Pearl - The Calculator For Divorces That Ruins Men’s Lives @thisisshah

00:00:00.000 I worked at child support, so the whole job of a child support officer is to look at a calculator.

00:00:05.000 I mean, aside from the locate and the cheek swabs for the genetic tests and whatever,

00:00:10.640 the calculator is just this thing on my screen that you have to know, and on this side you put

00:00:16.900 in his income, on that side you put in her income, and then this is the custody, and then there's

00:00:20.960 various other things, whatever your mortgage interest or something. But for the most part,

00:00:26.380 that's the core of it. And so for five years, I look at this calculator, and if two people make

00:00:32.280 the same income and it's 50% custody, that's zero. Nobody owes each other anything. If you're a guy

00:00:39.700 and she makes more money, she might have to end up paying you, depending on what custody is,

00:00:44.240 especially for alimony, that's going to be different. So I read thousands of divorce orders

00:00:50.760 and child support orders, and I just looked at the calculator. I looked at what people were doing. I

00:00:55.680 saw whose divorces seemed to be the worst, whose seemed to be at least manageable. Like if I had

00:01:00.900 to get divorced, who would I be? And the people that seem to be married to people who make around

00:01:09.100 the same income seem to have the most, you know, like easy, amicable divorces. If you're not going

00:01:16.700 to have that, and you know, she's not going to make money, and you're going to make a lot of money,

00:01:20.160 at least not be married to her. Because there's a different- You know what? I don't think I had

00:01:23.960 a single, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I had a divorce story that was super bad

00:01:31.300 from two people making the same. Yeah. I don't, I'm not saying, I'm sure they're out, I'm sure

00:01:36.100 they're out. I mean, we've seen- There's the emotional nightmare part. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

00:01:39.960 they'll cheat. Yeah. They'll cheat at work. That part sucks, but at least, you know,

00:01:44.240 you'll have, like, here's the thing. If you're going to end up getting divorced,

00:01:47.060 you guys make around the same. And I've always read this in orders. What will happen is both

00:01:51.760 parties usually agree to terminate spousal support. So the court will write, court terminates

00:01:56.700 jurisdiction to award spousal support. And then that's it. You know, they might set child support

00:02:00.620 to zero, and they might just figure out custody on their own. Now, later on, that could be an issue.

00:02:05.680 And she might say, oh, I want to keep custody from him. And they'd have to go through that. But

00:02:10.020 at least you have money to fight for custody. At least you're not paying. Imagine paying alimony,

00:02:15.920 paying child support. We're fast. Even if your divorce isn't complete yet, you'll be paying

00:02:19.920 child support. You're paying all this. And then somewhere along the line, you got to figure out

00:02:24.680 how to fight for custody. And, you know, there's a lot of custody horror stories out there to where

00:02:29.440 a guy spends over $100,000 just to get some small percentage of custody. So it's all, you know,

00:02:35.120 kind of a pirate victory there. So yeah, I, you know, on the job, I'm looking at this and I'm just

00:02:40.600 like, man, I'm hearing stuff in the space. And, you know, on the one hand, trad cons are saying

00:02:45.740 this. I'm like, oh no, that's bad. You even get red pill guys will say, oh no, you know,

00:02:50.560 we want this. We want that. The guy should make all the money and do that. Okay, fine. If that's

00:02:54.360 what you want. But if you hit, if you sign a marriage contract, you know, get the marriage

00:02:59.600 license, not even a real contract anymore. Now it's just the family codes. Reading marriage contracts

00:03:05.000 from the past are very interesting. But that's another thing. If you take that deal, I mean,

00:03:10.240 it's just, how can you even complain later when you get screwed over? Yeah. So if you do take the

00:03:15.160 deal, what does, like, what's worse if you have a stay at home? Like, stay at home where the worst.

00:03:20.280 Tell me if you're at the same income, what you're going to pay. Yeah. Or versus if you have a stay at,

00:03:26.680 like how much, how much more money am I, let's say I make a hundred K a year. Yeah. How much more

00:03:31.700 money am I spending if I marry a woman that also makes a hundred K or she makes zero? If,

00:03:36.880 if she also makes a hundred K, I think that'd be the ideal situation because it's a similar

00:03:41.600 contribution. Uh, you guys have probably put the same into the house, but as far as alimony,

00:03:46.480 what'll likely happen is that the court will, you guys will just both agree that there's no alimony

00:03:52.540 and for the court to just waive jurisdiction. That's what I saw in most of the judgment. So

00:03:56.520 most of the divorce and dissolution judgments I read when the incomes are like that more than

00:04:02.640 likely they had written that in there. It was like standard language about the same or about this,

00:04:07.780 you know, around, or, you know, it's just depending sometimes, even if she was higher,

00:04:11.660 men were just more or less likely to take alimony, even if they could have got it. Yeah. Um, but

00:04:16.280 typically if it's about the same, they'd say, okay, you keep your retirement. I keep my retirement,

00:04:21.080 no alimony. And there might be some small amount of child support. If he's like, okay, you know what?

00:04:25.740 I actually can't keep them this amount of time. Or she's like, I can't, I'll pay a little bit of

00:04:30.320 that. Um, and then the house would, would either get split or somebody would buy each other out. And

00:04:35.800 they were typically the most amiable divorces. I, you know, and I, I've seen a lot of nightmare ones

00:04:41.920 where it's just, it just sitting at my desk. I just cannot be the guy that gets the worst end of

00:04:49.560 this. It does not matter. It doesn't matter who cheated on who, whatever it is. You asked me earlier

00:04:54.420 about like worst cases. I, I, you know, I didn't work this one specifically, but my coworker in the

00:05:00.360 cubicle next to me, the case was so bad. He had to put, I heard him on the phone. He had to put it

00:05:03.980 down and stand up and come talk to me because he needed to talk to somebody. Yeah. And this was

00:05:11.200 somebody who was, uh, he was married to the woman and they, I can't remember if it was two or three kids.

00:05:16.160 Um, but they got divorced and you know, this was after probably five, six years or whatever. In

00:05:23.320 California, you have two years to challenge. So he, he owed child support. The reason it came to my

00:05:28.000 coworker's desk was he, he worked on a special arrears unit, uh, for people who owed a lot of

00:05:32.920 money and this guy just refused to pay. Okay. And so when he called them up and he was like, why don't

00:05:38.600 you want to pay anything? He's like, because the kids are not mine and she's living with her ex-boyfriend

00:05:44.260 who is the real father. So she got married to this guy, cheated on him in the marriage,

00:05:48.680 had these kids, divorced him. We're, we're requiring him to pay child support into this

00:05:52.800 house. And she's now living with the kids, with this previous ex-boyfriend who is the actual father.

00:05:58.060 And this guy is paying money into their household. It's like a forced slavery. Um, so yeah, he, he put

00:06:04.520 the phone down. He came to me and he was like, I don't know if it was me. Like he was, I'm like,

00:06:08.360 yeah, he's like, he's like, I don't want to say it if it was me. I was like, yeah, I get it.

00:06:11.260 Don't worry. So yeah, I mean, that's just the, there are some real nightmare situations like

00:06:17.340 that, but. So what's the difference in child support or alimony versus someone that had,

00:06:24.220 like, let's say the custody's 50, 50, one was a housewife, one made the same. Uh, well, let's say,

00:06:31.580 okay, if it's a housewife too, typically she'll probably get most of the custody, but let's say,

00:06:36.920 let's say a guy's making, it's a hundred, I don't know, like eight grand a month, uh, about as a

00:06:42.840 gross income. Uh, let's say it's worst case scenario, whatever. She says you were violent. You get kicked

00:06:49.240 out of the house. You got no custody. You're fighting this. The divorce hasn't even gone through

00:06:53.980 child support's already involved because she went straight to the child support agency.

00:06:57.880 Um, you would be paying about 25% of your net income. So the calculator would figure in the taxes

00:07:04.280 for the eight grand, it would probably be about like 5,300 or so is going to be net. And then

00:07:10.280 you'd probably be paying about 1,500 or so, um, just off rip. Um, if it's around the same income

00:07:17.760 and in custody's the same, uh, it would be zero. And even if it's 50, 50, I don't know what it would

00:07:23.440 be off the top of my head, but it would be, it would be less than, than that amount. So I recommend

00:07:28.520 people to play around with their state child support guideline calculator. Um, you know, like in some

00:07:33.780 states, California is pretty bad. You know, people know that there's interest on arrears. New York

00:07:38.260 is pretty tough. Uh, Florida, you remember, you know, I don't know if it's okay to bring up, but there

00:07:43.540 was a, uh, fresh and fit and there was that, that possible baby story there in Florida. And she went

00:07:51.220 back to New York and she was saying very publicly that, Oh, uh, he's not helping me. And he kicked me

00:07:58.580 basically like, because of his, uh, actions, she had to go back to New York. When I saw that, that's a

00:08:05.960 very specific thing legally, because sorry if this is off topic, but it's just something important to

00:08:11.000 know. There are very specific laws where if you have one, let's say you're in a state where child

00:08:18.360 support might be less. And then she, she's here living with you. And then she, you guys have a kid

00:08:24.060 and then she leaves and goes back to live with her parents. She can argue that because of his

00:08:27.720 directives, I had to go back to California. So it means that California has jurisdiction to make

00:08:32.920 the order. So it's a higher order. So that's what you saw with New York versus Florida. That's what

00:08:36.860 she was trying to do. I always thought she'd talk to an attorney or something like that. But

00:08:41.000 so there's all these little stupid rules and games, but a lot of it can be negated by

00:08:46.060 if you're going to have a kid with somebody, have one with somebody who at least has some kind of job

00:08:52.540 or career. I know a lot of people don't like that. Tradcons don't like that. Even red pillars don't

00:08:57.340 like that because they, you know, oh, the women aren't supposed to do that or whatever. I'm just

00:09:01.800 looking at it from what I saw in the papers. So the 25% though, that was for the same income

00:09:06.480 or the housewife? That was for the housewife. It would be less, it would be less for someone

00:09:11.640 who's working. Okay. So someone that was working, it might be, could I get a range? I know it depends.

00:09:16.400 I say it'd be anywhere from zero. It depends on custody. If you have zero percent custody,

00:09:21.920 you'd still pay about that 25%. Okay. So if you got nothing, it would be the same.

00:09:26.720 Yes. But you're more likely to get nothing if she's a housewife.

00:09:29.240 Yeah. Because she's just been there. A lot of it goes off the relationship with the child. And it's

00:09:33.700 weird because it's like, you come home every night and see the kid, but they're going to be like,

00:09:36.600 okay, she's been at home with the kids. So they're going to be more likely to give it to her. She

00:09:40.960 doesn't have a job now. So you're going to be paying alimony. You're going to be paying the bills on

00:09:45.700 the house. You might be ordered to do that. Um, while they're trying to figure out what happens to this,

00:09:50.360 you're going to be paying an additional child support and they may or may not tell her to try

00:09:55.300 to find a job. Probably not. The only time they might do that is if she had a prior history of

00:09:59.600 working. You know, I saw somebody with like a master's degree and this lady was crying in court,

00:10:03.960 but eventually they're just like, you have a master's degree. How come you're not working or

00:10:08.220 making any money? You know? So they imputed some income onto her, which was pretty rare. So it just,

00:10:14.700 that will depend on custody. But for the most part, most of those orders I've seen were a lot

00:10:21.060 easier to deal with. That's just my experience. What would like, I'm just curious on average,

00:10:25.260 the percent difference, if they're close to the same, if it's close to the same, it all depends

00:10:30.560 on, cause now custody is the deciding factor. What if, what if they get some semi fair, like if it's

00:10:35.740 like 50, 50, 50, 50, or close, uh, if it doesn't have to be 51%. So someone makes it in Texas, at

00:10:44.680 least I talked on the California guideline, they will put 51% and 49, even if it's actually 50,

00:10:50.440 50, sometimes I have seen them do that. Um, but just because it's, it's 50, if it's 50, 50 in there,

00:10:57.340 and it's, they're each making eight grand, let's say it's zero child support. If she's a housewife

00:11:02.740 and he's making eight grand, I don't know the exact percentage, but it's not, it's going to be

00:11:06.820 a little bit less than the 24%. It, it's still going to be over half that though. So it'll probably

00:11:12.760 be around like 15 to 20%. Okay. Just depending. But over time, that's going to add up. Yeah. It's

00:11:18.040 still going to, it's, it's still a lot. You know, I saw this, this case and it was, this guy made a

00:11:22.320 big mistake. Um, it was, it was actually a police officer. They make pretty good money depending on

00:11:27.680 where they are, 10 to 15 a month. Um, I think he was, he was, he was around eight to 10, somewhere

00:11:33.920 there, I think. And, uh, he went to a different state and ended up knocking somebody up on a one

00:11:39.420 night stand. And, uh, yeah, so he, he's at home with his wife and kids and they have a mortgage and

00:11:46.240 he's, his wife stay at home. So he's paying everything. Oh, wait, his, wait, so who did he knock

00:11:52.280 up? Then it wasn't the wife. It was like a side check. Yeah. It was in a different, it was in a

00:11:56.940 like, yeah, it was, I can't remember where it was, but he went somewhere and, um, basically it happened

00:12:03.160 that California had to make the order. So, you know, looking at the math on this case, if this

00:12:08.000 guy makes eight to 10 grand or whatever, they have a mortgage that's like, you know, 2,500 a month,

00:12:13.220 you know, so take taxes away, take the mortgage away, take this away. And then all of a sudden,

00:12:17.160 so he's not paying any child support to anybody, which means this is the first child support order,

00:12:21.120 which means it's going to be like that max amount of 20. He's got 0% custody. He didn't even know

00:12:25.580 this kid existed until we opened the case. Um, so they're taking like two, you know, it's going to

00:12:31.480 be a significant amount where he might not even be able to pay his bills for his family. So, I mean,

00:12:38.080 you know, that's, that's the game that they're playing. Um, so yeah, you, you'd see stuff like

00:12:42.880 that and I don't know. So as a guy that's worked there before, I'm, I can't get it out of my mind to not

00:12:50.560 be doing like, if I go to a wedding and I might just, Oh, okay. So what do they do? That's

00:12:54.560 interesting. You know, and then in my, my brain, I'm, I'm doing all this, this math and I'm, I'm,

00:13:00.000 you know, I'm not, God bless them. I hope the marriage lasts forever, but you know, I was thinking,

00:13:04.100 okay, what happens if, you know, but in the dowry system, you know, this is stuff they were

00:13:08.020 thinking about. This is a front end deal for a long-term monogamous marriage. Nowadays, I, I think the,

00:13:14.920 the, and this is where I think red pill stuff is, red pill stuff is good because it really helps out

00:13:19.340 with intersexual dynamics or if you look at it from the MGTOW side and all this kind of stuff,

00:13:23.840 that's interesting. I think red pill at its best helps men maximize short-term options. And, you

00:13:31.000 know, you can have a casual relationship with somebody for 15 years. I would still consider

00:13:34.700 that a short-term low leverage thing, but when it comes into this long-term let's have kids and

00:13:39.820 now leverage ourselves and invest ourselves into it, nobody really has a good solution for that.

00:13:46.820 You know, red pill, you know, they always used to say to even with the red pillars on, on Reddit,

00:13:51.880 there used to be married TRP and they said guys who were married had the hardest version of red pill.

00:13:57.440 Yeah. They had it the toughest basically. And, and, you know, you can apply some of that stuff and

00:14:02.120 it may work, but for a lot of people, it's not going to work. And for a lot of people, you're not

00:14:06.880 going to be this extremely rich person that can bounce back or whatever. You're going to be

00:14:10.680 normal. And you're also more of a risk if you do the like trad thing and have a bunch of kids,

00:14:14.620 right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, you can end up with, you know, two kids, one kid will be about

00:14:19.180 25%. That's what we're talking about. Two kids will be about like 40%. And then, yeah, of the net

00:14:25.760 income. And then three guys are going to be like, I'm one kid. Yeah. Then it'll hit like 55 and then it'll,

00:14:31.600 it'll eventually hit some maximum. But at that point there was a guy. There was up to 55,

00:14:36.720 55%. That is so. Yeah. It reaches some maximum pre-tax or. Um, well that's, that's, that's net.

00:14:44.900 What? Uh, the amount of child support, that percentage applies to their net earnings. So

00:14:49.400 it's, uh, the calculator, at least the California one takes out, it does the taxes. So you'll put

00:14:54.400 in your dependents and stuff like that. There was a case and I swear to God, we used to show this to,

00:14:59.480 I became a trainer for a little bit too. But even when I got hired on the lady who was training me,

00:15:04.780 she was really funny. She would always tell me, she's just like, if you're ever going to get

00:15:08.240 married, ask for their credit report, you better ask for their credit report. Okay. Anyways,

00:15:12.780 that's just funny. That's good advice though. Yeah. Um, but she would, she had this specific case

00:15:17.280 and this guy, I swear to God, he had like 15, he had like at least 14 or 15 cases and some of them

00:15:24.860 with multiple kids on it. This guy was legendary amongst the office. And the thing is, was like,

00:15:31.820 you know, he just, I think he just worked, he worked like some normal job. So child support

00:15:36.640 had no choice, but to just try to get a percentage based off however this calculator could, cause

00:15:41.860 they can only get so much out of this one turnip. And so some of the kids would have like a $12 order.

00:15:47.340 Some would be getting three bucks a month. Some of them had a prior one. So yeah, but this guy,

00:15:51.620 he was going to be a lifer. I mean, cause some of them, he owed hundreds of thousands. There was no

00:15:55.380 way he was ever going to be able to pay this off and you can't bankrupt the debt. It was just,

00:15:59.060 but he would pay his payments. You know, we'd have to work and say, okay, well,

00:16:02.500 this is your paycheck. You got to at least pay us this much. And somehow he was doing that. So

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Pearl - June 01, 2025

The Calculator For Divorces That Ruins Men’s Lives @thisisshah

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