Pearl - July 29, 2025


Situationships Last Longer Than Modern Marriage


Episode Stats

Length

24 minutes

Words per Minute

169.90536

Word Count

4,159

Sentence Count

339

Misogynist Sentences

38

Hate Speech Sentences

24


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Why did he reply and say, who's to say that person can't be me?
00:00:04.140 Now she just got another six months. He got another six months of subscription.
00:00:09.560 That wasn't in the script.
00:00:11.520 Okay, so today we're talking about situationships.
00:00:15.320 Now, this has been a relatively new term.
00:00:18.660 I don't think situationships, they're kind of a product of the modern dating market.
00:00:24.400 And it was tough when I was younger and I went to school.
00:00:27.220 I didn't know how to describe to my parents the relationships everybody was in.
00:00:33.560 Because while there was maybe one or two or three boyfriend-girlfriends on the teams,
00:00:38.040 most of my lifetime I've probably known more people in situationships than I know married or in relationships.
00:00:44.880 Now, so welcome to another episode of Pearl Daily.
00:00:47.940 Not very long ago, it was required for a man to commit to a woman to be able to have sex.
00:00:52.980 It was required, at least for most men, for what they knew of, for a man to marry a woman before the woman would bear his children.
00:01:01.420 But those times are long gone.
00:01:03.520 From the sexual revolution came a culture where women are empowered to be promiscuous and have casual sex.
00:01:09.540 This dynamic is praised in modern culture.
00:01:12.960 Where there was once long-term relationships, now there's nothing but a bunch of situationships.
00:01:16.980 Now, what is a situationship?
00:01:20.520 A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear labels, commitment, or long-term expectations.
00:01:28.300 It's more than just like a one-time casual hookup, but less than a traditional relationship.
00:01:35.040 More and more women are getting stuck in situations for months and even years
00:01:39.980 as more and more average and men women are trying to get commitment from men that are out of their league.
00:01:46.580 If you ask these women whose fault is it that the situationship is persisting,
00:01:51.460 they will always blame the men instead of taking accountability
00:01:53.740 for the type of man they choose to spend their time with.
00:01:57.000 Now, I'd like to give a little bit of a caveat.
00:02:00.700 So, there's a few different types of situationships that I see.
00:02:04.720 There's a few.
00:02:05.260 So, there's situationship number one, which is a woman sleeping with a guy that's out of her league.
00:02:15.520 This can go on for months and even years.
00:02:19.040 Now, this type of situationship is on and off.
00:02:21.920 Oftentimes, the woman will go back to this guy throughout her entire life.
00:02:26.280 So, in between marriages, she'll go back.
00:02:28.820 In between boyfriends, she'll go back.
00:02:31.040 This is the ultimate guy that the woman wanted.
00:02:33.760 This is the jack, you know, of modern women.
00:02:39.280 Now, there is a different type of situationship that I also see.
00:02:43.580 And this is a guy that a woman sleeps with but is embarrassed of.
00:02:49.740 So, oftentimes, you hear from these guys, and you may laugh, but this is a problem for certain men,
00:02:55.820 that the women always want sex and never commitment.
00:02:59.440 Now, men that have never been in that position can't even fathom this.
00:03:02.860 But these are the men that are chosen to be side dude material, where the women could not see themselves getting along with the man.
00:03:10.460 Maybe they're embarrassed to be with that man in public, but they just cannot, for whatever reason, see it long term,
00:03:16.200 but they like the sex or maybe even the comfort of the situationship.
00:03:20.940 You also see the fat chicks that men bang, and, you know, they don't really know their place.
00:03:31.240 But those are really the different types of situationships I see.
00:03:35.440 And I was thinking about the experience of men and women,
00:03:38.220 and I noticed that you can compare a situationship with an older woman to a young man in the friend zone with an attractive woman.
00:03:46.220 And I would argue it's up to the man to end a relationship with a woman that he's putting effort into but not getting the sex from.
00:03:52.780 Just like it's a woman's responsibility to end things with a man that she's not getting commitment from.
00:03:58.100 Women say all the time that they know right when they meet a man if they would sleep with them or not.
00:04:02.500 I think it's the same for men.
00:04:04.500 It won't take long for a man to realize if he wanted, he would be in a relationship with a woman, sort of.
00:04:12.540 Okay, so I did a poll, and I was kind of curious about this.
00:04:16.560 So I polled men.
00:04:19.640 What is the longest, or sorry, I polled people.
00:04:22.460 What is the longest situationship you've been in?
00:04:25.620 So 30% of situationships, this is over 2,000 people, so this is a decent sample size,
00:04:31.360 under a year, 1 to 3 years, 20%, 10%, say 3 to 5 years, and the majority of situationships are over 5 years long.
00:04:44.900 And when I got this poll, I realized that's longer than most marriages.
00:04:50.000 Many situationships last longer than most marriages.
00:04:53.960 Now, I also did a poll today asking men if they've ever promoted, let me find it,
00:05:07.400 fellas, have you, because me and Doug MPA were talking before the show,
00:05:11.980 and I don't agree that, I don't agree at all that situationships the women always lose.
00:05:18.960 And his initial thought was that if a man doesn't know in a year if he's going to marry you, he's never going to.
00:05:28.120 And I think it's a generational difference, but that's not what I've seen at all, or make you his girlfriend.
00:05:36.640 And I'm being honest here, that is not at all what I've seen.
00:05:40.620 And I've seen about 50-50.
00:05:44.440 Half of situationships get left in the dust, and half actually get what they want, even after 1 to 3 years.
00:05:53.340 There's winners and there's losers in this life.
00:05:55.600 Now, there was a girl in school, and she was dating, I knew in school, and she was dating, let's just call him Chad.
00:06:01.840 And to be honest, the whole time I would watch her, and I would think that she was stupid, right?
00:06:08.860 And I would think that she was dumb, an idiot.
00:06:12.020 Chad will never take you seriously.
00:06:15.560 You know, I recently checked in her profile, and she's pregnant with his kid now, so I was wrong.
00:06:20.860 That girl was in a four-year situationship.
00:06:24.640 Four years in one.
00:06:26.780 But for every winner, there's a loser, right?
00:06:29.240 And I knew another girl that was in an on-and-off situationship with, let's call him Tyrone.
00:06:36.840 And it was on and off for years, and no, he never took her seriously.
00:06:42.340 I would say probably she wasn't good-looking enough.
00:06:46.580 Neither were, right?
00:06:48.080 Both, the one guy did bald early, so maybe that helped.
00:06:52.400 I don't know.
00:06:52.860 Now, the women that win and the women that lose, I'd like to say there's no guaranteed outcomes, there's just strategies.
00:07:04.540 But the women that I saw win, the strategy they would enact is they wouldn't bring up commitment.
00:07:10.560 And they would just work to give the man the most positive experience possible.
00:07:14.600 Now, the women that would nag the man constantly about what are we and da-da-da-da-da, I didn't really see them winning.
00:07:22.080 So I was curious.
00:07:23.320 I wanted to poll the people, and this is a smaller poll.
00:07:27.040 I wanted to poll and see what the people had seen.
00:07:30.100 Because in my experience, from what I've seen, it's about 50-50.
00:07:35.060 Maybe 60-40, with 60% of situationships stay that way, 40%.
00:07:41.680 And I promoted a situationship to my girlfriend or wife.
00:07:47.820 This is asking men.
00:07:49.660 32% said they have done that.
00:07:51.900 30% just wanted to see results.
00:07:53.980 37% said they'd never done that.
00:07:56.620 And that's about what I've seen.
00:07:58.600 I've also seen men on the losing side of a situationship, where the girl's just a little hotter than him or has more choice.
00:08:06.080 And he wants to be in a relationship, you know, and she doesn't.
00:08:11.660 But my question is, for the men, I really want to hear about your situationships.
00:08:18.100 You know, what is the longest situationship you've been in?
00:08:21.760 Why was it a situationship?
00:08:23.980 And what made you stay in it for so long?
00:08:26.760 And did you ever promote her?
00:08:29.240 Or maybe you were on the end of wanting to be promoted.
00:08:31.720 Did you get promoted?
00:08:34.260 So we're going to watch some TikToks on situationships.
00:08:38.180 And then you guys can call in.
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00:09:51.760 You know how they say it's always harder to get over someone that you never actually dated?
00:09:58.280 Well, I would like to add something to that.
00:10:00.440 Not only is it harder to get over someone that you never dated, it is the hardest to get over...
00:10:04.760 Someone said, I know a guy who's been in one for 35 years.
00:10:07.580 Seems like a great story.
00:10:08.880 Call in.
00:10:09.580 For someone that you never dated that you also met in a very serendipitous way.
00:10:14.120 And I know for a fact that is why it was so hard for me to get over a couple of the men
00:10:19.120 that I was involved with in my 20s.
00:10:21.280 And mind you, these are men that I never was in a committed relationship,
00:10:24.720 but because of the way that I met them in these crazy, unexpected, out of the blue, fairy tale ways.
00:10:32.400 Yeah.
00:10:32.640 So, when they say, I met him in a fairy tale way, it just means he has a script.
00:10:36.560 He's very good at running.
00:10:37.520 So, he's got, like, a routine that he's good at, like, putting women in.
00:10:42.380 It made it near...
00:10:44.520 Women are the ones in situationships.
00:10:48.920 Most of the time, they're older women that are desperate for a relationship and get one.
00:10:53.160 At Doug MPA, I've seen it both.
00:10:55.140 Honestly, these days, I'm being honest.
00:10:58.640 I see a good amount of men in situationships with young women where they want...
00:11:03.520 It's like they want the situationship to be taken seriously, but the women are young.
00:11:09.680 They're like, no, just sex.
00:11:12.140 I've seen it both ways.
00:11:14.400 The older women...
00:11:16.140 The older women, younger man...
00:11:20.700 I mean, that's another one that you see.
00:11:25.560 Nearly impossible for me to think that it wasn't destiny for me to be with them.
00:11:29.080 So, yeah, granted, they were showing me, they were definitely showing me in the moment who
00:11:35.020 they were as people, even if their actions were not aligning with their words at all,
00:11:39.020 even if they were hot and cold and treating me terribly.
00:11:42.720 Women close to hitting the wall will accept situations.
00:11:45.680 If I'm being honest, guys, I saw it the most in school.
00:11:49.720 That was like, when I was in college, more women were in situationships than relationships.
00:11:55.120 And some of them, it was on their terms.
00:12:00.460 Some of them, it wasn't.
00:12:01.600 But if I'm just being real here, that's what I saw it the most.
00:12:07.980 And I'm not trying to like white knight for women, right?
00:12:11.620 I'm just like, I have to go with what I'm seeing with my eyes.
00:12:15.760 So, yeah.
00:12:17.700 I simply just did not care because I was like, well, I met them in this way and this is how
00:12:22.600 I've always wanted to meet someone, so therefore it's just going to have to work out somehow.
00:12:26.600 And then I would get stuck in like very on and off situationships with people that sometimes
00:12:31.980 lasted up to two years.
00:12:33.580 So on top of already being someone who tends to project her daydreamed fantasies onto people
00:12:40.060 in the real world, even if they are showing the complete opposite, add to that the fact
00:12:44.660 that since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to meet someone in that like Disney princess
00:12:49.000 way, of course, it was hard for me to let go of these men.
00:12:52.980 Like, why wouldn't it have been hard?
00:12:54.600 Like one of the guys that I'm referring to, he actually chased me down as I was pulling
00:12:59.280 out of my parking lot to go to my friend's house.
00:13:01.380 Like he waved me down and made me stop my car and then ask for my number.
00:13:06.580 And then the other person I met while I was on vacation just hit it off right away.
00:13:11.260 We got along so well that we ended up spending like every single night together for the rest
00:13:16.000 of the time that I was there and then we just happened to either run into each other or see
00:13:20.000 each other for the next two years after that completely unplanned.
00:13:24.080 And mind you, this person and I both live in different countries.
00:13:27.360 Like there's no way that that's a coincidence.
00:13:30.680 So it was situations like that where I would either keep running into the person or the way
00:13:35.340 that I met them genuinely made me believe that this was going to be how it played out with
00:13:40.380 this person.
00:13:40.780 Like it was meant to be.
00:13:41.760 And I think unless you've been through this yourself or unless you are a very imaginative
00:13:46.860 person and you have a very clear idea of like how you want things to play out, which I know
00:13:52.660 you can't even control that.
00:13:53.900 You really won't understand how difficult it is to let go of people that you do meet in
00:13:57.660 these unexpected and serendipitous ways.
00:14:00.560 Like, I don't know, in my mind, it's just a lot easier for me to get over someone that
00:14:04.820 I meet on a dating app versus someone that I meet like in the wild, completely unplanned and
00:14:10.240 unexpected trust me when I say that I've been through this situation enough times now to
00:14:14.460 know that the way that you meet someone really does not play into the kind of person that
00:14:20.160 they are definitely had to learn that one the hard way.
00:14:22.740 But I'm just saying if you are someone that has also found it way more difficult to let
00:14:28.040 go of people that you met in these crazy ways, you are not alone.
00:14:32.140 Because I stand by the theory that the people that you meet in these kinds of ways are 10
00:14:37.900 times harder to let go of people.
00:14:39.720 Okay.
00:14:40.220 Yeah.
00:14:40.600 And what you get is when you meet a guy in a crazy way, he's practiced that.
00:14:44.380 So he's got choice.
00:14:46.100 Oh, I've been in a situation for six fucking years now.
00:14:51.980 I cannot believe I just said that on camera, but I'm so fucking over it.
00:14:55.820 I'm so over it.
00:14:57.320 Basically, this boy and I started dating when we were in high school and like, honestly,
00:15:02.180 that she was so toxic.
00:15:03.540 Like we were both stubborn as fuck and we would just argue constantly.
00:15:07.820 So what happens is women will always go back to the most alpha guy of their past.
00:15:13.320 So sometimes women find that guy in high school.
00:15:17.220 Sometimes we find that guy in college.
00:15:19.200 Sometimes we find that guy in the workforce.
00:15:20.880 Um, but usually, especially women, I want you guys to know if there's a woman that gives
00:15:27.260 you a really low body count and she's not lying, there's some ex that has a subscription
00:15:32.560 still.
00:15:33.380 I'm just letting you know.
00:15:35.180 But anyways, he broke up with me.
00:15:36.680 I was so sad, but then we remained really close friends and eventually just basically...
00:15:42.020 Because you guys have to think about it.
00:15:43.300 Women are getting, you know, thrown at us 24 seven.
00:15:47.060 And I want you, when you start looking at sex as a need, women's behavior makes way more
00:15:53.940 sense and like it humanizes us in a way.
00:15:57.000 Women, you know, men, it would be like, you know, women, they're going to find a way to
00:16:07.320 take care of that need.
00:16:08.900 And obviously women, we're going to do it in the most manipulative ways possible.
00:16:12.860 And exes are a great way to do it.
00:16:15.040 We continued to date, but without label.
00:16:19.580 And then we both went to the same fucking college.
00:16:22.960 So we weren't...
00:16:23.600 She picked that college.
00:16:24.880 ...dating then either, but we continued this, whatever the fuck that was going on.
00:16:28.880 And that shit fucked with my head because it felt so much like a relationship that when
00:16:32.660 I got upset at things like, which if you're in a relationship, it was totally valid, but
00:16:36.980 because we weren't, it wasn't justified.
00:16:39.440 And so I kept feeling all these things that I wasn't technically allowed to feel because
00:16:43.780 we weren't dating.
00:16:44.740 Like I've always been really shy with like dating and all of that.
00:16:47.040 Like I don't really know how to flirt.
00:16:48.900 Fuck me.
00:16:49.480 I'm 23 and I don't, I can't flirt.
00:16:52.300 And the thing is, it was on off, on off.
00:16:54.060 But because for me, I was so scared to like meet other people because I was so comfortable
00:16:58.680 in this little like security blanket.
00:17:00.400 So a lot of times guys, when you're meeting a woman and she's acting weird, there's someone
00:17:05.760 in the background.
00:17:07.060 Like if you, if you start thinking, I can tell she likes me, but there's something holding
00:17:12.160 me back or whatever there.
00:17:14.460 I promise to God, either she doesn't like you at all, or there's someone in the background.
00:17:19.360 That is this boy.
00:17:20.960 And I regret not going on dates and like fucking around in college because now I'm 23.
00:17:24.860 I work at home now.
00:17:25.980 So it's not like I can meet people at work.
00:17:28.180 And like, I don't want to do dating ads either.
00:17:29.660 Cause it just feels so forced.
00:17:30.980 And I've heard too many bad stories from friends that like, I'm not doing that shit.
00:17:34.920 But anyway, last year of college, we finally dated, which apparently recently I talked to
00:17:39.940 him about it.
00:17:40.480 And according to him, we weren't even dating back then, but we were doing like the whole flowers,
00:17:45.700 Valentine's day, all that shit.
00:17:47.100 So like, I don't know what's wrong with him.
00:17:48.920 It has come to my attention.
00:17:50.320 Finally, I need to move the fuck on.
00:17:54.020 And yeah.
00:17:54.400 And that's, that's what you're competing with.
00:17:56.040 And remember, this is a six year situationship.
00:17:59.580 Situationships oftentimes last longer than marriages.
00:18:03.120 Think about that.
00:18:04.520 Think about that.
00:18:05.860 Stop wasting my time on this boy.
00:18:07.340 We broke up the last year of college because of long distance, but now we're in the same
00:18:11.060 city in the same fucking friend group.
00:18:12.580 And it's so much harder, but fuck this.
00:18:14.780 This year, I told myself to stop wasting my time and energy on the people who don't return
00:18:18.560 the same energy back.
00:18:19.600 I'm 23, still have not dated anyone else.
00:18:23.520 Like at this point, I feel like I'm just going to die alone.
00:18:26.940 All my friends are in relationships too.
00:18:29.000 And it's so cute.
00:18:30.140 I'm like, I want one.
00:18:31.700 Where do people get one?
00:18:33.120 At this point, I feel like I've lost all of my dating skills because I didn't have to
00:18:36.760 use that muscle for like six years.
00:18:39.580 For the first time in my life, I finally feel like I'm ready to move on and meet other people.
00:18:47.040 I'm just fucking terrified too.
00:18:49.360 I keep saying that I'm only sticking with this boy because of comfort and familiarity.
00:18:53.260 But like, he's not giving me any of that because he's stressing me out so fucking much.
00:18:57.760 I just need to rant today.
00:18:59.020 Oh my God.
00:19:00.100 She just went up two points.
00:19:02.540 Holy shit.
00:19:03.560 Did you guys see that?
00:19:05.360 Oh my God.
00:19:05.880 Makeup works.
00:19:06.920 We can't deny this.
00:19:08.080 That's okay.
00:19:09.000 Hot girl rant.
00:19:10.780 Wait, I've been loving brushing my hair like this recently.
00:19:16.900 And just look at that.
00:19:18.680 All right.
00:19:19.680 So yeah, she's got the situation ship.
00:19:22.780 Let's see who's next.
00:19:29.360 Oh, this is the same one.
00:19:32.420 Okay.
00:19:33.200 Let's see who's next.
00:19:34.060 I just texted my situation ship of eight months and said, hey, I love coloring you.
00:19:39.880 Love coloring you.
00:19:40.920 But I'm never going to meet my husband if I keep coloring you.
00:19:44.020 And I think I actually am finally ready for more commitment from someone.
00:19:48.320 All was great in my head.
00:19:49.720 Like in my head, he didn't even reply.
00:19:51.920 Great.
00:19:52.500 Life lived on.
00:19:53.960 Why did he reply and say, who's to say that person can't be me?
00:19:58.580 Now she just got another six months.
00:20:06.260 He got another six months of subscription.
00:20:09.400 That wasn't in the script.
00:20:11.720 So now my brain is frozen.
00:20:17.700 He's taking notes.
00:20:19.020 All right.
00:20:19.600 Let's see who's next.
00:20:20.580 And this is super common for girls in their early 20s.
00:20:24.320 Like it's that that's, you know, you guys are saying the older women are in the situation
00:20:28.960 ships and maybe they are.
00:20:31.100 But I'm telling you in school, it was like everybody, everybody.
00:20:36.640 Say what you will, but I'm in what they call a long term situation ship.
00:20:42.000 It's an Aquarius.
00:20:43.060 So you already know.
00:20:44.180 Anyway, I'm a Libra.
00:20:45.060 So it's like two air signs and I get on his fucking nerves for sure.
00:20:48.740 So let's play a game of questions.
00:20:52.340 How long have we been in a situation ship?
00:20:54.400 I don't know.
00:20:55.120 I don't really count time like anniversaries.
00:20:58.880 It's just like time passage.
00:21:01.640 This guy does not care.
00:21:03.280 Two and a half years.
00:21:05.340 Who braided my hair for SoulCycle this morning?
00:21:09.000 I do because I've known how to braid for a long time.
00:21:12.960 Okay, but who makes me dinner every night?
00:21:14.920 Not every night, but me because I feed the cats and you around the same time.
00:21:21.300 How long have I been staying in your apartment?
00:21:25.780 Long enough.
00:21:27.060 I mean, you have your own.
00:21:28.720 I don't understand why you can't move the fuck out.
00:21:31.460 So why are we not in a relationship?
00:21:37.640 Because I can't even commit to my clothes.
00:21:40.500 Why the fuck would I commit to like a thing like that?
00:21:45.240 A thing.
00:21:47.520 He braids my hair.
00:21:49.420 He makes me food.
00:21:51.280 I stay in his apartment.
00:21:54.020 Bitch.
00:21:55.500 Every night he makes me food.
00:21:57.460 Define the relationship.
00:21:58.640 I already did.
00:22:02.700 What does it mean to you?
00:22:04.360 I told you.
00:22:05.640 It's just something that like.
00:22:07.640 He like does not want to be on camera.
00:22:09.880 This is.
00:22:10.780 He's like, lady, you got a chest tattoo.
00:22:13.220 I can't do this.
00:22:15.680 It's there for the time.
00:22:17.180 It means when people just got too much shit going on that they don't have the time to put a label on something.
00:22:30.120 But, you know, that something is there all the fucking time.
00:22:35.220 Acting for food every night.
00:22:37.220 So like.
00:22:39.860 Anyway, two and a half years.
00:22:42.080 No commitment.
00:22:43.840 But he will braid my hair.
00:22:45.620 He will cook for me.
00:22:47.540 I can stay in his zoo of a.
00:22:49.440 She has too many tattoos and her hair is too short.
00:22:51.560 Fucking house.
00:22:53.400 Because you make this shit a zoo.
00:22:55.440 Fuck.
00:22:55.860 My house is so much cleaner when you're not around.
00:22:58.640 Anyway.
00:22:59.320 There's cereal on the floor.
00:23:00.640 Why is there cereal?
00:23:01.460 I don't even eat cereal.
00:23:03.480 That's it.
00:23:05.020 Yeah.
00:23:06.900 Gonzo knows.
00:23:08.000 Ah, yeah.
00:23:08.580 See the guy in the background.
00:23:10.400 He's thinner and he kind of looked better looking at a glance.
00:23:15.060 Oh, I think.
00:23:15.940 Oh, this is.
00:23:16.320 Okay, so I'm in a new situation ship.
00:23:19.760 But I need you guys to tell me what base am I on.
00:23:22.820 Okay, like how serious is this?
00:23:24.620 Yeah, we're not official.
00:23:25.760 We're not exclusive.
00:23:26.620 We're not dating.
00:23:27.480 But we are watching Love Island USA together.
00:23:30.340 Even though we are currently on opposite sides of the country.
00:23:33.220 I'm in Chicago right now because I'm home and they're in LA.
00:23:36.120 And so what we've been doing is every night we've been like syncing up in how we watch Love Island.
00:23:40.740 Like we'll press play at the exact same time.
00:23:43.020 And then we'll binge like three or four episodes together.
00:23:45.620 Our entire text threads have just become like syncing up, pressing play, syncing up time codes.
00:23:50.740 Because also I have ads and they don't.
00:23:52.640 So that's become fickle.
00:23:54.160 Like we have like 10,000 text messages back and forth over the last few days where we've been
00:23:58.440 binging this show and just live texting it as it's happening.
00:24:01.560 This is commitment.
00:24:02.440 So yeah, guys, let me know.
00:24:03.640 Do you think it's serious enough for me to propose or like?
00:24:07.720 There's another one.
00:24:09.020 There's another one.
00:24:14.520 We'll be right back.