Pearl - ＂My SECRETARY Would Ask MY DAUGHTER If She Did Her HOMEWORK!＂ Former CEO of PEPSICO ｜ Pearl Daily

00:00:00.000 So I saw a clip of the CEO of Pepsi talking about if women can have it all.

00:00:09.020 I saw another clip of Michelle Obama talking about if women could have it all.

00:00:14.240 And this is a phrase I think the media and movies have really pushed that women can work, 1.00

00:00:25.380 they can be good mothers, and they can do it all at the same time.

00:00:29.360 And I wanted to see the women that supposedly had it all, they have careers, their mothers, 1.00

00:00:36.680 their wives. I wanted to predict if they agreed that you can in fact have it all because that is

00:00:43.940 what the media pushes. And that is what we as women are pushed to do. I don't know many 18, 0.93

00:00:49.900 19, 20 year old homemakers, but I do know that most women go and get jobs or go to college. 1.00

00:00:56.200 that is what is normal. And what they don't tell you is life is about choices and trade-offs. So

00:01:02.380 I wanted to start by showing this video of the CEO of Pepsi talking about if she thinks women 1.00

00:01:11.220 can have it all. I don't think women can have it all. I just don't think so. We pretend we have it 1.00

00:01:16.620 all. You know, my husband and I married for 34 years and we have two daughters. And every day

00:01:23.520 you have to make a decision on whether you are going to be a wife or a mother. In fact, many

00:01:28.680 times during the day, you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people

00:01:33.840 to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent

00:01:40.800 parents. But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom.

00:01:46.200 I'm not sure. I think that is the most honest response I have ever heard from a career woman.

00:01:52.620 Many career women's children are afraid of their mothers, and they're not overly honest about the impact it had on them for them being gone all of those years.

00:02:06.500 I'm not saying it's right or wrong. Different families have to make different choices.

00:02:11.500 But life is about choices and trade-offs, and I think so often we think we can have it all with no trade-off.

00:02:19.740 I try all kinds of coping mechanisms. I mean, I'll tell you a story that happened when

00:02:24.020 my daughter went to Catholic school, Convent of Sacred Heart, and every Wednesday morning

00:02:28.380 they have class coffee with mothers. Class coffee with mothers for a working woman, 1.00

00:02:33.720 how is it going to work? How am I going to take off nine o'clock on Wednesday mornings to go for

00:02:38.180 class coffee? So I miss most class coffees. My daughter would come home and she'd say,

00:02:43.140 list of all the mothers that were there and you were not their mom. First few times I would die

00:02:48.620 with guilt. But I developed coping mechanisms. I called the school and I said, give me a list of

00:02:54.140 mothers who are not there. So when she came home in the evening, she'd say, you were not there,

00:03:00.700 you were not there. I said, uh-huh, Mrs. Rag wasn't there, you know, Mrs. So-and-so wasn't there. 0.92

00:03:04.880 So I'm not the only bad mother. You know, you have to cope because you die with guilt. You just die

00:03:10.920 with guilt. My observation, David, is that... See, this is what we talk about. This is the example

00:03:17.420 of a woman that is more on the selfish side in a selfless role. And it's not necessarily that

00:03:27.020 she's a bad person or even would be a bad mother. It's that the circumstances she chose in life

00:03:34.380 didn't give her the time to put her family first. And her kids are the ones who suffer.

00:03:40.100 The biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other.

00:03:45.280 Total, complete conflict.

00:03:47.280 When you have to have kids, you have to build your career.

00:03:51.280 Just as you're rising to middle management,

00:03:53.280 your kids need you because they're teenagers,

00:03:55.280 they need you for the teenage years.

00:03:57.280 And that's the time your husband becomes a teenager too.

00:03:59.280 So he needs you, sorry.

00:04:01.280 They need you too.

00:04:02.280 So what do you do?

00:04:04.280 And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they're aging. 0.99

00:04:08.280 So we're screwed. 0.76

00:04:09.280 I mean, we have no, we have no, we cannot have it all.

00:04:13.280 it all but you know what coping mechanism mechanisms train people at work and this is

00:04:18.880 always what i hear i guess i don't hear but i see it constantly when we put our career first

00:04:26.880 once we have a family the kids are the ones who suffer and this is the ceo of pepsi telling us

00:04:34.000 that so if the ceo of pepsi is saying you know i couldn't do it all and this is probably a woman 0.97

00:04:42.000 with a super high iq very intelligent if she could be the ceo of pepsi she's probably good 1.00

00:04:47.600 with people to some degree and managing things who are we average women train your family to 1.00

00:04:54.240 be your extended family you know when i when i'm in pepsico i travel a lot and and now she's saying

00:05:00.720 i i had to push on raising my kids onto my family so my extended family had to raise my kids for me

00:05:08.160 When my kids were tiny, especially my second one, we had strict rules on playing Nintendo.

00:05:13.860 She'd call the office. She didn't care whether I was in China or Japan or India or wherever.

00:05:18.640 She'd call the office, the receptionist pick up the phone. 0.73

00:05:21.460 Can I speak to my mommy?

00:05:22.960 Everybody knows if somebody says, can I speak to mommy, it's my daughter.

00:05:26.340 So she'd say, yes, Tara, what can I do for you?

00:05:28.660 I want to play Nintendo.

00:05:30.220 And the receptionist has a set of questions.

00:05:32.740 Have you finished your homework?

00:05:33.820 You see, I say this because that's what it takes.

00:05:38.160 She goes through the questions and she says,

00:05:40.160 okay, you can pay Nintendo half an hour.

00:05:41.960 But she leaves me a message.

00:05:43.820 Tara called at five.

00:05:45.040 This is what the sequence of questions I went through.

00:05:47.680 I've given her permission.

00:05:48.720 So it's seamless parenting.

00:05:50.560 But if you don't do that, I'm serious.

00:05:53.080 If you don't develop mechanisms with your secretaries,

00:05:56.820 with the extended office, with everybody around you,

00:06:00.060 it cannot work.

00:06:01.720 It can't work.

00:06:03.020 Motherhood, you know, stay-at-home mothering 1.00

00:06:05.080 was a full-time job.

00:06:07.660 Being a CEO of a company is three full-time jobs rolled into one.

00:06:11.840 How can you do justice to all?

00:06:13.480 You can't.

00:06:14.380 The person that hurts the most with this whole thing is your spouse.

00:06:18.020 There's no question about it.

00:06:19.780 You know, Raj always says, you know what?

00:06:21.440 And she's being honest.

00:06:23.700 I'm never going to hate on someone that's being honest about the consequences of the choices she made.

00:06:30.580 She's not whining about them.

00:06:32.460 She's just accepting it.

00:06:33.700 but I think it's good that we see, even from top performing women, this is what comes with it.

00:06:39.580 Your list is PepsiCo, PepsiCo, PepsiCo, your two kids, our two kids, your mom,

00:06:45.380 and then at the bottom of the list is me. There are two ways to look at it.

00:06:49.160 You should be happy you're on the list. American women, am I right? Actually, 1.00

00:06:53.100 I don't even think she is, but I don't even know if she's American. She might, 0.99

00:06:57.520 anyways, it doesn't matter. But yeah, this is what happens. The husband comes last.

00:07:02.100 and this is why men often feel like a sperm donor in this country because they come after her career

00:07:11.520 after the kids then comes his needs he's barely on the list he should be happy to be there and

00:07:19.520 you know they're laughing everyone's laughing at this joke because that's how they feel they're

00:07:24.220 being honest so don't don't complain just don't complain he is on the list very much on the list

00:07:31.240 That was example number one. So let me go to the next one. And this is Oprah and Michelle Obama talking about if women can have it all.

00:07:41.780 Here's the question that comes up over and over and over. And we talked a little bit about it. This idea of balance. Is that a false notion for women? Because can we really, are we ever going to have it all?

00:07:56.860 I used to say, you can have it all, you just can't have it all at one time.

00:07:59.980 Or is that a false notion?

00:08:02.960 Look, I am always irritated by the you can have it all statement.

00:08:08.480 And I grew irritated with that phrase and that expectation the older I got, as you're trying to have it all.

00:08:16.580 So these are liberal career women saying that that's not possible. 1.00

00:08:22.060 These are Democrat, liberal.

00:08:24.620 I mean, Michelle Obama, you could argue if she's a career woman, but Oprah is saying no, not possible. 0.99

00:08:32.100 Yourself up and feeling less than because you aren't having it all. 0.96

00:08:38.200 Because it is, it's a ridiculous aspiration.

00:08:42.940 Especially if you're looking at everybody else's Facebook page. 0.61

00:08:45.840 Oh, God, everybody has it all.

00:08:48.020 Everybody's lying.

00:08:49.120 They're lying.

00:08:50.080 Y'all need to stop lying.

00:08:51.360 be real about the fact that you know no one gets everything that was one of the first rules you

00:08:57.340 learned as a little kid you don't always get your way come on people you don't always get what you

00:09:02.940 want all the time and that's true in life so what I've told many young people is that you can have

00:09:10.000 it all but oftentimes it's hard to get it all at the same time I believe you know so it's just a

00:09:15.860 matter of managing expectations. So for me, for example, you know, when your husband is president

00:09:23.520 of the United States and you have children, something's got to give. You know, I've made

00:09:30.220 compromises in my life and my career, but I've also in exchange gained a wonderful platform to

00:09:36.760 do some great work. Who would have ever imagined that we would make the inroads we've made on

00:09:41.880 healthy eating and changing the way our kids are fed. She had to pick between her career and her

00:09:47.800 husband's career. Now, obviously this is extreme. Her husband is the president of the United States.

00:09:53.580 Obviously that's going to come first, but I see this in movies all the time where the new lead

00:10:01.520 protagonist generally is a woman and the man follows her career. And that's fine. You can do

00:10:08.920 that. But life comes with choices and trade-offs. And are we ready for what comes with that?

00:10:16.140 School and, you know, I can point to so many things that I've had, that I've been able to do.

00:10:23.360 If I want to be heavily involved in my girls' lives, that means that sometimes I have to put

00:10:29.660 some things on the back burner to give them what they need. So it's hard to have it all.

00:10:36.260 But that's where you go back to knowing who you are and knowing that, you know, you're really living through phases.

00:10:43.600 And if you don't, if you're compromising through one phase of your journey, you're not giving it all up.

00:10:49.140 You're just, you're compromising for that phase.

00:10:52.080 There's another phase that's coming up where you might be able to have more of what you thought you wanted.

00:10:57.440 You know, you get to know yourself a little bit more.

00:10:59.600 So, no, I don't want young women out there to have the expectation that if they're not having it all, that somehow they're failing.

00:11:08.580 Life is hard, but life is long.

00:11:11.380 If you maintain your health, which is one of the reasons why we talk about health, talk about taking care of yourself,

00:11:17.320 because you want to get to the next phases in life where you can do more of what you want to do at any given time.

00:11:22.800 You want to be wherever you are right now, and just like you say, I'm not through.

00:11:26.900 No.

00:11:28.140 You're not through.

00:11:28.760 Not through.

00:11:29.600 So that's example two. Now, example three came from TikTok a couple of weeks ago. So there is

00:11:37.740 a woman, her name is Kelsey. Her name is Kelsey and she's the wife of, I forgot his name, but

00:11:43.780 basically there is a trad wife couple. They make trad wife content, our traditional content on 0.75

00:11:50.640 Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and they are very famous. And this couple came from New York.

00:11:57.420 they met in New York, and the woman went to Juilliard, and she was set to be a ballerina.

00:12:05.000 And if you know anything about Juilliard, there is a 5% acceptance rate. You have to be a very,

00:12:10.800 very good ballerina to go to Juilliard. And she was living in New York City, and that was her dream.

00:12:17.000 And then she met a billionaire. And she was willing to, I can't imagine why, right? I can't

00:12:22.980 imagine. But very quickly she said, you know what? I'm okay on the, on the Juilliard stuff. You know

00:12:29.520 what? I'll just have your children. And now they live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere and they 0.70

00:12:34.380 make TikTok content and she makes everything from scratch. And I want to show you how the women of 1.00

00:12:41.480 today react to this. So what they'll do is say that she is somehow abused, coerced into these

00:12:49.940 decisions when this is the wife of a billionaire family. And somehow the internet took this as

00:12:59.480 she should have gone to Juilliard instead of getting married. And it's interesting because

00:13:05.400 feminists always parade around that it's great for women to have choices. But whenever women 1.00

00:13:11.200 make a choice that doesn't go with their narrative, we end up with videos like this. So I'm going to

00:13:16.240 show you guys a essay done by a woman who's like anti-traditional something i don't know

00:13:22.620 but i want to show you her take on this whole situation there was this times article with this

00:13:27.880 woman called hannah neilman and she has a tiktok account called ballerina farm she also has her

00:13:33.920 own tiktok account called hannah neilman i think she had that tiktok account before the ballerina

00:13:39.060 farm one she is the pinnacle mormon trad wife she makes everything from scratch she's always got 0.94

00:13:45.780 children dangling off of her. Daniel really doesn't seem to be about as much, although he pops in and

00:13:50.680 out. Paints this very serene image of this woman who just loves taking care of the family, who makes

00:13:56.060 everything from scratch, who, you know, who gives her life to her children and her family. Scratching

00:14:02.000 on the surface, this seems like very aspirational content and when this Times article came out it

00:14:08.800 then made it quite clear to a lot of different people that maybe, just maybe, her situation isn't

00:14:15.140 exactly as it seems i will just so this couple invites a new york times reporter into their home

00:14:21.220 to do an interview and this new york times reporter decides to make this into a hit piece about their

00:14:27.940 family hey is that there are a lot of people number one saying that she is being controlled

00:14:32.820 as got her freedom taken away she is deeply saddened it's about patriarchy and it's about

00:14:36.980 feminism and it's about men trying to take away women's you know voices argument number two 1.00

00:14:42.500 author of this piece was just dramatizing everything and actually maybe that was her

00:14:46.660 career maybe maybe she didn't actually want to do ballet maybe she didn't want a different life 1.00

00:14:51.860 you know it's very possible that she's very very happy you guys are making a mountain out of a mole

00:14:56.260 hill hannah neilman is a victim or oppressed based on this article it's because it was

00:15:00.260 manipulative journalism the one thing i will say which is what i just said a minute ago

00:15:04.660 their faith their faith comes into us in a very very very big way people who are ex-mormon who

00:15:13.060 have in their own words left their cult were basically indoctrinated these are their words

00:15:18.020 not mine they left their husbands they managed to free themselves and they are also chiming in on

00:15:23.700 this conversation this is a woman who is not an autonomous individual and i've seen women on so

00:15:29.220 this is my question. This woman is not an autonomous individual. Are we adults or are we

00:15:36.260 children? Because if we're children, then that would say that we can't make decisions on our own.

00:15:42.760 But if we're adults, then we got to be responsible for the decisions that we choose. And this is a

00:15:49.600 woman. She's ex-Mormon. So she did the Mormon thing and it didn't work out for whatever reason.

00:15:55.880 maybe she decided she didn't like her husband maybe he divorced her I don't know but what

00:16:01.840 happens instead of taking the loss we have a tendency to blame it on everybody else

00:16:10.720 you're saying things like well I don't want to speak about her life because she is a grown woman 1.00

00:16:16.160 she is an autonomous person she has free will she's making choices no she isn't she isn't she

00:16:22.600 is being indoctrinated and has been indoctrinated since the day she was born in i don't want to hear

00:16:30.880 anything about indoctrination we have google yep you have access to the internet you can google

00:16:36.200 whatever you want you really can to the mormon cult okay she's not making choices that are

00:16:44.420 informed she's being told that she has to obey her husband talking about neilman even they said

00:16:50.120 devout mormon who was raised in a mormon family she bakes perfectly scored sourdough loaves milks 0.85

00:16:55.000 cows straight into her coffee cup and gives birth by candlelight with no pain relief straight off 0.98

00:17:00.520 the bat hannah neilman was a juilliard ballet dancer she actually had one year left of her 0.98

00:17:07.480 undergraduate she had one year left and that was going to be it her career was going to be ballet

00:17:13.240 hence the reason why it is a little bit strange how it's called you know ballerina farm i mean

00:17:18.360 it's not strange but it is strange once we get into this in just a moment grew up in a very

00:17:22.760 mormon family okay both her parents were very mormon she went away and she was in juilliard

00:17:28.360 and that is what she wanted to do when she was asked you know is this something that you've

00:17:31.480 always wanted to do she says no i mean i was like my goal was new york city i left home at 17 and i

00:17:37.480 was so excited to get there i just loved that energy and i was going to be a ballerina i was a

00:17:42.280 good ballerina she pauses again but i know that when i started to have kids my life would look

00:17:47.560 different well i think one of the best things about a social media business in our case is that

00:17:53.380 we get to work together growing up and when they were both asked about you know the reasoning why

00:17:59.220 they're having so many kids she says it's god's plan whenever she has a baby give it another year 0.99

00:18:05.780 she then asks god and god says yes have another baby one baby after another after another okay

00:18:11.800 this is by far the number one question that we've gotten most of how many kids we're gonna have well

00:18:17.320 don't know we don't really have a number we're just kind of going for it when asked you know are

00:18:22.120 you going to fill your 15 seater van daniel the husband says you know yes and she says well i'm

00:18:28.600 a little bit tired now in a very coincidental chain of events hannah was actually on her way back

00:18:35.240 to new york from salt lake city she was going to go back go back to juilliard and she was going to

00:18:39.960 go and finish and what ended up happening was that daniel now husband what happened was daniel's dad

00:18:46.200 is actually the owner of jet blue airlines and daniel knew that she was going to be getting on

00:18:51.960 that flight so he managed to wiggle it and get a seat right next to her in his words she didn't

00:18:58.260 realize his dad owned the airline so daniel was like i'm on that same flight she says i remember

00:19:03.300 checking in and them saying you're 5a and you're 5b i just thought no way that's crazy daniel smiles

00:19:09.260 i made a call he had pulled strings at jet blue and so began their first date back then i thought

00:19:15.140 we should date for a year before marriage she continues so i could finish school and whatever 0.99

00:19:19.840 and daniel was like it's not going to work we've got to get married now after a month they were

00:19:25.000 engaged two months after that they were married moving into an apartment daniel rented on the

00:19:29.760 upper west side and three months after that she was pregnant the first juilliard undergraduate to

00:19:35.220 be expecting in modern history when they were then probed on you know have you had to give up that

00:19:40.340 much she says that you know we've all had to make sacrifices our first few years of marriage were

00:19:45.780 really hard okay so what did she give up in order to get married to a high level guy i mean i think

00:19:53.700 a billion dollars most most women might you know they think about but regardless right in order to 1.00

00:19:58.780 get married to a high level guy she said within a couple of months he said i'm ready for kids and

00:20:06.680 marriage now and she said okay how do you guys think her life would have turned out if she said

00:20:12.660 you know what i need a year i need to finish juilliard how would that have gone sacrificed a

00:20:18.080 lot but we did have this vision this dream and daniel interrupts we still do what kind of

00:20:24.720 sacrifices i ask her well i gave up dance which was hard you give up a piece of yourself and daniel

00:20:30.340 gave up his career ambitions now there's a very common theme in this the way that the journalist

00:20:36.040 writes is that daniel keeps on cutting her off one of the sad things actually was when they then moved

00:20:41.160 out to this ranch to this farm that they now call ballerina farm she really wanted for this 0.95

00:20:48.760 particular shed slash barn to be made into a ballet studio just do what she loves doing 1.00

00:20:54.120 and he dismissed it and he decided to turn it into a kid's home schooling room so i'm here in the

00:21:01.800 school room if you followed for any amount of time you know that this building actually used

00:21:07.560 to be where we shipped and fulfilled all our orders here on the farm now keep this in mind

00:21:12.040 they have a lot of money but where his dad comes from the amount of money they're able to make off

00:21:16.440 the farm they actually sell their meat i believe that they sell their cow meat and they do it

00:21:20.600 online and all this kind of stuff so they have quite a good business as well as their social

00:21:24.200 media so they rake in a hell of a lot of money they are not poor and he still would not either

00:21:30.920 build her a ballet studio or have the ballet studio that she wanted the acceptance rate to 1.00

00:21:37.400 get into juilliard is between five and eight percent i say this because i saw a comment of

00:21:41.240 a woman who said they too had hobbies they gave up after they became a mother you know you just

00:21:46.040 give up things when you become a mother no one is arguing that but please don't compare your hobbies

00:21:51.400 to being a juilliard level ballet dancer unless you were training to be a professional athlete or

00:21:57.880 training to be an olympian you and her are not the same journalists did pick up on this she says i

00:22:03.480 look out at the vastness and i don't totally agree daniel wanted to live in the great western wild

00:22:08.760 okay so what did she do she gave up what she wanted for what he wanted now we could say right

00:22:16.040 wrong doesn't matter that's what she chose to do and what the general public comes out and does 1.00

00:22:22.280 is say that she does not have agency and that she cannot be possibly making these decisions

00:22:28.840 on her own and that she is somehow a victim.

Pearl - September 28, 2024

＂My SECRETARY Would Ask MY DAUGHTER If She Did Her HOMEWORK!＂ Former CEO of PEPSICO ｜ Pearl Daily

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