Pearl - June 09, 2024


Paul Elam on THE RED PILL, MEN'S RIGHTS AND GYNOCENTRISM @Paul_Elam


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

163.72635

Word count

1,621

Sentence count

81

Harmful content

Misogyny

16

sentences flagged

Toxicity

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Dr. Kelly talks about her career as a substance abuse counselor and how she found her passion for helping men struggling with substance abuse. She talks about the root cause of men's problems and how to help them overcome them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 how long have you been doing this since 1993 wow that was the year that warren farrell's
00:00:07.120 myth of male power came up and reading that sort of turned my life around and i've been doing this
00:00:12.880 ever since and was there like a moment that red-pilled you like how did you get into the space
00:00:19.440 well the book played a role in red-pilling me but what happened after that i worked in a
00:00:25.280 residential treatment facility. And I came into work after reading that book in one of our staff
00:00:31.700 meetings. I asked everybody why we were assessing every woman that came into our facility for
00:00:37.240 whether or not she'd been a victim of domestic violence. And we were assessing all the men who
00:00:42.740 came into our facility for whether or not they'd been perpetrators of domestic violence. And we
00:00:48.800 weren't asking women whether they were perpetrators or men, whether they were victims.
00:00:52.760 wait what type of facility was it substance abuse treatment oh and so they
00:00:58.800 would automatically ask the women if they were victims and ask the men if
00:01:03.020 they were purpose is that because of the Duluth model right that was the Duluth
00:01:06.820 model and it also goes back to just sugar and spice narrative about women
00:01:11.860 and men are men are bad women are good narrative that's been around is at least
00:01:18.060 as long as Duluth or longer, but when I asked about it, I got hostility. I mean, there was
00:01:24.860 outrage among my peers for even asking the question, and my first thought was, I think I'm
00:01:33.060 over some kind of target here. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm going to find out, and I've been
00:01:37.600 finding out ever since. And so did you end up like leaving the facility, or how did that, how did that
00:01:43.340 I ended up leaving the field and doing my own thing.
00:01:46.900 I just couldn't take it anymore because there was a lot more problems than that.
00:01:51.640 And some problems, not even gender related, the recidivism rates and chemical dependency
00:01:56.720 treatment are abysmal and lots of other reasons to leave.
00:02:00.760 But my interest in men's issues took me into counseling men.
00:02:04.360 And that's what I've been doing.
00:02:05.940 And what would you say are the common problems that men come to you with? 0.90
00:02:09.680 Um, they've been screwed over by women, for the most part. 1.00
00:02:15.560 I mean, I'm not casting dispersions here, but of the men I talked to, 98% of them, whatever
00:02:23.500 life circumstances they're dealing with at the time, go back to decisions that they've
00:02:28.600 made regarding women.
00:02:30.000 Getting married to the wrong women, getting the wrong woman pregnant, getting in a relationship 0.73
00:02:34.940 with somebody who will make false allegations, all these things,
00:02:38.560 and not screening women, it goes back to that.
00:02:42.640 But their drinking, their drugging, their depression, their suicidal ideation,
00:02:46.960 all kinds of life problems, when we talk long enough,
00:02:50.620 we get back to the women in their lives and what they were expecting.
00:02:54.460 Guys think, I'm going to meet a girl and fall in love,
00:02:56.880 and she's going to love me back, and we're going to go off happily ever after
00:03:00.260 into the sunset, and then they find out that it doesn't really work that way.
00:03:04.940 and it's devastating for them and you found that even people that are men that are struggling
00:03:10.220 with substance abuse it's mostly women too well absolutely i mean a lot of guys drink over bad
00:03:17.100 marriages right they're miserable they don't know what to do they have children if they get a 0.58
00:03:22.220 divorce they're worried about sometimes the wife is abusive and the man won't leave because they
00:03:28.380 won't don't want to leave the children right with an abusive mother and they already know the courts 0.96
00:03:33.100 they're going to give her custody, so they stay, and they drink, or they drug, or they engage in
00:03:38.680 other risky behaviors, or they have affairs. Eventually, they blow up and slap her, or something
00:03:43.960 like that, and then that sets problems into motions. And do you think this starts for men
00:03:50.580 from childhood? Like, where do you think this comes from? This, you know, because we were talking
00:03:56.260 about it earlier, this, just the simping, like they just want to appease women all of the time.
00:04:01.860 Well, look at your average family or people from my generation grew up in homes where it was an edict.
00:04:09.600 You better make your mother happy.
00:04:11.460 If mother complains to father, you're in trouble, sometimes really abusive trouble.
00:04:18.500 So it starts in early childhood where father's off at work.
00:04:23.240 They're left with the mother at home.
00:04:25.000 They learn to please mom.
00:04:27.360 They get manipulated.
00:04:29.000 The child manipulates back, pleasing the mom, anything to make her smile.
00:04:33.120 And that's a behavioral pattern that they take into relationships.
00:04:36.600 They go into their first year of school.
00:04:38.620 It's all women. 1.00
00:04:39.780 They have to please the teachers.
00:04:41.720 Their lives are shaped by women for the first 18 to 20 years in almost all cases. 0.99
00:04:48.240 And men learn early.
00:04:59.000 to please women. That's where your mindset is at. It carries into your relationships, 0.70
00:05:07.800 and it ends up making men very miserable. So what, we've talked about it before,
00:05:13.340 but just for the audience, what is gynocentrism? Good question. On paper, gynocentrism is just
00:05:21.800 a system of beliefs and attitudes and rules that focus on the well-being of women over 0.95
00:05:27.860 the well-being of men. Our attention and energy is focused on making women happy, keeping them
00:05:35.720 safe, giving them what they want. It goes back, oh gosh, at least a thousand years to the advent
00:05:44.600 of romantic chivalry, which is a big part of modern gynocentrism. You know, gynocentrism itself
00:05:51.740 historically wasn't such a bad thing. If women weren't alive to have children, 1.00
00:05:57.480 we would have been in trouble and they had to be able to protect children and nurture them
00:06:02.360 and get them to where they were self-sufficient. So there were a certain amount of gynocentrism 0.82
00:06:07.080 was absolutely an imperative for the human species. But once romantic chivalry hit the
00:06:14.820 mainstream throughout Europe and then eventually in the West, it was more than keeping women alive.
00:06:20.980 it was about keeping that smile on their face all the time and if we fail then there's a problem
00:06:28.700 and that's what led to a lot of simping well that's um because that's kind of a new concept 0.94
00:06:35.380 to me you guys think that romantic shit like romantic love and i i have i'm a little bit 0.63
00:06:41.780 undecided on it okay so i want you to convince me like why is romantic love such a bad thing 0.98
00:06:47.640 because it puts unrealistic expectations on a relationship romance is about whining and dining
00:06:55.760 it's about and and let's be honest romance is about making women happy there's nothing in the
00:07:02.540 romantic model that says a man has to be happy at all yeah the romantic model says a man has to
00:07:08.080 produce he has to produce jewels he has to produce nice things right there's no like does she cook 1.00
00:07:14.520 him dinner. There's some of that, but it's always sort of like a millionaire gets a wife who takes
00:07:23.780 a part-time job in a dress shop. She says, here's my $200 to contribute to the 10 million you have
00:07:30.080 in the bank. But back to the romantic thing, look at the model of how proposals go in the West.
00:07:39.780 Everybody has that image of their mind of a man down on his knee, bearing a gift, jewelry
00:07:46.340 that's supposed to represent three months of his salary.
00:07:48.920 It's all set up.
00:07:50.140 It's all arranged in advance.
00:07:51.820 That's romance. 0.79
00:07:53.560 Romance is laying rose petals at her feet. 0.98
00:07:56.040 Romance is talking to her.
00:07:58.300 It's worshiping women. 0.98
00:07:59.100 It is a worship thing.
00:08:00.740 Now, gee, what could go wrong there long term?
00:08:04.560 If you start a relationship with that kind of unrealistic expectation, the only thing that matters is elevating her.
00:08:11.080 The only thing that matters is her happiness.
00:08:12.480 And that's why you get these women saying they fell out of love. 1.00
00:08:15.120 Absolutely.
00:08:16.020 Because they came in with the expectation of romantic love.
00:08:19.900 And women aren't particularly romantic. 1.00
00:08:24.800 There's another little flaw in that system, too.
00:08:27.700 Men are.
00:08:28.320 Yeah.
00:08:28.920 Men are the romantic ones.
00:08:30.640 I work with couples.
00:08:31.980 I work with men post-divorce.
00:08:33.860 it's always the men that are devastated by the the broken heart i mean i see it affects women too
00:08:41.620 no doubt but for most guys that i work with by the time the divorce rolls around she's she's doing 1.00
00:08:48.960 well got a new boyfriend right probably had one before they ever broke up um she monkey branched 1.00
00:08:56.100 right out of it and women tend to do their grieving while they're in the relationship and 1.00
00:09:01.080 then they're done. And then a guy is like, oh, it's over now. Then he starts grieving.
00:09:06.400 And you know what's crazy? Men will still talk highly about a wife that absolutely fucked them. 1.00
00:09:11.680 Excuse my language. But like a guy will have been taken through the ringer of like divorce court 0.99
00:09:17.800 alimony, and they'll still find something positive to say about her, where women could have a good 1.00
00:09:22.760 guy and they'll absolutely trash him. It's a lot worse than that in my experience. I worked with a
00:09:29.820 once that had been divorced for eight years and he was still acting like a puppy trying to be let
00:09:35.800 in into his ex-wife's life. And I've seen that happen over and over and over again. It's almost
00:09:43.020 like they can't divorce. Guys that'll, she'll have sex with one of his friends and then call 0.99
00:09:50.280 him a week later and say, I need you to help me move and he'll show up. 0.96