40s heart divorce whatever but they're actually looking for something serious so those are kind

00:02:19.300 of like the two buckets that we get for guys and when you get guys that are virgins are um close to

00:02:24.420 it are close to it i don't know like some guys you meet it's like they've hooked up with one girl

00:02:29.320 one time something like that but um but what is the issue generally is it like looks they're just

00:02:37.380 super unattractive is it yeah lack of social skills and is it worse with the younger guys

00:02:44.060 because gen z is more online no you're gonna be uh so yeah that's a good question you're gonna be

00:02:49.720 surprised by this but most of the guys who are virgins right now doesn't mean that they're terribly

00:02:56.140 you know looking or that they don't have any social skills what happens right now is because

00:03:01.440 dating is getting harder with time and social media and everything what's happening right now what

00:03:05.300 we're seeing is you're seeing a lot of guys who are focused on their career in college put their

00:03:09.880 heads down they go have a good career and they're maybe the mid-management or something like that

00:03:14.340 and they're like hey i've been focused on my career so long i forgot i'm still version

00:03:17.820 and that's okay now i'm like well what's going on how old are they by the time they like look up

00:03:22.580 reality check 25 26 okay right at that point you're like okay i'm 20 what's the average life

00:03:29.240 expected to see 74 yeah so at 37 you're middle age basically yeah right 25 26 is like i have 10

00:03:35.280 years to have fun and find my wife yeah so that's kind of what we see with virgins most part now

00:03:39.920 okay so it's just guys that are super career oriented because i think the idea online when you hear about

00:03:45.740 like incels is like these losers in their room like a dark you have a lot of those don't work that don't

00:03:52.160 do any is that what you see at all too or so like what first if you had to like yeah you get 10 0.68

00:03:57.220 virgins that come to you um how would you divide it generally so very much so 50 of those

00:04:04.360 are very much i put my head down i've been working i forgot i had to lose my virginity 0.96

00:04:09.860 right the other half are you could say they're kind of like more on the loser end but a lot of 0.98

00:04:15.320 them do have their shit together they just lack some social skills they're scared right they have 0.97

00:04:19.880 some trauma that they're insecure they lack confidence right but it's actually pretty surprising 0.98

00:04:26.620 because you think like virgins are those guys but a lot of them are just normal guys who haven't put

00:04:31.760 themselves out there so um you might not know this but when you go out you might be talking to a virgin

00:04:36.280 he doesn't seem like one but he is right because he's afraid to make the move so um it's surprising

00:04:41.780 but that's about the split that we see yeah and how long does it usually take to get a virgin laid 0.98

00:04:47.160 three weeks okay three weeks is it that quick yeah three weeks have you like for example we

00:04:52.000 connect online and you're like hey i'm never you know lost like just touched a girl before it takes

00:04:57.480 about three weeks because you got to understand they just don't understand women right once they 1.00

00:05:02.260 understand like okay how they think and stuff like that it's pretty easy um but if i see them in

00:05:06.640 person probably like six or seven days and are there any guys that just can't be helped yeah yeah

00:05:12.160 and is it like a looks thing mindset no there has to be some that you're like you're just not good

00:05:18.340 looking i'm like yeah you're done for um no so come on come on be honest there's some guys but

00:05:24.680 it's not so much about the the bad looks or anything it's like they're just lazy oh okay you

00:05:30.720 know what i mean this is what i tell every guy it's like if you work out right if you take care of

00:05:35.620 what you eat and then um you're polished you're well tailored tailored clothes you look good you're

00:05:41.900 gonna be a seven for most girls you smell good good haircut that's all it takes but a lot of guys 1.00

00:05:45.760 are lazy and they can't even do that and so i mean as girls they see him like oh he doesn't even put

00:05:49.740 effort into himself right what does that say about a relationship with him right um so most guys are

00:05:55.460 just lazy so it's more of a lazy thing for guys more so i mean sure you'll get like i mean everything's

00:06:00.160 a bell curve right so you're gonna have some guys that are you know pretty hard to fix but usually you

00:06:06.540 up yourself you know one or two points by working on yourself so and what do you see in terms of like 0.77

00:06:13.380 what type of girl is it usually just like the super slutty girls they lose their virginity i'm just i'm 1.00

00:06:18.840 just wondering like who do you tell them to go for the do they start with the fat shit like yeah 1.00

00:06:23.260 yeah they gotta start somewhere right yeah they gotta start somewhere so the thing is um 0.99

00:06:29.320 right now the hookup culture is so prominent yeah right that i think the standard of being labeled

00:06:36.380 you know like a slut or whatever has gotten more lenient because it's so prominent but um just in 0.95

00:06:43.420 general no they're losing it to like average chicks right if he's 25 26 she's probably around the same age 1.00

00:06:47.900 maybe a little younger they meet at a bar and then they hook up um you know that's kind of how it 0.98

00:06:52.880 works it's not she's not a massive you know slut or whatever but she does you know engage in the 1.00

00:06:57.360 hookup culture um i do have clients who are like christian religious stuff like that that's got to 0.89

00:07:02.720 be tough to work with no no no no no i find that they're like it's just um when i i talk to them

00:07:11.120 they can't really get through like the hookup culture stuff they don't have like resistance to

00:07:14.940 it at all right what do you mean by resistance um like i i find that a lot of them are kind of

00:07:20.980 ridden with like guilt like they see it as like manipulation in a way right i don't know if that's

00:07:26.560 maybe i could be i don't coach men so i could be you know yeah so psychology and attraction

00:07:32.520 they're natural right um so it's just persuasion to a degree but the really the guys that are tough

00:07:40.780 to work with it's not because of the religious background or anything like that it's just if

00:07:44.180 they're not coachable got it right think about it like kids you can't coach like a kid in little 0.88

00:07:50.500 league it's like oh fuck i can't work with this kid right um so if they just are not coachable 0.99

00:07:55.000 they don't listen they don't apply those guys are hard to work with right but from a religious 0.98

00:07:58.700 standpoint we approach them differently right on how they should um engage in the dating scene

00:08:05.060 but there's some nuances to that but overall they are workable probably some of my favorite people

00:08:10.200 to work with okay so when it comes to like

00:08:14.540 the guys that are like want to go from incel to like in a relationship what's that process usually

00:08:22.500 like and so to like get married with kids yeah so this is what happens right because i mean how does

00:08:29.880 a guy get turned into an incel right that's overworking right yeah so yeah again like i'm on a bell curve

00:08:37.240 right the average guy if he doesn't seek help he's either going to blame the world and himself and his

00:08:43.420 flaws for not getting any girls like oh well that guy is super tall that guy's super chatty and i'm

00:08:48.060 super short or the world hates me and you know you just pity right victim mentality or he goes the 0.98

00:08:54.340 other way and he blames all women he's like oh all women are whores hypergamous and you know what i mean 0.98

00:08:59.820 the whatever he turns into an incel or whatever yeah but um so they either end up in those buckets that 0.97

00:09:04.700 they don't fix themselves right so it's really hard to get them out of that the way you get them out of

00:09:09.860 that's first by getting rid of those beliefs saying okay well you're wrong right make him realize that

00:09:15.120 and then you count his small wins he has to get out there when they turn into anciles is usually like

00:09:20.380 a coping mechanism for them as they say oh well all women are you know whatever horse and then you're 1.00

00:09:25.660 like well are they go approach that one you don't know oh i don't want to and then it's just a coping

00:09:29.820 mechanism for them to avoid failure um so that's what happens you have to make them realize that and we do

00:09:34.420 that through a phase right where we take them out and we make sure that we desensitize them

00:09:39.100 to those approaches making sure they realize oh women are actually cool you know because you guys 0.67

00:09:44.580 are right it's god's greatest invention so it's like um they have to realize that before they even

00:09:50.280 think about uh hooking up with a girl or dating one so it's hard but what are the other like limiting

00:09:56.720 beliefs that they have there's so so many so yeah so many so probably um i mean physical insecurities

00:10:07.000 are huge right and um you have to come to terms with it right when you're short okay guys who are

00:10:16.060 short um guys who are bold right they're insecure about it self-conscious so anything physically right

00:10:23.880 that is is you can't fix those insecurities are really tough to work with right um so that's one

00:10:31.260 of them uh other self-leading beliefs are that they're not good enough okay and usually high

00:10:37.100 performing men have this problem because if you think about it high performing men they're they

00:10:41.480 work hard because they want to prove to the world that there's someone and it kind of almost stems from

00:10:46.480 a chip on their shoulder insecurity right and so when you analyze those guys what you see is that

00:10:51.920 they just don't feel like they're enough it prompts them to work a lot and be really successful to feel

00:10:57.060 like they're they're enough like to some degree in their career and their business or whatever

00:11:00.920 um but it doesn't translate with women right and so they become like a target or to exactly exactly and 1.00

00:11:08.380 so what ends up happening with those guys is when they talk to women they don't feel enough and so

00:11:13.300 they feel like they have to lead with the money or with the status and those self-leading beliefs are

00:11:17.800 tougher because that feeling of not being enough is what got them that success with business you know

00:11:24.800 what i mean and so for them in their mind is oh well that's how i got here right and they don't realize

00:11:30.080 with women it's like no you you have you're enough for her you're more than enough right you don't 1.00

00:11:34.040 have to lead with those things right um and from there you have other you know other things that

00:11:39.900 happen like approach anxiety lack of confidence with women stuff like that just because you don't

00:11:43.400 feel enough but that one's really uh really unique to the guys i work with um other self-leading 0.90

00:11:49.640 believes is if they're raised in a shitty family and they're like you're not shit right we have a lot 0.90

00:11:55.580 of those yeah and so they need a lot of reassurance right hey do you really think that's gonna repel 0.99

00:12:00.920 women exactly right because what happens when a guy needs reassurance what do you think as a girl 1.00

00:12:04.900 you exactly oh yeah right insecurity clingy yeah right oh so nasty and so those guys that we see

00:12:12.040 that's another big bucket that we see right but those guys have never had any reassurance in their

00:12:16.080 life right that their parents never said good job be proud of yourself right you know they're always

00:12:20.740 saying that's it and in the world it's not like the world is overly nice to them either i mean when

00:12:26.200 you're when you're a kid the world is nice to you but once you're an adult like in your 20s or in your

00:12:30.800 30s no one's giving you that reassurance right so they never had it to begin with and now they're

00:12:35.360 seeking it um it doesn't help now they're looking for that in women right in dating so those are kind

00:12:41.880 of like the self-living beliefs that we see that are really tough to work with for sure

Pearl - May 28, 2025

Most Virgins Are Actually High-Value Men! w⧸ @JesseSteele_BrandonHayes

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