Pearl - June 09, 2024


Paul Elam on UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS of Modern RELATIONSHIPS and MARRIAGES

Mentioned
Michael Knowles
Not All Cheating Is Created Equal Paul Elam on FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS & DIVORCE

Episode Stats


Length

6 minutes

Words per minute

164.47

Word count

1,020

Sentence count

79

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Toxicity

16

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with my good friend Paul Elam to talk about what it means to be a good husband. We talk about how to be good husbands, how to make a good wife, and how to keep a marriage on track.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Men do this all the time.
00:00:01.420 It's why I don't really have, I probably should.
00:00:04.420 I get criticized for it.
00:00:05.840 I don't have a lot of sympathy for men in these situations.
00:00:08.760 They make horrible decisions based on crazy ideas.
00:00:13.460 Anybody should be able to look at that image of a guy down on his knees bearing a diamond
00:00:17.660 saying, this is how I want our life to be, as totally unsustainable.
00:00:22.760 Right.
00:00:23.860 But it doesn't even enter our minds.
00:00:26.040 We're just like, oh no, she's smiling.
00:00:27.420 Because it's been programmed into us for like a thousand years.
00:00:31.080 Exactly.
00:00:32.260 And it is not a natural arrangement between men and women.
00:00:36.640 Like I said, gynocentrism, a certain amount of it, is natural. 0.96
00:00:41.460 And it's easy to understand how we got there.
00:00:44.000 Yeah.
00:00:44.460 But this romantic notion, matrimony, you know, they don't call it patrimony.
00:00:49.520 marriage matrimony used to signify a time when a woman put aside being a child and became an adult 0.79
00:00:58.080 responsible for a family she had to produce she had to do all kinds of things she had to take 1.00
00:01:04.180 care of children she had real responsibilities and real work and then when we brought romance 1.00
00:01:09.980 into it the object became oh you don't have to work you we just put a cushion under your butt 0.95
00:01:15.720 and you can enjoy life that way. 0.97
00:01:17.940 Yeah, well, that's the,
00:01:19.060 because that's what I would always hear
00:01:20.200 is that we didn't have to work back in the day,
00:01:22.700 but we used to live on farms.
00:01:24.820 So I'm like, life was a billion times harder
00:01:27.040 if you were a stay-at-home wife a hundred years ago. 0.99
00:01:29.760 And you know, I hear most of that crap from men 0.98
00:01:32.300 who think somehow that there was this magical patriarchy 0.99
00:01:37.200 in the past where women didn't work. 1.00
00:01:41.000 Women worked brutally hard and had shorter lives 1.00
00:01:44.320 because of it for thousands of years
00:01:47.940 until we developed the technology to rescue them from that.
00:01:52.440 And we've applied it all in just such an insane way.
00:01:56.500 I mean, sorry, look at the state of women right now. 1.00
00:01:59.720 How many, what percentage of women are even marriageable right now? 1.00
00:02:03.340 3% statistically, if you want no tattoos, no debt,
00:02:06.480 and under the age of 35, I think.
00:02:10.120 Yes, and...
00:02:11.800 There was a couple more they added into it,
00:02:13.780 but it was like in the book of Numbers, like not overweight, no other kids.
00:02:18.240 3%.
00:02:18.680 Yeah.
00:02:19.300 And so it becomes a man's job. 1.00
00:02:21.620 And here's the problem. 1.00
00:02:22.480 The men just have to man up and marry these whores. 1.00
00:02:24.340 Yes, of course they do. 1.00
00:02:25.760 That's the right thing to do.
00:02:27.140 And that's what they've been doing, which is why, you know,
00:02:29.080 half of the marriages are failing and then 70% of second marriages are failing.
00:02:33.940 It's a failure of men in my book.
00:02:38.440 They want to practice these unrealistic expectations.
00:02:43.080 And I think they've got a sort of shame-based thing going on here.
00:02:48.720 If we don't make women happy, we're not men.
00:02:51.720 That's also tied into this.
00:02:54.040 Wow.
00:02:54.380 That's really true.
00:02:55.440 I didn't think about that until you said it, but that's really true.
00:02:58.560 It is.
00:02:59.180 If we don't, because that was even during the Michael Knowles debate, that's what he said.
00:03:03.440 I said, well, if she gets the wrong group of friends, she can leave if she does this. 1.00
00:03:07.800 And then he's like, oh, well, you got to watch the friends.
00:03:10.660 You got to watch the leadership.
00:03:12.080 and so it's like putting all accountability for a marriage failing on the man absolutely when
00:03:17.760 sometimes like a chick just he just wants to go you can't do anything like and most of the time
00:03:24.320 i mean monogamy is a hard thing to maintain for both sexes yeah it's tough women have easy outs 1.00
00:03:33.360 and if men don't make her happy the first thing she's going to do is attack his masculinity when 1.00
00:03:40.080 When she goes out and bad mouths him, it'll be all things that undermine his status as a masculine man.
00:03:47.840 He doesn't work hard enough.
00:03:49.340 He doesn't pay enough attention to me.
00:03:50.980 He doesn't do this.
00:03:52.440 He's always doing that.
00:03:54.820 These are things that shame men, and we buy into it instead of, you know, treating her like a guy, which is what I recommend.
00:04:06.380 Okay.
00:04:08.080 Explain that a little more, treat her like a guy. 1.00
00:04:10.080 same standards yeah guys will take shit from women that they would punch a man in the mouth for 0.99
00:04:19.400 right constantly they do that without they and i'm not no for somebody says paul elam's 0.99
00:04:26.180 recommending punching women in the mouth i'm not recommending any such thing but just the capacity
00:04:32.780 to hear a crazy unrealistic expectation like I want a three-carat emerald cut VS1 diamond 0.98
00:04:40.420 for an engagement ring, guys don't have the ability or they should have the ability to 1.00
00:04:47.240 say, well, fuck out of here. 1.00
00:04:49.740 Go buy one. 1.00
00:04:50.820 I did a show and a girl wanted a $200,000 engagement ring for an overweight 33-year-old 1.00
00:04:58.480 woman.
00:04:58.940 And I'm like, I mean, at least be like 22 and high if you're going to ask for that.
00:05:07.780 You know what I mean?
00:05:09.100 At least you got to be a seven or a higher at least.
00:05:12.380 I've got a better idea.
00:05:13.720 No ring.
00:05:15.980 Yeah.
00:05:16.700 No nothing.
00:05:17.440 Yeah.
00:05:19.340 We are in an age where I think it's okay for men to start telling women, 0.96
00:05:24.560 you're responsible for your own happiness.
00:05:26.500 If you need a piece of carbon mined by slave labor, a 12-year-old in Africa, to feel good about yourself, go buy one. 1.00
00:05:36.880 Women can work. 1.00
00:05:38.380 They can produce.
00:05:39.880 Guys won't do that because it makes them feel unmasculine.
00:05:43.220 Right.
00:05:44.520 And so it's a trap.
00:05:46.640 Nobody's going to survive.
00:05:48.440 And love is, you know, love is a funny thing.
00:05:51.420 The romance stuff and infatuation, none of that is love.
00:05:54.540 It never was love.
00:05:55.540 love comes 15 20 25 years into a relationship with somebody and how do you get to that point
00:06:02.840 where there's real intimacy and real love if one person's falling over the other
00:06:08.520 all the time all it does is build resentment and entitlement