Pearl - ＂My Son Needed A Father Figure＂ Pearl Interviews Mother On Prioritising The Family Unit

00:00:00.000 hi pearl oh hello brie how are you today i'm using an ipad and now i'm realizing the camera

00:00:08.000 sucks on the split okay could you go in the middle yeah go in the middle there you go

00:00:13.880 let me see i may just be not looking properly everybody so sorry about that 0.82

00:00:18.660 all right yes as long as you're on camera we're good okay where are you where are you at

00:00:23.320 so i'm from kansas city oh okay cool so yeah um in your opinion are christian women wife material 0.97

00:00:31.420 i told i do agree with you um that a lot of christian women are not uh marriage material 1.00

00:00:39.340 i think a lot of christian men aren't marriage material either i just think in general the

00:00:44.280 church has a huge problem more and i'm coming from a protestant side okay of that what denomination

00:00:51.340 uh well so i went to a church called calvary chapel which i think overall is considered

00:00:57.740 non-denominational okay non-denominational um and i'm the oldest of seven kids uh you and i

00:01:04.260 have kind of a similar background because i come from a big family i'm the oldest and i have five

00:01:09.140 sisters so um very churchy um my parents were uh like incredibly involved in church uh they're still

00:01:18.340 married today. We're all blood related. There's no, we're not a blended family. Um, but I grew

00:01:25.440 up, so I'm older than you, like probably 10 years older than you. And when I was growing up as a

00:01:30.940 teenager, I feel like one of the biggest things, like the biggest mistakes that church church has

00:01:37.180 made with the youth back then was the whole purity conversation. Um, and I don't know if that was

00:01:43.420 around when you were growing up but oh we oh yeah yeah i i feel like what happened and and i'll kind

00:01:51.060 of go in i feel like i check so many of these opposite boxes for you so i hope i'm a fun guest

00:01:56.340 to have on um so when i was growing up you know the purity conversation hey wait till you're married

00:02:02.180 both genders right like male female wait till you're married absolutely nothing until you're 1.00

00:02:07.580 married don't I remember my dad being like a guy can't touch your abdomen you know like what is 0.59

00:02:13.380 that I don't know you're like not allowed to touch until you're married um and I think that had the

00:02:19.840 opposite effect on people I'm sorry I wish I could get more on camera for you um there you go right

00:02:26.040 there you're good right okay I feel like that had the opposite effect on everyone both genders where

00:02:33.880 if you what made the mistake of kissing someone or even you know all the way sleeping with somebody

00:02:42.500 you felt like now you're in a position of okay now you got to marry that person right oh you did

00:02:49.140 the thing that's only for married people so and you started seeing this person at 14 15 so you

00:02:55.380 know whatever 16 17 for some of us um you know now you're stuck with them that you've got to make 0.98

00:03:01.620 this work right or it was like oh you made the mistake so now you're a whore right like now you 1.00

00:03:08.880 already messed up so then you kind of feel like okay well i already messed up so now i can just 0.97

00:03:14.040 i'm just gonna do whatever or now i'm like kicked out of the church or whatever you know whatever

00:03:18.360 whatever you have i feel like there wasn't a lot of counseling for teens in church at that time

00:03:24.500 i think they sort of dropped that maybe like five years after i got out i don't know what your

00:03:28.940 thoughts are on that well they also don't have paths to marriage in my opinion so it's like they

00:03:36.200 like we're you know we're pushing the marriage age right now to like 30 right that's that's what the

00:03:41.160 the normal world is doing and i don't really see a lot of programs that get the men and the women

00:03:47.920 together and and to me it's because they're giving them the wrong information you know it's like

00:03:53.940 they're telling a lot of the men the happy wife happy life type stuff and that doesn't arouse

00:03:58.820 women and then and that's from my point of view you know i i don't think the church has figured

00:04:05.880 out how to have people date in the modern world i don't think they've figured it out yet

00:04:11.720 completely agree completely agree and i also but i do want to say i think the church

00:04:18.400 the protestant church side of things has it right in terms of or the statistics that you have quoted

00:04:26.420 too which is hey if you're each other's only okay and you get married and you have that relationship

00:04:33.060 and you have a way higher likelihood of making it and i have several friends that are my age now

00:04:38.820 that did that right they waited until they were you know married to do anything and they they

00:04:44.420 waited a long time to become what sexually active if you will you know they didn't even get married

00:04:49.220 till they were 21 um my story is i when i was you know i lost my virginity at 17 to my first high

00:04:57.380 school boyfriend kind of was like okay oh whatever i messed up it's over you know but i didn't i

00:05:03.940 actually kept it together i really you know still i went to a christian school my graduating class

00:05:08.420 was only 10 kids so very small circle and still had a lot of religious support to kind of keep

00:05:14.900 it together and not hoe out if you will um and then when i was about 18 on my own in my own 0.85

00:05:22.900 apartment um i ended up meeting my husband at that time and that's when i don't know am i still on

00:05:32.020 right now i'm still here i think the just keep blessings gonna fix it i hear you okay oh okay

00:05:38.500 okay um anyway i all i was gonna say is i ended up um getting married by the time i was 19

00:05:46.020 and my dad begged me not to do it told me i wasn't ready really your dad asked you now i was just

00:05:52.960 talking on i was just on the day of my wedding girl you begged me i was just talking to someone

00:05:59.220 about how dads raise their daughters like sons now and give them and give them advice like like

00:06:06.720 most dads don't want their daughters to marry young either yeah um well and it wasn't he wasn't

00:06:12.900 necessarily against being married young he just knew that this one wasn't the one kind of thing

00:06:18.000 and also and i only dated this person um for i think we dated four months and then like we were

00:06:28.040 what's engaged and then we were married within a year so it was absolutely too soon um he was um

00:06:36.080 from the church as well and was very inexperienced himself um i i think he he

00:06:42.860 man i feel bad for the people who know me sorry people um but i think he was a virgin when we

00:06:48.840 got married i wasn't and so you know that was different were you were you did you do you think

00:06:55.160 it was like an attraction thing like what what was the problem you think the or uh why did i get

00:07:02.240 married oh i'm sorry i guess the way you were talking i assumed it didn't work out so i was

00:07:06.520 just curious no it did correct so that uh yeah so i i shouldn't have gotten married um and

00:07:13.200 i used to i heard you saying earlier you know women blame feminism sometimes i don't i and i

00:07:20.180 don't and that's i'm not coming here to blame i take full responsibility for all my mistakes

00:07:24.380 um and for what i did i don't think you know i i think i just you know everyone just makes

00:07:29.440 their own decisions right and i made some bad ones so i shouldn't have gotten married i knew that

00:07:34.240 very quickly that i shouldn't have gotten married probably within a matter of months but i kind of

00:07:38.500 felt like well i made this commitment growing up in church right you're like okay well it's too

00:07:43.620 late i already signed the paper right so here i am this is what i'm doing um but i was pretty

00:07:48.360 unhappy i gained a lot of weight um i probably gained about 30 pounds that first year so

00:07:54.120 sad um and then uh i had a son with him and so by the time i was 20 and had a son my husband at the

00:08:04.920 time was making almost no money life was really really hard and i i was working too and then we're

00:08:10.280 trying to raise my son and very stressed so then i decided to go to college which is where you get

00:08:16.700 told all the great things about why you shouldn't be a married young person and how there's so much

00:08:22.220 more life out there and blah, blah, blah. And as time went on, I like within a year of being

00:08:27.740 in school, I was like, I'm done. I want to get divorced. Again, my parents were very upset and

00:08:33.120 devastated. Actually, my entire family shamed me over it, which they should have. I mean,

00:08:38.220 it was just all a big mess and unnecessary. And it was just one bad decision after the other.

00:08:43.520 And we had a baby and that was all like, it was really hard to work through. At that same time,

00:08:48.820 i ended up reconnecting again a classic what scenario that you give all the time

00:08:55.860 correct yeah totally yeah totally always um so we ended up reconnecting and um

00:09:03.060 within a matter of weeks of my divorce i was pregnant again with my second son with girl

00:09:09.620 sorry i know i'm telling you it's a crazy story okay but um and i was i was so embarrassed it

00:09:17.940 It was horrible. I felt really awful about it, didn't really know how to deal with it.

00:09:22.700 But my my so my ex-husband, which was my first son's father, really handled it well.

00:09:31.100 I have to give him that credit like we and unlike a lot of women that go through these things, I didn't.

00:09:38.860 I knew how important it was to have a father for my son.

00:09:42.840 And so we did not go through any custody battles whatsoever.

00:09:45.920 I immediately put us on a 50-50, no child support whatsoever.

00:09:50.400 Wow, good job.

00:09:51.500 Good job.

00:09:52.180 You're not the majority.

00:09:53.240 Good job.

00:09:53.800 Not the majority at all.

00:09:55.980 And I just knew that.

00:09:57.300 I just understood all those.

00:09:58.920 And I love my dad, right?

00:10:00.360 I love my dad.

00:10:01.580 And then I knew how important a same-sex parent is.

00:10:04.400 So I knew how important my son, like he needed his dad.

00:10:08.540 And that was going to be the case forever.

00:10:10.260 And I needed that help.

00:10:11.360 I think parents don't realize like, or being a single mom, being a single dad, it doesn't matter.

00:10:17.180 Like you need that help. Why would you not rely on the other person who created the baby with

00:10:22.440 you? It just made sense to be like, let's work together and be as seamless as possible, even

00:10:28.080 though we're not living in the same house. Again, that is not an excuse. That doesn't mean,

00:10:32.040 hey, my kid should have grown up. Exactly. I'm not saying that, but I do fully agree with you

00:10:37.900 um about child custody laws that it should never be like 80 per if it's at all possible physically

00:10:45.680 um to have 50 50 that should be the kit that should be the automatic default and i and i think

00:10:52.780 both my sons are better for it um so i so at that time i had a my sons are only 23 months apart so

00:10:59.980 were very little um i was with the second um that second person my second son's father for five

00:11:08.380 years uh again relationship ended now we did not get married at all um so that relationship ended

00:11:17.020 and i would say again it was a choice i made falling right into those scenarios again um i

00:11:23.260 was like hey i don't want to and life was real i think what happens with women i what i feel like 0.94

00:11:28.620 happened with me again not a justification just i think it's a mentality thing um life was hard

00:11:34.540 you're toiling i was under i was uh 23 24 when i like by the time i had these babies and broke up

00:11:42.620 with him when i was about 27 28 and life was hard i had no we had no money things were difficult

00:11:47.500 you're like trying to get through you're both working all of those things make a relationship

00:11:52.620 hard and then you're and then i wasn't married so i was like i'm not i don't have to be committed to

00:11:58.380 this which i was writing down some questions i wanted to ask you just your thoughts not as like

00:12:03.600 a gotcha um but you know i know you advocate for like hey let's let's be careful about getting

00:12:09.420 married right or like you know getting married may not be the best deal for a man um but i don't know

00:12:15.980 what that means for protections for them with their kids later on but for me um with with my

00:12:21.740 ex when i ended that relationship again i immediately was like let's 50 50 and i had my kids

00:12:27.820 um every other week my kids are 13 and 15 now but i have them on essentially the same schedule so

00:12:34.540 they both come to me at the same time so they spend time together we we are like our own family

00:12:39.660 and then their dads they have time with their dads and they're separate from each other at that time

00:12:44.300 but they're both with their dads and um no child support with either one of them and i think my

00:12:49.740 kids are really stable and they really love their dads and it's all good so i think that you know i

00:12:54.700 think that i don't know life happens and i don't know how um i don't know why women um reject the

00:13:03.420 men that you know created the baby with them and won't involve them um i think it's a really

00:13:08.380 important thing and even though i don't advocate at all for single parenthood or like that it's

00:13:14.940 irrelevant that both people be in the same house i do think that you can still create a lot of

00:13:20.060 stability just by having that 50 50 custody for sure but um back to the church thing i agree with

00:13:25.900 you on the 50. i think actually kids turn out better um when um if if there's a wife that

00:13:33.900 doesn't respect the father and she's constantly like like it's not like she's constantly

00:13:40.780 disrespecting him i see similar outcomes to single motherhood yes so i totally agree totally agree 1.00

00:13:48.540 and women i think underestimate especially with sons maybe it could be a little different if you

00:13:54.100 have daughters but i think women underestimate how sons need that they need there's just something 1.00

00:14:02.760 about a father parenting it's a little stronger um and women don't handle parenting the same way 1.00

00:14:08.900 that men do it's it's different at least that's my experience um i was um yeah i still struggle

00:14:16.640 with it with my teen boys it's hard to be you're not as firm um and they need their they need to

00:14:22.640 know that there's like the even even not at my house like even when they're not uh or when they're

00:14:27.740 with me and their dads aren't there they're still i mean i still say things like i'm gonna call your

00:14:31.780 dad like if you you know and they're like okay okay you know and i and it's good we have a good

00:14:37.540 relationship that way in those parenting households we're there to support each other

00:14:41.160 and if you're not doing that you're like you said the person who gets hurt the absolute most is your

00:14:45.980 kids always um but going back to the church thing i think that was the biggest mistake that i felt

00:14:53.180 um and again taking responsibility for my own yeah i understand you've been very you know

00:14:58.900 you've taken i'll give you the taken responsibility for this i just i don't want to sound like it's

00:15:03.320 okay it's okay i i do think though that and they did sort of i feel like what happened now what's

00:15:09.440 happening in the church and i do so my family still i myself don't really go um but i'm not

00:15:14.960 you know i'm not um i wouldn't say that i've uh that i don't believe in what i was taught or

00:15:21.200 anything like that but i don't go to church regularly but i a lot of my siblings do and

00:15:25.420 like i said i have a lot of sisters so i have a lot of girls in the church um my four younger

00:15:30.780 sisters um that are in church now i can see that that environment has changed for them like as they

00:15:38.220 grew up as teens um that purity thing has kind of dropped off i kind of feel like what the opposite

00:15:44.700 has been done which is what you're talking about where it's kind of like um they don't want to hold

00:15:50.860 people to those standards anymore of purity but they also like aren't going to call they they

00:15:57.180 should still be calling women out or at least explaining to women the importance of their 0.99

00:16:01.500 chastity and purity and why it's important i think i think they just really have lacked and it still

00:16:08.000 is this way in the church because they don't want to talk about it they don't want to talk about sex

00:16:11.700 they don't want to talk about the reality of those interpersonal relationships and they they don't

00:16:16.980 want to explain like what effect what effects sex has on women and how we're how that affects our 1.00

00:16:24.500 relationships moving forward and i i wish someone would have told me those things uh early what do

00:16:31.380 you what do you wish the church told you like if you could talk to your like i don't know 16 year

00:16:36.740 old self like what what messaging do you think would be good that's a really good question um

00:16:43.900 i definitely wish someone would have explained to me about the detaching thing um about you know

00:16:51.720 the more people you sleep with you're detaching they they would say the thing i don't know if

00:16:56.120 you heard this trope but they would say like you always leave a little piece of you with that

00:17:00.840 person that you slept with and you're like okay yeah who cares but i think they said tape or

00:17:08.760 something yeah yeah it's i don't know it's that same trope and it's more like the opposite like

00:17:16.920 Like, I guess you could say, yes, you, like a part of you is gone, but, um, that there's

00:17:22.260 like real, I've heard it everywhere.

00:17:24.240 You know, there's real scientific evidence that you, if this is not a Bible thing, this

00:17:28.900 is a truth that the more partners you have, you are emotionally detaching.

00:17:33.800 And it's not, I think specifically for females, it is not healthy.

00:17:37.500 And not all women realize that they're, that that's happening to them.

00:17:42.260 And I didn't realize it myself.

00:17:43.860 um when i got older after i broke up um with that other guy i was single for a year i'm like a serial

00:17:50.340 monogamous i'm like never really single i just always finds one then i connect and then i'm with

00:17:54.860 them for a while but i was single for a year and i fell into this idea or trap that um that men want

00:18:03.320 you to like be experienced and that's another thing i again like when you grow up in the church

00:18:09.720 you think you do think the opposite you know you you know or you think that men aren't looking for

00:18:15.480 oh they want you to be like perfect so then if you're not then you're like okay well those guys

00:18:20.400 aren't for me now right because i'm not perfect anymore um so then i kind of fell into that

00:18:26.460 feminist idea right of like you should be sleeping with as many people as possible you go girl you 1.00

00:18:31.720 know like do this do this and um you know whatever i think body counts matter so i'm not going to

00:18:37.920 share mine but i would say that i learned really quickly how unsatisfying and horrible i felt but

00:18:44.440 i didn't really understand it because nobody there really wasn't that messaging back then this was

00:18:48.720 like maybe five years ago there really wasn't messaging to women and a lot of women are hating 1.00

00:18:55.180 on the red pill community but i feel like there are a lot of good conversations for women in this

00:18:59.840 community too because once i started hearing people like you talk about you know the the the

00:19:06.560 mental damage that can be done when you're doing that um for for women and what it means for men

00:19:13.320 like i it's just no one ever said to me like hey men actually don't like it when they think you're 0.97

00:19:18.440 a huge slut do you like do you think you were able to consume the content easier because you 1.00

00:19:23.320 have sons absolutely 100 i was gonna say that too i'm really grateful to a community i again i don't 0.99

00:19:31.080 agree with everything you say i don't know i mean whatever i you know you're not my jesus right

00:19:35.520 but i know i'm sorry i'm just kidding i'm not i am so grateful for voices like like yours um there's

00:19:44.640 other voices out there that i totally agree with you and um yeah raising boys and helping them

00:19:51.320 understand like hearing these things yes i think it makes it easier to digest and care about but

00:19:56.360 it also resonated with me personally like i said i feel like i hit all these like negatives of the

00:20:01.840 women, the negative stereotypes, which is fine, whatever. 0.90

00:20:04.540 I did it, it is what it is.

00:20:07.620 But I also, it just made me realize quickly like,

00:20:12.620 oh, those were the mistakes I was making.

00:20:14.620 These are the things I wasn't understanding.

00:20:16.480 I was seeing it backwards.

00:20:18.020 Like it's a backwards idea to think that as a woman

00:20:21.720 sleeping around is gonna get you the best guy.

00:20:24.100 And that's just not true.

00:20:25.360 But it's kind of put at you that way.

00:20:28.000 Or it's like, hey, this is what everyone's doing.

00:20:30.160 Like we're all like, but it's just, it's really not true.

00:20:33.480 And men don't see it that way.

00:20:34.640 And, and also understanding how men see sex.

00:20:37.180 I think I didn't understand that either.

00:20:39.080 Um, and going back to that church conversation, I wish that was said, I, cause you were always

00:20:45.260 kind of, because you're raised around Christian men, you're, you're like taught that men value

00:20:51.360 sex the same way you do. 0.85

00:20:52.640 Cause we're all supposed to be seeing it the same way, not a reality for most men, right?

00:20:57.800 Not, we're not all growing up in the church.

00:20:59.500 we're not all growing up with these same values and and for me a more honest conversation would be

00:21:05.300 that that girl was lucky she found a husband rather than he had to earn her and he deserved

00:21:12.880 her because that you know implies that again their sexual activity like it would have been

00:21:19.980 equally damaging and it's not it's just not true we're not the same um for me would be more honest

00:21:26.320 but because for every i mean i'm sure you've been in any church for every one girl she she got away

00:21:31.460 with it because she was cute enough right like come on if she had like 50 more pounds no no guy 1.00

00:21:38.160 would put up with that right right to me that's a little bit more honest rather than the you can

00:21:45.700 just do a rebrand and you'll still get the same quality a guy it's just not true i i i completely

00:21:52.420 agree um and and attractiveness is another issue in the church like i don't know that's another

00:21:59.560 thing like i and i don't know what to do about that what are we gonna say like a lot of like

00:22:04.680 women that are into the purity thing and the modesty thing how attractive is that to men

00:22:12.080 out there too what's it's and not what i don't mean the purity thing what i mean is like

00:22:16.420 you know if you're like trying to be a hundred percent now like men are looking at all kinds

00:22:21.240 of women all the time christian or not christian they're kind of putting them all together and i 0.64

00:22:25.140 and i like so there's a lot i mean i think there's a lot of struggle for women in the church to find

00:22:30.060 men in the church too that are good like really good women but they get passed over because they're

00:22:34.920 really well yeah well i've seen that i've seen like um a phenomenon it's obviously the exception

00:22:41.020 but like of slightly older virgin women that that on paper are okay maybe they have some 1.00

00:22:46.820 i don't know that i don't know but on paper would be okay but they just struggle to find men they're

00:22:52.960 attracted to because the men in church aren't attractive like to them because there's so

00:22:57.640 women are not attracted to men that put women on pedestals and i see a lot of that in the church 0.99

00:23:03.020 i think that's still going on in the church too and i don't see like and then one demon one guy

00:23:09.020 that's a demon comes in and just goes through

00:23:11.000 in my like in my own family so i only have one brother yeah um and and then i have my dad and

00:23:19.380 and i always grew up knowing that like my my dad was the head of the household and my mom she's a

00:23:26.100 yeller you know all that stuff they definitely argue but you know she's not a princess right 1.00

00:23:32.460 and he didn't ever treat her like that but of course it treated her with absolute respect and

00:23:36.060 everything like that but um my dad was really traditional he went to work my mom stayed at

00:23:40.780 home with all of us so she didn't work at all um and now my brother who's married um and he's got

00:23:46.720 five kids and he has four girls two and one boy and same thing he works and he like immediately

00:23:53.540 like my my sister-in-law stays at home with all the kids and out of all of us kids i like

00:23:59.060 i think so i i got married i have a sister right under me who got she's a whole other story and

00:24:07.280 she definitely checks all your boxes and maybe someday she'll be on here to tell her story but

00:24:11.320 she's wild she's the one you stay away from people um but uh yeah she's been married three times 1.00

00:24:18.280 um and then um i i have another sister that she like her and my brother both much more traditional

00:24:27.100 relationships um and have outlasted so i really do believe in the traditional sense i'm not you

00:24:33.980 know i i feel like any healthy marriages that i've seen that um came out of the church community or

00:24:39.660 didn't just like friendships i have they do are more traditional and i think women don't want to 1.00

00:24:45.600 hear that but i just think it's it's true i think it's easier to maintain a relationship that way i

00:24:50.280 don't know if maybe like if a man stays home and a woman works like if it would still work or not 1.00

00:24:55.220 i don't know if that does i don't know if it has i guess what i'm saying is i don't know we're

00:24:59.380 gonna see more of it so we'll watch and see what happens yeah i guess we'll see but um i wanted to

00:25:05.140 ask you a couple like i think they might be challenging questions but like i said they're

00:25:10.020 not like um got you questions i just wanted to know your thoughts do i still have time to ask

00:25:14.420 yeah that's all right go ahead okay so only only because you've been pleasant thank you thank you

00:25:21.300 um so my first question is do you think that a man gets because i know you're really passionate

00:25:28.020 about um the like divorce laws and also like protect you know all that stuff so do you think

00:25:34.100 a man gets more or less protection in court when he's not married but seeking custody

00:25:42.180 do i think a man gets him and i don't know the answer to this by the way so it's like

00:25:46.420 wait no say it say it again sorry say it one more so do you think he get do you think a man

00:25:52.180 gets more or so let me explain why i'm at so i'm asking this question because um and i know you're

00:25:59.860 saying that you don't tell men what to do so i'm not trying to put words in your mouth but

00:26:04.100 i know you're kind of advocating for like let's not get like getting married is a bad idea right

00:26:09.300 but if procreation happens right like if a woman has your baby so you're a man and now a woman's 0.90

00:26:15.220 got your baby does a man get more or less protection in court when he's not married

00:26:21.660 but seeking custody protection in court when he is not married married but seeking custody

00:26:29.580 um i would guess i would guess he would get more if he was married but he would be on the hook for

00:26:37.360 more for alimony so it wouldn't just be child support but i don't know i could ask i could

00:26:43.760 get the answer i could say it next show there's um i can actually dm i just think it'd be an

00:26:48.300 interesting thing for for you because i know you're doing that documentary too um which i'm

00:26:53.300 really interested in i think it's a really cool one um and uh but i just think that um when you're

00:27:00.240 advocating for people not to get married um i think there are some protect like especially when

00:27:06.740 it comes to children specifically that men could be like okay don't get married because of all

00:27:12.940 these other things but if you have a child with somebody you know I I this is me guessing I don't

00:27:19.320 know the answer I think you get way less protection as a man and access to your child when you're not

00:27:25.000 married okay I'm gonna guess I'm guessing it depends on the state I guess I've just seen so

00:27:32.080 many men that were married and were in the same position it doesn't seem to make that much of a

00:27:37.320 difference to me but i actually i just dm'd a guy that used to calculate like um but i don't know if

00:27:44.100 you saw him shaw i just asked if he knew the answer so i'll i'll ask around i'll get you the

00:27:48.920 answer okay um so my other question is do you think they uh do men get more or less protection

00:27:56.740 for their assets um being unmarried and the the the reason i'm asking that is a circumstance of

00:28:03.560 Like, let's say that you have two people that cohabitate maybe for five, six years.

00:28:11.800 So you're splitting rent.

00:28:12.660 Maybe you even buy a house together or, you know, you're building retirements, whatever.

00:28:20.300 Like, you could have, like, joint assets together.

00:28:22.300 So do you, like, if you're in that sort of a situation where you're not wanting to get

00:28:26.980 married because you're afraid of the institution. But when that relationship ends, what protection

00:28:33.740 do you have when you're not married? Or do you think they have more or less protection

00:28:36.900 with their assets? These are really great questions. I don't know, but I'll get you the

00:28:41.340 answer. These are really good questions. And I don't know the answer either. Like I said,

00:28:47.080 not got you questions. I just thought of them and was wondering them. Another question I have is,

00:28:52.620 are you proposing men should not procreate and create stable relationships going forward with

00:29:03.260 women so like again I know you're not telling people to do but if curls a man right are you 1.00

00:29:08.840 well so the hard thing is I think women will choose like there's going to be a portion of

00:29:17.840 men that just aren't going to get sexual access because women are choosing to sleep with 20% of 0.98

00:29:22.660 men. Even if we double it to 40, there's going to appear a percent of men that are going to walk

00:29:28.480 away anyways. So not partially choice, sometimes not by choice others. No, I think men that want

00:29:37.800 to should, but it's just, I think men need to have, they need to be informed. So they should

00:29:45.940 meet with like if I said should they I don't like to say should because it like do what you want but

00:29:52.000 it would be wise to meet with the attorneys into your state to figure out what the laws are yeah

00:29:57.200 I totally agreed totally agree I heard you on um Michael Knowles Michael Knowles show show saying

00:30:03.360 that some states say the child should be with the mother till 16 and I just thought that was

00:30:08.460 unbelievable um yeah totally unbelievable I saw in Nashville though they abolished that law like

00:30:14.040 a couple years ago so i was like oh that's good yeah that's good um so if men decide to use women

00:30:20.980 solely for sexual or fun reasons so you know um let's say that like let's say that we're all

00:30:28.020 trying to force the social movement right just like there's women feminists that are trying to 1.00

00:30:31.900 push the whole like of thing or like women do what you want sleep around okay so we're forcing 1.00

00:30:37.060 that social norm but let's say men are like okay great we're done with the whole we're gonna

00:30:42.700 marry you up and stabilize families and all this. So we're done doing that. And if men decide to 0.80

00:30:49.660 use women solely for sexual fun reasons, no commitment, does that lead to less promiscuous

00:30:56.220 women or more promiscuous women? Well, I would say that men can't do anything that women don't allow. 1.00

00:31:05.420 Fair. So it's not, I think women are more responsible because we're the ones that 1.00

00:31:10.960 allow sexual access because men will screw anything that's the way i see it anyways um 1.00

00:31:16.520 i i would say it would be more promiscuous but i think women that want to be sexual are going to 1.00

00:31:21.340 do it anyways okay yeah fair like you go to a concert you see chicks like throwing their 1.00

00:31:26.540 panties on say what are you going to do to stop that chick right like like i can't what am i

00:31:32.680 supposed to do about it no i agree everyone's responsible for themselves and i mean i think

00:31:38.580 that's just a problem in our culture in general that we just I think that our culture is not about

00:31:43.900 accepting um responsibility on both men and women I think a lot of people would rather blame

00:31:49.900 anything but themselves upbringing you know all of that stuff um personal responsibility is a hard

00:31:56.840 thing to have um it's hard to look at yourself and say like that was a mistake and yeah so anyway um

00:32:03.860 my last question and then um somebody else can like join but thank you pearl so much for letting

00:32:08.900 me on here it's i really like you i think you're um i really look up to you as a youtube person

00:32:14.740 it's cool to see someone like start small and get big so really cool but last question um

00:32:20.580 what responsibility if any um do men have to advocate for the law changes

00:32:26.820 oh men i i think men should advocate but they have been that's the problem they've been advocating

00:32:34.400 they've had men's activist groups since the 1900s like for the same thing so i think men are doing

00:32:41.080 it they're just not very successful because we rely too much on the female vote that's the 1.00

00:32:45.740 problem okay i'm yeah i mean i would say i've literally never heard of a men's group advocating

00:32:51.400 for changes to divorce laws but that i mean i also haven't been a huge passionate uh researching it

00:32:57.380 but i guess that's a good question you brought some good questions today because i guess that's

00:33:02.860 why i get frustrated when i go on on shows i'm talking about men's issues and i i feel like i'm

00:33:08.360 getting waived like it's like oh whatever but women you know um i guess men are you know

00:33:15.300 responsible to some degree but i i don't think men are aware i think that's the biggest problem

00:33:20.680 I don't think most men know what they're signing up for.

00:33:23.560 Like, I don't think most men know in California, if they don't establish paternity before the

00:33:29.640 age of two, even if the kid's not theirs, that they have that for life.

00:33:33.440 I think most men don't know.

00:33:35.840 Yeah, that's, yeah, that's crazy.

00:33:37.980 I totally agree with you on a lot of the things you say, like the mandatory DNA testing.

00:33:42.500 I thought that was really wild that Michael Knowles was like, that's offensive to women. 0.93

00:33:46.500 Why would it be?

00:33:47.520 I don't really see that as offensive.

00:33:49.020 I would I to me like why not you just might as well there's nothing wrong if you're like already

00:33:54.660 in the hospital they're doing all the tests anyway why wouldn't it just be tapped right on I don't

00:33:59.320 see the issue I give my ID to get liquor I'm not offended you know right because they verify

00:34:04.620 I don't see a reason why that would be an issue it's like better for I mean it's better for all

00:34:10.820 parties like women too like if that relationship goes south and then the guy all of a sudden starts

00:34:16.440 deciding that that's not his kid having that protection right at the beginning gets you like

00:34:21.140 it's good for all parties so I don't know why that's not done here but anyway thank you so

00:34:25.500 much for having me on thank you for coming have a good one

Pearl - March 20, 2024

＂My Son Needed A Father Figure＂ Pearl Interviews Mother On Prioritising The Family Unit

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