Pearl - Pastor Father With 7 Children Loses Custody

00:00:00.000 you know am i evil for this am i just the anti-marriage feminist belief who's down a dark

00:00:09.680 evil path is that me but let me let me go to pastor nick yeah is he up is he ready okay

00:00:20.560 pastor nick just lead better um hello hello how are you i'm doing good who is just lead better

00:00:34.000 right who who are who else is on just love me oh that's steve oh okay hi steve sandman hello

00:00:42.720 yeah you deal with neck first okay is he related to the story too or no we just know each other

00:00:49.280 oh okay i just didn't know because i was gonna put him backstage until you were done

00:00:53.700 but i didn't know if he's fine okay i have similar stories okay okay i'll put you on next

00:01:00.180 is that all right could you put him backstage for a second blessing okay thank you okay so um

00:01:06.700 yeah so why didn't i wanted to see if you could tell the story you told me on the phone the other

00:01:13.320 day and just i wanted to know it's all your fault you should have just led better so i'll just start

00:01:18.040 with that you should have led better you should have loved more really is what they say you know

00:01:23.660 you weren't loving enough you didn't sacrifice enough you know you you know the ephesians 5

00:01:30.500 just beat the men over the head with that you're just not loving enough you needed to be a servant

00:01:34.060 leader oh yeah so so so why didn't you love i heard that i did whatever i could yeah i think

00:01:42.660 ended up actually furthering the destruction of my marriage. Really? So, so, okay. So tell them

00:01:49.820 first how you met your wife, your ex-wife, because that's like the first thing they'll say is you

00:01:55.260 just should have vetted better. So where did you meet her? Okay. I met her online and she was a

00:02:01.760 Christian woman. She had a pass. I gave her a few theological questions that she had to pass. And

00:02:06.800 then I wanted to meet her and I met her family. Her dad was an elder in the church. She was

00:02:11.100 presbyterian reformed presbyterian like i was reformed presbyterian very conservative very

00:02:15.840 traditional um that's how we met okay um she was way into me it was crazy like now that you think

00:02:26.120 about it yeah uh she was way into me at first so so she wanted to sorry what how old was she

00:02:34.860 she was uh 22 okay so 22 church girl okay yep

00:02:41.600 so then what happened next 22 well she was way into me she wanted arrested in marriage it was

00:02:49.360 all too agreeable at first she said she was a virgin but you know there's no evidence of that

00:02:54.640 granted there's reason there could be reasons for that but interesting a few months into our

00:02:58.640 marriage it should have been like the huge thing to get out but i didn't i found uh facebook

00:03:05.500 messages of sexting while we had been engaged with random dudes and ex-boyfriends and

00:03:10.520 suggesting that she was not had been doing things um you know the elder said you just

00:03:17.740 need to forgive her you just need to love her and forgive her move forward i did but then

00:03:22.920 it gets worse

00:03:25.620 she didn't want

00:03:30.360 the sex stopped

00:03:31.840 pretty much stopped

00:03:33.720 it was kind of like that

00:03:34.600 oh every once in a while

00:03:35.980 once in every month or two

00:03:37.360 you know whenever I try to insist on something

00:03:40.860 to lead the family well

00:03:41.900 she'd call up the church elders

00:03:44.740 call up her dad

00:03:45.720 she'd try to jump up the hierarchy

00:03:47.720 to smash me down

00:03:49.220 and so basically the church leaders would white knight for her for a long time this even included

00:03:59.840 one of my former mentors um and soon about the same time she started beating me um and then it

00:04:08.100 progressed to threats to kill herself with knives and holding a gun to her head but then she would

00:04:13.680 also beat herself up hitting things with her head and hands and then she would call me abusive

00:04:19.300 for trying to stop her from hitting me like i'd have to restrain her just to get out of the room

00:04:26.000 um then i gained weight so that probably didn't help either i tried working through my marriage

00:04:33.120 with others for years i'd get better i'd mature she'd still do the same crap then around 2020

00:04:41.320 she started getting called out by friends and family for her deceit and lies yet i still

00:04:47.780 protected and believed her she started losing it with the kids family was warning about her

00:04:53.980 about trying to steal from my grandmother and the inheritance

00:04:58.340 my friends turned on me when i started to fight against feminism in the church

00:05:04.260 and i was being attacked as a pastor in the orthodox presbyterian church

00:05:08.500 for my stances, standing up for my friends and standing against, you know, feminism.

00:05:16.100 Well, my grandmother passed away. The inheritance eventually came in.

00:05:21.720 All of a sudden, she had a privacy screen on her phone.

00:05:25.420 She would hold the phone away from me so I couldn't see it.

00:05:28.700 She would put her phone, you know, face down when she'd go to sleep.

00:05:34.440 Then she started to even, of course, there's virtually no sex during this time.

00:05:40.480 But she would now refuse to even sleep in the same bed or room with me.

00:05:47.040 She would go on trips without me.

00:05:49.060 She would delete her messages.

00:05:50.260 She would always hang up.

00:05:51.100 She would hang up quickly when I sometimes came into the house or the room.

00:05:56.840 And then she was involved with nasty women at women's Bible study groups, which I call gossip groups.

00:06:02.300 with pastor's wife that seemed to despise me wait so she met a lot of these friends at the

00:06:08.960 women's groups at church oh yeah the churchly ladies wow pastors why didn't you but why didn't

00:06:15.760 you watch her friends i thought you were just supposed to just lead better i thought i was

00:06:20.940 doing the right thing i wanted her to have godly friends yeah no you should have just led more

00:06:25.880 well i started to catch on but it was too late at that point yeah um it's not like you can

00:06:33.180 monitor every conversation she has no and and then i i got counsel from the church we started

00:06:42.200 doing counseling then she didn't like the counseling we're doing she admitted to the

00:06:45.780 pastor that we're going to counseling his fellow presbyterian that presbytery in south dakota

00:06:49.520 she admitted to beating me and then about a month probably about a month or two later the incident

00:06:56.920 happened where i was trying to do the advice that the uh pastor told us to do not to have

00:07:05.260 sexual relations but to be in sexually intimate but not just he suggested slowly try to gradually

00:07:12.780 to get back into that. And I made an advance suggesting what the pastor suggested to do.

00:07:19.960 She rejected me. I got pissed. I told her, I'm out of here. Get the F out of the car.

00:07:25.440 I drove about an hour and a half away to go fishing. It was too cold. So I didn't have the

00:07:30.140 right equipment to go fishing. This is South Dakota. It's end of November. It's cold.

00:07:35.100 So I'm there. I pray a little bit. I chill out. I come back. I'm calm in my right mind. There's a

00:07:39.660 car i come i drive by there's a car sitting at the house and the lights are on and i'm like

00:07:46.200 what's what's going on here i didn't know at the time apparently it wasn't another guy but

00:07:50.960 found out later but at that time i didn't know but i'm like this is weird so i just wait for

00:07:56.700 them to leave i come in and she's got this weird smile on her face and i have alarms going off in

00:08:06.420 my head so i took the phone as we had an agreement to check each other's phone whenever we wanted

00:08:12.920 she flipped out on me she started hitting me trying to tackle me the works as she usually did

00:08:19.980 and i did what i usually did i got the hell away from her i ran to the church and locked the doors

00:08:26.860 because she didn't i don't think she had a key to the church

00:08:31.260 and while i was running away she started screaming help help help i'm like what is

00:08:37.920 wrong with you right apparently i think well i found out as i was going through her phone

00:08:43.000 that uh she had been trying to construct a history of abuse

00:08:48.400 um trying to establish a history of abuse with like her pastor friends and some of my

00:08:56.380 what i thought were my friends she was telling them things that were

00:09:01.260 not entirely true or not true at all twisting the facts they try to tell her to get out of

00:09:06.780 they told her i'm abusive and you need to leave meanwhile i also found texts where she's trying

00:09:12.860 to get me for like marital rape or grape well i should probably shouldn't said that online but um

00:09:17.820 all right that's all right um where she was basically she i think i'm assuming it was about

00:09:23.580 me where she was asking about a rape kit to a friend in like louisiana and uh and her friend

00:09:30.060 said that's not how it works you consented to this it's not rape you can do okay do you say

00:09:35.260 great do you say great do you say great would you say great yeah sorry yeah sorry yeah okay so she

00:09:40.720 said you could do better yeah her friend told her you could do better wow yeah and so like they were

00:09:50.060 saying that because i was like why aren't she we being intimate and her friends are saying that i'm

00:09:53.580 being abusive for saying that it's wrong for her to refuse continually refuse sexual intimacy what

00:09:59.620 she was doing right and i was like okay so police come in they invade the church somehow get in a

00:10:06.340 locked door i have lasers pointed on my chest i'm thinking i'm gonna die i'm thinking they're

00:10:12.900 gonna kill she got the police to come to the church yeah they came into the church somehow

00:10:18.200 they got a warrant from the jezebel judge the one i defied um yeah they invaded the church

00:10:24.180 i had lasers pointed at my chest and i they wanted me to turn my back to them and all this

00:10:29.120 stuff i wasn't going to do it i said no i'm just staying still you can do what you need i'm not

00:10:33.900 moving because i didn't want to i could be spastic and i didn't want to make any other moves they

00:10:38.540 had lasers on me i don't want to turn my back i don't want to get shot so they hauled me off to

00:10:44.180 jail i get out of jail i find out the next day that i had forty thousand dollars missing

00:10:49.940 from my inheritance and had been taken from like the day that she i wrongly gave her the check to

00:10:57.580 deposit to set up an account in my name 20 000 about was mission missing initially then like

00:11:04.860 three months later another transaction and a few months later to another transaction

00:11:09.740 transferred to some account that i don't know where it is

00:11:15.260 wow so when did when did you was there more did you then

00:11:20.780 i'm guessing you guys started filing for divorce one of you

00:11:23.580 You know, like, um, I, I, she took the kids over a thousand miles away to Louisiana while

00:11:34.760 I was in South Dakota.

00:11:37.600 Oh, wow.

00:11:39.400 Yeah.

00:11:39.980 And then I had the whole pending criminal trial and I was like, I just moved to Texas

00:11:45.360 and I was working in the oil and gas field.

00:11:47.320 And the lawyer said, I don't think you really want anything to do with my case.

00:11:51.420 He said, look, just plead to disorderly conduct.

00:11:55.040 Nobody really cares about this.

00:11:57.380 And not thinking I did that.

00:11:59.720 Because at that point, it had been like five months since I even like seen or touched my kids.

00:12:03.660 I just wanted it to be over.

00:12:05.420 And tell the audience, because I don't think you mentioned it, how many kids you had.

00:12:09.900 I have seven children.

00:12:11.200 So you had seven kids.

00:12:13.480 Like, what else could you have?

00:12:14.620 You found a girl in church, the same church.

00:12:17.960 You had seven children with her.

00:12:19.460 you know you you even forgave like cheating at one point at the beginning it sounded like during

00:12:25.280 the engagement and you forgave that you overlooked that and now you you have a court case for so she

00:12:34.080 got you on disorderly conduct for running away from her when she was hitting you am i understanding

00:12:39.980 it right you have women judge the whole circuit in south dakota is made up of women judges you

00:12:43.980 can't expect to win i don't think so women judges yeah it makes sense okay so i just wanted it to

00:12:51.160 end i wanted to see my kids and then you had it so then at that point you hadn't seen your kids

00:12:54.800 in six months they were a thousand miles away and i'm sure eight months total to finally see

00:13:00.560 them in person wow and i'm sure she told everyone in the community you were just an abuser oh yeah

00:13:05.940 oh yeah she'd been she'd been constructing that before it happened i've heard that a lot i've

00:13:11.620 heard that a lot where they'll um though the last guy interviewed with that they did she she did it

00:13:16.600 at school so because like they're more involved in the community that's i guess what they'll do

00:13:22.260 because they just have more time i guess well well she had already had contacts with like other

00:13:27.580 leaders in the community there and back home she was to tell them all about me some were police

00:13:33.140 officers wow one was the chief of the police one was another head pat a couple other head pastors

00:13:40.220 and so i was deeply screwed so then like what's your um so then after eight months you went to

00:13:49.180 court um i'm guessing i just had a lawyer represent me oh okay so i'm going to go to

00:13:56.560 court again because i purposely violated the uh order order of the judge where she said i can't

00:14:03.300 uh i can't even like she extended the like do not contact because i wanted to like

00:14:08.580 she extended the do not contact so i still couldn't see my kids basically

00:14:12.900 and then she still said i couldn't have like any alcohol i'm like wait i'm a minister of

00:14:18.160 the lord jesus christ uh the sacraments are bread and wine and i'm going to do that i don't care

00:14:23.500 what you say i'm going to take it uh if i need to i'm going to serve it and you know you they

00:14:30.100 do not have the rights to to usurp the crown rights of the lord jesus christ so that's the

00:14:34.880 presbyterian in me we were very uh defiant about those things so so i purposely defied the the

00:14:41.380 order of the judge and email to several ministers i got two weeks in jail for that you went two

00:14:47.900 weeks in jail for serving oh yeah i reached 30 people it was good no that's actually so she there

00:14:56.200 but that's the thing they try to take your livelihood it's like you obviously loved being

00:15:01.420 a minister and so that's oh yeah i demitted the ministry in september so you what i'm no longer

00:15:07.280 a minister i'm no longer a minister but i still help people so oh wow how has this um affected

00:15:13.740 has it affected your faith at all i almost became an atheist a few months ago yeah i could imagine

00:15:21.820 especially when you're going to church leaders and then like that's the response they're getting

00:15:26.480 man the ones that you think that your friends are the ones telling you you're in sin

00:15:30.680 you did wrong you you need to move to louisiana be close to her and your kids i'm like and all

00:15:37.620 my family's like saying do not do that she will throw you in jail again wow so when's the last

00:15:44.020 time you've seen your kids now so i now i'm able to get them one weekend a month so i saw them last

00:15:51.060 weekend wow how old's your oldest she's 10 does she have any like inkling that the mom's crazy

00:16:00.400 from what i've seen they kind of figured out around like 12 maybe that the mom's kind of nuts

00:16:05.520 i don't know yeah i think the younger one sees it but unfortunately i think the younger one

00:16:13.300 the younger daughter so that's the second oldest one she's unfortunately i start seeing the same

00:16:18.640 crazy behavior in her like lately so um so i i guess were there any like red flags and just

00:16:30.980 because there's younger guys watching this like what do you think there's anything you could

00:16:35.400 have did to prevent the situation in hindsight or like i wish i had the knowledge yeah that i have

00:16:44.720 now i wish i read rich cooper's and rola tomasi's book before i got married yeah i would have

00:16:54.800 prevented a lot of this stuff i would have never gotten with this woman

00:16:58.080 they could have prevented a lot of things but sometimes you don't know what you don't know

00:17:04.760 and you learn the hard way how much money did you lose total

00:17:08.420 uh the inheritance i'm still trying to figure that out in court um so that's 40 and i've

00:17:17.040 probably spent i'm still going through the process so it's been over a year now i've probably spent

00:17:25.080 with all with all the different lawyers and everything probably another

00:17:29.280 i'd say 40 000 wow it's almost 100k i mean that guys the app to put that in context the average

00:17:37.440 person makes like 45k a year that's like two years salary so yeah um well thank you for coming on and

00:17:46.560 telling your story is there any other part that we missed that's like important or anything you

00:17:50.400 want to say to like the guys watching fetch your women carefully don't rush okay i'm gonna um we're

00:18:01.760 gonna do the religion part later but i'm gonna bring on the the next guy um but thank you thank

00:18:09.160 you thanks um someone said i went spent 200k i'm sorry what was your name

00:18:14.740 i i can't hear him it might be us though let me see

00:18:21.640 so everyone keeps saying that because he's in good okay you can hear me yeah one second i'm

00:18:28.600 going to say one thing and i'm going to let you go so everyone keeps saying that because he's in

00:18:33.280 good spirits you know or he's like i keep seeing things in the chat that he's he's lying um that

00:18:41.900 what are we sorry i'm reading random stuff um people keep saying that he's lying in the chat

00:18:48.080 because he has it written down guys sometimes these court cases take years and there's so many

00:18:54.360 details to these stories that you have to kind of pick you know what stuff you're even going to talk

00:18:59.720 about because generally when i talk to guys there's so much we would be here all day um but yeah yeah

00:19:07.720 so um just just because he's smiling that doesn't mean he's not anyways so i'm sorry what was your

00:19:14.680 name again steve sandman steve was it yes okay hi steve welcome to the show so um

00:19:25.080 i'm sorry i'm not overly familiar with your story so are you involved in the church too

00:19:32.040 uh no i'm just a guy i was trained as a mechanical engineer worked in that

00:19:38.280 now i'm a truck driver i've been twice divorced both times were really be involved okay so

00:19:48.200 i i was accused twice of having bad inclinations towards daughters oh

00:19:57.960 never accused of doing anything but bad inclinations oh so what what happened

00:20:09.160 well can we uh limit it to the second round that's yeah that's fine so what happened

00:20:15.880 oh you know i got divorced the first time it was horrendous

00:20:21.320 and lost touch with my two adopted daughters and i haven't seen them for 15 years

00:20:28.920 and they're in their 20s now but you know they've kind of bought the narrative and they have to

00:20:35.960 to get along so the second time around i was involved early on in the manuscript

00:20:44.360 and the red pill world uh some of the early blogs background 2009 2010

00:20:51.880 and i married one of the women who was active on there you know vetted her pretty well she

00:20:59.720 had just become catholic and we talked about a lot of the serious things she was from canada

00:21:08.360 so she immigrated here and even though we thought you know we both believed the state marriage

00:21:15.160 wasn't perfect i had to do it so she could stay in the u.s and it worked pretty well

00:21:24.920 happily married uh since it was my second marriage and her second marriage and we were catholic uh

00:21:33.720 at one point she said well let's have this brother sister type marriage without sexual relations

00:21:40.200 okay because we were going to go through a moment and that took more than more time and effort and

00:21:49.720 it didn't happen immediately and so things kind of dissolved from there but even though we still

00:21:56.280 got along but never argued then all of a sudden um she wanted separation and divorce

00:22:05.000 and i think it was due to past guilt over and i put guilt in three areas

00:22:14.280 sexual partners reproductive guilt which is abortion or maybe things you did during pregnancy

00:22:24.640 and uh possibly a child with someone other than your previous husband those are the three

00:22:34.660 things that women lie about so anyway we went through a divorce once she filed didn't want

00:22:42.900 any talk didn't want any discussions with the priest to try and resolve things which

00:22:49.540 i really wanted to do um eventually uh she was lying about things i went back into marital home

00:22:58.260 home which was under her name and I was eventually charged with felony burglary for that and I

00:23:11.520 eventually planned it down to trespassing but the point was by the law doesn't matter whose

00:23:19.020 name the house is in to marital property during the until decided otherwise so i trespassed in

00:23:29.340 my own house well it was under her name but i paid all the taxes everything so uh she had two

00:23:37.540 daughters and i think it resolves around uh uh issues there and you know what before we go any

00:23:47.560 further. I choose not to hate them. Because that's poison. That just poisons myself. And so

00:23:55.320 I don't want that. So when did she accuse you of, I forgot the exact term you used, but

00:24:07.500 something with the daughter? Well, when we first started getting together, at the time,

00:24:15.200 she accused me of talking to her nine-year-old daughter about grape 10 years about nine years

00:24:24.500 ago at the time wow and it was absurd it didn't even make sense she went to talk to a priest the

00:24:31.680 priest reported me to the authorities nobody ever investigated the priest never told me about it

00:24:39.160 I found out later, I wrote to the bishop saying, hey, I'd like an investigation here, what happens.

00:24:46.820 He referred it to the head pastor, the head priest of the parish, and then nothing happened from there.

00:24:56.120 So then it went through court, and there are no Catholic women in divorce court, let me tell you that.

00:25:05.080 I've seen it. No, there's no—Catholics are not special.

00:25:09.160 catholic certainly because michael knows is catholic he's saying to find you a special

00:25:13.340 catholic woman yeah right hey remember uh eve was without sin

00:25:21.020 when when god created her for adam well it was a man and woman at that time but yet she rebelled

00:25:29.920 right you know is the problem with women hypergamy or is it rebellion

00:25:35.940 so how much did you end up spending in the divorce and did you guys have um your own kids

00:25:45.140 together or no no so um you said when women lie it's about you said abortion

00:25:53.140 sexual partners and one other thing uh possibly a child with uh someone other than the previous

00:26:01.620 husband okay so and you said she had guilt from that well you know she had a child pre-born

00:26:10.340 premature she was poor at the time born in california premature probably cost the state

00:26:19.940 of california a million dollars when she went in she uh they wanted to do a blood test

00:26:26.980 she refused that and said well they wanted to do a blood test to see if there was drugs in my system

00:26:34.820 well they didn't find any drugs because they didn't do a drug test right and so okay that

00:26:43.860 was her excuse so do i know oh that anything happened no you have to read kind of read the

00:26:50.660 tea leaves when it comes to women i believe she was honest with me about her sexual past

00:26:56.980 But, you know, women carry, you know, these things, causes guilt. And why do women make false grape claims? Well, it's guilt. So they don't have to take responsibility.

00:27:12.160 is it just limited to those bad women or is it possible that with the history of

00:27:20.780 women these days who have a past there are hidden uh hidden baggage

00:27:29.980 what would you recommend to got to young guys that want to avoid that kind of situation

00:27:38.140 is there any way to prevent it let me see i made three comments because i watched your

00:27:45.440 interview with uh michael knowles uh yeah find a woman okay they always say find a religious woman

00:27:53.440 find a woman in church well okay that's kind of good but more importantly find a woman that can

00:28:02.420 be led so that's my first thing and then figure out that there could be these sexual or these

00:28:11.840 this hidden baggage and guilt can really drive a woman to do things because she doesn't want to be

00:28:20.880 accountable she has shame what would happen if someone found out in in the church atmosphere

00:28:28.600 whatever that's why sometimes religious or even catholic women could be worse because they need

00:28:35.560 an excuse to say man bad um and then you know your your idea of a prenuptial agreement

00:28:46.840 and michael knoll said no prenup well let's find a common ground you know prenup is viewed as a

00:28:54.680 uh what happens in the event of a divorce how about you sign a nuptial agreement

00:29:03.960 which defines traditional marriage as to what the man does and what the woman does and then what

00:29:11.240 yeah what the repercussions are in a divorce but it's not a prenup it's just affirmation of a

00:29:19.480 nuptial agreement that counters the civil law. And really, why does the Catholic Church

00:29:30.920 let the state be a gatekeeper to the sacrament of marriage?

00:29:37.400 I think they get money or some sort of kickback. That's the only thing that makes sense to me.

00:29:42.540 Oh, it's simpler than that. They want to be good Americans because Catholics were persecuted

00:29:47.980 or discriminated against let's not say persecuted discriminated against so they wanted to be good

00:29:54.160 americans so they want to be a law abiding and that's what the bishops went with and so they

00:30:01.400 have allowed the state you have to get a marriage license to get the sacrament of marriage therefore

00:30:10.020 the state is a gatekeeper to a sacrament now i know not all christians believe it's a sacrament

00:30:17.980 But still, the state is a gatekeeper.

00:30:23.720 Yeah.

00:30:25.120 No, I agree with you.

00:30:29.980 So how did that whole situation affect your life?

00:30:37.640 How long did that whole process take?

00:30:40.300 How did it affect your reputation?

00:30:41.960 What happened?

00:30:43.760 Well, the second marriage, it took a couple years.

00:30:47.980 i don't know i probably spent 35 40 000 uh she got an unequal distribution

00:30:55.260 but uh hey i didn't get any spousal support or any child support for the second time around

00:31:02.380 and now i get to keep my money yeah and i'm doing pretty well okay

00:31:09.580 you know what life is not about making a lot of money sometimes life is about adventures

00:31:14.700 yeah and we never learn things until it's too hard not to learn

00:31:22.620 well thank you for calling in and telling your story

Pearl - March 18, 2024

Pastor Father With 7 Children Loses Custody

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript