Pearl - The Rise of Loneliness And Parasocial Relationships ｜ Pearl Daily

00:00:00.000 Thank you.

00:00:30.000 good afternoon good evening ladies and gentlemen wait are we live hold on let me let me double

00:00:54.900 check oh wow we are live sorry guys good afternoon good evening ladies and gentlemen welcome to

00:01:10.180 another episode of pearl daily first I want to say Merry Christmas to all of you and thank you

00:01:16.460 so much for watching these past three years as you guys know it has been quite the journey

00:01:24.160 and I am so happy to have you guys along with me next I want to issue a thank you and you know

00:01:32.940 there are some people that I want to thank above all else that really have skyrocketed my platform

00:01:39.820 and that is the OnlyFans whores the simps and 1.00

00:01:48.300 the fake traditional conservative women thank you for keeping me employed if it wasn't for you guys 0.99

00:01:59.940 i wouldn't have a job

00:02:01.640 thank you someone said pearl you look like you just got rail all right i'm not having the best

00:02:09.480 hair day okay could you just could you just leave me be you guys are too much sometimes

00:02:15.820 Okay, as you guys know, if you want to contribute, go to the audacitynetwork.com and get the

00:02:22.060 yearly or monthly subscription.

00:02:24.240 I do read you guys' comments that are in the live chat that is on the website, so make

00:02:29.240 sure you do that.

00:02:31.200 Okay, so today's topic, we are going to be talking about friendship.

00:02:35.160 Now, most people believe that friendship is important to having a happy life.

00:02:41.300 most people believe that relationships are important. Now, as you guys know, all of the

00:02:48.360 data is showing that men and women are going further and further apart. And I'm not here to

00:02:54.740 sell hope. I'm not here to sell dreams. You know, it would be much easier for me to do a stream

00:03:02.240 saying, yes, there's going to be families. Everything's going to swing back. But

00:03:08.180 there is zero indication that that's going to happen. So what is the definition of a friendship?

00:03:16.420 A friend is somebody you care about, trust, enjoy spending time with, that makes you feel

00:03:22.180 happy and supported. And friendships can vary based on many factors. Now, friendships have

00:03:33.760 a tendency to last 17 years, but only six of 29 friends people make in their lifetime last that

00:03:40.960 long. A study of 2,000 people found that people lose touch with almost 50% of their friends.

00:03:49.500 Research shows up to 70% of close friends and 52% of social networks dissolve after seven years,

00:03:57.120 and people regularly make new friends until their mid-20s, but friendship social circles

00:04:02.920 have a tendency to shrink after that. And childhood friendships last a lifetime for

00:04:09.200 most people. According to Jerry Hall, it takes about 50 hours of relationships to move from

00:04:17.160 acquaintance to casual friend and around 90 hours to become a friend and 200 hours to become a newer

00:04:24.060 best friend. Yeah. So in order to get a best friend, you got to put 200 hours in and it just

00:04:29.120 seems like the older we get, the less that we have the time. And as I was reading about friendship

00:04:35.700 and about these trends, it really did match up with what I saw in my own personal life. You know,

00:04:43.100 they say that most friendship circles will dissolve after seven years. That was pretty

00:04:48.060 much true. And I would say out of every 29 friends, what did I say? Six of 29 friends,

00:05:00.100 people make it last, you know, 17 years. I would say that's about true. That's kind of what I've

00:05:06.480 seen. Okay. So factors that can affect the length of a friendship are shared experiences, mutual

00:05:14.140 respect and effort from both individuals now an interesting thing that I've been seeing on social

00:05:21.420 media is both men and women talking about how they have no close friends now I'm going to show

00:05:32.500 you guys a couple of videos that really piqued my curiosity into this topic so this is one

00:05:39.580 i am 25 and i have no friends let me put this hold on so this is like a compilation of all of

00:05:50.880 them let's see i am 25 and i have no friends that's when i realized nobody nobody cares about 0.94

00:06:02.960 you in this world what the fuck do you do when you're depressed and you don't know what the 0.98

00:06:09.680 fuck is going on with your life i'm 23 i'm about to graduate all these kind of good things are 1.00

00:06:15.040 happening around me but man i ain't been more depressed in my life because i don't have any 0.99

00:06:18.920 friends and honestly i don't think i've ever had friends i don't know man i'm just tired of being 0.71

00:06:30.020 alone bro shit's actually mad sad and depressing hand on heart man yeah it's sad and the only thing 0.83

00:06:36.900 i won was being alone and i tried to fill the void like with streaming and that or like playing games 0.99

00:06:48.020 but it don't work

00:06:49.580 let me play it one more time just to i think you guys missed i am 25 and i have no friends

00:07:04.960 that's when i realized no no no we didn't okay then i have one more i'm gonna show you

00:07:13.800 and for a lot of men this seems to almost be pragmatic so there's this guy on youtube his

00:07:20.620 name is terry joe jr and he had a video titled why you don't want friends family or a partner

00:07:27.320 anymore so this is an issue globally today bro globally this is an issue and most likely for

00:07:40.820 those of you that clicked on this video a lot of you have this mindset like you

00:07:46.560 don't want friends family or partner anymore I'm gonna tell you why you think

00:07:50.540 this way and you shouldn't put the stamp down that things are gonna be this way

00:07:59.720 forever it's just you're probably making a transition you should never be closed

00:08:06.380 mind and yeah I'm gonna be single for life I don't want any more to do with

00:08:10.500 nobody else and I just this and that like that's not a good mindset to have you have to be optimistic

00:08:18.140 you have to be open-minded but I'm going to tell you guys today the reason why you think this way

00:08:23.060 and we've all been there bro I used to have a shitload of friends was involved with family

00:08:29.280 had a girl and you never know how life is going to pan out you never know what you're going to

00:08:37.480 get hit with men and like i'm a people person people still enjoy talking to me wherever i go

00:08:44.740 but it's like it's more so to do with me than anything else and it's because of what life has

00:08:55.780 thrown our way we have a standard there's not many people in the world if you look at like

00:09:06.080 the majority of the world that has these highest standards and the reason we have this high of

00:09:13.140 standards is because we accepted a lot of stuff around ourselves and we got let down we expected

00:09:20.240 a lot of the friends we had to be friends for life and we expected the girl we were with that

00:09:26.120 that was going to be our girl we expect a family not to screw us over but here we are things happen

00:09:32.580 life can take a curveball so fast it's not even funny and

00:09:37.140 we don't want to accept a lot of people into our lives i'm very selective if i'm gonna have 0.97

00:09:44.960 these friends groups and everything else it's gotta be solid as hell like some gang shit type 0.98

00:09:50.580 shit bro like they're not friends with a million other people like we're close and whoever they're 0.98

00:10:01.140 friends with we're friends with and it's just like it's a solid group because this is what's 0.95

00:10:07.860 needed today in the world because the world's nuts and um same thing with your girl if she's 1.00

00:10:17.540 talking to a bunch of different guys then is that really your girl no we have high standards bro

00:10:26.720 we have high standards and that's why a lot of us are in the position we're currently in

00:10:31.820 because we have high standards we don't accept just anything like a lot of other people do

00:10:37.120 and then that's when you get the 40 50 year old people calling people like me because things went

00:10:42.340 wrong for so long and that's what a lot of other people is going to go through eventually

00:10:46.400 like i'm still young there's going to be a lot of people that's even younger than me

00:10:51.320 around the same age that's going to go through a lot of stuff somewhere down the line they're

00:10:56.760 going to get nailed people's going to get lost the most important thing is that you don't lose

00:11:03.780 yourself the most important thing is that you do not lose yourself you don't you have to be who you

00:11:11.320 are you have to have standards and this is what makes a man anyways is a man with standards 0.96

00:11:17.260 you can't just accept anything in your life that's some kid shit a lot of people today 0.98

00:11:22.700 is involved in the kid shit we ain't doing it we did it before when we actually were kids 0.99

00:11:28.600 we're not kids no more we're grown adults and to have these backstabbing bums around us to 1.00

00:11:34.960 have females we're unsure about around us and family members who don't got our backs who think 0.98

00:11:40.760 they can just use us for money or some dumb shit it's not happening it's not happening 0.96

00:11:47.560 and this is probably why you don't want friends family or a partner around you anymore because 0.99

00:11:53.640 a lot of people's bullshit and they don't really got you like that that is why 0.98

00:11:58.960 so 0.99

00:12:02.240 the best thing you can do under these circumstances is become a hyper-focused individual

00:12:12.980 do not cut corners don't beat around the bush become the best you can be create as much value

00:12:21.040 as you possibly can and carry on life and what's going to happen is going to happen

00:12:27.720 i don't recommend being that close-minded where you're completely giving up on people

00:12:32.980 and everything else you shouldn't because you never know when great things can happen

00:12:36.920 with other people you don't know

00:12:38.380 and with this with all this being said

00:12:44.720 i got friends but it's like

00:12:49.360 where i come from i don't have that group of friends where it's like all the time solid type

00:13:00.920 stuff i get along with a lot of people but at the end of the day it's like it's more so acquaintances

00:13:06.220 like there's a few people like bro i'm probably closest with people that don't even come from

00:13:10.480 from where i come from like foreigners literally so it's like the people i'm closest with is

00:13:19.080 scattered all over the world in different places even suddenly three hours away from myself right

00:13:24.280 now two hours away but it's like to have a solid group where you come from to have family on point

00:13:32.020 to have that girl to have all these things intact it's not an easy task today you can have this

00:13:38.880 stuff you could have a girl you could have friends groups you could have family around you but is it

00:13:44.760 solid is it worthy or are you the one carrying everyone on your back like a backpack that's

00:13:52.120 too heavy and this seems to be a common complaint from people it seems like many people feel like

00:14:01.080 they are the ones putting effort into relationships and friendships and not getting anything

00:14:09.320 in return you know because i and i'm going to go through these in a bit but i started

00:14:13.960 pulling people on twitter and say for and saying for those of you that don't have close friendships

00:14:19.960 or for those of you that have friendships and why and this was one of the most common things

00:14:26.120 i heard people say was it's because i stopped putting in effort and the friendship just dissolved

00:14:39.720 they ain't got you

00:14:43.960 it's like you got them you're there for the benefit for their benefit but they ain't got you

00:14:52.980 you don't feel it you feel used the whole time and you don't feel like anyone's around you that

00:15:00.160 that's like heaven high standards bro is going to protect you from a lot of bs is what it's

00:15:09.540 going to do you demand a lot from yourself you can do so much for others but can others do the

00:15:13.600 same for you you have to have people who's on kind of your level and to me this is a guy

00:15:22.800 just in the background he seems to be doing well for himself he it looks like he's got a good

00:15:27.800 apartment that doesn't look cheap it's it's not really the same vibe i get from some of the videos

00:15:34.520 where you know the guy looks a little bit socially awkward unattractive um not in shape not in a

00:15:43.540 you know in a shitty apartment like it's interesting because two men with very different 0.77

00:15:49.940 options in life are seemingly coming to the same conclusion which is it's just not worth it anymore

00:15:58.500 and what's interesting is i'm seeing this pattern not only in relationships with women

00:16:03.860 but with friendships in general let me keep going back wavelength at least in mindset and they're

00:16:10.660 building themselves up they understand they understand the world and how things have to be 1.00

00:16:17.220 because anything else is peanuts man it's it's peanuts it's stupid it shouldn't even exist 1.00

00:16:28.100 but you have lots of people just roaming around today bro they're in these friends groups and it's 0.99

00:16:33.460 it's not gonna last a lot of people have these girls but it's not gonna last 0.70

00:16:39.060 we've been there bro i've been there from a decade ago a decade

00:16:47.220 it's time to get focused it's time to transition it's time to take your surroundings very seriously

00:16:55.060 very seriously

00:16:58.740 and only the strong is gonna survive only the real ones are gonna do it right everyone else

00:17:05.860 they're gonna live 20 plus years of their lives coming coming up and everything's gonna go to 0.99

00:17:11.140 shit and it's because they are shit they didn't do the right things they just lived their life 1.00

00:17:20.040 kind of using other people and not using themselves as much as they should have to 1.00

00:17:23.500 become a valuable human being to others around them that is what everybody must do so you

00:17:28.440 having that kind of a standard bro it's gonna push most people away i bro there's

00:17:35.820 lots of people that even want to come and guys you're right friendships should be mutual so if

00:17:40.260 you're in the chat right now like the video because i'm demonetized i do this for free

00:17:46.480 i'm not even the least you guys could do is hit the like button hit it all right

00:17:54.120 around me but i don't really let it happen like i just kind of

00:17:58.300 i know what this is i know what this is i know what this is just pushing shit away and even like 0.85

00:18:05.800 the amount of talking stages i've been in with females it's like i know what this is and no i'm 1.00

00:18:11.360 not going to take it easy on you no i'm not i know what this is why would i take it easy on you 0.54

00:18:16.820 that's unintelligent i'd be naive i'm sorry that i'm not stupid guys i'm sorry that i'm not stupid 0.94

00:18:26.720 i'm sorry you can't take advantage of me oh my god i'm so sorry no i'm not sorry

00:18:32.200 not even a little bit

00:18:35.760 guys i've been through it a lot of you have been through it and a lot of us have this mindset like

00:18:44.400 we don't really want many people around us i don't i like selective that's what i like

00:18:51.080 and the people i select they're solid and it's nothing even crazy it's not like the next albert

00:18:58.800 einstein's and it's like that bro they're just solid they're not perfect they're just solid

00:19:03.840 people you can feel it when you speak with them you can feel it when you engage with them they're

00:19:08.780 they're actually a person that has done work that has self-reflected that that that has humbled

00:19:14.160 themselves to know they must be of value to the people they're involved with

00:19:19.380 not these other bloodsuckers out here bro that's trying to use you 24 7 not happening

00:19:26.360 It is not happening 0.95

00:19:29.540 You're literally better off by yourself bro

00:19:31.320 Like literally

00:19:31.920 Like

00:19:39.880 I've worked myself to a level

00:19:44.260 Where most places I go

00:19:49.220 Most people I run into

00:19:53.380 It's just like

00:19:54.420 there's nothing special anywhere y'all's the most averages averages things ever it's just like

00:20:02.580 nothing excites me people don't excite me but there's the odd people that come around that

00:20:06.580 excite me and that's good that's good not many people do it's predictable predictable someone's

00:20:16.220 coming up you already know what they're going to say predictable predictable predictable predictable

00:20:19.800 predictable. It almost drives you nuts. It almost drives you nuts how predictable shit

00:20:31.080 is. And it's because they ain't got a solid head attached to their skeleton. They just 1.00

00:20:39.440 don't. And that's why a lot of things go the way they go, man, because

00:20:48.200 we understand what the world is like and we push people away because they're no good for us and we

00:20:54.940 already know it and yeah we're strict with our surroundings it's called being personally

00:21:02.800 intelligent oh my god and you guys are agreeing with me in the chat you know we have nomi b says

00:21:10.000 over time, the realization kicks in that 99% of people aren't talking to. And when I watch

00:21:19.500 women's videos about these things, a lot of times the way I would perceive it is 1.00

00:21:27.260 they are either too lazy to go out and try making friends, or they would make videos saying they

00:21:36.160 have no friends for attention though but men it just seemed to be a little bit different for me

00:21:43.720 um they just seemed exasperated like used up in a way like they were tired of being used for their

00:21:56.120 resources and their time from both men I mean women especially we all know that on this channel but 0.54

00:22:03.080 it wasn't that simple a lot of them seem tired of being used by everybody and they're just sort

00:22:11.060 of asking themselves what do i get out of this what do i get out of this friendship

00:22:17.600 i'm gonna play the video a little bit longer

00:22:21.080 there's a lot of things i was around my whole life that i had no business beat around but

00:22:28.620 we're all brought up somewhere around certain types of people and

00:22:33.240 it took me a while for me to be able to spread my wings just because of the positions i found

00:22:39.120 myself in in life but i spread my wings and no one can hold me back i'm like the air all over

00:22:44.660 the place doing whatever i want doing as i please growing as a human just go go go go go and i just

00:22:50.880 can't stand the individuals that come around and try to stop me from from being me or looking at

00:22:57.520 me and talking to me like you know who i am you don't know who i am every day i've even heard men

00:23:03.240 say they don't like relationships because it comes with responsibilities and when people care about

00:23:11.960 you you if your mother cares about you you have to go and visit her twice a year and you're obligated

00:23:21.460 to or and it almost seemed like the responsibility of the relationship and the time it would take up

00:23:30.820 you know men just sort of realized it wasn't worth their time anymore friends family both

00:23:37.780 um i'm gonna play this a little longer i need to go switch something up there so just give me a

00:23:43.060 second guys today i don't want to know who you are let's just live every day like it is i don't

00:23:48.580 care what your name is i don't give a we're new people every single day let's keep living every

00:23:55.540 day like it's their last and let's keep putting up this fight and let's keep going on in life

00:24:00.740 it's fun people need something to live for man there's so many people around you just looking

00:24:06.340 for you to entertain them that's what they're doing that's all they want is for you to entertain

00:24:13.220 them because they are nothing they ain't got a head in their shoulders they just want you to

00:24:19.720 come around to entertain them make them feel good make them do this make them do that make me do it

00:24:25.900 how about you entertain me you can't i forgot you can't i can i can entertain you

00:24:33.380 you can't entertain me that's why we ain't close

00:24:36.520 no that's not the only reason why we're not close but you just get the point

00:24:42.880 most people's not that interesting man and i'm not even trying to be a brick 0.97

00:24:49.960 i'm just being serious it's like man things is bullshit 0.91

00:24:54.180 there there are the odd people that come around and you have a fairly intelligent conversation 0.97

00:25:01.640 with and everything else but other than that it's a bunch of bs it's just like

00:25:04.760 it almost hurts your head more than anything else you just feel like i don't know it's 0.97

00:25:10.520 ridiculous, man. It's absolutely ridiculous. This is why we just want to keep spreading our wings 0.99

00:25:21.020 and keep growing past everything else because most people don't want to grow.

00:25:26.020 Most things around you don't want to grow. I want to grow. I want to spread my wings and

00:25:32.020 fly off like a bird, to be honest. I don't want to deal with most things around. I just get away

00:25:39.080 from me get away from me get away from me i just i don't give up bro i don't care

00:25:45.560 please tell me something new tell me something different oh yeah

00:25:50.840 you can't i like new stories i like fascinating things and conversations

00:25:59.800 i don't care about today i don't like bro let's talk about the weather today oh it's

00:26:06.520 nice day today who gives them we can't

00:26:13.480 this is what i mean man it's annoying it's just bro you hear it so much

00:26:21.240 things just get annoying people annoy me it's like you just want to be around some more intelligent 0.88

00:26:26.040 shit so that because it's what's going to help us grow and then some people get upset because we 0.78

00:26:34.040 We just kind of shrugged them off and we don't want to talk. 0.99

00:26:36.180 And it's like, I wasn't put on earth to entertain you.

00:26:39.680 I'm not your pet.

00:26:43.000 Like, I don't get it, man.

00:26:45.320 People expect things from us all the time.

00:26:47.740 And you know why?

00:26:50.820 Because we're like their parents.

00:26:52.600 We're like everyone's father.

00:26:55.300 People expect things from us all the time because we're daddy.

00:26:59.880 We're daddy.

00:27:01.420 Daddy can bring value to the table. 0.62

00:27:03.380 yeah and what do our children do extract value from us and our actual children

00:27:13.000 they're supposed to do that but are these our children is other grown adults

00:27:17.060 everywhere around you our children your children no this is a sickening thing

00:27:24.300 about it this is what sickens me to death I don't get it

00:27:33.380 and man this has been going on for so many years this ain't nothing new this ain't something that

00:27:38.720 just happened yesterday this ain't something that happened last week this has been going on

00:27:43.000 for a decade or more but bro like i was a kid once too but i was a smart kid i wasn't he

00:27:54.140 reminds me of what I've seen too and it's a phenomenon of

00:27:59.280 people that are old enough to be adults but mentally are children and I see this mostly

00:28:10.280 oftentimes in the ladies but the you know I see it in both genders and I think it's a millennial 1.00

00:28:17.040 thing like we're the kind of the Disney adult I think we're the generation that really just

00:28:22.380 postponed adulthood as long as humanly possible ever like that bro there's people that's 20 some

00:28:30.500 30 some 40 some and they're like that i wasn't even like that as a kid i was ahead of that as

00:28:36.580 a kid like you gotta be kidding me guys like you gotta be kidding me 0.80

00:28:41.860 like man my type of people are a people in life with a thirst for growth and hunger 0.98

00:28:52.480 those are my kind of people that know some shit that know something that get it not a lot of 0.97

00:28:59.140 people get it and it's just it's annoying after a while you can take some of it you can take it a 0.99

00:29:07.720 little bit but as time keeps going on it starts to drive you nuts you're around grown ass adults 0.99

00:29:15.380 and they expect you to fucking swing off a fucking branch by your teeth like i don't know 0.99

00:29:23.660 they just expect too much from you they expect you to entertain them and it just wastes your time 0.99

00:29:32.600 at the end of the day you gave them laughs you did things for them but it just wastes at your

00:29:37.400 time i'm not looking to have my time wasted i'm not looking to be around people like that i'm

00:29:43.640 looking to be around people who want to okay keep rolling and canoe because okay you guys get the

00:29:51.080 idea so i asked these questions on twitter you know if you're someone that doesn't have a lot of

00:29:57.960 friends what is the reason for it why did your friendship end and eventually guys we're going

00:30:03.960 going to do a call in where you guys can tell me your stories but I want to first okay so the

00:30:11.400 reasons that people said were one people feel like they're different than the people around you

00:30:17.580 around them many of the men that said they don't have a lot of friends have felt that that

00:30:23.320 they are just not interested in the same things that everyone else is interested in from a young

00:30:29.000 age. Some cite that it's video games, some cite that it's maybe a nerdy type of things, but

00:30:35.020 there is a general feeling that they do not fit in with the people around them. Now, when I was

00:30:43.240 reading through comments on different videos and I don't know, just different things people were

00:30:48.360 saying, some people do think that something is wrong with them personally, where they push people

00:30:56.300 away for some reason um like i think one comment i read was you know um something's probably wrong

00:31:03.820 with me but you know i'm 71 alone and i'm happy now the next thing people would say for their

00:31:13.340 reasoning why they don't have friends is i never spoke with them about anything of substance number

00:31:18.940 Number three, some seem to feel as though they are morally superior or just better than

00:31:26.660 the people around them.

00:31:27.880 So there's a general feeling that maybe their friends were doing drugs and they didn't want

00:31:31.780 to go down that path.

00:31:33.700 Maybe their friends weren't working as hard as them and they didn't want to go down that

00:31:37.080 path.

00:31:39.080 A lot of people that seem to not have friends have a tendency to think that their friends, 0.93

00:31:45.540 their old friends were losers. 0.90

00:31:47.100 Okay. 0.99

00:31:48.100 is, I'm just telling you what people were saying. Um, they would say it's better to be alone than

00:31:53.640 in bad company, social anxiety. My girlfriend or wife is possessive and does not want to share

00:32:04.880 seven. I only put energy into people who put energy into me and I ended up alone.

00:32:12.580 my personal reasons are that I was more interested in other things and probably more

00:32:19.240 interested in those things to pay attention to friendships I can't get through small talk I

00:32:26.600 don't do small talk I honestly don't even wish to talk to people at all even about the things

00:32:31.640 I care about most women gossip and tend to bond over that it's just very shallow it takes up too 1.00

00:32:38.800 much time and energy and also people have no concept of planning anything these days i don't

00:32:46.160 have any close friends but only a couple who would do anything for me as i would for them

00:32:55.600 okay guys so i want to know in the chat what are your reasons if you don't have a lot of friends

00:33:02.960 what are your reasons for not having them now i'm going to read the audacity network members chat

00:33:10.340 which you go to the audacity network.com 10 bucks a month 80 bucks a year um and i read your chat so

00:33:18.260 richard says if there was a big war everything would reset i don't watch tv or follow sports

00:33:24.520 or drink so it's tough curveballs your best friend can become your worst enemy i have become

00:33:30.440 a rejection sensitive because of passive aggressive bullies and manipulative

00:33:34.400 medallers sounds like he is a good at pattern recognition dane i signed in late but this guy

00:33:41.240 sounds weak and feminine if he were a woman the words wouldn't change same basic wine

00:33:45.180 it's all feelings and how mean everyone is to him and it's always from the perspective that

00:33:49.640 he's the prize jacob the guy is right friends are only in your life for a reason or a season

00:33:54.260 rarely are they around forever dane if this whining and bitching is an example of how his 1.00

00:33:59.900 normal behavior it's then there's no wonder he doesn't have um he doesn't have grudges

00:34:06.940 he's not entitled to friends long term or otherwise okay that's what the people in the

00:34:13.100 chat are saying okay i'm gonna show you guys one more video and i'm gonna fix one more thing this

00:34:18.860 is from a nigerian woman who's 41 i'm 41 years old and i have no and has no friends i'm gonna show you

00:34:25.660 friends and no social i'm 41 years old and i have no friends and no social life

00:34:34.940 some days i'm i feel sad about this and some days i have come to terms with this fact

00:34:41.580 but this video is not about bashing anyone uh to be honest um i'm not completely selfish or

00:34:48.060 narcissistic enough to think that it's always everybody else's fault i know that i have a

00:34:53.260 role as well to playing this. But let me go a bit deeper into why I think I have no friends.

00:35:02.620 So I'm going to talk a bit about my childhood. I grew up in a broken family. My parents broke

00:35:10.540 up when I was I think about four years old and this was the beginning of you know everything

00:35:17.420 in terms of having detachment issues or attachment issues as well for that matter.

00:35:24.700 So what that meant for me was that I was juggled around like a ball basically between my

00:35:30.380 my mom and my dad and I moved around quite a lot. So I moved states three times. By the way,

00:35:38.860 I'm from Nigeria and Nigeria is a federation so we have states. So I moved states three times

00:35:45.660 and the fact that in Nigeria we've got over a hundred languages means that every time I moved

00:35:52.200 state I was moving to a place that had a completely different language although everyone speaks

00:35:57.180 English but the language was different the culture was different the food was different

00:36:02.100 school of course was different so I had to like reorientate myself all over again so I also I

00:36:10.500 attended two nursery schools, three primary schools, two

00:36:15.780 secondary schools and one university, thank goodness. But

00:36:19.620 each time I had to move, I had to say goodbye to my friends.

00:36:22.940 So we're talking about a time before the internet, right, a

00:36:27.260 time before mobile phones, as we know it today before Facebook

00:36:31.140 and Instagram. So once you left, that was it, you know, it was

00:36:37.420 goodbye. And so I learned to be by myself. And I learned to be my own

00:36:44.260 friend and be my own company. I was really lucky though, because then I

00:36:48.360 discovered books. And so I was able to escape from the world, basically. But I

00:36:54.800 think that also built a warped version of life in my head, because I was reading

00:37:01.640 lots of, you know, feel good books, fiction, you know, like romance, the

00:37:06.760 meals and booms. I don't know if you're of that generation. We had meals and booms. I believe it

00:37:11.800 still exists today. But anyway, I digress. So this really affected me growing up in terms of keeping

00:37:20.840 in touch with friends. I didn't have any close friends. You know, as soon as I was close enough

00:37:24.640 to people, it was like time to move. Now, I don't completely blame my parents because I know that

00:37:33.000 they were going through. I mean, now I know, even then, I think I have always been a kind of

00:37:38.400 intuitive person. You know, I knew that they were going through physical, mental, financial issues.

00:37:46.500 And so I didn't really blame them. Of course, I didn't understand what was going on back then.

00:37:56.440 But let's fast forward to high school. So in high school, secondary school, we call it

00:38:00.980 in Nigeria. In my final three years, I made very good friends. We were so close. We were tight.

00:38:08.460 We used to go to each other's homes. I thought, finally, I belong, you know. But then we went off

00:38:13.920 to university. We had different lives, different directions, and we lost touch. So what that meant

00:38:21.360 for me was that every time I would meet someone, okay, it's either of two things. So it's either

00:38:28.460 I would guard myself against, you know, letting them in, or I would completely open up and risk

00:38:38.360 getting hurt. And it hurts. It really, really hurts when you have no one really that you can

00:38:44.820 just talk to. It hurts deep, deep, deep, deep. I'm a strong person. I was a strong child. I have a

00:38:54.940 brother but he's five years older than i am so that means that i mean he's a boy uh plus he's

00:39:00.940 five years older than me so we never really wear that clothes um we had different interests um i

00:39:06.900 was very bookish and he was more artistic he is more artistic he's still artistic and i'm more of

00:39:12.540 a you know a book warm uh so it didn't really we didn't have that much of a tight relationship we

00:39:20.700 love each other but that much that tight relationship we didn't have so let's move to

00:39:25.740 my when i hear her reasons the man seems exhausted he seems like he has no friends

00:39:36.080 because he is exhausted from what comes with friendship where the woman seems like she 0.79

00:39:44.980 I has just checked out of life a little bit.

00:39:48.660 I chose my books over friends.

00:39:50.900 I moved.

00:39:52.340 I didn't really, I wasn't that close with my brother.

00:39:59.320 You guys can tell me if you think anything different, but we're going to keep going.

00:40:04.340 Rusty days.

00:40:05.040 So in my university days, I did make friends, but then I wasn't, they weren't like a major

00:40:10.600 priority in my life.

00:40:11.640 If I saw them, I saw them.

00:40:12.740 If I didn't, I didn't really care because by then I had grown to just love myself and just be by myself.

00:40:20.340 And, you know, I was always fine by myself.

00:40:22.840 I still am fine by myself.

00:40:27.340 But then when I started having relationships, romantic relationships, I would expect my boyfriend to be my friend, you know, but it's not the same.

00:40:37.640 However, when I met my boyfriend, who is now my husband now, things changed a lot.

00:40:45.260 He became my everything, my best friend, my confidant, everything.

00:40:49.440 And so I didn't feel the need to have other friends.

00:40:55.060 But now that I'm in my forties, I've started thinking about it a little bit deeper.

00:41:01.440 I have problems keeping in touch with people.

00:41:07.620 I have problems carrying a relationship, a friendship beyond just, you know, hey, hi,

00:41:14.460 and just hang out and just have a chit chat here and there and just move on.

00:41:18.180 I've tried.

00:41:19.580 So my boyfriend and I, my husband now, and I, we moved to Malta from Nigeria because

00:41:25.820 my boyfriend at the time was transferred here for work.

00:41:32.100 And so we've been living in Malta for 10 years now.

00:41:35.600 At the start, we met a group of friends, a group of people, and we hung out together.

00:41:41.720 And I thought, yes, finally, you know, people that I can invite home, I can go to their

00:41:46.520 place and ladies that I can really have a good chat with and stuff like that.

00:41:51.440 But then slowly, you know, members of the group started falling out with each other.

00:41:58.280 And yeah, and that's really common with female friendships. 1.00

00:42:03.160 know the men when i asked why their friendships ended and i'm gonna do a list later the men um

00:42:11.500 some of them hired their friend some of them maybe lent their friend money um some of them said their

00:42:17.380 friend got into drugs alcohol um or you know maybe one of them just started working a lot and just

00:42:24.240 wanted to be around people that were working a lot the lady's reasons for friendships ending um 1.00

00:42:31.280 was like stolen money slept with my boyfriend like and Doug MPA even says

00:42:38.740 that women can't stand each other 70 to 80 percent of workplace bullying is women bullying 0.99

00:42:45.840 other women and 50 percent of women want to work for a male boss instead of a female boss 1.00

00:42:51.800 so this is you know men it just seems to be practical where women it tends to be

00:43:00.600 you know the pause you know the the claws come out okay let me refresh on the website

00:43:08.140 now as most of you know most of these ladies will find even if they burn every bridge around them 1.00

00:43:18.500 whatever they'll always find a simp and I have been on the front lines of the simp epidemic for

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00:45:03.280 okay so next i want to check the chat brian says people are very mobile these days and

00:45:13.340 many friends moved to another state and I have eventually lost touch with them

00:45:17.660 um Dane says whether he's telling the truth or not is irrelevant people can do sucky stuff

00:45:24.340 so what man up and build yourself into something um if this whining and bitching is an example okay 1.00

00:45:31.940 whatever uh okay so now I'm gonna talk about why friendships end so I asked people on Twitter to

00:45:39.060 give me examples of why friendships and now I really love Twitter as a way to get personal

00:45:44.460 stories because I find that people really just open up on that app I don't know what it is I

00:45:49.180 think it's maybe more anonymous than other sites but people will tell you you know their deepest

00:45:57.620 darkest secrets or really open up about their life now why friendships ended I'm gonna read

00:46:05.020 common answers that I got he or she stole from me um it's what I do I have bipolar disorder and

00:46:15.660 every so often I lose control turn evil and drive the people closest to me away for various reasons

00:46:21.620 unique to them and how I made them feel when they see the worst and ugliest parts of me most people

00:46:27.000 don't ever get to see or have to see the worst part of who they are it's traumatizing depending

00:46:32.000 on who you are and hard to deal with regardless um one answer was slept with a girlfriend ex-boyfriend

00:46:40.720 husband politics was one that was pretty common that actually that happened to me 20 years of

00:46:48.120 friendship and i told this woman i didn't tell this woman this show made me lose a lot of friends

00:46:58.540 it's kind of sad you know you know the ladies support you until you're saying what's on your

00:47:06.200 mind okay um one of the parties moved was really common drugs or alcohol paid them for years and

00:47:13.920 realized um oh many people paid for their friends for years and realized they weren't putting in as

00:47:20.940 much effort. One became more successful than the other. So what's interesting now is the average

00:47:29.060 number of friends seems to be between one and four close friends. Men report having less friendships

00:47:36.860 with 15% of men reporting having no close friendships at all. Now, I think there's a

00:47:43.380 couple reasons for this, just anecdotally speaking. One is the majority of close friendships come from

00:47:50.060 childhood. And if you don't develop them in childhood, I think you're at a disadvantage

00:47:55.500 for the rest of your life. And now it's much more common for people to move. And, you know,

00:48:02.780 as someone, I grew up in the same place my entire life. You know, we moved into this house when I

00:48:08.940 was in third grade. I didn't go far. And when I moved to London for three years, and then I moved

00:48:16.040 to Milwaukee for two years, it was very difficult for me to maintain friendships moving to a

00:48:23.060 different country in a different city. One was because there's less incentive to stay in touch

00:48:30.720 when you know you won't see them for six months or a year. And I think that's definitely one

00:48:36.580 reason is people moving around more than they are. The other thing is, I think that people get,

00:48:44.340 their social battery met through media and I can even say this personally like if I do a show

00:48:53.400 and I'm about to interact with you guys for like two hours let's say let's say we do this show and

00:48:59.460 you guys call in we have some great chats I'm not complaining I'm just describing am I gonna go want

00:49:06.400 to have a long conversation after this no I'll just put on my Netflix go to bed and do the same

00:49:14.220 thing tomorrow and this I think was exacerbated during COVID during COVID we saw an increase in

00:49:23.500 online dating that's where people are meeting their partners nowadays or their boyfriend girlfriend

00:49:28.200 and according to recent data most communication is now online and if I'm being truly honest with

00:49:38.100 myself a lot of my friends in the past five years I have met through the internet and personally I

00:49:47.140 don't think it's necessarily a bad thing it just is the way the world is going according to recent

00:49:53.420 data a significant portion of communication is now considered virtual we with estimates suggesting

00:50:00.540 that around 65 of communication happens digitally rather than in person across generations

00:50:06.940 particularly among younger demographics like millennials and gen z this number is even higher

00:50:12.860 in countries like the us and the uk reaching around 73 to 74 percent in digital communication

00:50:20.220 when surveyed on my twitter um you know take that or leave it 25 percent of people believe

00:50:27.980 that online friendships are real friendships okay

00:50:33.100 gen z and millennials now are more likely to communicate with each other digitally than in

00:50:42.220 person the phone is the new wallet 61 of global consumers from 18 to 34 would choose to leave

00:50:49.500 their wallet at home instead of their phone the digital is the new in real life globally a majority

00:50:55.180 of gen z and millennials 65 communicate with each other more often digitally than in person

00:51:01.720 the phone is truly an extension of the self 70 of gen z and millennials across the globe sleep with

00:51:09.160 their phones within arm's reach and 65 bring their phones into the bathrooms with them the future is

00:51:15.380 100% digital. A majority of Gen Z and millennials around the world, 70% can imagine a future where

00:51:21.980 100% of purchases are done digitally and online. LivePerson commissioned the survey of more than

00:51:29.680 4,000 18 to 34-year-olds across the UK, US, Germany, Australia, Japan, and France, plus an

00:51:36.920 additional 1,000 adults 35 years or older in the US as a benchmark. The goal was to better understand

00:51:43.800 the digital habits and preferences of young consumers around the world according to research

00:51:49.080 gen z and millennials communicate with each other's more digitally than in person 65 this percentage

00:51:56.040 is even higher in english speaking countries with the us at 73 and the uk at 74 relying more heavily

00:52:04.040 on digital channels for communication digging deeper this preference for digital communications

00:52:09.400 is specifically targeted at messaging. When asked if they could only keep either the phone app or

00:52:15.060 messaging on their smartphone, the majority of respondents said they would choose the messaging

00:52:19.440 app. The percentage is also higher in the U.S. with 73% and the U.K. 73%. For those two generations,

00:52:27.500 the smartphone has truly become an extension of the hands. According to surveys, 70% of respondents

00:52:32.740 sleep with their phones within arm's reach and 64% bring their phones to the bathroom. 52% check

00:52:39.080 their phone if they wake up briefly in the middle of the night with the younger consumers being

00:52:43.160 attached to their phones. It isn't surprising that many of them place less importance on

00:52:47.840 traditional societal norms than older generations. 41% consider it acceptable to text a family at

00:52:54.420 dinner and 27% thinks it's acceptable to text in the middle of a in-person conversation.

00:53:01.460 With a constant digital connection at their fingertips, younger consumers expect a higher

00:53:06.780 threshold of digital convenience when seeking from a brand when asked to rank how they typically get

00:53:13.260 a question answered from a brand they going to an app or website was the number one choice on

00:53:18.140 average across the globe okay so now we have a digital revolution now my personal experience with

00:53:26.940 media is it's really been a long around for most of my life. And I don't really remember life

00:53:37.300 without it. I remember getting my first smartphone when I was 12 years old. And I remember

00:53:44.640 specifically that was the first time I ever felt left out of anything. So when I was 12,

00:53:50.500 I had no idea if people hung out and I wasn't invited I didn't know and I remember being like

00:53:58.140 you know 11 12 years old and you get your first smartphone and that's the first time you compare

00:54:04.140 your life to others and I specifically remember there being get-togethers that I didn't know

00:54:09.720 you know people were having and from a female point of view that's sort of how like clicks 1.00

00:54:15.620 happen and there you know there's the in click the out click and before then i had like two friends

00:54:22.420 and i was happy with that but i remember that entire friend group when i was like 12 fell apart

00:54:28.340 after we all got smartphones i don't know what happened i just know it fell apart this was like

00:54:33.780 15 years ago and so that was my first experience with like social media was facebook but most of

00:54:42.180 my adult life um everything's been pretty digital i can't even imagine the people like five years

00:54:51.540 younger than me because i at least have a little bit of memory but i i don't remember much so

00:54:58.180 i asked people about the benefits of parasocial relationships rather than in person so one

00:55:04.260 is you get to find people that have the same interests now this is something that's been

00:55:09.300 great for me i'm such a uni you know who listens to red pill content who finds this stuff you know

00:55:19.780 i think i found like the two women in the world that watch this stuff and it's been great because

00:55:27.860 you do get to find people with the same interests the other pro benefits of parasocial relationships

00:55:34.900 actually i'm going to go back to number one the other thing that people were saying if they play

00:55:38.660 a unique video game if they like you know it allows men to also have male only spaces because

00:55:45.540 you can't really ban the ladies from the bars you can't really ban the ladies from school 0.71

00:55:51.140 and so women we have female only spaces we go to the nail salon it's mostly women 1.00

00:55:58.180 you go to school it's mostly women if you get a gender studies degree mostly women 1.00

00:56:03.060 and i do think there you know there are negatives to parasocial relationships but i'm going to play

00:56:09.800 devil's advocate for the day all right i'm going to give the positives when someone's annoying you

00:56:16.880 you can simply log off you guys in the chat i mean i'm sure some of you have been watching this stream

00:56:23.660 and you're like i'm sick of listening to this woman talk click i'm gone 1.00

00:56:31.700 i'm gone you can't do that in real life you ever been in front of somebody this happened to me the

00:56:39.440 other day you know i love you guys you know i don't want to i don't want to ever discourage

00:56:45.100 you guys if you see me in person you can totally say hi to me take a picture

00:56:49.880 but i don't want to be there all night i don't i really i really don't i talk about these topics

00:56:59.920 for hours a day like two three hour shows I do not want to leave here and talk about it more

00:57:08.360 I've given my opinion you know I you know I leave sometimes I don't want to give any opinion I want

00:57:13.860 to know what's going on in your life and I meet sometimes I meet you guys in the wild and you're

00:57:21.700 like I want to hear how you got to your ideas and I'm just like go to my book or go sorry I don't

00:57:28.000 have a book go to my channel there's hours there's literally hours of me talking for three years

00:57:35.380 straight and but it's really rude for me to say go away please

Pearl - December 26, 2024

The Rise of Loneliness And Parasocial Relationships ｜ Pearl Daily

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