Pearl - Single Mother Lays Out Her Struggles in the Dating Market

00:00:00.080 What up, guys? Welcome to my reaction series. So today I'm from my basement set, and this

00:00:06.780 is going to be my more chill reaction series. Sometimes you're going to see the dog in the

00:00:10.920 background, people coming in and out, and it's just more of a relaxed atmosphere. So

00:00:15.720 welcome to this set. So today we are talking about a single mother talking about what she

00:00:23.840 wished she knew before becoming a single mother. Too many modern women want to have a baby, 1.00

00:00:29.120 but they don't want to be moms. They get pregnant by some loser and they complain about him and 0.99

00:00:33.740 are a single mother on social media. They turn their front camera on and give their testimony 0.99

00:00:39.620 to the public. Unfortunately, by the time they get on social media, it's usually too late.

00:00:44.960 Let's look at this single mother. Tell us everything she wished she knew before becoming a single mom. 0.69

00:00:53.180 Was everything I wish somebody would have told me or told me that I needed to prepare for when

00:00:58.360 stepping into the role of single motherhood. Hey friends, let's have a chat about something that

00:01:04.140 has been on my heart heavily this week. I want to talk about the things that I wasn't prepared for

00:01:10.300 becoming a single mother and what I do now to combat the negativity around being a single mother

00:01:16.660 and still be able to live for myself and thrive as a woman. You know, being a mother, your selling 0.93

00:01:24.880 point to men is going to be that you're a selfless person. Now that would be my, if I was a single mom,

00:01:30.920 my selling point would be, look, I am a selfless person, whether it comes to my kids or you, I will put

00:01:38.220 you first. I will put my kids first. I am last, but not mothers nowadays. They just say, nope, I'm still

00:01:44.740 first after these kids. You know, this is a new series. I'm starting on my YouTube called Caitlin

00:01:49.820 Unfiltered. We're going to have sit down chats, heart to hearts, real conversations. I'm not going

00:01:54.800 to be holding your hand, especially through the hard things, because I want to be a friend to you

00:01:58.560 and tell you a lot of the things that I wish I knew before getting into certain situations. If you are a

00:02:04.000 single mom or about to become one, I want you to know that you're not alone and you are still going

00:02:08.320 to be able to thrive in your life. This video is everything I wish somebody would have told me or

00:02:13.280 told me that I needed to prepare for when stepping into the role of single motherhood. I hope it can give you

00:02:19.000 clarity, comfort, and encouragement. If you are new here, my name is Caitlin. I'm a single mom. My

00:02:23.720 son turns two in actually a week. I've been a single mom since I found out I was pregnant. I lived in my

00:02:29.440 parents' house during my pregnancy. Me and my son lived there for the first about nine months of his

00:02:33.500 life, and we were able to move out on our own. And so we live in our own space and we have our routine.

00:02:39.800 We have our day-to-day. It's hard sometimes, other times it's beautiful, but I do appreciate every

00:02:45.220 single stage that we go through and me and my son are growing together. I just want you to know that

00:02:50.160 this is going to be a honest, raw, and also a faith-centered conversation. I'm going to cover

00:02:55.280 dating, mom guilt, overstimulation, support systems, identity, and the role of faith in navigating all

00:03:02.540 of those things. First up, because this has been the heaviest on my heart this week, is dating as a

00:03:07.120 single mom. And I feel like I get the question a lot about how do I do it? How am I comfortable with

00:03:11.640 it? How do you even put yourself out there? Now, what I've gotten from the field and men,

00:03:15.800 you know, dating single mothers is that these women really do not care about their children. 1.00

00:03:20.380 I wish they did. Do you know what I mean? This isn't a happy report, but I have heard that these

00:03:26.120 mothers are just letting Tom, Dick, and Harry come into the house while the kids are asleep and they

00:03:31.480 just keep them in the rooms. Now, I think mothers have the assumption that the kids won't know what's

00:03:37.100 going on, but over a certain age, you kind of think back and you're like, that was weird. That was

00:03:41.600 weird thing my mom did. And the reality of it is that it's definitely different. Like it's 100%

00:03:48.480 different than dating as a woman without a child, but it's not impossible. Your time and energy are

00:03:53.560 super valuable as it is. Add a child onto that and you're pouring your time and energy into your

00:03:58.400 child. I just feel like as a whole, everything is amplified and 10 times more important. And you need

00:04:03.820 to hold a lot of value within yourself and within your time and energy. And you want to be very careful

00:04:09.520 with who you give it to. But I also wouldn't shut the door completely on any type of dating. I've dated

00:04:14.960 a couple people since I became a single mom. And another important aspect of that is because I've

00:04:20.480 dated a couple people, you have to know when something is not for you. You have to know when

00:04:26.560 something has reached its limit and shown you this isn't going to work out because that's only going to be

00:04:31.520 best for you, which ultimately is going to be best for your child. Having discernment is huge when

00:04:37.120 you're dating as a single mom. You need to pray before you even meet a person. I wouldn't go seeking 0.98

00:04:43.040 it. Every time I have dated somebody as a single mother, I'm never seeking it. I pour into myself

00:04:51.680 over and over and over and over again. And then I meet somebody along the way. I think being open to

00:04:56.560 dating is really important. I value love so much in my life. I think love is honestly the key to

00:05:02.160 happiness in life. And I think we all deserve it. So just because you are a single parent,

00:05:06.640 I wouldn't shut dating out completely unless you just know you have a ton of work to do on yourself.

00:05:11.520 But also I believe that we're going to be working on ourselves forever and dating is an opportunity.

00:05:16.160 I think that when the kids are really young, the women should just like tap out of dating. 1.00

00:05:22.480 Maybe go get some sex at the guy's house when you need it. But in terms of full-fledged dating, 0.89

00:05:30.400 I would just tap out. I would just tap out. I think that's not for you.

00:05:34.720 ...opportunity to grow with somebody. In that, when you're preparing to date as a single parent,

00:05:39.840 you want to pray for wisdom. You want to pray to have discernment and you want to pray to be able to

00:05:44.320 trust that nothing should be forced if it's sent from God. You need to ask God to protect your heart

00:05:49.680 and to protect your child's heart because... It's a little bit ironic when

00:05:53.600 single mothers are talking about what's on God's heart. Now, I don't mean to be judgmental as

00:06:00.480 I am certainly not without sin, but it's just a little bit ironic. If you really cared about God's

00:06:09.280 plan, I think you'd get back with the dad. At the end of the day, this person can potentially

00:06:14.560 potentially be with you and also helping you raise your child too. Just because somebody's

00:06:21.040 interested in you or attracted to you doesn't mean that they're meant to be in your life,

00:06:24.960 doesn't mean that they're meant to be in your child's life. I think dating is 10 times more

00:06:28.800 serious when you're a parent. A lot of men, especially in my experience, are not prepared

00:06:34.800 for that, especially with my age. I'm 27 years old and I found it really hard to find a man who wants to

00:06:41.840 date a single mother. So with that, I've almost caught myself trying to go overboard with showing...

00:06:48.640 Yeah, because she's going to have a tough time because she's pretty enough. Men will sleep with 1.00

00:06:52.640 her and show her a good amount of attention. I'd say she's above average. In certain communities, 1.00

00:06:59.360 she'd probably be a six or a seven. Overall, a six, five, six. But she's young, so... 1.00

00:07:11.840 I'm taking her seriously, like raising another guy's kids. If I was a single mom, I would just expect 0.54

00:07:18.960 while the kid's under five that guys really aren't going to take you seriously. Once the kid's in

00:07:24.720 school, I've heard it gets a little easier. But I mean, when you're watching the kid full-time, yeah.

00:07:30.960 What I can bring to the table, when in all reality, if this man is sent to me from God,

00:07:37.760 and this man is the man that's supposed to be with me, I only need to be myself.

00:07:42.160 Yeah. The burden of performance in relationships, a lot of times you see women as it cope, 1.00

00:07:47.120 put it on God or on other people. But there's a burden of performance. A lot of people want to escape

00:07:53.680 it, but it's there. I don't need to go above and beyond to show you that you should overlook the fact

00:08:00.000 that, hey, you might be a stepdad if this works out. I shouldn't have to go above and beyond to

00:08:04.240 prove to you that I'm worthy of love because I'm worthy of love exactly how I am, whether I have

00:08:07.920 a child or not. So if a man ever makes you feel like you have to go above and beyond to convince

00:08:13.360 him to commit to you, you need to let it go. Again, not everybody... I sort of agree with that.

00:08:20.240 If it's a deal breaker for him, just take it for what it is. You are sex only.

00:08:24.320 You are meant to be in your life and that's okay. I think that's also been one of the hardest parts

00:08:28.560 of dating is accepting when somebody's not for you because I'm a type of person who loves very

00:08:34.560 deeply, especially because I want a family and I want to have more kids. I want to get married. I

00:08:38.960 want to be a wife. I look at every situation very seriously from the beginning. I look at how you

00:08:43.680 operate. I look at how you communicate. I look at your day to day and I see like, could this work?

00:08:48.320 And if I can see it working, then I'm pouring my all into you. I never hold myself back. So you have

00:08:54.240 to have that heavy discernment on what's going to be right for you and what isn't. Let's talk about

00:08:58.880 some red flags to avoid as well when you're dating because you do need to be extremely picky. Number 0.99

00:09:04.160 one, people who don't respect your time or value your time. That's an immediate no because our time is

00:09:10.800 already so limited. If anything, if we do have the time to even see you, our time is limited unless we're

00:09:17.120 like spending time all together. If you get to a stage where you can all spend time together with

00:09:21.120 your child. But if I have baby free time and you flake on me or you're just not respecting my time

00:09:26.160 as a whole, this could be in conversation. It's going to look different for everybody.

00:09:29.680 And that's, if you're a single mother, I would expect that. A lot of men, you're going to be second 1.00

00:09:36.080 choice. And there's two types of single mothers I've noticed in the dating market. The single mothers 1.00

00:09:43.280 that come with the sense of humility, they'll still win. They'll find a guy, but it's the ones

00:09:47.680 that get this big ego and still think they have the same market value as before the kids. They're

00:09:52.080 the ones that crash out. But that's an immediate no. Also to love bombing, please avoid, please avoid.

00:09:59.840 I feel like slow rolling is the best thing that you can do to get into a relationship as a single

00:10:04.160 parent. Not too slow, obviously, because we want to be very intentional with our time. But if somebody is

00:10:10.240 just y'all know love bombing, don't, don't accept it. Don't fall for it. You have to be so mentally

00:10:15.920 strong. Don't fall for any type of manipulation. And you need to love yourself first more than

00:10:22.000 anything so that you don't fall for any of this stuff. Inconsistency too. Don't do the inconsistency.

00:10:28.480 No inconsistency with communication, no inconsistency with them in their personal life. If you sense any

00:10:34.160 ounce of inconsistency, you need, you need to cut it off. Or people who try to downplay your

00:10:38.640 responsibilities. You need to have such a high level of respect for yourself and really set

00:10:43.440 boundaries with what you will allow and with your time, commitment and relationships and what you

00:10:49.120 give to that person, what you can give to that person outside of your responsibilities as a parent.

00:10:54.240 If they can't respect that, then they got to go. I'm so serious. I need you to pour so heavily into

00:10:59.920 yourself that none of this is even a second thought that you will be able to spot it from a mile away.

00:11:04.720 And this is a prayer. You got to talk to God about this. Talk to God about this, that you

00:11:08.000 won't be able to spot any of this from a mile away. And you could cut it off before you even

00:11:11.920 get to a point where you're going to be sad and heartbroken about it because heartbreak is

00:11:16.720 inevitable when you're dating. It's, it just is because when you see somebody and you're getting

00:11:20.960 to know somebody, you're either going to continue getting to know them and get married, or it's going

00:11:25.600 to be broken off. It's one of the two. Most people will be single parents at some point.

00:11:31.280 This is a sad reality. A lot of people kind of come at me when I say this and they say,

00:11:36.240 well, you shouldn't prepare for the worst. You know, people start businesses and you know,

00:11:41.120 I'm successful in all these other areas, but I think the older you get, you get a little more

00:11:46.480 humble, right? Everyone thinks they're going to do it right when they're young. And when you get older,

00:11:51.280 you kind of see where sometimes it just, you know, people take an L in love. There's good people

00:11:56.400 that just, they're not good at love. Um, so yeah, let me continue. Oh no, the kid's black. 1.00

00:12:05.680 That's so stereotypical. Oh, the Groypers would have a field day with this. 0.69

00:12:10.800 Back in 2023, I was put on a government watch list for speaking out about men's issues.

00:12:16.560 The government spent who knows how much money trying to shut me up. And honestly, to some

00:12:21.280 extent it worked. I was demonetized on YouTube. I had three Instagram accounts deleted, seven

00:12:26.480 TikToks accounts wiped out, and I was forced to delete three years worth of work, videos,

00:12:31.840 interviews, everything. The more honest I was, the harder I was punished. And eventually I had to

00:12:36.800 shut down my show, move back home and completely start over. But I'm not giving up. This time we're

00:12:42.000 doing things differently. I've created my own app, a space where free speech actually means free speech.

00:12:47.520 On this app, you'll not only get access to all my old content, but you'll also help shape our

00:12:51.840 future documentaries and show topics. For just 10 bucks a month, you're not only supporting me,

00:12:56.720 you're supporting a movement, a network that refuses to be silenced. The link is in the description.

00:13:02.080 Join us and be a part of something that fights back against censorship. Now, let's talk bigger

00:13:08.160 picture. Why don't we have true free speech in America anymore? Welcome to the female economy, 1.00

00:13:13.920 where women make 80% of consumer buying decisions. Have you ever wondered why women always seem to get 1.00

00:13:19.600 their way? Well, here's the truth. Men tend to care about the free flow of ideas. Men can separate

00:13:26.720 an idea from the person who said it. But women, on the other hand, have learned that they can control 1.00

00:13:31.760 what gets said by controlling what gets funded. Platforms like YouTube have one goal. They want

00:13:36.800 to make money. And if that means catering to the majority female audience, they will. 1.00

00:13:41.360 That's why being a conservative creator today feels impossible. This isn't just about me. It's about

00:13:46.480 the future of online speech. With the Audacity Network, me and my community will never have to

00:13:51.440 worry about being silenced again. Ever find yourself in a situationship as a single parent,

00:13:56.320 because that's going to take away from your role as a parent. Don't do it. Protect your energy and

00:14:01.760 set boundaries very early on. But I would still recommend being super open to love because love

00:14:07.840 is a beautiful thing and we can find it as single parents. Don't listen to anybody that says that you're

00:14:13.280 not going to find love as a single parent. If you're attractive, yeah. Now, you have to be realistic,

00:14:19.200 I would say. But yeah, single parents remarry all the time. Totally. I know that may seem contrary

00:14:28.720 to what I've said in the past. But what I would say is that

00:14:34.960 if single mothers come with a sense of humility and understand that they are not charging full price,

00:14:42.960 they can't find love. But the problem is the humility and the price.

00:14:46.960 Because you will. Okay. Sorry. I got a little,

00:14:50.000 I was neck deep in the camera for that one. I felt it in my soul. All right. Let's talk about

00:14:55.600 letting go of mom guilt because I know this is something that we feel a lot of because we balance

00:15:01.440 so much. Mom guilt is just inevitable and it's so natural and so normal. You've got to understand

00:15:06.960 that it is natural, but it's not productive. So we have to stop ourselves in our tracks. Again,

00:15:11.840 this is why being a single parent takes so much mental strength, which I wasn't prepared for. Like,

00:15:18.880 you know that it's not going to be an easy situation going into it, but my gosh, the mental strength.

00:15:24.640 I, yeah. And feeling guilty isn't going to make you a better mom. Being present makes you a better

00:15:33.440 mom. You're one person. You can't pour from an empty can, but you can be there for your child.

00:15:38.320 Even if it's in any capacity, just your presence is everything to your child. And we feel like we

00:15:45.680 don't do enough. We feel like, Oh, I didn't spend enough time with them today. I was so busy with

00:15:49.760 work. I'm frustrated with this. I'm going through something in my personal life. So you feel like

00:15:53.760 you're not showing up for your child, but I promise being there providing for them, you are doing the

00:15:58.480 best that you can. So instead of thinking I should be doing more or I didn't do enough,

00:16:03.040 tell yourself I did my best today. And every day is going to be different. We're women. We have hormone

00:16:08.000 changes, especially if you start dating. You're, I mean, you're allowed to be a person. Okay. And I think

00:16:13.760 that that was something really hard for me to come to terms with you are, that means you're allowed

00:16:18.640 to be selfish. Um, I would just say, get 50, 50 custody with the dad, and then you can have your 0.63

00:16:27.200 free time. A lot of times the mothers don't want to work and that's kind of the challenge you get into. 1.00

00:16:32.080 But if you have 50, 50 custody, he has the kid half the week. You should be able to live a pretty

00:16:36.800 full life, have your hobbies, have your stuff you want to do. Um, I understand that being a mother

00:16:41.680 is a full-time job and maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but just thinking about it pragmatically, 0.98

00:16:46.960 if, um, you're every other week, he's gone three or four days a week. It seems like you should be 0.97

00:16:53.360 able to date if you want to, but I would not expect much while the kids under, do you know what,

00:16:59.680 if you have 50, 50 custody, I actually think you could find love. It's the mothers that have the kid

00:17:05.200 full-time. They're going to have a way harder time, unless the parents are raising the kid for it. 0.99

00:17:09.360 You see for them. You see that sometimes allowed to be a person. You are going to go through things

00:17:14.640 that other humans go through. You're going to go through days where you're sad. You're going to have

00:17:18.160 days where you're happy and productive. You're going to have days where you feel like you can't

00:17:22.000 get out of the bed. You're going to have days where y'all are doing all the activities together.

00:17:27.440 You're balancing a lot and it's okay to not be everything every single day. You are doing your best and

00:17:35.200 telling yourself that is huge because also to taking care of yourself makes you a better parent.

00:17:41.920 So if you know that you need a day to take care of yourself, do what you need to do.

00:17:47.440 Our responsibilities don't go away. No, we still have to feed our kids. We still have to provide

00:17:52.560 for them. We still have to make sure that they're well taken care of. But if you just need to put your

00:17:56.640 headphones on for five minutes for some silence and go put some press on nails on or go leave the

00:18:04.320 child with a babysitter that's trusted or a family member and go get your feet done or go on a walk.

00:18:15.200 And pour into yourself. It is okay to do that. And it's okay to not feel guilt for doing that,

00:18:22.080 for needing a break. I think balance as a parent is a myth because you just do what you got to do

00:18:27.280 every single day. Some days are going to be about work. Some days are going to be about having fun

00:18:31.520 with your kids. Some days are going to be about you and that's okay. You need to give yourself

00:18:35.680 permission to not have it all figured out. Women's, um, men's self-improvement is always do more 0.99

00:18:42.000 where women's self-improvement is do less pamper yourself every single time. 1.00

00:18:47.920 I'm going to be fine. I can't be everything today, but I'm doing my best. That's something

00:18:52.640 I wasn't prepared for is the overstimulation. Oh my gosh. It ties into the mental strength that you

00:19:01.200 have to have, but I've never in my life been able to regulate my emotions the way that you're actually

00:19:08.560 quite literally forced as a single parent. Um, I'm trying to break a lot of generational curses

00:19:15.360 in my family, especially when it comes to emotional regulation, communication, keeping

00:19:19.840 a level head. And it is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. When your baby is screaming,

00:19:26.480 when your toddler is screaming and you just, it's does something to your brain. I think I read about

00:19:32.560 that, that it like actually scientifically does something to your brain. It makes you insane. 0.95

00:19:36.640 The overstimulation when you don't even want somebody to touch you like your partner,

00:19:40.320 nobody. You don't want anybody to touch you. You don't want your child to touch you. You want dead

00:19:45.520 silence, but you have a child screaming and you need to take care of them and you need to take care

00:19:50.320 of yourself. It's just the feeling of too much of everything. And I didn't know that that was a

00:19:55.440 thing necessarily and that it's really unavoidable, but you could do things to ease, ease that feeling of

00:20:03.760 too much. It's also to like the mental load of having to be on all the time, 24 seven and some

00:20:10.480 things that I've learned to do. I do think that's a tough part about having kids is that, you know,

00:20:17.920 when you're a single person, you can just check out, you know, you could, you could lay in your bed,

00:20:22.480 no one's bothering you, but when you're married or when you're, um, when you have a kid,

00:20:27.760 you get the nagging from the husband or the wife, like the other, you have to think about someone

00:20:35.680 else's needs. Right. And as women, I mean, come on, that comes terribly to us. Men can like observe,

00:20:42.560 anticipate other people's needs us on the other hand. And age those feelings of overstimulation,

00:20:47.360 because again, these are inevitable because your child is going to be a child. They're just being

00:20:51.680 kids. So it's not directed towards them. It's literally like how your brain responds to it.

00:20:58.160 And it's like, you're just put in this mode of life. Okay. I can't listen to 25 minutes of this.

00:21:03.280 All right. Well, I wish her luck in the dating market. If she wants to come on the show,

00:21:07.520 you have a free invite to come on. Um, I'd love to hear about your dating as a single parent. Um,

00:21:14.720 and let me know what you guys think in the comments, please like the video and subscribe to the

00:21:19.280 channel, ring the notification bell and I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.

Pearl - October 05, 2025

Single Mother Lays Out Her Struggles in the Dating Market

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