Pearl - March 20, 2024＂My Son Needed A Father Figure＂ Pearl Interviews Mother On Prioritising The Family Unit
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
187.46558
Summary
In this episode, I have a guest on the show, a girl who grew up in the protestant church. We talk about sex, purity, sex education, and sex education in general. I hope you enjoy this episode!
Transcript
00:00:00.000
hi pearl oh hello brie how are you today i'm using an ipad and now i'm realizing the camera
00:00:08.000
sucks on the split okay could you go in the middle yeah go in the middle there you go
00:00:13.880
let me see i may just be not looking properly everybody so sorry about that
00:00:18.660
all right yes as long as you're on camera we're good okay where are you where are you at
00:00:23.320
so i'm from kansas city oh okay cool so yeah um in your opinion are christian women wife material
00:00:31.420
i told i do agree with you um that a lot of christian women are not uh marriage material
00:00:39.340
i think a lot of christian men aren't marriage material either i just think in general the
00:00:44.280
church has a huge problem more and i'm coming from a protestant side okay of that what denomination
00:00:51.340
uh well so i went to a church called calvary chapel which i think overall is considered
00:00:57.740
non-denominational okay non-denominational um and i'm the oldest of seven kids uh you and i
00:01:04.260
have kind of a similar background because i come from a big family i'm the oldest and i have five
00:01:09.140
sisters so um very churchy um my parents were uh like incredibly involved in church uh they're still
00:01:18.340
married today. We're all blood related. There's no, we're not a blended family. Um, but I grew
00:01:25.440
up, so I'm older than you, like probably 10 years older than you. And when I was growing up as a
00:01:30.940
teenager, I feel like one of the biggest things, like the biggest mistakes that church church has
00:01:37.180
made with the youth back then was the whole purity conversation. Um, and I don't know if that was
00:01:43.420
around when you were growing up but oh we oh yeah yeah i i feel like what happened and and i'll kind
00:01:51.060
of go in i feel like i check so many of these opposite boxes for you so i hope i'm a fun guest
00:01:56.340
to have on um so when i was growing up you know the purity conversation hey wait till you're married
00:02:02.180
both genders right like male female wait till you're married absolutely nothing until you're
00:02:07.580
married don't I remember my dad being like a guy can't touch your abdomen you know like what is
00:02:13.380
that I don't know you're like not allowed to touch until you're married um and I think that had the
00:02:19.840
opposite effect on people I'm sorry I wish I could get more on camera for you um there you go right
00:02:26.040
there you're good right okay I feel like that had the opposite effect on everyone both genders where
00:02:33.880
if you what made the mistake of kissing someone or even you know all the way sleeping with somebody
00:02:42.500
you felt like now you're in a position of okay now you got to marry that person right oh you did
00:02:49.140
the thing that's only for married people so and you started seeing this person at 14 15 so you
00:02:55.380
know whatever 16 17 for some of us um you know now you're stuck with them that you've got to make
00:03:01.620
this work right or it was like oh you made the mistake so now you're a whore right like now you
00:03:08.880
already messed up so then you kind of feel like okay well i already messed up so now i can just
00:03:14.040
i'm just gonna do whatever or now i'm like kicked out of the church or whatever you know whatever
00:03:18.360
whatever you have i feel like there wasn't a lot of counseling for teens in church at that time
00:03:24.500
i think they sort of dropped that maybe like five years after i got out i don't know what your
00:03:28.940
thoughts are on that well they also don't have paths to marriage in my opinion so it's like they
00:03:36.200
like we're you know we're pushing the marriage age right now to like 30 right that's that's what the
00:03:41.160
the normal world is doing and i don't really see a lot of programs that get the men and the women
00:03:47.920
together and and to me it's because they're giving them the wrong information you know it's like
00:03:53.940
they're telling a lot of the men the happy wife happy life type stuff and that doesn't arouse
00:03:58.820
women and then and that's from my point of view you know i i don't think the church has figured
00:04:05.880
out how to have people date in the modern world i don't think they've figured it out yet
00:04:11.720
completely agree completely agree and i also but i do want to say i think the church
00:04:18.400
the protestant church side of things has it right in terms of or the statistics that you have quoted
00:04:26.420
too which is hey if you're each other's only okay and you get married and you have that relationship
00:04:33.060
and you have a way higher likelihood of making it and i have several friends that are my age now
00:04:38.820
that did that right they waited until they were you know married to do anything and they they
00:04:44.420
waited a long time to become what sexually active if you will you know they didn't even get married
00:04:49.220
till they were 21 um my story is i when i was you know i lost my virginity at 17 to my first high
00:04:57.380
school boyfriend kind of was like okay oh whatever i messed up it's over you know but i didn't i
00:05:03.940
actually kept it together i really you know still i went to a christian school my graduating class
00:05:08.420
was only 10 kids so very small circle and still had a lot of religious support to kind of keep
00:05:14.900
it together and not hoe out if you will um and then when i was about 18 on my own in my own
00:05:22.900
apartment um i ended up meeting my husband at that time and that's when i don't know am i still on
00:05:32.020
right now i'm still here i think the just keep blessings gonna fix it i hear you okay oh okay
00:05:38.500
okay um anyway i all i was gonna say is i ended up um getting married by the time i was 19
00:05:46.020
and my dad begged me not to do it told me i wasn't ready really your dad asked you now i was just
00:05:52.960
talking on i was just on the day of my wedding girl you begged me i was just talking to someone
00:05:59.220
about how dads raise their daughters like sons now and give them and give them advice like like
00:06:06.720
most dads don't want their daughters to marry young either yeah um well and it wasn't he wasn't
00:06:12.900
necessarily against being married young he just knew that this one wasn't the one kind of thing
00:06:18.000
and also and i only dated this person um for i think we dated four months and then like we were
00:06:28.040
what's engaged and then we were married within a year so it was absolutely too soon um he was um
00:06:36.080
from the church as well and was very inexperienced himself um i i think he he
00:06:42.860
man i feel bad for the people who know me sorry people um but i think he was a virgin when we
00:06:48.840
got married i wasn't and so you know that was different were you were you did you do you think
00:06:55.160
it was like an attraction thing like what what was the problem you think the or uh why did i get
00:07:02.240
married oh i'm sorry i guess the way you were talking i assumed it didn't work out so i was
00:07:06.520
just curious no it did correct so that uh yeah so i i shouldn't have gotten married um and
00:07:13.200
i used to i heard you saying earlier you know women blame feminism sometimes i don't i and i
00:07:20.180
don't and that's i'm not coming here to blame i take full responsibility for all my mistakes
00:07:24.380
um and for what i did i don't think you know i i think i just you know everyone just makes
00:07:29.440
their own decisions right and i made some bad ones so i shouldn't have gotten married i knew that
00:07:34.240
very quickly that i shouldn't have gotten married probably within a matter of months but i kind of
00:07:38.500
felt like well i made this commitment growing up in church right you're like okay well it's too
00:07:43.620
late i already signed the paper right so here i am this is what i'm doing um but i was pretty
00:07:48.360
unhappy i gained a lot of weight um i probably gained about 30 pounds that first year so
00:07:54.120
sad um and then uh i had a son with him and so by the time i was 20 and had a son my husband at the
00:08:04.920
time was making almost no money life was really really hard and i i was working too and then we're
00:08:10.280
trying to raise my son and very stressed so then i decided to go to college which is where you get
00:08:16.700
told all the great things about why you shouldn't be a married young person and how there's so much
00:08:22.220
more life out there and blah, blah, blah. And as time went on, I like within a year of being
00:08:27.740
in school, I was like, I'm done. I want to get divorced. Again, my parents were very upset and
00:08:33.120
devastated. Actually, my entire family shamed me over it, which they should have. I mean,
00:08:38.220
it was just all a big mess and unnecessary. And it was just one bad decision after the other.
00:08:43.520
And we had a baby and that was all like, it was really hard to work through. At that same time,
00:08:48.820
i ended up reconnecting again a classic what scenario that you give all the time
00:08:55.860
correct yeah totally yeah totally always um so we ended up reconnecting and um
00:09:03.060
within a matter of weeks of my divorce i was pregnant again with my second son with girl
00:09:09.620
sorry i know i'm telling you it's a crazy story okay but um and i was i was so embarrassed it
00:09:17.940
It was horrible. I felt really awful about it, didn't really know how to deal with it.
00:09:22.700
But my my so my ex-husband, which was my first son's father, really handled it well.
00:09:31.100
I have to give him that credit like we and unlike a lot of women that go through these things, I didn't.
00:09:38.860
I knew how important it was to have a father for my son.
00:09:42.840
And so we did not go through any custody battles whatsoever.
00:09:45.920
I immediately put us on a 50-50, no child support whatsoever.
00:10:01.580
And then I knew how important a same-sex parent is.
00:10:04.400
So I knew how important my son, like he needed his dad.
00:10:11.360
I think parents don't realize like, or being a single mom, being a single dad, it doesn't matter.
00:10:17.180
Like you need that help. Why would you not rely on the other person who created the baby with
00:10:22.440
you? It just made sense to be like, let's work together and be as seamless as possible, even
00:10:28.080
though we're not living in the same house. Again, that is not an excuse. That doesn't mean,
00:10:32.040
hey, my kid should have grown up. Exactly. I'm not saying that, but I do fully agree with you
00:10:37.900
um about child custody laws that it should never be like 80 per if it's at all possible physically
00:10:45.680
um to have 50 50 that should be the kit that should be the automatic default and i and i think
00:10:52.780
both my sons are better for it um so i so at that time i had a my sons are only 23 months apart so
00:10:59.980
were very little um i was with the second um that second person my second son's father for five
00:11:08.380
years uh again relationship ended now we did not get married at all um so that relationship ended
00:11:17.020
and i would say again it was a choice i made falling right into those scenarios again um i
00:11:23.260
was like hey i don't want to and life was real i think what happens with women i what i feel like
00:11:28.620
happened with me again not a justification just i think it's a mentality thing um life was hard
00:11:34.540
you're toiling i was under i was uh 23 24 when i like by the time i had these babies and broke up
00:11:42.620
with him when i was about 27 28 and life was hard i had no we had no money things were difficult
00:11:47.500
you're like trying to get through you're both working all of those things make a relationship
00:11:52.620
hard and then you're and then i wasn't married so i was like i'm not i don't have to be committed to
00:11:58.380
this which i was writing down some questions i wanted to ask you just your thoughts not as like
00:12:03.600
a gotcha um but you know i know you advocate for like hey let's let's be careful about getting
00:12:09.420
married right or like you know getting married may not be the best deal for a man um but i don't know
00:12:15.980
what that means for protections for them with their kids later on but for me um with with my
00:12:21.740
ex when i ended that relationship again i immediately was like let's 50 50 and i had my kids
00:12:27.820
um every other week my kids are 13 and 15 now but i have them on essentially the same schedule so
00:12:34.540
they both come to me at the same time so they spend time together we we are like our own family
00:12:39.660
and then their dads they have time with their dads and they're separate from each other at that time
00:12:44.300
but they're both with their dads and um no child support with either one of them and i think my
00:12:49.740
kids are really stable and they really love their dads and it's all good so i think that you know i
00:12:54.700
think that i don't know life happens and i don't know how um i don't know why women um reject the
00:13:03.420
men that you know created the baby with them and won't involve them um i think it's a really
00:13:08.380
important thing and even though i don't advocate at all for single parenthood or like that it's
00:13:14.940
irrelevant that both people be in the same house i do think that you can still create a lot of
00:13:20.060
stability just by having that 50 50 custody for sure but um back to the church thing i agree with
00:13:25.900
you on the 50. i think actually kids turn out better um when um if if there's a wife that
00:13:33.900
doesn't respect the father and she's constantly like like it's not like she's constantly
00:13:40.780
disrespecting him i see similar outcomes to single motherhood yes so i totally agree totally agree
00:13:48.540
and women i think underestimate especially with sons maybe it could be a little different if you
00:13:54.100
have daughters but i think women underestimate how sons need that they need there's just something
00:14:02.760
about a father parenting it's a little stronger um and women don't handle parenting the same way
00:14:08.900
that men do it's it's different at least that's my experience um i was um yeah i still struggle
00:14:16.640
with it with my teen boys it's hard to be you're not as firm um and they need their they need to
00:14:22.640
know that there's like the even even not at my house like even when they're not uh or when they're
00:14:27.740
with me and their dads aren't there they're still i mean i still say things like i'm gonna call your
00:14:31.780
dad like if you you know and they're like okay okay you know and i and it's good we have a good
00:14:37.540
relationship that way in those parenting households we're there to support each other
00:14:41.160
and if you're not doing that you're like you said the person who gets hurt the absolute most is your
00:14:45.980
kids always um but going back to the church thing i think that was the biggest mistake that i felt
00:14:53.180
um and again taking responsibility for my own yeah i understand you've been very you know
00:14:58.900
you've taken i'll give you the taken responsibility for this i just i don't want to sound like it's
00:15:03.320
okay it's okay i i do think though that and they did sort of i feel like what happened now what's
00:15:09.440
happening in the church and i do so my family still i myself don't really go um but i'm not
00:15:14.960
you know i'm not um i wouldn't say that i've uh that i don't believe in what i was taught or
00:15:21.200
anything like that but i don't go to church regularly but i a lot of my siblings do and
00:15:25.420
like i said i have a lot of sisters so i have a lot of girls in the church um my four younger
00:15:30.780
sisters um that are in church now i can see that that environment has changed for them like as they
00:15:38.220
grew up as teens um that purity thing has kind of dropped off i kind of feel like what the opposite
00:15:44.700
has been done which is what you're talking about where it's kind of like um they don't want to hold
00:15:50.860
people to those standards anymore of purity but they also like aren't going to call they they
00:15:57.180
should still be calling women out or at least explaining to women the importance of their
00:16:01.500
chastity and purity and why it's important i think i think they just really have lacked and it still
00:16:08.000
is this way in the church because they don't want to talk about it they don't want to talk about sex
00:16:11.700
they don't want to talk about the reality of those interpersonal relationships and they they don't
00:16:16.980
want to explain like what effect what effects sex has on women and how we're how that affects our
00:16:24.500
relationships moving forward and i i wish someone would have told me those things uh early what do
00:16:31.380
you what do you wish the church told you like if you could talk to your like i don't know 16 year
00:16:36.740
old self like what what messaging do you think would be good that's a really good question um
00:16:43.900
i definitely wish someone would have explained to me about the detaching thing um about you know
00:16:51.720
the more people you sleep with you're detaching they they would say the thing i don't know if
00:16:56.120
you heard this trope but they would say like you always leave a little piece of you with that
00:17:00.840
person that you slept with and you're like okay yeah who cares but i think they said tape or
00:17:08.760
something yeah yeah it's i don't know it's that same trope and it's more like the opposite like
00:17:16.920
Like, I guess you could say, yes, you, like a part of you is gone, but, um, that there's
00:17:24.240
You know, there's real scientific evidence that you, if this is not a Bible thing, this
00:17:28.900
is a truth that the more partners you have, you are emotionally detaching.
00:17:33.800
And it's not, I think specifically for females, it is not healthy.
00:17:37.500
And not all women realize that they're, that that's happening to them.
00:17:43.860
um when i got older after i broke up um with that other guy i was single for a year i'm like a serial
00:17:50.340
monogamous i'm like never really single i just always finds one then i connect and then i'm with
00:17:54.860
them for a while but i was single for a year and i fell into this idea or trap that um that men want
00:18:03.320
you to like be experienced and that's another thing i again like when you grow up in the church
00:18:09.720
you think you do think the opposite you know you you know or you think that men aren't looking for
00:18:15.480
oh they want you to be like perfect so then if you're not then you're like okay well those guys
00:18:20.400
aren't for me now right because i'm not perfect anymore um so then i kind of fell into that
00:18:26.460
feminist idea right of like you should be sleeping with as many people as possible you go girl you
00:18:31.720
know like do this do this and um you know whatever i think body counts matter so i'm not going to
00:18:37.920
share mine but i would say that i learned really quickly how unsatisfying and horrible i felt but
00:18:44.440
i didn't really understand it because nobody there really wasn't that messaging back then this was
00:18:48.720
like maybe five years ago there really wasn't messaging to women and a lot of women are hating
00:18:55.180
on the red pill community but i feel like there are a lot of good conversations for women in this
00:18:59.840
community too because once i started hearing people like you talk about you know the the the
00:19:06.560
mental damage that can be done when you're doing that um for for women and what it means for men
00:19:13.320
like i it's just no one ever said to me like hey men actually don't like it when they think you're
00:19:18.440
a huge slut do you like do you think you were able to consume the content easier because you
00:19:23.320
have sons absolutely 100 i was gonna say that too i'm really grateful to a community i again i don't
00:19:31.080
agree with everything you say i don't know i mean whatever i you know you're not my jesus right
00:19:35.520
but i know i'm sorry i'm just kidding i'm not i am so grateful for voices like like yours um there's
00:19:44.640
other voices out there that i totally agree with you and um yeah raising boys and helping them
00:19:51.320
understand like hearing these things yes i think it makes it easier to digest and care about but
00:19:56.360
it also resonated with me personally like i said i feel like i hit all these like negatives of the
00:20:01.840
women, the negative stereotypes, which is fine, whatever.
00:20:07.620
But I also, it just made me realize quickly like,
00:20:18.020
Like it's a backwards idea to think that as a woman
00:20:28.000
Or it's like, hey, this is what everyone's doing.
00:20:30.160
Like we're all like, but it's just, it's really not true.
00:20:39.080
Um, and going back to that church conversation, I wish that was said, I, cause you were always
00:20:45.260
kind of, because you're raised around Christian men, you're, you're like taught that men value
00:20:52.640
Cause we're all supposed to be seeing it the same way, not a reality for most men, right?
00:20:59.500
we're not all growing up with these same values and and for me a more honest conversation would be
00:21:05.300
that that girl was lucky she found a husband rather than he had to earn her and he deserved
00:21:12.880
her because that you know implies that again their sexual activity like it would have been
00:21:19.980
equally damaging and it's not it's just not true we're not the same um for me would be more honest
00:21:26.320
but because for every i mean i'm sure you've been in any church for every one girl she she got away
00:21:31.460
with it because she was cute enough right like come on if she had like 50 more pounds no no guy
00:21:38.160
would put up with that right right to me that's a little bit more honest rather than the you can
00:21:45.700
just do a rebrand and you'll still get the same quality a guy it's just not true i i i completely
00:21:52.420
agree um and and attractiveness is another issue in the church like i don't know that's another
00:21:59.560
thing like i and i don't know what to do about that what are we gonna say like a lot of like
00:22:04.680
women that are into the purity thing and the modesty thing how attractive is that to men
00:22:12.080
out there too what's it's and not what i don't mean the purity thing what i mean is like
00:22:16.420
you know if you're like trying to be a hundred percent now like men are looking at all kinds
00:22:21.240
of women all the time christian or not christian they're kind of putting them all together and i
00:22:25.140
and i like so there's a lot i mean i think there's a lot of struggle for women in the church to find
00:22:30.060
men in the church too that are good like really good women but they get passed over because they're
00:22:34.920
really well yeah well i've seen that i've seen like um a phenomenon it's obviously the exception
00:22:41.020
but like of slightly older virgin women that that on paper are okay maybe they have some
00:22:46.820
i don't know that i don't know but on paper would be okay but they just struggle to find men they're
00:22:52.960
attracted to because the men in church aren't attractive like to them because there's so
00:22:57.640
women are not attracted to men that put women on pedestals and i see a lot of that in the church
00:23:03.020
i think that's still going on in the church too and i don't see like and then one demon one guy
00:23:11.000
in my like in my own family so i only have one brother yeah um and and then i have my dad and
00:23:19.380
and i always grew up knowing that like my my dad was the head of the household and my mom she's a
00:23:26.100
yeller you know all that stuff they definitely argue but you know she's not a princess right
00:23:32.460
and he didn't ever treat her like that but of course it treated her with absolute respect and
00:23:36.060
everything like that but um my dad was really traditional he went to work my mom stayed at
00:23:40.780
home with all of us so she didn't work at all um and now my brother who's married um and he's got
00:23:46.720
five kids and he has four girls two and one boy and same thing he works and he like immediately
00:23:53.540
like my my sister-in-law stays at home with all the kids and out of all of us kids i like
00:23:59.060
i think so i i got married i have a sister right under me who got she's a whole other story and
00:24:07.280
she definitely checks all your boxes and maybe someday she'll be on here to tell her story but
00:24:11.320
she's wild she's the one you stay away from people um but uh yeah she's been married three times
00:24:18.280
um and then um i i have another sister that she like her and my brother both much more traditional
00:24:27.100
relationships um and have outlasted so i really do believe in the traditional sense i'm not you
00:24:33.980
know i i feel like any healthy marriages that i've seen that um came out of the church community or
00:24:39.660
didn't just like friendships i have they do are more traditional and i think women don't want to
00:24:45.600
hear that but i just think it's it's true i think it's easier to maintain a relationship that way i
00:24:50.280
don't know if maybe like if a man stays home and a woman works like if it would still work or not
00:24:55.220
i don't know if that does i don't know if it has i guess what i'm saying is i don't know we're
00:24:59.380
gonna see more of it so we'll watch and see what happens yeah i guess we'll see but um i wanted to
00:25:05.140
ask you a couple like i think they might be challenging questions but like i said they're
00:25:10.020
not like um got you questions i just wanted to know your thoughts do i still have time to ask
00:25:14.420
yeah that's all right go ahead okay so only only because you've been pleasant thank you thank you
00:25:21.300
um so my first question is do you think that a man gets because i know you're really passionate
00:25:28.020
about um the like divorce laws and also like protect you know all that stuff so do you think
00:25:34.100
a man gets more or less protection in court when he's not married but seeking custody
00:25:42.180
do i think a man gets him and i don't know the answer to this by the way so it's like
00:25:46.420
wait no say it say it again sorry say it one more so do you think he get do you think a man
00:25:52.180
gets more or so let me explain why i'm at so i'm asking this question because um and i know you're
00:25:59.860
saying that you don't tell men what to do so i'm not trying to put words in your mouth but
00:26:04.100
i know you're kind of advocating for like let's not get like getting married is a bad idea right
00:26:09.300
but if procreation happens right like if a woman has your baby so you're a man and now a woman's
00:26:15.220
got your baby does a man get more or less protection in court when he's not married
00:26:21.660
but seeking custody protection in court when he is not married married but seeking custody
00:26:29.580
um i would guess i would guess he would get more if he was married but he would be on the hook for
00:26:37.360
more for alimony so it wouldn't just be child support but i don't know i could ask i could
00:26:43.760
get the answer i could say it next show there's um i can actually dm i just think it'd be an
00:26:48.300
interesting thing for for you because i know you're doing that documentary too um which i'm
00:26:53.300
really interested in i think it's a really cool one um and uh but i just think that um when you're
00:27:00.240
advocating for people not to get married um i think there are some protect like especially when
00:27:06.740
it comes to children specifically that men could be like okay don't get married because of all
00:27:12.940
these other things but if you have a child with somebody you know I I this is me guessing I don't
00:27:19.320
know the answer I think you get way less protection as a man and access to your child when you're not
00:27:25.000
married okay I'm gonna guess I'm guessing it depends on the state I guess I've just seen so
00:27:32.080
many men that were married and were in the same position it doesn't seem to make that much of a
00:27:37.320
difference to me but i actually i just dm'd a guy that used to calculate like um but i don't know if
00:27:44.100
you saw him shaw i just asked if he knew the answer so i'll i'll ask around i'll get you the
00:27:48.920
answer okay um so my other question is do you think they uh do men get more or less protection
00:27:56.740
for their assets um being unmarried and the the the reason i'm asking that is a circumstance of
00:28:03.560
Like, let's say that you have two people that cohabitate maybe for five, six years.
00:28:12.660
Maybe you even buy a house together or, you know, you're building retirements, whatever.
00:28:20.300
Like, you could have, like, joint assets together.
00:28:22.300
So do you, like, if you're in that sort of a situation where you're not wanting to get
00:28:26.980
married because you're afraid of the institution. But when that relationship ends, what protection
00:28:33.740
do you have when you're not married? Or do you think they have more or less protection
00:28:36.900
with their assets? These are really great questions. I don't know, but I'll get you the
00:28:41.340
answer. These are really good questions. And I don't know the answer either. Like I said,
00:28:47.080
not got you questions. I just thought of them and was wondering them. Another question I have is,
00:28:52.620
are you proposing men should not procreate and create stable relationships going forward with
00:29:03.260
women so like again I know you're not telling people to do but if curls a man right are you
00:29:08.840
well so the hard thing is I think women will choose like there's going to be a portion of
00:29:17.840
men that just aren't going to get sexual access because women are choosing to sleep with 20% of
00:29:22.660
men. Even if we double it to 40, there's going to appear a percent of men that are going to walk
00:29:28.480
away anyways. So not partially choice, sometimes not by choice others. No, I think men that want
00:29:37.800
to should, but it's just, I think men need to have, they need to be informed. So they should
00:29:45.940
meet with like if I said should they I don't like to say should because it like do what you want but
00:29:52.000
it would be wise to meet with the attorneys into your state to figure out what the laws are yeah
00:29:57.200
I totally agreed totally agree I heard you on um Michael Knowles Michael Knowles show show saying
00:30:03.360
that some states say the child should be with the mother till 16 and I just thought that was
00:30:08.460
unbelievable um yeah totally unbelievable I saw in Nashville though they abolished that law like
00:30:14.040
a couple years ago so i was like oh that's good yeah that's good um so if men decide to use women
00:30:20.980
solely for sexual or fun reasons so you know um let's say that like let's say that we're all
00:30:28.020
trying to force the social movement right just like there's women feminists that are trying to
00:30:31.900
push the whole like of thing or like women do what you want sleep around okay so we're forcing
00:30:37.060
that social norm but let's say men are like okay great we're done with the whole we're gonna
00:30:42.700
marry you up and stabilize families and all this. So we're done doing that. And if men decide to
00:30:49.660
use women solely for sexual fun reasons, no commitment, does that lead to less promiscuous
00:30:56.220
women or more promiscuous women? Well, I would say that men can't do anything that women don't allow.
00:31:05.420
Fair. So it's not, I think women are more responsible because we're the ones that
00:31:10.960
allow sexual access because men will screw anything that's the way i see it anyways um
00:31:16.520
i i would say it would be more promiscuous but i think women that want to be sexual are going to
00:31:21.340
do it anyways okay yeah fair like you go to a concert you see chicks like throwing their
00:31:26.540
panties on say what are you going to do to stop that chick right like like i can't what am i
00:31:32.680
supposed to do about it no i agree everyone's responsible for themselves and i mean i think
00:31:38.580
that's just a problem in our culture in general that we just I think that our culture is not about
00:31:43.900
accepting um responsibility on both men and women I think a lot of people would rather blame
00:31:49.900
anything but themselves upbringing you know all of that stuff um personal responsibility is a hard
00:31:56.840
thing to have um it's hard to look at yourself and say like that was a mistake and yeah so anyway um
00:32:03.860
my last question and then um somebody else can like join but thank you pearl so much for letting
00:32:08.900
me on here it's i really like you i think you're um i really look up to you as a youtube person
00:32:14.740
it's cool to see someone like start small and get big so really cool but last question um
00:32:20.580
what responsibility if any um do men have to advocate for the law changes
00:32:26.820
oh men i i think men should advocate but they have been that's the problem they've been advocating
00:32:34.400
they've had men's activist groups since the 1900s like for the same thing so i think men are doing
00:32:41.080
it they're just not very successful because we rely too much on the female vote that's the
00:32:45.740
problem okay i'm yeah i mean i would say i've literally never heard of a men's group advocating
00:32:51.400
for changes to divorce laws but that i mean i also haven't been a huge passionate uh researching it
00:32:57.380
but i guess that's a good question you brought some good questions today because i guess that's
00:33:02.860
why i get frustrated when i go on on shows i'm talking about men's issues and i i feel like i'm
00:33:08.360
getting waived like it's like oh whatever but women you know um i guess men are you know
00:33:15.300
responsible to some degree but i i don't think men are aware i think that's the biggest problem
00:33:20.680
I don't think most men know what they're signing up for.
00:33:23.560
Like, I don't think most men know in California, if they don't establish paternity before the
00:33:29.640
age of two, even if the kid's not theirs, that they have that for life.
00:33:37.980
I totally agree with you on a lot of the things you say, like the mandatory DNA testing.
00:33:42.500
I thought that was really wild that Michael Knowles was like, that's offensive to women.
00:33:49.020
I would I to me like why not you just might as well there's nothing wrong if you're like already
00:33:54.660
in the hospital they're doing all the tests anyway why wouldn't it just be tapped right on I don't
00:33:59.320
see the issue I give my ID to get liquor I'm not offended you know right because they verify
00:34:04.620
I don't see a reason why that would be an issue it's like better for I mean it's better for all
00:34:10.820
parties like women too like if that relationship goes south and then the guy all of a sudden starts
00:34:16.440
deciding that that's not his kid having that protection right at the beginning gets you like
00:34:21.140
it's good for all parties so I don't know why that's not done here but anyway thank you so
00:34:25.500
much for having me on thank you for coming have a good one