Pearl - Society is Forcing You to Be a Small Fish in a Big Pond

00:00:00.000 up guys welcome to my coffee talks um today i don't have coffee but i have a smoothie

00:00:05.280 this was supposed to be homemade gatorade um but when i made it it didn't really turn out that way

00:00:12.160 so you know if anyone's made homemade gatorade before put your tips in the comments

00:00:17.360 this is mango and raspberry um blended in coconut water and then i put a little bit of orange juice

00:00:24.000 i don't know so it was some lady on instagram but she had pomegranate juice but i didn't have 0.99

00:00:28.320 that so it's like i guess orange juice will do whatever whatever so i'm kind of spitballing

00:00:34.800 with this so if you guys have any comments you want to put i do read them i do i can't respond

00:00:41.360 to them all but i read them okay so i i was thinking about how i'm from not a small town

00:00:49.600 but like maybe a medium town i don't know i went to a small high school i'll say that

00:00:54.000 my high school i think my graduating class was between 150 and 200 people

00:00:59.440 which comparatively to the schools around me um that was pretty small it was catholic school

00:01:06.320 and because i went to a small high school i was able to in a way be a big fish in a small pond i

00:01:12.240 would say this was the same thing in high school and the same thing in college so when i was in

00:01:16.720 in high school, I was the star volleyball player. I got to go to state because not the

00:01:25.500 star, but I was like all conference twice, right? I got to go to state as a sophomore

00:01:30.060 and get second place in state, super sectionals my senior year. And because I went to a small

00:01:36.280 school, it almost felt like I got to be more integrated and like community. Not that I

00:01:44.580 grew up with like a ton of community because, um, I wasn't ever into like the high school football

00:01:49.580 games or like going down in care, but, um, and we, and everyone lived kind of far from each other.

00:01:56.000 So it wasn't, I don't know. It was like, I didn't play with people in my neighborhood or whatever,

00:02:00.480 but I was able to like, get, I don't know, attention, maybe more attention at a younger

00:02:07.080 age. Um, I don't know, whatever, go to college. Same thing. I go to a small division three college.

00:02:12.440 and I think it had like 5,000 people and at this school again I got to play volleyball I even got

00:02:21.300 to be on the basketball team one year I got to our senior year we did it was like senior week

00:02:30.320 and we did all this like drinking stuff and during that week like me and all my friends did this like

00:02:38.000 scavenger hunt and I literally got to write the scavenger hunt for this event like there was

00:02:44.560 I some of the stuff they did every year like streaking on the lawn I didn't I did not partake

00:02:49.620 in that that one of my guy friends at the time did but not me um there is um there's a few guys

00:02:57.660 on the lacrosse oh my god it was but you know it was it would be like we do a beer mile right so

00:03:04.520 you would chug a beer, run a quarter mile. And then the next person would, I don't know if that

00:03:09.020 makes sense, but we got all these cool memories because, um, you almost got to be more integrated

00:03:18.680 because, um, you're in a smaller town. Um, and my mom, she's from an even smaller town than me. 0.90

00:03:26.400 She's from like rural, uh, middle of nowhere with Scott, like her graduating class was like 50.

00:03:32.300 but and I'd imagine you know when you're a big fish maybe in a small pond you get to be more

00:03:40.180 integrated you get to be like my dad he went to a small high school and then he went to a big high

00:03:45.300 school and he said it was the worst move ever because at the small high school he was like

00:03:49.080 class president he got to be like the top dog okay so you get all the guys let's say

00:03:54.660 and my dad you know didn't really slow him down on life but okay so these are the guys right and

00:04:04.920 this could be girls too but when it's like a smaller pond people get to feel like let's say

00:04:10.880 this is the people in the spotlight it's easier to like get into the spotlight but there's a trend

00:04:18.680 right? And the trend is that people are leaving the small, um, towns for bigger cities. Like

00:04:25.220 my mother, um, she was from a tiny town. My dad was also from a tiny town. Um, my dad and my mom

00:04:30.740 both went to Chicago, um, an hour from the city. I don't know if I should be saying all this,

00:04:35.440 but I don't know if I should give this many details. I should have changed states or something,

00:04:39.300 but because, because this is not going to be my best coffee talk, but

00:04:47.840 because they moved, um, when we were born, we were still like big fishes in smaller ponds

00:04:58.720 because we went to Catholic school. But had I gone to the public school near me, um, I probably

00:05:04.080 wouldn't have made the basketball team. You know, um, we probably would have been knocked out first

00:05:08.320 round. I wouldn't have had those cool like memories, you know, it probably would have been,

00:05:13.260 i mean i wasn't popular anyway i know it's a shocker but um it probably would have been more

00:05:18.880 impossible like to be invited to things and like to be a part of the community and as cities become

00:05:26.580 bigger and bigger i think that's gonna um make people and it is making people lonelier and

00:05:33.220 lonelier because how can you feel special when you're competing with the entire like here city

00:05:41.100 of Dallas or, um, city of Chicago in order to be like, great, you know, and important and special.

00:05:47.820 Um, so I just did stand up the other day. I have a really bad, like fear of, um, stage fright and I,

00:05:55.980 it's something I do, but I hate doing it. It's weird that I can, like, I actually think people

00:06:01.040 are psychopathic that can just be comfortable on stage. I don't get it. Um, I know it's weird

00:06:06.260 because I do, I do the camera thing, but like I'm in a room by myself. I don't like shouting to the

00:06:14.560 point everyone's looking at. I don't like it. I don't like it. But I specifically sought out a

00:06:20.160 room that was pretty empty. So if I bombed, then like nobody would remember, know, or care, you

00:06:28.980 know um and I was thinking about how nowadays like you almost have no privacy because even me

00:06:37.500 doing that with like 10 people you know you see people's phones and cameras um and you just don't

00:06:43.400 know who's recording what if I make the wrong joke and I go viral for the wrong reason you know

00:06:47.300 it could be career ending um and it just seems like the trend now is that everyone's moving to

00:06:54.660 cities and it's more difficult to feel like important in the city. So it's like, sorry.

00:07:02.120 So it's more difficult for the women to date. Like every, you know, every girl wants the popular guy, 1.00

00:07:08.380 but there's less popular guys to date because you've moved to the city and now all the men

00:07:13.320 are competing with the men in the city, you know? And, um, and it's harder for people to develop

00:07:20.980 the skills of like, you know, being athletic or being, um, like it's harder for people to get the

00:07:32.200 opportunity to like shine because they can't compete in a big city. You know, like, um, I

00:07:38.260 improved a lot being at a division three school. I could have went division one. Um, but the way I

00:07:42.720 saw it is I wanted more game time and like game experience. And had I, um, gone to a division one

00:07:50.200 school, I didn't want to ride the bench for two years. I wanted to play. And so the experience

00:07:54.360 was overall like better for me, but it seems like more and more people aren't going to get the

00:08:00.220 opportunity to like fully actualize in a way, not that like who cares about women's sports, right?

00:08:04.980 But maybe even the boys, you know, they're not going to get the chance to, you know, be athletic

00:08:09.700 or be funny or, you know, all this stuff because, um, one, there's phones everywhere. People don't

00:08:17.100 really want to be embarrassed. Two, you're competing with everyone in the city. And three,

00:08:24.760 there's less like of a spotlight. I don't know. Although I guess you could argue maybe with social

00:08:29.440 media, it allows people to, um, I don't know. So I'm sorry, this is probably the worst coffee talk

00:08:40.020 I've ever made. Cause I don't have a clear point, but I always go out and I like observe the world.

00:08:48.680 Okay. And I was wondering, um, you know, would my dad be who he was if he didn't get the opportunity

00:08:56.760 to be like class president, you know, when he was in high school, you know, that was where he got

00:09:01.280 his first like leadership opportunity. Then he goes to this big school. Um, and he didn't, you

00:09:08.620 know now he's a nobody um and you know would I be who I am if I mean I'm six feet tall and I'm a

00:09:22.200 woman but like let's let's just play pretend if I went to I think there was like a bigger high

00:09:26.740 school near me I would have made the volleyball team I'm not gonna you know but you know if I was

00:09:32.160 at a bigger school and I didn't get to play and then like part of me developing the work ethic

00:09:38.080 for a woman that I have is that, you know, there was a reward for working hard because I worked 0.99

00:09:44.140 hard and I got more playing time or, you know, at my volleyball club, I went from the worst,

00:09:48.960 there's three teams, an A team, B team, and the C team. I went from a bench warmer on the C team

00:09:53.720 by my senior year, I was on the A team. And I always just saw the reward for working hard.

00:09:59.140 And it was a game that was motivating enough that I could like compete and I could get better.

00:10:03.800 um and it's why I do things that I completely suck at like I'm terrible on stage right but

00:10:12.760 I do it because I know I can get better and I can compete but it's got to be really depleting

00:10:19.840 especially for men because there's less opportunity when you feel like you just

00:10:24.680 can't compete because it's too big of a pond you know um and I keep meeting these guys that like

00:10:32.000 like I think I've mentioned this before I met someone that

00:10:36.680 was a dishwasher and then took the um what do you call it took the air traffic control test

00:10:46.040 and passed it with no training you know and it's like how does someone like that not know

00:10:51.160 and he said he didn't know he was smart till he took that test

00:10:53.480 and I'm wondering is it because well one women took over education another story another day 0.96

00:11:03.140 but is it because of the big fish like they should be a big fish and a small pond develop skills in

00:11:11.100 that small pond then go and compete in the big pond but like when you're competing in the small

00:11:16.760 pond you're getting better every year like you're improving and then you go compete in the big pond

00:11:22.220 you know like I'd imagine um I mean my hometown didn't really have community like that but

00:11:28.500 or at least if it did I wasn't a part of it um but I wonder if like back in the day you had like a

00:11:34.380 hometown musician or a hometown athlete or a hometown like and these people got to build

00:11:41.500 their skills and self-esteem and then go to the big pond but when you throw people in the big

00:11:48.280 pond right away, they get depleted and quit. Anyways. All right. So I don't know. This might

00:11:53.900 be my worst coffee talk of all time. I'm going to post it anyway. If you could put in your thoughts

00:11:59.720 on this topic, because I'm still kind of ironing them out. This is just something I'm like messing

00:12:05.040 with. So anyway, like the video, subscribe, and I'll see you next time.

Pearl - March 11, 2026

Society is Forcing You to Be a Small Fish in a Big Pond

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript