Pearl - May 28, 2025STD's At An ALL TIME HIGH And Some Women Don't EVEN CARE! ｜ Pearl Reacts
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about herpes and how it affects modern women, and the stigma around it. We also talk about how herpes can have a negative impact on a woman's ability to give birth, and how to deal with it.
Transcript
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Modern women talk about sexual liberation and being able to have the same sexual experience as
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a man. The only problem is that women are at a much greater risk of contracting an STI than men.
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One of the most common STIs on the rise when it comes to modern women is, you guessed it, herpes.
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There are more than half a million new cases of people in the U.S. contracting genital herpes,
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with 61% of those cases being women. Officially, one in five women have genital herpes, so let's take a
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look at some of these women. My other question is, because we're going to predict, these are the women
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publicly saying they have herpes, what percent of hot women have herpes? I have herpes. If I want to
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have unprotected sex, I have to tell them. I don't know how this is going to affect my dating life.
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Yeah. I've interviewed people that have herpes. I've interviewed both men and women. I think
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people should know out there, and this isn't good or bad. Oh, sorry. This isn't a good thing,
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but I can't change the way the world is. Most are not going to tell you. Look, I've interviewed men
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that have it. Out of the three that I interviewed, two said that they don't care. They don't use
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protection. They do not care. If the girl chooses to not wear a condom, that's on her. That's how they
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feel. The one tells them, and he hasn't had sex in years. These are the choices. When people get this
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STD, their choice is to be sexless or to lie. I'm just letting you guys know to be careful out there
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because there's a lot of incentive to lie and do the wrong thing here. I'm not saying it's good,
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right? It's bad, but just is what it is. I can't give birth vaginally if I have an outbreak. I don't
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fucking know how I'm supposed to tell my parents this. It's also just fucking painful. Okay. Now
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I'm confused. Why are you telling TikTok and not your parents? And I'm going to have these outbreaks
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for the rest of my life. It was 1983. I was 20 years old, and I had my first herpes outbreak.
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To this day, it was one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences I have ever had. All I could do
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was sit around in a beanbag chair with no underwear on, and when I peed, I'd have to pee through a
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cardboard tube and dry myself with the hairdryer. It was so painful. And I was pregnant, so I was
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peeing a lot. Again, this was in the 1980s, and AIDS wasn't even a twinkle in sexually transmitted
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diseases eye. So it was like literally the worst STD that you could get. And as you know, that
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shit stays with you for life. There was so much stigma. I forgot what percent get it by 50.
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It's pretty high though. If you're in the dating market too long, you might get herpes. I won't
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lie to you guys. Around herpes. You know what else is interesting? They say that women are more likely
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to get it, but women are more likely to get it because women are fucking more. I'm sure it's like
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easier for women to get STDs too, but can we just, let's be honest about this. Women are sleeping
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around more than men. And because I had such a severe breakout, I couldn't go to work. And I
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trusted my boss when I gave him the information about why I was staying home. And he told everybody
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that I worked with. Everybody. And I worked with some old biddies who were extremely cruel and very
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uninformed and didn't want to use the same bathroom as me. I was also very concerned that I would not
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be able to have a vaginal birth. But when the time came and they cultured me while I was in labor,
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it was negative. I did end up having a C-section anyway because of other issues that were going on,
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but it had nothing to do with my herpes. In fact, I've never had a breakout impact any of the births of my
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three babies. What I can tell you is this. While it sucks, the first breakout is the worst,
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and they will improve over time. And acyclovir is an amazing, amazing drug that we did not.
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Yeah. And this is the thing. Men always bail us out a bad decision. So now
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the women are getting STDs and then cure them or essentially cure them, right? And I looked it up.
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You only have to legally tell people if you have HIV. Herpes, you can just spread like a mother,
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unfortunately, guys. So be careful out there. I'm telling you, I know a different guy. He went on a
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date with a girl and she told him. And he basically told her, yeah, I can't date you. And because of him,
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he said, you know, if you lied, like we probably would have dated. Guess what she did with the next
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guy. She's engaged. He doesn't know all the time. You could be in a relationship and not know.
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It's disgusting out there. I can't, I didn't make this market. Do you know what I mean? I didn't.
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And people call me a doomer. I'm like, well, the blue eyed, blonde haired college girls are
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catching literal herpes. I have back in those days and it works that fast to clear it up.
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40 years later, I rarely, rarely have a breakout. And when I do, it's nothing. It's just nothing.
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Herpes is really common. It's way more common than most people think. I probably know more women
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who do have it than don't have it. You are not a bad person just because you have herpes. And if
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you're worried about what your parents are going to think, don't tell them. It's not their business.
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The physical and emotional suffering that you're experiencing right now will get better.
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And this is the thing. We have this revenge fantasy, like, like this, these decisions will
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catch up to women. They don't, they don't. I'm telling you, this, this girl, right. That's crying here.
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Some guy is still gonna do it. Have these outbreaks for the rest of my life.
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And she's gonna turn into this girl who's married with kids. Yep.
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This woman had three kids with herpes. Someone did it.
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Newly diagnosed here. I'm learning to embrace it. I have so much anxiety every time I think about it.
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Thank you for the comforting information. Let's see what this girl looks like.
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Oh, see, she's a mother. Let's see who else has it in the comments.
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I didn't really tell on themselves in the comments.
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And a lot of, a lot of people are like, oh, pearl, coke, coke, coke.
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I'm currently waiting on lab results, but have currently having my first outbreak.
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You know, it's crazy that the guys told me some of the women that they told they had it
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I was like, okay, let's see. I just want to see how attractive the women are that we
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that have it. Um, so this is another one with it.
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Um, yeah, see, you would see her at a club, right? You would think she was cute. You probably all would.
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Six, I'd say. Six, yeah. Herpes thin. She's in LA.
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Okay, let's see who else. Who else is in the comments?
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This girl said, I hope you're not going to lose sleep.
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My doctor said, I hope you're not going to lose sleep over this because it's so common.
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Let's see who else is in these comments section.
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This girl, 10 years later, the first one was so hard back-to-back outbreaks, but I barely notice it
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And people, I mean, most of these women just look like normal. They don't look like a lot of guys
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To anyone who is feeling like this, this happens to me as well. I am not married to a man who didn't
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care at all. There is much hope. I barely have outbreaks. Yeah, that's what I've seen
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in the people I interviewed. I guess it's really bad. It gets less bad over time. Your body learns to
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fight it. Ugh, I have outbreaks, but mine happen on and around my lips. It's terrible.
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I'm sorry. Okay, would you guys be able to tell?
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I came here to- There you go, fellas. All right, let's see what's next. All right, let's see who's
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got it next. You guys would be able to tell? Really? You could tell the difference?
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That's why I was in a space, and there was a guy in the space talking about how he dated
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a woman who they were about to hook up, and she told them, and there was another girl in the space,
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well, you just date thoughts, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, like you could-
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Like, I'm sure I like to show the faces because
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you're not going to know. Does this woman you'd be able to tell, really?
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I have herpes. I have herpes. You heard me right. And I'm simply done allowing that statement to
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cultivate shame for me anymore. I'm done. I contracted herpes when I was 19 years old. I am 28.
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And I spent almost 10 years carrying around this heavy, heavy load of shame surrounding the fact
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that I have HSV. I contracted herpes from a man that I trusted. I thought we were dating. Obviously,
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my standards were very low back then. And I had asked him-
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Wear a condom always, even with your boyfriend, girlfriend. I'm telling you guys.
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I'm telling- It's a calculated risk, right? I'm not going to say do or don't. It's your sex lives.
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But if you're living together, okay, you're kind of more guaranteed. But out of the three that I
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interviewed that had it, one got it with a condom. It's something that could happen
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to anybody. And you could see that with the difference in women that I'm showing on here.
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The guys that I interviewed with it, three different races. I wouldn't have known. The women
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that I interviewed, most of, most of, because men are more honest. So I found more men. It's interesting.
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There's more women talking about this on the internet. But when I was trying to find people
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like personally to interview or like just on Twitter telling them to call, you know, whatever.
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Um, I found more men willing to talk about it. If he had been tested, but I never verified any test
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results. And I want to also add that while I take accountability for the fact that I should have
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verified the test results at 19 years old, I was extremely naive. I was raised in a very fundamental
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Christian household where I received zero sex education. The extent of blah, blah, blah. The internet
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is available. We all like, can we? I think sex ed is weird for adults to be teaching children.
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But at some point, you got to be accountable. The internet's available. You can Google this stuff.
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Yeah, the sex education that I received was one time my mom sitting me down and saying,
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hey, Lana, we need to talk about the birds and the bees. And I got really embarrassed. And I was like,
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oh, I already know. And she said, okay. And walked out of the room. That was it.
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I was pulled from sex ed in school. So my education surrounding sexual health was extremely limited.
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And also the way that I viewed myself in relation to men at that point was already very skewed. So
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I didn't question him at all when he said, yeah, I'm tested and I'm clean.
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Finding out that I had herpes was easily one of the most devastating days of my entire life. I can't
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even explain the feeling of defeat and helplessness that you feel when you know that you have a virus
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that is going to impact the rest of your life and the way that you engage with men.
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For so long, it really made me feel like I wasn't even worthy and I couldn't attract a quality partner.
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And I was, yeah, I mean, it definitely takes your dating pool market way down unless you lie.
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And that's why I try to really emphasize, I really try to stress that because I'm telling you guys,
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people with it, their choice is to tell this very personal information on like a first or second date,
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right? Or their choice is to lie. Most of them, most of them lie. I had a, I had a different friend. He
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went on a date with a girl who told them second date and he was kind of mean to her, right? I mean,
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he was like, Oh, that's disgusting. And I told him, I'm like, look, you are lucky. She was honest.
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You are lucky that she was honest because most of them lie. You got very, very, I mean,
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he was probably fine, but I can understand his reaction. It is gross, but I'm telling you,
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I've done these interviews. They're lying. A lot of them. So much seeking acceptance that I would
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literally date any man that would accept me as soon as I had, you know, told him that I had the virus.
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I did not tell my friends for almost a decade. The only person that knew outside the men that I slept
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with were, was my sister. Yeah. And that's the other thing, these people with it, they have to
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run the risk that you're going to tell other people. And most of them, I mean, my friend told
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me about his date. So now their reputation's on the line. What's the incentive? I don't,
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I don't try to do right or wrong. I try to say, what's the incentive here? Now there's an incentive
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for these women to go on the internet because they get attention. They get to not feel alone
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and they could build a herpes brand. So. And the partners that I chose post herpes diagnosis were
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very low caliber, very low quality. My, my sense of self-worth had dropped so low because of the
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fact that I had herpes. It was already low to begin with. Let me be clear, but getting contracting herpes
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made it substantially worse. And the partners I then dated throughout my twenties,
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rock bottom. My standards were, they were in hell. And I recently have been going through
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a big journey of really just trying to take ownership of anything that brings me shame.
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And this is one thing that I knew I couldn't avoid talking about. I truly thought that I would take
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this information to my grave. I hid this so deeply from my friends that even when I would travel with
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girlfriends, I would put the medication in a separate bottle because I didn't want anybody to see
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the antibodies like medication bottle in my bag, but I just ain't doing that anymore. I have herpes.
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It's a part of who I am. It does not change my value, my worth. It does significantly actually in
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the dating marketplace. I'm not saying you're not a nice person, but in the dating marketplace, much lower,
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much lower. It is simply a virus that I contracted that I now have in my body. It's very dormant.
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I haven't had an outbreak in years. Really the only way it impacts my life now is the fact that I have
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to tell partners. I have to disclose it. And I recently started dating somebody new and I realized
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I'm still getting tripped up having the disclosure conversation. So I decided I'm just going to take
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ownership of it. I released a podcast episode telling the whole world that I have herpes and now
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I'm here telling you, if you have herpes, you are not alone. You are not less worthy.
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You are, but I mean, let's see. I met a girl and on her second date, she told me she had it. I was able
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to make a choice. Now she's my wife and I have two beautiful children. What an L. I was diagnosed
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today and I cried for hours. Okay. Well, reverse girl just isn't for me. And I see your toes and throw
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a gang sign. All right. Let's see who else is in this comment section. And you know, it's so funny.
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It says, I've been getting cold sores and fever blisters since I was nine. I was told I got it as
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an infant and I was most likely kissed by someone infected. So that's like HSV one. Um, like the cold
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sores in the mouth, that's way more common and they blame it on someone kissing the kid, but it's more
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likely that the mother had it, but we're not having that conversation. Who else has it? I went
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out with a girl that had it for years when it was active. She'd say we'd have different fun. I never
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even got it after I got tested. Wow. Actually that is the people I interviewed. The guy said a lot of
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the girls that they hooked up with didn't get it or they never like one guy gave me his stats. He said
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he hooked up with a hundred women, no protection, did not care, no medication. I'm telling you,
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these guys are demons. Um, and he said maybe four girls got it out of a hundred. Now I don't know
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if maybe some got it and didn't tell them they're sleeping with multiple guys. Let me know you guys'
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experience in the comments. Um, my story's identical to yours. I also got it at 19. Let's see these
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pictures on this one. No, I don't see any. Yeah. I'm 50 years old and contracted it from my husband.
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He knew he had it before we married and never told me two years later. I found out he had it.
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Guys, I'm telling you, be careful out there. I have HSV too and I'm still dealing with it.
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I, um, it's from a man I trusted and loved. Of course. Yeah, I know. So
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this is what she looks like. We got to tell me if you guys think you could tell with these women.
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I don't think I would be able to guess. Here's another one. I have herpes and this is how I
00:19:43.140
disclose to my partners. Personally, I have HSV one and two and let me just tell you, it's nothing
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to be ashamed of. Really important that you educate yourself around it so that having these
00:19:55.140
conversations make it a little bit easier. Also with practice takes time. So the ways that I disclose
00:20:01.240
is number one, having it immediately in my bio, keep my HSV one and two.
00:20:12.240
Yeah. So now she can make a job off of herpes. That's the incentive to talk about it on the
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internet. Tik TOK into being worshiped and nothing less HSV one and two. Have you guys seen this on the
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dating apps? Cause I mean, what, what do you got to put yourself in their shoes, right? What are
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they going to do? They're, they're going to a lie. That's probably the most common to just put it on
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the dating app. So they don't have to have an awkward conversation or three. What I've heard is
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they might hook up with someone once and then tell them, throat goat it, then tell them
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brutal man. Bumble bio here, my Tinder bio, same thing. And this is my field. It's a
00:20:56.760
yeah. Dinner dates, late night chats, um, into mindful, blah, blah, blah. If you call me a good
00:21:03.580
girl, it's game over. I'm a sex educator with a very public following, but I like to keep
00:21:08.360
my personal life private for now. HSV one and two. A bit more descriptive. If you catch my drift,
00:21:17.960
I usually have a conversation once I've matched with someone. Usually this conversation is about
00:21:24.340
our interests, our desires, and also sexual health. I either do this on app or once we've
00:21:30.280
switched to texting before we meet up in person, because I personally don't want to waste my time
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with someone who doesn't want to be with me because of my herpes status. And this is an example
00:21:40.720
of a recent text exchange. Okay. I just wanted to let you know that I've HSV one and two. I take
00:21:46.400
Valtrex every day though, and I've never transmitted it to a partner just for aware. Uh, let me know if
00:21:51.720
you have any questions. Hey, I totally get it. Sounds like you have just moved over after the lockdowns
00:21:57.080
ended. Oh, and as long as you've got it under control, that's cool with me. We have this revenge
00:22:02.760
fantasy. Somebody's going to do it guys. All these porn stars getting married. A lot of them have
00:22:08.080
herpes. Um, things just started to open up. I moved to Austin in 2021 and yes, I did spend a few
00:22:13.500
years. What's your STI status? When did you last get tested? Um, have you lived anywhere else other
00:22:18.900
than Austin in the Bay? That's good to hear. It sounds like it's quite common, quite, oh my gosh,
00:22:24.300
quite common anyway. I've never had an STI before I've spent too much time in relationships. I did get
00:22:28.960
checked like a month ago and it was all clear. How about you? Guys are so desperate for vagina,
00:22:36.040
man. All right, let's see. Let's see the next one. Okay. So, so you know what the average I've seen
00:22:44.900
from the women in the comments and the women on screen, I would say it's four to six is my rating
00:22:52.340
for the herpes women. I haven't really seen a super attractive woman, but the thing is super
00:22:57.660
attractive women can go on the internet and just get attention. They don't have the incentive to
00:23:01.820
do a cause. They can just be hot. I don't know how, I don't know if it's, I think it's more common
00:23:08.420
with mids because mids I would say are sluttier. They got to put out more in order to compete with
00:23:13.100
the hot women. Um, so let me watch. One of the most heartbreaking things that I see with those of us
00:23:19.540
who get herpes is that people will just like completely take themselves out of the dating
00:23:25.120
world. Two things, actually removing yourself from the dating scene. And the other one is just like
00:23:30.300
deciding that you're going to settle for anyone who accepts your herpes status. I want you to think
00:23:36.020
about like, if you had herpes orally, which I know people who have it orally can struggle in their own
00:23:40.780
ways. And literally most humans have that whether they get cold sores or not. Like I probably have it
00:23:45.840
too, but when you have it orally, you wouldn't think about the fact. I'm so tired of people with herpes
00:23:50.400
trying to convince me that everyone has it. It's really common, but you know, speak for yourself.
00:23:56.240
You know what I mean? Like, could you just, uh, some of us did not get it. All right. We don't like
00:24:03.060
you can never, like I've never had a cold sore in my life. So yeah. So don't like, I hate it when
00:24:12.420
they said, let's normalize it. Look, I think that some, some women, cause some of the people I
00:24:18.020
interviewed, like one guy got it from his wife of 10 years. The other guy was a man hoe.
00:24:27.220
So I know that some people just take an L on this, right? I mean, one guy wore a condom. He's
00:24:32.560
allegedly, that's what he said. And he still got it. And so am I going to say that
00:24:38.920
I don't think, I think some people can have it and maybe they weren't that promiscuous. They just,
00:24:45.720
you know, trusted someone they shouldn't have. Um, however,
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why would we want to make it more normal? Like why would we, nobody wants to do that.
00:24:55.980
Never make out with someone again. You can never date someone again. No one's going to accept you
00:24:59.320
and you have to settle. And that's because we don't stigmatize it the same way or even understand it the
00:25:03.520
same way, but we are just as much at risk of getting it genitally from people who have it
00:25:08.980
orally, unless you don't engage in oral, but like you have to remember that with herpes, you are not
00:25:15.980
contagious most of the time. And I know that we think about and fear the whole viral shedding thing,
00:25:21.740
but we only shed an estimated five to 20% of the year. And that varies from person to person. It
00:25:27.640
depends on how often you get flare ups and just your specific immune system. And shedding is the one
00:25:32.560
that's hard to get our head around because like, we can't really control it. And we don't necessarily
00:25:36.640
know when we're shedding. That's why we disclose to partners because at any point in time, there could
00:25:41.240
be a small risk, but that 80 to 95% of the time you're not contagious and you're not shedding. So
00:25:47.700
the chances that someone is going to get herpes from you, even if you're not taking any precautions
00:25:52.460
is still pretty low. Most people are getting in transit. I do think, I do think that's true based on
00:25:58.540
the research I've done. Um, but the thing is like, if you don't have it, you don't really want to get it.
00:26:07.020
No, I guess all the guys, there's guys that still will do it. But I think the general sentiment of people
00:26:14.240
that don't have it is that I do not want to risk getting it. I don't. I had this other front. I get a lot of
00:26:20.780
stories doing my job from different types of people. So I always kind of have to be broad. I
00:26:26.840
never want my sources to be, you know, docs leaked, whatever. But I have an older guy. He's, he's been
00:26:35.440
dating forever. And I don't know if he has it or not. I never straight up asked him, but he told me
00:26:40.700
a story of, he took a girl on a date and she said, I like you, but I really have herpes. I, I like you,
00:26:47.220
but I have herpes. That's what she said. And he said, well, there are some precautions we could
00:26:53.020
take. And I looked at him. I'm like, you did it. He's like, well, I was like, I was like, oh my God.
00:27:09.020
Yeah. I don't know. He was older. Maybe he had it too. I don't know. But it's like, damn.
00:27:13.980
It's meaning herpes, not knowing that they have it and not recognizing their symptoms when they
00:27:18.980
get them because they can be so mild. You as a person who's aware of your status can do so much
00:27:24.040
to protect your partner that someone who's unaware can't. Like avoiding activity when you feel a flare
00:27:29.120
up coming on. And sometimes you can feel you're shedding if you're getting like symptoms prior
00:27:33.160
to a flare up, but the flare up just never comes. You can assume you're shedding then. Doing that reduces
00:27:37.960
the risk a whole lot. Also just like being on antivirals daily, which some people are reduces it
00:27:43.520
greatly. Using protection, even though it's not foolproof, because it depends on where you have
00:27:47.780
it, but that still reduces the risk greatly. People still kiss and make out and date with people
00:27:52.680
who get cold sores, even knowing that they get them. There's absolutely no reason that you should
00:27:58.060
remove yourself from dating just because you have it below. You can do and enjoy everything in exactly
00:28:03.680
the same way. And just because there's more of a stigma based on where you have it, that's only
00:28:08.460
going to weed out uneducated, ignorant partners. But trust me when I tell you that most of them
00:28:13.440
offline and off TikTok troll culture don't care. I have pulled the hottest people since getting herpes
00:28:20.860
and since being single with it. It doesn't make a difference. But your energy and perspective around
00:28:26.220
it will. Yeah, what? That's nasty. Okay. Well, let me know what you guys' experience has been,
00:28:36.660
if you guys have it or not. If you know anybody that has it, do they lie? Are they honest?
00:28:43.720
What have you guys seen out there? Because that's where I get the most information is people that tell
00:28:49.100
me their stories. So let me know in the comments, like the video on your way out and subscribe and