Pearl - She Had Kids at 40… Now She’s Exhausted and Full of Regret 😓

00:00:00.000 modern women will wake up between the ages of 33 to 37, rush to have a kid,

00:00:04.820 find a husband, or both. I can't talk enough about the modern women life cycle we have

00:00:10.880 established here on Pearl Daily, and I think it's fairly accurate. I've sent it to other

00:00:15.720 creators that I know, and they've verified its validity. Now, I can't recap the whole thing here,

00:00:22.480 but go back to my previous episodes of Pearl Daily to hear the whole thing. Today, we're

00:00:27.380 going to be talking about points four and five of the modern woman life cycle, with four

00:00:32.560 being that modern women will wake up between the ages of 33 to 37, rush to have a kid, find

00:00:38.260 a husband, or both. And number five being modern women will hit their late 30s and early 40s

00:00:44.340 and try to get pregnant either by a loser or by IVF. Modern women will rush to have kids,

00:00:51.740 and some of them will get what they want. They'll find a man who is irresponsible enough to have

00:00:56.640 a kid by or become a single mother and get inseminated by IVF to be a single mother by

00:01:03.880 choice. But when this happens, they end up being older mothers. Now, many of these women find more

00:01:10.580 fulfillment in parenting than they ever would have found in their careers or schools. That's when

00:01:16.800 regret starts creeping in. There is a growing group of women that admit they wish they had kids

00:01:22.620 sooner. They admit that raising a child when they're older has a whole nother set of problems

00:01:28.060 that they did not anticipate. That's what we're going to talk about today. Modern women wishing

00:01:35.360 they had kids sooner. So, okay, here's an article from BuzzFeed. I don't regret having my son,

00:01:45.160 but I regret what I've given to him by having him later in life. Women who waited until an older

00:01:53.660 age to have kids are sharing their stories. Nowadays, there are multitude of reasons why

00:01:59.060 women are choosing to get married or have children at an older age. In 2019, only 51% of 30-year-olds in

00:02:06.720 the United States had been married compared to in 1962 when 90% of 30-year-olds had been married at least

00:02:13.580 once. In a previous post, dozens of people from the BuzzFeed community shared their reasoning.

00:02:22.080 Next, I want to dive deeper into the kids part. So, I asked people who did wait to become parents

00:02:28.860 at a later age if they're happy with their decision or if there was anything they wished

00:02:33.140 they did differently had their circumstances been different. Before sharing their stories,

00:02:37.980 it's worth reiterating that there's no right or wrong timeline to choose to have kids or not have kids

00:02:42.840 because everyone is so different because it is important to openly talk about this topic because

00:02:48.040 it's nuanced and full of varying and valid perspectives. You can find several of these

00:02:54.220 perspectives below. So, one woman says,

00:02:59.360 my husband and I have been married for almost 10 years with little birth control beside the pull-out

00:03:04.980 method. It's a great method. Okay. I was fine with waiting to have kids first when I was 30 and he

00:03:12.900 was 35. We started wanting to have kids since we'd already traveled quite a bit and bought a home.

00:03:17.500 After two years of infertility and one miscarriage, we went through IVF and I had my first daughter at

00:03:22.220 32 and second daughter at 34. I love them both to pieces. He comes from a large family with lots of

00:03:29.140 siblings. We are both from a culture that values large families. I would have loved to have more

00:03:34.080 kids but I'm just too tired. Having a kid in your 20s versus your 30s isn't the same. You have so much

00:03:39.580 less energy or at least that's the case for me. We're done having kids. He had a vasectomy which was his

00:03:45.120 wish and I'm kind of sad that I'm never going to go through pregnancy labor and have another addition

00:03:49.420 to the family. We do have one leftover embryo that I keep in the back of my mind just in case.

00:03:55.240 Translation. I'm going to find someone else to make me kid number two. Watch out husband. Okay.

00:04:03.320 No regrets here at least not for any of the common reasons mentioned. My regret is that my children's

00:04:08.220 grandparents are older too and that my children will lose them at a younger age than I lost mine.

00:04:13.640 The life, the care, and the wisdom grandparents share is invaluable. Number three. I waited until I

00:04:19.680 found the right partner. We met at 35 and married at 37 and instantly began trying to expand our

00:04:26.520 families. We've gone through multiple miscarriages, failed IVF cycles, and a failed donor egg cycle.

00:04:33.500 I wish I would have been more educated about my body and known how hard it is for a woman of advanced

00:04:38.360 maternal age to try to conceive. Not one OBGYN spoke to me about freezing my eggs. Not one OBGYN ever spoke

00:04:46.580 to me about my eggs and how age affects them. While I was aware that egg quality declines as you age,

00:04:52.180 I was not prepared for the reality that I've now gone through. I never thought to ask questions

00:04:58.080 when I was younger while actively avoiding getting pregnant. It makes me sad that I was never taught

00:05:03.740 about my own body. Okay. She was 37. Damn. Okay. I had my first child one year ago and I'm very happy.

00:05:14.040 I have no problems getting pregnant after 20 years of birth control. It was an easy pregnancy.

00:05:18.860 I have a loving husband who splits care, child care responsibilities, two sets of retired

00:05:24.320 grandparents who live close by and allow my husband and I to have a weekly date night.

00:05:28.320 We can afford a nanny, which makes life so much easier. I'm so glad I waited. So she was anonymous

00:05:34.020 and she's 40. So yeah, you know, again, this is all a roll of the dice, right? The same way when men

00:05:39.800 get married, it's a roll of the dice. Fertility, it's a roll of the dice. Like 10% of us have,

00:05:45.740 I think it's called endometriosis, cooked, done, nice, guinata. Really, it's not the worst idea to

00:05:55.700 be tested for that at a young age. You know what I mean? Just to make sure. I didn't end up getting

00:06:01.640 married until 34. Then I got right to work having kids ASAP. I had three kids when I was 36, 38 and

00:06:07.640 40. Respectively, if I had to do it over again, I would definitely have kids at a younger age. I am

00:06:12.280 now 54 and do not nearly have the same energy I would have if I were younger. I'm also scared of

00:06:17.080 having a major health problem before I can get my kids out of the house and through college. Also in

00:06:21.700 terms of helping for college, I'll only have a few years left to work before I retire, all while having

00:06:26.480 to help my kids through college. So it's not the best timing. I think ahead to grandchildren as well.

00:06:31.980 Will I have the energy and health to be a good grandma? Will I be able to help my kids out if

00:06:37.260 they need? A lot of unknowns. Kelly, 43. Number six, Doug MPA on the website says, Pearl Reed, women want

00:06:46.240 the wedding and not the marriage. Modern women want the pregnancy and the birth, but they don't want to

00:06:51.260 be married. It's sad. I don't even really think they want the kid. Like, I don't think they really

00:06:57.280 want the kid. They just want, um, they, what they want is the pregnancy, you know, the clout of being

00:07:08.420 a mom. That's really important, but being a mom, I don't think they really like that much. Okay.

00:07:15.080 That's not their favorite thing. Okay. Um, I loved having the freedom without kids. When I was in my

00:07:21.960 twenties and thirties, I could focus on myself now that I'm older. I have the money, the patience and

00:07:26.760 the time to give my kids a better version of me more than 20 years ago. No regrets. Next. I waited

00:07:34.480 until my career and finances were stable, which took me until the age of 34. Unfortunately, I started

00:07:40.080 developing an eating disorder in my early thirties, which may have significantly inhibited my ability

00:07:47.060 to conceive. My spouse and I are actively trying to get pregnant, but I'm terrified that we completely

00:07:52.040 missed our window. Yeah, you did cooked, cooked. I mean, that's cooked. I mean, I keep saying this on

00:07:59.560 the show because we keep, I mean, we're cooked. Like I do think like, I don't think the world's going to

00:08:06.040 and I think like society will be fine relatively for my whole lifetime. But in terms of like the

00:08:11.520 nuclear family, one mom, one dad and kids cooked, I mean, that's cooked. C O O K cook, E D cooked,

00:08:20.900 cooked, done, nice, nice ski. No, do you know, it's funny. I was having a conversation with someone

00:08:27.820 and they, they were calling me, he was calling me black pilled. Right. And this, and I'm like,

00:08:34.500 and this is a guy that was divorced, right? So he's once divorced, he has a second wife

00:08:39.020 and I'm talking to him and he's like, how can you have this outlook? Do you not think that like you

00:08:44.980 and your boyfriend could have it? Cause that's what everyone wants to bring up. They're like,

00:08:48.160 you don't think you guys could have a good relationship. Like you think marriage is dead.

00:08:52.040 And I'm like, you're divorced. Like, how are you? I haven't even given it a go yet,

00:08:58.480 but I'm like, you can't predict the future. Do you know what I mean? Like,

00:09:03.000 I'm like, I'm sure. I'm sure you thought you were going to be married forever. I'm sure I thought

00:09:11.440 that I was going to be with a previous boyfriend forever. Right. We all think things, right. But

00:09:17.800 you can't, you know, there's people that think they're going to be at their job forever. They

00:09:21.620 get fired. You can't really control the universe and you certainly can't control another person. So

00:09:26.140 you cannot control if he is going to leave you or she is right. So cooked Pearl Ramsey cooked. You're

00:09:34.580 right. That's true.

Pearl - April 11, 2025

She Had Kids at 40… Now She’s Exhausted and Full of Regret 😓

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