Pearl - The Girls Who Stay Friends With Their Exes (They're In Love)

00:00:00.000 people cheat with exes and they're the best people to cheat with let's just keep it a buck here uh

00:00:04.080 because they have the rapport of like years and they also have each other's secrets so they're

00:00:08.000 not gonna out each other you know what up guys welcome to my reaction series today we are

00:00:13.280 reacting to women talking about how they need to stay friends with their ex um i actually have

00:00:18.480 mixed feelings on this um i mean in general not great but you know life is long and you never

00:00:27.200 really know where people are gonna be so i don't think it's the end of the world to stay friendly

00:00:33.520 with someone um especially if you're in the same like circles and stuff it's better than like a

00:00:37.840 full crash out um i think i have the unpopular opinion i've just seen it where people become

00:00:43.600 friends after and it's not weird um mostly out of necessity like they work together or something but

00:00:50.720 i i do appreciate where there's like a sense of maturity with your ex it's a sign of emotional

00:00:55.920 maturity. Two people who were once intimate and in love can absolutely evolve and transcend that

00:01:01.360 relationship and just be friends. That's a sign of emotional maturity, right? And if your actual

00:01:06.100 partner doesn't get it or gets mad, it's okay. Just understand that they're a little insecure

00:01:10.860 and probably lack the emotional maturity to understand this dynamic. Let's rewind. Really?

00:01:17.060 Okay, we got to discuss this for a second, okay? And again, I'm talking about the rule,

00:01:21.220 not the exception so don't come at me the fact that you continue to have contact with your ex

00:01:27.040 is not a sign of emotional maturity at all it's actually okay yeah how do i put it i don't think

00:01:33.520 you should be talking right but i don't have too many women crash out at the end and it's just 1.00

00:01:39.300 better to just be chill quite the opposite you simply don't want to lose your ex you don't want

00:01:44.080 to remove them from your life i actually know someone he gets lunch with his ex-girlfriend

00:01:49.200 of like 20 years ago every month i don't know there's certain personality types uh you guys

00:01:55.120 are gonna crash out on me i know it i know all the comments are gonna go but there's certain

00:01:59.420 personality types where they really could just let bygones be bygones and just move on but the

00:02:04.660 problem is there's too many messy people that'll hook up with them forever so i don't know put

00:02:09.300 your experiences in the comments girls can be friends with their ex and not hook up if it was

00:02:14.380 a beta bucks relationship because she never really liked you to begin with you don't want to break the 1.00

00:02:18.640 bond that you guys have still. You don't know how to close the book, right? Or go to another

00:02:24.600 chapter. You're obviously showing that you still have deep attachment to your ex-partner and

00:02:30.000 you have the nerve to say that it's emotional maturity. The fact of the matter is you haven't

00:02:36.460 been mature enough to let go of your ex-partner yet. And that is precisely a sign of emotional

00:02:41.140 immaturity guys get the out of here yeah i mean i wouldn't say you should be talking all the time

00:02:49.140 but how do i put it i don't know i think sometimes people just let bygones be bygone like i've seen

00:02:55.100 it in friend groups right where two people dated and they just kind of all moved on with that bs

00:03:00.000 okay that is gaslighting 101 in reality it's not that you're a very mature person who managed to

00:03:06.980 transform the bond of love into friendship no in reality you weren't able to close the door for good

00:03:13.200 because the attachment is still there and the dependence on your ex-partner is still there

00:03:17.200 all right we got this chick next talking about friends with that crazy but i think that sometimes

00:03:21.880 you can and actually even maybe should stay friends with someone you dated after it doesn't

00:03:27.420 work out romantically and i have the perfect example of this i'll tell you why because it

00:03:31.300 could be a choice later right but you know it's like i had your bets like if this doesn't work

00:03:36.620 out I have this backup you know um that's what a lot of women do you know um and maybe if you're 1.00

00:03:42.960 single but I don't know if you get serious with someone you got to stop talking I'm gonna be

00:03:47.100 honest I kind of has have hesitated to tell this story um and for obvious reasons you'll understand

00:03:52.360 when I tell the story um but I think enough time has passed that it's okay for me to tell the story

00:03:56.820 and it's also just too funny not to share so I was seeing this woman and like I said it didn't

00:04:01.460 work out romantically but we trauma bonded so hard over an experience that I think we will be

00:04:06.600 friends for the rest of our lives. So interesting fact about this woman, she actually shared a

00:04:11.440 birthday with my grandmother. My grandmother passed away earlier this year. She was 103 years

00:04:15.840 old. And unfortunately, my grandma passed away on their shared birthday. And I went home to see my

00:04:21.360 family and spent some time grieving my grandmother. And I was at my parents' house going through some

00:04:28.320 of my grandmother's things. And this gem of a human being agreed to come to my parents' house

00:04:33.860 with me and be a buffer with my parents and talk to them while I looked through my grandma's photos

00:04:39.080 and cried and spent some time grieving her. And so she was like talking to my parents, keeping

00:04:43.400 them company so that I could just have some time alone. And I'm going through some of my grandma's

00:04:48.200 things. And I opened my grandma's desk drawer, um, to see if there were any additional photos

00:04:52.460 in there. And I open it up and there looks to be a personal massager. And I'm like, surely that's

00:05:01.440 not what I think it is. My grandma was 103 years old. Also, this thing looks like it's like maybe

00:05:05.420 50 years old. And I'm just like, surely that's not what this is. So naturally I had to call in

00:05:11.060 some, uh, a second opinion. I had to know, like, is this what I think it is? So she comes into my

00:05:16.840 grandma's room and I show her the personal massager. And she's like, yeah, no, that's

00:05:20.620 exactly what you think it is. You're airing out your grandma online. Why are you speaking of the

00:05:25.120 but then we were faced with another problem what do you do with it uh I'm gonna be honest my

00:05:32.540 instinct was leave it there run away pretend we never saw anything it never happened but she made

00:05:38.760 a really great point we cannot just leave this there for someone else to find it but I am not

00:05:43.880 gonna throw that away I am not touching that so again this gem of a human being got some tissues

00:05:51.380 and reached in there and threw it away for me and then after that we left my parents house and we

00:05:57.320 went to lunch and we had a great waiter at lunch we told him all about it and when we left she

00:06:03.480 wrote on the receipt uh when she signed her signature um good vibes only so yeah i do think

00:06:10.860 that sometimes um okay uh how did i get roped into hearing about your grandma's vibrator at this

00:06:16.540 you guys ever have that where you listen into a woman's story and then it gets so raunchy and 0.94

00:06:21.360 you're like how did i i thought i was i thought we were talking about exes here like now i'm

00:06:26.200 hearing about grandma 103 year old vibrator grit like all right get in relationships with people

00:06:33.100 who stay friends with their exes unless people are co-parenting together that's like the one

00:06:38.580 exception but even then there should be good boundaries it is a major sign of not only

00:06:43.340 immaturity but also that person is keeping doors open with old flames what world yeah but we're

00:06:51.340 all rentals here like men and women are just renting each other so i mean i think i gotta

00:06:56.140 be honest the friends with the exes it's just pragmatic on both sides it's very pragmatic

00:07:01.500 were you involved romantically with someone and now you're just friends you just want to be friends

00:07:06.300 out of getting in a relationship with someone who stays friends with their exes talks to their exes

00:07:11.420 goes and checks on their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend's social media accounts they are still

00:07:17.100 interested in that person they are still going to keep that door open in case that person is

00:07:22.220 interested in giving them a chance again and some people will try to sell this to you like oh they're

00:07:27.100 just so mature they can stay friends no no no they're gonna play you i'll never forget i was

00:07:31.980 doing this continuing ed seminar for being an attorney yeah the one thing is though people

00:07:37.660 cheat with exes and they're the best people to cheat with let's just keep it a buck here uh

00:07:41.660 because they have the rapport of like years and they also have each other's secrets so they're

00:07:45.580 They're not going to out each other, you know, so.

00:07:48.640 And a divorce attorney said that one of the things that they see often in divorces is someone reaching out to their ex.

00:07:56.240 I don't know.

00:07:56.780 People have like attachments that are kind of like lifelong.

00:08:01.540 Like I've heard of people being broken up for like 20 years and they reach out.

00:08:05.320 Girlfriend or boyfriend from high school.

00:08:07.620 Like people in their 30s, 40s, 50s are still going back to high school exes.

00:08:12.620 Texas, don't trust someone that leaves doors open with an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend.

00:08:18.280 I promise you, you will get played.

00:08:20.940 All right, let's see what we got next.

00:08:23.620 Rachel, she used to be hot. 1.00

00:08:25.560 What happened?

00:08:26.300 She's looking weird these days.

00:08:27.840 People are going to kill me for this, but I still do wish on some level we could be friends.

00:08:34.740 Yeah.

00:08:35.100 Because he was my best friend.

00:08:37.020 Try not to cry.

00:08:38.780 We were friends before.

00:08:41.060 are basically like going through divorces like because they'll be with someone for like three

00:08:44.980 or four years they become so integrated in your life and then yeah or boyfriend and girlfriend

00:08:51.620 sometimes like i would even look at him and be like are you like actually like in love with me

00:08:55.940 like do you yeah see your my you know like i don't know for for me at times i was like it really does

00:09:02.660 just seem like we're best friends yeah and i would love to maybe someday like not anytime soon don't

00:09:10.260 worry guys there want to be cordial friends everyone yeah be able to say hi friendly friendly

00:09:16.500 yeah i like that i feel like one of the big just weird because when you know someone on that level

00:09:20.740 i don't know how you go to being it's almost like that person just knows you in like a different way

00:09:26.020 you know questions right now is like are you in contact and we are not in contact i have not been

00:09:30.900 texting him i have not been calling him don't worry but i and she's in love with that man

00:09:37.460 she is in love with that man okay girl talk staying friends with your ex and your ex wants

00:09:42.100 to be friends there are three reasons why this happens the first one is false comfort for

00:09:46.580 himself if you did you really dirty and he wants to smash pretty much sometimes they say this

00:09:51.300 because they want to ease their own guilt being friends makes them feel like they didn't really

00:09:54.820 hurt you like it wasn't that bad please do not let somebody's guilty conscience keep you tied to them

00:09:59.620 they don't even be feeling bad for you half the time they'd be feeling bad for themselves the

00:10:02.660 second reason and honestly the most common reason is access can we be friends is code for can i

00:10:07.300 i still have access to you can i still keep you close enough that i can check on you flirt with 0.99

00:10:11.220 you make sure no one else has you without having to give you commitment or clarity that you deserve

00:10:15.580 honestly it's control and on top of that if you are a good woman if you treated them so well it's

00:10:20.440 really their loss so they want that access to you even if it's not y'all being official boyfriend

00:10:25.420 no they just want to smash girlfriend like they don't want to lose you all together even though

00:10:29.420 they're not willing to still hit do what it takes to keep you all together they don't want to lose

00:10:33.420 you all together they want to hit and also hit other people you know they want to smash and

00:10:37.000 smash others so they will find any reason to make it seem like we don't have to completely leave

00:10:41.280 each other's lives but who is that doing more damage to you who's getting the better end of

00:10:45.720 the stick out of that deal him that's not fair and the third reason goes into number two it's

00:10:49.560 the illusion of hope sometimes they say can we still be friends to keep you from fully moving

00:10:53.800 on as long as there's a thread keeping y'all connected there's hope and when there's hope

00:10:57.520 especially if you love them it's harder for you to let them go you cannot just be friends with

00:11:02.160 somebody who you love deeply like you can't i know it's hard and it would be so much easier not

00:11:09.500 really but it would feel so much easier in the moment to be like okay we're not together but

00:11:13.960 we'll always be in each other's lives cute now you never talk again okay next 90 of the time

00:11:19.940 the only time i really see people be friends after is like if it's a beta bucks relationship

00:11:24.720 where the girl really didn't like him like that then sometimes it can work i'm still friends with

00:11:29.880 my ex and this is how. When we broke up it did not feel right to completely cut each other out

00:11:34.760 of our lives. I think for most people that's probably really healthy to go no contact but for

00:11:38.300 us it just didn't feel right with our intuition. In order to stay friends we had to firmly agree

00:11:44.320 that we were not going to try to get back together. We went to therapy to help establish what our

00:11:49.540 boundaries and expectations were for our friendship. For us that looked like facetiming

00:11:54.760 about once a week and um being there for each other if we needed to be we agreed not to talk

00:12:00.440 about going on dates with other people and only let each other know if we were going to be in a

00:12:04.360 relationship with someone else we did talk about what went wrong in our relationship but we only

00:12:09.080 did it in the sense of bringing up to each other what we did wrong so i did this how did that feel

00:12:15.080 for you i wish that i did it better but we never pointed our finger and said you did this ma'am

00:12:19.720 that's your husband just get back with him i mean once we stopped doing that things started to

00:12:25.320 evolve in our friendship in the beginning there was a lot of crying and anger and resentment and

00:12:31.640 we had to work through that um in our friendship and now we're just friends and it's good it took

00:12:37.880 time but not having him in my life at all and him not having me in his life at all both felt wrong

00:12:43.700 for both of us and um i'm confident that we'll be friends for life and like we're good with that and

00:12:50.660 if one of us gets into another relationship it might suck at first i don't know i know is it

00:12:55.220 crazy that i wouldn't really care if a guy was friends with his ex is that crazy that i wouldn't

00:13:00.660 care i just feel like you know it didn't work for a reason she probably just needs her tv hung or

00:13:05.220 something i hurt a little bit it might sting a little bit but we know that we're not right for

00:13:10.180 each other anymore so it feels right it definitely didn't happen overnight but ultimately it's what

00:13:16.860 we both wanted and so we worked it out it took some time but we're good now all right all right

00:13:23.500 um exes i think it's a little more convoluted than people think i know you guys are gonna roast me

00:13:29.560 for this but i i've seen situations where exes are friends and i don't it doesn't seem like to

00:13:36.280 me there's really anything there anymore um maybe i'm unique in having this observation

00:13:42.400 personally i've never been in that situation i don't really keep in contact with anybody but

00:13:48.300 i have seen situations where you know all right guys let me know what you think in the comments

00:13:53.120 have you ever stayed friends with an ex um were you smashing or not let me know in the comments

00:13:58.120 like the video and i'll see you next time

Pearl - March 25, 2026

The Girls Who Stay Friends With Their Exes (They're In Love)

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